#thinking about how Janeway is Tuvok's only friend aboard Voyager and how he seems to have a habit of pushing people away

[bumblingbabooshka]

                   Tuvok “If you know that I’m lonely” - FUR

[getoutofmyjaneway]

Beta Cannon: the Pre Voyager Era of Kathryn Janeway | Mosaic v The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

This weekend, I got a copy of the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway from a local book store. For how frequently we speak about Mosaic in the community (despite having some flaws) I was shocked that I had not heard a lot about this book and assumed it was a bad thing. And yeah in some regards it was (see @mia-cooper’s post on the subject). I have a lot of feelings (I’ll post a proper review at a later point) but one thing that did stick out to me is the divergence from what we have considered Beta Canon, aka, the extended universe of Star Treks told through novels, short stories, video games, etc. After completing the novel, I jumped right into my old standby copy of Mosaic, which has dictated a lot of Janeway’s back story since 96. Both of these novels cover the beginnings of Janeway’s life and how she was shaped into the woman we know. 

TLDR The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway changes a lot of things for no reason. Some of these are for the good. Some for the bad. And some, for like no good reason at all, like it was fine as it was, and was accepted cannon for like 25 years, but sure fine whatever.

I will mention that, as Mosaic has been a book in my library and I have read it too many times, so of course, I do have a bias toward it. Additionally, I feel like it is fair to mention here that authors of Fanfiction have leaned on this as their bibles since 1996 as Mosaic is written by Jeri Taylor, one of the show-runners for Voyager. Because of its connection with a showrunner, Mosaic is also integrated into the canon of the show. It seems that most points that are taken from Mosaic in the Autobiography are only included because of their existence in cannon material.

Anyway, this review is going to focus on the characters that shape Kathryn and I will end with my final thoughts. This is long so to respect your dash, you are going to have to click keep reading. You’re welcome.

Obligatory Spoiler Warning for ALL of Mosaic, chapter 13 of Pathways, and chapters 1-7 of The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

Edward Janeway

In all media, I feel like we can safely say that Kathryn Janeway is in fact a daddy’s girl. Her relationship with her father is very important to her, so it is interesting to see how it is portrayed very differently in both novels. In Mosaic, a lot of the highlights of Janeway’s earlier years revolve around time spent with him. From giving her special attention after ‘Your Sister’ was born, to consoling her after her losing tennis match and subsequent walk home in the rain, and trips to Mars, Kathryn mentions great fondness of quality time spent. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway he is more described as an absent father, one that she always wanted to see and please. When he was home, she wanted all of his attention and to impress him greatly. She wished to follow in his footsteps after gaining a love of flight and the stars with a plane ride and a telescope he gave her. He tried to prepare her by detaining the events of the current conflict with Cardassia and inviting Starfleet brass over for dinner. Overall, in her early childhood, it makes more sense for Edward to not be around often. There is not a lot of conflict between the sources, other than the details of the aforementioned tennis match and different childhood nicknames.  

Edward is in a crash aboard an experimental ship on Tau Ceti Prime which leads to his death. This is where the big differences begin. In Mosaic, Kathryn and her fiancé are also on board. In  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn is still on the Al-Batani. The fall out of this event has a great effect on Kathryn of course in both novels. As this is a missive shaping event of Kathryn’s life, I felt it very jarring to be changed. This moment shaped Janeway and gives us good context for why she handles situations the way she does. I see this trauma and I understand her character better, for dealing with the loss of two of the most important people in her life all at once.

Gretchen Janeway

The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway was good to Gretchen Janeway as her character is basically a blank slate. We know little about her from Mosaic as it mostly focuses on Kathryn’s relationship with her father (and other male influences in her life). It is nice to learn more things about Grechen as with Edward’s job, it is likely that Kathryn was mainly raised by her. Other than being an artist, she also wrote some of the Flotter holos and wrote a number of children’s stories about the people of Bajor during the occupation. She does a lot of humanitarian work with the refugees from Bajor during the occupation. She loves to garden and get her daughters involved. She has a close bond with Phoebe due to their overlapping interests, but you can tell that she strives to support her in what she does. Overall, I like getting know Gretchen to be someone of than Kathryn’s mother.

Phoebe Janeway

 I was shocked when researching Memory Alpha for this review, Phoebe is never named in any Cannon media up to this point (Star Trek Prodigy could very well change this). We know Janeway has a sister and she is an artist, but that is it. Both novels keep her very similar personality-wise. In both stories, Kathryn is not looking forward to being a big sister. They also both mourn the loss of their father together. In Mosaic, she is not mentioned much. Kathryn tells her she is not old enough on an off planet trip and Phoebe plays pranks on her. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway goes much more into depth. They don’t get along when they are younger. They fight a lot. I feel this is a very realistic portrayal of real siblings, vying for attention and approval, snapping when they don’t get their way.  They both excel at what they do, Kathryn in her studies and Phoebe through her art. They seem to need to one-up each other at every turn.  As they grow up, they grow closer together, as many siblings do. Points added for giving Phoebe a wife, something which has been included in a lot of fanfiction. Overall, there are no big conflicting points.

