#they also have many traumas mhh

[ellisbian]

the left the house and never come back to their wife lesbians gang

actually ellie did but dina has left already too ok

[wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart]

curious about 💫 + 🍉 (please ignore if too personal <3)

also 🎀!!

Thank you so much for asking @prahacat ❤️

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Any kind of comment or feedback is extremely precious to me, but the best comments are the ones that ask questions because it means I've made others curious about my work.

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

Mhh tough question. Okay, I'll try.

One of the things writing fanfiction has helped me with is finding and connecting with others. I'm an odd, sometimes very shy and introverted person with interests that aren't shared by many, at least not in my 'real' life, and so it's a relief to find them online.

I sometimes wish I had discovered fanfiction much earlier. I've wanted to write for many years, but the thought of plunging into original literature was too daunting and overwhelming (I'm a coward who doesn't have much confidence). But writing fanfiction has given me the freedom to play and share my work with others, and who knows maybe one day I'll be brave enough to write original literature too.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing.

Damn this is difficult! I've been told that I'm good at writing atmosphere and description, and I like that I can work with both long and short stories.

[ocular-intercourse]

@mangosandchili aand last but not least, I think, Gyo.

🌲 What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

Mhmmmmm mhh I don’t think Gyo has ever EVER done something kind for somebody else for the sake of doing something kind for the other person, it has always just been collateral to him doing stuff for himself. So he saved those kids from slavery, but his impulse was less to save these children and more to preferably kill the slaver in some weird symbolical act of revenge. He might work for the empire and theoretically do a lot of good for them, but it’s more for the sake of his own pride, for the admiration of the people and the image he wants to present, than it is to do good for the empire and it’s people. He himself can’t classify if his dedicated protection of the prince is selfishness or devotion. He certainly does not lack kindness.. it’s just never without himself gaining something from it too.  I think it might actually be him saving those children and then continuing too visit them, teach the older one. He would not need to do that, and he’s mostly just doing it because he wishes someone had done the same for him when he was a child slave, but still, he’s setting these children up for a better life. The kindest thing someone has done for him, it’s probably a tie between his mentor freeing him from slavery and Priya staying by his side through everything. The worst thing is, uh, a question of definition, cause if the things are justified, in his eyes at least, are they really bad? I suppose killing his father and his first slave owner, quite slowly and brutally I might add, could be considered as the worst thing he has done to somebody else. They deserved it though.

🌳 What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

I have literally never thought about this and it is really interesting. Cause it is not like he lacks empathy, he is not cruel for no reason. If he sees someone suffer, he will more often than not help, as long as it does not interfere with his own motives in any way. It’s his duty, in a way, keep people safe and all. It’s just not his main motivator. He’s not actually terrible at giving advise either, he has a pretty broad span of experiences, many of them unpleasant, he knows what suffering feels like, he has solutions for many things. He might not be super, uh, motherly about it, soft and cuddly, but he has compassion and he will help. But he’s also completely capable of turning around and killing the very same person he just helped if he had a good enough reason to. He has very clear priorities.

🌿 What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

He’s just a big baby that wants to be loved. All of his actions are very much just results of him not having been loved as a child, as a teen, some years of his twenties, and he’s BITTER about it. Full on: If these things have been done to me I have all the right to do everything I want. I was hurt and it will not happen again and if I have to hurt every single other person in return for that to happen then that’s how things will have to be. So he would admit that he is selfish now as a result of his pain, and that he has every right to be, but he would not admit that it is just because he is… well basically butthurt about his bad experiences. He wouldn’t admit it to others, not freely, because he considers it a character flaw he does not want to show. In his eyes it is best to not reveal your motivations, your way of thinking, cause it lays bare some vulnerabilities, attack points, to foes.

🍃 Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).          

Different days have different schedules, but parts of it are usually either being on body guard detail for the prince, following them like a shadow for whatever activities they have planned, sometimes traveling with them, or duties surrounding the army and his regiment. Training, inspecting, meetings with court officials, planning, reports… Sometimes being sent on missions, since there is no war at the moment and fighting is rare, they are sometimes used to investigate rumors, crimes or otherwise volatile situations. Rarely there will be a monster sighting, and it is usually Gyo that is sent to deal with them, considering his power level.

