#they're like puppies getting picked up by their scruff

[alperson18]

A compilation of (almost) every time the brothers’ handles are used

[fanfictionroxs]

So some of my favorite headcanons is that Leah is Renesmee's favorite person/wolf and Jacob adores that because it's like a single dad finding a partner who loves his kid. I strictly headcanon the removal of all that grooming shit in werewolves so Jacob and Quill are simply older brothers/guardians/free babysitters lol of Renesmee and Claire. I actually ship Nessie and Claire (I imagine their grown up forms as villainelle and eve.. I know the appearances don't match, but oh well let me have this).

Anyway, so Leah is Nessie's favorite because she isn't too careful about everything. She'll literally be in her wolf form and pick up Nessie by the scruff of her neck like a cat mom. Additionally, Nessie is also used as a sort of means to patch up things between Emily and Leah since Emily makes the most delicious blood noodle soup and Leah uses that as an excuse to go and meet her (also the apple pies Emily makes only and only for Leah despite Sam's literal puppy dog eyes). She gets Kim to bring her some B+ blood packets (yup sweet Kim is a secret supplier of nasty things in the tribe hehe.. Jared just goes along with it because she's the love of his life) everytime Nessie is over for a play date with Claire and her and Leah will chill on the sofa and bask in each other's presence while their niece tries to steal a bite of the blood soup and Nessie looks at her in secret hoping she likes it. She pouts as Claire gags, and Emily and Leah cackle like mad witches because they're horrible aunts truly 🤣

[aquariumgirls]

ok so i have an idea for a fic/series abt the turtles revealing themselves to the public and becoming new most beloved heroes n shit BUT. its also gonna be set in 2023 (current year) and so im getting some hesdcanons written down basically.

STARTING W BIG RAPHIE!

- raph is 20, has been on hrt for 5 years and works at a daycare in the hidden city ^_^ (donnie synthesized it bc they do that for leos hormones and their own as well)

- shes very shy going outside at first bc shes big (over 8ft tall!!) amd spiky but everyone sees her as the big softy she is immediately :] and well. if anyone says anything bad abt her theyll have to deal w her three menaces of little siblings

- she has a hello kitty tattoo on her forearm

- princess peach is her biggest style inspiration! she mends and hems her own clothes to fit around her shell and knits sweaters every winter and donates them to clothing drives

- cried at the amount of people who said "hi barbie!" to her both before and after seeing the barbie movie

- infiltrates leos twitter lives to pick him up by the scruff of his neck to make him go to bed and people go absolutely nutty abt it (basically: OMG SHES SCRUFFING HIM LIKE A KITTEN, LMAOO GET SCRUFFED IDIOT, LOVE HOW SHE TREATS HER SIBLINGS LIKE UNRULY CATS)

- diagnosed Big Dog Energy by twitter

- does makeup asmr lives on twitter and youtube bc people tell her that her voice is nice

- most active on her youtube channel which is mostly her annoying her little siblings (in her words: they've been annoying me for my whole life, time for payback)

- theres a meme of her standing in donnies doorway menacingly. she's holding a blanket. the caption was "im going to get burrito'd someone write my obituary"

- posts pictures of their siblings when they've been burrito'd. even april isn't safe

- one time april stole raphs phone and showed a photo of raph burrito'd instead

- pinned tweet is her crying over a nearly 7ft tall teddy bear plushie someone gave to her as a thanks for saving the world

- she has a custom build a bear

- fosters puppies and kittens frequently! has two foster fails. one is a greyhound named alice who she raised from a bottle baby, and another is a gigantic maine coon named ghost bc he's all white and blind. ghost wraps himself around her neck like a living fur scarf. the cat is absolutely massive btw stretched out heslike half her size

NEXT IS...NEON LEON

- leo is 19 and shooting up like a weed (7ft 2)

- frequently uses mikey and donnie as armrests to be annoying (donnie will bite him. leo is undeterred)

- has a sick ass bionic arm courtesy of donnie! always makes arm and a leg jokes w donnie bc theyre both menaces

- works at run of the mill :] may or may not have a crush on a certain bunny waiter...