Mark Johnson

Kathryn’s fiance at the time of the Voyager’s disappearance, Mark is a very different part of Kathryn’s life in both novels. In Mosaic, he is a childhood friend and went by his middle name Hobbs. Seemingly always two steps behind Kathryn, he did a lot of the same activities that she did, tennis and swimming in the underground cave systems. He did these poorly, and this makes Kathryn always look down upon him. They reconnected after her father’s death and she fell head-over-heels for him. Personally, I always felt this was a little uncharacteristic of Kathryn, to run away from her responsibilities to be with a man. It just seems very out of character and has always bothered me. The  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway takes a completely different approach. She meets Mark as a friend of Pheobe and her wife as a widower. They hit it off and they fall hard. You can see the conflict in Kathryn as she debates how to move forward with a relationship as they have different outlooks on life. She has a drive to explore but does not want to be an absent parent. She debates quitting, which I don’t think is something Janeway would have ever done. Overall she decides to accept Mark’s proposal just before taking command of Voyager. This makes the Dear John situation a lot more believable as it makes sense that he would want to move on with his life much quicker. Overall, I have to just ask, why? I know Mark doesn’t have a lot of character, but why change basically their whole relationship dynamic? 

Justin Tighe

Justin is a character I actually like for selfish reasons. This explains why I was very miffed that he was nowhere to be seen in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Justin is Kathryn’s first love, they were coworkers, engaged and in love, and dies in the same accident that takes her father. As a person who always wanted Chakotay and Janeway to get together, this incident perfectly gives the reason. She is afraid to get romantically involved with a crew member because of the nature of the job. This dynamic is seen between Picard and Nella Daren in TNG very well. Kathryn has learned the hard way that she can lose a person under her command and how it feels when you are in love with that person. In early Voyager, you can see she isolates herself from the crew and it takes time for her to get comfortable. And during Night she relapses to her old ways. This is the way I have always justified Janeway’s reluctance to have a romantic relationship during their time in the Delta Quadrant. By understanding her background, I have a lot of respect for that choice. Her relationship with Justin really shaped how she handles relationships and without the impact he had on her life, it actually makes her character weaker.

Owen Paris

Owen is Kathryn’s mentor. In Mosaic, they meet as he is reviewing her junior honors thesis advisor on massive compact halo objects. From here they gained a relationship built on respect and learning. It makes sense that, as he was her personal mentor, that she would be close with his family, and why she would seek out Tom as a person to bring with her to the Badlands mission. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, she does not meet him until she is on the Al-Batani. This doesn’t only weaken her relationship with Admiral Paris, but moreover weakens her relationship with Tom. If he was her superior officer, why would she develop such a ‘big sister’ mentality to Tom if she didn’t have as many opportunities to meet him?

Tuvok

Mosaic does not go too much in depth with Tuvok and Janeway’s relationship, but its sister novel Pathways does. In Pathways, Tuvok meets Janeway when he is an ensign under her command of the USS Bonestell. The Bonestell and the Billings, two ships that Janeway served on, tend to get confused a lot. Most sources have Janeway’s first command as the Voyager, Including Voyager itself -  “It doesn't seem like my first command is shaping up the way I expected,” Janeway Shattered. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway has her and Tuvok meet on the Al-Batani. I actually really like the dynamic between them, as they grow to respect each other over a much longer period of time. I also like that, though Janeway climbs through the ranks, it does not change their relationship dynamic as she still relies on him and asks him advice as if they were equals. I think giving them a longer time to build their relationship. Also would like to note that Janeway and Tuvok also had a friendship with the original CMO of Voyager, Dr. Fitzgerald. I always wanted to know more about the Pre-Caretaker crew and I would have loved to see this dynamic and how the grief of losing a close personal friend in the Caretaker incident would impact them both.

Also I feel obligated to shout out the Janeway and Tuvok story in Star Trek Waypoint One-Shot. I need to get around to doing a series retrospective, but this short story I have not seen anyone talk about and I love it so much. Please read Waypoint. Okay next.

Other characters

Cheb - Janeway’s boyfriend in Mosaic. He was kind of an asshole and got her into trouble. He is not in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway and I see no problem with this.

Boothby - “[he is the] head groundskeeper at Starfleet Academy. When I was a cadet, he used to give me fresh roses for my quarters,” Janeway Revulsion. Boothby is not in Mosaic. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, it is explained that her mother loved to garden and this was something that Boothby did as a gradian figure to make her feel at home and destress. Makes sense.

Aisha - A childhood friend of Katheryn’s. Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Mosaic has this weird thing about highlighting the relationships with only the men in her life, so it is nice to see her have some other female friends.

Nexa - Katheryn’s roommate at the Academy.  Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Nexa helps broaden Kathryn’s horizons by helping to learn about Exoliguisticts, first contact, and the Betazoid culture. Again nice to see her have other female friends.

Riker - Yes they go on a date in Mosaic. He is not mentioned in the  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. I know he is a gag character but I still liked it.

-----------------------

Final Thoughts

A lot of characters were changed between these two novels. There is a lot to like and a lot to hate. I really like what the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway did with characters like Tuvok and Gretchen Janeway. Other characters were not so lucky (Justin, sweetie I’m so sorry that they would erase you like that, oh my god). It’s a mixed bag, but one thing I need say is... why?

We have had a good thing going here with the established canon as is. Mosaic (and Pathways) is the foundation of which the last 25 years of fanworks and the relaunch novels are based on. Why change history when it is already written?

Always, would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading my novel of a post. I will see you in the full review.

