#they’re always there when there’s something niche to complain about and I respect it

[deanmarywinchester]

seething and biting whenever I’m forced to see those buzzfeed ass MTA videos about “five ways to style red” or “wellness new years resolutions.” the day I let a content farm tell me to “wake up an hour earlier” or “try bright red lipstick” is the day I have been replaced by a body snatcher. anyway googling to figure out who I should blame for them and hell gate has me covered as usual

[atomicfilm]

INTJ pairings

I'll make this into a fun short "put you in my pocket and take you `to my mom's Thanksgiving party" version too.

I'm not an INTJ, but I do converse with them (and by them, I mean maybe 3 total and 1 regularly) and I've been asked to talk about my thoughts on this, so for tonight only, I'm giving myself a really cool sash that says I'm an authority on the subject. I also think as an INTP I run into somewhat similar issues with certain types.

* means I like this pairing.

Typically, the INTJ's golden pair is the ENFP. I think that works for some people, but is probably a kind of short-lasting passionate fling rather than the ideal pairing. ENFPs are great people, they're lots of fun to be around, they care a great deal. They bring out the INTJ's soft side, which they may hate but they secretly quite admire. But ultimately, ENFPs can be flaky. They see something new and exciting and they move on. Novelty is the greatest motivator in a lot of ENFPs. New friends, new places, new things to do. And while the INTJ may deeply admire that and may find it quite exciting, it's not going to last forever. Eventually, the INTJ will become tired of playing games and want to settle into their ideal lifestyle pursuing their carefully strategized goals and the ENFP will become bored. The INTJ I speak to and I have the same issue, which is that ENFPs by nature are manipulative. It can be used for the good of inspiring people and bringing them together, but it can also become quite selfish and unstable. This leads to the ENFP saying things like "You try to apply logic to everything" or "you don't really respect me" or something like that when in reality, if someone loves an INTJ they'll love that they apply logic to everything and they'll love their snarky edges.

INFPs. I have not heard a lot of feedback about them as I think INTJs tend to be drawn more to extraverts. But as someone who spends quite a lot of time with INFPs, I would imagine that a lot of INTJs who can't make it work with ENFPs can also not make it work with INFPs. Once again, INFPs are great at engaging our minds but they are terrible at accepting that we live by rationality. INTJs use Fi a little bit, so to some extent they'll have similar engagements with their emotional side, but INFPs live by thinking "what can I do to nurture myself" and INTJs live more by "how can I best mold the world to fit my vision of efficiency". You'll see the commonality of Fi at the worst point possible when the INTJ is breaking down. INFPs kind of never stop using Fi and as someone who is thinking-dominant, that is almost impossible for communication. Ultimately, they'll eventually hit a point where their love languages and ways of interactions may be so disparate that they feel neglected.

ENTPs **. This is a golden pair that I can kind of get behind. The INxJs I know are obsessed with ENTPs and tend to think they're quite attractive. They're not only gregarious (when they're not arguing) but they're also quite intellectually stimulating and since they have opposite functions from the INTJ, there is still quite a bit of difference to make it fun. There shouldn't be too many emotional issues, aside from the fact that both these types tend to bottle up their emotions and resent vulnerabilities. The ENTP will probably be the more caring of the two in a conventional sense, but I would think both would have similar love languages of caring both through action and thought. ENTPs also tend to not be quite as flaky as a lot of xNxPs are, but, I would rate both of these types as highly likely to ghost. My best advice is that if you want to be around ENTPs, pick one who can be honest about their real values and whose values align with yours. If they make a lot of bigoted jokes, take that at face value, no matter how "ironic" it is. ENTPs can be a little fake in the sense that they will blend in just enough and hide behind so-called irony to be friends with a lot of different people.

INTPs. I don't really see it. I think INTPs are lovely as an INTP who likes other INTPs. Likewise, I enjoy a good conversation and friendship with an INTJ. But I find it not only difficult to tolerate relationships but also being told what to do. I make every decision in a relationship as a compromise and I think that would eventually quite interfere with the INTJ's ambitions because I wouldn't back down on mine...at least, not without resentment. So perhaps an INTJ and INTP with similar life goals could work out romantically, but personally, I view them as platonic and the one time I liked an INTJ it ended beyond poorly. I don't bring out their softness and they don't bring out mine. We're more like buddies who complain about other people when we do the entire group project by ourselves. Of course, romantic preference is a preference.

ENTJs. When has it ever worked out for someone to date their sister-type? Name one time! If someone names one time I'll update this. I think an ENTJ and an INTJ would be quite an argumentative couple even if they were on the same side about everything. Then again, INTJs do admire extraversion and it is always nice to be around people you don't have to explain yourself to every sentence.

INFJs ****. Oh, I like this pairing. I have not heard much about it, but I think it would be really cute. INTJs are complete badasses. They're very "I'm going to take over the world and you're just going to have to deal with it. And if you say no I will secretly cry". INFJs are very "I'm going to do everything in my power to heal everyone and the world and I am probably crying because I saw a baby bunny". INFJs are The Best! They have the softness of ENFPs but they're logical and they use Ni like INTJs but have Fe, which means they are thinking about harmony 24/7 and not that Fi-version of harmony. That genuine "I will make sure everyone is cared for at no social benefit to me" kind of harmony. They do socialize with a lot of people, but INTJs sometimes like to be social and party, they just aren't typically regarded that way. Do Fe and Fi mix that well? Maybe not. But as an Fe user who is quite fond of INFJs, I think they could potentially be a very cute power couple with the INTJ and there would be fewer issues with communication than other types as Ni-doms (but this also might be boring at the same time).

ENFJs. Similar to INFJs. They might work together a little less simply because of the change in function positions.

ESFPs *. Do I know for sure that this is a good pairing? No! But gosh, do I like it. INTJs become ESFP-like when they're sad. So, you know, maybe the ESFP will draw out the worst version of the INTJ and that could really suck. But this is the perfect little theatre kid dates total nerd trope and I like that. ESFPs have the social circle that the INTJ desires and the INTJ has the "got their shit together" vibes that ESFPs, despite being quite talented and successful, may lack. They both have skills one another can benefit strongly from, but it may come at the cost of a lot of arguments. Not sure. But I think this is actually my personal favorite since they have near-opposite strengths but a common reason to respect one another.

ISFPs: Pft. Idk. This is not the same as ESFPs. ISFPs are lovely but they sort of fill the same niche that INFPs do. Perfect for an INTP like me, but I don't think INTJs are looking for the quiet, artsy, weirdo so much because they already often fill that niche to some extent, even if it's more technical. I've noticed that INxJs really want to be around people who are the life of the party and very socially dominant (and ISFPs can fulfill that role, but there are other types who win via extraversion). The ISFP will likewise appreciate a little practicality, but I've noticed they're more likely to gravitate towards other xxFPs. Probably a better friendship and as a relationship would take more effort.

ESTPs: I think this one comes with its own difficulties and will work less than ENTP/ESFP pairings. This is because while they can have the same charisma that ENTP and ESFPs have, they can also have that same fakeness as a defense mechanism. Both will value action but the ESTP will probably drain out the INTJ more than ENTPs will (who are more ambiverts) and more than ESFPs too. With ESFPs, there's a good amount of the right kind of opposites. INTJs are action-driven, but they're strategic and take a while. ESFPs are action-driven, but they're more spontaneous. And ultimately, that leads to a lot of arguments about how to get things done. Whereas, the ESFP and ENTP might give the INTJ complete room to "manage", the ESTP seems less likely to do so.

ISTPs: This would be so stale. INTJs tend to show big emotions (to their own despise) when they're upset and ISTPs love to ghost at any sign of emotion. They would dip so fast. Top-tier friendship on an intellectual level but never particularly deep and unlikely, albeit not impossible to evolve into a relationship. Same issues as with INTPs, there's going to be a lot of admiration and probably not a lot of emotional attachment. I have witnessed an INTJ have a crush on an ISTP but that ISTP had a crush on me so that tells you how that went. Messy business. 

ESTJ: Yeah, I guess. I don't like ESTJs as a general concept but I suppose INTJs aren't necessarily as opposed to capitalism and tradition. Sounds dry. Next.

ISTJ *: This is probably a really solid pairing for the INTJ. Very marriage material, have the same job, raise cool kids. But I think that sounds boring. So if you want the "perfect life", this is probably a good type for you but I couldn't do that. You would probably only have minor arguments and the INTJ would have to learn to trust that ISTJs are incredibly good at reading situations while the ISTJ would have to learn to love that the INTJ is more fantasy-oriented than they are. Odd, right? Ultimately, you have two people who can be very commitment-oriented, who care for people the same way, who want to fix society, who analyze everything. You just have two generally different ways of doing that, where the ISTJ is probably actually better at being in society and the INTJ wants to change it in more drastic ways (although, for moral reasons they both want to change it).

ISFJ: I don't imagine it working particularly well. I honestly can barely imagine it at all. An ISFJ is my best friend and he is THE MOST gentle buddy. You cannot make fun of him even playfully and keep the friendship. Probably a deal-breaker for a lot of INTJs as they tend to love a good tease. My ISFJ has dated an INTJ before and while they’re still friends, it was a bad experience to witness all around. INTJs are very competitive and ISFJs are very open with their affection so that ran into issues but also, the ISFJ is not as likely to stand up for itself in a way that INTJs easily respect, which is to say, when they do it it will be something like “hey, you hurt my feelings” and if you’re the kind of person to  respond “then you’re too sensitive” you’ve got a whole ass toxic relationship on your hands. 

ESFJ: I think this could work a little better than the ISFJ pairing and a little worse than with the ESFP. Of course, there are general grounds for arguing over emotion vs. logic, but both types can have quite a good bit of talent and practicality coexisting. ESFJs tend to be a little better with criticisms (although they are still sensitive and should be treated very gently too) and they're more likely to want to accomplish goals that the INTJ finds easier to respect. For a lot of ISFJs, their goals are sweet and simple like raising a family, working as a computer scientist. The ESFJ might be a little more oriented towards large goals similar to that of the ESFP, which is more of the category that INTJs tend to fall into. However, the INTJ is going to have to accept that ESFJs love a LOT which means throwing a LOT of parties, probably the most out of any type and its probably going to lead to some burnouts. 

Overall, INTJs are great but need to learn to practice kindness and put their natural tendency for intellectual superiority aside. They shouldn't be with anyone that doesn't want to accomplish things they can respect. They shouldn't be with people who want them to compromise too much (they probably won't). They should be with people who bring out their nurturing capabilities and who they want to do things for, but not people that they see as incapable of taking care of themselves. They may prefer more social people and admire people who can network while being direct and genuine. Based on these criteria, INFJs and ENTPs are my highest recommendations while ESFPs (my favorite) and ISTJs also make the list for various reasons.

BUT, that being said, RELATIONSHIPS (including friendships) ARE A SKILL. They are most successful when someone becomes good at learning respect and compromise that doesn't cause resentment, regardless of type. All individuals will have different specific interests as well as red flags. And if you need me to tell you if your relationship works, it probably doesn't and you can DM me.

[nothorses]

I hope it’s okay that I just lowkey vent, I’m not requiring actual mental or emotional labor from you, but if you or your followers have any opinions, I’m open to them.

I’ve been out for like a decade, and at first ftm mlm spaces were a refuge for me. Cis gay male spaces can be really really toxic with their body requirements and their judgement of gnc men and their enforcement of a binary between masc emotionally unavailable tops and sensitive unreasonable demanding twink bottoms and their hookup culture and just everything. Not to mention that jokes about vulvas and breasts being disgusting are EVERYWHERE.

But in trans mlm spaces the vibe was so accepting. I felt really comfortable and understood. I could go up to a trans mlm guy and know we more or less had similar identities. We could commiserate about binders and the limitations of phalloplasty and how weird it could be to try and fit in with cis gay men. Talk about learning to love ourselves and the more ‘gross’ changes that came with HRT and how it gave us a flat ass and zero waist definition. It felt like there was a massive sense of camaraderie and mutual understanding based on us all being men who loved men?

And over the past decade I’ve seen the community turn more and more to include nb people. I respect nb identities and I think they deserve support and respect as members of the trans community (when they identify with the term and all) etc etc, but now I feel like I can’t get away from nb identities in trans mlm spaces? Like… I feel like almost everyone identifies as a nonbinary trans man or a trans masc enby. The communities are filled with jokes about wanting to destroy gender and how gender isn’t real or is meaningless. Inside jokes about how people will be called he him but they’re not a man but you can call them a boy or a boy girl girl boy. Or their gender is a werewolf cryptid boyfriend. Or how their gender is just Gay and they aren’t male outside of loving other men.

This sounds like I’m complaining about Those Damn En Bee Trenders, but I genuinely am happy for them. I’m really glad that they’re learning to be comfortable and love themselves and connect with others like them, but it makes me feel really lost. Every post is geared to include them in a way that makes them alienating to me. Nothing feels like it has the feeling of simply being a man who likes other men, and all of the gross sweaty oily hairy jockstraps getting caught in your newly grown leg hair moments or whatever. Everyone is a picture perfect hairless vampire bf in expensive lingerie, and again I’m undesirable and unloveable.

It’s started to make me reflexively really bitter about nb trans mascs. I don’t want to be a bitter transmed or something. I want to love the community and not quietly be an awful seething hateful person. I feel like I’m a bad person nowdays. I never attack nb men, but I just… feel so angry that they’re always mlm AND nblm AND nblnb spaces now, and there’s nowhere to go to get away and just see the niche content that makes me feel seen and supported anymore.

How do I stop being a toxic nbphobe? Feel free to roast me or call me problematic or point out what an idiot I am, because I KNOW I’m awful and I sound awful. I just don’t know how to stop.

I hope it’s okay I sent this to you. I just feel like you’re a levelheaded person who would care and. Yeah.

I think what you're feeling is pretty natural, actually. I don't mean that it's Good or Reasonable, or that nonbinary folks are actually doing anything wrong- because they're not! And I think both of us understand that here; it's a good thing that transmasc spaces are broadening to include more people, that our community is growing, and that there are more and more ways to be transmasc & be accepted for who you are.

It is hard, though, to feel like the spaces you had to be who you are are being narrowed down to nothing; and it's normal to feel some reflexive resentment in response to that.

I think there's a valid point here, too, that some of this is probably coming from internalized transandrophobia. A lot of folks are exploring their identities without really unpacking the ideas they hold that have prevented them from doing so in the past, and finding these middle grounds where they can be "acceptable" transmascs: boy but not man, cute and pure and digestible, respected as A He/Him without ever being seen as the gross ugly sweaty monster they still believe men are.

And at the same time, a lot of folks are just genuinely boys but not men, want to be cute, want their he/him pronouns respected, and don't really feel they are Men in the way lots of other men are. A lot of them have honestly unpacked those feelings, respect the men who are men in those ways, love them, support them, and fight for them to have space here as well. They're a part of our community, and we both need to support each other.

We can't always tell one from the other, and we can't reject the transmascs who don't associate with the same kind of manhood we do just in case some of them might be doing it out of internalized bigotry- in the same way that we deserve space in the community, despite some of us clinging to these versions of manhood out of a different kind of internalized bigotry (i.e. nbphobia and truscum ideology).

You know all that, I'm sure, but I say it anyway because sometimes it does help to remember that all of us feel these things, to some degree. All of us have to get over it.

It doesn't make you a bad person to have those feelings- they're natural, and beating yourself up for experiencing normal human emotions isn't going to help anyone. Take a deep breath. Accept that the feelings exist, and understand why they do. Then let them go.

You are choosing not to act on them, you are choosing to understand that they're not reasonable or correct or helpful, and you are choosing to move past them in order to do better. That choice is what defines who you are and what you "really" believe, and that's what matters.

[arrthurpendragon]

OC Community Building Stuff

 I’ve been researching how to make communities work and pondering how to apply practices to the OC Community for a few weeks now..  I’m gonna say some things that not everyone will agree with.  You’re more than welcome to unfollow me, but please don’t send me hate.

