#they’re more in the form of a 5-7 page paper and 50 other projects so 🫡

[roseofcards90]

Hoping after this semester I can at least get my shit together for the 3 weeks I have off for break lol

[sevlgi]

aphrodisiac

requested: no

group: twice 

pairing: mina x fem!reader

genre: fluff, extremely mild and short angst

contents: witch!mina, love potions, college!au

warnings: none

synopsis: You’re broke and desperate, so you don’t think twice before taking a love potion that’ll make you fall in love with a mysteriously perfect girl. But maybe you should. 

a/n: hehe i like the idea of this!! i’m just not sure how well i executed it 🤔 happy valentines day, my loves ❤

word count: 6.0k

While everyone knew that working the 9-12 weekday shift at the campus bookstore was the worst job you could possibly get, you didn’t feel quite as exhilarated to have been laid off as you should have.

As the one who had suffered at the hand of old Mrs. Lee for almost the entire duration of your time on campus, you knew the torture better than most. So it was an understatement to say that you were exhilarated to be free of ironing book pages out and restocking the shelves at Mrs. Lee’s whims, that you were practically beaming when you got the email.

But on the other hand, it wasn’t like you had much money to spare, or like you had the ability to find another job in the crowded university. When you felt your wallet in your back pocket, completely empty save for a couple crinkled receipts, the grin faded from your face; after all, it would be even harder to survive without the aid of your measly salary.

So as you pinched together a couple quarters to buy yourself a consolatory iced chocolate, you found that being let go from the shittiest job in the world didn’t feel as triumphant as you had expected. Not when you were, once again, scouring the papers stabled to the lightposts around the campus for anything that offered a quick paycheck.

Well, almost anything.

“I will not.”

“Why?” Lisa was close to whining, though the pout that she directed fully at you did her no favors. “You said you needed to get paid.”

You sighed, “I said i needed to get paid, not launched in the air like a damn cannonball.”

Lisa scowled and tapped her fingers on her face, her hands still cupping her chin as she attempted to convince you. “Come on, the dance team’s willing to pay. It costs less to pay you than to get a dummy, so--”

“That’s not helping to convince me,” you warned. As desperate as you were, and as much as you liked Lisa and her fellow dancers, you definitely didn’t trust them not to launch you in the air and break your neck. “Are you sure that you don’t know about any other job offers? Anything that won’t murder me?”

She considered it, chewing on her bottom lip. You could feel other students eyeing where you sat, one of the only seats in the incredibly tiny boba shop, but you refused to budge until Lisa gave you an answer. “Oh! There is one I can think of, actually. You know the bio lab?”

“Yeah.” You watched her suspiciously, arms crossed. “I’ve been there a couple times. Why?”

“Well, it isn’t a normal bio lab,” Lisa mumbled, leaning in as if what she was about to tell you was the greatest secret in the world. “A lot of them are witches, you know.”

It wasn’t like you didn’t believe in witches, or the supernatural-- both had been proven to be true eons ago, and almost half of the students attending your university weren’t completely human. But you were still a little skeptical that the pretty and equally brilliant girls who ran the campus’s bio lab were... “Witches? Are you sure?”

“Why would I be lying?” Lisa rolled her eyes. “I’m friends with a couple of them, and I know that they’re doing an... experiment of sorts, and they need--”

“Lab rats,” you finished for the dancer. In all rationality, being a lab rat for a couple of young witches with access to a high-tech lab was probably worse than getting launched up in the air by a dance team, but when Lisa slid a flyer over and your eyes widened at the offered money, you instantly stood. “Take me.”

Lisa pouted but stood anyway, taking the flyer back to squint at the tiny scribbled building number. “I can’t believe you trust Mina more than you trust me.”

“Mina? Is that the name of the ‘witch’ I’m selling myself to?” you asked, slightly sarcastic but also slightly curious. At the dancer’s nod, you exhaled lightly and shoved your seat in just to watch the next people scramble for it, and hummed on your way out, “Then let’s meet this Mina.”

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that your entire school was close to dilapidated, but something about the bio lab was almost creepy as you approached it. Lisa had long since set off for the dance room (something about Seulgi breaking Ten’s ankle, she claimed), so you hesitated in front of the cloudy glass door alone. But the thought of the $600 dollars scrawled onto the flyer scrunched in your fist prompted you to push the doors open and step into the lab.

There was already a decent amount of people buzzing around inside; you recognized quite a few of them and nearly laughed at the amount of students willing to possibly be poisoned. But you took the nearest empty seat as someone appeared at the front of the room.

“Wow, this is a great turnout.”

The crowd chuckled lightly, and your eyes nearly bugged out at the sight of the girl standing at the front with papers in her hands. Honestly, she was the kind of girl that you imagined people wrote love songs about-- absolutely perfect without having to really do anything, elegant and soft in a way that still stood out. She smiled slightly and waved, eyes darting around the room. “Hi. I’m Mina, I’m part of the coven that sent out the flyers.”

You joined in the chorus of greetings, but your eyes stayed fixed on Mina at the front of the room. You could see several other girls lurking around in the shadows, probably the other members, though they kept beckoning Mina to speak on her own. “Um, I’ll just... explain the project to you,” she chuckled nervously, darting over to the computer.

Once a slide was displayed on the wall, she rushed back to the front and explained, “Being a potions-focused coven and also biology majors, we wanted to conduct an experiment. A love potion, or an aphrodisiac in scientific terms.”

Murmurs arose around you, and even your eyebrows scrunched together; as far as you knew, aphrodisiacs weren’t real, and if they were, they were probably illegal. In response, Mina raised her hands and her voice slightly to call out, “Hey, hey. It’s an experiment. We were originally planning to accept all of you, but... I think it’ll be hard to conduct an experiment with 50 people, so please fill out the form we pass out.”

And like that, Mina joined the rest of her friends in passing out the clipboards. You didn’t watch them, only scanned the lab for any signs that you were about to die, so when you were tapped on the shoulder, you almost fell off your stool. It was Mina herself, a slight pink tinting her pale skin as she held out one of the forms to you. “Uh. Thanks.” You accepted it with a bow of your head, staring down at the paper. It looked legitimate, with areas for your age, your height--

“What’s your name?”

In your haste to read over the paper, you hadn’t noticed that Mina hadn’t left. When you looked back up, you could feel heat burning at the tops of your ears, and you answered, “Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N, though you’ll read it on my application.”

“Oh. Of course. Thanks for coming, Y/N,” Mina mumbled, bowing before moving on to someone else. You noted that she didn’t ask for the name of anyone else, but you passed it off and turned back to the form. Since when did becoming a coven’s lab rat require your blood type, anyway?

After nearly a week, you had almost given up on being accepted into the experiment. But just 5 days after turning your form in, you got the text.

Unknown number [4:57]  Is this Y/N Y/L/N? My name is Mina, we met at the bio lab last week. I’m texting to tell you that you got accepted into the program; we’re meeting at the lab again at 9:00 tonight to discuss the experiment further.

You [5:00]   yeah, it’s me. i’ll be there.

It wasn’t like what you wore to the meeting mattered; all you were doing was being briefed on exactly what was about to happen to you. But all through your classes of the day, through your futile studying, you couldn’t keep your mind off the experiment that you had somehow been accepted into, and whether it was a good idea to go at all.

Suffice to say, you went.

“Y/N?” the girl at the entrance of the lab asked. You recognized her from the week before-- dark hair, bunny-toothed smile. “You are Y/N, right?”

“Yeah,” you answered, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. “Why?”

“Oh, nothing,” she smiled. “We’re just taking roll, making sure everyone’s here. Take a seat inside, if you will.”

You obliged, nodding awkwardly before brushing past her. To your relief, the lab was nowhere as packed as it had been the week before, 7 people including yourself seated on the stools as the girls fiddled with test tubes in the back. One pair of eyes in particular lingered on you, before Mina was pulled back to talk, but your cheeks warmed nonetheless.

“Okay, everyone!” someone else announced, clapping her hands together. “My name’s Jihyo, I’m the head of the coven. This is Nayeon” -- the bunny-toothed girl from earlier waved-- “and Mina. We’ll be explaining the experiment to you today.”

She pulled the projector down and Nayeon stepped up, flashing a grin at all of you. “Basically, we made an aphrodisiac. And to test it, we’ll have all of you do the exact same things with the exact same person-- Mina.”

Mina stepped forward this time, and you couldn’t help smiling at the shy smile that tugged at her lips. “To keep conditions equal, you’ll all be going on the exact same 2 dates with me,” she explained. “I’ll take notes on how you act around me, and we’ll test how you feel about me at the very end. Any questions?”

The room was basically silent and honestly, you couldn’t see a downside to it either. Take a potion once and go on dates with a pretty girl, then get observed like a hamster on its wheel so you could get paid? A million times better than your old job. “Great,” Jihyo nodded. “Then, we’ll get started. If Y/N could be the first one? You’ll just go into a room with Mina to get interviewed and take your first dose.”

“Don’t die,” someone called out as you passed, and you flashed a glare despite not knowing who it was. Nayeon giggled as she opened the door for you and closed it behind you, leaving you in what you assumed to be a supply closet. Romantic.

“Hi,” Mina greeted softly, already seated across the table. “I’ll just ask you a series of questions, if that’s okay.”

“Go for it.”

“Rate how attracted you are to me on a scale from 1 to 10.”

Your jaw dropped immediately; for the first question, it was awfully invasive, especially when Mina voiced it with such a straight face. But you straightened your spine and answered stiffly, “9.” 

It should’ve been 10, but you weren’t trying to look like a literal creep; Mina only hummed and marked a circle on her form, moving on to ask, “Are you considering dating anyone else at the moment?”

“No.”

And in that manner, the questions passed decently quickly, with Mina asking them as flatly as possible and you answering them with the exact same tone. As soon as she set the clipboard aside, though, she returned to her original sweet state. “I’ll just have you swallow this now, if that’s okay.”

The test tube was cold to the touch when you uncapped it, and the liquid inside was suspiciously clear. But you barely gave it a passing glance before downing it like a shot, asking with narrowed eyes, “Is it supposed to taste like nothing?”

“Well, we figured that not everyone would like to taste tequila once a week with none of the good effects,” Mina chuckled and placed the empty test tube in its place.

“How fast will I see results?” you questioned as you stood. “Like, am I gonna wake up in a cold sweat tonight because I can’t handle how much I suddenly love you?”

The girl shook her head, though it was a bit hesitant. “I don’t believe so. It should only become more prominent once you see me more often. Which reminds me, I’ll text you about our first date as soon as I can. Thank you for participating, Y/N.”

You snatched your jacket up and stumbled your way out of the room as quickly as you could, hoping no one was looking as you closed the door behind you with a quivering pulse.

Despite the witch’s words, you were sure that the potion was already taking effect. Why else would your heart start to throb terribly as you looked at her smile? 

mina [8:16]  Hello Y/N! I was wondering if you had class today?

Mouth full of cheap cup ramen noodles, you stared at your phone screen. If Mina was asking you about your schedule, she had to have something planned (for the experiment, of course. You weren’t delusional). And you weren’t sure if you were mentally ready to see her shy smile again.

But when the thought of the $600 dollar check popped into your head, you reached for your phone and started to type again. 

You [8:19]  hey, mina. i don’t have class, actually, is this something about the experiment?

mina [8:20]  Yes! If possible, please meet me at the front of the school, we’ll be visiting the food trucks at the beach. I’ll pay!

Your stomach growled at the thought of the renowned food trucks at the beach by your university, and you typed out a hasty agreement before stuffing your phone into your bag and setting off for your apartment. There was no way you were enjoying such an opportunity for good food (and perfect company) in a slightly ramen-stained hoodie.

Thankfully, Mina didn’t seem to mind you being late when you approached her. “Hi, Y/N,” she smiled and hitched her bag higher up her shoulder. “I’m glad to see you.”

“Hi,” you breathed. Well, at least you tried to-- you could barely remember how to function when faced with Mina in a slightly cropped red top, her hair tied up in a little ponytail. But you followed her down the street well enough, towards where you vaguely remembered a fleet of various food trucks to be. “So, have you already conducted this part of the experiment with everyone else?”

Mina shook her head and answered, “No, you’re the first. You took the dose first, so you’ll be a bit like the guinea pig within guinea pigs.”

You snickered at that, nearly tripping over one of the raised cracks in the ground. Sure, the way down the hill to the beach wasn’t the safest one ever, but at least it was convenient for conducting test dates. “The lab rat. You know, this doesn’t seem remotely like a scientific experiment.”

“What do you mean?” the other girl asked, eyes on yours.

Coughing, you looked away from her gaze, though you could feel her still staring at the back of your head. “I mean... it’s not exactly normal for 7 people to drink a potion that tastes like nothing, then go on dates with a pretty girl and treat that as testing.”

“You think I’m pretty?”

“That’s what you got from my whole spiel?” you sighed in disbelief, turning to look at Mina. She laughed, gums showing slightly and her eyes twinkling, and you were forced to turn to the front yet again. “Whatever. Which trucks are we raiding first?”

And as it turned out, Mina was... generous. You were tempted to ask how she was going to keep herself from going broke if she bought that much food for everyone, but watching her bring yet another load of snacks over to where you sat on the wall, you weren’t sure if she cared too much. “Hey. Are you gonna pay for every date?”

“Hm?” She looked up from her Americano and considered the question. “Well, yes? I mean, we planned for the second date next week to be the fair, and I wouldn’t want any college student to have to pay for those overpriced tickets.”

“Aren’t you a college student?”

Mina hummed lightly and dug into her ice cream, sucking thoughtfully on the spoon. “Well, my parents are... well off? I’d like to put it that way, at least. And I think that when I can, I’ll use that to make others happy. Or to further our coven’s experiments.”

“Rich family,” you observed. “Cool.” To be honest, you didn’t really care about how much money anyone’s family made, but it was nice to have all that food paid for. After all, the sheer amount of things Mina bought could’ve covered several months worth of the finest ramen that the restaurants around campus could’ve offered. “Then why’d you end up going to college here with us normal people?”

She raised an eyebrow jokingly and gathered her knees to her chest. “Am I not a normal person anymore?” When you opened your mouth, slightly sheepishly, she giggled and waved a hand, answering, “I ended up choosing this college because my best friends came here. We’re all Japanese, and Sana wanted to come to Korea, so Momo and I just came along for the ride.”

“Ah.” You turned to watch the sky, the sun melting golden into the surface of the waves just a couple dozen feet away. You understood why it was called golden hour as you watched bright yellow rays flicker in Mina’s eyes and glow in her hair, and you had to resist the urge to pull out a camera and capture the feeling of a first date, as much of an experiment as it was. “Makes sense. Then-- how’d you find your coven? I don’t remember a Momo or a Sana.”

“Our coven is a bit... unconventional,” Mina nodded. “It’s just me, Nayeon, and Jihyo. You know that most covens form as children, and they train together, but we only met in college. See, none of us had our own coven, so it was natural that we came together. Momo and Sana aren’t witches, or we should’ve been together.”

You nodded in silence, prompting her to go on. And she did, a soft smile pressing her lips against her teeth as she thought about the girls eh seemed to consider her friends, or her family. “And, well, none of the three of us have had great luck finding someone to love. Or, to love us,” Mina added as an afterthought. “A love potion was just the first thing we fixated on.”

“Finding someone to love you?” you repeated, hand pressed up against your cheek. “I don’t mean that I don’t believe you, but it’s kind of hard to imagine that it’s difficult to find someone to love you. You’re pretty great, Mina.”

She laughed, “I’m glad you think so. But there’s a reason why we chose me as the one to test the potion with.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

Mina looked you right in the eyes, a kind of softness swirling in the brown of her own eyes, and responded equally quietly, “We chose me because we thought I was the hardest to fall in love with.”

“Bullshit,” you responded instantly, heat rising to your ears immediately after. But thankfully, the Japanese girl only looked endeared, and you continued, “I mean, I don’t know if this is just the potion talking, but you’re awesome. I... I think I’d like you even if I wasn’t part of this damn experiment.”

She blushed, the hue of her cheeks matching the pink clouds in the sky. “Well, I think you’re exaggerating on that. But it’s not them, I just volunteered myself. I think people just misunderstand me, you know? It’s hard to find the right person for you when you don’t let people see you. And-- I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. On a first date, too.”

“Hey.” When she looked away from you, you reached over to squeeze her hand. Mina didn’t look back up to you, but you knew she was listening from the way she chewed at her bottom lip. “It’s okay. I know what you’re saying. And I can’t say I know you yet, but I can say I wouldn’t mind knowing you. I’d like it, even.”

Mina laughed, barely loud enough for you to hear, and squeezed your hand. “Thank you, Y/N. I think we should finish our food before it gets cold.”

“Oh, yeah.” You let go to reach for one of the many desserts displayed in front of you, barely fazed by the topic change. “Wouldn’t want your parents’ money to go to waste.”

“Please let that go,” she whined.

“Not a chance,” you winked in response, laughing at her pout. “Not. A. Chance.”

“Lili, I think I’m done for.”

“Like, literally?” Lisa asked mindlessly, receiving a light hit on the head in response. “Ow, what was that for?”

You whined, “This isn’t funny. I can feel myself falling, and there’s no cushion underneath me for me to fall onto.”

