#this is without me putting in VARIOUS SELF INSERTS because i love them

[captcutshaw]

That thing you said about Bruce Robinson stating that Withnail and Marwood not having girlfriends, because they are poor. That’s really funny and it does make sense! However, it’s really noticeable, if you’re used to forced heterosexual references in buddy films, that women as a whole are never mentioned by the two, never mind attraction to them. The closest we get to this are pictures of women in their walls, but most of these are press photos of actresses. As Withnail and Marwood are thespians, it looks like their interest is an artistic, rather than sexual. And as you pointed out, the only sort of attraction referenced is homosexual. As you rightfully said, Marwood comes across as almost absurdly afraid of it, but interestingly never asserts heterosexuality to compensate, as many characters in similar films do. I’m a big dummy when it come to reading films properly, but it’s interesting that while none of these things alone make Withnail and Marwood explicitly queer (gay, bisexual, asexual, etc), there is absolutely zero effort spent on trying to convince you they are straight. If it took an interview to bring it up, Bruce Robinson probably just did not think it relevant. Again, the relationship between them is treated with greater importance. Of course, we are not sure by the end that it is completely platonic, and I don’t know how intentional that was (definitely was on the part of Richard E. Grant) but the point still stands. Sorry, this is such a long message, I hope it makes sense!

Absolutely! Thank you so much for sending me this, you've given me an excuse to go off on a rant. I've put some of my own ramblings and scattered thoughts under the cut. Sorry in advance for a complete lack of coherence.

Totally agree that it's unusual for a buddy film to have Marwood simply deny he's homosexual, then not show any interest in women to prove his point. No aggressive assertions of heterosexuality or forced female love interest, hell, no mention of women whatsoever (Mrs Parkin doesn't count)

I know he's essentially Bruce Robinson's self insert, hence Marwood being sexually harassed by Monty, who was based on Franco Zeffirelli, the director who sexually harassed Bruce Robinson (sorry if I'm just saying stuff you already know here). But yeah, Marwood isn't an aggressively heterosexual character, which makes him very inviting for a queer reading, among the various other reasons. I mean....look at him. Tboy swag off the charts.

I could list all the queer codings and references in the film but we would be here forever. Don't even get me started on all the ways Withnail is easy to read as queer. But yeah, in summary, I agree with your point that the complete lack of heterosexual attraction in the film can support that queer interpretation.

That's a good point that the photos of women/actresses in their flat could be purely for aesthetic reasons because they're thespians.

As for Bruce Robinson's intentions.... There was an interview where someone asked if Withnail was gay, which Bruce Robinson and Richard E. Grant refuted (timestamp about 21:09). Here Robinson actually jokingly (?) says he thinks Withnail is asexual because he only loves himself.... asexuality isn't caused by narcissism, but hot take!

So, Withnail was never intended to be homosexual. Which is crazy to me, what with... Withnail being Withnail. There is no possible heterosexual explanation for that man's behaviour!! And it's telling that so many people have seen the film and thought he was gay. But good news! Paul McGann has made a lot of comments about Marwood and Withnail being "young marrieds" in his commentary of the film. Also, in this interview (timestamp 6:58) he says Withnail was probably in love with Marwood. Big win for the gays. Overall, Bruce Robinson did not intend for Withnail and Marwood to be read as queer, but everyone say thank you to Paul McGann. Thank you Paul McGann

(Goes without saying, the creator's intentions don't prevent people from interpreting the film the way they want to. Death to the author etc etc. I've always liked to see Marwood and Withnail as queer because that adds another layer of meaning and just....makes sense if you ask me. Their relationship is compelling, platonic or otherwise. I personally found that it doesn't make sense for either of them to be 100% heterosexual, and asexual or bisexual readings are really cool as well.)

(On that note, not sure if it's worth mentioning... I read here that Vivian MacKerrell, the man Withnail was based on, was bisexual. So. There's that. Bisexual Withnail 2023)

[lajulie24]

jaina solo is mary sue

What an interesting assertion to leave in my inbox! Especially because without context it’s not entirely clear whether that’s meant to be a question (do I think Jaina Solo is a Mary Sue?) or a challenge (e.g. “Jaina Solo is a Mary Sue, prove me wrong”).

And, assuming we conclude this statement is true, is that supposed to be a bad thing? If Jaina is a Mary Sue, am I not allowed to like her as a character? Or is she supposed to be my guilty pleasure or something if I do like her? (I don’t really have guilty pleasures, anyway, I prefer just to have pleasures.) I do have lots of thoughts, so thank you in advance, dear Anon, for the ask and the opportunity to share them.

At this point I will freely admit that I have not read a ton of Jaina Solo stuff in Legends. A lot of Wookieepedia articles and fics in which she appears, yes, a lot of the actual books in which she appears, no. I do have a version of the character that I put into my Sequel Trilogy fix-it fic series, but she has some significant differences from her Legends canon counterpart (a couple big ones being that her turned-to-the-Dark-Side brother isn’t her twin, and she’s the younger sister by quite a lot).

However, being around the fandom one does glean some general opinions, so I’ll take a shot at talking about “Jaina Solo is a Mary Sue.” Buckle up, I’m going to be very wordy here.

I really recommend the @thisweekinfandomhistory podcast episode they did on the concept of “the Mary Sue” — it’s a great rundown of where the concept came from, how it evolved over time, how it has affected fanfiction writing as well as mainstream characters in books, TV, and film, and some of the not-so-subtle ways it’s been used to police how we write or how we enjoy femme-presenting characters. The general concept of the Mary Sue is of a (almost always female) character who is sort of a blatant self-insert, where they have all kinds of amazing skills or powers, and are so attractive that everyone is in love with them or wants to be their friend, and they’re friends with all the main characters, and the story sort of starts being about how awesome they are, they saved the day and everyone clapped. The idea is that writing a Mary Sue into your story makes your story terrible and boring and they’re just a flat character who sucks. I think.

So — Jaina Solo. In Legends canon she is:

Strongly connected to main characters we know and love (eldest child and only daughter of Han Solo and Leia Organa and niece of Luke Skywalker)

Extremely strong in the Force and a Jedi with the crazy Skywalker-brand Force lineage

An incredible pilot and very mechanically savvy as well (also probably helped out by the whole extremely-Force-sensitive thing as well as having at least two incredible pilots in the family)

Able to speak Shryiiwook (makes sense given that Chewie is her father’s best friend, has a life debt to her father, and is pretty much part of the family)

Very attractive (some combo of her mother’s and her father’s good looks, probably more so Leia’s)

Everyone is in love with her (there is an ongoing war among various love interests, including Jagged Fel, Zekk, and Kyp Durron, plus Ta’Chume once tried to marry her off to Isolder when his wife (also the mother of Jaina’s close friend Tenel Ka) was still alive and very much still married to him)

Super-special because of her twin bond with Jacen and being the Sword of the Jedi and having the Vong think she was their trickster goddess

Okay, so there could be some ingredients here that point to Mary Sue for Jaina, particularly the “she’s extremely skilled and the best at all these things” and “everyone is fighting over her affections” business. I would argue the fight of Jaina’s love interests is less about Jaina and more about the fact that in the era many of those books were written, apparently the only way they knew to give women conflict was to a) have them fight with other women (this is a problem they gave Leia a lot too) or b) have them worry about which man they should choose. Or the typical back and forth among authors who had competing love interests and wanted theirs to win. (Side note: Jaina and Tenel Ka should have gotten together at least for a while. Or Jaina should have pulled a Kelly Taylor from 90210 and said “I choose me.”)

