#this is OLD old from January but forgot to ever post it HAH

[steamclouds]

Local drow absolutely delighted by the weird furred creatures that roam the surface

Cue an "Everyone Approves" joke

[eldritchsurveys]

734.

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? >> I have, finally! Read it during my trip to Texas in January. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would; my quibbles are few. I want to see the movies but I also don’t want to see the movies -- what I want are... not those movies, pretty much. I’ll probably give the first one a shot at least, just so I know for sure exactly what I’m protesting against, lol.

When was the last time you ran into something? >> I don’t remember, I don’t do that often.

Do you enjoy dressing up? >> Yes, absolutely, mostly because I don’t get to do it often so it’s a novelty.

Do you live in the city or a rural area? >> I live in the outskirts of a city. So, kind of the suburbs, but not quite.

Would you say you have a sense of style? >> I mean, yeah.

What’s your biggest fear? >> Being terribly aware of my every dying moment and carrying that awareness into another life or something.

Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? >> No.

Are you close to any of your cousins? >> No.

Have you ever been lost in the woods? >> No.

Where did you last travel? >> For any significant distance? Houston, Texas.

Do you enjoy driving? >> I don’t drive. I enjoy driving being a part of my mythic self, though (my mythic self is called the Driver, you see).

What song did you last listen to? >> Sunlight by Hozier. Which was, of course, written specifically to call me out.

If you have a job, how often do you work? >> ---

What time do you normally go to sleep at night? >> Anywhere between 10.30p and 1a.

Do you watch a lot of movies? >> I do.

Do you like Tom Petty? >> I don’t.

Would you rather have snow or rain? >> Rain. Absolutely rain.

Do you own a lot of sweaters? >> No. I’m not sure I own any at all, actually -- oh, wait, I own exactly one. It’s a Hot Topic Christmas sweater and it says “Sleigher: Reindeer Blood” on it. I love it and I would live in it if I could.

Have you ever tried rock-climbing? >> Nope. Except on that small rock wall in the Museum of Science & Industry (pretty sure that’s where it was).

Ever ridden in a police car? >> Yes.

Favorite decade of music? >> I don’t have a favourite decade. I prefer listening to music from as many decades as possible.

Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? >> ---

Ever witnessed a murder? >> No.

Do you care what people think of you? >> I care what some people think of me.

Does your room have a ceiling fan? >> Nope.

Would you consider yourself poised? >> Not particularly. I never put any effort into it.

Have you ever tried blogging? >> Of course, lol.

Favorite television channel? >> I don’t have cable.

Have you ever lied under oath? >> No.

What are your religious views? >> Nebulous and subject to whim.

Are you a romantic person? >> No.

When did you last change your bed sheets? >> About an hour ago, actually. And I showered afterwards, so now I’m a clean boy in a clean bed. Livin’ the dream.

Would you consider yourself a flirt? >> No.

At what age do you plan to be married? >> 32, apparently.

Do you eat a lot of junk food? >> No. I really just don’t like a lot of the foods that are widely considered “junk”.

When did you last go on vacation? >> I guess the trip to Texas was kind of a vacation? But otherwise I’d say my wedding/honeymoon in October.

Are you resilient? >> Yeah. Like, I know I am. It’s been proven that I am. The fact I feel so fragile and wounded so often isn’t a contradiction of that fact.

Have you ever failed a subject before? >> I don’t think so.

If so, what was the class? >> Like, I should have failed English III because I got a zero on the midterm and the final, but I think the teacher gave me a D out of pity or whatever.

Do you wear more bright or dull colors? >> I don’t really wear colours at all. It’s not even an effort anymore, it really just seems that all of the clothing I’m willing to wear comes in black...

Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? >> Yes.

What’s your favorite quote? >> DAMMIT. I totally forgot about that quotes file I was going to keep on Evernote. I gotta work on that so I have answers for this question.

Would you consider yourself mature? >> I mean, I suppose I do okay. Being post-traumatic means I have some pretty child-like responses to things sometimes, but, you know. I’m doing my best.

How many clocks are in your house? >> There’s one on my wall, although there’s no battery in it because I can’t abide the noise. It’s just a decoration. (It’s one of those records that someone cut a design out of, it’s really cool.)

Do you play any sports? >> No.

What is your biggest life regret? >> ---

Have you ever been injured in a car accident? >> Nope.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? >> My mind went a lot of places with this question in 5 seconds flat, and I don’t even know how to unpack any of it. Half the shit I thought of didn’t even have anything to do with this lifetime.

Have you ever had highlights in your hair? >> No.

Favorite fast food restaurant? >> Meh.

In what country were you born? >> USA.

Are your eyes more than one color? >> Nope.

Have you ever caught something on fire? >> Accidentally? Yeah, a couple of times.

What would you consider your biggest flaw? >> I don’t know.

What do you think your best quality is? >> Curiosity and open-mindedness.

Do you enjoy listening to others’ problems? >> I’m not sure “enjoy” is the right word in this context, lol.

Do you keep any plants in your house? >> Yeah, Sparrow’s really into plants. I like them, but I tend to enjoy them more when they’re outdoors. Kind of like animals.

What is your mother’s occupation? >> ---

Do any of your friends like your musical style? >> At least some of it, I’m sure. I like way too much shit for me to have no music preferences in common with the average person.

What are you most looking forward to? >> That glorious day when I can just. Walk into a bar and have a drink and some lunch again.

What was your favorite television show as a child? >> I don’t think I had one.

Are you afraid of insects? >> Not as a rule.

Are you cold-natured? >> I don’t think so, but my 485745 defense mechanisms often make me appear so.

How old were you when you got your first pet? >> I was a toddler.

Did you / do you enjoy high school? >> I did not.

