#they hated ash bc they spoke the truth or whatever

[bravevolunteer]

michael would lie and say he’s going to see o.ppenheimer when he’s actually seeing b.arbie and my evidence is the fact that he casually enjoys soap operas-

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

1- you know JC stans always try to deflect claiming LQR LXC LWJ and NMJ are all equally at fault bc they didn't stand for trhe wens either but JC and WWX are literally the only two people who know the truth about the wen sibs and he decided not to tell anyone so the public has no means of knowing everything they did and risked for him, they literally committed treason to save the jiang sect and protect them from the wen army but in the eyes of the public they are known as loyal disciples to WRH-

Thank you for the question anon!

Relevant passages in regards to this issue posted first since a lot of it gets very misconstrued with what blame lies where with the Sect Leaders before the events when it came to the massacre at Nightless City and the deaths of the Wen Remnants. This is not necessarily clean cut after the fallout with Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun's deaths. This is also still with the underlying plot of Jin Guangshan aiming for the Yin Hu Fu. There is a lot of political intrigue that goes ignored with this by manipulation of the Jin Sect and Jiang Cheng being blinded by his own jealousy.

“… Four inspectors were harmed. Around fifty of the remaining Wen Sect members escaped. After Wei WuXian led them into Burial Mound, he summoned hundreds of fierce corpses to patrol the base of the mountain. Our people still can’t get any further.”

“… Four inspectors were harmed. Around fifty of the remaining Wen Sect members escaped. After Wei WuXian led them into Burial Mound, he summoned hundreds of fierce corpses to patrol the base of the mountain. Our people still can’t get any further.”

When he finished, silence filled the Golden Pavilion.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

What Jin GuangShan wanted, however, wasn’t his apology or his compensation, “Sect Leader Jiang, at first, for your sake, the LanlingJin Sect didn’t intend on saying anything. However, some of these inspectors weren’t from the Jin Sect. There were a few from other sects as well. This makes it…”

Jiang Cheng’s brows were knitted. He rubbed the vein that throbbed at his temple and soundlessly took in a deep breath, “… I apologize to all of the Sect Leaders. Everyone, I’m afraid you don’t know that the Wen cultivator whom Wei WuXian wanted to save was called Wen Ning. We owe him and his sister Wen Qing gratitude for what happened during the Sunshot Campaign.”

Nie MingJue, “You owe them gratitude? Isn’t the QishanWen Sect the ones who caused the YunmengJiang Sect’s annihilation?”

Within these few years, Jiang Cheng insisted on working late into the night every day. That day, just as he decided to rest early, he had to rush to Koi Tower overnight because of the thundering news. He’d been suppressing some anger under his fatigue since the beginning. With his natural competitiveness, he was already quite agitated since he had to apologize to other people. When he heard Nie MingJue mention the incident of his sect again, hatred sprouted within him.

The hatred was directed at not only everyone who was seated in this room, but also Wei WuXian.

Passage 2:

Using the atmosphere, Jin GuangShan turned to Jiang Cheng, “He’s been plotting for a while to go to Burial Mound, hasn’t he? After all, with his skills, it wouldn’t be too hard to set up a sect of his own. And so, he used this as a chance to leave the Jiang Sect, intending to do whatever he pleases in the bright skies outside. You rebuilt the YunmengJiang Sect with so much work. He’s got a few controversial traits in him to begin with, and still he doesn’t restrain himself, stirring up so much trouble for you. He doesn’t care about you at all.”

Jiang Cheng pretended to stand his ground, “That probably isn’t that case. Wei WuXian has been like this ever since he was young. Even my father couldn’t do anything about him.”

Jin GuangShan, “Even FengMian-xiong couldn’t do anything about him, huh?” He chuckled a few times, “FengMian-xiong just favored him.”

Hearing the words ‘favors him’, the muscles beside the corners of Jiang Cheng’s mouth twitched.

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to The Burial Mounds and deal with this.”

Here the sect leaders were aware of the Wen Sect remnants as prisoners of war and saw it as a justifiable reason to keep the remaining Wens imprisoned regardless of age status etc. When Jiang Cheng is asked by Nie Mingjue for clarification on the matter of the debt owed by the Wen siblings it is deflected by Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao with clever wordplay to rile everyone up. This leaves those who either asked for more information, Lan Xichen who is shutdown by not having enough information by the majority and Nie Mingjue distracted by his hate of the Wens already, and Mianmian and Lan Wangji who argued that Wei Wuxian was protecting innocents and was not trying to cause a coup ignored as being irrelevant opinions. Wei Wuxian is eventually labelled a defector and danger due to Jiang Cheng exasperating what they had actually planned in the staged fight.

After this several months pass until Lan Wangji comes to tell Wei Wuxian of Jiang Yanli's marriage in a week's time. Several days later the Jiang siblings arrive with the same news and Jiang Yanli is the one to extend a peace branch to try keeping the three connected with the courtesy naming or Jin Ling. Almost a year's time later Wei Wuxian is in fact invited to the one-month celebration as another peace branch by Jin Zixuan who was the one to extend the offer. Jin Guangshan, Jin Zixun and Jin Guangyao planned the murder of Wei Wuxian in Qiongqi Pass against Jin Zixuan's knowledge. This leads to the mess of his murder and Wei Wuxian being hunted down as well as all of the remaining Wens on order of Jin Guangshan in retaliation after Wen Qing is killed as the remaining leader of the Wens and Wen Ning secretly suppressed. This leads to days later to the Pledge Conference at the city which holds Jin Zixuan's body and Jiang Yanli who is there to keep the death vigils (Shou Ling) as family. It's also why her and Madam Jin are wearing the white robes when Wei Wuxian sees them and by bad luck comes across the sect leaders pact when he tries to flee.

After the the wine had seeped into the dirt, Jin GuangShan stated, “No matter the sect, no matter the surname—this cup of wine is to the soldiers who have died.”

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Afterward, Jin GuangYao walked out from the LanlingJin Sect’s array and presented with both hands a square box made of black iron. Jin GuangShan took the box with one hand and raised it high in the air, shouting, “Here lies the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants!”

After he spoke, he sent forth his spiritual energy and shattered the box with his bare hand. The iron box broke into pieces, and white dust drifted alongside the cold wind.

