#this edit has been lurking in my brain for ages and I finally managed to get the screenshot without the game crashing

[ancenth]

I used to pray like god was listening, I used to make my parents proud

[sweet-beezus]

Edit: Somehow, my queue glitched and posted this earlier this week, so hopefully~ this works out-

Golly, another @khoc-week has come and gone, time sure flies when you're having fun-

Thank you for another AWESOME week full of such fun OCs!!! I love seeing everyone's creativity shine through their characters, it's like a small look into everyone's brains where we can admire the little worms living in there... in a good way!

Whether they're freshly hatched or well aged, these silly guys always bring me so much joy! :)

Genuinely, I wish I had the energy to interact with every single one of them, so instead I will blow them all a kiss from afar!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ They are what makes this week of the year truly special!

Beware, I will be lurking in tags ready to pounce on every OC I see after this is over I'm OBSESSED- (jk jk... unless?)

Onwards, then, to the final prompt of the year!!

Day 7 - Happily Ever After

Now, alas I've been following the canon timeline and filling in gaps with my own fun worldbuilding, characters and lore, so by all rights their stories are not gonna reach a happy ending for a WHILE (writing? who is she?), however the hypotheticals are always a good way to cope with that!

What their endings have reached so far while we're in lore hiatus (waiting endlessly for Missing Link and KH4... jk jk I hope they take their time tbh-) is that ideally after KH3, while everyone is looking for Sora, they're world jumping and clearing out remaining hoards of darkness together as a crew, alongside Reixen for more bonding time, in a variety of new places! They solve some mysteries surrounding their own personal character arcs and learn things about themselves they never considered, it's a real eye opener. Day 2 kinda hints at that with my picks of places I want them to go to fulfill that! At this rate, they may just be a series of oneshots...

Of course, it all eventually HAS to end, so here's some loose ends and how they may tie them up!

Iris:

Considering Iris ended up in the future, of course she has to cope with the reality that the worlds she knew are gone, or at least have yet to be restored (aside from Daybreak Town there's no repairing that-). Plus the existential crisis of having technically been dead AND given a new, puppet-esque body to inhabit. Lucky, she is, to even be here to begin with.

At the same time, she's helping Alto regain his memories from the same era they both managed to escape in some way. Being repeatedly reincarnated kinda screws some things up along the way, so it's a long haul process for the both of them to come to terms with.

Depending on what happens with the Scala ad Caelum plotline, they may both travel there, or to what's left of it, for closure, as well as to learn about the culture there to see what became of it after they were both long gone. Pay their respects to Alto's pal Ephemer and all that.

Her ending ideally is moving on and learning to live in a time she didn't anticipate seeing, which should be simple in theory since she's so young. She stays with Irene and Alto in Radiant Garden, and together with Alto they both take up lessons with Merlin and Yen Sid to learn more modern Keyblade skills, eventually (despite being Keyblade Master precursors) they are granted the titles of Master and help protect the universe.

♡♡♡

Irene:

She returns to her job, forever changed by her experiences, and helps her fellow castle staff move on and forgive themselves for the horrors they had to go through. It's a long haul process, but it will be worth it!

She finds herself a comfy living place in Radiant Garden to offer as a safe space for those she grew close to when they need it, where she essentially adopts Alto and Iris, since they don't really have a place to go that isn't rooming with a wizard or an on-the-road teenager. From time to time she also travels to Twilight Town to visit Reixen and her found family (maybe attending her polycule wedding at some point), but otherwise seems perfectly content staying put. Maybe the occasional visit from Iliana, as a treat. That doesn't require much aside from constant pestering, really.

While readapting to life a decade later than she's used to is a hassle in of itself, she seems to do it with grace, which is impressive considering she was presumed dead for said decade-

She also has that wonderful romance with Russell, as they deserve, and they both get to retire at some point knowing they have their chance to heal from all the suffering they experienced... and with more adopted kids than they know what to do with-

♡♡♡

Iliana:

What I envision for her is kind of complicated and long, so I'll try to keep it short-

Ideally, she gets to save her world once and for all while also getting rid of Igni, which almost costs her her life (nothing is allowed to be easy with Igni, as we've learned from Day 4-). So afterwards she's in recovery surrounded by the loved ones she gained along the way. For how long? Who's to say, miss ma'am will either be MIA or in a comatose sleep (jk jk... unless?) so it depends entirely on her and the awful side effects of Igni's possession tbh-

Chronically ill? With Igni goo disease? More likely than you think!

