#this idea has been knocking about in my head since the bloopers dropped

[themadauthorshatter]

SOOOOOO

I've been reading this story by @spacebiscuitarts on Instagram(Thanks again so much for your permission! I really hope you enjoy this!!) called Human Piece, which I recommend to those who are okay with serious topics, so you don't get too scared.

Because I'm insane and either have a twisted sense of humor or because this is just how my brain works, I see things in fiction like a paid production a lot🤷‍♀️, I thought about what would happen if this was a legit production being made, like a movie or TV show.

And what if it had bloopers?😈

TW for mentions of torture and cannibalism here for sensitive readers and viewers.

Human Piece Story ACTOR AU BLOOPERS!!!!!

Outtakes starting from the beginning:

Charles and Henry meet up at Charles's house and seriously overdo the whole hugging "haven't seen you in forever, when was the last time we hung out" thing, with Charles making a passing mention that Henry isn't leaving. The two laugh and start the scene over.

While Henry's taking a phone call, Charles breaks the sleeping pill packet and drops the pills everywhere. "Oops." TAKE 2: Charles slips two pills in Henry's drink, but production didn't get the right pills, they're those brightly colored capsules instead of white/colorless pills that dissolve, so Henry sees them when he walks back into the room.

Henry: "Charles?"

Charles: "Hm?"

Henry: "What did you put in my water?" (Cue that Henry smug face as he ppints to his glass and Charles fights a laughing fit.)

Charles" (While he's laughing.) "I don't- How did those get there?!" 😅😂

Henry: "Chaaarles?"

Charles: "They just... We need different pills!"😂

Take 3 of the same scene: everything goes fine, except, Henry overdoes the "getting knocked out with sleeping pills" thing, like he drinks his water and then falls forward on the table.

Next scene, Charles is trying to drag Henry into the "basement set," but keeps laughing because Henry is 6' and keeps trying to crawl out of frame to help him out.

BTS stuff as they set up cameras and movie whatnots in the basement: Charles reviews his lines and practices his cannibal act as Henry is getting his body makeup done and getting the run down of what to do when he's too uncomfortable in the restraints on the table; if it got to be too much, he just needed to either snap his fingers or simply say 'cut.' They also have a paramedic on standby, in case Henry's body gets negatively affected from being restrained too long and because Henry's been dieting to 'get in shape' for his role.

Henry falls asleep on the table, semi-restrained. However, the crew take the chance to try and get a shot of Henry 'sleeping and coming to' by having the cameras roll while he slept.

Charles succeeded in getting this shot, by shaking him on the middle, but Henry falls back asleep.

They wake him up with a "CUT!"

The shots of Henry jolting awake and freaking out at seeing where he is aren't acting. That was his genuine reaction. He'd semi-forgotten where he was or what they were doing. When he calms down, Henry actually laughs, a little nervous, and asks to be untied and not be filmed sleeping.

Charles messes up the shots of Henry on the table too, because he kept lying down next to him and saying he found his new spot to sleep and his favorite pillow to sleep with, kept making Henry panic because he was in a very vulnerable position for which to be tickle attacked, and just kept making him laugh.

During the 'torture' scenes, Henry and Charles made each other laugh, Henry laughing on accident because Charles looked funny and Charles because Henry was laughing, and because part of him kept wanting to mess with Henry.

This exchange happened while shooting:

Henry: "Uh... Charles?"

Charles: "Yes, Henry?"

Henry: "Why is there a camera in your basement?"

Charles: "... Which one are you takllking about, WE'RE SURROUNDED BY CAMERAS RIGHT NOW!"

Both break down in laughter afetr that, though Henry does call Charles a pervert for having a camera in his basement.

There was an instance where Henry had a panic attack and had to get out of the restraints. It happened during the 'champagne scene;' they used carbonated water so neither actor would get intoxicated, and everyone thought it was just him acting.

He wasn't.

Thank goodness the next scene began with him 'coming to' from passing out, because Henry SERIOUSLY needed to take a break after that.

When asked in an interview, he admitted he was okay with Charles's acting, he was okay with the torture, he was okay with how real his injuries looked. He broke down when his mind went from, 'we're filming something, this is all fake, I'm safe,' to 'OH S**T! I got kidnapped, I'm getting tortured! I'm going to die here! Someone save me!'

