#they drive me absolutely batshit

[renshengs]

still sobbing my eyes out over this scene. dongsik has never been angry at joowon like this—not this raw and real anger. but he's angry now because joowon just nearly ruined his own life to keep dongsik safe, and dongsik is not the sort of person who can stand for such a thing. he'll let joowon go to hell, yes, but not without following him down.

it's like: how dare joowon run off like that and risk his hide for dongsik? how dare he not breathe a word of his plans, leaving dongsik to sniff the trail out on his own through sheer intuition? what would he have done if dongsik hadn't reached him in time, hadn't predicted what he was planning? did joowon know how absolutely terrified dongsik was when he ran off? did he hear the relief in dongsik's "han joowon!" when he finally emerged from the house? did he know dongsik was running through a hundred different scenarios in his head on the way there in which he failed to save joowon from danger, in which he would arrive and find joowon on the ground, choking on his own blood, just like lee sangyeop?

but joowon has never known what it's like to be the object of someone's care, of their worry. of course it wouldn't have crossed his mind that dongsik was scared sick for him, that if anything happened to him it would haunt dongsik for the rest of his days. and now he has to learn, and face dongsik's anger, and understand that he cannot afford to be reckless with his own life, not just because it is his to have and live, but because there are people who will worry themselves gray over him, who wouldn't be able to bear losing him.

[carciinogen]

There's something so romantic about seeing One's true form....

[crispyjenkins]

unpopular (but correct) opinion: obi-wan never had a mullet. his hair in aotc is not a mullet. it never was and never will be a mullet.

[some-stars]

sure do love reading posts about how zionism is a special, different kind of colonization that makes it actually fine and okay :)

like there were a LOT of antizionist jews in the early 20th century. there are a lot of us now. and it’s not because we just don’t Understand the Complexities of the israeli political situation. it’s because all forms of zionism, from their inception and to this day, have all always been morally wrong. israel was founded with a massive act of ethnic cleansing and murder because there is no other possible way to move large amounts of people into a place where other people already live that ensures the people arriving have all the political power. there was never a Good israel and there was never a Good zionism. it was rotten from its inception and it cannot be fixed or repaired or cleansed of the blood it demands.

you can dress up your explanations in lots of long paragraphs but the actual definition of all zionism is simply “we get to force everyone who was already living in this place to leave or be subservient to us or simply be killed.” there is nothing more or else to it, and there never has been, in any place or time.

[aropride]

ok one more thing then i'm done (maybe) but it's especially wild when it comes to people getting all "just move out" when you talk about your homelife when theyre either still living at home or theyve moved out but still rely on their parents somewhat. like no shame in either of those things obviously but how are you gonna tell other people to "just" move out if you havent even moved out ⁉️ AND you have parents who r supporting u ur at a MASSIVE ADVANTAGE here my friend . have you seen the fucking economy recently

[spartalabouche]

im not saying that pharmacists and doctors shouldnt be allowed to have breaks or should be overworked or anything but i think its a little cruel that pharmacies and doctors offices can close for a holiday or for a little bit of snow at the drop of a hat when like. home depot employees or something are forced to work in a snowstorm on christmas eve. like i just think medical attention and medication is more important but thats just me. hire more doctors and pharmacists for the love of god

[ravencromwell]

Finally decided to indulge in the Siuan/Moiraine meta I've been wanting to write for ages now, musing on the differences in psychology ensuing from their significantly different arcs within the book and show and why Siuan's actions at season 2's apex are entirely in psychological sync with her show portrayal, even if they swerve wildly from the books.

Let's start with some Siuan back-story context. In the books, Tear was undeniably an unfriendly city for those with the One Power. But that translated, in practical terms, to Aes Sedai keeping their stays there brief, and girls who could touch The Source being quickly bustled off to the Tower. There were no Aes Sedai advisers, as in other kingdoms etc., but neither was there the virulent hostility of the show.

Siuan left Tear quickly in the books—the first day she was discovered to have the Power, but only because a sister was traveling through and didn't wish to delay returning to The Tower for such pesky things as sentimental goodbyes. Was that harsh? Absolutely. But the world of the books is exceedingly harsh in some respects, giving girls little to no choice about becoming Sisters, should they be discovered harboring abilities. (Much of Nynaeve's back-story involved hiding her powers precisely because she didn't fancy being ripped from The Two Rivers.)

