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#this is long as fuck jesus christ my bad
bongkillua · 11 months
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20 for the ask game? i love seeing how creators interact with and connect to their characters :>
i am so sorry i saved this ask to be a reward for me after work yesterday and then completely forgot about it.
20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?
yes!!! a lot actually!! all in very individual and unique ways. i mean i literally went by tucker as a name for a time because of how much tucker influenced me lol. it’s actually funny because you can always tell when i’m going through some sort of identity crisis because one of my ocs will just get a dramatic overhaul or like intense deep dive into their character.
in terms of queerness specifically… tucker is the whole reason why i discovered how werewolves and wolves connect to my masculinity and my gender. that’s something that i still carry very close to me and probably my first baby steps into butchness before i even fully understood it. hes a very old monsterhearts character that i made him at the beginning of the pandemic when i was in this weird limbo space of my transition and how my neurodiversity played into that. he definitely represented who i wanted to be/look like at the time. and over time his identity has changed to reflect mine- from being a gay man to bisexual to a butch dyke to all three at the same time. tucker tends to reflect me the closest but i think i also just change him whenever i’ve Already discovered smth about myself.
xanders gender presentation has given me a much higher respect for drag and Gender Weirdness in general. not to say i didn’t have it before but it feels a lot more personal now. he’s just so fun to play around with in ways that i’m not comfortable experimenting with my own gender url but are still experiences i like to explore if that makes sense. he was also definitely my bisexual awakening when i was in denial for like 6 months. like when i finally accepted that i thought xander was a hot guy AND A HOT GIRL was when i finally accepted that i liked men and women lol. it’s also when i decided xander would be bigender as opposed to a feminine man LMFAO.
ummm tucker and jordan’s relationship pushed me to think a lot more about my queerness growing up and how my experiences growing up as a Queer Girl influenced my Current identity. their whole relationship is like. very personal to me and the queerness of their childhood is such an important part of the story and Why They’re Like That. like idk Queer Childhoods are a very prevalent theme in wolfsbane and i guess i don’t really Discover anything when talking about/working through their backstory but i definitely reflect a lot on myself and my own experiences and it’s just made me a lot more Aware of my childhood.
jordan is actually my oldest character of the bunch that i made back when i was transitioning in high school and was definitely me sorting through some Gay Repressed Emotions but his backstory was just so different back then that it’s hard to relate to it. jordan’s queerness is such a diff experience from i mine though that i can definitely say for certain that he has helped me with self discovery in other ways way more than in terms of queerness. his relationship to his body (less in a trans sense and more in a psychosis sense) and reality are like. the big things i sorta project onto him.
konami reflects a lot of my gender apathy and “unseriousness” about queerness and while i haven’t thought about it much before he definitely represents a future i wish i had for myself of being raised in a communal queer space so like. he’s my inner child in a way :3c i think they also represent like. how my queerness was influenced by the internet and digital spaces but like that was as close as i got to having a queer community growing up so it still relates back to that first point about queer upbringing!
but yeah my characters are always very clear reflections of me and my experiences it’s very intentional. you can definitely tell how i perceive myself and my identity at the time based on which of the four im hyperfixated on the most. i will literally change my entire wardrobe when i decide to delve into one of my characters more. we sorta grow in tandem though sometimes my love for them changes my identity/i subconsciously project things onto them first and other times i realize something about myself and then add it to their characters. we’re very connected though!
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cyberdragoninfinity · 4 months
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i finished arc-v :]
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shannonsketches · 4 months
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like why did they change where Vegeta was when Cell announced the cell games in the anime
why did they make this vegeta starting shit with yamcha instead of chillin in the lab with his family? why did they take Bulma out of the lab? Why'd they say she was Out while Dr Brief was repairing 16? Why did they change Bulma working on advanced robotics to running in late with her baby?
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it's the same scene except: - Bulma's actively at work being a scientist - Vegeta's not being rude to her (or anyone else!) - Vegeta waits for Trunks instead of leaving the room - Cell interrupted the airwaves, which means Trunks and Vegeta were just hanging out with Bulma and Dr B while they were working
Those are all Great Character Details!! That the anime rails against!!