On the bright side, she finally gets to reunite with her brother in this timeline, though later than intended, and the two eventually take off on a journey of self discovery! Or they probably camp out with their uncle for a while before they do that, either way. They make up for lost time and get to grow together as people while also tying up a whole heap of loose ends their pasts left behind. A whole heap is nothing to sneeze at in this case-

In between, she makes time to check in on various allies as well as hang out with (her nerdy now bf) Ienzo. They have a funky long distance relationship because of her travels, so she surprises him with her presence when she can.

Maybe she gets an engineering degree, who knows? Certainly not me, at least not yet.

I like to think she eventually takes on apprentices or something and is probably the most annoying mentor known to the universe, especially if one of her apprentices is conveniently a secret younger sibling (I joke but... maybe-).

Nothing will be easy, of course some stupid new plot will pop up and she'll have even more nonsense to deal with, but that's a later issue to think about.

♡♡♡

And finally, they all get therapy ♥

They're doomed by the narrative to be absolutely demolished but can never truly die, so it's only fair they can live out somewhat happy and fulfilling lives despite every up and down I throw at them!

That's all I've got for this prompt, thank y'all for another wonderful KHOC Week and I will see y'all next year!!

Or in the tags, I'm always in the tags. :3c

[jjheejz]

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well. 

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them. 

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and  Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps). 

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news. 

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

//

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

[maggiecheungs]

2020 ~everything~ wrap

i finally have time to do all of the tag games that people have tagged me in over the past month or so! i cannot for the life of me remember who tagged me in which one, so i’m just putting ~everything~ in one huge post. if i tag you anywhere then consider it a standing invitation to do whichever of these you haven’t done :) in fact, this is me issuing a standing invite to any of my followers who wants to do it :) also, thank you all!

Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

this collection of philosophy quotes paired with thai bl series, (and its sequel) which is possibly my favourite thing i’ve ever made. for, uh, nerd reasons.

these gifted text post memes i made still make me laugh sometimes

this fic about green from 2gether, which i wrote in the notes app on my phone and published the same day. not my absolute best writing but i am very fond of it <3

i have a bunch fof friend zone dangerous area edits/shitposts which i like, but i’m particularly fond of my fzda as satire headlines (which now has a sequel!)

i also love my crisgood-walmart-lesbian post. i might send it in to gmmtv to try and convince them to do a crisgood-bffs spin-off

+ bonus: since i wrote this list i made this gifset (my first ever!) of jennie panhan in the shipper and i love her too much not to include her on here

+ extra nerdy bonus: this niche meme about Chinese philosophy, which still makes me crack up whenever I think about it

Favourite Creators/Follow Forever

i’ve completely lost track of who’s following who from which blog, so this is just going to be a haphazard, non-exhaustive list of people who i adore/admire/am vaguely intimidated by, mutuality be damned. maybe we talk all the time! maybe we’ve never interacted! maybe i am constantly there in ur tags... lurking... 👀... but if you’re on this list you have made me smile at least once this year and i love you for that alone <3

@wjmild kylie!! you make gifs of arm & tay & lee (separately or in various combinations) & the shipper & and kapook & random fluke pusit cameos & school rangers so i don’t have to <3 ilysm

@janeramida vianey, you have such impeccable taste in general, but your sizzy gifset in particular is so gorgeous it lives in my mind rent free

@applelapis bri, this post was a callout and i want you to know that it haunts me at night as i lie awake staring at the ceiling :((((( i hope you are happy

@gigiesarocha cata, i love it when you show up on my dash bc you have!! such taste!! also, every time you gif gigie i gain five years of life <3 pls continue doing the Good Work

@pvrrish​ eleni, i remeber legit thinking that this was an official poster when i first saw it, it’s so beautiful

@ahysopae​ juliette your khaithird fic is so good and it literally changed the way i think about khai (not an easy feat)

@kurosawadachi angel, whenever i think about grace’s speech i remember your gifset and get literal chills

@doctorbahnjit alexa, you have no right to be as funny as you are. your friend zone edits give me life

@khaotungthanawat sam, you’re probably sick of getting tagged in these lists by random strangers, but i just had to bc your gifsets are Pure Art

@tanwirapong roa, all your gifsets are so ✨iconic✨

faiza @asianmelodrama and rahul @petekaos! yours were the first two thai drama blogs i followed and for ages i lowkey thought of you as my fandom parents.

and some more blogs that make me happy: @curlykytta / @lee-thanat  / @fck-inspector-m / @pangwave / @tichawongtipkanon / @tawanv @kimmonv (violet istg i have spent more time this year trying to figure out how many blogs you have than i have spent admiring your gifsets. & i spend a lot of time admiring your gifsets) / @taytawan / @1akorn and @yihwas (and your radiant lovechild @lakornladies ofc) / @teh-ohaew / @vihokratanas (mel your gifsets are just so gorgeous) / @tootiredtoosadtooangry / @headcompletelyempty / @demiromanticmickey​ / and there are definitely more but my brain is a sieve so apologies if i’ve forgotten anyone!! i love you all!! 