What helps make a strong community? Or make a community work? Literally the first thing you Google will tell you:

Recognition

Team Outings

Fitness / Sports Teams

Volunteering

Purpose-designed spaces

I’ve been in the community for awhile now and I’ll give you my take on things.  It doesn’t mean that it is the only take on the piece, but here’s what I’ve noticed in my nearly 7 years here on Tumblr.

1. Recognition - everyone reblogs those posts that say you should “reblog people’s art/fics” But from what I’ve seen, most people never take that to heart and put the work in themselves. Some expect people to see that post and then to reblog their stuff. But it’s a two-way street. People then will complain that it shouldn’t be tit-for-tat but what world have you been living in? Most things come at a price. For most people (in case you haven’t noticed, life isn’t always fair), you have to put in what you want out of it.

How to fix this issue? Reblog people’s stuff.  I have met people out there who are more willing to reblog my stuff because I reblog their stuff. Like people’s stuff.  Review people’s fics.  Send them asks.  Follow random new blogs that seem OC they will likely follow you back (I know for fact this is true. Not everyone but many) 

You have to help foster the experience you want. If you want recognition, try your hardest to recognize others.

2. Team Outings - I think this is one thing some people are already doing in a sense.  Giveaways. Read & Reviews. Review exchanges. I think our problem is that we are burning out the people who take the time to do this for the communities.

How do we fix this issue? Host a giveaway or exchange.  Spread it around so that we aren’t burning out our OC community friends.  Maybe you can’t make graphics, that’s okay!  You can still host and see all the cool things.  OR host a review exchange. The more events that different people make, the more people that can feel welcome.  Maybe one person isn’t comfortable with person A but they are with person B - it’s not competition - it’s just another opportunity.

MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE PEOPLE HOSTING! it doesn’t hurt you to say thank you.  As someone who hosts quite frequently the number of people who don’t say thank you is astonishing and usually those are the people who tend to ask and ask and ask.  

Make sure people know they are appreciated! I rarely - RARELY felt appreciated when queuing stuff for ocappreciation.  Most people would come to be like “you made a mistake” but not realizing that fingers slip, that people try their best, that people don’t put information on the post and I have to guess.  But I RARELY got a thank you for reblogging the posts.  People just expected it because it was tagged, like they were entitled to ocappreciation - hence why I stepped back several times.  (May try to restart it again, but I digress)

3. Fitness / Sports Teams - This one was a bit harder to qualify in the OC community, I’ll fully admit. BUT what it boils down to is a people you like to spend your time with. These are called friends. Do you work out with every person in your acquaintance? No.  Just because you aren’t in a “friend group” doesn’t mean it’s exclusive. Honestly, for the most part if you approach someone in the community, they’ll reciprocate. But again, everyone expects someone to recognize them struggling.  Imma be honest, I haven’t felt like I’ve had “close friends’ here on Tumblr until maybe the past year or two and I’ve been here for almost 7 years. You don’t always find your niche right away. But I don’t hold any malice or hate toward anyone.  Anyone is welcome to approach me.

How do we fix this issue? Be patient and try to find your people. You might not “fit in” with a certain group and THAT’S OKAY!  They don’t have to be your besties, they can be acquaintances that you are nice to.  That’s how it works in real life too. Don’t expect everyone to be your best friend. But stilll be kind to people and respect other people. If you want to be friends with someone because you think they’re cool - reach out to them. Chances are, they might be looking for a friend too, but a lot of us are introverts are afraid to make the first move.  Someone’s gotta make it - or everyone is gonna be miserable.

4. Volunteering - I feel I covered most of this heavily in #1 & 2. Randomly go review someone’s fic without prompting. Send them an ask (it can even be on anon) Reblog other people’s stuff. Join a discord group. Thanks people. Host a giveaway or exchange. It takes everyone to build a community.

5 Purpose-designed spaces -  There are SO many oc blogs, whether is is ocappreciation, allaboutocs, or other fandom-related blogs...

*side note interact with those blogs too so people know they aren’t wasting their time reblogging and queueing stuff because it can be burdensome*

There are also Discord groups - you just gotta find them. Maybe if you read this and have an OC discord group, just say in the notes that you have one if people are welcome to join.

In conclusion, to improve this community there is something almost everyone in the community can work to strive to do better.  But we can’t let only a few people be the ones to do all the work and then burn out.

If you’re fed up with “the community” then try to help fix it instead of complaining about it.  I bet if we worked on these 5 things, we could make the OC Community a better place.

[shihalyfie]

The difference between the friend dynamics in the Adventure and 02 groups

This is a point I’ve reiterated in a lot of my 02-based metas, but there is a fairly distinct difference between the Adventure Chosen Children having a tight, deep bond and yet not quite being friends in “social life”, whereas the 02 group was a much tighter group on a social level. I always feel that I need to be really careful about saying this, because if I don’t word it carefully, it sounds like I’m trivializing the Adventure group’s bonds (plus, a lot of Adventure diehards will get very upset at you for suggesting this no matter how you put it), so I thought I should write something a bit more in-depth about it.

I think a lot of of this ultimately ties into what each series was about. The fact that Adventure was meant to be a series about “self-recognition of the individual” whereas 02 was about “relationships with others” has been pointed out by many a fan (and official staff too, while we’re at it), and it naturally lends to how the characters and the relationships between them will have a fundamental difference.

The idea that the Adventure group wouldn’t be the type to get together all that easily never really took that long after Adventure to set in. Of course, Our War Game! having this as a plot point also had a meta purpose (basically, limiting the number of people who could participate in the Diablomon battle), but it also has a very important point behind it: the Adventure kids’ social lives were never all that intertwined.

Again, this is something that sounds really awful to say without further qualification. What do you mean, the Adventure kids weren’t friends? Does that mean their entire adventure was for nothing? Did they go through all that only to forget about each other right after it?!

Well, no, that’s kind of exaggeration. I think to properly flesh out the nature of the issue, it’s important to define the differing ways you can be friends with someone. Imagine that you go on the best vacation in your life. You meet a handful of people there. You swap stories and get life-changing advice. You take commemorative photos after some really spectacular experiences. You swap numbers and social media contacts and then you go home. Are you going to keep in touch every so often with the people who gave you some very important advice, and maybe check on their important life events or organize a reunion sometime in the future? Very possibly! Does that mean everyone you met at that trip will now be regularly going out for lunch with you every week now?...Probably not, especially if you already have friends from school. That doesn’t mean you aren’t friends with the important people you met during that best life-changing vacation; it just means that they fill a very different niche in your life from the friends who don’t necessarily understand the life-changing vacation but have the free time to chat with you over lunch.

When the Adventure group found themselves pulled into the Digital World during summer camp, they had already come from very different social spheres. In short:

Taichi, Sora, and Koushirou were the only ones with a background of knowing each other beforehand, thanks to being in the soccer club;

Yamato went to the same school as the others but was a stranger to them, to the point people didn’t even realize Takeru was his brother at first;

Mimi had her own friend circle (see Adventure episode 29);

Jou was assigned as Mimi’s camp group leader but had no other prior relation to her, and Yamato didn’t even initially know his age;

Takeru wasn’t even supposed to be there since he didn’t go to their school and was only tagging along with Yamato;

Hikari was brought halfway into the adventure by virtue of being the eighth Chosen and Taichi’s sister.

Although six of the eight come from the same school, you can see that they’re basically “kids brought together by a certain circumstance” -- they’re not kids who would have normally come into each other’s purview had it not been for this. Which also means that as soon as their adventure ended and some years passed, the aspects of their real lives and social circles started kicking back in:

Taichi continued soccer;

Yamato formed a band (and presumably had a good relationship with his own bandmates);

Sora quit soccer for tennis;

Koushirou quit soccer for the computer club;

Mimi moved to the US;

Jou started attending a private school outside Odaiba;

Takeru and Hikari were never in their age group to begin with.

In the case of Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushirou, it’s representative of how, although they originally had a shared interest in soccer, ultimately, they started to drift into their own specialties. Again, remember that Adventure was a series fundamentally about finding yourself and finding your own path, and all of these choices actually tie into their character arcs: Taichi is a straightforward person and a natural, charismatic leader, meaning soccer was good for him to begin with; Yamato learned to become more sociable and make friends at school; Sora started playing tennis as part of properly reconciling with her mother, and Koushirou decided to pursue a club relevant to his actual interests instead of one purely so that he could have minimal presence in it.

Mimi’s moving to the US is an interesting case because it’s likely because she’s often described (by both fans and official staff) as someone who is easily likeable and can get along with practically anyone. Considering that she’s constantly considerate of others and lacking in condescension or malice, it’s easy to see why; her infamous bouts of complaining were largely because she was under a lot of stress at the time of Adventure’s events (it’s even said that her cracking under pressure was meant to be representative of how an ordinary child her age would react to the situation), and otherwise she has no problems making friends -- hence why she was shown in Adventure episode 29 as already having friends in Taako and Mii-chan that she presumably hung out with prior to the events of the series. So in moving to the US, the point is made that Mimi could move to an entire other country and still hit it up with people there (and she does, given how she makes friends in Michael and the other American Chosen without issue). So thus, Mimi’s moving is also part of her own path -- becoming an effective “ambassador” between international Chosen as they start to pop up all over the globe.

As for Jou, his character arc has heavily to do with the fact that he’s always been on the “elite” academic track -- Japanese school entrance exams stretch back as far as high school, so the fight to get into medical school comes back as early as here, and since the events of Adventure helped Jou come to terms with why he wanted to be a doctor rather than just following his father’s wishes, it’s understandable that he would now be putting everything into that goal -- even if it means going to a different school outside Odaiba and committing himself to the prep school life. And, generally speaking, the other kids respect that too, given that the only time they tried to pull him from it was a time they were literally suffocating on the spot and needed Ikkakumon’s specific backup badly (02 episode 16).

And finally, Takeru and Hikari? The fact that they’re that much younger than the others in this group really is a big deal. When they’re on something “purpose-based” like an adventure, of course the others will have no problem keeping them around, and of course they’ll be happy to participate with these older kids. But if we’re talking about mundane, ordinary life -- there’s not a lot of evidence to suggest they really would prefer the company of kids so much older than them for conversations over lunch. This is especially because it’s hard to imagine they didn’t have other friends at school, too.

Not that they mind being around all these older kids when the time calls for it, but as far as socialization goes, they have their own lives to live. And that’s fine; again, Adventure was a narrative about kids coming to terms with themselves and what they wanted, and it’s not their fault for prioritizing those paths and forming their own social circles rather than insisting on being a specific eight-person group (no matter how much the fanbase wants to have the romantic image of them sticking together all the time no matter what).

Plus, it’s not like they all completely drifted apart and cut each other off!

Just because they’re not “daily life friends” doesn’t mean they’re not still important to each other. 02 episode 38 has Taichi, Sora, Jou, and Koushirou show up for Yamato’s concert -- it’s unlikely they were attending every single one of his concerts, but this was a very important one that was going to be broadcast on TV, so it’s only natural that even Jou (who, again, doesn’t go to school in Odaiba anymore) would still come to support him.

In fact, the fact they can come together when a situation like this happens even without necessarily meeting up every single day of their lives is probably a testament to how strong that bond is in itself. They don’t need to hang out once a day or week to maintain their friendship, and having other friends they’d rather hang out with throughout the day or invite to events doesn’t necessarily mean the other Adventure kids are less worthy friends to them. That experience in August 1999 was so impactful on all of them that they will never forget it, so even if they spent quite a long amount of time not interacting with each other, when a circumstance that necessitates them coming together does bring them together, they can hit it off like nothing happened. Think about how you might have an important friend that you may not chat with on a daily basis, but you talk to them once in a while and hit it off like you never had a break in the conversation. But because that strong bond is based on that one very specific experience that happened in one specific summer, it’s only natural that the majority of meetups over this are going to be based on something to do with that experience, like Digimon incidents; for ordinary things like “band concerts” or “club activities”, it’ll naturally be easier to stick around friends who have more similar social interests, like fellow band or club members.

On the other hand, this is very much not the case for the 02 group.

To understand why the 02 group has a fundamentally different dynamic, we need to dial back to a little before the actual “adventure” part of 02 started.

Right off the bat, we see:

Takeru moves to Odaiba from Sangenjaya, and specifically to the same building Miyako and Iori live in, meaning he’ll be walking to school with them every day;

02 episode 7 indicates that the Motomiya and Yagami families live in the same apartment complex, meaning Daisuke and Hikari are also likely to walk to school together;

Miyako and Iori are established as having already long hit it off with each other as neighbors;

Daisuke, Hikari, and Takeru end up in the same class (with Daisuke and Hikari having known each other already).

In other words: Even before anything to do with Digimon had been introduced (or re-introduced, technically) into their lives, the kids were already being thrown into each other’s social circles. You could technically argue that Daisuke wouldn’t have necessarily met Miyako and Iori if not for the Digimon incident coming into his life later in the episode, but Takeru being neighbors with them basically fills in all of the gaps here -- unlike with the Adventure kids where the adventure in August 1999 threw them together when they likely wouldn’t have been in the same social circle otherwise, the 02 kids are the social circle even independently of the Digimon incidents. In fact, due to being functionally neighbors, there are a lot of ways these kids’ social lives intersect, with Daisuke and Miyako being Taichi and Koushirou’s juniors, Miyako working for Yamato’s band, Yamato being classmates with Miyako’s sister Chizuru, and Jun and Miyako’s other sister Momoe being classmates.

Since, again, 02 was a series fundamentally structured on examining relationships, you can basically view Adventure being a series about “bringing some people together as they find self-assertion even when they’re from different social circles” while 02 follows that up with “so if they were in the same social circle, how would they deal with that?” -- especially since 02 makes it clear that certain kinds of emotional baggage associated with that can actually make it much more complicated.

A lot of 02′s first half is dedicated to the 02 kids doing completely mundane things that have very little relevance to the Digital World conflict -- watching TV in the computer room (remember: this was before they realized the “genius boy” being covered on the news was actually relevant to this), or having a picnic in the Digital World. Mimi even explicitly points out that this kind of thing wouldn’t have happened with the Adventure kids, but it’s not just because of the fact that Adventure involved a lot of running for their lives! It’s easy to dismiss a lot of what happens in these early episodes as “filler”, but a lot of this is dedicated to depicting how the 02 kids were constantly spending time with each other for reasons completely separated from Digimon incidents. This even includes completely ordinary things like soccer games -- Takeru, Hikari, Miyako, and Iori come to support Daisuke with an obvious motive of seeing him do well, so it’s apparent that they’ve come to enjoy hanging out with him beyond just obligation.

Part of this is because of the different nature of the Digimon conflict that they experienced. The Adventure kids had an experience that really was, functionally, “one” experience -- an extremely formative and important one, but one condensed one that they all experienced together. The nature of what the 02 territory war and conflict was, on the other hand, meant that what the conflict “was” to the 02 kids was of a completely different nature. This wasn’t summer vacation; this involved going back and forth between the fight and real life, to the point where Digimon fighting became integrated into “daily life” -- so of course you’d probably hope that the people you’re fighting with are also people you like to bond with on a social level. “Digimon life” and “social life” became synonymous to them.

And when it all comes down to it, it’s hard to pinpoint a “single experience” that the events of 02 embodied, or at least in the same way August 1999′s adventure was. As much as they were running for their lives, the Adventure kids have the luxury of looking at the events of their series as a formative singular time for them, one that they could even look at nostalgically, but for the 02 kids, it’s hard to condense everything into one singular experience (it’s easy for the audience to see it as one series, but for the kids themselves, it’s a very long chain of vaguely connected events). Actually, most of the year involved fighting with someone who ended up becoming their important friend and the other involved helping him deal with his trauma, so it’s not like everyone would be likely to have the most romantic image of this experience itself to “bond” over as much as they care more about the take-home they got out of it: each other.

One thing that 02 doesn’t really spotlight front and center with its starter cast of characters is that, unlike the Adventure kids, who either came with their own social circles prior to Adventure or eventually developed their own in the course of their lives, it’s heavily implied that the 02 kids actually had difficulty making other friends even on a social level, or at least were likely to be in a situation where the other 02 kids really were better company than their other options even for mundane situations. This is especially in the case of the newly introduced characters, who are, effectively, a bit socially “displaced” from others and likely to have struggles fitting in.

