#they even asked me to come in early (paid) but holy fuck i dont want to do this

[chaos-coming]

Ok ive decided i hate my job (not new) and i hate the dumbass students at my university (also not new. Entire campus chock full with blond dreadlocks and lederhosen), theres no grad student culture here and im too old to be hanging out with bachelor students who dont know anything (the central european university system is trash and also only 3 years) and have seen exactly their 100km of the world (plus or minus that one trip to se asia that umbued in them such insufferable arrogance) and whose definition of activism begins and ends with throwing a solidarity party (where the donations pay first for the cost of buying booze instead of actually going to a cause)...

But i digress (read: lost my train of thought partway through ranting about these provincial snobs). What im trying to say is besides hating my university and most of the idiots in it, i think im just done with the student scene in general like im sick and tired of being at the mercy of the exam schedule, and the peter pan never wanting to face the real world mentality of everybody there. I need to be surrounded by people looking forward not trying depserately to cling to a moment that may already have passed

[valentone]

crazy fucking dream i had

so it's me and two other guys walking towards this house in the middle of a small field that's in the middle of a forest in the middle if nowhere (the only sign of society being a walmart that's like an hour away that's next to a theatre/bar thing) and we're looking around collecting samples of like plants and taking notes. one of looks into the distance where longer grass is (abt chest length) and notices something. a deer w what looks like a broken next. it's jumping on it's hind legs and w each hop the neck and head ragdoll but it's quickly approaching the third guy in my team.

we yell at him to run towards the house for safety. when he makes it in the deer sinks back into the grass. we make our way towards the house avoiding the tall grass. when we make it inside we talk to the family that lives there and they explain that what we saw was a curse. everyone who sees the deer will start seeing stuff that isnt actually there laying on the ground. it'll re appear whenever they get out of eyesight of it. until eventually they die a horrible death.

so we're fraking out and we start wondering what to do bc at this point it's revealed we're paranormal investigators waiting for the rest of our team to arrive. suddenly the man that was being followed yells and points towards a corner in the room. he sees a bald man just standing there. we dont know what to do so we set protection circles around him like blessed salt and holy water. we try to sleep later but he stays awake.

we get up in the middle of the night bc the second half of our team is supposed to b arriving soon. looks like a camera and lights guy and someone to carry our equipment. they're walking towards the house and we see them through the house's big glass sliding doors. the deer appears and runs straight at them and attacks them. they run off into the woods and we dont hear from them. we search for them and find nothing.

in the morning, the family that lives at the house (a daughter abt 7 years old, a mother and a father in their early 50s) asks if we can go to walmart for them to get somethings before this huge storm is supposed to come and we oblige since they r housing us. once we arrive the cursed man goes to the bar and says he's seen the bald man every mile since we drove awake from the house and wants to go to the bar. we go to buy supplies while he drinks. we try to leave to go back home but as soon as we paid for the groceries the sirens go off and we're all rushed into the back of the walmart where a shelter is at. even the patrons of the bar run here since the bar doesnt have a shelter.

we try telling them we have to go back but they wont let us leave. it's coming down extremely hard outside and definitely would not b a good idea to drive in these conditions but we keep insisting. we still cant leave. a night passes and i apparently have scrying abilities and look at the house at night in the storm. the deer has made its way into the home and the person it first targets is the daughter. my scrying gives out as soon as he makes contact w the daughter

when the storm ends we drive back and the house has been brutallly destroyed and the family cant b found except for body parts (hands, scalp, teeth). our second half of the team is nowhere to b found and the ppl we were (assumedly) hired by r dead. we leave the area (no cops involved or investigation idk why its a dream) and as we leave i see the deer looking at me. we leave expeditiously.

we arrive at a city and every church we step into asks us to leave. i cant bless myself and we dont have supplies to make a protection circle. we dont know why but the first guy to get cursed doesnt see anything anymore. but i do. every once in a while i'll see a brown paper bag w something inside. i dont know what i see but it's the scariest feeling ive ever had and every time it appears i start to freak out.

we go to a shop and buy some stuff, clothes i think, and a few days pass. i started realizing that i hadnt seen the bag around for a while, but as soon as i notice my third crew member throws up. he's seeing a decapitated head of the old man who helped us. we cant see it.

we figure out that the things we see have to do w trauma and try to figure out what to do w what we know and wonder what made me and my other friend stop seeing the entities. i say i stopped seeing them after buying new clothes. my friend says he stopped seeing it the night of the storm. we connect the dots and make a guess that making purchases might stop the curse somehow, maybe it even exchanges it to someone else but we're not sure why or how.

he buys something and gives a thumbs up as we leave. the i woke up

[anythingforspence]

the capstone - chapter one

Summary: Reader is a semester away from getting her masters in Psychology and duringher last semester she has to complete her capstone, or passion project if you will. This year, the professors decided that each student will be personally mentored by a psycologyst in distinct fields. When Y/N meets hers, she can’t decide whether she is lucky or if it will be a long 5 months.

Pairing: Female reader x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 1.8 k

Chapter warning: harsh language, sexy talk, no smut yet

A/N: omg tysm for all of the love on the teaser post. i hope i dont dissapoint.

Although I’m wide awake, I let my alarm clock keep beeping and beeping and beeping as I stare up at the white ceiling of my cheap studio apartment. My neighbor woke me up bright and early this morning by doing what sounded like lugging a dead body throughout his apartment. I lifted my head slightly just to slam it back against my bed, whining about being awake at 5:30 am. I’m probably just nervous. I have to complete this passion project for my psychology class by being mentored by a famous psychologist and write a paper about their career and their wisdom I guess. I have a meeting with my mentor today and I don’t know what to expect. My professor kept the identity of our mentors a secret. For the “excitement” and whatnot.

With a sigh, I swing my legs over the side of my bed and bend over to switch off the alarm. Resting my elbows on my knees, I run my hands down my face, basically prepping myself for the fact that I have to stand up soon. The moment I stand, I stretch all throughout my body, ending with my hands high above my head, stretching into the ceiling. My mouth getting ready to yawn when a bang was heard next door, like a book being chucked against the wall ajoined with my neighbors apartment causing me to yelp. I’m pretty sure I heard a chuckle in response to my scream. I glared at the wall, thinking of all the ways I could storm in there and punch my neighbor. I had two choices. I could storm in there and do all the things I wish I could do, or I could mind my business and get ready for the day.

Rolling my eyes I decided to just get ready. I still wanted payback, however, I blasted Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by The Smiths as I head into the showe. I grab brown trousers, a white button up, and a sage green set of lace undergarments. Not that anyone would see them, unfortunately there has been a drought of sorts in my pants. I just wear them for the aesthetic. Getting undressed, I put on my favorite playlist with all of the songs that make me feel like I’m the main character in an indie film. I heard a light tapping at my door, like some wanted my attention but at the same time wished I never paid attention to them. I decided to ignore it and step under the stream of water in my shower.

Once I was all finished with my shower, I stepped out into my foggy bathroom. Singing along to Bug Collector by Haley Heynderickx, I start drying off and slip on my outfit for the day. I keep my hair in a towel to help it dry some so I don’t have to use any heat on my hair. For my makeup I decided to go for a red lip, neutral blush, mascara, and brows today. Something simple and professional. I let my hair out of the towel and brush it out, not doing too much to it. Blowing myself a kiss in the mirror, I grab my purse and wrap my student ID around my neck, letting it fall next to the golden flower chained to my neck.When I open the door, I laugh in shock at the note my neighbor left for me.“nice taste in music”

I felt something against my leg and knew exactly who it was. “Hi, Payton,” I sweetly spoke to the Sphynx cat at my feet. I named her Payton even though she’s not technically mine and just wanders through the apartment complex. I bend down to give her scratches at her neck. “How’s my cutie patootie. Did you see the asshole who left this not?” She just tilted her head more into my hand, telling me to keep on scratching. “Guess not.” I stand back up and check the time on my watch, “Shit”. I had five minutes to get there.

-----

A bell rang as I entered the coffee shop I was supposed to meet my mentor at, of course with my favorite mask on. My eyes scan the place a little before I walk up to the counter to order my favorite drink. “Hi can I just get a 16 ounce Earl Grey, please?” The barista said something along the lines of yes of course and how my total was 2.16. “Alrighty, thank you.” It didn’t take too long for it to be done. They weren’t very busy and it’s just a tea bag and hot water.

“Excuse me, are you Y/F/N Y/L/N?” 

Woah. His voice sent a tingle down my spine. Probably just because I haven’t had much human contact or the fact that I haven’t been laid in a while but, my god, what I would give for him to say my name again. But that was nothing compared to what I saw when I turned around. I’m just glad I was wearing a mask so he didn’t the way my lips parted when my eyes met his. He had curly brown hair and he dressed like an old man, doesn’t sound like much but for me, that’s everything. Oh my gosh, and he had nerdy little cute glasses? When I realized I was staring I averted my eyes and started blushing.

“Um, yes, hi, that’s my name. I’m so sorry, but what’s your name?” The tremor in my voice made me want to just drop dead. I’m a woman of science but if the Earth knew how to open up and swallow people, now would be the time to prove it.

“Oh hi. I’m Doctor Spencer Reid. I’m your psychology mentor. Did your professor not tell you?” He seemed so confused, oh my god he’s so cute.

“Oh. Oh my God I’m so sorry! My professor didn’t let us know who was mentoring us, just in case we did prior research or something. I’m sorry. But yes um I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you, sir,” I kept on rambling, looking anywhere but his eyes. Unfortunately, it made me look like I was checking him out. Oh fuck.

