#things could've been simple & you ruined it for EVERYONE & you ruined it for ME fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

[magilv]

alim going stupid going crazy with spells of paralysis & weakness & hexes of vulnerability, affliction, misdirection before sticking his sword through the gaps in loghain's armor & loading him with lightning spells: fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

[melodic-haze]

alright think about this jealous sex with arlecchino. Maybe she’s been hanging out with columbina too much.

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Arlecchino x dom!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Thr briefest mention of petplay, rough sex ig, that's basically it 🤷‍♀️

Ohhhhmygod the way Arlecchino talks of her so very fondly too like it's VERY easy to be jealous I think. Like I'm not really a jealous or a possessive person but even then I'd give like a slight side eye

The Knave was just spending a BIT too much time with Columbina for your tastes. You ask if you could hang out w her, she tells you she has a prior engagement with the other Harbinger. You go to talk to her, she's already talking with Damselette. Frankly, she's acc taking the piss❗️❗️❗️

It just. Drives you up the FUCKING WALL but yk. "Do unto others what you want done to you" or smth like that idk the saying

"I-- I'm going to--"

"You are not doing anything unless I tell you to."

You feel her hands grip onto your hair as you practically abused her cunt with your fingers. If you weren't pinning her to the wall and holding her up, you were sure that as formidable as she was, her legs would've buckled down from the overwhelming stimulation and the lack of release whenever she reached her very peak.

(With the strength of her grip, youu also thanked archons above that despite everything, she was careful enough to not claw at your scalp. That wasn't the most important thing right now, though.)

"You know," you idly mused—taunted, even—as you curled your digits within her, "we could've been doing something better. We could've been having tea, tending to your children, having so much more fun than this. And yet what do you do?"

You pulled your fingers away, slick glistening and forming a faintly connecting line before snapping, and you hear a desperate whimper that you pointedly ignore, "You pass all that up for your fellow Harbinger."

"But she can't make you feel good like I do, can she?" You slapped her thigh harshly, to which you ignore her surprised gasp too—you knew she could handle much more anyway, "Nobody else can have you all pliant and breathless like this. Not her, not anyone."

Arlecchino actually makes a move to nod instead of standing there all dumb, "Only.. Only for you.. my love, I--"

"Only for me?"

"Yes..!"

Answering like an over-eager dog. Actually hilarious.

You stand up and press your fingers harshly inside of her, and just when she feels utter delight in tbe thought of you finally granting mercy on a sinner such as her?

"Move."

"..What?"

"You heard me, my love," the affectionate pet name overshadowed by your mocking tone, "if you want to get off, then move. Surely you can manage such a simple task, right?"

It's unsaid that you want her to move on her own to show her dedication to you...

But either she caught on or she was desperate for the feeling of you inside her, for she leaned her head and started to grind her pussy onto your offered hand.

Only you were allowed to command her like this.

Need to constantly alternate between edging her and overstimming her, both to such UNBEARABLE levels bc SURELY she can handle it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Absolutely use her in ANY way you could think of; by this point she's a hole for you to use and vent your jealousy to, all while repeating some kinda mantra about how Columbina could never do the things you do to her

Remind her that only YOU could make her feel the things she does, remind her that only YOU could have her bend to your will, both literally and metaphorically. Doesn't matter to you how powerful she is!! Could be an eldrich horror and you don't gaf

At the end of the day, you have utterly corrupted her—trained her—in the ways that she (or anyone) had never imagined. You've absolutely ruined her for everyone else

You just. Need to remind her with a LOT of torture 🥰 break this supposed monster all over again, make her remember just who, exactly, tamed her 🥰🥰🥰

Whether it's by stuffing her with so many toys all in the lowest settings or absolutely filling her up over and over and over and OVER until all traces of the angel-like Harbinger is completely fucked out of her mind 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Live Reading: The Mars House by Natasha Pulley

Some initial (spoiler-free) observations for now:

1.) desperately missing the style of publication from twofs and tbs, book covers that come off are my biggest opp

2.) Edward Cullen lookin ass cover I kinda love it

3.) absolutely love the fact that The Bedlam Stacks is officially part of the Watchmaker series even though Mori is in like 3 scenes, he’s so powerful

Off the bat, it's really interesting to see the way January interacts with what is our present like it's something ancient. The way he describes the "ruins" of London and various places around that people today may even live in, as if it's centuries old. Idk what year this takes place in but I feel like it's going to be like 2030 or some shit lmao

I already read the leaked chapter so I'm just going to skip it, all in all though I like January so far. He's a little less...I don't want to say compelling, but he doesn't have as much of a distinctive personality off the bat as Valery or even Flint, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. Plus he's like. Actively in crisis, so I'm going to give him a pass

He does have the gen Z tendency for nihilism tho, moreso than the other mc's, and I really like it

Oh wait no he's not even gen Z he's like. Gen Theta??? This is farther into the future than I thought, which is good bc it was a lil depressing to think it was this close to the present and everything was flooded (I mean we're still boned but I was expecting the time period to be like. A very likely 2027 or something.)

I honestly really like the way January isn't content with the small things in his life that make him miserable like the other mc's. He's a Complainer. He's literally me-

"It was fine as icing sugar." ??? Girl are we getting some freaky future ghost shit again??? Please???

I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T-

MORI AND DAUGHTER??? I'M GOING TO PASS AWAY-

I will be crying about this forever

Six taking over the shop but keeping her dad's name attatched...BEING CANON??? We STAY winning

"There are moments when you come so close to another future you can taste the air in the courtroom." GIRL SHUT THE FUCK UP RESPECTFULLY I'M ABOUT TO START SCREAMING-

Wait these exoskeleton things sound cool as fuck, I wonder how hard it would be to make one for cosplay purposes??? Probably pretty tricky (and knowing myself I would never finish it) but it still seems really fun to make

Damn he's really scared of not wearing that thing, my poor baby :((( ugh I really do like him a lot so far

Ohhh wait I thought wearing the suit was to protect him, not to protect others??? I misread

But he's still really that scared of hurting anyone else :((( he's my baby I've decided

I feel like I'm not going to like Gale much off the bat bc they're going to be rude to him, but I'm sure I'll grow to like them more. I mean I didn't much care for Shenkov off the bat but I adore him now so

Not to get Prentious-English-Major-y, but it seems like a running theme in this book is getting over the shame of taking up space in the world. January is constantly being reminded that he needs to stay in his place and not cause trouble for others, and it's so engrained into him that he can't help but panic over a simple mistake that could've been corrected with a gentle warning. But it also wasn't a gentle warning; the guy in the elevator fucking yelled at him!!! Immediately!!! I get the notion that it was a matter of safety for him, but January was far away from and couldn't have possibly hurt him, and he still yelled. Coming from the lense of a queer man, it's very reflective of the homophobic idea that queer people can't even be trusted in public because they're "sexual deviants" and the like, or even going back to the 80s when people thought that AIDS was transmitted through just skin-to-skin contact. Idk. Food for thought.

Honestly??? The way his thoughts keep circling back to the way everyone was horrified of him on the elevator is the most accurate way I've ever seen someone describe anxiety attacks

What tf is up with the pink elephants??? New tattoo idea just dropped???

Ooo interesting monetary system for the trains. I went into Boston to get my copy and they started doing a similar thing on the green line (the only train system that runs above ground, so they can't really stop people from not paying to get on) and it kind of reminds me of that. It's definitely not that similar, but it's enough that I made the connection

Creepy Government Programs Meant To Completely Cripple Minorities Just So They Can Access Slightly Worse Basic Rights They Should Already Have...totally not realistic...haha...not at all...

Only a year??? January...buddy...you've been here for 600 days...

Oh wait no I just looked it up, a year on Mars is actually about 687 days, nvm, fuck me I guess

The whole conundrum of naturalizing vs just using the cage is vvv interesting, and is also reminiscent of the way disabled people are encouraged by society (and warned by medical professionals) to undergo drastic surgeries to cure their disability

Damn so going on the train cost him a half hour of work??? That's kinda nuts. Although if it's a longer distance train it's not as bad, but it seems like it just went from one part of the city to the other

Oh??? Hello??? He has a crush on his boss??? Honestly she sounds like a milf I don't blame him-

I feel like the release button of his suit being over his heart is going to be important and dramatic and it's going to make me cry

Idk how to word this properly but like. January being motivated to eat more and train for ballet again bc he's just overall happier with Gale may just (happily) destroy me, the same way tlfop describes Thaniel getting a lot stronger over the course of four years bc he's eating more and started boxing and that, but I feel like it'll be different bc him being married to Gale will offer him the privilege to do that kind of thing while others aren't awarded the freedom

The group physical therapy before work is kinda nuts, we should honestly do that at my job too

Honestly the way they're describing these work suits is kind of a serve, especially with the cool skeleton lookin thing around it, that would make such a fun cosplay

Senator Gale in the mix too!!! Vvv excited, even though I know January is going to do some fuckshit on tv with them

I KNOW January is pretty af I know it in my soul

"Great power to be had from ogling." I'm love Val sm-

Love that she included how to pronounce Mx bc it always throws me for a loop. Also...McWang??? Girl-

I really do not know what I expected from the woman who managed to get the word "octopussy" in three of her books

"...so that he wouldn't think about how much he would have loved to see someone shove Audrey bloody Gale off a cooling tower." DAWG-

He really fuckin hates them wow, their public persona must suck

Oh also random thought I forgot to include a bit earlier, but is it like. Genuinely illegal to assume people's gender in this society??? That's kinda based actually. Fox News would have a field day. "ThIs Is CoNfIrMaTiOn Of ThE fUtUrE tHeSe LiBeRaLs ArE lOoKiNg FoR." Ugh I hope someone shows them, that would be fucking hilarious (obviously no one should tho bc I sincerely believe there are some idiotic people who would start sending Natasha death threats over it and I don't want that).

"...and do everyone a favour by turning immediately into goo." Jesus fucking Christ dude-

I hope January beats the shit out of some of these people I really do-

Hehe puffweens

Ooo the Mars citizens fashion seems fun

"Thirteen year olds were, of course, terrifying monsters..." thirteen year olds are extremely lame when you get to know them but I do get the anxiety (I say as someone who worked with them for over 5 years)

He doesn't want to scare anyone :(((

First he's comparing Gale to the devil, and now he's saying they look like a god??? Make up your mind dude

"He followed the news like a bloodhound when it came to Gale." My good bitch you are so definitely into them-

The fact that Val has to bribe January with chocolate to not throw a brick at Gale is so...I'm love them so much

[phycology-lemon]

Omg I just had a thought.

What if The Spot goes to Gwen's dimension? The colors are from the emotions people are feeling. It's absolutely beautiful and amazing for visual story telling.

BUT IMAGINE...the spot, who has been (seemingly) consumed by rage and thirst for vengeance.

Maybe it's not that simple, he may be a vilian but he's not pure evil. He's a normal guy (or he was). Losing everything would be earth-shattering.

He's broken, and traumatized. His body was irreversibly changed, everyone he knew abandoned him, and he can't benefit from any programs to get his life back on track because people are scared of him. There might also be dismorphia too because literally everything about HIS OWN BODY has changed.

Would he be a dark cloud? A swirl of colors reflecting internal chaos? Would he still be black and white, truly now devoid of humanity and emotion?

And there are a lot of ways they could use the physical representation of emotions to their benefit. Spot having a darkness that almost consumes anywhere he is, Miles trying to talk to him and we see a flick of warmth showing that he CAN be saved, or maybe even a moment where he is alone. Where we REALLY get a look at him. His pain, maybe a flashback sequence or him detailing it in his own words.

There are infinite possibilities.

But I'm really leaning toward him being redeemed/helped. He was physically changed and had his life taken from him, it was an accident but it still happened. Accepting what happened and moving forward without causing more pain.

That idea could also be useful in spider society. What happened to you was heartbreaking, mourning is natural, your pain is valid. Beating yourself up about what you could've done isn't the answer, but neither is assuming everyone has to go through that. If you can stop the cycle, than the world will come out better in the end.

It happened, but if we keep paying tragedy forward it never stops. It doesn't need to happen again. Maybe you couldn't change it then but you can change things now.

(Also its kind if unfair to Spot for his whole life to get fucked than when he's angry about it its just like 'he's dead or in forever prison.' Like he is a victim, even if how he chose to deal with it was wrong.

He literally had nobody to fall back on, got called 'villain of the week' by the guy who ruined his life, and was screwed over in a LITERALY UNPRECEDENTED way so NOBODY understands how to fix it or what it's like.

Most people would be in a horrific emotional state, lashing out, breaking down, just not great. I understand how he was pissed that miles didn't remember him and invalidated him by labeling him as unimportant. Like "YOU RUINED ME."

Anyway rant over.)

[sol-consort]

Soooo which ending did you choose for ME3? :)

Call me a clothing hanger the way I'm about to abort this child A.I for ruining my dreams of having a family with Kaidan where he cooks dinner and be the malewife to my femdom Shepard who's the breedwinner.

I went with green :( I couldn't do it, I love EDI too much.

The thing is, I did reload after it and do red, just so Shepard may live.

But I think the A.I is wrong, I don't think our children will make the same mistakes with the synthetics.

What's stopping us from making A.I again? much like they repaired the mass relays, they can just rebuild EDI or the geth again and with enough time they'll gain their sentient back.

Idk man. The green ending felt...dirty? Wrong? Altering everyone's DNA just like that is ugh. It's like the only way for us to get along is literally to make everyone perfect without flaws and that's just bullshit man.

Our flaws make us alive. Of course there won't be any fighting or bigotry if everyone was just the same and experienced the world the same, like yeah no shit.

But it wasn't earned, was it? It's a magical fix it all button by completely erasing both organics and synthetics, just to create a mix of the two and force everyone to kiss and make up.

The idea was for us to get along despite our differences, despite our shortcomings and our limited understanding of each other. Duh you can love a machine if you saw the world the same as it does, but can you love a machine who doesn't even bother to add windows to gaze upon the stars outside?

And having Shepard give even more after they've just given so much? No I actually cried like I'm being so fr. Shepard went through a lot, especially in ME3 and they barely got to sit down.

Haven't they suffered enough? My poor heart. Too much angst. What did I do to you devs??? Even Dark souls had happier endings, fucking dark souls.

So have them just...give everything they have constantly to everyone and that's it? They threw themselves away? Their life? For what? They deserved a happy ending even if it meant an end to the legend. They deserved to sit under a tree and retire.

I had my theory on the reapers origin actually.

Okay so, yk the Kardashev scale right? This one here.

It was made to categories a civilization's level of tech growth and development. Mostly based on where they get their power from. If aliens ever exist, they'd be somewhere on this scale or at least remains of their technology would.

But there is this thing called the great filter. Each species during it's evolution is met with some big wall that they need to overcome in order to reach the next step.

Like how we evolved from basically bacteria in the ocean into the mammals we are today. We were animals, we share ancestors with the current apes on our planet.

So how come we evolved but they didn't? That's where the great filter comes in. Somehow we jumped over that wall and reached the next step on the staircase and became self-aware.

And we weren't the only ones, other homo species came before us and lived alongside us. Neanderthals for example! They were smart and buried their dead just like us, hell they were stronger than us.

But we are the only humans left, the homo-sapiens. Because apparently there was another wall that we crossed and began building a community, towns, money, laws and housing. Invented philosophy and discovered math.

We have zero idea on how we crossed that wall. It could've been the universe throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks, we could be a miracle, an simple lucky streak of randomness that allowed us to get this far.

Now our current space travel future depends on that theory. Basically we could be the first ever species to look this far beyond the deep, or we could be very late to the party, both options are bad for us tbh. But I'm not gonna go into it.

There is this video that has information more about the great filter theory.

So I imagined the reapers to be like that, another great filer or a big wall. A test for space advanced civilizations to have to overcome in order to continue progressing and make a huge jump in their evaluation and technology.

Much like inventing fire was a huge test we passed, the reapers were simply another cold cave we had to get creative to warm up.

And each civilization that came before us has failed the test. They couldn't win the war and all their progress went down the drain. Much like many animals starve to death because they never learned to plant food like we do, it required gaining self-awareness.

For mass effect, maybe it requires the cooperation of the galaxy. Basically this meme.

So speed running accepting others and different life forms, power of friendship and all yk the drill.

Because the reapers, they do not feel, they are different from the synthetics like EDI and the geth. And because that's exactly where the protheons fell through despite their technology being ahead of every race in mass effect.

And I thought my theory was right when I met the star child and Levitation. That the reapers were a test made by a godlike civilization beyond our comprehension to make sure the only civilizations that ascend are the worthy ones who aren't corrupted by greed or selfishness.

But no :( it was just classic "BOO evil AI turns evil because we asked it to solve a problem and it concluded to do it by killing us BOOOOO"

Like oh my god, bruh, why cheese it? There is a time and place for corny stuff and that is not it.

That's why I didn't talk much about the levitation dlc. It had such a big build up only to never deliver.

I hate the double fake up twist they did with cerberus and other plots too. The whole

"Oh no these guys are bad"

"Oh wait nevermind they're kinda less bad actually, they only wanna help."

"HA we tricked you! YOU DUMB BITCH. You really thought they were good there for a sec? LOL. They are pure evil JK."