🍁 What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

Eehh I hate talking about this, his first slave owner was a pedophile that bought him from his parents so there’s several levels of awful right there, the betrayal, the sexual abuse.. like I said Gyo had any reason to gut everybody involved once he had the power to do so. Other traumas come from his parents generally being abusive, starving him, locking him away, having him work all day, being a slave for most of his childhood and adolescent life, and later his mentor trying to kill him, the one person that had been nice to him turning around to be just another person wanting to hurt him.

🍄 How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

Hm, he’d feel hurt, lonely, he’d consider it unfair, to have to experience something like this. He tries to prepare himself, for losing more of his loved ones, cause it’s inevitable. With him being immortal it seems like it’s happening much faster than in should, watching his son age, him being almost twice Gyo’s physical age by now. It makes him feel quite hopeless, but he forces himself to think about it, to prepare, so it won’t destroy him as much when it happens. He would not readily confide in anybody. If someone came to him and asked him about it he would not hide his pain, but it would require considerable trust in the other person, say the prince for example, to get him to share honestly.

🌾 What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

Heh. I don’t consider Gyo truly evil, I don’t consider him good either. He’s whatever he currently needs to be. With his selfishness I’d say he’s more on the bad side, it just happens to be that the things that benefit him currently are generally considered morally good things. Evil Gyo would be him, but him not being satisfied anymore just with other people not being able to hurt him, he’d develop hunger for more power, hunger for more control. He’d try and gain more power, not just to be powerful and protect himself, but to actively use it on others. I see him overtaking the empire himself. Good Gyo would.. I don’t know, it would be him, but actually truly working on bettering everybody’s lives, not just his own. It would also be him letting down his guards more, show more of his thoughts and feelings.

💐 How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Indifferent is probably the most accurate answer to most people. For the prince it would be quiet enjoyment, just pride in being the person that gets to be loved by them. For his son and sister it would be.. painful in a way. Good, definitely, but it would make him think of all the time they have been distant, and how much more they could have been together if he’d known that they’d enjoy his presence, that things would work out. For his granddaughter it is actual laughing, picking her up and spinning in a circle kind of joy. I don’t know what it is about her, she has him wrapped around her finger, his pride and joy. Maybe because he sees so much of himself in her, but in a good way, while it is bad in him.

🌷 What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

He does hate the bitterness. It is not a comfortable feeling to have. Wrath and revenge fuel him, they are literally the base of his power, his anchor, the thing that made it possible for him to generate so much power. It’s no coincidence that his sword is known for it’s cruel owners, it was attracted by exactly this energy. And he does feel it gnaw away at his life and the connections he could have to other people if he didn’t choose to stay away for so many reasons. He just can’t help himself. He does not know how to heal these things that have happened to him, how to accept them, come to terms, and get over them. So he just hates instead, he’s angry and jealous and hurt. He does not want to be, but he can’t let go. I don’t know if he believes too many lies. Sometimes he wants to believe in the empire propaganda, the honorable savior they make him out to be, he wants to see what the prince sees when they look at him, he just can’t cause he is so aware of this darkness he hides so well, they all have no idea who he really is, no wonder they can see something good. I suppose one lie he tends to believe in is what he was led to believe as a child, that he is nothing past his usefulness to others, and even that is disposable. Something that makes healing for him so difficult is probably that some of these things he wishes he could let go off are things he also loves about himself. He loves the strength it gives him, the tenacity, he loves being ruthless, it makes it able for him to do things he needs to do without regret. He feels superior this way, most of the time. He is absolutely, entirely in love with his abilities and what they allow him to do.