What would you say was your favorite age? >> ---

What annoys you most about social networking? >> The way it’s engineered.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? >> No.

What are you currently reading? >> Staring at the Sun: Overcoming The Terror of Death by Irvin D Yalom. It’s... not really giving me anything I can use, mostly because it doesn’t address the things I actually fear (like, no, I don’t fear not leaving behind a good legacy or whatever, I literally fear the awe-ful, terrible knowledge of my organs shutting down and shit like that, the helplessness of being pulled into the abyss. Literally. Not figuratively. This is a literal visceral thing I believe in. Also, I fear persecution by cosmic forces because I have internalised the idea that I am Bad and I will be Punished. Where is my book? I do like the title, though.), so I don’t know if I’m going to finish it. I might skim through it for a few decent nuggets like that one Nietzsche quote he used, “when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago”. That was a good one.

When did you last go to the library? >> It’s been a while, since I usually just check out ebooks. Oh, wait, we went to the branch for a Black History Month event, so, February.

Are you ill at the moment? >> No.

Do people tease you about anything? >> I mean, Sparrow does. And some tumblr mutuals tease me about various aspects of my Brand, hah.

How late did you stay up last night and why? >> I think I dropped off at around midnight, idk. Because that’s just how it happened.

Have you ever written poetry? >> Sure.

Curtains or shades? >> I’m not sure what the difference is.

How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? >> One.

Do you tend to text a lot? >> No.

Ever lost a great best friend? >> ---

What is your favorite kind of flower? >> Sunflowers.

Do you own any guns? >> Absolutely fucking not.

What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? >> ---

Do you think you’re living a good life? >> I am doing my best with the life I have.

What’s your least favorite part of the day? >> I don’t have a least favourite part of the day.

Are you an over-achiever? >> No.

Have you ever won an award for a speech? >> No.

Do you tend to curse a lot? >> Sure.

Have you ever played on the Ouija board? >> Nope. I’ve never even seen one in person, except for seeing the box in a store or something.

Do you sleepwalk? >> No.

Have you ever slept on the floor before? >> Yeah, I did for years. I should probably have worse spinal alignment or something now, but I guess them’s the perks of doing shit like that while I was still young.

Are you a fan of public displays of affection? >> I don’t do well with physical affection whether in public or not, so, you know.

When did you last attend a yard sale? >> A couple of years ago?

Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? >> I like the level of simplicity I’m at right now.

What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? >> ---

When is your birthday? >> 28 May.

Which is worse: going blind or deaf? >> How would I know, I haven’t experienced either.

What was the best part of today? >> Visiting a mutual’s house in FFXIV, signing the guestbook, and then turning around and there was her character (and her girlfriend’s character) right behind me, lmao. We didn’t get to chat long because their dungeon queue popped, but it was still nice.

Do you attempt to stay away from drama? >> I don’t have to stay away from it, it’s never anywhere near me in the first place.

What liquid did you last drink? >> Gose.

Do you ever prefer to be alone? >> Often.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? >> No.

Favorite Disney movies >> Lilo & Stitch, Moana, and Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Have you ever been to the beach? >> Sure.

If you have, how many times have you been? >> Like... a few dozen? I don’t know.

What was your dream occupation at age ten? >> ---

Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? >> I don’t know if terrified is the right word, exactly, but something similar to that.

Do you drink a lot of water? >> Not a lot. I drink when I feel thirsty, and that just isn’t that often? I don’t know. Maybe I’m not good at recognising thirst cues, that’s a possibility.

Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? >> Carpet.

Do you take naps daily? >> No.

Who were you named after? >> I wasn’t named after anyone.

Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? >> Well, we had planned...

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? >> Maybe?

Have you ever been a teacher’s pet? >> When I was a child, I guess, because I was precocious and nerdy and adults are obsessed with that sort of thing for some reason.

What is your absolute favorite hobby? >> *shrug* What’s a hobby.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? >> One, provided I remember and have the executive function.

Ever been to a tanning bed before? >> No.

Are you satisfied with your financial stability? >> No matter what, I still have more financial stability than I did when I was literally penniless and living on the street, so I can deal.

Who is your favorite actor / actress? >> When it comes to people I’m always excited to see in a movie, Javier Bardem is one.

Are your nails painted? >> Nope.

What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? >> I don’t know, I’ve said a lot of mean things.

Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? >> Not accidentally, no. I do it on purpose, because it pleases me.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? >> Vanilla bean and matcha are the only flavours I actually like and don’t just. tolerate.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? >> I don’t think I’ve ever kissed another agender person.

Do you receive any hate mail? >> No.

Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? >> When I was a kid.

If you could, would you have a pen pal? >> I don’t think I’d make a good penpal.

What color are the pants you’re wearing? >> Black with lime green print.

Have you ever had a stalker? >> No.

What is your life philosophy? >> I don’t have one.

Who last sent you a goodnight text message? >> ---

Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? >> I don’t own any gold clothing, no.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before? >> I tried a hot tub once, at Easton Mountain. Five seconds in, I felt faint and like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, so I had to get out.

What’s your favorite comedy movie? >> Blazing Saddles and The Producers come to mind.

In which year were you born? >> 1987.

[yatsuhara-mizuka-almira]

Just for you

Game: Samurai Love Ballad Party. Character: Oda Nobunaga, Akechi Mitsuhide, Sanada Yukimura, Kirigakure Saizo, Date Masamune, Katakura Kojuro, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, Maeda Toshiie, Tokugawa Ieyasu, Ishida Mitsunari, Uesugi Kenshin, Takeda Shingen. Author Note: Happy new year everyone! I know it’s late but I really want to said it. Thank you for supporting me all this time. I know recently I never post anything because things got busy. Okay so this the special story for you hoper you enjoy it! Oh! and please leave the message on message box whose letter has catch your heart! X Post Date: 06 January 2018

Hideyoshi: "It's finally here! Happy new year, everyone!"