A scattering of the ashes!

A series of cheers exploded through the crowd. Jin GuangShan raised his hands, signaling for the people to be quiet and listen to him talk. When the cheers slowly died down, he continued, raising his voice, “Tonight, the ones whose ashes had been scattered were the two leaders of the Wen Sect’s remnants. And tomorrow! It will be the rest of the Wen-dogs and—the YiLing Laozu, Wei Ying!”

Suddenly, a low laugh interrupted his grand speech. The laugh was too untimely, sounding both stark and jarring. In unison, the crowd turned to look at where the sound came from.

The Palace of Sun and Flames was a rather magnificent palace. A total of twelve ridges made up its roof, and at the end of each ridge were eight heavenly beasts. Yet, right now, the people realized that on one of those ridges, there were nine. The laugh from before came from over there!

The extra beast shifted slightly. The next moment, a boot and a corner of black clothes dangled down from the roof, swaying softly.

Everyone placed their hand onto their sword hilt. Jiang Cheng’s pupils shrunk. Blue veins lined the back of his hand.

Jin GuangShan was overcome with both shock and hatred, “Wei Ying! How dare you show yourself here!”

The person opened their mouth to speak. What came out was indeed Wei WuXian’s voice, but he spoke in a strange tone, “Why should I dare not show myself here? Do you people here even add up to three thousand? Don’t forget that back in the Sunshot Campaign, let alone three thousand, I’ve fought against five thousand on my own before. And by appearing here, haven’t I granted your wish? No need for you to come all the way to my home tomorrow to scatter my ashes.”

A few of the QingheNie Sect’s disciples died in the hands of Wen Ning as well. Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “What arrogance.”

Wei WuXian, “Haven’t I always been arrogant? Sect Leader Jin, how does it feel, having slapped yourself in the face? Who was the one that said he’d let the matter go if the Wen siblings went to Koi Tower and gave themselves up? And who was the one that just said he’d scatter my ashes and the ashes of the rest of the Wen Sect’s remnants tomorrow?”

Jin GuangShan, “Let’s consider things as they stand! At Qiongqi Path, you slaughtered over a hundred of the LanlingJin Sect’s disciples—this is one thing. You made Wen Ning kill at Koi Tower—this is another…”

Wei WuXian, “Then let me ask you, Sect Leader Jin, at Qiongqi Path, who was the one being ambushed? And who was the one to kill? Who was the main schemer? And who was the one being schemed against? In the end, just who was the one that came to provoke me first?”

Keep in mind none of the other sect leaders were privy to the scheme between Jin Guangshan, Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixun. And they believe they are certainly fighting off a crazed Wei Wuxian and what they think are his fodder Wens meant for corpses. After this Wei Wuxian desperately fights against Lan Wangji who is trying to calm him down before it's too late which is unsuccessful leading to Jiang Yanli also trying to calm him down enough to get him away and talk some sense to get him out of there to run and get to the Wens. After her death he mentally blacks out and Lan Wangji is left trying to take him away to safety close enough to Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji then fights off his elders as Lan Xichen gathered the Lans to find them. Immediately after this is in sequestered secrecy Lan Wangji is punished. Lan Xichen presumably stays with his own brother while Lan Qiren is the acting Sect Leader for the actual Siege that the other three are part of as support. That leaves Jin Guangshan with the ulterior motive of getting the Yin Hu Fu, Jiang Cheng who wants revenge for the death of Jiang Yanli, and Nie Mingjue left to think he is killing what he considers disgraceful Wens.

So, in short, each of them had different motivations for actually being there, and different accounts for those reasons. The Jins for more power, Jiangs for revenge, Nies for justice and the Lans in solidarity. And the fault of it isn't meted out equally as all had misunderstandings and manipulated by Jin Guangshan's pull to each of their morals as cultivation sects. In the end each of the four were there to kill the Wens and Wei Wuxian aside from Lan Wangji and arguably Jiang Yanli when she was caught up trying to get Wei Wuxian to run.

[fullmetalscullyy]

OK, I want everything 😏but I have to cut it down. So 3. Don't walk out that door for Royai. And/or 81: It's cold you should take my jacket.

ok uhhhh don’t hate me for like 6k words worth of angst lmaoooo enjoy

thank you aoife for this gem i’m glad i could turn it ointo another chapter of this au bc i love it so much uwu

@puppybek - your angst is my command

@jekra - feel free to hate me/call the cops

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

“Pleasedon’t walk out of that door.” // “It’s cold, you should take my jacket.” 

“Roy?”Riza asked, her voice small and defeated. He faltered, stopping in front of thedoor of the apartment. He cursed himself internally, eyes closing as he foughtoff the rising tears. It hurt to swallow around the lump in his throat.

Thingshad all been going so well recently. When had it reached this point?

Lookingback Roy couldn’t even pinpoint where it had all gone wrong. It had obviouslyhappened slowly, but he had been oblivious to it. Ignorance is bliss, as theysay, and it had been fucking bliss. Roy had been so happy he’d been turnedblind.

Hadhe all imagined it? The holidays, the date nights, the time they spent togetherintimately… Had Roy thought it was so much more than it was?

Apparently,he had.

“Pleasedon’t walk out that door,” Riza choked out.

That’swhen the anger made itself known.

Here shewas, begging him to stop, when shehad been the one who’d initiated this, not him. She didn’t get to turn theblame on him. No fucking way.

Roywhirled around, eyes shining, only to come face to face with her desolate self.But he was too angry to care. He had given fiveyears, his whole self – heart, body, and soul – to her, and Roy had gottenpaid in dirt.

“I’mgoing home.”

“This is your home,” she stressed.

“Notwith you in it. Not now.”

Ithurt to say. Riza winced as he said it.

Butit was the truth.

“Please–”

“Don’task me to stay,” he spat out. “You’ve made your feelings known. Don’t beselfish.”

“Ionly want to explain –”

“Explainwhat, exactly?” he rounded on her. “That this was all a sham? That you’re nowterrified because this was getting out of hand and now you’ve been caught?” Royran his hands through his hair. He was throwing baseless accusations in her face,but his mind was running a mile a minute after his heart had been crushed underthe heel of Riza’s shoe. He was desperately trying to pinpoint where he’dfailed to notice what was going on, but there was nothing.