There are quite a few signs that Daisuke had serious difficulty making friends prior to the events of the series (with Hikari being the closest thing he had to one), and the fact that the 12-year-old Miyako is portrayed as constantly hanging out with the 9-year-old Iori, brought together by being neighbors, rather than people closer to their own ages stands out. Iori is particularly interesting in that, unlike with Takeru and Hikari, who were portrayed as kids likely to socialize better with those their own age, Iori’s unusual maturity for his age heavily implies that he would actually be out of place with his classroom peers (a very common phenomenon for some people in real life, too!). 02 episode 3 depicting him left alone in the classroom with only a teacher to watch him while his stubborn fixation on principles leaves him slow to finish his lunch says a lot -- his own behavior is liable to isolate him from others, and it’s thus not all that surprising he ended up bonding with some kids who are older than him and more accepting (and even treat him with proper respect, too).

Takeru and Hikari, too. There’s been a lot of arguments over whether the two of them would theoretically be closer to the Adventure kids or the 02 kids, but I would honestly say it’s technically both at once -- they have the same “not socially close, but intuitively understanding” relationship that the Adventure kids all have with each other, but hold the other 02 kids as part of their social circle and hang out with them in “daily life”. So in other words, they have the Adventure kids’ relationship with the other Adventure kids, and the 02 kids’ relationship with the 02 kids. This is presumably why Takeru and Hikari end up hitting it off so well at the start of 02 even though they didn’t interact all that intimately in Adventure; not only do they have that shared experience they intuitively understand, they also were able to start hanging out in day-to-day life and actually, well, socialize.

This applies to them in relation to the rest of the group as well. While neither of them were necessarily portrayed as having social problems, one common thread between the two is that they’re both very emotionally closed-in. Takeru’s response to negativity is to cover it up with smiles, until he can’t hide it anymore and bursts (which scares the hell out of Iori in 02 episode 19 and ultimately forms the basis of their Jogress arc), whereas Hikari has issues vocalizing whenever she’s hurt or in pain (said by herself in 02 episode 31, but with precedent from Adventure episode 48). That means that, even with potential social circles at school, it’s unlikely they necessarily would have had someone they could emotionally bond with deeply off the bat (especially since Takeru had just moved from Sangenjaya), and it’s likely why they kept gravitating towards each other (despite never truly talking about anything in-depth for most of the series) up until the Jogress arc.

In other words, while the Adventure kids’ adventure of self-actualization meant that their relationships to each other were mainly formed on simply understanding that they had a similar experience and empathizing, the 02 kids -- full of a group of somewhat socially maladjusted and out of place kids, plus two who had been on the prior adventure but were young enough to now still be carrying some deep-seated, unresolved emotional baggage -- were in a position where they arguably needed each others’ help to grow.

Jogress isn’t just an obligatory evolution gimmick; it’s something very important to 02 as a series and understanding what it wants to say about relationships. I think one thing that makes me very sad is how often its constant pigeonholing as a gimmick makes me hear people saying that Daisuke and Ken was the only plot-relevant one and the rest were forced “spares”, saying that something like Takeru-Hikari and Miyako-Iori would make more sense. But when the point of the series is about building your relationships from scratch and learning to grow together, I really don’t feel that a story about relationships that naturally existed already would have helped it nearly as much. It’s not like Daisuke and Ken was that likely of a friendship, either!

This is especially in the case of Takeru and Hikari, who certainly were vibing pretty well with each other, but were still very emotionally closed-in with a lot of emotional baggage until the more to-the-point Miyako and Iori were able to break through their shells. (02 episode 13 is so often considered a “Takeru and Hikari bonding” episode, but while it does do a lot to show off the depth of their relationship that hadn’t been depicted much besides them just hanging out all the time, it also does not solve Hikari’s core problem in nearly the same way Miyako gets to the bottom of it in episode 31.) This is also why Takeru and Hikari have such a different relationship with the 02 kids compared to theirs with the Adventure kids; while they were largely tagging along with the older kids and learning a bit about inner strength back during their summer adventure, the 02 group is the one who not only provided them with friendship on a more equal peer level, but also poked deeply into their emotional issues that they very much needed others to help them out of. These are friends who finally get them.

That Ken ultimately becomes yet another addition to this group of kids in need of friends finding support in each other should go without saying -- after all, it’s made abundantly clear he was very lonely and friendless until Daisuke and the others reached out to him -- but it ultimately culminates in them choosing to integrate this lonely boy from Tamachi into their social life. (Remember: Ken is the only of the six 02 kids to live in Tamachi and not Odaiba, but the last quarter of the series has them going out of their way to meet up.) The episode that establishes that everyone has truly made their peace with Ken and wants to unequivocally support him (with the most originally stubborn against it, Iori, graciously accepting him) is sealed off with a Christmas party. A completely ordinary Christmas party that has nothing to do with the Digimon incidents at hand, where they can play meaningless card games and celebrate the little things like Ken laughing, because it’s not just forgiving him or learning to work with him, but actively enjoying his presence and supporting him.

The Digimon Animation Chronicle profile for Ken in Diablomon Strikes Back refers to him as Daisuke’s “best friend” (親友). Usually, the word for “friends” within Adventure and 02 would be nakama (仲間); you may have heard this word from One Piece fans, but this is a word that roughly means “one of us” and has a stronger emphasis on being in a certain group, or being like-minded. Thus, “you’re a Chosen Child like us,” or, more pertinently, “you have the same goal as us and we’re in this together” (after all, it’s not like being a Chosen Child was ever an exclusive club or anything).

But in the case of Daisuke and Ken’s relationship, it’s not just about having happened to gain a deep bond over the course of 02, it’s that Daisuke now really does have a sense of emotional closeness to Ken that the two are considered best friends by default -- in any situation, despite him living all the way in Tamachi. Even though the franchise loves to put them in the category that “protagonists and rivals” usually get, where most others are ones who tend to have friction but understand each other in the end, Daisuke and Ken are unique in that they’re not like that at all. They have a very straightforward sense of emotionally confiding in each other, at worst maybe lightly bantering a bit, but they are friends before anything else, and that extends to the rest of the 02 group as well.

The aftermath

On its face, it sounds like the 02 kids are getting a pretty luxurious deal -- they got a fun adventure of emotional growth out of it, and they’re tight friends with each other at that! Well, that probably sounds great, but there’s a flip side to all of this.

Firstly, as I mentioned earlier, the Adventure kids’ adventure in 1999 was a lot more “romantic” than the 02 kids’ eight-month-long ordeal. Sure, a lot of it definitely was stressful, what with the running for their lives and the scary villains and the emotional conflict, but there was also the part about getting to meet Gennai and the other friendly Digimon around and getting to explore villages. They were on summer break, so they didn’t even really have to worry about school (especially once they realized time dilation was a thing); it’s basically the epitome of the romantic coming-of-age story. (Fun fact: Stand By Me is really culturally influential in Japan.)

02, on the other hand, was an eight-month-long ordeal of having to fight a territory war crammed into the after-hours of school, juggling fighting this war with keeping it from parents, in a fight that would retroactively turn out to be against what would later become a heavily traumatized and beloved friend, plus eventually watching him get subject to even worse trauma. Oh, and the series also ended on witnessing a bunch of deaths (or in other words, the worst New Year’s Eve ever). While it seemed like the kids had the luxury of enjoying the Digital World in ways the Adventure kids couldn’t at first, actually, they didn’t get to enjoy as much of it at all, since they never got to form any lasting relationships with anyone like Gennai or Elecmon. These kids were basically too busy trying to keep each others’ heads on straight to really be able to focus on that.

The comparative mess that the 02 kids went through, and the messes that they kind of are, means that they’re rather dependent on each other for emotional support. This is not inherently a bad thing, mind you; the fact that some people are more independent than others is a simple fact of life, and the 02 kids (whether it’s from naturally being a bit misfit or from the degree of their experiences) being the type who grow together with mutual support isn’t inherently anything bad. It does, however, mean that they’re likely to have some difficulties ahead coming out of 02 as “growing up” conspires to make it more and more difficult for them to stick together -- after all, how many people have actually been able to stick with their elementary school friends all the way into adulthood? This is especially because Japanese high schools admit students by examination, and rank by academic ability; it’s not particularly common for those from the same elementary/middle school to attend the same high school, even if they live close to each other, and it’s very unlikely that all of them will be sticking together in school by that point.

So, how did they fare?

Well, before we get into anything else, we should probably bring up one thing that seems like such a tiny little detail but is actually very important for this: Technology didn’t stagnate at 02′s D-Terminals, and by the time of Kizuna in 2010, smartphones and group chats existed! (Earlier than they did in real life, at that.) This is actually really important because of how much it does for that question of “how to keep in contact when circumstances like school keep you apart” -- especially when the Adventure group would certainly appreciate the method to keep in touch despite their lives largely getting increasingly separate. That, and even more so if other similar technological things like social media existed; there’s a lot of ways to keep in touch despite physical and circumstantial distance.

Of course, they’d been keeping in touch via email since 02, but a group chat is much lower pressure and actively encourages everyone to keep in touch; think about how useful group chats have been for connecting with your own longtime friends. It’s ambiguous whether the 02 group was privy to this particular chat from To Sora given that they were clearly on call for incidents like the Parrotmon one, but it’s also entirely possible that this is a room for The Ones Who Went on That One Adventure in August 1999, especially since they use the Crests as their icons, and the 02 group has their own (let’s be real, they totally would; think about how many Discord servers with overlapping people you might be in right now). This, combined with the fact that the Adventure and 02 groups seem to have formed a sort of recon squad for the increasing number of Digimon incidents in Tokyo, means that there are actually a lot more opportunities to stay involved with each other than ever before!

As it seems, the Adventure group does seem to be rather emotionally close to the point that Taichi is willing to reach out to Yamato simply to dump his emotional troubles about his future career prospects on him (despite them going to very different universities at this point). Yet, at the same time, there’s still a palpable sense of distance going on here, and a depiction of Taichi and Yamato having developed separate social lives and their own friend circles -- Taichi with Morikawa and Nemoto, and Yamato with Abe (their names come from the novel), who are also acquainted with each other enough to talk about career and worry about each other.

When Taichi and Yamato talk over beer, they don’t even have updates on the same people (Yamato has to update Taichi on Sora and Takeru’s status), and ultimately, Yamato comments on their drifting -- saying that it’s a potentially inevitable part of choosing one’s path. It’s not hard to see why he says this; it’s been a recurring theme for them since after the events of Adventure. Sora and Mimi haven’t been around for Digimon incidents lately because of their careers, and it’s highly likely Jou hasn’t either; Koushirou keeps in touch, but our only depictions have been in the range of business and Digimon incidents.

But for the 02 group? Absolutely not.

The Kizuna drama CD has a lot about what the 02 group was doing (and planning to do) during their little “vacation” in New York. In fact, there’s a lot to go on about here:

Daisuke and Takeru show up together even though Iori was allegedly said to be “first” approached, meaning the two of them were basically hanging out anyway.

Daisuke insists on going on a trip that’s about his own personal career with friends -- and not just any friends, but specifically the group of himself, Ken, Miyako, Iori, Takeru, and Hikari. He also wanted his seniors along, but they were too busy -- but it’s pointed out that the other 02 group members aren’t exactly full of free time either, meaning that these five have a special place of importance to Daisuke in his ramen career trip.

Even the Digimon are aware of what the other humans (the ones that aren’t even their partners!) have been up to lately.

Miyako and Hawkmon say that it’s only natural for them to show up when the group is getting together -- i.e. being with this specific company is a fact of life to her, to the point she invents D-3 gate exploitation to be with them.

The group keeps saying “it’s been a while” for periods of time in which it is made pretty obvious it’s actually not a lot of time at all. (Miyako had just left for Spain to the point her coming back elicits an “already?!” kind of reaction, yet that constitutes “a while”, and the most likely very short time between the trip planning and the movie is also apparently “a while”, and it’s very likely that Takeru’s “a while” in greeting Iori may well have not been that long, either.) It really makes you think about how often the people in this group must be meeting up to think that this constitutes “a while”...

Hikari is ready to fight people for denying her the chance to play with Miyako.

Beyond that, they’ve all apparently been regular enough presences in Daisuke’s life for completely offhand comments and actions to have major impacts on his career thoughts.

In the movie itself, Miyako refuses to take on the exact same request that she ultimately gladly participates in with the rest of the 02 group in New York -- presumably, because the fact her friends are there makes it all better.

As it turns out, despite everything -- despite everyone going in completely different directions with their careers, attending different schools (Iori’s still in high school while everyone else is in university!), the 02 group has been maintaining this attitude of going out of their way to hang out with each other, in a sort of “we do it together, or we don’t do it at all” sense. Of course, that’s not to say they’ve all stayed so socially maladjusted that they’ve become completely incapable of making any other friends at all, but there is a very clear, strong preference of them wanting to be in each other’s specific company to the point that they would do ridiculous things to make it work.

So, you might be asking: what’s the trade-off?

Yamato attributes the alienation between the Adventure group to “choosing one’s own path”. Inherently, this is not quite right (nor is the sentiment that “choices are bad” in general), especially considering that Daisuke, Iori, and Hikari already made their choices in path a long time ago, yet are still behaving like this. The question is actually more of priorities; notice that while the older Adventure characters are mainly portrayed in Kizuna as aggressively pursuing career prospects, the 02 characters, despite having their current educational statuses listed in their profiles, simply seem to have this as not an object.

Iori’s still in school uniform; he’s arguably cramming this all between school club obligations. Ken, Miyako, Takeru, and Hikari don’t have their current educational status involved at all, and even though Daisuke’s ramen trip is technically for his future career, he’s also happy to just “play around” about sightseeing (and, again, there’s also no reason he needed to bring his friends for this). Takeru’s working on his novel, but he hasn’t actually decided it’ll be his career yet. It’s not about whether they’ve made choices or not; it’s about the fact they’re going about this remarkably casually to the point where maintaining their relationship with their friends is more important than career. And this extends to the 02 epilogue as well; compared to their seniors’ more prominent history-making careers, the 02 group’s is more low-scale and community-oriented (the only exception being Sora, but even that ties into individual ambition more than anything else, considering that not succeeding her mother is already a pretty big deal in itself).

The take-home

Adventure and 02 are both very well-known for showcasing people with different personalities and goals in life, and celebrating their differences. I think, personally, the difference between the Adventure and 02 groups’ dynamics is also something that reflects on the different ways to live one’s life as well. This is especially something that most of us can probably understand well now that we’re adults looking back at this, especially in light of Kizuna.

There are some of us who really want to do large-scale things in this world, and will need that understanding of the self to get there but may struggle with maintaining consistent friendships on that turbulent path, and have to adapt by managing the different levels of their relationships and learning to get along with different people in different ways. There are some of us who gain happiness more from mutual support with the people around us even if it means not ostensibly achieving as “great” things, and feel most comfortable with a single consistent set of friends. Some of us are in between, or feel elements of both as we try to experiment with things in life (actually, I’m pretty sure that’s probably most of us to some degree).

Think about your own life and future prospects right now, and then think about the friends you may be in touch with, or haven’t been in touch with for a while, or the ones you talk to for different purposes or fulfill different niches in your life. We’re all trying to straddle this balance; there’s no one right way to live.

[cheeriecherry]

I love your work so much!! I love how you handled the student x teacher request, given that I had some misgiving towards it, but I love how you write it!! May I request sum ,, Tamaki hc's? both nsfw and sfw?? The idea of him being a lowkey dom and confident behind closed doors is just 👌 I love you! Hope you have a good one today, and eat lots of delicious food!

Ofc!

Requests are temporarily closed while I catch up on them!

Warnings: nsfw below the cut, some like dom/sub mentions but it’s p tame bc im a vanilla bean lol

SFW

-Anxious bean. I relate to him lol

-He’s such a good boyfriend tho, ngl. He’s quiet and soft most of the time, and he’s really attentive to you and good at listening. He’s kind and sweet and treats you well and with respect.