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 30

Author’s Note: I needed some time away from that last story.  Call it a mid-season break, if you’ll allow it.  Now, for something I’ve wanted to do for literal years. (Yes, the stardate is going to be inaccurate because as much as I want to care about it, I don’t.  Two years have passed since chapter 1; six months have passed since chapter 29.  That’s all you need to know.)

Seven is walking through the corridors, nodding at doctors who smile at her.

Seven: Personal log, stardate 97770.33.  Admiral Paris has called myself, Captain Janeway, B’Elanna Torres, Tom Paris, the Doctor, and a few people I have not yet met to an early morning meeting.  It is rather inconvenient timing, as I was beginning to incorporate a new aspect to the filing system that would improve its efficiency.  Now, until I am permitted to return to my duties, the system will remain in its current state of disarray.  

Seven walks up to a door.  She rings the chime. 

KJ: Come! Seven: (enters, it’s a conference room.  KJ is seated near the head of the table. Seven nods in acknowledgement.) Captain. KJ: Good morning, Seven.   Seven: How was your sleep? KJ: Beverly woke me up snoring.  (drowning her yawns in coffee.  ...) Since when do you care? Seven: The Doctor and I have been talking about little talk.  It seems an inefficient way of communication, but the Doctor tells me it is seen as polite. KJ: It’s called “small talk,” Seven.  And I am perfectly fine to sit in silence--my restless night has left me rather cantankerous this morning.  (Seven nods in acknowledgement.  They have one more moment of silence before Tom and B’Elanna enter.  They see the way the Captain is chugging her coffee and decide not to comment.  They have a seat as well.  AP enters, smiling warmly.)

AP: Good morning, all.  Tom, would you mind bringing the Doctor up on this panel so we can begin? Tom: Yes, sir.  Will there be anyone else joining us, sir? AP: Yes, but I need to brief you all on your mission first. Tom: Understood, sir.  (He goes to the panel, presses a few buttons, and the EMH appears.) EMH: Good morning, Lieutenant Paris.   Tom: Good morning, Doctor. AP: Good morning, all.  I’m so glad to see you all again.  You all know I don’t like to beat around the bush, and there isn’t much time before you need to leave.  I’ll be brief.  We’ve managed to narrow down the location of the Voyager crew to a section of M class planets toward the border of the Delta and Alpha Quadrants.  We’ve not been able to communicate, but the homing signal they sent finally reached us.  According to his report, there were several minor injuries, but the planet they landed on had a benevolent species that took pity on them and helped them get to a stable position.  They, as far as I know, are waiting to be rescued, as the escape pods were very badly damaged in the landing.  We’re giving you a ship to bring back your crew. (brings up an image.  smiling)  Friends, this is the USS Ohana. KJ: (smiling) Family.  Family means no one gets left behind. AP: She’s intrepid class, just like Voyager.  She should have more than enough space to get all of you back in one piece. KJ: She’s beautiful.  When do we leave? AP: Well, as soon as your new crew members get here. Seven: New crew members? AP: Yes.  First, (pulling up a headshot) your head of security and first officer, Lieutenant Commander Tasha Yar.   KJ: Yes, she can cover that and tactical until we get to Tuvok.  That still leaves Ops, assuming that Tom will be covering the helm. AP: Your new Ops officer, Ensign Ro Laren (headshot).  I will warn you, Captain.  Both women are extremely opinionated and headstrong. KJ: Outspoken, are they?  They’ll fit it well.  (as if on cue, the doorbell chimes.) AP: Come! (Tasha and Ro enter.) KJ: (to Tasha) Commander Yar, yes? Tasha: Lieutenant Commander, but yes.  Tasha Yar.   AP: Report to cargo bay 4 in 2 hours.  Dismissed.  Tasha: (to KJ) Good to meet you, sir. KJ: Just “Captain” is fine.  I’ll be calling you “Number One.” (They all walk toward the Turbolift together.)

Tasha: I am honored.  Captain Picard used to call Commander Riker that. KJ: You served aboard the Enterprise? Tasha: Yes, many years ago.  I left for another position on a smaller ship that had the opportunity of advancement; Captain Picard gave me his blessing, as he and Captain Anton Farley were in the academy together. (smirking) He said I could learn a good deal from him. KJ: It’s a long story, but I became “Number One” after Commander Riker left for his position aboard The Excalibur. Ensign Ro, is it? Ro: Yes, Captain.  Thank you for using my proper name. KJ: No need to thank me for common decency. Commander Chakotay taught me well.   B’Elanna: Speaking of Chakotay, where is he? Seven: He is on an extended spirit quest.  He left messages with Starfleet Command that he would be back in a few months.  Admiral Paris felt it best to respect his religious practices and appoint you instead, Commander Yar. Ro: Now, Chakotay, why do I know that name? B’Elanna: It’s been a long time, but he and I fought with the Maquis against the Cardassians. Ro: But you aren’t Bajoran. B’Elanna: But Starfleet sure as hell didn’t give a damn.  We knew what needed to be done, and so we went to help, no matter what that meant. 

(Tasha and Ro share a look.  They’re uncomfortable and that is clear.  They certainly aren’t going to acknowledge what’s bothering them here. The turbolift comes and we are back with KJ and Bev.)