They’dbeen happy… Hadn’t they?

“I’mleaving.”

“Roy,wait –”

“No.”

Withoutanother word he closed the apartment door. The slam resonated throughout theentire hallway. Keeping his eyes on the carpet so he wouldn’t see her oldapartment door. It just reminded him of how far they had both come in the lastfive years.

Andit had all been for nought.

Whenwalking down the stairs – his feet landing heavily with every step – he dialledRebecca’s number on his phone.

“Roy!”Rebecca greeted cheerily. “So, how’s the infamous date night going?” Shelaughed. “That bad you needed to call me?” she asked, joking.

“Riza’sin our apartment,” he stated, numb.

“Roy?”

“She– She needs someone right now. Can you go and see her?”

Therewas a pause on the other end of the line before Catalina spoke.

“Whatdid you do?” she asked fiercely.

Roylaughed to himself, but the sound was flat, dead.

“Loveher unconditionally.”

*          *          *

Rizasat on the couch in Roy’s apartment – it was back to his now, not theirs –completely numb.

It washis because she’d screwed it all up.

Someonebanged on the door loudly. The following creaked stopped the pounding as thedoor swung open. She hadn’t closed the apartment door properly in her daze.

“Riza?”a worried voice called.

Oh, shit. Rebecca.

“Whathappened?” Rebecca asked fiercely, seeing Riza’s current state. She seemed seton the warpath, no doubt to kick Roy’s ass, but he’d done nothing wrong.

He’ddone nothing but love her and look where that had gotten him.

“Riza?”she asked, giving her shoulders a squeeze to try and drag her back to thepresent. “Roy called saying you needed someone right now. What happened?”

Herhead snapped up at that. He had called Rebecca… To come and look after her…

Rizaburst into tears.

*          *          *

Royslammed down the shot glass on the table miserably.

“Oh,Roy boy,” Chris sighed, as if to say, “whatam I going to do with you?”. “I’m sorry, kid.”

“Soam I,” he replied gruffly. Sorry he had wasted his time.

Chriswordlessly offered him another drink. This was a dangerous game but if hisfoster mother was offering them on the house then he wasn’t going to say no.

“I’velost her, Chris,” he warbled, unable to hold back any longer. “I’ve lost her,and I don’t know how to get her back.”

Chrisvoice was soft, and dread pooled in his stomach because that never happened.

Thisreally was it.

“Thenmaybe you aren’t meant to. Maybe not in this case. Not if she doesn’t want it.”It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it wasthe truth. He wouldn’t force her into marriage, into having kids. He wasn’t amonster.

Hewished he could take back that stupid joke about marriage and then thefollowing question asking her opinion on it.

“What would you say if I asked you to marryme right now?” he had grinned, half joking, half truly interested in herresponse.

Insteadhe received a punch in the gut.

Rizahad looked panicked, face stricken. “No,”she had said.

Hishead hit the top of the bar with a dull thud.

*          *          *

“You…!You!” Rebecca stuttered, her anger boiling underneath her skin. She had everyright to be angry. Riza had hurt one of her closest friends in such a horribleway that whatever onslaught was coming Riza’s way, she would accept itwholeheartedly because it was what she deserved.

“Don’thold back, Rebecca,” Riza interjected, tone monotonous. “You never havebefore.”

“Youare a moron,” she stated, slapping ahand to her forehead. “How could you do thatto him.”

“I’ma bad person,” Riza replied, shrugging her shoulders.

“Don’tyou dare act so nonchalant aboutthis,” Rebecca spat. But Riza couldn’t help it. She had shut down, so lost inher grief, that her emotions were unable to pierce through that gate. Her wholelife she had found it difficult to be open about her emotions. Roy had been –

Herbreath caught in her throat, a shudder running through her entire body as shetook a gasping breath.

Royhad been the one to help with that. His love, laughter, care, and joy hadhelped Riza draw her feelings out from deep within herself. For the first timein a relationship she had truly felt happy with her partner and it was allbecause of Roy. Not only was he her lover, but her best friend, and shecouldn’t picture a future – or a life – without him in it, even now.

Whydid she have to panic? Seize up? Deny him – deny them both – the one thing that would make them both the happiest peopleon the planet?

Shejust thought back to Dan and her previous relationships and how they’d all beentyre fires. She’d been hurt so many times in every case that when Roy offeredher the next step, she turned it down. It was only because it was so huge, she fearedbeing hurt on such a grand scale. Because, in her mind, Roy would hurt her likeevery other relationship she had shared. Her father, her previous boyfriends…They had all hurt her, scarred her. Roy would be no different.

So,when he asked her to marry him, she turned him down because she panicked. She didn’twant to be hurt when she’d already committed herself to him for life. It wouldonly hurt even more. Doing it now was a kindness to herself.

That’swhat Riza told herself.

Coward.Liar. A sham.

Shehad panicked, pure a simple. These were just excuses she was using to try andjustify it.

Becausethat was the thing though, wasn’t it? Roy was nothing like those other men in her life. He had shown her nothingbut love and support, even when they were friends. There was no guarantee he would hurt her. Riza, subconsciously,knew for a fact that he wouldn’t.

Butshe was scared.

Evenafter everything with Dan, he’d been nothing but understanding and concernedfor her welfare. He never pushed her into anything. He offered her shelter inher time of need. Their relationship was just a happy accident – one she hadaccepted wholeheartedly because Roy Mustang was, and always had been, a hugesource of comfort in her life. He was warmth, safety, joy.

Sowhy had she burned that to ash?

“Whatdo you want me to say?” Riza whispered.

“Doyou know just how much he changed foryou?” Rebecca demanded.

Riza’seyes lazily found hers. “I never asked him to –”

“Ohno, I know you never. He was an asshole before he met you. A friend, but anasshole. He slept around, had a really poor attitude towards life and otherpeople, but all that changed when you popped up. It was like he was trying toimpress you. And when I saw it was more than just that, that’s when I knew.”

“Rebecca–” Riza whispered, desperate for her to stop. Tears were already falling freelydown her face.

