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noodyl-blasstal · 8 months

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We Got Boned!

I got brainworms from @taakosleftshoe's post this morning and now we're here!

Lup's upset about Lord Artemis Sterling paying his way into a permit to acquire some human remains he definitely shouldn't be using as a jigsaw puzzle in his stupid rich people museum. But it's okay, they're gonna write a book about it.

Read below or on Ao3

"I've been thinking."

"About the bones?"

"About the bones."

"I don't like it…" There's a pause. "The bones that is, not the thinking."

Lup appreciates that Barry doesn't ask the usual questions the, "is this because of the… you know?" Followed by a vague gesture which she guesses is supposed to somehow encapsulate the 9 and a bit years spent cradled in her own corpse's hands as the meat sack she lived in decayed.

"I think we can do something about it."

Barry sets his book down. "I'm listening."

"We're writing a book."

"Oooh, that ticks off some of the research requirements at work too."

"See, chagirl's not just the hottest elf you ever met."

"No, you're also the smartest and the bravest and the kindest…" He says it with such fondness, eyes crinkling at the sides, the lines by his mouth falling into place as he smiles. She's glad she got to add to those laugh lines before they gave up on the whole ageing schtick.

"Damn straight."

"...and the second best chef."

Barry's ducking even as she swings herself round to grab a cushion to throw.

"So, we're writing a book." He says evenly as the first pillow bonks off his back.

"About bones." Lup says cheerfully as she flings the next one.

"In general?" Barry asks as it baps harmlessly into his unguarded ear.

"About being bones."

"Oh. Oh that's good!" Barry looks up just in time to get a face full of the squishy fire patterned pillow.

Lup decides that’s enough violence. “It is, right?”

“An autoethnography of bones. No one’s done it before.”

“They sure haven’t."

“Have you got a name?”

“Not yet, I thought maybe you might have a sugg…” Lup’s not even done by

“We got boned!” Barry’s positively gleeful.

“Taako’s going to hate it. It’s perfect.”

–

"I love the way you wove your narrative in with Hodge's theory." Barry looks so proud, she fizzes from the inside out. She found someone who’d read what she wrote, who’d appreciate it.

"Thanks! This chapter about the rituals of death juxtaposed with the time I carved your leg bone is brilliant." She loved reading Barry’s work, he always found interesting ways to guide the reader to conclusions so naturally they’d believe they thought of it.

"You're only saying that because carving a ring out of your dead husband's thigh bone is, and I quote, “fucking rad” and you're glad people are going to know about it."

Lup admires the ring on her finger. "It's also very well written. Stuff can be two things."

"Stuff can be two things." Barry nods in agreement.

Lup reaches out to touch her hand to his.

It was fun to research together again. There were opportunities at the university, sure, but this was different. This was late nights and ad hoc meals, it was falling asleep on the sofa nose in a book, mussed up Barry waking her gently and leading her to bed so they didn't wake up with bad backs. It was exciting, being on the edge of discovery again, being part of the science of it. They lived it, maybe it could make a difference. And if not, the heist would.

Shit! The heist.

"Hey Bear. Did I ever mention why I wanted to write this?"

"Education of the masses?"

"Sure. Yeah. That. But also…"

"Lup?" Barry's doing the fake frowny face, if she waits too long he'll start laughing.

"There might be a teeeeensy heist."

Barry raises his eyebrows and blinks slowly at her.

"Just a little one, honest."

Barry waits, because he's glorious, he's perfect, he's always game for good reasons crime.

"I'm in."

"You don't have questions?"

"Not really." Barry looks thoughtfully down at her, hand still idly stroking her back. "I assume you have the how and I already know the why."

"It’s just a tiny backwards Indiana Jones."

"We're gonna steal the artefacts out of the museum."

"We're save the life-challenged people from the basement."

Barry snorts at that one, exactly like she hoped he would.

"So the book was for the book launch?" Barry asks. Smart man, excellent man.

"Where else would we hold it?"

"Can't think of a better location.” Barry says, nodding.

"Taako's doing the artefact levitation, Magnus is muscle, Merle’s on healing duty, and Krav's there to ensure they're actually gentle."

"You thought of everything." Barry says, and kisses her fondly on the cheek.

–

"So, I forgot about the security." Lup announces to the table.

"Mmhm." Says Kravitz, lips already pulled tight in disapproval. "Have you considered maybe not doing a crime and writing to ask them to release the remains instead? Maybe a petitio…"

Taako drowns him out with a loud raspberry. "You're embarrassing me, Bones. If you don't wanna come it's fine, just means Magnus and I can be faster with the dead dude jigsaws." Taako winks at Lup as Kravitz's eyes widen in alarm.

"No wait, crime's good, I love crime actually. I just forgot."

"Is it even really a crime if he was only allowed to exhume the bodies from the black glass because he bought the permit for it?" Barry asks.

"Yes." Says Kravitz too fast, then winces in pain as Taako definitely kicks him in the shin. "But, er, actuall… oh fuck it. You know what, yes, it's a crime, but I think the Raven queen will approve of this one."

"I'm also slightly concerned about the legality, Dr Lup."

"Who brought the baby?" Taako rolls his eyes.

"Why you did, Sir, remember, I live at your house, you drove Mr Kravitz and I here, you made me the bag of car snacks, remember?"

"It's our house, Agnes, we've talked about this, and we also talked about being cool." Taako hisses.

Lup snorts loudly. "You don't have to be involved, Angus, it's okay."

"Thank you very much Dr Lup, but I think that I might be able to help with the security. There's only two of them, I went to check yesterday, and I think they'd both find a distressed little boy very difficult to cope with."

"The perfect role for Merle!" Magnus says brightly. "He's the right height."

"I thought I might do it, Sir." Says Angus before Merle can reply. "I have…" Angus starts to sniffle. "I have been so looking… forward to a… a chance to act… you see… but if you think Merle would… be a better choice..." Tears leak down his cheeks and he looks so utterly forlorn that Lup's halfway to scooping him into a hug when he smiles. "Acting! See! I'm perfect for the role."

"And the moral conundrum you were wrestling with mere seconds ago?" Kravitz cocks an eyebrow.

"I just thought it'd be funny if Mr Taako thought he was living with two squares, Sir." Angus smiles brightly enough to get away with it.

"So if I'm not the kid, what am I doing?" Merle asks.

"You're our medic. Anyone gets knocked down, you make sure they get up again." Lup replies.

"They're never gonna keep us down." Deadpans Lucretia.

There’s a booming “HA!” from Magnus in recognition.

"Davenport, do you need anything?" Lup already knows the answer. Davenport's already prepared, Davenport was ready for this heist before Artemis Sterling took the bones for his stupid rich person museum.

"No thank you, Lup. I have the plans, the van, and the magnetic signs are ready to go. I thought a cat salon would work well."

Perfect.

"What do we do with them once we've got them?" Lucretia asks.

Lup's got this covered. "Where would they least expect?"

"Back in the basement!" Magnus yells immediately.

"Nope."

"My greenhouse!"

Taako grimaces at the thought. "We don't know if they were over 18, there's no way they're allowed to spend time in the cesspit of sin."

Angus thrusts his hand into the air, bouncing in his seat. Lup cannot believe they raised such a nerd. He's perfect.

"Ango?"

"Where they came from, Dr Lup." He grins, proud of himself. She's proud too.

"Right! What idiot's gonna steal something and put it back where it came from?"

"These idiots!" They chant in unison.

–

The thing about being one of the saviours of the universe and having your lives pumped into everyone’s heads is that no one can dispute it when you write a book about what it’s like to die. They know about every single time already. The falling, The Sword Cupboard Incident, the going-out-in-a-blaze-of-glory, the stabbed in the back and trapped for a decade. No publisher was going to say no, especially not when they realised it wasn’t a hinky memoir - there was no point in that. Everyone already knew. What they didn’t know though, was how to be science, but Lup and Barry? They breathed it.

It turns out that when you’re the saviours of the universe it’s easy to pick where you launch your book, you’re fighting the offers off. When you’re the saviours of the universe you can even get a guided tour in advance, you can bring 5 of your closest friends, and the world’s greatest detective, and no one questions it. Lord Artemis Sterling will give you the tour himself, let you know exactly how little he thinks of the people he stole, reinforce exactly why you’re definitely not planning on stealing any of his collection - cross your heart and hope to die.

When you’re the saviours of the universe no one can tell you that you can’t wear big stompy boots with a cocktail dress for your book launch, or that a denim suit isn’t “fitting” for the occasion. Lup has checked thoroughly, actually, and it’s fitting Barry very well if she does say so herself.

When you’re the saviours of the universe people who don’t give a shit about your book will show up for the launch just to put a sight on you. Just to say they saw the lover and one of the twins, they’ll hope to see the others. They won’t, of course. Apart from Lucreita. The lonely press release writer, noting down the events of the evening for posterity.

When you’re the saviours of the universe, you can get away with a lot.

–

The sound of metal pinging against ‘the nice glassware’ sets Lup’s teeth on edge. Being adored is great and all, but couldn’t it be quieter?

Chants of “speech!” chorus around the room, so she and Barry nod at each other, he pulls the cards they prepared from his inside pocket, and they walk slowly to the podium. Angus smiles beautifically up at her as she passes, this is his cue, she already knows he’s going to shine.

“HELLO NEVERWINTER! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?” Lup yells into the mic, covering the wailing sound of Angus’ performance beginning as the door swings shut behind him. The audience looks at one another, there’s a single cough.

“I said, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?” Lup repeats, revelling in the sea of horrified faces in front of her. She throws in a high kick, you know, just because. It’s important to keep all eyes on them and a boring speech is not going to cut it.

“Yes!” Lucretia shouts from a distant corner of the crowd.

“I suppose we could?” Someone else says.

“Great, that’s the kind of energy we love and were hoping for.” Barry says, adopting his very best patient teacher smile.

A small “woo!” comes from somewhere in the mass of people.

“Maybe we’re ready for just the rocking no rolling, Lup?”

“Well, we can certainly show you a medium good time this evening.” Lup smiles and nods at the smattering of polite laughter. The crowd seems slightly relieved she’s turned the energy down, more fool them.

“Have any of you ever been bones?” Barry asks the crowd.

“Yes!” Lup snorts loudly at Lucretia’s interjection.

“How was it?” Lup asks.

“Bad!” Lucretia shouts back. “I was dead.”

“You sure were! And did that mean you wanted just anyone to take your bones and do all sorts of bullshit with them?”

“No!” Lucretia replies, giving Lup an encouraging thumbs up.

“No.” Repeats Barry, solemnly. “And that’s how Lup and I feel too. Every bone, you see, has a story.”

“So when we got boned, it was hard.” Lup says.

“Really hard.” Barry adds, trying very hard to keep his face straight.

Lup notices his mouth twitching and decides to go for broke. “There’s no need to boast Barold.” She whispers, nudging him. He turns a delightful shade of pink. “But what felt best…” Lup says, talking into the mic again. “... was when I was treated with respect. There’s nothing like your own brother stealing your stuff and cheesing it to make you feel like an object, not a person, even though it definitely wasn’t his fault because he couldn’t remember you.”

There’s a loud “Ha!” From a man in the front row, the person next to him elbows him hard in the ribs.