#these cowards afraid of showing Vegeta actively choosing to be around his wife and child even when he's Bad#Because Goku who is Good never ever even once makes that choice onscreen outside of filler#and then they justify that choice by making Chi-Chi seem horrid and unreasonable for (checks notes) Not Wanting Her Child to Die#anyway I am once again being bitter about anime vs manga klasjdklasd#I can't believe I let the anime convince me I hated Goku man Goku's SUCH a good and ridiculous character in the manga#the anime just SUCKS at letting him be who he's always been#and has to reframe and recontextualize and reword everything he does so that it seems like he's Actually Quite Mature and Thoughtful nO#THAT's VEGETA YOU COWARDS#also the fact that bulma said she wouldn't live with him at the beginning of this arc to him casually hanging out with her and trunks#after cell beat his ass and humbled him is REALLY GOOD SUBTEXT for their shared relationship having improved without showing it#it's great subtext for all three of them and toei just went 'nah' and decided to make it a whole group shot so ...? Master Roshi could sit#and explain how ??? Tournaments Work??? Just so Cell could log on and also explain how tournaments work?? God it's been so long#since I've watched the anime and now when I do it just makes me mad aklsdjskja the manga is SOOOOO much better#there are some spots where the pacing is more ideal in the anime like goku turning ssj for the first time but like man. everything else is.#like why are you making Goku snarky with Vegeta dude his clapbacks are SO much funnier when they're just Tactless Honesty#like Vegeta's not insulted by Snark bitch he grew up in the Freeza force that man was raised by THE bitchiest drag queens#Vegeta's insulted by someone saying something deeply and insultingly True to his face as if it's the fucking weather#Goku in the anime is like 'a battle of wits hoho' but Goku's purity is part of the joke he's not snippy he's just got no social etiquette#He's just honest! He's not trying to be insulting. That's what MAKES it insulting! That's the WHOLE GAG of why Vegeta can't stand him#Goku is always just telling the truth and it's always the rudest shit Vegeta's ever heard in his life#'it's a sunny day! i'm way stronger than you! see you out there bud!' 10000% Genuinely Friendly. Golden Retriever-Ass Pure.#Infuriating. Hilarious.#anyway I looked at anime clips to make sure I remembered things right and that was a mistake#as someone who has a soft spot for it and grew up on it -- compared to the manga it's bad and it's always been bad#and toriyama was right to be disinterested in watching it jesus christ they BUTCHERED his work#anyway this has been another shot of haterade with sketches thank you for scrolling my rambletags askljdask#dbtag#i just truly can't get over how they make Vegeta call her 'woman' in the anime and he literally only ever calls her Bulma in the manga#except for on namek when he refers to her as 'the/that woman' because she is a complete stranger#why is he calling her woman like he's a 1940s american husband and not an extraterrestrial from a deeply advanced society toei
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justablah56 · 4 months
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fuck man im gonna have to start looking for a job for real after I take my ged this sucks ass dude
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zeb-z · 2 years
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The Tipping Point is an apt name for this episode. Crosshair has reached his with the Empire, and has done a full 180 to risk everything to warn his siblings. Hunter has reached his with Cid, having had enough of her bullshit. Echo being asked what his point will be, when enough will be enough, fighting against a force that he cannot defeat.
The episode itself has taken a turn in the severity of darkness, if that makes sense. We see more of the interrogator droid than we do Crosshair, but the torture is still on screen. We hear the needle, we hear his cries, we watch the scientist and clones do nothing but restrain him, promising to find his breaking point. There’s another depiction of an Imperial electro-cyanide pill suicide. Clones are blatantly called property of the Empire. The creeping horror of the top secret science operations, the clones going missing, the doctor who was dismissed from the Republic because his experimentation and methodology were too extreme, too horrific.
And then alluding to what’s next. Echo being asked when will it become too much, what point will he go home and stop fighting impossible odds, and his response is likely going to be never. Then Crosshair having no choice but to face too much. Torture until he breaks, or he dies. Both fighting against impossible odds, the terrifying and seemingly all powerful might of the Empire.
It’s showing boundary lines, and the crossing of them. It’s showing the way the Empire brazenly takes the point of no return as a first step into cruelty and disregard for life. How that becomes the point at which more and more are fighting back.
With Echo, it shows that determination pushes past tipping points - but with Crosshair, it asks: at what point past that is the breaking point?
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widevibratobitch · 5 months
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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lesbians4armand · 2 months
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its such a funny feeling that for so long i’ve denied being disabled. ableism runs so deep in our society that as long as i can walk and work i didn’t consider myself disabled despite literally being disabled. fuck this capitalism shit
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nowendil · 7 days
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#sorry to vent post yet again the pms is pms-ing. i am ultimately in the end ok and this too shall pass etc#cw pet death#UNNA IS FINE no worries#i just. i just really miss Pulmu. my baby my sweet old lady. jesus fucking christ#i just. idk i still hold a lot of regret over her last months. i loved her so much I DID but no amount of love#and money and guilt and open mouth sobbing could make her not Old and Sick.#i just refused to see that because i wanted her to be alright so badly#i feel so bad about letting my feelings go over her comfort. i'm so sorry baby i shouldnt have hung on to you as long as i did#of i could change one thing about the whole of world's history it would be that. so you wouldnt have to die scared in a hospital#but i cant do that. i just have to live with the memory#usually i try not to be too hard on myself about it. first of all because beating myself up about it doesnt change anything#and also because i recognize that i was profoundly mentally ill about the whole thing. (not joking)#like i genuinely dont think i have ever felt and been worse than i did when Pulmu was old and sick. i wasnt thinking clearly.#i should have been but i wasnt.#it has been 1 year and about 8 months since her passing and still sometimes i dont know what the hell to do with all that grief#some days i'm completely fine and i can talk about her without problems. and some days i sob into my pillow feeling like i just got shot#ah well. nothing to it but to keep on trucking#i hope she's fine wherever she is.