Chuckling a bit, he goes, “Oh no your fine. No need to apalogize. It’s a pleasure to meet you miss Y/N.” Not going to lie, the way he said my name sent tingles to my pussy. Oh my god what is wrong with me! I can’t be thinking these things about the person who is going to mentor me! Stop being so horny.

I started to blush and I cleared my throat and gestured towards the window. “Um, should we go sit out there?”

“Oh yes of course. Please after you,” he said, his hand finding the small of my back, hitching my breath and making me nervously mess with the rings on my fingers. We sat at the iron tables outside of the coffee shop, he pulled my chair open for me, finally his hands off of me. I felt like I could breathe again but at the same time I felt sad, empty. He took off his mask to take a sip of what he was drinking and holy shit. He had some scruff and his lips just looked so inviting. I wanted to distract from the silence that was biting at me. “So, uh, what do you do?” My voice trailing off, making everything so much heavier with awkwardness and the sexual tension that was just coming from me.

“What do you mean what do I do?” Fuck. I looked so stupid of course he does something in pschology. That’s the whole reason you’re here.

“W-well, um, like what specific area do you work in?”

“I do criminal profiling with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.” My eyebrows bunch together in confusion. What does that have to do with psychology? Almost as if he’s reading my mind he continues, “We psycho analyze crime scenes, victims, bodies to understand why a criminal would do what they did, which helps us to understand the type of person they are, their background, and it leads us to the criminal, or unsub.”

“Wow that’s actually really cool. But, like, how does that all work?”

“Tell me, Y/N, when was the last time you had sex?” I didn’t say anything. I was so shocked. First off, how inappropriate, but also how did he know? “When I first walked in, you kept on looking me up and down as if you’ve never seen a man before. You keep fidgeting with your rings. Usually new jewelry makes people fidget but the stains on your fingers suggest you wear rings frequently which means you're nervous. Also ever since I’ve taken my mask offyou haven’t stopped staring at my lips. So, sweet girl, tell me when was the last time you were satisfied?”

I just sat there, gapping at him like a fish out of water. What was I supposed to say? Why thank you for asking, although the last time I’ve had sex was a year ago but the last time I’ve orgasmed has been longer? Before I could come up with an answer he got a phone call. Someone named Morgan needed him or something. Whatever it was, it seemed urgent.“Sorry our meeting got cut short, Y/N. Very important FBI business came up. Here is my card, has my name, email and phone number. I recommend calling me because I don’t usually check my emails or my texts. Your professor already gave me your contact information so I know how to find you. I am very excited for the upcoming months.”

“Oh- uh, thank you,” I whispered, still shocked. He grabs my hand so that he can hand me my card since I haven’t moved a muscle. 

“Oh and Y/N?” My head wips up at him and I let out a “hmm?” that could be mistaken for a moan. “Green is a nice color on you.” Confused, I looked down to see my button up shirt had popped open, letting my green covered tits be seen by the world. Eyes blown open, I immediately cover myself and say a thank you that sounded so embarrassing because my voice cracked. He just chucked and told me he would contact me soon. Before he left, I could’ve sworn he looked at me as if I was a sexy hollywood actress or something. But I brushed it off. Maybe he was concerned for me. After all, I had my tits out and made it obvious that I was desperately horny. God these five months will be awful if I keep thinking about Dr. Reid as a sex partner than a mentor. Then again the concept of having sex with your mentor can be hot. Nope. No. I should stop there.

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[duhragonball]

Bulma

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: Somewhere around 1998, Kurt Busiek took over as the writer for the Iron Man comic.   This was back when Iron Man wasn’t particularly popular and the last two attempts to reboot the guy had failed.   I read an interview in Wizard Magazine where Kurt promoted his upcoming run, and he explained the character this way: Tony Stark is a superhero, an inventor, a ladies’ man, and a billionaire.    You could have a blast writing a comic book about any one of those four things, but he’s all four.    I may have gotten those four items wrong, partly because it’s been 22 years, and partly because it was more famous when Robert Downey Junior echoed that pitch in 2012.    Take away the armor, and what is he?   A billionaire genius philanthropist.   

My point is that this is the appeal to Bulma as well.    When we first meet her, she’s an adventurer, but then we find out she invented the device that lets her locate the Dragon Balls.  And her mission is a romantic quest, so she’s like the heroine in a romance story.    Then we meet her parents, and it turns out she’s a wealthy heiress.    Well, I’m assuming Dr. Brief doesn’t plan on leaving his fortune to all of his pets, but you get the idea.  

There’s a lot of versatility to the character.   Some arcs barely make use of her, but others take full advantage.    You can plop her in almost any scenario and it works.    You want to write her at a fancy charity dinner?   She’d fit right in.   You want her teaching shop class in your high school AU?   No problem at all.   You want her to seduce a bad guy?     You want her to shoot a bad guy?    You want her to be the bad guy?   It all works.  

The main thing people dislike about Bulma is the way she treated Yamcha when they were together, and she’s kind of a jerk a lot of the time.    Fair point, but I think this adds to the character.   If she were sweet as could be and a rich, attractive polymath, she’d be downright insufferable.    Also, her attitude plays off of the compassion she shows through the series.   I can’t explain her behavior around Yamcha, but she did offer free room and board to the entire population of Namek, so I feel like that needs to be taken into consideration.

Why I don’t: In the first... hundred or so episodes of DBZ, Bulma doesn’t get a lot of chances to shine, despite all the screentime they gave her.   Early into my DBZ-watching experience, I found her to be something like a shriller version of TMNT’s April O’Neil, a sidekick whose job was to look cute and get into danger so the good guys could save her.   She really doesn’t get back into her groove until she returns to Earth, and once I saw those episodes, and her time in the original Dragon Ball, the character began to make a lot more sense.   Really, the Bulma in DBZ #1 through 108 was probably intended to demonstrate how out-of-hand the situation was.   She fixed the scouter and then it exploded.   She fixed Nappa’s spaceship and it exploded.   She fixed Kami’s spaceship and then Namek exploded.    She just couldn’t keep up with the crisis. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Not exactly any one episode, but one of my favorite bits in the Red Ribbon Army Sagas is that the RRA has their own Dragon Radar, but it’s not portable, or anywhere near as precise as the one Bulma invented.    It’s Goku’s biggest advantage during that conflict, and when it breaks, there’s literally no one else who can fix it.    Those magic babies from Arale could make a new one, but I’m pretty sure they only did that by copying the design or something.   And the RRA assumes that Goku must have an entire team of scientists providing him with logistical support, and that Master Roshi must be their leader, since he’s so old.  

Also, near the end of the arc, Bulma needs to call Yamcha on the phone, but Roshi doesn’t have one, and then Turtle suggests that Bulma should just build one from scratch, since she had just finished building a robot drone a few episodes earlier.    And she’s like “Oh, yeah, I forgot I knew how to do that.”

Favorite season/movie: The Androids/Cell arc is a big deal because it has two Bulmas, and her son is in it too.   

And this is what I mean when I talk about versatility.    That Super Dragon Ball Heroes series has two Gokus and two Vegetas, and I have no idea why, because they’re exactly the same, except one pair does SSJ4 and the other does Super Saiyan Blue.   Bulma’s got more layers, so in a story like this, you can have 30-something Bulma care for an infant son and tackle logistical problems while she figures out her relationship with Vegeta, while the 50-something Bulma in the future can be this strong-yet-gentle post-apocalyptic survivalist, who hopes for a better tomorrow as she longs for her fallen friends.  

Favorite line: I’m gonna stray from the canon for a minute, because I’m having trouble coming up with something, but in DBZ Abridged, when she’s arguing with Vegeta during his training session, they just start shouting “Fuck you!” at each other.    Then she stops and says: “My room.    Ten minutes.” 

And holy shit, the delivery on that line was incredible. I knew they’d try to do something to set up their relationship, but there’s no footage to do that with, so they did it all with one line and some killer VA work.

Favorite outfit: This is a big, big wardrobe to choose from, but I’m partial to the one she wore in the Imperfect Cell Saga.

I can’t really explain the appeal, but I like this hairstyle and the clothing looks like authentic stuff you could actually buy at a store, which just makes it feel more real, even though it’s not any more detailed than her other outfits.    I’m not sure that makes any sense.    The trucker hat looks cute on her, let’s leave it there.

OTP: You know, there’s a lot of chemistry between Bulma and Yajirobe, and even though it’s kind of a rarepair, I can’t help but-- Okay, it’s her and Vegeta.   I’ll stop messing around.   

Brotp: Definitely her and Goku.  I’m imagining the set up to the DBS Broly movie going like this.

“Hey, I’m gonna invite Goku along on our trip.    That way you can fight him when you get bored.”

“Why do you keep asking him to tag along I can’t stand him.” 

“Yeah, but I like him and I paid for the resort, so I guess you gotta deal with it.” 

“...”  

Then he shows up and she sends him on some ridiculous mission to search the ocean floor for sunken treasure or something.   

Head Canon: Future Bulma does tech support in Toki Toki/Conton City, because Xenoverse is canon and the Goku Black Saga can just bugger right off because it never happened.   

She shows up from time to time to check on all the Capsule Corp tech in the city, and she drops by just to say hi to her boy, and also she has coffee with my Mary Sue OC, because Future Bulma appreciates how tough and cool my writing is.

Unpopular opinion: The Vegebul ship probably gets way too much attention.  Not that it’s a bad ship or that it doesn’t deserve the attention, but it feels like a buffet where all anyone gets is ranch dressing.    They just ignore the rest of the spread and fill an entire bowl with ranch and head back to the table to drink it.   Then they come right back and line up for another helping.  

