#this is so dumb but this is actually gender affirming bc this is being one of the boys

[daisychainsandbowties]

Wouldnt it be easier if you just changed your name legally to the one you preferred, unless you dont want to thats also fine

yeah irish law has no rules for how to change your name like you just decide to. to prove it to legal bodies & stuff there’s a few steps & a small fee & i haven’t tried it but it seems simple.

legal gender is pretty much the same but it’s only male/female as far as i know (TENI are advocating to change that & currently if you’re under 16 legally changing your gender is impossible. don’t let the name laws fool you btw trans care here sucks and needs a massive overhaul. there’s like a 5 year waiting list for HRT & we have no surgeons in the healthcare service who can perform gender affirming surgeries)

but anyway yeah i could & i might but like i said my deadname just gets a blank stare from me it doesn’t make me feel bad enough that i’m in a great hurry plus i’m still shielding i guess? being out out is relatively new to me & there’s LOTS of people i’m not out to. & yeah casper is not a name that i generally look like i belong to (it’s a weird name & i mean,,, i most commonly get gendered as “child” so 🫤) it outs me at the get-go

but i’m also. that’s me! so yeah it would take me a very short time to change my name if i decided to (at least in terms of paperwork & then i’m a pestering little bastard when i want a legal thing done plus my childhood best friend is an entire solicitor (like a lawyer but boring lol) so she could probably help me.) idk it’s more a souce of…. i don’t know amused indifference to me right now? which i know is kind of dumb and i’m a pro at not making eye-contact w how i actually feel about stuff. there’s an element of normal to it though bc i have never ever related to my name or liked people saying it (the fucking euphoria, by the way, of hearing people say a name that means you 🫠🫠🫠)

this is why i refer to myself in the third person sometimes on here btw i just like writing and looking at my name. most days i have it written in the crook of my elbow in blue ballpoint pen. djdbdbdbdb one day someone’ll mistake it for a tattoo & be like “ha is that your ex?” and i’ll say “no it’s me i’m in love with myself actually” and it’ll sound so fucking dumb but maybe it’ll also be true

[first-talon]

For the ask meme, give me more on Mahanon and Zev 😌

Somehow my dumb ass missed this ask in my inbox (but I guess that's what being on mobile for most of the day does for me). I'm either busy at work or running around my apartment doing little tasks that I have to catch up on the internet lore once I sit down at my desktop.

Mahanon and Zevran--I didn't go into much detail about them the other day but I have rambled about them sooo many times to my mutuals and my besties in DMs so I will go ahead and try to put my thoughts together as to how I feel about their relationship.

I talked in one of my previous posts about how Mahanon has a lot of built-up resentment due to the fact that he is always shouldered with the burden of decision and yet is often criticized after he makes those hard decisions. One thing that I appreciate about Zevran is that (unless it comes to the matter of slavery), he does not judge or criticize a decision that Mahanon makes. In fact, in the DLC when Mahanon chooses to engage with Sophia Dryden (to later double-cross her) Zevran is impressed by Mahanon's willingness to test his own limits of acceptability in order to do what has to be done.

So overall this great theme in their relationship is the idea of accepting each other without judgment; Mahanon is not going to change for Zevran because Mahanon is very staunch in his own identity and Mahanon will not ask Zevran to change for him, either--instead they come to know each other well and tend to each others' wounds without any inclination that they will become better people because of it. Love can be revolutionary but for a long time, what they share isn't love; it's trust.

Trust is, after all, the backbone of any great relationship. And they do eventually fall in love; there's this theme of having each others' backs and Zevran covering Mahanon's blind spot when he loses sight in one eye and it's so sweet but such a slowburn build up... at the end they don't marry, but they still have an exclusive commitment to each other and Zevran travels with Mahanon for a long time thereafter--even when apart, there's a piece of them bound together.

Another big thing that I like to focus on when writing them is the fact that they both enter into their relationship with a lot of trauma and it's not expected that either of them can kiss it better. Zevran's hypersexuality where he comes onto the Warden to try and endear himself to the party actually puts Mahanon off at first because he is so repulsed by physical intimacy. They are both two deeply wounded people who walk a long path together but they are side-by-side at the end of it.

other thoughts that don't cohesively fit above: i made a post abt zevran's hypersexual trauma responses and how people treat him as a racialized fetishization here and i stand by that and try not to write into those stereotypes because i LOATHE them; mahanon was really endeared to zevran once they started their little relationship because it was his first romantic interest who affirmed his gender; mahanon is the top bc i was mad at bioware for assigning my m!warden pc as the bottom when i first played origins.