-You’re one of the most important people in his life! You and Mirio! So it probably won’t be strange if you end up befriending the blond too, like, he’s just so easy to get along with and Tama would be so happy if his two favourite people were on good terms.

-Dates are usually pretty low key, going out for quiet lunches or to niche places that aren’t usually densely populated. Sometimes you guys will go to the mall to shop around, but that’s more rare. He prefers quieter and more intimate places, where he can talk to you and spend time with you.

-Once you guys move into the dorms, it becomes a little harder to go on actual dates, so you have to make the most of it. Study dates, video game dates, just hanging out in the same room and doing your own things dates, walks around the gardens, picnics under a tree on the weekends. Sometimes even training!

-You guys probably have sleepovers a lot, where you cuddle up in a mound of pillows and watch crappy movies. Bonus points if it’s a scary movie! Creepy stuff doesn’t really bother him, but the jumpscares always get him, even if they’re obvious. He has to hide his face in your shoulder for several minutes after one happens, which means it’s optimal for cuddling.

-Absolute cuddle bug. He’s kind of nervous about physical contact at first, but once you ease into it in small increments, it becomes really important to him. Catch him out there with his arm around your waist or your hands linked together, hugs and cheek kisses before class. Even on the weekends, he’ll come to your room and flop on your bed, looking at your with puppy eyes until you come over and lay beside him and let him hold you.

-He’s not huuuuge on graphic PDA, and wouldn’t do anything scandalous in public, but he likes having a hand on your or sitting closer than friends would. It might be subtle, but a little piece of him wants everyone to know that you’re taken, and that he’s proud to be seen with you, even if his gestures are small.

-He’s also really good at comfort. If you’ve had a bad day, or are just stressed about something, he’ll let you talk to him about it in detail, and he’ll really listen. Sometimes he’ll give you advice if you want it, sometimes he’ll offer to help you (if it’s something like schoolwork or you’re falling behind in training), other than that, he’ll let you know that he’s a safe place for you to come to and be heard.

-If you’ve also got some kind of anxiety, and aren’t able to do something, his own fears are suddenly less strong. Like, he understands what it’s like, and he wants you to be able to get what you need, so he’ll put up with his fears for your sake. Even if you both have to go home and lay down after and complain to each other about how much anxiety sucks.

-Once he’s comfy around you, he comes out of his shell big time. He’s still quiet, but at the same time he’s the friend who never shuts up once you get to know them. When it’s just the two of you, or you and Mirio, he’s always saying something about something, telling you about his day, asking about yours, wondering your opinions on things. It really shows how much he trusts you.

-Make sure you tell him you’re proud of him, and be genuine about it! Praise him for things he’s accomplished in spite of his anxiety, and tell him what you love about him. Hearing those things out loud from someone whose opinion he values really means a lot to him, and silently tells him that you see him and see how hard he works.

NSFW

-Like casual affection, sex if a thing you gotta work up to, and slowly. He’s super nervous at first, because he really has no idea what he’s doing and he’s too shy to look it up, but he really wants it to be good for you too.

-He knows like, the basics of how it works, he’s not completely clueless. He just doesn’t know the intricacies or tells of your body. You’ll have to be really verbal and honest with him about how he makes you feel. It’ll prove to him that he’s making you feel good, and also rile him up. 

-The first few times you guys sleep together, it’s kind of messy and he’s embarrassed as hell and neither of you last very long. There’s probably some awkward moments where one of you makes a weird sound and you both burst out in giggles, or one of you gets a cramp at the worst time.

-But you guys keep trying, because he really loves how close he feels to you during those moments, both physically and emotionally. Plus it’s just fun, y’know? It passes the time, it’s a good workout, and you guys get to learn even more about each other.

-It’s not for a while that you learn he’s got a more dominant streak sometimes. Most of the time it’s a pretty equal playing field, with both of you giving and taking and asking and demanding, but sometimes he’s had a rough day, or he’s just feeling particularly bold or lustful.

-He won’t order you around too much, but he’ll definitely make suggestions or what he’d like you to do, and imply that if you do it you’ll get a reward. As if doing as he says isn’t reward enough. He’ll definitely be more vocal during those times, saying filthy things to you and telling you how good you look on your knees/wrapped around him/etc.

-And he always makes sure to reward you when you do good.

-He’s not so big into negative or super painful punishments if you defy him. Like, he doesn’t want to leave you crying, even if that’s something you want, I just can’t see him wanting to genuinely hurt you that much. He still has a soft and tender heart.

-But say....he tells you not to come, or not to touch yourself, and you do it anyways, then he’ll turn your rewards into a punishment. Like oh, you want to come? Okay, he’ll give you as many orgasms as you want and then some, until you’re overstimulated and begging for him to stop. He won’t stop, unless you safeword him, or until he’s satisfied you’ve learned your lesson.

-He’s not opposed to light painful punishments though, like spanking you until your ass is sore and making you count each smack for him, or putting little heart shaped clamps on your nipples to make them super sensitive, or holding a vibrator against you while he curls his fingers inside you, only to pull it away at the last second and leave you hanging.

-Ngl it’s kind of hot when he gets confident, and having him control you a little bit makes you needy. For rewards? For punishments? Who knows, but he’s happy to dish them both out depending on how you behave.

-No matter what kind of sex you guys have though, aftercare is always important to him. Cleaning each other up, cozying up together in bed, sharing pillowtalk and soft touches and gentle smiles. He just really needs some kind of emotional intimacy to go along with the act, whether it’s during or after the fact. He wants to make sure you know that he loves you a lot (as if him treating you like an angel didn’t already show you).

[smutty-ki113r]

hi there, i hope you’re having a great day :-) i’d love a romantic matchup!

i’m 18, bisexual, and i use she/her pronouns. i’ve had the same few insecurities for years now—i’m insecure about the quality of work that i produce and whether or not i deserve love that i’m given, not to mention unimportant things like my stretch marks :P i’ve struggled a lot with my self-confidence and various mental health issues in the past, but i genuinely believe that i’m doing better now than i have in a long time <3 i try to be kind to myself and others, but at the end of the day i’d like to think that i still have a backbone and can stick up for myself

likes:

* cooking & baking

* all kinds of movies! everything from comedy to horror :-)

* video games, specifically ones that don’t require much skill (stardew valley, legend of zelda, animal crossing… y’know the drill lmao)

* writing, art, and reading!! i’m really big on writing poetry and making art as romantic gifts for my partner whenever i’m in a relationship

* ALL SORTS of music genres. i’m very into alternative, rock, and even 80s music

dislikes:

* people who act like they’re better than those around them >:-(

* feeling lazy and having a lack of motivation to do things

* hot weather

* excessive intelligence… kind of weird to admit it but i’m not into brainiacs in the slightest

one weird thing that i do is move from interest to interest pretty quickly. i’m not always vocal about it to those around me but i find myself hyperfixating on niche subjects for weeks at a time, only to inevitably moving on to something else. as someone with ADD, i like to keep my mind busy!

i’m generally an introvert who prefers to stick with herself, but on some occasions i can be INCREDIBLY outgoing and easy to chat with! i try to be friendly while simultaneously respecting my own social boundaries :-)

i’m a taurus sun and a pisces moon, but admittedly i don’t know much about astrology lmao

i consider myself to be somewhat of a romantic, so i have plenty of different ideas for dates. i think cooking together is a fantastic couples activity, but i’m also sort of a control freak in the kitchen who prefers to take the reigns :P i’m more than happy to have quiet nights at home spent watching movies or curling up together, but for my ideal date i’d prefer going somewhere! whether that be something like a picnic beneath the stars or a romantic walk in the woods would be completely up to my partner… what’s most important to me is the quality time that i spend with them. hope this was enough!! thank you so much :-)

I match you with…..💖MASKY💖

Alright a lot of reasons for this one, and I promise it’s not just cause you like to bake. (DONT @ ME PLEASE).

Insecurities, yall have the same ones. Masky is so so overwhelmed with work, but for some reason he feels like it’s not enough. He might complain about it and nag but he will. Not. Stop. It’s not that he’s strong or whatever, but he feels guilty if he dosen’t do as much as he did the week before. He’s really sensitive about that too so. You would pretty much be a great match for him, if you reassure him and let him know it’s ok to take breaks he will do the same for you. He cares so much for you that one day he will understand the toll it is on his partner when they overwork themselves.

I think if you wrote Masky a poem he would faint. Sitting him down and reading it to him, he would make an expressionless face and then make gruff noises under his mask (if he wears it), it would be to cover up for his crying. He will deny it, but you have to go and give him a hug, he won’t let go.

The man likes to listen to music with you, a nice night by the chimney with you. He also hangs up all the artwork that you make, and he loves looking at them during the day. They are these wonderful reminders that he has the best partner ever. On another note, he’s not a brainiac, and around you especially he treats you like his all. This your body is perfect regardless of your stretch marks and because he had slender sickness he gets the mental issues. Very very supportive about that.

I do not KNOW if you are a minor or not, if you are not then you should definitely read CAKE, if you are stay THE FUCK AWAY. He’s literal hubby material (AGAIN DILF ALERT), and he accompanies you in the kitchen. Whipping up some batter he will get up and stand behind you, giving you a hug and putting his hands on his. Nuzzling up to you and giving you all the love in the world, if he’s in a playful mood then put some batter on his nose and get into a food fight with him, he needs to relax. Walks in the woods with you are his favorite :)

[bitchatcloudtower]

What are your biggest pet peeves/red flags when it comes to people?

I have so many.

Personal Pet Peeves:

(Generally more personal ones. Not inherently character flaws, but I don't like these people and will do my best to avoid them.)

• Overly boisterous/talkative people - I just don't like being around them. Being loud doesn't make you fun or likable, it just makes you loud.

• Childishness - This captures all my answers but I mean overly childish mannerisms/voices etc,.

• People who don’t want to improve themselves but constantly complain about themselves. If you don’t like something then fix it. It’s one thing if you’re actively trying to be better and are complaining because you're struggling, that’s perfectly understandable! I would actually respect you for making that effort. But if you aren’t making any effort then it just sounds pathetic and I hate that.

• The bunny ears + demonia shoes + leg warmers + sanrio set aesthetic - Can’t stand those mfs. They’re always annoying. Zero exceptions.

• People who get their whole personality from TikTok. That app fills me with so much rage and you can always tell when someone spends too much time on it. Especially in regards to their stances on certain topics.

• People who make one thing their entire identity - stoners/self proclaimed online introverts/misanthropes are the worst offenders of this but the sentiment applies to other things.

• Perpetually online syndrome - I say this as someone who is online a lot but a lot of you desperately need to interact with people who aren’t in your niche echo chamber of a community.

• Pretentiousness - I have a weird relationship with this one but if you constantly feel the need to prove that you're smart in situations that don't call for it then you're just annoying. If you actually are smart, you won't need to bring it up all the time. (Obviously if something "pretentious" comes up in conversation then yeah go for it but talking about... idk the death of print media in an other light conversation???) Also related: people who are constantly trying to one up you or who compete with you over who suffered more.

• People who don't understand that other experiences exist. Yes, other countries exist. Yes, other languages exist. Yes, other religions exist. Your experiences are not universal, stop acting like they are and stop expecting everyone to cater to your experiences.

• People who joke too much. Especially when they say something hurtful as a joke and get mad when the subject of that "joke" is upset. Also not everything needs to be a joke.

Red Flags:

• Victim Complexes - A lack of responsibility/accountability for everything negative in their lives. (They’re never at fault! It’s just because of an external factor/other people! They’re the real victim here! Pity them! Side with them!)

• Failure to respect boundaries - They continue bothering you about something you’ve expressed discomfort in/they continue doing something you’re clearly uncomfortable with. It’s why certain asks irritate me so much; if I don’t answer it/don’t want to answer it properly it isn’t for you to push on why I’m not and it isn't for you to insist that I change my answer/give an answer at all.

• Selfishness in relationships - People who expect constant unconditional support from you but don’t care about you when it’s inconvenient for them.

• Insistence that their morality/opinions are the only correct ones and lash out at people who think differently. Extends to both more conservative and supposedly “woke” sides of morality/thinking.

• Lack of self awareness - These people inevitably just end up hurting everyone around them and fail to see that they’re to blame. Often ends up having a victim complex.

• Can’t keep their word - they say they’ll stop doing something that bothers you but they keep on doing it, they say they’ll be better about something that bothers you but they don’t, they say they’re fine then go on to hurt you because they actually are upset at you. Linked to a lack of respect for boundaries but slightly different.

[cobalt-penguin]

y’know what i’m still feeling annoyed and petty, plus i’m stuck inside and it’s storming out so why not type out a checklist of what everyone in TOW did to me.

since i am mean and manipulative, petty and pathetic, and so much more? why not bring up some old beef and give ya’ll something to eat. 

Gansey: tried repeatedly to instigate drama -- if not actively break up -- my OC ships by encouraging -- through IC shenanigans -- cheating and lying. One of these happened while I was on vacation with my family and i still remember crying about it in a hotel bathroom because i thought one of my few ships in the RP was over and I hadn’t even been asked about it. This also included trying to get his OC Tomas to make IC/OOC (hey you can feign innocence when it’s in that dubiously OOC space, until its receptive in which case you can say it was IC the whole time!) at one of my ship partner’s OCs. Made repeated fat jokes at one of my fat characters (the same one they were clearly trying to get away from their partner...hmm...). Claimed I was always running to vague on my personal. Fair enough, I did, but they did the same thing. In poem form. Never answered my message about leaving the RP group because they felt ‘disrespected” by it. Repeatedly including untagged dubcon/noncon elements on the dashboard and triggering me. Lying to Ivy and me about having a full Overwatch party then trying to say “oh it just emptied you can join now”. hid this “FAR” idea from the rest of the RP community and then played coy when they got found out and asked about it by another anon (not me). Made fun of other RP groups in Tumblr tags then, when I asked them and their friends not to, was told “we’re a step above them.” Saying I was excluding them from things when I asked to play OW with them AND invited them to my horror RP group AND, only months beforehand, were inviting them to my Marvel RP??Trying to emotionally manipulate me through threatening to kill characters they had obviously grown tired of playing (probably because their major connections were to me and not their other friends) -- “haha i’m probably going to kill (my oc) idk but doesn’t that make you upset?? what will (your character) even do??” Engaging in nasty “”IC”” interactions with my character, basically telling me, through them, off, and being supported by the entire community in doing so. All of this really hurt me because I considered Gansey a friend and a major inspiration at one point in my life. Someone I non-jokingly looked up to and trusted. I feel like Gansey left TAR, our first RP group, because of how controlling, self-interested, petty, and mean-spirited the admins there were. That they were limiting other people’s creativity while building up their own narrative -- everyone else just there to be their audience. But you and Roman literally became Usa and Jen. Congrats. You lived long enough to become everything you’d rebelled against. And yes Gansey -- I saw all of your messages to everyone. Emotionally manipulating others -- telling them how terrible you are you don’t deserve their friendship, but would like to -- isn’t an apology. Its a tactic. Do better in the future. And despite me “blocking” you? There were a hundred ways to still reach out to me if that was what you really wanted. But let’s be real. It wasn’t. That was part of your gambit to. Goodbye. 

Rosie: asked literally EVERYONE about what had happened with the ““TOW explosion”” except me. never even asked my side of the story. Rosie I don’t even get because the other admins treated her like shit -- making her do all the coding and technical components for the entire RP -- but she was still defending them to the end. Okay. And then to treat Shelly like utter SHIT even though Reyne was running her passive-aggressive mouth off about people who couldn't even defend themselves? Amazing. Yeah, she’s the bully. Your perspective was so twitested by your biases that you were ready to victim blame Shelly just because Reyne had to run at the sight of someone actually throwing their bulltshit back at them. 

Reyne: Like Gansey, frequently indulged in cheating/cucking scnearios for fun -- again, including my own characters without asking or telling me. Don’t think Reyne ever apologized for this, IC or OOC. Dropped ships with me repeatedly -- leaving the group even -- without a word. Passive-aggressive to the max. Made a ship with Gansey just to play out her Teen Wolf OTP -- something that will never not be funny to me, when she called Gansey’s “character” Stiles. Smooth. 