Mitsunari: "Happy new year for you too, Hideyoshi!"

Ieyasu: *whisper* "Never thought that I would celebrate a new year with this peasant."

Mitsunari: "What did you said?! Say it again and I shall send you to the river of underworld!"

Nobunaga: "Ho ho, it's finally here already. Mitsuhide bring me more sweet!"

Mitsuhide: "Gladly, milord."

Masamune: "... Kojuro."

Kojuro: "Yes, here milord. I bought your zunda mochi."

Yukimura: "Dateee!! Let's go outside and show me your strength already!"

Saizo: "Oh, come on now, little lord. Can you stop your love - hate relationship for a moment" *sigh*

Shingen: "Saizo's right, Yukimura. Sometime you need to forgot your enemy and having fun together with them, like us. Isn’t right, popinjay?"

Kenshin: "Well, if it's my little tiger said that I think is right. But, I never thought that I will spend them with you."

Hideyoshi: "Oi, puppy! What are you doing over there? Come on, join us!"

Inuchiyo: "The hell you call me 'puppy', idiot!"

Hideyoshi: "Haha, my bad. Then what are you doing over there?"

Inuchiyo: "I found this outside" *show a roll paper to the lords*

Hideyoshi: *take the roll* "Hm, what this?" *opens them* "Hoo..." *grins*

Nobunaga: "What was that, monkey?"

Hideyoshi: "I think you must be like this, Lord Nobunaga. I'll read it 'Challenges Letter! For all the lords I'll challenges you to make a lovey - dovey, sweet letter for your lovers right now!'"

Nobunaga: "Hoho, Intersting. Let's do that."

Yukimura: "W-Wh-Wha-Whaa-Whaat?! In front of all this people?!'

Shingen: "What it is, Yukimura? Are you embarrassed?"

Yukimura: "W-What?! N-no! It's jus--"

Saizo: "If you do that, maybe you could beat the Lord Date, you know."

Yukimura: "I'll accept that challenges!"

Kenshin: "Haha, he is very easy man, aren't he?"

Kojuro: "Are you alright with this, Lord Masamune? Your face is red."

Masamune: "... shut up, Kojuro."

Mitsunari: "What a joke but since Hideyoshi will do it, I think I'll do it too."

Ieyasu: "This stupid, I'm not do it."

Mitsuhide: "Are you sure you won't do it, Lord Ieyasu? It seems the prize for the winner is Strawberry Daifuku."

Ieyasu: "... I hate all of you."

Hideyoshi: "Okay, since everyone has agreement. Inuchiyo you go on first."

Inuchiyo: "What?! Me?!" *blushes*

Hideyoshi: "Well, of course since you found this roll first."

Inuchiyo: "What?!"

Nobunaga: "Quickly, puppy! I'm waiting."

Inuchiyo: "Gahh! Alright, I'll go first!"

Inuchiyo: "Thank you for all this past year, ____. Even now, I can barely believe it that you're mine, but I know is real. For a long time, I've been with you and I always thought you as my sister. But, I realized my love is more than the brother do. I love you as a man. ____, Let's continue to be together from now on. I promise I'll make you happy. Gahh... It's so embarrasing!"

Hideyoshi: "Aah~, it's been a year already since I met you, huh? At first, I never thought that I do love you. Before I have met you, my live is a mess, even I have meaning to be useful for everyone, in the end I just keep running away, but then you came and showed me that running away isn't everything. You're my light, ____. I love you."

Kojuro: "Happy new year, my precious girl. I'm glad that I could spend it with you too this year. Even as the time passed by, my love for you will never ever change. You're the only one will be in my heart, my beautiful girl. And... Can I count on you in cleaning too, next year? I know, I'm bad at it."

Mitsuhide: "Thank you for staying with me all this time, ____. Things always have been busy in the castle. But, you always be my side and give me a power to go on. Whenever I came home and saw your face it's always melt my tiredness away. I can't wait when the day finally I can wed you, it must be wonderful."

Nobunaga: "What a foolish girl do you think I will said a kind words like the others too? I let this once slide so listen to me. You're the most interesting woman I ever met. You're the only one who can defy my orders but that's was made me fall for you. Hearing you say how much you love me is almost enough to entertain me. Now, it's the time to show you how much I love you with my action of course."

Kenshin: "My beautiful little flower, thank you for staying by this selfish old man's side all this time. Maybe it's the selfish of me, but I don't want to you to get close to the others, it's make my jealousy slowly growing inside of me and it's make me want to lock you up so I can keep you for myself but of course I can't do that. You're the most gentle person that I know. Your warm heart bring the warmth to my heart. I don't want to show the dark side of me but you accept me who I am and keep loving me like you always do. My favorite blossom, I shall love you always."

Yukimura: "____! Listen to my vows! I vowed that I will love you and protect you now and forever. You're the pride of my heart. Being with you always give me a joy that I never know before. When I came back from the war, my eyes has been searching for you. As I see tears a joy in your eyes, at that time I feel urge to hold you. I'm going to do my best to give the care you deserve for the rest of our lives. I swear I'll be a man worthy of you."

Shingen: "I never thought that I would met a woman like you. You're different from the others. You're mysterious woman. You're are an intriguing. You get angry easily but at same time you're crybaby too. My heart feel calm whenever I'm with you. It's my first time that I wanting a woman like this. I want you to stay by my side... now more than ever."

Masamune: "____, Thank you for loving me all this year, teaching me to care of myself and care to other. Your love has changed me. With the things has happened, I always thought I never deserve for happiness but I'm wrong. My happiness is being with you. I'll swear to protect you and our future family. I love you, ____."