They were okay to keep filming after a few hours.

During the 'Charles the dentist' scene, it was laughter all round because Henry playing that game where you put a thing in your mouth that keeps it open and you try to say stuff. He says ANYTHING he can, and it leads to Charles continuously laughing.

The 'tooth removal' scene was one of the hardest to film because Henry kept moving away and Charles had a hard time holding him; Henry's stronger than he looks.

The missing teeth are CGI.

The teeth on the bracelet are fake. The paramedic has a dentist friend that makes insanely realistic acrylic teeth.

Henry's reaction to seeing the teeth bracelet, which made Charles laugh: "You sick F(BLEEP!)! GIVE ME BACK MY TEETH! You-YOU are SO lucky this table is holding me back! Actually, you know what? I'LL TAKE YOU ON RIGHT HERE! LET'S GO!!"

During the scene where Charles and Henry eat the "human flesh," it's really muscley bacon that was cooked enough to have crisp, but not enough to be breakable; so they basically made jerky for the shot, and both actors ate it off screen.

Henry had a hard time looking disturbed as he ate really good jerky.

The 'fire poker/fried food' scene wasn't easy to shoot because Charles kept dropping the poker, which also caught fire while he torched it, and he had no idea how to brand something while being sadistic.

Henry did his part of screaming and panicking as Charles slowly pushed the poker into the frame, but got tired when he realized how slowly Charles was moving.

Henry: 😑"... Can you hurry it up, please? I'm on a schedule?" 😡

Charles: "You have a schedule for being tortured?"😆

Henry: "Yes. I get tortured strictly between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m.!"🤣

They had to apply the burn makeup while Henry was still on the table. Charles took the opportunity to mess with him a little bit: 'Charles was here! Ha ha! I'm the best!' written on Henry's stomach in marker.

Charles's cut line that acted as his lie: "Henry? Which Henry? Oh, THAT Henry? That Henry Missing? Psh! I don't know what happened to him. Psh! Basement? In MY basement? I don't know what you're talking about. Locked in my house, what? I'm- I'M the crazy one? Psh! Don't be ridiculous."

They had to use over 20 anklets because Henry and Charles kept breaking them.

When Charles untied Henry, he did so humming in a long take that ended with the camera showing both him and Henry. It would've been a perfect take, too, but Henry had his hands resting on his stomach and an irritated look in his face as he raised an eyebrow and asked, "Are you done? Because I need you to help me sit up."

Charles was in a song and dance mood, so there was a lot of him humming, doing a little shimmy, and Henry just trying to keep it together to get the shot right.

Henry was not in the mood, but Charles got him into it.

When asked in an interview, Charles admitted he wasn't actually going crazy. He was just having a great time.

Henry had to change his sweater once in a take because he spilled soup on in from laughing too hard; all Charles's fault.

Turns out Henry's 'diet' wasn't enough to make him look malnourished, and the team didn't want him to actually hurt himself, so they used makeup and a shirt that made him look small. It worked, though Henry finally got into the 'mess around' mood and tucked his knees, arms, and head inside the shirt; "Try making me into a soup now!"

During the scene where Charles 'washed' Henry's sweater, Charles burned himself on accident because he stood too close to the fire.

In Henry's 'escape plan' scene, he actually messed up a few times: forgetting he's supposed to be atrophied, noting he could bust the vent and climb through it, shouting to the upstairs, "HELP! LET ME OOOUUUT!", and pretending the garden clippers he found were a baseball bat and a microphone.

Charles's cut line as he opened his laptop in the next scene: "Alriiight. Time to see if Game of Thrones is getting that rewrite. (Checks) ...NO!"

Another cut line from Charles: "OH! Henry us going to hit ME when I come check on him!? OH! (Holds up remote)It's a good thing I can give him the SHOCK of his life!"😉😜

Henry didn't know how to look like he was getting electrocuted, so someone had to teach him, since they did not want to hurt him any further, considering his 'diet.'

They also gave him some padding on his torso because Charles had to wear military grade boots, and Charles didn't want to hurt him.

On his way storming down the stairs, Charles almost fell twice, and had to practice running down a flight of stairs, since he'd never done it before.

Henry's reaction at seeing Charles practice run down the stair for the fifth time: "Oh, look! It's Cinder-Charles-a!" It got a laugh out of everyone.