2020 HIGHLIGHTS ✨

rules: list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)

1. 2GETHER & STILL2GETHER

my first thai drama, and even after all the amazing shows i’ve watched this year, it still has a special place in my heart. watching 2gether was the first time i’d ever seen a queer romcom that just... was. for me, by the simple fact of its being, 2gether was revolutionary. and then still2gether came along and took all the best things about the first season and gave us something beautiful and quiet and lovely and just proved to me, once and for all, that queer happiness doesn’t need to justify its own existence. there can be gay cuddles on the beach for no other reason than that we want them. 

2. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

i don’t really have the words for this one but. it makes my heart so very soft.

3. FRIEND ZONE 2: DANGEROUS AREA

season one was mindless fun because everyone was an absolute trashfire and it was hella cathartic to watch, but season 2... wow. i love it for so many reasons: it has messy and authentic queer rep; the characterisation is excellent and i somehow care about all of the characters; amazing women taking centre stage(!); a wlw relationship with lesbian, ace and bipolar rep; multiple interesting plotlines; actual character development; arm weerayut as a chaos gremlin... absolutely one of my favourites of 2020.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

i don’t think i need to explain this one, which is fortunate, because i have no idea how exactly i’d describe the happy-warm-fuzzy-queer-seen-loving-affirmed-profound feeling that rises in my chest whenever i think about it. 

5. THE GIFTED: GRADUATION

confession: i liked season 2 more than season 1 (with the exception of the ending, which we don’t talk about). season 1 was enjoyable and interesting, but for me it was season 2 which made me love this series. it did some incredibly interesting and complicated things (even if it didn’t quite nail the landing): it pushed characters to the breaking point and wove so many layers into the story and questioned its own underlying themes. plus, watching it alongside everyone in the fandom made it 200% better. i love all of you and i love this show. egg girl 5eva.

6. THE SHIPPER

i 100% understand why so many people didn’t like this show, or found it problematic, but through some fluke it absolutely worked for me (even the ending). one day i will write an essay explaining my rationale, but for now i’ll just say that it’s one of my favourite shows about adolescence and queerness and identity and compassion and friendship and love that i’ve ever watched. 

7. YYY

this series is absolutely off its rocker, and it somehow managed to be one of the most affirming shows i’ve watched. it shouldn’t have worked by it did, and i love it so much.

8. 3 WILL BE FREE

absolutely iconic. amazing plot, stunning visuals, great characters, canon polyamory, jennie being incredible... what a series.

9. MANNER OF DEATH

i love the fact that this show exists; i love the mix of crime and romance; i love maxtul’s acting; i love the central relationship; i love bun. i know we’re not even halfway through yet, but this show is doing something special and i’m so grateful that i get to watch it unfold in real time. 

10. CHIHAYAFURU (SEASON 3)

odd one out on my list, but I had to include it. chihayafuru is my all-time favourite anime and it finally got a third season, which is somehow even better than the first two. mashima taichi is one of my favourite characters of all time and his storyline hits me on such a profound level. plus, in the years since i first say this show i’ve fallen in love with classical japanese literature (particularly heian poetry) so i had newfound appreciation for the karuta matches (aka i cried every time someone recited one of my favourite poems)

other favourites: together with me, he’s coming to me, sotus and sotus s, my dear loser: edge of 17, why r u, theory of love, wake up chanee!, gameboys, pearl next door, uta koi (anime), three kingdoms (2010), blood and water (netflix). (itsay would almost certainly be on my list if i’d had time to watch it. same with dark blue kiss, which i had to pause so i could do my assignments)

Final Thoughts

well, it’s been... a year (i don’t think anyone needs a reminder of the details) but writing this post has reminded me of all the amazing shows and people I discovered over the course of it.

thank you to everyone for being so lovely and creative and funny and quirky and kind and passionate. you’re all incredibly awesome people and i wish all of you the very best xx

[a-yellow-book]

A-Ying is A-Ying!