Like why even?? What was the point? Just an element of shock? You scrabbed a whole good story with potential for cheap shock???

Anyway. At least I can engage with the fandom now. Good think I have all these valentines chocolates leftovers to drown my sarrows with while I cope.

I am looking through the posts and damn...people are obsessed with Garrus. Did I miss something? He is nice and all but never stood out to me. No one talks about Ashley tho :(((

[toothlespoggers]

do you have any idea how fucking dumb you sound?

"i always knew it wasnt true" no you didn't. no one knew. because that's not how that works you fucking idiot. quit trying to sound better than everyone else. what happened to kwite could've happened to literally anyone else and you'd be none the fucking wiser.

and that's not even getting into your blatant transphobia, saying kwite wouldn't do that because he's gay, when orion is a trans man. orion is a terrible person but you can't just misgender someone like that. it's never okay.

shut the fuck up and never engage in any sort of online discussion ever again. fuck you

bro chill I didn’t look into the whole situation too far because this shit happens like every other day, I just assumed it was a chick saying it because that’s what’s happened literally every other time.

I’m sorry I upset u or came off wrong, I wasn’t trying to sound better than anyone else?? I was just saying that it’s kinda stupid because this kinda drama happens like. Literally so frequently now I’m just desensitised to it, so I usually just don’t believe anything that’s thrown at someone or look into it too much because why would I sit on the internet looking at drama just to ruin my day?

sorry I didn’t look into it further, but I do think you could’ve handled ur upset with me differently you could’ve messaged me in dms or something instead of hiding behind the anon, jumping into my asks to make people angry at me for something that could’ve been handled privately.

I just feel like ujumped to conclusions when not everyone is chronically online enough to read into every single drama that comes out. I understand my statement came off as inappropriate with this context, but i was just doing it as a thing to just agree with what I saw dismissing it in a simple way.

if u would like to educate me more or talk peacefully u can dm me. Ok? But this is a really childish way to go about it

[the-art-in-arthesia-is-loud]

"My Disappointment Is Immeasurable and My Day Is Ruined."

THW TITLW IS A JOKE BUT THE WHOLE THING UTC IS NOT 💀

———

"Ah, so you're the God of Light."

This is an unexpected kind of greeting that Hikaru would get, but nonetheless, he got it.

Maybe visiting Aegle City isn't that much of a good idea. A lot of the citizens seem to be very hostile of him. He doesn't exactly know why, though. He has been...very out of touch with whatever is going on in the living world.

"Uh...why yes. That is me." Hikaru awkwardly responded to the lavender haired man standing before him. The man, who is dubbed 'The Aegleseeker' by many of the people in this city, gave him a rather sour look. He seems rather disappointed in the God for whatever reason. Hikaru still isn't sure why, either.

Oh Amazing Mighty, if only Tessi or Fate could've at least filled him in on what the hell happened here.

"You. I have a lot of things to say to you." The Aegleseeker said, his voice tone indicating that he isn't fucking around. There's no point in fucking around here, anyways. The atmosphere between the two is already tense enough to make the both of them go into serious mode. "I guess I can understand. I don't...exactly know what happened in this place, so maybe if you could fill me in—"

"What do you mean, "you don't know what happened in this place"? You're a God. You should know by now. God sees all, they say." Aegleseeker cuts in, not sparing anymore time to voice out his concerns. "When Aegle City lost its light, you didn't even do shit. "I don't know what exactly happened here!", my fucking ass."

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't know! Not even The Testifier herself told me anything about whatever the hell happened here!" Hikaru explained, but it doesn't seem like The Aegleseeker is buying it. "Hmph, you shouldn't be relying on the other Gods to even KNOW what the fuck happened to this place! Are you dumb or what?"

"No, I'm not! How would I even become a God in the first place if I was dumb?" Hikaru asked. Aegleseeker sighed. "Look, listen—" "No, YOU listen! You're the God of Light! You're supposed to be the one who helps the city of literal light! When Aegle City didn't even have any light in it, who provided it? Nobody!"

"And who brought light back to the city? Me, right? Not you. You didn't even do shit. I shouldn't even call you a God if you're not even doing anything about that." Hikaru only remained silent, nodding his head as a way to tell the other man he understood everything he said. Now that Hikaru thinks about it, he does feel bad.

"Alright, alright. I'll admit it, I am in the wrong here, and because of that, I'd like to apologize." He spoke, which caught Aegleseeker's attention immediately. The man only glared at the God, there is clear disappointment in his eyes. "I...I am a bit disappointed in you, and I get that you actually finally admit that you're wrong and you do want to apologize, but..."

The Aegleseeker paused for a bit, before inhaling. "...Not even an apology can make up for not being with us when we truly need it." "Then what can I do?!" Hikaru then frantically asked. He just wants to make up for it. But if an apology wouldn't work, then what would?!

"Nothing."

The answer was simple, yet it hurts Hikaru a bit.

He can't do anything.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter to me anymore. Arguing with you even further about this will only make me feel even worse, so I'll be taking my leave now. As for everyone else, you..."

Aegleseeker's words can only fade out as Hikaru's thoughts get clouded with that one word.

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

...

"Nothing..." He muttered, and before he even realized it, the large crowd surrounding him and The Aegleseeker have moved on with their day.

And Aegleseeker himself is no longer near him.

[hellenicgh0sts]

"were going through a rough time with the break up, you all hurting us, irl friend stuff...." Etc etc. What about us?? We literally did nothing hurting you all. If we did we immediately apologized because we didn't mean to. We played by your rules. Did everything you asked. I don't understand. Fuck we even deleted things off your phone helping you because you all have us permission to after we asked "do you want me to delete it for you?"

But you all get the pity card when "you didn't make us feel wanted or cared for." When every time we wanted to fucking do something you rejected it. You asked for "one on one time" and you completely blew us fucking off and wanted all partners involved instead of the one on one partner time. We followed everything you fucking asked us to and it still wasn't fucking enough.

Through countless of fucking times our shared ps was sick and knocking on deaths fucking door I bet you were somehow hurt that we were taking care of them. They were fucking scared. They were terrified. They didn't want to be alone. They were countlessly stuck in the bathroom feeling like a fucking issue/bother. We aren't going to just abandon them when they needed us.

Not to mention we were also very much married to said shared ps. What the fuck did you want us to do? Tell them to go fuck themselves and deal with it alone? We also tried helping you when you were sick, but you also rejected all of that. Nothing we ever did was correct. Do one thing that you asked and somehow still fucking fucked everything up. Not to mention when we did spend time with you you never seemed interested.

But you have the audacity to sit there and repeatedly bring up "you hurt us." For fucks sake. The amount of times WE were hurt by YOU, but couldn't say anything about it ever. Because even if we gently brought anything up it would absolutely ruin any mood at all you had that was positive. You never wanted to hear where you were going wrong. We could never speak up for ourselves because then you would immediately spiral into a fucking tornado of I want to kill myself.

There was no talking about anything ever even if it was important. Because you would suddenly take that as an immediate threat even after we tried to rephrase things that could've been interpreted another way. You wouldn't listen to us when we would be like hey don't do that. You'd just listen to everyone fucking else. It was like our words meant absolutely shit all to you. Just didn't fucking matter. Nothing we said fucking mattered.

Then when someone split off because of that and they didn't like you from the get go because of that you thought he would hurt you??? When he was like someone in your own system? You didn't see us thinking if that one was out he was going to hurt you. He wouldn't hurt you. He just wasn't going to tolerate the shit that was happening. I would presume you didn't appreciate that. You didn't appreciate being called out when you fuck up. You didn't appreciate it when things were brought to your attention. You didn't appreciate practically anything that would mean you'd have to change something you were doing.

It wasn't even difficult fucking things. It was simple and small things. Example: picking up your trash, helping with dishes, helping taking out trash, keeping your spot clean, soaking dishes, helping with cat things since you yourself also had a cat, helping with paying for things from time to time. Etc. Basic. Roommate. Behavior. [At the very least roommate regardless of they fact we were dating you.]

When partners actually had time with partners you didn't really make them feel like you wanted to. Let alone do anything really. The only time partners felt like you actually wanting them was s*x. How is that fair? Hmm??? So when partners were around they just automatically assumed "oh s"x. Okay." Because nothing was previously stated of what was happening. Even at least the one partner that was very nonsexual had s*x because his partner actually seemed to want him.

Constantly stated "oh partners want time. They want to be appreciated etc." But where was that energy with us? I'm sorry, but it seems as if we don't get the energy of "I love being around you. I want to do things with you. I don't care what we do as long as I'm by your side." We aren't going to reciprocate. We give the energy of what we get back. If it's a barely flickering light on a candle then guess what? That's just what you're going to get. If it's like a bonfire guess what??? You're going to get a bonfire. Shocking I know.

But, with all the bullshit with relationships we've been through with other systems we are only going to give the same energy in relationships that we get back. That's it. We aren't doing this one sided bonfire of love and affection when the other is barely a flame. That's not happening anymore. We aren't going to put out more than we receive. We aren't wasting time and energy on giving our all when we barely get anything back.

Say whatever you want to say, but don't you fucking dare say we didn't give a shit. Don't fucking sit there pinning all of the bullshit on us. Not when there's people in system that was with you that don't even know what the fuck they did wrong. People we haven't even really heard from since you decided to just up and leave without giving any warning or anything. Not even a fucking goodbye. It's absolute fucking bullshit and we deserved so much fucking better than what we actually fucking got from you.

Especially when you constantly crossed boundaries without a single fucking care in the world. Not even after we brought up hey don't do this . Or hey I would rather you not because this is a hard boundary. You knew this shit we've been through. We warned you about the people around us that we had to tolerate because we had to see them. Yet you continuously decided to just forgo all of it and do it anyways. Even got close with someone who you knew treated us like absolute fucking shit. No I don't feel bad you're hurting. You brought this upon yourself. I don't have sympathy for you. I refuse to have sympathy for you.

But just know you're never going to ever get what you had back. You can think after you work on yourself you'll get it, but you won't. We don't offer second chances anymore. You fuck up then ditch us that's on you. Period. Or you fuck up badly once that's it. There's no retrys anymore. It's simple fucking shit. I'm sorry you can't figure that out. Regardless if you're completely turned around and actually communicate your problems it's not happening. You fucked us over way too far for us to just let you back into our lives.

-???

[wh6res]

UP IN SMOKES — DOYOUNG

psych student! kdy | tw. college au, violence, a knife, GASLIGHTING, hallucination, psychosis, swearing, just pure manipulation, minor charac death, there's a court scene, this is a repost! | wc. 10k she a beast

life could’ve been simple;

you shouldn't have met kim doyoung.

what does a freshman in college hate the most other than the high-stress levels of moving into a new dorm? a shitty roomie and a smelly, moldy mattress. the girl you call roommate refuses to help move the mattress because it will ruin her new manicure. what a fucking classic. 

"sounds like a 'you' problem. figure it out yourself, plain jane." 

she said before heading out, annoyingly popping her bubblegum as she kicks a few of your scattered boxes by the front door. you roll your eyes; classes haven't even started yet, so why is she already making your life miserable? as much as you'd like to snap at her, you don't, merely glaring daggers at her back as she finally turns the corner of the hallway and disappears. 

"bitch," you mutter under your breath. 

you eye the abomination that is supposed to be your bed, cursing how you shouldn't have made a 15-minute pit stop to starbucks for a drink when you could've just bought one from the instant coffee vending machines in every corner of the hallway of this dorm building because if you didn't, maybe you could've beaten regina george wannabe from taking the better bed. sighing, you suck it up and start getting to work. life's full of shit, anyway; no point sulking.

moving a moldy mattress is easier than you thought, to say the least. you can't ask for help from the other freshmen you bumped into in the hallway because they, too, are under a huge amount of stress from the move and are busy getting their affairs in order. it was a good thing, though, that a committee was formed specifically for this day to help out the freshmen if they were to stumble upon problems or mishaps with moving in. they were all around the campus, and they prove to be way friendlier than your batch mates. since this morning, three people have already offered help in carrying your luggage — which you have politely declined.

"hey, uhm… is this the stall for the welcoming committee? oh, wait. i'm sorry, there's a sign right there —"ugh.

you mentally shut your eyes in humiliation. why do you have to be this bad, this awkward at communicating with strangers? why couldn't you be born like all those socialites who already (probably) got their contacts filled with new numbers on the first day of school or something?

"yeah, this is them — welcoming committee, i mean. how can i help you?" he smiles, sweet, radiating the epitome boy next door aura as he looks up at you from where he's sitting behind the stall. your eyes quickly land onto the name tag stuck on his varsity jacket before meeting his eyes again. 

"i have an issue with my mattress. it has mold, you see..." your voice slowly trails, becoming quieter as you feel small under the weight of his piercing stare. oh, come on. he's just a guy with a beautiful face, woman the fuck up.

"really? let me see..."

he needn't finish rounding the stall when his nose is hit by the pungent smell brought forth by your mattress. frankly, you weren't that picky. you could've covered it with bedsheets and call it a day, but the odor is too strong to ignore. you mentally hope the smell didn't latch onto your clothes, especially not when someone so cute is around — what a bad first impression.

"oh, god!" he exclaims the moment he lays eyes on it, taking a step back. “now, that has to go. and you lugged it from the fourth floor?" 

ah, yes. according to tradition in these dormitories, which you've only found out today, freshmen get the curse of climbing four flights of stairs up while the seniors strut into their rooms on the ground floor like the hallway is a goddamned runway. 

"doyoung! help me carry these!"

someone calls his name as you both turn your head to spot a chestnut-haired girl clad in the same varsity jacket he's wearing. you grimace at the sight of her. for someone so small, she just had to volunteer to carry all those heavy bags. however, he doesn't move in front of you and brushes her off as if she doesn't look like she's carrying rocks over her shoulders. "i'm already helping someone else! go find taeyong or something. i'm sure that shit's loitering around here somewhere!"

"oh, it's okay, you can go help her. i'll just look for someone else —"

"nah, it's fine!" you try hard to school your face into indifference when you notice his gummy smile. "plus… trust me when i say no other person from the committee will help you with this. this shit smells like my roommate's sweaty basketball socks!"

you can't help the smile forming on your face as you help him carry the mattress off to the side of the hallway, the stinky thing leaning vertically against the wall and behind a huge terracotta plant pot. "don't worry, let's report it to student affairs so they'll get you a new one. congrats! you'll have to share beds with your new roommate tonight, freshie. it'd be a great ice breaker."

the universe truly hates you.

your expression must've been a dead give away because he's suddenly patting your shoulder, regarding you with utmost sympathy. "been there, done that. i hated taeyong, too, when i met him last year. still, for some mind fuck of a miracle, we've grown to be friends and developed a talent of not wanting to kill each other every two seconds."

"highly doubt i'd be friends with a regina george-level bitch, but thanks, anyway," you mutter under your breath. suddenly, you whip your head towards him after internalizing what he just said. "you met your roommate last year? you're a sophomore?"

he scoffs, leaning down to your height to lowly mutter against your ear as he eyes the lobby's front desk. "why? do i look like some 4th year who radiates 'don't touch me' energy?" 

you feel the heat on your cheeks with how close he is, only releasing an exhale when he finally gets out of your personal space. "i'm kim doyoung. you've heard it from wendy earlier, but anyway — i'm a 2nd-year psych major."

"no way!" you exclaim, a little too excited. "i'm taking psych, too!"

"oh, you are? well, if you need anything or if you don't understand stuff…" he winks. "feel free to approach me anytime."

hmm… how sweet of him. 

it was only hours later that you found out who kim doyoung is in your department during the acquaintance party. and for god's sake, you found out from your best friend who is a major in english lit and has never even seen the guy. "seriously, you didn't know he's a genius? i hear the professors call him a prodigy, girl! a fucking prodigy. if i were you, i'd ask for his help in every subject."

"you know i prefer keeping to myself. how'd i know stuff like that when i have no one to talk to in the psych dorms?" you look down, making the ice cubes in your drink clink against each other. "i didn't think he was this big shot or whatever. he looks normal, and everyone treats him normally."

"well, what do you expect?" she hisses, hitting your arm. "the other students don't want to make him feel alienated or something just because he's tons smarter than them. but anyway… the real question is…"

you roll your eyes when she pauses for effect, tentatively leaning closer to whisper under her breath. 

"is he cute?"

you didn't want to answer her question, but he's been stuck in your head since he offered walking with you to the student affairs office. doyoung had smiled his cute gummy smile and had even ruffled your hair before leaving you for committee duties — saying he's cute would be an understatement. 

"you have no idea."

for his first act;

he gains your trust.

fast forward to one year, many things have changed, but the only constant remaining is the handsome sophomore — who is now a 3rd-year, by the way — whom you've met on your first day. coursework has been pretty tough this year. instead of the content written in your textbook, your mind is plagued by the horrible twist of fate your best friend had encountered; she didn't have enemies. or so you thought.

she disappeared in the middle of christmas break last year. her beaten up body was found only a month later, in january, floating around the university's lake. happy fucking new year. 

the first time she chose to spend the holidays with you instead of her family back in her hometown, and that happens? some rotten luck you both have. it's why you didn't put it past her family to hate your guts with strong convictions. it's okay. the feeling's mutual. after all, it had been your best friends' own family, the same ones who had been so willing to take you in when you got kicked out, that were so eager to pin you as the murderer of their child. all under the argument that you have been the last person seen with her. 

oh, the things her mom said about you when she had stormed into the police station, red in the face, tears streaming down her cheeks..."i warned my baby not to hang out with that — that bitch. came straight out of a cursed family, that one. abusive dad, a nutjob mom. that bitch is a danger! probably got her dad's nasty temper and beat my baby to death! i want her on the electric chair!"

in those times, you once again realize this world is fucked up and cruel in every bit of its glory as you fought tooth and nail to defend yourself. but even then, they never believed you — the law will only favor the rich . the prosecution had been so sure it was you until a certain witness appeared and presented himself before the jury.