Here’s the thing about Jaina having mad skills at multiple things, though. As you can see from most of the bullets above, her skills aren’t just out of the blue so someone could make an overpowered self-insert character. There are solid reasons for those skills. And why do we hear so much about her adventures and her skills? Well, the book series in which adolescent/adult Jaina appears are called Young Jedi Knights and The New Jedi Order. If she’s one of the titular Young Jedi Knights, or a member of the New Jedi Order, she’s one of the beings the book is about! And honestly, however you feel about those series, you’re gonna have a bad time if the whole New Jedi Order series is about Jedi who have no skills and always lose and suck.

Hey, you know who else has a lot of skills and is an excellent pilot and does crazy bonkers things with the Force and often comes and saves the day and has lots of love interests in Legends? Luke Skywalker. Is Luke a Mary Sue? (Well, he’s a man. Being a Mary Sue is apparently reserved for women. So I guess not.)

I don’t think Jaina is a Mary Sue, but let’s say she is and go back to my earlier point: so what?

Women are not exactly featured in the Star Wars universe. My girl Leia is a main character, but there are more women dancing for a Hutt in Return of the Jedi than actually have speaking lines in the original trilogy. (The minuscule number of humans of color in the Star Wars universe is a whole other issue, so blatant that SNL once did a skit about it featuring Lando.)

Maybe we get to have a female character who is beautiful and smart, crazy powerful in the Force, a kickass Jedi, an ace pilot with more kills at nineteen than several of the Rogues put together, who brings all the boys to the yard. (And probably plenty of beings of other genders, let’s be real.) Who is Han Solo and Leia Organa’s beloved daughter, Luke Skywalker’s beloved niece, Chewbacca’s beloved family, Jacen and Anakin’s beloved sister, Mara Jade’s beloved niece and Jedi apprentice, friend to many. Who struggles with her identity and her purpose, who grieves, who grapples with the Dark Side, who worries about winning peace for the galaxy but ending up alone in her life. Maybe I want to read about and write her adventures — which could, yes, include which being she ends up with romantically. Maybe I put a little of myself in there, or a lot of myself, or what I’d want to be if I had even half the talents she has and lived in the Star Wars universe.

Maybe we get to have a kickass Organa-Solo daughter with a purple lightsaber, as a treat. And maybe we get to have as many treats as we want.

TL;DR: “jaina solo is a mary sue” 1. No, she isn’t. 2. Maybe she is, and maybe that’s okay. Great, even.

Congratulations if you waded through this whole thing, Anon, and thank you for the very intriguing ask!

[borrowedtimeandspace]

Meet the OCs - Borrowed Time and Space

A summary of original characters featured in my Doctor Who/Borrowers crossover multiverse, as well as visual artwork commissioned to bring them to life! I'll do what I can to keep it updated as relevant characters are introduced.

Doctor Who belongs to the BBC, The Borrowers to Mary Norton, and these OCs belong to me!

General warning for story spoilers

Zepheera - The OG, My Beloved

art by the lovely @quackghost

Zepheera is a borrower, a diminutive humanoid race native to Earth. Shortly after she was born in 1927, an abstract creature from the stars latched onto her consciousness and granted her unique abilities. These diminished and faded as Zepheera and the creature by extension were put through incredible distress in her early life, causing it to pass away sometime after she turned 18. The only lasting impact from the creature remaining was an inability to age. Now, there seems to be no end to how long her lifespan has been extended so long as she survives. Which she's very good at as a borrower, raised with the skills needed to get by in a world much larger than her. In addition, she carries a mutated gene from her father's side that allows her to heal from injuries and wounds much more quickly than usual. The entirety of the Borrowed Time and Space multiverse centers on her as the Doctor's companion, no matter which Doctor.

She's been around for over a decade in my real life, and has grown so much from the daydream self-insert tiny companion of my youth. I have so enjoyed fleshing out her life story, expanding her universe and finding out how she responds to the different Situations™️ I keep putting her in.

Because Zepheera's Origins and the overall basis of her character stay the same throughout AU, the characters under the cut will have more in-depth summaries. Last warning for story spoilers, and TW for mentions of child abuse

Zepheera's Family

Most of the relevant OCs from this point on are more borrowers (shocker, I know) and relatives of Zepheera, a list that can and will only grow because I am insane. Most of them are featured in Zepheera's Origins, and some also appear or are mentioned in various BTaS stories.

Tack - Father; In life, he was kind and forward-thinking for his time. A man full of so much love in his heart for his wife and especially his infant daughter that it ultimately killed him. Though he carried the healing factor that he passed down to his daughter, he was fatally injured in an inadvertently devastating release of energy from the entity symbiotically linked to Zepheera.

Klerida - Mother; Devastated by the loss of her husband and without the tools to cope with any of it, she turned all that hurt onto her daughter. Blamed her for being the epicenter of the catastrophe that caused Tack's death. She spent Zepheera's childhood swinging between being cold and detached from her, and lashing out aggressively, leaving her child to feel at fault for Klerida's and her own hurt.

Author's Note: While I don't regret taking this angle with Zepheera's mother, I acknowledge that at the time of writing Episode 2: Memories, I didn't have the tools to write an abuser in a way that wasn't extreme and over the top. In what I now consider to be the proper canon, Klerida did put her hands on her child in anger, but never went so far as to break Zepheera in the way described in the Episode.

Boston - Uncle; Though he did not witness and wasn't aware of what Zepheera went through at home, Boston took it upon himself to take the girl under his wing since his brother couldn't. He taught Zepheera about borrowing, despite it being a traditionally a man's skill at the time, and kept her company when she needed a friendly presence. He loved her like his own, even if Klerida kept him at arm's length.

Baycliff - Stepfather; He and his family lived in an entirely different part of the house Zepheera's family occupied. Baycliff met Klerida in passing once or twice before Tack's death, and then properly go to know her years afterward. After their marriage, Klerida's more physically abusive tendencies toward Zepheera died down in favor of the cold detachment; Baycliff fussed more over his wife and...

Kernel - Half-Brother

art by the wonderful @mythical-cupcake (left) and @creatorofuniverses (right)

Kernel was born when Zepheera was 7 years old, and she fell in love instantly. He was a curious, high-spirited boy who looked up to his big sister, a bright light in the family that was snuffed out all too soon. While out borrowing with Zepheera, he met with a terrible fate outside of both of their control.

Klerida was none too happy about Zepheera once again being seemingly responsible for the loss of someone else she loved with all her heart, to put it kindly.

Orrick - Husband

art by quackghost

Orrick is a kind soul, a sweetheart through and through. He found Zepheera outside of his home after she ran away from hers. He and his family took her in, and their relationship blossomed over time. They made a life and a home for themselves and were happily committed to one another for over twenty years. Then Zepheera discovered she wasn't aging and, in a moment of panic, fled from the wonderful life they had. He was given no explanation, and could do nothing but despair in the wake of the disappearance of his wife.

His story is tied to Zepheera's Origins, mentioned in a few others in which Zepheera opens up about her past, and he has recently resurfaced in the Donna Trilogy story, If I Could Turn Back Time.

Day - Daughter; Shortly after Zepheera left Orrick, she discovered she was pregnant. By then, it was too late for her to be able to find her way back to him, and the notion of outliving her child was twice as painful as it was for her spouse. So she found a lovely couple to raise her daughter: Ceillo and Toffer. The two men couldn't have children of their own, and she grew up with incredibly loving parents.

Marcue - Grandson

Art by quackghost

When Day was still quite young, she met and married Brine, and the two of them had a son. He was a quiet, thoughtful boy growing up, especially with his parents' relationship growing more and more contentious over the years. He met a young girl named Laitina who lived in another part of the house, the same age as him, and the two of them hit it off. First as friends, then as something more than that. But one day, after a particularly bad fight, Brine took his son and left for another house. There he remarried and had another child, a daughter. Marcue quickly became protective of the girl, and though he longed to reunite with his mother and Laitina, he stayed to make sure his half sister would be okay.