Bev: You’re going to call me every day at lunch, right? KJ: Of course.  I looked at the coordinates briefly--it doesn’t seem like it will be that long of a trip as far as navigation goes.  The species Tuvok has befriended seems docile and willing to learn from us according to his report.  I’d say I’ll be back in a month. Bev: Every day, Kate. KJ: 1200 hours.  We’ll keep up.  And when I get back, you’ll get to meet my crew. Bev: When you get back, can we tell your mom about us? KJ: (stopping dead in her tracks) Tell my mom? Bev: I don’t have parents to tell that I’m happy.  My closest friends and family already know you, especially since Wesley finally came to see me and you met him.  It’s time for your mom to know. KJ: I know it’s time.  I’m just worried that if we tell her, she’s going to fall apart.  It’s only been 6 months since Phoebe died. Bev: Her daughter is happy.  How could she “fall apart” over that? KJ: I don’t know.  I guess I’m just scared.   Bev: We’ll make a trip to see her and tell her in person.  It’ll be fun!  Plus I’ll finally get to meet Molly and Rocco.  I’ve been excited about that for a long time. KJ: Molly and Rocco will love you, and so will my mom after knowing that you’re my girlfriend.  (leaning in to kiss her) Just like I love you now.  (in each other’s arms) You’re the most loving, loyal, positive, funny, and sarcastic person I’ve ever known.  I love you. Bev: I love you, too.   KJ: I need to go. Bev: Do you have to? (starting to go in for another kiss)  KJ: I might have 15 minutes or so...(going in for a kiss on the neck) Bev: Good.  That’s just enough time.

Tasha is packing.  Ro enters.

Ro: Tasha, are we not going to talk about this? Tasha: There’s nothing left to talk about. Ro: Yes, there is.  We’re going to rescue some former Maquis. Tasha: Former Maquis who then became Starfleet officers. Ro: (sitting down on the bed) Tash, I need a friend right now. Tasha: A Maquis wanting to befriend a Starfleet officer? Ro: Will you just shut UP about that?!  (Tasha takes a deep breath and sits down next to her.) I defected to the Maquis, yes.  That’s only because I saw my people suffering.  I saw myself as a little girl again.  I couldn’t watch other people watch their fathers die like I did.  I just couldn’t.   Tasha: Listen...I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.  I was hurting for a long time.  You and I were really happy, and then you defected.  It felt personal. Ro: You know it’s not. Tasha: I saw the way you were looking at that Kira Nerys.  Don’t tell me that had nothing to do with it. Ro: That’s just it!  Kira had nothing to do with it. Tasha: Bullshit. Ro: Ok.  But not in the way you’re thinking.  She understood my passion for Bajor.  She knew that Starfleet couldn’t help me with that. Tasha: And that’s where the problem really is--you think that I didn’t understand, or that I couldn’t.  I grew up outrunning rape gangs, Ro.  I know what it’s like to have an unsafe, miserable childhood. Ro: But you don’t know what it is to have someone else understand that and be able to help you through that.  Be able to give you something to do about it. Tasha: ...I thought I did.  I really thought I did. (Tasha gets up from the bed and starts to finish up her packing.) Ro: Tasha. Tasha: Dismissed, Ensign.  (Ro sighs.  She looks at Tasha longingly one more time.  She leaves.)

Seven is in the Medical facility.  It’s clear she’s stressed out. Erin: Annika, just let me take care of that while you’re away. Seven: My name is not Annika any longer. Erin: What should your designation be, then? Seven: Seven of Nine is more than appropriate, even if it is a bit vague. Erin: Seven, please.  Just let me take care of the records while you’re gone. Seven: You won’t know what to do. Erin: Yes, I will. Seven: (stops what she’s doing) Show me. (Erin does the same sequence of events Seven has been doing.) You have forgotten to capitalize Biquv’s name under “assigned counselor.” Erin: But is the rest of it up to your standards? Seven: It is...passable.  Thank you, Erin. Erin: You’re welcome. (Seven starts to walk away.) I was wanting to talk to you. Seven: (Stops, turns on her heels.  slightly annoyed.) Proceed. Erin: We didn’t get the time to be mother and daughter.  When you return, could we start getting to know each other? Seven: When I return, I will have many things to do.   Erin: But you have to eat.  We could at least eat together. Seven: (taking a deep breath) We will attempt conversation once a week. Erin: Five times. Seven: Three. Erin: Sold.  Now hurry--your mission can’t wait.

[unspectacularmarvels]

Star Trek: Voyager - the missing episodes: series two, volume three

The crew hold a bake sale in the hope of making new alien friends in the sector via the medium of cake. Neelix undertakes the challenge of baking a Sporidian soufflé (or something), whilst Tuvok breaks out his ‘legendary’ Vulcan mild-tasting nutritional baked oblongs. Unbeknownst to anyone aboard Voyager, however, the whole affair soon comes to the attention of Gastrus: the bitchiest food critic in the quadrant. If Janeway and co. can’t impress him, they face imminent destruction. Guest stars Loyd Grossman. 

Paris is put on report after he’s caught doing inappropriate things to a gel pack. Meanwhile, the replicators start dispensing nothing but Flumps. Under Chakotay’s guidance, Janeway finally makes contact with her spirit guide: Big Bird.

(Well, we’ll say a provisional Big Bird…or, I dunno: a kestrel with the voice of Ethel Merman. Whatever.)