There's no logic to how Wei Ying is de-aged temporarily, and my one brain cell has taken leave today so here we are. I wanted to write some fluff to de-stress without any planning or thinking or editing for that matter. :P All mistakes - in logic and/or spelling, are truly done by my own hands. Welps. Please enjoy~

[read on AO3 instead]

Jiang Cheng fidgeted with his outer robes as he approached the Cloud Recesses’ gate, followed by a full Jiang Sect entourage. This year’s Discussion Conference was the first that Wei Wuxian would officially take part in since marrying Lan Wangji last Fall. Jiang Cheng would like to think that they had made a lot of progress on rebuilding their relationship, and a lot of the credit had to go to Lan Xichen’s calming influence. 

Thinking of the Lan Sect leader and now Chief Cultivator, Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but smile fondly. He'd also like to think that their personal relationship had grown tremendously over the last year, and harbored hopes that they could take it to the next stage soon. 

With his thoughts preoccupied with images of Lan Xichen’s smiles, Jiang Cheng was caught off guard when he felt a pair of tiny arms squeeze his legs. 

“Hello!!!” The tiny boy who had wrapped himself around Jiang Cheng’s legs said, smiling. He looked oddly familiar. 

“Who are you?” Jiang Cheng asked, letting the boy stay where he was. The other Jiang Sect disciples behind him watched the exchange curiously. 

“A-Ying is A-Ying!” he proclaimed, smiling wider. 

“A-Ying?” Jiang Cheng assumed the boy must belong to the Lan Sect with his white robes. Upon closer inspection, he noticed the boy’s curly hair was tied up in a loose knot with a red ribbon with the shorter strands poking out in an unruly fashion, and his robes weren’t the pristine white but were dotted with mud around the hems. There was something very familiar about him that Jiang Cheng couldn’t place. 

The boy nodded before letting go of Jiang Cheng’s legs to show him the other thing he was holding onto, “And this is Lil’ Apple!” He pulled back his long sleeve to reveal a plump white bunny happily chewing on a bit of grass. 

A few of the disciples openly awwed at the scene, and Jiang Cheng couldn’t deny that the boy - A-Ying, was adorable. 

“Why are you walking around by yourself?” He asked. 

“A-Ying is bored!!!” He answered, snuggling the bunny closer and looked up at Jiang Cheng with large pleading eyes. 

Before Jiang Cheng could reply, a voice rang out from beyond the gate, “Sect Leader Jiang, you have arrived!” 

Jiang Cheng looked up and was momentarily rendered breathless by Lan Xichen’s smile. 

“Ahh, hello, Sect Le---- I mean Chief Cultivator,” Jiang Cheng bowed, and internally screamed at himself for being so embarrassing in front of the love of his life and his junior disciples. 

“I see that you have met A-Ying,” Lan Xichen gestured at the boy, still smiling so brightly. Jiang Cheng once again found himself unable to breathe at the sight. 

“Ahh, yes. He appeared out of nowhere and exclaimed that he’s bored,” Jiang Cheng said, looking down at the boy in question who was now pouting at full force. 

“A-Ying is so bored!” He whined some more for good measure. 

“Is he one of the Lan Sect’s disciples?” Jiang Cheng asked dubiously. 

“Ah,” Lan Xichen looked a bit uncomfortable. “I think we should head inside before I explain what happened.” 

“That does not sound good,” Jiang Cheng frowned. 

“A-Ying, let’s head back. We have to talk to Sect Leader Jiang,” Lan Xichen reached out and waited for A-Ying to grab his hand before leading the way towards the Cloud Recesses. Jiang Cheng was growing more suspicious by the second, but followed behind the pair silently. 

The moment they settled in the Main Hall, with A-Ying plopping himself right down the middle of the room petting his bunny without a care in the world, Jiang Cheng couldn’t hold back anymore and pressed, “Please, do tell me what happened?” 

Lan Xichen dismissed the servants and junior disciples lingering about before looking over at Jiang Cheng, “A-Cheng, please don’t be worried.” 

“I... What do you mean ‘not worried’?” Jiang Cheng’s mind was hung up on the intimate way Lan Xichen was addressing him before catching up on what he’d just heard. 

“Two nights ago, Wangji and Wuxian went out on a night hunt in Caiyi,” Lan Xichen began, “I had assumed it was just a normal water ghost plaguing the river, but when Wangji returned...” 

“Did something happen to Wei Wuxian? Is he hurt?” Jiang Cheng jumped out of his chair, “Where is he now? I need to see him!” 

“A-Cheng, I told you not to worry,” Lan Xichen approached and gently tugged Jiang Cheng back from running out searching for his troublesome brother. “Wei Wuxian is... fine... albeit a bit different.” 

“Different... how? Where is he now?” Jiang Cheng asked impatiently. 