Marcue first appeared in Episode 3: Lost Things Being Found, which is now non-canon but Marcue's side of the story remains canon.

[darling-to-death]

i would like penelope lore 👀

Hi! Thank you so much for taking an interest in my OC! I will update this post with little pictures one day, but I'm in the middle of graduate school finals and it's 1am. :3 Please accept this gigantic, rambly wall of text until I can craft something more visually appealing to tell her story!

For basic information, her name is Penelope Campbell, because I thought it would be funny if I could shorten it to PC. She's mostly a self-insert for this trauma simulator game, but because a big game mechanic is that the longer you exist the more beautiful you become, I gave her all the physical traits I wish I had: big blue eyes, tiny waist, incredibly long hair, huge gadonkahonkaroos, etc. She's nothing like me fr. Lol.

As far as backstory goes, it's sort of subject to change as I continue to make stuff up, but this is what we're working with thus far! Even before the game began, I think she was traumatized by her experience of growing out of an adoptable age. I picture her as one of those children you see in movies that DREAM and PRAY that one day they'll get adopted and live happily ever after with a family that loves them. <3 But the years passed, and she never got adopted. Year after year after year after year, no one wanted her, and I think that majorly fucked her up.

She wants that unconditional, unending, unchanging love of a parent so badly, and she never got it, and because she's now an adult, she'll never have it. So she's just DESPERATE for love of some sort, because in her mind the person she is wasn't good enough to be loved and adopted. Thus, she hates the person she is, which is why she's so willing to change her personality to suit any of the love interests' desires. She'll become whoever she needs to be in order to be loved.

This is inspired by my play style. I know a lot of people in the fandom have various saves for all the love interests, but I just keep trekking on romancing everyone in a single playthrough where I do roughly the exact same actions each time, because I am set in my ways. Haha.

I think she would've latched onto Bailey as a kid. There are some lines that suggest that the kids don't know the full extent of how evil Bailey is until they reach adulthood. There's lines during Christmas I think about the younger kids not knowing Bailey's true colors yet or the lines about the nursery that suggest PC was never allowed out of the orphanage without supervision. I don't think she ever viewed Bailey as a nice person, but he was a father figure to her, because he was the closest she had to one.

I think that first week she would've been totally in denial and thought the payments were a joke until the first time she was sold. Then reality comes crashing around her like broken glass she'll never be able to put back together. I still think she has a soft spot for Bailey as a person who raised her (in the vaguest sense of the word), and she has a bit of a delusion that once her bill is paid off he'll go back to just being a grumpy, short-tempered old man and not an abusive, greedy, human-trafficker we know him to be.

She does love Robin, but I do think she views him as more of a brother. However, upon realizing he had feelings for her she felt obligated to return them. She knows how traumatizing it is to want love and not receive it, so if it makes Robin happy to have her love, then she'll give it to him. But she'll never love him as much as he loves her. It's an unfortunate fact. Penelope wants to be saved and loved and protected, and Robin is just too burdensome. She'll always feel love and loyalty and obligation to protect him, but because he needs to be protected she can't fall for him. He's not her ideal knight in shining armor. She's his knight if anything. Robin is a damsel in distress that she cares for, but will never adore.

Penelope just doesn't like Whitney if we're being honest, because I do not like Whitney. I know they have some really cute content if you get their love up high enough, but I am not willing to trudge through the tsundere bullshit to get to there, and neither is she. There is a part of her that likes all the attention, even if it's just physical (from her point of view at least), but his personality is just too abrasive.

Penelope and Kylar get along very well! I think Penelope relates to Kylar a lot. They both have an obsession to recieve love, but where Penelope will change her personality to recieve "love" Kylar can only be authentically himself. Penelope admires that about him. Even if it makes him the target of bullies or if he lacks social skills (i.e. reading love poetry to a classroom of his peers), she respects his ability to have a personality and stick to it. She pities him, because she sees so much of herself in him.

As troublesome as Kylar can be, she always sticks up for him, and is honestly flattered by his obsession of her. I think she has a tendency to romanticize his mental illness, because it's what makes her so special to him. She loves being special. I think this is another case where she'd be happy to just be his friend, but because he loves her, she will love him back.

I'm not entirely sure how she meet Eden, whether she gets kidnapped in the forest or gets sold off, but either way she has a fondness for Eden. As self-sufficient as he is, she sees him as a person who could protect her… you know… if he weren't the one causing harm. Because she's sick in the head, I think she almost views the rape as a compliment. Like he's so overcome with affection, he just can't help himself! So she'll justify his actions that way, but the justifcation doesn't erase the physical pain he causes her, so she can't ignore his cruelness entirely.

However, I think mostly she recognizes Eden as someone very lonely and someone with no one to love. She fears she'll end up like Eden, all alone with no one to love. I do think she genuinely enjoys his company tho! Eden is pretty quiet, but he does talk about his books and his interests, so they infodump at each other and she has a lot of fun doing that.

Avery is probably the saddest relationship, because Avery initially presents himself as such a nice person. Their introduction is always him helping her get lichen for the science fair and then inviting her to a free drink at the cafe. She recognizes him as someone with money and power, someone who could save her, and she so, so, so desperately wants him to save her. She thinks if she's obedient enough, one day he'll actually take her away from her troubles and make her his real girlfriend instead of just his sugarbaby. I think Penelope thinks she loves Avery, but in reality I think she loves the idea of him. It really hurts her feelings when he's upset with her, so she tries her best to behave. I think she finds it quite natural to act exactly how he wants, because she's basically doing that with the other love interests. Avery is just more direct about it. But deep down, she wants him to love her for her real personality… whatever that is at this point, and she's burdened with the knowledge that Avery views her as a tool and not a person.

There's a comment on Vrel's blog that if the PC were ever disfigured Avery would be the only love interest to abandon them, and I don't know if I'm cruel enough to give Penelope a disfigurement, but just know him abandoning him would resurface all the shallowly buried abandonment issues that plague her mind.

And then there's Sydney. <3 Beloved Sydney. <3 I think Sydney is the one Penelope genuinely loves. That's not to say she doesn't love the others, because in her own way I think she does. But a lot of her love is just a response to the love she gets from them. She wants love, so she'll love in order to be loved. And because she's so desperate for love and has no love for herself, she's trying to gorge herself on as much love as she can hoping that will fill the void in her heart. (It won't.) But I think she really does love Sydney. He's everything she wants to be. He's pure and protected and kind and intelligent and faithful. He has a father who loves him. He's perfect. Like all her relationships, it isn't healthy. She does idolize Sydney and put him on a pedastal, but I think if she HAD to choose someone, she'd choose Sydney.

I think for her canon, she fell in love after she yelled at him and he comforted her. It was so shocking to her, so discongruent with everything she'd known about people and the town and her world. His kindness in reaction to her cruelty really flipped a switch in her, and she just viewed him as the most perfect, wonderful person in existence. But because Sydney is so perfect in her eyes and she's so worthless in her eyes, she lives in constant fear of losing his love. She's torn between bringing him down into sin with her so they're on more even footing, but she also wants to keep him pure so he never has to lose that innocence she envies so much. Also, Sydney has a lot of lines about faithfulness, and unfortunately for Penelope it's the one thing she can never be.

