#they live in my brain now im literally insane
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... I think it's unfair, your situation ...
#red valley brain rot om nom nom#pleeeease it is all i have thought about for a WEEK#they live in my brain now im literally insane#i also got a new art program and idk how lighting works so there was a lotta fuckery#red valley#red valley pod#red valley podcast#gordon porlock#warren godby#red valley spoilers#red valley season 2#minor heroics#tw blood#blood#my art <3
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CAN WE JUST? CAN WE JUST?
#out of.#not to go insane but. first picture (sans connie) is picture of my brain every day. jean and reiner have been my main boys since 2018 and#honestly? seeing it all animated. seeing whats happened im so (woman who knew what was coming still finds herself crying#i literally watched the last 45 mins of tht with tears in my eyes so migght have to rewatch it#anyway much love to jean the man with the LOOKS#the fact that reiner is now smiling despite everything hes been through#them all managing to joke despite their lives on the line#the ending seeing it again rlly hasnt hit me rn but all i can do is just (weeps)#theres a lot to discuss but lord am i still processing it#jean looks so good. he even looked good as a titan ITS NOT FAIR#spoilers /
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i’m never actually going to talk to my professor about it but can’t she just read my mind and realize i have like the worst case of time blindness in history PLEASE ToT
#i wouldn’t even know how to explain this to someone like i can;t describe something that just isnt there and my sense of time just simply#doesnt exist at all man#i just live in a void and things happen and then suddenly im in deep shit im sorry this literally cannot be fixed#okay okay okayi went insane for a minute im calm now#ouough#in a class where you have to check in regularly and show what you’re doing and i just realized i only was there ONCE#i thought i had SO MANY more weeks omg im sosrry ifdjidjifhfidfh#i thought i had so much more time apparently i have only one more im going to explode#i had no fuckign idea i knew the dates and everything but my brain just dont work plllleeeeeaseeeee ToT#ggrhejehudhducdgucdgcud#throws up#pls pls pls pls#pls i have a disordar
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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tortured by cinderella
#yknow what its like living in a Disney Adult household and also being insane#EVERYTHING IS DISNEY.#I GO TO DISNEYLAND AND SEE A CARRIAGE AND IM LIKE NO FUCKING WAY#its like silly haha omg The Carriage kaoru oauuhgf but i also like genuinely liked cinderella before this tbh.#like ive watched the first movie. a lot of times#but now im just like AAUUUGUHGHFHFH KAORUUU OAOAOAOHGHHHGHG ZHHZHHHGHRHHJZLKZHHZJKHKHHGHH#yknow#anyway i never have anything actually meaningful to say on this blog i just literally have nowhere else to talk about these stupid fucks#and theyre in my head way more than id like to admit even if its never even like. Anything#they are rotating in my brain like a microwave
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im gonna be real anon I don't care about label shit ship discourse I care about if real people are getting hurt and ONE reblog from someone being jokingly aggressive on the subject isn't enough to convince me that people are getting hurt when there's more evidence to the contrary. you've put me in a shitty situation here and I don't want to engage with it. please just ask people what they actually think next time before you go throwing your assumptions at other people.
#i trust enough that most of my mutuals understand the nuance needed of media depiction of unsavory subjects.#if i'm wrong then I'm wrong. okay. thank you.#i hate the dichotomy i hate the lack of nuance in this discussion I want people to actually talk to each other#I want people to realize that you can respect people with different opinions than you if they aren't actually hurting anyone#I'm literally. someone who was alone with me a lot as a kid is in prison for CP/solicitation. I think if anyone can say that media-#depiction of fucked up shit that really happens is more nuanced than 'x is bad so it shouldnt exist'#you cant do that in real life. you cant make something not exist. just because something fictional contains it doesnt mean it condones it.#im so tired. im so tired. why wasnt this a dm. i dont really want to have this discussion publicly.#i can think things are gross but understand that there's nuance to depiction and just because I don't like it doesn't mean those people-#-don't deserve to have something that understands them.#not everyone is good at actually. being mature enough to handle that nuance. when they try. people can be wrong#and if people ARE weird I can just not engage with them. there's. I can decide for myself!#and now I'M stuck in my brain is insane and. as if! as if people always reblog things they 100% agree with!