On the 157th take, Charles got running down the stairs right and sprinted until he stopped in front of and grabbed Henry, who broke off the anklet and threw it at him in a panic.

It would've been a phenomenal take, if Henry didn't throw the anklet or break it.

2nd attempt at Charles stopping at Henry: they collided and fell down.

Henry had to talk shit to get Charles to hit him, and that wasn't easy because there isn't a lot that gets Charles 'catching hands' mad.

A lot of the hits were a close miss and CGI, but one hit wasn't fake: a punch Charles threw into the corner of Henry's mouth completely on accident. Henry didn't take it personally at all, if anything he said that Charles threw a good punch, but that didn't stop Charles from feeling bad for the rest of the day.

For Henry's bloody mouth and nose, they used non-toxic fake blood that tasted like caramel, which led to Henry eating a lot of it on accident.

Durimg Charles's monologue, Henry could not stop laughing. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't stop. They had to redo the scene numerous times.

In the middle of Charles's monologue, Henry wiped off a little fake blood on his chin using his finger and booped Charles with it.

When they finally got the whole monologue, Charles grabbed the clippers, put them back, and stomped away groaning, "I'm calling the manager!"

During Henry's crying scene, he couldn't get a tear to fall. He laughed a lot, but couldn't cry. He tried sad music, sad memories, artificial tears, but nothing worked. They tried to get this shot for three days until, on the third day, Henry got in, got his makeup done, and got in position as the cameras started rolling. He absolutely broke down in front of the cameras and the crew, including Charles. And it wasn't simply crying, either. He BROKE DOWN. When they got the shot done, Henry did not move, staying on the floor. Charles joined him and the two ended up hugging.

In an interview, Henry revealed that he got a call form his family and a family member was sick. He broke down because said family member said they loved him and hoped the film shoot did well.

He called them back later and they both got better.

During the 'wake up' scene, Charles, still guilty about that accidental punch and not wanting to see him cry again, was scared of kicking Henry. Henry insisted it was okay because he was wearing the padding under his short, so he could handle a good kick.

Charles had the hardest time saying, "Good morning, bitch," with a straight face; too many times hearing 'bitch' used in a funny way. He asked to not say 'bitch,' but the director needed them to recite their lines word for word.

After sitting up, Henry gestures to be carried and Charles obliges, piggybacking him and running around the table.

Steering Henry wasn't easy because he kept trying to walk ahead of Charles amd kept looking back to make sure he knew where he and the rest of the crew were going.

The hardest part of shooting the scenes on the upper level again: looking visibly uncomfortable and foreign, and trying to shoot a scene with a mini camera crew and two makeup artists in the bathroom.

Charles kept holding Henry by the shoulders and steering him around like a bicycle or motorcycle. They thought it was funny, but the directir didn't.

I won't go into full detail of the bathroom scene, but I'll say these two things: 1. It was the hardest scene for Henry to shoot, because of the limited space and because he couldn't grab and hold on to the razor blade. 2. It was, hands down, the scariest scenes for him to shoot.

Charles did make a breakfast for Henry, he just put it in the microwave to keep it warm until they were done shooting the scene.

Charles also ruined a bunch of eggs because he tried to be Mads Mikkelsen.

There were too many bloopers of Charles drinking coffee and then talking to a nervous Henry, and this is just one of them:

Charles: (sips his coffee) "Henry."

Henry: "...Yeah?"😰

Charles: "How's school going?"

Henry: (Upon realizing that Charles is just messing with him) "Okay, I guess." 😅

Charles: (Still super serious) "You're guessing just okay?"

Henry: "Yeah."

Charles: "What about your grades? Are those okay, you guess?"

Henry: (Done with this) "You're a cannibal with fridge magnets, so you cannot be the one setting the bar here."

(Both burst into laughter.)

Another blooper is of Henry, as a joke, miming an attack toawrds Charles upon seeing he did not make him any breakfast. Still scared the crap out of Charles.

"Sit on your knees." Henry's response: Taking the plate of cookies and somewhat yelling, "NO."

When Henry's on the floor and Charles rubs his head, Henry seriously has to fight punching Charles, who's also pinching his cheeks and saying, "Who's a good boy?"

When Charles sort of teases Henry with the cookie, Henry glares at him and threatens to bite his hand off and throw away his fridge magnets, which Hannibal Lecter wouldn't be caught dead using.