"do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" 

doyoung raises his right hand, fixing his stare straight at the judge. "i solemnly and sincerely declare that the evidence i shall give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"how long have you known the defendant?" the prosecutor asks, arms crossed in front of her chest as she paces in front of the witness stand.

the boy briefly meets your gaze, and it's enough to make his heart sink. doyoung can't bear seeing you in those grey overalls when he knows it himself. you're being accused of a crime you didn't commit. "i've known her for one year."

"how'd you meet?"

and the questions went on and on; your defense attorney isn't all too keen on winning the case and had never once yelled "objection!" in her seat, but what could you expect? all the evidence kept stacking against you, and some of those you knew were even fabricated. you've never felt this hopeless in your whole twenty years of living. 

"what's the point in this, anyway?" doyoung snapped in the witness stand, fiercely glaring at the prosecutor. "how is my history — or lack thereof — with the defendant any relevant to the case? you're not even asking me about evidence nor what my statement is!"

"easy there," the prosecutor retaliates, jaw locked. "i have to first measure what exactly your relationship is with the defendant for us to think twice about your statement. who knows..." the prosecutor makes a grand gesture of turning her head in your direction, affixing you with a condescending stare. "she might've just hired you to say these things."

your attorney doesn't come to your aid.

"perjury isn't my thing." 

the prosecutor seems to have taken offense by the tone of doyoung's voice, but he doesn't let her speak further. "the victim isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know. she'd been a part of a sorority and one with quite a nasty reputation in the college, too. i have to say she made very poor decisions, ones i'm sure her family didn't even know about. you see, they take their oaths and pledges very seriously. the victim wanted out. they didn't like that."

"and you have evidence to support this claim?"

without a moment to waste, he digs around the front pocket of his jeans before proudly presenting a black usb between his slender fingers. "knock yourself out."

the professor calls your name, snapping you out of your reverie. this isn't the first time your mind had transported you back to that particular day in the courtroom, where doyoung had swooped in and saved you from a lifetime in prison. the whole ordeal had been so scary, so frightening that you remember everything vividly as if it had only happened yesterday.

the classroom is empty. even your social psych professor has long packed up his stuff and is already standing by the classroom door. damn. were you that out of it?

"i'm so sorry." you mutter under your breath monotonously as you walk past him and out the door without another word. this is bad, very bad. no one would help, much less lend their notes to someone charged with murder — especially of their very own best friend. whether you were innocent or not doesn't matter to the student body. you've been ostracized, gossips of your problematic family spreading like wildfire, and the ridiculous part is only a fourth of the gossips are true.

the damage is done. 

at this point, you realize with a heavy heart that you have to face doyoung again sooner or later. you haven't talked to him at all since the start of the new school year, ignoring his lighthearted greetings in the hallways, rejecting his calls, ghosting his texts. you are afraid people would judge him harshly for hanging around you. frankly, you were embarrassed to ask any more favors from him with how much he's done for you already and the fact that he had seen you in such a state of vulnerability.

but you also didn't want to fail your subjects and lose the one thing holding your life together — your scholarship.

that is why you found yourself standing before him, in his favorite spot in the library tucked behind shelves upon shelves of books, next to the windows overlooking the empty football field. he's wearing black-rimmed glasses and is clad in the usual navy blue sweater as his head turns to and fro between a textbook and his notebook. the air had been so silent, you hear the aggressive scratches his pencil makes against the paper.

you feel a little hurt when he makes no move to acknowledge your presence, but you think back to what you have been doing and figured he has a right to act this way. 

"hey, doyoung." your voice is meek, hesitant.

"if you're not here to explain nor give me an acceptable reason why you've been ignoring me for the last few months, then please get out of my sight. i'm busy, as you can tell." he is brutally honest, knocking down the remaining hope you have left of ever reconciling with him.

something within you snaps, the steady streams of tears running down your cheeks as you pinned your stare on doyoung's open pencil case lying on the table. you have nobody left. your family — father, specifically speaking — has disowned you for taking a course your heart wanted, and the one friend you have lies motionless in a white coffin buried six feet under the ground. you didn't want to lose doyoung, too, no matter what role he plays in your life.

"i'm sorry," your voice cracks. "life's been… fucking shitty, and i'm sure you of all people know what i've been through. i've thanked you before for — for what you did, and i'm thanking you again right now but — i'm sorry, i'm really —"

your voice cracks when you feel him pulling you into an embrace. you feel the tension in your body breaking loose as you crumble in his arms. all those months grieving and wallowing in self-pity took such a heavy toll that you can't help but tightly clutch the sides of his hoodie, scared he'll slip through your fingers.

one of his hands comes up to push your face against the crook of his neck, muffling your cries in the silent library. doyoung felt like a jerk for snapping at you the way he did. how inconsiderate can he be? however, he felt elated because you sought him out yourself and wanted his help of all people.

his eyebrow raises in amusement. 

well, not that you have a choice, anyway.

it took you a few good minutes to calm down, cringing when you see the wet patch on doyoung's sweater because of your tears. 

"why don't you tell me everything, hmm? i'll help you as much as i can."

you sheepishly look down, fiddling with your fingers as you sit across him, the open textbook and notebook before him long forgotten. "well, i've been so out of it lately? my mind's just a whole bloody mess and i can't focus on any of my subjects at all and if i can't, then i'll lose the scholarship and it's the only thing i have in my life right now —"

"hey," doyoung cuts you off, placing a warm hand against your forearm to calm you down. "you won't lose that scholarship. trust me, okay? why don't we arrange tutoring sessions and i'll even lend you some of my notes from last year. what do you think?"

"okay... thank you, doyoung."

"for the record, you have me in your life, too. i'll always be here for you."

in the first session, you woke up from your deep slumber with only 15 minutes to spare from the scheduled time, but thankfully, your tutor only lives one floor down with the rest of the 3rd-years. bringing nothing with you but a pen and a pad of paper, your textbooks were destroyed as some students from your batch thought it'd be fun to throw them into the lake to "honor" your friend. 

you offer a small smile when taeyong opens the door, sporting an oversized shirt and track pants, eyes wide in shock when he sees you. "hi? can i help you?"

"hello! i'm here for doyoung. he's tutoring —"

"he doesn't live here anymore. his mom bought him a place outside the campus."

what?

"i'm sorry for disturbing you, then. do you by any chance know where he lives?"

that's weird. doyoung never mentioned he's already moved out. you feel a wee bit irritated that he forgot to tell you; it would've saved you the embarrassment of interacting with the varsity player. you weren't stupid, you can see the hints of repulsion in taeyong's eyes the moment he opened that door and saw you standing before him, no doubt thinking about: oh, look, it's the crazy murderer with a fucked up family standing in front of me.

he had shut the door in your face. you stood awkwardly for a good minute in the hallway until the door reopens, taeyong handing you a small piece of paper with doyoung's new address scribbled hurriedly in black ink. he doesn't give you a chance to thank him for he's already closed the door again without another word. 

you opted walking to his place instead of catching a ride because the money you have on you is enough to buy yourself dinner. to say the least, the apartment building is mediocre, not too grand, nor is it too rundown. double-checking the floor level written on the paper before pushing the elevator's button, you then realize doyoung lives on the very top floor of the building.

the hallways are painted a boring brown. some acrylic number signs plastered on the doors are broken, hanging vertically with one screw left. it says on the paper he resides in room 720. taking the right hallway, you mentally count as you eye the mahogany doors. 718… 719… there it is!

when you raise a fist to start knocking on his door, there is a tinge of hesitation surging through you. perhaps being alone with a boy in his apartment is not the best setting for a girl like you should end up in, but this is doyoung we're talking about. if he had ill intentions for you, it would've manifested a long time ago. you shake your head, feeling bad for thinking of him that way as you slowly knock on his front door. not long after, it swings open, revealing the 3rd-year in a white shirt and boxers as he lazily dries his hair off with a small towel. 

"you're late," is the first thing he says to you before spinning on his heel to disappear further into his humble abode. 

"you didn't exactly inform me you've moved out of the dorms. so, whose fault is it?" you retaliate, inviting yourself in and closing the front door shut.

"whatever. let's get started!" he plops himself on the floor, coffee table filled with loose papers as he struggles to find a specific one amongst the mess. "i've already scanned, exported to pdf, and emailed you my notes. it should be in your inbox by now. anyway, answer this quiz i made so i know what i'll be working on."

"you didn't really have to send your notes, doyoung. i could've just read everything from the textbook," you sit down across from him because otherwise, you'll be too distracted to remember information. 

a thought crosses his mind. with what textbook?

"i just think it's missing some essence. that's why i love reading over other psych books in the library for fun. be grateful, those notes are like my babies and i don't simply give them to anyone," he looks at you pointedly. "they've all been summarized and explained in layman's terms so you wouldn't have to spend grueling hours of reading and trying to make sense of the big words as i did — i know that's not the definition of 'fun' normally, but it is for me, and that's why i do it."

"okay, doyoung. you sound so defensive when there's nothing to be defensive about," you tease, feeling pleased with the hint of red on his cheeks as he averts his gaze from yours, muttering incoherent words under his breath.

you spent the following tuesdays, thursdays, and sundays like that; hours upon hours with no one but your tutor, laptops with tangled chargers, a printed copy of his babies, and a mountain pile of loose papers filled with the specialized quizzes doyoung makes to measure your progress. the location varies from a cafe or his flat. but in what you've gathered from the time you spent with him, doyoung's a homebody. cafe tutor sessions are rare, and he always complained about how "noisy" the atmosphere was — "i can't stand it."

but the conversation hadn't always been about academics. 

sure, for the first few sessions, doyoung kept an image of professionalism and had heavily insisted on it — "it's for your learning experience!" — despite your lighthearted teasing. but as time passed and he eventually grew more comfortable in your presence, you find the strict 15-minute break he had initially imposed between 45 minutes of studying turned into hours of talking about whatever; how he likes his eggs in the morning, your favorite coffee brew, his favorite show, your strongest pet peeve. 

and you wholly welcomed the change, not minding that it's practically dark out whenever you go back to your miserable dorm. you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever doyoung offers to walk you home but never had you taken his offer, still cautious of other people seeing you both together despite his constant reassurances. you've already thoroughly ruined your image. you didn't want to ruin his, too. 

kdy the cute tutor, 2:14 pm —last day of midterms! & its all majors today  —good luck —remember what i taught u —lets get ice cream after u cant say no

you shake your head bemusedly. his texting style is the most doyoung thing he does and it's as if you can hear him say these things to you in real life. too caught up in your own world, you fail to detect another student sitting next to you and had nearly fallen off your chair in shock when they spoke.

"why are your notes like that?"

you fight the urge to glare at the person, especially when you turn your head and see lee jeno looking at you in genuine curiosity. he's the only batchmate that treats you a wee bit nicer among the rest. although he isn't technically your friend, at least he doesn't look at you like you're a piece of bubblegum stuck under his shoe like all the others.

"what do you mean?"

"they're… the definitions are all jumbled up. where did you even get that?" 

what? jumbled up? doyoung himself said these notes are a combination of most of the psychology books he had read last year concerning his subjects. how would it be jumbled up? then again, lee jeno was not tutored by the prodigy himself. maybe things are bound to seem "jumbled up" when information is too great to understand for a feeble mind. 

just as you were about to claim these notes aren't yours, the professor has already waltzed into the classroom with a thick wad of papers — the exams. after one last concerned glance directed your way, jeno averts his gaze with a confused tilt of the head. 

hours later, you walk out of the classroom with the biggest smile on your face. aced it, you thought. your hands feel numb with how much you wrote on the essay portion but it's worth it if it meant you get the full 25 points, which you no doubt will as it was a topic you surely tackled with doyoung. speaking of... he sure is a man of his word.

"what are you doing here?" you hiss, head ducked with hair framing your face as to not draw attention from the rest of the students filing out of the testing hall.

"i texted you that we're getting ice cream. remember?"

"i did. but i didn't remember agreeing."

he shoots you a comforting smile, planting his hands firmly on your shoulder. “i told you, y/n. i don't care if they all see us together, so what? we all know you didn't commit that crime and it wasn't your fault you were born into the family you had. i don't care about the trivial things, baby, so don't shy away from me, okay?"

how the fuck can you say 'no' when he's looking at you the way he is as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear? doyoung's just so bewitching that he has you wrapped around his slender fingers. he seems pleased when you stumbled over your words as you come up with a reply, caught off guard by his bold gestures.

"i just — you, uhh — fine..." you gave in, rolling your eyes out of pretense.

he just had to call you 'baby' and erupt the butterflies in your stomach.

it had been doing that for the last few months now and it had only truly manifested today when he took you out for ice cream to celebrate the end of hell week. and since you didn't want to go back to your dorm yet, you asked if you guys can watch some movies in his house but it had simply become background noise to your heart-to-heart talks. and what better accompaniment than the classic, chicken and beer?

you listen to him drone on and on about the little realizations he had on some of his past lectures even when you barely understood anything he's saying. doyoung's so lucky to be extremely good at something he's so passionate about, talks about the human mind and the complexity of a person's behavior will never fail to make his eyes light up in interest.

he calls out your name.

your eyes snap open.

"why don't we get you home? it's past 10 and it's alright, stupid, you don't need to pretend to be interested in my psychological findings." he chuckled light-heartedly, stealing the can of the now room-temperature beer from your hands before you can protest. 

"i wasn't dozing off, i swear."

"i caught you in the act. stop lying."

like all the other times he has you as his guest, doyoung once again offers to walk you home and you decline for the thousandth time. it really isn't that much of a long walk anyway. you don't see the need for him to go out of his way to secure your safety. plus, you were the one who insisted on hanging out in his house anyway. you weren't that thick-skinned to let him take you home, too.

"you're drunk!" he scolds.

“no, i’m not. i can perfectly handle myself."

"but —"

"bye!" 

you feel a little guilty for shutting the door in his face. still, a minute longer of his persistence and you would've taken his offer. unfortunately for doyoung, you are one stubborn girl. only if you don't make brisk movements with your head, then you won't see doubles. you'll be fine, it's just a quick walk and it's not as if you're stupid enough to pass by deserted alleys. 

but you had underestimated the divine prowess of your fucked up fate.

everything happened in a matter of three seconds; one, the blinding headlights illuminate your path from behind; two, you hear the loud honk, and as you turn around — three, the vehicle sends you rolling against the asphalt.

you should have taken the alleyways.

for his second act;

he alters your reality.

when you open your eyes, you thought you were dead and your spirit is wandering elsewhere — because you don't believe in trivial things like heaven and god — until an agitated doyoung comes into view. for a split second, you thought, is he dead, too?

"i'm not dead, you idiot." too dazed, you hardly register his anger. "i can perfectly handle myself, she said. i'm not drunk, she said. this wouldn't have happened if you had simply let me walk you home! you're damn fucking lucky you're alive and breathing right now!"

a person clears their throat.

"i don't think it wise to… nag at the patient the moment she wakes. don't you agree, sir?"

pink splotches on doyoung's cheek as he looks down, embarrassed at getting scolded as he stands closer to your bed. "i'm sorry, doc."

you didn't know when your vision cleared or when you started hearing normally again, but it was enough to find out what exactly had transpired on the very night of your tragic accident. a hit and run. fifty-fifty chance of surviving. doyoung getting a call from the hospital in the middle of the night —"they were trying to contact your dad, but he wasn't answering. i was the last person in your call history." 

six months in a coma. but today, you wake… only to find out your world has crashed and burned.

"what do you mean i lost my scholarship?"

"baby, listen to me —"

"why did they take it away? is it because of my accident? i'm behind by one term only and i swear i can catch up. they need to let me back in the program. there must've been some mistake —"

"your gpa didn't reach the cut-off grade."

that can't be possible.

"but you tutored me!" you claim with conviction, pointing an accusatory finger at him until you groan, bowing in pain as you clutch your head.

doyoung springs into action. the chair's legs screech against the tiles as he jumps to your aid, ushering you gently back against the hospital bed despite your refusal. "you're not well. lay back down, please."

you don't hear a single word he says, not when you had lost something so crucial. "i put in the effort and learned everything you taught me... i aced those fucking mid-terms! i know i did!" you were on the brink of tearing up as doyoung settled himself in front of you.