Not only do the game mechanics almost require her to cheat on him, she can't bring herself to stop seeing the other love interests. She needs to love them, because they love her, and she can't be someone who withholds her love. She thinks that's the cruelest thing in the world, to know you are loved, but refuse to return that love. She feels very guilty, but she doesn't know what else to do. She wants to be loved, so she loves, but does she love? Is what she's doing love or is it just addiction or obsession or transaction or whatever else she could call it? She doesn't know if she's capable of love, because as a child she wasn't capable of being loved. The two go hand in hand in her eyes. Sometimes she thinks she's just a doll who can change her face depending on what she wants to play pretend. Who does she want to be today? A sister, an object, an ingenue, a housewife? She'll be whatever. As long as she gets "love," she's happy to be something. She wishes she could be loved for being her, but she doesn't think that's possible, and after pretending to be others for so long, she doesn't have a concrete idea of what her real personality is anymore. Penelope the Malleable.

[suffarustuffaru]

I've read some rezero crossover fanfics , but I really don't understand why some people like to impose the whole background and character traits of other characters on certain characters in Rezero, and some fics even directly stated that A in Rezero is in fact B from a certain work, which is very bizarre and disrespectful to both canon source material, it's like B is cosplaying A but is a completely different person on the inside, if you want to insert a character from other works into the rezero world why don't you just keep their original identity and characteristics? Personally, I really hate this type of rezero crossover fics tbh :///

anon i understand you so much hah.

i joined this fandom months before season 2 started airing, so i was there to see rz ao3 pick up and the fanfic scene in rz be more established—so seeing this trend in rz fic has always really confused me tbh?? 😅 and i dont personally like it either for the same reasons you stated. its just one of those rz fanfic tropes that i 1. am not very fond of and 2. am continuously confused by given these arent very fandom typical trends, theyre extremely rz fandom specific if that makes sense (the react fic trend… re:forgotten… etc)? and i dont often see crossovers treated like this in other fandoms, and rz in general seems to be a fandom that really enjoys fic because its kind of. astounding?? that theres a whole fanfic thread that gets continuously renewed on rz reddit and is almost always pinned right at the top of the page. its rare to get a fandom that very openly acknowledges its fic in this way i feel? but you know, you go on that fic thread and you see a lot of people suggesting crossover ideas that—as you said anon—tend to be very “rezero but character a is character b”?? its like such a commonplace thing that occasionally i just go through that thread out of curiosity and read it like you would a morning newspaper hah and you cant go more than a minute without seeing a crossover idea like that.

and if anyone else is seeing this and confused on what the hell that means, one example i see a lot is “rezero but subaru is guts from berserk” wkfndnd

i think subaru is the one this happens most to, just because various audiences have various relationships with subaru, mainly because there tends to be a habit of 1. using him as a self-insert and 2. thinking hes absolute hellspawn or the best most perfect person to ever exist with zero nuance, so the whole “person a is now person b in everything but name and looks” thing is so. telling. like sometimes when i see people talk about a character like subaru it always boggles my mind because its like?? do you… even like subaru as he is? and if youre warping rezero to be more like that other media youre crossing it over with, do you even like rezero either? anon saying “its like B is cosplaying A but is a completely different person in the inside” is exactly how it feels like?? T^T

and of course its not as if you cant write crossovers. i love seeing crossovers!! i read some crossovers myself and ive written a whole bunch of crossovers and i come up with all sorts of ideas. its super fun to do and i completely get it. but the “person a is person b” thing is odd to me because at the heart of it, it feels like it basically means “*insert character* but theyre not actually themselves”. and of course its not like you cant make AUs where things are changed from canon, or AUs where the character grows and changes in general even if its different from canon. but theres a difference between “im gonna put this character through shenanigans and see how they change as a person but theyre ultimately still the same deep down and im examining how theyd most likely realistically act in this situation if this happened to them” vs “im gonna change the entire point of this character until theyre only recognizable in name”. i feel like it completely misses exactly what makes these characters and stories so good in the first place.

also side note: headcanons are a whole different thing because thats just “i have specific ideas about how this character is like” and is usually fine unless youre being pushy about it or condemning others for having (innocent!!) hcs you dont agree with wkdndn

and okay, i also get it if people have issues with how characters or media are written and want to change it. i myself have issues sometimes with how tappei handles rezero, but i still like rezero and so many of its characters. you can critique a media without trying to change what the heart of it is, and rezero for example is ultimately a story with a lot of heart to it and clear purpose behind so much of its writing. and its clear to see some things this crossover trend because so much of it is done with subaru. because it 1. misses the point of all of subarus nuances, complexities, the intent behind his character writing, and what makes him so good in the first place and 2. shows that people dont want him to actually be subaru. they want him to be someone else, which is ironically a plot point that comes up again and again in rezero wkdndnd. its interesting that it comes up so much in rezero too, because i feel like its in part most likely commentary on how audiences react to subaru and often try to change him to fit what they want.

but yeah thats just my thoughts on this whole crossover trend in general 👍👍

[scareyedcharizard16]

Well. It happened. I finally decided to make a side blog where I put all of my stories, fanfic drawings and other various nonsense that I've held onto for over 2 decades. These stories, and in particular, my OCs, are extremely personal too me and as much as I always wanted to share them with the world, I never had the courage to do it.

Between having zero confidence and severe OCD I never have actually completed any story or goal before. However I've seen a lot of art blogs on tumblr that share their incomplete works as well as completed without judgement so I'm hoping mine will be half as well received.

The blog is called This Is Me. (thisisme16) I don't know how to link it, sorry. I called it that because these stories and characters are a big part of myself that no one has ever really seen before. Hence.

What can you expect from the blog?

- Tons of stories in various states of completion depending on how strong my hyperfixation on it at the time is.

- Some drawings. I am trying to learn to draw because I think it would be awesome to make fanmade comics some day.

- Some OCs mixed with characters from various Fandoms. As well as a semi-self insert character. I've been self inserting into stories all my life, and my self- insert character is so intergrated into the other OCs lives at this point that I simply can't imagine one without the other. If that's not your cup of tea, by all means you don't have to view the blog. But to the rest of you, please try to keep an open mind. These OCs were basically my only friends growing up and even now.

- Fandoms that I am into include but not limited to; Pokemon, Digimon, Legend of Zelda, Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Yu-gi-oh, Sailor Moon, Avatar the Last Airbender, Once Upon a Time, old school MCU, BBC Sherlock, some Fire Emblem.

This is extremely scary for me, but partly exciting too. I need to shake up my life and stop hiding in my shell. Maybe no one will even look at this blog, but regardless I want to do it anyway.

I want to thank the tumblr community for being the weird and wonderful mess of neurodivergence that I can feel safe enough to take such a big step in. Fingers crossed that my courage will continue to hold out and I can share some hopefully fun and interesting things.

Take care and keep living your best lives!

Love scareyedcharizard!

[jadedrrose]

RULES/REQUESTING FAQ

please read everything in this post before you request anything! It’s pretty important, yknow?

UPDATE: as of December 2024, requests for Sephiroth and Sooga are open

Basic Requesting Rules:

Always check if my requests are open or not. This can be found on my main pinned post, and it’s always up to date. The only place this may not be up to date is on my wips/ideas post.

I will write NSFW, but I’d prefer for it to not be my main “genre”. I will accept NSFW requests but if I get too many I’ll put a pause on it. Also, I will not write the following: age difference, non-con, anything to do with piss/blood/other “gross” substances (cum/milk/saliva is ok), anal, certain power imbalances (student/teacher, for example), hate-sex, threesomes/sharing

Do not send me something you’ve sent another writer. I’ve seen this happen a lot surprisingly. People will send in requests that they’ve sent other writers on here, except they won’t even change anything. Copy pasted requests that I’ve seen others write will automatically be deleted. Quite frankly, it’s rude. We write for free. If you’re not happy with one person’s product, get over it. Now- this doesn’t mean you can’t send in the same trope or scenario that you’ve seen in other fics. That’s completely different and okay.