The dancer rolled her eyes and reached for her milk tea. “Okay, Miss Overdramatic. You know falling doesn’t work like that, no one’s kicking you off a cliff. Especially not Myoui Mina.”

“I’m not being kicked off, I’m sliding.” You made the motions with your hand, a despondent expression on your face as you scowled, “I’m slipping through a puddle of aphrodisiac, that’s what, and Mina poured it at my feet.”

“Okay, enough with the metaphors, I’m not an English major,” Lisa sighed. She tossed a chip at your face, as if being smeared with salt and oil would wake you up from your Mina-induced trance. “You’ve gone on one date with her and spoken to her approximately twice, I think you aren’t falling just yet.”

“Did you forget the part where I’m drugged to fall in love with her?” you deadpanned.

Lisa paused at that. “Okay, I did forget that. Then what? There’s an explanation as to why you’re feeling this way, and there’s a way to get rid of it. Once you get your paycheck, you just stay away from Mina, should be easy enough, since you never met her before this. And you wait for the potion to wear off.”

“Does it wear off?” you groaned into your hands.

“Did you never ask?” Lisa asked in disbelief. “Wow, Y/N, ever heard of fine print?”

You smacked her with your rolled-up notes yet again. “Shut up. But I have a date with her tomorrow, and I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling like this because of the potion, sure, but I’m still feeling like this! And Mina has 6 other people vying for her now, all under the same effect as me. And it feels... bad.”

“Eloquent,” your friend sighed. “Then I have the perfect solution for you. Don’t go on the second date.”

“I need the money,” you shook your head. “Gimme another one.”

Lisa considered it, sucked on her straw as she did, until she shook her head. “I got nothing. All I can tell you is to enjoy it while it lasts, then just... wait. And if it doesn’t wear off, Jisoo unnie’s studying law.”

As horrible as her suggestions were, you could admit that you felt the slightest bit more assured. In the worst case scenario, you could sue Mina for winning your heart, and in the best, the somehow blissful stabs at your heart would be alleviated soon enough. 

As it turned out, you got a chauffer to the fair. Not an actual one, of course-- it was just Jeongyeon, introduced as one of Mina’s friends who could actually drive. 

You really weren’t intending to talk to her at first. She was quiet, too, didn’t even turn on the radio once she started driving, but when something that Mina said crossed your mind, you had to speak up. “Hey, Jeongyeon. Can I ask you something? About Mina?”

“Shoot,” she answered simply, keeping her eyes on the road. 

“Do you think Mina’s hard to fall in love with?”

Jeongyeon glanced at you at that, her expression slightly quizzical. “What do you mean?”

“She said something yesterday,” you explained. “Mina said that they chose her for the experiment because they thought she was the hardest to fell in love with. She said-- something about being misunderstood?”

The older girl nodded in understanding at that and blew her hair out of her face. After a short pause, she sighed, “I think that’s more of what she thinks than the rest of us. Mina... she thinks she’s unapproachable, you know. She doesn’t open up easily, so I’m surprised she told you that at all. But... she’s been hurt several times, and a lot of people think she’s mean or something similarly stupid just because she’s quiet. That’s all.”

“Oh.” You wet your lips and looked forward to the road, where you could see the fair’s Ferris Wheel already in the distance. “I see.”

And that was that. The two of you fell back into silence, and as comfortable as it was, it only gave you more time to think about what you wanted to say.

Maybe you could see why they would choose the girl who thought of herself as unapproachable and quiet to be the test, but they also didn’t seem to think about the obvious warm color to Mina that she presented. She was quiet, sure, but she was sweet, kind... there was plenty to fall in love with, and even if there wasn’t magic coursing through your system, you thought that you could’ve fallen in love with her anyway.

After bidding goodbye to Jeongyeon at the entrance, you found Mina waiting for you by the fair entrance. “Y/N!” she called out, though her voice still wasn’t loud. You could’ve spotted her anywhere anyway, and made your way over. “You’re a bit early.”

“You were earlier,” you smiled. “So. Are we ready to go in?”

“Absolutely.” Mina linked her arm in yours slightly hesitantly and surprised the both of you, but you took it in stride and swung your arm slightly to bring a smile to her face. “I’ll get our tickets, you get in line.”

“I can pay for myself,” you protested, but she waved you off. “...Okay then.”

The fair was loud, a bit too loud to hear Mina’s voice if she talked normally, so you found yourself leaning in every time she spoke. You really didn’t mind it either, feeling her words tickle your ears-- maybe it was closer than you should’ve been comfortable with, but there was a certain adrenaline pumping in your blood that you weren’t really used to. So you continued on, fed cotton candy to her despite her blush, shared a soda, won a teddy bear for her. Nothing that should’ve made your heart beat as fast as it did.

Nonetheless, time ticked by all too quickly, whirling past in a gust of quiet laughter and honestly terrible jokes. The sun set yet again, the streaks of pink and purple across powder blue oddly similar to the first date you had gone on. Mina checked her watch and frowned, “I think we only have time for one more ride before Jeongyeon comes to pick us up. What do you think?”

You barely had to ponder it before you pointed at the tall, neon-lit Ferris wheel with a smile. “Classic date ride, of course.”

“Classic,” Mina laughed in agreement. She let you tug her towards it and stood in line with you with no complaint, digging a selfie stick out from her bag. “Should we take some pictures up there? It’d be a waste of a beautiful view if we don’t.”

You shrugged, “Of course. Might as well have some pictures to remember our last date by, right?”

Mina looked caught between saying something and staying silent, but she settled with a quiet, “Sure” before starting to set her phone up. Your hand in the crook of her elbow, you tugged her forward when it was necessary, keeping your eyes away from her red-tinted lips as much as you could.

Soon enough, wind was blowing your hair off your face and the cart of the ride was creaking slightly under your weight as someone started the wheel. “Whoa,” Mina laughed breathlessly and peered over the edge. “It’s really high up.”

“And we’re only starting,” you agreed, tugging her back by the wrist. “Don’t fall over, I don’t want to get off this ride with a murder charge on my hands.”

“Hm.” Mina reached over to set the selfie stick on the seat opposite the one the two of you shared, shoving you to get you to match her smile. “Come on, 1, 2, 3.”

With every click of her phone camera, you felt yourself coming closer to her, until you could feel the rise and fall of her chest beside you. You were almost at the top of the ride in barely a couple minutes, the soft sunlight almost blinding you. As you waited for the next camera click, you felt Mina’s hand creep up your arm, up, up, until her slightly cold fingers rested on your neck. 

And then she tilted your head, fit her nose right next to yours like it belonged there, and slotted your lips together. You couldn’t think, much less fight whatever force pushed you up against her. You kissed back as best as you could with your senses battling within you, until you realized that the camera shutter had gone off at least ten times.

Mina couldn’t meet your eyes when you did pull back, and she reached over to fiddle with the camera. “Was that a part of the experiment too?” you questioned, your voice raspy.

“Maybe,” she answered, and your heart sank. But she looked up with a smile, her eyes just as confused as you felt. “And maybe not.”

“Oh. Okay,” you said dumbly, then reached over for her hand. There was nothing left to say, anyway, nothing that the slight swell to your lips didn’t already say for you, nothing that wasn’t conveyed when you leaned over to kiss her again.

The idea of allowing a love potion to work its wonders on you was like allowing yourself to be tossed into a trap. But instead of a cold, rough, and terrible trap that you would actively try to escape, you found the trap to be warm, cozy, a place that you wanted to stay-- and a place you knew that you would eventually be ejected from by force.

Once you were in the trap, though, there was no way you could pull yourself back out, especially when you didn’t really want to escape at all. You stayed up for all the nights leading up to the last time you would talk with the bio lab, just thinking about what you would do if everything that had passed by in the last couple weeks was just a figment of an aphrodisiac-induced haze. After all that time, you still didn’t quite know.

But Mina texted you often enough to pull you from that stupor. Thankfully, it wasn’t like one of those stories or dramas, where the main leads somehow fought after their first kiss-- maybe that would’ve been easier than being pulled in deeper. Instead, the two of you talked every day, even if it was only for a little while, and Mina was only worsening whatever situation you couldn’t seem to get out of.

And eventually, the day came where you’d be paid, a day that you had been looking forward to, until you began to dread it.

“Well, doesn’t someone look like a newlywed,” Nayeon greeted at the entrance with a smile, though she didn’t seem to be mocking you. “Come on in, Y/N, we’ll get you started right away.”

The closet was the exact same as it had been the first time that you stepped inside for the interview, but Mina’s smile was much more warm. “Hi, Y/N. How’re you feeling?”

“Good. Fine.” You cleared your throat and attempted to peer at her clipboard. “Questions for me?”

“Yes,” Mina nodded, flipping the pages over. “Are you ready to get started, then? On a scale from one to ten, how attracted are you to me?”

“Ten,” you answered without hesitation this time, and your smile only grew when Mina flushed.

“Okay. Are you considering dating anyone other than me right now?”

“No.” You shook your head, but gulped slightly and leaned back when Mina leaned forward to observe you.

“What about me?”

You paused, blinked, though Mina didn’t seem like she was going to move until you answered, “Yes. I would date you, absolutely.”

She flicked through the pages listlessly before setting them aside and turning back to you. Somehow, Mina looked like she was about to drop a bomb on you, her lips quivering as she calculated the right words. “I... Y/N, I have to tell you something. About the experiment.”

“I’m not going to die, am I?”

Your shitty attempt at humor did manage to prompt a smile from Mina, but she remained serious. “Not that. But- do you understand control groups? In experiments?”

“Um. I think so?” you answered, racking your brain for whatever limited knowledge of science remained with you. “It’s the normal group, right? The one that isn’t experimented on.”

“Yes, just about,” Mina nodded. She reached for your hands and clasped them within hers, eyes pleading for you to understand something that you hadn’t heard yet. “Y/N, you were the control. I... we had to make sure that it was the potion working, and not me, and you- we used you for that. You were never given any potion.”

“I...” you stammered out. Every instinct in you was screaming out to pull away from Mina’s grasp, to question every aspect of your existence that had led up to you being tricked into loving her. Somehow, everything being real only made it feel more fake, even though you now knew that what you had felt was completely you. “I don’t understand.”

Mina said softly, “You fell in love with me, or at least liked me, on your own. You didn’t work as a control group because the same thing happened to you as it did to the others, even though you never took the aphrodisiac.”

“So,” you faltered, “all seven of us fell for you. I’m just the sucker who’s in it for real, huh?”

“I was willing to sacrifice my own feelings for the experiment,” Mina clarified, shaking her head. “I knew I would fall for one of you, but I didn’t think that you, as the control, would be the one who I fell for. And who fell for me.”

Silence fell over the two of you, though you remained there, hands clasped together and eyes meeting with a clarity that speech could never capture. But you tried anyway. “Okay.”

“Just okay?” Mina questioned.

You smiled weakly as a response, “Yeah. Um... how about we go on another date to talk? After you finish interrogating everyone else?”

Mina let go of your hands and let you stand up, but you could feel her smiling at your back as you closed the closet door behind you. Like a repetition of when you thought that you’d be induced into loving her, your heart beat in your throat as you leaned against the wood. 

But when you knew it was real, when you knew that it wasn’t magic seizing you by the hand and pulling you into the unknown, you smiled. Because it felt... right.

[allie1804-fan]

Please Assist Me (Chapter 17)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8,  Chapter 9, Ch6apter 10 , Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15 , Chapter 16

Warnings: Some explicit Content

 He Said

The wrap for the film in November left me high - it had been an amazing experience again for me but the joy at the film completing was made so much better by the knowledge that I would soon be back home, holding Sophia in my arms.

I got back to my apartment after the wrap party at around midnight, slightly inebriated and dialled her back in LA.  

“It’s done, I’m coming home” I declared.

“you seem happy” she said laughing at my slurred speech “are you drunk?”

“little bit I think, yup! You alone?”

“a ha – kids are at Julie’s today”

“ooooh goody, wanna play?”

 She Said

When Ke called me after the wrap party, he was clearly a little drunk, a bit goofy ……and horny. A few times whilst he’d been away, we’d masturbated together and I knew that was where this was going today. I moved into the bedroom and he started softly instructing me as to which garments to remove, what to show him and telling me everything he wanted to do to me when he got back.  He was the master of story telling and timing, holding off telling me to touch myself for as long as he could so that when the time came and he encouraged me ……….

“now  touch yourself, imagine my tongue….”

I was off like a firecracker, screaming his name which pushed him over the edge too, a loud grunt coming through the speaker of the iPad.

I propped the iPad up against his pillow on the bed and we stared at each other, smiling and I know I was blushing a little.

“Why do you always blush when we do that? We are allowed you know, you are my girlfriend right?”

I nodded, giggling a little.

“Yeah, it’s just that it’s 3.30 in the afternoon here - it feels very decadent to be touching myself while the kids are off doing their school day!”

“Where are they on Friday? I get in at around 7am?”

“Lucky you, it’s Miranda’s day. But you should get some sleep”

“I’ll sleep on the plane …………..and after I’ve taken you!”

“Promises, promises”

“Absolutely!”

He Said

“Told you!”

“Told me what?” Sophia breathed as she lay back on the pillow, her long brown hair fanning out around her and her chest still rosy pink with the flush of orgasm.

“Told you I’d take you first before sleep today” I murmured, sinking into the pillow and yawning.

“Poor old man’s sleepy”

“Hey, less of the old”

Sophia pulled up the covers and ran soothing hands over my shoulders”

“Get some rest baby and thank you”

“For what?”

“Coming back to me and keeping your promise”

I could feel myself drifting into dreams already “mmm no problem, I love you Sophia, I’m so glad to be home”

“Love you too Ke”

When I woke up it was early afternoon and Sophia had made a spread of some of my favourite things for lunch, chief among which was a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich! I feasted and we talked about our plans for the time we now had together.  There were still restrictions in California due to Covid so there were limitations on how much we could do but truth be told my main priority was investing time with this newly forming family, seeing some other family and friends and taking some bike rides.  There would be John Wick training in the new year but until then, my time was my own.

 She Said

Once Keanu was back and we’d got over the initial rush of excitement to be together again, we settled into something of a routine.

He’d stay over a couple of nights a week and at least once a week I’d spend the day with him at his house, often just enjoying a decadent day between the sheets.  A Wednesday would be similar for us to a Sunday for a couple who didn’t have kids in the house bouncing out of bed at 7am!

Whilst we did have a routine of sorts there were still adjustments to be made. One of these took me a little by surprise and was partly triggered by a routine letter from my doctor.

Keanu was there as I opened it.

“Everything OK?

“Oh, yeah sure, it’s just about my coil. It’s going to expire soon so I have to go in for a consult”

“Oh and are you just going to get another one or ….?”

“Or what ?”

I had known this decision was coming soon and it had got me questioning whether it was the end of the road for me and babies. Some friends around me were still having more kids and that was one factor in me questioning it. The last new baby had arrived only a couple of weeks ago  - it was Julie’s so we’d gone to visit, taking a gift.  I got to cuddle her little boy Matthew too since we were in the bubble together. I remembered Keanu’s indulgent expression as I’d declared

“Babies just rule don’t they? Every home should have one! – but then again they are soooo much work!”  

I was only joking around but it was true, I did love babies and I couldn’t say for sure that I was content with declaring an end to my child-bearing years by getting another coil fitted for 10 or more years. I know you can take them out early but the fact that it could just go in and stay in did make that particular choice feel quite final. On the other hand, it was safe and super convenient and meant no condoms which I had never liked and most men I knew didn’t either. I wondered what Keanu thought of my comment. He was so great with my 2 kids  - I didn’t know whether he regretted not having kids of his own – I mean I guess that was kind of inevitable given what he had lost but I didn’t know if it was something he wanted still.

“Or …… do you ever wonder about having more kids?”

“Gosh, I don’t know”

“No? You weren’t thinking about it when cuddling baby Matthew the other day?”

I blushed.

“Well, maybe it crossed my mind that this decision was coming up”

“and?”

I took a deep breath

“And I wasn’t sure I was completely ready to …….. to close the door” I admitted.

 He Said

I sat at my desk, a blank piece of paper in front of me. I was about to embark on a methodical analysis of my thoughts on having a kid with Sophia. After she’d said she wasn’t sure she was ready to close the door, she asked me what I wanted.  Gosh, that took the wind out of my sails even though I had been the one to lift the lid by asking her about her coil. To be honest, it was the way she had been with baby Matthew that had started me thinking before that and had re-awakened in me something I’d not felt since my 40s: The longing to have a child of my own.

I started jotting down thoughts  - pros and cons and trying somehow to think about how positive or negative they each were. It was no good weighing a negative like sleepless nights against a positive like giving my mother grandchildren and my sisters a niece or nephew.  I was still pouring over my page, filling it with thoughts and adding circles around key words and phrases when Sophia popped her head around the corner to say hi. She’d just arrived after dropping the kids at Miranda’s.

“Hey what’s this?”  she asked leaning over my shoulder and kissing my cheek.

“Well, it’s me attempting to be rational, practical, you know about what we talked about yesterday”

“Oh, I see” she responded as she started to scan the page.

“you’re not too old” she exclaimed, picking up on one of the negatives I’d written.

“You sure ?– I mean I could be nearly 80 when they’re 20 something – my mom was 40 when I was 20!”

“Yeah but I’ll be 50 when Eva is 20  - 20 was very young to have a kid by today’s standards. What are the numbers next to each thing?”