- is actually very good at customer service

- is the second most active online, and the most open w his face and being seen in public! cried when a kid said that he was their hero and is haunted by the videos of it

- tried to steal a duck in broad daylight.

- dresses like a modern eboy sorry.

- has (almost) as many piercings as donnie! almost. doesn't have snakebites, but has a septum piercing, eyebrow piercing and hangs little earrings and general things from his mask tails!

- every time hes in the background of a video, he default dances. it doesn't matter where he is, whos recording, he *knows*. its become a meme

- casually refers to cj (who is 17, almost 18) as his son. refuses to elaborate

- can be found basking in central park when its sunny enough, usually alongside mikey

- loves to say "me n donnie are actually identical twins you just can't tell bc we're turtles"

- has a yt channel where he covers songs, usually glam rock

NEXT................DONATELLO W A BOOK IN THEIR HAND

- 19 like leo (04 babies RIIIIIIIISE)

- scarcely goes outside in the daytime but when they do they're usually in the most extra outfits they have. ("if i have to be forced into the sun, i may as well dazzle!)

- people kept asking them if they went to barbie or oppenheimer. they went to barbie, duh?

- has so. many. piercings. snakebites, septum, bridge, cheek piercings, eyebrow. half their face is metal

- unsuprisingly modern cybergoth.

- wardrobe is either black clothes or purple clothes.

- genius built is an actual fully fledged company now, and they are very proud! and also they make a lot of money. (they donate most of it to charity, because eat the rich)

- is the frequent victim of 0.5 pictures bc of their snoot

- has a joke asmr channel (plague doctor tells you that you're dying asmr, carpenter finds bees in your walls asmr, sickly victorian child begs you for money asmr)

- is Tall. they seem much taller bc theyre lanky as hell (6ft 7)

- frequently speaks at colleges, except when people hear that purple is speaking at their college they dont expect a Goth As Hell Turtle with a snoot to rival a borzoi. most people guess their aesthetic incorrectly and donnie thinks its hilarious

- there are compilations of them smiling/laughing over the internet. the most common one is them laughing so hard they can barely breathe after someone called leo "lame-o-nerdo"

- is most frequently spotted at the local target. they like trinkets

- one time a guy tried to flirt w them and they politely redirected him towards leo

- came out very nonchalantly on a live. donnie was texting someone in the bg of one of leos lives and the chat kept asking omg what r they smiling at!! and they looked up and said "my girlfriend duh" and when people started saying YOU LIKE GIRLS??? they started directly into the camera w a vaguely confused expression for 10 seconds straight before saying "of course i like girls??? im a lesbian??" and three echoing voices shouted "I THOUGHT YOU WERE AMERICAN"

- the clip went viral. obviously.

- theres a clip of donnie biting an entire watermelon and it exploding

- is actually very open to taking photos w people ^_^ loves it when kids come up to them and say they look cool/shiny. never fails to make them cry

LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST.......MIKEYYYYY

- 18! though he doesn't really care bc its not like he can vote anyways

- puts graffiti up on the weirdest places

- accidentally mentioned knowing rupert swaggart on twitter. also accidentally revealed that his dad is lou jitsu which made splinter get a twitter

- has a tattoo sleeve in progress that works around his mystic scarring and also sketched out hamato clan tattoos for his entire family which they then all got

- suprisingly has less tattoos than leo. but unsuprisingly less than donnie, who went absolutely batshit.

- favorite tattoo is his tattoo of karai on his shoulder

- apprentice tattoo artist in the hidden city, also made his own hot sauce (and was the first turtle to go on hot ones. never broke a sweat ofc unlike raph who almost immediately started crying from the spice)

- was dared by leo to scream "IM MAKING FUCKINH MACKING CHEESE IN THE MICHEAL WAVE" from a rooftop. he did it, recorded it, and pinned it on twitter

- lethal puppy eyes can and will be used on anyone and everyone. its how he gets away w so much

- small still (5'11)

- sometimes shows up on leos song cover channel along w donnie

- posts recipes on twitter and instagram

- instagram is literally just pictures of food

- loves to go sunbathing and will sit in a quiet park for hours

- ate an entire orange, peel and all, in front of st least 12 children as a dare

- no piercings but has silly bandz hooked onto his mask

- visits local art colleges frequently

- showed up on donnies joke asmr channel (the video was my little brother reads an entire cookbook front to back while i lay dead on the floor. raphs cat decided to start kneading donnies shell halfway in and then promptly loafed on them for the rest of the video while mikey tried very hard not to laugh)

- met beyoncé. cried.