“Iknew the minute he met you that heliked you. Watching that grow into love was a wonderful thing, because I knewit was genuine. He would always get so broken up when you were with other men.I told him time and time again to ask you out, but do you know what he toldme?”

Rizashook her head, face crumpling as her head bowed, shoulder hunching, backrounding as she gasped for breath. Her body was curling in on itself, a naturalreaction to the pain throbbing in her chest. “Rebecca, please.”

“Hetold me he didn’t think he was good enough for you.” The following silenceallowed those words to ring in Riza’s head painfully. She gasped as she sobbed,but Rebecca didn’t let up, even when her own voice wobbled. “He told me hedidn’t want to fuck up what you both shared already because you meant so muchto him.”

“Stop–”

“WhenDan showed up Roy knew there was something fishy about him. He found out aboutsome of the weird behaviour and I watched him almost worry himself into anearly grave as he paced in Havoc’s and I’s living room, waiting for a replyfrom you to say you were home, safe.

“Henever said anything because he didn’t want you to think he was jealous – heabsolutely was – and was out to ruin your relationships. He respected you andyour choice. He was your best friend, Riza,” Rebecca finally finished,reminding her painfully.

“Please.”

“Youdon’t get to ask me to stop,” Rebecca whispered, her own voice thick withemotion. “Because you’ve hurt that poor man. He gave you everything. And at the first sign of moving forward you back out.”

“Rebecca,stop!” she cried, her sobs fillingthe apartment. They wracked her body harshly, her form shaking uncontrollably.

“No.”Riza’s eyes popped open, coming face to face with her knees.

No more, please.

Butit was what she deserved.

“Iknow,” Riza sniffed. “I deserve all of this. But please, don’t. I already… I…”

“I know,”she murmured but offered her no further comfort.

“I –I don’t know why you’re still here.”

“Becauseyou’re my friend.” A pair of arms circled around Riza and she whimpered, unableto stop herself from leaning into Rebecca’s comfort. “You’re my friend, I loveyou, but Roy is my friend too.”

“Iknow,” Riza whispered.

“I don’tapprove of what you did, and I’m quite angry about it, however everyone needssomebody. I won’t abandon you, especially when I can see how broken up youare.”

“I’velost him,” she sobbed.

“So, what the fuck are you doing sittinghere?”

“I… Ican’t –”

“You can,” Rebecca stressed, giving her shouldersa squeeze. “You love that man and you’ve been with him for over five years. Youmost certainly can because you owe him that much.”

Riza buriedher face in one of her hands as best she could, her limbs partially trapped byRebecca’s embrace.

She wasa fucking coward. No wonder she’d never had a successful relationship before –disregarding the fact that she sure knew how to pick all the weirdos. She was ascared child masquerading as a woman.

Achild who was so scared of getting hurt she pushed away everyone who ever gotclose to her because she “knew” they would leave or hurt her eventually. It wasa defence mechanism, nothing more.

Whydid she have to be like that?

Roydidn’t deserve that.

*          *          *

“Whereis he?” a quiet voice pleased in the room behind him.

Hefroze in his chair, eyes stuck on the amber liquid in his shot glass. Slightlyterrified, he lifted his eyes to his aunt, whose eyes were on the door. Herexpression was sour as she sucked on her teeth in disapproval. Without a wordshe rounded the bar and approached Vanessa.

“Sorry,”Vanessa replied coolly. “But –”

“I’lltake it from here, Vanessa,” his aunt stated.

“Ofcourse, Madame.”

Royheard nothing more for a while, but Vanessa squeezed his shoulder and offeredhim a small smile as she walked through the back of the bar.

“Riza,”Chris greeted. Her tone could match the temperature of ice.

“Whereis he?” Riza repeated. “I need to –”

“Youdon’t need to do anything,” Chrisreplied. “I think you’ve done enough.”

Royclosed his eyes. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. He wanted to beleft alone. However, if he dealt withthis conversation now, it would be over with, and he could continue to wallowin his grief in peace.

“Chris.”He announced his presence quietly, but it was enough. He almost gasped when hesaw the state of Riza. Her hair was sticking up haphazardly in place and lookedwet. She was shivering, wearing nothing but the t-shirt and jeans she had beenwearing when Roy left her. Had she walked all the way here like that?

His suspicionswere cleared when he saw a car parked outside the door, Rebecca looking upontheir conversation from within. She nodded at Roy once before indicating topull away onto the street. It was against the law to park right outside the door,so she had to drive away to find somewhere to park while she waited.

“Whatdo you want?” he asked, hollow, once Chris had left them to enter the backroom. Roy escorted Riza into the empty bar front.

“I’msorry.” The sound of her voice matched his. He offered her nothing, simplywaiting for her to say her piece and then go. “Can… Can you say something?” shebegged to his silence. “Please?”

“Whatmore do you want from me, Riza?” Roy asked tiredly. “Please, tell me, becauseI’m struggling here. I gave you everything, and you want nothing more.”

“Iknow you did,” she sniffed, wiping away a tear. “I don’t want anything else. I–”

“Wellthen, why are you here?” he asked,his frustration finally showing. He had misunderstood her, but Roy was unawareof it. He never even gave her a chance to correct herself, but then again, Rizanever tried to amend herself. “Haven’t you don’t enough already? Your feelingswere made clear. Why drag this out for longer than necessary?”

Silencefilled the bar. The door to the back room opened slowly and Chris stood in thedoorway, a reminder that Riza better not toy with his emotions anymore, andcertainly not in here.

“That’sfine,” she whispered, defeated. There was a certainty to her tone that Royreally didn’t want to hear, but there was no future for them now. Not after shedeclined his offer of marriage. He wanted it, he wanted to start a family, butRiza didn’t.

AndRoy didn’t want to do it with anyone else. He wanted to do it with her.

Thatimage of the house in the suburbs, the picket fence, the children and dogsrunning around the garden shattered like his heart, the dust of both theirremains settling uncomfortably in his stomach.

Itwas time they split.

Fiveyears wasted. Just like that.

Royclosed his eyes briefly as a tear escaped.

“I’llgo,” she whispered.

Itwas like a dagger in his chest.

“Yes,I think you should.”