“A scoring system” I said blushing a bit.

“Oh my god, how scientific are we getting!?”

“Like I said” I defended, “I’m trying to be pragmatic, weigh things in the balance which is hard when you have things like this in the mix”

I pointed to the biggest word on the page which I’d started to draw around. It was ‘Love’ and it was certainly the thing that counted most in the balance. The love that a child could bring into my life and everyone else in our families was why seeing Sophia with Matthew that day had sparked all those feelings. It didn’t really matter that much that I might need to do fewer projects, that I’d have less freedom and time to myself for creative projects, that we’d be building a complex family melding with the existing one. I think the only thing on the page I could see that made me hesitate were the words “Loss” , “risk and “disappointment”. How on earth could we embark on this path and accept that maybe Sophia wouldn’t get pregnant, what steps would we take if that was the case or would we just agree that if it didn’t happen on its own then that was the end of it. Or maybe she would conceive and then we’d lose the baby like Ava  ……… That option almost equalled the love one in terms of being the opposite in negative points.

“Come on,  take a break, have some lunch with me and then talk me through it OK? Maybe I should do the same task huh? We’ll work it out” she soothed, squeezing my hand.

She Said

Keanu was quiet through lunch. I could tell that this topic was really taxing  his head and heart and I felt guilty that my contraceptive choices had brought this to the fore. He reassured me that in fact, it was seeing me with baby Matthew that had really started the thoughts spinning round his mind.

Whilst I teased him about his giant mind map of pros and cons with its elaborate points system,  it was really useful as a prompt to talk it through. It didn’t strip emotion out of it, after all, how could it with the word love and all its layers of meaning sitting at the centre of the page, but it meant we did consider everything as best we could.

It was the first time we’d talked in any detail about Ava and that experience of loss. He told me most of it, leaning back in the lounger by the pool, eyes closed, holding my hand, an occasional tear leaking out. The horror of giving birth to a silent, dead baby filled me with sorrow for him and Jen and, if I’m honest, some fear for myself. Fear of being the one to do that to him again, fear of embarking on something that held such potential danger. It had never felt that way as I had innocently embarked on my pregnancies with Eva and Miguel.

By the time I had to leave that afternoon, we had almost got to our conclusion, but agreed to sleep on it for a few days. Ironically, he called this technique “incubation”! He said you didn’t actually have to actively think about it but letting it just sit in the back of your mind meant that you would process it and come to a conclusion that you were comfortable with.

 He Said

I wanted to pinch myself when I thought back to last Christmas Eve. The two years could not be more different. This evening, at nearly midnight, I found myself hovering outside Miguel’s bedroom door, checking for the steady sounds of him sleeping before sneaking in with his stocking containing a few presents for when he woke up.  Sophia was doing the same outside Eva’s door. As I crept up to his bed, looking at his angelic little face, almost black hair sticking out of the covers just a bit, I felt centred and certain about our decisions last month.

He and Eva were my family too now, not officially in law, but in practice they spent more time with me than with their Dad these days.  They were comfortable with me, even as an occasional disciplinarian not just a playmate. And that was enough for me and Sophia - if we added to the brood with a child of our own, then great; We weren’t making any efforts to stop a pregnancy  and we were both taking care of our health but we would not have any fertility interventions and would stop if  nothing had happened after a couple of years since Sophia was nearly 40.  We had both agreed that we didn’t want to push our luck too far with a risky pregnancy.

 She Said

My main memory of our first Christmas together was Keanu’s goofy grin that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face for the whole holidays.  It was there for all the special meals we shared, there when we all opened our gifts from him (purchased without PA help!) and there when he closed the bedroom door and came to make love to me each night, stifling the sounds of our passion from the kids with his kisses.

We were in a cocoon of love and tenderness - I knew work was on the horizon for him and that would change our rhythm again soon enough but for now, we could bask in each other’s love, enjoy the children together and carry a little spark of hope that I might be able to fall pregnant with his child before long.

Once the holidays were over, Keanu was back to developing John Wick 4 and starting a new programme of training.  We would have to endure some separation again once shooting started in April in New York but we were all decamping at the start to his apartment there since it would be the holidays then. We even had plans to decorate a bedroom each for the children so they would feel at home when we visited. I wanted them to feel safe and secure. It turned out that this was the one thing I couldn’t guarantee for them, now their mother was publicly dating a movie-star.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @witty-wallflower @paperplanesandwallflowers @bitchyslut99 @ladyreapermc @toomanystoriessolittletime @fanficsrusz @keanuficfiles   

[sweetswoochie-blog]

'TRAVEL WITH BABY' TIPS- Travelling with kids does not have to be stressful

Most of us love travelling and every well planned break is a truly enjoyable event. Planning and organising become even more important when travelling with babies and children. This "travel with baby" page should provide you lots of valuable tips in preparation for your holidays.

If you travel with children, you have to carefully think every aspect of your journey through. Starting with planning the holiday dates, deciding a holiday destination, booking flights and arranging accomodation, every aspect of your travel has to be precisely planned if you wish to avoid a stressful and incnovenient holiday. Travelling with babies can be pleasant and stressful at the same time, but how you have organised yourself will dictate how things pan out.

I TAKE LIBERTY TO POST HERE, FOR THE READERS BENEFIT, THE BEST TIPS FOR TRAVELLING THAT CAPTURED MY IMAGINATION. ALL CREDITS TO "THE GUARDIAN" AND "THE OBSERVER"

50 top tips for travelling with kids

With a bit of know-how, travelling with small children needn't be a hassle. Author of the new Rough Guide to Travel with Babies & Young Children, Fawzia Rasheed de Francisco offers an essential checklist for parents

Fawzia Rasheed de Francisco, The Observer, Sunday 20 January 2008

Planning your trip

1 If this is your first trip with your children, plan for a slower pace than you might usually attempt. If you want to see more than one place, be realistic about what you can cover with little ones in tow. The less you feel you have to pack in, the more enjoyable and stress-free the holiday - and you'll be better able to take the odd day indoors in your stride if the weather is bad or the kids need to rest.

2 If you are travelling with another family, or adults, before you go, discuss what each person wants to do, agree how to split chores or take turns minding the children, and talk about the balance of spending time together and apart. Come to an agreement about the way you'll split the bills (taking into account the smaller share of expenditures for the children).

3 If your children have special needs, it can be helpful talking to parents whose children have similar conditions, and who may have useful travel tips - try disabledfriends.com or youreable.com. Getting an identity bracelet that has details of your child's medical condition, treatment and their doctor's name is useful in case of emergencies (medicalert.org.uk).

4 Similarly if anyone has serious allergies, you might want them to travel with a card that specifies, in the language of your destination, what they're allergic to and how serious the condition is. Allergy UK produces cards in 27 different languages (allergyuk.org).

5 If you are looking to keep costs down, consider a home exchange. If you swap with another family you can end up with a child-proofed home, toys to play with and insider information on things to do and healthcare services. The following websites may be useful: homelink.org (house-swap organisation with over 13,000 homes in 69 countries); matchinghouses.com (house swaps for families with special needs).

Other low-cost options include farm stays and university accommodation (venuemasters.co.uk); these have potential pluses such as animals to look at, sports facilities and wide open spaces.

6 If you're going down the hotel route, always check for special family deals, from discounted rates to free meals for children; many international chains offer these. Most hotels and guesthouses provide breakfast, but unless it's included in the room rate, it's often a waste of money for children, particularly if they only eat a piece of bread or a bowl of cereal. If breakfast isn't included, try asking for 'complimentary' ones for the children. Alternatively, you could take along something to snack on for the first day, and buy in a simple breakfast to eat in your room thereafter.

7 Supervised childcare such as a kids' club sounds good, but can mean little more than a bunch of children lumped together in front of a TV while an attendant keeps an eye on them. Ask how many children are cared for, whether groups are split according to age, and what specific activities might be - and be prepared to check it out yourself when you arrive. If anything seems amiss, be prepared to cancel your plans and start looking for alternatives.

8 Finding accommodation when you arrive can be challenging with children in tow. So even if you do want to keep things flexible, it's worth pre-booking for your first few nights: this will allow you to look for other places in a more leisurely way.

9 If you're going overseas, see your doctor at least two months before you leave to discuss your plans. When making the appointment, mention the ages of your children and ask if they need to come to the appointment; when you go, bring everyone's vaccination records, and ask the doctor to note down their blood groups for you. If any of your children has a pre-existing medical condition, ask for help in identifying a doctor in your destination who specialises in the same condition. Children under 18 months won't be given any travel-related jabs.

10 If you're travelling to a country in which malaria is endemic (check the list of affected countries at who.int/ith/en), you need specialist advice on the appropriate antimalarial medication. You'll also need to make sure you take ample supplies of insect repellent, clothes to cover everyone up in the evenings and, if the place you're staying in doesn't have them, bed-nets impregnated with insecticide.

11 You can get antimalarials in syrup form, though tablets are much more common. As children are usually prescribed smaller amounts of the same antimalarials as adults, this means breaking tablets into pieces, so it's a good idea to buy a pill-cutter; these are widely available and cost next to nothing.

12 If you're going to need visas for your destination, don't be surprised if they're a requirement for children as well as adults, and that their fee is the same as for yours. As many countries require visas to be collected in person by applicants (including children), you may have to make a trip to the main embassy in your country, although it's often possible to apply in writing first to avoid two trips.

13 There are a number of instances where you might need to carry extra documentation when travelling with children. If you have an adopted child, you must take their adoption papers; and if you're the only parent travelling - regardless of your marital status - you might be asked for proof of consent from the other parent for your child to travel. This is more likely in countries where overseas adoption and/or child trafficking is common. If the name on your child's passport is not the same as yours, or if your child bears little resemblance to you, the chances of this being an issue increase.

The standard requirements for authorisation to travel are your child's birth certificate, your marriage certificate (if applicable) and a signed and attested consent letter from the other parent confirming you can travel with your child. If the other parent is no longer alive, you may need proof.

14 Getting your children started on a few holiday-related projects before you leave is a great way to prepare them for what's to come. You could explore maps, or the history, geography, animal and plant life of your destination, or read books or watch a film that's set there. If the food is likely to be radically different, research dishes that they might enjoy, and try rustling up something similar before you go.

On the move

15 If it looks like you're going to be weighed down with mountains of bags, you may want to send on suitcases and bulky items such as prams via a baggage delivery company. You'll pay around £70 to send up to 30kg of luggage one way between European countries, and £110 between the UK and US, but prices per kilo come down the more you send, and you'll get better rates if you send things a few weeks rather than a few days before you travel. Try firstluggage.com or carrymyluggage.com for a quotation.

There are also companies that specialise in delivering baby products such as formula, baby food and nappies - try babiestravellite.com.

16 Hand-held carrycots are superb for babies small enough to carry when on the move, and can double up as a bed, too. Although some hotels offer beds for babies, they're often pretty poor, with saggy mattresses and no shields to prevent babies from falling out. It's better to play safe and bring your own. Most carrycots come with a detachable cover for the body and a shade for the head, and some have a built-in net screen as well. Apart from the obvious protection against the sun and bugs, these are useful for blocking out glaring ceiling lights - such as in airports - which tend to bother babies. Travel cots that break down into several pieces and pack away into their own bag are useful for babies and toddlers too large for carrycots. Carrying babies in a sling strapped to the body is a popular option; both hands remain free and you can detect changes immediately, sensing the moment your child wakes, sneezes, or has a stomach cramp. Slings are the perfect travel aid: they're comfortable, practical, and fold away into no space at all. They're suitable for babies over a week old, measuring at least 53cm tall and weighing more than 3.5kg, and the best ones have wide straps that distribute weight, are machine-washable and have a back or neck support for the baby.

17 A pram or buggy can be useful on holiday even if your child is walking, serving as a place for them to rest during day trips, a makeshift bed when out in restaurants and something to help with carrying the bags. If your destination is unlikely to have paved paths, it may be worth investing in an all-terrain version.

18 In each new place, don't forget to designate a meeting point in case anyone gets separated from the group. If it's likely you'll be in really dense crowds, promising a reward for staying together works as a good incentive.

19 Child monitors can be a real help to keep an eye on young children in crowded places such as airports and shopping malls. The parent carries a tracking device - about the size of a TV remote control - while the child wears a watch-like contraption. Should the distance between the child and the tracker exceed the user-defined range, or if the bracelet is removed, an alarm sounds. Furthermore, once the tracker sounds the alarm, you can push a button to set off a bleeper on your child's bracelet to help you track them down.

20 If your children still crawl around on the floor, one way of keeping them reasonably clean is to take a plastic sheet that you can put down anywhere for them to play on.

21 If you have to sterilise things regularly, consider taking a portable steam steriliser; they work well and with minimum fuss. For sterilising small items on the move - for example dummies or teething toys - you can use sterilising tablets in a watertight screw-top container.

22 If your child is on bottles, bring what you need to make up fresh ones along the way; to save space, fill spare bottles with water, then add milk powder and top up with boiling water when you need them.

23 Breastfeeding in an unfamiliar destination can be a worry, and it is worth doing some research into local attitudes towards feeding in public before you go. If in doubt, try finding some female company, perhaps in a women's clothing shop. Another idea is to head for the ladies' toilets of a posh hotel; these are usually spacious, with seats and pleasant surroundings.

Air travel

24 If you'd like to be met at check-in and helped with the children and the bags all the way to your plane, ask for 'meet and assist' services when booking your flight. This is generally provided by the airport and not the airline, and whether or not you get it depends on the availability of staff - but if you're travelling as a single parent with more than one child, you'll be given priority.

25 If you're a member of an airline's frequent-flyer club, you may be entitled to use a private departure lounge. Facilities such as a supervised place to leave hand luggage, comfortable chairs, free drinks and snacks, TVs and spacious toilet facilities are especially welcome when travelling with children. If you're not a member, you can often use the lounges if you buy a day pass.

26 Check the latest restrictions on hand luggage before travelling. The more stringent regulations relate to carrying liquids, gels and creams, which includes baby foods, drinks and nappy cream. The standard instructions are not to carry over 100ml of any single item, although exceptions are usually made for essential medicines or supplies for children under two. You can also get away with more (up to 400ml) in the way of milk and drinks so long as these are decanted into bottles and no-spill cups; if you carry the same in the original cartons or bottles, you'll be asked to leave them behind. There are also discretionary limits for baby food - these are generally kept vague, but as long as you don't have more than what security staff deem to be a reasonable amount for the flight, you'll usually be fine.

The best way around the restrictions is to decant creams into small bottles, and bring just powdered milk; you can get hot water to make feeds on most flights, and as soon as you pass security, you can buy bottled water too.

27 Some airlines let you check in online, which allows you to book preferred seats from home and cuts out queuing. When you get to the airport, you usually join a fast-track queue to hand over your checked luggage. Similarly, train stations which feed airports occasionally have check-in facilities, meaning you're then free to board the train with the children but without the bags. Some airlines allow you to check in luggage in advance, sometimes as much as a day before you fly. Though you have to make an advance trip to the airport to do this, the advantages are that you get to turn up a little later than usual on the day, and will have your hands free to tend to your children.

28 The low humidity of cabin air can cause mild dehydration as well as dry and irritated nostrils, so it's important to get kids to drink regularly. If anyone gets a streaming nose (also a factor of low humidity), wet the insides of their nostrils with a finger dipped in water - this often works like magic. Flying can also prompt air expansion in the middle ear and sinuses, which can be painful for babies and infants because of their smaller ear passages. To prevent discomfort, massage your child's ears from behind and give the earlobes a few gentle tugs from time to time. Toddlers also find it helpful to suck on something or have a drink during take-off and landing.

Rail and bus travel

29 When booking tickets, make a point of asking for deals for families and young people. In many instances, a family travelcard reduces the cost of ordinary tickets by so much that it's worth buying one even for a single trip. Such deals are usually restricted to travel outside rush hours. To buy a railcard, you usually need to show identification for one or both parents, and have photographs with you.

30 If you're travelling with more than one child and you want space for them to play, it's a good idea to buy more tickets than you need, or book out an entire compartment. This might sound elitist, but sharing a packed carriage can be overwhelming when you're with small children.

31 When you're boarding a bus or train, decide who is going to get on first, who will go last and who is stowing the luggage so as to be sure nothing and no one gets left behind. If you're on a train, establish limits in terms of how far older children can stray and how long they can be away for, emphasising that they always need to come back to you when the train slows down to stop.

Driving

32 Regardless of the regulations in your destination, always use children's car seats whenever driving with your kids. If you're going to use the seat in several different cars - taxis, say - go for a universal model which works with all kinds of seatbelts. For general guidelines and information on some of the common errors when fitting child's car and booster seats, go to childcarseats.org.uk.

33 Extra rear-view mirrors trained on the back seats will allow you to keep an eye on the children without having to turn around, and are particularly useful if you're driving without another adult. They are easy to get hold of in car accessory shops or online.

34 Accessories for entertainment such as tape decks or portable CD/DVD players fitted for use in cars (via the cigarette lighter) help to ensure the right mix of entertainment for children. And if you don't want their fun to bother the driver, bring headphones as well.

