#instead ots a party on the first day back from break

[chaos-coming]

Ok ive decided i hate my job (not new) and i hate the dumbass students at my university (also not new. Entire campus chock full with blond dreadlocks and lederhosen), theres no grad student culture here and im too old to be hanging out with bachelor students who dont know anything (the central european university system is trash and also only 3 years) and have seen exactly their 100km of the world (plus or minus that one trip to se asia that umbued in them such insufferable arrogance) and whose definition of activism begins and ends with throwing a solidarity party (where the donations pay first for the cost of buying booze instead of actually going to a cause)...

But i digress (read: lost my train of thought partway through ranting about these provincial snobs). What im trying to say is besides hating my university and most of the idiots in it, i think im just done with the student scene in general like im sick and tired of being at the mercy of the exam schedule, and the peter pan never wanting to face the real world mentality of everybody there. I need to be surrounded by people looking forward not trying depserately to cling to a moment that may already have passed

[sc0tters]

Dreams are Realities | Kent Johnson

summary: Kent is back in town for the allstar break but as his best friend you don’t seem to happy about it.

request: yes/no

warnings: mentions of alcohol, underage drinking.

word count: 1.44k

authors note: I actually had to Google who Kent was before this (don’t hate me, I’m just new to hockey). Hope this did both your request and him justice though!

The world seemed to enjoy screwing with your mind.

It let you convince yourself that Kent being back in Michigan was going to be easy.

Like the feelings that you had developed for him would just simply disappear.

Like he would disappear.

You had been hit with the kiss of death the first day of freshman year when you were paired up with Kent for orientation. It started what quickly became a growing friendship and before you knew it he was your best friend.

So maybe you were being dramatic with the whole death kiss comment but you had your reasons.

And the top one on that list was the fact that when your friendship bloomed it came with the crush that you now had on him.

The issue with that was that you were so stuck in the friend zone that you thought that the challenge of surviving thanksgiving in skinny jeans was easier to complete.

You spent two years at UMich forced to watch him go through girls like they were socks -a new one everyday- and it slowly ate at you.

The day that you intended to tell him exactly how you felt, he actually came to your dorm before you got that chance. But instead he was there to tell you that he was leaving. Kent had signed that professional contract in the NHL and he was leaving you.

It was news that you could have handled if you had more than a day to process it, to actually spend some time with him before you had to watch him leave you like you were the dried oats at the bottom of a bowl of porridge.

You knew that once he left not only would you not see him again but you also wouldn’t get the chance to tell him about how you felt.

So with the few minutes he could spare in your room before he had to head to the airport, Kent spent those moments consoling you as you cried on his shoulder.

Not your finest of moments if you were honest but you were dealing with the heartbreak you feel when you aren’t even dating the person yet but the possibility of you two being together shrinks from nothing to even less than.

It was a level of defeat that you hadn’t felt before. This made losing by an OT goal feel like a walk in the park.

All you remember feeling was the weight of your body just getting heavier. You cried yourself to sleep that night and for the next few after that too.

Seeking comfort in everything from cheap booze that you could obtain with your fake ID to drowning yourself in comfort food. Your favourite thing to do though was take a drive late night and go scream in some empty parking lot.

Whether it was a blessing or a curse, Kent didn’t stop talking to you. He made sure to update you on everything and anything that he could do so with. So you met the entire team through the many FaceTime calls that you two had during the roadtrips that the team took.

Your feelings for him were more stubborn than the cold front that came over every winter from Canada onto the Michigan side of the border.

But that’s why you were currently glaring at him. Kent had this random blonde girl on his arm that he had found at the party causing him to leave you.

Despite the many attempts that different guys made as they tried to make a move on you, each one fell on deaf ears as you wanted nothing to do with any of them.

The boy you wanted was so busy listening to girl that you could probably pour your cold beer down his back and he still wouldn’t turn around to you.

As the blonde threw her head back letting out a laugh, she locked eyes with you. Yours went wide as the realisation that you had been caught hit you like a punch to the face.

By the time that you could try to make yourself look busy she had already caught the attention of Kent as she pointed in your direction, probably to tell him about what you had done.

Silently panicking you got up and making a beeline to the back door of the house. Unfortunately for you he was as still taller than you, and those long legs that created those long strides was still your enemy. And not only did he catch up to you but he was now pushing you towards one of the bedrooms that were located on the ground floor.

You tried to fight his grip around your one arm but it was absolutely no use as he was also stronger than you too.

So you just followed his direction accepting this defeat.

Kent was beyond pissed off. You had been short with him from the very second you saw him. He was having to guide the conversation he had with you, something he never had to do. But when he got multiple responses of five or less words the boy gave up, that’s why he had been talking to that blonde. At least she acted like she wanted to see him.

Sure Kent understood why you might not have been happy about the fact that he hadn’t told you that he was coming to visit but he really thought that you would have enjoyed the surprise.

Jacob had told him how you have been really quiet this year, so when Kent had a break during the All Star week he made sure that he spent it making sure that you were okay.

That was the thing about you, all of the girls that came in and out of Kent’s life didn’t matter, not when you were around.

They couldn’t make his heart race the way that you did. Not when he had only seen you in a bikini once and since then that image that was engraved into his mind and it was the only thing the could actually get him horny now.

So as he shut the door behind you he sent to a harsh glare “want to tell me what that was about?” He asked as he cocked his head.

You walked over to the bed were you sat on the side of it, you didn’t know what it was but for some odd reason you two seemed to find a sense of comfort in bed talks.

Running your fingers through your hair you let out a sigh “just go back to her,” you mumbled to him as you fiddled with the rips on your jeans.

The hockey player felt his heart break at the sight of you “not until you tell me what’s wrong,” he shook his head as he joined you on the bed “do you even want to see me?” Kent asked being genuine, he knew your answer was yes but he needed to hear it come from your lips.

You didn’t meet him with even a nod, your eyes stayed stuck on your jeans as you remained silent. It caused Kent to let out a sigh as he walked to the door of the room taking the lack of sound that came from your lips as a sign that you wanted him gone.

Hearing the sound of the door click sent a shock through your spine “I love you!” You blurted out before you slapped your hand over your mouth.

Kent shut the door again as he spun around to just stare at you in shock. He wasn’t doing it to be bad but he was doing it because he was so surprised “kiss me,” the boy responded as he was quick to come back over to you “w-what?” You asked seeing him lean forward as he placed his hands on either side of you “kiss me quickly,” the hockey player almost begged as he angled his face just millimetres away from yours.

Not wanting to protest you just listened to him. As your face went to his cheek you couldn’t help but groan at the taste of his beer that was clear on his tongue.

It was a moment that you swore made you melt. You knew he was going to be a good kisser but you didn’t think that he was going to be a great kisser. Deciding that a conversation was appropriate right about now you pulled away from Kent “what was that about?” You asked wondering why he had told you to do that.

“Had to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.”

[yellowhollyhock]

day 16 dance competition

Couldn’t resist making this about 03 Raph

post-canon, uhhh no trigger warnings this time I think. includes my take on 03 versions of various characters from other versions, not super developed here but very relevant.

It felt like the future.

Raph hated saying that, too, because it sounded like some cheesy tag line instead ot the specific type of headache he really wanted to describe.

It was the high ceilings, and being surrounded by machines he didn’t know the purpose of. Not to mention the uncomfortable suit he had to wear.

“I don’t know why we even have to come,” he said to Leo, half-hoping he’d persuade him to turn back. “I mean, Mikey and Donnie have jobs to do.”

“This is about building relationships,” Leo replied, though he didn’t sound thrilled either. “It’s the first time they’ve had potential off-world clients visit, and since most of their staff don’t have any experience with aliens, we need to be there as a buffer.”

“But Mikey’s already been studying all those cultures with Irma and Oyuki. Isn’t he in charge of being the buffer?”

“He studied the cultures so he could help plan music and a menu that wouldn’t start any wars. They’re still going to need our support in case anything goes wrong. Besides, our presence is symbolic. We’re two of only five people on earth who have ever met a Neutrino, even if it was in passing and we didn’t know it at the time.”

Raph knew that, but it was still unfair. Fugitoid was way more familiar with aliens.

“Yeah, well I bet there’s at least one other person,” he muttered darkly.

“Another important reason for is to be here,” Leo said seriously. “Even though April has government approval and protection, if Bishop somehow finds out—”

They both stopped short at the entrance to the meeting room. The outside wall had been let down as a balcony—with a safety net, something Leo had insisted on in the design phase—and the big conference table had been moved out to make room for a few smaller tables. The bright overhead lights were off, soft yellow tones lighting the room instead.

Leo gripped Raph’s arm nervously. “We’re very exposed this way.”

Raph reached over to pat him on the shell—and was interrupted by a screech and someone jumping onto his back.

“You guys are here! Can you believe we’re really doing an alien party? This is like straight out of Star Trek!”

“I really can’t believe it,” Raph assured him, unable to resist a fond smile. “I hope at least the food is better than on Star Trek.”

Mikey released them both, and they turned to face him. Raph frowned.

“Hey, how come you don’t have to wear a suit?”

Mikey was instead wearing a loose-fitting reflective jumpsuit with seams making hexagon patterns. Since it curved around his shell, he kind of looked like disco ball. He twirled happily.

“You like it? It’s the latest Neutrino fashion. Since I’m a cultural liaison April said I could wear their party clothes instead of ours!”

Raph looked at Leo. “Aren’t we cultural liaisons?”

Leo shrugged. “You wanna wear a disco ball?”

The fact that Raph thought about it for a second was a real testament to how uncomfortable their suits were. “No.”

Mikey laughed. “Come on, April and Fugitoid went up to meet them when they land, Donny’s briefing the staff in the break room. We want to all come in together ‘cause it’s more polite im their culture.”

They glanced at each other to confirm they both felt completely out of place, then followed Mikey.

In the break room, they found Irma, an older woman Raph was pretty sure was named Libby, and Timothy dressed in waitstaff uniforms, white aprons and loose black clothes. Casey wore a suit, Oyuki a black dress. Master Splinter wore a brand new blue robe. Donny was dressed like Leo and Raph, and looked about as nervous as them too.

“The Neutrinos are shapeshifters; they’ll explore their environment by shifting to match us, or other objects they find, so be mindful of what you grab. Remember, you’re all here because we trust you. We’ve done the impossible together before. Just be yourselves, and we’ve got your backs.”

Raph glanced sideways at Leo, unsurprised to see a soft smile. It was almost the same speech he’d given Don that morning. They gave each other thumbs up.

“Is it gonna give them a weird idea about earth for so many of the humans to be the waitstaff?” Oyuki pointed out as she glanced over the group.

Donny frowned thoughtfully. Unfortunately, Raph wasn’t quick enough to recognize an opportunity to change outfits. Leonardo was.

“I can be waitstaff. Timothy, trade me.”

Raph bit back a swear as he realized the opportunity he’d lost. Not only that, he was now the only ninja turtle present without a job.

Meanwhile, Timothy stood at attention, eyes wide. “It’s an honor, Leonardo Ninja Turtle!”

Leo tilted his head. “My last name is Splinterson. Do you know where the bathroom is?”

Timothy gave a very serious nod, and briskly led the way. Leo gave his brothers a backwards bewildered glance before following.

Casey clapped his hands. “Alright so, I guess we’re just waiting on word from the boss. Hope the landing’s going okay.”

“I hope after I spent this much time on my hair there at least some cute aliens my age,” Irma drawled, earning a few chuckles.

Master Splinter gave Raph a very serious look, putting a paw on his elbow. Raph leaned down a bit.

“Yeah, Sensei?”

“You seem particularly nervous, my son.”

“What, me? Nah. Just don’t like dressing up. And it’s kinda pointless, you know? I mean, I’m not exactly your average earth representative, and I don’t know about technology or alien culture. Not really a reason for me to be here.”

He crossed his arms protectively over his chest, realizing that while he had intended to dismiss Sensei’s concerns, he had instead confirmed how nervous he felt.

“I believe you know more about life from outer space and accepting those different from you than most people,” Master Splinter reassured him, “But regardless, you are here to support April and Donatello. They value your presence immensely, my son, and need your support.”

“Yeah. I know.”

He did know, but it was nice anyway, hearing it from someone else.

April and Donny just better be grateful he dressed in the worst kind of human clothes for a whole evening.

“Got her text,” Casey announced, just as Timothy and Leo reappeared. “Let’s go.”

So Raph tried to put his discomfort and insecurities out of his mind, and went to the weird business meeting party.

He gave polite nods and kept his distance. He would have liked to talk to Casey or Don, but both of them were occupied discussing recent work projects with interested aliens.

He looked around for Leo, wondering what there was to eat. He didn’t really want to ask Irma.

He spotted Leo across the room, holding a plate of appetizers and trying to explain food he didn’t understand himself to a bewildered alien.

He backed into something, and heard a surprised trill. Startled, he turned around to find a—uh, creature, with six insect-like limbs and a beak like a bird.

“Oh, uh, sorry.”

The Neutrino made a strange garbled sound. Raph took a half-step back, trying to decide if the tone seemed upset.

“You got a universal translator? I don’t have a universal translator. Were we supposed to get one?”

They dropped—or, looked more like, threw—a bright orange handkerchief at Raph’s feet.

He hesitated, thinking of what Don said about being careful what he picked up. Was that their friend? Had he hurt them when he bumped into them?

Keeping an eye on the insect-bird, he stooped to pick up the handkerchief. They leaned forward expectantly, so he went through with it and carefully handed it back.

Then they whirled and morphed into a turtle, matching Raph exactly, other than the orange handkerchief they held up.

Mikey appeared, beaming and clapping Raph on the back.

“She challenged you to a dance competition!”

“Say what.”

“Yeah yeah, it’s a big thing in their culture! We didn’t expect it to happen here because it’s usually for royalty. Hang on—hey Donny! Could you say into the translator that we need three judges for a dance competition?”

And that was how Raph found himself dancing with his clone, with Libby, Fugitoid, and a Neutrino who’d adopted a mostly human appearance, sat to judge. It wasn’t any kind of music he was familiar with, either.

It was shaping up to be one of the weirdest nights of his life, and that was saying something.

Oh, well, might as well make the most of it.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on you since it’s your first time being a turtle.”

They matched him step for step.

“Alright, you get some pretty good footwork, but can you breakdance?”

They could breakdance.

“Here on earth we like to call this a moonwalk. You ever walked on the moon?”

Their moonwalk looked quite a bit different from his, and involved inflating their feet to make themselves float a little.

He talked less as the music picked up speed. There was no one else in the room; all he had to do was stay moving for longer than her.

When she was still doing spins and he was down to fist pumps, he fell to his knees in surrender. The music slowed to a stop.

“So what happens,” he panted, “If I lose?”

His clone knelt in front of him, then morphed into a humanoid figure to match her friend.

“Wow, you were great!”

He gaped. “You speak English?”

“We pick up languages pretty quickly,” her friend chirped happily. “You have to as a shapeshifter.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Raph acknowledged while his dance partner helped him to his feet.

The scores came in at a dead tie, mostly because Zak, the Neutrino judge, rated Raph so highly. Everyone was in good spirits, and by now all the Neutrinos appeared humanoid. A group of more official-looking ones were telling April they believed her technology would prove life-changing for their home planet. The dancer, Kala, said her and Zak would have to bring her friend Dask on their next visit, and that the three of them may even want to apply for a job here.

Raph listened to all of this with a detached satisfaction; maybe it was good he’d been here tonight, after all.

Donny leaned against him, a quiet show of gratitude.

“It’s been a weird night,” he said.

“Beyond weird,” Raph replied. “You owe me.”

Don gave him a crooked smile. “That’s fair. Want a laser gun?”

Raph shook his head. Don raised his eyebrows.

“What about a new bike?”

Raph motioned him closer so he could tell him quietly.

“Next time, no suit.”

Donny laughed out loud.

“You got it. And I’ll still throw in a new bike, just cause I like you.”

[ezralva]

Kill Heal

Perfect Preparation arc/Pre-Shinjuku showdown AU canon-divergence where after he was unsealed, Gojo didn't go feral and murder all the higher-ups.

They put off Yuuji's execution order again due to Gojo's comeback but instead put it on Choso because he was technically not supposed to live and his incarnation by Kenjaku was through illegal means by killing an innocent non-sorcerer. Gojo didn't bother appealing for it because he didn't really care about Choso at first (and only Gojo had the power to go against them) until Yuuji went all dogeza on him begging him to prevent Choso's execution or else do it for the both of them.

Gojo didn't understand why in the short amount of time after he was unsealed, Yuuji had become so attached to Choso as well, that it was either die together or live together for both of them and Yuuji said something about how he hadn't been able to repay what he had taken from Choso.

So reluctantly, Gojo agreed, if only because it was Yuuji who begged him for it. In order to do that, there was no other way but to take Choso into his custody to get the higher-ups' hands off Choso. So reluctantly for both parties, Choso had to live in Gojo's place, away from his other little brothers' remains (because the higher-ups suspected Choso would still try to incarnate them through any means, even the illegal ones like Kenjaku, as Choso didn't exactly go by their rules). It wasn't the Gojo residence but Satoru's private apartment where he actually lived more if he wasn't at school or on missions. He'd been living there since Megumi left the Gojo residence to live in the dorm.

Gojo allowed Yuuji to come to visit Choso routinely but otherwise most of the time it was Choso and Gojo alone at home. And the sparks began to emerge.

Enemies to lovers trope, they fought a lot and they only pretended to be civil to each other whenever Yuuji came to visit so they didn't make Yuuji worried and upset. But because they live under the same roof they reluctantly and subconsciously started to depend on each other, so angry fights slowly turned to petty bickering.

"For fuck's sake, get your hair down or change your hairstyle! They look so hideous it makes me mad and wanna puke just looking at it.

"Mind your own business, Gojo."

"Yanno what, never mind. I'll cut them off myself when you're asleep and you won't even know who did it."

"Try it and I'll kill you."

"Oh babe, how much you wanna bet?"

Another day...

"Why is Yuji always the one cooking and cleaning the dishes every time he comes here?? Yuuji is NOT your servant!! You're the only one who eats so you clean up yourself!"

"Choso it's fine, I don't mind!"

"Even if you do, it's inappropriate, Yuuji."

"Well, it's the least I can do, really. Besides, I like cooking and Gojo-sensei likes my cooking."

"HA! See that, onii-chyaan~ I'm Yuuji's favorite so I get the privilege. Just back off, you creepy stranger!"

*seething in anger* "I AM NOT A CREEPY STRANGER I'M HIS BIG BROTHER!!"

They began to fight again, more like Gojo just simply activated infinity while Choso's CT crashing and breaking some things in the vicinity.

"Damn it! Stop it you two! Right now! Or else I'll never come here anymore!" Yuji yelled trying to get them off each other in vain.

Choso immediately stopped his movement.

"Doesn't matter with me, I can still see you at school anyway."

"I will never cook for you anymore then, Sensei."

Gojo immediately went silent too.

However, as time went by living together, when they gave each other's cold shoulder and silent treatment they began to feel restless and lonely with the silence because now they were slowly getting used to each other's presence...especially Gojo who couldn't stand to not talk or tease or just sit still when there were others around in close proximity. They were both just so very lonely in actuality.