“No no, go ahead, that’s a good one, honestly. Just wait until we get to the bit where I made this.” Lup holds up her hand to show off her shiny white ring and grins wide. There’s a groan from a woman on the left. Lup hopes there’s at least one terrible first date happening here tonight.

“Bones, by their very nature, were part of a living breathing being.” Barry starts to work from the cards. He’s right, of course, they probably shouldn’t stray too far from the plan, shouldn’t front load too many of the anecdotes. “But once flesh leaves bone, we often forget the humanity of them. We don’t look at a person any more, we look at an object. An object to be taken, studied, stored, or displayed. We don’t often consider who they might have been, which grave markers we have taken them from, or whether there are families missing them.” Barry takes a moment to look out across the crowd. “When is it okay to take a body?” He asks no one and everyone all at once.

They wait.

Someone always cracks, eventually the heat of the silence will get to them and they’ll popcorn their way into an answer. It never fails in class.

Lup nods encouragingly, makes eye contact with anyone stupid enough to look up in this moment.

“After a thousand years.” Someone shouts up.

“Yes, so the historical argument is a good one. What’s the point in the militia looking at a skeleton from thousands of years ago? Why shouldn’t the remains become an artefact, each bone catalogued and recorded.”

“Yeah!”

“I’ll ask another question, what makes a person?”

There’s a longer silence.

“Who are you?” Lup asks. She loves it when people have to think about this. It’s rare they consider what the stuff of them is, beyond a name or a place or a purpose, the context of their lives.

“Lucretia!” Shouts Lucretia.

“You sure are. And who’s she? Is she books and journals and learning?” Barry asks.

“Fuck off Barry, I learned to fight! I made a second moon!”

“You did.” He says, voice softer for a moment. “But how would we demonstrate that in a museum?” He looks patiently around the room again.

“An information board?”

“What would we put on the information board?” Lup asks the room, they’re getting bolder and she’s delighting in it.

“The stuff about the moons.”

“And?”

“Her name!”; “The fighting stuff!”; “Journals on display.”

“All good suggestions, but how much of that context can we give? And how do we get it from some bones?”

“Research ‘em.” Lucretia’s beaming. Lup needs to bring her to more conferences to heckle.

“Research them!” Barry agrees, happily. “We wrote this book for multiple reasons, we wanted to share our experience because it’s important to encourage learning, but we also wanted to help people think differently.”

Angus sneaks back into the door, flaps his hands in a complex circle motion and purses his lips. Lup assumes he’s doing the bird call he practised earlier, thankfully him arriving back is all the signal she needs.

“Anyway, the main thing we want you to remember is that skeletons are people too. Thank you bye!”

Lup drops the mic.

Barry, many years deep in his conference circuits with Lup, reaches out to catch it before it fully leaves her hand. “Thank you for your time, please remember to buy your copy of “We Got Boned!: an autoethnography of death, respect, and being rad litches who can’t die.” Have a lovely evening and enjoy the canapes.”

Lup’s glad she didn’t knock the softness out of him, glad that the years apart didn’t take it either. She hopes people do buy the book, that people do care. But most of all she hopes that the people below them are currently speeding to freedom in the back of a ‘cat shampoo’ wagon.

Angus sniffles and grabs her leg. She bends to comfort him. “The mongoose have left the nest, Dr Lup, I repeat, the mongoose have left the nest.”

“The otters have built the dam?”

“Pardon?” Angus looks up at her his adorable little face scrunched up with confusion.

“Just messing with you Ango.”

“Oh. I… I knew that. Good one, Dr Lup.”

She winks at him, then scoops him up onto her hip - the next part of the plan was flawless, no one could argue with kid tears. “You ready?”

“I was born ready.” Angus replies, tears already welling in his eyes. “I was so… scared.” He wails. “I thought… I’d… never… see you… again.” The sobs are coming thick and fast.

“Oh no, don’t worry little man, you’re back now, but what have I told you about wandering off?”

“That I shouldn’t do it.” Angus says through his tears. “I’m going to be in so much trouble with Mr Taako and Mr Kravitz.”

“It’s okay, pumpkin, we don’t have to tell them.”

“I already did, I messaged them on my stone and they said I have to come home right away?”

“Right now, Angus?”

“Right now. I have to go home right now.” He wails loudly.

“Oh dear, well let’s go find Barry, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Angus is shaking against her shoulder and Lup has no idea if it’s with laughter or the best fake-tear education Taako could give.

“Oh no, what’s wrong Angus?” Barry’s face is lined with concern as they approach him.

“I have… to… go… home.” Angus snuffles out between sobs. Lup tries to mop at his face, but soon realises he’s already soaked his hanky through. Incredible.

“Do you have a…?” She waves Angus’ handkerchief at Barry.

“Of course, oh dear, poor thing.” Barry hands over his denim pocket square. “I’m so sorry everyone, this was a fascinating discussion, but you can’t argue with that face, it seems like we’ll have to be off.”

“Surely you don’t both have to go?” A tall man with a well waxed moustache asks.

“I… miss my Grandpaaaaaaaaa.” Angus wails.

“Oh buddy, I’m so sorry. What can we do to help?” Barry asks.

“I’ll never be… able to see him… again because he’s… dead…” Angus is definitely reaching now, but thankfully everyone looks alarmed enough by the invocation of a dead grandfather that they’re not going to question it. “... but I’d like to… go home.” The sobs are thick and fast now.

“Oh Angus, of course we’ll take you home.” Lup pets his hand lovingly. “Won’t we Bear?”

Barry nods.

There’s grumblings around the circle, but no one is willing to outright tell a crying child no, especially not when Angus sobs even harder and reaches for Barry. If he’s not careful the kid’s going to give himself a nose bleed and Taako’s never going to forgive her if Angus gets hurt on her watch. Barry grimaces apologetically and takes Angus from Lup, who simply shrugs the universal ‘what can we do?’ at the group.

“Angus, you’re a genius.” Lup whispers to him as soon as they’re safely bundled in their coats and waiting outside for Barry to bring the car.

“Thank you very much Dr Lup, I thought my performance was excellent. You should have seen the guards.” He whispers back.

Lup dabs at his dry eyes with a fresh handkerchief from her pocket, just in case anyone’s watching.

–

“There’s pizza.” Taako waves his hand lazily in the direction of the kitchen. He’s strewn across Kravitz’s lap feeding him bites of cookie.

“Did you cater the heist?” Barry asks, as if he hasn’t been part of this family for years, as if he hasn’t heisted with them before.

“What are we, animals?” Lup and Taako ask together.

“Yeah, okay, I walked into that one.”

“So we’re all good?” Lup asks the room.

“We were so respectful.” Magnus shouts, appearing from the kitchen, mouth half full of pizza.

Lup glances to Kravitz, he nods subtly. That’s good enough for her.

“Everyone stashed safely?”

“I organised some plant cover to be extra safe.” Merle lounges on a beanbag there’s no way he’s getting out of without help.

“Organised or organ-ised?” Barry asks. “Wait, actually, no, I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me.”

“Too late, let me tell you about the dwarves and the ivy.” Merle crooks a finger and smiles his dirtiest old man smile.

“Pizza you say, Taako? In the kitchen?” Lup grabs Barry’s arm and pulls him out of danger.

“Thank you.” He squeezes her hand.

“No no, thank you.” She replies.

Lup hops up onto the counter, grabs a pizza slice with one hand and uses the other to pull Barry closer.

“We did it!”

“We did it.”

He kisses her, she kisses him right back. It’s only illegal if someone catches them.

“None of that on my ship.” Davenport shouts from the hallway.

Lup rolls her eyes and kisses him one more time anyway.

–

Lup huffs and throws the paper down.

“Still nothing?” Asks Barry.

“Still nothing. They didn’t even notice.” She doesn’t mean to take it personally, it’s good really. The longer that it takes for them to realise the bones are gone, the less likely it is to be linked to their event, but still, still. He cared enough to steal 12 year dead bodies from their graves, surely he wanted them for more than just the prestige? Infamy? Lup didn’t really know what the term was. Maybe he was just rich and bored and fancied trying his hand at archaeology. Either way, he hasn’t worked it out yet.

They’ve been scouring the paper for weeks, asking Krav to ask Sloane to ask Hurley if there’s anything rumbling, but there’s no word that Artemis has noticed the much emptier basement of his “museum.”

“Did I tell you that Lucretia found another family?” Lup asks.

“You did!” Despite hearing the news before, Barry sounds just as excited as she does. The relief has been palpable every time they’ve facilitated a reunion. Questions answered, a family able to care for their loved one in the proper way.

“I saw you matched another few sets of bones too.”

“Yeah, he jumbled them down there, hadn’t preserved them properly either, but I’ve been working on it. I’ve been talking to them while I work, it’s nice when they help out, makes it easier too. I’m glad they approve.”

“Who wouldn’t want you pouring over their bones? Handsome nerd paying endless attention to my body? Sign me up!”

“You can have that any time you’d like.” Barry says. He winks, corny enough to unbalance the smoothness of his words.

She loved him endlessly. Perfect, wonderful man.

#Bone! Heist!#The Adventure Zone #TAZ Fic #Blupjeans #Barry Bluejeans #Lup Tacco #Lup #Noodyl Writes

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year

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One of the sweetest moments between Ashley and Leon is when, after Ashley throws him the key to get him out of the cage, Leon says:

"Can you make it down? I can catch ya."

with a soft, boyish smile on his face. I swear, he caught feelings for her here, because he's grown to like holding her in his arms.

Their chemistry in the remake is simply glorious.

I think a lot about how handsy he is with her in remake, and how the game puts him in situations where he has to hold her multiple times -- because, in OG, it is not like that. And OG even has that official render of them holding hands AND a full-blown actual hug between them (also like props to Ashley for being the literal only person ever in canon to actually hug this man; maybe if more people actually tried to, he'd be less of a sad sack of shit later in life). But it's so different in remake.

I actually had a moment of pause and my eyebrows shot up at one of their very first scenes together. The very first time Leon catches Ashley when she jumps out the window of the church attic, he doesn't just catch her and put her down. He catches her, then stands there for a moment with her in his arms, and then they have a moment where they lock eyes and just kind of linger there together, and then he puts her down.

By the time of RE4, Leon is probably touch-starved as fuck. Catching Ashley out that window is probably the first time in six years he's held someone -- actually held them, not just dragged or carried them out of harm's way to safety -- and when she just lets him do it and doesn't give him a "... okay, you can put me down now" I think he has a bit of a moment there on that scaffolding outside the church.

Throughout the game following that, he selfishly indulges with little touches to her here and there whenever he finds an appropriate opening to do so. And not only does she continue to let him, but she does the same thing back.

So by the time we reach that ^ moment in your ask, this has been going on for a while. It's also after their bonding moment where he comforts her as she's crying and she gets him to admit he has a plaga. They've started flirting openly, and he leans into it in a way that's almost definitely inappropriate considering their standing and situation.

Just seeing her is a relief for him. Having her close is a comfort. And for her to be strong and confident in that moment gives him strength, too.

I'm not entirely sure that Leon consciously realizes that he's started to feel some type of way about Ashley, but that moment is the first time in RE4 that he's not only openly affectionate, but also fully "himself" in a way he hasn't been all game long -- it's the first and possibly only time in RE4 that his demeanor matches the one he had in RE2.