Staying healthy

35 If you're heading for the heat, choose clothes made from natural fibres - sweat irritates delicate skins and can lead to prickly heat or sweat rash. Expect to change your baby up to three times a day - particularly if they're not used to the heat and will sweat a lot. Children will need two sets of clothes per day, and sunhats with wide brims and neck flaps are worthwhile when playing outdoors. Equally, don't overlook the fact that children's eyes are more vulnerable to glare than yours; get them sunglasses, or goggles with elasticated straps, which stay on better.

36 If the tap water isn't safe to drink, you'll need to boil, filter or sterilise your own, or buy bottled water. If you plan to use bottled water to make up formula feeds, aim to get the lowest mineral content you can. Make sure the children don't drink from taps, including when brushing teeth. Keeping a bottle of drinking water by the sink is a helpful reminder.

37 When eating out in countries with poor standards of sanitation and hygiene, always eat at busy places where the turnover of food will be fast, and avoid buffets: they're notorious for harbouring the bugs that cause diarrhoea.

38 When eating in restaurants, if the crockery or cutlery is wet, giving it a dry wipe with a clean tissue will lower any potential dose of bugs. Check that bottles and cans are unopened before handing these to the children (and use straws or clean the can or bottle before they drink), and get them to avoid ice and salads.

39 Carry some non-prescription antihistamine such as Piriton, for symptoms such as sneezing, streaming noses or itchy eyes. For skin allergies, try applying over-the-counter hydrocortisone cream; natural alternatives include drinking honey and apple cider mixed with warm water, a spoonful of honey or, particularly for hayfever, nettle tea.

40 Children are particularly prone to dehydration, mostly because they don't drink unless they feel thirsty. If your baby is exclusively breastfed, you should drink more whenever it's hot so that you produce slightly diluted milk; but if temperatures are particularly high and you don't have enough milk, give them some water to drink, too. Also check all your children's urine from time to time; if it's darker than usual, cloudy or strong-smelling, insist that they drink more.

41 Constipation can be caused by dehydration or changes in diet. Give babies water to drink, use a light oil to massage their tummies, and bring their knees up to their chests a few times. You can also gently rub a button of Vaseline over their anus. Give older children water and a few teaspoons of a light vegetable oil to drink, as well as trying the Vaseline and abdominal massage.

42 Most hotels do not provide mosquito nets for baby cots so you'll need to take your own. The easiest way to protect babies from insect bites (apart from mosquito nets), is to put them in a light cotton fabric sleeping bag, with a long-sleeved top, and slather a healthy dose of insect repellent on the fabric.

Being there

43 Most tourist accommodation isn't particularly child-friendly, so once you've checked in you'll probably need to make some adaptations yourself. Start off by checking locks on doors and windows to make sure the room is secure. Check the sturdiness of the fittings - wobbly balconies and railings are unsafe and mean you should change your accommodation straight away. Point out things such as loose towel-rails or curtain rails to the staff and either agree that you can't be responsible should they fall down, or ask for them to be fixed or removed. Use insulating tape to cover exposed wires or sockets or block them off with furniture that's too heavy for your children to move. It's also a good idea to check the temperature of the hot water; it's often scalding, so you may need to warn your children.

44 Once you've researched your destination, prepare a list of possible activities that take various lengths of time and suit different weather conditions. If you've more than one child, give each a turn to make choices from the activities list.

45 If you're travelling with more than one adult, try splitting up from time to time, either having time with the children, or heading off without them to do something on your own.

46 If you plan on walking or cycling, remember that young children won't want to focus on getting from A to B, but on following their interests, so allow time for exploring. Plan your route around the capacity of your youngest child and your ability to carry them. Try to choose a route where the scenery will change frequently. Good choices for walks or rides include following a river or canal towpath; there are no hills to negotiate, and there's the possible bonus of water to play in and birds to feed. It's also a good idea to combine walks or rides with an activity such as swimming or taking a short train ride.

47 Children might get more exposure to sunshine than adults if carried in backpacks or on a child seat at the front of a bike; and if they're not walking or cycling themselves, they'll get colder than everyone else as they won't be warmed up with exercise - protect them accordingly and have layers to pull on and take off.

48 Apart from taking photographs, there are lots of ways to help your children preserve memories of your trip. You could buy a postcard for each destination and help them to note a single memory on the back, alongside the date or their age. You could also get them started on collections of things that can be found in most places, such as badges, paperweights, model cars and boats or toy animals.

49 If your children are keeping a journal, encourage them to draw and list things they see and eat; they could also collect autographs and doodles from people they meet as well as ticket stubs and labels to stick in. If free mini-maps of places you visit are available, get extras for the children to stick into their books, and help them circle the places you've seen. If you're encountering different languages, put in lists of new words and add more as they learn one set.

50 Local toys are often worth seeking out, and make great gifts to take home. Apart from the novelty value, kids tend to like playing with the same things that local children have, and it can help with making friends.

[theliteraryarchitect]

10 Questions to Ask an Editor Before Hiring Them

While a great editor can bring your fiction to its highest level and teach you priceless writing skills in the process, other editors can leave you in worse shape than you started—frustrated, confused, and out a few hundred to a few thousand dollars. I don’t want that to happen to you, writers! In this post, I’ll walk you through the 10 essential questions to ask an editor before you hire them, so you can make sure you end up with a winner.

Although we tend to use the catchall word “editing” to describe all work done by an editor, not all editing services are the same… and not all editors are created equal. Just like writers, they’re individuals with strengths and weaknesses. Because each book or story requires different abilities, it’s important to prepare yourself before and during the process of hiring an editor to make sure you’re getting what you need.

Here’s a list of 10 questions to ask a editor to find out if they’re right for you and your writing… before you hire them.

(Note: Some of this information might be included on the editor’s website, so you may not need to ask. But if you have any uncertainties, double-check with them! Remember, this is their job. If they’re not willing to give you the information you need, consider it a red flag and look for someone else.)

1. What editing services do you offer?

There are lots of different kinds of editing! Manuscript critiques, developmental editing (also called content or structural editing), line editing (also called stylistic editing), copyediting, and proofreading… just to name a few. Each one has a specific purpose and skill set. Don’t assume that every editor offers every kind of editing.

2. Do you have a specialty?

Just as you can’t assume that every editor provides every kind of editing, don’t assume that they are equally skilled in all genres and forms. Hiring an editor can be a big investment. Try to find someone who has experience with your kind of writing. You wouldn’t want a textbook proofreader to critique your novel, or an editor who specializes in mysteries to edit your memoir.

Even if the editor appears to offer all services for all kinds of writing, ask them anyway. Most editors are more experienced with one genre, editing type, or style than another, even if they don’t say that upfront.

3. Can I see a sample of your work?

Many editors don’t offer free sample edits for clients, and that’s totally understandable. However, they should have some samples of work with previous clients that they’re willing to share. Reading these samples will give you a sense of their editorial style and help you decide whether you two would be a good fit. For example, some editors are more reserved in their changes, whereas others like to dig in deep. Some editors are soft and polite with their suggestions, whereas others are more direct and forceful.

4. Do you have testimonials or references from previous clients?

Most editors should be able to provide testimonials from previous clients. If they don’t have them on their website, ask them to send you a few.

5. What do you charge?

Does the editor charge per page, per word, or by the hour? If it’s by the hour, how many hours do they estimate the project will take? Editing can range between .005-.10/word or $40-120/hour, depending on if it’s a light proofread or a serious developmental edit.

6. Can you meet my deadline?

If you don’t have a deadline for your project you should still ask, What’s your turnaround? You don’t want to get into a situation where the editor hangs onto your work forever. And if you do have a deadline, don’t wait until you’ve paid your deposit to find out that the editor is all booked for the week you need your edits returned.

7. How will you deliver my edits?

Some editors still use paper manuscripts and snail mail. Others use track changes in Word or Googledocs. Check to see if their style works for you.

8. How and when will I pay you?

Some editors take the full fee upfront, others want a 50% deposit and the rest on delivery. Some older editors only take checks, while you can pay others with a credit card on PayPal.

9. What is your cancellation policy?

What if you pay a deposit to book them for the month of August… but when July rolls around you no longer need their services? Is the deposit refundable? Before you fork over any of your hard-earned cash, find out the editor’s cancellation policy. While it’s totally understandable for an editor to have a non-refundable deposit or even a completely non-refundable fee, you want to know this in advance so you don’t get unpleasantly surprised if you have to cancel.

10. Will you available for follow-up questions?

What happens if you have questions about their suggestions? Can you email them? Call? How about revisions? Will they read a revision after you’ve implemented their suggested changes? And at what point will they charge for follow up questions? Most editors have a clear policy about this.

Hope this helps!

[nalufever]

1,2,5,6,7,13,20,23,30,33,40,50,53 and 54 for the game for writers please! (Happy Holidays as well

Bless you, for sending an ask!

1. Favorite place to write.  I almost always plop myself on the desktop computer for writing. At odd times I make notes on paper or my phone - but for actual flowing words - I need the comfort of a full-size keyboard!

2. Favorite part of writing. LOL Um, reviews. Like a spoiled child, I NEED validation. Not even kidding. Feedback is my lifeblood. ;)

5. 📚 or authors that influenced your style the most.  MMM! I want to wield words like Terry Pratchett,  Douglas Adams, Isaac  Asimov, Piers Anthony, Anne McCaffery!  The mastery of humour, wit, dialogue, and characterization; to this and more I aspire!

6. Favorite character you ever created.  A minor character who grew to have QUITE the impact on the story~ Mary the maid (from Into My Debt). She's got a lot going on. The more I used her to move the story along, the more her personality grew and developed. 

7. Favorite author.  From published works? So hard to choose! I've already mentioned the style influencers - they're my faves to read as well. Gonna add a few fanfic authors here! @impracticaldemon (she’s a good friend and frigging talented) @brokenbookaddict (from the Flash fandom ~ I love her content and masterful storytelling) @soprana-snap (always fab content) @snogfairy (polished and smart) @hidetheremote (smutty and passionate about writing) @petri808 (smutty and fun ^^) @caffeinewitchcraft (incredibly talented and awe-inspiring ~ it’s a good thing I’m a bit buzzed or I’d be too shy to add her to the list) Okay ~ that’s sufficient. Just know that there’s more I could add but for the constraints of time and space.

13. How do you deal with writers block?  Sometimes I switch to another project and sometimes I spend time with a new/old fandom! And lots of times, I give myself permission to come back to a WIP after watching some TV or reading or whatever real life wants me to deal with ~ ;)

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.  Fairy Tail (Natsu's Stars in Lucy's Sky):

"What about what I want?" Lucy couldn't stop her petulant words. "Desire like this is a two-way street." Her legs shifted to try to ease the ache newly awakened. "I have wants just like you do."

"I have every intention of giving you what you need--" Natsu rolled onto his side and threw a leg over Lucy's hip, panting his words, "It's up to you when and where. Keep on pushing and I'll claim you now. I can't resist."

23. Single or multi POV, and why?  Here's where I expose my ignorance. Lots of time I'm just writing and the POV shifts on its own. Most of the time I try to keep it single - but - there are times I fail!! Why? I'm trying to keep it clean/clear so the readers can follow easier.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.  Goodness! Usually something in whatever I posted last! Or if it was from real life ~ or just SPEAKS to me. Okay, that jobs my memory! I'll have to hunt for it. From something ever so old, but, it fits the criteria!! Here we go! 

When Lucy was honest with herself, she knew Natsu was her choice; whether or not he would choose the same, was immaterial. He was the person she wanted and needed to become the happiest person she could be. She would pick him time and time again, no hesitation. Lucy dated less and less the more she understood her feelings for her team mate. It didn't matter to her how well a potential boyfriend seemed suited for her, Lucy was willing to wait - not settle for second best.

Natsu held his own understanding of his needs and wants. He didn't put it into something so pedestrian as words, he had gut feelings that guided his actions. When the slayer needed a snack, he'd head over to Lucy's place. If Natsu wanted someone to play a game, why, Lucy was always first choice. Play a prank? Lucy. Bath? Lucy's tub. Sleep? Lucy's bed. Relax? Lucy's bed with Lucy in it.

Natsu was content to live his life without vocalizing his goals. Lucy didn't need for Natsu to declare her importance to himself; it was enough the truths in their hearts could speak to each other. Days and weeks and months snowballed. The nightmares faded, new memories forged stronger bonds. Waking up limbs entangled, face to face, breaths mingling, it was effortless to close the gap to each other's lips and greet the day smiling.

All right - more than one line - but this, to me, felt like I was summing up their relationship in the best possible way.

33. Do you listen to 🎶 when you’re writing? Often music, anime ops and ends or instrumentals ~ never TV (because I'll stop writing)

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?  More fanfic ~ I have a few ideas for original stories - but I'm still 'honing my craft' in the fanfic arena. *shrugs*

50. Weirdest story 💡 you’ve ever had.  I've had a few WEIRD prompts suggested to me (Wendy's ass growing gigantic and making Romeo lose his mind for one) ~ but, the oddest story I've written from my own brain would have to be a very short RWBY fic. I'm confident that It's the weirdest on account I received this comment: 'An interesting concept. Would be fun to watch develop. What sparked this particular crack to form in your mind?'

It's short, so here it is: (A Dance With Fists)

Mercury wiped the trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth and grinned. "That all you got, little girl?"

Batting her eyelashes, Yang tilted her head as she rubbed her knuckles on the neckline of her shirt. "Funny, I was just about to ask you the same question." Smirking, she raised both hands to inspect her nails. One hand was flesh and the other a cybernetic copy. "Without your little friend to mess with my mind you're gonna have to STEP up your game." Shifting her feet, the blonde added a sly dig, "That's if I didn't damage your fake leg too much already."

"Oi, and here I thought you weren't into manly men." Mercury sniggered, gave Yang a broad wink and a suggestive twist of his lips. "My third leg isn't fake, darling."

"Did you want the truth or something that will make you feel better?"

Mercury rushed Yang, they struggled. Each punch Yang landed was a solid blow, making him smile wider. Mercury savoured the pain; half mesmerized by her golden hair and the fire in her eyes. He was a sick man, he knew that. He couldn't think beyond this moment, grappling with this girl who hated him. Pain was pleasure and he wanted everything Yang could give him.

53. What does writing mean to you?  Writing is a chance for me to reach out and share some of my excitement in a fandom. Validation from reviews - appreciation from favs, follows - it means I get to leave an indelible mark on this world. Something I MADE touched people and can be discovered however later by fans when they search, looking to read about their OTP or fandom. It's immortality.

54. Any writing advice you want to share?  Write! Self-indulgent fics! Clichés! Original works! Talk to your internet friends and support them and they'll return the favour. Read books. Live life and when inspiration strikes - take that idea in a choke-hold and spew word vomit on your page. Take a few days and then edit with a vengeance. Ask your beta for help and listen. Whatever they have an issue with needs adjustment. Maybe the direction they think you ought to move, you don't have to agree with - but the base 'wrongness' is right. Keep working!

[protytwo]

You Too Can Join an APA by Jay Zilber

They've been around for over a hundred years, long before organized comics fans (or science-fiction fans) were around to adopt them. So it's a little odd that amateur press associations—apas for short—are still so little known. They survive to this day almost solely on the strength of word-of-mouth publicity, for in all this time there have been few serious attempts to bring this unique form of communication to the attention of mainstream fandom.

Apas have always had a difficult time getting publicity, partly because they are, indeed, so little known. They're not commercial endeavors, so they are never advertised. And though some apas may get an occasional short plug in a fanzine column here or there, these plugs don't tend to generate much interest because apas just can't be explained in a kernel of information 25 words or less. Apas can fulfill different purposes for different people, and at least seven definitions come to mind:

1.         Apas are limited-circulation fanzines; in order to receive a copy, one must also be an active contributor to the apa.

2.         Apas are the next-best thing to a comics convention, a fannish social get-together on paper.

3.         Apas are the underground fan press, free of the "commercial" restraints and limitations of mainstream, high-circulation slick fanzines.

4.         Apas are a system of centralizing correspondence which makes it possible to keep in touch with a large number of other fans at the same time.

5.         Apas are an outlet for creativity and self-indulgence. They are an invaluable learning tool, through which one can develop writing, drawing and editing skills. They provide built-in feedback and constructive criticism on such creative endeavors.

6.         Apas are where the old, tired fans go as an alternative to total gafiation.* And often, they are where the old, tired pros go for relaxation from their professional writing.

7.         Apas defy clear-cut categorization in technical terms. Communication studies break down all media into two categories: mass media and interpersonal media. A mass medium—such as television, film, books, or this magazine—is a one-way system in which the Communicator sends a message to a group of Receivers, a large mass audience. If that audience wishes to relay their comments or reactions about this article to its author, they're met with various obstacles; they usually can't go back through the original medium and write their own article (or publish their own magazine) in order to make their reaction known. The obstacles are not insurmountable—hence, letters columns—but the original Communicator can get no direct or immediate feedback from his mass audience. That would require the use of a two-way system, an interpersonal medium (such as the telephone or, in the case of face-to-face dialogue, air), with which both parties have the opportunity to be both Communicators and Receivers in turn.

 INSIDE THE APA

 Obviously, there are many reasons for the appeal of apas; each member has his or her own individual attraction for being an active "apan," and the contents of an apa mailing is a mixed bag that reflects this diversity. CAPA-alpha was the first—and still one of the best—comics apas, and any recent mailing of CAPA-alpha showcases the full spectrum of what apas are all about:

Some members of CAPA-alpha (abbreviated K-a for esoteric reasons) are accomplished fan artists; they contribute superb illustrations and clever graphics, including a good deal of spectacular work that gives new life to the downtrodden "ditto" medium, imaginatively taking advantage of the so-called limitations of spirit duplicating. Other members are still learning the techniques of the craft; their inexperience betrays their enthusiasm and their work pales in comparison.