The bloopers of the latest part of the story:

Charles: "Who is your master?"

Henry: "Shut up and let me eat, you (BLEEP!)"

TAKE 2

Charles: "Who is your master?"

Henry: (Shrugs as he hums, 'I don't know.')

TAKE 5:

Charles: "Who is my- Wait, no. YOUR master?"

Henry: "HA HA! I win!"

TAKE 7:

Charles: "Who is your Master?"

Henry: (Leans over and pecks Charles on the cheek.)

(Charles smiles and blushes as the room fills with, "Aaaaw's"

TAKE 10:

Charles: "Who is your master?"

Henry: (Blows in his face, like he's putting out a candle by blowing on it.)

Charles: (Leans back in his chair and points/gestures to Henry.) "The DISRESPECT!"

TAKE 15:

Charles: "Who is your master?"

Henry: "Who's YOUR master?"

Charles: "(fighting a laugh) ... I'm in control here."

Henry: "I'M in control."

Charles: "No, I'M in control."

Henry: "Charles, buddy, I'm in control."

Charles: "You, sir, are not listening. I am in control here."

Henry: "No, I'm in control."

Charles: (Trying not to laugh) You are not in control! I kidnapped you, therefore I am in control, not you! I'm in control! Who's in control?"

Henry: "I AM in control."

Charles: "I'M-... How are you in control here?"

Henry: "I don't have to pay taxes."

(Charles sits back as Henry smirks and the rest of the room 'OH's at that burn).

AND THAT IS IT! Thanks for reading this, this was honestly something that was crazy scary to me because I'm honestly an anxious mess. No idea if I'm makimg a part 2 of this, but we'll see😅

Again, please go check out @spacebiscuitarts on Instagram for her Human Piece story because it's art.

Thanks again to @spacebiscuitarts again for guvung me permission to make this, I really hope you liked this. I'm a sucker for edge and angst, all the same my brian has bursts of, 'what if it was a movie or TV show and there were bloopers?' I don't know, I think that's just me not getting too absorbed in the edge🤷‍♀️

Anyway, thanks again for reading, one and all, I hope you all enjoyed!!!!

[darlingpetao3]

Harry F***s (Harry Wells x Reader)

Rating: M (Smut)

Summary: Cisco and Harry are having one of their famous bickering sessions again. The topic of their argument? Harry claims to be a certain way with you in the bedroom while Cisco calls BS. You set the record straight, but Harry has a point to prove.

A/N: This is a funny, smutty fic-gift for @hwells-ho-train​, who has kicked my writing motivation into high gear. The idea was based on that infamous scene in the Season 4 bloopers, of which we had previously discussed. For purely scientific reasons, naturally XD Plus a big shout-out and thanks to @multiwells​ for being a test reader for me. Please enjoy, everyone!

Tag List: @fandomdancer​ @bluesclues-1234​

Gif made by irishfino, who has done a great service by making this (x)

Surprise, surprise - Cisco and Harry are having one of their famous bickering sessions again. Whatever the topic is today, it must be serious - you’ve not heard them this adamant in their arguing. Turning the corner into the Workshop, you walk right into the heat of battle.

“You do not,” Cisco insists with what appears to be an amused smile on his face.

“I do,” Harry growls. Your boyfriend is probably going to have some severe frown lines after today, wowzers.

“I highly doubt that.”

“It’s. The. Truth.”

“What’s the truth, Harry?” you interrupt, noticing how quiet the room has suddenly become at your appearance. Harry has turned completely silent. His face is tinged red, and there’s the angry neck vein you and the rest of the Team are familiar with. Cisco, on the other hand, dons an evil smirk, seeming pleased that you’ve arrived. The younger man slowly turns to Harry.

“Don’t,” Harry says through gritted teeth.

“Well,” Cisco begins to explain, “it’s a long story of how we got onto the topic, but I’ll bypass all of that.” The engineer waves a dismissive hand. “What it boils down to is your boyfriend here claims that he... ‘fucks.’”

Okay, you’re quite sure you didn’t hear that correctly. You stick a finger in your ear to signify this.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Ramon,” Harry seethes.