[redporkpadthai]

tmi

Question to my trans masc, nb, or other gender questioning moots...

So like I'm generally okay with the labels she/her, I'm neutral at least, and I can't say that I really vibe with he/him (but that may have more to do with like concepts of masculinity and less to do with actually being called masc pronouns bc being referred to has "him" has actually made me happy in the past???)

Anyway, I just really hate having breasts and menstruating but like I don't want facial hair or even necessarily a p*nis(although i do fantasize as having one when i m*sterbate, but I've heard that's not uncommon with cis women bc of like gendered power dynamics being carried over into s*xual fantasy)

When I've thought about transitioning, being wholey perceived as male doesn't sit right either? Like I've worn a binder out once and it didn't necessarily feel right. And I hate the constriction along my chest. Idk, but when I look in the mirror I think I'd be a lot more handsome as a man, like a pretty boy. Like I think I'd still wear lots of jewelry (which isn't necessarily gender ik), and dresses (I make clothing), and occasionally makeup, etc. The last time I really leaned into the trying the masc identity out, I couldn't definitively say that I felt like a man, and kind of just went "So i guess that means I'm woman then" like that's the only option. But here i am again like, I'm not vibing with this womanhood thing and this body. Maybe I'm just dumb and over thinking this.

I'm feeling like maybe I should start at a they/them? But in the area I live in, I don't know if it'd be worth the transition or safety in my irl daily life. But i already look like a very butch woman so idk if I'm fooling anybody currently either 😂😂

Idk where I was going with this. I guess i was just gonna ask y'all, do you think I might be trans?? lol.

ps. Oh and I've been wanting to like weight train and stuff to get a more masculine figure, there's a person on tiktok who I follow who does fitness stuff aimed at trans-masc ppl and I think she still goes by she/her, so like maybe that's the vibe? i don't know, her breasts are smaller and look like pecs, I don't think i can get mine that small thru exercise (but i want to ;_;)

Can you still get gender affirming surgery as a nb?

[slutauthority]

Dude idk how you deal with these people saying this dumb shit in your asks. I'd take one look at it and then have to go lie down. Love your blog btw, I found it the other day and it's super affirming. I'm bi and having ~feelings~ about gender and it's all very messy and it just feels real good to see someone out here talking about it all and living life and having sex with men and not turning around and saying "but all men actually do suck, I'm so sorry for being attracted to them"

after being on this site for so long, mean anon messages really don’t phase me like they used to!! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog tho!

I spent a lot of my life shaming myself for my bisexuality and denied myself gender exploration bc I didn’t think I was ALLOWED to explore, regardless of the questions and feelings i had since I was little, and I can say I am in one of the healthiest places I have ever been and this is after last yr being the most excruiating time of my life. Gender questions can feel really dreadful, but it’s when you surround yourself with people who are SUPPORTIVE and tell you that your gender gets to be questioned in whatever way you need it to be that you can start that journey. So it’s good to hear me posting about that shit has been helpful. I never want another bi to feel the way I did when I finally came out, because I felt sooooo incredibly alone.

I love the LGBT community and my chosen family and I LOVE bisexuals and I think we hide a lot of ourselves to feel okay, and I’m happy that my blog has done a lil but to help you feel more secure!! I got no more time to feel bad about who I am sleeping with and neither should u! Pls have a lovely day!!

💖💜💙

[tsunflowers]

anime featuring adult women

there are a lot of great female characters in anime, but sometimes it feels like they’re all supporting characters in shows about men or they haven’t graduated high school yet. I wanted to compile a list of some anime with adult women front and center

kidou keisatsu patlabor on tv:

in the sci-fi future as imagined in 1988, human-piloted robots called labors are used regularly by all kinds of people, including criminals. to combat labor crime, the police develop a special unit of patrol labors—patlabor. instead of following the prestigious division one, we follow a cast of quirky characters in second-string division two, as they solve cases ranging from mundane to dangerous to paranormal

izumi noa, and why I love her:

she’s incredibly strong-willed and stubborn. she’ll stand up to anyone. she’s obsessed with labors, not just piloting them herself but repairing them and learning about new developments in the field. even though division two is primarily men and there is the “men at work” vibe of so much military and police fiction, noa fits in easily with the guys and no one excludes her. the few times people do question her skills bc of her gender, they’re immediately shut down

other women in the cast:

nagumo shinobu, the captain of division one. we never actually see her or her unit at work, but they have a great reputation. I just love her bc she’s very funny always shutting down the captain of division two and I like that in-universe there are women in leadership roles like this