There is considerable discussion in K-a of all aspects of comics and comics fandom: behind-the-scenes news, reviews, indexes, speculations and such. Much of this discussion is insightful and well-informed, and some of it is insubstantial and short-sighted at best.

But comics are only a starting point—the discussion and commentary naturally spills over into related areas of science fiction, movies, television and home video recording, personal computers, and all areas of popular arts and culture. Personal trials, traumas and tribulations are also given much attention; some members use K-a as a sort of diary in order to sort out their thoughts and feelings about current events in their lives, and their hopes for the future.

Occasionally, there is original fiction or comic strips that range from brilliant on down. A good deal of purely self-indulgent or experimental material is run through the apa, for, should a member want to try out some new creative ideas, there may be nowhere else to put it on display. While self-indulgence is not necessarily encouraged, it is certainly tolerated for the most part—at least until someone's material becomes completely unintelligible and he is no longer communicating but talking to himself.

For some, the bylaws and politics of K-a itself take an overwhelming prominence in their apazines, and new meaning is given to the concept, "the medium is the message."

There is fannish news, rumor and gossip, there are special group projects and collaborative one-shots, there are comics convention reports that alternate between truthful accounting of fact and wildly exaggerated nonsense. There are in-jokes of the sort that simply aren't the least bit funny outside of the apa's membership (and even among the membership they aren't funny except at four in the morning).

This is the stuff that apas are made of—all this and more. There is no pay or compensation except in terms of personal fulfillment. Apas reflect every stage of fannishness, from the wide-eyed neophyte to the burnt-out gafiate. Apas are networks of communication and life-long friendships that never have developed in any other way. They are an integral part of the universe of fandom… but to truly understand the attraction of belonging to an apa, one must experience it first-hand.

The mechanics of apas are fairly simple, though they may at first seem confusing to the uninitiated. Since each apa has slightly different policies, I will continue to use CAPA-alpha as a useful prototype.

In order to join K-a, a would-be member starts by sending an initial fee of $3.00 to the current Central Mailer. Some apas require new members to be sponsored or voted into membership; this is not the case with K-a, but full membership still does not come right away. As a matter of practical logistics, K-a has a size limit of 40 members and presently has a modest waitlist. A new would-be member is sent a sample copy of the current K-a mailing and his name is placed at the bottom of the waitlist. Membership turnover may be slow; it may be several months, possibly a year or more, before a slot opens up for him. In the meantime, waitlisters may contribute to the apa as though they were already members, but can only purchase copies of mailings when they are at least three months old—and then, only if sufficient extra copies remain available.

At length, the patient waitlister is invited to join the apa. In order to attain membership, he must now produce an apazine; K-a requires that members contribute at least four pages of original material to every third mailing. (This is the minimum required activity, or "minac," to use the inside jargon; of course, one may contribute more often and in greater volume, as in fact most CAPA-alphans do.) The new member is responsible for printing his apazine, or arranging for its printing; he must deliver 50 collated and stapled copies of his zine to the Central Mailer by the stated deadline (usually the first day of each month) and keep his postage account in the black. If he fails to meet minac, copycount, finances or deadline, he risks being dropped from membership, though extensions are sometimes granted under extraordinary circumstances.

The Central Mailer is elected annually; he is a member of K-a who, in return for only the real or imagined glamor or ego-boosting the post has to offer, has opted to take on the tremendous responsibility of seeing that the mechanics of the apa remain well-oiled and that the mailings come out on time. He manages the apa's business and finances; he organizes the apazines as they arrive in the mail from the 40-odd members and waitlisters around the country, collates their stacks of apazines into 50 identical volumes that contain one copy of each zine, publishes the apa's Official Organ, and mails the bound copies of the mailing to the entire membership.

All this is much more work than can be suggested in the time it takes to describe it, and it's why most apas have a membership size limit; otherwise, the work of managing K-a would increase to the point where it would have to be a salaried full-time job.

After its long, torturous trek through the Postal Service, the member finally receives his copy of the mailing and reads it with all due enthusiasm. Perhaps he jots down some notes as he reacts to someone else's comments that he wants to discuss in his next apazine. The cycle continues every month, as it has with only one interruption since K-a's first mailing in October, 1964.

WHERE IT ALL STARTED

 Actually, the concept of the amateur press association goes as far back as the late 19th Century—long before comics or SF fandom existed—with the formation of the National Amateur Press Association (NAPA) and other "mundane" amateur journalism spas. NAPA was founded in 1876 and was originally seen as a sort of training ground for professional journalists. Indeed, many early amateurs did "graduate" to become professionals, and the Association saw this as the most defensible role for NAPA.

At the outset, the inner workings of the original apa were worlds away from the present-day fannish version. In this early concept of NAPA, members were loosely organized by a constitution drawn up at a national NAPA convention, but the gist of it was that members were simply instructed to send copies of their amateur journals and publications to one another.

NAPA only began to evolve into the more modern concept of apas because of the lack of cooperation from the United States Post Office. NAPA's organizers had tried to get their individual amateur journals declared eligible for Second Class mailing privileges without success. As an alternative, they established a centralized mailing bureau; any interested publisher could send their journals to the bureau manager, who would in turn distribute them in bundles to the Association members. Some took advantage of this service, while others continued as before to send their publications directly to one another. As a result, these "private" mailings were not always fully distributed to the entire membership, and only the most active members could expect to receive both the privately-mailed, limited-circulation magazines and the centrally-distributed bundles. NAPA did not even actually require members to publish anything at all, so that an interested but inactive member might receive only the bundles.

This separation of active and non-active members brought about a bizarre class separation of amateur publishers. NAPA also encountered a number of other problems during its formative years; its members rarely used their journals to communicate with one another, and many would-be publishers experienced difficulty in purchasing or gaining access to a handset letterpress, the most commonly-accepted method for printing member-journals at the time. It was this stumbling block that made it impossible to establish a "minac" requirement that all members be active publishers. Yet the notion of a new kind of apa persisted, an apa in which every member was a participant.

Oddly enough, the link between mundane and fannish Amateur Press Associations was provided by no less a personage than H.P. Lovecraft himself. Lovecraft became involved in amateur journalism as a youth, and joined one of NAPA's rivals, the United Amateur Press Association (UAPA) in 1914, and then NAPA itself three years later (for both of which he served several terms as president). SF (then-)fan Donald Wollheim learned of the mundane apas through Lovecraft in the mid-1930s, shortly before Lovecraft's untimely death in 1937. By most recountings, Wollheim saw apas as a useful solution to the problem of keeping up with fanzine trading and a method of reducing postage as well, and promptly joined the National and United Apas. With help from some of the other major SF fans of the time, he then founded FAPA, the Fantasy Amateur Press Association. July 1937 saw the first tiny, 42-page bundle of fanzines, still bearing little resemblance to any modern-day apa. But it was only three months later, in FAPA's second mailing, that two of its members introduced what later became the life-blood of contemporary apas: mailing comments.

Quite simply, mailing comments are the inclusion in members' apazines of comments on the previous mailing. It was the solution to the noted lack of communication within mundane apas; prior to the mailing comments in FAPA, discussion of topics raised in one another's publications was almost nonexistent. Mailing comments provided a sense of continuity from mailing to mailing, and brought about a degree of group spirit and camaraderie among members never before conceived. More than merely exchanging fanzines, apa members now exchanged ideas; rather than just absorbing information, they were now encouraged to think about and react to what their fellow members had to say.

Additionally, FAPA promoted the notion of substance over style; inexpensively mimeographed or spirit-duplicated contributions were not discouraged but actually taken for granted to be the most sensible printing method for a low-circulation apazine, and this made it practical and affordable for every member to contribute. Unique, innovative and successful in everything it set out to achieve, FAPA became the model for most of its followers and imitators in SF fandom, and eventually for its second cousin, comics fandom.

*Gafiation (n), a common fannish buzzword from the root "gafia," an acronym for "Getting Away From It All."

  Mark Evanier contributed the left cover to Capa-Alpha's 200th mailing, while in 1971, Wendy Fletcher was an active apa fan. She now concentrates on Elfquest as Wendy Pini.

A young Frank Miller contributed to apas and this sample page shows, even then, a sense of design and drama that has since matured into some the finest comics work done today.

NOTE: This article was first published in the March 1983 Comics Scene magazine. Comics APAs were very big back in the Seventies and Eighties. These days, surviving APAs are very unlikely to have a full membership and there isn’t any waiting period before a fan is invited to participate and join the membership roster.

[merrybrides]

14 Pieces of Actual, No-Silly Wedding Planning Advice

There's a lot of wedding advice floating around the Internet. Problem is, a lot of it is useless fluff dreamed up by a) relatively well-heeled editors contractually obligated to spend their days inventing absurd nonsense to fill pages surrounded by advertisements b) people who've never planned a wedding/mistakenly think their very specific experience can be extrapolated. Or both!

Sure, those mason jars wrapped in polka-dotted ribbon are a cute idea on Pinterest, but it's a good way to wind up sobbing in the middle of your local Michael's two weeks before the big day. And all that money-saving advice? Yeah, the buffet's going to save you, but not as much as you may think.

Maybe you're planning to tie the knot at a 50-person backyard barbecue. Or maybe you're hosting 350 friends, family and business associates to some Gilded Age castle. Whatever. Here are a few pieces of real-talk wedding advice that you can actually use.

1. Maybe pay someone to do that. Are you supremely artistic and experienced in the ways of crafting? Is your great aunt Martha Stewart? Unless the answer to one of these questions is yes, think very carefully about any D.I.Y. projects. Examine your own abilities with a critical eye. For instance, I once tried to complete a "Cosmos manicure" and ended up looking like I'd let a four-year-old paint my nails. Face the music: Despite what Pinterest would have you believe, some of us are just not talented at some things. And your wedding is probably not the time to learn that lesson. It'll only be more expensive when you have to replace everything at the last minute.

2. Not everyone gets a date, and that's fine. Look, lots of us wanted everyone we've ever known and loved at the ceremony. But that's just not feasible unless your daddy is a robber baron. You'll want to invite as many significant others as possible, of course, and if someone is flying from Shanghai to Cleveland for your reception, you'd better allow them a date. But at some point, it's time to hitch the caboose to the gravy train, and once you do, stick 100 percent to your guns. Consider preparing an email in advance for anyone who truly does not understand that money doesn't grow on trees.

3. You are not the Lone Ranger. Perhaps you want to be the Stanley Kubrick of weddings, strictly controlling every single aspect of the entire production. But that way lies The Shining, my friend. When someone graciously offers to help, come up with some very specific detail they're well-equipped to handle. (If you've got it covered or this person is an absolute incompetent, politely decline, but I urge you to consider the offer, even if it's as simple as logging RSVPs.)

Also, on a more specific note, unless you're wearing that $100 H&M dress, seriously consider having more than one bridesmaid. If I'd known how much work getting my wedding garments and dress on was going to be, I'd have a bridal party of eight or nine really strapping gals.

4. Write thank-you notes as gifts come in. Do not get behind, unless you want to spend your honeymoon crafting odes to the lovely Waterford from Aunt Mildred.

5. Be ready to show some backbone. I'm willing to bet that most readers of this blog are very, very committed to not being a power-drunk nightmare-person Bridezilla during their planning process—and that's great! Never, ever be nasty. But know that it's perfectly okay to say no, no thanks, not gonna to happen when your florist tries to talk you into expensive hot-pink table overlays. (You'll also need to be prepared to wield that NOPE like a broadsword if you've laid down a law like no kids or no cellphones, by the way.) Let's practice together!  SORRY NO!!!!!

And once you put down a deposit on something, don't feel guilty about making sure that vendor gets her job done. If you're paying for a wedding planner, don't let her drop the ball. If your sample floral arrangements are the wrong color, speak up.

Now, a corollary: Pick your battles and save your emotional energy for the big stuff. Maybe you hate your cousin's formal kilt, or your bridesmaid's spray tan, or the best man's habit of wearing lime-green socks with dress shoes. For God's sake, just let it ride. Save your fury in case the limo never shows.

6. All you need is Google Docs. I've got a binder, a website, several notebooks and pieces of wedding-related paper lying all over my house. But the only tool I really needed to get through this without rending my garments and running screaming into the night was Google Docs. Sure, maybe your dad still hasn't gotten the hang of the Internet. But that's what the export to PDF function is for!

7. If you must give favors, give food. Don't give your guests something they're just going to throw away. No one in the history of party planning has ever gone wrong with a light snack. Definitely do not D.I.Y. anything. (See above.)

8. Limit your options. Planning my wedding I couldn't have any old thing that flitted into my brain, because I am a graphic designer and paid for my own wedding. 

A lot of things were simply out of budget. But honestly? THANK GOD. There are too damn many options out there, and limitations are your friend. The name of the game in wedding planning is eliminating as many possibilities as fast as possible. If you're pretty sure you don't want to get married in a barn, put your blinders on and stop looking at barns.

And for the love of God, do not let yourself get bogged down in any single decision. I spent weeks scouring New York City for wedding shoes and a hair comb. My mistake was ever considering more than five options in the first place.

9. Ask (politely!) for discounts. Hey, it can't hurt.

10. Treat thy bridesmaids as thou would like to be treated. I'm not talking no diet commands and no haircut lectures. That's table stakes. I mean don't pick a bridesmaid dress that would look good on you but not them. There are more body types than stars in the sky; maybe give them a choice of five dresses and let each pick her fave. It's not the end of the world if they don't match. Don't ask them to spend a fortune on something they'll never wear again, and give them some sort of thank you at the end.

11. Stop trying to be so damn unique. Look, weddings are not original. They are a template, a form letter drawn up hundreds of years before we were born. No matter how much money you throw at the planning process, your wedding is not going to be one of a kind. You don't need a special, hand-crafted symbol of your cosmic love on every escort card. Chill.

12. There is no perfect dress. You're probably not a paragon, and you're not marrying one, either. We live in the world of reality, not Platonic ideals. So do yourself a favor and pick a gown that's beautiful and within budget. Don't let the dress shopping drag on until the entire experience curdles.

13. Ask yourself: Who actually cares? Agonizing over whether to have a champagne toast, or pay for chiavari chairs, or (god forbid) shell out for peonies? Here's a question you should seriously ask yourself: Are my guests really going to care? Because this is technically a celebration of you, but REALLY it's an enormous party that you're throwing for your friends and family. This is not your fifth birthday party at McDonalds. You are hosting these people that you love. Every decision should come down to whether the guests like it, appreciate it, or notice it at all.

Remind yourself (as others have reminded me) that people care about the dancing, the food and whether a good time was had by all. They don't care about how much painstaking effort you put into the hand-aged programs and the very firm email you wrote to get the perfect amount of greenery in the centerpieces. You're better off focusing on the broad strokes that best facilitate the party than bothering overmuch with small details.

14. Have fun. Unless you are Olivia Pope and thrive on details and chaos, it's easy to get overwhelmed. (Yes, even if your plan is simply to order 25 pizzas and surprise all your buds at a bar, you still have to write the ceremony, write up the invites, etc., etc.) But this is fun! It's a happy occasion! Go forth and drink until you can't feel your face! And remember, as long as you're married at the end of the night, it was a success.

[cambrasine]

Zine Organization Guide/Tips

There’s been a huuuugee influx of friends and friendly strangers asking me about how to run a zine -- so under the cut is my spiel! 