When I say that Ashley brings out the best in him in ways no one else in the entire canon does, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about. Ashley allows him to feel like a person again -- not just the killing machine that the US government turned him into, but an actual person and a man with vulnerabilities and needs and desires. She never comments on it, and she never takes advantage, and it's just something that he's allowed to subtly, silently just do and be without reservation or judgment for once in his goddamn life.

#resident evil 4 #leon kennedy #ashley graham #meta analysis #*bangs pots and pans together* ASHLEY MAKES LEON FEEL JUST AS SAFE AS HE DOES FOR HER

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novacies · 2 years

Text

No babe, I'm absolutely not thinking about how we were robbed by Capcom on hints about how kristophs' and phoenix's "friendship" might have looked like, again. I'm normal.

Imagine youre Kristoph Gavin. You have the Gramarye trial meticulously planned out and then that bastard zak gramarye foils it all because of a poker game. You already have the forged page and a prosecutor brother so fuck that guy. Let the forged evidence insure he gets a guilty verdict.

Phoenix wright is collateral damage. Truly, you did not care much about him. You almost take pity on him, on this terror that took the legal world by force. Maybe you see a few similarities, two blue clad defense attorneys infamous in the court room, though for different reasons.

You vote in his favor at his hearing; of course this does not matter but you felt like virtue signaling. Apologizing for your brother and all. You get curious when you see the broken look in his face. You invite him out for dinner

It's almost delightfull really, the turnabout terror turned into a sad sack of shit. No Turnabout he can pull out of his ass this time.

Then he adpots the Gramarye girl.

You dont understand why

You get suspicious.

You start to see it throught the yammering and feigned misery over the edge of you soup bowl : hes watching you. Like an animal, waiting for you to make a wrong move. His eyes seem to glow sometimes. You think you're hallucinating, the green is just too vibrant.

Suddenly you remeber. This is the same man who brought down von Karma, after 15 years, the most feared prosecutor of all. The one who brought down the chief of police, knocked Franziska von Karma and Miles Edgeworth of their thrones, cross examined a parrot and one of the most infamous serial killers. The one who brought down yet another prosecutor and apparently exorcised a ghost in the courtroom.

You get...scared.

You're aware that a game has begone

For a while you are on top of it. Your plan is fool proof, nothing can go wrong. Wright knows this. So you both feign friendship, you both know its fake. Still theres a sense of cameraderie. And somehow, theres no better company than him.

Hes an undefeeated poker champion and it makes sense. It almost feels like hes taunting you.

"This was your failure that you tried to make my downfall. And now Im making it my victory again.

Watch."

Youre a bit proud. This is a conspiracy he hasn't managed to uncover (yet). What a glorious feeeling that this is even beyond Wrights seemingly supernatural abilities.

You slip up

His face lights up

You become hyper vigilant.

a constant game of cat and mouse

you've always prefered dogs, instead

Then, Zak Gramarye walks through the door.

Then, zak gramrye lies dead before you.

Then, you underestimate wright again

But Wright doesn't underestimate you

Pulls an ace out of his sleeve, literally

You lose.

#This was written in exhausted madness #so I apologize if it sounds weird #i had to weed out so many spelling mistakes it was almost incomprehensible #ace attorney #phoenix wright #kristoph gavin #aa4 #aa spoilers

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ewanmitchellcrumbs · 1 year

Note

It's only fair since you forgot to ask about his hair situation in this area that I ask you: Can you tell us everything about Uncle Daddy Daemon's wonderful balls?

Are they proportional to what he's packing? Would you hold them in your mouth as enthusiastically as you would Aemond's? Give us all the details!

OH BOY. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

NUTZ BELOW DA CUT.

So if we're speaking of Daddy Dae Dae's glorious basket of meat, I feel it's only fair that you're filled in on the monster bratwurst that takes centre stage first - thoroughly researched and well written by the wonderful @em-writes-stuff-sometimes

*waits like a creep while you read it*

Now you know the gargantuan proportions of what this brick shithouse is packing, you'll be fully aware that he's got the stones to match. A coin purse that rivals even that of House Lannister.

It's wrinkly, he's an old geezer after all. And it's darker than the rest of his skin (why the fuck does old man junk brown with age? Gross. They should be ashamed of themselves) - but Uncle Daddy's brown nuts are hot. Like giant, sexy walnuts.

@lady-phasma has established that the carpet does not match the drapes and, with this in mind, his balls are hairy and that hair is dark. Furry, sexy, giant walnuts. YUMMY.

Trying to get these things in your mouth would be akin to trying to shove one of those giant jawbreakers into your mouth - it will hurt - so go easy and get your hands involved too. We get it, Peepaw has heavy balls and you want to hold them in your mouth for him, but it's best to save yourself the embarrassing trip to the maester for lockjaw. Daemon is an absolute slut for having his sack taken care of and will often grab your hand and place it there for a squeeze if you're in the right position while doing the do.

His balls get a little soupy from riding Caraxes, but he does not share the same proclivity for wearing leather that Aemond does, so this testicle tea stink is much more welcoming.

The sheer weight of these crown jewels means that they sag a little - not too much - but if Dae Dae forgets to hold that sweet sack of his back in place they WILL hang into the privy when he's dumping it up. I know your mind immediately goes to that image of the pig with shit on its own nuts and I'd like to take this opportunity to chastise you for being so disgusting. Why would you conjure such a disturbing image? That has never happened to Kepa. Ever.

They make a wicked cool "shlap" sound against your flesh when Daemon is hitting it from certain positions with the right amount of force. It's like being gently smacked with a sock with two golf balls in it.

I hope this has been informative for you. If you made it this far and aren't wildly grossed out or offended then I applaud you.

#daemon targaryen #house of the dragon #unhinged mutuals #ferals #team westerosi ballsack #the testicle triad #this post is a joke

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sweetsweetjellybean · 2 years

Text

In the cold November rain Part 5

Eddie Munson/FemReader Steve Harrington/FemReader

Can you have two great loves in a lifetime?

You've had the ideal childhood in Hawkins with your best friend & protector Steve Harrington. When it's ripped away, can you pick up the pieces? Eddie Munson may be able to help.

A story about the pain of growing up, unrequited love, and loss.

TW: Story runs congruent to events in the show. If you know what happens in season 4, then you'll know how this will end.*Be warned.* 18+ Eventually Smut, Angst, High School Fuckery, Drinking, Drugs Let me know if I miss any.

Sincerest & Eternal Thanks To @loveshotzz A magnificent writer & phenomenal human who sparked my Eddie love. I never would have posted this without her.

Inspired by @loveshotzz & notes by @eddieandbird

Part 5/12? Masterlist

A week has passed, and your new lunch seat has become old news. You and Eddie have yet to acknowledge each other, but he has moved from his usual spot at the head of the table to one on the outskirts of his group, leaving just two empty seats between you. His eyes have been on you more than usual today, and you can't help the smile that creeps over your face.

"You need something?" You asked playfully.

His lips curl into a cocky smirk. "I'm just basking in your glorious presence, Princess. It's not every day us ordinary townsfolk get so close to royalty."

His response has you rolling your eyes. He slides down until he's in the chair beside you. "There's going to be a fire out in the woods tonight. Some warm beer and diablo's clove. All kinds of wicked debauchery. You should come. It'll take a little of the shine off you."

"I don't know if that's really my scene." You say, stuffing your trash into your lunch sack.

"You don't have a scene. You have a pity party for one." He waves his hand up and down in front of you. "You're a teenager; these are the best years of your life. Live a little. There's going to be all kinds of people there. You can make some friends."

He follows your eyes as you look over at Steve's lunch table. "Don't worry," he says in a low voice. "The royals don't mix with us commoners. So, what do you say?"

"I say...fuck 'em. Tell me where to meet you."

***

The party is in full swing when you walk through the trees into the clearing at skull rock. There are a lot of people here from several different social circles. Some faces are familiar, and some aren't. This was the first time you walked into a party alone, without Steve. You miss the security of his presence. His confident demeanor showed that he belonged anywhere he chose to go. You wipe your sweaty palms on your jeans. The nights were much cooler, so you opted for a button-up flannel over a thermal tee. Not feeling the need to impress anyone, you wore your hair down. The lack of humidity left your usually frizzy locks falling around your shoulders in soft waves.

"Hi." Lips close to your ear startle you, and you jump, your heart lurching into your chest. Eddie is standing beside you, his smile unmistakably warm, his eyes lit up by the fire burning by the rock.

"You scared the shit out of me." The curse word comes out before you realize what you're saying, and you cover your mouth, embarrassed.

"Swearing twice in one day, Princess." He raises his eyebrows at you and throws his arm around your shoulders. "My plan to corrupt you is working." He raises his arm into the air and makes a fist. "Now that stage one is complete. Time for stage two." He leads you over to a cooler and presses a can of beer in your hand. He walks you around, introducing you to everyone. They are all friendly and quickly include you in the conversation, which ranges from music, and books to film and local politics. It's a nice change from sports and gossip. Eddie left you to flutter from group to group but returned to give you another beer or briefly join the conversation. He would lean into the circle placing his hand on the small of your back, just the way you used to wish Steve would do. You hated thinking of him, that sick ache creeping into your stomach. You chugged your beer, hoping to chase it away. The sky began to lighten, and the fire burned out when you decided it was time to go home. Eddie walks you to your car.

"You're such a gentleman," You say, leaning against your Beetle keys in hand.

"Well, don't go telling anyone and ruin my reputation." He shoves his hands in his front pockets. "Did you have fun?" He studies your face in the intense way he always does.

"I had so much fun," you tell him, beaming. His smile is dazzling. He is so beautiful when he smiles, you wonder why you never noticed before. You can't remember who leaned forward first, but it ended with his hand on your cheek and his soft lips pressed gently against yours. He pulls back to look at you again. When he sees you're still smiling, he leans in for another kiss, deeper this time, his tongue sliding against yours. He tastes like cigarettes and alcohol but still sweet. Years later, kissing someone after a drink or a smoke always makes you think of him.

"God, you feel so good," you sigh into the kiss. He breaks away and rests his forehead against yours.

"Now, I know you can't drive. That's got to be the beer talking."

"I haven't had a drink for hours. It's you. You're making me feel good."

His eyes widened with your admission. He hesitates like he's making a decision, and his mouth is back on you. Your back pressed against the car, his hands in your hair, kissing, kissing, kissing. You moan, and he presses his hips against you. You can feel how hard he is against your thigh, and knowing it's because of you makes you absolutely dizzy. He stops, breathing hard, lips swollen, eyes blown out with lust.

"We're friends, right?" You nod, still trying to catch your breath. "Good," He says nervously. "Tomorrow, when you wake up and regret letting me kiss you, just remember that, okay?”

This boy who builds you up like no one ever has is convinced he's not worth it. You want to tell him it's not true. That he's sweet and special and deserves so much more being someone's second choice. But you don't because you're a coward, afraid to lose how he makes you feel. So pull him in for another kiss. This one is soft and tender. "Don't be stupid." You mumble against his lips. "I'll see you at school."

The next time you touch yourself, it's your first time not thinking about Steve.