Rumours abound of an episode filmed almost entirely on the fly as the result of an altercation on set. The story goes that, during a take, a disgruntled extra on the bridge referred to Kate Mulgrew as ‘Moody Mulgy’ just a little too loudly. Mulgrew then leapt like a crazed wolverine onto the unfortunate background actor; Robert Beltran tried to intervene, only to wind up grappling with the livid Mulgrew. After a good few minutes of them rolling and flailing across the floor of the bridge, Tim Russ allegedly leapt down and successfully administered the Vulcan neck-pinch to both parties (others say he just bitch-slapped the pair of them into unconsciousness).

Unable to stall for time, the production team simply made-up a story on the spot, where Janeway and Chakotay contract space scurvy and go nuts.

Kes wakes up aboard what appears to be an orbital convent, with no memory of how she got there. Before she can make sense of her situation she is packed off, space guitar(?) in hand, by the Mother Superior to minister to a close-knit alien race known as the Voen’tr’aaps.

At least she’s got the haircut for it… Harry has to vacuum all the carpets after failing to get out of Janeway’s headlock…again. Unbeknownst to him however, Voyager’s only-surviving Hoover has been reprogrammed by the Vidiians to sabotage the ship whenever the young ensign isn’t looking.  Someone gets in trouble for something they didn’t do on a hitherto friendly alien world. Again. That’s, like, five times now…  Janeway, Kes, Tuvok and the Doctor find themselves inhabiting the bodies of ABBA. It’s Harry and B’Elanna’s turn to babysit Kes whilst the rest of the senior staff attends a diplomatic soiree on the planet below. Ensign Snugglebunny is just a little bit gwumpy, however, because she’s a big girl now and doesn’t need looking after. B’Elanna couldn’t really give a flying f**k, so leaves it to Harry to try and look after the fussy little madam, who leads him into all sorts of hilarious (and for him, painful) misadventures in the process. Think Baby’s Day Out – except nothing like it. Tom and Harry both get spud guns and compete to see who can be the first to hit both of Janeway’s [ahem]…twin moons, without her noticing. You know I’m talking about her butt, right? It’s her butt. Paris sets a trail of gummy bears leading from Kes’s quarters to his, where he sits naked on the bed in the dark, with his balls soaked in jelly (that is, Jell-O). Tuvok finds them first, however. Curious.  Voyager encounters The Space Fonz. Voyager’s outer hull is breached during a fierce fire-fight with the Kazon Nistrim (a.k.a. the ‘I can’t believe they’re not Klingons!’). With materials for repairs running low, Harry is sent down to hammer large pieces of crooked wood across the hole and Sellotape the gaps – but sparingly, young ensign: that stuff has got to last, like, sixty-nine years. Chakotay has a vision of a man called Robert Beltran who didn’t accept a role in a science-fiction television series and whose life seems to be all-the-better for it. Meanwhile in sickbay, the Doctor substitutes the large wooden mallet he ‘just found’ for the anaesthetic spray pen that just so happens to have ‘gone missing’... When nobody senior to Harry can get to the bridge to answer the hail of an unknown ship, the young ensign takes a deep breath, stands squarely in the centre of the bridge, and opens the visual link: ‘This is Ensign Hairy Quim of the USS Vagina.’ (If only he hadn’t been flicking through that copy of Space Playboy beforehand…)                    The Doctor rigs-up an ingenious contraption in sickbay that catapults stem bolts into the groin of anyone who walks through the door. Ensign Suder, in an effort to prove he’s not-that-insane anymore, presents the crew with his latest creation: a mixed-media portrait of Captain Janeway…stark naked: a coffee cup in one hand; an Irish Setter puppy in the other. And – if you look really closely­ – you can see Voyager, pointing downward. Oh, Mr. Suder: you so cray-zeh.

[jcstoryprompts]

Chapter B

Here’s the second chapter to choose from, for the sabotage competition.

And for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s the link to the rules: https://jccutthroatfiction.tumblr.com/post/166775271857/replacement-competition (I suspect I’ve linked this incorrectly, but there’s not much on my dash at the moment, I’m sure you’ll find the original post!

This chapter is a bit longer than the other one, I just realised..

Chapter B

Of all of the people Kathryn expected to see here, he was the last.

His eyes searched the room as though he expected to see her sitting there. But from the surprise on his expression when he finally saw her, he must have been searching for someone else. Regardless, he made his way over - his approach causing Kathryn's gut to churn uncomfortably. It had been a long time since she'd seen him. Too long - or maybe not long enough.

"Kathy!"

Kathryn forced a broad smile, feeling anything but pleased to see her former fiancée, Mark. She'd come here for solitude, to get away from the disappointments of her life and now here she was, talking to one.

Still she stood and extended a hand for him to take, which he squeezed fondly.

"What are you doing all the way out here?" he questioned with a hint of nostalgia.

She couldn't exactly tell him the truth, running away from her problems was hardly Kathryn's 'MO'. "It's difficult to find a nice place to eat out of the media spotlight," she answered vaguely. That was true too, to some extent. Since Voyager's return they'd hounded her, pressed her for gossip on the crew, asked highly inappropriate questions and just become an all round pain in the neck.

"Ah, I can only imagine," he commented. His eyes flicked to the second seat at her table, obviously left empty. "If you're alone, Kathy, you should come have dinner with us!"