Frankii: Repeatedly dropped me and my characters from plots. Gave me one of the most hurtful comments of my RP community by essentially being like “maybe if your plots and characters weren��t so confusing than more people would want to RP with you.” Invited to join my horror RP group and never made a character. also told me this after Gansey wrote that enormous callout about me, that Roman piggybacked on while the getting was good: “also I'm not here to advocate on behalf of my friend but I really don't think Gansey was trying to be rude last night, they can come off a certain way when they're stressed.” COOL. The rest of Frankii’s message I really appreciated, at the time, but, surprise surprise, then despite us being “cool” they never spoke to me again. 

Laura: I actually really liked Laura tbh but I guess she didn’t feel the same. Some of our interactions back in TAR were actually some of my favorites. I invited her to join my horror RP group and she never made a character. When I asked about this -- and if she needed any help making someone or wanted to leave -- she said she was working on it. Basically stonewalled me over time. Honestly though? Not a lot to say I actually think Laura is a good writer and pretty cool. Its just obvious who her friends were and I, stupidly, thought I was included in that. 

Anna: Actually I really liked Anna too tbh but I guess I vastly overestimated our friendship? It happens. Dropped me from one of her plots -- after talking to me about including me in one of hers because she felt “obligated” basically, from being featured in my own -- without mentioning why or talking to me about it. Invited to join new RP -- refused (not mad about this, just making note of it). Refused to follow my new account when I lost my old one because “lol they’re such a furry”. 

Roman: lmao where to even start. Roman was condescending and elitist literally from the beginning of TAR. barely acknowledged my existence until he had to.I started a plot with an open invitation to the entire RP group, with a deadline so I could start writing. Roman waits until its over and complains that they were left out. I include him anyway. Roman mocks the fact that I ask to tag or outright remove aphrodisiac dust -- because I don’t like seeing untagged dubcon/noncon on my dashboard, it upsets me a lot -- and then goes on a whole thread about it after I go to bed and can’t even defend myself. Apparently told his friends not to invite me to things because he doesn’t like me??? And then he has the nerve to be like communication is key and you can come talk anytime??? While having me on their public “friends” list with a description about me on his blog??? omfg...I literally can’t. To this day. Actually let this image speak for itself.

Everything Else: The repeated, childish treatment of strippers as immoral (””your character is stripping?? my character is so upset and is going to protect them!!”). The implication that characters who were stripping were also automatically sex workers. The continued references to my character, who owned this establishment, as being sleazy and manipulative. Also, honestly, what was with ya’ll adopting some random teenager into your OW groups? That was weird af. And then bringing some random person into TOW without asking anyone and trying to pull rank like “we’re the admin team and we can do whatever we want”. and shit-talking Meg and me in your “open forum” when all we wanted to do was get on with out lives. Like? Who cares? Ya’ll didn’t want me, at least, there anyway, clearly. You don’t get to exclude me then talk about how disrespectful and “wrong” the way I left was..........

Me: I didn’t do everything perfectly either. I know I could be passive-aggressive. I could be self-interested. I could make bitter comments. I dealt with feeling angry and upset by making memes -- which, I’m gonna be honest, I get why ya’ll were upset but I don’t regret either. I had spent so long in TAR/TOW with nobody interested in my characters and plots -- originally because I didn’t vid and played furries but, later, well.........see above -- that I did focus on my own narrative. I wasn’t invited to plots. I didn’t have sexy vampires and boy band werewolves. I played weird characters that didn’t fit the common niche of the cast of an angst and hookup filled supernatural YA novel. Maybe my plots were confusing but, honestly? It was because they were always going to be in the background. I wasn’t disinterested in anyone’s stories. I had just been left out of them for so long -- having to beg to even be a mention in a single mention -- that I had to make my own. I wasn’t there to just be an audience member to be aghast by Roman’s newest quirky boy or Gansey’s newest possessed twink. I was a writer. A member of the community. And, at the time? I thought a friend. Someone who deserved appreciation and respect. 

I know who my true friends are now. We did, ironically, exactly what you did -- we have out own group, our own setting, our own community. 

And I still live with the mean and manipulative things YALL said everyday. Even as an adult -- even with everything I’ve accomplished and am so proud of -- I’m still traumatized by being treated so poorly -- for years -- and not even realizing it. Something I’m still working on -- one of the many reasons I still have trust issues to this day. Congrats. That’s your legacy on me. aNYWAY

byeeeeeee

[letterboxd]

Creative Limitations.

“The media’s already polarizing enough; I guess I’m looking for things that are not polarizing and are much more nuanced about the human condition.” —Lulu Wang, writer and director of The Farewell.

One of the highest-rated films of the year, Lulu Wang’s The Farewell stars Awkwafina as Billi, a fictionalized version of Wang herself, in the story of a family in cahoots to keep their matriarch in the dark. The film is based on “a true lie”: Billi’s paternal grandmother in China, Nai Nai (played by veteran Chinese actress Zhao Shuzhen) has cancer, and the family chooses not to let her know, instead staging an elaborate fake wedding to bring the family together.

Where other independent features often develop out of a short film, Wang took her story to This American Life, a bastion of American radio storytelling. The half-hour audio version, ‘What You Don’t Know’, is what her American film producer heard; from there, the feature film came to life. It’s a quietly powerful story that has resonated with Letterboxd members for many reasons, including the authentic, hands-off way in which it comments on “the many micro-tragedies that naturally follow any family whose members—for one reason [or] another—decide to leave the family nest and search for happiness abroad”. For others, it’s even more personal: “Seeing yourself on screen probably doesn’t get better than this.”

When The Farewell opened in US cinemas in July this year, its per-theater box office average topped that of Avengers: Endgame. The film was still showing in select theaters in October, and has just been released on streaming services, including in 4K on iTunes, with a commentary track by Wang and her director of photography, Anna Franquesa Solano. “We tried to talk a lot about process, so I think that’ll be interesting,” Wang told us. (Also, “we may or may not have been drinking”.)

In time for its streaming release, we chatted with Lulu Wang about aspects of The Farewell’s production, the useful limitations of independent filmmaking, and her favorite films, from holiday movies to best soundtracks. Interview contains plot spoilers.

Lulu Wang and DP Anna Franquesa Solano on the set of ‘The Farewell’. / Photo: Casi Moss

The Farewell is standing strong in our highest rated films of 2019, and the reviews are responding to exactly the things, I imagine, that were important to you: the non-manufactured stakes, the family realness, a sense of the specific being universal, the process of grief beginning long before a person you love dies. How does it feel that your film is being so well received? Lulu Wang: I fought really hard to tell the story in such a specific way that in some ways I think my biggest fear was that the specificity would put us into a niche, and only attract a very niche audience. So, you know, the fact that there’s so many people—Asian-Americans but also non-Asian Americans—who see themselves and their family in the story is incredible to me.

You often mention the films of Mike Leigh when talking about highly specific stories that nevertheless have a universal resonance. Can you talk about some other such films and filmmakers that do this for you? Well, Yi-Yi [directed by] Edward Yang is one of my all-time favorites. The specificity, the tenderness of it. The patience of the filmmaking. I find Yi-Yi to be that. Also the humor, there’s so much charm and so much humor in it, it feels just so real.

Kore-eda’s films speak to me in that same way. I just really appreciate the patience in filmmaking. I think so often nowadays the flashiest things get the most attention, and we’ve also trained our brains to need that, right? That kind of stimulation. And so there’s something just so beautiful about a film that takes its time and that doesn’t lean on easy tricks to get attention, but that takes time to get to the heart of something very nuanced, that isn’t so obvious, that isn’t so black and white. The media’s already polarizing enough; I guess I’m looking for things that are not polarizing and are much more nuanced about the human condition.

Through The Farewell’s run, you’ve been generous about opening up the filmmaking process—this Vanity Fair bilingual script breakdown, for example, gives a good insight into how hard you worked on the script. Could you talk us through the ‘wedding portrait sequence’, in which Billi’s cousin and his wife have a series of photographs taken while Billi and Nai Nai carry on a long conversation? It’s entertaining, but it’s also important for what it reveals about Nai Nai and Billi’s relationship, Chinese wedding culture, and the underlying lie of the whole story. You must be so proud of this sequence. I am. Yeah, I’m really proud of that sequence. The photo portrait was kind of inspired a little bit by Secrets and Lies, when he takes the portrait, and the falseness of what we present when we take portraits like that in the studio, right?

Nai Nai (Zhao Shuzhen) observes yet another wedding portrait set-up in ‘The Farewell’.

One of the intentions, going through it, was minimising the dialogue and trying to condense the script, and so that made me say, “Okay, what are all these moments doing?” They’re all trying to do the same thing, which is to establish the relationship between Billi and Nai Nai, so condensing it into one sequence makes sense. And then also because so much of it is dialogue-driven, how do we make this cinematic? Because at one point the wedding photography studio was separate from these conversations between Billi and Nai Nai, you know, and so this is where, in some ways, being forced to have limitations, being forced to make a shorter film, you start to think more about layering and how do you do multiple things at once.

I really appreciate the limitations of independent filmmaking. Not always; when I’m on set and I get the budget I’m complaining! But looking back on it, those limitations are how we came up with many of our visual ideas. And then also of course it was influenced by the location itself, because we were scouting wedding studios and I wasn’t aware that these studios were so large, that they have, like, different spaces built into the same building. Because if you look at a western photo studio, like in Mike Leigh, right, it’s always the same backdrop.

So that sequence was inspired because we went location scouting, and we were like “this is ridiculous! There are ten different rooms and they all have different set ups!” So then we had this idea of them basically just wandering through the whole photography studio and we’d pick four of our favorite set-ups.

And then this idea of them being silhouetted was inspired by [Woody Allen’s 1979 film] Manhattan. I wanted to capture their relationship as a romance, and I was thinking about Manhattan and their silhouette—I think they were in a planetarium—so we came up with this idea of a continuous conversation, but that was spaced out in front of different backdrops.

Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in a scene from ‘Manhattan’ (1979).

That sequence helps us learn more about who Nai Nai was before the events in The Farewell take place. At Letterboxd, we’re often compiling top ten lists, but “best grandmothers on film” is not a highly populated category, especially films where grandmas are more than just ‘kindly’. Tell us more about fleshing out Nai Nai’s life and the importance of giving respect to older female characters. I think about that in life, too, you know. We think about a lot of people in our lives as fulfilling a particular role in relation to ourselves. That’s my mother, that’s my grandmother, that’s my teacher. Remember as a kid you don’t even think your teacher goes to the grocery store! They hide in the back of the class and then pop back up in the morning! So as a filmmaker, as a storyteller, I’m always thinking about who they are, separate from the context of their relationship to you.

That’s also part of the sadness of not being with somebody or of losing somebody is you don’t necessarily get to see them in all those different contexts and then when they’re gone, there’s so much you don’t know about them and may never know about them. And as our parents get older, your relationships to your relatives change, you know, like ‘who’s the parent?’—children often have to become the caretaker. That’s where it came from, was wanting to make sure that Nai Nai was not presented as a stereotypical grandmother. That she felt like a three-dimensional woman, a woman who was once a girl, and a young woman, someone who was once in love, or maybe in a relationship out of convenience. And also that she’s not always sweet. That’s very real.

One of the motifs in The Farewell is birds appearing at significant moments. In many cultures, a bird is a portent of something big, for example, a death in the family. Where did your bird come from? The bird for me came from wanting to put [in] something magical, but not, like, literal, you know? Meaning, I wanted to insinuate spirituality and magic, but I wanted it also to be interactive with the audience, so based on what they believe and how they interpret that bird is the meaning they get out of it, without me saying “this is what it means”. Much of the movie is about belief systems and perspectives, so I think that if you believe the bird means something, then it does. But if you don’t, and you’re a much more literal, scientific person and you go, “Oh it’s just a bird, it’s just a coincidence,” then it doesn’t mean anything.

Awkwafina leans on Zhao Shuzhen’s shoulder during filming. / Photo: Casi Moss

That’s how it is in the movie and that’s how it is in life: what you believe, and where you find meaning, becomes your reality. With Nai Nai outliving her diagnosis, the people who believe the lie is what worked will continue to believe that the lie is what worked, and people who believe that prayer is what worked… In a way, we look for signs to validate the things we believe, because it’s how we get through life! We need signs, we need meaning, even if we’re the ones who are attaching that meaning.

This far down the track, what is your fondest memory of the production period? Oh gosh, so much of it. I think just being in China, being in spaces that were in my real life, with a crew. Any time that that happened it was really emotional, like shooting in my grandmother’s neighborhood. Shooting at my grandfather’s real grave. I hadn’t seen my grandfather since I left China when I was six, because he died a few years later. To now be at his grave site, gathered there with producers and the crew, scouting it and then shooting there, you know, it was an integration of two different parts of my life that I always felt were really separate, which was my family and China and my background and culture, and then the other part of me, which is being an American, being a filmmaker in America.

In many ways, I always felt that my family didn’t understand what I wanted to do, and also I couldn’t bring who I actually was into Hollywood, there wasn’t a space for that. With this film I was able to fully integrate, bringing my American producers to China for the first time, having my grandmother come to set and see me directing with all the lights and camera and crew. Having my parents be part of the table read. It just felt, really, like I was creating from a place that felt true and real and grounded to me.

Awkwafina and Zhao Shuzhen in a scene from ‘The Farewell’.

Speaking of being grounded, what’s your go-to comfort film? The one you’ll always throw on on a rainy day? Oh, I know: The Philadelphia Story. I love that story.

What’s the film you’ve probably seen the most? The Sound of Music.

Favorite song from it? Probably ‘Edelweiss’, honestly. I’ve been watching that film since I was a kid, it’s one of my parents’ favorite films. It’s such a family film for us, and every time the father sings ‘Edelweiss’ to all the kids, I get really emotional.

What’s the film—or films—that made you want to become a filmmaker Secretary. The Apartment. Annie Hall. I know that’s taboo, I shouldn’t say that, but I have to. Like, Annie Hall, you know? When I first saw it, I was really inspired by that. And The Piano. I think, with both The Piano and Secretary, it was the exploration of female desire and female voice—and obviously as a trained classical pianist since the age of four, the symbol of the piano for her, for that character, and for me, was really meaningful.

Jane Campion’s ‘The Piano’ (1993).

Alex Weston’s soundtrack for The Farewell, which leans heavily on human voices, is something you worked closely with him on. What’s your all-time favorite film soundtrack? So many, I don’t know how to choose! Well, I have a couple. In the Mood for Love. And then, because it is related, Barry [Jenkin]’s If Beale Street Could Talk is one of the most astounding soundtracks. Barry was inspired by Wong Kar-wai for Moonlight, and so yeah, thinking about In the Mood for Love reminded me that Nick Britell’s If Beale Street Could Talk soundtrack is just incredible.

Holiday season is fast approaching: what’s your favorite holiday/Christmas film? Home Alone is a classic that we all watch. Does Fiddler on the Roof count as a Christmas film?! I don’t know. That’s my mom’s favorite. And then I have a really embarrassing one, because when we got sick of Home Alone, we had to pick a new one, and somehow we landed on Jingle All the Way. For years, we watched Jingle All the Way and just laughed our heads off.

Finally, how is Children of the New World coming along? Very slowly. I’m working on the script. I’m writing it. It’s gonna take a while, probably after all of the press is done so I can fully focus.

‘The Farewell’ is available on streaming services now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length. With thanks to A24.

[towaniegaita]

FAQs [Nozakibento, 16th October 2010]

Original post in Japanese

I collected together some of the questions I'm often asked.

 Basic Information

Name: Nozakibento

Date of Birth: 28th April 1986 (Showa 61)

Height: 177.5cm (as of 2018)

Weight: approx. 60kg

Blood Type: A

Home prefecture: Hokkaido. I was born in Sapporo. I also lived in Tokachi and Kushiro.