>>>>>>>>

Part 6

>>>>>>>

Tag List @boomhauer @onlyangel-444 @breehumbles @myobmaya

I'll tag ya if you want. 👑

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dancingthesambaa · 1 year

Text

Molly Bear-y Scary

After Giovanni piqued her curiosity when she dumbed down Sylvie's sheep out of existence she got thinking, could she do that with other things?

Molly lay exhausted on the bed after the events that had transpired that night. Who would think that she would be a criminal, sure a (forced) child worker, but not a criminal! She even lied to the police and skipped out on work (She did! She turned off the lights and closed the shop!) It felt so exhilarating and also so relieving.

‘Boss was right, I should have more time to myself,’ she thought as she cuddled further in her fluffy blankets. Speaking of Boss, he did say a lot and was very strange in the beginning, but he wasn’t a bad person. Well okay, maybe he was a bad guy, but that didn’t mean he was bad, no one bad would have tried to encourage her or try to protect her.

‘Speaking of that,’ she remembered Boss' comment about her dumbing people down enough to pop them from existence. She held out her hand over her head and looked curiously at it. “Can I do that?”

-----------------------------------------------

She doesn’t know how it came down to this point. It was supposed to be a simple hangout with the rest of the (former) Banzai Blasters in Redwood Run. She was (technically) still being kidnapped by Boss after the whole incident back at the Toy Shop occurred. She thought she was perfectly fine, but according to Boss and the rest of the Banzai Blasters, who she was properly introduced to with much fanfare involved, they all disagreed with her opinion.

( “You are malnourished, injured, and still expect yourself to be able to work let alone go to school,” Dark Star pointed out as he lay on Crusher's couch.

“Yes and?” Molly, who had a cup of tea curled up in her hands with a blanket over her shoulder courtesy of Crusher, didn’t know what he was instigating. “I’ve had worse.”

“I don’t know if that’s badass or just sad,” Spike whispered to Ben.

“I don’t know.”

“But thank you for caring to ask, usually only my friends or teacher would care. That was very kind of you,” she beamed up at the group and they could almost see those anime sparkles surrounding her face, making all their hearts feel gross, warm, and squishy.

“If anything happens to her I would kill everyone and then myself,” Car Crash was the first to say after the cute display.

“Here Here.”

“Too true.”

“CUTE!”

“Now you know how I feel,” Giovanni cackled as he sipped his own cup of tea. He tried to offer Bear Trap a soda, but after he learned she hates sweets and sugary drinks because of how she would only eat and drink those every day if she didn’t cook actually wounded him. He always knew baking could be used for evil, but not to the point of outright hating glorious sweets.

He should have hit that fat sack of shit of a deadbeat father harder.)

So yeah, that happened and she integrated into their group as if she had always been with them since the beginning and they decided to hangout with their newest member.

Which brings them to this point in time.

It was supposed to be a casual hangout with minimal chaos sprinkled in, but now they may have accidentally knocked over the entire canister as the group got surrounded by the Banzai Blasters. Apparently, they hadn’t taken kindly to the group leaving their organization in the first place and decided to jump them.

Boss, Crusher, and Spike had taken the forefront as the trio were the main battle brawlers and could actually fight someone in a head to head fight and win. Dark Star and Car Crush grabbed any chairs or objects they could find and began to use them as ramming or projectile objects. Flamethrower decided to be a gremlin and just threw himself on the nearest body and just proceeded to punch/scratch at them. Ben, somehow, managed to grab the shotgun away from the bar owner's cat, after Molly distracted it with some yarn that Boss had given her (he offered to teach her how to knit), and was currently taking potshots at anyone that dared come near him and Molly, who was currently hiding behind the bar.

Despite his wanting to be named the KidPuncher, one the rest of the group and Giovanni did not take too kindly to the name, he developed a protective streak toward the kid. Last time, when they were out by the parking lot racing in the shopping carts, one of the shoppers got angry at them for their actions and decided to take it out on the first thing she saw, which was Molly. Unfortunately for her, Ben was rolling past when he saw them, so he just wordlessly took Molly out, looked the lady dead in the eye, and slammed the cart straight into her car.

If the howls of screeches didn’t attract eligible baboons to her then the next one did as the rest of the group all shared the idea, or a single brain cell, to surround the lady car with as many carts as humanly possible for the cherry on top.

It was a very fun outing.

All was going well, or as well as it could be for a stalemate, until someone finally had enough.

“ENOUGH!”

He even said it out loud as a Banzai Captain stepped forward through the doors. He was neatly dressed, pants and shirt crisply clean with the usual Banzai attire, but what was added was a pocket protector that had three neatly sharpened pencils inside and another pencil behind his right ear.

“I think we had enough fooling around,” the man huffed as he glared at the group.

“Why hello there Pencil Pusher, it’s very unpleasant to meet you again,” Giovanni grimaced as he casually swung his bat around.

“My name is Thorn Leech-”

“Yeah 'cause you are a leech!” Spike shouted.

“Nice,” Flamethrower raised his fist, from the hand that wasn’t holding a bloody broken bottle, and gave her a fistbump.

“I am no leech!” He stomped his foot as if he was an angry toddler not getting the last cookie.

“Yeahh, whatever pointy,” the former captain waved him off.

“I’m not gonna comment on such childish remarks,” he took a deep breath and slicked back his hair. “I’m above such childish mockery.”

“Okay Mr. 2,” Dark Star joked.

“More like he has to go number two, have you seen the constipated look on his face,” Ben piped up, earning a giggle from Molly, who had peeked out over the bar, but that was drowned out by everyone else in their little group. Even some of the Banzai Blasters couldn’t contain their snorts though they did quiet down at their captain's stern glare.

“Mock my name as you like,” the captain thinly said as he began to glow orange. “But let’s not forget who has the most powerful Epithet out of the two of us,” he then let the pencil from his pocket protector, his hair, and his pockets all float out.

“Is his Epithet Pencil?” Molly quietly asked a groaning Ben.

“Unfortunately, and as lame as it sounds, he’s creative with it,” he grimaced as all the pencils began to attack their friends. The captain Epithet alone wouldn’t be able to strike fear in anyone, but the fact that they are all sharp enough to pierce the skin and he could create more so long as there was wood did make a difference.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” Car Crash yelled as colored pencils collided into him.

“For fuck sake!” Spike growled as she rolled out of the way of some artist pencils, but still managed to swipe at an incoming Banzai Blaster trying to sneak up on her.

“Yipe!” Dark Star wasn’t so lucky as the graphing pencil got him right in the butt.

“I GOT YOU BOSS!” Crusher took the brunt of ten number 2 pencils impacting his arms.

“Crusher!” Giovanni yelled out in anguish as he swatted away the remaining despicable pencils before kneeling down. “My minion, are you okay?”

“I’M JUST FINE BOSS,” Crusher said with a lovesick look on his face that anyone with two brain cells could see, unfortunately Giovanni only had one.

“Less flirty, more dodging!” Flamethrower yelled out before being hit upside the head with a charcoal pencil.

“I’M NOT FLIRTING!

“At this rate we’re for sure gonna miss the movie,” Ben clicked his teeth in frustration. They were all hoping to see this awesome action movie featuring a talking dog that is a part of a jewelry heist for the Golden Bone. Thankfully the dog doesn’t die in this one, poor Crusher was devastated the last time they made that mistake.

Molly hummed for a brief moment before an idea popped into her mind. “I have an idea!” Then, without warning, she crawled over the safety of the bar and proceeded to walk towards the captain.

“Wait Bear Trap,” but it was no use as the twelve year old girl stopped in front of the Epithet user.

“Excuse me, Mr. Thorn Leech sir,” the man turned down to see a young girl, who barely reached his waist, in front of him.

“What is this small child doing here?” He asked his subordinates and got only shrugs for answers.

“Bear Trap, get out of there!” Giovanni called out as he tried to march forward, but was blocked by the Banzai Blasters. He wasn’t the only one though as the rest of his boys attempted to try to move closer, but was met with obstacles.

“That is one nifty Epithet you have,” she told him as if the chaos behind her was nothing.

“Indeed it is,” Thorn Leech proudly smirked.

“Can I show you mine?”

“Hmm? You have an Epithet?”

“Yeah, though it’s a little dumb,” Molly giggled as she skipped over to one of the knocked over tables, gently placed a hand on it, then let the table envelop in a green glow as it slowly began to get, smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until it finally

Poof

The table was no more.

At this point, everyone had stopped at the sight of a small innocent girl, just vanishing the table out of existence.

“W-w-w-what did you do?!” The captain stuttered, he had never seen such a powerful Epithet before that wasn’t part of the high echelon of the Banzai Blasters Organization.

“I always thought of my Epithet as useless and I even wanted it gone at one point, but after positive reinforcement, I learned that I proof things out of existence!” She clapped her hands together like a school teacher trying to get her student's attention.

“Huh?!” The students are very much paying attention.

“I’m normally not violent, but I’ve been taught to try new things and discover myself instead of being a slave to societal expectations as well as my family's burdens that they placed upon me due to their negligence. So I already know I can do this, but what I don’t know is if I can do that with people, but I'm willing to try!” Molly then reached one innocently glowing arm out, which slowly began to take on the astral image of a giant bear claw, making the captain take a step back. “Would you like to be my first tester?”

“But-but that will kill someone!” He squeaked out, he could feel his heart beating in his ears as if it too wanted to escape.

“It may, but that is a risk I’m willing you to take!” She chirped and took a step forward.

Apparently that last step was all that was needed as the captain bolted out of the establishment with a dying cry of “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Oh that’s too bad,” she fakely pouted, “I was hoping to try it out, but no worries there are others.” She turned to the rest of the Banzai Blasters with eager eyes, “Would any of you like to try?”

And just like their leader, they too screamed.

“Fuck no!”

“Get away from me!”

“I don’t wanna be poofed!”

“I’m out of this shit!”

Then five seconds later, the once full bar was almost desolate as all that remained was Molly's group and the cat playing with the yarn. They didn’t know what happened with the owner, but they did hear yelling from inside the well, so they think he was perfectly fine.

A brief silence happened as the group slowly turned towards Molly.

Blink

“Okay that was badass,” Car Crash was the first to speak up.

“No fucking kidding.”

“I think I peed a little.”

“COOL!”

“Cool? That was more than cool! Bear Trap was so threateningly cool! Come here you!” Giovanni rushed over to Molly and ruffled her hair. “When could you do that?!”

“Well remember when we met Sylvie the first time and I dumbed down his sheep out of existence? Well, you mentioned if I could do that with other things, and apparently I can! And I am absolutely terrified!” She happily noted, she meant to only dumb down the pencil that was on the table, but once she felt the table getting smaller she thought she might as well commit.

“So wait, can you actually poof people out of existence,” Dark Star asked.

“I don’t know and I kinda don’t wanna find out yet,” she winced.

“Fair enough.”

“Boys,” Giovanni began as he leaped on the table. “We fought long and we fought viciously and thanks to our newest member, those pansies left running with their tails in between their legs. I think we made our victory well known today as the most baddest group of Redwood Run! Now let us celebrate! Who wants ice cream!”

“Me! Me!”

“I do, I want a rocky road!”

“Pistachio!”

“STRAWBERRY!”

“We still have the movie!” Ben yelled out from the group orders.

“Oh right, we can get that after we get some ice cream,” then he leaped off the table. “Let us be off!”

