#this is soooooo long sorry i got hype. lots going on this year

[alliluyevas]

3, 6, and 16 for the book asks?

What were your top five books of the year?

The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family by Annette Gordon-Reed (2008).

My parents and I went to Monticello about a month ago and I picked this up in the gift shop. My parents had visited in 1972 (my dad) and 1991 (my mom) and I had never been, and obviously a LOT has changed in how they talk about history at Monticello in the last 30-50 years. I think that the current exhibitions and tours at the site are really doing a good job of engaging with the stories of the enslaved people who lived at Monticello, both Sally Hemings and her children + the extended Hemings family and members of other families, but I definitely wanted to know more. (side note: for my Virginia/DMV followers or anyone who ever happens to be in the Charlottesville area, it is really worth visiting! Absolutely fascinating and they're doing great public history work.)

I literally could not put this book down, I read it in a week while working full time and finishing up graduate school applications. It's beautifully written and absolutely captivating. Gordon-Reed does fantastic work both with existing primary sources and fleshing out some of the things we will never know because no one wrote or spoke about them. It's a deeply sad story and left me feeling very raw, but also thinking about resilience and the eternal complexities of the human heart.

Sally in Three Worlds: An Indian Captive in the House of Brigham Young by Virginia Kerns (2021).

Copy-pasting my Goodreads review: This is an incredibly powerful book that tries to give voice to the story of a woman who was profoundly marginalized both in life and in history, and to the complex dynamics between peoples as Mormon settlers colonized Utah. Kerns does a magnificent job of weaving Sally's story out of source material that is rich in many respects and deeply limited in others. Her writing style is also really compelling: lyrical, poetic, and deeply felt. It also gave me a completely new frame of reference for the history of women in Mormonism and for the dynamics of the Young household. A deeply upsetting book but also one I could not recommend enough.

I actually posted about this last night, but there are a lot of interesting thematic similarities between this book and Hemingses of Monticello. Again, directly copy-pasting from last night's post: They're about very different cultural contexts but deal with similar subjects in many ways: race, gender, slavery, and very complicated familial dynamics...I think both books also do a really good job of portraying the life of a woman (poignantly, the two women actually share the same first name) who left nothing in her own words.

I used the word "painful intimacy" in my first post about Sally in Three Worlds, and I think it very much applies to the household dynamics portrayed in both books.

Like a Fiery Meteor: The Life of Joseph F. Smith by Stephen Taysom (2023).

Again, stealing from my own Goodreads review (I'm the only person who has reviewed this book on GR, rip): I think a non-hagiographical full-length biography of Joseph F. Smith was long overdue, and I was very excited to read this, but I did not expect to find it as emotionally compelling and thought-provoking as I did. Taysom does a fantastic job of telling the story not just of Joseph F., who comes off by turns as both deeply sympathetic and deeply unlikable, but of his expansive polygamist family and their environment. I think this was a very compassionate, nuanced portrait of someone who had deep and profound unaddressed trauma that affected his whole life, and who was capable of both overwhelming love and cruel, controlling and even violent behavior towards his loved ones. I think the book is very aware of that dichotomy and the factors that shaped Joseph F.'s life and choices and is full of really fantastic analysis. I thought the discussion of gender roles and how they related to Joseph F.'s struggles with both anger and anxiety and his interpretation of those feelings was particularly well-done.

These were definitely my top three books of the year, and honestly just fantastic works of historical/biographical storytelling period. I read Sally in Three Worlds in May, Fiery Meteor in June, and Hemingses of Monticello a month ago, and all three of the books have really stuck with me. They're all quite haunting, and very thought-provoking, even months later.

Go Down, Moses by William Faulkner (1942).

I read this much earlier in the year, but again it actually intersects really well as a fictional counterpart to The Hemingses of Monticello. Go Down, Moses is a novel formed out of seven interconnected short stories, centering on the black and white halves of the same family, unacknowledged cousins. I've loved Faulkner's writing since high school (well, really since I read A Rose for Emily in seventh grade, but I read The Sound and the Fury in high school) and I wanted to expand my exposure to his work. I have yet to read anything by Faulkner where I wasn't just blown away by the literary quality of his prose, and I think the interlocking stories setup of the book was very effective.

I did think back to this book and Southern Gothic in general several times while reading about the Hemings-Jefferson family--it's not like I wasn't aware of the historical context behind southern gothic as a genre but it really made it very explicit. Especially during the parts of the book talking about Jefferson's white family and their efforts to create a family legacy that explicitly left out the Hemings relatives, and then thinking about future generations of white southerners like Faulkner engaging--or not engaging--with this past. Like--this is the ghost haunting the house, this is the rot at the heart of the family tree.

Luncheon of the Boating Party by Susan Vreeland (2007).

This feels a bit odd thematically tacked on at the end here, because while it's not like this book is just totally light-hearted, it's not literally about intensely traumatic interpersonal relationships in the way that the previous four are. It is, however, a really great historical fiction novel! It's about the creation of the painting by Pierre-Auguste Renoir that shares the same title, with several narrators--Renoir and some of the people who sat for the painting--telling an overlapping story. The prose is fantastic, which you don't see as often as I'd like in histfic, I really felt the rich sensory development of the historical world, and Vreeland does a great job of fleshing out complex and compelling characters and relationships.

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

Oh, so much, lol. As well as long-term TBR stuff that will roll over to next year, there are a couple newly released books that I just picked up from the library that I hope to read in the next couple weeks before the year is over/before they go back to the library. (The Vaster Wilds and Master Slave Husband Wife. I can't renew them because they're "hot picks" and a bunch of other people have them on hold.)

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

I already answered this one in a previous ask, and honestly I can't think of another book I read that I would call over-hyped per se.

[ellinights]

victon reaction to idol!reader doing a sexy/dark concept (slight M)

request from anon. 

huhuhu i am so so soooooo sorry that this is late. finals were in the way, so please forgive me. 

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SEUNGWOO

this snoopy boi

at first, i would see him to be as baffled as he can be. he is SHooKt

you’re usually soft and fluffy with him (i mean, whO wouldn’t?? he is such a baby you can’t help but to be a whole puddle with him) AND it was your first time you snap with that dark concept. 

so i can see why he would be completely speechless when he sees you on stage, acting so dark.

as he slowly starts to get his cool back (prob gonna take a few hours for him to do so oop),he would start to get a little dirty. 

seungwoo is an erotic man in my opinion dont @ me. 

his mind would start thinking about how he wants you to be like this, all dark and sexy in bed with him.

it is a new sight for him to see you like this, i can see why he can’t resist you.

oh man, after your performance, you better be ready as he is gonna spend the whole night with you ;) wink wonk 

SEUNGSIK

oh our precious seungmom, his motherly side would appear first. 

he will start panicking over the dark concept you’re doing, because he worries you find it uncomfortable to do so

he does not expect you to go for this kind of concept, because you always appeared soft to him. ( i mean, he is a softie so his eyes only can see soft)

since you’re doing a dark/sexy concept, your outfits would be slightly revealing, and i bet you, he will run to your dressing room with a blanket to cover your revealing outfit after your performance. 