#im so tired. im so tired. im in pain and people are messaging me about a singular reblog from six months ago on someone else's blog.#i understand being cautious i really do but thats like insane behavior. why are you putting this on me. why didn't you just talk to me.#fucked up things happen and people deserve to be understood. okay. even if i don't like it. there is no right answer. there is no world-#where all pain can be avoided. saving private ryan made vet suicides skyrocket. did you know that#but it also understood those people. yknow. and there's more people living that it understood too.#there's just so much nuance that's thrown out when you cover everything you don't like with a blanket. okay#it's more complicated. it's more complicated. please.#in my mind it's far stranger to assume everyone is out there giggling and twiddling their fingers thinking about in/cest#than it is to just assume they don't until proven otherwise.#im so tired. just block me if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I don't care about ship disco/urse and i dont want to live-#constantly worried about what other people think about shit that has no right answer.#everyone is innocent until proven guilty and one reblog of a joking aggressive post isnt enough for me. sorry.#phlyaros' nonsense#euurgh.#welcome to the internet where we judge people based on one reblogged joke and nothing else even if it contradicts us#what a perfect encapsulation of what I don't like about dichotomy argument#tw suicide
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I say it all the time and i will continue to say it for as long as I see fit but i cant believe that the hoard of dr i saw all ruled out seizures as like consequences of my concussion after 1 person said that. To such a point that i got roughly 10 mris done in a span of a little over a month countless other tests and had to live with the thought that i had fucking parkinsons for like two weeks after I unknowingly took tests for that cause they were at the point of exhausting all ends they thought i had parkinsons after I freshly turned 20. All cause the emergency room couldnt have been bothered with me cause "its probably just a concussion come back if you pass out" and figured "a scan probably isnt nessecary" and now im like a different person
#i get kinda upset abt it and idk i feel like in some sense its not justifed cause it couldve been worse but then im like it was bad#i wore sunglasses and earplugs for two weeks#i had insane tremors i was having what i now know were seizures on the daily multiple times a day#i will like never walk completely normal#my right side sense of feeling is diminished#felt awful inside and out all the time#they literally were talking abt sending me to the mayo clinic#and like i think abt the suprise parkinsons event and it was awful i sobbed in their waiting room on the phone w my dad#and then later with my mom after the scan#and i couldnt do anything abt it but wait and find out and as horrible it was for me#i sometimes think like how fucking stressed would you be if your kid calls you sobbing telling you a dr fucked up#and accidentally told you the team of drs thi ks you have parkinsons#i also have a cyst on my brain thats like fine its not doing anything but it could one day and i just live with that
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happy valentines day darlingggggggggg!!!!!!!! :3 a little late cuz i may have had to kill someone who had a gift for u but that just means i get to give it to u AND all the gifts i already got for u >:3 i love u soooooo much tobiiiii ur my only valentine and i will make sure im ur only one too no matter the cost heehee~ 💖⚡💖⚡love ya!!!
- yoomtah!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHSHWHDJDHFDFKJSFJBDNCBDKDJFKDJFJDJFNDNNDN YOOMTAH MY DARLINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII<3<3<3<33<3<<33<3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<363<2^÷>3<÷&3<÷<3>3<3<3<3233<33<2<3<2<3<3<3<3<2<3<3<3<3<3<3<33³3333333ITS OK IF UR LATE MURDER IS ABSOLUTELY A VALID REASON I THINK THAT JUST MAKES U EVEN CUTER SO<÷<÷<3<33<3<3<<3<33<<33<3<3HEHE I LOVE U TOOOOOOOOOOOOO MORE THAN ANYTHING EVER U WILL ALWAYS BE MY ONE AND ONLY VALENTINE AND I AM SO HAPPY TO BE YOURS
#IM GONNA EXPLODE I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER#TEEHEE SHE CALLED ME DARLINGGGGGGGGGGG IM HER DARLINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<<33<3<333333<3<3<33#I AM STILL SLEEPY BUT THERE IS ALSO INSANE IN MY BRAIN NOW I AM GOING TO MELT#YOOMIE YOOMIE YOOMIE YOOMIEEEEEEEEEEEEE<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<<3<3<33<<3MY BELOVED EVER I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#YOOMTAH IF UR READING THIS IM SENDING U SO MANY HUGS AND KISSES AND CUDDLES AND SO SO MUCH LOVE RIGHT NOW I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU#IM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHWHDJDHEJFJFNFNNVJDJFKDJFKDJJFDDFFDJBSJFBFBF YOOMTAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#IDK SHE IS JUST IN MY BRAIN