Siuan faces a much different harshness in the show. The show doesn't do a great job explaining this, but The Dragon's Fang, which is etched onto Siuan's door before her house is unceremoniously torched, is a sign of immense contempt for Dark Friends. Within show Tear, a wary mistrust of Aes Sedai has curdled into something much more dangerous. All use of The Power is suspect, because if men's half was tainted, there's nothing to say women won't go suddenly mad, too.

It's worth remembering as well here that book Siuan was roughly fifteen when she went to The Tower. Now, I'm totally blind, and audio description doesn't give me an age for tiny show-Siuan, but if she's anywhere near puberty, I'll eat my metaphorical hat. And instead of being shepherded to The Tower, she had to flee for her life.

In her family's only means of support, I might ad. Book Siuan was by no means well-to-do, but she was firmly in the middling ranks of the working poor. Show Siuan's family are on the fucking destitution brink y'all. And she took her father's livelihood. Dying destitute ain’t fuckin pretty.

Siuan is not a stupid kid, and she clearly adores the shit out of her papa. The first thing that little girl did the millisecond she got any privileges? Wrote to her papa.

And more than likely, Berden never wrote back. It wouldn't take her long to figure out what'd happened. Moiraine is at great pains to tell Alana Jenny was not "her" support dog, and we laugh it off as oh, look at Moiraine being all adorably prim. Which in one sense, it totally is. But I'd almost guarantee you there's a deeper layer there: it wasn't "hers"; it was "theirs" because once Siuan found out her beloved papa was dead, they both needed something to cuddle.

This may seem like somewhat of a digression, but I'm maundering on because in the books yes, Dark Friends are evil. But they're evil because they caused a terrible cataclysm many thousands of years ago that killed lots of people, and they wanna do it again. There's no personal skin in the game for our beloved ladies, except they get thrust into the job through a convergence of some very complicated circumstances—I'd recommend any show-only watchers read "New Spring" because while I love almost all the changes the show has made ferociously, the way Siuan and Moiraine undertake the search is vastly more plausible as presented by Jordan there.

For Siuan in the show, by contrast, Dark Friend has _very personal ramifications. Dark Friends caused the corrosive mistrust that got her papa _killed! And Moiraine, better than _anyone, knows how that broke her.

And she _knows full well she could be deposed simply for having a relationship with Moiraine. The sensible thing to keep all the awful people from committing terrible crimes that will reverberate down the centuries to impact a little girl just as she was impacted would be to keep both their noses clean. And yet, she loves Moiraine so much that she'll take that risk to maintain not only an alliance about Rand, but a romantic relationship which could, realistically, be discovered much more easily.

And now, Moiraine, the woman who parroted back her beloved father's words of farewell about how Siuan was as clever as a pike and strong as the tides seemingly willfully lied; seemingly became a _Dark _Friend. Even her admonition that Lanfear is "too strong" must bring up so many awful questions: just how long have they been working together for her to know that? Because from Siuan's perspective, what it looks like is Lanfear coming in, guns blazing, to save her accomplice, Moiraine.

When Siuan says that there are rules and they have to abide by them, it's reflecting profoundly deep fears—not only about what Rand could do, but the kind of hatred toward those with The Power it could foster. For twenty years, she's put those fears aside. And now it appears that her going against Tower Law has lost her Moiraine to the Forsaken, and made terrible outcomes nigh on inevitable. And people are really confused about why she looks beaten?

Hell, from her perspective, forget Lanfear's entrance. The very fact Moiraine seemingly lied to her and is now talking about love must seem such a cruel mockery: laughing at Siuan's weakness; just as, perhaps, she was laughing at her with that parting comment in The Tower: an Amyrlin Seat still so swayed by what her papa told her so many years ago. (Yeah, we know it was as close as she could come to an I love you, but how the hell is Siuan supposed to know that, given everything?) This was not willful emotional abuse on someone she knew to be acting in good faith, but a reaction to the person she loved enough to risk the fucking Amyrlin Seat for becoming a monster!