“oH my God you poor thing you look so uncomfy with those clothes!” “oh god what are you wearing?!” momma mode: on. 

but also. in his mind, he got a little too protective with you. it’s because of your revealing clothes, he worried that people would be staring at you because your body is gorgeous

possessive seungsik i see here?? oof thats hot 

oh and if someone is looking at you, he would be so protective, holding your waist tightly by the side and pull you close to him, with that cold stare at them. 

oh wow thats hot.

CHAN

ngl i see him to be straight up dirty. idk why shhshs 

he is a sensual man in my opinion. 

his eyes would neve leave your figure when you’re on stage with that dark concept. 

would not be surprised if he popped a boner in the middle of watching your performance. 

you’re hot to him, he is obsessed with that. 

mostly would be staring at your body, at how the way it sensually moves with the music. 

especially your hips, how it sways. man he would lose. 

he would probably start imagining things, and wondered if he could see you dance for him sensually and only him

oh god he would start thinking of asking you to do a lap dance on his lap since he got great thighs

just like seungwoo, expect our little chan to have fun with you the whole day after your performance. 

but instead of being patient and going home to have fun in bed, he will straight devour you in the dressing room ;)

oof a very impatient man i see (Sagittarius things hshsh). 

SEJUN

dis boi, i see two ways he can react to this. 

one, he would be that bestie who will hype you up when you are doing a dark/sexy concept. 

he will get so loud as he watches you perform. 

“OH YEAH THATS IT SHAKE THAT BOOTY WHOOOO” 

i am second-hand embarrassed for him i swear. facepalms.  

would legit go around the world and show you off to others.

“LOOK AT Y/N DANCING SO SMEXY YAS”

lim sejun i swear i wanna smack your mouth for once

but then there is this other side of him, where he would get extremely turned on

just like chan, would stare at you intensely, eyes never leaving your body. 

he would be extremely touchy, would touch and feel your lines and curves against his palms

would praise how hot you look, like, every 5 seconds. 

“you look so hot, could you dress yourself like this for me when i get home next time?” 

FRICK YOU LIM SEJUN UGHHHH

HANSE

our sese i can see two reactions from him actually, just like sejun. 

one, he can be either super duper shy.

gets extremely blushy and can’t even watch the whole performance of yours 

and then when you come back, you’ll see him hiding somewhere from you, so you wouldn’t see his red face. 

he knows he can’t hide away from you so he faced you and

he is gonna be a big baby after this, whining and whimpering like a baby when he looks at you

A WHOLE ASS BABY 

get ready to spend hours to cool him down though

the second reaction is, he would look like he is chill and got his cool down with you performing like this. 

but in the inside, we all know his heart is gonna burst. 

he thinks that this might be the most attractive sight he has ever seen on you. 

but he would pretend to not be bothered about it, which probably could make you upset hshshhs 

BYUNGCHAN

our little chick, (if yall don’t know, our byungchan isn’t feeling well today so let’s go cheer him up with heartwarming messages alright?)

he would be the hype man, that’s for sure. 

would be like sejun, scream the top of his lungs out as he sees you perform. 

probably will be a little more wilder than sejun sshshh

“OH YEAH BABY LOOK AT Y/N GOOOOO” “DAMN SEXY WHOOOOOOO’ “YES SHAKE THAT BOOTY BABY OH YEAH”

would also proceed to mimic your dance, and probably mock you for that hshshs

memorizes the whole choreography, and your parts. he is such a big fan of you 

he wouldn’t mind doing a dance cover of your new song hshsh

“y/n you should’ve shaked that booty more!” i- this boi-

also would love to smack your butt for some sort of reason, since he mentioned about your butt a lot hshshhs this man-

he wouldn’t feel affected in a sexual way for me. that's what i think at least

SUBIN

this smol bunny 

he would be like hanse, a shy mess. 

would be a squirmy baby, be a whiny baby and hide in his palms all the time. probably two times whinier than hanse. 

awww baby subsub

i see him as someone who is very needy, like sexually. 

would be so turned on when you just stare at the camera with that cold gaze. 

probably would already be wetting his pants if you did a very sexy move on camera. 

that is how needy subin is for me i think. 

but he wouldn’t be needy until the extend that he needs to get it off on you.

but who doesn’t want to satisfy his neediness when subin is such a pretty boy? ;)

i would hshhshshhsh aaaa yo lee shut up 

i can say that 99.99999% of yall would “help” him out after your performance ;) 

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hey guys!!! omg it has been so long. to the anon who requested this donkey years ago, IM SORRY CRIES. i hope you guys like it though. requests are still closed btw. i will open them up once i am done with all my requests! hope you guys can understand that. see you guys around!! 

[karihighman]

Moms Night Out 🍻

Hailey & Stella are at Molly’s, bonding over their idiot husbands & chaotic kids. (Based on a Twitter prompt.)

“Wait you can’t be serious?” Stella asked as she passed Hailey her first beer.

“Oh no, I am!” Hailey told her, getting some of the foam off the top. “Completely serious. I come home one day and the house is fucking disaster, Jay’s like ducked under a pillow, and our two twins are barreling down the hallway screaming at the top of their lungs. I guess they were quote-un-quote sword fighting and Jay was the big scary dragon they were supposed to slay.”

Stella held back a laugh. “And?” She asked, brows and drink raised in tandem.

“And what?” Hailey questioned.

“Well, did they slay Jay or what?!”

“Oh,” Hailey grinned. “Hell yeah they did!”

“How’d they get so hyped up anyhow?”

Hailey gave Stella a deadpan look. “Have you met Jay? The man can’t say no to anything Cooper and Cici ask. They’re like, his kryptonite or something.”

Stella set her beer down. “Soooooo, sugar high?”

Hailey mumbled an “Mhmm,” as she took a long drink. “So, how ‘bout you and Kelly?”

Kidd didn’t hold back a laugh this time. “Oh Jesus. When aren’t we dealing with craziness. I swear, it’s like I ask him to do one fucking thing and he manages to not only not do it, but to have done something else instead!”

Upton motioned for her to elaborate.

“Oh, so we were taking Brian over to daycare right? And Kelly just ups and drives through the McDonalds lunch rush because Brian begs him for “nugs.””

“Nugs?” Hailey asked, her brows knitting together.

“Nuggets. Y’know, chicken nuggets?”

“Oh, got it. Okay, so? That’s not bad!”

“It is when we’ve already been late 2 times the same week dropping Bri off at daycare! I don’t wanna look like the slacker parent cause my dumbass husband is controlled by a 3 year old.”

Hailey bit her lip to keep from completely losing it. She could just picture Stella and Kelly, minding their own business when Brian makes those big puppy dog eyes and BAM! Chaos ensues.

It’s what happens with Jay all the time. Hailey says the twins can’t have ice cream until they do some spelling or practice their handwriting? She’ll come back to chocolate covered handprints not only on the kitchen counter, but all over their homework too.

But then of course Jay gives her that look, the one she’s been melting over for years, and she’s a goner. Typical. Course who could blame her? She has a hot husband. A hot sergeant husband, she might add.

“Helllooooooo? Earth to Hailey?” Stella tried, waving her hand in front of the blonde’s face.