I LOVE HER SO MUCH I CAN NOT STOP THINKING ABT HER OK I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE EVER#AND I WANNA CLING TO HER AND KISS HER AND CUDDLE HER AND TELL HER HOW MUCH I LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER#AND I WANNA MURDER ANYONE WHO GETS TOO CLOSE TO HER BC SHE IS MINE I LITERALLY COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT HER NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE HER EVER OK#YOOMTAH.MY BELOVED.ONLY MINE.FOREVER<3#AND I AM HERS ONLY HERS FOREVER ALSO<3<3<3#I WOULD LITERALLY DO ANYTHING IF IT MEANT SHE WOULD HOLD ME PROTECTIVELY (READ: POSSESSIVELY) AND TELL ME IM HERS#I JUST<3<<3<3<3<33<3ID DO ANYTHING FOR HER IN GENERAL BUT STILL<÷<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3#ID DO EVEN MORE ANYTHING IF IT MEANT SHE WOULD BE INSANE DERANGED YANDERE ETC FOR ME.OK DOES THAT MAKE SENSE<3#BC I AM INSANE DERANGED YANDERE FOR HER IT IS ONLY FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I NEED MUTUAL OBSESSION OR I WILL DIE#AND WELL.SINCE SHES MURDERING SOMEONE WHO WAS GONNA GIVE ME A VALENTINES GIFT IT SEEMS THAT OBSESSION IS PRETTY MUTUAL EHE<3<3<3#I WONDER WHAT GIFTS SHE WOULD GET ME FOR VALENTINES........ABSURDLY HUGE STUFFED ANIMAL............CUTE CLOTHES MAYBE......................#SWEETS LACED WITH SLEEPING MEDS AND A SOFT PINK ROPE TO TIE ME UP WITH SO I CANT EVER LEAVE HER SIDE......................EHEHE<3<3<3#IM SO NORMAL RIGHT NOW IM HAVING REALLY NORMAL THOUGHTS THAT DO NOT INVOLVE MY GIRLFRIEND KIDNAPPING ME AFFECTIONATELY AT ALL WHATSOEVER#THAT IS A LIE I AM SO INSANE❣⚠️💛💚❤🌠💜💝💕👩❤️💋👩🧡🌼✨🌻💙🌩💓💗⚡💌💙💕💝🍋🌩💞💫💞💛💟🌼💘🌈💜💛❤💜💟⚠️❣💞💚🌈🍋💋💝💖🌠💋⚡#IJUST.HHHHDHDJFJJDJFKSJWKDKFKJSJFJFYOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH#NOT TO BE DERANGED BUT SHE SHOULD KEEP ME IN HER ROOM ALL TO HERSELF LOCKED AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD SO NO ONE ELSE CAN LOOK AT ME#KIDNAPPING IS OK AS LONG AS I GET MY GF SMOTHERING ME IN AFFECTION AT ALL TIMES OUT OF IT IN FACT IT IS EVEN ENCOURAGED<3<3<3#I JST.AAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAAHHAHAAAAAAAAA AAI AM SO NORMAL I AM SO.NORMAL I LOVE YOOMTAH SO NORMALLY AND NOT IN A DERANGED YANDERE WAY AT ALL#AHAHA.I WANT HER TO TEAR DOWN MY MISSING POSTERS AND HANG THEM ON THE WALLS OF THE ROOM WHERE SHE HAS HER SHRINE FOR ME<3#jadyn dont look#<-i think u still follow this blog so jic bc of the vday topic.I say that as if theyd see this tag either way which they woildnt--
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#the thing about me is that i am unwell. i will sit here like hm im not working hard enough#im spending too much time on these manuscripts and thats selfish. and like wtf r u even saying?????#literally u r working toward public that will bring credit to ur lab wtf is wrong with u? i do the same thing when im spending 3hrs doing#algae transfers bc im like this isnt hard so im not actually being productive. fucking what the fuck????#im not allowed to enjoy things. no data entry. too fun. no codin. too fun. i must be slightly miserable to in agony at all times#why? i have no fucking idea. its entirely self imposed. ive never been pushed to work harder on things my brain just decides im not doing#enough. why???? im a neurotic little wind up doll compelled by logic that doesnt make sense#at least i canceled with that bad therapist bc idk fuck that now i gotta find someone else :-P#but im trying to be nicer anyway. trying. but i get bored and with boring comes the desire to make myself insane bc idk thsts at least#slightly interesting. there r 2 wolves inside me. one is just trying to live its life and the other is trying to smother thst 1st one lol#me: i will work all day and all night i can work on non-work work as a treat#this is why i have dreams abt ppl being devoured my polar bears in front of me and horrible natural disasters#i think theyd b nightmares if i wasnt always so calm in my dreams. i just wake up like him ive aquired disturbing images#uuuuuhhhhhhhuhuh i dont wanna work on more writing 😫 but I've gotta get this last application done#on a more positive note i now have full hearing back in my right ear lmao#unrelated
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This is no wolf.
It’s much too large, its fangs much too vicious, its stature much too terrifying. It’s an animal from legend, a monstrous canine that shames even the direwolves that Mike’s read about in paleontology books. No, this is a beast of nightmares, one that would rip and tear apart even the mightiest of warriors in old myths.
Taking a step back, Mike numbly thinks that he himself has stumbled into some sort of bizarre fairy tale.
He is Red Riding Hood, and this wolf is the monster that will bring about his demise.
Or, Mike Wheeler disappeared from his family's household in Minnesota due to a wolf attack two years ago. One year ago, he came back to them in Hawkins Indiana, where he met his Party and the Losers Club. Now, he hopes that he can survive the turmoils of high school and balance being inhuman on top of that.