Slowly they began to sneakily look forward to each other's petty bickering because it de-stress them both. Their presence began to give meaning to each other. Yuuji's constant presence for the both of them had done wonders for them to start seeing eye to eye. Their first common ground was that they both cared so much about Yuuji and wanted to lessen the burden and guilt the boy felt from Megumi who was being taken hostage by Sukuna. They began talking in adult manner even when Yuuji wasn't around. They tamped down their ego and so they began to talk without riling each other up every time. Choso realized Gojo had helped him and Yuuji a lot by going against the higher-ups and putting himself in danger while Gojo began to see Choso was just as much a victim of Kenjaku as Yuuji and...Suguru. That the guy wanted nothing but to be with his own family yet couldn't even afford that now. Gojo wasn't that heartless. He knew what found family meant. Had seen how Suguru treated his own found family with so much care and put them as his top priority even when he himself was dying at that alley. So it wasn't hard to sympathize with Choso, even if he used to be his enemy.

They talked long into the nights, Gojo taught him more about the modern world, how to use machines, smartphone, internet, utensils, and such and how Jujutsu world worked while Choso filled him in with what he knew about Kamo Noritoshi. The man's past experiments and all his evil deeds, which were now nowhere to be found because the Kamo family had erased the records from existence. His connection to Yuuji, everything since his incarnation, about what Kenjaku had done while using Suguru's body. Providing him insider information that Choso had managed to accidentally scrape during his stay with the curses' group. Gojo filed all this very important and priceless information away for further perusal.

Once they were enemies on opposite sides trying to kill each other, now they worked together, planning how to defeat Kenjaku. For Choso to avenge his little brothers and mother so he could kill Kamo Noritoshi with his own hands and for Gojo to take Geto Suguru's body back and mourn him properly this time. 

Soon, the talk about work-related and future battles had begun to shift to more personal matters, how they feel about their current situation, their families, their childhood (or more like delusional memories for Choso), how they see each other now. Soon they began to see they were both worthy of respect from each other and treated each other as amiably as they could. Had begun seeing the beauty in each other. Subconsciously seeking each other's warmth and presence, for comfort during this stressful time, even if both of them still wouldn't want to admit it out loud. Opting, instead, to let their non-verbal language and gestures do the talking, showing their longing, for their bodies to act on what they really desire inside their hearts and minds yet never be able to put them into words and ask each other.

Accidentally healed each other's wounded hearts even if they didn't mean to or knew how it started, and one thing just led to another.  

That 'another' thing led to Yuuji coming to Gojo's place in a rush one night before dinner because both of them didn't answer Yuuji's texts or picked up his calls since lunchtime and thinking the worst had happened to the two, he barged into the apartment to the direct, unhindered view of his big brother being fucked senseless by his Sensei on the couch.

A/N: I know I'm the one coming up with this setting and headcanon and now I cannot unsee how much potential this particular setting and AU can be explored for the bases of GoCho like omg the petty bickering, the old-married couple kinda petty fight with Yuuji being a sweet sunshine sonny, the angry sex, hate sex that turned into make-up sex and gentle love-making to desperate needy sex cz the auspicious battle was just around the corner uggghhh then the kisses and finally heartfelt confessions, promise for the future, proposal, just before that doomsday of fighting Kenjaku and Sukuna but this time ofc THEY WOULD WIN so GoCho could continue their lovey-dovey time properly post-canon and then they kneeled to Yuuji to ask for his blessing and ofc Yuuji couldn't be happier about how they turned out.

Is there anyone willing to write this for me?? or do I hafta get my hands on it by myself?? :"" cz I mostly wouldn't be able to write this long, at least not in the near future so feel free to use these headcanons if you like and wanna develop them into a proper fic, just credit me a little if you do ;) (but please don't use it on another pairing!).

[roseyange]

mammon comforts mc after a long day

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

- gn reader!!

- fluff! fluff! fluff!

- there is a shower scene but it is very much sfw, just sweet mammon taking care of his human :] ALSO! established relationship!! ALSO! mentions mc not eating ot because of strained schedule!

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

days can be draining. yes, staying in the devildom, living with your boyfriend and his brothers, and being able to see your beloved devildom friends whenever you please was fantastic, but some days still dragged. between juggling school, work, family dinners, household chores, school and royal party's you were expected to attend, along with whatever activities you found enjoyment in, it could pile up quickly and bury you deeply in exhaustion.

today, just so happened to be one of those days.

waking up late after forgetting to set your alarm the night before, munching on a piece of toast as you ran from the HOL to RAD only to make it 10 minutes after the first bell rang. getting held back and into the lunch break, just to talk with one of your professors about a assignment that was coming up didn't help start your morning either. you left the class room with just enough time to grab a bowl of soup that was left over in the cafeteria, drinking it from the bowl like it was a warm cup of tea on a fall afternoon. you didn't even get a 3 minute lunch break until the bell rang to indicate your next class starting.

after the fiasco of your school day, you had more work to do at the school after hours. the halls were empty as you speed walked to the meeting room. papers from a professor that were needing to be delivered to Diavolo before the meeting started fluttered in your hands as you quickend your pace. you were able to push through the big wooden double doors to the meeting room just as Diavolo sat down and was opening his mouth to begin the meeting. you quickly handed the papers to Barbatos with a nod as you plopped down in your chair between Mammon and Satan, quickly making yourself comfortable as Diavolo made his opening statement.

the meeting went over the supposed time. it was supposed to end around 7 pm, but instead went on to 9pm, no thanks to the polite chitchat that kept everyone in their seats after the meeting had officially ended. your stomach growled, your head throbbed, and your back ached from the uncomfortable chair in the meeting room. normally, you would push past the negative of the day and look for the bright outcome, but today had been just a little too long, your classes seemed to drag on just long enough, and lucifers normal concerns at RAD meetings just seemed to be endless nagging.

today was awful, to put it simply.

the track back to HOL took less time then normal, thanks to the quicking of your pace to not get caught in the brotherly chitter chatter of your fellow house mates, not wanting to hear if an argument sparked in between their playful banter. once home, you politely refused dinner, saying you needed to shower and start homework before tucking in early that night, just needing a few moments to yourself to decompress.

as soon as you got to your room, you closed the door and let out a long sigh, leaning againts the now closed door and letting your book bag fall from your shoulder to the ground. rubbing your face, you pulled whatever little strength you had left and started walking twords your bathroom. you lazily kicked off the black dress shoes of your uniform and yanked off your tie, throwing it onto your bed along with your coat, being forgotten into the mess of blankets and pillows. you flicked on the light of the bathroom, walking to the shower and turning the nozzle to start the hot water, looking forward to the heat againts your skin. as the water warmed, you quickly changed out of your clothes. once fully undressed, the days atire laying lazily in the corner of the bathroom, you felt the water before stepping in and finally letting out the breath you didn't realize you had been holding. the hot water running down your front and the rhythmic tapping of the drops hitting the tile floor below you was a sweet repetitive sound that could lull you to sleep. the weight of the day finally running off you, but your exhaustion still sat heavy on your chest.

after standing for a minute, hoping for the water to fully refresh you, you decided to sit down. you continued to let the water hit you from the front, this time settling into the floor, your aching legs pulled up to your chin as you just sat, enjoying the silence and serentiy of the moment.

of course Mammon noticed you were acting a little off. what kind of boyfriend would he be if he just ignored you like that? Mammon had been around you long enough to pick up the small things you do to show how you felt. the way your shoulders seemed to lean forward, or the way you would zone out and play with the ring ( his ring might he add ) that sat delicately on your finger. the way you didn't walk to RAD with him this morning, and the big driving point being you skipped dinner. you always gushed about how you loved dinner with all seven of the demons. it just wasn't adding up.

so he did the only thing he could think to do, to bless you with your handsome boyfriends presence. he trailed down the hallway to your room with two cup noodles, planning to pull you from your studies to spend time with your favorite demon. he knocked first, waited, then called your name. when he didn't hear a response, he opened the door, peaking his head in to make sure you wernt changing before fully coming in. he scanned the room as he shut the door with his foot, not seeing you anywhere you normally would be. his eyes fell on your bookbag lazily discarded next to the door, and the trail of your shoes and uniform accessories leading to the propped open bathroom door. he sat down the noodles on your desk and picked up your scattered uniform pieces, folding them and placing them gently at the foot of your bed so you could find it all easily in the morning. he then headed into the bathroom.

he once again knocked lightly on the door, not wanting to suprise you too badly at his presence. but again, once he didn't hear a response, he slowly walked in. he looked in the shower, the glass door fogged up slightly but he could still see your slumped body on the ground. at first, his heart dropped, seeing you on the ground made him automatically think worse thing worse, but then he noticed your finger gently drawing lines on the floor. he couldn't help but put a hand over his chest and let out a long breath in relief.

taking this opportunity, he slipped out of his own clothes, kicking them into the same corner as yours. he opened the glass door, the sound alerting you that someone was there, but you didn't move. he sat down behind you, arms wrapping around your stomach and resting his head againts the middle of your back, just below your neck.

both of you could honestly sit like this for hours, the hot water spraying you both as you sat in such an intimate position. being with one another. there was a comfortable silence that filled the shower, no words needing to be said, just a warm environment now filled with a humble love between two star crossed lovers. you locked your pinky finger around Mammons middle finger, just a very small action to acknowledge him being there, and not wanting him to leave.

after a few more minutes of sitting like that, Mammon slowly released you to your disappointment. he instead grabbed your shampoo that sat on a shelf in one of the corners of the shower. he slowly lead you to turn around to face him, having the water now hit your back. you looked up at him once you sat comfortably in your new sitting position, he smiled at you softly as he poured some of the shampoo on his hand, lathering it together and then brushing it tenderly through your hair. you couldn't help but close your eyes at the sweet touch of your boyfriend. the way he used his fingerpads to rub in the product, making sure not to hurt or scratch you. once your hair was throughly lathered, Mammon couldn't help but smile as he put his hands together trapping your hair in his hands, leading your hair up into a little mohawk, a laugh leaving his mouth as it fell over with a soft smack againts your face. you couldn't help but smile at your dork of a boyfriend as he got back to what he was doing, directing you to lean back a little so he could rinse out your hair. one hand laid sideways on your forehead, to keep water and soap from running into your eyes as the other worked on getting all the soap out of your hair. once the shampoo was done, he quickly applied conditioner, using his fingers to gently comb out any tangles or knots that had worked their way into your hair.

you couldn't help the feeling of tiredness slowly drag you down more and more as your boyfriend spoiled you with his love through his actions. the feeling of his fingers massaging your scalp when he applied the soaps to your hair, or the ease that fell in between your shoulders while he washed you body gently with a soft wash cloth with one of your favorite bodywashes. the feeling of being pampered was fantastic, and the foggy haze that hung in your head thanks to the day had seemed to wash off and down the drain just like the water did.

once Mammon was content with his job, he quickly washed himself, then turned off the water. grabbing a fluffy towel from the rack next to your shower, he wrapped it around your shoulders then gave his hands to you so you could stand up. you wrapped the towel around yourself to your liking as Mammon did the same to himself, grabbing one more towel and slowly starting to dry your hair with it. once he was done, you went to take it from him to do the same to his hair, but he stopped you. mumbling something about knowing a trick, he quickly shook his head like a wet dog, water flying everywhere as he shook out his hair. stopping and looking at you with a goofy grin, laughter leaving both of your mouths as you threw the towel on top of his head, at least providing some sort of help.

you both headed into your room, Mammon grabbing his favorite shirt from the dresser you both shared, then handing it to you. he absolutely loved to see you in his clothes, and making it his favorite shirt? put him instantly on cloud nine. you quickly changed without hesitation, pulling it over your head as you shot a little pose for him. he whistled and clapped in response, his signature smug smile pulling on his lips as his cheeks started to turn red at the sight of you. he quickly changed into a pair of sweat pants and a tank top, then handing you the now luke warm noodles he has brought to you earlier as you both sat down on your bed, passing stories about the day to each other.

once the noodles were done, the containers were tossed aside into the trash. your homework laid unattended, still sitting snugly in your book bag. your clothes Mammon had loving placed at the foot of your bed now laid on the floor, being kicked from their place without a second thought. you laid in Mammons arms in the dark room, laying faced into his chest, arms wrapped lazily around his middle while his arms are wrapped tightly around you, holding you close.

" I love you mc. " Mammon mumbles into your hair, moments away from the two of you drifting off to sleep.

" I love you too Mams. "

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

literally haven't written anything like this in like 4 years, I hope yall enjoyed o/ just needed a lil comfort from a long day :,)

[sparktober]

Sparktober Bingo 2021!

Back for a new generation: Sparktober Bingo!

Instead of coming up with an Atlantis-specific list of prompts, I compiled a bunch of 2021 -tober prompt lists into one google doc here. (Links to original prompt lists are on the google doc.) Add in a list of Atlantis episodes and...

How to play:

Choose a “flavor” from the prompt sets below the cut, then paste it into this fandom bingo card generator.

Adjust your browser size til it looks right and take a screenshot, or use the html script if you’re familiar with using html on tumblr. Tag @sparktober​ if you want us to reblog it so everyone knows you’re playing!

  Sparktober Bingo Rules:

Complete a row/column, corners, or a blackout of your card by November 1, or not! Update as you go.

All fan-works are allowed: art, edits, fic, meta... bonus points to anyone who picks the “sprinkles” flavor and goes full mid-aughts by filling their bingo cards with 100x100 pixel icons.

You are allowed to pull multiple cards until you get one that inspires you, and you can also go through the prompt list of your choice in advance to pull out squicks or things you absolutely won’t write. I recommend not googling unfamiliar words from your work computer.

Use the prompts liberally! Episode titles can be treated as the episode or as generic prompts (e.g. “Epiphany” can be for an episode-related fic or a prompt for an epiphany of your choice).

  Flavor descriptions:

VANILLA: Gen prompt lists from Fictober, Inktober, Trektober Gen, and Trektober Trek.

CHOCOLATE: Zesty prompt lists from Trektober NSFW, Kinktober, and Whumptober. The multiple-prompts-per-day from Kinktober and Whumptober have been broken into individual prompts.

CANDY CORN: Fall / holiday themed prompts from TUA-tober.

SPRINKLES: Atlantis episode list (in order, in case you only want to copy certain seasons), along with characters and a few Atlantis-specific prompts.

TWIST: All of the above! (You can also manually mix and match different flavors, of course.)

Text blocks to copy into the bingo card generator are below the cut. Enjoy!!

VANILLA

“I need you.”; “You have no proof.”; “I’ve waited for this.”; “Fine, I give up.”; “I’m not saying I told you so…”; “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”; “That could have gone better.”; “This is it, isn’t it?”; “There’s no right side to this.”; “It’s so quiet.”; “I swear, it’s not always like this.”; “You keep me safe.”; “The things you make me do…”; “Your information was wrong.”; “I like that in you.”; “Not this again.”; “I’m with you, you know that.”; “This was not part of the plan.”; “I feel strange.”; “That’s what I’m known for.”; “What did I say?”; “No promises.”; “This time, do what I say.”; “Is this supposed to impress me?”; “Do you know what time it is?”; “I’m sure this has never worked, ever.”; “You could have died!”; “I don’t have to explain myself.”; “Why are we whispering?”; “Don’t ruin this.”; “Take me with you.”; Crystal; Suit; Vessel; Knot; Raven; Spirit; Fan; Watch; Pressure; Pick; Sour; Stuck; Roof; Tick; Helmet; Compass; Collide; Moon; Loop; Sprout; Fuzzy; Open; Leak; Extinct; Splat; Connect; Spark; Crispy; Patch; Slither; Risk; Meet-Cute; Amnesia; Age Difference; Pining; Sick Fic; Fake Relationship; Accidental Meeting; Epistolary; Secret Identity; Historical AU; Nightmares; Monster Hunter; Reunion; Soulmates; At Pride; Angst; Seasons; Fix-It; Coffee Shop; Movie Plot AU; Kid Fic; Actor's Other Crossover Work; OT+; Getting Together; Only One Bed; Pirates; Making Up; Forbidden Relationship; Tattoos; Halloween; Prime Directive; Lower Decks / Background Characters; Away Mission; Ship's Bar; Aliens Made Them Do It; Observation Deck; Crew with Family; Holodeck; Science Crew; Character Survives; Headcanons; Diplomacy; Decontamination; Trek Crossover; Replicator; Worldbuilding; Redshirts; Sex / Love Potion; Medical Crew; Transporters; Medbay; Interspecies Relationship; Mirrorverse; Uniforms; Mutiny; Stranded on a Planet; Rec Room; Academy Era; Second Contact; Command Crew; Off-Duty

  CHOCOLATE

A/B/O; Soft; Anonymous Sex; Penetration with Object/s; Sleeping; Intercrural Sex; Restraints; In/Under Water; Group Sex; First Time; Possessive Behavior; Dry Humping / Grinding; Overstimulation; Roleplay; Rimming; Stretching / Fisting; Power Imbalance; Food Play; Fingering; Body Worship; Sex Work; Voyeurism / Exhibitionism; Safewords; Technology; Oral Sex; Omorashi / Wetting; Crying; Underwear / Lingerie; Friends with Benefits; Pain Kink; Dirty Talk; Trick or Treat; All trussed up and nowhere to go; Talking is overrated; Sticks and stones may break my bones...; Trust fall; I've got red in my ledger; Touch and go; My spidey-sense is tingling; Coughing up a lung; Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated; Oops, I did it again; Just keep swimming; It'll be fun, they said; That's gonna leave a mark; Under pressure; Feed a cold, starve a fever; On a need-to-know basis; Field care 101; The doctor is in; Just a scratch; Lost & found; That's where the blood's supposed to be; They made me do it; You break it, you buy it; One down, two to go; Hide & Seek; You will go down with this ship; “I'm fine, I prom...”; It's (not) just in your head; All work and no play; Digging your grave; Hurt & Comfort; “You have to let go.”; Garotte; Taunting; “Do you trust me?”; Betrayal; Bruises; Helplessness; Pneumothorax; Presumed Dead; Hospital; Adrift; Torture; “This is gonna suck.”; Crush injuries; Delirium; Recovery; “Please don't move.”; “Now smile for the camera.”; Bitten; Trunk; Bleeding through bandages; Cursed; Auction; Self-induced injuries to escape; Escape; Fallen; Passing out; “Good, you're finally awake.”; “You're still not dead?”; Major character death; Disaster zone; Barbed Wire; Choking; Insults; Taken Hostage; Misunderstanding; Touch Starved; Numbness; Exotic Illness; (Blind) Rage; Flare-Up; Drowning; Made To Watch; Burns; Beaten; Fever Dreams; Scars; Hemorrhage; Doctor Visit; Bleeding; Trapped Under Water; Pressure; Demon; Ransom; Flashback; Flight; Waterfall; Vertigo; Nightmares; Too Weak To Move; Left For Dead; Trauma; Bound; Gagged; “Who Did This To You?”; Pushed; Broken Nose; Hunger; Blindness; “Definitely Just A Cold”; Tears; Ice Chips; Dehydration; Begging; Cauterization; Force; Bees; Aftermath; Dread; Cpr; Stabbing; Solitary Confinement; Blood-Matted Hair; Obsession; Pursuit; Revenge; Hiding; Trap Door; Collapse; Panic; Overworked; Ghosts; Prisoner; Losing Control; Threats; Caning; Mercy; Forgotten; Head Injury; Screaming; Comfort; Self-Sacrifice; Trapped; Near-Death Experience; Regret; Tragedy; Battlefield; Anxiety; Gore; Petplay; Bimbofication; Panties & Lingerie; Bondage; Double Penetration in 2 Holes; Breeding; Humiliation; NTR; Incest; Emeto; Omorashi; Free Use; Crossdressing; Public; Three (or more) some; Daddy & Mommy; Double Penetration in 1 Hole; Distention & Cockbulge; Xenophilia; Shotgunning; Watersports; Pregnancy; Lactation; Waxplay; Grooming; Human Furniture; Feet; Prostituion; MacroMicro; Spanking; Cockwarming; Glory Hole; Somnophilia; Body Modification; Temperature Play; Leather; Size Difference; Sounding; Stockings; Tentacles; Medical Play; Stripping; Orgasm Denial; Master & slave; Scissoring; Titfucking; Frottage; Knifeplay; Formal Wear; Breathplay; Fisting; Pegging; Scat; Beastiality; Fucking Machine; Tickling; Boot Worship; Bukkake; Collaring; Foodplay; Non or dubcon; Feederism; Sensory Deprivation; Oviposition; Clone & Selfcest; Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Impact Play; Sadomasochism; Bloodplay; Praise Kink; Body Swap; Sweat; Branding; Massage; Role Reversal; Armpit; Masturbation; Inflation; Sex Toys; Burnplay; Menophilia; Stuck in Wall; Deepthroating & Facesitting; Dacryphilia; Hate Sex

