#this is where I realize I've truly hit adulthood.

[feral-and-chaotic]

Here's the thing.

If a fairy knocked at my door.... I would go and check for black mold, check the last thing I ate and maybe get a new carbon monoxide detector.

If a walrus turned up, the number of mental gymnastics are greater and it's less plausible that I'm hallucinating

[llondonfog]

You know how Lilia often talk about the fact that Silver grew up so fast, for him it’s like if he was a child yesterday and now he’s already a young fine man ?Well, the other day I realized how it felt when I looked at my brother’s cat, Soup.

For context, I know Soup since the day she was born and didn’t realize how fast she grew before holding her in my arms in the other day. Suddenly, I felt that she was not as small and light as she used to be not that long ago. But the shook really hit when I looked at the calendar and realized she was only 5 months old. Like, she was as small as my hand this spring, how could time flew that fast ?!

And then I realized that Soup will probably die in a couple of decade if she lives a good life, waaaaay before me. So I sat and though deeply about this feeling and in a way I understood how Lilia may feel about Silver.

Because Silver is his little kitten, his baby that he loves like his own son. And even if Silver will grow and age much faster than him, he’ll probably be his little kitten until the very end in his eyes, even if Silver is not youthful anymore.

Because like 20 years fly in the blink of an eyes for us, 80 years is nothing in the long life Lilia lived. Yet, the same way our cat will probably leave a deep memory in our lives years after they’ll quit us, Silver will certainly be remembered by Lilia until he himself die.

Of course, I already thought before that this must be quite horrible to feel, as a species that can live longer like fae, to see the ones you love pass out so quickly… But I think I didn’t expect to actually be able to grasp this feeling myself with my relationship with this cat.

Anyway, I needed to share this feeling and since I know you love Lilia and Silver relationship I thought you’d be interested.

as a first-time cat owner myself, i can't tell you how much your ask hit home with me, and makes a perfect reference point for how we interact with these characters. i know exactly how you feel— when i picked up my cat at three months old, he was the smallest, cutest little bundle of fluff, his ears accounted for half of his size! and it's so crazy to look at him curled up next to me now, in the space that could have fit three of him as a kitten. we're celebrating his third birthday in november, and it's hard to believe so much time has passed— where did it go? it feels like only yesterday i was eagerly prepping for his arrival and fussing over his every move, so worried that i wouldn't know how to care for him properly.

and the thought will strike me from time to time, just as it has with you about soup— i will outlive my cat, this sweet little creature that's given me so much joy, purpose, and delight in my life. the very notion of it doesn't seem real, and it's humbling to realize that life is so fleeting and precious, and we have to cherish the time we have with our loved ones (even if they're cats!) because time can only keep marching on.

also, as a person in my late twenties enjoying the game, lilia and silver's relationship really hits home when i consider silver's struggle to accept his own father's decline and compare that to my own parents and the inevitable fact of aging. i don't think i've ever seen a piece of media demonstrate the grief and fear of losing your family structure as well as twst has done, and it honestly floored me with how much respect and nuance that they're treating this relationship.

like you pointed out, the differences in silver and lilia's species and overall ages only underscores how treasured their relationship to each other truly is— lilia is over 700 years old and only found silver at the end of his life. silver is just on the cusp of adulthood, and lilia is all he's ever known, he's silver's entire world and the cornerstone of which he bases all else. and i think that prior to ch7, silver fully expected his father to live beyond him, and i think that was almost a comfort, in a way. to have lilia always be by his side, to never lose his most precious family member and to have the rest of his human life to give lilia the happy ending he keeps wishing for his father to know, only to now realize that those wishes can never come true. lilia will die before silver, and seemingly soon— can we even begin to grasp what that must feel like when you have no other family?

as i've mentioned, i just really appreciate how twst has been handling this development with the gravity and emotional weight that it deserves. silver will always be lilia's one and only son, and i hope that despite all that he's learning about his father's past and even his own, that lilia can remind him of that. no matter how fleeting silver's presence was in the span of lilia's long memory, it was the happiest time of his life.

in any case, thank you for this sweet ask, i really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and how it affected you when you applied it to your own daily life <3 and thank you for allowing me to ramble about my own in return <3

[youregay]

If you talked to me irl abt gender, womanhood, femininity, gender presentation, sexuality, etc without knowing me you would assume I'm a very repressed trans woman. I'm stealth trans guy (using that phrasing cause 'passing' makes me gag) and there are a lot of aspects of femininity and womanhood I really enjoy. I fall into the camp of "I wish I were a woman" and if you heard me say that w/o context you'd prob be gearing up to make scrambled eggs. But truly, I'm a drag queen in a [trans] man's body.