I’m not knocking it.   I have a Vegebul calendar in my kitchen.   But it reminds me of how the “comics fandom” in the late 90′s was really just an X-Men fandom that acknowledged that other comic books hypothetically existed.

They’re gonna come after me now, aren’t they?

A wish: A lifetime supply of strawberries does sound kind of nice...

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I hope we’re done with Bulma’s Resurrection F outfit for good.   The cowboy boots, no, we’re done with that. 

5 words to best describe them: Five would never be enough.

My nickname for them: Don’t have one.   Vegeta calls her “woman”, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t go over well if I started doing that.

[acidmatze]

Oh holy shit there will be a Gothic Remake for the PS5?????? From now on i cant spend any more money than i absolutely have to just so i can afford buying it for myself for Christmas

The question is.. how can i do that without my brother knowing about it....? Explanation and rant under the cut

Ever since I was tiny with the one exception being my first computer cuz I didnt had the money back then to afford one so lucky me had our parents buy it for me i bought my own stuff from my own money. My first Ps1 i bought from my cousin for 30 bucks (i sincerely hope in retrospect my parents gave him more money for it without me noticing cuz 30 bucks is way too little for a good console and 3 games) My brother complained and nagged how come I get a Playstation and he doesnt?

One year later (i was about 11) I got the Ps2 for christmas with some games... and Eye Toy. Ofc Eye Toy. Everyone had Eye Toy. My brother complained. How come I get a playstation 2 and he doesnt? I bought the PS2 from my own money. My parents got the games.

I got a new computer. My brother complained

Around 2011, another new computer. My brother called me to complain. He nagged. He yelled. He guilt tripped. How come I get a new computer and he still has to use his old sucky piece of shit? I bought the computer. With my own damn money. I decided I had enough money saved and wanna play new games also everyone says Win 7 is good so yeah. I had dad bring me to the store and bought a new computer. My old win xp computer was 10 years old at that point. I think I deserved that treat. (i think it was second hand when i got it....? I dont know anymore. My first PC was second hand for sure though)

Finally bought a Ps3 in 2014. Im fucking 22 at that point. My brother calls to chew me out how DARE I get a Ps3 when he didnt even have a ps2? Like thats my problem???? I wanted a Ps3 so i went and bought one. From my OWN DAMN MONEY that i SAVED UP from my FUCKING JOB. (office stuff during rehab. boring. but hey money!)

In early 2016 i buy an actual gaming computer. My most expensive thing i ever owned at that point. (it still is. this computer is the most expensive thing i ever had) Again, from my own damn money. My brother calls me to chew me out. Then calls our parents to whine about how i dont baby him and wont give him my old computer.

Late 2017 i move out. Buy everything from my own fucking money. Ofc i get a phone call. How dare i get shiny new furniture when he has to live in a dumpster? Yeah. “Get”. As if i just.. found them on the street or some shit. He always said “Get.” Not “bought”. And then he heard about my TV. A smart TV. Because thats almost the only TV you can buy in stores anymore. And boy did he throw a fit about it. HOW DARE I have a nice TV when he still has one from the early 2000s. For nearly an hour he chewed me out and guilt tripped me. For having a fucking TV. That I bought from my own fucking money. As if I somehow... tied him to the couch so he cant go out and get a new TV for himself. As if its my fault he buys random bullshit instead of saving and getting himself a nice thing.

And then ofc he flipped his shit again when he heard i bought a ps4. HOW DARE I HOW DARE I, an at this point fucking 26 year old adult man, buy myself a console He Doesnt Have. Isnt it enough I have an apartment and “fancy” new furniture and a TV he doesnt have? How dare i buy things I want without asking him first. I should know how miserable he is with his gf he actually hates but thats okay because she hates him too at this point and so does her son and a shitty run-down apartment he never cleans and I SHOULD GIVE HIM MY TV. The ONLY WAY to “make up” for this is me forking over MY TV for some reason. Yeah. No.

I need to add that roughly after I turned 12 my wishes for birthdays and christmas got “too complicated” so i bought my presents myself and got like 80% of the price back in cash from my parents. He didnt had to do that. Never. Still doesnt has to. He tells mom what he wants for christmas and she gets it for him. I tell mom what i want for my birthday and she says “Yeah you know how amazon works” I havent complained about this One Single Time. It just recently occured to me that that mightly be slightly unfair but whatever. Its too late to make a ruckus about it now. And especially i never complained to my brother about it. I never called him two days after christmas about how dare he get what he wanted for christmas, which is usually about 150€ worth of stuff cuz thats the budget my parents set for us. (my stuff costs less mostly. Dont think i get one cent more than what I paid for on Amazon. If it only ends up costing 50 bucks thats “my own fault” then. If my brothers stuff costs less than 150€ he gets the rest in cash) I never called him to whine and complain about how unfair it is and how mom constantly forks money over to him and somehow he still never buys anything he actually Needs and doesnt repair his car or gets a new TV or whatever. And how he TOTALLY should just give me something to “make up for it”.

So yeah if he finds out on christmas that i “got” a ps5 he will absolutely scream and yell at me and throw a fit right then and there and DEMAND i give him my ps4 because the ps5 is backwards compatible anyway, or some bullshit.

I know some siblings used to run to their parents and complain how unfair it is that their sibling wont give something to them. Usually the sibling doing the complaining is younger. Maybe about 5 or 6 while the older sibling is 10. Or something

But did I mention that my brother is 42?

[allforthecourtt]

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

[incarnateirony]

So I kind of just need a place to let it all out.

If you don’t want to hear me ranting about my truest encounter with the embodiment of male privilege, the stereotype of millennials, and even bad stereotypes about queerfolk - that I’ve ever encountered in a single being - please keep scrolling and /ignore. But it’s better to rant about it here in this contained area than have it wank up in an SM area that is adjacent to a growing business profile. If someone finds it, okay, I have nothing to hide, but still, better to keep clear air over there rather than kick up in main venues.

But holy shit.

Like.

Beware: Much cussing afoot. Minding through this journey this guy is trying to demolish weeks of my work and tried to use my credit card and busting up people’s hubs and turning friends on each other and all kinds of stuff. This is my personal blog and at this point, I’m furious. 

 Okay so I’m going to start with CultFans. Some of you saw some of the work done. Let me tell you a little bit about how CF started. (and before making any judgments about CF because of this dude as described below, read the whole thing and understand how it’s changed now.)

There was a little podcast called Order of the Outpost. The Outpost is a small CW summer show with a tiny fandom, but I watch it because... well, it’s honestly an indie studio getting its first real shot and struggling through a lack of budget to swing with the big dogs and fuck yes I am trash for that kind of content. But anyway, OotO was started by a girl named Kira, who formerly ran The Lit Round Table for the Librarians fandom, and producer Dean Devlin showed up on it at one point. She got to go to set with the others. It was cool! Dean also signed on to support Outpost next to Arrowstorm, so heyyyyy it was just sort of a neat idea, maybe he’ll show back up one day and if not, we can nerd meta talk.

Several people pile in. One is this dude who happened to make semi-friends with a young actress getting a role in the show, who referred a few people to the stream. The problem is, when people got there, the streams went a few hours, it wasn’t structured - but I mean, that’s understandable. It’s a young fan stream in a young fandom, there’s not gonna be a lot of structure. And we don’t want to take over her podcast with a RuEL oF lAW but we see that the last guest got visibly exhausted. In fact, it was bad enough Shea and I left the call because it had run for 2 1/2 hours and that was just ridiculous. But it left Kira and... dude with the one semifriend actress (Tim/TJ). So the call went into eternity.

I felt bad for Josh (the set guy that was there) and thought - okay, I mean, I have the experience to help this keep rolling, but things have to change. You don’t want to change up her podcast but... if you want guests to stay engaged something has to change. So I propose making like, a second feature. This proposal was originally a second piece of content/second show on the same channel, but Dude With The SemiFriendish Actress ran off and, while I was checking my funds to consider investing in a website, registered a separate social media account, already started spamming tags out and alerting people about a change... okay, weird and unnecessary but whatever, roll with it.

He says he likes the idea of a more professional environment so that’s why he ran off and made the separate channel. I ask if he can invest in it at all. He says no. Okay, well, we need better than what we have, if we want any agents to take us seriously, so I drop the hard cash for website, domain, etc etc up front. I let him know it’s gonna be a hard road if he wants to do that kind of thing, he says he gets it and will listen.Totally open to feedback since I know what I’m doing and I’m totally an owner because I’m investing. Cool. So we do our first independent podcast which ends up being like... an hour and a half of him interrupting everything and talking at the guest. Flashbacks to the call with Josh, which dude COMPLETELY blamed Kira for. Even though he was one of two participants. 

I pull him aside, say that’s not okay, that’s still way too long. We’re gonna start scripting it. Nobody’s here to see you talk, dude, or hear your opinion. If you want an opinion stream, go to OotO, you’re supposed to be supporting guests. That’s why they show up - publicity for a small studio. Says he gets it... give him a script. I start working on videos. He visits OotO one more time and drops a GIANT PR BOMB I DARE NOT REPEAT BUT IT COULD HAVE COST SOMEBODY THEIR JOB. (for the record, it’s something it turns out he completely hyperbolically inflated to make himself look good and turned up completely false but this isn’t shit you play around with son, these are careers.) We lock down the OotO stream and scrub it. He does a thousand frowny faces and apologizes and says he gets it. Okay! He’s new to this... will give another chance. 