“By the way, how did you do that?” Car Crash asked as they left the bar.

“Hm?” Molly looked down, Crusher had decided to pick her up and set her on his shoulder, but it wasn’t like she was complaining. “What do you mean?”

“He means how you sounded sweet, but had the venom of a viper when you were threatening them,” Dark Star explained.

“Ohh, I work in customer service, you need to know how to insult someone while making it sound like a compliment daily. How do you think I’m able to work there without having so many customer complaints?” Molly pointed out.

“Cause your nice?”

“HA!” She let out a short laugh before smothering it up. “Thank you, but I deal with so much entitlement on a day to day basis, that if I didn’t adapt to manipulating jerks with a smile I would be more dead inside than I already am. I’m not nice, I’m just used to people trying to use me and if I had the chance, I would dig inside their mailbox and burn their tax returns,” she declared.

“Damnnn, that’s metal,” Spike nodded approvingly.

“And super illegal uptop!” Ben held out his hand as Molly high fived it. “Yeah, down with the assholes!”

“Wait, it’s illegal to destroy mailboxes?” Giovanni perked up at the word. “How bad are we talking?”

“Up to three years of jail time and be fined 250,000,” Molly quoted as if she had read the law and contemplated whether or not it would be worth it.

“The fact that you spouted that out without thinking concerns me,” Dark Star noted it and continued with. “If you need an alibi, come talk to me.”

“Got it.”

“We can talk more about jail time later, we can still make it to the theater if we book it,” Flamethrower pulled up in Car Crash's ninth car. He may only have a learner permit, but that was still better than taking a risk with Car Crash driving.

“First one to the car can choose their seat!” Giovanni proclaimed as he bolted with the others soon following.

“Crusher throw me!” Molly shouted.

“OKAY!” Then he gently took her off his shoulder and proceeded to chuck her into the car. It was only by good aiming and Molly enveloping herself in her Epithet that she landed on the roof with no damage.

“I win!” She threw her arms up.

“No fair!”

“That’s cheating!”

“Such foul play and underhandedness, good job,” the Boss gave her a thumbs up.

“Hehehe,” she giggled as she sat on the roof.

Later on she would give up her spot to Crusher, who bashfully sat next to Giovanni.

The movie was pretty good, but seeing the giant teen blushing face as their leader casually put an arm around his shoulder was priceless.

#epithet erased #prison of plastic #molly blyndeff #giovanni #banzai blasters

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afniel · 7 months

Text

Nevi Infodumps Upon Request: MMX2

Because god damn let's just make this its own thing and stop doing it on some other poor bastard's post, what did they to do deserve me happening to them.

Also I have to make a correction! There is no Z-Saber in X1, I just remembered that goofy. Zero doesn't give you shit if you upgraded your arm parts, he just dies. It doesn't even exist until X2. I have no idea why I thought that considering I played it recently enough but despite appearances I'm not known for my great recall of chronological order shit.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG POST AND I HAVE REMEMBERED THAT "MANNERS" EXIST SINCE YESTERDAY SO. I am using a cut. And lowering my voice. This too is "manners."

@longshotlink I have done the thing! It does not stop from happening.

OKAY SO TO RECAP.

Mega Man X1: *slaps X* this bad boy can hold so much survivor's guilt and self-loathing.

There, that's it, that's the recap you get.

My second favorite game in the series is X2 and you're about to find out that I like them in the order they came out in, so this is going to look chronological. It is not! Not really. This is a coincidence.

Six months after X got PTSD real bad from everyone he knows dying/being killed by him (except technically Dr. Cain I GUESS, I forgot he existed for a moment there) he's still tracking down Sigma's followers and presumably shooting the hell out them. He goes to an abandoned reploid factory with the Maverick Hunters, where Green Biker Dude dies after a glorious ten seconds of doing nothing but popping a sick wheelie on a Ride Chaser and getting shot to fuck.

Rip to a real one, I guess. Pour one out for Green Biker Dude while we're here.

(Because we source our art here, this is by Springqueen on DeviantART.)

X tears through the factory and kills a huge-ass mechaniloid—wait, you say, the hell is a mechaniloid, we got reploids but that hasn't come up yet? Well, see, there's normal robots, and there's people robots, and mechaniloids are the normal robots who aren't really self-aware, and you literally cannot predict who the fuck is which:

This is a sentient being, with a rich inner life and emotions equivalent to a human's! (Only the C-15 model from X1, though, after that they're mechaniloids.)

This man is just a really fancy computer who can't actually feel anything!

I am not even joking. This is canon. Figure it out! I sure can't. It is a mystery. Nothing makes sense and everything is confusing and quite possibly bad.

There are three dudes ominously watching X and talking about some kind of nonsense bullshit crap, and these guys are Agile, who is tall, smirky, and pointy; Serges, who is short, Dr. Wily, and pointy; and Violen, who is huge, dumb as a sack of hammers, and pointy.

No really, they're all kinda pointy. For some reason they specifically have pointy feet. And they're talking about 'the control chip' and being all m~y~s~t~e~r~i~o~u~s but let's just get it out of the way. These mofos are reassembling Zero for nefarious reasons. Why? Well, you see, when you're Keiji Inafune and you just made a game, even though you teased a sequel in the post-credits, you totally did not think this through (because you have never thought anything all the way through in your life and you are not beginning now!) and now you're stuck, because you WANTED to make Zero the main character, got talked out of it, and then somehow ended up killing your intended main character. And everyone else. The only surviving named characters are X and Dr. Cain, and like...now what, right? Shit. Fuck. You fucked it up. You were supposed to leave some guys for the sequel. Well uhhhh they're all robots, just...reassemble someone real fast. Like Zero. You wanted him to be the cool one anyway, let's try that again but not wrong this time!

But never mind that! It's all fixable. Everything is fixable. Even Zero! Well, no, X isn't fixable, he's a goddamn mess, but details, man.

This gets a LITTLE fucky to summarize because there's some branching paths, so I'm gonna flip back to the actual game side for a second. X2 actually fucking slaps as a game. It's got an extra math coprocessor in the cartridge! Did you know that? The Cx4 chip showed up again in MMX3, and was the reason X2 suddenly had WAY more onscreen sprites, transparency effects, and even 3D wireframe enemies. This shit was amazing on the SNES.

Also, X2 is another case of "oh no, these Mavericks are ex-Hunters again," so like. ACAB. Not all of the Mavericks are, but still more than none, which you'd hope would be the number. They have not learned shit about shit for vetting members. The call is coming from inside the house, guys! Maybe Hunter HQ should think about the implications of the fact that—*I am shot in the head by Keiji Inafune, who has never once thought something all the way through in his life and is not beginning now, killing me instantly*

In X1 there were basically three kinds of defector:

I'm So Bored Please God Kill Me Now

I Just Love Hitting Things

and

Whatever You Say Chief!

Well, and Storm Eagle's unfortunate little thing of

I Got My Ass Beat To Hell And Back Until I Said Fine I'll Kill The Humans With You Just To Make It Stop And All I Got Was This Terminate On Sight Designation T-Shirt

X2 is a little more varied than that. You now have the new exciting backstory flavors of

I Love Money More Than My Life And This Guy Promised Me A Raise, Sooooo... (Bubble Crab)

The Bad Guys Are Somehow Less Ableist Than The Good Guys (Overdrive Ostrich, who USED TO be able to fly, lost the ability in an accident, and retired because the Hunters were kind of treating him like damaged goods and he was over it. Editor's note I do not blame this dude at all, what the fuck!)

BLOCK OUT THE SUN (Flame Stag)

I Love Trash (Morph Moth, who was not a Hunter)

Idk I Was Already Doing Crimes, Might As Well (Crystal Snail, also not a Hunter)

Sigma Is My Literal Dad (Wire Sponge, made in one of Sigma's reploid factories. He came out wrong even for a Maverick. Good job, Sigma. Great quality control.)

There's Still No Virus In The Continuity But I Sure Caught It Somehow Anyway?? Help Me (Magna Centipede, who used to be in Zero's unit, but got 'brainwashed' somehow.)

(This happens a lot. This will keep happening. Zero collects subordinates who are just WAITING for an excuse. Also this will make a whole lot more sense once they retcon in the Maverick Virus and then MORE sense once they retcon in that it is coming from Zero specifically but we aren't there yet so right now it's just weird and kind of unfortunate!)

And you still have at least one I Just Love Hitting Things (Wheel Gator).

Also why are so many of these guys invertebrates? This is like the invertebrate game. X1 has two, but X2 has five of these things. (X3 has three, X4 has two again, X5 has three again, X6 has three, X7 only has one, and you will not see another game with five again until X8, the last one. I don't know why I went to count that.)

After X whacks a few of the Maverick stage bosses, there's a little cutscene at Dr. Cain's lab. The three shadowy weirdos from the intro call Dr. Cain to say like, "Hey, X, we named ourselves the X-Hunters for reasons you'll never be able to guess, and also we have Zero's parts. Meet us at the wherever the hell on the map we visibly teleport to after this in fifteen minutes for an ass-kicking." They hang up, Dr. Cain is like, "Well, it's fine, we still have Zero's control chip here and they can't really resurrect him without it, plus this is obviously bait, so maybe don't do anything too hast—"

X declares he's got to get Zero's parts back at any cost and runs the fuck off, because he's fine, okay. He doesn't wanna talk about it.

This scene is way more interesting in Japanese, where Serges and only Serges slips a bit and calls him Rockman X, which is sus, because nobody really mentions Rockman in the games, except for some reason Dr. Cain in English who calls him Mega Man X. Dr. Cain has actually read Dr. Light's notes so he's got at least a historical reason to be doing this, but Serges wouldn't know that shit, right? It is definitely unrelated that the Japanese materials describe Serges as having comparable intellect to a certain unnamed mad scientist. It is also certainly coincidence that despite Zero being an absolutely undocumented black box of a Wily creation, Serges somehow knows how to upgrade him too.

Let's assume for the plot that X does go through and collect all of Zero's parts, which is his head, torso, and legs. Now correct me if I'm wrong but his head did not actually fall off in X1...but meh, details, right? Once you have all three, Dr. Cain says he needs a little more time to get Zero's control chip installed, so go deal with the other Mavericks until then. Then, once you do that, he tells you it's going to take even MORE time, but hey, the X-Hunters are hanging out at the North Pole, like some kind of shitty dollar store Santa Clauses who come down your chimney and murder you. So X fucks off to the North Pole to do some violence, and shoots the hell out all three of the X-Hunters, like you do. In Japanese, Serges is kind of pissed that "Light's memento robot" defeated him, which again...yeah, that seems normal, nothing to see here!

Once X murderhobos his way through the rematch fights, he gets a random zoom call from Sigma, who invites him to come to the central computer in fifteen minutes for an ass-kicking, and once there he gets a nasty surprise: his buddy Zero is there, chilling, and Sigma is like, "Lol he's so mad that you let him die. Look at how upset he's getting. Look at his fists. They're balled. He wants to beat you up so bad." Except, assuming you collected all of Zero's parts, this is a shitty dollar store Zero with a palette swap, and the real Zero is offended as shit and shows up and kills the fuck out of his copy, saving you a fight. Sigma is like, "WHY are you not on my side though man you should be. You should totally be on my side and fighting him instead, it's your destiny." Zero's like, "Maybe so, but I still don’t like you!" <- Unlike almost everything else I keep putting in quotation marks, that's a real quote. I'm not making that one up. It's even better in Japanese because it's SO DISMISSIVE the way he says it. It's literally, "It's because I don't like you," but you'd almost have to localize it to something like "It's because I don't like your face," to convey the don't-give-a-singular-fuck disdain. He's just like, fuck your stupid destiny thing, do I look like the kind of person who cares.