  CANDY CORN

Birthday; Sick Day; Autumn; Candles; Plaid / Flannel; Leaf Piles; Sweaters; Baking; Cinnamon; Pumpkin Spice Latte; Carnival; Movie Night; Candy; Graveyard; Black Cats; Goosebumps; Pumpkin; Party; Monster; Ghosts; Witch; Vampire; Traditions; Magic; Mask; Haunted House; Trick; Treat; Costume; Monster Mash; Halloween

  SPRINKLES

Rising Part 1; Rising Part 2; Hide and Seek; Thirty-Eight Minutes; Suspicion; Childhood's End; Poisoning the Well; Underground; Home; The Storm; The Eye; The Defiant One; Hot Zone; Sanctuary; Before I Sleep; The Brotherhood; Letters from Pegasus; The Gift; The Siege Part 1; The Siege Part 2; The Siege Part 3; The Intruder; Runner; Duet; Condemned; Trinity; Instinct; Conversion; Aurora; The Lost Boys; The Hive; Epiphany; Critical Mass; Grace Under Pressure; The Tower; The Long Goodbye; Coup d'Etat; Michael; Inferno; Allies; No Man's Land; Misbegotten; Irresistible; Sateda; Progeny; The Real World; Common Ground; McKay and Mrs. Miller; Phantoms; The Return Part 1; The Return Part 2; Echoes; Irresponsible; Tao of Rodney; The Game; The Ark; Sunday; Submersion; Vengeance; First Strike; Adrift; Lifeline; Reunion; Doppelganger; Travelers; Tabula Rasa; Missing; The Seer; Miller's Crossing; This Mortal Coil; Be All My Sins Remember'd; Spoils of War; Quarantine; Harmony; Outcast; Trio; Midway; The Kindred Part 1; The Kindred Part 2; The Last Man; Search and Rescue; The Seed; Broken Ties; The Daedalus Variations; Ghost in the Machine; The Shrine; Whispers; The Queen; Tracker; First Contact; The Lost Tribe; Outsiders; Inquisition; The Prodigal; Remnants; Brain Storm; Infection; Identity; Vegas; Enemy at the Gate; Ronon Dex; Teyla Emmagan; John Sheppard; Carson Beckett; Elizabeth Weir; Rodney McKay; Jennifer Keller; Samantha Carter; Aiden Ford; Radek Zelenka; Kate Heightmeyer; Evan Lorne; Laura Cadman; Kolya; Chuck; Peter Grodin; Steven Caldwell; Lantea; Ocean; Ancient(s); Richard Woolsey; Athosians; Daedalus; Wraith; Nanites; Asurans; Genii; DHD; SGC; Stargate; Earth; Antarctica; Ascension

 TWIST

“I need you.”; “You have no proof.”; “I’ve waited for this.”; “Fine, I give up.”; “I’m not saying I told you so…”; “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”; “That could have gone better.”; “This is it, isn’t it?”; “There’s no right side to this.”; “It’s so quiet.”; “I swear, it’s not always like this.”; “You keep me safe.”; “The things you make me do…”; “Your information was wrong.”; “I like that in you.”; “Not this again.”; “I’m with you, you know that.”; “This was not part of the plan.”; “I feel strange.”; “That’s what I’m known for.”; “What did I say?”; “No promises.”; “This time, do what I say.”; “Is this supposed to impress me?”; “Do you know what time it is?”; “I’m sure this has never worked, ever.”; “You could have died!”; “I don’t have to explain myself.”; “Why are we whispering?”; “Don’t ruin this.”; “Take me with you.”; Crystal; Suit; Vessel; Knot; Raven; Spirit; Fan; Watch; Pressure; Pick; Sour; Stuck; Roof; Tick; Helmet; Compass; Collide; Moon; Loop; Sprout; Fuzzy; Open; Leak; Extinct; Splat; Connect; Spark; Crispy; Patch; Slither; Risk; Meet-Cute; Amnesia; Age Difference; Pining; Sick Fic; Fake Relationship; Accidental Meeting; Epistolary; Secret Identity; Historical AU; Nightmares; Monster Hunter; A/B/O; Reunion; Soulmates; At Pride; Angst; Seasons; Fix-It; Coffee Shop; Movie Plot AU; Kid Fic; Actor's Other Crossover Work; OT+; Getting Together; Only One Bed; Pirates; Making Up; Forbidden Relationship; Tattoos; Halloween; Prime Directive; Lower Decks / Background Characters; Away Mission; Ship's Bar; Aliens Made Them Do It; Observation Deck; Crew with Family; Holodeck; Science Crew; Character Survives; Headcanons; Diplomacy; Decontamination; Trek Crossover; Replicator; Worldbuilding; Redshirts; Sex / Love Potion; Medical Crew; Transporters; Medbay; Interspecies Relationship; Mirrorverse; Uniforms; Mutiny; Stranded on a Planet; Rec Room; Academy Era; Second Contact; Command Crew; Off-Duty; Soft; Anonymous Sex; Penetration with Object/s; Sleeping; Intercrural Sex; Restraints; In/Under Water; Group Sex; First Time; Possessive Behavior; Dry Humping / Grinding; Overstimulation; Roleplay; Rimming; Stretching / Fisting; Power Imbalance; Food Play; Fingering; Body Worship; Sex Work; Voyeurism / Exhibitionism; Safewords; Technology; Oral Sex; Omorashi / Wetting; Crying; Underwear / Lingerie; Friends with Benefits; Pain Kink; Dirty Talk; Trick or Treat; All trussed up and nowhere to go; Talking is overrated; Sticks and stones may break my bones...; Trust fall; I've got red in my ledger; Touch and go; My spidey-sense is tingling; Coughing up a lung; Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated; Oops, I did it again; Just keep swimming; It'll be fun, they said; That's gonna leave a mark; Under pressure; Feed a cold, starve a fever; On a need-to-know basis; Field care 101; The doctor is in; Just a scratch; Lost & found; That's where the blood's supposed to be; They made me do it; You break it, you buy it; One down, two to go; You will go down with this ship; “I'm fine, I prom...”; It's (not) just in your head; All work and no play; Digging your grave; Hurt & Comfort; “You have to let go.”; Garotte; Taunting; “Do you trust me?”; Betrayal; Bruises; Helplessness; Pneumothorax; Presumed Dead; Hospital; Adrift; Torture; “This is gonna suck.”; Crush injuries; Delirium; Recovery; “Please don't move.”; “Now smile for the camera.”; Bitten; Trunk; Bleeding through bandages; Cursed; Auction; Self-induced injuries to escape; Escape; Fallen; Passing out; “Good, you're finally awake.”; “You're still not dead?”; Major character death; Disaster zone; Barbed Wire; Choking; Insults; Taken Hostage; Misunderstanding; Touch Starved; Numbness; Exotic Illness; (Blind) Rage; Flare-Up; Drowning; Made To Watch; Burns; Beaten; Fever Dreams; Scars; Hemorrhage; Doctor Visit; Bleeding; Trapped Under Water; Demon; Ransom; Flashback; Flight; Waterfall; Vertigo; Too Weak To Move; Left For Dead; Trauma; Bound; Gagged; “Who Did This To You?”; Pushed; Broken Nose; Hunger; Blindness; “Definitely Just A Cold”; Tears; Ice Chips; Dehydration; Begging; Cauterization; Force; Bees; Aftermath; Dread; Cpr; Stabbing; Solitary Confinement; Blood-Matted Hair; Obsession; Pursuit; Revenge; Hiding; Trap Door; Collapse; Panic; Overworked; Ghosts; Prisoner; Losing Control; Threats; Caning; Mercy; Forgotten; Head Injury; Screaming; Comfort; Self-Sacrifice; Trapped; Near-Death Experience; Regret; Tragedy; Battlefield; Anxiety; Gore; Petplay; Bimbofication; Panties & Lingerie; Bondage; Double Penetration in 2 Holes; Breeding; Humiliation; NTR; Incest; Emeto; Omorashi; Free Use; Crossdressing; Public; Three (or more) some; Daddy & Mommy; Double Penetration in 1 Hole; Distention & Cockbulge; Xenophilia; Shotgunning; Watersports; Pregnancy; Lactation; Waxplay; Grooming; Human Furniture; Feet; Prostituion; MacroMicro; Spanking; Cockwarming; Glory Hole; Somnophilia; Body Modification; Temperature Play; Leather; Size Difference; Sounding; Stockings; Tentacles; Medical Play; Stripping; Orgasm Denial; Master & slave; Scissoring; Titfucking; Frottage; Knifeplay; Formal Wear; Breathplay; Fisting; Pegging; Scat; Beastiality; Fucking Machine; Tickling; Boot Worship; Bukkake; Collaring; Foodplay; Non or dubcon; Feederism; Sensory Deprivation; Oviposition; Clone & Selfcest; Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Impact Play; Sadomasochism; Bloodplay; Praise Kink; Body Swap; Sweat; Branding; Massage; Role Reversal; Armpit; Masturbation; Inflation; Sex Toys; Burnplay; Menophilia; Stuck in Wall; Deepthroating & Facesitting; Dacryphilia; Hate Sex; Birthday; Sick Day; Autumn; Candles; Plaid / Flannel; Leaf Piles; Sweaters; Baking; Cinnamon; Pumpkin Spice Latte; Carnival; Movie Night; Candy; Graveyard; Black Cats; Goosebumps; Pumpkin; Party; Monster; Witch; Vampire; Traditions; Magic; Mask; Haunted House; Trick; Treat; Costume; Monster Mash; Rising Part 1; Rising Part 2; Hide and Seek; Thirty-Eight Minutes; Suspicion; Childhood's End; Poisoning the Well; Underground; Home; The Storm; The Eye; The Defiant One; Hot Zone; Sanctuary; Before I Sleep; The Brotherhood; Letters from Pegasus; The Gift; The Siege Part 1; The Siege Part 2; The Siege Part 3; The Intruder; Runner; Duet; Condemned; Trinity; Instinct; Conversion; Aurora; The Lost Boys; The Hive; Epiphany; Critical Mass; Grace Under Pressure; The Tower; The Long Goodbye; Coup d'Etat; Michael; Inferno; Allies; No Man's Land; Misbegotten; Irresistible; Sateda; Progeny; The Real World; Common Ground; McKay and Mrs. Miller; Phantoms; The Return Part 1; The Return Part 2; Echoes; Irresponsible; Tao of Rodney; The Game; The Ark; Sunday; Submersion; Vengeance; First Strike; Lifeline; Doppelganger; Travelers; Tabula Rasa; Missing; The Seer; Miller's Crossing; This Mortal Coil; Be All My Sins Remember'd; Spoils of War; Quarantine; Harmony; Outcast; Trio; Midway; The Kindred Part 1; The Kindred Part 2; The Last Man; Search and Rescue; The Seed; Broken Ties; The Daedalus Variations; Ghost in the Machine; The Shrine; Whispers; The Queen; Tracker; First Contact; The Lost Tribe; Outsiders; Inquisition; The Prodigal; Remnants; Brain Storm; Infection; Identity; Vegas; Enemy at the Gate; Ronon Dex; Teyla Emmagan; John Sheppard; Carson Beckett; Elizabeth Weir; Rodney McKay; Jennifer Keller; Samantha Carter; Aiden Ford; Radek Zelenka; Kate Heightmeyer; Evan Lorne; Laura Cadman; Kolya; Chuck; Peter Grodin; Steven Caldwell; Lantea; Ocean; Ancient(s); Richard Woolsey; Athosians; Daedalus; Wraith; Nanites; Asurans; Genii; DHD; SGC; Stargate; Earth; Antarctica; Ascension

[average-crazy-fangirl]

Welp, thanks to @laughable-illusions, I've gotten into Hero Forge, and have recreated my Big Five™ TES OC's (main game OC's), and now have a reason to rant about my OC's

---------------

Manei, Eternal Champion of the Arena.

Dunmer-Altmer halfling Battlemage.

Forced to play Hero at age 19, traveled through all of Tamriel, never met a single Daedric Prince, is the Tamrielic equivalent of an aethiest, is utterly convinced gods aren't a thing, and contracted Noxiphilic Sanguivoria a few years after marrying Erv.

Had quite a large crush on Ria Silmane, though they both just stayed friends. Manei did not take her death well.

We all love a tall trans bisexual/romantic buff lady, so Manei is here to fill that role.

Didn't ask questions when their husband, who was infertile, somehow got pregnant.

Found a random baby Argonian at the side of the river a few years after she and her husband retired and just said, "Sweetheart, we're parents now."

---------------

Erv Anesac, Hero of Daggerfall, Champion/First Guidance Councillor of all Daedric Princes.

One braincell is in that skull of his, and it's stuck in a Dragon Break.

Dunmer-Breton halfling Illusionist.

Absolute whore of a wereboar.

Uriel Septim had the ingenious idea to send Erv on a very important mission in his home of Daggerfall. Why Erv? He helped Manei locate a piece of the Staff of Chaos, and his family had a history of saving Tamriel*. Also magic dreams.

*his not so long ago family founder was the Vestige/Soulless One, who I may make a separate post about, an Emperor of the previous Empire and the fates decided to bring the family back into the drivers seat of the wheels of fate, and also thought it would be funny if the first person to defeat Mannimarko since his imprisonment, was a descendent of the person who imprisoned him.

Suffered real mental health problems after the Dragon Break.

Out of all Daedric Princes, Sheogorath was the only one who kept showing up for Thundas Tea, even after Erv's retirement, so he was the one Erv decided to go to when he wanted too make a deal.

Short, trans, pan, mentally ill icon of a wereboar.

---------------

Has-Strange-Dreams Anesac, Nerevarine, Skall Friend, Champion of Azura, Killer of Almalexia, inspiration for Lusty Argonian Maid, Older Sibling of the HoK.

Bigender icon of a panromantic.

Trained by xyr mother Manei as a Battlemage.

Was arrested after a certain Countess Alessia Caro decided she didn't like the look of a golden Argonian with red scales on xyr face, and glowing blue eyes, and framed xem for murder, and claimed xe were an escaped slave from Morrowind. How her plan worked, no one knows.

Didn't sleep the entire way too Morrowind and actually got to know Jiub, so he got visited by the Nerevarine while in Vivec City quite frequently.

Adventured Morrowind with Swissel after a letter was sent to them asking for help. Very fast speedwalking was heard from Cyrodiil, straight to Morrowind.

Joined Twin Lamps very quickly, and had to custom make a chain to be attached to the back of Swissel's clothes so they didn't kill racists.

Xe genuinely broke down crying when facing Dagoth Ur, leading to them both sitting on the group weeping, as Swissel killed the moment, pissed on the tombstone, and danced on the grave, as they physically rolled into the room, wearing so many layers of clothes they were just a ball of material.

Also broke down crying when Sotha Sil died, and when they learned who did it.

Went against Hircine during the Bloodmoon Hunt.

Punched Swissel after they found another of Sheogorath's artifacts, and became his Champion after xe became Azura's champion.

Left Tamriel with Dagoth Ur as xyr lover, heading to Akavir after Oddfrid's prophecy gave xym a very strange feeling.

---------------

Swissel Anesac, Hero of Kvatch, Saviour of Bruma, Champion of Cyrodiil, Champion of Sheogorath, Divine Crusader, Listener, Duke of Dementia, God of Madness.

Trained Dunmer Illusionist by their father Erv.

Non-binary, gay, whore.

Was arrested after a beggar payed a guard to arrest them for horrible singing. (the fact it worked impresses Swiss to this day.)

Was born after Erv asked Sheogorath to make so he was no longer infertile, the only real drawback was Erv could be pregnant, Swiss had blue and yellow eyes instead of red, and had a radar for Daedric Artifacts. The other drawback was they were very confuse by the idea of being in your mother's womb.

Could summon scamps and find Daedric Artifacts since the age of four, leading to thier best friend and travelling buddy, Nexus the germophobic Scamp.

Tamed a unicorn. The unicorn then tried to mate with Shadowmere during the Dark Brotherhood questline.

Grinned when Lex was transferred.

Dated Martin Septim, who mantles Akatosh. Then dated Lucien, who died and became an aspect of Sithis.

Was revealed ot be Pelinal Whitestake. They certainly giggled at the fact a dark elf was the reincarnation of the Wild Elf killer.

Laughed at how badly Mannimarco looked compared to their father's old illustrations.

Wasn't actually slowed down when they got the Staff of Everscamp. (the staff was only returned when they became Sheogorath at the end of their adventures)

Traversed the Deadlands by spamming a custom spell that turned them invisible and gave them night vision.

Became Duke of Dementia since the trauma of their adventures got to them a while before Sheogorath ever opened the Door in Niben Bay.

Blames themselves for the fall of the Thieves Guild and Dark Brotherhood

Wrote the Elder Scroll of Dragon, as foreshadowed by Martin Septim's last words before he passed into history as the last Septim.

Sometimes worries what Martin would think of them becoming a Daedric Prince.

Searched downright desperately for a Dragonborn so a repeat of Martin's death didn't occur. (They technically succeeded.)

---------------

Regan Dov, Last Dragonborn, Champion/Second Guidance Councillor of all Daedric Princes, Listener, Oblivion Walker. (With guest appearance, Swiss the Skooma Cat)

Jack of all Trades of a class.

Went to Skyrim to try and start a new life. The plan worked, unfortunately, they planed a quiet life.

Non-binary biromantic demisexual.

Sheogorath was the first Daedric Prince they met, where they were quickly called out for their mental health problems, given the wabbajack, and an arm length butterfly tattoo.