Ieyasu: "This is stupid, I never thought that I will said this to someone like you. Listen here, I only says this once and I will never repeated it again. I didn't take 'no' as answer either. This is an order, even how many years it takes your job is stay by my side. Even you keep running away from me I will never let you go."

Saizo: "It's still winter, but when the spring starts let's go to see the cherry blossoms together, not just this year but next year too and next and next. Hm? Why I like to see cherry blossoms so much? You want to know? Well, I guess I'll tell you if you brave enough to kiss me."

Mitsunari: "There's nothing good about you. You are troublesome, you are just a fool girl whose always sticks your nose in the places you are not belongs. But, whenever you are here I feel strange. I learned something and never been so passionate about someone except Hideyoshi. Haa... I don't know what you do to me that I'm become like this but all you need to do is stay by side."

Hideyoshi: "Woah... everyone is too good. I'm not sure who will win this time."

Nobunaga: "Hah! Of course, it's my win!"

Shingen: "Are you sure, boy? All you said is call the girl is fool."

Nobunaga: "Hah?! Are you trying a fight with me?!"

Mitsuhide: "Lord Nobunaga, please calm down. It's not us whose decide who will win."

Kenshin: "So, what do you think, my little flower? Who you'll choose as the winner?"

Kojuro: "Please, write down the name your favorite letter on the message box."

Hideyoshi: "Ah! That's right, for last time! Come on everyone gathers up! We need to say our new year greeting for our lady out there."

*all the lords starts to gathers around*

Hideyoshi: "In the count of 123. One... Two... Three!"

Everyone: "Happy new years, my dear ____. Let's have new wonderful memories this year too."

[ Masterpost ] << Read here for the other headcanon >.<

[andystanberg]

~ still not gay ~

Word Count: 2 800

Genre: chat fic, coming out, coming to terms with sexuality, humour

Pairing(s): phan, tiny mention of kickthestickz

Warnings: swearing, so many spelling/grammar mistakes (all on purpose as it’s a chat fic), mentioned homophobia, sexual humour (not a lot)

Summary:

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat. PJ: what? dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

A/N Shout out to the (formerly) ~ still not gay ~ chat, thanks for not believing I was straight. (Loosely based off my own unconventional coming out.)

AUGUST 12TH

dan is gay

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat.

PJ: what?

dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

PJ: you are.

crabstickzzz: SUCK IT HOWELL

LouiseP: Chris, Dan clearly isn’t ready for blowjobs yet.

dannyboy: IM NOT GAY

PJ: sure.

crabstickzzz: wat about ur crush on phil

AmazingPhil: His what now

dannyboy: i dont have a crush on phil

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: im straight guys cmon

PJ has changed the chat name to dan is in denial and gay.

dannyboy: oh for fucks sake

dannyboy: seriously guys im 100% sure im straight

PJ: sure.

-

AUGUST 15TH

dan is in denial and gay

AmazingPhil: Why is the name always about Dan

LouiseP: This group chat is dedicated to whether or not Dan is gay. And memes.

crabstickzzz: thats all we talk about so theres no point in creating another

PJ: i’ve been in this group chat for two days and it’s true.

dannyboy: why does it matter what i am

crabstickzzz: bc u wont admit ur gay! we r teaching u to love and accept urself 4 who u r!!!

dannyboy: bullshit

AmazingPhil: Maybe we should lay off Dan a bit

dannyboy: thank you filip

AmazingPhil: Never mind please continue

dannyboy changed the chat name to i hate you all

-

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil.

AmazingPhil: You’re not mad, are you?

dannyboy: no

AmazingPhil: Sure?

dannyboy: its fine. theyre joking and having fun. i just dont get why they care so much about my sexuality though

AmazingPhil: Maybe Crabstickzzz and PJ have a crush on you and Louise is trying to wingman both???

dannyboy: yeah right. can you imagine?

AmazingPhil: You never know

dannyboy: for starters, nobody has, or ever had, or ever will have a crush on me, and secondly, crabstickzzz and pj are dating

AmazingPhil: WHAT? WHEN? HOW?

dannyboy: well i dont know for sure but cmon

AmazingPhil: Oh good. I thought I had missed their big reveal

AmazingPhil: Also don’t be so sure about the crush thing

dannyboy: what? who has a crush on me?!

dannyboy: PHIL LESTER ANSWER ME

-

NOVEMBER 20TH

i hate you all

dannyboy: GUYS OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THE PIC ZAC EFRON JUST POSTED

LouiseP: Who’s Zack?

PJ: oh boy.

dannyboy: HOW DARE YOU! ZAC**** IS THE ACTOR OF TROY BOLTON AKA MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

AmazingPhil: I JUST SAW IT TOO HE LOOKS SO GOOD

dannyboy: I KNOW RIGHT?????

LouiseP: daNIEL

PJ: HAH KNEW IT.

dannyboy: what

crabstickzzz: ur not good at being straight, my friend

dannyboy: oh come on! i may be straight but im not BLIND!

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: phil back me up!

AmazingPhil: Dan has a point.

crabstickzzz: spoil sport

crabstickzzz has kicked AmazingPhil from the chat.

dannyboy: OI

LouiseP: Chris, add him back in.

crabstickzzz: fineeee only cause ur scary

crabstickzzz has added AmazingPhil to the chat.

dannyboy has changed the chat name to welcome back fil.

AmazingPhil has changed the chat name to chris sucks.

dannyboy: i second that

crabstickzzz: wat did i do???

PJ: you’re really asking yourself that?

-

NOVEMBER 25TH

chris sucks

LouiseP: It’s been five days are you all dea?

crabstickzzz: yep im so dea

LouiseP: Oh shut up, like you can talk.

