#this is a callout post to me as well by the way/j

[dooblez]

general jake the third consensus

jake the third is @/shuueep’s abomination/pos/j you can find more over there :]

[shopcat]

also whenever i joke about going to america and getting cheeseburger that is obviously in a loving way i never had a cheeseburger when i was there and it ruins me. and the joke is funny but like that post that's like americans live to say brother this one's on the house. which kills me. but it's not hateful ☝️ OR in that way those wet eyed losers who call all americans dumb and stupid and are like insane and classist and racist abojt it. also apparently when i was there we also went to a diner where the waitresses were on rollerblades and i didn't even fucking notice because i had a cold and was zonked out of my mind which also is just crazy. Land of dreams

[bendyartistic]

Be Aware of alexbstudios. (Part 2) TW: uh.. slur, sui mention.

Recently I've been requested by some people to make another awareness post about Alex, and what has been going on since I made my last callout. So.. let's take a look. I'm gonna be honest I have been paying little to no attention to him at all since my post up until this point, didn't think I'd have to.

Ever since I made it, Alex has been talking about me a lot more, and it feels much more obsessive in a way. I think it's funny but also pretty weird considering some of the things he's said about me. Eugh.

Anyways let's get to the stuff from after my callout to the present. This is just a rundown of everything, and there is some stuff I skipped since I didn't feel it was worth mentioning. Once my post had been made, a lot of people went over and said stuff to him (Though I didn't encourage that behavior, I only wanted to make my post so people knew about him, I'm not covering those unless it's important in this.) Little afterwards he made this... post. Erh, are you stalking me and other people?? ALSO don't say the r slur man, like what.

I find it really creepy that he has this list, and has notes along with them about why/who they are. Also why'd he spell my partners name like that? 💀 Next a little after that he reblogged someone's art and introduction saying this. (I don't want to really @ people in this, nor get anyone involved unless they asked to be.)

I still don't understand how Alex views me, but saying this in a reblog no less is so strange. Reblogging another post, saying this with it...

You're right Alex, I didn't need you in my life, yet here we are. Unfortunately. Besides that, no, 12 year old's should NOT be on Tumblr at all, even with restrictions, said restriction should be having the app blocked from their device.

I'm just gonna.. move on from that. Alex reblogged an art post, where he proceeded to @ over 50 people, myself included, saying "surely you can see the problem". I can't fit the entire thing sadly. I don't get what the point in these posts are honestly, besides annoy everyone. He's done it before as well. He got into a small bit of beef with a handful of folk not too long ago, which I got @'ed in at some point I think, didn't really pay much attention to it. Basically the original post is someone talking about art supplies and asking what one's other people use, which I personally think was a very neat post. Alex comes around though for some reason going off on nonsense. Hello? Who invited you!? (Again, censoring names cuz I don't want to get ppl involved.)

I'm honestly kind of wondering why he even showed up. He pretty soon after made this dumb post as if it could have some effect on the situation.. uh?

I guess mark your calendars guys for this date, where we have to immediately forget everything and forgive him! /j And there's this response he gave to an anon responding to his ✨patience✨ post.

Dunno, so far it hasn't because he's still talking about it, so clearly he hasn't gotten over it enough to let it blow over.

He's giving me those like.. stupid sigma edit vibes sometimes. Y'know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Also I'm not sure what to say about this really, but it's pretty funny.

Context for this next one: You and the person on your lockscreen fight god..? That's a weird one.

Wdym racist though? 🤨 Genuinely kinda curious about that. Btw wouldn't that make you like.. 9?? On a different note, I saw him previously talk about this "friend" he has going to a mental hospital, but I know nothing about it, nor do I really want to, however reblogging on an art post saying this feels off. Think the emotes are what do it.

Don't joke about mental hospitals at all, I shouldn't have to explain why. I'm going to move on from all the short stuff now because I do wanna start talking instead of making short joking comments.

Alex made this post, and so it begins with him talking about me again, eh?

Alex, you're already doomed. I can't put it any other way but from what I've seen maybe only 1 or 2 people even like you. The rest either hate you or want to avoid you at all cost, and I don't blame them at all considering you act like a fool and make everyone uncomfortable.

For my thoughts on you? I don't like you, never did. I just have to put up with you because this is the internet, and you'll probably never truly leave me alone like I once hoped. It's a shame honestly that you cannot follow a simple request from anyone. Don't think I don't know about your planned "response post" you're making, I'm still waiting for it. I don't know what good it's gonna do you though. Personally I don't care if you make one, I'd just read it to see the stuff you make up in it lol. (Edit: He decided to stop working on it after seeing this post lol.)

Enough of my rambling, I should continue with this so I can stop talking about him sooner. Regrettably I had to actually look up what this was about, I felt.. iffy reading it.

Saying gyatt right afterwards wasn't funny. At all. I'm quite upset now. There was absolutely no reason for that.

I was gonna be reasonable and say something genuine but I don't feel like it anymore, this ruined my mood. All I have to say is as much as I dislike you, don't actually do that. Sadly moving to the next nonsensical thing, he made a poll post asking this. (It's still ongoing btw)

Are people like.. forced into giving a reason? Like if I for example chose Bendy, am I immediately supposed to state my reasons? What if I don't want to, are we being held at gunpoint? What's up with that? I'm too lazy to interact with the post, I don't really feel like it anyways even if I wasn't lazy. Which one would you choose though lol I'm going to be serious now again cause this last thing is really just.. what the fuck. Palestine related 🍉, someone asking for help came to Alex, and this was his response to it...

MY GOD Alex. Did you really have to respond to that in this immature, insensitive fucking manner? Could it have not been in one of your stupid rambling posts. It should've been. I'm sorry to the person and I'm sorry I had to read it. You're pretty sick honestly. You need help.

That's it. I'm done.

In conclusion:

Alex is still the same and is still never going to change probably. He still shouldn't be here and I believe he really should get off now more than ever. If not I fear what else he might do next.

All I can really tell you folks is please, DNI with Alex, just leave him alone and block him. You're again not obligated to, but I am suggesting it if you want to be left alone by him. And hey, maybe you'll make it onto his dumb creepy list too, who knows. Alright, I'm finished, I stayed up way too late for this... I'm tired. Cya.

Reblogs are much appreciated, it helps spread the word, thanks.

[starry-907]

CALLOUT POST AGAINST @invisobang MODS

(LEGAL DISCLAIMER: this is all in good faith, i have permission from the mods to make this, and this is all light hearted)

i've come to make an announcement @kinglazrus is a tyrant of a mod, she put me in the ib prison SO I WILL EXPOSE THE TYRANT-NESS OF ALL INVISOBANG MODS BY CHRONICLING ALL OF THE CRIMES THEY GAVE ME OVER THE COURSE OF INVISOBANG (featuring my poor organizational skills while counting)

(under the cut cuz this is gonna get long)

CRIMES LIST AND THE LEVEL OF TYRANT-NESS EACH ONE HAS

CRIME 1: posted stickroll in chat (granted this was an intentional bid for jail so this one isn't very tyrant-y)

CRIME 2: got released for threatening to fight Laz, but then was put back into jail for threatening to fight Laz (somewhat tyrant-y, also shows evidence of mod-infighting /j)

CRIME 3: mentioned that i had avoided getting put in jail for a third time, i also got solitary confinement cuz i think i tried to join a riot (LAZ DID THIS SO THIS IS EVIDENCE OF TYRANCY)

CRIME 4: called out a mod's typo (said amound instead of around) (this one is very tyranty)

CRIME 5: said y'all all (ok this one's fair)

CRIME 6: stated i was going to make this post detailing all the reasons i got jailed (YOU CANNOT SILENCE THE TRUTH, VIVA LA REVOLUTION)

CRIME 7-3003: called out another mod typo (lebvends instead of legends) (very much so a tyrant move, i skyrocketed in my number of crimes for a very minor thing)

CRIME 3004: didn't remember reading the info doc (in my defense i had read the rules channel though, so this was unwarranted)

CRIME 3005: saying i had receipts that implied Laz was a tyrant (AGAIN, YOU WILL NOT SILENCE ME)

somewhere along the line kad ate 3 of my crimes, idk where or how but they got eaten (proof below)

LOST 1K CRIMES, DOWN TO 2002: i made a snapcube reference (specifically the "woah he's bisexual, I didn't know that" meme) (slight redemption from the mods)

GOT PUT IN SOLITARY AGAIN: called out a mod for breaking the emoji chain we had going in one of the gen chat channels (THE PEAK OF TYRANCY, I WAS ATTEMPTING TO BE A GOOD CITIZEN AND I WAS IMPRISONED FOR IT)

GOT PUT IN SOLITARY AGAIN AGAIN: pointed out that i had written more than Laz in a sprint when she'd previously had the most words in earlier sprints, truly a moment akin to the myth of athena and arachne (truly a mark of a tyrant mod)

2 CRIMES REMOVED, DOWN TO 2000: this is where we honor a glorious sacrifice. @duchi-nesten bravely offered to take two of my crimes upon herself (after the 3 of mine that they ate), so that my crimes number could match my birth year. we will have a moment of silence for this.

ok moment of silence over cuz she lost her crimes as punishment so i got three crimes back so i went to 2003 crimes.