“Yeah, this guy claims that he fucks!” Cisco carries on as if he’s feeding off of Harry’s anger. “And yeah, I’ll say it: I don’t believe it one bit. But hey! We have walking, talking testimony right here! You can settle this for us once and for all.”

“Firstly, I don’t see how this is any of your business, Cisco,” you point out. Harry looks like he wants to drop dead but is trying his damndest to hide it.

“And secondly?” Cisco prompts.

“I mean, Hare,” you sigh. You always want to be in his corner, but… “I wouldn’t exactly call what you do,” your voice drops to a whisper, “‘fucking.’ I’d call it more… ‘making love.’”

Cisco’s eyebrows shoot up as if he’s won this twisted victory. “Well, isn’t. That. Just. Sweet. Thank you for settling this for us, (Y/N).”

Harry looks like he wants to protest what you’ve just confirmed, but can’t say anything against your word. Mostly because he knows it’s the cold hard truth. Harry is, at heart, a gentle lover, and has only ever proved as much since you’ve been together. You know that he hasn’t had a certain level of intimacy in a very long time. He takes his time and savours each moment. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and yet, here he is, spluttering nonsensical noises and staring up at the concrete ceiling for help.

“I’ll leave you two precious things alone,” Cisco gives a little wave. “I got a hot date.”

“Yeah, in Hell,” Harry retorts. The younger man blows a taunting kiss at both of you. The moment he leaves, your boyfriend whips his head to you with the wildest eyes.

“How could you say that in front of him?” he nearly shouts. “Do you know that I’ll never hear the end of it now?”

You scoff. He can’t be serious.

“Oh, what? Your male pride has been shot because you don’t, and I quote, ‘fuck’?” Now you’re getting pissed off. How dare he be mad at you at something so ridiculous? “Grow up, Harrison.”

His chest rises and falls under his black T-shirt. You probably shouldn’t taunt the bear, but honestly, sometimes he just needs to hear the truth.

“You don’t think I can, do you?” he asks you as he takes slow steps in your direction.

You frown. “Can, what…?”

He lifts that damn eyebrow at you as if to mean, you know.

Is he really doing this? Is this really happening? Harry is encroaching on your space with every step, stopping at last when he reaches you at one of the worktops. You lean back while he does forward and downward until he’s boxed you in with his hands on either side of you on the desk. You lick your lips unconsciously. Harry smiles.

“You’re about to prove a point, aren’t you?” you ask with what little air you have in your lungs. Harry responds by placing his hand fall to your thigh and letting it roam up your skin under your skirt.

“You better believe it.”

The idea alone is enough to drive you mad with need, but one small problem makes you speak up, potentially setting up Harry’s plan for failure.

“Harry, this room doesn’t have a door…”

“Fine with me. Then they’ll all have proof that I do, indeed, fuck.”

The second the curse leaves his lips - which you can’t take your eyes off of to save your life - you know you’re diving headfirst into both a new world of risk and one hell of a ride.

His fingers venture past your panties, to discover just how excited you’re getting at the prospect of a little bit more roughness from Harry. And maybe it won’t even be a little bit… He makes a small, pleased sound as he feels you, while your hand reaches up to rest on his bicep peeking out from his T-shirt. It’s already as if it’s too much stimuli for your brain - his touch, his body, what’s to come, who’s to come. How are you make it through this?

Good Lord, now he’s peppering kisses under your ear. Does he want to kill you? Your very own Master of Foreplay executes the deadly combo of earlobe nibbling plus swirling his thumb around your clit. Your body shivers on its own accord, and you know he felt it too.

“So, uh…” you try to form those things known as ‘words.’ “When does this aforementioned... ‘fucking’ take place? Not that I’m not happy with what you’re-” You let out a whimper at another one of those effective combos and clutch his arm tighter. “-doing now.”

Harry’s eyes glint in the light as if you’ve given the official okay to get down to business. He brings his lips around to yours and let them ghost yours, curling up in a smirk. Harry is planning something. No, he already has one. He always has something planned.

You feel it before you know what’s happened - the thin fabric against your skin being ripped off your body by his strong, large hand.

You gasp, and Harry tosses your now unwearable panties without looking (and with everyone’s luck, they’ll have landed on Cisco’s workspace). He is an animal, your gentle lover no more.

And you are so ready.