Just then, the doors burst open and Lan Wangji rushed in, eyes wide and panicked obvious on his face. “Wei Ying!” he said, looking around. 

“Lan Zhan!!!!” the little boy, who had been sitting quietly and petting his bunny, jumped up and ran towards Lan Zhan. 

Jiang Cheng could not find any word to voice his shock and so continued to observe the scene before him. 

“Wei Ying, I told you to wait for me in the Jingshi!” Lan Zhan crouched down and pulled the boy into a hug. 

“But I was so bored I wanted to go see the new people visiting! And I have Lil’ Apple to protect me!” He replied, raising the bunny in his hand up triumphantly. 

“I was so worried,” Lan Zhan continued, “When I returned and didn’t see you...” 

“A-Ying is sorry,” he replied, frowning. 

“I’m sorry, but... would anyone care to explain?” Jiang Cheng finally found his voice and interjected. 

“Sect Leader Jiang, it wasn’t a normal water ghost that was wreaking havoc in Caiyi - it was a powerful demonic spirit that lurked in the waters and when Wei Wuxian got too close, managed to place a curse on him,” Lan Xichen replied. 

“What?!” Jiang Cheng felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. 

“It was fortunate that Wangji was able to vanquish the spirit and started to play Cleansing right away,” Lan Xichen continued, gently patting Jiang Cheng’s back comfortingly. “The curse was meant to transfer Wuxian’s life force to the demonic spirit, and even though Wangji managed to interrupt the transfer process, its effect was already taking roots and well...” 

“And now Wei Wuxian is a baby?!!” Jiang Cheng asked, confusion and concerns warring for dominance in his voice. 

“I’m not a baby!!” Wei Wuxian protested at the same time as Lan Zhan said, “Just temporarily.” 

“Yes, just temporarily,” Xichen confirmed, “Wangji has been playing Cleansing for Wuxian since and with time, the effects should be slowly lifted and he should return to his normal age.” 

“How long would that take?” Jiang Cheng was afraid of the answer but seeked it out anyway. 

“At the rate he has been progressing, most likely ten to fourteen more days,” Lan Zhan replied. 

“Does he still remember... all the things?” 

“What things?” Wei Ying turned his ridiculously large brown eyes at Jiang Cheng. 

“From what we have seen so far, Wuxian’s memories lined up with his age,” Lan Xichen said. 

“Then how is he still so close to Lan Wangji?” Jiang Cheng asked incredulously. “He’s what - six at most? My father wouldn’t have found him for another year or so. He wouldn’t be able to recognize me let alone knowing who you are.” 

“Lan Zhan is my best friend!!!” Wei Ying exclaimed with confidence. “He gives me Lil’ Apple to protect me, and candies when I’m hungry, and he’s really good at hugs!” 

“‘Really good at hugs’? Is that an euphemism...?!!” Jiang Cheng knew he might be ridiculously suspicious, but he wasn’t one to censor himself during normal circumstances, so why start now. 

“Sect Leader Jiang, I am fully aware of Wei Ying’s current age and development and will not do anything as distastefully inappropriate as you have just insinuated,” Lan Zhan said slowly and calmly but with the heat of a thousand burning suns. 

“Don’t make Lan Zhan sad!!!” Wei Ying wailed, stepping in front of Lan Zhan as if to shield him from Jiang Cheng’s words. His tiny face was scrunched up with displeasure while his arms were still full of Lil’ Apple, making for one hilariously adorable sight. 

“I’m sure Sect Leader Jiang is just worried for Wuxian,” Lan Xichen said placately. Turning to Jiang Cheng, he smiled reassuringly, “I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but I promised you - the Lan Sect, and especially Wangji, has Wei Wuxian’s best interests in mind.”  

“I know, I know,” Jiang Cheng conceded. Turning to Lan Zhan, he bowed respectfully and apologized with slight difficulty, “Please accept my apologies, Hanquang-jun. I am merely taken by surprise and allowed my worries for my brother to cloud my judgement.” 

“Apologies accepted, Sect Leader Jiang,” Lan Zhan bowed in return. 

Lan Xichen watched the whole exchange with a satisfied expression. “I’m glad we have come to an understanding. Now, why don’t I escort you to your chambers to... ah, get some rest before dinner?” 

Jiang Cheng snorted, an entirely undignified gesture for someone of his station. Lan Xichen was many things, but subtlety he was not. “That would be... greatly appreciated, Chief Cultivator,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

“Huh? Rest?! But A-Ying wants to play with the new people!” Wei Ying pouted. 