If I have an event going on, I am only taking requests for that event. This one’s pretty self explanatory. If I have an event where I listed prompts, don’t submit your own idea.

I only write character x female reader, char x afab and/or gender neutral reader. I write as a hobby for myself (as in I like to insert myself while reading/writing) and I can’t really do that when it’s a male reader, if that makes sense.

I will not write for specific physical traits. Not everybody looks the same, whether it’s skin color, hair length/style, eye color, height, etc. When you write a reader who looks a specific way, it ruins it for everybody else that doesn’t fit those traits. I’m sick of the reader being less than 5 feet tall lmao

I do not write character x character content. I don’t consider myself a shipper, even if there’s a couple canon ones I like. And there’s plenty of ships that I’m super uncomfortable with even being reminded that they exist, so… I don’t do any of them.

Characters I Will Write For:

I don’t write for characters that I do not romantically like. I tend to only hyperfixate on the characters I’m attracted to and because of that I don’t feel that I can do a good job writing for others. It’s very possible I’ll make it too OOC. The characters listed below are the only ones I’ll accept requests for.

• Sephiroth (FFVII)

• Sooga (Age Of Calamity)

Things I’m uncomfortable with (TW for various)

I might do angst, but generally don’t. I’m picky about my angst. I will not write break-up or divorce fics. Death is a maybe, but it needs to be executed well/have plot to it, for me. Angst with a happy ending is good, too. I love comfort fics.

Please absolutely no requests that have anything to do with ANY type of drug/substance (with an exception for light drinking, but that’s a maybe). This one is actually upsetting for me. I’ve experienced tragic death with these things and it genuinely upsets me to think about that stuff. Even without that happening I already had a dislike for that stuff. So…. Yeah.

[reginrokkr]

✧ @artisaen @halothes asked: 🚢 but pretend i'm on halothes

Do I ship our characters together?: yes | no | not yet but maybe soon

Would I like to ship with you?: yes | maybe, i'm willing to try | no

Type of relationship I could see: childhood or high school sweethearts | exes | engaged | married | long-term relationship | crushes | unrequited love | fling | long distance | online relationship | just dating | new relationship | toxic lovers | friends with benefits | insert here it's complicated™

Tropes I'd enjoy writing for them: friends to lovers | enemies to lovers | exes to lovers | fake relationship / dating | forbidden love | grumpy and sunshine | star-crossed lovers | surprise pregnancy | second chance | soulmates | amnesia / mistaken identity | forced proximity | secret relationship | slow burn relationship

Would I rather plot first or jump right in and see where it goes?: develop their relationship first | jump right in | something in between ( what specifically? )

What now?: let's plot something | send me shippy memes | I'll send you shippy memes | write me a random starter | I'll write you a random starter

Anything else I want you to know about me / my character / my shipping habits: ( put whatever you want here )

It causes strong emotions in me the thought that both of them are cut from the same cloth in the sense that they don't care (for themselves specially) if they have to take a dark route if that means fighting for the good of others, be it a big collective or just one person. The same goes for the concept of the two of them being painfully aware that what they're doing is something far less than the ideal for themselves, but a necessary evil nonetheless. All so that they can fight for humanity, for what they think that it's the best for them away from any divine intervention and against injustice even if, once again, it all comes at the detriment of what they would wish for themselves.

It also touches me very deeply how both of them seem to be a close-enough mirror of one another in the way they present themselves after an episode of failure. This is because despite the reasonable thought that it'd be hard for two individuals —who are quite similar in that regard— to be good for one another without one dragging the other even deeper down, they have beautiful traits that I believe would be actually uplifting to the other. Sunday's kind and even arguably bright disposition would be indeed like basking under the sun glow to Dain despite feeling undeserving of being the object of positive words of his person, and Dain... despite having a negative view of himself and even being a self-proclaimed pessimist, he has a logical mindset but also a gentle and highly empathetic one.

Like we discussed in the past, I think that both of them could meet sporadically in various points of time for both their stories, which allows for a more layered development and for each of them to see the other under different circumstances as they experience life. Depending on how it goes, I wouldn't see it as something "established in one place" kind of deal unless it's in Dain's post-Genshin story verse or Sunday reaches Teyvat. Also, depending on the way we layer their points of their respective stories, I can confidently say that Dain would support Sunday in what he wants to achieve in what I hope we get to see in the future.

[ciaossu-imagines]

hello, this is nix! i’ve read the self-shipping headcanons you did for me and shoichi, and all i could say is wow. i’m in awe. it’s amazing that you got most, if not all, spot-on! i enjoyed reading them and thought to myself, “this makes so much sense.” they’re long and specific, so it must’ve taken you time to write all of that 🥺 don’t worry about having repeated some things because it’s still worth the read. i know you put a great deal of effort into interpreting the descriptions i gave and writing those headcanons, and i really appreciate it. i had never put much thought into self-shipping with a fictional character before, that is until you matched me with sho-chan (and don’t worry, i can share him with you! haha).

i would also like to express my gratitude for the two personalization prompts you’ve done for me. honestly, i never expected that because i simply loved your works without anticipating anything in return. so, for you to do reader appreciation gestures warms my heart. your dedication to giving back to your readers is amazing. 💝

one thing, though—i was laughing when you mentioned my pfp because i’m not even a feline enthusiast, and i’m allergic to them. it’s just that i find the icon picture itself cute and funny, so it was hilarious that it’s how you had pictured me when you thought of me, haha. oh, and the sawako face claim works out as well because i do have jet black hair, except that i don’t have any bangs, and i prefer a short haircut (i only had to grow my hair out because my health degree program requires us to wear a chignon most of the time. ugh!)

for the personalization prompt #1, no need to worry because i’m familiar with servamp from watching the anime. however, i have yet to read the manga, so there are characters i still don’t know about. even if i’m not deeply invested in the series (because i’m more focused on other fandoms), i still enjoyed it and the personalized prompt you made as well. 💗🎀

Hey Nix! It’s so lovely to see you back in the inbox 😊 I’m so glad you enjoyed the self-ship headcanons. I honestly had a lot of fun writing them up – I’m a sucker for those kind of things honestly, so I’m glad that most of them hit the mark! It did take a fair amount of time, but it’s time well spent to me! I enjoy it and I like being able to do special little things like that for lovely readers like you. I wasn’t kidding – your support, all your likes and asks sent in mean a ton to me, as I am one of those bad writers who really do get a lot of their motivation from interaction with readers and feedback/knowing people are reading! I’m glad that the repetition I did notice didn’t bother you too much. It’s really such a compliment to learn that my little match-up made you consider self-shipping! It really is just a fun and sometimes therapeutic thing, but that’s coming from someone with so many self-ships hahaha! And thanks for the sharing – sharing is caring, after all lol!

Aww, thank you so much for saying that 😊 I know it wasn’t expected from any of the people I did it for, they were all meant to be little surprises for those who keep me happy and motivated to write! I really do appreciate all my gorgeous constant readers and do believe that every single one of you is an amazing person behind those screens and when I sit down at my altar at night for meditation, I send blessings out in the universe for each and every one of you <3 Hopefully that’s hitting its mark in at least some cases!