GROUP HCS.

- leo and donnie will take off their respective prosthetics as jokes often. leo will offer someone a hand and detach his arm. donnie has thrown their leg at people. more than once. theres compilations of it. theres an unexplained no context video on leos twitter of donnie in the living room, detaching their leg, opening a hidden compartment and then proceeding to shake out nearly a thousand fake plastic spiders along with a truly uncountable amount of batteries. the video ends with donnie snapping their head towards the camera and shouting "DON'T REVEAL MY SECRETS DIPSHIT" before lunging at leo

- theres multiple videos of the disaster twins being a disaster as raph slowly approaches from behind them, scruffs them like cats and then flings them over her shoulder like particularly unruly sacks of flour. theres also compilations of her holding her siblings under their arms like cats. donnie seems to be the most receptive to it, bc they could be angrily ranting snd then raph picks them up and they just. dangle. pupils dilated and content to be carried off.

- theres a video of raph gnawing on an impressively large tree branch in the woods, illumimated only by a phone flash. she looks almost guilty in it.

- mikey took a video of his three aquatic siblings in the rain and titled it "turtle zoomies"

the video shows raph contentedly soaking in the rain, tail swishing in a particularly deep puddle. leo and donnie are chasing each other at inhuman speeds while chirping. raph looks at the camera and smiles before donnie runs into her, to which she then decides it's time for cuddles. leo runs at the camera and the video ends.

- donnie showed up on leos song cover channel and covered both world is mine (obviously) but also to the hellfire by lorna shore, metal screams and all. people have begged them to make their own song cover channel but they just said "why make my own when i can just steal my brothers?"

- the turtles accidentally revealed having mafia ties ala big mama ("oh yeah we have a mom too! not by birth though. big mama!" "THE FUCKING LEADER OF THE SPIDER MAFIA??" "the WHAT.")

SORRY THIS IS REALKY LONG

[read-weep-repeat]

NO NO THE BABYSPACE HYBRID THING WAS ONTO SOMETHING

like wolfjoon could just be resting, watching whatever show is on for her and like a wolf pops up or something and she points at it and babbles but he understands exactly what she wants to say ❤️

bearjin could be cooking for the boys, with her in a baby chair until she starts calling out for him through growling, and trying to be a bear herself, until he finally picks her up and snuggles her

YOONCAT WOULD DEFO TRY TO SCRUFF HER THO LIKE THERES NO WAY. he’d be overrun by his natural instincts and constantly try to bite the back of her neck, but instantly stop because every time he did, his baby would start crying :(( he would meow at her and lick her tears until she was happily giggling and saying 'kitty!'

j-dog and being a literal guarddog for her, like u said. also him putting on a red suit while shifted so he can be clifford the big red dog and watch his babys eyes light up when they see him <33

ok im gonna be honest, idk what hybrid jimin is. but i'd picture him to be like a penguin maybe. so he naturally wants to hold mc close and underneath him, so whenever he can hes holding the baby. its even worse when he's shifted, he refuses to let her go for even a second. and when any of the others try to argue about it, he says that she's happy with it and wants to snuggle with her favourite daddy ❤️

foxhyung and going beyond just stealing her attention from the others, to just straight up stealing her. like jin could be asleep with her, but wakes up babyless because taehyung woke her up mid nap saying that they're gonna play a game where they hide from everyone else, and she giggles and allows him to carry her to wherever he chooses to hide her from the other 6.