3 CRIMES REMOVED, BACK TO 2000 AGAIN: again we must honor a sacrifice. @brekitten agreed to take 3 of my crimes to add to her own count and we must honor that as well.

THEN THERE WAS A MESS GOING ON WITH THE EMOJI CHAIN THAT I WAS TRYING TO FIX (people breaking the chain), I WAS IN THE TRENCHES but i did go from 2000 crimes to 1987 crimes for my good behavior in trying to hold the line, so that was very non-tyranty of the mods. the chain was indeed fully broken but Laz broke it so it's gonna stay that way (i had to go to sleep)

so the tl;dr is laz is a tyrant, go look at what people made for ib, and maybe join @ecto-implosion because kad immediately put me in jail upon joining and said i have a lifetime sentence because of nepotism /light-hearted

also i full well might've missed something, i definitely think i missed a solitary confinement or two but w/e

[proship-anti-discussion]

I hope you as the admin will be okay mentally while running this blog! It can be hard.

And also antis posting on here should probably know what's the actual meaning of proship before doing so. "Proship in my opinion means [something completely different]" there's no "your opinion", it's a word that already exists with an already existing meaning.

(Unless what one says is like "proship in my opinion means ship and let ship or anti harassment" because those *are* included in the definition. But you know they're not acknowledging what it is because being against "no harassment" makes them look like the bad guy, which they pretty much are sometimes.)

Thank you so much for your concern, but please don’t be afraid. I also run a side blog regarding mental health (apologies, I won’t link it as it has more information about myself there and I’d like to keep it separate from my psychology/sociology study.)

I have noticed that antiship people tend to have a “different definition” of proship based on who. Such as the en.stars fan base which considers a 16 and 18 year old to be EXTREMELY problematic and pedophilia. From a someone with a grass healthy relationship, those individuals seem rather grass deficient. The psychology and maturity is hardly different between those ages.

Anyway, I digress, unfortunately in order to understand someone when they speak, we must come to terms with the ways in which other people are defining words. For more information about such a topic, I highly recommend the book “How to Read a Book” by Charles Van Doren and Mortimer J. Adler. (PDF) So while there is a word that exists with a definition, it is like using the words gay, retard, and molest. The words have taken different meanings. Likely, the words people associated with them are: homosexual, a slur describing one of special needs, and improper sexual advances. Originally these words meant happy, to slow, and to disturb. Not only do words change but their perception can as well, such as me calling people homosexual is often met with dislike. Like it or not, this is at the very least something important to consider when making these discussions. (Sorry for the large block on this, I find the subject fascinating!)

Unfortunately, even with my brief interactions, I’ve been finding myself in a rather, perplexing position. I’ve been accused of harassing individuals in a tag and being a drama blog (though apparently being mistaken as not being op makes it better?) while mistakenly being accused of being proship (I state myself rather clearly in my bio.) I’ve sifted through dozens of blogs that were academically impossible to use in a healthy discussion since the tags or blog included threats, suicide baiting, amongst other deplorable words. This topic is interesting, but I’m watching a lot of unhealthy behaviours. I even blocked a fandom callout blog recently for existing in the sense of wanting to harass others. So, it’s interesting, but so hard to find people who are genuinely interested in having a civil conversation from that perspective.

[jackmanifold-daily]

Callout post for every single mod on this godforesaken blog *explosions*

For too long have I been dealing with these unforgivable people. If you still support this blog after what I'll reveal, I don't care.

For years I have been gathering evidence of the other mods being scum of the earth. Everything they said is here out and plain. I do not wish to continue the cycle of violence anymore or be part of this.

MOD STRAD:

WARNINGS: food gore, Luigi, food poisoning

These screenshots paint a horrible picture of the person many of you know and love. Our most recent addition, Mod Strad, has managed to deface this earth with this horrid creation in the few months he's been around already.

MOD SNALZ:

Warnings: J/////ackity (Ja//ck x Q*ckit*), tntduokiss

Jackity is a highly problematic ship on its own already. Jack and Quackity basically never interact on DSMP and forcing two people who never interact to kiss is literally so weird. BUT KETTLE HAD TO MAKE IT WORSE and make this a tntduokiss redraw, making it both art theft AND a reference to the most problematic ship out there. CANCELLED.

MOD KEY(S):

Warnings: doesn't know what forums are

Ok nobody be mean to Key(s) for this one but it's kind of problematic. How do you not know what forums are. Like the internet forums. Hell even the greek forums? Really? Don't go after Key(s) or harass slime for this, just beware.

MOD PEP:

Warnings: homophobia

Pep has admitted to not shipping anyone with c!Jack. Which is honestly really suspicious. I don't care for their reasoning for this, just the fact that they won't involve c!Jack Manifold in any homosexual ships just rubs me the wrong way. And also there's the quackbur comment again which I have explained is problematic already.

MOD TEA:

Warnings: spoilers for DSMP lore, Greek religion

Ruined the hopes we had for a lore stream in 2021. Pretty obvious what's wrong with this. Highly irresponsible use of the gift of prophecy and xe should apologize and take responsibility for this.

MOD CASEY:

Warnings: homophobia, misogyny

This one juts straight up has undeniable confirmed evidence. There is no more context to this. He just says this to us every day every morning all the time and I have to deal with this and nobody else seems to have an issue with this?????

MOD LUIGRA:

Warnings: epic (awesome), mpreg

Didn't think I would give a callout for every mod here and leave myself out, did you? Because I have done some despicable stuff as well. In fact, I have done so much horrible stuff you could call me out on that it's not even going to fit in this post. Just trust me dude.

As a conclusion, use your own judgement and critical thinking skills and happy April Fools! <3 Thank you for the support for this blog guys, this friend group is one of the best ones I've ever had and wouldn't trade anything for the other mods. Peace and love

[comikadraws]

Maybe you shouldn't be calling someone who's work was literally plagiarized, a prick. Cause you come across as the prick yourself. If someone stole your art you would be bawling your little eyes out, and posting a callout post on the stealer. But when it comes to fanfic it's all good and well huh? You hold the ultimate authority on who is wrong and who is right. Get over yourself and mind your own. Writers who steal ideas/entire blocks of text are just as bad as art thieves. You sound like the entitled one, labeling an anon as entitled for being upset over their own work. Theheirofthesharingan is bad unloading hate on an anon who was upset but you're up there too, unfollowing you. I used to be a big fan of your naruto art.

A lot to unpack in this one, huh?

I assume you are referring to this part of my previous post.

I never said that Anon was a prick, in case you noticed. What I said was

There are cases in which there is a prick who is stealing people's work

But there are also cases in which the prick is an overly entitled person because they don't understand the difference between plagiarism, inspiration, and fair use

I do not know which one of these two cases applies to the other Anon

The problem here (that I also illustrated in my previous post) is nuance. My exact wording was "case-by-case". And in Anon's case, I literally have no way of knowing whether Anon's concerns about plagiarism were legitimate or entitled. I am simply lacking the context. Hence, I threw in both possibilities - one in which their concerns are legitimate and one in which they are entitled.