Abused the ability of Dragonborn to slightly lift the Dragon Fires and create a working portal to Oblivion form Mundus.

Outsmarted Herma Mora to save Miraak, ad three more dragonic siblings.

Feels dysphoria thanks to their strange dragon soul.

Like any dragon, purrs like a cat when happy.

Cannot get drunk under normal circumstances. (Daedric wine, here I come.)

Same with all regular drugs. Skooma is a minor stamina potion, moonsugar is a mage's best friend, and only nirnroot has worked to get them high.

Hosts party's for Daedra worshippers, and constantly has to kill Vigilants of Stendarr, either when they crash their parties, or whne they come to arrest them and take away the Daedric Artifacts.

Hides the fact their dragonborn like a dirty secret.

---------------

Hooo boy, one long post, ranting about my OC's.

What more can a hyper-fixated fanfic writer with writers block ask for?

[mr-chrisevans]

Meet Cute - pt. 10 (final)

Word Count: 2,140

First Chapter | Last Chapter

When I got home that night I sat in my car trying to brace myself to face Estelle. The thing that finally coaxed me out was a text from her telling me my food was getting cold. I walked inside and tried to pretend that everything was completely normal and I didn’t just make my life more complicated than it already was. The act lasted for the thirty seconds it took me to walk from the front door into our kitchen. “What the fuck is up with you tonight?”

“What do you mean?” I said, my voice two octaves higher than usual.

“Stop trying to hide it, I know you too well.” She said as she got her own food together. “Did something happen with Chris?”

With my back still facing her, I took a deep breath and came out with it. “I kissed Chris.”

She was silent for a while before she sighed. “Oh boy.”

“Is that all you have to say?” I asked, turning back around to face her.

“I mean, I don’t really know what you want me to say about it.” She said. “Did it mean something to you?”

I opened my mouth to respond but shut it before I could say anything. I didn’t want it to mean anything. I had spent this much time trying to convince myself that I no longer had feelings for Chris and I didn’t want to admit that I was deluding myself. All the time we were spending together under the guise of just being friends was really just me trying to spend as much time with him as possible without being honest with myself. I hesitated again before I finally spoke. “I think it did.” She turned away from me but not before I could see her smiling. “Why are you smiling about this? I just majorly fucked up.”

“I’m just glad you’ve finally owned up to it.” She said. “You haven’t been acting the same since you and Chris broke up. And no matter how much you pretend to like Adam it’s pretty obvious that you have never felt about him the way you do about Chris.”

I sighed and leaned against the counter. “I really hate it when you’re right.” I said.

“You might hate me a little more after this, but you’ve got to talk to Adam now.”

I buried my head in my hands. “Oh god, I didn’t even think about that. How could I not think about that!” I shouted through my hands. “I’m such an awful person.”

Estelle put her arm around my shoulder to comfort me. “You’re not a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes and this one really isn’t the worst in the grand scheme of things. But you do need to talk to Adam and tell him the truth. Be honest and say you don’t want to be together anymore.”

We stood in the kitchen for a few minutes in silence, my head leaning against her shoulder while she gently rubbed my back. “How did you learn to give such good advice?”

“I’m your perpetually single friend, it comes with the territory.” She joked.

*****

That Friday I told Adam I would meet him at his apartment for dinner. At least if I broke up with him on his down turf he could dramatically throw me out and maybe he’d feel better about that. Wishful thinking, I know. Every minute I got closer to his apartment I felt more and more dread, but I knew this was the only course of action. To do anything else would make me more of an asshole than I already was.

When he opened the door to greet me I tried to plaster on a nice smile and seem normal. It didn’t seem to work because his own smile faltered a little when he saw me. “Hey Laurel, I’m glad you could come over tonight.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and stepped aside to let me in.

“Me too.” I told him.

“Are you okay? You seem a little tense.”

I realized that I was gripping my purse so tight my knuckles were starting to turn white. “Oh yeah, I’m fine.” I managed to say and released my hands from the strap of my purse. “Just had a stressful day at work.”

“Those California yoga moms really can be assholes when they don't have their coffee.” He took my purse and set it on his front table.

“If I had to pay a nanny to care for my kids I think I’d be exhausted too.” I joked.

Adam laughed weakly and walked into the kitchen. “Well, the food is almost done and hopefully dinner will ease your stress a little.

“I certainly hope so.”

I tried to act calm during dinner but I must have looked like a robot because Adam kept shooting me little concerned glances. He had to know something was up and the sooner I did it the better. It was time to rip off the bandaid.

He beat me to the punch. “Is there something you want to talk about? It seems like you have a lot more on your mind than just a bad day at work.”

“You’re very perceptive.” I tried to joke but his face didn’t break. I took a deep breath to steady myself before I continued. “I should have told you about this sooner, and for that I’m sorry, but I still have feelings for the guy I was seeing before you. It’s not fair to you that I haven’t been as invested in this relationship.”

He leaned back into his chair and shook his head. “I knew this was coming.”

“I’m really that transparent, aren’t I.”

He chuckled. “Very much so. I could tell these past few weeks that there was something up. I didn’t want to believe it, but I could tell.”

My heart sank. “I should have said something to you earlier. I’m so sorry Adam.”

“No you’re not.” I was surprised at what he was saying, but he wasn’t angry. “It’s been obvious that whoever this guy before me was, he’s still on your mind. You can’t give anyone a fair shot if you’re still hung up on him.”

“You should be a therapist. I think you’d make good money.” I said and managed to make him smile.

“I really hope everything works out for you, Laurel. You clearly care about him a lot and he’s very lucky for that.” We said our goodbyes and I drove back home. I was in a much better mood than most people would be after just breaking up with someone, but it was done. I did it and was overcome with relief.

*****

I had made sure that Estelle was invited to the Halloween party so I had someone in my corner to cheer me on. I really think she was just glad I had finally made up my mind instead of moping around the apartment like a character in a Jane Austen novel. "I really can't believe you're about to pour your heart out to him dressed as a man." Estelle said as I walked out of my room in my costume.

"Oh, come on. John Lennon is a great costume idea. At least I'm not being boring and unoriginal." I said and gestured to her vampire costume that she had worn the year before.

"It's a tried-and-true, what can I say." I rolled my eyes at her and tossed her her keys. "You ready for this?" She asked.

"You know, yeah I am." For the first time in a while it really did feel like I was making the right decision and now all I could do was hope Chris would feel the same way.

Estelle gave me a pep talk on the way to the party, but the second we walked into Chris' house I had butterflies in my stomach so bad I could have sworn I was about to throw up. Before I could bail back to the car Josh spotted us and my window of escape closed. "Hey guys, nice to see you here."

"Well, we have the party planner in chief here." Estelle wrapped her arm around me and gave me a quick squeeze. "There's no way we would miss it."

"Speaking of party planners, have you seen Chris?" I asked. "I wanted to talk to him really quickly."

"Last I saw him he was talking to someone in the living room. The alcohol is in the kitchen, by the way." He winked at me. It was obvious that I needed a little liquid courage. I smiled at him and walked into the kitchen, Estelle right behind me.

I shakily picked up a beer from a tub of ice in the kitchen and struggled to open it myself. Estelle gently put her hand on my arm and opened the bottle for me. "I know you're worried about this, but everything will be okay regardless of what happens. Once you do this there will be no more what-ifs and you can put this aside if you have to."

I looked out into the living room from where we were standing, but I couldn’t see Chris anywhere. “You think he sensed what I was going to do and ran away?” I joked.

“Would you just shut up and go look around. It’s his house he’s bound to be here somewhere.” I walked around the party for a few minutes trying to find him with no luck. I chatted with a few people but when I still couldn’t find him I went out to the patio to smoke a cigarette in defeat. I pulled out the pack I hid inside my jacket from Estelle and sat down on a bench in the best spot I could find to avoid being seen from inside.

“You know, I almost didn’t realize it was you with that mustache.” I turned and saw Chris closing the glass door behind him and walking over to me.

“It really does complete the look.” I laughed.

“That it does.” He said and sat next to me. “Mind if I bum one off you?” He gestured to the pack in my lap.

“Not at all.” I handed him the pack and lit his cigarette for him. “I was looking for you earlier, but it seems you disappeared.”

He looked at the ground and took a drag. “Yeah, I just needed a second by myself. There are so many fucking people in this house. Not quite sure how I got roped into hosting this.” He laughed. We both sat in silence for a while before he spoke again. “So, why were you looking for me?”

I tapped on the cigarette with my forefinger and tried to steady myself. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

I could feel him tense next to me. It was the smallest movement but I could tell he was nervous. “Nothing bad, I hope.”

I shook my head. “Nothing bad.” I took a deep breath before I spoke again. “I broke up with Adam.”

“Oh. I’m sorry about that, Laurel. Really that sucks.” He said.

“It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, if I’m being honest. I’ve been through worse break ups.” I said and looked over at him.

He leaned back against the wall. “If this was my fault, I really am sorry I didn’t mean-”

I put my hand on his arm as I interrupted him. “Chris. It’s not your fault. If anyone is responsible for it it’s me for not owning up to how I really feel about you.”

He looked back at me and he eased a little. “So I didn’t fuck up too bad the other day?”

I laughed. “No, not at all. You made me realize how I actually feel. I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I had to confront it head on.”

“The kiss was that good, eh.”

“Oh, shut up.” I laughed.

He tossed his cigarette on the ground and rubbed it out with his shoe. “Laurel, I want to make it work this time. My life is complicated to say the least, but I want to be there for you the best I can. I care about you so much. I don’t want to lose you this time.”

“You won’t lose me. I promise.” I looked into his eyes and I again felt like I could get lost in them. As much as we had been through in the small time we knew each other, it was all worth it just to keep getting lost in those eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I felt myself melt into him and the rest of the world faded into black. I was right where I was supposed to be.

[kissedbylove]

masterlist

One Shots, Imagines and Fan Fictions.

CELEBRITIES EDITION.

I DO NOT CLAIM THIS STORIES AS MINE, every right goes to the writers!!

if you don't want to be listed send me a message and i will remove you.

new (n)

CHARACTER MASTERLIST

Tom Hiddleston.

favorites | fluff

rules | fluff

tear me up | smut

can't sleep | fluff

yes, sir | smut

heart in my hands | fluff

if i didn´t have you | fluff

happy birthday!  | fluff

the kiss that broke the internet | smut, fluff

drunken truth ot what did i do? | smut

cooking | smut

red | smut

dance with me  | fluff

traffic | smut

ouch! | fluff

interview | fluff

late to the party | smut

werid like that | fluff  

slow hands | smut 

take care of her and i’ll take care of you | smut 

insomnia | smut 

fuck it, let the whole world know | smut 

so, you missed me? | smut 

roaming hands | smut (n)

Tom Holland.

one simple rule | smut

overstimulation | smut

no knock knocks | smut

too hot or too cold  | smut

web shooter | smut

spill your guts | fluff

late night dreams | smut

keep it hidden | fluff, agnst

pretty as a polaroid picture | smut

try again | smut

unexpected | fluff, smut

video games | smut

do you also notice? | fluff

something new | smut

we've got chemistry | smut

two-a-days | smut  

little things | fluff

thigh riding | smut

truth or dare | smut

eating you out like a buffet | smut

clit pierced | smut

when two becomes three | smut

can´t look away | smut 

through the phone | smut 

adjoining hotel room | smut 

surprises | smut 

sitting on tom´s face | smut 

running in circles | fluff, smut 

riding | smut 

irreconcilable differences | smut 

treatin’ you right | smut 

the first taste | smut 

overstimulation | smut 

rinse and spin | smut 

girls can be horny too | smut 

unlocked | smut 

strip pong | smut 

you can bet on it | smut 

pour it out | fluff 

i’ll be your good girl | smut 

why it's fun to be a tease | smut 

bad mood | smut 

suck | smut 

teasing | smut 

thirsty tweets | fluff 

dirty shirley | fluff

siren | smut (n)

insta live | fluff (n)

mugshot | fluff (n)

tom taking a break | smut (n)

you bent over him | smut (n)

low cut top | smut (n)

it’s thirst tweets | fluff (n)

risky insta live | smut (n)

so god really is a woman | smut (n)

car crash | agnst (n)

cum for me | smut (n)

overstimulation with tom | smut (n)

addicted | smut (n)

piece of art | smut (n) 

i'm sorry | fluff (n) 

tease | smut, fluff (n)

leaked | fluff (n)

LONDON BOY | fluff, agnst, smut (n)

prosecco courage | smut (n)

hands up | fluff (n)

libido max | smut (n)

play fighting | smut (n)

tom's girlfriend | smut (n)

vibrator | smut (n)

spanish | fluff (n)

quarantine anniversary | fluff (n)

sunset | fluff (n)

so much hate | fluff (n)

good girl | smut (n)

all i need | smut (n)

long days | smut (n)

good morning | smut (n)

friends with benefits | smut (n)

secret party | smut (n)

this is awkward | smut (n)

minor inconvenience | smut (n)

don’t tease me | smut (n)

had to recover | smut (n)

the boys are sleeping | smut (n)

how i look on you | smut (n)

Sebastian Stan.

convince me | smut  

shameless | smut  

I like it | smut  

one night | smut  

shut up and sleep with me | smut  

boss troubles | smut  

pregnancy prank | fluff

asleep | smut    

manners pt,3 | smut    

call out my name | smut        

on the wooden desk | smut    

body electric | smut  

romanian fun | fluff

behind closed doors | smut    

wired autocomplete interview | fluff

another interview | fluff

bored | fluff

that's the icing in the cake | fluff

îți place asta | smut  

round the block | smut  

surprises | smut 

too long | smut 

teacher’s pet | smut 

mob!seb | smut 

4am workout | smut 

listen to my voice | fluff 

kissing | fluff  

piggy back ride | fluff 

panel | fluff 

men's health | smut 

i think he knows | smut 

friendly favour | smut 

'sebastian' instead of 'bucky' | smut 

actress | fluff (n)

thank god it’s ending, and we’re beginning | fluff, agnst (n)

uncertain | smut (n)

set | fluff (n)

emergency | fluff (n)

bedtime stories | fluff (n)

losing you | agnst (n)

stuff bunny | smut (n)

baby fever | fluff, smut (n)

act my age | fluff (n)

soft | smut, fluff (n)

morning sickness | fluff (n)

daddy’s pretty girl | smut (n)

wedding interviews | fluff (n)

silk | smut (n)

reading thirst tweets | fluff (n)

soft mornings | fluff (n)

i’ve always loved you | fluff (n)

Chris Evans.

velvet love | fluff

the perfect man | fluff

the proposal | fluff

the perfect dress | fluff

all about that beard | fluff

sweet dreams | smut

make me a daddy | smut

years in the making | agnst, fluff

rough | smut

daddy | fluff

the best seat | smut

24hr trouble | fluff  

thirst tweets | fluff 

finders keepers | smut 

warm and welcoming | smut 

lost focus | smut 

eat you better | smut 

i wanna hear you | smut (n)

the instagram error | fluff (n)

distraction | smut (n)

who ever said anything about makeup? | fluff (n)

touching yourself | smut | (n)

fuck buddies | smut (n)

the smell after rain | smut (n)

provoked | smut (n)

calmant | smut (n)

Harry Styles.

music video | smut, fluff  

phone call | smut 

new seeds in the melody | smut 

just another day while quarentine | smut (n)

break the bed | smut (n)

truth or drink | fluff (n)

Dacre Montgomery.

rough hands | smut (n)

fanfiction and fun | smut (n)

shirt | fluff (n)

Jake Gyllenhaal.

panic attack | fluff

accident  | fluff

surprise, we´re married  | fluff

home | smut

chef & baker  | smut

bath time | smut

dirty mind | smut

honeymoon | smut

wired autocomplete interview | fluff

dating | fluff

gym time | fluff

morning sex | smut

comfort | agnst  

in front of your bed | smut  

riling | smut   

happy little accident | smut 

the risqué subway | smut

you're doing amazing sweetie | smut 

hair pulling | smut 

dominant | smut 

finals finale | smut 

on my mind | smut (n)

gold chain | smut (n)

motivation | smut (n)

Henry Cavill.

cardio | smut 

partition | smut (n)

first time | smut (n)

hatefuck | smut (n)

back from a run | smut (n)

tv | smut, fluff (n)

thick  fingers | smut (n)

talented tongue | smut (n)

Brie Larson.

star wars geek  | smut 

god is a woman | smut

crazy on you | smut

i fall to pieces | smut  

singing in the shower | smut

jedi realness | smut

needy | smut

Avengers Cast.

sleeping beauty | fluff (n)

feeling okay? | fluff (n)

kissedbylove

[maxxfields]

sober nights and traffic lights

Max would never consider himself mentally ill. He also would never tell anyone he had anxiety. But all the bullshit he went through as a child, it isn't shocking to know that he does. Through the years he’d always kept it on the downlow and never made a big deal of it. Ignoring it himself most of the time. And he got pretty good at it. Until recently. Having his first panic attack in years was so foreign to him. He didn't know how to cope with it nor did he ever remember feeling like this. What is the word that describes feeling too much and nothing at the same time? Being a professional writer it infuriated Max that he didn’t know what that word was. Whatever it was, that is how he felt right now. Numbness and exhilaration? He didn't know how he was feeling both at the same time, it was like a dream and a nightmare. There was also a very high chance it was both of those anyway because the events that had happened over the last couple days could not be real.

He had slept with Gabby Hunter.

Gabby and him had slept together.

He had spent the last 3 days living every moment of that night over and over wondering how it happened and thinking it probably won't ever happen again. Normally Max was the kind of guy to sleep with a girl once and never call. But this time he couldn't be that guy. He didn't want to be that guy. But here he was 3 days later, being that guy.

The morning after he ran away from her, he felt completely debilitated. After getting home the fire in his lungs had not dwindled. It was so painful for him and so overwhelming he almost went to the ER. But Max knew they'd never take him seriously. There was nothing wrong with him other than wanting to not think about real things. Forcing himself to take some meds, Max went straight to bed.

He awoke in the late afternoon to a voicemail and a text. He looked at the messages on his phone for a minute before listening to the voicemail. She seemed hesitant and quiet. It made him feel a little relieved and guilty at the same time. Today was really too many emotions for him after spending most of his adult life not thinking about any.

“....You’re my best friend…” those were the last words he heard before his brain started to fail him again. After everything he was not thinking about and hoping for the last few months vanished again. She had called just to make sure they were okay, that they were still friends. Somehow in this moment he felt like he was in high school again getting crushed by the girl of his dreams. And there they were again another roadblock. This time he felt so much for her and she didn't feel that way for him. All Max wanted to do was disappear. And with that thought, his body moved into action before his mind was made up.

3 hours later he was on the highway in his car with a suitcase thrown together. He honestly didn't know where he was going, what he was doing, how much clothes he packed, or how long he was planning on going. He just knew he needed to not be in that house. Those weren't the sheets made dirty by them, but he still felt it somehow.