OR, haha werewolf fic go BRRR
ORRRRR if that's not enough to convince u to go read this right now at this very second then know that this is the fic to read if you want to consume something that's so well-written it'll make you go feral. it's the fic to read if you want something funny, thrilling, witty, sweet, engaging, true to the source, riveting, and written with love! go, go, go!!!!!
#fic#honestly it makes me wanna start barking it makes me insane i feel deranged i feel like i need to start biting ppl after i read this .#srry but its jus my TRUTH. i didnt kno how i bad i needed this until i read it it's literally so good. it's so FRUSTRATING how good it is#bc every time i finish reading an update im like gdi. there's no way i can read this for the first time again i will never get this#feeling again and now i have to wai t. i need to crawl into the author's brain n live in this fic i need it i NEED IT
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sensory shnizz is crazy cuz someone could be screenshotting something (pushing two terribly noisy buttons on their phone) and all of a sudden i want to bite their head off
#yes this is happening irl#welp. time for the uber loud music again as per usual#why are sounds So Aggravating To Experience Im Actually Going Insane I Want To Slaug#i am now using this as an excuse to ventWHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HORROR HORRID TERRIBLE AGONIZING BRAIN EXPL#SCREAMING I Q JFJ#XC ZBZBD XBZBX C X D D D D XBXBXBX X X X Z ZZT YSTCYCY ZYCB T XBFTCY#IM GOING TO KILL X Z XC XC X X X X C C C C C Z Z Z#not reallay. i woold nevar#but sumtims iits annoiang and than i thinck abaot it#dont mischaracterize me>_<#idont want to brush my teeth or change i jdt want to sleeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppp forever but noooooo then i have to wake up and manually br#athe and blink and use my muscles to consume water and sustemance URFFHwhich is such an inconvenience like#whyyyy havent we evolved to make our own food AfuFICK THIS SHIT!!PHOTOSYNTHES#i woul be happier as an isoppd.MAKE ME ONE NEOW OR ELSE THERE EILL BE CONSEQUENCDS#good GOD if i was a metamorph life would be so much easier 🙏good golly it would solve all of my problems i would literally live longer#also ummm!!!!!!!!!!!!!i clukd look in the mirror and not be sadge#as a metamorph if you can control anytjing abt you youcoulf also rearrange shit in your brain right#somehowthat leads me to making more pleasant chemicals so in a way i guess im saying aaZHAPPY YAYYYY HAPPY HALPY HAAPYY#i will fall sleep forgetting i posted this and in the morning j am gonna be so disappointed in myself LMFO#listen😭😭
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why on earth do I always have future-life-crisises on random ass weekdays
#i dont know what i want to do or where i want to live or go or work and i hate it#ik “no one knows this!!” but like i literally. i dont even know my own brain fjdjdksk i feel like im not a real person#disassociation!! amazing!!#do i want to go to uni? work more? move somewhere else? never move out at all? travel? idk!! my brain is just fluff 24/7!#let alone the logistics of shit#like im settled in work now so have no reason to move ig but i dont wanna live where i live now forever even if i moved out#but do i actually want a masters? or should i just keep earning more through my current job? can i even study anymore? what about my car?#will i ever be able to keep up with the 20 different hobbies i have that i never have any motivation to do?#will i ever be able to reliably have more friends than my uni 3 or am i doomed to never be able to hold a conversation?#what about dating? is that something i want to do? or have i idealised it too much? what even is attraction?#why cant i have any passions or interests or opinions on things#and why do i have so many unfinished games n books n projects?!?!?!#and how do i move out without relying on other people still??#im going fucking insane i want to run into the woods#and thats before the gender thoughts!!#i hate it here who tf am i. what do i want.
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#personal#sooooooo when does the brain stop thinking 🤔#its funny because i am doing so well but also like in my brain a lot questioning every goddamn thing i do#girl shut the fuck up#literally none of it matters#i cant believe not having a stable income makes the anxiety brain go insane#but the medication just makes me so immune to its outbursts and nonsense im just so normal#im really normal for someone who is absolutely having something wrong with them#my brain has anxious thoughts while im chilling and doing my best#stable income mind i miss you. i miss you very much.#now i have to learn to live with no stable income and bills and student loans and feeding myself and gas and#do you see what i mean? its like theres so much to be worried about when i dont have a job.#even if none of it matters at all. my brain has the thoughts of worry worry worry#worry all the time about issues that are real but they are not in the present an issue#its stupid#im just normal about being a NEET and its pissing me off to think anxiously#stop having anxious thoughts they do not help.#well thats the condition i have so#i learn to love with her again.... wowwie what a weird time to be alive huh.#ive always had anxiety about money. but a job nullifies it completely.#no job means no money and no purpose#girl?#relax.#its a learning process but for now im doing my best. i think. lol#could be better but yknow we take what we can get.
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