I have seen both happen. In particular in the case of digital art.

I am not the ultimate authority to decide who is right or wrong. And I never claimed to be. But also, that's the point I was trying to make.

Some further context from me:

I do also write fanfic on Ao3. And no, it is not just a random one-shot but a long project that I am actually invested in. This is not a double standard I am trying to impose because it doesn't affect me personally. I am commenting on this issue because it does affect me.

People with difficulties in differentiating between inspiration and theft also appear in the art community (this is where you get people trying to "own" poses, color palettes, art styles, unoriginal designs, etc.). So same rules from my previous post apply to artists as well.

There are people who genuinely don't know the rules around copyright. I, on the other hand, attended an entire class surrounding copyright. That's why I feel it is necessary to educate people on those things because I don't want fellow fanfic writers and fan artists to get into legal trouble or fandom drama.

I don't have fans, get lost /j

Now, we can continue this discourse if you'd like. But I suggest you refrain from making further hasty conclusions in the future. Right now I am giving you the benefit of the doubt in case there was a communication issue that led you to misunderstand me (shit happens).

[strawberry-barista]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙  𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙  𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓  𝘊𝘈𝘕  𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠  𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌  𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙  𝘈  𝘓𝘖𝘛  𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

NAME : Kohitsuji PRONOUNS :She/Her PREFERENCE  OF  COMMUNICATION : Honestly, if we're mutuals I generally prefer discord because it's something I will be notified on regardless of whether I'm on my computer or not or even which account I'm on. But I also don't mind using tumblr ims or whatever is best for my partners. NAME  OF  MUSE(S) : Sanae Hanekoma (@strawberry-barista), Wataru Koketsu, Megumi Kitaniji, Ryoji, MKN/Mikan, Yodai Higashizawa (@networkscrambled), Haruto Abe (@falseapostle), Aku (@mystical-strawberry-sheep), Souan Awaki, Kaoru Rindo (@enchantedbrew), Mr. Saguaro (@sweetlesson), Director Cyrano (@blueskilled), Byron Rosfield (@phoenixcoin) EXPERIENCE  /  HOW  LONG  (  MONTHS  /  YEARS? ) : Lord, I don't even remember. For a really long time, since I was in grade school. There's at least over 10 years in there somewhere. BEST  EXPERIENCE : Oh man. I don't think I could really make a decision like that. I have so many fond memories here already. I've loved every moment I've spent writing with Dusty and Morty and Willow and J and Alex and Egg and Katee and Roxy and Seb and Kellin and Ruby and and... I love everyone. I have had so much fun and I love everyone. RP  PET  PEEVES  /  DEALBREAKERS : The more I experience callouts and cancellations and things like that, the less okay with it I am. I think I will never make it a rule for my partners to not participate in that stuff because I know everyone is going to have a line where they feel like it's necessary, but I'm legitimately never going to participate or even listen to it myself. I used to sit on this line of "if someone is legitimately dangerous, I should not interact with them", but oftentimes the information I get to inform me that someone is dangerous just does not seem very well put together and reads a lot like yellow journalism in which things are cut and edited in such a way that the full context is totally missing. It feels misleading and purposefully made to start drama, and I really don't feel good about it. I don't think I can even stand by that previous standard I used to have anymore. I just straight up don't believe them, and if someone is legitimately dangerous, I guess I'll have to learn that for myself.

Especially when someone used to be problematic and are trying to apologize and make up for it and grow as a person. I don't feel like it's fair to force people out of a community because of past grievances that they are actively trying to grow past and not repeat. I understand past victims have no obligation to try to reach out again, but I still don't feel like that's reason enough to make sure no one ever gives them another chance.

I think this is the first and only post in which I'm going to go this in-depth about this, because I feel like someone is going to start calling me out just for having this stance. 😂 MUSE  PREFERENCES  FLUFF,   ANGST  OR  SMUT : Smut is almost never gonna happen with me. I will use it strictly to explore the potential of emotional exploration through the medium of physical touch and it's gonna be a whole thing if it does happen. Fluff and angst are loved tremendously and equally, however, I try not to write angst on this blog anymore because there was a time in which I was upsetting a lot of people with those kinds of posts. PLOTS  OR  MEMES : I am so terrible at plotting I run my blog almost entirely on memes. However, for folks that prefer plotting I will absolutely do my best. I just have a really hard time imagining specifics for my characters and have come to understand that I likely don't even really know how to plot properly? Because I thought it was sitting down to form a reason for characters to interact and like, a story arc and how we were going to get there and all that. But I've recently discovered it's mostly just independently talking about your muses to each other and their personal experiences...? I don't really know how to do it. LONG  OR  SHORT  REPLIES : The only thing that really matters to me is that there is something to respond to. Multiple replies in a row that are all just one line, however, makes me really uncomfortable. It feels like I'm not worth the time to respond to. I can have really short maybe 2 paragraph responses myself most of the time, but I can enough anything as short as just one paragraph to multiple paragraphs, as long as I have somewhere to go after that. BEST TIME TO WRITE : Generally I have the most time to do so from 6:30 am-ish to like 2:50 pm-ish. I might write after this on mobile, but usually after that time folks are home and I have things I have to do with them. And even then, my writing times can vary wildly and I will come on and off sporadically. I do the housework in my family unit so I have both all the time in the world and no time whatsoever at the same time. ARE  YOU  LIKE  YOUR  MUSE(S) : The only muse I'm even remotely like is Aku, who is a self-insert character. I try to play all of my muses the way I think they would in their canon universes and try really hard not to break the canon already established for them. If you can see me in any muse besides Aku, I'm doing my job poorly and I need to be informed.

tagged by: @charlotte-liddel

tagging: Anyone that wants to steal from me!

[firebugging]

7 Kotoko?

THIS QUESTIOM GOT ME SPAMMING THE KEYBOARD

7. favorite relationships with another character if they weren't in milgram, the way you'd imagine or would like them to be?

I think we all know my favourite char to partner with Kotoko :3 But outside of milgram I can't really say I can see them interacting, especially not positively. Heck, Koto might even end up the subject of one of Fuuta's callout posts at some point... but I'm gonna say that on the off chance that maybe they do interact and they end up getting along, it's still not gonna end well for either of them, Fuuta's aversion to violence as a means to bring justice is gonna frustrate Kotoko and uhmmm I dunno maybe she kills him for being a pussy.

OK BUT IF THEY DON'T RIP EACHOTHER TO SHREDS I CAN SEE THEM LIKE "I met this hot vigilante lady and we're kinda friends now" and "What a fucking loser. I want him" WOAH YAOI!!!!!! IS PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS (they would talk sometimes... infodump about prisons...... if you even care /j.....)

[magicalara]

The Story of Grelle the Reaper: A review by yours truly prt 2

So if you saw part 1 with the prelude hii did you get some water? Are you taking care of yourself? That was 1k words about something that itself was not even 200 and chapter 1 is like 5k words so...yeah. If you haven't seen part 1 to my review, you can find it here.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about nor what The Story of Grelle the Reaper is, then do I have a treat for you. The amazing @eemoo1o-animoo has been writing this origin story for everyone's favorite red reaper (which you can find here). My previous post was about the prelude and this one will be about Chapter 1: She Sells Seashells on the Seashore.

I will add on that I was messaging back and forth with Ell and so some of these things were what she had also brought up and made me think about so there's that too.