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aw-bean-s · 3 months
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I think I got possibly the absolute worst outcome for the tribunal you could possibly get and then slept from 12pm to 7pm
#SEVEN FUCKING PEOPLE DEAD#jesus christ#i dont think it couldve gone worse#im googling two seconds#yep jesus christ the only possible death i didnt get was kourtenar and i dont think i wouldve given a shit if he died#what the hell hiw did i fuck it up so unbelievably fucking bad#i failed some checks i really fucking shouldnt have#jesus this is what i get for being bad at murder mysteries#motherfucker#i actually feel genuinely really awful like sick to my stomach#my teeth started chattering during it i was so hopped up and stresssssed#fuck im tempted to cheese it to try get a better outcome but shit man i dont think i personally could#i have no idea how i could have fixed any of it i fucked up before i even walked into it#god what the fuck#im like genuinely embarrassed and kind of ashamed?#someone said you have to let shanky run how do you do that i genuinely do not remember a decision like that#fuckin cheesecloth brain fucking hell#couldnt have gone worse if ibfuckin tried#motherfucking disco elysium#this is so embarrassing admitting this#the power of friendship DID in fact fail me#well now i have to play the game and not fuck up like an idiot#god i feel so terrible how did i screw things uo so much#admittedly maybe i should be nicer to myself considering i'd maybe gotten 3 hours of sleep yesterday and had been awake for nearly 24 hours#(ive been sleeping weird dont worry about it)#but man i dont think i couldve made it go much better but even 6 deaths is better than 7#sprry for the long tags i am just miserable#i also think im sick? maybe a covid test in my future
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infizero · 1 year
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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen
#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight#completely allosexual man#light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life#before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly#good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care#anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character#hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others#just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to#be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense#also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his#entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this#but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change#himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends#their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them#i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything#long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now#jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad#derailed my own damn post. idk swagever#will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to#such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like#that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows#he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house#and i thought that was such a cool analogy#ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings#serena.txt#death note posting
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realnielsbohr · 2 months
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i hate being stressed about like. things that are actually stressful. normally i could be like "all is well 😌it will be ok no matter what" or whatever but i genuinely cant do that here. if i dont get this sorted out im genuinely fucked
#i dont know how much ive said here but im going to try and be as vague as possible so i dont like. accidentally dox myself or w/e#but anyways i got a VERY GOOD tuition scholarship outside of my college. i go to one of the cheaper schools in the area i go to school in#so it covers all of it#awesome right?#SHOULD BE. if my college didnt fucking DELETE the form somehow. fucking hello.#the scholarship emailed them. and then they DELETED IT.#and ON TOP OF THAT!#i had extra bullshit fees unpaid i had no idea about.#so i was almost not even cleared for move in.#that got fixed. but now i have to call fifty billion people and fix this problem#so i can. go to school and not go into debt#plus. ok. the scholarships i get from school are genuinely pretty good. but they split it up b/w room and board and tuition#so i need to see if they can move stuff around somehow bc i shouldnt need the tuition money anymore#and between that money from school. the other scholarships i get from school. the outside scholarships i have.#AND THE ONE THAT WOULD COVER MY TUITION.#i could go to school for basically free and not go into insane debt.#which is awesome. but if i cant get this one thing figured out! i cant!#and i move in IN TWO WEEKS. SO I HAVE NOT THAT LONG TO FIX THIS. YAYY#anyways fucking wish me luck im going to be calling a lot of people tomorrow. and next week.#thank u for the complaining sesh tumblr dot com blog that is my diary.#it should be ok it should work out but jesus christ its going to be bad if it doesnt.#personal
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anonymolly · 2 months
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pumpking64 · 1 year
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#Jesus fucking Christ#why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves??#like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours#you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food)#and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad#you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted#and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it#AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country#it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit#SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out#this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him#but damn. my patience. is being tested#AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity#I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already#and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together#own post#oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy#(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)
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pinkopalina · 7 months
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as a huge batjokes shipper i want batman and joker to hate each other in the sense they dont really hate each other, they just have really different goals and see their own version of potential in the other and right now hate is the best word for their situationship. they both love the other for what they could be but neither of them wants to be what the other one wants, and that's equally as frustrating as it is necessary for them to keep existing in their current roles. they're deadlocked and that fate surrounding each other is kind of the point -- we both have to be like this, the opposite of what the other wants, for us to keep existing at all, and for giving me that gift i both love and hate you. it's an agreement. i think the hate that's there now is born from an intense underlying love.