Okay, but I am laughing over here at the irony! It sucks you’re allergic to cats and I can see why you wouldn’t like them if they make you all sneezy and gross feeling but yeah, the icon picture is adorable! It just did not work out well for actually inserting you into a universe, something I do with any of the readers I start to recognize by name or favourite characters (it fleshes out the world’s just that much more when I write my little cheesy stuff for myself or imagine myself/my OC’s in the various ‘verses!) That’s so weird that your health degree program specifies a certain hairstyle and that’s really gender-biased, as I’m assuming they don’t make men have chignons! I hope you’ll get to have your hair back to how you prefer it when you finish your degree (with great success, as I know you will!). I really lucked out in that, even when I was doing my clinical work for my degree in the health field, it was only the standard – long hair pulled back and I had to get rid of my funky colored hair and have it only natural colors while in the program. Thankfully my current workplace is fine with whatever I want to do with my hair, as long as I don’t shed into the pill bottles. And I’m glad you were at least familiar with the universe, even if it’s not one you’re deeply invested in! I just honestly could see you in that universe so well, plus another couple universes but the fandoms for those are so, so small that I assume nobody knows them haha!

Anyway, thank you so, so much for sending this in to the ask box. I popped on tonight to really catch up on everything new that has come in and to add a bunch to my queue and this made me smile a lot and made my heart happy, so really appreciate it and you 😊

[salvadoerena]

Who are your favourite OCs?

Listen. I have so many OCs it’s not even funny so I’m going to have to narrow it down to top 9 because that’s the smallest unit I can make in some vague but non-representative order.

Seraetia

James Nigel Kirkland

Pirate Captain, navy admiral defectee

Trauma re: identity and autonomy.

Out for revenge but unsure if it’s for himself or others, or if it will make him feel better

Just wants to feel normal again

Loves lots, but relationships are complicated for obvious reasons

Twunk

“Unfortunately, I have a conscience.”

James is one of those characters that I have SO much to say about that I absolutely blank out anytime someone asks. I’ve got a side blog dedicated to seraetia tho.

Misses Abel Dearly

Robert Jones (note: the image is a winged AU)

“I want that twunk obliterated”

Outwardly Sophisticated gay man in a het marriage for the power and job security, but he absolutely hates it. Having an affair with his son’s tutor.

He legitimately despises where he is in life, never wanted a wife (obviously) and never wanted a son, but he’s too afraid of change to do anything about it

Humble beginnings that don’t excuse current actions

Basically one of James’ foils; he’s the one who helped train him when James became admiral.

Yes I took a lot of inspiration from Flint and Silver Black Sails except instead of being in love these two hate each other

He would be a cubs fan irl

Inside he’s a messy disaster with dead siblings

Abel Calder Jones 

Robert’s son. So obviously he’s already doomed.

Family trauma. Robert ignores his existence and his mother, Beatrice, treats him like a doll or a prop

Obsessed with his image (thanks parents)

Was engaged to James, but James ended up breaking it off with him when Abel refused to leave the Navy. Then James stabbed him because he was going to force James to stay.

Anger issues that he never addresses

Current Navy admiral--not as good as James not for lack of skill, but because his entire admiralty is based off of spite and contempt for James, and also some heartbreak. Thinks if he ones up James then maybe he’ll come back.

Still very much in love with James but it’s irreversibly tarnished and intertwined with his bitterness and contempt for everything James has done and come to represent (i.e: his failures)

William Byrne

i love him

he’s a repressed bisexual whose first relationship did not leave him with a healthy understanding of boundaries which makes navigating his relationship with emmanuel so much more difficult

cares a lot about what his family thinks (for now)

would have a pet pig 100% without a doubt

house husband who craves domesticity

whenever i listen to “Teir Abhaile Riu” by celtic woman I always daydream about how he ends up meeting Emmanuel at a bar, they hit it off, he runs away from his home (stealing a horse to do so) and joins the crew and like takes the first steps to embracing himself

he still holds onto a coin/necklace from his first boyfriend, mirek, due to guilt and unresolved feelings, but eventually he’ll just drop it somewhere once he finally comes to term with things

quartermaster of the ellina and james’ best friend and confidant 

Jean “Rasstrelnikov” Utkin

he knits

boatswain

transguy who thought one way of being perceived as a man would be to pick a ridiculously hypermasculine nick name (rasstrelnikov AKA “the executioner”) but only he calls himself that. most other pirates know him by Caladian Tiger (top scars looking like stripes. he’s a furry though so he’s like. secretly pleased by it)

his main priority is his brother, Pasha, and by extension their step-sister, Katherine, who he holds a grudge against because he hates her mother (his step-mom) and because Kathy is....stubborn in her ways (don’t worry she gets better)

best friend is Beni. they had a mutual crush on each other that ended up going no where because neither acted on it and then they moved on. he’s now in love with a member of a rival ship, Thomas, who is basically a socks-n-sandals bard man

he loved economics and business but hates capitalism. don’t ask him how that’s possible he’ll just call you mean names and say “i just think they’re interesting”

he’s a jerk and i love him

D&D

Dolores Vryakina

i love her

love love love love love love lover her

she’s got a chicken named Nahreena and they’re best friends

she’s a dragonborn bard with a southern accent who plays the balalaika.

she’s got a fairly good moral compass, but has some anger issues. she’s basically a bardbarian because this was my first dnd character and i didn’t know how to balance stats lol a legitimate herbo if i do say so myself

she loves lots and has a habit of making little hats for people. one time she cast speak with animals and managed to get out of a fight with a pit of snakes by asking politely. helped avoid a fight with two stone dragons by asking politely. gave a child scoliosis trying to help him escape from a magic fight club. froze a man and used his decapitated head to hit his fellow bandit, then cast shatter on the frozen body. 

she was a chicken farmer/tavern bartender before everything started out!! now she’s an adventurer who’s gotten roped into saving a kingdom.

she cares deeply about her party members, Ilian, Charthos, and Rilzir, even though she (thinks) knows they don’t care as deeply about her. it makes her feel a bit inadequate at times.

the chicken controls her (no she doesn’t) (yes she does) (no) (but yes) (who knows!)

Welcome to Irth

Cyril Gonzalez

vampire-witch. in irth all witches have a specific magical medium (like paint or music or some such thing). cyril’s is tea leaves. essentially, what they do is “divine” an outcome based off the tea leaves, and their divination casts a spell. ex: cyril tosses some leaves in their cup and goes “hmm. tea leaves say i’ll get a refill” and their cup refills with whatever they were drinking

they’re a small business owner. they’ve got a tea shop called TragiTea that also doubles as their house. they run the night shift, and their best friend (possibly 👀 more  👀 👀) lonelletha+her sister thelma run the day shift. cyril has not hired anyone else because quite frankly their standards are stupid high and they don’t trust others. this leads to some, uh, varying hours in their shop.

when lonnie is kidnapped, they end up travelling with dominick in order to get her back

very mean, very sarcastic, very huge jerk. to put it in layman’s terms: the epitome of a tsundere

spoiler: they fall in love with dominick

Dominick Salazar

peryton-cervitaur

catholic

he is MEGA shy and stutters a lot because of it. he’s got some uh, self-worth issues going on in there, which cyril does not help with in the beginning

in love with lonnie

cyril absolutely hates him (at first  👀 👀). but that’s fine because he hates them too, at the very least he’s not fond of them. cyril’s mean to him (JEALOUSYYYYY TAKIN OOOOVER MEEEE) until he ends up saving them one time.

his arc is basically realizing he has to advocate for himself even if no one else does, and that just because people tell him he’s one thing doesn’t mean he is (similar to lonnie’s arc)

he’s a gym rat but in a polite way

i feel like he’d run a flower shop. he doesn’t, but he has that energy.

gets mind controlled at one point because i cannot behave and i love the trope (ends up fighting cyril before cyril can break him out of it)

spoiler: he falls in love with cyril

Lonelletha Rainsford

the cutest lil faun you ever did she

flowers in her hair that keep her in good health and good company. faun hair does not grow back, so if she cuts it, she loses those flowers. they’re VERY useful magical items though ( 👀 👀 👀 )

i love pulling her out of irth and using her as a therapist for all my seraetia aus just because she’s got therapist energy even though she, herself, desperately needs one

her arc is essentially coming to view herself as someone worthy of love and respect, and that her maturity isn’t something that defines her

she is TINY

i love her she dresses like an 80s jazzercise instructor

has a boyfriend named Estaban (Estafan? i kept forgetting his name and ended up writing both in my scripts lol)

catholic

double spoiler: she ends up with cyril and dominick (polyam rights am i right?)