Whenthe door opened, he noticed the relentless pounding of the rain. He would havelaughed if he wasn’t so upset at the appropriate weather for tonight. He alsonoticed that Riza was stepping outside into the winter wind howling outsidewearing nothing but a t-shirt.

“Riza,”he called back, cursing himself. Because despite her not wanting to be withhim, Roy still loved her with his whole heart and would hate to see her suffering.“It’s cold outside,” he muttered. He lifted his jacket off the peg by the door,handing it to her with sad eyes. “You should take my jacket.”

Hisaunt sniffed in disapproval behind him. Riza’s eyes flicked over at the sound,face stricken when she saw the look on his adoptive mother’s face, which Roydidn’t doubt looked like the thunder raging above them outside.

“Thankyou,” she whispered. He draped it over her shoulders, telling himself this wasthe last thing he would do for her.

Butwhat was the point in lying to himself?

He’dgive her the moon, still, if she asked for it.

“Thatwill fade with time,” Chris told him once he took up his place at the baragain.

“Iwouldn’t be so sure,” he smiled sadly. Before it could wobble and fall off hisface, Roy lifted his glass and took another shot, the burn replacing the one inhis chest.

*          *          *

Shehad tried.

Rizahad tried to explain herself, and rightly so, Roy turned her down. He didn’twant to get hurt again.

Oh,Riza knew all about that.

Thatwas what this whole dumb situation she had created was based on, wasn’t it?

Rebeccadropped her off then returned home after Riza convinced her she would be fine.

ButRiza would never be fine again.

Inher fear of getting hurt she had harmed the one person she had ever been inlove with. The one person she never wanted to.

Thewalls closed in on her, suffocating her.

Shecouldn’t stay here anymore. She needed out. This was where it had all happened.The first time they slept together, their mornings spent quietly enjoyingbreakfast and reading the paper, their evenings spent curled on the couch ineach other’s arms, watching television.

Apain tore through her chest. It was so painful she doubled over, gasping astears fell down her face. This was Roy’s apartment. She didn’t need to tainthis life anymore than she already had.

Rizadidn’t deserve Roy Mustang, and she supposed she never had.

Sheclosed the apartment door, locked it, and fled the building.

*          *          *

“CanI talk to Riza?” Roy asked tiredly. He hadn’t slept at all the night before. Orthe night before that. He knew Riza probably wouldn’t have wanted to stay inhis apartment any longer, and Catalina drove her home the night before, so Royknew she must be at Catalina’s apartment instead.

Havocand Catalina shared a look. “We… We don’t know where she is.”

Confused,Roy squinted up at them both, seeing the worry on their faces. “What do youmean, you don’t know?”

“Roy,she’s not picking up her phone. We’ve tried the apartment. The door’s lockedand there’s no answer.”

“What?”His head pounded, matching the raging beat of his heart. “Wh – What?” herepeated.

Catalinalet her true emotions show for the first time since Roy showed up at her door.She looked worried. Really worried.Dread pooled in her stomach, clenching it tightly. He fought off the urge tovomit.

“We’vebeen searching, all day yesterday and all morning,” Catalina replied, herdesperation shining through. “Roy, I don’t know what to do. She’s nowhere to befound.” Havoc wrapped an arm around her shoulders in comfort.

“Whydidn’t you tell me?” he asked, outraged.

“Wephoned the bar, but your Aunt declined to comment.”

Royfelt anger flash through him. He understood Chris was looking out for him, butthis was serious. Then again, she might not have known Riza was missing.

Royalmost choked as he thought of the word.

“We’vetried everywhere,” Havoc cut in, sensing his wife was unable to carry on anylonger. “Hughes’, her work, your aunt’s house, everywhere. The boys helped too– Breda and Falman searched the city but came up with nothing. Fuery looked inpublic buildings like the library and the museum, but nothing. Do you… Do youknow anywhere she might go?”

No,he didn’t. Shy of where Havoc had already mentioned, their home, the Hughes’,and Catalina’s, Roy wasn’t sure where else she would flee to in a moment likethis.

Therewas one place…

Itwas a long shot, but maybe, just maybe…

“There’sone place,” he began slowly, wondering is he should let them know. It had beentold to him in confidence and it had been such a sacred moment to Riza, hedidn’t know if her best friends already knew about it.

East,in her hometown. She might be there. Riza did say the old house was stillstanding and she held the deed to it but hadn’t been able to return there afterher father died. Her mother’s grave was out there, and Roy remembered Rizatelling him how she would seek out the grave to talk to her mother when thingsbecame too much with her father in the house.

Maybe…

“Outeast,” Roy stated, gauging their reactions. Understanding dawned on them andboth shared a look. They had an inkling of what he was talking about, which wasgood. He wouldn’t have to explain it all.

Especiallywhen there was already no time.

*          *          *

Rizashivered on the cold ground, the winter wind whipping around her body as shesat on the stone path before her mother’s grave. This was the second day shehad spent here. There was something comforting about being in a graveyard whenshe had turned her world to hell.

Thehotel in town was cheap and would do until she could find a place of her own. Atleast out here no one would find her. An exiling of her own choice. Well, Roymight, if he remembered. Riza hoped he wouldn’t but hoped he would at the sametime.

She’dspent all day yesterday sitting here just talking to her mother. There was acomfort in it, Riza thought. One of the people who’d meant the most to Rizabrought her comfort in her time of need. It was a shame that she was no longer inthe land of the living and the only person she wanted to comfort her no longer wantedanything to do with her.

Roy’sjacket brought her some warmth, but every time she shifted his scent shrouded her,bringing forth a fresh seat of tears. By this point she should be fresh out,but sure enough, they fell as she begun to speak.

“I’velost him, Mum,” Riza whispered to the cold stone. “I did it. I told him I didn’twant to marry him, but I do, I reallydo. I’m just so scared because everyone in life has left me. My brain isconvinced this will be no different. I panicked.”

“Oh, Riza…”

Herback stiffened as Roy whispered her name from behind her.

No.

Anyone but him.

Shestood silently, resigned to the upcoming conversation. The world was silentaround them, save for the howling winter wind. She shivered. May as well get itover and done with.

Because she only wanted him.

“Riza,”Roy breathed, gathering her in his arms tightly. Riza froze, blinking insurprise. What? He kissed the top ofher head and Riza simply stood there, stunned. “You’re all right.” He adjustedher grip, hugging her against him even tighter. “Here, take my jacket, you’re freezing.”