"i… i actually saw your papers," his lips set in a thin, hard-line. "everything was all wrong, sweetheart. what happened to you? i tried reasoning with the professors, mentioned your state — you know, with your best friend dying — but they didn't relent. i'm sorry y/n. i'm so —"

gone. everything is gone. the money. the dorm. what if they ask you to pay the fees from last year? what if they ask you to pay the tuition fee for this year? you have no money, no family, no relatives. no one to help. who's even going to pay for the hospital fees?

you weren't able to process anything after that. not with the sudden news of your now revoked scholarship. doyoung pulls you in a tight hug. "i was a bad tutor," he says, snapping you out of it. "maybe i shouldn't have pushed you that hard to learn them. why were your answers even mixed up y/n? i thought you knew those topics already…"

he pulls away, observing your confused state as your eyes dart everywhere in the room. "what — how are they mixed up? i know i got them right. there has to be some mistake. you taught me those topics, remember?"

"i did... "he averts his gaze. "but i don't remember teaching them to you mixed up, darling. i think you did that all on your own."

"but… why would i mix up my answers? that's —"

"see, what i mean?" he cuts you off, raising a hand to give your cheek the most delicate caress. "you're not well, baby. you need to be treated, especially with how much you hit your head during the accident. don't worry, i'm here. we'll try asking if you can stay in the dorms at least until you find another place —"

"am i a charity case to you?"

oh, the surprise on the junior's face when you push him away as you pin him with a hard stare. you just don't get it. why is kim doyoung so adamant about helping you? in becoming your hero, even when you never asked him to be? if you let him help you this time around, that'll be the 3rd time he came to save your ass. it's not as if you're ungrateful. simply, you've had enough of his help. you don't know how a person like you, who literally has nothing, can return the favor to someone like doyoung.

"what are you saying —"

"i'm saying…" you fix him a hard stare. "you helping me out doesn't even benefit you in the slightest. so why do you do it?"

he pauses, staring at you with hesitance in his eyes as this seems to be the very first time you've truly seen him speechless. when doyoung opens his mouth, he mumbles, and you hardly make sense of what he said. 

"do you really want to know why?" 

you urge him on with an arched eyebrow, his softened tone creeping into your heart. 

"you're someone special to me y/n. i don't know how or when i admitted it to myself, but you are, and it hurts me to see how shitty your luck is," he cracks a small grin, slowly settling back onto the hospital bed as he grabs your hand. "it's okay to seek help from others. it isn't a sign of vulnerability or weakness. i help you because i want to, and i'm more than willing to take care of you. will you let me?"

you're not blind. you've noticed the way he had slowly started coming closer as he continued to speak, hands held securely in his as he looked straight at your eyes then down at your lips. and so, you act in a way you know that will surely answer his question — with a kiss. 

the man before you immediately reciprocates, overpowering your own eagerness as he curls the tips of his fingers into the roots of your hair. he pulls you close, cradling you against his chest. you can taste his desperation in the way his tongue dances against yours, the kiss transporting you into an alternate reality where your world revolves around doyoung and doyoung alone. 

when he pulls away bleary-eyed, both of you ignore the thin strand of saliva connecting your lips. "how about you come live with me for the time being, my love?"

still high off his kiss and natural scent, you hardly mull over the question he asks you. "okay."

days later, after you've been discharged (he wanted to chip in for your hospital bills but you had given him a firm no), doyoung had been the one to show up at the dorm to collect all your things after leaving you in his apartment. the cutie had refused to simply drop you off and had deliberately accompanied you up the elevator, through the halls, and finally into his apartment. 

"i'll be out for just a minute, sugarcube."

"oh, can you get take out?"

doyoung had smiled, playfully booping the tip of your nose. "no, because i'll be cooking for us tonight as a little celebration for you getting discharged. you'll love it; i'm making your favorite!"

it was funny how the night had been nothing but utter bliss. the foreign feeling of being taken care of sprouting in your chest as you watch him cooking from behind the counter. it felt… nice. but funny enough, as if doing a 360, you both had immediately gotten into an argument the next day. 

"i don't see the need for skipping another day if i feel perfectly fine! i'll figure something out once we get there, doyoung, so can we just —"

"you' re not fine, babylove — hell, you got discharged yesterday! i'm not just about to let you back into the arena with those students. they've only grown more immature since your coma, love. i seriously don't want you near them."

"fine! then i won't talk to them. simple." you throw your hands up. "there. problem solved. now, can we please just go to uni? i need to talk to the dean and the head of student affairs, too —"

"i'm going to uni, not you."

maybe it had been the way he firmly stated his claim, the way his eyes pierced through your soul as if daring you to argue further with him that made you snap.

"i'm not a prisoner in this apartment, doyoung! don't treat me like i have the plague! i'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself — jesus christ, i've been doing it nearly half my fucking life!"

too caught up in your anger, you've failed to notice the tears pouring down his face as he sets his gaze on the floor. 

"you're right," his voice cracks. "i shouldn't be pushy like that. i'm sorry. you just mean so much to me and i'm so scared of losing you again. with your coma — i just — it's like i was fighting a losing battle each day that passed when i saw you in that hospital bed. i've never felt so scared in my whole life and i hated myself for not being able to protect you that night."

his tears run like waterfalls, and when you step forward with your arms wide open, doyoung sobs harder as he pulls you against him. you hardly comprehend what he says as he spoke, shaking against your frail body as you felt his tears stain your blouse. "i'm sorry, i never should've dictated what you felt — i'm so sorry."

"no, it's okay. i was feeling a little lightheaded, anyway. i'll stay here and i can come back to school next semester, right? doyoung? just… please stop crying."

he lifts his head, staring at you with bloodshot eyes before giving your forehead a kiss. you let a relieved sigh escape your lips, melting into his warmth as you prop your chin on his shoulder. if you had only been more attentive, you would've seen the reflection of his wicked grin on the tabletops. too easy.

living with him became a blur after that incident. everything fell into a routine for the next four days as you spent the day watching netflix, eating, reading, sleeping. nothing felt fun anymore. but your peaceful life had ceased during the fifth night — the whispers, they woke you up. you can hear them from behind your door at night, and when you rouse awake, you see doyoung walking around the hallway from the tiny gap at the bottom of the door. you had sighed, falling back into your plush bed as you pray to god, he keeps it down. 

but what he told you the next day rendered you speechless. "me, walking around the hallways? whispers?" he says, confused. "i was already asleep, love. knocked out cold the moment my body fell on the bed."

"but…"

he doesn't spare you a glance as he takes his sweet time skimming through his notes on the dining table, coffee in one hand. "maybe it's just the meds kicking in."

"no, surely it was real! i literally woke up in the middle of the night," you repeat. "it's okay if it was you, doyoung. i'm not mad."

he sets his coffee mug down a little too loud. 

"well, you can't be mad at me, sugar, because like i said — it wasn't me," it doesn't take a genius to notice he's awfully cranky today. you observe him, dark half-moons under his eyes as he relentlessly reads his notes with instant coffee in one hand. 

"you're just imagining things, okay? stop acting crazy."

for some reason, the way he had uttered certain words like 'imagining' and 'crazy' made you curl into your seat in embarrassment. he was right that your doctor did prescribe a generous amount of pills per day, but his tone made it feel off, made you feel like there was something wrong with you even when there wasn't… 

right?

you didn't say a word after that and had hesitantly pecked him on the cheek before he left for school. with the amount of time you're with him, two things stood out to you — his keen sense of observation and his knack for reading people. you highly doubt he didn't notice a shift in your behavior but a part of you thinks it's just the stress talking. he is about to take his finals and had recently started on his research paper. 

every psych student is required to present a paper in accordance with the department's annual theme. it could be anything from proposing a theory (if you dare) to constructing a well-developed psychology model. if you don't turn one in, you don't graduate — the paper's that important, and you've been bugging him for so long about sneaking a peek on what his study is about. but he always refused. 

the next week came rolling around, and both of you had been spending every day together due to the semestral break. the arguments have significantly lessened, but your episodes — eventually, you started calling it that way because that's how doyoung labels it — have only gotten worse. you end up moving out of the guest room and into his. privacy be damned. the whispers stopped momentarily but what came next became your imminent downfall.

the first time you heard it, you thought you were dreaming. but the doorknob kept rattling aggressively even as you sat up. just as you climb off the bed, your half-asleep boyfriend asks where you're going. 

"bathroom," you lied.

you were always the one to snort when it comes to the supernatural, claiming it's all bullshit. yet, as whatever outside continues to fight its way inside the room, the rattling progressing into loud bangs against the door, you're not so sure of your beliefs anymore. you're not crazy. nothing is wrong with you, and you're perfectly fine. this apartment is cursed, and you are going to prove that to doyoung.

grabbing your phone from the bedside table, you turn the flash on, pointing the camera at the door as you take a footage of the mad entity that has been playing games with you. a squeal escapes your lips when a particular bang! reverberates louder in the room than all the others. the phone slips your hand, falling onto the floorboards. you don't bother to retrieve it as you scramble to get yourself back under the blanket and into doyoung's comfortable warmth.

you snuggle yourself plush against his chest, shaking as you wrap your arms around his waist, inhaling his natural scent to anchor you back. 

bang! bang! bang!

you didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

"can't the video wait? there's a new episode of start-up, and i want to watch it already!" he whines, shoving his face further on the throw pillow situated on your lap.

you giggle, shaking your head as you scroll through your gallery to find the video. i'm not imagining things. i'm not hallucinating. i'm not crazy. "here! watch... i'm telling you this apartment is haunted, and the ghost probably likes you, which is why it doesn't bother you —"

your lighthearted rambling cuts off when you notice no sound emitting from your phone. weird. you could've sworn you started recording right when the loud banging has already started. your heart drops upon the wary stare doyoung shoots you before he continues to watch the video. 

no, no, no, no — please!

you quickly scoot over to his side, watching as the video unfolds before your very eyes. the shot was messy as the phone was handheld, not to mention you were panicking at the time. but the video is silent. not a single noise of a rattling doorknob or banging on the door can be heard through your phone's speakers. 

"maybe — maybe you didn't turn the volume up?"

you hardly contain the mortification in your face when you realize the volume's at 100 already. and as if on cue, your squeal is heard in the video and the noise of the phone hitting the floor.

doyoung's silence shakes your whole being. as you kneel before him teary-eyed, your voice breaks. "i swear, i'm not crazy."

but at this point, you don't believe yourself anymore.

for his third and final act;

he triumphs.

his deprivation began in minuscule ripples. 

it didn't take much effort on doyoung's end to convince you to stop studying for a year or two, at least, only until your hallucinations aren't as severe anymore. everyday felt like hell on earth as the fine line between what's real and what isn't has blurred over one too many times. in sheer paranoia of accidentally hurting him in his sleep, you moved out of his bedroom and had started sleeping in the guest room again — much to doyoung's frustration. 

but he's a smart man, one that recognizes an opportunity amidst the hurdles thrown on his path.

"why does my door need a lock outside again?"

he approaches you, who’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, after screwing in the last of the screws that came with the new doorknob. doyoung is familiar with the look written on your face, has observed and studied you enough to navigate his way inside your pretty little head with ease.

he can't have you doubting him, can he?

"you know i'm all about protecting you, right?" he starts. you nodded. "i've been doing it for a year now, and i will continue to do so until you need me to. the world is a bad place, sweetheart, remember? your own best friend's mother tried framing you. your dad disowned you. you've been ostracized in the whole college... do you think i'm just like the rest of them, baby?"

doyoung has already mastered the perfect expression of a kicked-puppy, one that easily pulls at your heartstrings and has you cooing at him.

"no!" you say with conviction, reaching forward to thread your fingers through his. "i know you're different, not like any of them at all. i know you're only doing what's… best for me."

he ignores the underlying hesitance in your tone. that will be corrected, sooner or later.

doyoung tightens his hold as he kisses the back of your hand. such an innocent gesture — but such ill intentions.

"the outside lock helps me in protecting you, love. you don't need to worry about anything. just focus on getting better, alright? i'll keep the bad guys away from you."

it was during his first semester of senior year, a few months back, doyoung and a good few students of his batch had been granted the opportunity to intern for a mental hospital located near the edge of the city. he was supposed to decline the offer but you convinced him to take the spot. it had only been a two-week “job” yet it was enough for doyoung to conclude — he’d rather kill you than subject you to the horrors of what the patients have to go through in the loony bin. 

eventually, the small ripples shift into unforgiving waves, dragging you into the depths as everything comes crashing down before your very own eyes.

it should have been like any other day inside the apartment. doyoung's already gone in the morning to attend classes. though not before setting a tray of your brunch on the nightstand, making sure to lock your door on his way out. he knew your nightmares and anxiety kept you up at night, resulting in longer hours of sleep during the day. 

turns out, you moving out of his bedroom had been a blessing in disguise. coming home to an empty apartment has become his biggest fear yet, and you unconsciously found a solution for him. one that doesn’t have him fidgeting on his seat as he counts down the minutes ‘til he’s back by your side.

doyoung smiles unconsciously as he listens to his professor drone on and on in front of him — his mind at peace, knowing you're safe and sound in your little prison.

until he received a text that made his blood run cold.

ty, 11:34 am —im done.

meanwhile, you rouse awake once more to thunderous poundings against your bedroom door. oh no, you thought. it's happening again. this time, there'll be no doyoung barging into your room, half-asleep and hair messy, as he tries to calm you down. you throw the blankets over you as you sob, hugging your legs against your chest as you try to 'wake yourself up' from the hallucination.

the person outside calls for your name, the desperation in their tone alighting a new-found fear in your heart. you don't know what's real anymore. is this truly happening, or is it another hallucination your fucked up mind has conjured up?

"please! it's taeyong! y/n, can you hear me?"

taeyong?

slowly, your head peaks above the blanket, warily staring at the door. doyoung has warned you about these kinds of things, has practically ingrained in your mind that whoever comes looking for you will take you away from him. not to mention, doyoung slipped one time and said he isn’t friends with taeyong anymore.

the banging on the door progresses.

“are you in there? answer me! i can’t find the key!”

you don’t say anything, merely pushing the covers off your body as you keep your eyes fixed on the beating door. it looks like it’s about to pop out its hinges as taeyong relentlessly fights his way inside your room. what are you going to do? do you open the door? oh. right. you can’t do that on your own accord. the key is with doyoung and he isn’t in the apartment at the moment.

all your thoughts come to a halt when the boy outside sends the door flying open, finally breaking the lock with one powerful kick. you flinch back, his actions pushing you on your feet, wanting to place a maximum amount of distance from the intruder. 

taeyong looks frantic, disheveled as he immediately notices your alarmed state. he approaches you cautiously, hands up to show his empty palms. “hey, hey… it’s just me, y/n. i’m not going to hurt you. i’m not the enemy here.”

“doyoung doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”

the look of surprise on his face is an answer in itself. for someone doyoung had proudly claimed to have “broken” you’re still quite quick to catch up on things, taeyong observed. and he doesn’t know what to feel about it — pity? guilt?

“that’s not important!” he claims, boldly surging forward to grasp your shoulders with a firm grip. taeyong felt his heart dropping when you flinch under his grasp. 

“listen to me. we need to get you out of here. doyoung isn’t — he isn’t everything you thought he is!” he can’t help but raise his voice, panic surging through him because there’s not much time left and you aren’t exactly cooperating. you’ve been trying to shrug off his hold the whole time. 

“do you think he actually loves you?”

“he does! stop saying bullshit!”

“doyoung never loved anyone and you want to know why? because he’s too in love with his research to care for anything else!” taeyong felt bad to have been so direct, especially when he sees the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. “listen to me, y/n! i’m not the enemy! if there’s anyone you should be pushing away, it’s doyoung! he turned you into his lab rat! you are nothing but a variable in his study! don’t you get it?”

taeyong grabs a firm but gentle hold of your head, trying to make you look at him straight in the eye for the gravity of what he’s about to say to you.

“doyoung had his eye on you since sophomore year. i told him this was a bad idea and that he should change the topic of the research and he was. fucking hell, he was about to scrap the whole thing until your bestfriend died and did you know what that psycho told me? that it was a sign for him to continue the research! and i’ve been pestering him so much that he moved out because he claimed i was going to get in the way of his discovery.

tell you what, if you can tell me right here, right now, that he has mentioned anything — anything at all — about his study to you then everything i’m saying is a lie.”

you have asked doyoung for the longest time about that research but the answers have always been the same. “not yet, my love. it’s not time for it to be seen with your eyes. soon, okay?”

with a voice not louder than a whisper, you ask. “what… what’s his research about?”

you fail to see the sorry look on taeyong’s face. “in psychology, they say a person only develops psychosis mainly through genetics or drugs. although you’re technically already a worthy “lab rat” considering your mom and upbringing, he wanted to expand the external factors of what causes the disorder — grief, grades, toxic family relations…”

you hear a ringing in your ear and a sudden urge to throw up. only, you didn’t have anything to hurl because your brunch remains untouched on your bedside. 

“but he hadn’t been successful. and that’s… that’s where i came along. doyoung thought the medications he’s been giving you isn’t doing what he wanted it to and he knew he needed a little push. i was… i gave him that push. remember the whispers, the banging on the door at night? it was all me. he made me do it. you know what that means, right? you’re not crazy. you don’t need to stay here cooped up like some kind of pet, believing all his lies as if it’s written in a fucking bible —”

he stops. and if he hadn’t, you wouldn’t’ve heard the familiar beeps of the front door’s automated lock going off. doyoung’s home. 

in lightning speed, taeyong has you sheltered behind him, throwing his warm coat over you in the process, hoping to give the smallest comfort amidst the chaos that’s about to erupt. there’s no point in pretending or hiding — one look at that lock and his crazy friend would know something’s off. 

taeyong feels you flinching behind him with every heavy footstep against the floorboards as doyoung wastes no time in getting to your room. and when he finally appears, hands braced against the door frame, you’ve never been this scared your whole life. his eyes are drawn into slits, fixated on taeyong alone. “how fucking dare you?”