Now, let me insert, I love Sonalii Castillo to death. She’s talented in every way imaginable and a sweetheart. But she is not a big name. She deserves to be a big name, but she isn’t there yet. Her star meter floats at about the same level as TAW, if that gives you any idea, only she’s not a complete shitlord like TAW - she just hasn’t gotten a lucky break yet. But due to huffing crack from talking to her, dude sets up a patreon. We’re so new we have like 6 subscribers but he makes tiers like “$200/month TJ will add you to PS4 and play games with you.” Who the fuck are you dude??? Who is going to do that??? What the fuck? I tell him to take that shit down.

And... another. Dude, who all are you emailing? Wait, why do we have a new email? Wait, you registered an email on top of my domain? That we don’t have access to? Wait - what? Make a fucking spreadsheet, what the fuck is going on. 

“Make a spreadsheet” - he comes back with this eye bleeding hot mess:

Just... pages of that. (Contacts blacked out for obvious reasons) O-...okay... he’s... he’s trying, I guess? Need contact to the email to see what you’ve said so we can follow up. Wait, you have THREE emails? Okay - he - he let us in one. Good enough for fucking now I guess, despite bitching him out to not do things in private.

Find him sending two page bricks about his aspergers and hopes and dreams to agents when they ask for more details. Uh- that’s... that’s not what they meant dude? “I didn’t realize-” dude there’s aspergers and then there’s just being completely- like- ridiculous. Dude, I have aspergers. And boy did he pitch that as an excuse every chance he got. Either you’re cut out for this kind of work or you’re not.

So I’m going behind, scrubbing on audio and video PR bombs, busted agent rep, vats of what turns out to be HUNDREDS of emails, writing scripts, making videos and even running the live broadcast because nobody else can handle it - oh, and paid for the site, because, you know, it was me saying we needed a better environment to begin with that kicked this off, but I never meant to completely break away but WHATEVER it is what it is. I made a point to keep attending OotO while, unsurprisingly, he dropped them cold.

He convinces a comic shop owner to give him swag for a light sponsorship deal for advertisement-vs-giveaway - cool, that’s cool. Inventory it. But he wants to keep this super rare rogue poster! Did he give it to you as a gift or as a sponsorship? ...For a giveaway. Okay, then you don’t keep that, that’s fraud. [pouty face]

Keep in mind this dude is 25.

He keeps turning up going “look at the stuff I got from the comic shop for giveaways!” and we’re like, dude, stop spending money, we don’t have money, you’re on welfare, knock it off until we get some sort of income. DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY MONEY okay but if that’s your money that’s on you, I’m not taking that as an investment I’m going to have to pay back when we keep saying to stop buying shit. INVENTORY it so we can BUNDLE it and make GIVEAWAYS. Took like a month of me telling him this for him to inventory a grand total of like 12 items. 

So I got him to close his utterly failed patreon and opened one of my own, that stayed in MY management, and he starts bitching for the login. Dude, you didn’t give me yours? You literally won’t give me anything that has a card on it so why am I going to give it to you? We’re not the ones blowing random money left and right? If there’s an expense to pay back, minding of course I’m the one that’s invested triple digits in this and he’s... spastically bought random swag at a comic book store and registered a redundant email on top of my domain that clogs up my ability to use *MY* free email in my package, while paying a few cents a day on it - I’ll fucking paypal you the money dude. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow Shea lives in the same house and can handle it. You don’t need my login creds.

I mean by now, there’s already huge red flags. Add in calling us each and rambling at us three hours a day about jack schitt all nothing while we say we’re trying to do work and mostly just talking about himself, kinda like he does on live air. Serious major narcissism shows, increasing creepiness with female guests, his weird obsession with anything money based, impulse spending, oh and he takes this “I’m the creator” attitude. ???? I... bought everything? And... Shea and I make... literally all of the resulting product? ???? You... ran off early and registered an SM account???? What did you create? Oh, it was “his idea”... right... okay. Yeah, no it wasn’t. Cue arguments and shitfits about it starting up.

But hey, I’m going to stay on point because we have a good thing going.

Again, HUNDREDS of emails. Try to navigate that hellhole of a spreadsheet and eventually just go “Fuck it, I’ll reformat, and make him fill in the other parts,”

Tada, a spreadsheet you can actually like, find shit. Suddenly the other team members could understand what the fuck was going on. I put in a date of contact, and email of contact field (now it’s all uniform now that we’ve cleaned up, but there were FOUR emails bouncing in there that he was doubletapping people from, once I made him type it out). Made him go find his own bullshit and put in dates/emails while haranguing him into giving us access to all but one email, and he pitched a fit saying his personal payment details were on it (because he chose to register the gsuite ON TOP OF MY DOMAIN just because he had limited delegated access to my godaddy I guess. IDK how Gsuite gets signed up for but I’ll just guess randos can’t do it without SOME kind of access)

Well, keep in mind, I’d been spending bare minimum 6, often 18 hours a week resorting emails, ELI5ing basic business or even basic human engagement, on top of my scripting and video work and everything else, because I bought into the “nobody ever gives me a chance” whining. And I’m all about giving people chances to do things they have fire to do. Literally all we’re asking for is to like, spellcheck his work (he was posting things through the blog like “Exlcusive”), not be a PR bomb, and sort out his shit (spreadsheets, emails) so I didn’t always have to clean up over him. Not exactly exorbitant work standards. Also stay relatively on script because, well, nobody wants to attend a stream for 2 1/2 hours, 2 hours of which is him talking at everyone instead of pulling information from the guests or engaging on behalf of an audience.  But he’s trying, I tell myself! Against my better judgment. And, well, at least he contributes to paying imdbpro? 

Well, I thought he did. Until I found out he was on a free trial and that expired. Sooo guess who had to register for the next trial? [this guy thumbs] Guess who started demanding access despite not allowing access before because of payment creds?

Because I’ve worked in stuff before, I run this by an old art director that’s worked on some pretty big shit. She doesn’t know anyone on the stream from Adam but HONES in on TJ. Her “protect the model” instinct kicked in immediately with how he was engaging female guests. “Mouth breathing basement dwelling perv” was the vibe she got off of him, without any prompting, and she immediately skeeved out. “He’s a problem, he’s a huge problem.” And I legit hadn’t said SHIT to her. She apparently saw the look on my face and was like “What?”  so, storytime kicked in. But I did still make excuses for him. He’s an aspie, sometimes we’re weird about how we communicate, our tones are off, it may just be a quirk outside of his control - etc etc. But all this other shit has built up despite my thousand excuses I’ve run for him (and some I’ve completely brushed over in this novel) She also noted he choked on the McNally interview - that we were all nervous but he was squeaky. I said that was my fault, I rode his ass too hard about staying on script, poor baby was trying, that was a my bad. 

And there’s parts I haven’t even touched on, TBH.

But let’s review where we’re at

Original OotO stream

I still attend, he drops Kira cold

He’s bitching in private quarters that he can’t stand her

I still try to refer guests we get to her 

He starts dragging her when off air to blockade her getting guests

I now lose my shit on him

More frowny faces

after PR bombs

after unsorted emails

after the eyebleeding spreadsheet

After wrecking connections to a few agencies

After many long talks

after him running off script for weeks

After an art director spots him as a problem immediately

After I do all scripting, videos, and broadcasting

After Shea does all the graphics

After we made all of the triple digit investment

Dude randomly thinks he owns it because he bolted off to register an SM first

Seriously

But wait, there’s MORE!

Dude starts pitching bitches that I put out deadlines. Because he’s done things like try to bait guests on live air to make commitments to him and all kinds of shit, and I’m hard scripting it now to PREVENT that. But if the artists are gonna get the script in a time they can yay/nay we need to get it to them BEFORE THE FINAL HOUR. So he misses deadlines and then expects everyone to hand him their questions and work so he can be on the whole stream after he fucked off for a week and failed to even SUBMIT A QUESTION TO BE SCRIPTED? Um, NO? Guess who loses his shit about “his baby.” Oh boy, the entire team has a comeapart on him at this point.

He comes forward with telling the story of how the australian version of welfare (I forget what it’s called? Centerpoint? Some shit like that?) is up his ass to get a job but they’re getting “off his ass” because he’s “trying to make a business” and he’s happy about that, so he “might get a part time job, if he has to" but he wants to finally move out, get a two bedroom apartment. Dude, I point out, if there’s ANY money in this at ALL it is a LONG way away so get the fucking job.

He apologizes, says he gets it... whatever. But boy, an older, not-classically-attractive and not-big-name male guest? He suddenly doesn’t give a shit. Like, no questions, outright says he doesn’t care if he’s on it. But - but Jennifer is the week after!! He absolutely has to be there!!! Uh, why? Do you know anything about what a producer even DOES? Well, no. But he’s bouncing on Charan so he should be in the front THERE. Okay, so what are you going to ask her. Oh, he has no idea. But there’s going to be a GIRL on the stream to talk at, so hey!