Harry has to know this, has to see this in your eyes, because he reaches down to unbuckle and unzip, which feels like it’s the longest task on the face of Earth-Prime. His very hard and visible desire begs to be unleashed and sheathed where it belongs. It begs to prove a point. It begs to make you feel incredible.

He hikes up your skirt (there really is nothing like the desperate ruffling of this article of clothing) and you’re sure to open your legs for him to move closer. He presses against you, so ready to take you right here, but no matter how much he wants to, he awaits your next go-ahead.

You pull him down by clutching his shirt in your fist. “Prove your point, Harrison.”

Harry curls his lip, and the feeling of him entering you makes you scramble to clutch onto him for dear life. You whine in his ear and let your legs wrap around his waist. He doesn’t start out slow either, as he usually does, but instead finds right away a steady rhythm. Your eyes wander down to watch him thrust inside you.

“You like to watch, don’t you?” Harry says. Holy God, is he talking dirty to you right now?

Feeling the tightness coiling low in your belly, you nod.

“Well, I like watching you,” he continues. Your eyes flick up to see the truth in his. As if switching gears in this stick shift ride, Harry gives a particularly hard thrust into you to signal a slightly rougher and faster speed. Your mouth is open and sucking in the air you so desperately need.

“Harry… fuck…” you fight for your words to be heard.

The man lowers you so that your back is flush against the desktop, his palm flat near the side of your head. He hovers over you, grinning like he’s already won.

You make it your life’s mission to meet his every thrust. Harry growls at your eagerness, his inner animal making itself extremely well-known now. You know you’ll feel where he’s digging his fingers into your skin tomorrow if not later tonight. Eventually, his hips start to move in forward unbridled motions while your back is already arching off the desk and crying his name over and over and over until you’ve both finished.

The entire Workshop is filled with the sound of you both trying to catch your respective breaths. After a moment of revelling, Harry readjusts himself back into his pants as you sit up on the desk. Harry turns to you, cups your face with his hands, and kisses you properly.

As if you weren’t feeling dizzy enough, that kiss nearly knocks you back down. When is one supposed to breathe when this man keeps taking your breath away?

“So...?” he says.

You can’t help but laugh. “You want a gold medal or something, don’t you?”

“Confirmation at the very least would be sufficient.”

“Harrison Wells, you are not only a gentle and thorough lover, but I can officially confirm that you also fuck like nobody’s business. A plus. Five stars. Hot.”

This will for sure go to his head if it hasn’t already. Oh, look, another smug grin.

“You’re damn right I fuck.”

“Do you need me to tell Cisco for you, too, honey?”

Harry pulls you close for another smiley kiss. “Nah. I’m satisfied.”

“Make that two of us.”

[the-yerkes-dodson-curve]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE NEW SANDERS SIDES VIDEO

This is gonna be a long post. I have a lot of thoughts about this episode. There is going to be some serious talk about my own personal experiences with violent intrusive thoughts and also me just appreciating this amazing episode. 

I was one of the people that was convinced it was going to be about depression. I am so glad it wasn’t. A lot of people have talked about depression, but no one, at least as far as I know, have really touched upon intrusive thoughts. I had the exact same dilemma as Thomas last year where I thought I was going insane because I couldn’t control my own brain and I had a horrible mental breakdown and I was convinced I was a horrible person because of my intrusive thoughts. I cried and talked to people about it and through doing so it was made clear to me that these intrusive thoughts were just that, thoughts. Nothing more. They hold nothing over me. I still suffer from them, but now I know what they are.

I was also certain there wasn’t going to be another side introduced. It’s been a year since Deceit was introduced, we’ve only just gotten to know Deceit a little better, there won’t be another side. BOY WAS I WRONG

The episode starts with Thomas, Virgil and Patton trying not to think about the intrusive thoughts he was having that kept him awake. I have intrusive thoughts like that all the time. I vividly imagine my family members dying, or even myself dying. I vividly imagine someone breaking into the house and killing me. My brain does what Virgil and Patton do, freak out and try to think about something else. This video has made me realise how much I repress thoughts like that.

My anxiety also makes me have intrusive thoughts. Whenever I have an anxiety attack I vividly imagine myself killing myself in gory detail because I’ve gotten into this cycle of hating myself whenever I have an attack. I get scared, what if I lose control one day and these thoughts become reality?