Stillin shock, Riza simply stood as Roy wrapped her in his jacket like a doll. Ofcourse, that left him in just a hoodie. Instantly she was surrounded in more ofhis scent and warmth which kicked her brain into gear. Before she could react,she was pulled into his embrace once more. Riza felt the tears well in hereyes.

“Ithought we’d lost you,” he whispered.

You already did, thanks to me.

Shepulled away and Roy looked surprised, his outstretched arms falling limp at hissides. His face questioned her, silently asking her why?

“Whyare you here?” she asked, voice holding that same monotonous quality since thelast time he’d seen her.

“Riza…You went missing. What were youthinking?” he asked, his frustration creeping into his tone.

Good. Anger is good. You can workwith that.

“I’msurprised anyone cared.”

Roy’seyes flashed but Riza missed it, unable to meet them.

“Whatare you doing, Riza? Are you insane?”

“I’m trying to get on with my life. You madeit clear you wanted us to.”

“Notby disappearing off the face of the earth with no explanation, no note to saywhere you’ve gone,” he replied angrily. “I get it if you don’t want me to know,but Catalina? Havoc? Hughes? Do theynot deserve to know?” he spat, angry that she had worried their friends so.“They had nothing to do with this, so cut the shit.”

“Don’tgive me that,” she fired back. “You made perfectly clear you wanted to move onso I came out here to give you that chance.”

“Bystaying in a cheap hotel? With no cash? No clothes? No concern for those you left behind?” he snarled.

Hewas right to be angry about that. Her fight or flight response had kicked in.She fought when she went to his aunt’s place to see him. She fought to try andexplain herself, but that had failed. She was a failure who couldn’t even keepone person close to her. Catalina, Havoc, and the rest were her friends, ofcourse they were, but there was always the element of keeping them at arm’slength. Just in case.

Herflight response kicked in when she arrived back in their – Roy’s – apartment. She had to escape and get away. Mostly to tryand escape the pain, but also because she knewshe had fucked up big time and wanted to flee from the responsibility ofdealing with it. Growing up had been lonely so she’d never had to deal withconflict, had never learned of a healthy way to deal with it. Disappearing offthe face of the Earth seemed like a good idea because then no one back homewould have to deal with her and her shit anymore.

“Theonly reason I wanted to get on withmy life,” Roy shouted. “Was because youturned me down, Riza, not the otherway around. Don’t you fucking daretry to blame this on me!”

“Ionly did it because I know you’re the same as all of them,” she spat, beingincredibly unfair. She just needed him to leave.He deserved better than anything Riza could give him. She was protecting him,she told herself.

“Andhow is that?”

“Becauseyou will just leave like the rest of them.” Her voice was as cold as herexpression.

Shewatched as he barked a laugh of disbelief, feeling doubt creep into her mind.

“Doyou honestly think I would do that toyou?” He laughed again, but there was nothing funny. He raked a hand throughhis hair. “I fucking asked you to marry me, Riza,” he hissed. “Why would Ileave you after doing that?”

“Becauseeveryone else has!” she yelled back, finally letting out all her fears. “Everysingle person in my life has turned against me and I’m just waiting for therest of you to do the same,” she raged, the tears falling thick and fast now. Thiswas revealing too much. Too much to Roy, and too much to herself. She didn’twant to admit it because if she did, she might crack. “I’m so unable to be loved by anyonethat it was only a matter of time before it happened. Every day,” she chokedout. “Every day I live with the fear that something will go wrong. I’ve beencomplacent recently, but it’s still there. I’m trying to protect you –”

“By pushingme away like this?” he interrupted,unable to believe what he was hearing. Riza knew it would sound ridiculous butthat was only because they didn’t understand. None of them did.

“Yes!” She was breathing heavily, theyboth were, too angry to continue their conversation. Riza begun to storm offbut was stopped by a hand on her wrist.

“Whatdo you think –?”

Shewas crushed in Roy’s arms.

Rizafought him, pushing and hitting his chest to get out of his hold, but shecouldn’t do it well enough. Her arms were trapped in between their bodies soshe could barely move. Her tears continued to fall as she snarled at him, buteventually that anger just turned to sobs. They were loud, so loud. It filled the air in the cemetery as Riza finally let goof all the emotions she had pent up her whole life. She wailed as she clung tothe only man who had loved her. Her body crumpled, knees buckling, but Roy heldher up. He loved her enough to seek her out when he thought she was missingdespite the fact she’d turned down his marriage proposal. She’d hurt himunimaginably and he still worried and looked for her. Still fought for them even though Riza had turned theminto a lost cause.

“I –I panicked,” she sobbed, body shaking against him. The wind threatened to stealher words, but Roy pulled her tighter against him. “I panicked because no onehas ever loved me like you have. Everyone has left me. My mother, my father,even my grandfather twenty years ago. All gone.

“ThenDan did – he did that. And all theothers before lost interest,” she whispered, the last sentence finallyshattering her heart as she admitted to herself how she really felt.

Thewind was the only sound in the cemetery as Roy held her and Riza cried.

“I love you,” he replied fiercely. Hisvoice wobbled and Riza felt his tears hit the top of her head. “Rebecca loves you. Havoc loves you. The whole Hughes family, the boys, they all do, Riza.” She cried harder. “Don’tpush us away. You don’t think you’re good enough for me, but you are the best person for me.” She sniffled,shaking her head in disagreement. Her face rubbed against his chest and shecringed when she thought she’d probably gotten snot all over it.

Whata nice parting gift.

“BeforeI met you,” Roy began, dropping all the anger from his voice. “I was anasshole. I didn’t treat those around me as well as I should have. Chris waspissed because she didn’t raise such a disrespectful person, and she was right,she didn’t, but for some reason I couldn’t be bothered by it. After my parents diedeverything didn’t mean much anymore.