But here we are right after I say it was my fault he was choking on McNally’s interview and he runs 15 minutes off script on the next one AND tries to talk over me for a SOLID MINUTE during our scripted wrap. I manage to end the broadcast, I drop mention of OotO to the guest and he goes OFF about it being an unbearable stream; like yes I will be honest literally everybody jokes about her laugh but saying “just letting you know it’s unstructured-” isn’t an invite to go off calling her stream a hot mess and yes, once you go off about her laugh everybody’s gonna laugh a bit and chuckle it off and roll long enough to not go off on you in front of an actor but everybody else knew to shut it down with “but Kira’s sweet” and end it. And nothing about her having any kind of laugh is worth HARDBALL BLOCKADING her getting guests. It’s fair to warn them that it isn’t structured like an interview, because, you know - well, let’s not blindside them, but that still WORKS for some personalities. That DOESNT mean you go off calling it a hot mess and all kinds of other shit. And people lightly rolling with it long enough to not make you look like a TREMENDOUS THUNDERCUNT and make a scene in front of an actor they KNOW you will blow up on us in front of does not WARRANT that behavior, catch a clue when everybody’s cutting it off with “But she’s a sweet girl” dude. Or the fact that SOME OF US STILL GO TO HER STREAM. You’re the one that hard dropped her.

But after the last time he dragged Kira I went off on him. I even deadass told him the feedback from the art director finally. I try to sort his vat of emails to cool off, and wake up in the morning to an ENTIRE INBOX full of him shittily forwarding things from his private email we said he shouldn’t even HAVE, full of attitude about me doubletapping a few clients, after HE put the wrong contact date/email in the sheet BY HIS OWN HAND. Like, I’m supposed to psychically know what’s in his fucking private email he won’t cough up when he put the wrong data down.

So here I am, cup of coffee still untouched, put my butt down in the chair, see an inbox FULL of him being a wumbo sized shitlord and he starts calling me on Hangouts, like he must have seen my indicator turn green. Again, keep in mind him being notorious for three hour phonecalls about nothing, and/or arguing. So I decline. He calls again. I decline. He calls again. I answer. “What.”

Long silence.

“I’m not creepy.”

“Come again?”

Long silence. “I listened to the stream. I don’t sound creepy.”

“Dude, a creepy sounding dude isn’t going to think you sound creepy. And it’s not just the art director. I’ve gotten that from a few other viewers.” 

Long silence. He starts trying to argue and I cut him off. Like, no dude. After all of this shit, after ALL of this, after we have literally built and invested in ALL of this when you don’t have a single goddamn skill sufficient for the job and we spend full work weeks trying to mentor you while trying to do other shit, you had the audacity to talk over me during our wrap THEN DRAG KIRA.

“Well I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

“Okay?”

“What do you mean okay?”

“I mean, okay? What do you want me to say to that? If you have something going on in your head that somehow makes you unable to process you’re trying to talk over someone for a solid minute, during a point that has literally been part of a routine for a month and a half, what do you want me to say?”

Long awkward pause. “So how do we fix it?”

“I don’t know, dude. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried scripting, teaching you metronome, I’ve tried moving your position around in the stream to see if you sync somewhere better, I’ve tried having you watch other interviews, I’ve tried giving you templates. I’ve tried being gentle, being firm, I’ve tried outright bitching you out. And if you don’t even realize you’re doing these things, I don’t know how to make you fix them. I’m a production coordinator, not a psychologist.”

“But... how do we fix it?”

“I... just said I don’t know.”

“Yeah but I mean, how do we fix it.”

“I mean you can keep asking me that over and over but I just told you, I’ve done everything I can even think of at this point to make this work and to give you chances that I am in no way obligated to give you. And you know, through all of this, I haven’t even gotten a single thank you from you? For even giving you a chance to be part of this?”

Awkward silence. “But it’s m-”

“Don’t start that it’s mine shit. There is no universe in which this is yours. And if you want to play that, I can walk with the site, the domain you registered your emails on, my videos, broadcasting software, Shea’s design and my general understanding on how any of this works, like I could have done a month ago from your bullshit, and you can try to do it with a google hangouts and a wix site and see how that works.”

Awkward silence. “Well how do -”

“I swear to god if you ask me how to fix it one more time I’m hanging up. [Brief silence] Okay, so how about you tell me how to fix it, instead?”

He’s quiet a minute. “I don’t know.”

“Okay well if I’ve reached the limit of my ability to think on how to fix it, and you don’t know how to fix it, I’m going to need you to try harder.”

He loops this cycle several times. In hindsight, I’m aware now, he was trying to make me be the wicked witch that kicked him out. But I wasn’t. He came up on his own, “Maybe I should take a step back.”

“Is that what you think will fix it?”

“Yeah. I mean. Maybe. But... if I step back... what do I get out of it?”

“...Come again?”

“I mean, if I step back, what kind of money do I get.”

...????

??????

“Okay, look dude, what money? There IS no money. There’s like 5 bucks in a patreon when I paid out well over 100 bucks in startup costs. These problems, all of these problems, these explosions in the team all have one source. It’s that simple. If you think you stepping back fixes it, I’m not going to stop you, but there IS no money.”

“But what about if you start MAKING money?”

“...what?”

“Like in a few years, this gets big. I mean, I created it and all - I get money, right?”

“What did you create?”

Crickets. Finally, “It was my idea.”

“No, dude, it was everyone’s idea. And even if it was your idea, which it wasn’t, an idea is just an idea. I have an idea that I’d love to genetically splice a lizard back into being a T-Rex but if I have no idea how to fucking do it and someone else does all the work for that, they’re the creator of the goddamn new T-Rex, so you can put that down right now.”

Awkward silence. Says he has to think. Hangs up.

Okay well, I have an interview to prerecord, so we just get to rolling.

He comes back in the NEXT MORNING bitching about money again. And not even just about money. 

So here’s the deal. Yet again, like many a morning recently, I approach with an untouched cup of coffee, sit down... and there is a WALL OF BRICKS in our team chat. Why? Because Shea fucking triggered on him like two hours ago and they haven’t stopped. Shea, a woman with more than 10 years management experience, who was supposed to handle any money we DID get coming in, was out working her 55 hour a week shitty retail job (for the record, due to being physically broken beyond function I am on disability, but I worked until I couldn’t do it anymore, literally, and at least it’s SOME income), when he came in saying, I shit you not, that he needed “that money” because he never wants to have to work retail, sales, or food and he shouldn’t have to get a part time job at Samsung.

What the fuck? Who the fuck are you dude? Needless to say, Shea went postal in righteous anger. And we ALL had righteous anger of our own. Our work, our history in regular work force, our input in this, and asking him what he thinks any of us should get paid for our work or how much he thinks this is going to pull for him to move into a two bedroom apartment. Does only he get paid if we somehow start pulling a few thousand dollars? And is he going to give anything back to Arrowstorm? To Sonalii? How much does he think this digital business is going to be paying in the first year? 10K? 20? or does only him getting a few thousand dollars count? Arrowstorm is indie, don’t just ride their shit to fame as your goal dude, that’s not how this fucking works. Even Stacy, sweetest pea in the pod that hates confrontation, bricked him about the need to respect Arrowstorm and how hard this all is. And what do you even do to justify making all the money? He fills out the imdb spreadsheet, he says. That original hot mess that I had to reformat. And sends emails, that I have to clean up after him. That takes TIME. I bundled it up and did the math like I did and said he was running an average of 1-2 hours a week of work. But he’s super busy. That’s his excuse. We just dont KNOW what his life is like.

Meanwhile we get wind he’s going back to Kira, after ALL THE SHIT DRAGGING HE DID OF HER, and abandoning her stream which I was STILL going to every week. Why? Because everybody’s sick of his shit here, so he’ll go there for convenience, I guess, since he burned everybody up here. And when we confront him about how shitty and gross that is, he tries to justify it but gets reamed. Tries to blame it on how busy he’s been too. Super busy. A wall of busy. And it’s a fantastic busy wall.

Dude goes dead silent on everybody. Kay, well, we have final prep for a live feature with THE ARROWSTORM PRODUCER the next day so we get back to our shit, because we’re sick of him derailing everything. Wake up in the morning to him trying to ultimatum US about the emails we said he shouldn’t have and leaving. So, you know. That was a thing. And we get a notice that he tried to set the FB to delete. Now it becomes a mad dash to password change EVERYTHING. And change all of the recovery options. Luckily my godaddy account was already delegated and restricted access but I go to doublecheck and THIS motherfucker has a domain registration package IN MY CHECKOUT CART. What. The FUCK. Luckily he can’t see or use my payment details but I screenshot that shit. I still have to be live with the producer in a few hours and put on a good face. Like the last interview, it went great without him (barring a tech difficulty that slammed us because of my shitty tech). She said she had a great time. Said she was gonna text the leads in the show (which IS a CW show) to get in contact with us. We smile and wave and thank her and off she goes.

I look back in hangouts and he’s bitching about the emails, I tell him just delete the shit dude, I can register them again, I’m not an idiot and already backed everything up to a zip folder and if there’s downtime it’s the weekend and agents won’t be answering anyway while I put it back up, I don’t give a shit but HEY, while we’re at it, I’m super curious about why I spotted this in my checkout cart and why you pitched a bitch about your access levels suddenly. You know, right before I password locked you out. So are you going from passive fraud of accidentally keeping things from the comic store to active fraud using my card to buy shit? Luckily I’m smarter than you, son.

Oh, the excuses flowed. It was an accident. He didn’t realize, he was just checking how much it would cost (like they don’t show that before you select), IDK, they never found the bodies was probably next.

So I dig in google history to make sure other weird shit wasn’t going on and make sure he was locked out of everything and find that this dumb motherfucker set the group email to be his microsoft account so both microsoft AND google were tracking him and this fuckface was playing more than 60+ hours of random games and bullshit a *week.* And I don’t mean like “might have left it running when he left the house” games, I mean rotating titles every 30-45 minutes was common. You could literally see when he’d try to initiate his three hour google calls, then hang up and go play Marvel, then pick a fight and when people got pissed, turned around and played asphalt, then came back to complain about money, and then when people bitched at him went on grindr or looked up a mix of ageplay and/or pedo porn. Like it’s RIGHT THERE in the tracking history and it’s hard to miss because *he’s the only fucker in australia in the team* and you can track the logins. Mine are all like searching for the acting reels i need or whatever to build their video features then his is like Hungry Sharks > Asphalt 8 > FIFA > Grindr > Some PotC game and so on. The occasional single googling of an article. And you can track this shit going on every day for WEEKS. So I bold ass call that out.