Add on from the Em who just finished this: this is a mess, I'm so sorry for anyone who reads this lmao

Okay so overall review, the use of word choice, the whole name thing (I’ll explain further), the dialogue, THE WEATHER, it’s all amazing. This chapter as a whole is a great first chapter to look into Grell’s general life and how he’s been living this whole time. Looking at it as someone trying to see it as a standalone as to be able to show it to a wider audience, it’s great. All the elements that make up an exposition are there. We get to know Grell as a main character as well as his father and mother as part of our main side characters. The dynamic between Grell and his parents individually is well explained and so thought out. All of my thoughts here are gonna be separated differently from the prelude so I’ll explain it now:

If you saw the last analysis, you’d know that it’s a compilation of paragraphs and pointed out quotes and that worked because of how the prelude is written like in terms of length and structure. This one is way too long to fit it all in like that so I’m gonna separate my thoughts into three sections which are named father, mother, and George as the chapter is separated into those three parts naturally already (not named that, though, that’s just what I’ve dubbed them as lol). Each section will be essentially like how I did the other one before with callouts to specific quotes but it will probably be more mixed in and in a paragraph format. Idk as of writing this if I’ll do bullet points, but we’ll find out together. Okay, on to section 1 of chapter 1!

Section 1: Father

So to kick off, I’m gonna first mention the whole name thing that I said I’d explain as well as the pronouns. Grelle, the Grelle that we know, didn’t always know that she was, well, a she. “She” was born a “he” and so chapter 1 gives us that “he”. Here we aren’t with Grelle, we’re with Grell. As such, the name not having the “e” at the end and the pronouns being he/him are very important to note. Moreover, I actually like this choice of not starting with a Grell/e that already knows who they are gender-wise. I know that first instinct would have many want to do just that, but for a formative piece like this, it wouldn’t fit. We aren’t here to see Grelle be the badass we know she is, we’re here for the angst /j. 

Anyways, the use of the different versions of Grell is great and I think it’s really important to point out. I know some people may see it and be like “oh but isn’t that disrespectful” and while I am not the best representation of the trans community as a person who doesn’t even really know their own gender, I’d think it’d be disrespectful not to show Grelle as Grell. They can and do co-exist, to some degree. The erasure of one is just as bad as the erasure of the other. 

Okay so I’m gonna go in order of just how the fic is written so as to not jump around too much. So the first thing I wanna point out is Grell’s body language in how he’s sitting. He’s described to be “in a much more tense and humble position, hands rubbing together like star cross’d lovers.” There is some wording here that I’m gonna pick at, first being “more…humble position”. First, there’s a power difference here. Grell isn’t in a more humble position just because he’s nervous (though that is a part of it). There’s also the fact that that’s his father and they have been in this position many times before. While I’ve never been fired from a job (knock on wood, thank god, please don’t fire me boss), I can’t imagine the part where I’d have to tell people would be very nice. Seeing how Friedrich sighed before he sat, he probably had to go get Grell too or, at the very least, was close enough to not have to be told like his mother does as mentioned in the future. That less humble position on his father’s side, though, shows who’s in charge which just further displays the power difference. We learn that this isn’t Grell’s first time losing a job later, but I’m sure that this stance has stayed the same since the first time. The nerves are just even higher now because this is just another time where Grell messed up.

The next wording I wanna point out (mainly just because I really like it) is how his hands are described as “rubbing together like star cross’d lovers”. The way that “star cross’d lovers” was spelt immediately jumped out at me and my fellow Em doesn’t do things by accident, not on desktop and not in this story. So, naturally, I looked it up. It comes from Romeo and Juliet, apparently (making a disclaimer here, I don’t like Shakespeare. I don’t like any of his works. I never have, and most likely never will. So yes, I have to look these things up. The Macbeth thing was a fluke because I had to study that god forsaken play two years in a row. Some things I know, but most I don’t so I will instead be going to our friend Google for help. Rant over, back to analyzing). I don’t think it means much story-wise, but it is a little snippet that alludes to how a lot of people think that Grelle is a Shakespeare nut, something which Ell’s notes also agree with. It’s a cute reference, I like it. When I first read it I was like “ha I see what you did there”.

Okay we’re moving on where I start the count of how many times Friedrich calls Grell “my boy” so I can comment on it later. We’re at one.

Grell’s out of work “again” (it is at this moment that this Em regrets using italics for all the quotes bc I’m hand typing them) which signifies what I already said about this not being the first time Grell’s been fired. The difference here, Grell defends himself. We aren’t told of how the other conversations may have gone, but it doesn’t take a genius to look at the words “Grell swallowed hard” and know that this is probably his first time trying to defend himself. This Grell is supposed to be a reflection of Butler Grell™ after all and Butler Grell™ was not the most confident of people let’s say. To keep with that, he also stutters while trying to say it. When I hear it in my head I also imagine that his voice is wobbly too. They don’t have the best relationship, hell they don’t even have a good one. But I’m supposed to be going in order so we’ll come back to this.

The next paragraphs are about the job that dear Grell just lost. There’s weather here, but it’s more just atmosphere things rather than emotional things (though I can argue about how it was this atmosphere that adds onto the lifeless bleak that is how Grell will get to, but I digress). Anyways so they’re (Grell and his former boss Sally Bones) working with fish and I totally understand why Grell’s feeling sick because I would be too. Don’t get me wrong, I like fish when I’m eating it, not when I’m looking at it while freshly dead. As I was reading, I literally felt myself getting nauseous along with Grell so if that was the mission, mission accomplished. 

First for this part, the name Sally Bones. It sounds so generic and like something that I’ve heard a million times so I looked it up, as one does, and will now share what I found, as I do. The first thing that would come up no matter how I typed it was a character from a book series called Varjak Paw. Sally, in that context, leads, and I quote from the fan wiki, “the largest group of rogue cats in the city.” Sally Bones…cats….Sally Bones here….fish…hmmm. I don’t know if that was on purpose but if so, I like it and if not, I still like it. Sally Bones is also apparently a totem with blonde hair that people like to write in porta potties but that’s wildly off what’s happening here so there’s just a new piece of information for you.

Continuing on, the fish stuff. While Grell gets fired after seeing the harvest for fish eggs, probably salmon from what I gathered in research but it could be another kind, it’s not said what happens after. I watched a video and, again, I completely understand Grell’s being sick because just bleh. Not for me. I don’t know at the moment if this fish stuff will become important, but I’m keeping it in the back of my mind because pigs did get connected so I’m keeping fish around too.

Okay back to Grell and his father. (For those following along with the fic on another tab, we’re at “I do not care whose fault it was, Grell,”)

And actually, that’s a line I wanna bring up. This is the first of twice that Friedrich says a direct statement of holding back anger. The other time which comes later is a much bigger stretch to say, but can still be said to be out of anger, just in a much more manipulative sense. Friedrich has dealt with all of the times that Grell’s gotten fired and is said to have had to have paid for it too. He’s frustrated, I get it, I can understand where he’s coming from. One thing with Friedrich, though, is he’s a smart man. He knows his way around words and non-verbal language (which in this case relies on tone and body language). As soon as Grell tries to defend himself, Friedrich  cuts him off and Grell goes right back to being small again. He remembers his place next to his father and just becomes smaller and smaller as time goes on. It’s even said specifically that Grell bows his head in an accustomed shame. He’s used to this, especially when with his father. This shame comes back in the George section, but we aren’t there yet, so I’ll leave it for then. 

Add a count to the Friedrich calls Grell his son counter. And in the sentence he forgets his own son’s age *insert sarcastic woo here*. There’s not much to say, it’s just showing another way that Friedrich is showing his lack of interest with his son (his only son, as we come to learn).

We also get our first look into the development of Grelle and her want for children. Grell doesn’t know it yet, but the insinuation is there and I’m pointing it out. I know your future, Grell, you can’t hide from me.

Okay so this next part is speculation and very iffy and mainly just that Ell told me there was something here and that it starts here with Grell listing out all of the jobs that he had previously.  I was told to look at the scene where Grelle is talking about Beast’s death in the anime for Book of Circus. So I did. If we’re talking about speech patterns, then that’s something that I’ll have to keep in the back of my head to see throughout the whole thing. If we’re talking story-wise and what Grelle’s saying rather than how, I’m completely lost lol. My thought process went like this if we’re talking story-wise: scullery maid (that’s what Beast’s mom was), scullery maids are the lowest of the low servants and are assistants who do laborious tasks often working for the kitchen maids and are also the youngest usually, all of Grell’s jobs have something to do with kitchens (milk, eggs, bread, pig) so maybe that’s it. Grelle also calls Beast an “ugly old sow” but I don’t think that connects to anything really other than hey look more mentions of pigs. Essentially, the two things that this could lead to (from what I’ve gathered) are just speaking patterns when it comes to listing, or scullery maid in the kitchens.