Wait, who are you? Hey! I’m Jennie. I’ve run a couple zines and am working on a couple more. I’ve participated in hmm let’s see one two three four (more?) others, too! Okay, now for the guide.. First off, though It’s incredibly rewarding, don’t underestimate how much time running a zine takes. Most projects I’ve been a part of have run over the course of 3 - 8 months. Admin stuff takes a lot of time day-to-day too - setting up a blog, forms, spreadsheets, store, answering questions you’ve answered 1000 times, assembling, packing, etc. etc. Don’t take this the wrong way - I am a zine enthusiast but just make sure you have enough time to take this on, or team up with a friend or two to multiply the fun and share the workload! :)  ORGANIZATION If you open for applications / submissions then I suggest using google forms. That way everything is in one place and organized in a spreadsheet. Similarly, I suggest google sheets for keeping track of things. For example, we made a google sheet to share with all participants. Next to their username they can fill out things like their e-mail address, how they wanted to be listed in the artist directory, what they will be drawing (to avoid excessive repeats), etc. plus a little box to check off when they complete their piece. You can also make multiple tabs which is fun (For YoI zine we had a cover sheet (explanations of each tab, announcements), participant info, templates, FAQ, timeline, wip share, and bundle sign ups). It’s all in one place makes it easy for the organizer as well as participants to keep track of! For your own sanity MAKE A TEMPLATE for your participants to make their art on — At the correct size (including bleed if you’re printing full bleed), resolution (300 dpi+), and color profile (CYMK) for printing. SOME PEOPLE WILL STILL NOT DO IT CORRECTLY. Mentally prepare yourself LOL  > Make sure to leave room for title page/credits/thank you - whatever!  > Printing goes in multiples of four so be prepared with a back up if someone drops out and screws up your page count! > Leave cushion room around your deadlines. Build in a week after your deadline for people who need extensions because people ALWAYS need extensions! > Making a WIP/check in deadline was really helpful I think > It’s a nice thing to do to offer participants a copy as long as you can afford it. Otherwise there’s not much motivation to participate;; If it’s for profit, give them a cut. DISTRIBUTION DIGITAL As far as distribution, gumroad is a classic for digital downloads, plus they have this nifty ‘pay what you want’ option. They do take some fees though, less if you pay $10 for a month but you have to balance an equation to see if it’s worth it. Since we didn’t know when to set the release date for, we skipped this and will just be emailing the file ourselves, but I have used gumroad in the past. PHYSICAL > I would try out bigcartel - it’s totally free to have 5 items or less. Haven’t tried it myself. > Storenvy is probably best option after that. There’s a 10% fee for purchases made through the marketplace, but you can turn it off and just sell from your custom storefront.  They introduced ‘’'Storenvy fees’'’ where they charge customer an extra fee now (usually .99 I think) which they withdraw from your accounts afterward > Etsy is fine, there’s the .20 listing fee but it’s not very customizable visually... I just don’t love it, ok? lmfao You can give it a go > Tictail is OK (can’t turn off marketplace / 10% fee from marketplace orders, doesn’t integrate with shipping easy easily, can’t make different item groups for shipping, etc.) PRINTING If you’ll be printing, check with local printers. Get quotes. GET A LOT OF QUOTES. Some people will not respond at all. Some will be crazy and not understand how to price books/booklets and try to price you for 1000 prints instead. You just have to look around.  Side note: Hard copy proofs are great! If it’s your first time assembling a zine, I’d highly recommend you get one. Some recommended printers: 

Smart Press US based. Love them!! Good quality, good customer service, usually one of the less expensive options. Solid A grade :) RA Comics Direct/Nations Print California based. Haven’t used them myself, but heard very good things. They'll mail ya a free paper sample booklet if you ask! Pixartprinting Based in Italy. Usually the cheapest option, print quality is good, but not /amazing/ No hard copy proofs.  Catprint NY Based. They only do saddle stitch binding, and I’ve never used them for books but their print quality was great. You can get a paper sample booklet from them too, and they have so many freaking paper options.  PrintNinja China Based. Everyone and their mother seems to love their quality. They have high minimums and very little flexibility on them (250, 500, 750, etc.) but they also have lots of cool options like foil, embossing, debossing, etc. if you’ve got the cashflow. SHIPPING (from US) USPS is pretty much always the cheapest option. Once you know the weight, you can easily calculate on the site how much it will cost to ship. For reference, a 20 page book I made weighed about 5 oz, a 60 page one weighed about 7 oz. Bubble mailers are your best friend! I like the poly ones vs the paper ones bc they’re waterproof. I like these ones a lot, the adhesive is strong!! For shipping the 20 page one, I included a piece of cardboard for rigidity. For the 60 page one, it wasn't necessary and only /one/ out of the 400+ shipped was damaged. The easiest to way to ship through USPS though is to use a service like ShippingEasy. You can do buy postage for 50 packages each month on their free plan but if you ship more than that and want to use them, you'll have to pay $x a month. With ShippingEasy you import your orders, can choose your standard shipping settings, etc. and buy postage online. That way you can do it any time of day, don't have to hand write labels, etc. I also bought these labels so that you just peel and stick them on the package - no tape necessary! If you use Etsy or Storenvy, you can set it up to automatically receive your orders. If you use Tictail, you're going to have to export them to a spreadsheet, then import them - which is a pain and is only available on paid ShippingEasy plans. There's a free month trial tho if you time it right! Also with USPS - if you can safely leave packages outside - you can schedule a pick up online and they'll come pick your packages up at your house! No lugging heavy boxes to the post office! END NOTES Every project is different. You’re bound to hit a few bumps in the road but hopefully the above will help keep those to a minimum!  It’s hard work, but it feels amazing once you have the book in your hands! I’ve met lots of my amazing artist peers this way. It’s great for making connections and even a few friendships! If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask!! Good luck with everything!! <3

OTHER GUIDES: By the lovely Jeanne who co-organized the ML fashion zine and Menons la Danse with me Another and another by artists I admire By May, who ran the Ladybug Charity Zine 

[nvmlindseyallan]

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We have been Divinely-Instructed, as you could see, that we must no more do the long form of the hashtag of the theme of the campaign that we do until January 25, 2019, because according to Godhead, if we include the word 'project' into #100PercentProudStirlingite, and we say that our project is only until January 25, 2019, then we might make it appear that we're only on the side of our Heavenly Celestial Parents only until that date. It is evident that Empire (Matthew 5-7) is surely going against us, for they met the theme song of your #PraiseToTheMan (November 13-December 25, 2018) with a movie title: #glorious, and yet, they make much referral of a movie where they used a song named as such as our brethren are now exposing their persecution of us as their literal means of livelihood! #executivenews is indicting your Executive Minister for his stance against Empire's #guncontrolnow agenda. This same Executive Minister, Diocletianites has already disowned, and exchanged (Romans 1) with the Antiochians of Canada. You might heard what these Antiochians said on their November 11, 2018 show as they were going to meet a Constantinian in self-persecution. 'I'M GOING TO GET MY GUN.' Where would Empire now stand on this? In fact, many are asking us on why it is seen that many has been making the handsign of the thumb finger and the smallest finger together during the mandated cover-up photo-ops of July 27-28, 2018? Well, I don't know. Previously they have this mandated doing the OK handsign and the 'No. 1' handsign for the past 3 years as part of their claims of being purportedly #onewithEVM. So this is their new handsign now? Until when? And why? Horns of whom? Us? (Psalm 75-76,18) Or Empire's? If we're not mistaken this handsign represents the letter Y. This is the insignia of the political dynasty governing my homestate. So they're rather 'one with' me? ME? Really? Then do as I tell you-you already know that! (1 Corinthians 9) After #DavidArchuleta came to our country, now, just like when he came to our country last year, a typhoon comes, named #SamuelPH. Guys, of course you know Prophet Samuel and King David are related to each other, so this is something that really gives us goosebumps, as Empire once more convenes our and their countries not only on our #Singapore during #asean2018, but also on #PapuaNewGuinea, better known to be claimed by #uip20, where we have mentioned a prophetic quake to occur at least earlier this year. It is really prophetic to be divinely-ordained that one of our Sacred Text Scriptures, 'The Lord's Rebuke', under the 'Trumpet Call of God' Collection, has this particular section that has page numbers 64-71, implying the years of Jerusalem's foretold fall in the first century, and the eschatology surrounding it, as per the Issuance of this Sacred Text Scriptures in our time, is surely relevant to our time more so that we mentioned Mexico was struck by quake last year on the very memorial of Papua New Guinea. Well guys, why I still have to mention this when in fact we have only incurred that quake just because we still have Hailleey Spirit power at that time when in fact we don’t have that anymore now?

Persecution updates: my neighbors unite always in watching a particular Empire channel. Empire made sure that even how hard we tried to evade seeing Empire propaganda songs that they have formally issued today, I would still see those. Surely Godhead is truly against us. When Athalia's gay son closed the television in our home just before an Empire station is about to begin their long propaganda, the neighbors opened that as if there was a relay- as the propaganda of that station is already closing. Also, when I arrive home from online work, neighbors, upon seeing me, already switch channels away from the stations that I monitor with so that I may see unintendedly the closing of mandated short versions of another Empire station's propaganda, and even take me personally to co-boarders upon seeing me into their doors as if I do anything wrong with just peeing into their homes to watch tv. Well you might ask on why I really fret about those as much as that’s only mere tv. Well, this is particularly about my personal sentiments rather. But earlier that day, here's how Jezebel treated me- I have already emptied the bucket of water that she asked me be given her, but as I was returning inside with the bucket, just because there's no space for me to bear the bucket lower as she's sitting lower, so I had to life the bucket, that is without water any longer, above her head. She rather in turn indicted me of purportedly making her wet. When she was bearing our dog for washing, she ordered me to also join her in holding the dog, and when she stop holding the dog, I stopped too holding the dog, but she got angry too unjustly due to that. As much as I was hearing from neighbors that they play at least music that is Godhead-Approved or friendly to us Hart as per our Founding Principles- but unfortunately our neighbors most of the time as usual keep low the volume for music that is not Empire's so as of course for us to only have recall of the recurring Empire songs that they play- I said that the means in which the songs were delivered are so pleasant, but rather Jezebel meets me with a rather discourteous remark saying that such renderers do not originally have the song, but rather are but mere renderers of the track, when in fact it is their rendering that rather (2 Corinthians 5) makes them the sole proper and worthy owners of that track (Acts 14,17, Romans 2, 2 Timothy 4). In turn Jezebel, after using much of the internet attained through loading, rather leaves to us the remaining hours, being already too slow to do a full online work (Luke 16, Matthew 15). #nowthis morning, as I was coming home after peeking in other homes to monitor Empire stations, and I was listening to the live beamed telecasts of our fellows as I walk, and I was clapping, I saw unintendedly Athalia's gay son looking at me. So he might be doing a false accusation against me when he comes back home that would go like I'm purportedly 'happy' to see him go! Well, why I would be happy, when in fact he does come home every night to of course be in the prying unto me?

On Empire's November 17-18, 2018 lesson: 'Apostle Paul is both a member and an officer of the Church of Christ.' In some other instances: 'Apostle Paul is one of Godhead's Messengers and another Administrator of the Church of Christ.' From the Constantinian Doctrinal Manual: 'The Executive Minister is the highest Church officer ['or rather, member' -editor]…we call ministers, even the Executive Minister, as 'brothers' in spite of their office.' Notice a 4fold denotement: member, officer, Messenger, Leader. There are leaders who are not Messengers, but typically a Messenger is a Leader therefore he is an officer counting himself with the members (Hebrews 2,7, Mosiah). Any member or officer, as he submits to us of course, can be indeed a Messenger that is the truest leader. We're the true Endtime Paul indeed, for actually, his words are true for us now, that we're always and hourly in the danger of death (1 Corinthians 15, Romans 7) due to Empire's hourly attacks. In fact, even Athalia would always make sure that every time that she sees me she would always give me uncomplimentary remarks on my quiet work. 'Aside from faith and hope (Colossians 1), we must also remain in love (Romans 8). (Letter of Ka Erdy, July 20, 2004 [1 Thessalonians 5])' In particular order, 1 Corinthians13 prints these words as 'faith, hope and love' (Psalm 68, Isaiah 60), but 1 Thessalonians 1, where Constantinians base their claims of these virtues most of the time (Joseph Smith's Articles of Faith 1:13), rather print 'faith, love and hope'. We're very particular on the distribution of names, not only because Empire has claimed Daniel 12 and will claim again Revelation 11,22, but also because they do this #pusongpasko #familyislove cult (Matthew 12, 1 Timothy 2). Eventually, all Empire locales will indeed have to do the Baal-raising Closing Acclamation (February 10, 2018) because when they recruit new Baal army soldiers who will need to have note papers, they will perhaps distribute to them copies of the particular note paper on the Baal-raising Closing Acclamation and they will ask (Exodus 12,16), 'what is this? How we're going to sing that?' And then that will be the talk of the town until they report it to their bosses and then implement that for the whole Empire (1-2 Timothy, Malachi, Acts 4-5). This is sacrilegious, not pleasing, to King Edward X and his presidency, for us to tell you (Isaiah 55, Psalm 50). Of course we don’t know whether there is a policy currently in Empire that goes like, 'do not make copies of the Baal-raising Closing Acclamation for new Baal soldiers unless we tell you in the near future.' In King Edward X's words, 'suspense'? (October 16,22-23, 2016) Surely Empire will never really disagree that they are not the one true living religion state! (Isaiah 44)

#umyahyah, November 16-18, 2018. Psalm 16's many renditions state, 'in your right hand are pleasures that are up to no end,' something indefinite. Douay-Rheims Version states, 'in your right hand are pleasures, even up unto the end', very content with death (Psalm 39,48,90,103,7,140-141). If Empire would like to apply to us what happened to Christ as stated in Acts 2, then does it not makes us all Godheads in Godhead? Psalm 16's words are also at Psalm 86: 'save and hear me o Godhead, for I am a man wrighteous and Hailleey'. The problem is that instead of Psalm 16, Empire reverted to the tactic of faking our being Backup Reserve: using backup verses, such as Psalm 85, that they already used months ago- you know how Joseph Smith figures so much on that. With that they are rather implying the calm 'after', not before, the storm of judgement, that only attributed for 30 percent of their episode this week, and that after November 11's centennial of the calm rather between the storms of World Wars 1 and 2. The remainder of the episode is dedicated to their claims of being purportedly saved thru Christ from judgement, but should they claim judgement they would always make sure that they will rather do that as usual, pabebe, as if they only have all the right in the world to judge, when in fact when we judge, we judge Wrighteously, for we only do the Wiles of Godhead Who has Sent us. This episode really sounded like their Special Good Friday-#BlackFriday Special every their Kill Jesus Week- their Maundy Thursday before their replay of John 18:28 this November 25, as they usually do, eradicating and eliminating our white-skinned brethren across the world, hourly. As if not enough against us, not only did they also used a backup verse of Genesis 22, but also used yokebearing music- even 'short remarks from the choir'- as their means of marking the 'Dedication of the Basilicas of Saints Peter and Paul' this November 18, as much as #yourbodyisatemple, and of course, bashing the martyrdom that they themselves have afflicted unto our John F. Kennedy on #thanksgivingday 2018. And yet they would claim the martyrdom of Saint Cecilia? Our brethren are martyred because of Empire musicians- they raise the signal and their armies are ordered to kill wherever they may be, not only our brethren both in and our of the Empire, but even Empire people themselves. That's how Empire's desperately bloodthirsty. The problem is that Empire this week claims the Blood of Christ, not of course what they say of us as #doomandgloom. But see that they themselves even claiming Zephaniah 1, that says exactly those words! Well, we take that as compliment to what you indict us Mormons of as 'blood covenant'. Remember your claims, Empire? 'Obedience is Thicker than Blood is Thicker than Water'. 'For all of us here at the Empire, judgement rather purges, heals, restores.' 1. 'Purges'. Remember their claims of our fellows and yokebearers weeks ago, that particular movie series on their plots against our United Saints of Israel, that they call 'The Purge'? One of my fellow Yokebearers, Lady #MarinaBarbone, is one of the many, many yokebearers dancing at a current musical adaptation of Dante's #DivineComedy in Italy. Not to mention the Empire school here in Manila who's at the forefront of claiming yokebearers- that owned by #Lasallians- had also once did a similar undertaking, with a part of the 2,287 Yokebearer Martyrs, Lady #ChristineCrame. 2. 'Heals.' Really? You cannot even help the afflicted that much unlike you did before (Jeremiah 5-6,8,22, 1 Thessalonians 5, Isaiah 22,42,63-66), neither can you really literally send paupers to new homes (Haggai 1, once claimed by Empire's Crouch church, but rather, was purified days ago by your prophets Frederick Smith and Mauricio Berger). All that you can only do is give them t-shirts for your advertising propaganda scheme so that you can get awards. And you have the throat to claim Revelation 2-3 on the Mandated Weekday Readings? 3. 'Restores.' #magbaliknalagina is due for deletion on December 13, 2018, while their deduced recur of No Middle Ground that they deleted on December 2016- a false resurrection indeed after 3 years or days- will be deleted on December 19, 2019. Notice that if there are over 5 weekends in December, they would do their 2 mass setting services then back by 1 week each, while it would revert back to the usual schedule if December has 4 weekends. Notice that Matthew 12 is near Matthew 11, that mentions Elijah the Restorer. Empire further fakes this office as they print these words on a hymn from the December 15-16, 2018 mass setting: 'if this is a test, please strengthen me, but if this is a punishment, please forgive me', therefore implying a 2fold clause. So we could see that Empire rather 'excuses', not 'purges, heals, restores' as they claim, out of the punishments that they deserve for fighting against us Hart. They rather 'denies' that. 'But you deny our climate change!' Because you invent such, engineer weather (Genesis 11). To 'judge' is to 'decide, vote' (1 Corinthians 1, Acts 15, Psalm 111), as much as Empire claims so much #voxpopulivoxdei. 'But deniers are forgiven, just lie us, we denied Godhead 3 times when we spiritually murdered your Lady #MargaretElizabethJones on September 9, 2012.' Well, you're the ones going to recrucify Christ this coming Sunday, Wright? So you're not forgiven at all. Well we Hart know judgement hart far better than you, because we know how it is to be condemned. We ourselves are under the Probation of Condemnation. We ourselves are Atoning, therefore we have to bear the brunt of all the world's sins, even yours, who are rather fattened before slaughter (James 5, Ecclesiastes, Psalm 37,73). Well, you might indict us that 'why we need to wait for Doomsday? Everything's just as normal as it was way back then' (2 Peter 3). Well, you yourselves do that- not only because you brainwash fellows and yokebearers (Amos 6), but more so because you play the same old music more so here in my compound (Matthew 15,5-7)! The Book of Psalms are so replete of prayers invoking the Judgement of Godhead for us against the Empire, just as (Isaiah 11, Habakkuk 2) 'the earth is full of Godhead's Judgements' (Psalm 33,105), or rather, as in their words against us (Proverbs 30), had already #neverenough#enoughisenough of us, simply speaking, they’re against us. Listening to Empire's episode we have discovered that they did only converted the 2nd stanza of a Charles Wesley track into the better-known chorus of that track that says 'Godhead died' for us- well, we do, Godhead don’t, so we're Godheads in Godhead, not Empire (Documentary History of the Church 1:21-23), who themselves admitted that they- the old- must give way to the new- us, as per Hebrews 10- and that we must feed our senses with that in order to understand such. Empire mentioned how a hymn was passed from one church to another, even from one brother to another, in further claiming of 2 Witnesses, for they mentioned 'interests' to be uniting Zinzendorf and the Wesleys- well, Empire has rather vested interests. Well, because we are already running officially this #ProudToBeMormoncampaign against the Empire's Baal Festival 2018 cults [well, we just use the slogan for the title but the slogan of course is perpetual and eternal], and because Empire too has been running again that great song from one of their current shows that was issued long ago, then it is only but proper that we must indeed do this version rather: 'Mormon ikaw ay Mormon Ipakita sa mundo Kung ano ang kaya mo Ibang-iba ang Mormon Huwag kang matatakot Ipagmalaki mo Mormon ako, Mormon tayo!'