Like, you’re too busy to put in more work or to talk to Kira until it’s convenient to you but you can do [list of 20 apps] for 9 hours a day? On TOP of calling each of us for hours? What the FUCK?

He starts typing to argue back and I’m like, no motherfucker, don’t start. You are literally in here, hoping to work on the actual product being created by people with the work skills making this happen, claiming it’s your creation just because you ran off half cocked and made an SM account you tagged us into and it would look weird to break off AGAIN from OotO, so we ran with it but have literally put in every penny and working hour and bit of product to this and you expect us to wire you any and all cash out of it because what? You LITERALLY have said you just don’t want to work, you LITERALLY have done NOTHING but eat up our time while we give you endless chances, and you’re on here doing [list of 20 more apps] and googling a site once a day as your labor into this expecting cash to just pour into your pockets? Are you on crack?

Typing again, 

No dude, we’re not here to pave your way. 

Delete... typing again.

No, dude, you’re looking to make a quick buck on everybody else’s work and that’s not gonna fly.

Delete... typing again.

Dude, don’t even, it’s RIGHT THERE in the google history.

...[Tim has left this group]

Okay. Whatever. Ding dong the bitch is dead, we have more work to do. I onboard a few friends to help out with my video/transcripting load - not that TIm ever did any of that anyway - and get to work. I just leave it out of public. Keep rolling. In 2 days we get more work done than I usually did in 2 weeks because, guess what, I’m not cleaning up a manchild’s messes and getting called hours on end and having to argue about basic common sense. And I mean tangible work. Like, now we’re literally a month ahead on prep for our content that we were always running to the last minute on, off of a few DAYS of work. The rest is all time to grow and settle in now.

Turn around... find out his ass is subtweeting us. And not just subtweeting, he’s claiming it was discrimination because he was gay.

I shit you not.

He’s out there saying that Grindr was used to “throw his sexuality in his face” despite being on a list of like 20394203942039420394203942039420394 apps he was fucking around with all fucking day while pitching this attitude. *And* claiming someone was “creepy” for “checking out his browsing history.” not that I checked out *our group account history* because he was *trying to spend money on my card and tried to delete our facebook*, but hey. Spin it how you want, I guess?

My friend, who joined the hangout, and by proxy it loaded the chat history, called him on his shit. Who, by the way, is queer. Like no, motherfucker, this is just your own lazy spoiled entitled ass making its own bed, if it was a straight chat site you’d be getting bitched out for doing Fuck All just the same, what the fuck. I don’t care if it was eHarmony listed in there amidst all the games. Deal with your shit. He blocks her. Blocks everyone. Starts messaging people that are liking said friend’s comments on the thread going “I see you noticed the thread-” and trying his bullshit schpiel on them. Sorry dude. These are people I’ve built rapport with for years and know my work ethic, better luck next fucking time.

And the proof is in the pudding. I’ve gone from being entirely MIA and unreachable for weeks at a time drowning in this shit to being a month ahead on work, with said-friend only having to put in like 3-4 hours of useful additions (rather than basically working against us 16~ hours a week) and boom, we’re way ahead of the curve now! I’m talking to people again! Shit called. Mischief managed.

But if you ever want the image of a thousand stereotypes in one ball

a 25 year old white dude that is creepy as fuck with female guests to the point almost everybody picks up on it, lives with his mother, has never worked a job in his life, thinks breathing in his vicinity or playing games with him is reason to throw money at him, thinks he owns anything he looks in the direction of and thinks he should get all the money; and, on the other hand, falls into the (GENERALLY FAKE) stereotype that calls of discrimination against LGBT folk are just excuses (WHICH IS SHIT THAT MAKES IT HARDER WHEN ACTUAL DISCRIMINATION HITS).  *AND* having the audacity to go public about it *AFTER* we tried to quietly let him walk. The literal embodiment of the worst of every fucking stereotype rolled into one, from lazy young generation to men taking credit over the work women do and feeling superior to even attitudes that make honest hard-working LGBT folk have a hell of a time in the world when real discrimination hits.

AND HE WONDERS WHY HE’S UNEMPLOYABLE.

HOLY. SHIT.

...[flips tables]

For the record, here is said friend calling his shit. Some of you may know her, too. 

So there, my rant of the day.

Men. Are fucking. Exhausting. Oh. My god.

But now, we’re ahead. We’re pulling ahead. We’re going to be stable and strong and we’re now poised to even increase our number of guests on the week, especially if those emails from the leads come in. We can take the punches, and everybody’s comfortable on interviews without him being weird on them now, and things are going places.

But christ on a coconut. This is literally *WHY* it’s so hard to get given a chance in the world. Because people like this are given a chance and they just... KSJFKSJDFksjfskdjf

I hate people.

[seventven]

Tony being your sugar daddy + a “boobs guy” would include:

pairing: tony x reader

warnings: oh no hide your children this is about women willingly using their bodies and benefitting from it

a/n: hello i’m back after 4 months having graduated high school and being a bigger tony slut than ever before

also this is the longest “would include” i have ever written but i’ve been getting requests for this for months and it took me forever to get around to writing so enjoy

i am a firm believer in that every person in this world is either an ass or a boobs person

and anthony stark is the latter

personally i am an advocate for women embracing their sexuality and being proud of their bodies and showing them off in whatever way they like

so like imagine

y/n is tony’s assistant

kinda like that whole situation with natasha in iron man 2

except ya know y/n is an actual assistant lmao

and she’d be v good at her job and within months she’d basically be running stark industries

lets pretend pepper doesn’t exist ok im still salty about her

and every couple of days or whatever tony would pop into the office and do a bit of paper work

like signing things or whatever i dont know what CEOs do

and he’s sitting behind the desk in his office, a bunch of papers in front of him

and he’s bored out of his mind bc this stuff is the woRST

and suddenly there’s a knock on the door

and y/n cautiously peaks her head out from behind the door to make sure she isn’t interrupting him

and when tony motions for her to come inside she steps in and shuts the door behind her

and she’s wearing a classic little black dress that reaches below her knees but which shows off a lot fair amount of her cleavage

and tony doesn’t notice at first

not until she’s standing opposite him

“i’ve more things for you to sign,” she’d say and bend over his desk to place the paper work in front of him

and that’s when tony’s eyes would register the sight in front of him

because from where he is sitting he gets the perfect view of her chest

unfortunately, this only lasts about two seconds before she straightens up, smiles at him and heads for the exit

and tony sorta just sits in his chair and stares at the door through which she had left

because holy fuck

so then after that tony would start calling her down to his office more often than necessary

and though this may seem sexist, the way he gawks at her and whatnot

it’s not like y/n doesn’t know what’s going on

and it’s not like she isn’t enjoying it

because soon enough she’d start wearing tops and dresses with even lower necklines

and bras that made her plump flesh want to explode out of her clothing

and both of them would love it

so tony would start making excuses in order to call her down

“i need you to tell me what you think of this new project”

“i need you to explain to me what this document is about”

“i need you to help me find a suitable date for this meeting”

but it wouldn’t just be tony

y/n would quickly start to find ways to make her way down to his office

“sorry for interrupting but have you signed the...”

“don’t mean to take up your time but do you know where that file went...”

and it would literally be never ending

and i feel like their relationship would start with one of them just not being to take any more of this god damn tension

and they’d probably fuck on his desk one time when y/n came down to ask if he had a pen on something equally stupid

and while he’s fucking her on the desk he’d probably be absolutely captivated by the view of her tits bouncing up and down

and he’d be so handsy with them

and he’d probably cover them with bite marks and hickeys

and it would be the hottest thing tbh

and then after that incident they’d get a whole lot more flirty at work

because now they both know they are into each other

and i dig the idea of tony opening up his email one morning when he gets to the office

and it’s from her

and he doesn’t think much about it, expecting it to be more boring paper work

but it’s actually a v explicit picture she had taken of herself the night before and it gives him a perfect view of her chest

and the caption is something that makes the blood rush to tony’s crotch in an instant

and he’s still staring at the picture ten minutes later when y/n and another employee walk into his office

and tony quickly logs out of his email

and the other employee gets him to sign something

and as they are leaving y/n turns back around and sends tony a cheeky wink

and within twenty minutes he is calling her down to his office and fucking her over the table again

and for a couple of months their relationship would consist of nothing other than intense sex every once in a while

of course, with the occasional going out for lunch together and talking in the office

and tony would notice that she’s a fan of victoria’s secret

so then y/n’s birthday would roll around

and the guy would go completely over the top

like imagine y/n getting to the office on her birthday morning

and no one else is there bc she had arrived early as usual

and she sets her stuff down and notices a square black box sitting on her desk

and it has a huge silk bow and looks really fucking expensive

so she looks around the office, wondering if it’s from one of her coworkers but there’s no one there

so she lifts the top of the box

and inside, sitting on a silk cushion is a victoria’s secret fantasy bra

and let me remind you that those things cost like at least a million dollars

but tony has the money

and if he has the money who’s gonna stop him

and y/n honestly cannot believe her eyes as they examine the bra

and she’s shocked by the amount of diamonds and other precious gems covering the surface