The first night he ended up at the border of California and Oregon around midnight and decided to pull over. He spent most of the time listening to news podcasts and yelling at some of the interns from his office. Just because he was taking an unexplained sabbatical didn't mean that the world stopped and news didn't need to be told. It was nice to have an outlet for a while but still not be in the office or in the city. During his drive he started to think about his mental health and how he had gotten to this point. He remembered as a child wanting to have his parents approval so bad he morphed into something he wasn’t, and then he remembered in high school having the girl of his dreams completely break him senior year right before they were suppose to start their new lives at college together.

All of those things turned Max into the man he is today. He ran away to college in a different state, took a last minute slot in a shitty dorm at one of his safety schools instead of going where he and his parents had originally planned. And with that new start, he closed all the doors to his past behind him. Inventing the stone cold asshole he was now, and not allowing anyone to break the cracks. Yet he had allowed someone to do just that, multiple times now. And everytime he swore this would be the last time he left her in, and yet that stupid redhead kept charming her way into his life and into more than just that.

The events of last night started washing over him, from the party all the way to being in Gabby’s bed and it was starting to make the panic in him rise again. Finding one of the shittest motels on the side of the road, Max called it a night. Knowing he probably could have driven 20 more minutes into an actual city to find a nicer hotel he could afford, the man didn’t care about luxury right now. He just wanted to take a shower, rinse off all the thoughts he had and be unconscious.

In the morning, he awoke feeling very out of place, and maybe it was cause he didn’t have a routine. Since the day he went off to college and reinvented himself, he had always been a man with a routine and a workaholic. Therefore, waking up in a strange place was very weird to him and he started to get antsy and anxious that he wasn’t going into work today. After sitting with himself for a few minutes remembering why he was here and why he needed to runaway from things he felt a little better, but he still wanted to be productive. He checked out of the hotel and went driving around the closest town he could find. It was still very early in the morning, since he was in the habit of waking up before the day really began to go to work. But the man did find a cute coffee shop with several newspaper stands in front ot it. He paid for a small breakfast and grabbed a couple of the papers to read and stay in tune with the world for a bit. Sitting in that shop for a couple of hours he had a moment to write an article. It was definitely not something he would ever publish but it helped him clear his mind a little more. The article was based on an event several of the local papers he had grabbed had covered, but he felt that each article didn’t tell the whole story, and it infuriated him that an editor would allow something like this to be published. So in the name of journalism and in the name of calming his nerves, he wrote a better article for them. Reflecting on the piece of news he had finished writing by hand, he realized that it had been a few years since he had actually written anything. And he didn’t realize how much he had enjoyed it.

When he ran away to college, he decided he was going to throw his entire future plan to the wind. No more law school like his father wanted, he was going to figure out what he wanted. His freshman year at UCLA, he took a bunch of classes that he would never have thought to take, and ended up getting really good grades in a bunch of writing classes and history classes, especially the one he took that was specifically about Al Capone. When it came time for him to pick a major, he decided he wanted to pursue writing, but he wasn’t into the thought of writing fiction crap or picking a career that would be useless. Therefore he settled on journalism, it attracted to both parts of the things he was good at, and allowed him to have a job once he graduated. During the years after his undergraduate education, he worked at various news rooms, stations, and other publications while also getting his Master’s in editora journalism. Which is how he landed the pretty rough and prestigious job he had now. But being an editor and in charge of a paper, didn’t allow him much time to enjoy the things he once did. And through his adult life he focused more on things outside work to numb himself like he had for years. College had definitely instilled a lifestyle of booze, sex, and work for him. One that he had maintained for years.

It wasn’t until after Gabby left that he realized how broken he really was. He started going to therapy during that time, and faced some demons. And even though he was better mentally and was able to work through stuff. He still had anger management issues and was always a stressed out individual. It wasn’t until this moment, sitting in a coffee shop hours away from his home and his job that he realized how much of him he had pushed away. How much he didn’t let himself feel, enjoy, or think about. Therapy only helped him through some, but it was not his time to do the work and make himself a better person. One that wouldn’t fall apart just cause one girl in his life wanted to stay friends with him even though he wanted more.

Midway through the day, he had walked through some of the shops around the little town and was starting to feel antsy again. Even though he kept telling himself he deserved a vacation and needed to take this time off, he couldn’t. Not right now. Relaxation for himself was definitely going to be a priority, but he couldn’t change who he was, and that was a planner. Getting back in his car and driving south again, he promised himself he would go on a proper vacation this year. Actually take some time off, plan something, and pack with purpose.

As he climbed back into the car, he pulled out his phone for the first time all day to set up directions and pick out which podcast he was going to listen to when he saw them. Multiple messages from Gabby.

Fuck.

She wasn’t going to be the girl who demanded more after a one night stand? She wanted to try to be something more than a one night stand?

Damn it.

The man had fucked up again. This was the second time in less than 3 days he found himself racing to her house to apologize. What was he even gonna say or do that would make this better? Was she gonna accept his apology and allow them to figure this out? Did she really want more than friendship between them? So many questions were running through his mind right now and none of them had answers.

Turning off the radio completely, Max drove the 8 hours back to San Francisco in complete silence. Finally allowing himself to think about all his feelings, hers, and what the hell it all meant.

As he got closer to the city limits he got more and more groggy, it almost being midnight again. The man was not a night owl and this was now the 3rd night in a row he was not in bed before what was technically the day after he woke up. More than anything he wanted to go to Gabby, but he knew if he went now he’d just end up upsetting her. This time he wasn't gonna to go over there to get yelled at, fuck, then leave. He wanted to go over and talk. Persuading himself to go home and get some rest he’d come back in the morning.

And like an idiot he did just that, completely ignoring his phone and the angry messages it received while he was driving.

Awaking him again, a little later than his usual alarm, he realized how tired his body actually was. And how much it needed that sleep. Because he felt anew now. Clear. Ready to have the hard conversations.

This time it really did feel different. He felt ready. He felt almost relaxed. He was about to go get his girl. And with that mentality he went and showered, put on a nice outfit, drove to a flower shop and a coffee shop before heading to her place.

He knew Red would be pissed at him at first. But he was hoping they could talk through their stupidity and move past it all. Past these few days. Past these few years even.

When he got to her place and knocked on the door no one answered. He should have figured she was at work, but he kind of assumed knowing she'd be stewing at home alone with a glass of wine. Thinking maybe she went out to get food or something he stood around for a little while wanting to be there when she got back.

After 30 minutes he got a call from an unknown number. Without even thinking, since most of his employees had his phone number and he rarely saved any of theirs. He answered.

[imagineaworlds]

I Love You (Part Twenty-Eight)

Written By: @desperately-bisexual​

Request: None.

Warnings: SMUT!! Cursing. Unprotected sex. Wrap it before you tap it, ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary sibs. Dom/sub relationship. Sir kink. Impregnation kink. Fingering. Oral (fem receiving). Over stimulation. Soft sex. Emotional sex. The reader does go by they/them pronouns, however, Hotch refers to them as female when saying “good girl”.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 5005

Timeline: Right after part twenty-seven.

An uninterrupted, speed limit obeying road trip from Cincinnati to Quantico would have taken me and Hotch about eight hours to complete. The team probably figured that was our plan, but we actually took up Rossi’s advice to take back roads, and to take our time. We chose the long route, which went South, through West Virginia, which added another hour to the “scheduled” trip time. But what should have been only a few hours’ drive quickly turned into a three day adventure. We split up the drive into three days of two to three hours of driving, then stopping in a city to take some time to ourselves. Hell, we even did a little site seeing, even though that wasn’t really our thing. It was just nice to slow down for a bit. With everything that had been going on recently, I liked spending hours stuck inside a car with him, holding his hand, kissing his knuckles, singing along to music that he didn’t know. I enjoyed being in his company because there was a good hour or so in New York where I thought that I would never get moments like these. Every second with him mattered more now. Every fleeting moment was appreciated tenfold. I would never forget that.

On the first day, Hotch and I made a stop in Huntington, West Virginia. We found a hotel to hole up in, and we spent the day just relaxing, sleeping, and eating. We discovered a cute diner around the corner from the place we were staying at, and we learned for ourselves that they had the best milkshakes we ever had. It was there that we called Haley and Jack to let them know that “a case was running a bit longer than anticipated”, and we wouldn’t be home as soon as we thought. Haley was understanding, and just asked that we would call whenever we were about to fly home. She still didn’t know that Hotch wasn’t in good shape, and that was probably for the best. We didn’t want to worry her and Jack. I was already worried to death about him, they didn’t need that pressure, too.

On the second day, we drove from Huntington to Roanoke, Virginia. We knew that the way we planned the trip, it was only going to last three days and two nights, but that was better than nothing. Granted, it was already more than we should’ve taken off, anyhow. We would have to get back to work and Jack sooner than later. Anything more than three days would’ve sent the whole team into disarray. If Rossi were having trouble keeping them from sending out a search party for us already, I couldn’t imagine what would happen after seventy-two hours of not hearing from us. Rossi wouldn’t be able to hold them back very long, and that was alright.

I didn’t let Hotch drive at all. He kept insisting that he wanted to switch off, to give me a break, but I still refused. His hearing wasn’t necessarily getting better, but it wasn’t getting worse anymore, either. If the music were too quiet, he couldn’t hear it. If I mumbled something under my breath, he couldn’t hear it. If his phone started ringing, he couldn’t hear it. He was trying. I could tell that he was spending all of his energy on getting better for me and on acting like everything was normal, but I knew him. I knew when something was wrong, and I knew when he was lying to me. That was why I couldn’t let him drive. It wasn’t safe. Besides, I needed him to just take a break. After the bombing and his surgery, his body was still trying to heal. If he were behind the wheel and needed to make a sudden, calculated move in the case of emergency, I couldn’t trust that he’d actually be able to do it. Therefore, he was forced to sit in the passenger’s seat at all times.

Driving wasn’t the only thing I babied him over. Since telling me the truth about his ears and what the doctors told him, he had shown me the medicine that he was meant to be taking. There were a couple of different pills from his surgery, one to help with his headaches, and there was a bonding agent ear drop bottle— which happened to actually be the most important thing. At first, he insisted that he could do it himself, but when I caught him struggling to get the drops in his ear before we went to bed in Huntington, I made the executive decision that I’d be keeping track of his medication and that he was actually taking it. Hotch was surprisingly squirmy when it came to the drops. When I tried to help him for the first time that night, he fought against me until I sat on his lap and told him to just hold my hips. It managed to calm him down long enough for me to squeeze the drops in and move onto sorting out his pills. He was a little stubborn— actually, very fucking stubborn about me babying him. But I had to keep telling him that this was what happens when he would refuse to take care of himself. He proved that he wasn’t willing to do it, so I was having to do it for him. I didn’t think he appreciated the fact that I was bossing him around when he was used to that being his job in our relationship. I kind of liked it, though.

When we stopped in Roanoke for the second night of our trip, we stopped to grab lunch at a pizza place just a few blocks away from our hotel. After getting our food, I got Hotch’s pills out and started sorting the ones he needed to take in the afternoon, especially the ones he needed to take with food. He reluctantly took them, popping them in his mouth and drowning them down his throat with a swig of iced tea. He wanted a soda, but I glared at him and told him, “Over my dead body”, and I ordered a tea for him instead. Like I said, babying. But it was also like I said, he did this to himself. If he just would’ve obeyed the doctor’s original orders, then I would have never known that something was wrong, and I therefore wouldn’t’ve gotten involved. But now I was worried twice as much as before, and now I was spending all of my time making sure that he was only going to get better, and that he wasn’t going to do anything dumb to put his health in jeopardy again. Drinking a soda wasn’t the end of the world, I knew that. But if he wanted one so damn much, he shouldn’t have lied to me. It was as simple as that.

At the hotel, Hotch and I showered to get rid of the disgusting feel that came with sitting in a car all day. Hotch was taller than me, I’d be the first one to admit that, but that didn’t stop me from trying to wash the back of his hair when he seemed to struggle with that simple task. It was hard to miss how he cringed every time he rose his arms above his head, and how he still had to limp because his right leg wasn’t healed. His arms, chest, and left leg were all working overtime to try to keep up with me and prove that nothing was wrong. Every time he tried to wash his own hair, he’d bring his soapy hands to the front, and he could manage to lather it on slightly before giving up and deciding to let the water just rinse it through the rest of his hair. It wasn’t exactly the most effective way to do it. When I noticed his trick, though, that was when I jumped onto my tip-toes and tried doing it for him. He held my waist in his wet hands to keep me steady while I stretched to run my soapy fingers through his hair. That was much better than whatever the hell it was he was trying to do. It also didn’t hurt that it seemed to relax him.

I kissed him under the water as we spun around to face me so that he could wash the soap out of his hair. “I love you,” I mumbled against his lips. He kissed me harder, ignoring how the soap was dripping down his face. He squinted to make sure it wouldn’t sting his eyes. I smiled and wiped his face with my hands, using the water to help me wash it all away. “There. That’s better.”

He opened his eyes before kissing my cheek. “I love you.”

I reached around him to turn off the water. “Better?” I asked.

Hotch nodded and opened the shower curtain to grab us a towel each. He stepped out first. After he had his towel wrapped around his waist, he held his hand out for me to help me out. When we were both out of the shower, towels tight around our bodies, we headed to the bedroom to get changed into comfortable clothes. Then, when we were done, we crawled onto the bed to lay down for a couple of hours.

Hotch was laying on his back to my right while reading a book that he had picked up at a store a couple of small towns back. I was right beside him, my head tucked under his left arm, my torso pressed against his side as I hugged him close. One of his hands was holding his book open, the other one was on the outside of my left thigh, slowly and lightly rubbing circles over the bare skin. It was meant to be an innocent and comforting touch— and originally it was— but the longer he did it, and the wider the circle got, the more I took notice of how it was anything but innocent. Maybe in his mind he figured it was nothing, but his hands were clearly wandering, and I wasn’t naive.

At first, I tried to just ignore it and stay still in order to not give him the satisfaction of earning a response from me, but when his fingers slid their way up to my hip bone, it sent a chill down my spine that made me shiver and whine quietly. His fingers slid back down to my thigh and continued to circle slowly. Every second that passed, I could feel my stomach twisting into knots and my clit was throbbing with need. I let out a quiet sigh into his side, trying my best to hide it from him. He halted his movements and asked me if something was wrong, but I shook my head insistently, so he continued.

My hand that was flung over his chest and resting on his other side started inching back onto his body. I slid it up to the collar of his shirt and fisted the fabric in my grip as he slid back up to my hip bone again. I whimpered again, but he didn’t stop. He spent a few more agonizingly long seconds on teasing my hip with his fingertips before he laid his entire palm against my thigh, squeezed gently, and pulled my left leg over his. My shorts rode up higher on my thighs and he held me in place like that for a minute.

“Your fingers are cold,” I croaked.

“Maybe you should warm them up for me,” he responded, though he was still focused on his book.

Hotch’s left hand released my thigh and slowly slid down between my legs. I hissed at the feeling of his freezing cold fingers making space for themselves between my warm, shaking thighs. He was so close to where I needed him most. I wondered if he knew that. I wondered to myself if he knew that I was already soaking my panties and I was on the verge of begging for him. Maybe he did, because he began kneading the inside of my right thigh carefully and I finally let out a quiet moan.

“Sir…” I gasped, hiding my face in his side again.

“Shh...” he cooed, “I’m trying to read.”

I whimpered again and tried to pull my left leg off of him, but he trapped my ankle between his calves so that I couldn’t escape. I sighed, knowing that this wasn’t going to be good for me in the long run. Hotch had me stuck in a position that wasn’t realistic for letting me move or giving him access to where I needed him most. He wanted me exactly like that because there were so many ways he could play with me that didn’t include touching me where it would feel the best. He had proven to himself and me that just touching my skin slowly and lightly was enough to set me on fire, and he wasn’t about to give that game up yet.

The hand I had fisted around the collar of his shirt carefully let go. As his hand continued to grope the inside of my right thigh, I moved my hand down his chest, feeling how he tensed at my touch, and I rested it just below his belly button. He stayed tense, but he still didn’t look away from his book. In fact, he used his thumb to flip to the next page rather than tear his hand away from between my thighs to do so. I thought of a thousand different curse words that I wanted to throw at him, but I kept it all to myself as I dared to use my hand to wander down his body further.

“I’m trying to focus,” he said to me. His breath hitched and his hand grabbed my thigh roughly as I ventured under the waistband of his pajamas and felt how hard he was. “Baby…” he mumbled, biting back a moan.

I tried to pull my leg away again, thinking that he had let his guard down enough to allow me to do so, but when I made my attempt, his calves only captured my ankle again and with more force. The moan he had been holding back left his throat as I took his length in my hand and slowly pumped twice. Without warning, he threw his book to the side carelessly and pulled his hand out from between my thighs and used it to pull my own hand off of his length. Holding my wrist, his legs let go of my ankle, and he pushed me onto my back as he shifted on top of me.

He held my wrist against the mattress, but he stared at me with passion rather than uncontrollable lust, unlike what I was so used to. His eyes looked between my eyes and my lips before he finally said what was on his mind, “Can we just…” He swallowed hard. “Can we go back to basics for a second?”

I searched his eyes for a moment to make sure that he was okay. I didn’t want to pressure him into anything, and I certainly didn’t want to push him when he was still physically and emotionally recovering from New York. If he wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready. I wasn’t about to make him do anything he didn’t want to. I wanted whatever he wanted. If that meant just going back to cuddling, I was fine with that. If he wanted to fuck me into the mattress until I couldn’t walk, I was fine with that, too. Whatever he wanted. Whatever he needed. I figured that I’d let him take the lead, so I nodded.

Hotch leaned down and kissed me gently, his hand releasing my wrist. Both of his hands were planted on either side of my shoulders now, his knees were resting between mine, and his lips were gently pressed against mine, no tongue yet. My hands went up to his face and I cupped his cheeks earnestly. His hips dipped down and he grinded desperately against me through both of our pants. I moaned into his mouth, finally giving him access to dominate the kiss with his tongue.

He was so hard, and I was so wet. I just needed him inside me… I bucked my hips up against his, a plea for more, and he listened. He balanced his weight on his knees and one hand as he brought the other between us and snaked his fingers to my shorts and panties. He pulled them down with one effortless tug. He smirked as he threw them to the floor. I bit my lip while looking up at him, my eyes following his as he leaned over me again.

“Aaron,” I moaned when his fingers found my clit.

“Manners still,” he begged while grinding his hips down.

“Yes, Sir,” I nodded, holding his face in my hands.

“I love you.”

I swallowed his words as he slid two fingers into me, and I moaned a string of curse words before he kissed me deeply. Every inch of me was on fire— more than before. Hotch hovered over me with his mouth on mine to silence my words, his fingers working in and out of me at an intricately slow pace. They curled as they pumped inside of me slowly again, and as a result, my back arched off the bed, my head falling against my pillow, my eyes screwed shut. I was so used to Hotch either going so painfully slow in order to tease me for hours on end or so fast that as he was racing to catch my orgasms one after the other, I could see stars. There usually wasn’t any in between, and that was fine because it was fun to see where my games with him would land me on the spectrum of punishments to rewards. But this…

My hips bucked again as his thumb pushed against my clit and started rubbing figure eights.