I've only ever experienced attraction in a queer way so the idea of being with women as a man is so confusing; my first gay realizations were about women after all. I'm so used to my attraction being reflected in my gender presentation, loving men enough to be one and loving men because I am one and be attracted to men because they look like me and because I want to look like them, that the idea of that not carrying over to women is confounding. Women are so beautiful who wouldn't want to be one? boobs soapy in the shower, etc. Why wouldn't you want to reflect the image of the people you're attracted to? It doesn't help that internalized notions of being a 'predatory queer woman' have carried over into both adulthood and manhood, not helped especially by the fact that women have a genuine reason to be cautious around me as a strange man.

As it stands, I have little interest in presenting feminine save for in a theoretical world with shapeshifting or conprable high effort drag. Even when I cross dress I do it expressly to look like a man in a dress and I earnestly hope more people start recognizing how attractive it is when men/masculine people dress fem/slutty as a way to enhance their masculine features. Unfortunately, we live in a world where deviation from gender norms makes you less of a man; even in queer circles being multiple genders is often seen as percents of a single gender; being part man and part woman makes you less of either instead of two things wholly. I never mention my complicated relationship to gender because I am 100% a man and want to live exclusively as a man and no aspect of my identity or self can take away from that, but other people don't see it that way. Se la vie, my gender is my own and only for me.

Funny enough the thing I miss most about being passably a woman was 'tricking' men into being attracted to a dude. I realize though that men are openly attracted to me so often now that any insecurity about men still being attracted to me post transition is gone. I only miss the period of time where I knew I was a man and was basically in drag full time; there was an odd power that came with that. The other thing I miss was being able to more easily hit on women.

Just to end on a confusing note, none of this is helped by my strongly held conviction that I would be transfem if things had been different.

[streamoflillies]

Rant about my own mental state, partially framed in the magnus archives (S5 spoilers) because that's what listening to it for a good chunk of a 12 hr drive will do.

Especially Martin's domain really hit home. Being watched in London would absolutely grate on me, but it's distant, not reality for me.

But the lonely, the one person's wall. That's my reality.

I reached out past it in high school, found a social group, friends, people who I trusted to be there for me if I needed them.

Then I moved away. Went to the college my parents wanted instead of the one I wanted. The one I could continue to be myself at. I went to the Christian College where I had to box my identity back up.

Wear my 'church face' all day. In classes, around roommates, wear the cishet mask that I'd started poking holes in. Instead in those 4 years of college I made it stronger, denser, impossible to see through.

Now I was back where I was before high school, except now I KNEW the mask was wrong.

Since I couldn't poke holes in the cishet mask, started looking at the other part of it. The neurotypical. Explored my autism, realized "Yes, I absolutely am" rather than just the suspicion I had in high school. Realized which side of the family it's from and that all my siblings are too.

Big reason why my siblings are the only people I really feel at home with. Except I don't anymore. I've spent too long as a holidays-only sibling, so my place in the system is shrinking.

I've always been a little bit other. I was the genius reader who gobbled books like bread. The one doing math way ahead of others my age. The one who went to the advanced program at a different high school. And now I'm the one 'not living up to my potential'.

I felt it this time visiting them especially, they could be 4 feet away on the same couch, but I don't know them anymore.

And my brothers should be following me into adulthood, but the one after me went on a mission, so he's now 5 years behind me instead of 3.

The wall crept between me and them too.

------

Anyway, back to the autism mask. Realized I couldn't really take that one off either. It had been grown and sewn together with the cishet mask and they were intertwined. I can lift it briefly, but I can't show my true self and yet not my true self.

I would need to be autistic and queer, not just autistic. So I shoved that back into a box too. I am my real self on the internet, but that's in some ways more isolating.

None of you truly know me. You don't know my real name, my face, and I don't know yours. I know your art and your words on the page, which is kinda a truer self than a physical form, but we are not whole as just a mind.

I'm constantly touch starved. I want DESPERATELY to be hugged. There was someone I followed on tiktok who worked in a Nevada brothel, and she talked about doing essentially cuddle services, and I think that, just being held, cared for, even if I was paying for it. Would fix something deep within me. But I don't live in Nevada.

There's also the possibility it would just break me even further. Show me what I can taste, but not really have.

I don't know how to love people. I know how to crave them, want what I can get from them. I know the ways to show I care, but I don't know how to WANT to show I care.