I love how the audio became muffled and the intrusive thought creeped in. I like to think of the mind like a radio, tuning in and out of different frequencies, and sometimes, or most of the time like for me, you can’t control the frequencies it jumps to. And suddenly you’re imagining your loved one being killed or dying.

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER WHEN THOSE HANDS CREEPED OUT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NEW SIDE AT ALL

I WAS SO TERRIFIED

HOLY SHIT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN I AM IN LOVE STRAIGHT AWAY 

BUT AAAAAAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE HELL

When he smacked Roman in the head and knocked him out I was so shook, this Sanders Sides has stepped into totally new territory

LOOK AT HIM OMG HE HAS A MOUSTACHE I WASN’T EXPECTING A NEW SIDE TO HAVE FACIAL HAIR HOLY SHIT 

THE DUKE

HIS VOICE

HE HAS A DIFFERENT VOICE

THERE IS NO ENDING TO THOMAS’ TALENT

The way the song starts is eVeRyThInG

THESE EFFECTS I CAN’T DEAL AAAAAAAAA

I FUCKING SCREAMED

HIS SIX ARMS I LOVE IT REMUS’ SASSY STANCE I AM LIVING FOR IT

If you shared those musings with your friends, I doubt they would forgive you.

Gosh. I relate to this too much. I was so scared that I would somehow reveal these bad thoughts to people and they would hate me and everyone would hate me and think I was an awful person.

Even though everybody sins, everybody dies.

FAVOURITE PART OF THE SONG HANDS DOWN THOMAS’ VOICE IS AMAZING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself!

These lyrics are amazing. They encapsulating what I was thinking when I had really bad intrusive thoughts. I still have them, but when I first started noticing I had them I spiralled so far down. “What if this is who I am...what if I’m not the nice person I think I am?”

hELP I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM BUT I LOVE HIM

I always love the villain. I hate everything they’ve done and don’t condone any of it, but I absolutely love them, especially if they are as fabulous as the Duke Remus.

These sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man whose soul is truly rotten.

Oof. I relate to that thought process.

So let all your hopes of heaven be forgotten, ‘cause your head’s not in the gutter, pal, it’s in hell!

I wasn’t expecting religious imagery. I really love that. I don’t relate to the religious ideas brought up in this episode as I am not religious, but I do love the fact that he talked about them. Also, when Deceit said, “Wow, Thomas, it seems that your moral compass is pointed south, towards hell!” that was definitely foreshadowing for Thomas to spiral into this. That’s why Patton reacted so viscerally to that comment.

Remus: Juicy butthole!

Me:

Me:

Me: what...what is happening in this Sanders Sides

THIS FACE I LOVE IT

THE JAZZ HANDS AND THE HIGH VOICE AAAAAA WHY DO I LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM

Patton did a real good job!

Oh my goodness, this precious boi.

How about...DEMENTED?

I  C H O K E D

What is my deal? Um, bitch? What is YOUR deal?

My exact thought process. “Am I actually a horrible person because I’m having such awful thoughts like this, there’s definitely something wrong with me...but I can’t stop it...”

Oh no....oh no!

My heart broke at the horror and sadness that washes over Thomas’ and Patton’s face.

another good remus screenshot

Oh my goodness, the way he tortures Logan throughout the episode was awful for me to watch cause MY BABY LOGAN, but I love how Logan doesn’t react. I love Logan’s determination.

You bastard.

IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING HELL YES VIRGIL

I’d love to see the bloopers for this bit, oh my gosh.

Ooh! How fun! You know who could help us with that?

AWW MAN YOU GOT MY HOPES UP XDD

That’s what repression is!?

I love Patton’s reaction, cause I had the same reaction. Repression is so easy to do cause you often don’t know you are doing it.

This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas.

THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OH MY GOSH

Virgil: But what if he’s lying?

Logan: I can assure you, he’s not. You’re just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on guard. But for now, you must listen.

I love this part so much. It calls back to when Roman almost called Virgil paranoid, but then switched it to vigilant. Logan realised he was getting too worked up and angry and so stopped himself. This is great development from when he lashed out at Roman in Learning New Things About Ourselves. Calling Virgil “paranoid” is destructive and will make Virgil not feel listened to. He is aware of that. He is making sure Virgil still feels like he’s a valued part of Thomas’ mind.

another good remus screenshot

THAT IS WHY I SAY IT!