“it’s over, doyoung. give it up or you wouldn’t have to suffer a longer sentence than you’ll already get.” taeyong tried with his whole being to appear intimidating.

“what’re you saying, yong? i meant, how fucking dare you barge in here and disturb my girlfriend in her sleep? that’s not very nice of you…” doyoung sports a disarming gummy smile as he approaches, hand outstretched and beckoning towards you. “c’mere, baby. i don’t think you’ve eaten lunch yet?”

“drop the fucking act, you psycho!”

“what act?” doyoung tilts his head innocently, gaze shifting from taeyong’s and yours, who keeps peeking from over his ex-friend’s shoulder. luring you out is a piece of cake unless taeyong decides to make things a wee bit more complicated, doyoung thought. “i’m just concerned for my darl —”

“we’re leaving.” taeyong cuts him off, breaking eye contact as he places a firm grip around your wrist. he pulls you towards him, farther away from your supposed lover as he tries walking past doyoung. 

but the said man pushes taeyong back with a humorless smile on his face. “and who told you that you can do that?”

a pregnant silence befalls the room as the two men size each other up. they regard each other with such hostility, you can't help but unconsciously fist the back of taeyong's sweater in nervousness, prompting the man to turn his head over his shoulder for a swift second to check up on you.

but a second is all that doyoung needed to deliver the first kick towards taeyong's legs, throwing him off his balance. if it was one thing doyoung knew, is that he needed to eliminate taeyong's agility all together if he wants to win against him. 

but taeyong isn't one to back down. the moment doyoung straddles him on the floor, with a fist raised to throw a punch, taeyong grunts as he rolls them around. doyoung now receiving taeyong's rain of fists as he yells. "fuck you! you manipulative asshole!"

you sat on the corner, horrified of the scene happening before you. you've never seen doyoung this way. he has always been your sweet, caring bunny, but after everything taeyong said, you aren't so sure you even know the man you've been living with. 

"everything i did, i did it for her!" you flinch at the sound of bones breaking as doyoung kicked taeyong's ribs. "she had nothing to lose! i saved her!"

the door is open, you noticed. wide-open and inviting you to make a run for it. and you would have made a run for it...  but taeyong. you can't leave him behind, not when he lays there bloody and grunting in pain as doyoung lets his anger take over him. so, as stupid as may be, you did it. you had to.

"you didn't save me," you say, schooling your face into indifference as doyoung whips around, forgetting about taeyong in the bat of an eye. "you caged me in here, treated me like there's something wrong with me, gaslighted me into believing everything you said! and... what did you say? 'saved me'? you made me go through hell!"

the whole time, taeyong tries his hardest to stand upright, but his broken ribs don't allow him to. the pain too great that he had no choice but to crawl instead, arms pulling his weight as he drags himself across the floorboards, desperately trying to get doyoung's attention back on him even if it meant getting beaten to death.

meanwhile, he had his eyes trained on you the whole time you spoke, sobbing as you walk backward in fear as doyoung approached you with a dark glint in his eye. he doesn't like what you're saying; that much is very clear. he wanted to yell at you, to scream of your ungratefulness despite his constant care but instead, he says.

"i thought we were making progress, baby. i guess i have to drill everything in your brain again. you're not okay, but you will be after i treat you."

you try to fight the urge to look at taeyong as he finds his strength, silently rising up from the floor to ambush doyoung while he's so busy preaching about you. 

"what i said is true, baby. do you actually think this scum over here is doing this to save you? do you actually believe everything he said? i've been here since day-1, my love. literally. and have i ever let you down? no. everything i'm doing is for us. even this damned research!"

taeyong surges forward to put him in a chokehold, but everything happened so fast, and the next thing you knew —

"did you actually think i'd fall for that?"

you didn't know the sound of a knife cutting through flesh could sound that loud, but nothing could beat the strained gasp that tumbled through taeyong's lips as he shakily held the knife pierced through his heart. you would've been concerned about how doyoung got it so accurate in one go or where the knife even came from. but you were too busy screaming, collapsing against the wall as you let out a broken sob. 

"no," you mutter. "no, no, no..."

you can't bear to avert your eyes from taeyong as he lies dying before you. the look of fear in his eyes would forever be ingrained in your mind, and no amount of brainwashing or gaslighting would ever make you forget.

doyoung killed him. you lost.

the knife clatters loudly on the floor as he slowly turns around as if he himself has yet to register what he did. you didn't know what to expect from doyoung's reaction but certainly not the eerie smile that starts spreading on his face. 

"now... how about that lunch, baby?"

✉ : a repost no one asked but i respectfully dont give a fuck <3

[atsuwiee]

pink in the night :: s.jy

genre: angst, exes to lovers (kind of if you squint hard), secret relationship pairing: celebrity!sim jaeyun x gn!reader

warnings: swearing (i think i put in a few), grammatical errors, not proofread tel's note: i was making this while listening to pink in the night by mitski, and boom! here it is:,)

i hear my heart breaking tonight do you hear it too?

you watched as almost all of the channels on the tv consisted your ex's face. well what did you expect? he was a well-known actor, almost in any romance films, of course he was now on talk shows and on the news.

intrigued, you looked at your phone, and he was on trending on every social media platform you knew. you scrolled more and only to see the big news everyone was talking about: sim jaeyun, also known as the famous actor jake, is now officially dating !

you knew damn well that could've been you, if he had fought for you- things could have been different.

"let's end this" jake said as he stopped his car right in front of your place. "end what?" you asked, clearly clueless. "us" he said, like it was a plain and simple action. "why so suddenly, jaeyun?" he sighed when the question was asked.

"y/n, they know, they know about us" he said while all he received was a scoff. "who? who knows?" you asked. "my management, and they do not like it at all- they don't like y-" "they don't like me" you said, almost simultaneously to what jake was about to say. "yeah... they don't" jake said as his eyes shifted to look below.

you looked at him, jaw clenched a bit from stopping yourself from crying. "is it because of your reputation? or because i'm not a famous celebrity like you?" you asked- trying to look for one good reason on why this was happening.

"both of those reasons, actually" jake replied with a sigh. "that's not even a good of a reason jake" "i know but this is for the both of us- it's better if we ended it now" he said leaning back into his seat. "fucking hell jaeyun, this isn't better for the both of us. it's only for you" you say reaching for the car door. "if you want to end this relationship we built for four years- just because of that then so be it. i hope you take good care of yourself jaeyun"

you exit his car, leaving him watching you go in your home, knowing you feel like utter shit from work and he had added on to that. knowing that he had wasted the four years you've built with him.

jake still had your number saved as his contact. reading each and single messages that were on there. clearly, he hasn't move on and surely won't. his management really thinks putting him into another relationship with a random celebrity (who was famous) is such a fun publicity stunt- and people actually fell for it.

it's for his career to boost more, they say. majority of them loved the news but some didn't, but he couldn't care less- he thought of how your reaction would be. did you cry? were you happy? angry? or have you completely moved on to even give a single damn about him?

for some odd reason he wanted to know. badly, wanted to know. it was late at night and he threw himself on his bed out of exhaustion from work and all those paparazzi that he had to go through.

jake reached for his pillow, wrapping his arms around it. oh how he missed your warmth and touch. he reached for his phone, only to find himself on the verge of calling your number. "no, jaeyun, that's stupid- they're probably having a peaceful night and you're about to ruin it" he said to himself.

which was wrong, for so much obvious reasons. you wished he called, you missed him too- too much, to be exact. every night there wasn't a moment you did not think of him, hell you even wished he'd come back knowing it was impossible.

your phone suddenly rang and you reached for it. "what the-" you say as you saw the caller ID, it was jaeyun. you froze for a bit, not knowing what to do. but you asked for this- after a few couple of rings your phone made, you picked up.

"...hey" his soft voice said, a voice you haven't heard in months. "jaeyun?" you called out. "yeah, it's me- it's been months, hasn't it?" he asked as you hummed out a response. "almost eight months" you say. "how's your girlfriend doing?" you asked impulsively.

jake was shocked by the sudden question but then answered, "she isn't my actual girlfriend" he said, and you already knew it was a pr stunt because he acted so differently with her. "y/n?" he called out. "can i ask you something?" he asked, voice a little shaky. "what is it?" you asked back to hear a sigh from him.

"can we give it another try? i promise, i'll be better this time"

and i know that i kissed you before but, i didn't do it right can i try again?

[anobscurename]

ocean eyes – chris evans

previous part: PART XIII — masterlist

concept: a celebratory trip to the hamptons results in an altercation the first night you're there. the slowest of slow burns. part fourteen of many.

pairing: chris evans x reader // chris evans x respect women juice

word count: 2,8k

warnings: tw:sexual harrassment (drunken creeps are creepy), homophobic slurs (they're also assholes), angst

author's note: this one goes out to @fangirlovestuff as promised :) the next part will be coming shortly! we on some double upload weirdness, to make up for my disappearance basically the whole of yesterday

"Um, no... Really, I couldn't."

Lily pouted. Even when she pouted, she was beautiful. "Why not?"

"I don't want to intrude, really, you guys go and have fun. It's the Hamptons after all."

"But everyone's coming! Please?"

"I don't know..."

"For Chris? Would you do it for Chris?"

You cast a tentative glance to the man in question, currently in the midst of a tug-of-war with Dodger, barely paying your conversation any attention. If only they knew you'd do anything for Chris. "He is the worst bargaining chip you could've ever even thought of using."

"How about for me?" She jokingly batted her long, long lashes, an enchanting smile gracing her lips. "I won't take no for an answer, and Sebastian will be there."

"Sebastian?" You rolled your eyes at the suggestive arch of her brows. They were under the impression you and Sebastian were involved, somehow. You picked subconsciously at the scars on the palm of your hand, entirely healed and almost faded into nothing now.

"It would mean so much to us. You're such a big part of Chris' life, one of his best friends, and–"

"Alright!" You snapped. Quickly masking your irritation with a laugh, you repeated yourself, softer this time. "Alright, I'll come."

She clapped happily, giving no indication of having been taken aback or even mildly offended at you having practically yelled at her. Guilt pitted yourself in your stomach. You wanted to dislike her, but not only was she exceptionally beautiful, she was also incredibly nice. Beyond nice. Serial killers weren't even that nice. And it wasn't her fault that she was basically Jesus trapped in the body of a supermodel, and it wasn't her fault for Chris loving her – because honestly, it wasn't hard loving her – it was just that it was so fucking difficult at times when people kept calling you his friend. Chris' friend.

It would be so much easier to hate someone deserving of it, but you just couldn't. Because both of them were so beautiful and... nice.

Perfectly matched in every way you and Chris were not.

So you decided to go to the Hamptons beach house because why not?

What's the worse that could happen?

———————

This was the worse that could happen.

You had arrived at beach house Anthony had rented a little later that day, when the sun was making it's slow decent to kiss the horizon.

And the frenzy to all get ready to go out was nothing short of chaotic.

You were tired from the plane, and irritated from having been sat – with little to no form of escape – in the same row as Chris and Lily. It wasn't necessarily a long flight, but a second felt like hours when you put yourself through that kind of agony.

But you'd made up your mind after the gala to get over this little crush on Chris. Nothing good was going to come of it, and you tried to spare yourself further heartache and broken glass.

Easier said than done.

Anthony and Sebastian did not mirror your mood. On the contrary, they were still riding the high of finally wrapping the filming on Falcon and The Winter Soldier, and this was their celebration weekend. And they were going all out for it.

The house was lavish, no expense spared. And when you'd arrived, Anthony had opened his suitcase right in the kitchen, and began stocking the fridge with the champagne he'd packed in there, cushioned by his clothes.

You had briefly wondered why he had brought such a large suitcase for such a short trip, but as you watched the fifth bottle disappear into the icebox, your questions were answered.

"Why the long face?"

Anthony didn't even have to look at you to know you were standing there, bags having been dropped off in your room before joining him.

"Do I really have to come out tonight?" You whined. You hated how bratty you sounded, but you would much rather stay in the house alone for the night than go out with Chrily. You knew Sebastian and Anthony would be there too – Scarlett was also supposed to come, but she had other duties to attend to, being a mother – but you knew no matter how great they were at making you feel better, you would spend most of the night moody and brooding. And you didn't want to ruin their night with your personal issues.

You were being selfless for selfish reasons.

"Is that even a question?" Anthony was mid-stock with the final bottle of champagne when he looked at you. The inside of the fridge looked like a Moët & Chandon ad, with Anthony Mackie as the ambassador. "You're coming out if it kills me."

"But why?" You groaned.

"Because everything is more fun with you there, and besides... It wouldn't feel like a celebration without our best girl."

"Fine. I'll come," you rolled your eyes, turning to head out. "Need to shower first."

And then you heard the champagne bottle shake, the cork popping and suddenly, you were drenched in a spray of Moët. Over the sound of frothing bubbles, Anthony called out to you. "No need!"

And that was why – despite scrubbing your skin almost raw and lathering your hair to the point of chemical burn – you sat there, on the barstool, smelling faintly like expensive alcohol.

"I hate you," you muttered under your breath to Anthony as you and him had taken it upon yourselves to get the next round of drinks for the table.

He chuckled, struggling to grab a bartender's attention. "No, you don't."

"You're right, I don't. I'll always love you. But that doesn't mean I have to like you right now."

"Love me, huh?" Anthony arched a brow. "Now, was that so hard to say?"

"What?"

"It's not me you should be saying that to. You know that."

You knew what he meant, and a heavy sigh vacated your lungs. "You know it's not the same. You're family. With him... It's different."

"I think this is the first time you've ever admitted it out loud."

And it dawned on you that he was right. You had never let yourself properly admit it, even inwardly. The words had maybe flowed from the tip of your pen onto the pale pages of your journal – the only catharsis you found lately – but you never read those entries back, abandoning them to be lost in a sea of random thoughts, forgotten.

It didn't give you a sense of relief, saying the words. Not even slightly. If anything, they filled you up with dread.

"Don't," you rolled your eyes. "I'm over it. Or at least I'm getting there."

"Hey," he shrugged in placation. "Relax. It's not my confession to make."

Being an ex-cocktail waitress had its perks as you made your way back to the table, slipping easily past people with the tray of shots you had retrieved. You were speedy and efficient, even in your heels.

Anthony, on the other hand...

Beer bottles slotted between each finger, he was having much more difficulty getting by. And once you'd set the shots down at the table, not a drop spilled, Anthony's shirt was spattered with beer, hands slick with it.

As you plopped into the seat beside Sebastian, making him shift over in the booth to make more room for Anthony, he gave you a strained smile.

"I don't know how the fuck you put up with them," Seb whispered to you. "They're so lovey-dovey, it's unbearable."

"Just grin and bear it," you whispered back.

"What are you two giggling about over there?" Chris grinned from across the booth. It wasn't a very convincing grin, but you didn't dwell on it. No more allowing Christopher Robert Evans to occupy your mind.

"Just how Mackie would make a terrible waiter," you shrugged, sending the man in question a quick cheeky smirk.

"Oh, haha, very funny," he flicked some beer at you from his soaked fingertips. "I'd make a fabulous waitress and you know that."

You shied away from the alcohol droplets, laughing. "No! Not again!"

Chris took in his appearance. "Jesus, Ant. Is there even any beer left for us? Or are you wearing it all?"

"Wow, you're all hilarious," he rolled his eyes, finally dropping into the booth. "I didn't know I was out with a bunch of comedians tonight. Did I walk onto a sitcom set? Is this a sketch? Whose turn is it next? Seb? Lily?"

You all took turns making jokes and taking jibes at Anthony's lacklustre bottle service, which was only put to rest once the Falcon actor huffed and proclaimed that "you could all go get your own damned drinks."

As the night wore on, you found yourself gravitating towards the dancefloor. Honestly, you just couldn't be in the booth anymore. You knew getting over him was going to be a slow process, but some part of you had hoped that it would be an immediate and simple thing: just falling out of your pathetic little crush.

But it really wasn't, and so you were on the dancefloor. Regrettably alone. Chris and Lily were still in the booth, and the other couple – Anthony and Seb – were absolutely enthralled by a vintage pinball machine lurking in the back of the bar.

Every now and then, you would hear one whoop for joy as they beat the other's high score, only for the competitive nature of their activity to take over for another redemption round.

As you lost yourself in the music, it wasn't long before you attracted the attention of a drunken creep. You didn't use that term lightly, but this one was truly deserving.

You had felt eyes on you, and immediately found who they belonged to. Just to be polite, you had smiled at him, before continuing your dancing.

And then, taking it as an invitation, he sidled up to you, and clammy hands slithered over your waist, pulling your back to him with a strong, commanding grip. Your stomach lurched, uncomfortable with the fast rising intensity of the situation.

"You look so fuckin' good tonight, baby," he slurred into your ear, swaying on his feet. Alcohol was thick on his breath, and it filled your head with nausea. "Just wanna take you home and fuck you better than anyone ever has..."