and finally, rabbitkoo, who somehow steals her attention more than tae or jimin combined. he ALWAYS tries to keep her attention on her. oh namjoon is reading to her? well jungkook is hopping across the floor while shifted, knowing she'll instantly reach for him. yoongi is trying to scent her? koo makes sure his ears are extra floppy. because he should be the main point of her attention 24/7.

then the others getting sick of koo so they ban him from seeing the baby for a day. she eventually realises she hadnt seen him all day and starts uncontrollably crying, making grabby hands and calling out 'bunny' over and over, until they lift the ban bc they cant bear to see their princess upset about anything <3

AWWW joons tail wagging when she points at him and slurrs out “puppy!” In her baby speech because yes. Yes he is her puppy. even though he could crush a man’s windpipe with his front teeth.

PLSSS THEM ALL GETTING SO HAPPY WHEN SHE ACTS LIKE THEM!! Whether on purpose or not, her trying to act like her daddies just makes them so giddy. Her making the growling noises with Jin :( purring at yoongi and Jimin :( yipping with Taehyung when she’s happy :(( shaking her head when her hair is wet like hobi does in dog form :((

He would never think of it or willingly decide to do it, but would lose his fight when all of the others are shoving his shifted version in the red suit 😭 but he’d forget about it and lick her face happily when she giggles and runs up to “clifford”

Yoongi not getting to scruff his kitten :(( he’d be so sad :( he knows he can’t do it because of how much his teeth would hurt her, but it makes him so sad that he can’t carry her up to the felines room when he wants a moment with his kitten. (I’m convinced shifted yoongi always thinks of mc as a kitten, whether she’s in little space or not) he would mimic scruffing her with his hands though, pressing down just the right amount to get her lax in the palm of his hand, satisfying his need to gather up his baby by the back of her neck.

So I’m planning for Jimin to be a tabby housecat, but a penguin is SO CUTE. Imagine him getting confused because she doesn’t fit under him like an egg or baby penguin would 🥲 He waddles up on her tummy expecting to warm her and keep her safe between his feet but he can still see her!! Wrong!! He’d be so panicked as to why his baby isn’t safe and sound between his feet :( human version would be so cute too, constantly wanting to be on top of her when she’s sleeping, casually placing her between his feet when she’s playing on the floor, slipping a pebble into her pockets before he gathers the confidence to confess to her, and seeing her holding the pebble (even if she doesn’t know what it means) satiating his need for the time being.

Koo the greedy rabbit, using his fluffy fur to steal the baby 😌 his fluffy ears would be his beacon that draws mc towards him, even at the beginning of the relationship when they’ve just moved in.

OMG IMAGINE!! imagine mc slipping into little space before the boys know about it and are developing feelings for her 🥺 they can tell somethings off with her, but can’t smell weed or alch so they’re so confused as to why she’s off balance, slurring her words together, and being so affectionate

she’s cuddling up to them on the couch, laughing extra loud at their jokes, and they swear they hear her call Jungkook bunny in her quick, fluttering speech. Jungkook rolls with it, a blush creeping across his cheeks as he tells her facts and watches her eyes dart between his twitching ears.

He goes “do you… do you want to touch them?” And leans his head down. His nose twitches as she hurried runs her fingers along his ears, and his foot thumps into the hardwood of the living room and she giggles at the fuzzy feeling.

She ends up in his lap as she gently caresses his ears, bubbly and chatty with them all (except for the uncommonly quiet Jungkook) her actions are explained away by any explanation they can think of… edibles, an all-nighter, anything that could explain it. Though, they don’t really care about any explanation when she falls asleep in Jungkooks lap, her hands curling around his and a small whisper of “bunny” on her lips.

[mountainrooster]

I posted 22 times in 2022

That's 22 more posts than 2021!