then, she notices a black card tucked into the space between the cushion and the wall of the box

and on it is a hand written note from tony

asking her to wear the bra tonight and be ready to be picked up at seven and telling her to take the day off

and as she’s making her way towards the exit of the building

the box clutched in her hands so tightly her knuckles are turning white

she runs into one of tony’s personal drivers who tells her he has been ordered to escort her to several places

and at first y/n is hesitant bc what the hell

the most she was hoping for that day was maybe a box of chocolates from one of her friends and a gift card to sephora

but here she was, clutching a two million dollar bra in her hands and being led to a sleek black vehicle by one of tony’s drivers

and the car would take her to a bunch of different places all of which would have already been paid for and ready for her arrival

because tony wanted to spoil her rotten on her birthday

the day would consist of her being driven to a spa, nail studios, and extravagant shops that mr tony stark had already paid hundreds and hundreds of dollars just for making her experience there pleasant

and by the end of the day y/n would be driven home and given some time to get ready for wherever tony was bringing her to

and obviously as asked she’d carefully put on the fantasy bra and one of the outfits she had purchased over it

and then the driver would return at exactly seven o’clock and bring her to the fucking port or something equally weird

and tony would just be chilling next to his own private yacht

and he’d take her hand and lead her onto it

and they’d probably be served dinner by some fancy ass chef he had hired just for this occasion

and y/n would be very confused by the whole day but also very thankful and by the end of dinner she’d mention the bra

bc she’d honestly feel guilty having received such an expensive present from him

but tony would just chuckle and stand up

and he’d bring his chair around the table and sit down next to her

and he’d probably lean in and kiss her bare shoulder

and then he’d hook his finger around the strap off her dress

and pull it down to reveal just a tiny bit of the bra she was wearing

and he’d whisper something like:

“it’s all yours. this, and anything else you might want. just say the word”

and idk about you but i’d be shuddering and squeezing my thighs together

bc holy shit sugar daddy tony makes me wanna sin

and they’d probably have sex again

this time in one of the luxurious bedrooms on the yacht

and in the morning tony would be missing from bed

but she’d be served breakfast in bed by one of the yacht keeping people i have no clue what they’re called

and after breakfast she’d get out of bed and find another three bags or so from victoria’s secret and chanel waiting for her on the chaise lounge

and she’d get dressed and go exploring

and find tony on the deck and they’d spend a lot of time drinking champagne and having sex

and then the trip would be over and she’d return home and go back to her life in the office

but every week she’d find different packages from tony

whether it was prada, chanel, or versace, tony would have more expensive gifts delivered to her apartment every couple of days

and with the gifts came along the great sex and getting the opportunity to attend different fancy functions and being tony’s “arm candy”

not that she’d mind

bc as she’d get used to the gifts, the vacations and the luxurious lifestyle

she’d also become a whole lot more comfortable with this sugar daddy slash sugar baby relationship

she’d be more than willing to get called various pet names during sex

and tony would live for the excitement on her face every time she’d open a new gift from him

and although the other female employees at stark industries would begin to despise her for the close relationship she had with their boss

neither y/n nor tony would be willing to end the arrangement

and then over time their feelings might become romantic

but until that time they’d both indulge in the non romantic relations they had

but once they’d start developing feelings for each other i feel like the transition from being in a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship to an actual relationship would be very natural for them

firstly y/n would start staying the night at his place after sex instead of going home

in the office he’d start stealing innocent kisses when they’d pass each other in the hallway

and they’d start talking about serious aspects of their lives and just understand each other really well

and even after they’d officially get together, tony would still continue to spoil her

and i feel like at some point in the relationship tony would start to have doubts

bc lets be serious tony stark is too damn hard on himself

and because y/n is a lot younger than him he’d start to get a little paranoid

maybe it would begin with him noticing the way guys her age would stare at her longingly

or how the press didn’t think their relationship would last due to the age difference

but the feelings they’d have for each other would be as real as they get

and y/n would be more than willing to prove to tony how much she loves him

and at the end of the day it wouldn’t matter what way guys looked at her

or what the press had to say

or what the other employees at stark industries thought

the only thing that mattered was the fact that among the gifts and sparkly bags, the exotic vacations and expensive champagne, both of them found something they didn’t even realise they were searching for

[evenaworm-moved]

literally a summary of my entire campaign (or all i can be bothered to write right now)

@ghostofghostspast so you wanted to hear about my campaign

warning for a bunch of rambling, plot holes, and in general a big unstructured mess as this story is still very early in development and i havent quite figured out how everything goes together yet (and multiple people dont even have names) s o

also theres like. a lot there. i typed a lot. its basically the entire plot of the whole campaign which is: a lot. like i keep going back to update this part as i get further in writing it and im at 2k words right now- yeah okay back here after finishing (for today) and we got 3k+ words down here.

also, warning for gory and gruesome stuffs!

here we go!

the story and first arc, in a very original decision, starts out in a bar with the party members. the bar has a stage with a microphone at one side, and after a little while, a halfling women wearing a long black dress and an intricate heart locket steps up. also, killer heels. 

rather than singing, she pulls out a violin and begins to play. its.. gorgeous music, shes incredibly talented, and with every string her bow crosses over it just feels like you're getting pulled into a universe this song is creating. its almost... enchanting.

surprise you fuckers shes a bard and shes casting (a modified for plot purposes and kind of op version of) sleep. the players will get to make a constitution saving throw, to see if they get to stay awake or not. regardless of what happens to them, the entire rest of the bar falls asleep.

if they manage to stay awake, they can interact with her- enter initiative or talk or whatever, i dont know who these players will be and they could very well do something bizarre and unexpected. she’s going to attempt to rob the bar while the people sleep- if all three members of the party fail their saving throws then they’ll just sleep and awake to find the entire bar groggily rising and most of the money in the room  gone, along with the mysterious violinist.

throughout all of this the woman hadn’t said a word. if they stay awake and say catch her, and get into some sort of conversation, she will talk- but only telepathically.

no matter what happens, she will escape before the rest of the bar wakes up (unless the party pulls some really wild shit). depending on what happens the party may even end up leaving with her- if they don’t, the bar owner will ask them to track her down, as she just stole basically all the valuables in this bar she could get her hands on in the few minutes everyone was asleep.

one way or another they’ll find her- playing violin at a sort of.. community of thieves, having a get together. like a big potluck almost with a bunch of theives from different guilds and groups hanging out. getting there will involve fun side quests and fights, with more or less two slightly different routes: they’ll either be travelling alongside the bard (who’s name is Lealynn, for the record), or travelling alone, attempting to track her down to take her back to the bar and probably get paid.

once they’re at the gathering, they’ll meet a few different npcs- zaaki, a young dwarf boy looking for his dads. plural- there are seven of them and none of them are actually his dad he was just kind of adopted by all of them at once when he joined their guild of sorts at a very young age. or, more he was just taken in, as they all found him abandoned when he was like, 2. with some weird mishaps, they discovered zaaki to be a very powerful sorcerer that just needed some training. however, after several years bad things(tm) happened and zaaki has found himself seperated from all of them. zaaki and lealynn are the only ones here that have prominent roles, but they can talk to/possibly fight depending on what happens other minor people.

preferably they will not just attempt to fight everyone but also they might. if they have gotten here with lealynn, there most likely wont be any fighting at all, unless they just fuck shit up. lealynn will introduce them to the people around, and then probably leave them with zaaki to go play her violin for the rest of the people gathered here (normal music this time, no more disguised spells). if they came here on their own, lealynn will already be playing and they’ll have to figure out how to get in by theirselves. stuff’ll happen! i really cant tell what these currently nonexistent players will end up doing, but i will be making sure they dont fuckin kill off zaaki and lealynn, because we need those two for the plot gosh darn it. another possible way of them meeting zaaki would be, once they’re in, him just going up to them with a poster with seven dudes on it and going “hello have you seen my dads?”

eventually things will happen (wow!) and they'll discover that lealynn doesnt usually steal, as shes actually a very successful violinist and typically makes plenty enough money to keep herself living fine. however, one day she had met zaaki (whos like 8 at present time) and discovered his situation. his current next step in trying to find his dads was to go to a very popular arena, a place some of his dads used to like and go see fights at. the issue was zaaki only knows simple pit pocketing, and tickets are very expensive. lealynn agreed to help him get the money he needs so the two of them could go search for his dads there. lealynn explains all of this to the party members, with zaaki helping at some parts. Lea then asks if they’d be willing to help- they could definitely use the assistance in finding this poor boys dads, and she now does have enough money to get all of them in.

if my players dont say yes then well there goes the plot I GUESS. but with this the first arc ends. yay.

on to arc two! if youre still reading this then holy fucking shit you just read like 1k words of me messily explaining the start of the story and basically everything else is going to be the same sort of mess except possibly even messier

the party (now with lea and zaaki included) goes on more fun adventuring to get to the arena, which is in a somewhat discreet location as it might be slightly illegal? getting there is a little tough, but also on the way they’ll have some cool puzzles and battles as they check a few different places for zaaki’s dads. once they do get there they're actually sold out :^) also, amidst the time it takes to get there, they may get to find out some of lea’s story- if not, it will come up at other times, but to explain it in a simplified way: 4 or 5 years ago (shes currently 21) she had a girlfriend that she dated for like, 2 years. but stuff just stopped working out, as they do, and eventually she broke up with this girl. this totally wrecked the girl emotionally wise, and she threw quite a.. fit. she was a very powerful witch: and, placing a curse on the locket that she had previously given to lea as a gift, she took away lea’s ability to speak. Lea actually used to be a rather successful singer before this incident, and her salty ex was hoping to ruin her career by stealing her voice. it.. backfired on her, as lea adapted and became even more successful as an instrumental violinist. however, she still has no voice. the curse placed on her appears to reside inside the locket, but as much as shes tried, she cant remove the necklace or destroy it. after the fiasco that the breakup was, her now ex girlfriend vanished, and she hasn’t seen her since. lea still wants her voice back, and has spent her free time attempting to track down this ex of hers.