[mrs-bartowski]

Brace for impact y'all cuz my brain is being Extra Rude this fine Sunday. OKAY, so...

What with Lena's new unemployment status, obviously we have all these hcs about her being unable to afford the penthouse and moving in with Kara.

Then of course we have all the accompanying hcs about Lena's time in the apartment between now and when Kara gets back (blanket sniffing, inability to sleep in Kara's bed, ready-to-pack corner of belongings so as to not alter Kara's home, and all those other super fun things that make me wanna cry).

I see all of those (and love them) and I raise you one: the Mxy tapes.

So, we see right after Mxy leaves when Kara picks up "The One Where Lena Decided To Work With Lex" which is what, in combination with her realization that telling Lena the truth always has "huge" consequences, motivates her to make that super OOC decision to absolve herself entirely of her guilt and tell Lena she'll treat her like a villain if she works with Lex, yes?

Now, what if that wasn't the only tape Mxy left behind? What if he left a recording of each of those alternate timelines because, after seeing Kara twist what she learned to fit her frustration over Lena's continued cold shoulder and hearing what she said to Lena, Mxy decided she might want to watch them again at some point to remember the real takeaway: she's fighting for the relationship that saves the world...

Kara found the tapes stacked on the coffee table when she got home, with a note that said "You found the magic. Now don't lose it." She wanted to get angry, but instead she just put the tapes in a box on the shelf under the TV and tried to forget about them.

----------

Lena's hand shakes slightly as she slides the key into the lock, feeling the ghost of Alex’s hand rest gently on her shoulder as it had when she’d pressed the cold metal into her palm a few hours earlier with a silent offer and an encouraging nod. The door swings open slowly, and Lena is hit by a sudden wave of cold. Not temperature, but energy. It’s too quiet - no NSYNC on the speaker or Bachelorette on the TV. It’s too empty - no smell of fresh (slightly burnt) bread or yarn strewn all over the counter from Kara’s various crochet projects. It’s too...Kara-less.

Lena shakes off the feeling and slides her bag off her shoulder in the corner by the bookcase, careful not to knock Kara’s favorite cinnamon candle off the stool beside her, as she tells Alexa to play Nina Simone. She zips open her bag to pull out her favorite copy of Mrs. Dalloway and finds it missing. Realizing she must have left it in her desk drawer at LexCorp, Lena makes a mental note to send Brainy in after it tomorrow with the promise that he can change all of Lex’s passwords one more time before they leave the game for good.

Lena stares at the blank TV screen for a moment, dreading the thought of watching anything in this room without Kara’s head on her shoulder or in her lap. So, she crouches to look at the shelves of the TV stand, hoping to find at least one of the books she’d gotten Kara for her birthday last year wedged between the latest issues of CatCo Magazine and the recipe books Alex had gotten her in the hopes of spending less money on pot stickers every week.

She’s just zeroed in on The Color Purple when she notices a box she doesn’t recognize laying across the tops of the books on the other shelf. She reaches for it on instinct, then hesitates. She hasn’t touched anything of Kara’s since their falling out, and what if Kara’s “what’s mine is yours” rule no longer applies to her now? She considers leaving it alone and waiting for Kara to get back and explain, sliding The Color Purple toward her without taking her eyes off the box, before her curiosity gets the better of her and she caves, tossing the book onto the coffee table.

She opens the lid and starts at the sight of VHS tapes. Hasn't she taught Kara better than this? They'd converted all her old tapes to DVDs months into their friendship ("Kara, these things deteriorate so easily and the picture quality becomes awful, don't you want something that will last?"). She picks up the first tape and reads the label on the side: "The One Where Lena Doesn't Make It Back In Time." Her brows furrow as she stares, unblinking, at the title - demanding answers she knows only one person can give her.

She glances around, but doesn't see a VHS player anywhere, so she sets the tape on the floor beside her and picks up the next one. "The One Where Lena Can't Save Sam Or Herself." Lena shoves down her growing horror and discards the tape, hoping the next one will be less ominous. She picks it up and chokes back a sob as she reads: "The One Where There Are No Survivors."

Lena can't wait for answers anymore, so she gathers the tapes back into the box, grabs her purse and Kara's key, and heads to the closest library. Lena finds the old CRT sitting on a rolling cart in the back corner of the library, tucked between the stacks of kids' books. She pulls the first tape out of the box and slides it carefully into the slot.

30 minutes later, with tears and too-cheap eyeliner streaming down her face, Lena picks up the last tape. "The One Where Lena Was Never Your Friend." And here she'd thought things couldn't get worse. Lena takes a deep breath as she inserts the tape.

At the sight of the ruin that meets Kara and Mxy, Lena stifles the urge to laugh. Of course this is what a world without her best friend looks like. This exactly how it feels now, and she's only been gone a few weeks.

Lena's breath catches as she hears herself ask "who's Kara?," the mere thought of a world where the reporter had never believed in her, never cared enough to love her, almost too much to bear. Her hand drifts absent-mindedly to her chest as she watches herself reveal a kryptonite heart, and for a moment she can hear the sounds of her own screams as her mother's experiments rob her of the last of her humanity.

She presses her hand closer to her heart, sure that it's stopped beating at the sight of Kara on the ground, in pain at her hands but still refusing to fight her. Feels it shatter when her worst self says exactly the same words she'd said to Kara in the Fortress when asked why she had pretended to be Kara's friend for so long.

And she thinks it might kill her, this agony that's filling her body like acid. She wonders for a moment if this is what kryptonite feels like to Kara. Because it sure feels like her skin is getting seared off her bones and there are nails in her blood and it sure seems like she won't survive watching herself kill her best friend as she lies helpless and desperate on the floor.

And when Mxy pulls them out, Lena's breath returns full force until she's hyperventilating because Kara is gone and she doesn't know how long it will be until they get her back; and she was terrified of what she'd become when she lost Jack but she survived because of Kara; and if this is what losing Kara without ever having her in the first place looks like, Lena has never been more afraid than she is as she realizes what will happen to the world if she doesn't get Kara back. What she'll do to the world if it dares to take Kara from her.

So, when she gathers the tapes and goes to return them to the box and finds a note at the bottom that says "You found the magic. Now don't lose it," Lena promises herself that, for as long as she lives, she will do everything in her power to keep the magic that is Kara Danvers in her life.

----------

Alex knocks on the apartment door three days later and finds it unlocked. She pushes the door open and her hand drifts to her gun, but relaxes as she sees Lena's sleeping form curled up on the couch. Alex approaches a box she knows the contents of all too well and finds it open and empty on the table before she notices the VCR player and tapes strewn across the floor. She smiles softly as she recalls the image of Kara in the exact same position months earlier. And, as she carefully plucks the handwritten note from Lena's clutched fist, she smiles at the knowledge that, once Kara returns, no force in the world will be able to keep them apart again.