11 posts created (50%)

11 posts reblogged (50%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@demxters

@callsignvalley

@rooster-soup

@seasonsbloom

@avi8tors

I tagged 21 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#jake seresin - 6 posts

#top gun maverick - 6 posts

#jake hangman seresin - 6 posts

#tgm fanfic - 5 posts

#robert bob floyd - 5 posts

#jake seresin x reader - 5 posts

#tgm fanfiction - 4 posts

#fics like this inspire me to continue my own wips - 3 posts

#bob floyd - 3 posts

#top gun maverick fanfiction - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 112 characters

#it's like when you pick up a puppy by the scruff and they just dangle there looking at you with those puppy eyes

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ROBERT "BOB" FLOYD

STANDALONES

gorgeous [coming soon]

= five moments bob floyd was the most gorgeous man in the world

See the full post

19 nkotes - Posted October 12, 2022

#4

Midnights is Jake seresin coded. Mastermind is Hangster coded. All up for discussion.

20 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

#3

callsign? you mean my military assigned gamertag?

32 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#2

jake "hangman" seresin

standalones

bedside lover

wish you were sober [coming soon]

See the full post

37 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

WIP WEDNESDAYS

10/18/2022

I have 11 WIPS on my masterlist and no self-control so we'll see where this goes. the tagging on this is going to be a nightmare

wait for it [rooster x gold star kid reader]

= (gold star child: someone who has lost a parent in active service) i saw a tumblr post a set of images related to this song and you cannot tell me that "wait for it" from Hamilton is not the most bradley "rooster" bradshaw song ever. 

my mother was a genius / my father commanded respect / when they died they left no instructions / just a legacy to protect

and everything hangman says about him "waiting for the perfect moment that never comes". this would probably be a series that starts in high school to post uranium mission. anyways they're both hard-core achievers and perfectionists because where they're headed, a little mistake could mean death, something they both know very well. 

[angst, friends to lovers slowburn, hurt/comfort, some character death]

at my worst, I worry you’ll realize you deserve better. at my best, I worry you won’t. 

= definitely a bob or hangman standalone, maybe both. someone says something particularly harsh to hangman and he starts to wonder why you love him, and if you were just settling for him in the first place. bob is shy and not actually insecure most of the time, but surrounded by pilots that are more open and confident, he's worried he isn't good enough for you.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AU

= HOLY CRAP @jupitercomet's "je te laisserai des mots" little women inspired fic is so GOOD. I like little women but pride and prejudice with jake. imagine it. reader would either be a jane type or lizzie type, but I'm way better at writing jane types (see: I am not very witty but I am very kind). you and your sisters have to try and marry rich so that you can save the family from extreme poverty when your father dies and you happen to meet jake at the ball where your first impressions of him are actually horrible. definitely a series.

[enemies to lovers, banter, fun dagger squad relations, period drama pride and prejudice au]

See the full post

52 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[weonbullshit]

Another Otherworldly Doggies scenario: What if because of an accident at Dr. Greene's lab, the Min Family wake up to see that they're doggos and freak out (But not Seojun, he's just like: "Aw shit, here we go again.")

And then Cody comes over to check on his boyfriend and walks into a house where dogs are having panic attacks.

How would everyone react and how would this play out?

If Cody were to come over and see this, he'd probably start to freak out with them, then he'd realize that he should probably calm them down and help them fix it. Here's their (mostly) individual reactions.

Namseon: Dogs are okay as long as they don't touch her, but since she is a dog now she's always touching one, so she wigging out, running around trying to scream, but it comes out as howling. Eventually, she goes to hide in her room, under her blankets and puts her bonnet on for comfort.

Kerchek: Does Not Like It At All. But he has no time to care about that. He's trying to keep his family from destroying the house, along with trying to stop Kamina from destroying herself.

Kamina: A walking disaster. She's fascinated by the fact that she is a puppy and is very dedicated to her role. She runs around, barking, biting, tearing up pillows and jumping on things, until Kerchek grabs her by her scruff and puts her in time out.

Vashti: Goes to sleep because she doesn't wanna deal with this.

Vileah: Didn't notice she was a dog until she tried to reach the bathroom door and saw a paw. How can she be a Obgyn with PAWS? So she's running around in panic.

Vitanya: Trying to see what he can do as a dog. They still have their powers so he's howling at a level no one should hear, along with doing flips and other tricks.

Vidalia: Crying in the corner because she doesn't wanna be a dog, Vileah is crying with her.

Seojun: He really likes dogs, he doesn't mind being one. He hopes this is reversible though. He decides to go play with the neighborhood dogs and make friends.