PJ: he never stops talking. don’t encourage him, for my sake.

crabstickzzz: do not

AmazingPhil: Do too

PJ: do too.

dannyboy: do too

crabstickzzz: alright i get it

LouiseP: Do too.

LouiseP: Whoops.

crabstickzzz: watevr

crabstickzzz: so dan have u figured out that ur gay yet

dannyboy: for the last time, im like 99% sure im straight

PJ: that’s 1% less than last time.

crabstickzzz: progress!!!

dannyboy: no its just that if evan peters wanted to fuck me, i wouldnt say no

LouiseP: Hardly anyone would.

dannyboy: see? it doesnt prove anything

AmazingPhil: well…

dannyboy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

PJ: welcome to the dark side.

AmazingPhil: I just go for whatever side is winning! Can’t blame a man for surviving

dannyboy: thats not the saying

AmazingPhil: It is now!

dannyboy: weve been over this! you cant steal sayings and try to change them

AmazingPhil: I just did

dannyboy: why am i friends with you

crabstickzzz: bc u like him

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ still not gay ~.

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You say that a lot.

PJ: it’s because it’s needed. if dan didn’t deny the blatantly obvious, i wouldn’t have to be sarcastic all the time.

crabstickzzz: dont lie to urself

-

NOVEMBER 27TH

~ still not gay~

dannyboy: oh my god oh m y god

AmazingPhil: What?!

dannyboy: fcukin evan peters in ahs

AmazingPhil: ARE YOU WATCHING WITHOUT ME

dannyboy: maybe…

AmazingPhil: BETRAYAL

crabstickzzz: gayyyyyy

dannyboy: fuck off let me have this chris

PJ: yeah chris, fuck off.

dannyboy: thanks pj

PJ: it’s okay. also...

dannyboy: what

PJ: gayyyyy.

AmazingPhil: Okay but Dan has a point

LouiseP: True!

dannyboy: phil and louise are my only friends

crabstickzzz: danyul they both like guys doesnt that say something

dannyboy: psh whatever

-

DECEMBER 25TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh im stuck with sucky wifi away from home :(

AmazingPhil: Aw! Does that mean no skype tonight?

dannyboy: im using my data rn and its so slow, skype would be a nightmare. sorry phil

AmazingPhil: I’ll see you when you get back, then.

dannyboy: yeah :)

crabstickzzz: ugh stop flirting

PJ: yeah, get your own chat.

LouiseP: I think it’s cute.

dannyboy: yeah okay im leaving

PJ: he didn’t deny the flirting part though.

-

JANUARY 1ST

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: new years and no one to kiss wow what a surprise

AmazingPhil: My offer still stands ;)

LouiseP: WAIT, WHAT OFFER?!

crabstickzzz: yeah wat offer

PJ: is no one gonna..?

PJ: okay fine I guess I’ll have to do it.

PJ: gayyyyyyy

AmazingPhil: I wish

dannyboy: keep dreaming philly ;)

LouiseP: I ship it.

PJ: join the club.

dannyboy: can anybody read what the title of this chat is

crabstickzzz: we can we just dont care

PJ: the only reason no one has changed it is because of its irony.

-

JANUARY 12TH

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

dannyboy: ahH EVAN PETERS

AmazingPhil: Dan are you sure you’re not gay

dannyboy: well i mean i have liked girls before so even if i did like guys i wouldnt be gay

AmazingPhil: Bi?

dannyboy: maybe idk

dannyboy: but anyway EVAN PETERS

-

JANUARY 16TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: this chat is so quiet

AmazingPhil: For the first time in forever

dannyboy: did you literally just reference Frozen

LouiseP: What’s wrong with Frozen?!

AmazingPhil: Yeah Dan what’s wrong with Frozen

PJ: he probably thinks its gay lmao.

crabstickzzz: dans literally the epitome of no homo

dannyboy: wow what a big word you used there chris

dannyboy: do you even know what it means

dannyboy: also i’ll have you know i have proudly never said no homo

AmazingPhil: I’ve tested that ;)

PJ: WOAH WHAT DID PHIL JUST MAKE A DIRTY JOKE?

LouiseP: PHIL, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU TO BE A GOOD CHILD.

crabstickzzz: DAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM

dannyboy: wouldnt you like to know

crabstickzzz: wht te h fcuk

PJ: … GAYYYYYYY.

LouiseP: I second that.

AmazingPhil: I hope that

dannyboy: that doesnt make sense

PJ: okay, straight boy, he meant ‘fil hopes you’re gay, as in attracted to boys, no “no homo”’.

dannyboy: im not an idiot

crabstickzzz: debateble

dannyboy: debatable* dumbass

-

JANUARY 30TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL MY BEST FRIEND

LouiseP: Happy birthday! Wow, January went by quickly.

dannyboy: yeah can you believe that Phil Lester created January and the world was so hyped for his birthday it sped up time

PJ: oh my god, guys, holy shit.

crabstickzzz: what

PJ: DAN DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HOW BIRTHDAYS ARE A STEP CLOSER TO DEATH. AM I ALIVE?

crabstickzzz: hoLY FUCK UR RIGHT

LouiseP: Dan, you feeling okay?

dannyboy: jeez sorry for wishing my friend a happy birthday

AmazingPhil: I thought it was sweet

crabstickzzz: yeah we get it u love each other

PJ: they’re so cute but so gross.

dannyboy: i dont like phil cmon guys

AmazingPhil: I thought we had something :( you even forgot to talk about the inevitability of death for me :((((

PJ: hey, at least he didn’t say he doesn’t like guys or reference the chat name.