Current location: Tokyo (I moved there from Hokkaido in the year I turned 30)

Occupation: A 33 year old amateur idol

Hairstyle: I used to wear a wig, but now I mostly go for a messy style

Visual Acuity: Both eyes are around 1.5 without glasses

Characteristics: Nozakibento

Likes and Dislikes

Favourite food: Sliced senmai (boiled tripe), vegetables in general, meat in general (especially meat sashimi), seafood in general (especially octopus and oysters), anything cherry blossom flavoured, anything yuzu flavoured, rice, miso soup, soba, udon, niboshi ramen, yakuzen herbal soup, grated yam, tofu, shiokara, sushi, sashimi, seaweed, mochi, rice flour dumplings, wheat gluten cakes, keihan rice, oyster soy sauce, slow-boiled eggs, Indian curry from Tokachi, ice cream (especially citrus, mint chocolate, watermelon and vanilla flavours), hard gums, mini Ramune candy, agar jelly, almond tofu pudding, oroblanco

Least favourite food: None.

Favourite drinks: Tea in general, kale smoothie, scented but not sweetened sparkling water, vegetable juice, tomato juice, soba water, miso soup, dashi, non-alcoholic beer, ginger ale, black coffee

Favourite alcoholic drinks: Campari-based cocktails (especially Spumoni), Violet Fizz

Favourite animals: Daring crabs, spotted garden eels, owls, sea urchins when they eat cabbage

My type: Someone with a big heart, who isn't rude and doesn't complain all the time. Decisive, speaks logically and is a fast worker

Favourite scents: Bergamot, yuzu, oroblanco, lemongrass, lemon and lime, eucalyptus, vanilla, incense, hinoki cypress, the smell of hot springs, medicinal water, struck matches

Favourite sports: Table tennis, endurance running, non-competitive swimming, walking

Favourite instruments: When I listen to bands, I tend to focus on the drums, bass and keyboard. If I go to see a symphonic orchestral concert or something, I tend to watch the percussionists. I myself can't play any instruments.

Hobbies: Gaming, listening to game soundtracks, table tennis, reading, darts, being enveloped in aromas, checking my daily electricity bill using a bill management app

Special skills: Ability to work as a librarian, can sing The Tortoise And The Hare starting from different positions, a little bit of competitive eating (can eat up to about 2kg)

Qualifications: Librarian, teacher's licence (for primary, middle and high schools), certified member of the Sports Boy Scouts (link in Japanese), Kanji Aptitude Test Level 2, driving licence (for manual cars)

Person I most respect: My mother

Favourite subjects: Japanese (especially modern Japanese), contemporary society, ethics, politics and economics

Favourite season: The shade in midsummer

Favourite phrases: 

80% Preparation 20% Performance (dandori hachibu)

The early bird gets the worm (sente hisshou)

Niche business (sukima sangyou)

Information, Communication, Discussion (houkoku renraku soudan)

Easier said than done (iu wa yasuku okonau wa katashi)

Haste makes waste (tanki wa sonki)

Drink if you want, but be swallowed up (sake wa nondemo nomareru na)

The frog in the well knows nothing of the great ocean (i no naka no kawazu taikai wo shirazu)

A picture is worth a thousand words (hyakubun wa ikken ni shikazu)

Stress-free

Favourite Japanese poem:

'If I live long,

I may look back with yearning for these painful days -

The world that now seems harsh

May then appear sweet and good!'

By Fujiwara no Kiyosuke, translation by Peter McMillan

Favourite place to hang out: Inside a game

Favourite characters: Domo-kun (NHK), Moji-kun (Kotoba no Puzzle: Mojipittan), Zushi Hokki (official mascot of Hokuto city in Hokkaido), Jack Frost (Megami Tensei series), Morgana (Persona 5)

Favourite anime: Eureka Seven

Favourite manga: Love Roma by Toyoda Minoru

I Wonder If I Can Make 100 Friends by Toyoda Minoru

Yoake no Toshokan by Nonou Tao

Other manga I like: Nangoku Shounen Papuwa-kun, PAPUWA, Final Request, Yu☆Yu☆Hakusho, Revelations: Persona, Mind Assassin, Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei, Arakawa Under The Bridge, Fushigi Yuugi, Ranma 1/2, Psychometrer EIJI, The Kindaichi Case Files, Rakudai Ninja Rantarou, Soul Hunter etc.

Favourite game: Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers

Other games I like: Shin Megami Tensei 1-4, Shin Megami Tensei 4 Final, Shin Megami Tensei if, Persona 1-5, Devil Summoner: Raidou Kuzunoha 1 and 2, DIGITAL DEVIL SAGA Avatar Tuner 1 and 2, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 1 and 2,  Little Magic, Jake Hunter: Let Time Pass By, LIVE A LIVE, Final Fantasy 5 and 8, Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon and the Blade of Light, Fire Emblem: Mystery of the Emblem, Secret of Mana, Trials of Mana, Schoolhouse Horror Story, Banshee's Last Cry, Jungle Wars 2, Ranma 1/2: Hidden Treasure of the Red Cat Gang, Renegade, The New Hot-Blooded Tough Guy: The Eulogy of Kunio and Co., Puyo Puyo, Puyo Puyo 2, Saga Frontier, Monster Farm, Monster Farm 2, KOF98, SAMURAI SPIRITS, vib-ribbon, Clock Tower 2, Clock Tower Ghost Head, Maria: Kimitachi Ga Umareta Wake, Double Cast, Sakura Wars 2: Thou Shalt Not Die, Kotoba no Puzzle: Mojipittan, RPG Maker Series, etc. As for social network games, I like Kuroneko no Wiz Dx2 Shin Megami Tensei Revelation, and Ensemble Stars!

What I most want right now: Time

Do I smoke? Never. But I have nothing against those who do. I don't mind if someone smokes next to me.

Things I struggle with: Exercise, exercise, exercise, exercise, English, mental arithmetic, making other people cross.

What I like about myself: Large earlobes

What I don't like about myself: The fact that I easily neglect my work if I lose focus.

Do I like nurses? I like them if they're good at giving injections.

Favourite way of heating things up in a microwave: 2 minutes at 500W

Ideal way to spend a day off: Sleep like I've melted into the bed, do the cleaning and laundry when I wake up, play games like I'm bathing in them, sleep again.

Novels I’m glad to have read and why: There's a lot, so I'll just list what I can remember off the top of my head.

★ Criss Cross - Konton no Maou by Takahata Kyouichirou, published by MediaWorks. This was the very first book that made me interested in reading novels.

★ Natsu no Niwa - The Friends by Yumoto Kazumi, published by Shinchousha. When I felt down, I read this and my heart was cleansed.

★ Rirekisho by Nakamura Kou, published by Kawade Shobou Shinsha. Because it gave me courage.

★ Tsubasa wa Itsu Made Mo by Kawakami Ken'ichi, published by Shuueisha. I simply thought that it was a really good book, and reading it made me want to read more books like it in the future.

★ Tsumetai Kousha no Toki wa Tomaru by Tsujimura Mizuki, published by Kodansha. This was the book that reminded me that I wanted to keep reading novels forever.

NicoNicoDouga and Dance covers

When did you start using NicoNico? 2007, in the earliest days of the RC version.

What kind of videos do you watch on NicoNico? Anything.

Were you learning how to dance? I've never learnt how to dance.

Why did you start dancing? I wanted to take part in the first large-scale Cirno meeting. (T/N: An event where a whole bunch of people from NND get together to dance to Cirno's Perfect Math Class. Here's the 2009 version.)

What's the average production time for a single video? It varies.

What's been the most fun thing to dance to so far? Ren'ai Hunter

Which of your own dance videos are you most satisfied with? Domo-kun's dance to MERRY GO ROUND

Where you happy to be chosen in the Geiran videos (A series where a gay man ranked dancers on NND)? I was.

Which version is your current Domo-kun?

Hokkaido and Tokyo version: Tiramisu (Original version. Mainly stays at home. On active duty)

Osaka version: Chocolat (Retired)

Fukuoka version: Fondue (Retired)

Tokyo version: Belgium (Retired)

Tokyo version: Demel (Retired)

What kind of expressions do you make and what feelings do you have when dancing as Domo-kun or in the blue full bodysuit? None

What would happen to you if you drank a strange potion? I'd become aggressive.

Aren't you going to wear a wig anymore? I'd like to wear one again some time soon.

Other

Were you in any clubs during middle school? I was in the table tennis club for all 3 years. My high school club is a secret.

Do you have a girlfriend? It'd be annoying to have to update this page if I got a girlfriend or if we broke up so that's also a secret.

What are your dreams and goals? To make the people I love happy. I want to live in a way that I can look back when I die and think that I lived a good life.

What are your habits? Looking at the ingredients and nutrition facts labels on food. Looking at the ingredients labels on shampoo. Moving around unsteadily. Clicking my tongue without any thought behind it.

What are your typical phrases? Okay (ii yo), I see (naruhodo), Why?! (nande dayo), hahahaha, hah hah hah hah, HAHAHAHA

What are your main principles? To always live calmly, and to never miss an opportunity

Does your Roomba have a name? It's called Junpei.

When did you first meet Domo-kun? A friend gave me a Domo-kun plushie for my birthday and the rest is history.

What was it that drew you to Domo-kun? His loveliness.

Where did you get such a large number of plushies from? Some of them I bought, some of them I received. A few of them I got from a crane machine.

What do you want to do right now? Sleep.

What part time jobs have you done in your life? Waiter at a sushi restaurant, library work, private tutoring.

If you have a child in the future, what book would you absolutely want them to read? You Are Umasou by Miyanishi Tatsuya, published by Poplar

Do you have any rivals? No (because no-one will compete in the same ring as me).

What's your image of the ideal human? Someone who can do fundamental things reliably.

What's your motto? Stress-free

What's the reason for your name?

Nozaki → Named after Nozaki Megumi from the idol group CHECKICCO

Bento → My inspiration

 -------------

First published 16th October 2010, updated 1st December 2019

[pinelife3]

What Women Think Men Think

In the 2000 film What Women Want, Mel Gibson accidentally electrocutes himself with a hairdryer in the bathtub which for some reason gives him the ability to hear women’s thoughts. This comes at a great time for him personally and professionally as it allows him to perform well in his job as an advertising exec, woo the lovely Helen Hunt, and bond with his estranged daughter.

Sadly, the genius of What Women Want was not recognised by critics in its time and the film received poor reviews - however, it did perform well commercially, making it a great candidate for a gender-flip remake. Our prayers were answered earlier this year with What Men Want, in which Taraji P. Henson plays a sports agent who misses out on a promotion because she doesn’t get men. Surprising no one, What Men Want received worse reviews than the original, but managed to one-up it by also being a commercial disappointment.  I haven’t seen it (I hear it is genuinely unwatchable) but from Wikipedia I gather that she drinks some magic tea and then can hear men’s thoughts which... makes her good in bed but doesn’t lead to as much professional success as you might expect. While What Women Want, directed by the great Nancy Meyers, is about a chauvinist learning to respect women, What Men Want is about a woman learning that most men suck and that they don’t deserve respect so it’s better not to work for them. What Men Want was directed by a man which, if you ask me, seems kind of pandering: why would a man make a film about how cartoonishly awful men are?

The rough premise of both What X Want films is that when the protagonist has access to the inner thoughts of the opposite sex, what they hear is revelatory: the opposite sex is apparently unknowable, inscrutable, vastly foreign. It requires magic (or bathtub electrocution) to know what others really think. Ha! Well, I have that magic. A portal to another world. A world where men, unobserved, unfettered by social barriers, freely say whatever they really think of any idea, image or product you present to them: Reddit.

I’ve often complained to Matt that practically any post on Reddit which features a young and/or attractive female woman girl will draw comments from men saying that they’re going to jerk off to the picture. Why do you think we care that you’re going to mash your genitals while watching this gif of a girl in a bikini using a homemade water slide? Why did my eyes and mind have to be subjected to this information about your plans for the afternoon? Did that first improbable spark of life, apes descending from trees, straightened spines, the birth of technology, everything our forebears strived for across eternity, really lead up to this moment where you wrote that on the internet? Why are we pack animals?

So the shtick of this blog post is: I sneak about on Reddit to find out want men want, what they care about, and think about. But! We ladies don’t care what they think about beer and barbecues (we already know that all men are practically BBQsexual, am I right?) so let’s identify a few things where we do care about what they think. 

For our purposes, I think women only care about men’s opinions on women - and possibly also sexual politics. For sports, most political issues, food, music, etc. I think we all agree that if you ask a man what he thinks, he’ll probably give you a pretty straight answer. The fantasy of knowing what men really want is that it’s information you would not normally have access to, because you’re too shy to ask, or you’re concerned his answer would be evasive or dishonest. Most people aren’t dishonest because they’re mean liars. They’re dishonest because they doesn’t want to hurt your feelings - or perhaps because they can’t be bothered to argue. So some of the impulse to eavesdrop on someone’s thinking is an insecurity, it’s suspecting they’ve withheld or softened an opinion - and wanting to know the full truth even if it’s hurtful. 

In particular (and mostly because I want to talk to someone about these books), I’m going to pick ideas from Sally Rooney’s novels to compare romantic men as written by a woman with the actuality of men on Reddit. Rooney writes love stories (or at least love-adjacent stories) which are widely read by women and have been enormously popular: this to me suggests that her idea of romantic men has resonated with many women and therefore it may be interesting to see if the interiority of the men she’s written could exist in the real world (or, at least on Reddit).

My methodology for trawling Reddit for relevant information is simple:

1. Is the attribute mentioned in Reddit’s NSFW directory? I don’t want to solely rely on the Reddit NSFW directory as a barometer for men’s interest in things, but I believe when trying to assess what men find attractive, this is a decent tool. I would venture to say that every (legal) niche interest is addressed by a NSFW subreddit: gamer girls, women in sundresses, redheads, anime princesses, cute girls, sexy girls, skinny girls, mums, teens, big boobs (attached to women with rich interiorities, I’m sure), mascara stained tears, and so on forever. Related to this: just because a subreddit exists to address a particular niche (e.g. braces), this doesn’t mean all men find that age group, attribute, body type, piece of clothing, etc. attractive - but it at least illustrates that someone found it attractive enough to create a community dedicated to it.

2. Is the attribute mentioned in any of Ask Reddit’s 'Men, what’s one unusual thing you find really attractive about women’ type threads? Men seem to sense that these threads are always started by women, so the responses are more romantic than sexual. Dudes tend to say the ‘unusual things’ they find attractive are freckles, when women can’t reach things on high shelves, messy up-dos, etc.

Question 1: Do men like the pale, non-sexy parts of women?

In Rooney’s second book Normal People, the male protagonist spends a lot of time looking at the female protagonist and admiring her pale delicacy.

You look really well, he says.

I know. It’s classic me. I came to college and got pretty.

He starts laughing. He doesn’t even want to laugh but something about the weird dynamic between them is making him do it. ‘Classic me’ is a very Marianne thing to say, a little self-mocking, and at the same time gesturing to some mutual understanding between them, an understanding that she is special. Her dress is cut low at the front, showing her pale collarbones like two white hyphens.

Later, he admires her pale lips and wrists: 

He hasn’t seen her in person since July, when she came home for her father’s Mass. Her lips look pale now and slightly chapped, and she has dark circles under her eyes. Although he takes pleasure in seeing her look good, he feels a special sympathy with her when she looks ill or her skin is bad, like when someone who’s usually very good at sports has a poor game. It makes her seem nicer somehow. She’s wearing a very elegant black blouse, her wrists look slender and white, and her hair is twisted back loosely at her neck. 

Women hope men think of them in this way: that men closely observe us and like what they see, that they can thrill romantically at non-sexy parts of our bodies like our under eye bags or bony elbows, that they’re so devoted they like us even when we’re sickly. Lolita has this to thank for its enduring popularity. Sure, Humbert Humbert is a broken man and a pedophile but he’s so lyrical:

I looked and looked at her, and I knew, as clearly as I know that I will die, that I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth. She was only the dead-leaf echo of the nymphet from long ago - but I loved her, this Lolita, pale and polluted and big with another man's child. She could fade and wither - I didn't care. I would still go mad with tenderness at the mere sight of her face.

Men want to be him, women want to be adoringly described by him. 

