#this is my trash doc

[heartsandbones]

seeing this lost footage is my Roman Empire

[tanjir0se]

I keep accidentally typing “@“ into google docs and it automatically suggests people I can tag in the document and believe or not Mr. Docs i actually do not want to tag my wedding photographer in my 50k word porn with feelings yaoi. I know it’s strange but bear with me

[thekimspoblog]

"Better Call Saul" Season 2 Episode 4: "Gloves Off"

[easy-revenge]

we need more on the easy revenge and how himeno plays a role in aki’s development please i love her <3 give me the meta i love u thank u

the way y'all are enabling me to be insufferable on main? i love it. its me and my problematic fave against the world. buckle up.

honestly i cant believe i havent talked about easy revenge on here? its my favorite part from himeno's arc and one of my favs for aki as well. so... essay incoming.

gonna start a bit from further back and make some himeno haters mad right off the bat. himeno, in my humble (and correct) opinion, was the person who knew aki better than anyone else. and it has very little to do with how long they knew each other.

himeno knew. she knew that aki wouldn't make it. she knew since before we, as an audience, started observing this story. she knew the harsh but very realistic truth was that aki ultimately was just some guy, and i say that with the unimaginable love i have for him.

he was never special enough. he was never talented enough, strong enough and against popular belief, never driven enough either to kill the gun devil. he gave away his lifespan, he put his life on the line for others every day. he offered to use his sword to save denji, whom he allegedly despised at the time. that's not the behavior of someone who lives for a singular, selfish purpose.

himeno saw him and knew. she knew that if aki was to stand against the gun devil with a sword in hand, he wouldn't make it out alive. she saw him and knew that there were other things he wanted as well.

she was also selfish about it. she wanted him alive and close to her. she wanted them to leave public safety together. she wanted to cup her hands around the dancing little flame that was his shriveling life span and protect it with her life. but selfishness aside, she knew that ultimately it would be the best case scenario for aki as well.

she was proven right. multiple times. after her death. aki admitted to not looking at himself objectively shortly after he lost her, bc he wouldn't have been able to go on otherwise. aki had always been trapped. he'd been set up to fail by the narrative and by makima all along. and even though that was something himeno couldn't know, she was proven correct again when aki died before even getting to look at the gun devil and have a chance to go down fighting.

himeno never told aki that she didn't believe in him. it wasn't something he'd ever be ready to hear, especially while she was still alive. aki wouldn't be able to live without a goal to strive for. he'd clutched at that pipe dream and held on for dear life for too long, gave up too much on his way there. he didn't know how to exist without a finish line to run towards.

but himeno saw him stick gum to a woman's coat for her. she saw him being happy about it. she saw him taking care of power and denji, even though he was aki hayakawa, the devil hunter who hated devils the most. she saw him stare longingly at makima. she felt his breath against her own face as they shared cigarettes.

it rly isnt that hard to see, if u care enough to look. and himeno cared more than enough. aki thought he wanted revenge. it takes a lot of hate in a man's soul to dedicate his life to that. aki was kind. aki cried for his co-workers' deaths. aki wanted to be the big brother he never got to be. he wanted the family he lost. he wanted to save people from things similar to what he went through.

aki deserved to lead a life where his kindness wouldn't put him at a disadvantage.

and that's what himeno wanted for him. even if it wasn't a life he would live by her side, she wanted him to be fulfilled. with her dying breath, she herself left him with a wish he could make come true.

later she'd leave him with a wish he'd at least try to.

easy revenge. small victories. moments of fulfillment. she probably put that cigarette upside down in the packet she died with, for good luck. it's such an honest wish. such a caring one. maybe something himeno would've lived by too if she didn't find her brief fulfilment in addiction.

it seems utterly pointless now. bc aki did die in the hands of the gun devil. he didn't get to protect denji and power. he didn't get to protect angel either. he failed in every way a man can fail bc he didn't escape the narrative. would never have been able to.

personally though, i dont think he would've gotten as close as he did to taking something back if it wasn't for that cigarette. if it wasn't for the remnants of himeno, the mere essence of her having the power to give it to him before dying alongside ghost.

bc he did get a family. he got to be an older brother again. he gave two months he couldn't really spare to save a devil. took the same devil out to eat with him.

he ASKED to leave the gun devil mission to protect his family. to not lose anyone else the way he lost himeno. to not see another loved one of his go in the little time he had left.

he did everything in his power to honor both of himeno's dying wishes. he cried for her when she died and got his easy revenge. at least as much of it as he could.

to me, himeno was vital to aki's development and storyline, both alive and in death. aki deserved a person to know him. to see him. and himeno wasn't perfect, but she was that for him, even if it took him a bit too long to fully realize.

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

god this is fucking hilarious my dash has been glitched for like 2 weeks now (ONLY on firefox for some fucking reason???) so that new posts notification counter is always at 37 forever and i never get any other notification pop ups for asks or messages, not to mention it randomly craps out when i try to fast reblog posts and i have to do it again and also won't save drafts of posts im working on (the only good update they've done in A WHILE)

so when I wake up to see the newest way they've fucked over the site, i of course assume the glitch came from something backend of them trying to become a worse version of twitter. nope. still got an obnoxious 37 notes. still won't autosave my posts. still getting error messages when i fast reblog. i'm getting real fucking tired of your shit tumblr

anyways completely unrelated reminder that mutuals are more than welcome to ask for my discord. also i just so happened to have made a pillowfort account a couple days ago, same user and icon, nothing really on there yet but i plan to reupload some of my art there today

[owlf45]

i always presume im much smarter than i am and the passage of time continues to prove me wrong

[shirogane-oushirou]

after a scary health day, i've decided -I- make the rules of my AUs and -I- decide the level of "plot" they have. no, brain, my silly little pkmn AU doesn't need some grand conflict for us to overcome. poke!ren can hit the same balance of "takes care of me in every way he can while also recognizing my autonomy" as the other rens. fuck you, brain. <3

[icedmetaltea]

I have made phonecalls today

[burr-did-nothing-wrong]

Does a fic from your pinned art alredy exists or....?

You come into my own home and attack me like this

[releaseholiday]

.

[liyawritesss]

I just finished the pt 2 to that 42!miles fic everyone loves....might post it tmr or Friday dunno yet lmao

[savetheghost]

i got fucking price jacked out of getting humalog

my fucking insurance just forced me to switch

either get the insulin that causes bad reactions in me for free or pay $68 a fucking vial for the shit that works that i need three vials of

i drove 40 minutes to the main hospital and sat in there for four hours because i was told i could get my humalog filled for $35 that way

so i guess im on novolog now

they didnt even get me vials. they got me fucking pens im going to have to take apart to use

at least pens are more shelf stable but FUCK man

[fingermosaic]

this world needs more soukoku hurt/comfort where dazai is the one comforting chuuya

[scienceroach]

yall better expect a LOT of hoz/ier references on this blog too, especially butchered tongue and de selby ( part 1 )

[disneyprincessabby]

Guess who’s back to being Cars trash 😅😅😅

[kitwilsonsass]

Hi kids, local licensed hair person here again with another FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT USE FUCKING HE@D AND $HOULDERS UNLESS YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BECAUSE IT IS A TERRIBLE FUCKING PRODUCT THAT DOES SO MUCH GODDAMN DAMAGE AND TRICKS YOU INTO CONTINUOUSLY USING IT AND I CAN SMELL AND FEEL IT ON YOUR HAIR FROM A MILE AWAY.