kanuka clancy, a visiting cop from new york. her relationship with noa is very strong, definitely shippable. she’s adept with a gun, a sword, and a giant robot. she’s the serious member of the team who yells at the others for being dumb but there are still times where she goes completely off the rails and ignores the law to do what she knows is right

wotakoi: love is hard for otaku:

momose narumi is an office worker and a fujoshi. she wants to keep the fujoshi part a secret this time around because things went south for her at her last job once people found out she was an otaku, but it turns out several of her new coworkers are fellow nerds. most importantly, her game-loving childhood friend hirotaka works at the same company, and the two of them reconnect as friends… and soon more than friends. it’s a romance drama involving only nerds

momose narumi, and why I love her:

she’s a lot like your standard high school girl protagonist who runs out of the house because she’s late for school, but this time she’s late for work. she’s really funny and straightforward, except she thinks she has to hide that side of her at her job. she and hirotaka have a great childhood friends to lovers relationship. she’s kind of rude to him but he adores her (though he’s kind of bad at showing it). I love a cheerful girl/serious guy romance that’s done well and I think this one really is

other women in the cast:

koyanagi hanako, narumi’s new coworker who’s a fellow fujoshi. she’s also a cosplayer, specifically a crossplayer who specializes in cosplaying as handsome guys. she and narumi only met each other under their fandom nicknames before, but they were big fans of each other and hit it off instantly when they meet at work. they’re cute friends even if they always argue about who tops in their ships

psycho-pass:

in a futuristic society, people’s mental health is constantly measured by “psycho-pass” readings which track their emotional state and judge the likelihood that they will commit a crime. naive rookie cop tsunemori akane leads a team of enforcers, people who are considered “latent criminals” too dangerous to live in normal society but who are still useful to the police. akane develops a close relationship with enforcer kougami shinya in particular, but kougami has his own intense relationship with the elusive criminal makishima shogo. as the team of detectives investigate him, they uncover secrets about the system they never wanted to learn and their fates become entwined with makishima’s

psycho-pass is written by urobuchi gen (madoka magica, fate/zero) and if you’re familiar with him you know what to expect. the show is pretty grim and gory. content warnings for rape, violence, gore, body horror, police violence, the predatory lesbian trope, forced institutionalization, and probably a lot of other things I can’t remember. not a light watch, is what I’m saying

tsunemori akane, and why I love her:

she’s incredibly principled. she sticks to what she believes is right despite immense pressure. it’s precisely because she’s naive and doesn’t understand the system that she is able to fight against it. she grows a huge amount over the course of the series but she never loses her compassion or her sense of right and wrong. she’s pretty badass too

other women in the cast:

karanomori shion, a lab analyst at the public safety bureau. she’s your typical sexy and flirtatious anime character but I think her position within the setting is interesting. although she’s categorized as a “latent criminal” unfit for society, she seems to be valued more than the enforcers. she’s also bisexual and dating a woman, though she plays into the “bisexuals can’t settle down” trope a little. she is not actually the best character or peak representation but I’m pretty attached to her and a certain type of woman will be too

kunizuka yayoi, a lesbian former musician and the only female enforcer. she’s shion’s girlfriend. there is a predatory lesbian character in this series, but it’s not kunizuka. I think her being a lesbian is handled pretty well. she has romantic and sexual relationships with women that are important to her, but she doesn’t hate men or flirt with every woman she meets (traits I hate to see in lesbian characters written by men). she’s really serious and calm but still cute and I love to see her growing respect for akane over the course of the show

death parade:

two people wake up in a strange bar with no memory of how they got there. a mysterious man with white hair named decim and his assistant, a woman known only as “the black haired woman,” ask them to play a game. the games are both absurd and dangerous, and as the contestants play them dark sides of themselves are revealed. decim’s job is to judge them based on their behavior while playing the games, but the black haired woman’s influence causes him to wonder if he’s doing the right thing

like it says in the title, the anime deals with the topic of death, and death by suicide comes up as well. I don’t remember everyone’s backstories but I think violence and abuse come up several times. there are also mannequins that move around on marionette strings which is kind of freaky

the black haired woman, and why I love her:

it might be wrong to say that she’s the main character when she isn’t introduced until the end of the first episode and her name isn’t revealed for half the show but listen. she’s the emotional core of the show and the person who sets the events in motion. she’s a very emotional person and that’s her strength. her relationship with decim is the classic “woman teaches cold-hearted man to feel” trope but I think it’s an outstanding example bc it centers her emotional experience and the two of them are not explicitly in a romantic relationship. I’ve been trying to avoid spoilers but for her it’s almost unavoidable. I love the way that her story is slowly revealed over the course of the show culminating in an incredible sequence in episode 11. I think her depression is handled so well too. it’s heartbreaking