Do I wish they'd picked _any other direction for their relationship? Yes, yes I damn well do. There was plenty to play with for angst factor by having the coup go down as it does in the books: Moiraine not being there to save her when all Siuan wanted was more time together, for one thing. Moiraine needlessly obfuscating in front of Siuan and  the other Sisters in S1, when Leandrin already knew! about the Two Rivers folk. Thinking she was being canny, when all she did was get herself pointlessly exiled so she couldn't protect Siuan? Quite enough of an angst sandwich, thanks ever so, without this new development. But! if they were going to include this, Siuan reacted precisely as I would expect her to, given the context I've outlined above, not in some madly ooc fashion worthy of the tags descending into emotional abuse discourse.

[sodrippy]

its inferiority complex friday! give it up for envy! give it up for wallowing! give it up for misery!

[bluebelledmoon]

its so strange trying to learn the sth art style because for so long ive drilled myself in human anatomy, but sonic's style is so very stretchable and cartoonish that i'm finding it hard to match that

[smallhorizons]

eye twitching as i see discourse that could Very Easily be 'solved' if the people on both sides literally just talked to each other instead of just making assumptions

i will not get involved in the discourse ... the discourse is the brain killer ...

[collegeoflore]

on a similar note to the weed post last night ramza and i also realized that in light of xarrastarion getting more or less married on their own and not Necessarily caring about having a wedding that gale would just be a bridezilla on their behalf LMAO he’s the one who rly insists on them having Some sort of celebration and xarrai thinks it’s hysterical that he wants to put his whole autistic pussy into planning it so they don’t even ask astarion they just tell gale to go crazy

[raccoon-queer]

y'all every just. sjskdnsla

[taughtdefense]

at least you taught me something.

the past few months’ events have been weighing heavily on your chest, dragging you down. the fight at school still buzzes in your mind, but it’s nothing compared to the mess in your heart. you keep thinking about the kiss. miguel kissed you at moon’s end-of-summer party, & you let it happen, but only for a few moments. but then... then you thought of robby.

you’d pulled away from miguel so quickly, the shock hitting you like a wave. miguel looked confused, maybe even a little hurt, but how could you explain it? how could you tell him that you’re in love with someone else, his rival? someone you don’t even know how to approach anymore? robby’s been on your mind for so long, tangled up in everything you feel, but the space between you both feels bigger every day.

after parking your car, you enter miyagi-do from the side entrance, closing the gate gently. you find robby sitting by the pond at miyagi-do. he doesn’t know about why you pulled away from that kiss with miguel, at least you don’t think so, only that it happened, & maybe he never will. it’s not like it matters now—he’s too wrapped up in his own pain, & you... you just want to be there for him, even if he’ll never see you the way you see him. even if he saw you here with sam & miguel very recently, playful & maybe flirting (you don’t know, the lines blurred & everything happened so fucking fast), & miguel had looked at you again with that same look he gave you at moon’s party.

your stomach tightens when you think about how close miguel’s lips were. but the second robby’s face flashes in your mind, the air leaves your lungs, & it’s like something heavy presses on your chest, suffocating. you’d been okay with miguel, but robby... robby makes you feel like you’re walking a tightrope with no net. like one wrong move, & you’ll fall so hard you’ll never recover. but you’re long past that stage, & it’s something every version of you knows incredibly well. you love robby keene.

❝ hey, robby… um, thanks for meeting me, ❞ you greet him softly, walking over & sitting near him, but not close enough to brush shoulders with him. not like you would have—you don’t know how he’d react to it anymore. the distance agonizes every version of you. right now, you feel a little like an outsider to him, like no matter how hard you try to reach him, there’s a wall you can’t break through. the fight at school didn’t help. in fact, it was the catalyst for everything unraveling. miguel’s accident, tory scarring sam, sam’s resulting ptsd, robby running away & being put in juvie, you moving out of the larusso house after finding that out, auryn starting to fucking court you.