Jiwoo: She thinks she's really cute as a dog, and somehow manages to dress herself up. She's all smiles and model walks. She still would like to be Nyumal though.

Kyree: Doing as much dog like things as he can, using this new form as an excuse. Mainly digging up the yard, chasing little kids, barking and howling, and running around town looking crazy.

Lee: He's a dog, not much has changed, he's still gonna get into more than enough trouble for five people. Which includes almost getting ran over, getting picked up by a random child, scraping himself up, and performing dangerous stunts on his skateboard.

Alena: Having fun, watching out for Lee, and feeling lazy. It scared her at first, but after a while she found that she was much warmer as a puppy.

Elodie, Eloho, and Estelle: Tearing up the house, asking for tummy rubs, barking and howling and torturing their siblings. Plus, fighting over toys.

Cody would walk into the middle of this mess and call for back up. Once doc figured out what happened, he'd quickly change them back. Namseon, Vidalia and Vileah are traumatized, Kamina got her tablet taken away for a week, Lee is getting patched up, Seojun runs off to play with the neighborhood dogs, Jiwoo's glad to be herself again and so on.

Cody wonders if the machine could turn him into a Nyumal. He wouldn't do it, but he had to admit he was a little curious. Maybe if he did, he'd understand the Min family better.

Oh well.

[officalroyalsofpierreland]

Outskirts of Windensen

Minerva: So you're telling me, you're buying your boyfriend, who you aren't offically dating, a puppy and planning an Isles Vacation...all cause you yelled at him?

Michael: Yes.

Minerva: I love you but can I personally say that is dumb

Michael: As dumb as keeping your ex's family heirloom?

Minerva[mumbling]: Fucking Tony...[sighs] He wouldn't take it back...believe me...I've mailed it to him several times...and he kept returning it...

Michael: So he's hung up on you? Is this an Arson type situation or?

Minerva: It's not like that...he's...we're...complicated...I needed to walk away...for both of us...

Michael: Sounds like you didn't want to

Minerva: sometimes...you need to do hard things in relationships...speaking of...you and Henrik? Any chance of it going offical?

Michael: When he's ready...its a little..complicated

Minerva: What's with us getting in complicated relationships with foreign princes?

Michael: I dunno...but at least they're cute blondes...Didn't Nicholas have some scruff that you enjoy-

Minerva [groaning as she hits Michael]: Michael, shut up please.

[Michael starts laughing]

Michael: at least you like his facial hair!

Minerva: whatever

Minerva: I'm glad you are thinking of adopting though...have you thought about getting that dog for yourself?

Michael: I have..but then I became Ambassador and I keep running out of time...

Minerva: Why? Too busy getting your cardio in with Henrik?

Michael: HEY!

Minerva: Don't dish out what you can't handle Mikey. Now I know these people, so remain cool please

Michael: I'm always cool Mins

Victoria: MINNIE! No fucking way!

Minerva: Hey Vic, what's up? Alan around?

Victoria: Nah, he's out at an adoption event in Brichester.

Minerva: I need to set up my cousin with a pup for his partner...can I show him around?

Victoria: of course! Everything is still the same girl...just come up front when you pick one out...you just can't sign papers anymore [both women laugh] let me know if you guys need help.

Michael: So I was thinking of a Husky or a German Shepherd!

Minerva: Oh Watcher no...that boy is as soft as they come...lets stick with something that matches his softness...so no German Shepherds or Huskies

Michael: Damnit...

[sunspill]

1, Clexa AU. 2, Dog AU (where they're both dogs/puppies.)

under the cut

Anya finds the dog by the side of the road. The backroad she takes for the explicit purpose of minimizing contact with other people and getting to work on time, and now she’s pulled over with her hazards on, cursing as she tries to distract the snarling dog with peanut butter cookies she had in the trunk while she tries to cut away the tangle of vines trapping its hind legs.

“Don’t fucking bite me,” she hisses, yanking her arm back just in time. “Eat your fucking cookies.”