other women in the cast:

nona, the boss of the arbiters. she’s a schemer who knows a whole lot of things she’s keeping from everyone else. I really like her outfit above all else. baggy pants with suspenders… a great look

mayu, a high school girl who is a contestant in one of the games. she tries to be cutesy but is prone to anger and makes incredible faces. I like that she’s an obsessive fangirl character who’s played for humor but is also shown as being noble and sympathetic

sakura quest:

koharu yoshino is a woman who moved to tokyo to find a job but has no luck. when she finally gets a job offer, it’s to become “queen for a day” of rural manoyama village. upon arriving in manoyama, she learns that she was only hired because they thought she was someone else but they still want her to work there for an entire year. now she lives in a small town and is tasked with both revitalizing the citizens and drawing tourists in, along with the help of four friends. it may not sound funny and heartwarming but it really is. it’s a good story about connecting and reconnecting and also the head of the tourism board wears a chupacabra mask sometimes

the main characters, and why I love them:

koharu yoshino, queen of manoyama. her struggle in the job market is unfortunately relatable to many people today and I love that she wishes she could have a job as a queen. she’s great and she really comes to love the town despite everything

shiori shinomiya, a very sweet manoyama native. she’s almost too nice but it makes it all the funnier when she gets intense

maki midorikawa, an aspiring actor who is famous among manoyama citizens for a small role she played in the past. she’s serious about acting but her family wishes she would get a more stable job. she can be kind of rude but she does love her friends and her town

sanae kouzuki, a web developer who moved to manoyama to escape the intensity of city life and the negative effects it had on her mental health. the problem is she hates rural life and is afraid of bugs but is too proud to admit it on her blog. the only true city girl among the five

ririko oribe, my favorite of the five. she’s shy but loves cryptids and the occult. it’s very easy to read her as autistic and the other characters affirm her interests and behavior. her love of cryptids even helps the town out when Spanish tourists come in search of a local legend. her relationship with her grandma is really good as well, with the two coming to understand and love each other over the course of the show

[jinglyjangly]

I know this is out of nowhere but I wanted to ask another trans person for advice. Because my family are super nosey and insensitive when asking me questions and just barging in and starting a conversation about what's in my pants, am I gay or straight, misgendering me and just being super fucking rude sometimes I get really mad but then I wonder if I'm even allowed to. Bcs when I get mad they say how else are they supposed to know and I'm just being dramatic and I feel guilty. Maybe their right

There was a few things that made me realize i was trans that really helped me. I write down a lot of what im thinking in notebooks and how i feel to  affirm myself over and over, it helps

-cisgender people have no fucking idea what being trans actually is 99% of the time. I was always told and so i believed being trans was “a boy who wants to be a girl” or a boy “trying” to be a girl, or someone who is “unhappy with their gender” and... etcetera. Being trans is actually realizing that you werent born a girl or boy, you were born a baby with no concept of gender or language or ANYTHING, but society forces the cisgender binary on us through thousands of years of cultural influence. Western culture forces these ridged customs and reinforces them  to uphold oppression. Thats one reason it’s called homophobia/transphobia,  people ARE afraid of lgbt ppl, we turn their perception of what a perfect cis binary society should be on its head by just existing. Their fear turns to hate.

- being trans isnt a political statement/ phase/ trend to get attention and never will be. Its about how you feel about yourself, its never about anyone else. Only you can ever know your true self and your gender, everyone else only sees you how they want to see you, and its influenced by what you show yourself to them. 

- your not wrong or broken or mentally ill for deviating from societies norms. Wanting to love yourself as your gender isnt wrong. Breaking societies imaginary rules doesnt make you ill. 

Like honestly your family sounds abusive and you should seek help, but i really cant give you any advice on how to deal with them specifically because im no professional. Youd have to find a therapist or someone who actually knows how to deal with that kind of problem. All i can really tell you is that im only out to a certain amount of people and “lie” about it a lot, but its not a bad thing to do that. The moment i knew i was 100% a trans man and not a bi woman, lesbian with compulsive heterosexual, or asexual was when I realized i could be any of these things and its okay if i am. Like, i could be any of these and its not wrong. But when i look in the mirror, talk to myself, daydream, and have designated safe spaces with friends/online where i could just sorta trywhatever i wanted and  i just sort of embraced being trans more comfortably then anything else. But i also had to just...isolate anyone else from my mind to see what i really want and who i really am. It sounds dumb but try just meditating on it before you let people gaslight you out of your own gender. I wish i couldve figured mine out earlier, it wouldve helped me a lot.