After Empire's claims of Psalm 119, Sirach 26 in the Fixed Date Memorial Readings for November 17 is a refreshing breather: 'blessed is the man who gets a Commondominion wife' (2 Kings 5). Neronians though claim not only Daniel 12, but also Revelation 1, like what their fellow Neronians do this Monday, with Revelation 2 and Psalm 1, which has been always a part of our Fixed Date Memorial Readings. Empire has things that they do for us way back then that they don't do anymore, Empire has some truths in some points that agree with us, Empire claims immunity from apostasy and sustained strong links to godly men of yore- these are the things addressed in the 7 Letters. But let's turn to Psalm 1. 'Chair pf pestilence.' Double Connotations between us and Empire on 'pests' (Revelation 8-9, Habakkuk 3, Joel, Psalm 91,103, Exodus 12, Isaiah 37) but surely Empire do indeed has a throne (Revelation 2-3,16, 2 Thessalonians 2, Matthew 23-24) as per their claims of Revelation 5. 'He shall meditate.' He shall be mediator as Godhead in Godhead (1 Timothy 2). This order initially was given to leaders (Joshua 1) and kings (Deuteronomy 17), therefore this indeed implies our exaltation and progression already accomplished as proven by the many refulfilled prophecies during the duration of our ministry and service Hart. For example, 'running waters' come after November 18, 2017, where we're told to Complete The Race. So this November 19, how we're going to 'complete the race'? Of course we need to have a definite single destination (Psalm 73,37,33,119), as much as 1 Corinthians 9 is read with Hebrews 10 (June 4, 2016, May 28/June 3-4, 2017), that was yet again indeed claimed by Empire even in their mandated Baal Stone Instrumentals for that weekend, on November 18, 2018. Remember that the Empire locale where King Edward X preached on November 19, 2016 is the namesake of my childhood village, so you really need to run to me, not to Empire (Psalm 11 Joseph Smith Inspired Translation, Joel, Obadiah).

Divine Word of Godhead to the First Presidency of the Commondominion, November 17, 2018, through our Heavenly Celestial Father Sterling D. Allan. 'Baal-raising has inflicted an even more great curse upon the most exalted name Mormon, and is a far more greater reproach to the Name of Christ, an attack to the Restored Gospel and our being His Latter Day Saints. Ask their Baal armies on that. Seeing them only is already attesting to that. O how imposing is the Baal Stone that they have placed in the Salt Lake Tabernacle! (Genesis 11)' BREAKING NEWS, NOVEMBER 19, 2018, 10:30 AM MANILA TIME: after we have posted this over 5 minutes ago, Lopez-Robertson-De Castro-Coco church replied through playing that exact song that we have referred to for a bit. Surely they're very furious of us, huh.

AS PROMISED: THE ACT OF THE FORMAL RESTORATION AND REINSTATEMENT OF THE KINGDOM OF ZION-SALEM, COMPOSED OF THE SUB-KINGDOMS OF ISRAEL AND JUDAH, AS IN THE BIBLICAL TIMES

COMMONDOMINION OF CHRIST CITY OF TAGUIG, STATE OF RIZAL, KINGDOM OF MAHARLIKA KINGDOM OF DESERET-CHEON IL GUK

CENTRAL ADMINISTRATION FIRST PRESIDENCY OFFICE OF THE EXECUTIVE MINISTER

NOVEMBER 19, 2018 A MOST SOLEMN DECLARATION

TO ALL WHOM THESE PRESENTS MAY COME, GREETINGS. BE IT KNOWN TO ALL EMPIRE, Whereas, Christ Promised to the Commondominion Central Administration in the first century that He will Restore the Kingdom of Israel in Godhead's due time: 'in the ends of the earth' (Acts 1-5,13), Whereas, Empire created fake states of #Palestine on November 29, 1947, and #Israel on May 14, 1948- all of these does not satisfy (Matthew 26), but rather fall short of Godhead's Standards (Romans 3) for all who would dwell in the Holy Land (Ether 3), and therefore are not fulfillments, of the Promised Restored Kingdom of Israel, but instead are instituted by Empire to undermine the Commondominion's institutions, Whereas, the Central Administration of the Commondominion, through our Messengers and Co-Shatterer Watchmen who comprise the same, has endeavored to counter the abuse of Empire agencies, and one of these valiant and gallant spirits is our most beloved brother #ChristopherEverard, who proposed the reorganization and reconstruction of the political governments over the #HolyLand so as to sustain the Commondominion bringing peace and reconciliation towards genuine and lasting progress, and today's declaration is a palpable fulfillment of such (Matthew 21), Whereas, Empire recrucifies against our most beloved Saviour, the King and Hailleey One of Israel, once again through their claims of Scriptures on their so-called 'Christ the King Sunday', which falls this year on November 25th, of which Scriptures allude to the Restored Kingdom of Israel, and today's declaration is an absolute fulfillment of such, yet this is not fulfilled in Empire for to recrucify our King is in turn to attack and denigrate in an unforgivable degree the Executive Minister of the Commondominion as much as his namesake apostle crowned our Lord as King of Israel (John 1), Whereas, the First Presidency with the Royal Household, is Empowered beyond all doubt to do these things, as much as we have been sustained by refulfillment of prophecy from time to time as we are Godhead's Backup Reserve against the Empire (Revelation 7,14), Whereas, this November 19 is '#InternationalMensDay', reminding us of the divine charge on all who would take on the throne of the Holy Land that we must be doing valiant and gallant in implementing and personification the Divine Wiles and Principle in the administration of the same so as for that land's life be indeed 'perpetuated in Wrighteousness' (Psalm 85), Whereas, there are 3 locations in the city of Jerusalem that are named Mount Zion [therefore fulfilling the dividing of the Mount of Olives foretold in Zechariah 14, and as per 'dividing', and Empire's claims of Psalm 16 and Daniel 7 for our gathering at Adam-Ondi-Ahman in #Missouri, this can only be indeed claimed {Psalm 15,24,40} by us Wright Hart Alline {Documentary History of the Church 1:221-224,298-299, Ezekiel 38-39}], the third of these in particular and latest memory, has been already too much corrupted by Empire for Antiochian facilities in that place, therefore rendering the Empire without power in Godhead to claim Revelation 14, and moreover, we all as Godheads in Godhead can stand (Ezekiel 14, 1 Corinthians 3,10, 2 Chronicles 29) on each of these 3 hills as well as on the exact location between these hills (1 Timothy 2, Colossians 1), NOW THEREFORE, BE IT ENACTED BY THE CENTRAL ADMINISTRATION OF THE COMMONDOMINION OF CHRIST, that I, Felix Nathaniel Villanueva Manalo II, in my full capacity as Executive Minister, in honor of all our martyrs, in account of all our fellows and yokebearers, in glory of all our leaders, and in the Name and Authority of Godhead, fulfilling all Prophecies that They have ever Given us on this, do hereby solemnize, bestow and administer the formal creation of the KINGDOM OF ZION-SALEM over the entire area covered by the jurisdiction of King David's administration and the remaining area from that administration under distribution amongst the 12 Tribes during the time of General Joshua. This kingdom is now most solemnly dedicated and consecrated to Godhead as one of our component territories in the Commondominion of Christ, and is now given with all powers and virtues that it has as it was in the biblical times only under the hand of all Commondominion Leaders who led this territory in their respective times. Moreover, this new Kingdom now replaces, abolishes, and nullifies the respective corporate existences of the Empire's created 'states of Palestine and Israel', and now absorbs both all their areas into and under this new and farther glorious entity. The visible structure and organization of the Kingdom of Zion-Salem will be as follows: 1. Composition. According to the Promises Made by Godhead to both the kings of Israel and Judah, and due to the dual nature of the Commondominion as what was already expounded and articulated in past instances, the Kingdom shall be composed of 2 major sub-kingdoms named Israel [north] and Judah [south], respectively, to retain their former borders. They will retain their respective monarchial lines when available as would be expounded later. If the monarchial line of the northern sub-kingdom of Israel is not available, all yokebearers across this area are hence made as Monarchs-Designate acting by the advise and augmenting of the Commondominion branch churches who are both either invoking the Jewish faith with all its forms accepted by Godhead through us, or are located in the area of the Kingdom. 2. Leaders. Where a monarchial line is available, as it is already seen with some of our Fellow Messengers Hart, they are all made automatically leaders of this Kingdom and her 2 sub-kingdoms as they would agree. Representatives of either sub-kingdoms must be included both in the government of the other sub-kingdom and in the joint overall government of the entire Kingdom. This monarchial line is seen to be rather available at the southern sub-kingdom of Judah, but if some of these available leaders are to fill up the position at the northern sub-kingdom, they must make sure that all Monarchs-Designate are retained, and that Monarchs-Designate are also adopted within the territory of the southern sub-kingdom. All other Commondominion Fellow Messengers who are interested in governing this particular territory can also serve in 1, 2 or all of these governments- the overall joint and the sub-kingdom governments respectively- and all fellows and yokebearers across the world who count themselves from the Khazarian Jewish descent, are likewise asked to serve in any or all of these governments that we are now instituting by Godhead's Providence. We now given full powers and authority to all our branch churches and fellow messengers to further elucidate the policies and procedures of this new kingdom, and we ask their full cooperation and faith on this. We likewise empower Sir Christopher Everard with all the power he needs and deserves not only in the planning, but also in the implementation of this new Wrighteous government, as our gratitude towards him for his contribution on this. We most humbly commit this new kingdom to Godhead for her purity, integrity, sustenance, provision, survival and triumph, with our hearts all in thanksgiving for all that Godhead has Did and continues to Do undeservingly for and through us, and we bestow the most glorious patriarchal and apostolic blessings that we can ever muster unto this land and to all who are uniting with this cause, to the glory and in the Name of Godhead through Jesus Christ in our Heavenly Celestial Parents Sterling Allan and Lindsey Stirling, our Royal Household, Central Administration, all fellows and yokebearers, and all afflicted of the world. Amen, Stavrosno, Aju. Done in the city of Taguig, state of Rizal, Kingdom of Maharlika in Deseret-Cheon Il Guk on the nineteenth day of November 19, in the year of our Godhead 2018, on the third year of the Commondominion and the ninth year of our administration, with Godhead's Seal Affixed as Attesting Testimony.

FELIX NATHANIEL VILLANUEVA MANALO II Executive Minister of the Commondominion of Christ

Get to know our member churches as of late: http://robertlawrencefulg.wixsite.com/commondominion/where-we-are,http://robertlawrencefulg.wixsite.com/commondominion/we-re-also-here-and-will-be-back-to Get to hear our member preachers as of late:youtube.com/channel/UCNgq_i3ZlMTxcczzEYQj6LQ/channels Our blogs: nvmlindseyallan.wordpress.com,nvmlindseyallan.blogspot.com,nvmlindseyallan.tumblr.com Get all day, everyday word from me:facebook.com/nvmlindseyallan Follow our flash reports:https://twitter.com/commondominion Get in touch with me directly:facebook.com/jonas.stirling Like our pages:https://www.facebook.com/jonas.stirling/likes Follow our team:https://www.facebook.com/jonas.stirling/following Meet our team:http://robertlawrencefulg.wixsite.com/commondominion/what-we-give Know your enemy:http://robertlawrencefulg.wixsite.com/commondominion/who-we-are-against- Don’t be left behind in the dark on Empire deceptions: https://www.facebook.com/nvmlindseyallan/posts/1839436236163751 Join us with all your family and friends:https://www.facebook.com/nvmlindseyallan/posts/1726251834148859

[digitalmark18-blog]

How to Properly Build a Website For Acquiring New Leads Consistently

New Post has been published on https://britishdigitalmarketingnews.com/how-to-properly-build-a-website-for-acquiring-new-leads-consistently/

How to Properly Build a Website For Acquiring New Leads Consistently

Not every website is built to generate leads. A high-converting website is laid out with a good understanding of the end user. It goes beyond throwing a “click here” button on your homepage, sitting back, and watching the leads roll in.

In reality, the bar has been raised. As a digital marketer or company, you need to adopt a more strategic approach to website design.

In this informative guide, I’ll walk you through some of the important elements and ways you can optimize your website for lead generation. No, it’s not that difficult!

The first important element to keep in check is you must…

1. Design for lead generation

When a visitor arrives on your website, it’s an opportunity to make an impression. Make a good one, and the visitor would have no hesitation in giving you their details as they want to come back. That’s the premise by which lead generation thrives.

However, if you present a low-quality or valueless website, your chances of gaining a lead has been greatly reduced.

What are the vital design elements to put in place to give your website the best chance of generating leads?

i). Fast website speed:

Users today expect websites to load in a few seconds. Section.io found that bounce rate increases as the page load time increases. In the same token, the number of leads you capture also reduces.

To improve your website speed, some steps to take include:

Reducing the number of elements on the page.

Reducing the number of scripts.

Reducing the size of images you use.

Making your images load as a reader reads through your post rather than loading the images all at once.

ii). Navigation and Sitemaps:

All the links to important pages must be present where visitors can easily see them.

Also, there should be a lot of white space on your website. White spaces make your page easy to skim through and visitors can identify the most important links and pages.

You can also use a sticky navigation on your website for easy navigation by users/visitors.

iii). Mobile responsive:

Mobile marketing is a must for your business if you want to reach a wider audience. In fact, a large portion of your traffic and leads will come from mobile.

Making your website mobile-responsive means users on mobile can have access to your landing pages and lead capture forms.

By implementing a responsive design on their website, Walmart Canada boosted conversions by 20%.

You can also use click-to-call functionality. This allows users to call your phone number while browsing your website.

2. Integrate landing pages throughout your website

Having 1 or 2 landing pages on your website can get you leads. But a lot of potential leads will slip through the cracks. To get as many leads as possible, you should have as many high-converting landing pages as possible.

HubSpot found that companies that increase the number of landing pages on their website from 10 to 15 see a 55% increase in leads.

This is an example of a simple landing page by Teambit, a HR software. It has a single field and other options if you don’t want to use your email.

This is another example by Trulia that shows you how much your home is worth. The single field you fill in is an address.

On the next page, you fill in your details where you can get the report.

3. Add forms to the pages that get the most visitors

These pages are the biggest opportunities for signing up more leads for your business — that is if you utilize the opportunity.

With the addition of forms on these pages, you can capture leads while they’re still gaining value from your content or immediately after.

There are various positions/sections you can place these forms on your page.

Middle of your post

At the end of the post

Before they exit the page

To make your forms convert as high as possible, you should limit the number of form fields to 2 and not more than 4.

Research by Formstack shows that fewer form fields lead to higher conversion. In fact, Dan Zarrella of HubSpot found that reducing the number of form fields from 4 to 3 could increase conversion by 50%.

HubSpot marketing grader is one of their most popular pages and they utilize this to get more leads. This page grades your website. But before it does that you enter both your website and email address.

4. Test & Optimize each step of the lead generation process

There’s no single strategy for generating leads that work for every website. And there’s no perfect strategy either. This is why you must always perform A/B tests on your landing pages and lead capture forms. The elements you can test include:

The number of lead capture form fields

The color of the call-to-action button

Call to action words

Landing page content

Landing page background

Note that while testing, you should only change a single component of your page so that you can easily track your results.

Friendbuy is a company that helps to create referral programs and drives customer acquisition. They had a banner on their product page for any user who wants to see a demo. However, this banner had a click-through rate of 1.44% which was too low.

Recommended for You

Webcast, August 9th: Improving B2B Paid Marketing Campaign Effectiveness Through Pipeline Measurement

They decided to A/B test the call to action of the banner. They used 2 variants ‘Test it out.’

And ‘See demo.’

Both variants were improvements on the original but ‘See demo’ had the highest improvement with a 4.49% CTR. This is a 211% increase compared to the original.

When visitors land on a page on your website, any offer presented to them or any landing page linked to must relate to the content on the page they’re reading.

This takes advantage of their present interest and has a higher probability of converting more leads.

5. Start with a catchy CTA on your homepage

Converting a new visitor straightaway is an option you should explore when they visit your website. There are many variants of “call to actions” you can use.