You turned around to tell him to fuck off, and that was when that strong slithering grip was in your hair, tugging you to slimy liquored lips in a teeth clashing kiss. Your stomach roiled at the taste, and while he was distracted, you shoved him away from you with as much strength as he could muster.

He stumbled back a few steps, but he had returned to his senses long enough to right himself and soon he was stalking towards you again.

You knew his type. If his clothes and accessories were any indication, he was an arrogant rich kid – the tan telling you he was a Hamptons regular. He was your age, and every bit as entitled as his wealth would suggest.

"Get away from me." It wasn't a request, it was a command.

And he didn't like it. His hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging you to him. You struggled against him, desperately clawing for your freedom. Panic was slowly rising.

"You little bitch," he spat.

"Is there a problem here?"

It was Chris. He had seen the unravelling altercation from the booth, and had promptly come to your aid.

You wondered how long he'd been there for, what he'd overheard. His next words gave you your answer.

"I think the lady said to leave her alone."

The guy didn't even look at him, instead keeping his slabbering gaze on you. "Stay out of this."

Chris wasn't having it. Having eyed up the situation – that whiteknuckled grip on you – Chris clapped a strong – if not a little threatening – hand on the stranger's shoulder. He ripped the guy off of you, and with his other hand, he pulled you behind him protectively.

Your relief, however, was shortlived at the bite of Chris' next suggestion. "Look, buddy, maybe you should take a hint."

"Don't touch me, faggot," he slapped Chris' arm away. "I took the hint. She looked at me, she smiled at me. Look at what she's wearing! She's practically begging to be fucked."

That was the last straw for Chris.

Not only had he made the unforgivable transgression of groping you – and not just you, specifically, but any woman – but this man had crossed the line with the homophobic slur. To do that in front of Chris, being who he was, was tantamount to a death sentence.

And you could feel it as he seethed, fury boiling in his blood.

"You're lookin' at me, now. I'm smilin'." And he was, but it wasn't one you'd ever seen before. It was tight, and it was malicious. "Oh, look at what you're wearin'. Gets me a bit hard, if I'm being honest. Do you like that? Do you like me telling you how hard I'm gonna fuck you with this big cock? No? Then keep your fuckin' hands to yourself and well away from her before I break them."

You knew Chris well enough to know the threat was empty. He was a pacifist – regularly attending lessons in Buddhist teachings when he could. But the other guy didn't know that, and the throb of the muscle in the grit of Chris' jaw was very convincing. So convincing, in fact, you were even a little scared of him in that moment.

The guy tilted his head to address you, trying to make himself seem bigger. "Who even is this joker, your boyfriend?"

"Don't speak to her," Chris snarled. "You're speaking to me now. And as a matter of fact, I am. So fuck off."

What the guy did next shouldn't have been surprising. He was clearly not thinking straight. And if he hadn't done it, Chris effectively calling you his girlfriend might've had more of an impact.

But he took a swing at Chris – and although Chris never started fights, he sure as fuck ended them.

Easily blocking the attack, and in three quick movements, Chris had the other guy's arms locked behind his back. You knew, if he wanted, Chris could pop both of this guy's arms out of their sockets. And if Chris was anyone else, he might have. He was angry enough to do it.

"Let it go," came his scathing whisper.

Of course the other guy struggled. He struggled and yelled out curses, slurs, anything his alcohol addled mind could come up with.

It was enough to draw the attention of the owner of the establishment.

"Oi," she yelled. A severe no-shit type woman had come out of the back room to brace her arms against the bar, fixing you all with a withering look. "The three of you. Out."

The commotion had also been enough to draw the attention of the others, and you were on your way out – still protectively clutched to Chris' side by his musclebound arm – when they'd made it to you.

"What happened?" Seb panted.

"Just some asshole picking a fight," Chris explained, rage still colouring his voice. "Could you guys do me a favour?"

"Sure, man," Anthony said. "Whatever you need."

"I'm going to take {your name} back. Could you tell Lily when she gets out of the bathroom that we got kicked out and I'll be waiting for her at home?"

"If you just wait for her, we can all go home together," Seb suggested, already backing up a little to get his jacket from the booth.

Chris shook his head. "I need time to cool off. I don't want her seeing me like this."

"I'm really sorry for ruining your night, guys," you said, your voice small.

They were quick to assure you you hadn't. It didn't lessen the guilt, though.

"You guys enjoy," Chris said as you both hovered by the door. "We'll make up for tonight at the beach tomorrow."

———————

"I can fight my own battles."

It was the first words either of you had spoken since you'd gotten back to the house. The drive was done in deafening silence, and you felt compelled to finally break it.

"I know you can," Chris sighed. He hadn't been expecting a thanks, but he'd at least been expecting something more than that admonishment. "Better than anyone. But you shouldn't have to."

"I had it handled."

"My point is, you shouldn't have to handle this shit. No one should."

He had come with you all the way to your bedroom door, and you both stood, divided by the frame.

His brow was furrowed, thinking. And then: "Are you angry with me?"

"No," you smiled sadly.

The double meaning laced with your next words would serve to haunt both of you the remainder of the night.

"I just want you to know that you don't have to fight for me. I'm fine on my own."

[ladymelisande]

Massively unpopular opinion: I found Nikolai in The Greg Trilogy a bland and underwhelming character. His archetype is pretty neat and cool,but Barfdugo couldn't execute that well(although I have to admit that if there's a "badass normal" between all the powered characters,I have a small bias towards the latter,and find the very concept of a badass normal overrated - like, everything a badass normal can do,a powered badass also can,IMO. Very few times characters like that were endearing to me,Sokka being an example).

Also,I remember you (or someone else) saying Alina having a mean girl inner monologue. While I do agree with it,that could've been the opportunity for character development and growth. Maybe explore the reasons Alina acted like that(Was she insecure? Had low self-esteem? Just a judgemental bitch? A blend of all those?). That kinda links to my next grievance about her arc:how Alina was friendly and outgoing in Ruin and Rising after two books being closed off and condescending. Instead of having growth towards that, everyone was buddies after all that hostility. The top of that cherry is the friendly banter she had with Zoya. To me,that was the one rivalry/enmity that made sense,and having Zoya clashing with Alina could make for a way more interesting character dynamic(I can't believe them as actual friends). Like,those two strongly dislike each other,but are very much on the same side. I wish I saw more of Alina dealing with power and way less of Malaria.

This review pretty much sums up my thoughts on Nikolai calling him Diet Darkling.

I mean, if I had written Alina, I wouldn't have written her as a mean girl in the first place because I don't like that kind of characters (maybe it’s a consequence of being bullied at school 🙃), I can totally like female characters that are arseholes because some internal reasons (one of my anti heroines is) or some kind of closed view of the world... But I often go for that reason to be... Deep? Something root in her psyche?

Bardugo only has one reason for Alina to be a bitch to other women: Malaria.

She also has one reason for her to be insecure and not liking her appearance: Malaria.

The reason why she hides her powers: Malaria.

The reason why she doesn't have character development and all those things you mentioned sound forced: Malaria and Bardugo's inability to write a character driven story.

Basically, it would be fruitless to try to explore anything on Alina without getting Malaria out of the picture first. If any... Novel Doctor (🤣) would take this trilogy, I am pretty sure that the first thing they would do is to kill the fuck of Malaria in the second chapter of SaB and they wanted to make a love triangle, Nikolai can be used.

But sadly, Bardugo decided that the only two people that challenge Alina as a character are not as important as Malaria. So there we have poor Alina's shamed and half-baked existence.

Bardugo had a simple plot, but even the simplest plot can be made completely endearing by good character work (see, Shatter Me Trilogy. I write my own book with a simple plot in outline but on the rest I let the development of characters guide me), she completely fails on making that because she is too busy with her Gary Stue Malaria, eating away the Heroine's arc and draining our enthusiasm.

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: I thought you were back??! Janis: I've just gone to 🐕🏃 Janis: didn't fancy hockey in the freezing cold when I could be 💰 instead Grace: oh okay Janis: Mia will have to try and kneecap me another time Grace: 🙄 please Grace: like she has the energy to go after us both Janis: Yeah, you might wanna make whatever alibi for NY you have watertight Janis: they were cooking up their version of event in physics Grace: that was days ago, everyone's talking about you and your boyfriend again now, babes Grace: not my 🤢 🤮 🤧 🤒 Janis: then you're welcome Janis: but it ain't just bugs bunny who's slow on the uptake, much as they'd like to portray Grace: she can't prove I wasn't sick, she wishes Janis: send me an anon, if you want Janis: about what I did, throw something in about getting you soup or some bollocks Grace: cos that worked SO WELL when Ella tried it Grace: it's fine, I wasn't in the mood to go anywhere or post anything Janis: 1. you aren't as blatant as they are 2. people wanna know what I'm up to, idiot, it's not like 'hi pls tell me what your sister grace was doing between the hours of 8-2 on new years tah' Grace: literally nobody is but whatever Grace: 1 sec Grace: [sending those anons like] Grace: 👌👌?? Janis: don't need to tell me Janis: [does the responses] Janis: there you go Grace: 💜 Janis: yeah, crisis well adverted Grace: neither of us are in crisis, you're 😍😍 & I'm 🙄🏑 Janis: 👌👌 Janis: far as any cunt's concerned Grace: yeah Janis: I'm at his house Grace: cute Janis: he's not here Janis: said I could stay though Janis: if I need Grace: like I said, it's beyond obvious he cares Janis: you think it's weird Grace: ?? Janis: him and me Grace: why would I think it's weird and why would you care? Janis: Alright, what do you think then Grace: I literally just said how cute you were Janis: you say that about things usually when you don't mean it Janis: it's a them thing you've picked up Grace: excuse you, you'd know if I didn't mean it Grace: I've never once come at you telling you to dump him Grace: it'd be a big thing like !!!!!!!!! Grace: having no chill is a me thing Janis: if I was one of the gals, sure Janis: you and me don't do that Grace: UM hello, you're my sister Grace: you wouldn't listen to me but I'd still TRY Grace: if he was like the worst ever Janis: you don't reckon he's Liam 2.0 then? Grace: why are you even bringing him up? Janis: nans got a shit poker face Janis: she looked like she'd seen a 👻 when she met him Janis: briefly Grace: it's nan, babes Grace: she thinks every boy is going to do us dirty in every way possible Grace: with this family's track record she does have a point but like Grace: just no Grace: you're not her, you wouldn't Janis: love made her stupid Janis: she could've done anything and she decided to die in a car crash with a lad who only liked her as much as Ri Grace: & I repeat you're not like her so don't even Janis: not that smart to begin with Grace: shut up Grace: you literally do physics with Mia & Ella Janis: and they're right geniuses that pair Janis: 🙄 Janis: Ella'd learn rocket science if she got to be up Mia's hole Grace: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's not hard, all I'm saying Grace: cos you're not stupid, duh Grace: & he really likes you so stop Janis: what do you mean? Grace: what do you mean, what do I mean? Janis: what should I stop? Grace: I know a freak out when I see one Grace: 👑 of Janis: Got no reason to freak out Grace: exactly so don't Janis: I ain't Grace: 👌👌 sure Janis: what would I be freaking out about? Janis: not broken into his house here, like Grace: idk this is the longest convo we've had in forever Janis: must be the way you accuse me of having mental breakdowns Janis: not very endearing tbh Grace: ha ha Grace: but not even Janis: I shouldn't tell him Janis: about Ana, and all that Janis: should I Grace: he was a church Grace: I don't think he'd be 😱😱😱 Janis: don't paint me in the best light Grace: maybe put the 💬 equivalent of like, a filter on it Grace: if you do tell Janis: I didn't try to kill her, she just slipped Janis: 👍 Grace: it was A LOT Janis: she always is Janis: dunno what kind of cult he found that fucking bitch in though Grace: ugh, let's not Janis: she ain't going to just fuck off Janis: even if Ana is going to sulk thinking I'll come and apologize Grace: well, some of us are being forced to play hockey, hun, instead of having a mental breakdown Janis: you scream if the ball comes near you, I've seen you Grace: I don't want to have to hit it 💅! Janis: exactly, don't act like you're busy Grace: I'm not saying I'm busy, I'm saying I'm not trying to be busy 😢😢 thanks Janis: fuck all to cry about Janis: that's the point Janis: I'm not pretending her kids, or any of the fucking others, mean anything to me Janis: or he did Grace: if that's how you feel don't tell barista boy any of it, end of convo Grace: it was just family drama, no specifics Janis: of course that's how I feel Janis: shouldn't be surprising Grace: I'm not surprised Janis: you're an idiot if you feel any different Grace: you can stop, it's not like I want any of them to exist either Janis: someone needs to back me up Janis: you know full well Ri won't stop seeing her, and Junior ain't about and if he were he'd do fuck all as well Grace: okay so what are we going to do? Janis: that's what we need to work out Janis: why should they be the only ones allowed to talk about him Janis: how amazing he was Grace: she's the loudest Grace: if we could be louder then Janis: it's a joke and everyone around us fucking knows it Janis: someone needs to lay it out for her, finally face it, for what it actually is Janis: who he was Grace: but she's never gonna hear it from either of us like that Grace: it would literally have to come from god, babes Janis: maybe it can Janis: hmm Janis: leave it with me, but think what you want to say Grace: ??! Grace: obviously I'll 🤔🤔 though Janis: might take a while Janis: but fuck it Janis: she ruined my new years Grace: yeah, mine too Janis: would've been a shite party anyhow Grace: that's totally not the point Janis: put it in your letter Janis: already got enough people in a mood with me Grace: fine Janis: fuck sake Grace: UM rude, why are you swearing at me? Janis: because it ain't my fault Grace: I'm not blaming you for what happened Grace: I was there Janis: I told her to get out of my way Janis: she should've, simple as Grace: I know Grace: I was freaking out too, she deliberately ambushed us Janis: you didn't cunt punt her though so you know Grace: yeah but you'd be on my side if I did so Janis: if you do it now it will look like you're copying me, just fyi Grace: & I've never been accused of that before ever 🙄 I think I'd find a way to cope Janis: hardly the sister you copy now Janis: don't need to know the ins and outs to see that Grace: cos nobody EVER brings up the past 🙄🙄 Grace: beyond focused on only 💬 about us now, like Janis: that's why I've given them something to talk about Grace: & that's great for you, babes Janis: not like you can't Grace: not in the same way Janis: not unless there's another new kid any time soon Grace: not holding my breath Janis: it's not the only way Grace: 😂😂 what else am I gonna do?? Janis: depends Janis: they're gonna chat shit, regardless, that's obvious Janis: what would you rather they said Grace: is that like, a trick question?? Janis: why would it be Grace: UM it's a little too late for me to try & overhaul what people 💬 about me, hun Janis: hardly Janis: stuck here for another 3 Janis: you could have a totally different rep in that time Grace: hardly Grace: ALL the receipts exist Janis: 🙄 Grace: you have NO idea Janis: yeah Janis: 'course I don't Grace: so are you done trying to make me a better person or ?? Janis: I'm not trying to do shit Janis: if you're gonna cry about it, you could at least try Janis: that's the point Janis: don't complain if you ain't Grace: if I wanna talk about my rep, grandma & god are ALWAYS available Grace: you brought it up Grace: literally all I said was congrats on your 😍😍 Janis: your rep is 😢😢 and freakouts Janis: you said Grace: no I didn't Grace: I said I know a freakout when I see one Janis: well it is Janis: we all get chatted on Janis: if all you want to do is cry about it that's your look out but no one is gonna feel sorry for you Janis: least of all me Grace: I didn't ask Grace: for your opinion or sympathy Janis: yeah, people NOT looking for sympathy 👑 themselves queen of 😭😱 Janis: good luck with that, really working in your favour Grace: I'm talking to you not tweeting it out but sure Grace: thanks Janis: you think it's a secret? Janis: pretty sure your own friends and any guy you'd ever fucked wouldn't treat you like shit if you didn't reek of the desperation of it all Grace: grandma being literally the worst, which is all we were talking about when I said I was 😢😢 is as close to a secret as this family gets Grace: but 👌 attack me Janis: I'm not interested in living this lie with you rn Janis: you cry all the time Grace: &? Grace: you get angry all the time, I'm not judging you Janis: and this is why no one has anything to say about you Grace: whatever, Janis Grace: I didn't come here for this Grace: 👋 Janis: 😢😢 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you're a fucking joke, Grace Grace: this whole family is Grace: 👏 that you changed the news cycle for a sec Janis: 👏 that you're less interesting than Mia and Ella and all they do is slowly starve themselves to death Janis: people aren't going to forget suddenly that you belong to this family, just 'cos you try to blend into the walls Grace: like I said, you have no idea Janis: Yeah, I do Janis: we all get talked about, I did when I was doing literally nothing Grace: not about me & it's not like you care so just focus on yourself Grace: my rep is my problem Janis: it is your problem if you can't take the tiniest bit of initiative and see that being a lesser version of Rio is just going to make people talk about her more Grace: people aren't going to stop talking about her just cos I have a fake personality overhaul Janis: it's about the comparison Janis: you don't wanna be your own person, no? Janis: carry on getting Mia to dress you Grace: 😂😂 mhmmmm cos we all just get to be our own person Grace: if I'm not compared to her, it's Edie or you Janis: yeah, wild how no one is mistaking you 2 for sisters Janis: no amount of her leftovers is gonna make you exempt Janis: try getting crippled, evidently worked for Billie Janis: get a sex change, Junior who? Grace: hilarious Janis: we all got our lot Janis: and they're getting bored of their charity work with you Janis: what are you gonna do then, huh? Grace: yeah & yours is nothing like mine so stop coming for my life Janis: we're literally twins Grace: oh please Janis: sorry, not much can be done about it now Grace: duh Janis: 🧱 Grace: 👌👌 Janis: fuck this Grace: 👋 Janis: 🖕 Grace: 💜

[shivercloud]

Love that grows part 1 Loki x reader

Warnings: fluff, sadness, grudge-holding, heavily pregnant reader, cussing, takes place during Thor Ragnarok

You are [Name] [F/N]'sdottir and Heimdall's niece as well as a new generation Valkyrie, just not a soul knows just your Uncle Heimdall who raised you as his own child when your parents died during a battle.