By the time she’s cut away enough of the vine the dog is free, it seems to have accepted her as an ally. In fact, it licks at her fingers in search of more peanut butter, then glares when Anya doesn’t immediately produce another cookie. “Yeah,” Anya mutters, getting to her feet and dusting off her pants. “You’re welcome. Just late to work, ruined my jacket, no big deal.”

She walks back to her car, fishing her keys out of her pocket and unlocking the doors with a beep. She’s got the door open and her foot half inside the car when she realizes there’s an expectant furry face at her knee. She stops. “Go,” she says, flapping a hand at it. “Shoo.”

The dog chuffs. Its nose twitches, and, sensing the remnants of peanut butter, gathers its hind legs in preparations for a leap. “No!” Anya yelps, but the dog has already jumped, scrabbling on her seats as it wiggles into the backseat.

Anya leans in, pointing a stern finger. “No. Bad dog. Out! Go home.”

The dog looks straight at her, then yawns, exposing its fangs and lolling tongue.

“I could have left you,” Anya tells it. “You’re just lucky the roadwork slowed traffic down. Now shoo.”

Maintaining full eye contact, the dog leans down and rips a mouthful of foam out of Anya’s backseat. It shreds the upholstery between his teeth and swallows, then curls up with a content sigh, nose on muddy paws.

“I hate you,” Anya says.

++

Anya walks into the vet’s office. “I need a leash,” she says to the first person she meets. “Dr… Reyes.” She pauses. “Dog leash,” she amends. “Also, a collar.”

“I am… concerned,” Dr. Reyes says, reaching under the counter and sliding the requested items over to Anya’s waiting hands.

“Stand by,” Anya says, and goes out to the car. Ten minutes of cursing and a ripped sleeve later, she’s hauling the dog in with two hands, one around the collar and one gripping its scruff.

“Jesus Christ,” Dr. Reyes says, and ushers them quickly into an exam room.

“Healthy,” she declares, fifteen tense moments later. “Also, may not be a dog.”

“What?” Anya doubletakes. She peers at the dog. “It’s definitely not a cat.”

“She,” Dr. Reyes emphasizes, “looks to be at least one quarter coyote.”

The dog(?) yawns again.

“One half coyote,” Dr. Reyes amends. “I’m legally obligated to inform you that you cannot own a coyote dog hybrid.”

“Are you legally obligated to inform any agencies that I brought her in?”

Dr. Reyes sighs. “You live with any other pets? Small kids?”

“No.”

“Got a yard?”

“Yes.”

Dr. Reyes passes over a clipboard. “Do not go to dog parks. Do call any of these--” she produces a few pamphlets “private dog trainers.”

Anya frowns at the forms. “Any ideas for dog names?”

“Princess,” Dr. Reyes says, dry.

“I found her on Alexandria Road,” Anya offers, tilting her head thoughtfully. “Road is a good name.”

“Oh my god,” Dr. Reyes says, snatching the clipboard back and clicking a pen. “Lexa. One syllable, sounds tough. Now go pay way too much to the receptionist while I take your illegal canine to the back for her shots.”

++

Lexa likes to sleep tucked up against Anya’s side, heavy head on Anya’s hip. Then she turns sideways until Anya wakes up in the middle of the fucking night half pushed off her own fucking mattress. She likes to aggressively chase squirrels around Anya’s yard, rip up the neighbor’s flowerbeds while Anya is trying to sneak a late night cigarette during Lexa’s last pee break before bed, and dig holes down to the foundation that require multiple trips to the hardware store for potting soil to fill in.

She’s a good jogging partner, Anya thinks. And it’s funny to see how her eyes glint in the porchlight and her nose wrinkles up when she scares the shit out of delivery men. She keeps waiting to wake up to a ravaged throat or some such nonsense, but Lexa seems to favour sleeping in sunbeams and destroying every single toy Anya buys her in fifteen minutes or less, no matter how indestructible the label claims it is.

++

Anya wakes up to a cold nose in her ear. She cracks open an eye, fumbling at her nightstand for her phone to check the time. “Fuck off,” she groans at Lexa. “You know I’ve got another half hour.”

