#this is just another tally on the why is eating such a fucking chore as an adult. like damn eating is so good but at what cost

[micamone]

also every now and then these days I'll straight up think I'm dying or something and it turns out I'm just hungry

[thedappleddragon]

twofer because sleep schedule madness

Woken up at noon by dad, left at 2something to go driving for a couple hours to practice parallel parking, running over lots of cones in the process because they were too short for us to see. Stopped practice early so we could go to the hardware store to pick up hooks so my sister can set up a hammock, and went grocery shopping where it was VERY CROWDED and gave me a little headache, partially from chewing gum too long. We got home and my dad started cooking dinner on the grill and I helped by making stuffed mushrooms which turned out amazing :) we had asparagus and mushrooms and scallops and burgers and pork chops and hot dogs and pasta salad and potato salad oh my. My friend dropped by to pick up the bear I made them, but first they went grocery shopping and lost their wallet lol. Afterwards I hung out for a bit and accidentally fell asleep. I woke up for half a second when my dad came in to turn off my light, and didn’t wake up again until 1am or so. My dreams were centered around a mechanic of matching rhythms and events to move time forward or something, idk. But since I went to bed early and just now woke up when I would normally start thinking about going to sleep, I’m afraid I’ve fucked up my sleep schedule and won’t be able to go back to sleep tonight. I’m gonna try tho. (all that was typed at 1 am, its now midnight the next night) so no I did NOT go back to sleep. instead I watched tiktoks and drew Bugsnax but mostly some random gemsonas. I washed the sun rise and heard my mom come home from morning shift, but eventually my sister got up and started her day so I got up too. I felt just a little sick, just like the embodiment of sour milk, and my head spun just a little bit as I walked down the hall. but I ate a bagel and hung out and was fine. there was freezing rain outside so all the trees had little icicles on them so I couldn't go outside with my cat, and I couldn't go driving with my dad. I finfished up the tiktok and hung out, played some stardew valley, ya know. I talked with my mom for a little bit and we ate together and I struggled to not eat the rest of the girl scout cookies dad bought yesterday. I was just chilling in my room when my sister walked in with a letter from ball state talking about tuition costs, and I made the mistake of showing my dad which stressed him out on his day off which I feel kinda bad about. but then he kept giving me lists of stuff to do and kept telling me; in the kitchen, in the living room, standing in my doorway- it sucked. instead of doing something productive I listened to tally hall and put on 5 asmr videos at once to block out everything I possibly could and I just laid like that for a while until I could move again. my brother texted me and i watched a video about the dorm I'm staying in and DAMN IT LOOKS SO NICE?? its a new building with fully stocked maker spaces and a kitchen and semi-private bathrooms and communal spaces that remind me of my high school and a really clean and tidy laundry room. I think I'll like living there, but tbh lately I've been stressed and hesitant about college. I know it’ll be a great time and I'll learn a lot but I cant help it. idk man. but I did spend some time checking off stuff for the to-do list they sent in the mail. I don't understand the proxy but I promise I'll do it soon. I also set up a time/date for my drivers license test which I do not feel ready for AT ALL but hey we still have a week and a halfish. I also need to tally up my driving hours which is hard because I didn't consistently write them down :x oops. I'm pretty dang sure I have enough, I just have to fudge the exact times. that's another thing I was supposed to do today. ugh god I'm thinking too much about college tuition. maybe if I can funnel my energy away from stardew and back into fursuit making, I can make some decent money off of that. I just need to order a couple furs but the long white shag is out of stock right now. it’s never in stock tho which fuckin sucks. bleh I have too many things happening at once, and on top of all this I feel like a lazy shithead disappointment of a child because I just bum around the house all the time while all my friends are working full time or doing school or both and fhdgfdsflgjs shit sucks :( I think I'll get some good pictures of my brown puffy paws and try to pawn them off, maybe sell one of my mostly-finished fursuit heads as a fixer upper and throw in her unfinished paw and the fabric I used for it if I can find it. for now I just dont want to think about it and play stardew valley or something instead. I was gonna say maybe I’ll play Webkinz but it brings me a little sense of dread because I feel bad for not playing daily but when I do it feels like a chore. ughhhhh why do I have to throw myself into things 100% for a while and then give up on them? oh right its the mental illness. fuck. maybe some of this is just from being awake for almost 24 hours now. but does it even count if most of that time is laying in bed concerting energy anyway? I found out during highschoolI can pull an all nighter mostly unscathed as long as I'm laying down in bed while I do it. Ifeel guilty about not using my desk or cleaning my room or having mom spend all this time money and effort to try and make my room nice but instead I still do everything in bed. fuck. I wished I could have talked with my friend about feeling left behind and unproductive since school let out but it turns out she’s been working full time so I really am a slacker and dragging behind everyone else. why the fuck am I like this I hate it here why do I have to go through life with unmedicated adhd. godamnit this is all gonna be irrelevant in like 5 minuted when I fuck off and watch youtube to forget about it anyway so who cares. I didnt mean for my daily report to turn into a vent, sorry

[womanoflettersinthebunker]

Cain's blood was in every piece of food, from the potatoes to the chicken. It didn't overpower the flavor of the food but the taste of sulfur was clear as anything.

Dean was never going to complain about hiss steak being too rare ever again.

They ate in silence, neither he nor Sam knew quite what to say or even think to one another. The whole notion, them becoming Knights, was something they didn't even know what to think about.

Would it do something to their human sides? They had told Cain that they enjoyed being halves. That they enjoyed the strength it gave them and the weaknesses that it cancelled out.