We’re not done with this paragraph, though, nope not at all. Two things, then we can move on. First, donkey’s don’t have cud. For those who don’t know, cud chewing happens when an animal's stomach sends food back to the mouth to be chewed a second time. I know that donkey’s don’t chew cud because my mother is Jewish and there are dietary restrictions and stuff and donkeys aren’t allowed to be eaten because they don’t chew cud and don’t have split hooves. So take that baker, you don’t know what you’re talking about. That, or I’m taking this too literally. Oh well…Second! The pigs are back. So Grell “really, truly hated pigs.” but also, as I pointed out in the prelude, there is pig blood on him (or I guess by then, her). Whether this will be a change in heart or profession at some point, or maybe just a murder spree, is something we’ll have to find out as we get closer to the scene from the prelude.

  Okay moving on (I’m gonna try and go a bit quicker now bc we’re edging 2.5k words and haven’t moved past section two sjsjsj)! Friedrich starts heavy here with his digs of “wtf is wrong with you” type stuff, especially when he says that “it’s as if you [Grell] intend on not working at all!” Throughout the whole conversation, Friedrich talks down to Grell as if he’s a child rather than a 27 year old which I can understand to an extent but ultimately isn’t the right way to go about everything. There’s a quick interjection about Grell feeling sick again about the image of cutting into an animal to “rearrange his insides” which to me is funny considering we all know how murdery Grelle becomes. It’s with the next paragraph and the next bit of dialogue that really kicks off what I like to call manipulation (also add one to the “my boy” count).  

“Not many fathers would be as pliant with you after so many years of this… this… insolence.” That line is so hard hitting because, well, it’s true. A lot of fathers would have thrown him out already; this pattern of not being able to keep jobs just would not stand. Most of all, Grell knows it. He’s nervous because of it, as his dialogue and own body language goes on to say. 

Friedrich continues on with his little scolding speech and I won’t pick at every line he says but just know he goes back and forth between the blatant digs while also having that like fake niceness in between. What I will point out for those who saw it and decided not to look it up, what he’s saying in German to Grell is “Damn boy. You will be the death of your family, I know that.” This has a double meaning to it as he means, literally, the death of the family in terms of lineage as Grell is an only child with still no heir of his own and, figuratively, the death of the family if he can’t get his shit together. 

We continue on with Friedrich trying to just be like “yeah, we’ll find you something, it’ll be great.” but Grell, having gone through this cycle many times already, doesn’t display the body language that he obviously wants from his child. Grell purposefully makes himself small. Granted, Grell isn’t a very confident person regardless and would probably have issues with generally any and everything he came to do. Word choice I wanna point out here is that Grell is trying to make himself “small and remorseful”. The “remorseful” part specifically makes me think that part of this is Grell playing it up so that this conversation can finally be over and done with. I think that Friedrich picks up on this too which is why he goes in deep and says that he’ll kick Grell out of the house. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, but that “gentle” look in Friedrich’s eyes, I don’t buy it. Does he probably have good intentions inside, yeah, of course he does, that’s his son, his only child. But uh all those scenarios where Grell’s imagining his father throwing him out? Horrendous behavior right there. That tells me a bit differently.

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING!! Friedrich pulls the “I’m only doing what’s best for you.” card!! And then he goes on and continues to repeat the “not everyone would be like this yk” bullshit and as someone who’s heard the whole “you should be grateful” speech many times, it’s not a tactic of motivation. It’s a tactic of manipulation. Friedrich is manipulative and this is a hill I will die on. 

But the conversation moves on and Friedrich dismisses Grell to the kitchen to deliver the news to his mother. The way that Friedrich tells him is absolutely criminal in my opinion, but whatever, I’ve gone off enough about how my initial reactions to this man aren’t positive. 

So before I move on to section 2 (omg we’re almost there, it’s real), there are two things I wanna go over. First, the name Friedrich. The rough meaning of it is “peaceful ruler” and the name was first given to a bishop. The last part “ric” can also mean power. He has power over Grell as his father. You see what I’m doing here. Just wanted to say. Also I was told by Ell that Friedrich is a first generation immigrant and that his original last name was Schadenklippe. So I googled the name. I got nothing lol. The page was blank. So I googled it separately. “Schaden” means damage in German and “Klippe” means cliff, so that was a start. Schaden is a verb for doing harm or causing damage. So he causes damage to Grell there, boom, analysis over thank you for coming. No, but, I’m just saying because I had this info given to me so I might as well overthink it.

The other thing is what separates the sections as they naturally are from each other. If you’re on desktop, you might not be able to see it, I know I couldn’t until I was on mobile. But it’s a record. A cinematic record, if you will. If you don’t understand the implications of that then I’ll give you a minute…got it? No? I’m telling you anyway: we’re watching Grelle’s records. This is a confirmed fact Ell confirmed it so it’s real. There was also a possible joke made that this is like Eric who’s watching it which would mean that Eric would have been the one to have reaper Grelle which is like to me the best thing ever. But it could’ve been a joke. Ell is cruel like that with me as I am simply just a lowly puppet on the strings which her big brain is holding up /j (the big brain part, though, that’s true y’all they’ve got some serious brain power).

But this FINALLY leaves us at the end of section 1. Onto section 2 which will be hopefully shorter for your sakes and mine.

Section 2: Mother

Okay I’m gonna try to not make this as long as section 1 was let’s see how well we fare. 

First thing’s first, Ell revealed to me Grell’s mother’s name and is allowing me to use it here. Her name is *drum roll* Hilary. So the name Hilary means cheerful or happy and the Greek origins of the name come from the word for gracious. In other words, Hilary is not sad and will be giving us wholesome moments :D until they’re not wholesome anymore, of course, because we all know where this fic is ending up eventually and with all the scenes that Ell has alluded to me about…yeah that’s all I’m gonna say.

So uh remember how I mentioned the weather? Yeah well there wasn’t really any weather in the last section but there is now! It is sunny and nice(ish) out and sunshine means happy times are afoot. Which kinda makes sense considering how Hilary’s name means happiness, after all. The sun is usually used to show positivity and life in literature. Keep this weather in mind as it is here, it really helps set the atmosphere.

Next thing to point out (this is where I’m back to going in order for those following with the fic I’m right after Hilary asking Grell if he thinks the sun will stay out) Grell is a momma’s boy. Rather than tell her the truth which would probably make her sad, he holds out hope that the sun will stay out. This is the first instance of momma’s boy Grell, we see more as it goes on. 

So now we’re at the inevitable confrontation. Hilary suggests a celebration for Grell’s job which she doesn’t know he lost yet. The way that she talks about things is just so much different from how Friedrich does, specifically when talking to Grell. I know that the contexts are different; he’s essentially scolding for losing another job while she’s blissfully unaware, but even just the way that Grell mentions how Hilary might react if Friedrich did kick him out shows that she’s most definitely the less harsh of the two parents. Hilary exudes warmth, that’s what I’m trying to say, basically. 

I wanna mention an analogy that I forgot to mention here because I think it’s a beautiful way of putting her ignorance and hope: “...suddenly the kitchen felt warm as she smiled at the thought, wrapping the notion in a handkerchief and putting it in her lunchbox of faith.” This is technically about Hilary hoping the sun stays out, but I think it has a deeper meaning in the end. Hilary likes to keep hope out for things, she’s positive about situations, even little ones like the sun staying out. This extends to how she most likely views Grell and his whole, to put it lightly, inability to do much. She wraps the notion of hope in a handkerchief and puts it in her lunchbox of faith. She loves her son, and there’s nothing that’d change that and if something does change that I will start to cry (/hj).

