#this doesnt happen...unles...

[basilisk2000]

good god uhm i was bored gore warning !

as you coddle coo and comfort

[pepprs]

truly can’t stand myself x

[grapesandgold-archived]

@menagerie-rp

“-nante... Rocinante!”

The scalding jet of water cuts off. Just as soon as the heat vanishes, icy water rains down in its place, and Lattice turns to scold him properly.

“Idiot. Burning yourself like that doesn’t toughen you up, it just makes you a liability.”

[paceywittergayboatman]

Thank you at last. Just took almost 2 months for someone to finally agree with me. I was bashed through hell and back and harassed for 3 full days by a bunch of edgelords just because I said *I didn't get this ship*, which automatically translated in their mind to "omg I'm cancelling it for being problematic!!1!!!1!" I don't even know shit about it besides all those weird gifsets of the super disturbing Sporus "joke" that everyone finds funny and/or endearing? What?

Tomgreg and tom girls dont read this its gonna piss you off

Quick thing first commenting on posts like that doesnt really do anything and is toxic both parties involved but i also really appreciate your point

Heres my explantion if the phenomenon

I used to ship tomgreg but started looking into the meta and figured out some stuff we got alot if supernatural people to the fandom and it changed the energy of fandom in way i did not like obviously not every supernatural girl is obnoxious but because of history and tension between the fandom and the writers and actors its particularly toxic(I'm johnlock girl so i appreciate you all even as i say this)

The problem is like 3 things one succession is mad men ahow in terms how serious it is and its treated way lighter because its easier to view a show that reflects white supremacy and the erasure of white identity in exchange for capitalism, is about immigrant white identity and its relationship to culture class and trauma, and how trauma of growing up queer for the characters tho subtextually is affected, this includes abusive behavior verbally and emotionally which occurs in different way and is at times sexual (tomgreg doesn't have sexual abuse)

I think succession writing of tom is complicated because its in my opinion hes like the concept death and a representation of Emily Dickinson relationship of seeing herself as both a person and a Victorian ghost and not real as she woman constricted under sexsism and controlling fathet eho imposed him self on to his famy and has complicated literary sense of self and tom exists as that so on some level he reflection of everything he sees hence people can project onto him

On the other had his motivations for power arent linked to family and the family trauma but rather just power and greed but it happens overtime that he chosses power

In that way tom is an example of pure American greed and general entitled for power snd he unlike the rest of cast is some random closeted upperclass white dude

I think actually thinking about what succession has its roots and processing it for what is is tricky i have several alignments via my identies of queerness and culture and class and having a parent who weilds power and so i understood alot of it quicker

In juxopsiton to tom rash messy entiled behavior greg is depending on your opinion but in minr a 21 year old kid who mother and his grandparents and great unles have a hard time having a safe family environment and and all of the family is traumatized and abuses and so in the text greg childlike behavior and toms controlling tendencies over a young man are troublesome

The full context in that scene tom is gonna ask greg to chose and man he ment as of 8 months ago over his cousins and mom and hes says what has your family done for you vs me and its quite gross yo watch as greg who feels already isolated in his family and has finally met his cousins who seen him as person but cant always tend to him and are so fucked up they have trouble expressing affection being controlled bu essentially a powe hungry man

Tomgreg is already bad but my meta analysis leads me to believe that tom is greg dad and neither are aware and that makes the whole thing worse and adds a layer of grossness

Its kinda like people see a serious show like one would watch glee and get upset when topics and things they save in humorous tone are regarded as what they are abusive

And that's why the response to your reblog was like that

Tom progression from an attempt of being good person to bad one is done during the course of the story but hus season three finale choice shows his true motivation

[idksheepthoughts]

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me....                                   any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late   but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked               but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it              

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else             

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?         yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual                 since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter                 it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you      because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?                   and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing   and here we are, situations reversed  

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.                                    

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely   i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here  (5)           so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.    and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist                                    

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it              

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.                             

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x       (6) .those thoughts make me want to die      

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.                        