You wake up in bed your back to your love Loki Laufeyson Angrily. You recently hadn't been getting along with him you just never let the pent up anger out and it was sometimes sneaking out but you tried your best to hold in your anger since he usually saw you as calm and happy and you were pregnant with his child for 8 and a half months you were also engaged to him you knew you needed to let your pent up anger with him out but you just couldn't you didn't want to ruin your relationship. You knew that once you got married to him it would just cause issues, but you just couldn't.

Loki sits up and says "I have to go [Name], I will see you later" you just nod curtly and he says "you can always come with" you still say nothing he sighs at your no response. Loki says to you "you seriously can't be mad at me" you only answer by glaring at him and he sighs he says "well, I may as well go, but also I need to put the illusion on you" you sighed but nodded curtly you knew that if you said one word to him you'd end up exploding. He casts the illusion onto you that makes sure only he can see your large stomach.

He transforms himself into Odin after and Damn you hated that he was pretending to be Odin it was pure torcher and did nothing but put you into despair and somehow you still loved Loki and were loyal to him.

You sat up in bed and groaned in frustration and right then you felt the baby give you a large and painful kick so you hissed in pain "Ouch!" You climbed out of bed changing into something random being a green dress that was perfect for your round belly it was simple but comfortable and actually fit you. The baby kept on kicking you violently and some reason grew cold which was weird the baby only did that when there was danger nearby or oncoming danger. Which was one of your many abilities just you didn't get cold but the baby was jotun so it made sense. so you looked around and outside your window but there was absolutely nothing so you kept your furnished dagger with you keeping your guard up and left to go and join Loki well 'Odin' in watching theatre.

When you got there you sat near him and you felt like ice because the baby was still emitting cold so you elbowed 'Odin' still not wanting to talk to him he snaps his head and asks annoyed "what? What Is it?" You hissed as the baby kicked "Ouch!" You put Loki disguised as Odin's hand on your stomach seething out quietly "That!" He takes the hand off of your stomach almost right away and says "The baby senses oncoming danger, just don't let your guard down" you groaned at how little he paid attention to the baby and that you felt like ice because of it he seemed not to care at all which made you even more angry with him.

You sat there eating Loki's bowl of grapes and when the actor of Thor said something about Loki turning Thor into a frog you heard 'Odin' say "indeed it was" you continued to watch the play in boredom and looked at the statue he had up and it brought nothing but more anger you told him not to put it up but did he listen fuck no, you even told him it would blow his cover, but still he refused to listen he acted as if you were just a leech and it pissed you off but somehow you still managed to turn the other cheek and look past that.

Soon you see Thor and you say"yes!" 'Odin' looks at you and asks"what is it?" You seethe out "nothing that concerns you," He says "ok, calm down" you reply snarkily but quietly "don't order me around!" You clamp your mouth shut before you make a big scene.

The play ends and 'Odin' stands up clapping and says "well done, well done!" Thor walks out from the crowd and says "Father?" 'Odin' mutters "oh, shit" he sips from his wine and says "my son Thor has returned, greetings my boy."

you smirk deviously and say "well, you're screwed" he replies "not if I can help it" you seeth in a whisper "he probably already knows it's you, he's stupid but not THAT stupid" he ignores you so you roll your eyes and sigh frustrated. You gasped when the baby kicked you so you cuss quietly "crap, stop that you little shit!" Thor says to 'Odin' "it's an interesting play, what's it called?" 'Odin' replies "the tragedy of loki of Asgard, the people wanted to commemorate him," Thor says "and indeed they should, I like the statue a lot better looking than when he was alive, a little less weasly, greasy maybe" you can hear 'Odin' scoff and you get a bit angry even if you were pissed with Loki who is disguised as Odin.

Thor raises the skull and asks "do you know what this is?" 'Odin' replies "ooh the skull of Surtur, a formidable weapon," Thor says "well, do me a favour lock this up in the vault so it doesn't turn into a giant monster and destroy the whole planet" he hands it over to a guard. 'Odin' stands up and hands his drink over to you and says "thank you dear" you roll your eyes since that was totally sarcastic. He asks Thor "so uhm back to Midgard for you is it?" You could tell he was really nervous.

Thor replies "nope, I've been having this reoccurring dream lately, every night I see Asgard fall into ruins," Loki still disguised as Odin says "it's just a silly dream, a sign of an overactive imagination" Thor replies "possibly and then I decide to go out there and investigate, and what do I find, the nine realms completely in chaos, enemies of Asgard plotting our demise, all while you Odin the protector of the nine realms sit here in your bathrobe eating grapes" Loki well 'Odin' replies "yes well it is best to respect our neighbours freedom" Thor replies "yes, the freedom to be massacred" he tosses Mjolnir and catches it and Loki well 'Odin' says "yes, well I've been rather busy myself."

Thor asks "watching theatre?" 'Odin' replies "well, security council, board meetings and-" Thor cuts him off "your really gonna make me do it?" 'Odin' asks "do what?" Thor throws Mjolnir into the distance and stands behind 'Odin' holding him by the neck and says "nothing will stop Mjolnir as it returns to my hand, not even your face" 'Odin' says "you've gone quite mad, you'll be executed for this!" Thor lowers his voice "see you on the other side, brother." You mutter to yourself seething "of course, I knew Thor was smarter than that, I warned him, but did he listen to me, oh heck no! My, he's an idiot!"

Loki finally drops the illusion when Mjolnir almost hits him and shouts "alright, I yield!" Thor throws him out the way making everyone gasp except you, you simply roll your eyes knowing this would happen Skurge comes running and says clearly out of breath "behold, Thor... Odinson" Loki cuts Skurge off by snapping his fingers and saying clearly pissed off "no, no" he turns to Skurge really pissed off holding one finger up "you had one job, just the one!" You somehow found it attractive when Loki was pissed it was cute (I tbh think Loki is adorable right then).

You just couldn't stay away, could you? Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering. You've ruined everything, ask them."

Thor walks toward Loki intimidating and asks Loki "Where's father? Did you kill him?" Loki says clearly nervous" you had what you wanted, you got the independence you asked for" Thor makes Loki fall onto the couch holding Mjolnir against his chest and you gave Loki a glare followed by an eye roll

Loki glanced at you with a pleading look but you turned your face the opposite direction and glared at him Loki finally answered Thor in a pained voice "ow, ow, ow, ok, I know exactly where he is."

=========later========

The three and a bit over half of you went to Midgard and were standing by a building being demolished and Loki says "I swear I left him right here" Thor asks "here on the sidewalk or the building that's being demolished, great planning" Loki says "how was I supposed to know, I can't see into the future, im, not a witch" Thor says "really, then why do you dress like one?" You laugh and Loki glares at you so you glare back and your comment "I could've down it though."

Loki asks you "then why didn't you?" You roll your eyes and seethe "because you don't seem to give a damn about me as well as you didn't ask because you're a greedy and greasy jackass, who doesn't give a fuck about someone other than himself like me and your-" your cut off by a bunch of girls coming over and saying to Thor "can we have a picture with you?" Thor replies "of course" Loki rolls his eyes and the girls say to Thor before they leave "sorry to hear that Jane dumped you" Thor says, "she didn't dump me, it was mutual dumping," a circle appears around Loki's feet and Thor asks him "what are you doing?" Loki replies "this, isn't me."

Soon Loki disappears and you exhale somewhat more relaxed especially from that outburst of anger just now, but you were still pissed off and wanted so much to slap Loki at the least Thor pokes at the paper with his 'umbrella' and whispers "Loki?" You pat Thor's back sarcastically and say with sarcasm "Thor, you genius, he can't turn into a piece of paper" Thor picks up the paper and reads it Thor asks "so why are you so mad at my brother now?" you reply "many, many reasons, what about you and Jane?" Thor avoids your question and says "let's just go."

++++++++++++later++++++++++

You and Thor go to the place and a weird sorcerer guy appears and says "Thor Odinson, [Name] [F/N]'sdottir" you're shocked as to how he knows your name he says to Thor "you can put down, the umbrella" Thor does so, you all appear in a new room, you don't listen to a thing but soon enough your both seated and the sorcerer gives Thor some tea and you some flavours water Thor says "I don't drink tea" the sorcerer gives Thor something else being beer and you remain the same so you say "I want some of that to."

He says in a whisper "really I don't think so not with the little one in you" your eyes widen and you ask "what? How do you? What?" He replies "I have ways" sooner or later you zone out and don't hear a word but alone soon enough the sorcerer gets a book, grabs a piece of Thor's hair, making Thor roll down the stairs which you can't help but snicker to.

Randomly a portal appears and Thor says "I guess I'll be needing my brother back" the sorcerer replies "oh, right" Loki appears to fall out of a portal and onto the floor he says angrily "I have been falling for thirty minutes!"

the sorcerer says "you can handle him from here" you knew that was a bad idea but did nothing Loki seethes out "Handle me? Who are you? You think you're some kind of sorcerer? Don't think for one minute, you second-rate–" the sorcerer says "all right, bye-bye" he sends you all through a portal of some kind.

You land in a grassy area on a mountaintop Odin was standing by the edge, Loki and Thor walk over, you stay back since this was a family matter Odin says to them "do you hear it, your mother calls me" Thor glared at Loki and said "Loki, stop it" Loki shook his head and Odin says "took me quite a while to break from your spell, Frigga would have been proud, [Name] come over" Loki looks shocked at the praise. You ask Odin hesitantly "but im not-" he gestures for you to go over, so you do.

Odin looks at the engagement ring on your hand that you forgot about Loki had proposed before you were even pregnant and says "[Name], Loki you have my blessing" you smile slightly the first time in a while your anger dissolves right then and Loki looks at you fondly and smiles slightly he lifts your hand and kisses it right where the ring is and Odin says more things that you didn't quite listen to you because you were happy he praised Loki and gave you both his blessing.

The only things you really heard were a few things about Ragnarok after that Odin had disappeared and turned into a bunch of sparkles of a sort of course after saying he loved all of you. Thor was clearly angry and clouded with grief since storm clouds started to appear and Loki told you "[Name] stay back, or behind me" you nodded and obeyed.

Thor said to Loki " This is your fault!" You were too far back to hear anything and suddenly a portal appeared and women wearing Loki's colours which pissed you off an made you want to kill her right there but you couldn't, you had you and Loki's child in you. The baby was freezing you inside and out you felt as if you were getting frostbite and started to shiver Loki noticed and looked worried as well as concerned so you shook your head shivering and whisper "just get rid of her and why the heck is she wearing your colours?!" He shrugs and doesn't look happy about it. But changes into his Asgardian clothes Thor as well and you say "hey, don't forget about me?" He nods and you get changed into your Asgardian clothes and exhale in relief "this feels so much better than those Midgardian clothes.

Thor says to the women "I'm Thor Odinson" she comments "you don't look like him" Loki says "can we come to an arrangement" she comments "you sound like him" she says "kneel" Loki looks taken aback and says "beg your pardon?" Hela takes out necro swords and says "kneel before your queen" Thor throws Mjolnir at her which ends up being a bad idea because Hela destroys Mjolnir sending you and Loki backward, Loki obviously didn't put much thought into it but yells "bring us back!"

Thor shouts "NO!" But it was too late you were all already picked up by the Bifrost, Loki throws a dagger at Hela but she avoids it and sends it to you and Loki knocking you out, you land in a pile of trash and when you get up your furious and snap at Loki "YOU IDIOT, YOU ASSHOLE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DID?! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL AND NOW THIS CHILD IS GOING TO BE BORN IN A PLANET FULL OF TRASH!"

Loki gulps and suddenly you feel like you were dunked in ice-cold water over and over again you were short on air it felt so you gasped and said "crap!" Loki looked worried and ask "no, no your not in labour, are you?!" You shake your head and he puts his hand on your stomach feeling the coldness you felt frozen, he grabs the bottom part of your top half of the dress and asks "may I?" You nod weakly he lofts it and shoves the bottom of it down slightly and he looks in horror as he sees that you have a bunch of burns and asks worriedly "is the baby doing this to you?!" You nod weakly and he says "we shouldn't have kept the baby! I knew it was all bad idea! It's killing you inside and out!"

You black out and Loki catches you just in time you get colder and colder, soon your pulse drops and your breathing slows tears prick at Loki's eyes and he says "no, no, no [Name], no you can't die! [Name] please no... I can't live without you, you mean the world to me! I need you... And our child, please..."

Loki shakes you and says "[Name]... Wake up, stay with me!" Loki sees the giant and weird building thinking I'll be able to heal [Name], there, it's not safe here.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::time skip:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

You woke up and were engulfed in a tight embrace and looked to see Loki hugging him back, he kissed your cheek which surprised you and he knew it did so he asks "what's wrong?" You reply"its just that, you haven't exactly shown me ANY affection, for about a year or so, you haven't really given a shit about me for years or a year" Loki pulls you into his chest and says "I'm sorry about that" you reply "Loki, its fine" he replies "no it isn't and I know it."

You felt like you weren't carrying any extra weight so you say worriedly "NO, NO, WHERE IS THE BABY?!" Loki stops hugging you and says "calm down" he puts a hand on your stomach and says "right there, the baby is healthy and doing good" you sigh in relief and ask "where the heck are we though?" Loki replies "a place called Sakaar, its owned by a lunatic called 'the Grandmaster' he's an idiot, it was really easy to get in here," you ask "what did you have to do?"

Loki replies "well, I can persuade people you know and deceive them it was really easy, so almost nothing, just my persuasion" you reply "good, because I was thinking you'd try to kill him or threaten to" Loki chuckles "oh no, I wouldn't go that far right off the bat, besides I can lie my way out if I want to" you pull Loki into a hug and he wraps his arms around you tightly in a loving embrace, you kiss his cheek.

You stop hugging Loki and get up but he forces you back down and says "no, you need to rest, I've only just healed, your frostbite," you say "Loki, DONT order me around, you know I hate it and I can have a short temper and that'll just make me angry again, I don't mind it in bed but not otherwise" he smirks and says in that silky voice you loved "I know you do, my sweet" you giggle and say "stop, that Loki!"

He chuckles "alright I'll stop" you give Loki a peck on the lips and he smiles "I was so worried that you wouldn't live, never do that again, ok?" You reply "I won't don't worry and I didn't mean to worry you" Loki replies "I know but you did" you lift your top slightly and your eyes widen "it's completely healed" Loki replies "that's because I healed you to the best of my ability," you ask "were, you here the whole time?" Loki replies "yes I was, I didn't want to leave your side, especially in an unfamiliar place and... I was worried about you and the baby."

You smile slightly "I guess you do care" Loki replies "I've always cared, I'm just a bit of a fool sometimes" you lift a brow "sometimes? And just a bit?" Loki replies "don't push it" you reply "ok" you put Loki's hand on your stomach and the baby moves against his touch he smiles and says "our, little gift" you smile and nod he kisses the top of your hand and you ask "when are we gonna tell Thor?" Loki shrugs "I guess if he's alive whenever we think it's the right time, or he'll just see it right away" you nod and Loki says "you know, we haven't actually started thinking of names for the baby."

You reply "no, we haven't," Loki asks "want to?" You reply "of, course I do if you do as well that is?" Loki replies "I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise"

[soldierallen]

Married 8.

Warnings: domestic henry, a kiss, mention of the word whore, probably a curse word or two

Featuring: Henry Cavill, Sebastian Stan, Robbie Amell.

Part 7:

/

It was already dark by this point

she would always sing in the car to new music that only she listened to everyone hated that she liked every single new song on the radio however they adored their best friend so it didn't bother them that she would sing loudly on road trips, it wasn't new to them it was traditional except for tonight, she sang nothing and looked out the window Henry tried to get her talking every once and awhile but it didn't work.