So Grell’s trying to tell his mother, whom he loves so much, that he lost yet another job. And he just can’t do it. He can’t look at the woman he loves most in this world at that moment and tell her that he disappointed the family again. Looking at the comparison of their hands, a mother who loves her son and a son who loves his mother, Grell just can’t bring it to him to tell her. I like the comparison of their hands. 10 PM Em who had a day full of going to a party and so. many. errands. who I know for a fact won’t go back and edit this can’t tell you why, but know that I do. 

A lot of this section is just kinda setting up Grell and his momma, particularly Hilary. Her ability to find the positives and be blissfully ignorant, whether from her own will to ignore the bad or just true ignorance to reality, is a contrast from the realist and literal person that is her husband. Grell might have gotten his smarts from his father, but you can tell that a lot of his personality most likely comes from his mother rather. Sure he might not have the childlike wonder or the ignorance, but he has the compassion and empathy, even if we’ve only seen it with his mother up to this point. 

There are mentions of birds as well (for those following along we’re at the paragraph which starts “Oh, aren’t they lovely?”), specifically blue and coal tits. Spiritually, the blue tit represents happiness. It can also be an omen of love on the way as it represents love and trust as well. It can even represent the arrival of a bright future. This can be symbolic to how Grell’s future may play out. While we fans of Kuro already know what’s going to eventually happen, and we know it is much less than happiness, I think that there will be pieces of happiness before the fall. In order to fall from a great height, one has to get to that height in the first place, after all. Alternatively, we could ignore the happiness and omens of love and take it solely for the bright future which could be symbolic of her future as a reaper. It’s another fall from a great height, buuuttt, Grelle as a reaper seems to be really good at her job. Sure, William might chastise her for being lazy, but he does the same to Ronald and we know that he’s also a pretty competent reaper. Grelle gets what she needs to do and is a strong reaper, able to go against who is probably the strongest reaper we know of in the series, the Undertaker. Grell has a bright future ahead once he figures out who he really is as Grelle and in the profession of a grim reaper, both which are symbolized by the blue tit. Similarly, robins, which are also mentioned, can represent a myriad of things such as the arrival of new beginnings, redemption, and happiness. Once again, this can be symbolizing an ascension before the fall or Grelle in the future. I’m leaning more towards future Grelle because of the whole new beginnings part, but that’s up to the reader. There are other tits mentioned but I couldn’t find anything about them so we’re leaving it with the blue tit and robin.

With all the beautiful birds, there’s also one that’s mentioned to be disfigured and ugly. Despite that, Hilary still wants to help it out. I want to say that this bird is supposed to represent Grell, in a way. Compared to all the other men his age, he’s disfigured. He doesn’t have a stable job (let alone a job in the first place), a family of his own, not even a wife or girlfriend at the very least. Compared to the rest of society, he’s disfigured. Despite that, his mother still wants the best and wants to help him. All of this feels like foreshadowing to me, but I could be reading into things just way too much. We’ll see as more comes out.

Part 2 and 3 of Grell being a momma’s boy, he cuts the bread for her and later on goes to make a list of groceries for her rather than having her write it herself so he can go get some things that are needed. Hilary has a form of arthritis and so this is just another way that he can help look after her. He’s a good son and I love them so much, they’re so cute. It is a little worrying that it’s mentioned that it shouldn’t be as bad as it is given the time of year, but I’m going to brush over it for now and just keep it in mind for later.

There’s mention of a baker, Hargroves, but I doubt that he’s going to be too important so I won’t do much with him. (His name means “from the hare’s grove”) All that the paragraph really reveals is just more about Hilary’s personality and kindness as she would refuse free food, even from a friend/referenced past lover.

The last thing I wanna point out is the last phrase “sweet in gesture, bitter in procedure.” which is in reference to a kiss that Hilary gives Grell before he leaves to go get the stuff. Like I said before with the hands, 10 PM Em can’t say what and if I figure it out while I sleep I'll come back and edit this and if this is still here, know that I forgot. Okay? Okay. From what I can say right now in my state, Grell loves his mom and so the gesture is sweet, however all the underlying things that he never said or made known makes the whole thing bitter. I’m probably wrong, but that’s what I got.

Section 3: George

Last section woooo! Can you tell I’m losing my mind? 

First thing’s first, the weather. It’s back to being grey and gloomy out. This grey and gloomy is probably going to be a recurring thing, not just because that’s the weather in Cornwall but also because it’s symbolism for Grell’s overall being. It’s like how in the prelude it was storming while Grelle was killing herself and how it’s much warmer and sunshiny with Hilary. Grell is just overall grey right now, and the weather reflects that. 

The chapter opens with more Grell and Hilary bonding moments from the past and it’s cute, they’re cute, we know this. He’s helping her with her handwriting and we’ve seen Grelle’s handwriting in one of the chapters (I can’t remember which) but it looked really nice so it makes sense that he’d want to help. Hilary also apparently knew a lot of what was going on, which is like cool to me. 

Quality control is here now everyone I went to sleep and now it’s the next day and I can properly think. For those wondering, no I’m not going back and editing the previous portions. I think it’s funny to see me descending into madness because I’m weak and can’t stay up past like 11 PM on a good day and function. I’m more functioning now, let’s continue.

So we’re gonna talk hair now because that’s where I left off. I tried looking up the significance of long hair on men in cultures, but I don’t think that that’s where anything is going to connect. Rather, the long hair is significant to Grell/e themselves. When Grell, there isn’t really a reason for him to have his hair long. In the late 18th century, it was commonplace (mainly in the 1780s) for men to lightly powder their hair, but by the 1790s, it was really only something that the older men did. Considering that it’s outright stated that Grell doesn’t like (or at least isn’t fond of) his hair, he doesn’t have a reason to have it long. Honestly, I just thought that Butler Grelle (who this Grell is based off of) had their (?? idk what pronouns to use for Butler Grelle I’m just gonna use they/them) hair long because it would’ve been easier for Grelle herself, but I digress. It doesn’t seem like Grell’s ever had his hair really short, so the fact that he does can either be a surface level keeping his mother (who does seem to like it) happy or a deeper subconscious where it kinda feels right but he can’t figure out why and he doesn’t like it but can’t part with it. Then again, we do know that Grelle has her hair short in the OVA and so the long hair could eventually be cut down to that length to show her moving on from her past, as the cutting of hair usually symbolizes the end of a chapter in life. That one’s probably the most probable.

So now we get into the meat of this section where George and unnamed other man friend of George come across Grell while he’s out. Grell is not ready for this interaction, obviously, and I won’t lie, I was kinda scared reading this part. At first I thought they were gonna be like mean and not friendly at all, which isn’t completely the case. They’re just people who know Friedrich.

George and unnamed man kind of take the whole time to just talk about Grell as if he isn’t right there in front of them. They talk about the struggle to get a job, what he looks like, the fact that he’s pretty quiet (not even saying a word the whole conversation), and even talking about Hilary right there in front of him.

The main reason that Grell doesn’t speak is because of a) the discomfort he’s feeling and b) the overwhelming anxiety coursing through him. He’s become very aware of the fact that his father talks about him and goes through a mess of thoughts as he overthinks it all. In fact, he overthinks everything that’s said to him, a testament to his horrible confidence in himself. Anyways so I’m gonna pick apart what they say about Grell now so bullet point time!

“Your father tells us you’re struggling to get a job.”

Friedrich talks about Grell during his work. We never get clarity on exactly who George and Co. are to him, but it’s people who at the very least have known him for long enough to have known of Grell since he was somewhat younger and have interacted with Friedrich in the near past. Either way, Friedrich talks about Grell during work or just while out and so yeah. 

The whole looks like his mother or father thing

When being described as looking similar to his mother, Grell’s happy and gets a genuine blush. At this moment here, before realizing that “he” might not be “him” after all, Grell’s just happy to be compared to his mother in a positive light. He’s described as feeling “lighter” and that it feels like the sun has come out (more weather symbolism where sunshine = happiness = Hilary). Then George says that he’s more like his father and Grell just deflates. There was a post that Ell had reblogged about this scenario too that I connected to this and that one gets to a more subconscious level. Basically, it’d be that Grell liked being compared to his mother over his father because it means that he’s seen in a more feminine way which, as a mtf trans person, would be ideal.