Her: oh, now you believe me                     after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there     it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit             like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post  idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/    ��                      like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for   (8)      i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot     but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account                   where you seem ot think i live a dandy life   (9)                                    it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!                                           anyways im done lol           oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)                    that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online      and we've been civil lately                         but ok! i guess i don't care!  because im living it up!       #sarcasm    (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either,  i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...    

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)       (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)                           

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens   & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :)             god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff   liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything                 i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend  

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and  I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed.  But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.                   

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something    "idc if its an exaggeration"                                      ^^^^^^^             unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao    (11)     apparnetly you get to be and i dont                             thats how it always is            did you ever think about it feels for me   when my only friend does shit like this constantly    like lmao                                ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view  this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care       LOL     and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me       like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this  like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends  i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?    but you just want to assume, assume, assume   (12) i cried already out of anger    

Me: I didn't have friends in college either                                 

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit       because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit      

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic   It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.     I'll shut up now.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

“did you have a good day today”

“it was okay. i wouldnt say it was ‘good’“

“okay seems good. maybe its just shifting the perspective”

“yes, in my world right now, okay is good enough.”

~~~

“you dont have to pay them. dont pay them. they have to fix it. it takes like 2 seconds to do this work, dont pay them.”

“its not that simple im pretty sure i have to and on top of that i dont want the stress”

“its not even about sticking up for yourself they need to fix this and you shouldnt pay until its fixed. dont pay them. if you pay it shows them that they can get away with it.”

“im pretty sure thats not going to work and what happens when it doesnt and im thrown out”

“how are they going to throw you out? they cant! ive seen places condemned for fire code violations.”

“but where do i go then. this is not really worth the stress its going to put on me.”

“dont pay them, unles you want to live with a broken oven.”

immediately i felt overwhelmed and upset. like it was really easy for him to say these things because he doesnt live my life. he doesnt have to put up with this. and it was kind of manipulative to insinuate by paying them i personally want to live with a broken oven. 

a few yrs ago - hell, even a few months ago, i wouldve been blindly obedient. i wouldve assumed he must know what hes talking about and just trust him and hope that it all turned out okay because he was sooo sure that this is what could happen. and for maybe thirty minutes or so, i swayed that way. like it was easier to be told what to do as well because i had to decide that i was important enough to myself to perserve myself and my well being. if im not that important who cares if whatever he tells me fucks up my life even harder. and u know he will not be there to catch me. he will shrug and tell me why did i listen to him, as he has done before because there is never personal culpability for these things. 

but he was very adament as if following his action would bring better things to my life. like it would make me feel good about my life and that i deserved to have ammeninities and to stand up and say i deserve this and if u dont give it to me u dont get what u want either.  and thats a noble gesture but he didnt frame it in support - he framed it as advising me what to do with my life. 

and for 30 minutes u know.. it was easier to let him decide this for me. i didnt have to stress about what to do - he gave me instructions even. he told me how to deal with them! and like thats what i “want”. i want it to be easy and just be told so i can continue to float on in life and not think and not even act because i decided to act but because i was told to act and i acted in a certain way based on what another person wanted to see. 

but then i looked it up and reconfirmed what i actually already knew. at no point ever can u not pay rent. and u have next to no rights as a tenant renting a unit from someone other than privacy. thats what u get for being someone too poor to buy a house. period. 

and this is depressing. this doesnt fix my problem at all. this makes nothing better right now. i still have a broken oven and ill probably have one until i move. thats the shitty landscape of life because people are terrible and the only way i can possibly get away from people is to do the necessary work it takes to do that. 

but u know what i didnt do? i did not blindly follow the advice of some pissant living with his mother who clearly has no idea what the ontario law is in regards to rental units. even if hes “rented before” clearly they were not scenarios in which he needed to be a well informed tenant. they never wouldve been because he couldve always moved back home to mommy. who cares when you can just leave? 

so in a way - shifting the perspective here; i stood up for myself. but like literally just for myself. i said to myself i dont need to lose another apartment in such a short amount of time. i have plans to move. i have options for help i just need to put them in motion. instead of following this mans advice for the approval that like “im doing the right thing” or “doing my best” according to him, i decided to do what would be best for me and unfortunately whats best is paying my rent, sending my disability forms in and hoping to god im approved. just sit down, shut up and wait.