I'm broken, deep inside me. And I don't know how to fix it.

Maybe if the fears were real I wouldn't need to fix it, I could let the lonely make it a comfort instead of an ache. Float in it's embrace.

I don't fear being alone. It's just what I am. Maybe I am already serving the lonely.

[britishsimp]

Not meant to be

Warnings: Swearing, sad ending

Not my story it was created by my friend

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's nice to fall in love, not until you finally hit the ground.

The spotlight is on us now, we are dancing in the middle of so many people, It's his 21st Birthday, in those 21 years, I've been by his side for 12 years, and I've loved him for 12 years.

You know the feeling that you both know that you're not JUST FRIENDS but at the same time you can't call what relationship you have as LOVERS because there is no label, no assurance, no commitment held.

But I'm fed up, I'm fed up with our set up like this; owning, blocking, flirting, even though it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be because there are no rights, There are no rights because we don't have any – I'm not his, He's not mine.

I'm going to confess.

We swayed to the rhythm of the music, and I couldn't help but be mesmerized by his smile. It was as if nothing else mattered in the world but the two of us on the dance floor.

As the song came to an end, he spun me around, we then continued to look at each other's eyes

''h/n, I li-''

''I know'' He said, cutting my words off

I was so confused, he just smiled at me.

We go back to our place earlier, he'll blow candles first.

It's okay! I still have a lot of time, the night is still long.

After blowing his candle, he took the mic, and there he began his speech ''Good evening to all of you, and thank you for being here tonight to celebrate my 21st birthday debut. I am honored and grateful to have you all here to share this special moment with me. Turning 21 is a significant moment in any young person's life. It marks a transition from adolescence to adulthood, and it comes with newfound responsibilities, privileges, and opportunities. I want to thank my friends and family who traveled from near and far to be here tonight. Your presence means the world to me, and I am truly grateful for the effort you all made to celebrate this milestone with me. And of course, I want to thank my parents for organizing this incredible event. Without their guidance, I would not be the person that I am today. Without them– I wouldn't be able to live this comfortable life that I lived my whole life, but as I grew up.. I realized that living a comfortable life without purpose is not what I really want,''

Everyone at the event looked at each other and whispered

''after a few days, I will go to Paris, I will live there and I will continue my studies. Mom, dad I'm sorry but... I'm stepping down from the position as heir to the company''

His mother's mouth was covered, while his father's eyebrows were already meeting

''A lawyer, that's what I want to be. I want to help people and be able to make changes. For me, being able to pursue that is better than living this comfortable life, this comfortable life where I can get all the clothes I want, I also studied at one of the most expensive schools in the country, every morning someone prepares something to eat, wear'' Until now, he was still smiling "I believe that sometimes we need to let go of the past and start anew. Again, thanks for attending my birthday party everyone-''

I can't seem to finish his speech anymore, I ran crying, I heard our other friends calling me but I ignored them.

I'm now in an empty hallway

Someone grabbed my hands ''y/n wait-''

''What is that, h/n? Are you not done yet? Are you going to reveal something else?'' I said, trying not to cry

''I'm sorry, I like you too but I'm not yet ready..'' he said

I couldn't stop myself from crying

I was ready to risk it all but I guess I'm not someone he's worth risking for

He stepped closer to me then he hugged me "God damnit h/n"

At least once in your life, have you ever considered choosing me?

Can't I be there while you chase your dreams?

Can't we chase each other's dreams together?

[foxybananaaaz]

♡ Wanda Maximoff ♡

• This post has no spoilers, as I have not seen the new Dr Strange move lie yet. •

● My Story with Wanda ●

When you're a relatively young girl, who doesn't know if you're Bi, or just thinking girls are pretty, until you sit down in a movie theatre ready to watch Avengers, Age of Ultron. Suddenly Wanda Maximoff comes on screen.

Yeah no yeah. I'm Bi.

Wanda Maximoff, with her wiggly woo magic hands, tragic back story, and(at the time) dark hair, started the movie an antagonist, on the side of the villain? Oh yes, there was red confusing magic that basically hit me in the face like "Come on, you're Bi. Just realize it already."

But just because Wanda helped me truly figure out this vital part of myself, does not mean I was immediately comfortable with it. Because, to be honest, I wasn't. All the adults in my family were highly homophobic, with many continuing to he so highly.

I was on my late teens/early adulthood, previously only thinking that it was just thinking that girls were pretty, that they looked good. I didn't think it went any deeper than that. So it was a mental adjustment for me, something to get used to.