There’s the misunderstanding with Grell shaking his head at his own thoughts and George and Co. thinking he means otherwise, but there isn’t really anything there besides him (Grell) almost speaking but getting interrupted in the end

George and Co. talking about Hilary also doesn’t have much to say except that Grell got somewhat visibly upset

“broad-buckled and like a cryptid he remained.”

This is another way to show Grell not being confident. A lot of times, people will feel huge and like a monster when they don’t fit in (and use it as a reason why they wouldn’t fit in). I’m explaining it poorly, but the best most recent place I can remember it being used is in Taylor Swifts’ MV for Antihero (I think, don’t quote me on that, it’s one of the recent ones) where she’s much bigger sitting in a dining room. The lyrics reflect it as well when she sings “Sometimes, I feel like everybody is a sexy baby/And I’m a monster on the hill”. The feeling is similar to that

 “Friedrich said that was his namesake, aye.”

The name Grell means “rough angry.” I have no idea what they’re talking about. But okay. 

There’s more to this, but I feel like we need more info on Friedrich in order to make the connection (or at least, I need more info) so it’s another thing going to the back of the mind.

“Have you taken a liking to the family profession, yet, lad?”

Irony. Grell doesn’t like the “visceral mutilation” of his father’s profession. Grelle does. She even finds a wife out of it (Redcliff supremacy idc). It is nice that Friedrich at the very least never pushed Grell into going into the medical business, only using it as a last resort or empty threat, but I still don’t like him very much right now.

