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the weight of the world should never have been yours to bear

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The Kelpie Pond✨️ Jaimie Whitbread

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seeing strange fetishes im not into on my dash is like observing an edible herb on a walk. Hmm. someone wise ☝ could make use of this... but i shan't 👴

you paint such a beautiful picture with your words anon thank you

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HE WAS SEVENTEEN. AGHHH ULDER WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

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My piece for @bowelfly’s hydraphone 2025, with special thanks to team captain @blossompigeon!

Alternate color wip under the cut

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step 1. get everyone in the world to want to fuck me

step 2. vow of celibacy

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had a dream i was on a path in the woods and at the end of the path was a cabin and in the basement of that cabin was a princess and i was there to slay her or it would be the end of the world but when i went in the basement there was just a lone salmon . it wasnt alive . it was a cooked salmon . and the narrator was like ok slay her what are you waiting for and i was like theres no princess and he was like what do you mean shes right there and i was like that is a salmon and he was like what no and i was like its literally not alive i cant slay the salmon and he was like can you at least try so i spent like ten minutes just stabbing this salmon and eventually i was like this isnt working can i go home and the narrator was like you still have to slay the salmon and then i woke up

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i spent today thinking about gross biological stuff the starblaster crew has to deal with over their century and now i must share: 

lucretia is the only member aboard who ovulates, and she does so with distressing frequency. humans have super ridiculous fertile cycles, is the opinion of all seven crewmembers. it does come in handy for counting down the year on planes with weird amounts of suns/moons/etc, and taako’s Sorry About Your Organs hot chocolate is divine. 

gnomes grow in new teeth their entire lives, like sharks. the first time the davenport paused a briefing to pull out one of his loose incisors, merle screamed and magnus climbed over the back of his chair to get away. 

lup tried ovulating once, but fucked up the transfiguration required and laid an actual egg. no one knew what to do with it so she threw it overboard from five miles up in the air. 

both gnomes and elves have mobile, expressive ears, but the attendant body language varies between the two species and can cause serious misunderstandings. dwarves use eyebrows for emotional signaling in pretty much the exact same way as humans, though merle mostly just uses his to signal that he’s made a really shitty double entendre.

taako’s concept of ‘things exist even when i’m not around’ is pretty shaky. lup’s is worse. they are especially bad at remembering things like the chore chart.

lucretia doesn’t get sunburnt, magnus tans smoothly and easily, but barry is one of those really unfortunate humans who burns in a hot second, then peels, and is exactly as white underneath. also gnomes are really grossed out by the whole process, because loose/flaking skin pings their instincts as a contagious fungal infection. 

gnomes like humidity. unfortunately they are also very prone to fungal infections. 

as a burrowing species, dwarves are built to process a certain amount of grit, and it’s not great for their digestion if they don’t. this means that sometimes merle just stops and eats a handful of dirt. it doesn’t taste any better to him than it would anyone else, but he’s gotta, if he wants to avoid some really heinous bathroom issues. 

elves have tapetum lucida (eyeshines), dwarves and humans don’t, gnomes have something weirder they don’t like to talk about. 

magnus is a young, fit, healthy human man who gets lots of exercise and frequently smells Very Bad. he is unfortunately surrounded by fussy wizards who will bathe him by force if necessary (it is frequently necessary)

barry can’t actually fix his eyes by magic and no one knows why and it drives taako nuts because he should be able to reshape his corneas with any number of basic spells but it just doesn’t work and also it’s very very hard to find an optometrist when you’re a gang of interdimensional adventurer/refugees. 

merle can fix his eyesight by magic but tends to forget to do that.

taako won’t make Sorry About Your Organs hot chocolate for barry because eyes shouldn’t count as organs, that’s just gross.

this isn’t strictly a biological issue, but lup and barry definitely agreed to attempt Nábrók with each other’s corpses should the other perish in range. luckily for everyone else, they never did. 

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The new Marcille extra by Ryoko Kui

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wyll being incorruptible is actually a core part of his character and i love it so much. warlocks in general arent well known for putting strong morals ahead of power on their list of priorities, but heres a fiend warlock who exerts his willpower (or wyllpower, if you wyll) over his fucking devil patron by refusing to let her make him worse. he cant rewrite his pact, but he can choose to break it when he deems necessary. he cant dodge her punishment, but he can choose to not "learn his lesson" and continue pissing her off. its ballsy as fuck. he asserts his autonomy and flexes on the lady who owns his soul and hes a fucking legend for it. no it would not make him a "deeper" character if he succumbed, it would make him fundamentally a different character and exactly what youd expect from a fiend warlock

zariel based seemingly her entire plan on wyll caving to pressure and letting mizora run the gate. but he didnt. his force of will (force of wyll) was stronger than the archduchess of avernus had even passingly thought to account for. wyll choosing to spit in mizoras face and suffer the consequences, simply on principle, fucking owns

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De-Tits ur Gith

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For your consideration: a horse with a neck like a heron

perfect for snatching birds right out of the air

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Vulpix are small, omnivorous Pokemon from the canid family. They have a flattened skull; upright, triangular ears; a broad, slightly upturned snout; and six long, curly tails.

Vulpix are typically divided into two distinct groups, the "Common" Vulpix (Vulpixi spectorum sp.), commonly seen as Fire Type, and the "Iceland" or "Alolan" Vulpix (Vulpixi vagus), commonly seen as Ice Type. Both members of the clade are known to evolve into Ninetales through the application of an object-contact energy overflow catalyzation[1], and are not known to evolve further.

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fresh molt

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Guess who has FLOUR MITES???

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it's #transformationtuesday

trust the process<3