GOSH I LOVE LOGAN SO MUCH YES LOGAN GO OFF

I love being given two d’s at once!

Me:

Me:

Me: ...again what is happening

When Logan revealed that the problem was within Patton and Virgil, my heart dropped. I wasn’t expecting that.

Record scratch!?

I LOVE HIM AAAAA

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AM I COOL DOES THIS MAKE ME COOL

OMG PRECIOUS BOI AAAA

I WAS SO SHOOK WHEN HE SAID HIS NAME JUST LIKE THAT

ALSO THAT SLY DIG AT VIRGIL AAAAA

oof. this sad boi. :”(

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine!

OMG I JUST REALISED THIS IS WHAT ROMAN SAYS AT THE END AAAAA

I  S C R E A M E D

we just witnessed a side die guys

the angst fanfiction is coming to life

The Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does.

Hit me hard. I’ve never related more to a Sanders Sides episode.

This. THIS. So poignant and brilliant! This is how it feels!

good logan screenshot

Virgil was right. Not all thoughts are meaningful.

This idea is what helped me better deal with intrusive thoughts. Your brain just fires random thoughts at you, they don’t necessarily mean anything.

I mean, look at him now! He barely got any rest due in large part to you two chastising him all night!

I love how Logan tells them off. UGH I LOVE HIM

And that is why the Duke feels like such a threat, in part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn’t have control over yourself or your destiny, causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.

Gosh this episode is hitting me hard. 

It’s okay.

Everything is okay.

Logan’s soft voice as he said that made me emotional. His whole speech here is so lovely and helpful. It is okay to have these thoughts cross your mind. You are not a horrible person.

His talk about going to therapy is amazing too. It’s so inspiring. It has encouraged me to want to go back to the therapy because of my recent increase in violent intrusive thoughts.

Oh my goodness, Patton’s realisation and development. This is lovely. 

You tickle me, emo!

...was that a tickle me elmo reference

Good seeing you again, Virgil! It was just like old times!

Me:

Me:

Me: wAIT A MINUTE--

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine! NO! Ugh...I mean...I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean that.

THERE’S SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN THIS EPISODE I CAN’T DEAL

Thomas: You’re really...cool.

Logan: ...heh.

Me: ACTUALLY SOBBING

THESE TWIN BROTHERS OH MY GOODNESS YES

It shows you...everything you don’t want to be.

There are some really hard hitting lines in this episode.

I’m a little disappointed in myself.

The others. I thought I knew how to handle them.

Yeah, but, I should know better.

Because I was one of them.

Virgil being insecure about his power and how much he can protect Thomas almost makes me cry. That last line...oh my goodness. Thomas and his team really know how to write a narrative. It seems that we’re gonna get some lore and backstory at some point after all.

Thomas and his team have done such a good job with this episode. It is my favourite Sanders Sides by far because of the fact that this topic has not really been talked about much, and they talked about it and showed what it’s like so brilliantly. I respect Thomas so much for pushing the boundaries of his channel to talk about this. Thank you, Thomas. I and and so many people needed this.

I realise that I need to go back to therapy. Thank you, Logan for encouraging me.

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

i want to die

Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?

Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE

I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.

phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye

Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.

It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.

Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.

no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.

I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?

Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil

Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.

It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.

dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??

Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?

It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.

After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.

In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.

The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.

Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.

He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.

Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.

"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."

"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.

"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."

"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"

Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."

"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"

"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."

"What are your windows made of now?"

"What? They're made of glass."

"Then why would you need to wait for one?"

"What did I say?"

"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.

"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."

"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."

"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."

"I'm alright."

Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.

To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.

"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.

Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"

Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.

"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.

"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.

"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"

"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."

With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."

"I think I can handle that."

Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.

"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"

Yes. "Maybe."

"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."

"He's just so cute," Dan whines.

"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."

Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."

"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."

"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.

"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."

If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"

Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."

"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."

It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.

The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.

"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.

"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."

Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.

--

"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."

Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.

"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."

"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.

"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.

"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."

Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."

"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."

Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.

There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.

"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.

"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."

"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.

He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.

Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.

Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.

Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.

Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.

Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"

"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.

It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.

"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.

"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"

Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.

"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."

The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.

They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.

"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.

"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.

"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."

"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."

"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.

There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.

"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.

When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.

But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.