❝ i don’t know if you want to talk, ❞ you start, your voice careful, like anything you say to him will lead to him running away from you again, & you know already that you won’t be able to survive that again if it happens, ❝ but i’m here. ❞ or trying to be, at least. you can only hope it brings him at least a shred of comfort. whether or not he accepts it is entirely up to him, & you know that. but you can hope.

the air between you both is thick with unspoken words, & you feel like you’re drowning in it. the pond ripples in front of you, reflecting the fading light of the day. you think about miguel, about that kiss, & how all you could think about in that moment was robby. you wonder if robby even knows how much space he takes up in your mind. how much it fucking kills every single version of you across every universe to watch him shut you out like this. you really want to reach out, but you know better. robby’s hurt runs deep, & you’re not sure anything you say will make a difference. but you have to try. you always do.

❝ um, i just… i’m sorry, ❞ you apologize instinctively, your tone quiet. you’re always so quick to apologize for things that aren’t your fault, for things that are out of your control, to suffocate yourself under blame & guilt, to take everyone’s pain & anger & take it on your shoulders. ❝ for everything. miguel... i just… that was extremely complicated. ❞ that’s an understatement of the year—all of it fucking is. ❝ i don’t um, like him, like that. it was out of line, & shit happened way too quickly to process. ❞ you inhale deeply, slowly, then exhale again. ❝ …i know i already said this, but what happened to him wasn’t your fault. ❞ you already told him that in juvie—which somehow simultaneously feels like yesterday & two hundred years ago—when you’d wanted to hold his hand across the table (damn the sensors, damn the guards, damn that boy & his gaggle of friends sneering at robby when he wasn’t looking, but you knew they were there)—when you’d wanted to reaffirm that he knew that you’re always in his corner, but it bears repeating because of the events that went down in this very fucking place super recently. you know how easy it is for someone to get wrapped in their own guilt, to drown in it.

you pause, taking another deep breath. ❝ sam… i don’t know. i can’t speak for her. but not everyone’s like that. takes your trust, ruins it, spits in your face, i mean. that’s not who i want or try to be, & i hope to some fucking god that i don’t believe in that i haven’t ever done that to you, ❞ you say, your voice softer. you don’t know where the courage comes from, but it’s the truth. ❝ point is… i’m not going anywhere, robby. ❞ you refuse to.

the silence that follows is heavy. you can feel your heart pounding, every beat like it’s pushing you closer to the edge of something terrifying. trust never came easy to you, not even when you met your parents, when you sensed robby’s existence, when you broke the Divine Rules of your Creators for robby, not after… everything. but robby’s different. he makes it feel like everything you believe in is worth fighting for. even when it’s terrifying. even when it feels like you’ll just get hurt in the end. you think about pulling away from miguel, how in that moment, all you could see was robby’s face. you’ve been by his side through everything, but you’re not sure he even realizes how much you care, how devoted to him you are.

if he even knows you love him, or just how much.

❝ look, ❞ you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper, ❝ i know it feels like you’re on your own. but, you know… you helped me realize that sometimes, even when it fucking sucks, trusting people is worth it. ❞

robby glances at you. it’s not much, but it’s enough to make your chest tighten. he doesn’t say anything at first. you wait patiently, then—

❝ at least you taught me something, ❞ @taughtpain replies, & internally, you exhale slowly. you don’t think he’s mad at you.

externally, you laugh lightly as your eyes crinkle, the fading sun dancing across your brown eyes. you try to ignore the knot in your stomach that results from looking at him. if you were a real human, you’re pretty sure your soul would be singing.

❝ oh come on, you asshole, i was just about to tell you that. took the words right out of my mouth. get outta my brain, ❞ you complain, then smirk endearingly at him, your tone warm & gentle, trying to lighten the mood.

you sit there, staring at him & thanking void that he agreed to meet with you here, rather than having to confront him directly, or if he just outright ignored you. the air between you feels lighter, but there’s a nagging fear that maybe this moment won’t change anything. maybe robby will never see you the way you see him, no matter how close you are, now matter how much your bond prior to all of this shit happened means to you. (it means everything. he means everything to you.)

…but deep down, there’s a part of you that feels like you’ve already lost him. not to miguel, not because of whatever he went through in juvie, not to your silence—but to cobra kai.

& you don’t know how to stop it.

[twistedappletree]

akdhaiusuALDHAKS

[darby-rowe]

we’re yearning and it’s lonely and it sucks