“Hm? What? Oh, sorry.” Hailey said. “Just daydreaming.”

Stella scoffed, pouring out another round for each of them. “Uh huh. Anyway....”

“What?” Hailey asked, noting Stella’s knowing tone.

“Well, have you and Jay even had a date night since the twins came along?”

Hailey buried her head in her hands. “Oh hell, do not make me tell the story of Octoberfest 2021, Stell. I can’t do it.”

Kidd was a quarter into her beer when she perked up. “Oh no, you’re telling it.”

“Fine.”

Stella leaned on her elbows so she could listen as Hailey settled in. “So, I get Jay to agree to go to the festival with me. He says he’s got it allllll figured out, right? Babysitters would get there at 8, we’d be back by 11-11:30 tops.”

“Okay, sounding good so far...”

“Well, come to find out the original babysitters of his brother Will and girlfriend Natalie are going to the festivities too! Therefore, Jay, in all his infinite wisdom, dialed up Adam to help out last minute.”

“Oh hell.”

“Yeah. Adam’s a great friend, but a horrible babysitter. You think it was crazy when Jay was there? That was — and pardon the pun — child’s play.”

“Oh come on, Hail. I’m sure it wasn’t all bad. Besides, he and Kim are attached at the hip aren’t they?”

“Usually, Yeah. But no, not that night. Kim was out and about with Kevin, Vinessa, and Jordan.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. So Ruzek’s alone with our kids and I get a call from Adam at — ready for it — 9:30 and he asks me where I keep the towels. Turns out, he let the kids “make dinner” which meant, flour and dough everywhere, pizza sauce on the fucking ceiling, cheese in I don’t even know where and—“

“Okay, okay, I get it. So Adam’s no pizza man,” Stella observed.

Hailey downed a lot more of her beer before continuing. “So then I of course pull Jay away and he’s just like, oh but they love their uncle Adam!” And im over here thinking of course they do but I don’t love him when they turn the house upside down!”

“Hailey, you’re such a mom,” Stella joked.

“Well, I made Jay go home and help Adam clean up the kitchen, meanwhile I had to wrangle the twins into pajamas and properly feed them.”

“Could be worse,” Stella offered. “One time Brian convinced Kelly that there was a mouse living in his toolkit.”

Hailey paused. “Was there?”

“Yeah, a fake one!” Stella grinned. “He’d put it there as a prank but oh man, I’d never seen Kelly so pale!” She laughed out loud at the memory. “Then Kelly told him about how to pull an even better prank. So then lo and behold, I find a “snake” in the shower and almost trip and kill myself.”

Hailey giggled. “Oh god—” she couldn’t finish her sentence because she burst out into another giggle fit. “I’m sorry, but that’s too funny!”

“He made it up to me though,” Stella winked, and Hailey smirked.

“Yeah, Jay’s had to do some groveling too...”

“Don’t you mean begging?” Stella pushed, wagging her eyebrows.

Hailey shrugged, leaving it open ended, because, as luck would have it, in come their dumbass husbands now.

“Hey,” Kelly says first, nodding at Hailey before leaning over the bar to kiss Stella.

“Hi babe,” Hailey says as Jay walks over to her. He wrapped his arms around her, sort of hugging her.

“So, where’re our kids, guys?” Stella asked as she pulled away from Severide.

“Yeah, so, about that....” Jay began, running a hand over the back of his neck. Kelly stood over near him looking just as sheepish.

“They may have wanted to go to Chuck-E-Cheese. We may have taken them.” Severide told the ladies.

“We? As in you and him, right?” Kidd asked.

“Well....” Jay began, his sentence cut short by a pair of bustling legs and high pitched squeals coming down the way.

“Momma! Momma! Look! Uncle Adam bought us milkshakes and and we won a big bear!!”

Cooper and Cici pointed towards Adam, who, of course strolled into Molly’s with the hugest teddy bear Hailey had ever seen.

“Well, actually I won the bear,” Jay defended, looking at Hailey with the rest of his sentence — ‘for you’ unspoken.

“I managed the high score at ski ball,” Kelly chimed in. Stella gave him a nod, patting his shoulder. What he didn’t see was she mouthed over to Hailey ‘sure he did.’

“You sure the kids had fun?” Stella asked, clearly amused.

“Not as much as us,” Adam said, earning eye rolls from the ladies and embarrassed looks from the menchild spouses.

Stella and Hailey grinned at each other. Yeah, some things never change.

[kels-hq-hcs-blog]

pssst it's eric again! I have a request for the Kageyama/Terushima headcanons if it's okay i've fallen in love with this rare pair and what to hear your headcanons on it!

I’m sorry this took so long!!! I was busy and really wanted to think about this one. I’ve never given this ship any thought before to be honest lol. Love ya and hope you enjoy!!!!!

KageTeru Headcanons

Didn’t get along the first time they met

Terushima started flirting with Kageyama because Kageyama didn’t recognize it as flirting

It wasn’t that Terushima was in love or anything, it was just his personality and it was fun when the flirting behaviors flew over Kageyama’s head.

But Kageyama talked to some teammates and others and everyone said the way this unnamed person acted must mean the unnamed person liked him

So Kageyama went up to Terushima and asked him if he was flirting with him one day.

Straight face, making eye contact, completely serious

Terushima almost laughed because of how Kageyama looked, but it was also the reason he couldn’t laugh

Kageyama was just too serious!

Terushima stood there trying to figure out how to answer for several seconds before just admitting to it. He was a flirt

Well flirting means you want to go on a date with a person, right? So Kageyama asked him out

Except it was less of a question and more of a statement. Included a time and place.

And then he just ran away without giving Terushima a chance to answer.

Kageyama was too flustered to wait for an answer, even though he still had a very serious almost angry expression.

Terushima was too shocked to do anything but blink

But they ended up going on a date. It was Karasuno’s school festival

Kageyama’s class did a haunted house. He was a zombie

But they spent most of the day wandering around the grounds and making awkward conversation

The relationship developed slowly. They went on several dates before real feelings started to creep up

Their first time was after a volleyball match Karasuno won. Kageyama was still hyped after and they were talking and Terushima thought his excitement was kind of cute so he kissed him.

Kageyama’s family is often absent, so Terushima would visit as often as he could or just facetime with him so he wouldn’t be so lonely (is facetime the current video call thing? Idk. Whatever it is)

Convinced Kageyama’s parents to come to a volleyball game once when they were home because Kageyama had mentioned it would be nice if they’d show up at least once and see him play. It was a night when Kageyama was really upset.

Terushima didn’t tell Kageyama that he was the one who did it of course.

Terushima actually helped Kageyama with his studies a little in between flirting and messing around, though maybe his methods weren’t always conventional…

Lot’s of people questioned whether these two could really last. They were very different people but it worked.

Kageyama keeps to his side of the bed but Terushima usually ends up with one limb draped over Kageyama by morning.

Terushima sings in the shower while Kageyama brushes his teeth then they switch because Kageyama is weird about showering together

Terushima loves Kageyama’s pout and sometimes does things to make him pout like steal his food

But Kageyama will steal Terushima’s food too soooooo

No one really wins or loses here

Kageyama falls asleep on Terushima’s shoulder a LOT

They play volleyball sometimes. Kageyama continued after high school so he makes Terushima practice with him

Terushima usually takes it seriously.