She had an idea who 'us' was. Still, her mouth seemed to have disconnected from her brain. "Us?" she questioned stupidly.

He gave a short laugh. "My wife, Carla, and I," he glanced around again, though he didn't seem to spot her.

"That sounds -” like the most uncomfortable thing I can imagine. "Like a great idea."

"Wonderful!" he exclaimed. "She should be here any moment," he threatened.

And she was. Kathryn had hoped vainly that the woman might be late, then Kathryn could have come up with an excuse - something to get her out of there before she was forced into the most awkward meal she was sure to have. Sadly though, Carla's timing turned out to be 'impeccable'. Kathryn barely stood from her seat when the door opened again admitting a tall, young, blonde woman who bore a striking resemblance to another tall young, blonde woman that Kathryn had been trying not to think about. This tall, young, blonde woman - was pregnant.

Kathryn hadn't heard the news, though her mother still kept in contact with the man. Perhaps she had been trying to spare Kathryn's feelings? Of course, this was a great way to find out. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and made a feeble attempt to summon the captain's mask. If she could face the Delta Quadrant, she could face Carla Johnson.

The other woman's face turned overly polite as she approached. There was little chance she didn't recognise Kathryn and seeing Mark with his former fiancé obviously wasn't what she'd had in mind for a nice evening out. Kathryn could almost see the woman's thoughts forming - what the hell is this woman doing here? How do I get rid of her as quickly as possible? What the hell is Mark thinking?

Still, Carla approached, smile broad and bright and thrust her hand out. "Kathryn Janeway, what a pleasant surprise."

Bless the woman, she sounded earnest, certainly more earnest than Kathryn might have managed, had the situation been reserved.

"An unplanned one, I assure you," Kathryn commented quickly. She didn't want to make this woman feel threatened - honestly, all she wanted was to eat her pasta and drink her - bottle - of wine in peace.

"I ran into her here," Mark practically exclaimed.

"Well - how fortunate," Carla responded with hint of tightness in her tone. "She obviously has good taste."

With the exception of the rare, occasional meal on Voyager, anything was good.

She pushed the thought out of her mind before it had time to properly form.

"Well, I should let you both get to your dinner, I'm sure you don't want me intruding," Kathryn attempted.

Carla made a move to agree, but was interrupted by her husband. "Nonsense, Kathy. You shouldn't eat alone - I invited you to join us, please!"

Kathryn drew a breath, trying to think of another way to refuse. He could see that she hadn't eaten yet. She could hardly fake an emergency or prior engagement.

She wracked her brain for rather longer than was socially decent, she was certain. Nothing came to mind so she eventually forced a rather uncomfortable: "Ok," in response.

Carla sucked a breath through her teeth, though her smile never wavered.

Mark had never been very good at taking social queues so the ones that both Kathryn and his wife dropped flew far above his head. Kathryn could easily just walk out, but burning more bridges probably wasn't going to help in her return to Earth, any more than running from her problems was. So she sat at the table, opposite Carla. She put as much distance between herself and Mark as was socially acceptable and attempted to maintain her smile.

They set off to a rocky start. Kathryn was unpractised at small talk and Carla seemed unsure what to bring up. Mark led the conversation, oblivious to the awkward air that had fallen over them.

"Carla is a warp specialist," he spoke proudly. "She's been trying to develop a new - ah - quantum drive?" he ended with a questioning glance at his wife. Who gave an amused sniff.

"A quantum slipstream drive," she corrected. Her eyes flicked to Kathryn and she couldn't help but wonder whether Carla was privy to the data Voyager had brought back.

"A noble pursuit," Kathryn commented in a jovial tone.

"Not my ideal career path, but it's fascinating," she responded. Kathryn wasn't exactly sure how to respond to the comment, so busied herself by pouring water for the table.

"It keeps her on Earth, so I can't complain," Mark interjected.

Kathryn paused for fraction of a second, making a poor effort to hide her reaction to his comment. Offhanded and harmless though it seemed, she couldn't help but feel the underlying tone: you didn't stay on Earth and look what happened to you.

She snatched up her glass, once they were all full and brought it swiftly to her lips, eyes focussing on anything but the couple across the table.

She didn't need to look at Carla to feel the brush of cold air wafting over. Obviously Carla had an adventurous spirit, it was so like Mark to find someone like that, but he also hated waiting at home. His insecurity had been present long before Kathryn had vanished in the Delta Quadrant.

"Sometimes it's nice to get away, though," Carla pressed on as though her husband hadn't spoken. "I always wanted to join Starfleet, but my parents weren't really in favour of the idea - they never let me apply to the academy."

Kathryn frowned supportively. She knew many people in similar situations, some of whom had defied their parent's requests and applied anyway. That wasn't always an option, though.

"I do enjoy what I'm doing and I'm still working with Starfleet. Sometimes I just wonder what my life might have been, had I taken a different path."

Kathryn could empathise. After all, she'd hardly intended to be in the Delta Quadrant for seven years - talk about derailing her plans. By this time in her life she'd always hoped to have children, maybe a promotion to Admiral and a nice house in southern Indiana. Now, chances of having any of those things were slim at best. She'd be lucky if she managed to avoid time in the stocks, let alone somehow obtaining a promotion.