🥀 What is something your OC blames themselves for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

I guess somewhere in a way he must have thought, at some point, that it was somehow his fault, that people always just wanted to use and hurt him. Most other people got away better, so it’s probably something about him.. He quickly managed to focus on blaming the perpetrators for what they have done to him, but sometimes he comes back to that thought, that it is in his nature, that he is inferior in some way, worthless maybe, that he did something wrong. His biggest regrets probably have to do with the relationship between him and his son. It’s another habit he finds no way out of, he knows what he could have done better, he just hasn’t been able to get himself to do these things because of a whole plethora of insecurities he has about being a father and failing.

🌺 In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

Heh, basically always, it does not take a lot, he’s always ready to kill if he has to, sometimes he enjoys it greatly. It’s his job, so that works out. I think the prince will definitely always try, if they are there, to keep Gyo from killing if it is not necessary, and Gyo will comply, but he’d more often than not rather just kill. People like him for it more than hate him, he is their general, he keeps them safe. Violence, for the right reasons, is not a bad thing in the empire, culturally. Noor would try and change that, given the power. So there’s a little conflict potential maybe, Noor coming to terms with how readily Gyo kills, not only when it is necessary. They have always seen him as the person who kills for the sake of the empire, only for important reasons, regrettably, but necessary. They would have trouble with learning that Gyo more often than not just does not care about the life he takes.

🌸 What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

Hmm, I don’t know, nothing, really, it would seem a little useless to him, a day is nothing. He would actually greatly enjoy seeing his wife again, just spending some time together. On a bad day he might chose to be able to enact all the revenge he ever wanted to (not that he does not get these chances either way). If he’s smart about it he might just try to learn things that will help him become more powerful.

🌼 Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

Noor dying. Failing to protect them. Seeing them die. Maybe having caused it somehow? Being exposed for who he really is on the inside, the people of the empire would quickly turn on him, consider him a monster. His son dying is on the list too, his son dying with hate for his father in his heart. Being powerless.

🌻 What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

I.. I don’t know. The thought of Gyo meeting his younger self is very painful. I’m not sure he could even look at himself, he just wants to forget about the person he was then, weak, used. Maybe he’d try and tell him about how to fight, how to get stronger, that he will get out of this and he will get better and he will be loved even. Now? Maybe that he could just be the person people think he is, he does not have to play this role, he could actually truly become this person. He would just have to let go of the bad things of his past.

[khaotungsfirst]

pls talk about your favorite ships 😊

GLADLY!!

ok first up: ever given, my beloved. she a bad b with a phat ass and we love her for it!

jk jk 😂

god this is such an open-ended question idek where to start. i guess i’ll just go down the list of my current ships and gush abt each one 💖

wangxian (the untamed)

still my no. 1 ship atm. god i love them so much!! their story makes me so soft 😭😭 they are literally perfect for each other. no offense but i truly don’t understand ppl who can ship either one of them with anyone else like??? i’m talking abt cql wangxian btw cause i haven’t read the novel but i know there are some more problematic things going on... cql wangxian tho?? litchrally perfection 🙌 they way lwj explained to wwx that the forehead ribbon is sacred and can only be touched by family and significant others and then PUTS IT AROUND WWX’S WRIST IN THE SAME EPISODE?? which is only episode 6 btw like... wOW. and the ending.... i bawled 😭😭 it’s just so nice to have a canon ship that you know is endgame and has always been endgame for each other. like would i have loved a kiss? absolutely!! but even with censorship they manage to invoke so many emotions in me it’s unreal, i will probably never get over them.

xuexiao (the untamed)

look i am allowed to have one toxic ship! and the potential with these two is just astronomical!! there’s so much delicious stuff in this ship. like they’re both already so interesting individually as characters, putting them together makes for a lot of fun and pain (mostly pain tho but that’s why we love it). it’s about the bittersweetness... it’s about the betrayal and the trauma... it’s about the building a home together... 

deyi (we best love)

oof these two... they don’t know how to communicate and it’s infuriating but also so much fun to get angry at them for it. shi de being in love with shu yi for 10+ years and when shu yi finds out he’s like “it’s my business”? KING! shu yi realising that he has feelings fo shi de and screaming his love confession from the top of a bridge? KING! the miscommunication? the drama of it all? INCREDIBLE! them being the softest mfs ever? I’M CRYING! 