Terushima’s dad pretty much disowned him for not going to college but Kageyama stood by his decision and moved in with him during his third year of high school. They both kind of decided they were better off without their families. They got a dog instead.

The dogs name is volley and he flirts with female dogs a lot…..

Kageyama didn’t go to college either. He made it to the national volleyball team and Terushima came to every single game

Terushima bounced around jobs a lot trying to figure out what he really wanted to do with his life. He worked in a kitchen, pierced and tattooed people, dabbled in some acting, etc.

He struggled to really settle on one thing and learned new skills quickly so he just changed jobs when he got bored

Kageyama didn’t mind as long as Terushima was happy.

Kageyama actually let Terushima give him a ear piercing.

Liked nice nights in, eating good food, cuddling, watching tv

Run together in the mornings with their dog

Often cook together. Terushima taught Kageyama some kitchen skills so now they both can make good food

When Kageyama is gone for games and stuff, they facetime or call every night after the game/practice

It’s usually very chill conversations. A quick summary of what they have both been up to that day, maybe a short rant. They just both like to hear each others voice each day.

Both very proud of each other

Kageyama was shy about physical affection at first but he got very cuddly when he was sleepy.

Both are switches though Kageyama usually ends up on the bottom

They usually don’t agree on the music. Neither of them hates the other’s choice in music, they just don’t agree on what’s best

Holidays are usually just them and small. They might go a friends party or a shrine on New Years but for the most part, they just take the vacation time to hang out and chill. 

They don’t really decorate or much. Maybe a small gift or something but it’s not that important to them

They don’t really talk to their families anymore but they have each other and a lot of good friends so it’s okay. Blood doesn’t make family, love does, and they believe that.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Croatia to Eurovision with a confused angel lad and his lowkey over-enthusiastic mentor

Yeah, well, I definitely have hoped for this nation to finally finally bring back Dora as their national selection, as I myself have never really felt their internal entries since they abandoned it (well maybe except Nina from 2012 but even then by now I grew out of it softly). Not even Nina from 2016 which was tipped as a huge fan fave (though I’m so sorry for it getting completely lambasted in Eurovision, especially because of the poor clothing choice and Nina’s warbly notes here and there).

And they did! After like what, 7 solid years??? After the last Dora ending out with a disastrous end result and spawned a person to (more) stardom who even qualified a couple years back and this year he’s there to be a songwriter for his home country because of the Eurovision 2019 slogan inspiring him???? Well... yeah that happened. With having fought 15 other participants made up of familiar faces, up and coming starlets, the already legendary divas or just some people, he won as a songwriter for this next target of my review - the target that is aptly titled “The Dream” and is performed by a 19 year old up-and-coming pop star, Roko Blažević. Yep, Jacques Houdek won a NF but not with himself singing. Man did his magic game get stronger over the years since Dora 2011.

And interestingly enough, Jacques’s wizardry comes in with him being capable of selling chanceless music as something worth buying into. How can that happen???

Well, to be frank with you all, this song is not that bad, unlike everyone thinks it is. It feels like a low-rent musical ballad, sure, but it's not terribly composed or anything... well, I know I usually hate on those songs that like using mostly not the "verse - chorus - verse - chorus - bridge - chorus", but there are plenty of songs that mess with that structure that usually just omit the last two components (radio pop music) or don’t even need one, and they sound great. Here we have the omission of the last two components that more reminds me of “Grande amore” (I am not saying they’re comparable but still), as in, slow ballad in the F minor (”The Dream” even slaps a keychange on) that tries to sound majestic/dramatic, not very much so to be intense, just something theatrical I s’pose. And has a little too little time for another full verse so they just go to a bridge (and "Grande amore" had two long pre-choruses too?!?). I don’t hate this one, if I had to make a 2019 ranking this instant I’d put this in Top 30 somehow.

So what is there to be found that puts people off? They cannot be hating on Roko’s voice, which is really great for a young man like him. (In fact, God forbid I say one bad word about him, because some specific one on Twitter will have a beatdown with me because I dissed her hubby... so I’ll keep my mouth shut about any qualities of his :X) I guess it consists of several factors: 1) the song sounds dated; 2) the lyrics, especially in that chorus (I DREAM OF LOOOOOOVE, YOU DREAM OF LOOOOOOVE~ lol I actually dream of hatred, hatred will prevail >:) ); 3) the vocal volume is loud at parts; 4) the song is English-Croatian and somehow it should be sung in Croatian just to hide away the hideous understandable lyrics. My personal caveats are: 1) the song is too plodding and it shows a lot in that chorus with Roko holding his long notes (can we get tothe point FASTER?!); 2) the chorus lacks productional depth and maybe with a slight revamp (given Jacques wouldn’t be so stubborn about it!) it could have sounded the right amount of dramatic. If anything, I am GRATEFUL that it sounds more palatable than "My Friend", as THAT one was a joyful of cringey clichés tbh. The cheese became rotten and smelly and the sudden violin lead-in into the bridge still creeps me out. Goddamn it Jaq.

Not to mention Mr. Houdek is soooooo optimistic about his song, he finds everything in it perfect enough to not change it! Not the melody, not the language decisions, not the wings (did I tell you Roko wore wings on his NF performance??) - no! Did someone not tell him that Eurovision is rapidly evolving and his fantasies of coming top 3 with this song just better stay fantasies? Oh wait, it's the same man who once sang "dare to dream and make it real", of course he's stuck to his guns like super glue. Can't blame him, there were worse songs in top 3 over the years. Still though, the wings is a stupid idea. There should be something else involved if Jacques wants a performance to be memorable. Roko can't just stand there and only do what he's told to do by his guardian songwriter - granted he has to behave but still...

In the end, how would I summarize this tl;dr? I am one of a handful of folks who find this alright. There's a bigger minority who outright adores the song but I'm just there that likes this and nothing much more, honestly. Everything's just alright. Guess I'm sometimes soft enough to accept cheese, huh. But seriously, the mentoring behind the scenes... it's creepy to say the least. I'm happy Roko's having a helluva good time at least.

Approval factor: Oh I don't know with this one, statistically we can just go ahead and... try approving this? I’m not a huge fan of Croatian entries this decade, at least Slovenia redeemed themselves in my eyes last minute with “Sebi”, while even in my Croatian faves (they mostly are “Nebo” and “Crazy”, and I maaaaaybe like “Lighthouse” a bit too actually?) I see some negative qualities that completely overwhelm my liking for them. But since I legally find “The Dream” okay, I give this one a bit of a pass.

Follow-up factor: Sadly this kind of choice feels to me as a steady divedown in overall quality of what Croatia usually offers us. Well the decline was always on since “My Friend” followed up “Lighthouse” I suppose, or it's just so happens that Croatia sent the duds on this decade only in odd years ("Celebrate" was fun but tragic trash, "Mižerja" was pleasant I guess but everything here was miserable from the beginning and everyone still doesn’t get why “My Friend” qualified and “Crazy” didn’t). I like it though.