Life could be worse, though. Her future self had made that abundantly clear. Over twenty more people dead, Tuvok succumbing to a neurological disease and she'd had to push on through all of this, alone. There was little wonder why she'd ended up bitter and cynical.

She must have made a face at the thought. Mark leaned across the table and touched her hand sympathetically.

"Sorry, I mean - I'm sure you've done enough exploring to last a lifetime," Carla attempted. She actually sounded apologetic, though her lips twisted at Mark's gesture.

"Oh no, it's not that," she withdrew her hand, took another sip of her water and glanced around. Where the hell was the waiter?

"Obviously what Carla said bothered you," Mark pushed. He missed the frown his wife gave him. "Why don't you talk to us about whatever is wrong? Surely talking about your problems will make you feel better."

Had he ever really known her?

She gave a polite smile and shook her head. "We'd be here for a week," she laughed, hoping the humour would defuse some of the tension. It didn't and she spent the next couple of minutes sitting under their piteous gazes as they waited for the waiter.

She could barely even bring herself to reveal what had her so upset to her counsellors, or her mother, for that matter. She certainly wasn't talking about her troubles with her former fiancée and his new wife.

What could she say? I broke the prime directive a lot and am now likely to face charges for that. I fell in love with a man, but couldn't be with him, due to the nature of my position aboard. I thought he'd wait for me but he started dating a younger woman on the crew - one I thought of as a daughter. Incidentally, the man I fell for became my closest friend in the Delta Quadrant and in spite of that fact ran off and eloped with the young woman, without even telling me.

Honestly, the situation with Starfleet was something she'd considered since the beginning of their journey through the Delta Quadrant. She was prepared for whatever they wanted to throw at her. The whole thing was a kind of distraction for herself from what really hurt - Chakotay had chosen someone else.

Apparently one small section of the universe felt for her. The waiter appeared and took a rather long time penning their orders. He was new and seemingly the restaurant favoured an ancient style of pen and paper requests. The boy seemed to have a great deal of difficulty spelling the fettuccini that Mark ordered and even greater trouble with Kathryn's cannelloni.

Thankfully, by the time he departed, Mark and Carla seemed to have forgotten their previous conversation, Mark deciding on a new topic to pick up. "Vegetarian, Kathy?"

Kathryn hadn't even thought about her order. She'd gone for feta, mushroom and spinach cannelloni out of habit. Many of her dinners had been with Chakotay and while he would make the exception for replicated meat, he usually preferred to avoid it altogether. She'd made that compromise, not that it really was one - after all, his meals had been the highlight of her week.

"It sounded good," she responded evasively. All she needed was for him to probe into her 'friendship' with Chakotay.

"I'm sure just about anything sounds good now," Carla commented. Despite how correct she was, Kathryn got the impression that the other woman was being snide rather than attempting to appear jovial.

She sniffed a laugh. "You're not wrong." She didn't really want to elaborate, but like basically everyone, since Voyager's return, they were curious about her time in the Delta Quadrant. She could hardly fault anyone for asking, but answering the same thing five times a day began to grate rather quickly.

"What kind of foods did you have available?" Mark questioned quickly.

Rehearsed as she was, she began her usual spiel, pre-empting his next two or three questions. "We had whatever foods we managed to scavenge and though we had replicators, they run from the same energy source as the engines. We were on rationing most of the journey and needed to maintain our own supply."

Carla actually appeared impressed. "I'm sure that wasn't always easy," she said lightly. For the first time in their conversation, Kathryn sensed that Carla was being genuine. Thanks to the war, many people seemed to be under the impression that their time in the Delta Quadrant was like a holiday - until they heard the details. Most of Voyager's time away from home was classified, but there weren't any regulations against her revealing what they faced on the day to day.

"It wasn't easy some days," she admitted. "But we made it through."

Mark gave a short laugh. "How did you manage without your coffee?"

The mood shift was welcome. She wasn't overly interested in bringing anyone down. She gave a wry smile. "I always had rations for coffee." That was a blatant lie, of course. In truth Chakotay had spent a lot of rations on her addiction, but she'd spent a good deal of rations on their dinners and wine for their meals.

"Then what did you eat?" he joked.

She gave an affronted frown. "I ate," she protested.

He gave her an appraising look and shook his head. "Now that I don't believe."

Kathryn made a move to protest further, but the waiter re-appeared with their meals.

The young man seemed to make up for his inability to spell, with an exceptional ability to balance the three plates and still carry a pepper grinder. He placed all three rather large plates without needing to question which meal belonged to whom and offered pepper. Not to mention his perfect timing.

The food looked incredible. Even if she had been on Earth these past few years, she'd have been eager to try this dish. She waited until both her eating companions had begun, before taking a first, wonderful bite. This wasn't the first meal she'd had since her return, of course. She'd been on Earth for nearly seven months now. But this may have been the finest meal. The pasta was perfectly cooked, the sauce perfectly sweet, offsetting the rich, salty flavour of the feta and the creamy texture of the mushrooms.

Her original plan had been to eat swiftly, thank Mark and Carla for a lovely evening and then make her exit, but she found herself wanting to savour the dish more and more.

The dish was remarkably similar to Chakotay's - if Chakotay had had fresh ingredients and a proper cooking space to work with. She couldn't help but wonder how similar the recipes were.