Anyway. Let’s check Reddit to see what men really think of pale wrists and collarbones - or if they think of them at all.

There are no communities in Reddit’s NSFW directory focused on wrists or collarbones or any bony protrusion through pale skin. There is a subreddit dedicated to NSFW content featuring pale girls with ~420,000 subscribers but the focus of this content is sexy areas of the body (enormous pale breasts, perfect pale butts, etc.) and there is not much coverage of pale wrists and/or collarbones.  

I also couldn’t find any references to pale non-sexy parts of women in any AskReddit threads related to things men find attractive about women. 

Conclusion: I do not believe that men as a cohort are particularly into dark under eye bags, bony chests, etc. These are just things women wish men liked about them.  

Question 2: Do men like damaged women?

In Rooney’s first novel, Conversations with Friends, the protagonist has the following conversation with her ~lover~ in bed:

I want you to hit me. I don’t think I want to do that, he said. I knew that he was sitting up now, looking down at me, though I kept my eyes closed. Some people like it, I said. You mean during sex? I didn’t realise you were interested in that kind of thing. I opened my eyes then. He was frowning.  Wait, are you okay? he said. Why are you crying? I’m not crying. Incidentally it turned out that I was crying. It was just something my eyes were doing while we were talking. He touched the side of my face where it was wet. I’m not crying, I said. Do you think I want to hurt you? ...  I don’t know, I said. I’m just telling you that you can.

In Normal People, the protagonists have a similar exchange during sex:

Will you hit me? she says. For a few seconds she hears nothing, not even his breath. No, he says. I don’t think I want that. Sorry. She says nothing. Is that okay? he asks. She still says nothing. Do you want to stop? he says. She nods her head. She feel his weigh lift off her. She feels empty again and suddenly chill. He sits on the bed and pulls the quilt over himself. She lies there face down, not moving, unable to think of any acceptable movement. Are you okay? he says. I’m sorry I didn’t want to do that, I just think it would be weird. I mean, not weird, but... I don’t know. I don’t think it would be a good idea.

in the context of these novels, this behaviour is a form of self-harm from women who hate themselves: even those I’m closest to want to take advantage of me, will do what they want with me, will hurt me if I let them. The perfect men, confused and innocent to this self-destructive behaviour, are concerned and decline the offer. The women interpret this as a form of sexual rejection but the reader knows this rejection is actually romantic. Could we really thrill over a man who agreed to beat her? No one talks about 50 Shades of Grey anymore but Mr Darcy lingers in the minds of mothers and BBC-watching daughters the world over. Rooney’s romantic leads are very nice men for not hitting the protagonist during sex. 

Importantly, while the offer of subservience and sexual violence is not an immediate aphrodisiac, it adds to the overall appeal of our lady protagonists as women who are soft, damaged, not easily available, but also deeply vulnerable. Bob Dylan muses, basically (she’s delicate and seem’s like veneer. Sidebar on that line: I heard it when I was 17 and was jealous because it’s so good. Turns out this line is hotly contested in places where people contest Dylan lyrics. One tribe thinks it’s: she’s delicate and seems like veneer. Another tribe thinks it’s: she’s delicate and seems like the mirror. The tribe which is 100% wrong thinks it’s: she’s delicate and seems like Vermeer.). 

These books both have this thread of college-aged women who hate themselves and want to be mistreated by their lovers, and lovers who are perfect and sensitive enough to like the control they have in the relationship, but not abuse it. My read on this is that women like to think that men like to save damaged women. Damaged meaning women who are clearly dealing with one or more of the following: 

Untreated mental health problems

Self-medication dependencies 

Daddy issues

Memories of growing up with violence/abuse/Teletubbies/war crimes/poverty

Heavy baggage from previous relationships

You know what I mean. So, let’s check Reddit to see what men think of damaged women. In the NSFW directory there are a number of BDSM subs, most of which are focused on women being dominated by men: women trussed up in elaborate rigs of ropes and straps, women being used in various ways, beaten, dominated. Most of these subs have between 100,000 - 200,000+ subscribers. This would indicate that there are a decent number of Reddit users who are interested in hurting their sexual partner. 

(DISCLAIMER: I don’t mean to kinkshame. ContraPoints (I think in this video) argued that while it’s fine to be into BDSM and enjoy being hurt or hurting someone else, it does suggest some things about you. BDSM isn’t just fun. No one wants to be tied up and beaten/pissed on for no reason. You want those things because it means something to you to be treated badly or to treat others badly. Liking BDSM doesn’t mean you’re damaged, but it might mean something adjacent to that.)

Furthermore, re: Reddit’s attitude to ‘damaged’ women, any time a guy on Reddit tells a ‘crazy ex’ story, someone from the 3 brain cells club will flop out an old cliché: don’t stick your dick in crazy. Men like to warn each other about damaged women. That cliché often attracts a popular counterpoint:  

Crazy chicks are good in bed! What a treat: there are perks to dating a damaged woman. More than anything, men on Reddit love acting like they know a lot about women and wild sex. A damaged, compliant woman is great for clocking up these experiences.

I think we can say that some men do indeed like damaged women. The impression you get from Reddit is that a lot of these men would take advantage of the vulnerable Rooney protagonists, but that’s the point even within the novels: the man could have said yes, could have hit her - which the reader wouldn’t find romantic because we know that on some subcutaneous level she didn’t really want to be treated that way. A lot of romance only reads as romantic because we’re aware of the unromantic alternative: what if Richard Gere had treated Julia Roberts the way most men treat prostitutes? What if Bob Dylan compared a beautiful, mysterious woman to the 17th century Dutch painter Vermeer? 

In the final act of What Women Want, Gibson loses the ability to hear women’s thoughts. The point the film makes is that he’s been so reformed by hearing women’s perspectives and relating to them as actual human beings, that he doesn’t need magic anymore to behave like a nice person. This is also because it would not be romantic to be in a relationship with a man who was eavesdropping on your inner monologue. If the relationship is real and working, then you don’t need psychic powers to anticipate how the other person is going to feel and respond to things. You can always just ask - and you’ll have to trust that the answer is honest. 

Bonus: more of that lovable scamp Mel Gibson:

[entrance01]

The Market Landscape of Commissions, or How Artists Do Not Really Understand Economics and Business

A think piece by an art hobbyist with a BS in Business Administration (Marketing Concentration)

I’ll start off by saying that I won’t blame anyone for not knowing the basics of economics or business and how it can apply to something like art –especially fanart commissions. Often, people don’t realize that there is always a business take on these things.

Commission prices are a point of debate for everyone, from artists themselves and to the people buying the art, and it’s honestly ridiculous. I’ll fucking say it: it’s not too much of a wide scale problem if someone under charges themselves. That is not your fucking market.

I used to be one of those people who are like “CHANGE YOUR PRICES!! CHARGE MORE FOR YOUR LABOR!!” but now I realize that maybe they don’t have to if they know what they are doing. And if it’s not out of their own volition, it most probably isn’t their own fault.

Basic Economics

I’ll assume that you learned economics in your high school (and college as part of your general education), but if you didn’t, don’t worry. I’ll give you the quick rundown.

Supply and demand have an inverse relationship. As the price increases, quantity supplied increases while quantity demanded decreases, and vice versa. There are exceptions to this case, but that is another topic for another day.

In art, you can lower or raise your prices to attract or deter customers –like any other business. It’s not uncommon for some artists to have “commission sales” if they haven’t had commissions open for a while or because of a special holiday. Those are valid reasons to drop your prices momentarily. But, on the flipside, if you are having too much on your plate, just raise your prices incrementally to weed out the people who don’t want to pay those prices. And honestly, if you already have your audience, those people wouldn’t care what the price is if they buy it from you. That is customer loyalty. Cherish them.

Target Markets

Target markets, or target audiences, are the people you are trying to sell to. Sure, you can try to appeal to general audiences, but it really is easier to find your niche and work it. There are plenty of reasons why individuals, and even companies that aren’t conglomerates, would do this.

This is my personal observation, but I think people just assume that the art world is monolithic. That it’s an identical landscape throughout, and it’s not! Like, the overall online art community is, indeed, highly saturated, but you can build your own Blue Water Strategy. There are people who do specific fandoms, specific art styles, specific mediums, and so forth. Sure, there may be intersection, but knowing your quality, your knowledge, and what you are willing to draw, you are making your own brand and market.

I’ll fucking say this too: someone who charges $10 chibis are not taking customers away from the person that does $100-200 portraits.

That artist that does $10 chibis has done their thinking! They thought “I could pump these out pretty fast. I know I can charge more, but maybe I’d get less customers in the long run. If I maintain my price, I can have a steady flow of customers without overworking myself!” And that is understandable! Same with the artist who charges $100-200. They specifically go for the customers who are willing to save money and wait for something they deem worth it.

Not to mention, you can also have tiered commissions based on complexity.

The Fault of the Smaller Artists?

A lot of times, people go and complain like, “Wahh!! These young artists are undercharging, and it makes it harder for us bigger artists to compete!” And honestly? Fuck right off with that.

They are charging what they think their art is worth and it does suck that they aren’t giving themselves the fair wages that they deserve, but whose fault is it? Most certainly not theirs. And while I’m not trying to pit artists against one another, bigger name artists could help by paving the way for smaller artists to follow.

No doubt that these artists with larger followings charge more for their commissions, but there are also some that don’t. I’d say “fine, whatever,” but it’s that kind of behavior that makes it difficult for smaller artists to get some elbow room and find ways to garner more respect. If a famous artist is charging pennies for their work, how can a smaller artist compete with that?

But it’s neither the larger nor the smaller artist’s fault. The real problem lies in the entitlement of the consumer.

Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Let’s be real. When someone tell a small-time artist to raise their prices, are they really going to help them? Chances are that they won’t. They just tell them “hey, you should charge a working wage for your art” and then fuck right off and do nothing else –don’t signal boost, don’t even commission them, etc. And that really hurts them if they lose customers. That’s honestly on them.

I think these people just want to feel good about themselves, like they’re being helpful and that they know more about the art world than the actual artists, and maybe they do have some good insights! But, ya know, not really… This really comes from a place of, I guess, just thinking that you know universal experiences, which are not a thing… (see my point about the art landscape). Then again, there is also the problem of consumers who don’t see things from the artist perspective.

I can say with certainty that there are a lot of customers who think that custom made art should be easily accessible. That it should be cheap and en masse. They don’t seem to think that one can save up for a commission. I know I do for that one artist I appreciate!! If they understand that someone is willing to pay more for a bespoke suit, then they should extend the same sentiment to art. Art is a luxury, people!!

I guess this may go into the territory of “what gives art value?” and/or “who assigns value to certain artists over other artists?” –my father likes Rembrandt but doesn’t see the appeal of another famous Dutch artist, Van Gogh. But this takes the cake of “another topic for another day.”

Alright, so what about all this? Is there anything we should take away from this? I honestly don’t know. This was mostly just me going off and I didn’t really think I would get so far as to make a conclusion, but I guess I ought to now.

I think… ultimately… the art world, especially in online fandom spaces, is a hot mess. It is a weird environment and is a highly saturated market, aforementioned, and if you are competing directly, it’s a hellscape. Either you play price wars and go in as the lowest bidder, or you charge your fair prices, your luxury prices, your whatever, and back it up with your skill. It’s terrible!!

I do believe that artists should charge more for their work, but not just new, smaller artists. I want this to happen for all artists. And I will still tell artists that they should charge more, but only if they can. Art/content creation is such a weird thing…. Does my advice make sense? Yes. But everything else I’ve been saying about not raising prices also makes sense. There are too many options, all of which have their values, but what works best for one artist won’t work for the next.

When it comes to commissions and prices, we all just have to go back to the drawing board.

[createcashflownow]

20 Pieces of the Best Advice I Ever Got in Internet Marketing – EVER

Finding advice on how to make money online is easy, it’s EVERYWHERE for a price. But it’s not all created equal. In fact, some of that IM advice can be downright harmful to your wallet and it can even erode your confidence that you can make this business successful.

That’s why I’ve assembled some of the best IM advice I’ve received over the years, so you can can hit the ground running and begin building a REAL business FAST. Sell or market the CORE solution that people want in your market. This the one BIG reason why they’re in this market – the one thing they really, really want above anything else, also known as your BIG benefit. Don’t get sidetracked here – we’re talking about their main dream, their main desire, the ONE big thing that if they could have anything in your niche, that would be it. In health, it’s often how to lose weight. Not how to count calories. Not the latest diet or exercise program. No one want’s a diet. No one wants to exercise (well, most people don’t.) But what they do want is to LOSE WEIGHT. Don’t sell calorie counters and diets and exercise programs, sell them on how they’re going to FINALLY lose that weight. Don’t sell them on the latest iron pumping routine, sell them on how they’re going to have so many muscles the ladies will swoon. Don’t sell them on the latest herbal remedy, sell them on what that remedy gives them – more energy, no more ugly skin, younger looks, etc. In Internet Marketing, it’s how to make money. They don’t want a traffic tool or a website builder or a new plug-in or even a new money generating program – they want the MONEY these things can bring. So if you’re selling a WordPress plug-in, then spin it in such a way that it shows your prospects how it will make them more money. Market to people’s core desire and you cannot go wrong. Be a sales person. That’s right – SELL. Yes, it is a four letter word for some, but it’s one you should be proud of. Sales people are some of the highest paid people in the world, regardless of whether they do their selling online or offline. Never, ever be afraid or ashamed to sell. Sell to the newbies. In almost any market you can think of, the real money is made on the newbies because… a) there are so many more of them b) there are new ones all the time c) they’re eager to spend money to get the result they want d) they’re far easier to please than a pro. Someone who wants to make money online? They’re a newbie. Someone who wants to lose weight? Yes, they’re a newbie, too. Someone who wants to get lots of exciting dates? Again, they’re a newbie. So what’s a newbie exactly? Someone who lacks the foundational, basic information they need to get the result they seek. Watch to see what the newbies in your market are buying, and then learn it so you can sell it. Find the solutions they seek and sell those, using your own words. You might find a technique someone is selling quite well for $27. You buy the product, learn the technique, and then create your own product using your own words and sell that. You might even present it in an entirely different manner which allows you to charge far more, such as packaging it as a $497 coaching program. Do learn from others, don’t steal, and do sell what people are looking for. It’s all about presentation. How do you convert a $27 solution into a $497 solution? Presentation and perception, it’s that simple. Do you really think one new car is worth $20,000 while another is somehow worth $200,000? Not really. It’s simply a matter of presentation and perception – packaging and presenting your product in a manner that fetches the higher price. Know that you cannot create products fast enough to meet the demand of many marketplaces. People want the products and they want them NOW, and the products don’t have to be perfect, either. Knowing this should give you the confidence to get busy producing products instead of just thinking about it. Build a reputation in your marketplace. Whatever it is that you sell, you want to build a reputation as being the expert, whether it’s dating, relationships, weight loss, making money, list building, etc. If you don’t have the reputation in the beginning, partner with people who do. Make products with them, do interviews with them, do joint promotions and so forth. In fact, you can create infinite businesses simply by always joining with an expert. They provide the knowledge, you provide the marketing skills, and together you make and sell products. Your reputation is your presentation, so look and act successful. Have authority, presence and be the expert (or partner with the expert.) Pick a big niche where people buy things over and over again. Pick a niche where you want to learn, then learn the stuff and sell it. Money loves speed, so just pick something and run with it. Get more aggressive than you’re used to being. Have a “I don’t give a damn, get it done” attitude. Force things to happen. Stop worrying about what other people think. Don’t worry about your peers – your peers don’t buy from you, your customers do. Provide more value than the price is asking. Get aggressive selling your stuff, branding yourself and making money. Decide to be an authoritative, celebrity type of person. “This is me, check me out, I don’t care what you think, I’m going to have fun.” This world needs more leaders. Most people just want to be lead, which makes an incredible opportunity to be a leader. And if you’re a leader, the world will get out of your way and do what you tell them to do. They will admire and follow you, and buy from you. Be authoritative for one day and see what happens – people want leaders. Go ahead, try it today. You’ll gain more confidence in one day than you otherwise would in a year of working the business, and people will follow whereever you lead them. Use your real name in the market you’re passionate about, use a pen name in other markets. Get a picture of yourself, or a cartoon picture and make it memorable. Use it in all of your marketing to help brand yourself in your main niche. Become a GURU and expert in your marketplace. Yes, it’s a good thing to be a guru because people will pay attention to you. It’s surprisingly easy to be an expert, just learn your topic. #1 rule of public relations – toot your own horn. No one’s going to say you’re a great ___ (you fill in the blank) unless you say you’re a great ___. Selling weight loss info? Then you’re a great expert on losing weight. Selling make money info? Then you’re a great marketing or small biz or entrepreneurial expert, and so forth. If you brand yourself to your list, you can have a small list and still make a fortune. Stop trying to please everyone, choose your exact audience and please only them. Be different. Don’t try to blend in, be an original. Stand out. Ask yourself how you are different from your competitors and why your list should open your emails before anyone else’s emails? Create something very valuable to give away everywhere. Maybe it’s a free recording, audio shows, a book, videos or whatever. Your freebie needs to be stellar because it’s really your calling card. If they love your freebie, they’re going to want more. If they hate your freebie or simply aren’t excited by it, they’re going to unsubscribe in a heartbeat. Give away something valuable every week like a recording or podcast to keep them coming back, hearing your voice and getting to know and respect you. Go ahead and plug something at the end, too. It keeps them attuned to the fact that you will indeed be selling to them, both through your podcasts and in your emails. If they love your 30 minutes of great content but complain about your 3 minute pitch at the end, unsubscribe them yourself – those aren’t customers, those are freebie seekers who want the moon delivered on a silver platter for nothing. Which brings me to my next point… Fire people from your list when you need to. Someone complains that you offered to sell them a product? Remove them from your list. Someone complains you email too much? Remove them. Someone complains you don’t email enough? Now there’s a clue – send more emails. Someone demands you give them time and attention and advice and help forever and ever for free? Give them the boot. These aren’t customers, these are people who will suck the life right out of you and your business. They typically only make up 1-2% of a list, but they will demand 110% of your time and give you nothing in return but non-stop aggravation that you do not need and cannot afford. Yes, it sounds harsh, but you can learn this lesson the easy way or the hard way. Use this formula when writing copy: “I know your problem, here’s the solution, and I’ll prove it’s the best solution.” Take the emotion out of business and focus on the math. People get so emotionally attached to their business, they forget the one thing that matters – math. Work on your business, not in your business. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Your ability to have courage and escape comfort zones will dictate how much you make. Yes, I wrote it 3 times for a reason – and I suggest you write it in 12 inch letters and post it in every room of your house – it’s that important. There are no gimmicks in this list, no techniques that work this week but not next week. It’s all tried and true and flat out works. In fact, the information is this little list is probably worth more and has created more fortunes than the last dozen internet marketing products you’ve purchased combined – think about that. And go read the list again.