Surely, despite all of Cain's power, he couldn't be able to turn them into full demons. Right?

For fucks sake he hoped so.

Once they finished eating the both of them cleaned up and were left to their own devices, they decided to drive into town over an hour's drive, just to see what was around them.

It was a small town, quaint. Almost seemed like it was straight from a storybook. When they stopped to get coffee from the cafe the woman behind the register asked how they were and honestly seemed to want to know their answer.

The rest of the town was the same. A collection of stores and restaurants amidst the buildings that seemed to all be centered around the town hall that stood in the middle of a park. A few people turned towards them in interest but Dean couldn't pick up any malice from them or anything that meant they'd have to keep their guards up.

All in the entire town was so small, so normal, that he was sure their appearance was the most interesting thing that's happened to them in ages.

"It's so weird, that Cain of all beings would settle here." Dean said, stopping in the park so they could sit at one of the benches to drink their coffee.

"Well if he was looking to get away from Hell's politics and live as a human, this seems like the best place." Sam said slowly, staring down into his cup.

"Guess so." Dean agreed, looking around them once more. "Almost feels...too human. Like it’s fake."

Sam gave a small sundae at that, sipping his coffee before he suddenly asked. "You feel any different?"

Dean blinked at that, taking a mental inventory of himself. "Not yet." he answered. "Do you?"

Sam rubbed at his stomach. "I...I don't know." he said. "I can't really explain it."

"Try."

Sam's forehead furrowed slightly as he thought. Dean couldn't help but reach out and smooth it over with his thumb. "You'll give yourself wrinkles like that."

He could feel his brother soften at that, turning his head to press a small kiss to Dead hand. "Can we get wrinkles?"

"No clue." Dean responded and it was the truth. They both grew and looked older; they had no idea when, or if, the aging was going to stop or if it was something they could control.

He hoped so; he had no desire to see his brother get too old. He liked him just like this, young looking, innocent with just the barest hint of the darkness that was inside of him. He liked the way his hair looked, thick and full, curled around him and soft to the touch.

The thought that one day he'd look at his brother and realize that he looked older, looked like maybe someone they didn't want to look like...

He had no desire for that and he knew Sam felt the same.

"Figured out what you're feeling yet?" he asked his brother, wanting to push the thought of aging out of his mind.

Sam chewed on the inside of his cheek. "If I had to try to put a name to it?" he finally said. "I'm kinda hungry."

"We just had dinner." Dean pointed out. "You ate everything on your plate."

"I know I did." Sam said, rolling his eyes. "But I'm still hungry and I don't know why."

While usually that wouldn't mean much, the fact that it was Sam was a bit of a concern. Between the two of them Dean was the one that had a black hole of a stomach; he could eat without stopping with any care of what he was really eating so long as it tasted good.

Sam was the one that was a picky shit. He didn't eat as often as Dean did and when he did he usually ate healthier foods and managed to go longer without eating.

So for him to say that, that he was hungry despite already eating, that had to mean something.

Especially considering that they had ingested Coins, demons, and blood. It meant that whatever changes were going to happen we're already starting with Sam.

"And that's it?" Dena asked, reaching out to wrap his arm around Sam’s shoulders. Sam shifted enough to lean against him.

"Yeah. For now." Sam said softly, hand coming up between them to grip Dean's shirt. "I can ignore it, its fine, just...hunger."

Dean looked around, mentally taking a tally of whatever restaurants or whatever was around them. "Want me to get you a burger or something?"

Sam placed his hand on his stomach. "I don't...know if that will help." he said slowly. "I...I don't think this is a normal hunger."

"So what do you think it is?"

"No clue." Sam sighed, turning his head so that he could nuzzle closer to his brother. "Let's just...wait and see what happens."

Their days fell into a rhythm at that. They'd wake up when the sun rose and worked on the farm doing whatever Cain needed of them. Sometimes they fixed things around the farm or did the chores that were requested of them.

Cain still tried to catch them off guard but thankfully the both of them were prepared for that so Cain didn't manage to interrupt what they were doing.

Mostly.

They had a room on the second floor, a singular room with one bed, but they didn't dare have sex yet in there. It felt weird and almost wrong to have sex in a Knights domain.

Cain made all their meals, three meals a day of breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and every single one regardless of what it was infused with the Knights blood.

And each night they were left alone to do whatever they wanted so long as they were ready to work in the morning.

And every day Sam told him that his hunger was growing, evident in how quickly he would always eat lately, clearing his whole plate and even at times going for seconds, something he'd never done even as a kid.

One night they just drove out to an empty field and just parked there, wanting to get away from everything, the whole farm and town was getting on Sam's temper, making him start to lose his patience slightly.

It reminded him of Sam during puberty, he had been just as snappy and snippy with almost everyone around them besides Dean.

They sat on the ground, leaning against the impala with Sam's head on Dean's lap as they just stared up at the stars.

"I wanna call mom." Sam said softly. "It's been a couple days since we talked to her."

Dean nodded and reached into Sam’s jacket to pull his phone out. He didn't have to look through much, there were only two saved contacts in there and one of the numbers was his cell phone that he had given their mom. He pressed the green button and put the phone on speaker.

The phone rang three times before it was picked up, and much to their bone freezing terror and despair, a familiar man's voice said sleepily, "Hello?"

The two of them shared a horrified look; Sam had sat up and was practically audibly gritting his teeth. Before they could say anything, they heard clear as anything, their mom’s voice. "John, what is it?"

"Mom." Dean managed to get out, gripping the phone tightly. They could hear the sudden silence and then Mary gave a small curse. "What the Hell are you doing with John Winchester?"