I feel like this game is just kind of less interesting at the end than X1. Sigma did actually run off to Magna Centipede's level for his final stage for some reason, which is unusual. A lot of the implied angst in the first game exists, and X basically ignoring Dr. Cain's attempt at warning him to be careful because OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE CAN FIX THIS ONE THING AND MAYBE AT LEAST ONE PERSON HE CARES ABOUT WILL BE OKAY is pretty good. And once you blow up Sigma, he does have a little foreshadowing about Zero being "the last of the doctor's creations," or MUCH more specifically in Japanese, being "the last of the Wi...num...ers..." aka the Wily Numbers, aka Dr. Wily's robots, which is like...where'd you hear that, hm? Were you talking to that shady Serges guy again who was also basically your lieutenant? Couldn't be he's someone from the past who would know all this shit.

But I'm not gonna touch the epilogue just yet because let's say X decided that actually he should focus on the mission at hand and ignore these guys clearly trying to goad him into doing something stupid. Good call, X! You have finally learned a little self-preservation. Except, this goes badly actaully, because the X-Hunters will break into Dr. Cain's lab, not butcher him for some reason even though that would have been the logical thing to do if they really wanted to fuck with X and hamper his efforts, and steal all of Zero's parts, including his control chip.

I have a little headcanon about the reason they didn't bother, but I'll save that for a second or three later. For now...

X fucks off to the North Pole as before, deals with the X-Hunters (who are now shitty dollar store Santa Clauses who come down your chimney and STEAL YOUR DEAD FRIEND'S LEGS??), meets Sigma at the central computer, and Zero is there, only that's the real Zero, and X has to fight him. Maybe for the first time, but not for the last time, because reasons! X wins, which apparently slaps some sense into Zero, who for some reason apologizes for causing so much trouble (probably having been resurrected, reprogrammed, and then kicked in the head by your bestie until you're unreprogrammed makes you stupid) and says he's going to go destroy the main computer.

Wait, what main computer, like do you mean this entire stage? When did we ever establish about there being a main computer that needed to be destroooooh fine whatever go destroy the main computer and X can just fall down this hole where Sigma is. X is like, "Take care of yourself, Zero. I don't have time to put you back together again," and once again that's a real quote and I'm not just being flippant. Was that an attempt at humor? In Japanese it's just, "Do you intend to die?" which is like. God damn, X. I know this is the point in the game in which Zero exploded himself last time, but he JUST got here, he's not going to Death Hug the computer too. But ya boy is evidently having a flashback.

From there things proceed as normal, X defeats Sigma, and this time,

Two of them.

Joined by his friend Zero, Mega Man X gazes out over the sea. Sigma has once again been destroyed, but X wonders if the fighting will truly end. Was Dr. Light’s dream of a world in which Reploids and humans lived together in peace merely a dream? The price of peace is often high, X thinks to himself. Who or what must be sacrificed for it to become a reality? And when the time comes, will he be able to do it? The future holds the answers or…

It's a lot less of a downer than X1 was. The music is tense and kinda gloomy, but it's not the endless despair party that X1's ending theme was. X is like, okay, maybe this will work out. Sigma's defeated again, this sucks and all, but he's clearly the bad guy in this situation so there's less of an internal conflict about Was This The Right Thing To Do. Obviously so! It's less, was this right, and more, can I do this? And Zero's back, so maybe even some of the mistakes are fixable. It's not going to be easy, sure, but it at least feels possible.

Or maybe it's hopeless after all. Will the fighting truly end?

Haha, no. But don't tell him that right now, I don't think he could handle it. Can you imagine. Let the poor dude rest for five minutes. Just let him have this one little victory. God damn.

Anyway, let's leave those guys on their cliff and go over here instead for

HEADCANON TIME oh boy let's do it!!

So, it is not at all a stretch to say that Serges is probably some kind of AI incarnation of Dr. Wily. The game is not explicit about this, no, but it's heavily implied in the Japanese version, and Keiji Inafune, who has never thought anything all the way through in his entire life and is not starting now, is on record as having left it intentionally vague so that you can draw your own conclusions. Weird thing to tease, if there weren't a little truth to it.

This takes some of the later games' plot existing to make sense, but I don't think the X-Hunters really exist to be subservient to Sigma and just carry out his funny little genocidal reploid rampage. It's established that Zero was created by Dr. Wily, and if there's one thing that you can count on with Dr. Wily, it's that he is the kind of guy who will create a whole guy whose personality is summed up by, "I exist to kill this other guy and then after that I have no idea." He definitely did this with Bass. He definitely did this with Zero. In fact he went so overboard with Zero's Kill A Guy programming that Zero wanted to kill EVERY guy upon activation, which Sigma had to beat out of him (X4), making him weirdly normal.

(In fact the original recipe Maverick Virus was just a day-one patch for Zero's omnicidal bullshit tendencies to make him fucking stop it, dude, you have things to be doing that aren't creating new Pollock works all over the buried lab every time like a rat or something wanders in. But then because Wily is kind of a shit programmer but a really good scavenger of other people's shit, the day-one patch went, fine, you suck, I'm doing a world tour and getting stronger and coming back and FIXING YOU. Maverick Virus out.)

Now if you were some kind of AI version of Dr. Wily watching this—your favorite and final murder machine that you made specifically to kill Dr. Light's little baby-boo-bop hugs and love machine—and he is NOT doing that, he is in fact BECOMING BESTIES FOR LIFE with his enemy, this is not cool! This is just more proof that you are a bad programmer. Or, your original meatsuit self was a bad programmer, and now YOU are a program made of and by a bad programmer, which is arguably WORSE. It's enough to give a guy a FUCKING COMPLEX. Which is also a common thing to happen to any given Wily creation.

So your goal, here, because you think you're Dr. Wily or close enough to count, is to manipulate the situation into getting Zero to remember that he's supposed to be biting X to death with his teeth, not whatever the fuck pattycake he's playing with him right now, what the FUCK. WHAT the FUCK. Ahem.

If you have the X-Hunters kill Dr. Cain, well, that's not going to incentivize this happening at all. X is going to be so mad he kills you, and that's not optimal for shit. So fuck that guy. We ignore him. Unused variable. Just get Zero's parts and scram, because the important thing is rebuilding Zero, not fingerpainting with the innards of some human. (Even if Violen would probably be into that, but he's an idiot whose text box dialogue even appears more slowly than anyone else's, you can't listen to him if you want to get ahead in life.)

Sigma is really secondary to this too. He's very conveniently placed, and kind of easy to manipulate: just tell him that you know all about Zero (which is true) and that he's supposed to be on Sigma's side (which is close enough to true that he won't question it) and you can make this happen (you think you can. IT SHOULD WORK. Dammit. How bad of a programmer was your mental predecessor, anyway?). So Sigma kindly sets up everything for you, and you do your thing.

And they fight! Finally. It is glorious. Of course you are dead by the time this happens, probably, but maybe you aren't, because you have probably vacated your trashed-ass body into some other convenient system. (You will definitely not show up in X6 as some guy named Isoc, who upon finishing his work, goes absolutely inert like his whole-ass self just left his body, which you have definitely not just done and will not do again.)

EXCEPT GOD DAMMIT ZERO X HIT YOU IN THE HEAD HARD ENOUGH YOU CALMED DOWN AGAIN. GOD. DAMMIT. WHY THIS. FUCK. Okay, yeah, you're leaving. See y'all in X6, this sucks.

Anyway the real takeaway here is that Dr. Wily was just such a big fan of percussive maintenance that Zero occasionally needs to get beaten in the head with a wrench for a bit and then he's great for a while. If he starts twitching, that just means it's Wrench Time.

Anyway, that's X2, my second most favorite one.

Wire Sponge is a luffa, by the way. Loofah. However it's spelled.

This thing. That's what he is.

And I will not stop calling centipedes 'hyakuleggers' now because Magne Hyakulegger is way funner than Magna Centipede as a name.

#long post #I have been asked to infodump and SO I HAVE #Mega Man X2 #mmx #mega man x

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ratsoh-writes · 5 months

Note

"hOLY SHIT-" Mavi unfolded her second, smaller pair of wings to maneuver out of the way of flour hail. The bastard even caught of of the bags with her tail, sliced it open a bit before throwing it into the group of children. Thanks to the speed of the throw and the tears, physics did the rest and the flour bag basically only exploded in the middle of the pack of kids. No harm done. Only whitened lMAO

"gremlins!! ALL OF YOU!" she laughed, holding Pluto securely in her arms. "Hold on darling, we are in a war." She chuckles and dived down with towards the ground to grab some bags before taking off into the air again.

Mavi is out for blood.

The pack of airborne kids follow the best they can. Pluto makes himself useful by occasionally throwing a sack of flour in their direction as mavi dodges

Eventually though, the kiddos tire of their targets and switch to a new prey, two bird monsters battling it out in the air

Pluto gasps loudly and points to the ground

Pluto: m-mavi look!!

Mavi can see a glorious battle between Helios and kovu, on which kovu is almost pure white from flour while Helios just murders him lol

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queenof-curses · 1 year

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Toji Drabbles: Foggy

Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Summary: Messy blowjobs. That's it. That's the post.

cw: Minors DNI! BJs, Messy, Dirty Talk

wc: 1k

Masterlist | More Jujutsu Kaisen

“That’s it baby… you’re doing so good.”

Toji’s hand reached down to pet your hair, showering you with praise as you swallowed his cock down your throat.

Tears fell freely from your eyes as you did your best to keep eye contact with him. The man above you pushed the hair that had fallen on your face back. He was hypnotizing. You savored seeing his eyes cloud over in a lustful haze. His gaze drew you in, giving you the motivation you needed to relax your jaw and take as much as you can into your mouth. Praise from Toji was rare, his words pushed you to keep going.

To say his cock was huge is an understatement. Quite literally, you could only get about half his length down your throat. You used a hand to fist the rest of his length. Up and down, you glided your hand around his shaft, using a mix of your spit and his precum to lube him. His head hit the back of your throat, making you around his shaft.

Tightening your grip, Toji groaned out at the feeling.

“Fuck- you feel so good. Keep going y/n, you’re so pretty just like that…”

His words of approval had you moaning around his cock, licking up under his cockhead and swirling your tongue around the precum that leaked from his tip.

He tasted delicious. A perfect amount of saltiness had you eating him up, wanting to hear more praise fall from his lips. You deep throat his member, taking as much of it as you can into your mouth. His tip hits the back of your throat again, earning another loud gag. Your tongue dances along the veins of his glorious shaft, stimulating what you couldn’t fit down your mouth.

“Shit!” He groans out, bucking further into your throat. “Fuck- yes… that feels so good baby…”

Toji’s voice trails off as you suck his dick, playing with his slit and reaching out to fondle his balls. You massage them with your tiny hand. The fingers that played with his sack earned a soft growl from the large man. It was all too much and he was slowly starting to lose control.