"Wait in the car for me, I'll be back" he said, he walked up to his front door unlocking it and slipping in quickly

Henry's such a good man, I wish I could have someone like him you know someone who takes care of me like he does, thinks about me..when nobody else does she sat there thinking of all the things that could've happened tonight- not one thing she wanted happened, he didn't stop the wedding she didn't stop the wedding he said he loves her but never continued to say anything else

Only 20 minutes later he had walked out in different clothes "oh comfy" she smiled sadly at his warm comfy clothes "its not like you don't own most of my clothes at your place" he said getting into the car she smiled devilishly "you know I can always buy you your own, oh and also I'm missing a certain sweater and if I find it in your closet I'm taking it back"

"Rude" she said rolling her eyes "it's not rude it's my sweater" he rolled his eyes putting the keys into the ignition the seatbelt noise and lights turning on

"Is it the white one with the buttons" she admitted he started the car with a laugh "yeah" he looked at her "oh you can have that back I don't even wear it" " I'm taking back the clothes I like" "you're not" "I am" he backed out of his driveway and drove off onto the road to her house

"Okay fine but there is two pieces you absolutely cannot have"

"Which are?" He said looking at from the corner of his eye "the navy blue sweater with the white letters of the sleeves, that's the sweater you put me in when I stayed at your house... that one night" she trailed off he knew and put his hand on her hand for reassurance "and that grey t shirt it's so comfy and big smells like you" none of the words on the clothing would come into her mind "you took that out of my drawer you thief!" he said "it's no big deal I'll buy you a new one!" She explained she loved arguing with Henry like this, it was just a lot of teasing it never went further than teasing ever.

"I'll be looking forward to it" he laughed and so did he adored their playful arguments about literally nothing it felt so pure to him knowing that he still had that friend, that one friend who you could talk about anything with smile with laugh with, she has always taken my side and I've taken hers.

Sebastian was worrying as soon as he walked into that front door, everything came crumbling down.

"Mom" sebastian yelled his mother coming down the stairs quickly hearing her son's voice "baby" she put her hands on his face "I messed up I really messed up ma and I don't know how to fix it" he paced she hugged her boy he hugged her back "I'm gonna lose y/n I'm gonna lose her cause I made too many mistakes that aren't fixable" he was so worn out at this by time he wanted nothing more than to just perish, nothing felt real.

"sit down, you can always fix things between you and y/n just tell her everything the truth the real truth." she sympathizes with him he sat down on her and his "father's" couch "where's tripp" he was so done with this day he rubbed his forehead cold metal on his skin he looked up the wedding ban still on his finger he pulled it off and threw it across the room it hitting the wall falling behind the TV.

"He's asleep he was so angry at her he couldn't contain it, cheating on you like that? He's is very protective over his kids seeing her hurt you like that drove him crazy"

"Tripp doesn't care you're just saying that to make me feel better" sebastian folded his arms over chest looking at the TV screen which played some kind of cooking show it was quiet "your father loves you sebastian, can you just not be a jerk for 10 seconds and maybe you will realize that all the people in your life love you and care about you." His mother was right and he knew she was right it was just his anger and his frustration would always come out at the wrong times.

"Is rose okay?" His mother nodded "she had a talk with faith and she reassured her that you were okay" he laughed.. the sound draining quickly

"Do you remember what grandpa said before he passed" she laid her head on her sons shoulder he gave her a questioning look "Something Broken Can Always Be Fixed" she looked at a frame picture of her father and sebastian on the wall a few months before he got sick, sebastian opened his jacket pocket feeling the silver ring she gave him he pulled it out looking at it twirling it in his finger "she gave this to me a few days before the wedding, she said she needed to give me it now because the wedding was going to be too hectic to actually see my reaction" he swallowed thinking about a more simpler time, and then he remembered the argument in his driveway and that... that was the worst day for him.

"Grandpa gave it to her to give to me when I needed it the "most".. now I know why she gave it to me so early" he looked at the engraved writing inside of the ring, "how did he know to give it to her?" His mother asked "She's been in my life forever he knew she was someone to keep forever"

Henry put down his bag on her bedroom floor "what if I just call him to see if hes okay?" She was still thinking about it, I mean he did confess his love for her.. she should talk to him at least for a minute right?

" but after everything he's done you still want to check on him?" she stared at him "what if he needs me" "you both will live with it, you both need a breather from each other I promise it's for the better" he looked for her remote throwing it at her she turned on the TV, the news was on it was 11pm on a Sunday, the streets were somewhat quiet..

He sat next to her on her bed she laughed at him whilst he stared at her studying her facial features, he always admired her.

she pulls the hair tie out of her hair fixing it on her wrist, looking at him from the corner of her eye "what?" She finally broke the silence

"You know, I always thought you were gorgeous" she smiled "oh come on" she put her hand on his shoulder

"When we were nineteen I considered asking you out and I chickened out!" He said both of them laid on the pillows watching some show

"Nineteen year old me was a hoe" she said with a laugh "nineteen year old you was hot" he half smiled she pushed his arm lightly

"nineteen year old me would've so fucked nineteen year old Henry, we were very fuckable than" she smirked "yeah twenty five year old y/n and Henry are very fuckable dont underestimate us" he filrted, he got up looking in her closet she blushed lightly

"After all these years you still make me blush" she threw a pillow at his backside which he caught and threw it back at her "I'm very charming what could I say" he laughed but it was muffled her clothing in the closet making it seem quieter.

"Where the hell is my white sweater?" he said inside of the closet looking "the last article on the right side should be it" she focused on his back and butt "I am not a sexual object you can objectify" he looked over his shoulder at her with a fake frown she laughed very loudly covering her face in embarrassment he turned to her "I'm kidding" he pulled the sweater out onto her bed "I thought this was nicer? How long have you had it"

"A few months I thought it was comfy but it was just itchy" she laughed

"We should eat?" He suggested

A phone call ruined the mood definitely. It was Henry's and it was Sebastian

"Hello" he answered the phone putting it on speaker.

"Are you with her?" Seb asked he looked up at her for an answer she quickly nodded no

"No I'm alone what's up" He acted like he was concerned when in reality he wasn't.

"I think I need to see her just explain everything really get to the bottom of it?" He sat next to her she looked at Henry, Henry looked at her gave no real answer

"I think you should do whatever you feel is right" Henry said, he wanted them to mend their relationship but he knew sebastian wasn't going to do that properly.

"Is it too soon?" He was curious

"No do it because you want to not because you have to" Henry wanted to get mad and just scream and tell him to wrap it up were adults!

" if I just give it time??"

"How long is she suppose to wait for you?"

Sebastian had no answer on the other side

"Don't call her than it's that simple" he looked at y/n for reassurance she had no reaction

"Henry, I didn't know how I felt about her until the night of the argument it really got my gears turning that I was making a mistake I didn't feel like myself"

"Seb you haven't been yourself since Alex walked into the party on the roof, it's a completely different person you have turned into, you know that y/n told you" he looked at y/n and she mouthed "he knows he just wants to hear you say it" she said to Henry In a small whisper

"I know I just wanted to hear you say it" Henry gave her these eyes like how did you know "I know him" she mouthed no words coming out of her mouth

"Henry I didn't call for you to be angry"

"She said it, I absolutely couldn't care less if you get together or not"

"She doesn't want to talk to me.." he was bummed, and tired I think sebastian needed to sleep for the next week and think about what he did "she wants to talk to you beileve me just not tonight call her tomorrow and work it out alright" Henry said

they hung up and Henry gave her a weird look

"why did you want me to do that?"

"I don't want to suffer anymore if he wants me if can call me I can't do it.." she said he turned to face her getting closer to her "you're a good women, my best friend you deserve someone who will take care of you" she pulled him towards her face her kissing him he kissed back lightly a small smile creeped onto his face "what was that" he asked "I wanted to see what it would be like, was you okay with it" she was a little afraid thinking she overstepped

"I liked it" he tried to contain his self from giggling it was just funny to him, that they kissed and it didn't certainly mean much to the both of them... or so they thought. she got up grabbed her phone off the living room coffee table

"Okay I'm not watching a chick flick" he insisted coming behind her resting his chin on the nuk of her shoulder

"You love my chick flicks cavill, romance is the key" she looked to the side of her to see his face

"Fine I choose the food" he grabbed the phone out of her hand "hey" she got offended "I don't want Chinese or thai food" "you're making me sad"

"You get a chick flick, I get those tacos from down the street"

"You always complain their bad?" She looked for her jacket

"Yeah? Your point is?" He said she laughed shaking her head, never mind she thought.

"Or I get a chick flick and we go get both" she dangled her keys in his face he grabbed them "okay"

"Why" she whined

"Because you're a horrible driver"

"You just keep offending me?"

"I guess it's in my nature" he laughed kissing her cheek she was fluttered by butterflies in her stomach, she liked the way Henry made her feel.

"Should I change my shorts it's cold" she said

"Change I'll wait for you"

"Thanks" she went back into her room to change her shorts when all of sudden she realized.... I kissed Henry?

He watched her walk back into her room his brain exploded with questions... I kissed y/n?

He bit his lip knowing that she wanted that she wanted him, it was crazy for him to ever think she wanted him in that kinda way, he didn't just like the kiss he loved it.

When they got into the car it was quiet but a comfortable quiet a very bearable nice quiet being in the company of someone you would do anything for was a good feeling.

"Are we just not gonna talk about you kissing me earlier" he tried to keep a straight face wanting to smirk so badly

"I just wanted to see what it was like that's all" it was kind of a lie, she wanted to feel something anything and she got it she felt butterflies

"Oh okay" he nodded at her, a red light appearing in front of them he looked to his right at her she looked at him "can you stop staring at me" she let out a small laugh "you're beautiful I can't help it" he looked back at the road

They got to the thai place ordering, they waited when a familiar face they had just seen a few hours ago appear, Robbie.

"Robbie??" Henry called out to the man sitting by himself, he held y/n's hand his protective side coming out strongly

"Henry y/n" robbie said he was still in his suit no tie on his dress shirt unbuttoned hair was tousled he looked like a wreck

"Hows it going y/n after everything?" Robbie knew feelings for sebastian

"Okay I guess, what happened?" She asked, Henry felt sympathy for the guy all he wanted was the girl he loved and got put into a lot of other shit. And so did she "Well after you all left, sebastian's father yelled at me for ruining his son's "marriage" and taking away the one good thing sebastian had in his life" robbie air quotes marriage because it wasn't a real marriage and they both knew it "and then Alex came and told me to eat shit and screamed at me for the first time in 4 years that was fun, and now am here eating thai food alone at almost 1am" he was so frustrated

"hey go get the food" Henry whispered to y/n and that's what she did

"Listen robbie what you did today was a bold and brave move, you had more guts than any one of us since the past 5 months I know things are probably really shit right now but I promise everything will fall into place" he put his hand on his shoulder a comforting hand robbie gave a comforting smile "I did this all for her, and i get nothing out of it" he said the women with his order ready to hand it to him, "I know everything's gonna be alright" he patted his shoulder once again and regrouped with y/n "thanks for the talk Henry you're not so bad" robbie tried to joke around Henry laughed "yeah people tell me that" he held y/n's hand out the door

"What you did was really nice of you"

"What?"

"I heard you"

"Yeah I just felt bad for the guy"

"Me to, but I guess me and robbie are going through it together huh?" Henry smiled sadly and hung his arm around her "we're gonna get through it okay?" She nodded they got into the car and drove to their next destination, remotely "bad" tacos as Henry says.

Tagged @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandomsohmy @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91 @gravedollie666 // if anyone wants to be untagged or tagged please leave a message ty♡ also I do not own any gifs or images of any kind.

[cherryblods-sins]

To be honest.

I'm tired of the drama that had started.

I only wanted to fix everything. I just want to mend my friendships with those I lost. Reconnect and reconcile with them. I really am sorry if this guy harrassed you. I never wanted him to.

I admit I was forced to do what he said.

He had my private information and private photos of me that should never be posted on the internet. I felt like I didn't have anyone to go to because one. Who would believe something so damn crazy... And two He threatened me that he would harrass those involved and show them those pictures and private information.

I have the real screenshots of this bastard in the link here.

And I know this all started on the 17th of December 2018.

And if you want to know why I covered his name in the real screenshots. Was because I felt bad. And I know I should've told someone. But I truly felt trapped and felt alone in it. I really felt like I had no other choice. Because this guy was very VERY persistent and insistant that I'd cover his tracks. I know when he first said he that these photos and private information. I thought he was bluffing. However when he sent them it had proved he was not. I don't know where he had gotten them. and said that if I tried ANYTHING to get out of it then he would post these photos publicly including the private information.

He said he would be watching and I didn't know what he meant by that until a couple of days ago. When I realized my phone was hacked. So after that I had factory reset my phone and changed every password of my account and my phone number after I kept getting calls. I was honestly not even doing anything when the asks to the ones who were getting harrassed were being sent.

I couldn't see them either because I was blocked. So how the fuck am I supposed to know what it is going on if I can't see it!? It's common sense. And I have been in school now that winter break is over while these asks were being sent. So how the fuck would I send them if I was working at school?

I wouldn't be able to which is a very simple answer I can say. So like I was saying.... The evidence of this guy. They were real. And there is one last photo in the album of the real guy. Where I finally show his name. And I only covered them because it felt wrong and bad for me to get this guy in trouble at first even though it was wrong what he was doing. I just don't like confrontation. Nor do I like getting people in trouble. because it feels like I'm RUINING someone's life. Even though they did do something horribly wrong. I just also hate doing something so rashly if I was even doing the right thing.

But also I had figured out the motive why. He was someone who kept talking to me and got quickly attached to me once he started talking to me back in 2016 of September. Here are the pics here.

And this guy was so toxic and kept demanding a lot from me. I didn't know why this bastard was doing this to split me and my friends but also separate us apart. Until someone told me that he sent an ask on Smol's blog saying that I screwed him over. And that he was making me pay for something I did. When here's the thing.

I only blocked the guy because he was too much for me..and even when I had gone through a break up he thought it was the BEST time to confess his feelings to me. Which was not..and when I rejected him he kept begging and begging I'd date him. But I said no. So he kept spamming me and begging that I'd please date him when I literally was not ready for a relationship. He also kept calling me things like F***ot,Wh*re,B*tch, and even a Sl*t. And they were VERY hurtful to me back then. I decided to cut it off with him on October 30th of 2016. But before I had blocked him. He said he'd make me pay for hurting him. But I had thought nothing much of it. And I wanted to Forget him. Until I needed to prove myself innocent.. that I never wanted to do what he did and that I never meant to hurt, manipulate,lie or anything. I never wanted to and I felt like I wanted to DIE because of him. But I also didn't want him to harrass you guys either so I had just... Did what he wanted me to do...it just..felt better if I did this instead of him because... It hurt. I was the Fake Smolra D. But I never ever wanted to do what he wanted. But I also didn't want him to harrass you either. if I had let him I'd rather burn in hell for letting him hurt you guys. I know it doesn't excuse what I did however I do want to mend everything with those I lost and start over after I've improved from my past behavior mentioned in the callout post. But it was NEVER my intention to hurt anyone. Even though it did.... I still fucking regret having to do what he did. But I also felt trapped and alone in that situation because also people in my fucking town don't give a damn about me and that if I said anything they would think I'm making these things up because in the past I would always call the police and tell them I was being abused and only my parents would cover it up to tell them I'm just making things up. And I felt so damn trapped I just felt like death was the easy solution but I didn't want to die. So I decided to just endure it....I also felt like... This was also a good punishment for me when the callout post had been posted and everyone was loosing their shit... I felt like what he made me do I felt like I deserved it... But I just... I just hope I can mend and reconnect and reconcile with my friends who I lost and start over again because it's the new year.

I really hope so. And if you think I wanted this to happen. I never wanted it to. and never in a million years would I want it to even happen at all.

So please understand I am innocent. Because I never sent those asks to Smol or anyone. But the fake Smolra D was me. And I can't take that back. I wish I could... But I can't. And it really hurt me that he made me do this to them... I just want forgivness and hope I can earn back their trust and be their friends again....

Before you even comment on this post or comment in a reblog.

"Couldn't you just have reported it?"

I fucking DID report this guy. THREE TIMES.

"why couldn't you tell someone? It's common sense"

I wanted to. But everyone wouldn't believe something so damn crazy as it sounded. But it is true.

"Why did you do this if you didn't want to? You could've said no"

I DID say no. A lot. And I didn't want to. I even tried asking for another way to do something else. But he was insistant that I'd do it or he'll post the private photos and information.

"he could've been bluffing why didn't you just not take it seriously?"

I didn't take it seriously at first until he SHOWED me that he had these photos and information.

"Just report to the police or tell your friends. They could've done something."

I wish I did. And I wish I could've at the time. But do you think I wanted to risk that chance of him ACTUALLY posting this stuff!? It felt like every move I could've taken would've been a BAD move.

And the police like I said. Don't care where I live. They think I'm crazy BECAUSE of my parents covering it up and lying about it. Because of my own mental disorders. And I felt like there was no escape. I really felt like a puppet. Like someone who was a prisoner of a cell with no freedom anywhere....

And if you think these photos are faked think again. Because here

It shows I screenshotted the conversation on 17th where it all fucking began

And the photos of the album where it shows what this guy did before all this back in 2016 in the comments of each photo show a date when this all had taken place and what date it was screenshotted.

That's all I need to say...

Other than that... PLEASE don't fucking harrass me anymore and DON'T harrass my friends either... They don't deserve it. If you have to you should just do it to me instead.

And also I'm tired of people acting like I DIDN'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN or like I AM SICK OF THE DRAMA TOO. I am tired of it too. I really am.

So please for the Love of God STOP IT NOW.

IT'S DONE AND OVER WITH.

So PLEASE don't blame me for doing this shit when I didn't know what was going on.