Lexa yips, right in Anya’s ear. Her teeth gently close around Anya’s wrist and tug.

“Fine,” Anya snaps, flinging back her blanket. “God, you’re a lotta work.”

Lexa leaps from the bed, landing lightly on the floor, and starts scratching at the bedroom door. “Quit it!!” Anya says, slapping at her snout with two fingers. “I’m going, Christ.”

She hauls open the back door and Lexa is out like a shot. Anya yawns, propping an arm up on the doorjam and shivering in the early morning chill. Then she hears a bark in her yard. She blinks. Lexa doesn’t bark. She’s never barked. She growls, she yips, sometimes she howls along with sirens and at her food barrel when Anya is late feeding her. Anya steps out onto the porch, the wood cold on her bare feet.

Lexa yips at her, standing near the big tree in the corner. She darts forward, tail high waving and the hair standing up in a long ridge down her bag, and then back to the tree. There’s another weak bark from behind its trunk.

“Fuck,” Anya mutters, and starts into her lawn, barefoot and shivering. She peers behind the tree, Lexa’s paws scratching in the dirt at her side. There’s another hole under the fence, hidden where Lexa had dug it and Anya hadn’t noticed. “Bitch,” Anya tells her. Lexa yawns.

And in the hole, crawled half under the fence and stuck, is another dog, matted fur and bloody from the wooden fence, still wriggling for freedom. It makes a sad whine.

“Jesus,” Anya sighs, and starts to kick the slats out from the fence. It makes the dog yelp in pain, flail in panic. Lexa licks its nose, gives Anya a glare. “Don’t look at me like that,” Anya grunts, kicking away. “You’re the one with a boyfriend trying to break into your yard.”

She picks up the dog, staggering under its weight. “A girlfriend,” she says, shoving it into the backseat. Lexa hops up beside the new dog, resting her nose on the dog’s neck and licking at her ear.

++

“Oh no,” Dr. Reyes says, when she sees Anya come in hefting a muddied mess of a dog, Lexa trotting offleash at her side. “Tell me your coyote didn’t ravage a seeing eye dog.”

Anya follows her into an exam room and deposits the dog on the raised table with a grunt. “No. I think they’re friends.” The dog’s head lolling off the table, moves around like it’s searching for Lexa, who rises up on her hind legs to nose comfortingly at the dog’s face.

“Aw,” Dr. Reyes says. “True love.”

A power scrub, a haircut, and three stitches later and Anya’s got an anxious coyote dancing around her feet while Raven leads out a very good looking retriever from the back. “A good girl,” Raven pronounces her. “And no chip. I’ll take her to the pound after my shift.”

“Princess is still a good name,” Anya offers, and it makes Dr. Reyes laugh.

Lexa closes her teeth around Dr. Reyes’s white labcoat pocket and rips it clean off, then carries it into the corner to victioursly chow down on the treats within. “She remembers,” Dr. Reyes says dryly. “Go fork over your credit card, I might as well give her a check up while you’re here.”

++

Lexa sighs, really big, and flops over onto her side to check if Anya can see her being completely bereft, her milkbone ignored to the side.

“I’m ignoring you,” Anya says, licking her spoon clean and setting her plate aside.

Lexa roos, low and soft and guttural.

Anya turns the television up.

Anya lifts up the blanket, pats the mattress beside her. “C’mon, you little trash racoon. You can even have the pillow.”

Lexa, curled into a performatively miserable ball, sighs heavily and makes big sad eyes, her tail tucked under her.

++

“Hi,” Anya says, at the pound. “I’m interested in…” she checks her phone. “Clarke.”

++

“Anyway I get a two for one discount?” she asks Dr. Reyes later.

“No,” Dr. Reyes says, ripping a copy of Anya’s bill off the clipboard.

“Anyway I can get your number?”

Dr. Reyes snorts. “If it’ll stop you from adopting feral animals as an excuse to visit me.”

++

Anya drags another food barrel in to sit on the kitchen tiles. Lexa is chasing Clarke around the backyard, her yips interspersed with Clarke’s happy barks. She buys two dog beds, but they only ever end up using one.