“Wei Ying, let’s leave Chief Cultivator and Sect Leader Jiang to rest. I need to play Cleansing for you,” Lan Zhan said before effortlessly picking Wei Ying up. 

“Ahh! That’s boring! Lan Zhan~ Let’s go fly on a sword!!!” Wei Ying declared as he was being carried out of the Main Hall, limbs flailing about. 

“Cleansing first,” Lan Zhan replied. 

Jiang Cheng watched the two of them bickered back and forth all the way across the courtyard, definitely ignoring all the rules about noise levels. 

“So, Sect Leader Jiang, ready to retire to your chambers yet?” Lan Xichen, the sneaky bastard, had siddled up next to Jiang Cheng and intertwined their hands. 

“You think you’re so cute, huh?” Jiang Cheng smirked. Lan Xichen pretended to think over it for a moment before nodding unabashedly and tugged Jiang Cheng along the white pebbled path to the Hanshi. 

[failure-friendly]

Change Management: 5 Ways to Support Yourself in the Process of Change

Before deep change, there is deep reflection. 

2020, the mother of all mirrors. 

Usually it takes a rock bottom, a near death, a death or an eat-pray-love experience for us to face the thing that’s been holding us back: ourselves. 

I’m not talking about our conscious selves, we would never knowingly hold ourselves back. I’m talking about something deeper.

Scientists call it ‘conditioning’, psychologists say ‘maladaptive beliefs’, new age folk prefer ‘self-limiting beliefs’, I’ve heard motivational gurus use ‘subconscious programming’, while the mystics say ‘the shadow self’, you’ve probably also heard it referred to as ‘your demons’. 

Call it what you will. 

The point is, we live most of our lives mindlessly, on autopilot, saving energy for when we do need to make decisions, problem solve or run from wildebeests. And that’s a smart way to save energy. The downside is that if the program our autopilot is set to has a glitch in it, a mistake of some sort, a conditioned-maladaptive-limiting-subconscious-shadow-demon-thought lurking deep below our awareness, we’re going to repeat that mistake around 90% of the time.

Change. You can want it so bad, SO bad, you can have a rad plan, and try real hard, but it won’t stick if you don’t deal with whatever your subconscious mind is tripping on. 

It’s futile. 

YOU, however, are lucky enough to be, right now, in the process of deep change, real, lasting change. You have 2020 to thank. 2020 has forced us all into some deep dark reflection.

Please. Don’t. Stop. 

Don’t stop now if things are ‘going back to normal’. Instead of going backwards, go deeper.

Before we get to my theory of how change starts in the mind but is set to fruition deeper within the body, and my tips on how to support yourself in this process, let’s first get real about what you’re signing up for.

The process looks like this:

In the process of change, the process of making something new that didn’t exist before, also known as the creative process - things get worse before they get better. 

It seems cruel but it’s actually genius. 

The high emotions we experience at the start of the process suck us in, but as we get into it, they quickly fade.

Hiding in your rock-bottom-despair at the center of the process triggers the exact emotional wound or ‘subconscious-shadow-demon’ that would continue to trip you up if you didn’t deal with it. It’s exactly what you need to deal with to change the programming that’s stopping the change from sticking. 

These deep wounds or misconceptions were ingrained before you had rational thoughts, so no amount of thinking can transcend them. Only when we feel the pain can we heal the pain. Corny but true.

After the low point in the middle where we are forced to deal with our baggage, is when things start to get better. We still make mistakes and missteps that teach us more valuable lessons that are needed in order to achieve what we set out to do. The closer we get to achievement, the higher our spirits soar.  

Many people, I’m raising my hand, hit this point of discomfort in the middle of the process and see it as an inconvenient obstacle rather than the gift it is. Opening ourselves up to feel is the invitation into the backend of our autopilot programming, where we can make edits and change our programming, swapping unhealthy patterns for empowering ones. 

Instead of leaning into this awesome opportunity, many of us get frustrated with the perceived obstacle and give up on the process and ourselves, ultimately, allowing our minds to rationalise and justify our exit plan. Letting our unhealthy patterns live to ruin another day.   

Not today, today we’re going deeper into the fire of transformation. 

I’m nearly up to the 5 sassy tips because everyone loves a listicle, but first I want to quickly back up my claim that the true processing power lies in le body. 

You’ve heard about the benefits of gratitude, right? How it’s proven to boost mental health and resilience? I’ve found that listing our blessings is just the vehicle that gets us out of our minds, into our bodies, where we physically feel gratitude. Thinking about things we’re grateful for, can alter our mindset to be more positive ONLY when we allow ourselves to FEEL it. You can fake a gratitude practice the same way you can fake an orgasm. Hopefully your grateful façade will trick yourself into feeling it below the surface, but if you’re as stubborn and headstrong as me, you’ll walk away with the disappointment you brought with you plus some more.