Qualification factor: I’d like to believe that this one can borderline sneak the fuck in to the finals for no reason other than Jacques knowing how to work things in his favour. Yes, I’m not writing this off completely. Although I still see some parts where this wouldn’t work out, it’s actually not 100% doomed... if anything, I at least don’t see it coming last in semi easily! It’s not as LAME as Iceland last year was. And it too was a basic love-peace-dreams message inserted into an older-timey-sounding singalong ballad and was given for a young singer that has a helluva lot of potential later ASIDE Eurovision. That is if they don't pretend Eurovision "ruined [their] careers, njeh!", of course. At least Roko can SANG live and maybe it will happen again that a singer's voice will make this surprisngly qualify over the song? We'll see. For now Jacques should just stay focused on how to make Roko's angel wings (sigh...) more memorable on stage in case the voice is not qualifying but the gimmicks are.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

EMA 2019 at least had positive surprises all over for a NF this non-cared-about-by-me. Dora just... did not. Really. This NF did not interest me all that much song-quality-wise, and it even had SIX MORE SONGS than EMA!!! Crazy, huh?? But it’s okay, I can talk about the show to you if you want me to:

• From the Dora participants list announcement I was mostly excited to hear like two entries, and I'll mention both of them right away separately. And it's by two artists I've heard of before a lot! Though this first one kind of made me feel like I've been somewhat betrayed... enter Luka Nižetić who has got a nice vast catalogue of songs now - soft song(s), upbeat summer songs, and so on. And I kinda liked some of those songs of his I heard (if you're looking for recommendations, give "Vječno" a listen!), but “Brutalero”, his actual Dora 2019 entry was... on a whole different level. Dude, when was ripping off “Mi gente” ever useful?? It’s the year people were chasing after “Fuego” as the Latinesque bop to copy, not this! I hate it when people rehash annoying (but catchy) songs, and it’s certainly worse when they do it as their Eurovision NF entry. Brutal. And I actually remember hyping him before hearing the song, which is a bigger facepalm-worthy moment of mine. When will I ever learn?! ;( Thank God for the juries who served this song right. IDC if the revamp version of this made it any better, I’ll be fuming over this not being an inspired song. Oh and the comic book cartoon style made this brutally laughable to me, I said what I said. It might have entertained some kids though. So to summarise, Luka’s capable of having bops out, but “Brutalero” ain’t it, sis.

• Well guess what - Friendship ended with LUKA, Now MANNTRA is my best friend! Hell yeah lol. Did I tell you I like rock music so much? So I really foresaw kind of liking Manntra's song “In the Shadows” and rooting for them based on me knowing their name (just like Luka but oop), and in fact I really did root for them in the end! I wish I supported them more than Luka instead. They’re bangin’. They’re blazin’. They’re pure awesomeness. Their costumes. THAT BREAKDOWN. Magic. Should’ve won, and if them winning were any forbidden because Croatia is just refusing to accept stuff I’d stan for, at least come second. Screw Luka, screw Lorena. Bring the rock music back. ^^

• oh yeah and the others I guess. Well, if I had to recommend a few entries, here goes: if you’re nostalgic for old-timey early 2000′s bops (in the style of “Everyway That I Can”), you go and listen to the aforementioned Lorena Bućan‘s entry, “Tower of Babylon”. If you dreamed of one of the Femminem singers becoming a 60s retro artiste (actually you did not, that sounds very utter random), go check her project’s (Gelato Sisters) entry, “Back to That Swing”. If you’re here for THE QUEEN DOMENICA, go ahead, check out “Indigo”, the ultimate shopping mall background music anthem. My actual other favourite together with Manntra was Beta Sudar though, as “Don’t Give Up” as some really nice pop I guess. You see what I mean when I said that Dora this year did not interest me all that much song-quality-wise? Well ofc some songs were nice but that's all and too much 'just niceness' is slowly breaking me honestly. I would have gladly cancelled the NF and put Manntra through internally instead. Epic boys deserve an epic platform to showcase themselves, I don’t make the rules here.

Thankfully that's that out of the way, now I'm just going to wish this sweet little angel man all the best in Tel Aviv and not to be too upset if he flops. I know Jacques would be upset, but for that he shouldn't put Roko through a similar mind process also...

[seokjinandeggnog]

Here is my long ass post about my love for Monsta X and their ATL concert (07.25.18)

20/10 recommend seeing them live

I need to preface everything by saying this was my first kpop concert and Monsta X is my ult bias kpop group so like I was pretty hype

I went with my sisters and when we got to the venue well over two hours early we expected to find parking and then get food but umm there was a huge ass crowd waiting for the doors to open so that was a nope idk it made me nervous so I just chose to starve but mx fed us well so I ain’t complaining

I expected a lot more Koreans but that actually wasn’t the case which surprised me. They were honestly the minority

There were soooo many mx lightsticks which also surprised me and I was high key jealous but with the amount I dropped to go to the concert I wasn’t about to drop $55 for a lightstick idk man

I love when a group comes out and the energy in the venue is fucking palpable?! That’s my shit bruh

They hit us back to back to back with songs in the beginning and it was a fucking adventure

Jooheon not introducing himself and asking the crowd what his name was???? 😩😩😩😩😩

Hearing Lost in a Dream live (my fave song by them rn) was the highlight for me

I felt my soul ascend when Kihyun hit that note omg

And then he did it again when they performed the bridge acapella 😭😭😭😭

Everyone’s English was sooo good!! After everyone introduced themselves in English Wonho’s bitch ass was like anyways Annyeonghaseyo Jeoneun Wonho imnida (that was google translate so sorry if the romanization is off lol)

Jooheon and Shownu’s performance of Versace on the Floor *clutches chest*

When they performed Beautiful but didn’t take off their jackets it low key hurt my heart but I got over it

I was also low key sad they didn’t do Hero but again I quickly got over it cause like Destroyer and Lost in a Dream ?!?!?

Listen Kihyun singing sexy in Aura kills me but hearing him say it live over and over?!?!?? Different plane of existence dude

He kept saying they were gonna do a sexy concept today andbjkhskd I actually hate him. I need a new bias he hurts my heart too much

eXCUSE JOOHEON’S CHARISMA

When Wonho spun Hyungwon around bridal style?!?!? oof

For having a translator and not making Changkyun do it all by himself 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾I’m so annoyed at these interviews theyve been doing but anyways moving on

I just realized From Zero was originally performed as a subunit with Hyungwon and Wonho and wow everything makes so much more sense but we got to see that head turn in like three different versions and i-

Minhyuks hair all of my heart eyes like omg

That subunit Kihyun and Wonho and Minhyuk did was the cutest thing everrrrr I need to find a fancam of that somewhere and watch it five more times I loved it

White Love was such a fun song to sing along to with a huge crowd I was so into it

Bruhhhh Hyungwon’s voice in Fake Love almost brought me to tears I’m not over it

Changkyun saying our energy is crazy and then transitioning into Crazy in Love. I quote my sister when I say segue king

Changkyun saying their music is for people of all genders and colors and wow again king

Jooheon was just so cute and so jumpy the whole time and I just fell in love with the kid all over again and then BAM he hits with you with his rapping and homeboy fucking goes HARD like yeah you know that by just hearing their songs but live?!? It’s actually fucking insane live and 624728x better somehow