This was absolute bliss and euphoria. He wasn’t trying to tease and edge me or force multiple orgasms out of me. His pace, mixed with the way he would spread and curl his fingers while buried deep inside of me were all for the sake of telling me: “I love you more than the moon loves the stars you see behind your eyelids right now.” And I had never felt more breathless in my life as my orgasm began to approach.

Hotch’s fingers curled right into my g-spot, and once he found it, he didn’t stop going for it. My mouth was agape as the back of my head buried itself further into the pillow underneath, and I cursed and cursed like it was the only thing I knew how to do besides moaning. When his thumb changed page and direction on my clit, that was when I was a goner. Hotch sat all the way back on his heels so that he could use his other hand to hold my hips still as I cried out his name, clenched my walls around his fingers, and came as hard as ever.

He smirked to himself and his little victory as I continued to buck around wildly, despite his attempt to pin me. Next thing I knew, after I had the strength to tell him to wipe that grin off his face, Hotch shrugged and leaned down to replace his thumb on my clit with his tongue. I yelped, thrashing around in response to the sensitivity of my throbbing clit and his unrelenting fingers inside of me.

“I know you can handle it, baby girl,” he whispered before licking a long, slow stripe up from his fingers in my core to my aching clit.

I nodded eagerly. “Yes— Yes, Sir—” Another moan broke away from me just when he added another finger and he spread me open ever so slightly. It certainly didn’t feel like being as full as when his cock was inside of me— nowhere near that length and girth— but when he spread them apart in order to stretch me… Fuck… “Please, Sir.”

“Please what?”

“Please make me cum again for you, Sir.”

“Good girl,” he complimented.

In an instant, his lips wrapped around my clit, and he used a mixture of licking and gentle sucking to set me on fire again. God, I loved learning the U.S. State Capitals. By Denver, my fingers were tangled in Hotch’s hair in order to keep him where he was, a silent plea to make him keep going. And he didn’t stop. Tallahassee sent me over the edge for the second time that night, but he didn’t relent. The three fingers inside of me ignored how hard I was squeezing around them in order to keep rubbing against my g-spot. My orgasm had barely just ended, and I felt the desperate need to cum again; but I just wanted him. I wanted every inch of his cock inside of me. Nothing else. I could keep learning the State Capitals all day, but we had only just reached the end of Atlanta and I never needed him more.

“Sir,” I moaned, tugging on his hair lightly to gain his attention. “Fuck me. Please.”

Hotch looked up at me through his lashes, still halfway through Honolulu, and I felt a third orgasm approaching, the knot in my stomach tightening, and my thighs tried pressing together around his head. The ‘B’ in Boise was what did it for me.

“Hotch, please!” I cried out. “Please, baby… Just fuck me. Please.”

Hotch’s fingers stilled inside of me once he was sure that I had come down from my high, then they carefully slid out. I gasped at feeling so empty suddenly but caught my breath when he brought them to my open mouth. I sucked on all three of them, focusing on the task he had given me rather than the fact that he was trying to clean up the mess he made with his tongue, which would surely make me cum again if he just added a little more speed and pressure— which he wouldn’t… but he could… if he wanted to.

He pulled his fingers from my mouth after he finally sat up again. “Baby girl,” he cooed.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I softened my eyes. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to say his name, but it had slipped from me while I was nothing but puddy in his hands and unable to think about literally anything. If I could have, I wouldn’t have said anything to him at all, but my desperation for him had been so strong that I knew that saying his name was a sure way to catch his attention. “It won’t happen again.”

Hotch smiled and tucked some of my hair behind my ear with his dry hand. “You did so well, baby girl,” he complimented. “I’m not mad.” That was a relief. I watched him, my hips still grinding against the mattress with anticipation, while Hotch struggled to get out of his pants. Once they were around his ankles, though, he gave up, figuring that it was good enough since he was just desperate to be inside of me. “I love you,” he whispered while hovering over me.

After I leaned up slightly and grabbed his face in my hands, I whispered, “I love you, too.” And in an instant, I felt his tip circle my clit then slide down to my entrance. “I love you, I love you, I love you…” I kept going as he entered me with everything he had to offer.

He groaned roughly as he bottomed out inside of me. “Fuck, baby girl. How are you still so fucking tight?” He pulled his hips back, nearly pulling out of me entirely, then he slid back in. “God…” he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

There was a point in New York, when Morgan and I were still in the car after getting the call about the bombing and we weren’t sure if Hotch and Kate were involved yet, that I asked myself if I would ever know this feeling again. I was so terrified that I had lost him, and I wondered if I would ever feel the warmth and kindness of his kiss, or if I would ever get to feel at home in his arms, or if I would ever get to feel on cloud 9 with him buried to the hilt inside of me ever again. He was the only person I had ever met who mattered enough to me like that. And the fear of nearly losing him still hadn’t left me yet, but getting the chance to be trapped in his arms as he hugged me close while his hips did all the work and he kissed me as passionately as he could… that was all I could ask for. That was only the tip of the iceberg of what I was scared of losing when I thought I had lost him forever, but I had him, and I wasn’t about to let him go ever again.

Crying during sex was less than ideal normally, but there was something about that evening. Between us, we usually spent our time in the bedroom fucking each other until our games could come to an end and we were entirely worn out. But that evening, there was a silent, mutual understanding that we weren’t there to play or just fuck. This was the truest, strongest way of telling one another: “I love you. I can’t lose you. Ever.” And I felt that with how fried and strained our emotions had been since New York, we were both just… broken, tired, and so grateful to be with one another. So as he lifted his head from my neck and I saw how soft and red his eyes were, so similar to mine, I kissed him before it could get out of hand.

Hotch’s right arm pulled out from underneath my back and he brought his hand to my face. After wiping away a tear from my cheek, and I returned the favor, he drove into me again with a little more force. “I love you so much,” he gasped against my jawline before nibbling down slightly. His cock hit just the right spot after stretching me further than his fingers ever could.

“Shit—” I moaned. “Please… Oh, fuck…”

He was going fast and hard now. Not like usual, but certainly a noticeable improvement from his slow hip thrusts only seconds ago. He was chasing his orgasm now, wanting to cum deep inside of me, and I wanted nothing less than that. He had given so much to me between the gingerly placed touches, the orgasms that just didn’t seem to stop, and showering me in so much love that could last a thousand lifetimes. I wanted all of him. Everything. I didn’t want the kisses to ever stop, I never wanted to leave his arms, and I wanted to feel the fullness he gave me every time.

He huffed as his muscles flexed while holding me. “I’m gonna…” I wiped my hand over his forehead as it wrinkled with concentration. He was so close; I could feel him tensing while his thrusts got increasingly sloppy. “Y/N,” he moaned my name into my mouth, and I begged him to do it again. “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N…”

“Aaron—” I whined, almost as a warning. Once again, I was so close to the edge, too.

He let out an animalistic groan as his hold on my check tightened slightly and he came inside of me. I writhed around, holding him tighter, my hands moving to his back and clawing stripes into his skin as I came, too. He held me through our orgasms, moaning with every twitch his cock gave. When he stopped moving, he collapsed slightly, still careful not to crush me. I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling both the sexual and sensual relief waving over me.

He was there. He was with me. He was in me. He loved me. I loved him. We were going to be okay. I wasn’t going to lose him. I wasn’t going to let him go.

“I love you,” I whispered into his ear, feeling his arms snake around me so that he could hug me. “I’m here.”

After taking another moment to just hold me close, Hotch rolled off me, pulling out slowly, then falling onto the bed. His arms continued to stay wrapped around me, keeping me close to his chest as he laid down. He adjusted his head on the pillows, trying to get comfortable. I put my head on his chest, returning to the original cuddle position we had started out in the first place.

“Basics...” I patted his shoulder. “Basics is good.”

He let out a slight chuckle, “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” I sighed, relaxing in his arms once more. I looked up at him slightly. “I love you, Aaron. I feel like I don’t say it enough.”

He pouted his eyes and wiped a tear from my cheek. “Every time you look at me, I know you’re thinking it. When you’re not saying it, I know it. That’s all I can ask for.”

“I love you.” I leaned up and kissed him. “I love you.” I hugged his shoulders. “I love you.” I wrapped my legs around his hips. “I love you.”

He held me close. “I love you.” He kissed me passionately. “I love you.” He grabbed my hips. “I love you.” He flipped us over again. “I love you.” He kissed my lips again. “I love you, Y/N. More than anything.”

We both leaned in for a passionate kiss.

“I love you,” we both said.

[dalekofchaos]

Signs the Sequel Trilogy was always going to be a disaster

Rehashing Empire vs Rebels instead of telling us of a story where The New Republic is in power and The First Order is a fringe terrorist movement and eventually The NR and FO are forced to work together to fight The Grysk

Mystery Box bullshit and subverting expectations instead of telling us a good and coherent story with a planned arc for three movies with people who knew what they were doing

Starkiller Base “WhAt iF wE diD tEh DeAtH sTAr bUt BigGeR!!!!!”

Han Solo’s character arc from the OT is pointlessly regressed

Leia Organa, the sister of Luke and daughter of Anakin and Padme, was hinted at being a Jedi....and for stupid reasons was not made a Jedi. Even worse she does nothing all trilogy and doesn’t even share screen time with her son. Sure hope forcing Carrie to lose weight at the cost of her health was worth it Disney

Luke was brought back only to be on a mountain and given no lines. Next movie he tosses his father’s lightsaber. His character assassination was no surprise after tossing the lightsaber

Lando is given no respect and is only brought back because they already pointlessly killed off everyone and Carrie passed away

Rey, a child left on Jakku. All the mystery and power built around her and all those questions about her character is abandoned the next movie. Rey is not allowed to have growth, struggles or character development and instead of getting training by Luke, she is all powerful because fuck you that’s why. Where Luke and Anakin have Hero’s Journey, Rey’s is absent. Her character is if the hero’s journey, but take away any growth or struggle. Just teleport to the end. That's Rey and that’s just bad writing. 

Finn, a child soldier who was finally able to break free of his conditioning and made the right choice and fights for what’s right, is suddenly turned into the racist black comic relief in the next movie and does a poor imitation of Finn’s character arc from the last movie. Dropped was his force sensitivity hints and dropped was a possible Stormtrooper Rebellion. Finn was done dirty

Poe, a character who was meant to die and his death was meant to further and strengthen Finn’s character arc, lives at the last minute and ever since then has been a detriment to the Sequel Trilogy

Rey is not allowed to form bonds and friendships with girls

Kylo Ren throwing tantrums, having no motivation, loses every fight and no reason to fear this supposed villain

Captain Phasma, marketed as this die hard loyal imperialist is made completely worthless

Hux, a somewhat calm and intelligent general is made to be an incompetent slapstick character out of Home Alone the next movie

The First Order is so incompetent that it makes Nute Gunray and Jar Jar look like Napoleon and Alexander The Great

Expected to root for the Resistance, but they demand blind obedience or else you will be punished. How dare you try and save our very existence, you are demoted and mocked, no I won’t tell you the plan I refuse to tell anyone else as the Resistance dies like moths to a flame.

Apparently animals are more important than slave children left at the abuse of their slave masters

“LETS TRUST THIS SHADY MAN WHO TALKS LIKE A SNAKE”

Mystery surrounding the villain of your trilogy that was built up as a power Palpatine was looking for, who created Kylo Ren and SL of TFO, is killed without explaining how this man destroyed 30 years of peace and turned Han and Leia’s son to the dark side, instead we are left with an incompetent unhinged violent sociopathic manchild

The absolute worst fight scene in Star Wars history

Luke dies pointlessly and Rey learns nothing

The Resistance is destroyed except for like 12 people so they can fit on the Falcon and they are partying and hugging for no reason when everyone they loved died recently....yay?

“Let’s go completely backwards and bring back Palpatine and make Anakin’s redemption and sacrifice completely pointless”

Ben Solo, someone who was a victim of circumstance is not allowed real redemption and true forgiveness and closure to his family. He saves Rey and dies instead of trying to right his wrongs after Exegol.

[hecohansen31]

Hey Gorgeous!

Frat Boy! Jim Mason+Insecure! Reader:

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

I hope everything is alright and I hope that you are having a fun day, because here comes bad writing at its finest...

I know I have already said it in the teaser but like this was written in a period in which I felt very self-conscious about myself (I still am, but I mean... I literally was at my lowest).

I honestly don’t have anything bad about my body... (except the entire ensemble suck...)... but I costantly feel like I am a passable beauty, like... “you are ot ugly, but also... you are no supermodel... so move over”.

Which I know it’s stupid, because people have it worse, but hey... my fics my fantasies... so...

ALSO NO GIRL ON GIRL HATE, PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL... NO MATTER WHAT...

Also... you don’t need male validation to feel pretty... you don’t need nobody opinion, except your own...

And now that I got somethings off my chest...

HEART IT, REBLOG IT OR PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT... because I am anxious and insecure also in my writing.

Love you, lovelies!

SUMMARY: After your insecurities get the worst of you, you manage to get an handsome frat boy to make you feel better.

WORDS: 2,7K

WARNINGS: Body Image Issues, Insecurities and (Frat Parties, alcohol consumption and lingerie party so a bit of butts being show) Rejection (angsty but with a fluffy ending).

She always known that some words didn’t belong with you and with your body.

She would never be called gorgeous and sexy, because you didn’t belong in the slightest to those categories, since she hadn’t what it took to be seriously “beautiful” or “sexy”.

She had a kind of beauty which most people described as cute, described as something that made her friends want to pet you and gave her a lot of annoying compliments, but actually they were backhanded insults, such as “you are such a cutiepie” which was clearly “you look like a child”.

And it had never really bothered her, although she couldn’t help but feel like it went a bit too far sometimes and sometimes she felt a bit insecure about her own appearance and no matter what she did: a new hair style, a lot of make-up a change of wardrobe.

Still, she wouldn’t be able to change that opinion people had about her.

So, she had stopped.

It was just another type of beauty and she was beautiful in her own way.

But it didn’t matter how much she told herself that, when her roommate was strutting in her room wearing nothing but a white piece of lingerie, barely covering her ass, for the “lingerie party” they had been invited to, meanwhile she hid herself in the scrap of lace she had wrapped around herself to hide the lacey body-suit she wore underneath it.

At first she had just wanted to stutter into the party with her flying squirrel shaped pajama, since it completely matched her style, no matter the fact that it was so big that she barely could walk in it and it wasn’t lingerie, but her roommate had swiftly brought up that there was no way she would be making her way to the party with her dressed as that.

She honestly loved Erika, but she was the typical girl you couldn’t help but find sexy: effortlessly beautiful, with long blonde hair and a tanned completion which spoke of nice summers out and sweet plump lips, which, instead, told it all about soft kisses and wild nights.

She honestly didn’t blame her roommate, but she couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t know so many of her struggles.

She was very uncomfortable for her entire staying at the lingerie party, constantly clinging onto Erika, and covering herself with the silky shawl, meanwhile she didn’t dare to meet a single boy’s eyes.

Not that they would have been fixed on her, when Erika was there.

The difference between sexy and cute was also visible in the way you interacted with people: she, for example, had an hard time talking and if she did it would have been focused on making your laugh and whisper about common interests, whereas Erika had a more direct approach, gaining the immediate interest of her audience as a true magician.

But at least she had something to hold onto for the entire night: Timothy, from of one of her classes and the latest of her crushes, had promised her to actually be at the party and absolutely come there to talk to her and “save her from public embarrassment”.

Timothy was a nice guy, the type that typically didn’t flirt around and had nice interests she shared, so she had always felt like he was a safe place to crush on, and he had seemed interested in her, suggesting they always worked together for some group projects, alongside always holding the seat next to him for her.

She really hoped not to have read too much into this, scared that he might have been interested only in a friendship, so she had waited for him to do the first move…

And she was still waiting…

“Don’t worry (Y/N)! He will come” reassured her gently Erika, holding her hand, meanwhile she giggled with the latest of her suitors, and she tried to smile a bit and relax herself.

… and finally, she eyed him, just coming out of the door, waving shyly at him, meanwhile he immediately moved towards them; Erika moved off, with the guy she had been talking with, in order to give her some privacy, for which she was grateful.

She moved away the silky shawl and although she knew sexy wasn’t her thing, she tried to do her best to assume an unbothered expression and smile brightly (but not too creepily) at him.

Timmy was at her side, immediately, a red solo cup in his right hand and his other gently and softly moved around her waist and she couldn’t help but blush.

-… you are finally here! – she whimpered, meanwhile she moved her eyes to the ground -… I thought you would be missing the chance to see a lot of girls in panties! -.

He giggled at her bad attempt to break the ice, before he leaned closer into her ear.

-I promised you to be here, didn’t I? – a thrill of adrenaline moved down her spine and she was unable to stop herself from blushing -… and I had to ask you something…-.

Now she was going to melt in his arm, her heart beating thunderously in her chest, meanwhile she tried to calm her whole body from shaking, immediately raising her head to meet her eyes…

She could already picture it: he would confess he had had a crush on her for the longest time and she would say that she felt the same, he then would tangle gently an hand between her hair and push her closer, till their lips touched and fireworks started…

…but her idyllic vision was stopped by his question:

-Is Erika single? – he looked at her with a face that told her he wasn’t joking in the slightest -… I have honestly had a bit of a crush…-.

She honestly tried her best not to react in the slightest, but she immediately felt so so humiliated and his touch was unbearable.

She wasn’t having the heartbreak of her life, but it was the eternal confirmation that she wasn’t… well what people looked for…

She broke away from him, immediately hearing him call her back, but it didn’t seem to last long because she saw him with the corner of her eyes move towards Erika and all she was able of doing was push herself away from the party set in a college brotherhood.

She was in search of the bathroom (third door on the left, they had told her) but a bit shocked by the situation, she took the wrong turn and ended up entering in the second door, finding a guy sitting on his bed, papers all scattered around, headphones in his ear.

He immediately unplugged them from himself, seeing her, eyeing her curiously behind a pair of reading glasses, meanwhile he passed a hand around his messy hair.

She honestly couldn’t believe she had just seen the cutest guy ever.

(And she was halfway through crying her heart out for Timothy…)

-Hey gorgeous! – he called out to her -… are you in or are you out? –.

And he motioned to the door she was keeping halfway open, showing her the little notebook from which he was reading, clearly studying, during a party.

She knew the torture.

-Sorry… I was…- and then it got her: he had just called her gorgeous -… did you just call me “gorgeous”? -.

She should have just closed the door after she had exited the room, leaving him alone and leaving some dignity to herself, since she honestly didn’t want to bother him, seeing his hazed glaze on the notebook.

-… yeah…- he mumbled, and she was sure that he had thought she was a weirdo -… you are probably the prettiest girl at the party-.

Was she having hearing trouble?

-You are not at the party so… I don’t think you can judge that well- she mumbled, still standing on the threshold getting a little smirk from the boy, meanwhile she sniffed slightly, trying to shush her emotions.

-… I literally know each girl at every part in here, except you- he mumbled, looking at her victoriously.

-So, I am gorgeous to you, only because I am new- she replied pointedly, making him roll his eyes and throw his notebook on his bed, which bounced slightly.

-Is it so bad to just take a compliment? – he mumbled, faking annoyance, meanwhile he made some space for her to sit down -… because I swear it wasn’t intended with any ill-willed thoughts-.