-

FEBRUARY 3RD

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh people suck

AmazingPhil: What happened?

dannyboy: nothing

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You can tell us, Dan.

crabstickzzz: as long as its not blackmail worthy bc in that case dont be so sure

LouiseP: Chris.

crabstickzzz: i was joking, ofc he can tell us

dannyboy: nvm, i said it was nothing

-

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

AmazingPhil: Seriously what happened

dannyboy: one of my old friends from uni keeps asking me when im getting a girlfriend or making jokes about my lack of love life every time he sees me and im sick of it

AmazingPhil: You’ve complained about him before and it you never seemed too bothered

dannyboy: yeah well…

AmazingPhil: ?

dannyboy: i know it shouldnt bother me but this time when i tried to ignore all of his questions about getting a girlfriend or whatever he said “you’re gonna turn gay and be alone”

dannyboy: like i know gay isnt an insult but at the same time it bugs me? is that wrong?

AmazingPhil: I don’t think so. Maybe it was just that he said something like that in the first place

dannyboy: maybe… or like some internalised homophobia idk i feel shitty

dannyboy: im just so tired of everyone asking me when im gonna get a relationship

dannyboy: my mum has been making hints at it lately

AmazingPhil: I love your mum but everyone should back off

dannyboy: this is cheesy but you’re the best

AmazingPhil: No problem <3

dannyboy: <3

-

FEBRUARY 4TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: youll all be happy to know that i almost accidentally kissed a guy today

crabstickzzz: o H YM GOD DANYUL WELCOME TO THE GAY SIDE

dannyboy: a l m o s t + a c c i d e n t a l l y

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: i thought you had stopped with the sarcastic sures

PJ: keep dreaming, howell.

crabstickzzz: shut up time for the important qs

crabstickzzz: was it fil

LouiseP: Please for the love of god let it be Phil.

AmazingPhil: Let what be me

dannyboy: they’re freaking out over the almost kiss

AmazingPhil: Oh! Sorry guys, it wasn’t me

crabstickzzz: NOOOOOOOOO

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: Liesssssssssssssss.

dannyboy: it was this cute guy who ive been friends with for a while and we were messing around and whispering in each others ears to waste time during some meeting that was probably important and i turned just as he was whispering something and our lips almost touched

dannyboy: we jumped back just in time

PJ: there was so much gay in that that I can’t even form a coherent reason as to why it was gay.

AmazingPhil: Can you believe that Dan cheated on me :(((((()(09()

crabstickzzz: CUTE GUY? WHISPERING IN EARS? HOWL U R GAY OK

PJ: good news, chris just said my reasons for me.

LouiseP: Who’s the lucky guy?

dannyboy: first of all, weve been over this. i know when someone is cute, guy or girl. second of all, we were whispering creepy stuff like “mayonnaise” to try and freak each other out and third of all, not telling because id know you guys would stalk him

AmazingPhil: I know who it is ;)

PJ: i bet it’s phil.

dannyboy: nope. i said CUTE guy

AmazingPhil: HEY!

dannyboy: kidding. but no, it wasnt phil

-

FEBRUARY 8TH

~ still not gay ~

LouiseP: Alright, for today we put a halt on the usual Dan is gay discourse.

dannyboy: thank you friend

PJ: why? did someone die?

crabstickzzz: BREAKING TRADITION IS NOT ALLWD!!!

LouiseP: Shush, let me talk about a cute guy I saw today.

LouiseP: Anyway how do I ask him out?

AmazingPhil: Wait until Valentines and anonymously get him a rose.

dannyboy: ask him out or let your feelings pile up and watch him inevitably move on because you’re too scared to make a move

PJ: talk to him on the internet until you become best friends and be gay oops i meant straight for each other.

crabstickzzz: love poems via mysterious skype calls no one gets to know the contents of

LouiseP: The last two are unrealistic. Who talks to a stranger on the internet??? Stanger danger!1!!1!

dannyboy: fil i think theyre picking on us

AmazingPhil: Fair enough

dannyboy: YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

-

FEBRUARY 11TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: i cant wait to get nothing on valentines

LouiseP: Same.

AmazingPhil: Same

PJ: same.

crabstickzzz: sam

crabstickzzz: samr*

crabstickzzz: SAME****

dannyboy: this chat is so depressing

dannyboy: also learn how to spell

crabstickzzz: np

crabstickzzz: no*

-

FEBRUARY 13TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ not gay, but bi ~

crabstickzzz: I KNEW IR

dannyboy: shush

crabstickzzz: I FCUKIGN KNEWS IT

dannyboy: you saw nothing

crabstickzzz: YOURE BI

dannyboy: i was right about not being gay though

crabstickzzz: BUT I KNEW YOU WERENT STRAIGHT

PJ: WOAH WOAH WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENIGN OH MT FGDPL.

LouiseP: PJ ISN’T USING FULL STOPS!!! HE’S BROKEN!

LouiseP: DAN, YOU’VE BROKEN ALL OF US!!!

dannyboy: I SAID I WAS 99% SURE I WAS STRAIGHT

crabstickzzz: I WAS RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG

dannyboy: NO YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY

dannyboy: WE WERE ALL WRONG

PJ: S T I L L.

AmazingPhil: This is so amusing

LouiseP: WHY ISN’T PHIL JOINING OUR FREAKING OUT?!

dannyboy: … might have came out already yesterday maybe haha dont kill me

PJ: WHAT?

crabstickzzz: FUK U FIL AND DANYUL

LouiseP: AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING US NOW??????

dannyboy: yeah well coming out to phil was the first time ive ever done it so it was a little emotionally exhausted and i shook so much that i needed to recharge

AmazingPhil: He was so nervous but I’m proud of him

PJ: yeah, same.