“Thenyou came in.” Riza closed her eyes tightly, trying to calm herself down but itwasn’t working. So, she clung to him as he spun his tale. “They died about sixmonths before I met you. Those six months were awful, then I met you and webecame friends very quickly. I saw you and thought “wow, she is really beautiful”. But there was no way you would datesomeone like me,” he chuckled. “I was like a frat boy trapped in an grown assman’s body but when I spent time with you I didn’t want to be that personanymore, so I bucked up my ideas and strived to be better, just in case therewas a chance. I never dreamed there would be,” he chuckled.

“Otherguys came and went, and I was happy for you. I wasn’t happy when they broke upwith you, but there wasn’t much I could do. It hurt like hell to watch you sufferthrough every break up but I kept my distance.”

Buthe hadn’t though. Riza remembered now, thinking back. After every single break up, Roy had beenthere first to comfort her. He’d sat as sometimes she cried – holding her tight– and he’d laughed with her as she said good riddance, raising a toast with herand the rest of their friends.

He’dnever left.

Roychuckled to himself. “Remember Steve?” Riza nodded, mute. She held her breathin anticipation for what he was going to say. “I saw red when Rebecca told mewhat had happened.” He had hit Riza. Just the once. They’d been dating forabout eight months and there had been no other incident of abuse. He’d beenreally drunk, and they’d been arguing. “The next thing I knew I was at his doorready to beat him to a bloody pulp.”

“Why?”was all she asked.

“BecauseI’ve loved you for years, Riza, and have been in love with you for about the same amount of time. You deservedthe world, but you never got it. So, I vowed to better myself in case my timecame so I could give it to you. Doing it as a friend wasn’t enough – I wantedto do more – but if that was all I could get, that’s what I would take.”

Newtears fell, her quiet sobs all she could hear.

“Letit all out, Riza. I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere. I get your scared,but I swear on my life that I’m not goingto leave you. Unless, of course, you ask me to.” Barely a second later sheshook her head vigorously. “All right then.” Riza felt his chest deflate underher head and her hands as he quietly let out a sigh of relief. “Just… let itall out. Let go. I’ve got you.”

Andso, she did.

Roynever left or pushed here away, just like he said.

“Hey,I found her.”

Rizasat numb in his car as he called their friends.

“She’s…She needs some time, and some space.” Even Riza didn’t know how to answer thatquestion, yet Roy articulated it correctly. He always could tell how she wasfeeling. “I’m going to take her home.”

Oncehome Riza felt herself stiffen as they approached their apartment door.

“Here,sit down.” Roy ushered her onto the couch. She followed his order, feelingashamed of herself and her actions, and embarrassed. “I’ll get you a glass ofwater.”

Itappeared in front of her and Riza stared as the air bubbles popped on thesurface, unable to bring herself from reaching forward and quench her thirst.

Onthis very couch was where she had lied and turned down his proposal.

Roywrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her body close to his as they laythere in silence. Riza placed a hand under her head, fingers splaying acrosshis chest.

“I’mso sorry,” she whispered.

“Riza,it’s okay.” His hand rubbed up and down her upper arm before finally settlingon her shoulder to give it a squeeze. “You don’t need to –”

He wasstill making excuses for her.

“No,”she whispered. “I do. I’m so sorry.You deserve more.”

“Ideserve you,” he countered. “If you will let me.”

“Ishouldn’t,” she whispered. “I hurt you.”

“Becauseyou were scared. You lashed out. Now I finally understand – and knowing yourpast – I can see how you came to that conclusion. Everyone you’ve gotten closeto in life has hurt you, except your current friends. I understand your apprehension.”

“I shouldn’thave. I should’ve been smarter about it –”

“Riza,”Roy stated, suddenly sounding very exhausted. “We could be at this all day. Iforgive you, okay?” She froze. “I really do. I just want you to be happy. Iwant to make you happy. I’m fine withputting this behind us because I don’t want to upset you even more. Iunderstand why you did what you did, and I will make it my life’s mission toprevent it from happening again.”

“Butit wasn’t your fault though, it was mine,” she whispered fearfully.

“Iknow,” he nodded. “But the point still stands. I aim to make sure you neverfeel like this again. Ever. I promise that to you.”

Whatdid she ever do to deserve him?

Anothertear escaped her but, like Roy, she was tired of all this.

“Getsome rest,” Roy murmured, kissing the top of her head and shifting on the couchto find a more comfortable position. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Rizanodded and buried her face into him, closing her eyes to finally rest.

*          *          *

Butterfliesfluttered in Riza’s stomach as she walked. Too many people were looking at her.She’d never been one to appreciate or want all the attention in the roomfocussed on her. When she told Rebecca, her friend had scoffed.

“Well,get used to it,” she’d stated, fluffing up Riza’s hair at the back so it satnicer. “It’s your wedding day and you look stunning.People are going to stare.”

However,her eyes focussed on the back of Roy’s head as she and Havoc walked down theaisle and a calm washed over her. Once at the front of the procession –Rebecca, Gracia Hughes, and little Elicia watching her with smiles on theirfaces, the two former bridesmaids with tears in their eyes – Havoc kissed her cheekand took up his place at Roy’s right as one of the groomsmen.

Royturned to face her eagerly, a silly grin on his face. Riza matched his smile astheir hands entwined. He was unable to take his eyes off her and Riza felt thesame way. He was incredibly handsome in his suit with his hair slicked back. A fewstray strands had fallen forward over his forehead and she itched to brush themaway.

Theman before them begun to welcome the party to the wedding but Riza never hearda word.

Roygave her the brightest smile and gave her hand a squeeze. His expressionsilently asked her one thing.

Ready?

Rizanodded, resisting the urge to lean over and kiss him then because it wouldn’t beproper in the ceremony. The next best thing was a nod and quick squeeze of hishand.

Of course.

[heartsoftruth]

until now i thot Ney@PSG was just a way for him (and his pai) to get more money/advantages from barca by using PSG as a pressure point ... But now, after what Geri and Masche said, he apparently really considering leaving ... It's not just a mind game with barca's direction, he is actually serious. I still don't know what to think about it ...

Anonymous said:“Do you wane be someone who we hear of when you play in the CL only or one we also wants league matches live?” This got me thinking, maybe PSG could bring him a little more peace. Less media exposition, less pressure. On a personal level, i think it could be good for Ney … On a professional level, Barca is way more competitive of course. I understand why he take his time to truly think about it even if for the fans it is a hard time.