source https://www.createcashflownow.com/20-pieces-of-the-best-advice-i-ever-got-in-internet-marketing-ever/

[believerindaydreams]

a certain day in February

shortly before Angel Eyes shows up with $200,000 in gold

Smoking is banned inside the monastery. There has not been a day in the last four months when they haven't been plagued by snow or wind or rain. It follows, then, that those here who would indulge do so seasonally, awaiting summer's heat and summer's light.

Nevertheless...there's a certain place out by the fruit trees, a niche that must have once held an icon and is now empty. Tuco knows he isn't the only one to have slipped out here, to nurse a cigarette away from the wind; it always smells faintly of tobacco. Sometimes just that secondhand smoke will be enough to convince his body that he's had something good.

Not today, though, not on a feast day. He coughs as the cigarillo reluctantly lights. A harder smoke than he's used to, but nothing he can't handle. Blondie seems to have given them up for good, and they don't keep forever.

There's a few left at the bottom of his pack. Not many...call it twenty five miles round trip to the nearest town. Not more than a man can walk in a day, if only the weather would cease. A car would be much better, but Blondie ditched their stolen van back in Iowa. Pablo carries the keys to the monastery vehicle wherever he goes.

Every day Tuco asks himself whether he dares ask his brother for a lift on the weekly rounds, every day he tells himself not to risk it. With Blondie the way he is, they have nowhere else to turn right now- and he doesn't want to have the necessary conversation, that will fix their future here for good. No, no: better put that off as long as possible.  

Of course, Blondie could hotwire that old clunker without a second thought. He wishes he'd paid better attention to how that was done- for lack of three minutes of clever know-how, he's in for a long cold walk one of these days.

(There's the thought of Angel Eyes, of course; but he's been holding out that hope for so long it's ceased to have any meaning. Besides, that's not the tenor of the letters; a hustle must needs be consistent or the mark awakens. He can't beg for the saving of this monastery, while whining about its tedious sobriety; something had to give, and for the moment it's his passions. Blondie's proven a fine teacher there. Perhaps too much of one.)

The cigarillo nearly sets his fingers aflame; Tuco curses, keeps on smoking. Pablo wants him to give up swearing for Lent, but that's be too hard. If nothing else he still has that hustler's knack, a silver tongue for charming, and he can't surrender his voice when he has so little else to cling to.

But then perhaps his older brother's in the right, as ever. Maybe that's the cause, that he wakes every morning to find himself still alone. If he could give it up-

if he could give himself up-

last night he'd been watching Blondie saying rosaries, and his body had hurt for wanting. Craving familiar consolation...but they hadn't been alone, it was chapel, and there'd been half a dozen admiring priests for fellow onlookers. It'd made him feel unclean. In a place like this, it seems easier not to lust, and safer.

(Some nights, he'll take a leather glove from his pack and close his eyes, gently rub its softness against his shoulder and cock and chest. It feels warmer against his skin than Blondie's studied, self-sacrificing embraces; if those were nourishment, he'd be fainting with hunger-)

His stomach complains, grumbling despite the smoke. Six o'clock's too early for breakfast, when there's nothing but fruit and thick choking oatmeal; he keeps oversleeping and missing it. Something to show off to Blondie- look, I can be holy also, I too can fast like you- truth is, he's catching the knack of this place. Not so much forgoing desire as forgetting it exists. Maybe not what his brother intended; but it accomplishes the same ends.

If he was back on the road, he'd make himself find pleasure in an apple's sweetness, the relief of sustenance filling a hollow. The knowledge that there'll always be a meal later disinclines him to want any of them.

"Only it is a feast day," Tuco says, to an indifferent crow pecking at the ground besides him. A thawed patch where last year's grass is at least visible, though he can't see as it's having much luck. "I fall asleep dreaming of pancakes and hot butter, a month's worth of jam and syrup to ladle on them. Wake up early, run down to breakfast with my mouth watering, and it's only oatmeal again. How was I supposed to know they have pancakes for dinner here? I tell you, that's all kinds of backwards."

The bird ignores him, keeps on pecking. It occurs to him that it's surprisingly plump for this time of year, maybe something he could contrive to spit and roast- it startles him, how loudly his belly agrees with the thought. The frightened bird takes flight and doesn't stop until it settles on the monastery's roof, where it mocks him from the gutter.

"I need another cigarillo.”

"You need a decent meal inside you, more like."

In his dreams, that'd be Angel Eyes, bringing cheer and comfort. In practice it ought to be Blondie, surrendering morality for the day for the sake of paying old debts.

It's neither. Wallace is frowning down at him, unhappy in heavy coat and muffler.

"You don't like me," Tuco says. "I don't like you too well, either...what makes you chase me out here, on a day like this?"

"I knew I'd find you here," Wallace says. "You're not going to enjoy the pancakes when you get them, they're thin as paper and taste like sponges. Crepes, I think they called them."  

Crepes are wonderful enough, when fried crispy and filled to bursting. Tuco's not sure their merits would survive translation to a monastic dining hall. "So?"

"So I have the use of the infirmary kitchen, when there's not a sick brother who needs it," Wallace says. "An exemption from Father Paul, in view of my weakness."

Gluttony, he means; and Tuco tries hard to bite down his smile. Pablo's had long experience with sinners of that ilk, to be sure. "It's an odd thing that you ask me to imagine. What are you inviting me to, a private pancake orgy?"

"...right up to that last word, I'd have said you'd been taking such pains to redeem yourself," Wallace says, tutting. "I see you still have a long way to go."

"I have never made the mistake of thinking I was holy. Not like Blondie."

"Well, there's a reason I'm not asking him," Wallace says. "One word to that paragon of virtue and I'll deny everything. Flapjacks, maple syrup, half-decent coffee, all the rest of it."

"We're partners," Tuco says, lighting another cigarillo. "No daylight between us, that's as true now as it ever was. So it's both of us or not at all."

"I'm not going to waste good bacon on a man who lacks the charity to let me enjoy it," Wallace says, very matter of fact. "All right, I made the offer in good faith. You can stay out here and starve."

"Fast," Tuco corrects; and takes great pleasure from the confused, angry respect in his foe's eye. He smokes down the cigarillo very serenely, watching the brother trudge back through the snow and into the monastery's warmth. Only after that, when the door shuts hard, does he start hunting through his pack.

The last of Angel's gifts- some fine hard sausage, the odd sugared fruit- that'll hold him over until tonight, and even the worst crepe can be salvaged when there's so much jam to go around. After that it'll be Lent, not a time for his indulgence: and Easter season after that. That gives him over a month to reflect on Wallace's offer, on the sudden appalling understanding that he might be able to live like this indefinitely.

(It is not a thing he wants to do. It means deciding on his future just as surely as that conversation with Pablo will do, the resigned acceptance that he'll have to make the best of things as they are now.)

"Or maybe by Easter, Blondie's wound will be healed," Tuco says. "What do you think of that, little bird, will we fly away then?"

The distant crow caws at him, almost as though it heard.

[atopearth]

Shall We Date? Love Tangle Part 9 - Ike Barnes and Moses Jackson Routes

Ooh so Moses transferred to Kaleido for a bit aye~ it's nice that he's considerate and pretty chill. As for Ike, I still don't get what his job is, since I'm not sure if he watches over the impartiality of the court or the lawyers but anyway, Nolan doesn't like him and that's all I need to know I guess lol.

Lmao that Moses' colleagues made a tracking system for him before because he gets easily distracted and lost, and work is reliant on him so they needed that to locate him lolll. Honestly, I agree with Timo that it's way too risky to isolate the pregnant leopard from the others because of her pregnancy. I feel like it's rather counter productive if the leopard is only able to procreate under certain situations, temperatures and circumstances that are so fixed. They weren't extinct once upon a time so I'm sure they're accustomed living with each other and I feel like the stress of being isolated would be pretty great. But whatever, Moses supports the heroine on isolation and I doubt she'll fail so my opinion is irrelevant~

Ike is nice but I don't feel like he makes much of an impact tbh. My heart goes to Moses for this one, he's very considerate, understanding and all encompassing? When the heroine collapsed from overwork and exhaustion, he lectured her for not listening to her body, but he also self reflected, understanding that he pushed a great burden on the heroine. I don't know why they're getting her to write a paper with a strict deadline when she literally just fainted from overwork... And the chief steals her work too, great! Not sure why the chief would do such a thing though since everyone knows that she did that paper... Not sure if it's really enough to instigate a lawsuit with winning prospects but I guess we'll see.

I definitely agree with Moses' perspective more, especially considering how niche her respective specialised field is where reputation would be very important. By arbitrarily filing a lawsuit, things won't necessarily go well for her, especially if she doesn't end up winning, this could really affect her reliability as a researcher since she's suing someone above her level too. Sure, she and a few know that she's in the right, but when rumours spread and if she loses the case, nothing else will matter anymore because if she loses, it will automatically mean to others that she's lying. It's way too risky of a medium to go for. But whatever, this is a happy otome game so it'll go well. Also, it could be seen as unprofessional of the heroine to take this route instead of trying to deal with it internally first. She's going to be causing a lot of disruption to the lab, their research and affecting the reputation of their company by resorting to a lawsuit. It'll be difficult for others to trust her if she's choosing to handle things like this.

Also, technically, even if the people in the lab know that she did it, why would they want to get on the bad side of the chief? That's risking their career for her, I honestly doubt they'd be very willing to be a witness for this. I also find Ike to be very dodgy, he didn't even explain to her the advantages and disadvantages of suing, he's also not really giving advice, he's more pushing her into going for a lawsuit without even informing her of the practicalities of it and the dangers. I'm on Nolan's side for this and I honestly think Ike is extremely unprofessional to even suggest that there's no way that he'd lose. There's nothing in law that is absolute and Ike is just constantly neglecting the best interests of the heroine, his client. I really feel like the heroine didn't think this through at all.

The heroine isn't in it to win but to have her voice heard that researchers shouldn't be doing something like what the chief did, but really, if she doesn't win, it won't serve to prove or show anything like that, because if she loses, people could just think she's a liar. Probably unlikely to get through but maybe she could somehow get Nolan to stop acting as the chief's lawyer by raising a conflict of interest since she lives in the same complex and knows people related to her and that she may have told the matter to etc. Constantly rolling my eyes at Ike for thinking that Moses is useless. He's so arrogant and annoying like wtf. Who does he think he is. Really, the heroine is in this situation because of him, don't make it sound like it's not your problem Ike when you pushed her into getting a lawsuit and thus affecting her stress levels and work life.

Anyway, the court trial, if I complain anymore, this will be way too long so I won't bother and will just accept it as it is even though it's rather... ludicrous imo. Like the content is okay but the way it's done is just...😓😓 And things fall into place so easily with the heroine witnessing the Chief and Nolan's father being dodgy and Celina overhearing a dodgy party happening, and Earl having the secret guest list for the dodgy party. Anyway, I legit feel like this route is more Ike vs Nolan and nothing else. There's no real romantic connection between Ike and the heroine so when they get together, it's like ??? The only thing that happened was Ike flirting with her lol. The case took over the whole route and it ended in such an anticlimactic way too.. Basically, didn't like the guy or the story. Since it seems like it's going to be the same story for Moses, I hope I'll at least like the guy this time around.

That reminds me though (as I'm going through the common route again), don't feel like Ike really does anything different from a normal lawyer lol. Anyway, can't pinpoint what makes me feel like Moses is like. I guess he's a very positive people pleaser? Like he would always have a smile on his face and never let anyone get past his barrier. He's kind but it's not anything deep. Which I guess is also why he's intent on wanting the heroine to make her own decision on the matter with the chief. He can give her advice and his opinion but the one to make the choice is her.

Although some parts can be rather dull, I really do like how both Moses and the heroine respect each other as scientists and admire each other for thinking about theories and possibilities that the other hadn't thought about. They're like such a good fit as work buddies haha, so I'm not sure I'm feeling the romance aside from the heroine's clear admiration. I also don't like how Timo liking the heroine was used for drama since she hasn't even interacted with Timo much in this route. It was also uncharacteristically weird of him to take emotions, especially about love into the workplace, very unprofessional and it hinders work, which I think is something he wouldn't do as someone who is so serious about taking care of the animals and research. But whatever, basically, I don't like how things were done in this route.

Moses is a very respectable and admirable guy. He's very understanding of the chief's position and his reasons for doing what he did, and instead of shouting at him for plagiarism of the heroine's work, he tries to convince him in his own way to understand that what he did was wrong. The research and work environment should be forward thinking, constantly thinking about theories, seeing if they work etc and it seems like the chief had forgotten that after he got to the top position, where most would rely on him and look to him for advice. He was scared of stagnation and lost his researcher heart.

Like it's good that it ended happily but really, I felt like the story was rather shallow in terms of the problem with the chief, especially the way it was resolved, but the romance was rather shallow too. Just couldn't feel it with Moses even though I did like him lol, I just felt like the story was all over the place I guess. It had a little of everything and so focused on nothing, so I didn't establish any feelings for anything.

Anyway, overall, didn't like Ike or Moses' routes and the common story with the chief and theft of the thesis was boring, shallow and just not expressed well. Very disappointed tbh. I think this was my least favourite pair out of all the guys, and that's quite bad because I don't like Nolan's story with a passion but these two were worse. Hopefully Earl's story will be better.