LouiseP: I second that!

crabstickzzz: I FUCKING NKEW TOU WERE GAY

AmazingPhil: I thought we had gotten past this bit

dannyboy: chris, read the new name. im still not gay, just extremely bi

crabstickzzz: sry but i cant believe ur finally coming out

LouiseP: If you don’t mind me asking, what made you realise you were bi?

dannyboy: it all started with this one guy in high school who was so fucking hot and i had like a teensy bit of a crush on him and omg he was so pretty and one time i saw him literally leaning against a wall with his hair messed up and i died

dannyboy: i thought it was a one-time thing and i wasnt really sure if it counted considering ive only ever been attracted to girls before that, but recently ive just come to terms with that and the other thing

crabstickzzz: WHICH IS

dannyboy: nnnnnnnothing

PJ: sure.

AmazingPhil: Ha you guys aren’t on best friend level, so of course you don’t know

crabstickzzz: r00d

dannyboy: dont worry he doesnt know either, hes just being a little shit

AmazingPhil: Love you too

LouiseP: Can you imagine how much we would’ve freaked out over Phil’s message in August?

PJ: seasons change and people do too, apparently.

-

FEBRUARY 14TH

~ not gay, but bi ~

dannyboy: [image attached] someone sent me this chocolate rose with a note saying “- Voldemort” i wonder who that could be??!?!?

PJ: yeah, can anyone think of a super pale nerd who likes Harry Potter almost as much as Dan does and knows where he lives??? I’m coming up blank!!!1!!

LouiseP: Awwww, that’s so sweet!

crabstickzzz: barf

AmazingPhil: Thanks Louise I spent 2 whole pounds on it

dannyboy: spending so much for his boyfriend ew sap stop wasting money

PJ: bOYFRIEND?

crabstickzzz: WAIT I THOUGHT U 2 WERE JUST BEING WEIRD AND PLATONIC COUPLEY LIKE U ALWAYS R AND UR TELLING ME UR DATING

AmazingPhil: It turns out that the “other thing” Dan mentioned was him liking me

dannyboy: and also staring at his lips whenever he talks to me and thinkingaboutkissingthemmaybehah

LouiseP: CONGRATS, GUYS!

PJ: this is like my OTP.

crabstickzzz: *teenage girl voice* OH MY GOD MY OTP

dannyboy: lets leave before they start being weird

AmazingPhil: They’re our friends, don’t worry so much

crabstickzzz: so like did your first kiss involve tongue or

AmazingPhil: Yeah, bye.

crabstickzzz: he didnt say no

LouiseP: cHRIS.

dannyboy: if you must know, it involved NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

dannyboy has left the chat.

AmazingPhil has left the chat.

PJ: …there was definitely tongue.

LouiseP: Agreed.

[inkshares]

A Q&A with cover designer M. S. Corley

Last July we brought book production in house. As part of that, we knew that we needed to hire and work with the best editors and designers around. Over the next few months we’ll be introducing you to some of these amazing people. We want to kick that set of introductions off today with Mike S. Corley.

Mike is known for his powerful, evocative covers. He’s done work for bestselling authors like Hugh Howey and Paolo Bacigalupi, and he’s worked on everything from novels to comic books to concept art for videogames. He’s designed covers for some of the biggest publishers, like Simon & Schuster, Houghton Mifflin, and Random House.

Currently, he’s designing Matt Harry’s Sorcery for Beginners (publishing this October from Inkshares with the official cover reveal on Wednesday). He’s also the mastermind behind the gorgeous covers for other Inkshares titles like A God in the Shed and Rune of the Apprentice.

Mike recently spoke with us about reinventing Harry Potter covers, the pleasures of reading Murakami in the summertime, and his thoughts on what makes a great book cover.

Mike, we’ve heard you have a really interesting story about how you broke into the business. Can you tell the Inkshares community a bit about it?

Back in 2008, I was working at a merchandising agency and wasn’t really enjoying the work I was doing. It was easy and comfortable but not very fulfilling. So one night after work when I would normally work on my own personal projects, I was thinking about what I would do if I could have any art job. I’ve always been a bibliophile, so I figured if I could do anything, it would be designing book covers.

There was a trend at the time of redesigning things in old-fashioned, minimalist art styles. People were doing movies as books and videogames as books and posting them on the internet. So I thought, well I don’t wanna just copy them and try to make more movies or video game covers: why not just do books as books, go back and apply the same design aesthetic?

The first ones I tried my hand at were the Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I worked it out in the old Penguin Marber Grid style of covers they had in the 60s.

I worked on Harry Potter next and started posting the covers online. I struck a chord with a lot of folks on the internet when I put my HP covers up and things escalated quickly with those covers specifically. I was going to make prints because there was a huge demand at the time, but then Warner Bros. lawyers came flying outta nowhere and shut me down quick. It was surreal that I would be contacted by a HP lawyer saying, “you can’t make this art and sell it” as they slowly cracked their knuckles into the phone quite menacingly. So of course I stopped any progress on producing those covers. Luckily they were already out in the wild and about a week later I got my first cover job from someone who saw them and wanted me to do something similar for them.

From then on I got about one book cover request a month for the rest of the year and it slowly increased. I would do my normal job during the day and work on covers at night when the jobs came in.  In 2009 I quit my corporate job and went full time on covers because the timing seemed to be right, and I was young and stupid enough to take the risk without much damage to my current life. I figured I’d give it a go for a couple of months and if it didn’t work I could always go back to a design firm and get a “grown up” job again. Luckily that never happened.  

Wow, that’s a hell of a story. You should publish that as a book on Inkshares, and we’ll make the cover. Kidding. What were your favorite books of 2016? And which books are currently on your nightstand?  