Okay we’re at the end now so back to paragraphs. We’re just at where they say that it’s a shame that Grell doesn’t follow in Friedrich’s footsteps as he is a great man. Grell can’t imagine having a similar life as his father as a husband and father himself; it makes him sick to do so, enough to rush away. He states how he’d never feel a true connection with his imaginary kids and it sickens him. Grell does not want to be the man nor person his father is or ever would be. Grell doesn’t want the family (kinda), he doesn’t want the wife he pretends to love, he doesn’t want the strained relationship with his kids. He doesn’t like it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The only thing wrong here is the expectation that that’s what he needs to succeed. As a person who doesn’t want nor has ever wanted kids of my own, I can relate to the kids part. Constantly I get told that I’ll change my mind when I’m older and I have a partner of my own who does want kids, but I know that that will never happen. Kids aren’t needed to be successful, and neither is a proper family. Unfortunately, the stereotypical family man of the late 1700s is what’s expected of Grell and so he can’t really promote his thinking of otherwise, especially when he’s the one carrying the family reputation in a sense. 

~~~

 If my over 6k word analysis is to say anything, let it be this, this story is filled with so many things that I love and can’t wait to see where it goes. I’m gonna start a taglist for this, so if you wanna be added, tell me and I’ll add you. And let me know what you all think of my ideas as well or share any ideas you may have!! Comments and asks are open so please, I love talking about this and as the appointed co-number one fan and analyzer, talk to me about it and I will love you forever. Okay that’s all I’m gonna go take a fat nap now haha. Until next chapter!

Taglist: @hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji @superjelly11

[xxscarletlightxx]

Blog Rules

Hey everyone, I thought it would be a good idea to establish some ground rules to guide interactions on here so without further ado:

1) Rules may change for be removed as time goes on. This blog is very new so things change.

2) Your ask will be much more likely to be answered if it meets the following criteria:

a) I haven't been asked it before on Tumblr, (If it has I'll link the original ask.) c) It does not ask me to rule on canon for content I make. d) It does not ask for takes on real people. e) It has a positive tone (seeking to become positive counts) f) It is not a callout (e.g. why are you so rubbish etc.) g) It is not asking for confidential information on business and/or Intellectual property h) It is not just rephrasing a previous question because people didn't like the answer. i) It's respectful. j) It is not just a veiled story request (e.g. why don't you make these characters kiss etc.)

3) If you want to ask serious/embarrassing questions about my work send an ask, and mark it somehow to let me know the answer it privately.

4) Remember we are all human. That means we can make mistakes, change our minds, be flippant, have a bad day and give bad advice. Please show a little grace rather than trying to catch people out. I do not support dogpiling in any situation.

6) Be kind. The fastest way to get yourself blocked by me is being unkind even if you are in the right, correcting me politely is appreciated, though.

7) Be wise. Internet culture moves fast. Not everyone knows everything you know and not everyone needs to know everything you know. You aren't helping me if you say "Well, um, actually, for two frames in [blank] EP [blank] you can see [blank] character doing this so your fanfic is not fully canon, and therefore bad."

8) Be patient. This is not my job. This is barely even counts as a good idea! I run my social media when I can but I don't have deadlines and I don't have sociability quotas. I might do a flurry of activity when I have time then go quiet for months. Just go ahead and assume if I am not posting it's for a good reason.

This is hardly a complete or exhaustive list and no doubt I have made some tragic tumblr newb error but it'll have to do for now. I am happy to take constructive feedback on these but don't expect quick turnaround on anything.

[gloriagravess]

//For victims like myself, memory loss, while it is talked about, I never see it talked about when it's a friendship

I cannot remember a single thing I did with him(my ex-friend, who will be referred to as T), I can remember how he hurt me just fine, but not the fun parts. I know what happened but not the details. I watched Mean Girls with him, I can barely remember the plot of the movie. I watched Sponge Bob the Musical with him, I only remember one song. I remember that I used to roleplay Eddsworld with him, but I can't remember any of the details. I can remember the things I said occasionally but not the things he said. I remember how he compared me to his ex-friends and how he lied about me, but not anything good. The loss of good memories is never talked about, maybe it's rare, but it happens.

Next is missing them. While it seems wrong, you feel better without them. But you wish you were still with them(friends, exes, whatever), not in a genuine way, but, mourning the loss of what could have been if they weren't shitty. You will feel like if you didn't say this or you didn't do that, everything would have been fine. It isn't the truth, you know it isn't. But it's you trying to justify everything, deny what happened.

Another thing is denying it is trauma, T put me under immense amounts of stress and made me want to commit, but I deny it's trauma. Denial is a huge thing and quite common, you try and rationalize what they did, and what you said to make them do what they did. For me, it's "He didn't do x y, and z to me so it's not trauma and I'm dramatic", but anything can be trauma. I don't remember him well cause of what he caused. I hate to call him a manipulator or a gaslighter at all since he is younger than me and has his own issues, plus I don't even know if what he did falls under that. But his issues affected me and made him treat me horribly. I feel used. But what he did I doubt even has a term.

This is both my experience and some things I learned from it

-J

// hey man you didnt have to make a callout post

Kidding but Oh. Least I know im not alone when it comes to these things

[aronarchy]

*huge rant from an ancient post incoming* Hey, just saw your furiousgoldfish callout post. Thanks for being the only one who is criticizing her actual posts, in addition to criticizing furiousgoldfish herself being ableist/transphobic. I have always had issues with her posts and how extremely black and white she presents abuse to be. That the only reason abuse ever happens is because the abuser WANTS to be evil and hurtful and cruel. As if the generational cycle of abuse isn't an extremely well documented thing. The cycle of abuse means that many of the abused symptoms will also apply to the abuser, but no way furiousgoldfish will ever acknowledge that because that's way too complicated and she prefers only the simplest explanation of how abuse works. In her mind, ONLY people with npd/aspd/etc can be abusers, and they can NEVER be victims. But hang on, one of the basic diagnostic criteria for npd is a deep insecurity and self loathing, which, whoops, take a look at her posts! Deep insecurity and self loathing are some of their symptoms of abuse!! And personality disorders are likely caused by genetic AND environmental factors!! Uh oh! Sorry goldie! Your worldview is shit.

Her whole worldview is fed by her ableism against certain mental disorders. And she seems to think that all abuse that ever happens is gonna mirror her one specific personal experience. She says like "if you feel a, b, and c then you were abused and d, e, f, g, h, I, j, and k are also true about you, and l, m, n, o, p, q, r, and s are true about your abuser." As if the individual experience doesn't have a huge amount of variation. This is also why I (sorry, so so sorry. Please be willing to hear me out.) agree with that person who said that furiousgoldfish can make people think they were abused by their parents when they weren't. And I also agree with the opposite, that it can make people who were victims of different abuse think they weren't abused.

A lot of her posts describe abuse symptoms that are also just symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Like, the general gist of a lot of her posts is something like "if you are terrified of being in the wrong and assume that everyone will reject you, then you were abused and your parents are shit." Well, those are also symptoms of a social anxiety disorder. And for anxiety, just like for depression, you don't need a reason to have it. It can be purely genetic without being environmental. And even if it's not purely genetic, those anxieties could also be caused by peer abuse. Not parental. Peer abuse can be very extreme but furiousgoldfish's posts repeat again, and again, and again, and again, that those symptoms are due to *parents* and parental abuse alone. I don't think I've ever seen a single post from her that suggests that trauma due to peer abuse even exists. Does she know that children can be abusers? Or is that too complicated for her worldview? People with anxiety disorders can make extreme conclusions based on little evidence. It's a basic part of the diagnosis. And children are incredibly vulnerable to influence by people with authority. Imagine a child, who feels like shit but doesn't really know why. They have emotional issues and they don't know what the cause is, or who to blame. Maybe they are currently blaming themselves. Suddenly, they come across a few posts made by someone who has been given so so so much social authority on this website, telling them that their symptoms guarantee that they were abused by their parents. Anxiety and abuse can cause people to see things where they are not, and ignore them where they are. Those kids don't need that additional stress and the potential damage it could have on their normal relationship with their parents.

And for the other side of making conclusions about abuse, how many of furiousgoldfish's posts are just a random collection of symptoms that ends with "if half or more are true about you then you were abused." Like, ok. One, who the fuck made goldie the authority on this? And two, people who have less than can still be abuse victims. Furiousgoldfish is literally some random chucklefuck online, there's no reason why she should be believed when she makes a random list of symptoms, and then randomly decides a percentage of them that a person should have for their abuse to be valid. And the abusive behavior that she is talking about mostly only applies to her specific abusive situation. So people who faced different kinds of abuse, could read those posts, relate to only a quarter, and then make the conclusion that they were not abused. She is trying to help people realize abuse, but she is also helping people to ignore it.

This all goes all the way back to furiousgoldfish's constant and obsessive armchair diagnostics. It's like she has any authority at all to decide who does/doesn't have an abuse related disorder vs a similar disorder that's not abuse related. She is constantly implying a diagnosis of npd for anyone who has behaved abusively, when npd is a rare diagnosis and the VAST majority of people who abuse do not have this diagnosis. People say that furiousgoldfish's posts are a great source for abuse victims, but I have never felt that way. They are a good source for one specific abuse experience, but a horrible source for most anyone else.

Anyways, rant over lol. Sorry slap you with all of this, you're just the only person I've seen who's mentioned anything even close to this.

I disagree with most of what you said here, but I will still publish this ask for transparency.

[thermodynamic-comedian]

Give us your thoughts on the normal album. I love it so much but the only way I can describe it to my friends to get them to listen to it is just “you have no idea what the hell you are listening to but it sounds really good and the lyrics make you want to cry because it feels like a callout post he made aimed specifically at you”

YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.

but uhh my thoughts on the normal album:

hate that i / me / myself has been claimed for transmascs, when it should be claimed for literally anyone, trans or cis, who has ever questioned their gender.

outliars and hyppocrates is so underrated and i love it so dearly.

will wood was neither normal nor album in this entire thing. false advertisement. /j

the last fuckibg verse of marsha. destroys me. i have all the lyrics memorized bitch.

ain't your you-dentity at stake? doesn aspirin kill you with the pain? you're not your thoughts, you're not your brain, you're just a character you've made. up in your head, down in your heart, what seem like seperate body parts come together to believe they're you, and not just chemistry.

it's not the way that you were raised, or what the advertisements say, not what you pay for, what you pray for, what you want, or what you say!

and i see your tendency to redefine disease by what you need, and i'm afraid i can't prescribe the diagnosis that you seek!

AND SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT YOU NEED, FORGIVE ME NOW IF I MISSPEAK, BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT YOU LIKE, AND SOMETHING TELLS ME.....

youuu preferrr...

to be sitting there, flipping through those old pictures of people.

well, that's our time, see you next week! :)

[kiwinatorwaffles]

hi guys

now that ive been using tumblr more why dont i make a real intro?

hi im kiwi and welcome to my blog!

i also go by fels/waffles and nathan/nate, but kiwi is generally preferred unless you already know someone named kiwi and need a way to distinguish.

as you’ve probably guessed, i’m aroace!

i use both she/her and he/him pronouns, but honestly use whatever’s funniest. like call me bro if you want. my gender is The Bit. (but i only use gendered terms/honorifics)

i am a multifandom... kinda? i mean i rb stuff relating to my interests

but my main fandom for now is hermitcraft + hermit-adjacent SMPs, and on the side there’s legend of zelda, ace attorney and cookie run ovenbreak. also i never shut up about the loathing games so if youve played any of them.... put your fingers in my enclosure i wont bite i prommy

feel free to use my art for icons, banners, edits, dubs etc as long as you credit me.

i’m also a mod for @thelinkconvention (although i can’t check notifs very often) and i’m totally not a mod for @evilxdoodles but you should check it out wink wink nudge nudge

a lot of my art ideas and fics are co-written by my best friend and partner in crime @skyspersonalhell :D

i try my best to write image descriptions for my art (which i put in the alt text) but i’m not always consistent :’] i appreciate any IDs people write for me!

VDHAU masterpost for those who want it!

check out my store on etsy!

please don’t tag my work as ships if i don’t tag/specify it myself 👍 i can’t stop you but i would prefer not to have my works misinterpreted. you can check under the cut for my more detailed stance on shipping!

please do not bring discourse to my page. don’t make me tap the sign.

open up the cut for my tags, page content warnings, boundaries/full shipping stance, and other socials!

my tags!

art- #kiwi’s scribbles random thoughts- #kiwi’s calls writing & headcanons- #orchard’s library asks- #birdhouse inquiries homemade memes- #kiwi’s shitpost central oc content- #kiwi’s ocs (individual stories are tagged with the "original story: __" and "fandom ocs: __" format but you can check out my toyhouse for more actual stuff)

a masterpost of silly misc tags on my page can also be found here!

IMPORTANT NOTICES FOR MY PAGE!

i might end up drawing possible triggering content! here are some things i draw:

blood, gore, and violence

dark and heavy material

general spooky content sometimes

gay people /j /j /j /j

my page also includes lots of swearing and all caps! if you dont like that then it probably isnt the best choice to follow me.

i filter any triggers with # ___ tw and keep in mind i do also use the #cursed tag for filtering those type of posts if you know what i’m saying just a heads up

BOUNDARIES—

here is my full stance on shipping! please read it if you are wondering about my boundaries! but the tl;dr of that post is that while i am not against shipping, please do not take it to my page if i don’t mention it myself 👍

there are certain ships i am really not comfortable with, so please don't take it personally if i block you for that reason

like i said earlier, please do not tag any of my works as a ship, unless i specify it myself! i mean you CAN i can’t stop you but i’ll probably end up blocking you for my own comfort. nothing personal

as mentioned before, do not bring discourse topics onto my page! any asks or comments about discourse will be not be dignified with a response and promptly deleted!

if the discourse pertains to something i posted, then please do inform me with a reason why i was wrong! however, if you phrase it like a callout or discourse, i will be treating it as such and deleting it!

if you want to learn more about me, here’s my carrd! it includes other socials as well as a (kind of loose) byi.

i don’t have a specific dni, but i do block people who make me uncomfortable. i also don’t interact with people if they’re weird.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE ART

i'm kind of on a hiatus on instagram but if you still want to check it out -- @ kiwinatorwaffles for my main and @ kiwisnotgay for my doodles/alt. you can check out my original characters in more depth on my toyhouse, which is also @ kiwinatorwaffles!

THANKS FOR READING! FEEL FREE TO CHAT OR SEND ME QUESTIONS!