Shownu is soooooo cute like I can’t explain he was really trying hard with his English and when he was cheesing so hard and his whole face is squish and bruhhhh his dancing?!? y’all I’m so soft for Shownu in this essay I will-

When they connected the Destroyer video and Dramarama video my mind was blown omg

Now when I listen to Fallin’ in the car I do the same dance moves they did lolololol

I’ve never cheered for an encore like that! That was fun

When everyone moved their lightsticks to the beat of “Knock Knock” during Trespass

It was Hyungwon’s first Atlanta concert too 💖💖

Dude they promised to come back to ATL next year and I’m over here like ‘omg can they do that?! omg they just did that’ I freaked out I hope they do come back. I probs will try to go again I love them omg

20/10 recommend seeing them live

[dont-doubt-dopple]

Not a Couple, I swear

V-Day Fic for @blasteroftheass featuring cute fluffy H2OMoo. And no, I haven’t read Darius’s Fic but I’m 90% sure I’m going to get my heart broken because he’s really good at that and it scares me sometimes. Tissue Box is on standby. But enjoy!

——————

Word Count: 1645

Prompt: You’re my best friend, and we’re both single for Valentine’s day. Let’s go on a platonic date. What’s the worst that could happen? (Also said by Del pretty early on.)

—————————

Delirious: What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Moo: Nothing exciting. I’ve got all the stations playing the Olympics queued up and ready.

Also a lot of Ice Cream for When figure skating comes on

Delirious: Boring!! We should do somethign

Moo: What and why?

Delirious: You’re my best friend, and we’re both single for Valentine’s day. Let’s go on a platonic date. What’s the worst that could happen?

Moo: You “accidentally” set something on fire

Delirious: that was one time

Moo: is there a way I can glare at you through the screen

there have been several intances of that

Delirious: look I admit I’m not perfect

Moo: From any stretch of the imagination

Delirious: but I have a plan

HEY

Moo: 🙂

God I have to turn that setting off

Delirious: okay

so plan

two of us go see Black Panther movie everyone including me is so hyped about

then we kid out with the carnival in town

Moo: Black panther comes out after vday

I know

me and ev have plans to see it opening night

Delirious: fuck!

okay, what movies are out?

15:17 to Paris

The Tom Hanks Meryl Streep one

 the new Liam Neeson movie on a train

Proud Mary

Peter Rabbit

Fifty shades freed

Delirious: the last one plz

Moo: but Proud Mary looks soooooo good

plus Marcel would kill me if I didn’t see it

Delirious: it’s Valentine’s Day. We’re going as cheesy as possible

we’re watching the rom com

Moo: Del, no

——————————

Brock wished there was something he had to cover his face. The blush was very apparent in his cheeks as Jonathan talked to the older woman at the ticket counter. A platonic date, he was assured. As the two friends went to see the most romantic movie of the season and Jon was not. Holding back. At all.

He had shown up at the door in a dress shirt and clip on tie (“little dressed for casual, isn’t it?”) with a heart shaped box of chocolates under his arm (“Thanks. But you know this isn’t a romantic date, right?”). Jon had even tried to get Brock to hold hands as they came into the theater (“Platonic, Jon. Are you sure you know what that means?”). It was a little over the top, considering they were two friends going out because they had nothing else to do today.

“Two tickets to Fifty Shades Freed.” The woman said, handing the tickets to Brock. “Theater 5 on your left. Just remember, be mindful of other patrons if you do decide to become … intimate during the film.”

“Oh, we’re not …” Brock began to say, trying to gesture to himself and Jon. But the other man had already run off to get onto the concessions line, determined to get as many sugary snacks before Brock could get there. “We’re just friends.”

“Standard procedure, sir. We have to do this for every romantic movie.” She smiled, but Brock didn’t have to worry if she truly meant it. Jon was already coming toward him, candy snacks piled in his arms.

“I got you your favorite.” He said guiltily, passing over a package of M&Ms Brock’s way. Brock didn’t budge, the disapproving motherly look still on his face.

“I told you before, only one sugary snack, popcorn and maybe a soda.”

“Well, you left me unsupervised. And that’s kinda your fault.”

“You’re an adult, Jonathan. You should not need my supervision.”

“We both know that I fail at adulting.” Jonathan refuted. Brock sighed. If there was one thing he had learned from their friendship, it was that Jonathan could not be argued out of something he believed in. Arguably very frustration at times for the Mom friend, especially when he knew he was right.

“Fine. But don’t blame me if you end up throwing up at the carnival.” Jonathan nods furiously, before Brock grabs his wrist and drags him toward the ticket guy. It’s an older gentleman again, and Brock tries to hold back his eye roll.

“Tickets please?” Brock hands the guy the two tickets, and he hands the stubs back equally as fast. “Enjoy the show.” The man’s voice is flat, clearly eyeing the two with contempt.

“We’re not boyfriends, just guy friends.” Brock assures him, before Jonathan jumps in.

“Brosexual, if you will.”

“Not helping.”

—————————

“I told you. You wouldn’t believe me, but I told you.”

“Shuch up!!” Jonathan yells in response, before beginning to feeling queasy again. He leaned once more over the bucket they had found, letting the contents of his stomach go once more. Brock patted him on the back, making sure none of the vomit got on him. The smell of food around him didn’t help, buttered popcorn and funnel cakes drifting toward their noses.

“Is … he okay?” Brock turned to face the girl who asked him. The teen is extremely pale, like she went on too many rides as well. Her auburn hair was messily tied back, and black glasses still lay loosely in her sweatshirt pocket.

“He just went on too many rides, that’s all.”

“Ditto.”

“I blame you.” Jon stated, using a nearby napkin to wipe excess vomit. “You made me go on all those rides after eating that pretzel.”

“No. After the pretzel I specifically said, ‘Jon, we should take a break. You’re going to throw up if you keep going on all the spinny rides.’ To which you responded, ‘You can’t tell me what to do.’, before going on all the rides.”

“You should have been taking better care of me then.”

“I am not your mom!”

“You are the mom friend. Does that count?” Brock hears the girl besides them giggle at their bickering.

“You guys are honestly couple goals.”

“Platonic!” Brock refutes, clearly getting flustered at the topic again. “Look .. look it up. In the dictionary.”

“Sorry. Geez, didn’t mean to hit a sore spot.”

“KATIE!!”

“Coming Mom!” The girl shouted, slipping on her glasses before walking toward the rest of her family. Brock sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. Why did people assume he and Jon were on a date?

“Can I have a teddy bear?” Jon blurted out, “Not like one of the tiny ones, but the big ones that you win at the games. Can you win me one?”

“Jon, you know I don’t have an athletic bone in my body and my luck is even worse.”

“But I want a TEDDY BEAR!!”

“How about this.” Brock proposed. “I run out to the Walmart shopping center and see if I can find one. While I do that, you can wait in line for the Ferris Wheel. Okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah!” He cheers excitedly. God, he really is an overexcited child.