Usually, these call to actions will depend on your service or the problem you want to solve for your visitors. These could be:

‘Sign up for more updates’ ‘Get a free demo’ ‘Sign up for a free trial’ ‘Get the ebook’ ‘Shop Now’

It’s important to note that your call to action should just be that. It should include an action word that tells visitors what to do. It should also show urgency. Visitors should know what to expect when they click on the call to action button.

For instance, Lifeproof, an electronics cases designer, initially used ‘Shop’ as the call to action button on their homepage.

But this word is vague and could serve as both a noun and verb; which means visitors don’t know what they’ll get when they click.

They changed that to ‘Shop Now’ which shows action and urgency. They found that visitors were 12.8% more likely to click on this than ‘Shop.’ This equated to a 16% lift in monthly revenue projections.

6. Offer Ebooks for downloads on popular posts

Popular posts are avenues to get more leads. Because your visitors engage well with these posts. Offering an ebook related to these posts is a way to gain more leads.

Due to the traffic, you’ll get more leads from these posts even if your conversion rate is the same as less popular posts.

Foundr magazine has many followers on Instagram (more than a million). This is something many businesses will like to achieve.

So Foundr created an ebook to explain their techniques and also capture more leads in one of their most popular posts by Nathan Chan.

This is another example by Flywheel where they used their ebook to capture leads. And they have indicated that it’s free which is a kind of encouragement for interested visitors.

7. Engage your audience with high-impact content

When people visit your website, they visit because of a need. The best way to convince them to sign up for more updates or a free trial of your product is to meet their specific need with your content.

How do you achieve this? Your content must have these traits:

a). Relevance: Your topic and content must be relevant to the industry and people reading it.

b). Authority: Conducting a thorough research for your content makes it more valuable and trusted by your readers.

c). Persuasiveness: When producing content, you must put yourself in visitors’ shoes and understand their pain points. This will help you to convince them to take the necessary action step.

d). Usefulness: Readers must find value in your content. It must solve an immediate problem. Period!

e). Shareability: Your content must be so good people share it to give you more opportunities to capture more leads.

To make your content easy to consume, implement these tips:

Use short paragraphs

Use bullet points

Use subheadings

Use bold and italics

You can also have your content in various formats like infographics, videos, etc. apart from written content for easier consumption.

IntelliResponse, a customer service software company, to increase awareness and leads improved their content strategy.

They designed infographic case studies, produced video case studies, created white papers, and shared more content on their blog.

This led to a 400% increase in site traffic and a 100% increase in leads generated.

Conclusion

To acquire more leads for your business consistently, you need to build a website that convinces a visitor. When you have a visitor on your website, it’s an opportunity to impress them.

It is an opportunity to provide value and show them they could gain much more when they give you their personal information.

One thing you have to note though is that every part of the user experience on your website has an effect on whether you’ll gain a lead or another bounce.

Author: Jaime Nacach

Jaime Nacach is the founder and marketing strategist of Bloominari, a marketing and creative agency in San Diego, California. Jaime loves to find and implement creative, technology-based solutions to help small businesses gain exposure online, generate more leads & sales, automate their day-to-day work, and develop a great digital marketing presence and… View full profile ›

More by this author:

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Source: https://www.business2community.com/web-design/how-to-properly-build-a-website-for-acquiring-new-leads-consistently-02097542

[hoidn]

AO3 Writer Meme! copied right from @sarking (thank you!), who said:

Thirty-three questions and answers under the cut, along with a handy list of the questions so you don’t have to delete my answers when you write your own. Because I care, dammit.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i’m sorry to say that it’s a very boring origin story. i love trees. that’s it. tree started as my username on livejournal in 2001; five years later when i began writing fic, it made sense to use the same name because that’s how people already knew me. it was the name i used when i began volunteering for the OTW, and so it was the name i joined the archive with. the end.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)?

[what she said:] I somewhat object to calling anything other than kudos or comments feedback, but:

Most bookmarks: Hearing Light (124, wow) [this is the number on my stats page, although the number on the work is 89, so idk.]

Most subscriptions: if you came this way (17)

Most hits: A Wild and Distant Shore (21,944 HOLY SHIT) [it took me three tries to figure out how to see my hit counts; also my top 5 are now all pride and prejudice fics, heh.]

Most kudos: A Wild and Distant Shore (629)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a photo of a bookshelf with the text “take me to the library. it is urgent.” i chose it because it’s very ‘me’ in the sense that i love books, i love libraries, and i have been known to have urgent library needs. also it just amuses me.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

um, no? i mostly write in small fandoms, or larger fandoms that are no longer very active, and i write infrequently, and i rarely write long fics, all of which combined means that there’s not much consistency in the comments.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

i mean, i have thousands of fics saved, and i’ve read them all at least twice. at least.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

i have 21 subscriptions to works and, looking at them, i realise i don’t have any idea what most of them are. i’ve got 287 bookmarks.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i’ve written a grand total of one. based on that: sex worker AU!

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

User Subscriptions: 65 (wow, really? i bet they’re very disappointed. sorry, folks!)

Bookmarks: 1064

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

not other people; it’s more about me judging myself. like, i started writing a luke/lorelai alpha/omega fic? i’m somewhat horrified?

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i feel like any answer to this question would require me to just... be someone else. for example, i’d like to be better at replying to comments and i’d like to write more consistently. but both of those things are constrained by the state of my brain. so either someone invents a drug to “cure” me, or i have to somehow magically become not-mentally-ill. while i’m not opposed to either of those things happening, they don’t seem very likely.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

the thing is, a lot of my fandoms are small (or tiny), and in them the popular ships are still rarepairs in a larger sense. (right now, for example, there are 62 works tagged with walt/vic at the archive, and that’s across both the book and tv show fandoms.) so from my perspective those two things are not mutually exclusive. that said, it appears i generally write ships that are popular within the context of an individual fandom.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

66.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

why do you hurt me this way? is it really necessary to flaunt my inadequacies, meme writer? is it?! between the old stuff i haven’t migrated over from scrivener and what i’ve got in bean it’s... more than 50, less than 100? 

[what she said #2:] PS. Thank you to whoever originally wrote these questions for saying “writing program” and not “AO3 Drafts.” DON’T WRITE YOUR SHIT ON AO3, KIDS. I BEG YOU, SUPPORT BEGS YOU, THE POSTING FORM BEGS YOU.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

both. that is, i keep them in my head until i can’t stand it anymore. then i write them down.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

no. the closest i’ve come is when i betad a story for an xf writer and in the course of that she asked me to write a parallel version from scully’s pov (as a complement to hers, which was from mulder’s).

16. How did you discover AO3?

i remember being aware of something being developed through discussions linked from metafandom at livejournal. then i think i lost track of it a bit, until a friend mentioned they were volunteering for the OTW and the org was looking for more volunteers and i signed up. i did documentation for a while, maybe a year? volunteers got an automatic invite to AO3 and i moved into tag wrangling then.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

ahahahahahahaha no. i am neither popular nor famous. anywhere.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

[what she said #3:] That… that is a thing people do?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

no. i’ve been writing since i learned how to do it as a wee bairn. i started writing fic because one day i just had an idea that hadn’t been there the day before. that’s basically how it’s always worked. which is not to say that i haven’t received meaningful encouragement from other people, or that there aren’t writers who i admire so much i’d give up a kidney to have half their abilities, but even without that i’d still be writing. it’s the way my brain is wired, alas.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

learn

what

words

mean

i honestly cannot emphasise this enough. it’s gotten to the point that i’ve begun finding trends as i go through different fandoms where it’s clear people are just copying the use of words as they’ve seen others do, without any awareness of what they actually mean. i am not exaggerating when i say that it makes me want to cry.

here’s a very common example: bemused. friends, this is not a synonym for amused. it means puzzled or confused. but you wouldn’t know that from reading a lot of fic.

there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what a word means when you encounter it for the first time. no one knows every single word in a given language. when you come across a word you don’t know, or even just don’t entirely recall the meaning of, look it up! the dictionary is your friend. it’s also a magical resource where you can make connections between words and learn stuff! if you use a mac, you already have an excellent in-built dictionary which includes a thesaurus and etymological details. if you don’t have a mac it’s still very easy to get access to a dictionary. i recommend the OED above everything and there’s a phone app for that which is free.

as a writer, words are your tools. don’t be afraid of them. but as with any tool, you need to learn how to use it before you can create something good. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

what is this ‘plot’ of which you speak? it’s a bit of both. sometimes i’m writing towards an ending i already know and i’m just not sure how i’m going to get there. sometimes i start with the idea of something i want to achieve thematically or in terms of character and the story forms the ending itself as it progresses.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i’m not sure what a bad comment means in this context. i’ve never gotten any hardcore flames or anything. i’ve gotten comments that i found personally offensive or upsetting but that i doubt most other writers would. i’m an outlier and shouldn’t be counted.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

all of them? i don’t know; different scenes present different challenges. i don’t think any of them are harder than the others, just hard in different ways.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

my brain exploded with bits of a longmire fic less than twelve hours after finishing season 6. that’s now ballooned to two i’ve started writing, and like three more buzzing around in my head and being annoying. but also i’m supposed to be working on gilmore girls fic. and voyager fic. and xf fic. &etc.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

please define ‘plan’. given my answer to #13, i believe the answer is obvious.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

that sound you hear is my bitter laughter. short answer: no. longer answer: goals usually end up feeding into my mental illness. didn’t meet today’s goal? it’s because you’re worthless! and tomorrow you’ll be behind and the burden of the goal will be doubled and you won’t make it and you’ll be even more worthless! just punish yourself now and save time! 

additionally, i’ve learned over the course of multiple nanowrimo and big bang challenges that writing now and editing later doesn’t work for me. i can’t successfully progress with a story if the bulk of it isn’t already complete. when we had to turn in rough drafts of papers in school, i always had to write the complete paper, then go back and create a fake draft. basically it takes me a lot longer to revise words that i’ve just blurted out in order to meet a word count than it would take me to just write and revise at the same time.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

(i’m choosing to answer this wrt fic writing only, since otherwise the answer would be yes of course because i’m not four years old anymore. so) yes and no. i believe i’ve become a better prose writer; that i’m better at dialogue and moving scenes forward. but i also feel like i’ve lost something as well; it’s as if, in exchange for what i’ve gained, i’ve had to give something away. i might be wrong. or it might just be a natural evolution of style. i really don’t know.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

right now i’d have to say if you came this way. there is a lot of me in there, though in ways i don’t believe anyone else would recognise, and so it’s a very personal fic. writing it was also probably the most joyful writing experience i’ve ever had--at least for the first two thirds. so it reminds me of that giddy, wonderful feeling.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Camera Lucida I: Latency. because it’s not really my story. all i did was write another perspective of the story someone else had already written. and not in a remix-y way. i literally just replaced the narrative sections she had written and slotted scully’s internal pov into it in place of mulder’s.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

all things being equal, in exactly the same place as now. i mean, i’d like to say that in five years i’ll have finished writing my giant backlog of things-in-various-stages-of-being-written, and writing regularly, and all that good stuff. but i might not even be alive in five years. and even if i am, the likelihood of a magical transformation is, as i said before, unlikely.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

thinking about it. if there were a way to get thoughts directly into text, i’d have written a hell of a lot more. also, research. i love research! it’s a great means of procrastination because you still get the sense of accomplishing something.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

the part where you actually have to write. it’s pulling-teeth, blood-from-a-stone hard and i honestly wish i didn’t need to do it, but i always get to a point where i simply can’t not write. like, it gets painful? in a particular way in my brain. it’s like pressure and an incessant song lyric you can’t get out of your head combined and it gets worse and worse until you finally just give up and write down whatever the hell it is that’s in there. unfortunately, the whatever-the-hell-that’s-in-there is never a complete story, so then begins the struggle of trying to make it one. 

33. Why do you write?

like i said, it’s the way my brain is wired. i can’t not. and humans are a storytelling species. the very means by which we construct the idea of our individual selves is through the stories we tell ourselves. every memory, every conversation, every piece of our life is a story; we are stories within stories. i always think the question should be: why doesn’t everyone write?

Question list:

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? 2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)? 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? 4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) 9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? 15. Have you ever co-authored a story? 16. How did you discover AO3? 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 24. What story(s) are you working on now? 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? 27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? 28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written? 29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written? 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? 31. What is the easiest thing about writing? 32. What is the hardest thing about writing? 33. Why do you write?

[lameiskate]

1.  Do your parents ever encourage you to hang out with people that you don’t like? Tbh that probably have

2.  Would you think it was odd if someone got fabric paint to decorate their underwear? I mean…………..ya but u do u

3.  Do you ever stalk old friends? Sometimes :) ...i’m assuming this means on facebook or s/t

4.  What year was your worst school picture taken? ALL OF THEM

5.  What made it the worst? EVERYTHING

6.  Do you think you could count all the freckles on your body? No but y would I want to

7.  Do you ever crave a good cuddling? ur gay

8.  Which of your friends has the coolest siblings? CANDICE’S SISTER BC SHE’S ME BUT IN 17 YEAR OLD FORM

9.  Are you ever greedy? All the time!!!!

10.  How much would you pay someone if you never had to go to school again? MY ENTIRE BANK ACCOUNT AKA $27

11.  Would you like to be home schooled? kinda but not rly

12.  Would you like to go to an all girls [or if you’re a boy then all boys] school? Sure

13.  Why or why not? Tbh idrc

14.  Is your school’s band any good? Sure

15.  Do you have a favorite lyric from any song? BIBBIBTY BOBBITY BOO HAKUNA MATATA

16.  Who is the biggest attention whore that you know? idk homie Morgan always says it’s her so let’s go with her!!!!

17.  Is your life no longer enjoyable? i haven’t eaten in 3 days or talked to my dad in a month and my bank has $27

18.  Did you get to see your friends as often as you would have liked to? Am I awful if I say idrc even tho I love them ....probably

19.  Does orange sherbet sound good right now? Not rly but I’m sure it will later when I’m trying to sleep :)

20.  Would black hair look good or bad on you? Probably bad

21.  Are you on anyone’s hero box on myspace? I don’t even know what that is

22.  Who has the biggest eyes that you know of? Alexx aka Zooey Deschanel

23.  Do your wrists ever hurt from typing too much? HONESTLY YA WHEN I TRIED TO WRITE A 10 PAGE PAPER WITHIN LIKE 2 DAYS

24.  What can you imagine as being the worst thing that could happen to you right now? The other day I couldn’t sleep bc I randomly started thinking abt how one day I’m gonna have to live without my mom so :)

25.  How many times did you go swimming this summer? Idk enough

26.  Have you ever been to a hard rock cafe? No

27.  When was the last time someone called your cell-phone and you didn’t know them? ALL THE TIME

28.  Do you hate it when people overuse the phrase ‘lol?’ Yes bc I do that all the time on accident :)

29.  Do you ever have those weird little dreams where you’re like half awake? YA

30.  Do you ever push your pillow off the bed? I did that literally last night

31.  What’s more important to you living it up or getting good grades? I don;t have a life so what do u think

32.  What do you think of little children?  Annoying as hell or cute? ANNOYING AS HELL THEY’RE OCCASIONALLY CUTE BUT THEY’RE USUALLY MONSTERS

33.  Is there any song that makes you think of your dad? This girl from Apink wrote her debut solo about her dad so that?????

34.  Do you ever look for comfort in surveys? Idk what this means tbh

35.  Do you like frogs? If they’re not near me :)

36.  Have you had any really bad experiences while plucking your eyebrows? No

37.  Who of your friends acts the most like a prep? Are y’all living in 2004

38.  Is the whole prep thing overrated anyway? .

39.  What’s up with Fergie’s song Big Girls Don’t Cry? IT’S MY SONG

40.  Is it hard to stay friends with someone when one of your close friends hates them? Tbh sometimes when Jessica and Fiona got in a fight it was super annoying!!! It’s still annoying!!!

41.  Have you ever read The Outsiders? Ya

42.  What did you think of it? I liked it

43.  What does your backpack/messenger bag/whatever you use for school look like? It’s literally just a plain black bookbag I got from Ryan

44.  Where did you last go shopping at? .....idk

45.  Would it be weird if a person’s real name was Cheeto? WHAT THE FUCK

46.  Is there anyone you want to give a hug to? Can it be a celebrity!!!!

47.  What is the difference between giving and receiving a hug? blinks

48.  What are you listening to right now? Girlfriend by Wonder Girls

49.  Do any of your friends have the same name as any of your family members? No

50.  Have you seen Talladega Nights? No

51.  If so what was your favorite scene in it? .

52.  How often do you paint your nails? Idk once every few months it honestly depends I’m rly bad at painting them and when I do I usually end up scraping it all off within a few days

53.  Have you ever taken a picture of you kissing someone? No

54.  If you are one of those people who’s always single do you ever long for someone to sit around and take pictures of while kissing? No

55.  Can I buy you a ‘drank?’ I THOUGHT OF THAT NICKASAUR (?????) COVER FROM LIKE 2009

56.  If you know what song I’m referring to, why do you think T-Pain says drank and not drink? GOD

57.  How come boys never take surveys? Homie idk

58.  What is the last thing you did on powerpoint? My behavior change project!!!!! That I got a 100 on!!!!!!!! And was told was the best in the class lmfao!!! Who am I!!!!!!!!

59.  Do your grandparents know what myspace is? Probably not

60.  When’s the last time you sprinted? Idk probably at the gym