#this is what happens when we (aroace) get an interest in figuring out wtf the Attraction Deal is btw. we have much knowledge

[mantisgodsdomain]

Ok we realize we just wrote like a whole tag essay about this but we just realized that we can pare it down to "either no or no but in a way where people probably still talk about thinking theyre hot anyways".

[aurorae-system]

self-imposed ask game question answering as a system exercise!

Answering ones we know we have an immediate answer to. I'll probably challenge myself to answer harder ones sometime soon :] ~

3. How do you figure out who you are in the moment?

Usually we do something or react to something in a way where we're like "Haha [alter] would totally do that" ... "wait a minute—". then we try to Feel Our Vibe to confirm it. sometimes we can, sometimes we can't.

7. What’s sexuality like for you? Does having multiple parts affect your relationships?

It's a fucking mess </3. We don't have nor have we actually ever had a romantic relationship, but it's certainly made crushes and pining extremely difficult to navigate.

Some of us love the idea of romance. Some of us are neutral about it. Some of us hate romance and think it's stupid/fake/etc. Then some of us like exclusively men. While some of us are bi. Some are aroace. Some are aro w/ sexual attraction. Some are ace w/ romantic attraction. Some have no idea and don't care.

And before we were aware of the system, this made romantic endeavors practically impossible. Oh I really like this guy... Ew no I don't?! Love is a lie, I'm never getting involved with romance. Love is what makes the world go round, I need a partner!!! Man, that girl is really attractive. Yeah I just can't see myself ever being attracted or being interested in women. It's never happened, soooo. And so on lmao.

12. Do any of your parts have special relationships with eachother? Would you like to share about some?

Yep! We have two littles who are twins, and then they also have a little sibling! So 3 of our littles are family. That's the only relationship/connection any of our alters have with one another that we are aware of.

13. Do you have parts that oppose eachother? (In views, personality, ect)

Oh god yes. Honestly that's what kinda got us to start questioning being a system. We'd share an opinion with friends, or make some type of comment on something. Then later (sometimes even that same day lmao) look back and go "Huh? Why did I say that... I don't think that. Like at all. Wtf...?" We could still remember doing it, but it was like... It didn't feel like "I" had said that. I had just chalked it up to BPD for awhile until I finally had more Realizations, lol.

14. Who’s the part that is most likely to deal with high-stress situations first?

Hmm... either Nine or Locke, probably. Though it depends what the stressor is/what happened. Because Night gets triggered to front usually whenever the stress is specifically someone doing something that violates our boundaries, values, self-respect, etc. Which does happen in this house often lmao.

While Nine is our primary protector and fronts in either more general stressful events or events where it wasn't super interpersonally sensitive. Though he almost always handles interpersonal arguments and assertive communication.

Locke is kinda... tbh don't really know what his deal is exactly. He seems to front when we really need to not be emotionally there At All. His emotions are very dull, but they're still there. He's just calm and regulated. It's extremely difficult to rile him up. This seems to happen in stressful situations where no action on our part is needed. We don't need to actively protect ourselves because we either won't need to at all or don't need to yet.

18. Are there any reoccurring themes or symbolism in your system? Would you like to share about it?

The only one I can think of is wearing earrings KDJNSJD. Like, almost every teen and up alter has earrings, even (or especially) the guys. Does kinda make sense personally. For some reason as a kid I just... really loved the idea of earrings and getting my ears pierced. But I never could.

25. Do you know what your parts look like? If so, how do you visualize them?

Most of them, yeah. Usually it starts out, upon discovery, getting flashing images in my head on a few main physical characteristics. Typically hair color, vague hairstyle, and a facial expression. Then I try to focus on that to get a clearer image and/or acquire more details on other parts of their appearance. Lastly, I go to picrew and just kinda trial and error the rest. Try and let them tell me what to pick or otherwise push me in the correct directions. Then if they eventually front, it may get refined by them.

27. Has anyone ever told you something you did or said without you knowing?

YEAH LOL. It hasn't happened too many times, but it's happened. Typically it's about sometime in the relative past, though.

I always thought I had a really good memory, and to my knowledge I did. I always shocked people with remembering minor things in surprising detail. And I never had any trouble with memorization when it came to assessments in school. I liked to refer to my memory growing up as "semi photographic". I could study a piece of paper, say a page from a study guide, for a few minutes and I'd have it memorized. I could visualize it in my head and read it from that visualization with very high accuracy. I could remember and recall things I heard, or parts of them, almost exactly word-for-word. But it didn't seem to be 100% on par with how photographic memory was usually described.

So when someone referenced something I supposedly did, like, 6 months–a year ago, and I can't remember ANYTHING about what they're talking about, it was very unnerving. Something that many others also very clearly remember me doing. Sometimes I would think they're messing with me if it was just one person. Like yeah right. If I have no memory whatsoever of doing that, I obviously didn't actually do it. I of all people would surely remember.

29. How many known parts do you have, if you can count?

As of 1/1/23, I am aware of 18 alters, not including me.

Because uh... I honest to god do not know if whoever I am is the host, or if maybe "I'm" just the persona we've masked as for like almost a decade now. Like a bow on a present, if that makes any sense. Am I [Host]? Or am I an already known (or unknown) alter masking and just using the name we've gone by for 8+ years now?? No idea!!

[eddy1895]

Y'all nobody cares but I kinda literally just figured out (which it should have made sense especially since my friends come to ME specifically asking about names of lgbtq labels and identities so they can figure themselves out) but I think I'm aroace. I had a long term boyfriend and I loved him to bits like I loved him I just.. it just didn't click with more physical stuff I just didn't get it. I was very confused as to why I just wasn't there (if that makes sense.) I've been reflecting on the relationship since we've been broken up for a bit now and I've realized. I'm just aro. Literally after ALL this time. Like before I knew what aro was back in the day I just didn't experience things my peers did. I was certainly aro then. And after being so confused I just figured it out. I'm certainly aro now! Like yeah I have been interested in people before but it's never been as strong. I just I loved my partners when I was with them but it was just incorrect?? Idk. I just didn't have as much passion for more touchy stuff. Like shit would happen and I felt like cool can we watch Jacksepticeye's playthrough of undertale again?

Idk it's just kinda nice. Understanding wtf is wrong with me. Not saying that aroaces have something wrong with them. It's just I felt so different idk...