I read a lot less last year than I would have liked, but a few standouts for me were:

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami. I have a tradition to read a couple of his books every summer during the months of May-August.This year my Murakami summer read will be 1Q84. He is the best. Makes me feel super melancholy and nostalgic for things I don’t even know.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. I love the Frankenstein monster and the old Universal monster movies in particular, but I’ve never read the original novel, so I made that a goal for last year. I read an oversized version illustrated by Bernie Wrightson which really added to the story.

The Valancourt Book of Christmas Ghost Stories from Valancourt Books. I love reading ghost-story collections around Christmas time. There is something fantastic about sitting by the fire, drinking some Winter Cheer (look it up) on a cold winter night. I’ve read so many collections it seems that everyone just repeats the same ‘greatest hits’ in the ghost-story genre, but this book was all new to me.

On my nightstand I currently have The Vile Village, Book 7 in the Series of Unfortunate Events. I started re-reading them in January because of the new Netflix show coming out. I wanted a refresher, and they still are fantastic. I also just started The Pilgrim's Progress. I’ve read abridged versions before, but this is the first time I’ll read the original text which I’m looking forward to.

What was your favorite cover of last year? No choosing your own covers!

Hah, I wouldn’t choose my own covers. I’m one of those artists that never enjoys looking at work after it’s done, I’ve seen how the sausage got made so I’ve no interest in ogling at it beyond the creation itself.

I don’t know the designer off hand but one cover I really enjoyed was I Am for You by Mieko Ouchi. Beautiful and simple. I love images that are one thing at quick glance and then on closer inspection they reveal another.

Another would be Onibi, a French graphic novel by Atelier Sento. I really love the art style and the book, which I own but can’t read because I don’t know French beyond fries.

If you could live a day in the life of a character from any book who would it be?

Thomas Carnacki from William Hope Hodgson’s short stories on the character. He is the epitome of what I would like to do as a life job (besides art) and just has the perfect amount of confidence and scaredy-pants-ness as a guy I can relate the most to, who can still be cool.

What is your favorite part of the job? What’s the hardest?

Getting paid! Har har. No my favorite part is doing the concepts. I read pitches then I go through a little routine of prepping for a new book. I’ll gather some reference images that feel like a style I think matches the book, and I go for a run or have a long shower (that’s where my ideas come to me for whatever reason). Then I sit down for a day or a few and just work out every angle I can take the book with a number of concepts until I either think I hit the right one, run out of ideas, or run out of time. Sometimes I get art blocks during the concept phase and mope to my wife about how I’m a terrible designer and maybe I used up all my ideas on the last book. Then I’ll start the process over, run more, shower more, a literal rinse and repeat.

You forgot the “lather” part! What was the most challenging book you’ve ever worked on? What made it challenging?

There was this one indie-author book that I got a few years into doing freelance. They found me because of the Harry Potter covers. They detailed the book idea they had, even had a rough sketch and said “just make this in your style,” so I made just that in my style. They said “this is good, but was it too good?” They asked if I could make it look worse, of course not that specifically but very nearly. I went through round after round breaking it down till it was literally (not figuratively) their sketch in the end, and then they weren’t happy and said “okay how about you do it the way you’d like it.” And then I put my hands up in the air and said I’m probably not the right guy for the job. That was a playful retelling and this was drawn out over many months. It was very surreal, sad, and frustrating. It’s over though, so I can look back and laugh a bit about it.

*cries softly*

It felt a bit like McSweeney’s “Client Feedback on the Creation of the Earth.”

In your opinion, what makes a great book cover? Are there rules that for you across genre?

I don’t think that can be pinned down in words exactly. It’s very easy to see a terrible book cover and point out why it’s bad. Wrong font, bad images, weird layout, etc. But often a good cover, for me at least, is more of just a gut feeling. You know it when you see it, and you can try to break down why this part works or that part works but sometimes it doesn’t make sense at all. Sometimes rules are broken that shouldn’t be broken in design and it just works. Sometimes it’s how the title plays with the images. Sometimes it’s just the colors, or just the images. Sometimes it’s just great because art is relative and you think it’s a great cover when it actually isn’t...  

I see a lot of publishers point to other comp covers out there and say “That cover is great, make that cover, but not..” and I can do the exact same thing that we see on the referenced cover but it won’t work for this other book for various reasons. Sometimes things just work with one book and don’t with another.

So for me, I have a certain taste in covers, and I realize my likes on art in general don’t match everyone’s tastes, but if I can be paired up with people where we mesh, then we are able to create great things. Or maybe they’re not! Depends on who’s looking at it.

Unless it’s our mothers looking at it, then of course it’s great.

You’ve had a lot of success, but you’re still young. Who are your favorite covers designers from the older generation?

Oh gosh, I don’t even have an answer there. The older generation? I may only be in my 30s, but I feel like the old generation already. Often times, and criminally, I don’t know who most cover designers are. It isn’t prominently posted anywhere especially with books from the olden days. There are lots of vintage books I own with just beautiful hardcover designs and I haven’t a clue who created them. Things are changing a bit now which is good, with social media artists are posting their own covers and often even publishers will link to the artist so it’s becoming a lot more known who did what. But I don’t have any good names to give. Saul Bass?  

What was your favorite cover as a child?

Calvin and Hobbes collection covers. Those were the best.

If you could go back in time and design any book’s cover, what would it be and what would it look like?  

I would love love love to go back and design the Harry P—just kidding. I would actually love to have been able to design the Lemony Snicket series. I’m not sure I could have done better than the original covers— Brett Helquist’s art is Lemony in my mind. But that series means so much to me and changed my view on books as a whole in a lot of ways, so getting to design them if only to take part in that series in a more concrete form than just being a fan would have really buttered my bread.