Despite her best efforts her mind strayed further - was he cooking his cannelloni for Seven?  She couldn't help but imagine a scene playing out of him cooking for her, cracking open a bottle of Antarian Cider and a table that suddenly appeared very similar to the one in Kathryn's quarters aboard Voyager.

A lump formed in her throat, making swallowing the next bite rather difficult.

She'd been trying so hard to fight off any thought of the pair, but they'd managed to worm their way into her thoughts like they did most days. Their callous disregard for the friendships she'd cultivated since she'd met both of them was easily as painful as the fact that Chakotay had moved on. At the very least she thought she meant more to him than that.

The remainder of the evening progressed much the same with one rather obvious addition. Carla clung to Mark as though attempting to show how wonderful their relationship was. To be fair she probably felt threatened - that of course didn't make Kathryn feel any better.

By the time she made it through the front door of her small, one bedroom apartment, she was exhausted. The drab, Starfleet issue furniture certainly didn't improve her mood.

She slumped on the hard, grey couch and stared blankly at the wall ahead. Had she still been in the Delta Quadrant, had things remained the way they had been going, tonight she'd have shared yet another dinner with Chakotay. Tonight would have been her turn to cook - and bless the man; he'd have eaten whatever she served, despite her protests.

Had their dinners stopped in the alternate future?

The thought of living that life broke her heart. Admiral Janeway had lost everything in her pursuit of home. Admiral Janeway must have been so lonely.

Was she destined to follow suit? 

[bumblingbabooshka]

Read a fic about Tuvok having a history of self harm. It's a very short fic but it really interested me! So I wanted to doodle some stuff based on it - the first page is my interpretation of a certain summarized scene:

The concept of Tuvok's own self harm effecting T'Pel so viscerally was what got my attention most of all (as you can see) - I can imagine how much guilt that must have put on him and it's another, alien, dimension to struggling with mental health and one that would be interesting in Tuvok's position where he's now for the first time completely disconnected from his family and only has to contend with himself and his own mind. Once again, Vulcan identity is so fascinating!!! I love seeing what people do with it!

Page One: T'Pel bandages Tuvok's wrists in silence. She looks up at the man himself who's also watching the process. "It is done," she says. He does not seem to have heard her. "Tuvok," she prompts. He looks up. Speaking telepathically, he says "Yes. Your 'turn'." with some bitterness. He begins to bandage her wrists as she watches him. "There is no need for guilt," she says. Tuvok states "This is...familiar." We see a younger Tuvok; He is a teenager who appears disheveled and disturbed by the news he is receiving. An unseen individual, perhaps a guardian, says to him: "T'Pel is in the hospital." We see two knives, showing the passage of time. One is a common kitchen knife while the other is a ritual blade - they are both bloody. The guardian's words continue: "Tuvok. I implore you, stop." We see several women without defining facial features. They are both specific and representative - T'Pel and Janeway are clear and represent 'wife & friends' while the other Vulcan figure is perhaps 'family' (she could be Tuvok's mother, daughter, etc). "If not for her sake..." the unseen voice continues. "Then for your own." At that we see Tuvok appearing disturbed once again, however time has advanced. He is now aboard Voyager and lines emanating from him indicate that his bond to those previous figures has just been broken. For who's 'sake' does he have to preserve himself now? We see Tuvok alone in a severely darkened room - there appears to be a cushion in front of him. Is it for meditation or for a blade to sit upon? He appears to be bleeding. The word 'Stop' is in bold, hanging over him. It is unclear whether this is something he is thinking or the true end of his guardian's plea. Page Two has several unconnected Images. One: Tuvok is an incredibly disheveled looking teenager wearing an outfit indicating he is currently residing in the temple he was banished to at that time. He is looking down at his scarred wrist with an impassive yet very tired expression. He looks up, thinking "I feel...calm." An arrow pointing to him informs us that he has just unlocked a bad coping mechanism. Ostensibly as a 'quick fix' to the distress he was feeling at that time. Two: Tuvok is the same age but time has advanced a bit, indicated by his change in clothes. He is bandaging his wrists, looking as disheveled as ever. His 'quick fix' doesn't seem to have improved his health. He repeats mentally that this is the 'last time' - it can be assumed that he is referring to self harming. Three: Tuvok is an ensign under captain Sulu. This is his first stint in Starfleet. He is asked a question by a doctor, indicated by a question mark. "They're very old scars, doctor." Tuvok replies dismissively. Four: Tuvok is the same age but time has advanced a bit. He is lying on his bed in uniform, staring out at nothing in particular. The room is darkened and drenched in shadow. There is the indication of blood. An arrow looming over him states that he has relapsed. Five: A young Kathryn Janeway offers Tuvok a cup of what might be tea. "I'm here for you," she says, with a very concerned expression. Tuvok does not look at her. He sits with his steepled hands in his lap, staring down. He remains expressionless. There is a doodle of a ship identified as the USS Wyoming to orient us in time. Six: Tuvok and T'Pel hold hands and stare into what would be one another's eyes. Their facial features have been wiped clean. Tuvok's face is almost fully encased in an amorphous darkness which stretches across the space between them and leaks out of a hole in the middle of T'Pel's face which is being 'filled' by said darkness. The text above reads "All your rot bleeds into her." The darkness no longer has humanoid shape - there is a small white figure in its midst. It is unclear whether the darkness is emanating from the figure or threatening to swallow them. The text above reads "There isn't a scar on her that wasn't put there by you."