I suggest that it’s not the thinking, it’s the oozey warm feeling you get in your chest, the moment of being in your body and leaning into the joy, that is where the real benefits of gratitude come from. Brene Brown discovered that even though it might seem responsible to prepare for life’s potential hardships, in reality, the people who MENTALLY rehearse disaster, are statistically less resilient. She found that the people with the greatest resilience were the ones that leaned deeply into their FEELINGS of joy. 

Are you sold yet, the body trumps the mind? Feelings over thoughts? I know it’s hard to swallow when we’ve been taught to believe emotions are less reliable than logic. Try to stay open to it if you’re not there yet. 

Here it is, what you’ve been scrolling for, 5 Failure Friendly tips for transformation that sticks:

1. No blame games

When self reflecting there will come a moment when we become aware of an aspect of ourselves, that until now has gone unnoticed, this is when we experience mindfulness. Mindfulness is the opposite of mindlessness. Meaning the behavior we uncover was participated in it mindlessly, it was subconscious behaviour. 

We have no control over subconscious behaviour until the ‘aha moment’ when we wake up to ourselves and become conscious to it. Whatever you’ve done or not done, it really wasn’t up to you, so it’s a waste of time to punish yourself with thoughts like ‘I should have known better!’ There is no shoulda, coulda or woulda  when it comes to subconscious thoughts and behaviours. So don’t waste energy judging yourself for your mindless choices. 

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take responsibility for your actions. The moment we become conscious is simultaneously the moment we become response-able. Finally seeing the full picture gives us the ability to discern and respond. Before I unpack how to respond consciously, you need to understand that mindfulness is a thought or knowing that happens in the mind. The next step is to move this insight away from the mind and into the body where the transformation begins.

2. Out of our minds and into our bodies

One of the hurdles of transformation is processing this new information. Instead of getting stuck in our head by falling into vicious cycles of over-thinking, we can take the idea from the mind and transform it into a feeling, for our bodies to process. As I said earlier, the power of gratitude practices are well documented, but it’s not the gratitude lists that boosts our mental health. Counting our blessings is just the vehicle that brings us into our bodies where we physically feel gratitude. You know that oozey warm heart-full feeling? That’s where, I argue, the real restorative benefits come from.

Gratitude is to joy what forgiveness is to pain, both are experiences that happen in the body, not the mind. If 2020 forced you to reflect and uncover some painful truths, this is a call for forgiveness. Again, emotions need to be felt and transformed in the body. Joy needs to be felt and transformed into an experience of physical gratitude, while pain needs to be felt and transformed into an experience of physical forgiveness. The cool side-effect is that both of these transformative experiences boost our resilience and make us stronger (which we will need as we step further into the process of change). As compared to dwelling and obsessing about pain or joy in the mind, that will only shrink or swell our egos. Having an inferior or superior ego makes us more fragile to life’s bumps in the road. 

Start by thinking about the pain that’s attached to your mindless behaviour, how it’s negatively affected you and those around you. Now consciously invite that discomfort into your body to feel the sensation of that pain. Scan your body, where do you feel it and what does it feel like? Lean into the discomfort, you were designed for this. Name it, aloud if you can, even better face yourself in the mirror as you do it. Feeling leads to healing, another corny truth, healing is when we can forgive or release the pain so that it stops interfering in our autopilot program. 

The only person you have to forgive in this moment is yourself. If someone else wounded you, don’t feel pressured to forgive them. You can forgive them if it feels good, when and if you’re ready. Or you can visualise handing them back the baggage along with the responsibility for them to forgive themselves. If self-forgiveness doesn’t feel attainable right now, just being willing to forgive is enough.  

Rather than telling your hurt self to cheer up, instead give yourself space to feel all of your feelings without judgement. If you notice yourself holding a grudge on your past self, or panicking about falling apart, breathe into that feeling and invite forgiveness to soften its edges. You can journal or affirm something loving like ‘it’s okay, let it out, I am willing to witness this.’