But as Wanda continued to appear in more films, the more her journey with herself and how others see her, is how I felt connected with her through the self revalation I made through her. Civil War was when she would begin to feel comfortable with her powers. She was also just getting out on her own, able to explore the world. Though still just a little unsure.

I, after Age of Ultron came out, well my entire life, I've been, well I've been afraid of social situations. Afraid of how my family sees me without the question of my sexuality involved. I'm getting used to it myself, but it's the fact that fear of the others in my life will react so negatively that keeps me from being open, coming out.

Like Wabda with her magic. She is slowly growing more comfortable with it, but after the Avengers are confronted with the Sokovia Accords, shortly after the guy with the bomb blew up when Wanda couldn't get him in the sky fast enough.

We can see there is a part of Wanda that carries guilt. For the above incident, possibly even her brothers death as they had helped Ultron significantly. As she had helped Ultron significantly.

Where we left Wanda at the end of WandaVision though, was where she came into her own, fully owning who she is. Yes there is still pain, and loss. She still suffers. She is still wary of her magic.

She will not hold back if it is needed to protect those she loves. She will not back down from what she is. From who she is, even with that lingering fear, hesitation, nervousness. She has accepted herself for who she is, even if others won't.

This too, is where I am starting to find myself. In a truly accepting place. I have started to tell more people, start to become more open. I still am not out to my family, as I fear their reactions. But I am growing more comfortable, more confident. I'm not fully there yet, but I'm getting there.

I have not watched

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness

yet, just wanted to mention that.

But, I do want to say, Wanda Maximoff could be the saviour of the whole multiverse, or the one who obliterates, literally the entire thing, and while I may disagree with the latter, I will still stand by her.

She is such a crucially important character to me. She has helped me in ways that her character wasn't intended to help, but she has.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Hey, i just wanted to say that, like many here, i feel very seen in your page. At first, your posts of pictures of women's intimacy and such really helped me, because they bring me out of this place in life where currently it feels lonely due to being who i am, ya know? I've always had this sense of anormality since childhood, and i feel like figuring out my sexuality at 13 helped me understand why, partially, but since then i have accepted more that im a lesbian, sure, but i also got hit by all of the "norms" of early adulthood, wich somehow made me feel not so figured? The reality of going out, dating, etc brought out this umconfortability with my sexuality more and more as the years went on, cause its hard feeling alone, left out, unable to experience basic stuff like that (for reference im 19 now and have always been very sheltered-also due to being in the closet still). And i feel like seeing stuff about peers, even distant, and our history, and intimate positive portrayals of us etc help a lot when those feelings start to kick.

Recently, however, i started seeing your more personal posts, about your own hard feelings, and it made me feel very seen. I have been realizing that those are very common amongst lesbians, no matter more personal aspects of each's life, it seems that loliness, anger, guilt, shame, feeling ugly, dumb, wrong, etc just are part of being someone who's not a man and is just not attracted to them, and so are not dependent of them in a partriacal society.

Its not your fault, its none of us fault, its theirs. Dont dwelve on these feelings, time surely will be affirming if we're able to build more community, we need healing, caring and love like everyone, and we deserve it bro! Keep it up!

(sorry if my english sucks its not really my primary language so maybe i made some words up or something)

Anon!! 🥺💕💕💕

Thank you so much for reaching out to me with this. And you have nothing to be sorry about with your English at all! 💕💕

I’m genuinely so happy that photos and things I have posted on here have helped you feel seen. That’s all I ever wanted so I’m glad it helped you in that way. But in saying that I’m so sorry you have to go through those feelings of being left behind and uncertain. They are scary emotions, especially since they are ones we often end up carrying a lone. But I’m so unbelievably proud of you 💕 you have made it 19 whole years and you are taking so many steps to self acceptance and love. I hope with all my heart you find your people , be it platonic or romantic, that can help you carry this load and show you a world and path where you might not feel them as often. But if you can’t find them I hope you continue to remember how wonderful and beautiful and strong and deserving you are. Because regardless of what path you have or how long it might take it you, you are so worthwhile 💕💕

I definitely relate to the ugly feelings of being a lesbian sometimes. But I hope you get to experience the unique and beautiful side of lesbianism too. I hope both us can look at something and be like “wow. I’m so glad I’m a lesbian. Because I got to experience this because of it”. I wish that for you so much and I have no doubt you will find it 💕💕

Thank you again so much for taking the time to reach out to me and write this. It truly means so much. I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day 🌻🌻💖💖💖