With a light thrust into your mouth, strong hands come up to grip the side of your head. His fingers lace through your hair, grabbing the base of your head. He had you locked in his grasp.

Looking up at him through your tears, all you could do is moan in acknowledgment of what he intends to do.

“I can’t wait any longer,” he says as he holds your face in his hands. “I need to fuck that sweet mouth of yours…”

After a hum of consent, he pulls his member out of your mouth only to push it back in. You relax your jaw and throat to allow him to use your mouth as a cock sleeve. He fucks your throat thoroughly.

Gagging and gurgling noises fill the space, your spit dribbles out in globs as it mixes with his precum and your tears, coating your face. Toji looks down at you kneeled before him, the messy sight drawing him further into his frenzy.

He fucks your face in earnest, all you could do was sit there and take it as he thrusts his hard cock down your throat. You look up at him through your tears, his gaze was locked on you. Honestly, you thrived off his attention in situations like this.

“Yes- fuck! You’re so pretty just like that baby… mm gonna cum down your throat, you’d like that right? Want me to breed that pretty little mouth?” He says down to you.

You moan out at his dirty words, sending vibrations around his cock. Suddenly, you feel him begin to get sloppy with his thrusts. By now you could feel your wetness for him. You’d attempt to touch yourself, however Toji’s rough thrusts had you grabbing onto his strong thighs in an attempt to ground yourself. Heavy balls slapped against your chin as his brutal pace sets.

He watched as his balls hit your mouth, pulling away the slick from your face. Seeing the mess the two of you were making sent him closer to his end…

You could tell he was close. In an attempt to help him reach his high, you reached out to fondle his balls again. They tighten up as he let out the most guttural moan of the night.

“Shit… I’m gonna cum. Hold still baby…”

His thrusts turned uneven as he pulled out of your now raw throat. Taking a hand he firmly grips himself, pumping his shaft over your face. The other free hand gripped the back of your head, tilting your face up towards his waiting cock. You look up at him through thick eyelashes, opening your mouth and sticking out your tongue.

In a hoarse voice you respond, “Give it to me Toji, Please Sir…” you beg.

This was his favorite image… Seeing you below him with a tear and cum soaked face, he mentally took a picture to remember this moment forever. Fisting his cock, he responds to your eager words.

“Fuck- yeah, okay baby open up…”

Seeing your open and waiting mouth sends him over as he pumps his finish all over your face. Hot ropes of cum cover you. It gets everywhere. By the time he’s finished cumming, he looks down and takes you in. Your face, hair, lips… all of it, covered with him.

He smiles down at you, thinking it’s the most beautiful image he’s ever seen.

You smirk up at him, taking a finger and running it down your cheek. Collecting some of his cum, you bring your finger to your mouth, sucking it clean with a pop of your lips.

He watches in shock as you move to stand in front of him. Reaching out, you fist his cock, immediately making him hard once more.

“You didn’t think I was done with you just yet, did you Sir?” You ask, bating your cum soaked eyelashes.

His only response was a sinister smile.

Thank you for reading! Every like and reblog is much appreciated. To submit a request, please send me an ask(:

#toji x reader #toji x you #toji imagine #jjk x you #jjk drabbles #queenofcursesjjk #queenofcursesfanfic

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minetteskvareninova · 1 year

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Hetalia Headcannons: World War 1

(Because I am having finals and I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem)

- I mean. Is there anything more hillarious than WW1 but Hetalia? Just these idiots shelling each other to oblivion because of what someone’s ally did to someone else’s ally and everyone was too stubborn to make peace. They were going to win this exceedingly stupid conflict, dammnit! Meanwhile, Spain and Portugal were passing each other popcorn in the distance like. There’s this superflu going around, should we be worried? You also get bangers like Italy attacking the same fucking mountain pass ELEVEN TIMES, untill it’s absolutely destroyed by Austria. In the end, the Entente won by being just a little less destroyed than the Alliance, and they were going to make it their problem.

- Russia meanwhile left for the war, but got absolutely destroyed by Germany, who then let his “long lost relative” Soviet Union (now thought to be Russia in a brown wig) live in the abandoned house. People faithful to their old master tried to sack him, but without much success. Meanwhile, Czechia and Slovakia got stuck in Russia, and had to sneak to Paris trough his backyard. Ukraine, Poland etc. of course used the opportunity to run away; some managed to escape, while others were kidnapped back to Russia.

- Poland was resurrected by England’s magic and given Ukraine and Belarus as roommates. Poland proceeded to treat them like shit. In fact, he treated everyone around him like shit, under the impression that it would make him look tougher for some reason. Interwar period was Poland’s bitch era. He also developed a real fetish for men in uniform, for some reason.

- Germany was at the death’s door by the end of the war, but Prussia kept fighting and was severely pissed when the Entente kept insisting “Alliance lost” - like, HE didn’t lose shit, what are they talking about?! Meanwhile, Bavaria, their long-lost brother appeared out of nowhere and was now communist for some reason? He got absorbed back into Germany as soon as Ludwig recovered, and Prussia and Germany don’t talk about this period very much.

- Paris was decidedly NOT the city of love at the end of the war. The Alliance called up this big conference there that was supposed to end all war forever, but they were the same petty assholes as always, so that was a doomed endeavour. Like, the whole “everything is always Germany’s fault” clause was simply unwarranted. But they did settle some disputes, like Austria’s divorce from Hungary (he needed to go away to support his cousin), so that was nice.

- After Italy was severely wounded in a war, Romano took care of him, and took charge of the household. And boy, you could tell. Italy was never as willing to throw hands as it was after one of the most devastating wars in human history (at least for them). He also got radicalized by the far right...

- Soviet Union went around, preaching to everyone who would listen about the need for GLORIOUS COMMUNIST REVOLUTION. In the end, he only convinced Bavaria, who as mentioned got absorbed into Germany, and Hungary, who then tried to convert Slovakia, by violence if necessary (luckily Czechia and Slovakia managed to defend themselves).

#hetalia #yes we are doing this #will minette ever cease her cringe?#no

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grimskalden · 1 month

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After a number of years, I’m back

Hardly a glorious comeback but an outlet and commentary on things I observe. Today a hick boomer on their cell/mobile phone about to light up had the audacity to complain. His issue was I hurt his feelings because the fucker nearly caused a mass fatality through sheer fucking stupidity. On his phone whilst filling up petrol/gas at a service station.

Stupid inbred hillbilly fuck went straight for my partner then tried a grovelling half assed apology when I called him on it. By this stage, I was about to bury the mouth dribbling good for nothing sack of shit. I chose to let Darwin sort it out. I’ve had my run ins with authorities and don’t fancy more issues or legal expenses. The cashier played ignorant to what went on. We know the boomer played the perennial victim. The sooner the boomer generation dies out before they kill us all with demented stupidity, the better!

#boomer #darwin awards #confrontation #safety #awareness

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flannelepicurean · 4 months

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More Redneck Raditz Headcanons

~Romance style~...

The girl he eventually starts spending hella time with (mostly in the sack, at first) has curly hair. The kind you'd expect with a skintone like hers. She always keeps it curly, and even when she showers at his place, she covers it and doesn't wash it there.

He asks her about it eventually, and she doesn't get into a real long conversation about it, but does explain that it's a whole daggone process, and she's not lugging all her stuff over to his trailer, and they don't always bone on wash day anyway.

He asks her if she wants to just use some of his stuff? She makes an absolutely comedic noise and asks what in the hell makes him think he's got the right products for her hair??? He gets a light of vulpine glee in his eyes and drops a magnolia-blossom perfect, "Oh, hoooooney..." and takes her to his FULLY STOCKED SALON SELECTION of a dazzling array of hair products, which he keeps where something infinitely more sensible should go.

He does have some stuff that will work for her. Her mind is a little bit boggled, but also not, and she teases him a little bit, and he does something playful and sassy with his hair, pushing the point that of COURSE he has a professional salon's worth of hair products and she ought to have known damn well, because she's seen how good he looks. So she teases him for being vain on top of everything else, and they both laugh about it.

He asks her a few times if she'd ever let him wash her hair for her. She's a little hesitant on that one, because products are one thing, but routine is entirely another. At some point he offers or suggests, very suggestively, that she can do his first, if she wants. She tells him that sounds like a whole lotta work, and asks how he's gonna make it worth her while? He doesn't go quite as suggestive when he shrugs and says it's possible she'll make him purr. She thinks he's joking.

He is not.

Turns out, if you give him a really good shampooing and luxuriate some hair care on him and brush him just right, your Saiyan will turn into a high-as-balls limp noodle and purr like a drunk tiger. Especially if you lay him on the couch and sit on his ass and rake the big brush down his back a little while you work your way down all 1800 feet of his glorious mane. 😂

That is, incidentally, how they actually have the conversation about exactly how "not from 'round here" he is. She sorta believes him already, on account of the whole purring thing. And he tells her about the couple of...feats of strength...that have happened when he's been with the guys. Minor shit, for him, honestly; lifting a truck by hand when you really gotta move it is impressive to the guys, sure. But it's...nothing.

She says he's....kinda like Superman? And he grumbles a little bit, because the guys say that, too, and it's kinda...y'know. And she asks if he can do other stuff, but it's not in an intrusive way; it doesn't make him feel alien, she just seems curious, like she's asking how they make their potato salad where he's from. He doesn't tell her about the more combat-oriented stuff. But he does share that he can fly. She asks if she can see? And it doesn't feel weird. It doesn't feel gawky. So he tells her they'll have to go outside. And he doesn't want to spook the neighbors.

There are enough woodsy areas around that it's not hard to find a spot. So they stand in a clearing for a minute, looking at each other. And he's not in his armor, and he's not exactly fighting fit anymore. He's in his jeans and his boots and his flannel and his Carhartt jacket, surrounded by trees and crunchy leaves, in a weird place that feels weirder because it doesn't feel as weird these days. But he just looks up at the sky, and takes a bit of a breath, and stops holding onto gravity.

He doesn't go far. Maybe 10 or 12 feet up. Just enough to let her see. And when he looks down, he sees a tiny glint of moonlight in her eyes, looking up at him with awe, but not astonishment, while she hugs her own jacket close in the chilly air. And her breath trails a cloud ahead into the dark when she says, "You're so damn beautiful."

He comes back down. Not all the way. Still hovering maybe a foot above the ground. Offers his hand and says gently, "C'mere." And wraps her in his arms and takes her up. Not too high. But just to the tops of the trees, high enough to get a look around.

And she holds onto him, unafraid, and peers around at the world, her world, in the moonlight, from the treetops, with him. And she marvels, "It look so different!" And he doesn't say it, can't say it at the time, but he thinks so, too.

#headcanon #fanfic wip #redneck raditz #dragon ball z #raditz #the girl #romance #hair care as a love language #saiyans purr #it's a thing #raditz is self conscious about his personal growth #but it's happening #and he IS beautiful #dammit

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emptysunsetsandemptybeds · 2 years

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The Precipice

“I held the power of a dying sun. I climb the altar and I claim my place as God.”

I am thriving.