3. Understand what you’re up against

Imagine a path in the Aussie bush. Surrounded by trees and thick shrubs, the narrow clearing has been worn away by constant foot traffic. Your mindless thoughts and behaviour have a neural pathway just like this well-worn path. You’ve unknowingly practiced the response so many times that it has become a habit, requiring zero effort for your brain to perform. Changing your thoughts and behaviours is like walking off the well-worn path and bush bashing your way to a new reality. Urgh. As I looked down the barrel of change recently, it was not the uncertainty that scared me most, but the high likelihood of failure. The mindfulness I had mustered felt like a drop of water, while the ingrained pattern of unhealthy behaviour was the ocean. It feels impossible not to slip right back into the old comfy pattern. What was the point, right?

Wrong. If you have the same fear of failure, acknowledge how difficult this feels, then listen up. Even a monk cannot maintain mindfulness 24/7 so we are going to find ourselves back in the mindless pattern sooner or later. Slipping back into subconscious programming is subconscious a.k.a. no self judgement or blame games allowed (refer back to point 1). Instead of giving up before you begin, prepare for the inevitable relapse and visualise now, what will you do to course-correct when you slip back into mindlessness?

4. Breaking the habit, one relapse at a time

Welcome the relapses, they are an important part of the process and yes, there will be many. Relapsing into old patterns is not failure, it’s not even a setback. Embrace each slip with open arms because relapsing is our opportunity to bounce back, and bouncing back is how we break down old patterns. It’s in the bouncing back that we work our resilience muscles and cement the desired transformation. 

‘Bouncing back’ sounds fun and easy. It's not. As you test out your new mindful behaviour, you’re going to feel the pull of the old habit. It will to try and lure you back to the well worn path with it’s comfy promise. You’ve practice the mindless behaviour so many times it’s become comfortable, in comparison this new behaviour feels very uncomfortable. Resisting this pull feels wrong. Even though it feels wrong, this discomfort is a sign that you’re on the right path and in the process of change. So remember, if it feels wrong - you’re doing it right!

Soon you will have broken away from this mindless habit so many times that when you do relapse, your mind will be flooded with memories of how you’ve bounced back. Knowing you’ve bounced back before makes it easier for you to slide into those conscious choices. This not only strengthens the new habit and your transformation, but it weakens the old patterns. Remember this as you’re choosing to act differently and wading through the discomfort after those early relapses. Every time it will get a little easier. 

Establishing a habit isn’t immediate, the fastest proven way to forge a new habit is to add the desired behaviour to an existing habit. For example, we habitually brush our teeth at the same time every day, so our existing morning or nighttime routine is the perfect time to practice the new thought or behaviour. (This is why I write affirmations in lipstick on my bathroom mirror).

5. Celebrate your relapse with a shot of dopamine 

There is a secret weapon you can use to supercharge your transformation: dopamine. Dopamine is the feel good hormone that is released whenever we tick something off our to-do list or achieve a goal. Our brains are addicted to dopamine. It’s been proven that when you give yourself a dopamine hit after completing a task you are more likely to succeed at the next task. So count your effort - don’t discount it! 

Every time you relapse and then bounce back, really acknowledge yourself and celebrate your effort. You can keep a tally, give yourself a gold star or a physical pat on the back, whatever you need to mark the occasion and cue the dopamine. Your brain will crave the reward and subconsciously begin to look for more opportunities to bounce back. Suddenly the subconscious mind that was working against you, is on team transformation. 

Just like eating well or staying fit, it’s a practice not a quick fix or one size fits all approach. With no end in sight, we practice change and mindfulness daily. Your practice will evolve and it will see seasons of strong dedication and low motivation. Along the way, remember to think back to your early ‘aha’ moments and celebrate how far you’ve come, which will provide an encouraging hit of dopamine to accelerate your momentum. 

Set regular reminders for reflection, like a ‘Mindset Monday’. Checking in on your thoughts allows you to catch mindless patterns early. Finish sentences like ‘I feel’ to uncover things you’re avoiding. Remember to ask yourself why, why and why again to get the root of your mindless chatter. And don’t forget to schedule regular ‘Progress Parties’ to take stock of your achievements, no matter how big or small. 

The fear of failure is the number one thing that stops us from engaging in the process of change. When we understand that failure isn’t fatal, just an important part of the process, theoretically we are free to pursue our dreams. But in a culture that idolises effortless perfection, becoming a friend to failure is easier said than done. 

This’s why ‘Failure Friendly’ exists. My obsession with finding creative freedom and confidence has led me to create free evidence based Toolkit and Action Cards that guide you with practical actions through the process of changing your mindset. The toolkit is full of rules and guidelines for establishing a safe space for change and creativity, while the Action Cards give you opportunities to practice the skills of self-awareness, self-belief and self-compassion for a balanced and sustainable approach to change and creativity. 

They’ve changed my life and I can’t wait to share them with you!

- Buzzy

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