—————————

“This is was a good day. Did you enjoy it? I enjoyed it.” Jonathan squealed, clutching even harder to the giant bear Brock had gotten him from Babies R’ Us (but don’t tell him that). It took up about a third of the seat, but Jonathan never care. And neither did Brock right now. He was just glad that one of his best friends had managed to drag him out of the house and just enjoy the 14th of February. The smile on his face was genuine as the car they were in stopped right at the top. The view of the lights of the city was breaktaking, even if they weren’t that high up.

“Wow.” Brock breathed, the car swaying back and forth.

“Yeah, It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

“Beautiful.”

“I just wish I could see the stars.” Jonathan reminisced. “I remember Luke and I would just drive for hours to find this nice quiet place away from the lights and noise of the city. We’d take turns driving while the other goofed around in the back, singing to the radio at the top of out lungs off key. We’d leave at the beginning of the day and just get to the spot around midnight. Both of us would be tired but we’d pull an all nighter just to watch the stars disappear and the sun rise. I miss that. The two of us for three days.” Brock didn’t say anything, just tried to formulate words as the wheel started up again, pulling the view away from them.

“Why didn’t you guys do that this year?” He finally asked.

“He met Genay. And while I love her, I really do, it’s just don’t have that much time to hang out with him anymore. I just … I needed to get out of the house and do something. Sorry, if this is making you think I think you any less or you were just my second choice. You’re one of my best friends, if not the best. Just .. yeah.”

The two sat in silence the rest of the ride, which wasn’t long. Brock kept replaying Del’s confession in his head, trying to remedy what his friend had told him. And when the two had gotten off the wheel, Delirious was clinging to his teddy even tighter than before.

“Hey, Jonathan?” Moo spoke finally as the two headed toward the exit, the night getting late and Jon’s eyes struggling to stay open. “How about next Valentine’s Day, if the two of us are still single, we take a road trip?”

“Where to?”

“Oh, I was thinking maybe the middle of nowhere.” Jonathan’s eyes widened, and before Brock knew it he was being lifted into the air via Delirious’ hug.

“OMG YES!!! BEST VALENTINE’S DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”

“Best Valentine’s Day of your life so far.” Both men smiled, having a feeling the comedic remark was going to hold true. That next year was going to be even better.

[amarpelosdois-blog]

ESC ‘17: my thoughts on the final

now that Eurovision is over for the year 😥, I’ll share my thoughts about all the acts in the final.

Israel: an okay performance, not an especially great one though. I did think it was a nice way to start the show.

Poland: I saw a comment somewhere, long before Eurovision week, saying that Kasia was basically singing really passionately about nothing in particular. I’m inclined to agree. I like Kasia, I think, but Flashlight is kind of a pointless song imo.

Belarus: love this! they were so cute and so happy and this deserved more points, okay? especially since they sang in Belarusian! for the first time!

Austria: see above, it was happy and he’s cute and deserved better! I don’t know how Nathan didn’t even get a single televote point! he was good!

Armenia: I really thought Artsvik was going to do better, but tbh the performance fell kinda flat. she and her dancers could have used more of the stage, I think, and it would have been more effective.

Netherlands: I was kind of indifferent to this song up until I saw it performed. O’G3NE is great and I cried a little.

Moldova: okay how exactly did this get 3rd? was it Epic Sax Guy? it’s a top-10 performance, I guess, but imho not a top-3. it seemed to go on way longer than 3 minutes.

Hungary: holy shit YES, I’m soooooo glad Joci was in the top 10! he deserved it! don’t know why the juries slept on him though…

Italy: y’all probably won’t agree at all but I think 6th was the right placing for this. I mean, it was good, but - like Armenia, as well as a few others - it fell flat and didn’t quite measure up to the hype or expectations.

Denmark: poor Anja, stuck between Italy and Portugal :( the song’s kinda generic but I liked it and she performed well, I thought.

Portugal: ♥ Salvador is adorable and he did soooooo well! this was actually only my #2 of the night but I think he’s a well-deserved winner, and he made history in multiple ways (first Portuguese victory since they started competing 53 years ago! in a language other than English for the first time since 2007! and the highest scoring Eurovision winner ever - even if his points were converted to the previous system of voting!) and I’m proud of him!

Azerbaijan: another act that fell flat. this was one of my favourites in studio but I just wasn’t really feeling the live performance, I would have preferred something that stuck more to the aesthetic of the music video, I guess.

Croatia: I wasn’t expecting this to do as well as it did. hell, I wasn’t even expecting Jacques to qualify. but I guess it was so extra that it ended up working somehow?

Australia: this was the first time I genuinely enjoyed an Australian entry. I didn’t care much for the staging but I thought Isaiah sang the shit out of his song and 9th is a well deserved position.

Greece: let’s be real this should be Finland …yeah I really didn’t like this. it felt kinda cheap and like a throwback to 2012, in a way. I like Demy, it’s just a shame about her song.

Spain: didn’t like this either. I hate to say that any act deserved last, but… honestly this kinda did. sorry Manel :(

Norway: underdog of the season?? started off as kind of an unexpected winner of MGP, ended up in the top 10 and I’m really happy about that!

UK: Lucie should have been in the top 10 - though 15th is still better than the UK has been doing as of late. I cried a little at her performance too.

Cyprus: I liked the staging, even though some of it felt borrowed from Belgium ‘15 and maybe Russia ‘16. however, I think it takes a pretty strong performer/song to make it work, and Hovig just wasn’t the right fit.

Romania: yodel rap works a lot better than it probably should. the whole thing was kinda tacky but somehow they pulled it off.

Germany: not last? wow! this was pretty much “generic: the performance” imo, sorry Levina :(

Ukraine: ah, this year’s token rock song! kind of a letdown and if Ukraine had to compete in the semis this year I don’t think they would have qualified.

Belgium: yet another that fell flat in my opinion. Blanche needed a little more movement, I thought - not a whole lot more, it’s not that kind of song, but she just stood there a little too much.

Sweden: I just really didn’t like this, but these days Sweden could probably be top 5 with literally anything they sent. Robin seems soulless imo and the song kinda skeeves me out. 

Bulgaria: Kristian my love, you did amazing ♥ yeah this was my #1 of the night. something about this worked for me more than any other performance. as happy as I am for Salvador (pretty damn happy, he was my #2 and has been one of my favourites the whole time), I bet I’d be even happier if it were Kristian who walked away with the trophy.

France: I liked this a lot more than I expected, given that the studio version didn’t do much for me. the English in the chorus still sounded off (probably because the French last line doesn’t rhyme) though, and Alma should have gone with a solid-coloured dress because I thought it seriously clashed with how busy the background got at times.

[ifuckekureto]

Thoughts

Putting this under a readmore because it got way longer than I intended it to lol. To summarize, it’s my thoughts on some character interpretation in the ONS fandom (not meant as discourse!!!). Sorry in advance for being a bit disorganized.

I feel a bit distanced from the ONS fandom, but I get a general impression that most people dislike Kureto. And just to preface the next few sentences, I of course think it’s completely natural for everyone to have their faves/non-faves and individual interpretations of characters. That’s what being in a fandom is all about! With that being said... well... I think my interpretation of Kureto differs from the rest of the fandom. And I’m probably just being salty, but this does bother me in a sense because: A) I’ll totally admit I’m a Kureto Apologist™ but more importantly B) if you look at Kureto on a superficial level, disliking him is a natural conclusion... but I feel like not many people look beyond the superficial level when it comes to Kureto. I guess it’s not so much that I think their analyses are incorrect, just incomplete.