wenzhou (word of honor)

i am LIVING for the scenes we get with this ship like censorship whom?? wkx really is out here proclaiming his love after knowing zzs for two minutes and the way zzs gets softer and softer over time? i’m AAAAAAHHHH! also they already have a son!! and a daughter!! it’s amazing! i’m truly feeling the gay vibes with this one and it’s so much fun. add in the fact that both of them really aren’t good people... mhh love it!

adeo (tatort saarbrücken)

listen, (childhood) friends to lovers is MY JAM!!! add in a tragic/complicated history and i WILL ship it, no questions asked (see also: me having stucky as my otp for like 3 years). it just makes it better now that they’re adults and they still have so many unresolved emotions and tension between them and uuuughhhh the potential for softness is so great!! 

-

we’re going into rpf territory now so if you’re uncomfortable with that, skip this 😊 (and yes, i am able to differentiate between reality and fiction, thank you very much)

yizhan

i mean... yibo being too shy to ask xz for his wechat? yibo auditioning twice for the role of lwj after it was announced that xz got the lead role? all of the bts candy? xz being protected by yibo’s bodyguard?

samyu

i am not immune to fanservice okay? like i know sam has a gf (and i absolutely hate that some fans think it’s okay to bully her online like get a reality check) but ugh they’re just so soft with each other. i just enjoy watching their interactions. also sam is always a crackhead and i live for the way yu gets so flustered/weirded out by it 😂

minsung and chanlix (stray kids)

aaaaaaaahhhhh i thought i left the days of shipping band mates far behind but.... apparently not 🙃 listen han and minho just seem to have this easy connection with each other (also minho asking han if he likes him in that way or in that other way i- 👁👄👁) and chan and felix are literally soulmates (chan said it himself!) i’m just sayin.. stray kids are not straight kids 👀

[01010010-posts]

Been out of the world for a spell thanks to volunteer stuff but oh my god, way to break my heart with Cole and human Connor. I can't imagine him being comfortable having kids again some day because wow that's heartbreaking. HOWEVER, if human 60 or RK900 had kids? Best. Uncle. Ever. These clowns don't know how to warm a bottle of milk evenly? Connor shows this bros the ropes. It takes him a minute to come around to it, but he sings them Cole's favorite lullabies.God sorry I just needed some FLUFF

did you have fun?? hope you did! & be sure to rest!ALSO yes sorry i was a bitch and replied to your others asks before this :’(mhh having kids for him is a hard topic indeed. i’d love for him to be able to overcome such trauma but losing someone is…. difficult. especially someone who brought him so much joy. maybe for the first time in his life. and another child, it could never replace cole. not that he would to, but since he knows how comparisons can hurt…. and since he doesn’t see himself as a ‘responsible’ father…. he doesn’t want to destroy more lives.he wouldn’t believe it. 60 is stupid. ok. that he knows. ok. a condom can break. OK. BUT who in their right mind would actually want to conceive WITH HIM? THAT’S INSANE? IT’S LIKE ASKING FOR A DEATH SENTENCE? but no. this fool actually manages and has a baby. world’s fucked up. OF COURSE he has to be the best uncle ever HAVE you seen THIS disaster of a person??? 60 can’t even COOK for himself THEY’RE ALL going to die OH GOD.do we have to talk about RK900? connor thought he would never have sex so from 0 to fucking 100 is??? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE SOMEONE PREGNANT WHAT DOES IT FUCKING MEAN!!!!! THIS IS NOT APRIL’S FOOL!!! he’s on the verge of fainting, no matter how many manual this stupid read nothing’s gonna prepare him for a creature. he’s secretly glad tho that RK900′s salary as lieutenant is a bit higher.he teaches them every fucking thing. warming a bottle of milk, changing diapers, how to hold little humans, how to not PANIC when they cry. at the end of the day he gets to relax with one of these babyes in his arms and his heart hurts. so much. he puts them in the cradle. and when he sees them so peacefully sleeping, so young, so…. full of life. he softly sings them cole’s favourite lullabies and. he cries while singing.this? this is your concept of fluff? im crying. im weak af.