back to the present situation of sold out tickets:

there are several solutions to this puzzle! there are various ways for them to sneak in, or a mini quest where they can buy tickets from a secondhand source, or whatever creative stuff the party comes up with. eventually, they'll end up in the arena!

this arena is a place where gladiators fight each other to the death.  its obviously brutal and not for the faint of heart (zaaki’s poor little baby heart does not take well to this show). fighting tonight is a weirdly young elf girl, who’s only 12 years old. but she’s a fucking champion, and the crowd loves her. apparently she’s been fighting two or three years, as the party may be able to figure out by asking around (the party will also be asking around to see if they can find any clues on the location of zaaki’s parents, which may or may not be succesful depending on who they ask). this kid is named Flip, (im sorry i cant take any of my own characters seriously,) and currently she has a +6 in dex but this is just her at level 1 and she’s gonna be a few more levels up. shes extremely talented at what she does, her entire aesthetic is flowers but also: violently killing people with her big ol’ daisy covered mace. she does wild acrobatics and makes a bunch of one liner puns, all related to flowers. 

after a little bit while the show finishes, with flip beating two different opponents this night, and claiming a prize as usual. i plan on throwing in a spot in here where the players can actually choose to interrupt the fight, if say, their characters find this little girl fighting big, buff grizzly dudes too immoral. they can get theirselves wrapped up in a fight in the arena if they do this- but they can also just sit back and watch and flip will win because shes more than capable of it, the players just may not know this. it’ll definitely be fun to see what happens!

if they interrupt the fight there will probably be a few annoyed members of security, as well as an annoyed Flip. ur actions have consequences! i cant say for certain what all will happen here, but my intention is for them to be able to have a one on one conversation with flip later on in the evening (if they dont end up talking to her in whatever bizarre path they make, they can meet her at an autograph session after the show). they can talk to flip about whatever they want, maybe ask if she knows anything about the whereabouts for zaaki’s parents, or figure out why she’s 12 and a gladiator.

one thing they’ll also discover once getting near her is a necklace she’s wearing, that appears to be half of a metal flower. on a successful investigation roll,  there are more details they can discover: the flat side of the flower half has little notches in it, as though it has a matching half on another necklace that would fit into place with it. the words “little sis” are very carefully etched into the metal.

after talking for a bit, something... weird, happens.

Flip’s necklace begins to float, and suddenly the lightbulbs shatter and candles go out- its pitch black, and all you can see is this necklace floating in the air as it begins to glow. a disembodied, somewhat distorted, young womans voice rings out:

“Whats up motherfuckers.”

 the lights suddenly turn back on, the necklace goes back to normal, and the party will find Flip on her knees, gasping for air. a fresh cut is across her nose, one that will most likely leave a scar. security comes in, hearing the ruckus, but flip ushers them to leave. its safe to assume my players are going to be like “hey what the fuck just happened”

flip is going to explain, but only somewhat. she’ll talk about how, recently, she’s had issues with a sort of “haunting” as she describes it. she says that truthfully, she’s killed so many people, it could easily be any one of them, and that she has no idea which one it was or how to stop them.  This is a lie; Flip has a very good idea of who it might be, but she doesn’t plan on admitting it any time soon (or maybe she will idk what shit my players will get up to in these conversations)

(god ive been typing for like three hours i may have to go to bed before i can finish. whoevers still reading high five)

Lea will bring up that it seems she might need help; Flip will initially turn this down, and i cant really say where the conversation will sprout from there due to the fact it depends on my nonexistent players. the end goal will be for Flip to agree to group up with the rest of them; they all have something they’re looking for, and maybe if they all help each other eventually they’ll all fix their problems together. Flip should agree to meet back up with them tomorrow morning, and the rest of the party will go to an inn and sleep.

the next morning is probably where i insert a chance for the players to level up and go shopping for some items. its also the part where i give up at separating this story into arcs! i’ll figure that shit out Later

fuckin umm.. its late so my storytelling will probably begin gradually devolving. 

the next day our heroes will meet back up and discuss. Flip mentions that they may have most luck figuring things out with her haunting if they go to the arenas base of operations. the arena is somewhat part of a chain, all run by one person. he doesnt have a name yet but i’ve been calling him “mr. bitch business boy”. for now i’ll just call him mr. b. the party will travel to this place. However, Zaaki stays behind; he’s a little boy and doesn’t want to get super involved with all of this killing stuff! The other NPCs (and hopefully the players) agree to keep an eye out for information on his dads. its a large, sleek collection of buildings surrounded by a high tech gate and a bunch of people guarding it. 

for something kind of illegal, they’ve got a lot of big stuff going on.

there are three main areas they can check out: one, on the left, the smallest building. it has no windows and only two heavy metal doors. in the middle, you have the largest building,several stories, which does have some windows and looks kind of like.. a combination between a big fancy hotel and a business building, but also super like ~modern~ and stuff. it has a fountain in front. And lastly, on the right, is the second biggest building out of the three, but still considerably smaller than the middle one. while it is large, its still only one story. Flip can inform the party that the middle one is where the boss, mr. b, resides.

its the players choices where they check out first. but first, before any of that is seen actually, they have to get past security at the gate- this can either be done via initiative or via something else, up to them!

in the building on the right, they find a long, wide hall filled with seats and benches, and.. people. a lot of people, some holding papers, others holding weapons, and all looking like they’re both ready for a fight and a job interview. at the end of the hallway is another room, with a door and a big glass window  looking out at the rest of the hall. every once in awhile, a dragonborn man at the desk will call out “next” and someone will rise from the seats. Flip seems confused by this area, and Lea just seems weirded out by the entire business in general.

upon entrance, a few people will gasp at seeing Flip, and she’ll wave a bit to them. But one half-orc woman (un-named currently but also i love her) will run right up, going “oh my gosh, you’re flip, right?! i love all of your performances!” and the party will engage in a conversation with her. assuming that people ask questions, they can get a few answers. She’ll explain that this is where people apply to become a fighter for the arena, and it’s always been a dream of hers (what a weird dream man) to become a fighter in this organization. Flip is a little confused, as she didn’t go through any of this when she joined; but the half-orc says that sometimes there are definitely special cases where people are just found. if anyone mentions zaaki’s dads, she actually will know some things about them. she’ll explain that she was good friends with them, and when zaaki was really little and the dads were just getting the hang of raising a kid, she would sometimes babysit. however, she then gets a little sad, mentioning that she actually hasnt heard anything from them in a year. she doesn’t know where they are, but they’re probably not here. eventually she gets called up to go talk to the dragonborn behind the desk, and she bids you all farewell cheerfully and goes off for a.. sort of job interview, i guess.

there are a few other things people can check out here, but nothing i’ll bother mentioning here.

if they try to go to the tiniest room on the left, they’ll have to fight more security (no talking your way out of this one). inside they find a small hallway, some closets, and an elevator at the end that they just cant gosh hecking get open! meaning its puzzle time but i havent come up with a puzzle yet but THERS A PUZZLE and they solve it cool. once inside the elevator, they just see rows upon rows of buttons, starting at ground level (1) and then going down, down, down.

at any level they choose, they will just find large collections of rotting corpses, getting newer the deeper down they go. this horrifies flip, and if the players choose to view multiple floors, flip will stay in the small hall outside. Lea remains with the players, but extremely solemn. there are two special floors in this collection. there are 31 floors. at the 31st floor, they will find the most recent dumped bodies; and one of them is actually still just a little alive (but in a horrible, horrible state). It’s a tiefling man, and with a hoarse voice he will usher the players over. he does not ask for help, merely asks them to not forget about him. he tells them his name and his story in hopes that someone won’t forget he existed. if it occurs to the players, they can actually heal and help him escape this terrible mass graveyard. this will result in an advantage for them later on, and also just make them like fucking feel better about themselves y’know.

the other thing that they can find is on an undecided as of now floor, but will probably be a random number, as to make it less likely for them to end up at it. because what they will find is, well a bunch more dead bodies, but with a successful perception check they will notice one young woman's corpse that is wearing a necklace. this necklace has half a flower on it- and matches Flips. most of it is a bit rusted and dirty, making it hard to read, but you can more or less make out “Big sis” etched out into the metal. its the players choice whether they bring this up to flip once back outside with her.

Once grouped back up, Flip suggests they go and talk to Mr. B (if they havent gone in that building already). for once, security lets them in the building. inside is a rather extravagant sort of lobby, with two staircases on either side, and a semi-circle desk in the area between them. a dark elf woman with glasses sits their, seeming to be checking off things in a book. the players can go approach the woman, and ask to see mr. b

and i am not at all done (still have like, half a story and half the main npcs to introduce) but this is over 3k words and it is 12 am so i will stop for now, and continue in a new post tomorrow! 

if anybody has name suggestions for the bar owner at the beginning, the half orc lady, or the dark elf-- just lemme know i have so many npcs to name and not enough creativity. also, if you read all of this, just.. holy shit. gimme ur thoughts! 

also i am open for suggestions to name the campaign

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time