In one sense, yes, he does bad things - he experimented on a helpless child and killed innocent people in order to activate a magical superweapon. Killing innocents is usually where I draw the line. But Kureto did this not in the name of power, but in the name of humanity. The vampires were planning to destory the JIDA headquarters, and he stopped them in their tracks. Don’t get me wrong, if I was there, I would be slapping Kureto upside the head. I always believe another solution is possible. This theme of finding another solution seemed to be prevalent in the light novels too (though *a bit spoiler-y for LN 7* such efforts seemed to be largely meaningless in the end). But it does raise the question, what would have happened if Kureto hadn’t initiated the ritual? Would the vampires’ assault have been stopped? Would the JIDA still exist? Would our beloved characters still be alive? Kureto also said that the deaths of the soldiers would be an honorable sacrifice. He wanted to respect their lives, though you would think he would have the respect to tell them ahead of time... rip... In a sense, it is a bit odd to me because you would think there would be plenty of soldiers in the JIDA who would willingly sacrifice their lives, making a surprise murder ritual unnecessary. Of course, you have the elements of maintaining top secrecy and some humans being born outside the world of magic who probably don’t have an unflinching loyalty to the Hiiragi. And there are a bunch of other complicated factors that could be a whole post of their own. (Not to mention the mechanisms to keep the plot rolling, haha.) Long story short, Kureto believed he was doing the right thing, and while I vehemently disagree with his methods, it is a bit different to me than a villain. One of my favorite quotes ever comes from the Mass Effect series, and it describes such a situation as part of “the ruthless calculus of war,” with the idea being that you have to make incredibly hard sacrifices here to save countless lives over there. 

As for his ambition to take over the other human organizations... Honestly, I’m not sure what to think of this yet. I think I will need to see more of this ambition explained before I can form a proper judgment. My first impression is deeply negative. Kureto... what are you doing... One could say it is coming from Raimeiki, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think that is necessarily the case. Seeing as the vampires have almost globally domesticated humans, my thought is that Kureto either seeks to upend the current way most other humans live or replace other human resistance organizations that exist due to the JIDA having been the only organization to unlock the Black Demon cursed gear (Kagami confirmed this about the JIDA on Twitter, I think). My guess would be the latter. But that’s the Kureto Apologist™ within me... I actually don’t have a positive outlook on what this ambition will lead to.

Anyways, as for the LNs... God, they fit my headcanons for Kureto almost perfectly. So much I could comment on. In my opinion, he really is a good guy by the end of the 7th LN. But many people seem to leave the LNs with the impression that Kureto really is a bully. I did not get that impression at all, to be perfectly honest, especially since he willingly put up his life as a sacrifice to save the world numerous times (though thankfully, it always worked out in the end). The only thing I can think of is when Kureto was on the phone with Mahiru and discussed the brutal ways in which he would torture Sakae. I actually just messaged a friend about this because I do not have a good memory of this passage. I do remember thinking that Kureto was bluffing, and I think Mahiru said so herself, but I really am not sure about this at all. This could be the Kureto Apologist™ within me, though, so take it with a grain of salt. One day, I’ll find the passage and reread it and update this post.

Well... this is somewhat related to the ideas of the first paragraph (but not to Kureto), but a lot of fans seem dissatisfied with Chapter 53. And yes, this will obviously have Chapter 53 spoilers... So if you haven’t read Chapter 53, just skip this paragraph. But some fans seem to think Narumi was a jerk to Mikaela. I... disgaree. First of all, Mika was involved in the skirmish in which two of his squadmates died. I don’t blame Narumi for being a bit wary of a vampire, especially with a demon poking and prodding around in his heart. Secondly, the issues he raised were extremely valid. If Mika can’t restrain his desire for human blood, they’re going to have a tough time on the battlefield together. But Mika lasted soooooo longggg without tasting human blood, that I’m sure he’d be fine. Narumi probably does not know much about this, though. Mika even had to explain how long he’d lasted without tasting blood. And full-blood vampires aren’t always bloodthirsty, as Chess remarked she was full once after drinking from a human. But again, Narumi wouldn’t know this. Also, as a plot device, Narumi’s questioning of Mika also provided much exposition for the reader in terms of what it really means to forsake humanity and become a vampire. And, at the end of the day, Narumi didn’t come off as particularly hostile to me.

And Seishiro... Haha... honestly, there’s not much in canon to redeem him at this point... Just the cute things like he feels relaxed when fixing his dumb hair or the fact that he loves Star Wars enough to name his dog (he has a dog!!!) after Chewbacca. I do think he will be important, though. Kureto said he would be useful. Which... okay, I really hope Kagami explains more of their relationship because Kureto was a big meanie head to Seishiro :’( I guess the biggest thing about Seishiro is that I saw some discourse in which someone called him a would-be rapist (in reference to LN 2, I think... Idk, I got the English version which combined the first two LNs, so I’m not sure). And... hoo... I just... I mean, obviously, he was attempting to humiliate Sayuri, which is just mean, but I’m not sure that there was really any sexual motivation behind it. Also, they were in a school-sanctioned fight. The Hiiragi family is crazy. But this means to me that it wasn’t just some random incident. It was part of the school’s examinations where students are expected to go all-out. The novel mentions that students have even died in these fights, and deaths were not exactly a rare occurrence. That shows the degree of sanctioned brutality in the fights. I use the word sanctioned here a lot because it really carries across the idea that the school’s environment fueled the circumstances for such a situation to happen. Also, Seishiro is just a dumb insecure 15 year-old trying to get approval from his peers who were egging him on. Not an unfamiliar narrative. I know it sounds like I’m defending Seishiro, but unfortunately, I don’t think I can communicate effectively enough to discuss the other layers to his actions without it coming across this way. Also, since there’s so little information on Seishiro, I have a myriad of complex headcanons about him and his behaviors... so I know that I myself am adding a biased layer to this discussion. Anyways, I just think it would be hard to grow up in a society driven by ambition and be inherently less powerful than your peers. He has probably been overlooked for most of his life, and I think his actions in the LNs are desperate ploys for attention and acknowledgement. Gah, heading into headcanon territory here, I better stop myself now.

Yeah... this had less to do with Kureto than I thought it would... But... one last thing... It seems that a lot of people in the fandom still like Ferid even though he gruesomely murdered children (and I don’t think this is offset by his implications of resurrecting them). But Kureto makes a tactical decision and gets h8 for it? Just sayin’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Though I actually don’t really care for this argument because I have soooo many double-standards myself that this is actually pretty hypocritical of me haha.

Sorry, this isn’t meant to be discourse! And I’m definitely not hopping off the ONS hype train anytime soon. And this isn’t meant to be a complaint about the fandom. It’s just that I figured I might offer my perspective too since so little seem to share it. Gah. If you read this far, thanks, lol, and feel free to send a message if you want to discuss it further.