She laughed a bit, mostly because the boy wiggled his eyebrows jokingly.

Still tears shone in her eyes and she couldn’t help but let a few fell on her cheeks.

-… maybe it’s better for me to leave…- she mumbled, cleaning her hand over the lacey fabric of her body suit -… you need to study...-.

-I am honestly thinking it’s stupid for me to continue studying- he admitted, throwing his hands up in the air, getting another giggle from her -… I am not even sure that I can pass this exam… “do marine biology, you won’t have to study anything!” -.

She knew it was a bad idea to spend her time with a frat boy, half naked, but honestly she didn’t feel even in the slightest in danger with this boy with the prettiest eyes and the softest smile, clearly trying to comfort her and slowly, she moved towards the end of the bed, clearing a little space of papers, in order to sit down.

-I am sure you will do great- she tried to smile slightly to convey a sense of assurance, getting a slight thankful expression from the boy.

-That’s why I said that you are gorgeous…- he insisted again -… you have the prettiest smile I have ever seen-.

Now she blushed trying to hide her face in her hands, before trying to move his focus away from that matter, although she was thankful for his soft smile and honest compliments.

-… what about you stop with giving me compliments? And start with giving me your name? – she mumbled and got a laugh from him.

-Oh yeah… probably sounded like a creep…- he scratched the back of his head, nervous -… I am Jim, Jim Mason, studying marine biology and surfing in my spare time-.

And she could see it, since he had a lot of photos of himself and another girl on surfboard with a beautiful background.

-(Y/N) (L/N), studying (Y/S) and when I am not doing that, I like intruding into guys’ room to cry in peace- she joked, pointing out her tears, and Jim passed her a roll of hygienic paper to dry her tears getting an immediate big laugh from her.

“You are in a college brotherhood you can’t expect us to have silk tissues…?” he joked and from then on it was on: a battle of brotherhood jokes and legends, with her actually being the strongest disbeliever meanwhile he gingerly made fun of her and the brotherhood system.

In the end they were both laid down next to each other on the bed, she had told him about Timothy, getting a very annoyed laugh after a huff, meanwhile he ranted about how stupid college guys were.

“You are a college guy” she had quickly replied, getting a little smirk from him.

“… and a frat boy” he had added, meanwhile she just rolled her eyes “It couldn’t get much worse”.

They started laughing again and he gently brushed the hair that had fallen over her face, meanwhile she suddenly found face to face with the prettiest eyes she had ever seen, the ocean in it, shining brightly although she wasn’t anywhere near it.

It brought her to imagine what a date with him would be like.

But guys like Jim didn’t ask for her number: she was honestly surprised he was taking his time to comfort her, without trying anything, although he had been flirty in each of his affirmations, complimenting her.

But he had been a gentleman, nonetheless.

He had charmed her and made her immediately forget about Timothy and that awful night, coaxing her out of the place she had put herself in: maybe she was perfect, for somebody…

… or at least “gorgeous”.

She knew it that she didn’t need a man validation to feel gorgeous but at the same time… it helped… to feel that way, to know that there was someone who saw that in her…

… it made things easier…

So as soon as she saw him lean closer she completed the little gap between them, a bit ashamed of the velocity with which everything had wrapped itself, when she knew just that his name was Jim, he would be failing his marine biology test and he thought she was gorgeous.

She was definitely blushing like a schoolgirl, meanwhile he gently brought and hand to tangle in her hair, softly, another gently moving onto her neck to caress it, meanwhile she felt the slight pressure become stronger till a fresh feeling coated her lips and she awoke form her embarrassed trance just to discover it was his tongue, asking for permission.

And she didn’t know what to do, but to open her mouth to him seemed decadently natural.

He softly caressed her, comforting her and she couldn’t help but melt in the gentleness of the kiss, meanwhile his tongue explored her mouth and although she would have found that description disgusting…

…the way he swirled his tongue with expertise… she couldn’t help but moan in the kiss.

And he separated himself from her, softly, looking at her shiny eyes: she could see herself smile under the stars near the ocean, a future that might not be so impossible, because of the beautiful smile linked to his eyes.

-Well… I mean… I might not have gotten much study, but I kissed the prettiest girl of the party-.

-Flattery won’t get you anywhere, with me- she joked, linking and brushing their noses together, meanwhile he kept caressing her hair, passing them through his fingers softly, attentive to the knots.

-I already got a kiss, and I am sure that with the right amount of marine fauna knowledge I could also convince you to give me your number- although he seemed all cocky she couldn’t help but identify a tone of shyness in his voice, which clearly spoke greatly about his true feelings.

-Pass the exam and I might consider it- she mumbled, meanwhile she reached out for her discarded robe, covering her bodysuit, but giving Jim a last cheeky look which he took thankfully, almost reverently, as if she was his favorite goddess.

At that same time, a knock on the door was hear and a male voice called out drunkenly to know if the bathroom was occupied, to which Jim replied dramatically:

-I am trying to get a very pretty girl’s number, do not come in! – she giggled, before moving to grab his phone quickly, typing her number quickly, before giving it back to him.

-Call me just if you pass the exam…- she warned him, before kissing gently his check, making sure that her lipstick smudged a bit on his cheek, hearing something about him “never ever washing that cheek again”, before grabbing back the phone, winking at her.

He then gentlemanly offered to accompany her outside, where she immediately met Erika.

She was pretty sure that now that he had seen Erika, Jim would have realized that maybe he had done the wrong choice, but he just linked their hands together, which didn’t pass unnoticed by her roommate.

She smirked and suggested they stayed a bit longer, but she honestly felt like she had taken already too much of Jim’s time, considering that he had an exam (they had ever tried to look over her notes, but the boy’s handwriting was just the messiest).

This time it was him who kissed her cheek, before whispering huskily in her ear “goodnight, beautiful”.

And the blush on her cheeks didn’t lessen in the slightest, on their way to their dorms and Erika made fun of it.

But, at least, the following day she had a date with the prettiest of the frat boys.

---

Hello, lovelies!

As always... if you have liked this please: heart it, reblog it and let me know with an ask or anything else if you liked it or not (gently, thank you very much) so I can write and do better for the next fics!

(Also I don’t know if I will be able to upload a fic next week, because I will be on a trip, so... but just so you know, I will then be back to my usual posting, with amazing ideas!)

And here are some people who wanted to be tagged into this! (Also if you want to be added to my tag list just let me know, with a DM or an ask!).

@emmyrosee @blakewaterxx @1-800-bitchcraft  @rocketgirl2410  @liliesandforgetmenots @dyns33 @loveableasshole @kleineshaschen @lovelylangdonx @ahsx97 @hexqueensupreme @ napping-is-my-favorite @vampirefairyestelle @ miss-diamonds @lexamarie93 @kelncurls @ annabisgroovy @ crispygiantsaladgarden @ iamhereforthefanfic @lucy245 @langdonsoutpost @chloewinchester13 @ thecravetobethin @thesmutisstrongwiththisone @ladynuwanda @mega-combusken

[alecodys]

Camp TV Biographies

This is a very, very, very long post!! There’s literally every Season One character in here and Tumblr tried to get me to cut it in half multiple times but like. lol no. Anyways, everything is under the cut!

Beth What’s your best quality? My detective skills! I have solved many small cases back on my farm at home, the largest of which being who was responsible for the grain going missing. Turns out it was just a rat.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

My parents only have music from the 60’s, so that’s the only music I know.

I love pink! Especially more reddish ones.

What’s that one with a talking pig called? It reminds me so much of my own pig, Bertha!

My mum makes the best food ever, especially when it comes to pies.

Describe your craziest dream. I was a real detective, just like Sherlock Holmes! It was so cool, and I got to solve a murder, and I had a sidekick and everything!

Best memory from childhood? The day I got Bertha. She’s like a little sister to me.

Most embarrassing moment at school? One time I’d forgotten which shirt I had gotten dirty and I was in a rush, so I went to school in a muddy shirt with pig hoof-prints on it.

Describe the first job you ever had. I work on the farm as much as I can, in between school and detective work!

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’ll have moved to England, and become the best detective in all of Scotland Yard!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but it would be less of a date, and more like me interviewing him and asking him what goes on in the mind of a detective as great as Sherlock.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Find out what caused it!

Bridgette What’s your best quality? My patience for others!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

I’m not all that into music, but I do listen to recordings of the ocean like, all the time.

Definitely ocean blue.

I’m super into mermaid movies.

Anything that’s vegan, but especially seaweed brownies.

Describe your craziest dream. It’s not really crazy per say, but I was a dolphin and I got to hang out with this clownfish, and we were totally the best of friends. It was really cool, actually.

Best memory from childhood? My first time going boogie-boarding. It what made me fall in love with the water, you know?

Most embarrassing moment at school? We went out to the beach for camp one year and we got to go surfing, and I totally wiped out on one of the waves in front of everyone! It was terrible.

Describe the first job you ever had. I’m a lifeguard at the community pool after school! It’s not exactly glamorous, but hey, it’s pretty fun sometimes.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Living back in Fiji with a nice girl, in a house by the beach and helping out Mother Earth.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? I can’t really think of someone off the top of my head, but we’d totally go surfing.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Make the most of it.

Cody What’s your best quality? Hm... my creativity, I guess? It helps for getting out of tough situations sometimes.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

There’s this musician, uh.. Neil Cicierega! I like his songs, but the Samsung ringtone is pretty good too.

I like pale oranges and blues!

I don’t really watch movies all that often, but uh.. don’t tell anyone I told you this, but I really like kid films, especially LEGO ones. Weird, I know.

I’m a sucker for anything with sugar! Although, it tends to make me super sick.

Describe your craziest dream. I was actually popular. I was so freaked out I woke up before anything could happen.

Best memory from childhood? Whenever I got to go to my aunt’s house! She has, like, the greatest German Shepard ever!

Most embarrassing moment at school? Literally the entirety of grade eight. God, I used to insist on being called stuff like “Codester” and “Codemeister”. Ugh.

Describe the first job you ever had. I got to dog-sit my aunt’s dog when I was 12 and she paid me ten bucks.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Hopefully going out with the person of my dreams, but if not then probably just chilling at home, eating ice cream, wondering where I went wrong.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Okay so like, there’s this really cute guy at my school, so probably him, and we’d just go to the carnival, eat cotton candy and go on rides, and after it’s all over we’d watch the sunset and it’d be super cute. I’ve put more thought into this than I should have.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Cry over it.

DJ What’s your best quality? How kind I am, and it’s all thanks to my mommas!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Jamaican Reggae.

Lavender.

Anything with tons of animals!

My Mama’s chickpea Roti, although that may be tied with Ma’s cherry tarts... don’t tell her though.

Describe your craziest dream. I dreamt one time I was a cameraman for this reality TV show that took place in an abandoned film studio, and that I wasn’t paid a cent.

Best memory from childhood? Definitely the day my mommas adopted me. The orphanage was alright, but my mommas just give something that it could never, aside from stability.

Most embarrassing moment at school? The first day of school here in Canada, I only had shirts and shorts. I was freezing all day! I haven’t gone outside without a jacket or two on since.

Describe the first job you ever had. It’s not really a job, but Ma pays me a couple of dollars during summer to pick all the cherries from the cherry trees. They ripen late since it’s so cold here, but they’re absolutely beautiful.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’m in my house with my mommas, with a bunch of animals I adopted from the local animal shelter, eating chickpea Roti and cherry tarts.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? I don’t really date. I just don’t see anyone that way, y’know? But I’d love to go around Central Park with my mommas in a horse and carriage!

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Hang out with my mommas.

Duncan What’s your best quality? My ability to break out of juvie.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Punk rock.

Neon green.

Any slasher film, really.

Το σουβλάκι του παππού, not that hard of a question.

Describe your craziest dream. I was a four year old trying to scare the shit out of this girl with pigtails, but I got tethered to some kid with a gap in his teeth. We ended up scaring everyone as a mummy. It was kinda funny.

Best memory from childhood? When I snuck my younger cousin into an R rated film with my older sister. My sister was thirteen, I was ten, and my cousin was four. I’m surprised we managed to pull off that dumb trench coat trick.

Most embarrassing moment at school? I used to get embarrassed when my sister would pick me up in her smart car. I kind of miss it now, though.

Describe the first job you ever had. Job? Ha! Yeah, right.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’ll probably be hanging around the town my cousin lives in, maybe score a couple of gigs in some punk band I’ve started to rival that garage band that plays over there.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Depends if anyone could take me. Or look past my criminal record.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? ...Visit my sister.

Ezekiel What’s your best quality? My ability to list my best quality in eight different languages, eh!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Choir music! It’s the only music I know!

Forest green.

I’m not allowed to watch movies...

My mum and I work together to make the greatest biscuits ever, eh!

Describe your craziest dream. I was like a king of these mutated woodland creatures, eh. But I was all green and was wearing these really strange clothes, and I had no hair.

Best memory from childhood? My childhood wasn’t really all that eventful. I just stay inside all the time, eh.

Most embarrassing moment at school? When my teachers caught me trying to leave the house to go to a local school. They weren’t very happy with me, eh. I got grounded for five weeks.

Describe the first job you ever had. I don’t have a real job, since I’m always at home and my parents won’t let me outside.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’m at the farm, sitting on the porch and looking out over the fields. Pretty much what I do whenever school ends anyways.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? A girl like me, eh. We can talk about living on our farms and not being able to interact with other kids until we graduated school, and bond over archery.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Say goodbye to the cows.

Geoff What’s your best quality? I can party all night and all day, man! Also my hair is really soft apparently.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Party in the USA is my favourite song, dude! It’s, like, my anthem!

Bright pink! I may get weird looks for it sometimes, but I think it’s an awesome colour!

Literally any movie where parties are involved, dude.

Party pies! It’s the name, my man!

Describe your craziest dream. One time I dreamt that I threw the biggest party in Canadian history, and it was so big that like, even the news reported on it dude! But then the cops came and we had to shut it down. It was a massive bummer.

Best memory from childhood? My first birthday party ever! I was three and I invited all my friends from kinder, and we got to hit this disco ball shaped piñata and eat this giant cake! I’m still proud of it.

Most embarrassing moment at school? When I went to school with a blue shirt on instead of a pink one. I have a brand to uphold, man.

Describe the first job you ever had. Some kid at school tried to pay me five bucks to prank his bully and record it. I told him to keep the money and I did it anyways, because bullying isn’t cool, dude.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Hosting a wicked party!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? I don’t really know who I’d go on a date with, but we’d totally be having an awesome party out on the beach!

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Party hard!

Gwen What’s your best quality? My complete and utter lack of enthusiasm.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

I like early 2000’s emo music, I guess.

Dark red.

Bloodbath 2: Summer Camp Reign of Terror. If this camp isn’t like the movie then I’m not going to be very happy.

Those teeth gummies, the minty ones.

Describe your craziest dream. I dreamt I was having a good time being interviewed for some dumb summer camp my parents forced me to go to. Can you imagine?

Best memory from childhood? When my little brother learned to ride his bike. It makes it easier to get away from him now.

Most embarrassing moment at school? I spilled blue food colouring over my clothes in science class one time and had to walk around with that stain in my shirt for the rest of the day. It doesn’t sound bad, but it kinda looked like I’d drooled all over myself.

Describe the first job you ever had. I cut my brother’s hair for five bucks from my mum one time. Of course, she didn’t give me any clear instructions, and I was six, so I absolutely destroyed his hair.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’ll probably have some dumb degree, I don’t know. Probably just have a job and hanging out with somebody who I live with and love.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? It’s not a date really, but I’d love to time travel and meet Van Gogh. Unlike most artists, he was actually a really cool dude, and really tragic too. I’d like to meet Branwell Brontë too, but his whole family is cool.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Watch the last sunset.

Harold What’s your best quality? My high tolerance for those who are intellectually and behaviourally inferior to me. But my mum tells me not to say that so I guess it’s how good I am at building fantasy worlds.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Nothing beats the Pokemon Red soundtrack.

Mossy green.

The Lord of the Rings trilogy, duh!

Beef stew, but especially the stew they serve at Medieval Steve’s Medieval Camp.

Describe your craziest dream. They named the Lord of the Rings something really dumb like Master of the Spheres.

Best memory from childhood? My first time going to a summer camp was pretty good. It was MSMC, but for “junior” kids, which basically meant people under the age of six.

Most embarrassing moment at school? Getting a fact about medieval history wrong in history class.

Describe the first job you ever had. I got paid by one of the kids at MSMC to beat the head troll in chocolate coins.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? A famous, bestselling author of a hit fantasy series that has been adapted masterfully into film.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? One of the elves, I guess, but mainly so they could teach me about their culture and their language so I could one day join and become one of them.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Try and stop it.

Heather What’s your best quality? I don’t really have that many good qualities, but people say they like how nice I am, so that counts for something, right?

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Lo-fi

Any shade of red!

I liked that one Pokemon movie with the... ah, yes! Shaymin!

I love mochi! It’s so yummy...

Describe your craziest dream. I dreamt I was, like, super tall! It was really cool beans, until everyone began calling me mean things and they were talking about something I did to this girl named Gwen? I don’t even know any girls named Gwen!

Best memory from childhood? The first Christmas I remember! My parents got me this super cute tricycle and it was red with little blue streamers on the handlebars, and I rode it around everywhere! Or maybe when we rescued Cupcake... gosh, now I can’t decide!

Most embarrassing moment at school? When my friend yelled at me for not getting her an iced chai latte in front of the whole class... it was horrible!

Describe the first job you ever had. I run errands for my friends all the time! Sometimes the things they want me to do get pretty gross though...

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Opening a cafe that serves the best mochi in all of Canada!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? With a nice guy that likes me for who I am, going to cafes and petting cats and dogs and just doing what I wanna do for a day... I think that’d be totally awesome sauce.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Buy a Shaymin plushie! Then hug it for the rest of the day. Shoot, that was over the word limit...

Katie What’s your best quality? Sadie always says she loves my, like, optimism!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

I love listening to pop and, like, 70’s rock!

Pastel pink.

Sadie and I love, like, watching Mean Girls together!

Dark cherries! They also make for some, like, really tasty earrings.

Describe your craziest dream. I was without Sadie for, like, an entire day!

Best memory from childhood? The day I met Sadie, when she moved to the house, like, next door to mine. She was, like, kinda hard to understand at first, but over time her Scottish-ness mellowed out a bit.

Most embarrassing moment at school? When I tried to stand up for Sadie when a bully was, like, pushing her around, and accidentally hit my funny bone on the locker door.

Describe the first job you ever had. Sadie and I work at this super cute ice cream shop together!

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’ll own the ice cream store and have added, like, a bazillion more flavours! It’s quiet during winter, but there’s tons of people during summer, and that’s really all I need.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? I’d so, like, love to go on a date with Sadie. We could go to a sewing workshop and I’d stitch her the best stuffie, like, ever!

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Kiss Sadie...

LeShawna What’s your best quality? All of them, duh.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Anything I can dance along to, sugar.

Yellow.

High School Musical 2.

Mango chutney is always good.

Describe your craziest dream. It was more of a nightmare, really. I was stuck in a room full of spiders and those eight-legged freaks covered me head to toe, but I couldn’t scream.