Mentally. Spiritually. Dare I say physically as well?I’m enrolled in 18 credit hours right now, and my ADHD medicine is finally working so it isn't overwhelming. I’m conquering this semester. I’ve never been more focused.

And the most important part of all of this: It isn’t just mania anymore. It’s stable. It’s consistent. I don’t have a crutch this time. I’m still single. I’m not partying or doing drugs.

I spend my days romanticizing my life. I come home, light a candle and have a nice glass of wine with my dinner I cook. I dance in the kitchen. I find joy in keeping my place spotless and pristine. I go and enjoy beautiful evenings driving around or on the roof. I play piano in the dark when the moon shines through. The little things that make it all worth it and enjoyable. My home feels like a home now. I’m content with being by myself. Having someone would be nice but at this point, I’m far too picky to bother trying right now. I love the life I live right now. And after so long I can truly say with an honest heart that I feel like my old self again.

It is strange but familiar. It feels like you’ve been gone from for a very long time and you come home and everything is just where you left it, just with a bit of dust on it.

I put the work in. And it was a long struggle.

I forced myself to cut that drug-like connection to Roma(with whom dear reader, it should be noted that she is not included in the negative grouping further down.).

I expelled emotional leeches from my life that did nothing but drag me down to their level like Jenna.I no longer speak to Brennon or Ali, whom I spent so much of my time and focus fixing their own shit and issues.

I left my old lifestyle behind to focus on my goals.And I’ve removed all distractions from my life, be it person or feeling.

It’s something that most people will look at and just say “Wow, how healthy/motivated you are!”But it’s different for me. It feels like my soul and mind are finally back in tune with each other. I feel the surge of pride. The dignity in myself has returned. I feel unchained. And all of that sadness I had, has simply turned into hate for the people that have wronged me.

I want to step on them and crush them under my boot because that’s where they belong. Where they’ve always belonged. And one way or another, I will.

I’m on the precipice of a glorious future in both my music and education.

I’ve already spoken on what is starting come October as far as music goes(though we have also begun recording the 2nd EP as of last week).

But I’m debating on going farther than just my Bachelors Degree. I’m already in talks with my advisor to discuss my options for pursuing a MBA after I graduate. Because I’m not going to stop until I reach where I want to be, where I deserve to be, and where I know I can be.

I will make everyone that's crossed me regret doing so. “The best revenge is living a good life.” I never understood that phrase until recently. I’ve always wanted my revenge to be physical. To inflict pain in some form.

But, I think with the people I no longer give the time of day to I don't need to do that. Because they're miserable sacks of shit that have wasted away as the years went on, doing nothing but bringing those around them down because of their own inability to be anything more than a glorified grunt with no ambition or drive to be anything better than an alcoholic pile of refuse.

Dealing with these kinds of people for so long had nearly the same impact on my well being than the end of my relationship with Roma, if not worse for the long term. I never could see it and realize it until I broke free from that cycle and realized just how much better I have been now that I’m allowed to be myself and no longer tolerate and put up with the constant disrespect, disregard, and being used as an emotional crutch to fix their own problems. It has been so satisfying telling people “No” again. It has been so satisfying putting myself first again. And letting people know what I really fucking think of them again. No more sparing anyones feelings when they deserve to have me tell them to fuck off after however long it’s been of them using me for whatever I can do for them. I don’t care.

When you’re surrounded by so many people that hold you down and back and refuse to see how great you truly are, and refuse to acknowledge the accomplishments and hard work you’ve put in in your life, you start to forget it too. Like storm clouds that block the sun. But once the clouds part, the sunshine shines more beautifully and brighter.

At this point, my arrogance in this matter is justified. And I don’t care anymore. I feel at peace with myself and the hatred and spite I have in my heart is a healthy kind, at least in my opinion. Because it is directed at specific points and people. It’s driving me like it once did before, rather than directing itself on me and taking pity on my fucking self.

I am strong again.

I am powerful again.

I am healthy again.

I am sane again.

I am myself.

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dandelyle · 2 years

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There once was a boy named Tator, and he liked to eat potatoes. One day he went to the market and bought a shit ton of potatoes, as happy as can be. He lived in a nice, walkable city so he just put those taters on his back in a sack like ol' Saint Nick and carried them sonsubitches home all easy like. Maybe he also took the bus man idk. But then when he got home, the dog needed to go for a walk like right fucking now. So he put down the sack of taters and got the dog on its leash and went back out into the harsh, potato-less world. The dog did its thing, and they came back home.

Now, I gotta tell you about Tator's apartment. He lived in an average little high rise building in a big city where the weather was always nice. It was a studio apartment because Tator wasn't a rich kid by any means. He had a decent job that enabled him to buy potatoes and pay the rent and dog food but that's about it.

So, he took the elevator with his dog, a slobbery mastiff, to the 10th floor in the 14 story building where his apartment was one of three small units. He jimmied the key into the lock and the door swung open. All the way home he had been thinking about his glorious potatoes. How he would cook them, fry them, mash them, cut them into chunks and combine them with peppers and onions and home-fry them... mmm, his mouth watered just thinking about all the versatile ways he could devour the humble potatoes.

So, the plain white door opened into the cute little studio apartment. The sun filtered lazily through the off-white curtains and cast long shadows on the wooden floor, leading right to where the sack of potatoes had been. Had been. HAD BEEN!?

Tator unclipped the dog's leash and watched as it shuffled off to the sagging, old couch cushion in the corner. Then he fell to his knees by the door, weeping.

The sack of potatoes was gone. How could this have happened? he asked himself. Had he left the door unlocked when he walked his dog? Had a neighbor, jealous of Tator's large and luscious sack of potatoes, climbed in through the balcony and stolen them? Perhaps he would never know. And now he had nothing to eat.

"Hey," someone said. "Whatcha cryin’ for, Tator?"

It was his neighbor from across the hall, Callista. She was a tall, stout woman with laugh lines and a crinkled brow and hair the color of peaches tied into a knot on top of her head. Her arms were almost always crossed and sometimes, when the weather was good and she wore a tank top, you could see the edges of a tattoo on her back, faded from years gone by.

Tator wiped his eyes and looked up at her. "My potatoes," he stammered. "They were right here! Now they're gone!"

Callista tapped her foot, thinking hard. She had not seen anyone come to Tator's apartment nor had she seen anyone leaving with a sack on their back. Wack.

"Callista, what do I do?!" Tator cried inconsolably, his nose turning red and dripping snot. Really, Tator, get a grip, she wanted to say, but she didn't because she had a feeling these potatoes were important to him.

"Let me think," she said instead. She knew she had a couple of potatoes in her apartment, and of course, she would simply give them to him, but they could never replace an entire sack of potatoes. Still, it was better than nothing. Resolved, she turned on her heel and disappeared into her apartment.

Confused, Tator watched the pink headed woman walk briskly away without a word. Well, I guess it's just me and my not-potatoes, he thought. At least he was too surprised by her swift departure to continue sobbing.

Moments later, she returned with a potato in each hand. "Here, kid," she said.

He gasped and gingerly accepted them. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I wasn't going to eat them anyways." She was, but he didn't need to know that.

"But why? Potatoes are simply the most delightful food in the whole wide world!"

She simply smiled and retired to her apartment, satisfied with having done some good for one day. Callista's apartment was roughly the same size as Tator's, but it was far more cluttered.

Tator, while neurotic about potatoes, was fairly simple with every other aspect of life and his apartment reflected this. He had one wooden chair that sat facing the glass doors that led out to the balcony, a bookshelf that contained a potted catnip plant, and three books: one was a potato cookbook, one was a history of potato cultivation, and the third was a poorly written self-help book that he had received for free when he started his new job.

Doorbell and George, Callista's two cats, greeted her enthusiastically. Doorbell was a 10 year old Siamese, and George was a 6 year old orange cat with a tipped ear. She knew they only wanted their dinner, however. During the days when she did not work and kept their food bowls filled, they never bothered her. Today, however, they seemed less hungry than usual. Normally, they meowed incessantly and ran from her to the food bowls and back again until they had been filled. They were such dramatic cats, but then, when are cats not dramatic?

Callista refilled their food dishes, and smiled at their contended purrs as they ate the kibble. But then, before they had finished it off, they stopped eating. What had gotten into these two? She shook her head, too tired from a long day at work as a traffic director to care. She unwrapped her scarf from her neck and headed to the bathroom for a long, relaxing bubble bath--just what a day out in the cold called for. The bathroom door was open, which was unusual. Even more unusual, it was freezing cold! She looked up and noticed the window was open. On the ledge sat a little bird cocking its head at her. Suddenly, a fuzzy orange thing streaked by her, launching itself out the window at the bird! It was George!

"George!!" Callista shouted. She leapt towards the window, her arms outstretched, trying to catch her beloved, yet idiotic, feline, but it was no use. He was darting across rooftops chasing after that stupid bird. Maybe that was why he hadn't been hungry today. Callista imagined him chasing after mice and birds or maybe bumming handouts from some kind stranger and shook her head.

George ran as fast as he could, paying no mind to the human shouting his name. Yes, his name. He knew it, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was the prey. The chase. The feeling of the roof tiles under his paws, the crisp late winter air in his lungs. He was a mighty hunter, and he would catch that bird and bring it back. The human was useless, always feeding him and the other cat kibble. Maybe the other cat was fine with that, but George was a true feline king--he required something more.

The bird flew higher, higher, and higher still. George pursued, leaping from rooftop to windowsill to rooftop. Finally, he was as high as the city could lift him--atop an old smokestack. But the bird, not constrained by gravity, flew free. George the cat yowled for a while, upset at the mere thought of not getting to taste that bloody meat.

Ah well, it was only a small bird anyways. And the day had been full of adventure for fat George. Oh yes, the human had left the bathroom window open. George, smart and shiny furred George, had cleverly escaped the apartment and explored the city. He dined on fat pigeons and squirrels, treats the neighborhood children carried for the rare chance a cat would approach them, and grass. Oh how he loved grass.

When George had eaten his fill, he sauntered down the street to the apartment lobby. The doorman immediately recognized him, as of course, George was a celebrity. A handsome feline deserves recognition for his grandeur. So, he escorted handsome George to the 10th floor of the 14 story building and let him out of the elevator. There, the neighbor boy's door was open, and George could smell the foul stench of a canine. He entered the apartment and cased the joint. Someday, that dog may make a move, and when it did, George needed to be ready. Doorbell couldn't be trusted, and she would just have to fend for herself, but George was a warrior cat and nothing, not even a dog, would save him from defending Callista's honor against a dog.

When he had finished examining the nearly barren apartment, he made his way back to the front door, when he noticed an earthy-scented sack. Curious, he pawed at it. It fell open and strange round, lumpy things tumbled forth. They rolled and rattled and rumbled, terrifying!! George yowled and ran away as fast as he could, knocking the potatoes to and fro. The tumbled away from Tator's apartment, down the hall of the slightly crooked building, and the weight of them was no match for the flimsy Emergency Only staircase door. So the poor potatoes bounced and bowled down the black pit of the staircase, never to be seen again.

And the sack? Why, when George finally managed to open the apartment door (remember, he is a clever cat), Doorbell wandered out into the hall and ate every last bit of that burlap sack. She burped when she was done and sauntered quite proudly back to her throne in Callista's apartment, licking her paws as if she had just dined like a queen.

#stories #my stories

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