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doulacollective · 8 years ago

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Problem Solving: Generation Gaps

by Carolyn

So much of our journey into new parenthood is flavoured by the people in our lives that support us like our friends, partners, our own mothers and mothers-in-law, cousins and extended family. Often the parenting decisions that we make differ or conflict with those of our support people. In a moment when we struggle those people are often there asking why we made that choice, why not try the way they did it, and we’re left feeling frustrated, tired and confused, and on top of that worrying about offending our loved ones and wondering why we even made those decisions in the first place. How do we manage those challenges?

And I was thinking the other day about how the internet is full of articles about millennials and how different this generation is from other generations and wondered, “what really are the differences between generations? What are their dominant traits and characteristics, and most of all, how can we use our knowledge of those traits to better help us achieve our own parenting goals while maintaining harmony in our relationships?” Because when it comes to birth and parenting choices, A LOT has changed in the last 50 years!

So I took to wikipedia to find out about the last few generations. Here’s what I came up with:

The Silent Generation - born mid/late 1920s to early/mid 1940s. These might be your grandparents or parents. This generation didn’t have a lot of children. They were focused on their careers more so than social activism. There was increased tendency to conform to social norms, and a great fear of speaking out, due to the McCarthy era. This generation had low ambitions, but an amazing ability to make the best of bad situations.

Baby Boomers - born early/mid 1940s to 1964. These are probably your parents or grandparents. This is the wealthiest, most active, most physically fit generation yet. In their youth, this generation was all about the rejection and redefinition of traditional values, but as they aged became increasingly conservative. Because this was the first generation to really have television, they were the first generation to be heavily marketed to, and it’s no surprise then, that this generation shows marked increase in consumerism. Born in a time of increased affluence and opportunity, Baby Boomers generally strongly believe that we should make our own money and that with hard work, we can acquire all the possessions and items necessary to facilitate family happiness. A family could thrive on a single income, women often stayed home to care for children, and struggling marriages chose to stay together “for the kids”.

Generation X - born mid 1960s to early 1980s. This might be you, or it could be your parents! This generation experienced a huge shift from child-centric culture to adult-centric culture. Divorce rates increased, there were more mothers in the workforce, and this generation had dramatically decreased adult supervision. As youth and young adults, they were described as disaffected, cynical slackers. In midlife identify as active, happy and achieving a good work/life balance. Generation X is more ethnically and culturally diverse than previous generations because of changes in immigration. Overall, this generation is described as cynical, pragmatic, skeptical of authority and seeking balance.

Millennials - born early 1980s to early 2000s. This might be you! There isn’t much in the way of documentation about what happens to millennials in mid-life because we’re just reaching midlife now, but this generation is marked by increased familiarity with communications, media and technologies, an increasingly liberal approach to politics and economics. While described as more self-interested and entitled than Generation X, Millennials are generally civic-minded with a strong sense of community, are confident and tolerant. This generation is extremely suspicious of marketing and experts.

So maybe these descriptions don’t match your personality or those of the people in your support network. That’s okay! These are all vague generalizations. But if we do see some parallels then that gives us tools to help us communicate more effectively. For example, if your Baby Boomer aunt is critical of bed sharing and suggests you read her old copy of Dr Spock, you might want to angle your response so as to remind her of her own youthful times of rejecting and redefining tradition. Dr Spock might have been the new wave in parenting information when she was a new mom, but these days there are even newer more revolutionary authorities in parenting (like Dr Sears), and you’re so proud to be modelling your parenting journey on her pioneering spirit. Maybe your Gen X mother didn’t breastfeed and keeps asking when your baby will take a bottle. You could appeal to her pragmatic side and explain how much money you’re saving by not buying formula - and then wrap her and baby up in a carrier together so that they can bond in a way other than feeding. Maybe your Baby Boomer father is extremely worried about your decision to have a homebirth. You might present him with documentation of the safety for homebirth, preferably with some celebrity doctor endorsement. This approach might comfort him.

The bottom line is that family harmony is important, but your choices about parenting your baby are even more important. With a little information, understanding, and creative approach, it’s absolutely possible to have both!

Now, making those decisions is a trickier task!

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