i think batman "hates" joker for being so amazing and smart and cunning, for being able to create grand gestures and schemes, to pull people together under his charisma and make them all believe in something, for being as extraordinary as he is but batman hates that he uses it to hurt people. he hates that joker can't channel his energy into doing something good for the world, that he hurts himself and others just because he wants to be batman's greatest enemy. i think batman wants to help joker but also hates him at this point for joker exhausting him, constantly getting hurt both emotionally and physically by him, joker never trying to improve his situation, throwing away other people's lives, showing batman he loves him by lashing out and hurting him. batman hates joker because he loves his rogues, he wants to help them, and he knows they can do better. he wants to live in a gotham that doesn't need batman but he still needs to be needed, because when there's no batman, what is bruce going to be? without joker, he will continue being batman, but it's an empty crusade. some of my favorite interactions between harvey and bruce are the ones where harvey thanks bruce for "always being there for me, never giving up on me, my very best friend." even with someone like harvey, bruce can still hold onto that hope for his rogues, never give up on them, keep going for them, even if it puts them through the cycle one more time.
i think joker hates batman in the most toxic way possible, but it's still love. i just think he's selfish and doesn't want batman to think about anyone else but him, the same way he operates for batman, but if he must think about other people then joker will make it as amazing as possible! i think he hates batman for wasting his time on ordinary people, people who are so boring that batman claims he has to protect and serve and love them but joker thinks it's all surface-level. batman won't kill joker but he'll leave room for people dying in his crusade. it's a choice he allows, and even if joker knows that's a morally fucked up way to put someone in a box, he doesn't care. batman is the type of person to train himself mentally and physically for decades and dress up in a half-silly-half-menacing costume so that everyone can have an idea about him. batman himself is not normal, and joker knows that and loves that! why is he wasting his time trying to save people that use him, abuse him, don't want him to be the best he can be? i think joker's motivations for loving batman and lashing out as if he hates him lie somewhere in between extreme admiration -- like i truly believe in your cause and that you're the right person to do it, but i'm so angry at you for wasting your time on other people and i'm so hurt and jealous that you choose them over me, just so you can be a hypocrite and let them die if i want them to anyways -- and anger at his hypocrisy -- like it's easy for joker to dedicate himself to chaos and just being in batman's life by putting batman in situations that force him to be a better and better hero, but how can batman sit there and choose and pick what morals he'll uphold and who gets to live and who gets to die?
i want to be your greatest enemy because you are the greatest hero ever, and the only way you and i can keep being the best at what we do is if we do it together, because of what we both believe in.
#does this make sense. they love each other because theyre perfect for each other#but in order to create that perfection they have to do things that build resentment#and in order to ebb that resentment they have to be in constant flux. back and forth. ebb and flow. good and evil. chaos and order.#obsession and indifference.... the two themes i think we miss out on the most bc it hurts when indifference is the opposite of love#and obviously these two cannot be indifferent toward the otther#but when they have plots that do they really fucking hurt!#like when lex luthor comes into the picture and helps joker and joker starts to make batman a little jealous#like okay maybe i dont need you to obsess over maybe any strong ideals can overtake me if u lnow what i mean#and then suddenly batmans gotta prove how well he knows joker and has to be on top of him at all times#um anyways i hope these kind of! made sense!!!!!!!!! djhdkjghijsdfhksdfh#like ideally i think joker just wishes he had batman all to himself but knows he has to share#and hes such a jealous baby that he makes it hard for batman bc of it#and batman is like yes joker jesus fucking christ i love you too but you have to let me have friends#and u have to stop killing people#and jokers like why are you friends with murderers and liars and thieves but IM BAD?#and batmans like bc i actually love everyone and want to help you all and that includes u#and jokers like jo fuck you hypocrtie hahaha see at least in my loneliness i have no laurels to rest on#and bruce is like i may struggle with my morals often but that is only because im always figuring out the best way to keep helping everyone#and if i lose sight of that ill go blind and be like you and then u wont have me anymore#lol sometimes funny tag convos get the dynamic better than the meaty posts#long post#anyways sorry i just havee 2937973957273 thoughts about them and so does everyone and i wanna throw my hat in
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donghuamuqing · 2 years
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I wonder how hard it was for will to fall asleep the night before mike flew in
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commissionsdarian · 2 years
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Even better news guys, I've found out 15 iced coffees speeds up the process of anxiety. I've somehow sped past the bad part and am now just happy
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