He wants to win the BdO. If he wants to win it in France he or has to score 40+ but especially win the CL. That will be historical. 

Anonymous said:I want him to leave. I think he needs it for his growth. But not like this and not PSG 😭

@imahighfunctioningdisaster​ said:I just really don’t see what’s appealing in going to PSG. (Except maybe for the money, but that what’s interest NSr, not NJr.) Ligue1 is so bad, like there is nothing spectacular or interesting to play in french football. There aren’t good opportunities or way to make yourself more famous, no good club (bc PSG is not a good club, not at all). (And it’s coming from a french person who doesn’t follow la Ligue 1 because of how bad it is.)

I dont see the appeal either tbh. I really dont see it. STAY!

Anonymous said:Neymar, it doesn’t get any better than Barca. You are a part of the best trio in football. You’ve won cups & you get praised for how incredible you are. But you’ll throw it away for money? A Brazilian friend persuading you too? If he leaves to PSG he goes to a shitty league with no competition. No one will care how many goals he scores. He won’t be alongside some of the best players in the world. But at least you got that money right? What a disappointment. Even if he stays, I don’t care.

Anonymous said:Ney will be hated by the fans bc of thinking about leaving. Ofcourse he’s thinks about leaving his dad wants him to go to psg. But I think Ney should man up and tell his father what he wants for once.

Anonymous said:I’m mind blown at how his father is sitting back and letting all this backlash happen, why is he ruining his sons reputation. Money is great and all but as a father your child should come first, his happiness should come first always.

Anonymous said:The damage is done already, Cules don’t want Neymar to stay even the once who really liked him are turning their backs on him. At this point he might as well just leave. I don’t know if he’s even aware of it. But he will be when the Camp Nou welcomes him with boos and whistles.

Exactly, it doesn’t get better than Barça and hell to the no at P$G…

I hope he stays. I’m keeping positive. I hope tonight will be a good came again and maybe some stay Ney chants and he will see what he can achieve with this team. 

He will just have to make up a lot with the fans. 

Anonymous said:Hi i’m sorry to bother but why would JB fans be mad at him? Did something happen? Again sorry for bothering youHi, you don’t bother me. I just dont remember what I said about JB… Anonymous said:hey ash well am a madridista but i wanna say that i really wish ney to stay although this will harm and threaten real Madrid but i want him to stay bec i love him and if he stays within a couples of years he gonna be the best player in world and 2nd its amazing to see such a unique talent in la liga :) am sorry if i interfered in barca issue while i am a Madrid fan good night all xoxox

Aaawh thank you! Thats very nice of you to say! I didnt know RMA fans visited my blog, but your words are too kind! It;s great to see how you appreciate him

Anonymous said:I feel like Geri messed up, meant positive about Neymar, but some things he said come out negative, he made him sound like incompetent child who can’t think for himself, and made it sound like he’ll never lead club cuz he’s not Messi. Not a good msg to send out there. I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that but it came out like that. We all know Ney is still under influence of his dad but he made big choices against him in the past and hes not a compete idiot, I think ppl underestimate him too much

Geri spoke his mind and the truth. I know what Geri means with the child comment and it isn’t as negative as it may seem. I thought he said some interesting stuff in a time where the subject of all this drama isn’t speaking. 

Anonymous said:watching stories from Neymars friends pisses me off even more, they really are such fucking parasites! he does all the work, in the middle of this hot mess they’re just fucking around, partying in messy hotel rooms, all just follow him around and live of of him and his success like leaches, they are no use. How can he be grown up surrounded with ppl like that 24/7?? Are they gonna still sit in his living room when they’re 50? pathetic….

I hvae no idea. I hope they tell him fucking stay at Barca idioto.

Anonymous said:If its abt leadership eventually ney will leave cos lio is the undisputed leader here&he fought his way to be here. Its not like he randomly became the leader over the years he has cemented his place. At the start it was a struggle even for him and right now tbh it would be extremely disrespectful and wrong to ask leo to step down because why should he he isnt declining? Or has shown any signs of it either even at the juve game both goals he was the starting point of it his inch perfect passes

True. He knows Leo won’t step down and is the natural leader. That;s why he might wanna  leave. 

Anonymous said:It’s not lio imposes himself on others infact last season he played in the midfield and became Europe’s top scorer he didn’t exactly took away chances from others but rather he is that good he can play in all positions. He by his talent is the natural leader of the squad. He is the best player in the world. Some people try to make it look like lio is a dictator hence ney is going& nobody acknowledges that even messi on his part sacrificed his play to suit msn. He isnt exactly self centered

Exactly! Leo shouldn’t even be brought into this discussion. Every player knows to what team they go to and who the natural leader is. Leo is a team player, not selfish but everyone respects him as the leader. 

Anonymous said:Sorry…. he said that his making this very clear he loves Neymar more then Barca and better then being with the best player in the world and that he won’t find this somewhere else, and that he needs to enjoy the team, the city which is Barca and he won’t find it anywhere elseAnonymous said:Nah Neymar has massively dissapointed me! Is he really that stupid that he will lose whatever goodwill he has left with fans even his teammates for carrying this on WAY too long. If it was a silly brumar rumour or something to do with Bruna he would be the first person calling out the journalist or posting some silly posts to end the drama but with HIS own life and career and the integrity and respect for a club that has done their best to accommodate him he keeps mute! He should leave tbhAnonymous said:Okay bye Neymar 👋🏽😒!!! I’m sorry if he really wanted to stay as Barca he would have said something by now, which just shows that his actually considering leaving Barca for a club where he’ll only be recognized in the Champions League?! I’m done he has strung everybody along far too long! I’m disappointed in him!!

I get the disappointment because same, but I still want and hope he will stay. Lets hope he makes the right decision. 

Anonymous said:I’m soooo tired of this Neymar drama. Thank God for Lewis, at least one of my faves is treating me right.

Well Lewis also has a lot of drama surrounding him always haha. 

Anonymous said:Neymar’s father did the impossible…Congratulations 👏👏👏*sarcasm* A majority of FC Barcelona fans (90%) now hate Neymar.he Can’t really say anything??This situation is so annoying.If he wants to leave, he need to SAY. EVERYONE is tired of this waiting.

It’s such a mess…