Best memory from childhood? When I won my first ever beauty pageant. Mind you, it was kindergarten, and I was the only participant, but that doesn’t matter.

Most embarrassing moment at school? Honey, I don’t get embarrassed. I haven’t got anything to be embarrassed about.

Describe the first job you ever had. I work at this dumb coffee shop. The only reason I’m still there is because I get free pastries.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’m the CEO of a multinational corporation, and, obviously, the most famous billionairess in the world!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Look, sugar, do you seriously think anyone is up to my standards?

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Dance the day away.

Lindsay What’s your best quality? My looks, of course.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Pop songs, definitely.

Pinkest Pink. It’s the pinkest shade of pink that exists.

Legally Blonde.

Anything that helps me keep my figure.

Describe your craziest dream. I was some other girl’s lackey. It was disgusting.

Best memory from childhood? The first time I tried out sparkly lip gloss. I still have the empty container somewhere so I can, like, look back on it and remind myself how far I’ve come.

Most embarrassing moment at school? Ugh, definitely when I forgot to apply my eyeshadow. My ‘friends’ may have pretended not to notice, but I could tell they had.

Describe the first job you ever had. I’m a cashier at Lush on the weekends. They give me discount on face masks as long as I, like, sell enough. So, obviously, I get, like, three free face masks a week.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Applying my makeup.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Some hunky model, walking around town so everyone can envy us.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Spread rumours.

Noah What’s your best quality? My cynicism.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

The kind I can’t hear.

Meh.

No thanks.

Just ate.

Describe your craziest dream. I don’t care about my dreams enough to remember them.

Best memory from childhood? My first time playing a video game. I was three and I completed the first level within a minute.

Most embarrassing moment at school? People with brains and wit like mine don’t get embarrassed.

Describe the first job you ever had. I was a tutor for some high school jock when I was five.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’ll be at home, sitting on my couch, relaxing and reading a book.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? I wouldn’t want to go on a date with him, since I have no idea what he looks like, but there’s a guy in my Underground Alliance that is really good at organising raids, so I guess him.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Sleep.

Owen What’s your best quality? My appetite, haha!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Nickleback all the way! Woohoo!

Maple syrup brown!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs! I don’t care what anyone says, it just looks so deliciously good!

Anything that my stomach can take is good in my book! Which is just about everything, haha!

Describe your craziest dream. Hm... probably the one where doughnuts were raining from the sky! I wish something like that could happen in real life...

Best memory from childhood? When my Ma and Pa got me my first cookbook! There were so many delicious recipes in there, like that Cookie Monster ice cream cake, and the chocolate fudge cookies!

Most embarrassing moment at school? When I forgot to add one of the ingredients to my nachos in food tech, it just didn’t have the same cheesy, gooey goodness!

Describe the first job you ever had. I work at my parents bakery sometimes! I make apple strudels for them, and they always get way more customers when I do! It makes me feel super happy!

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Working at the bakery with my parents, making as many apple strudels as the people want, haha!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? All of my pals from school, throwing a party in a cottage where we can make as many s’mores and finger sandwiches we want!

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Write down all my recipes!

Sadie What’s your best quality? Katie says she, like, loves how my eyes sparkle when I smile!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

Late 2000’s pop music, the kind you can, like, jump around and party to!

Red, like the colour of my shirt.

Katie and I, like, love to watch Mean Girls together!

Honeycrisp apples! But, like, only honeycrisp.

Describe your craziest dream. Katie wasn’t my best friend, and it was, like, so weird!

Best memory from childhood? The day I met Katie! She acted kinda, like, weird at first, but we’re, like, the best of friends!

Most embarrassing moment at school? I tried to stand up for Katie because, like, this bully was teasing her, and, like, bullying isn’t cool! But I tripped on my heels and, like, knocked the bully over like a bowling pin. So, like, it wasn’t that bad.

Describe the first job you ever had. Katie and I work at the, like, cutest ice cream shop ever!

Ten years from now, what are you doing? I’ll own a cafe that’s, like, right next door to Katie’s ice cream shop, and there will be this door connecting the buildings so people can, like, buy lunch and then go right next door to Katie’s!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Oh, I’d love to go on a date with Katie! She’s just so nice, and pretty, and says, like, the sweetest things! We could go to the beach and I’d collect all the, like, prettiest seashells for her!

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Kiss Katie...

Trent What’s your best quality? Either my straight A’s or my ukulele playing skills, depends on who you ask.

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

I like those covers on YouTube where it’s just people singing and playing the ukulele, no matter what song it is. It helps calm me down.

Green, but I’m pretty sure that’s kind of obvious.

Love, Simon. I read the book, too, and both of them are fantastic!

I know it’s not really a food, but I love orange juice.

Describe your craziest dream. I followed my dad’s advice and became an accountant. I mean, can you imagine? Me? An accountant?

Best memory from childhood? When I won my first ever award at the school talent show. Looking back on it, I can’t see why they voted for me, since one of my ukulele’s strings broke mid-performance, but I’m still proud.

Most embarrassing moment at school? I don’t know, maybe when one kid almost set fire to the end of my hair in chemistry? But that wasn’t really embarrassing for me, really.

Describe the first job you ever had. It’s nothing that cool, I’m just a cashier at some supermarket.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Hopefully, I’ll be known world-wide for my music and be on tour, playing ukulele and making fans happy.

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Probably just hanging out with a couple of mates at the beach, swimming, building sandcastles, you know. The works.

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Write a song.

Tyler What’s your best quality? My sporting ability!

Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)

I like those tunes they play at the beginning of the sports part of the news, with the swishy 3D logo and everything!

Blue and green!

Bend It Like Beckham!

My high-protein high-carb energy bars!

Describe your craziest dream. I dreamt all the colours in the world were, like, inverted! To be fair, I had had around ten of my energy bars that day, so...

Best memory from childhood? When I headbutted the soccer ball into the net in my first ever soccer game! So what if it was just me and my dad playing, it’s the thought that counts!

Most embarrassing moment at school? When my mum was my substitute gym teacher and she kept assigning me places on the court where I couldn’t do anything. It was like she was trying to make me look bad or something!

Describe the first job you ever had. My parents won’t let me get a job. Something about me being too ‘clumsy’ or whatever.

Ten years from now, what are you doing? Playing in the big leagues! In every sport!

My dream date would be with __________, doing what? Jess from Bend It Like Beckham! We could play soccer together, and it’d be totally cool!

It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do? Everything to the extreme!

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 08 & 07

08. Blanche - “City lights” Belgium 2017

[2017 Review here]

~Ol aloing indu daignur zoin~

I can’t think of a hook more appropriate for Blanche because her journey was such a thriller.

But let us first discuss the obvious: “City lights” is nothing less than a brilliant song. It’s a dark, moody, innovative synthpop masterpiece. Like “Sebi” and many others in this higher-than-high section, it is a touching, immersive trip through the best modern music has on offer. Blanche is perfectly cast, providing an ethereal yet deep voice that conveys pure vulnerability. As the Polish commentor reportedly pointed out, ‘you can hear the tears in her voice.’ 

and of course, it also features SuRie’s voice for that extra bit of kickass:

However, we are mostly here because of the journey, one which, I don’t think anyone could argue that, was quite epic: From scalping ALL of Europe once her song was leaked, to having a series of calamitous rehearsals Blanche experienced a huge rise and an even bigger fall in the span of a full month. People turned on her left and right, as they normally do whenever they smell defeat. 

But remember, what do we say to the god of death? Not today. 

Right at the very last moment, Blanche found her courage, found her voice, found herself as a performer and turned it around completely. You can actually pinpoint the exact moment where she experiences the epiphany in the SF, which I’ve gif’ed for convenience: 

It was STILL a thriller going forward, but once she qualified she was back on the map as a serious contender, however as an underdog instead of an overdog. She wouldn’t win, but nevertheless made everyone who believed in her proud of being a Blanche fan. 

So ultimately, "City lights” is much more to me than just a really good song. It’s a mesmerizing tale -a passion in the biblical sense- of someone so crippingly shy and perfectionistic she almost succumbed to the massive pressure and just like that, turned it around into something golden. You may not like that a shy 17 year old with no experience lacks the confidence of the others and if you do, it’s your loss! Out of all the contestants on this list, it is Blanche that I’m the most proud of. 

~small OT addendum~

PS: My friends also were heavily invested in Blanche’s journey and it actually resulted in her becoming a meme on our Discord server. Basically, they would spam blanche-related emoji’s and pasta’s everywhere until they (the memes, not the posters) got banned by the admins. The Blanche Wars between those who watch Eurovision and and those who don’t still haven’t fully subsided yet, but what our side has learned to become creative with our spamfolder offenses:

Introducing: 

> Pasta :Blanche:

> Pasta :Wallofblanche:

> Pasta :Cubeofblanche: 

and finally, 

>Pasta :Warholblanche:

Art.

Lol. I mean, obviously, as a Belgian I’m a bit biased, right? But in reality this mostly translates to having strong opinions, which results in either very high rankings or very low ones. Having said that, Belgium was pretty good in this decade and we’ve got the Loïc/Tesoro/Blanche streak to thank for that. The past five years we’ve sending in great songs, though we must forever remain mindful of the live staging, which is our Achilles heel.

________________________________________________________________

07. Poli Genova - “If love was a crime” Bulgaria 2016

THEY’LL NEVER BREAK US DOWN!

Lol I realize Poli hasn’t officially come out of the closet yet, but come on this is a Coming Out Anthem, right? “If love was a crime, then we would be criminals, locked up for life, but I’ll do the time ;-)” mhm yesssss get that tit’n’clit, girl. The only context where such a song would be more at place at is a Rainbow Pride Parade. 

All of this pro-LGBT empowerment is AMAZING obviously, but “If love was a crime” is an amazing, flamboyant party song at its core. It is a great composition that builds up its fiesta momentum at a *lightning fast* pace and never lets go of its tempo. Add in a wonderful dork dance,

Airstrip apparel

and an EPIC final chorus,

and indifference becomes an impossible feat.  “If love was a crime” is stupidly good at being fun and frankly puts every other funmonger to shame. Not to mention that Poli herself is AT HER BEST. This performance stands out as her most magnetic one. Not only is her song a near-religious revelation, she also has immense fun herself while performing it. *That* is the difference between a merely great entry and an all-time best one. OH DAI MI LYUBOVTA, BABY. 

BULGARIA

Mathematically the best chart out of everbody and I mean, look at those shades of green. This was a great decade for Bulgaria after a really mediocre one in the 00s. 

I will however say that I don’t consider them the best country in this decade. Because A of all, the best country is Estonia and B of all it’s way easier to have a higher average if you have only 7 entries to rate as opposed to 10. Take away the three lowest of Estonia, Slovenia and Moldova and they easily beat Bulgaria in the overal list. 

TOP 6

[quality-street-rat]

The Clown!

How Clowns Have Become Scary

Matthew Burgess

Part One

Clowns, jesters, fools, and other such figures have existed since the days of ancient Egypt. Rome had figures known as Stupidus, and fifth-dynasty Egypt had pygmy clowns. Through the centuries, all clowns had and have one powerful connection; that of misrule, excess, and the unpredictable. They mimic and ridicule, they riddle and tease. They perform over-the-top, crazy antics. They cause mayhem and enjoy it, usurping law and order with unhinged slapstick. However, clowns are just one historical monster that can bring terror to people. Studying monsters brings understanding of the past and the present and shows a great deal of human nature.  

Part Two

The word monster has roots in Latin, and the root words mean to warn. Stone Age humans had monsters of their own, and massive biblical monsters haunted other early humans. The idea of the Devil breaks off into other concepts such as demonic possession, witches, and the Antichrist. Jeffery Jerome Cohen posits that “The Monster Always Escapes.” What he means by this is that no monster is ever really killed or gotten rid of. The death or disappearance of one monster either makes room for a new one or provides an opportunity for the original monster to return with a new face. However, every time the monster returns, its meaning will change based on what is happening in society at that time. No monster ever really dies.  

A monster might be new to some people. For example, if Pennywise the Clown only appears every twenty-seven years, then he is new to the people who are children when he comes back. If an urban legend is forgotten because it is no longer relevant, then when the situation is the same in the future, the urban legend will re-surface. As Poole says in Monsters in America, (page 22) “History is horror.” This also refers to the situation out of which a monster is born. Before the Salem Witch Trials, people were less concerned with piety. Some social switch flipped, and suddenly everyone was obsessed with finding the evil and unworthy in their society.  

There are several other theories that help understand monsters through history and are key concepts that aid in studying them. A few that stand out are integral to monster culture. The monster is never just what it appears to be. It is a representation of some fear or desire that people experience. The monster defies classification, which also means that they clash with the concept of binaries and logic. Monsters in general are made of things that are distinctly “other,” or outliers to the idea of “normal.” They invite the removal of moral dimensions and make excuses for eradication of the “other.”  Monsters are warnings, are representations of both fear and desire, are harbingers of the transitional future. These all tell the story of history and, more specifically, American history. Poole says “The American past...is a haunted house. Ghosts rattle their chains throughout its corridors, under its furniture, and in its small attic places. The historian must resurrect monsters in order to pull history’s victims out of...’the mud of oblivion.’ The historian’s task is necromancy, and it gives us nightmares.” (Monsters in America, Page 24)

Part 3

When my mother was eleven years old, her parents sat her down to watch the original IT movie. She tells me that she had nightmares and trouble sleeping for at least a month afterwards. When I was growing up, clowns were not mentioned. My siblings and I knew that clowns existed because there was a friendly clown named Pooky that we saw once a year at my father’s annual work party. Until I was twelve or thirteen Pooky was the only reference for the word “clown” that I had. After that, I started learning world history and learned about clowns in the context of circuses. To me they were silly people who wore polka dots and colorful wigs, and who painted their faces with the intention to entertain. The concept of the scary clown wasn’t even a shred of an idea to me until later.  

When I was fifteen I started going to school for the first time. I suddenly had access to the internet and began absorbing every piece of pop culture that I could possibly handle. The trailers for the new IT movie were just starting to come out, and people were reporting scary clown sightings all over the country. I personally was not then and am not now scared of clowns. However, I could see that people were terrified of them and that fascinated me. I was more interested in the intentions of the people behind the masks than the unexpected presence of them. Fast forward to 2018, and I started watching American Horror Story. Seasons four and six heavily featured clowns as something scary. There was Twisty the Clown with his terrifying blown off mouth and tendency to kidnap children and attempt to entertain them, and there was the cult who wore clown masks and intimidated Sarah Paulson’s character. The cult was more effective than not because of the character’s coulrophobia, or fear of clowns. 1 Around the same time I watched the movie Suicide Squad, and became similarly fascinated with the character of the Joker. I started doing research and found that Jared Leto’s Joker was not the first one. There was a theory that proposed that there were three different Jokers, regardless of actor or illustrator. One, the thief and killer. Two, the silly one who had no real reason to perform any of his evil deeds, known as the “Clown Prince of Crime.” Third, the homicidal maniac.  

As I’ve said, I am not afraid of clowns. But the reason why people are afraid of them enthrall me. Firstly, clowns are allowed to say things that the rest of us can’t. They dress up their words as jokes, but they can say the most shocking and inappropriate things. They can challenge those in power with no consequences. Second, humans inherit fear. Studies done in Georgia and Canada show that fear of a thing can be passed down through a family line. For example, if a parent was mauled by a tiger, and then had a child and disappeared, the child would be frightened if they saw a tiger. Also, the face paint of a clown elicits the same response as the uncanny valley. Clowns were first thought to be scary in the late 1940’s and 1950’s. Clowns worked very closely with children. Adults began to get paranoid about these clowns, grown men, abusing their children. Maybe some were, but the majority merely wanted to make the children laugh and smile. The adults started to tell their children to avoid the clowns. Later in the 80’s, slasher films were on the rise. Moviemakers were making anything into killers. Audrey the plant, cute little gremlins, worms, blobs, and clowns. Stephen King’s IT was written and released during this time. Since then, many scary clowns have existed. The Joker, Harley Quinn the Harlequin, Pennywise, Twisty, the Jigsaw puppet, the Terrifier. These all serve as a cultural lens to help explain social changes.  

Part 4

The monster of the clown resonates with me because the idea of the scary clown is so wide-spread and can now be passed off as an “everyone knows that” statement. The why fascinates me. Clowns represent the both the fear of truth and the fear of lies. Clowns can say the unsayable and topple those in power with the truth. On the other hand, their fixed grins and otherwise blank faces are the embodiment of a lie, because you can’t tell who they are behind the mask.  

From the earliest days of human history, there was some form of a clown. The clowns always had something to represent, and they always came back. To look at another point of view, most clowns were simple entertainers turned into frighteners by people who wanted to dispose of them. However, the clowns that were actually scary (Pennywise, Jigsaw, etc.) were warnings of what might happen if you mess with the truth. Pennywise changes form; he is the embodiment of lies. Jigsaw is transparent about his intentions; he is the cold, hard, bitter truth.  

The sometimes-maudlin behavior of clowns invites sympathy. It suggests that maybe they are simply misunderstood, that maybe they deserve to be loved. However, they always snap back with something unexpected. It is a general consensus in the monster-f**ker community that clown-f**kers are the lowest of the low. However, if I may loosely quote one of my online followers on the subject: “...Sir Pennywise is a shnack.” Unfortunately, the spelling is a direct quote. I cannot pretend to know why people are attracted to clowns, Pennywise especially, but they are and there’s unfortunately nothing to be done about it.  

Putting aside peoples’ attraction to clowns, to close this thought I’d like to quote Derek Kilmer in saying “the stories we tell say something about us.” Clowns may not be everyone’s fear. However, the culture we as people created also created clowns and the fear of them.  

Part 5

Studying monsters can be a useful endeavor. History of America is the history of monsters. Therefore, if you study monsters, you study America. From the dehumanization of Native Americans by the Pilgrims to the fascination with aliens today, monsters have shaped America and been shaped by American society. This theory is called Reciprocal Determination. Instead of one thing causing another, two things cause each other. America’s society has been shaped by witches, by vampires, by zombies, by clowns. And society has, in return, created the monsters it claims to hate so much. People care about monsters. We created them, as they create us.  

Clowns represent America’s relationship with truth. Depending on the kind of clown and when it appears, we can determine how Americans deal with lies. Early in the century, clowns were more jovial and friendly. People were complacent with letting bad things get swept under the rug. Harsh truths and cruel facts were ignored and glossed over. Abused spouses and homosexual relationships along with literal genocide and corrupt leadership had people looking the other way, because they were more concerned with image than anything else. But as time went on, people became less concerned with image and more concerned with truth. There are of course those who still value image over truth, but they are the minority. Corrupt leaders cannot hide anymore. LGBT+ folk can finally openly live their truth. Abuse is not tolerated. But at the same time, the clowns are getting scarier. Some people might say that this is simply correlation and not causation, and that is also a valid view, but I believe that it is, without a doubt, causation.  

Monsters teach us not only our history, but who we are. They tell us the truth behind our lies. They challenge the master narrative and demonstrate impermanent borders between morality, truth, fear, and desire.  

Footnotes

1 This phobia was also featured in the long-running show Supernatural, however in that show it’s played for humor.