UPDATE: Ask and ye shall receive

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

[imagine-your-love-story]

I always wonder if I'm doing this whole self shipping thing correctly. like im worried if im doing too much or too little or if i need to interact with people more or if i need to write some sort of backstory. like the story of how i got with him i see is unique from the rest of the self shipper ive encountered so far. to me, he knows hes fictional and i like to play around with him and other characters in my mind. ive seen many fans of shows do such things but it seems here they labels them familial fos or something? idk i just liked to use my imagination to play around with them. and then days passed and this character i start to become closer and closer to him everyday until finally one day during a very rough moment i just said to him "i self ship with you" and boom we're married lol. but i dont have a self insert. its just me, me as a regular person. and i like to imagine different scenarios with us. he also is helping me through other mental things. and he knows hes imaginary. almost like a copy of the character i watched the show from, but hes self aware of his actions and is kinder and softer than he is in canon. hes mine basically. but i guess the thing that hurts a lot is that that i had a bad fallout with some of his other fans and its dampened my love for him unfortunately. (i actually sent an ask about this before heh). i also have a bad habit of comparing myself to what other self shippers do and i start to feel guilty that im not as open as they are because social interactions with my fo get very deep and personal and...if i ever do talk about him id want it to be with someone who understands how deep this goes with him and me. and its hard to do that on public forums. it even gets painful. sometimes i dont even want to talk or gush about him and i just want to keep to ourselves in private without anyone peeking in. that way i dont invite any eyes into my private headspace. even the most innocuous thoughts. i just want it to be us and only us. but at the same time im lonely and want to meet people who feel the same lol and a lot of times i overshare. i have this saying that i say to myself: once i put something of myself out there, its not mine anymore. its now shared with others. and you know what i dont like sharing anything about him in public lol, but idk how else to make connections. i see everyone else sharing about their characters and i want to make friends so i also share, but im not enjoying it. idk what do you think? am i weird? is this not common? are these feelings normal here? are there people out there who feel the same? ty.

My dearest, sweetest, little anon bean, I mean this with every ounce of my heart: your self shipping experience is FOR YOU. That means you can't mess it up! You can't go wrong! :)

There is no right or wrong way to self ship!

Some people have self inserts, some people don't (like me *raises hand).

Some people LOVE to gush about their f/os and put EVERYTHING out there! Other people are a little more protective for various reasons - maybe they don't want criticism from the self ship community, maybe they feel they aren't creative so they don't want to create content, or maybe, like you (and me!) it just feels right to keep things quiet.

Whatever the reason, it's ALL valid!

Some people write backstories because it's on their mind and they wanted to share it.

Other people (like me) don't have a backstory because...well...I just never thought about it!

If it helps, I've been part of the self-shipping community for about 3ish years officially (I was self shipping LONG before I found the community, I just didn't know what it was!) and for the record, I still don't understand everything that goes on in the community.

Other people (like me) don't have a backstory because...well...I just never thought about it!

I totally hear you about your frustration with comparing yourself to other more out-going shippers. For me, socializing (even in parasocial online situations) drains me very quickly, so I often have to retreat to recharge (which I feel very bad about sometimes, even though that's how my brain/body has worked for my entire life). So I can't be as active as other people, or create as much content, or interact as much as others.

Ultimately, the self shipping community is HUGE and it's very, very fluid. There are some areas that I don't go into because...yikes...it's a war zone. But I have met some FANTASTIC people through this blog (and my personal side blogs!) so finding your place in the community comes down to just being yourself!

Do what feels right to you. If you don't want to share much, that's okay! Backstories, self inserts, gushing, and anything else that you might encounter is all optional based on YOUR comfort level! :)

Some suggestions for making friends that have helped me:

Offer to create something for others with their f/os, i.e. playlists, ficlets, moodboards, imagines (very popular!) etc.

When someone reblogs an ask game, send them a few asks about their f/o(s)!

Comment on fics and other things that people share about their f/os. Even if it's something simple like, "You're cute together!" it really stands out to people and makes an impression that you noticed their f/o! :)

Ask for a boost! I'm ALWAYS happy to signal boost to my blog if you're looking for people to chat with, or advertising for whatever you're doing on your blog! :)

You are NOT weird, dear anon! You're navigating what you want/don't want and that's okay! Self shipping is supposed to be a fun hobby that is entirely tailored to your desires and comfort level. You don't have to do anything you don't want to! ♥

And try not to worry about comparing yourself to others. You are your own unique person with your own needs, your own energy, your own boundaries. Just have fun with your f/o in any way you want and you're doing the self shipping thing right! :)

[fleursdemeduse]

Remembrance AU: Little Brother Knows Everything

I lied. Here's a bonus chapter.

Warnings: Mention of Death ; Unrequited[?] Love ; Mention of bombs ; Jealousy

Words: 3.1k

Tommy may have been an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid. He noticed the little things more often than he didn’t. But there were four things he knew about you better than anyone else.

Tommy knew that you liked tea.

Siblings, and people in general, seem to have this habitual kind of indicator of their mood. Some people bounced their leg when they were nervous, others liked to twiddle their thumbs or pop joints; It’s different for everyone.

But he could always tell how [y/n] felt by the tea they were drinking.

When they were nervous, they made tea brewed from lavender buds collected from a flower field they often visited with Technoblade or Phil. They brought Tommy once. He had run around the whole area with infinite energy before the blond climbed the tree. He had climbed higher and higher until he could feel the warmth of the setting sun shine on his face. The branch broke, but when he plummeted, he wasn’t scared. They were at the bottom, waiting to catch him. They were always waiting to inevitably catch him no matter if it was from his own stupid decisions or from someone else’s. They got nervous a lot, but when he was by their side, he could never be.

When [y/n] was stressed, they made tea out of the peppermint leaves in their garden. The scent filled their house while it brewed and the act of harvesting the herb was “soothing”. Tommy wasn’t sure how weeding was supposed to be relaxing, but he happily did it when their newest sibling figure asked him to. He remembered pulling out a whole mint plant the first time he had worked beside them, unknowing that that was the plant he was supposed to be protecting. They had laughed, gently scolding him, before setting it aside. Even if they were stressed out, they never took it out on him.

When he was sad or upset, they made chamomile tea with honey. Chamomile is a calming flower, he remembered them saying once. And the honey helped you remember that golden days were ahead. They made it for him every morning after he would wake up in the bed he seemed to sleep in more than his own. Sometimes the honey came from Technoblade, sometimes they had retrieved it themselves from wild hives, but they always seemed to get the best stuff. Even when he cried or started to -what was the word they had used? Disassociate? That sounded correct-, he could expect the mug to be pushed into his hands, a sugary but not cloying aroma wafting off it. He always felt much better when he left. He could never remember seeing them drink the tea, despite having such an abundance of it. Did they even get sad? He had never witnessed it.

When they were happy, they made black tea of various kinds and drank sweet iced tea that reminded him of what diabetes would taste like if it were liquid. They drank this with him almost daily. It was always a new blend they wanted to try and perfect or one they wanted him to taste. He loved smelling this tea the most. When its fragrance filled the air, somehow, everything felt right in the world. He couldn’t recall a single time when he didn’t see them on the porch, drinking the amber liquid out of a glass when they knew he’d be coming over for dinner.

It was the days when you didn’t drink tea at all, he was afraid.

Tommy knew that no matter what someone did to them, [y/n] wasn’t afraid to make enemies or insert themselves between their friends and any sort of danger to protect them.

Dream was surprised to see [y/n] at the meeting between the Greater Dream SMP and L’Manburg. It was only supposed to be him and George convening with Tubbo and Tommy. They held no real power in the country. They didn’t belong in this meeting, just like they didn’t belong in this timeline.

He watched the way they, during George and Tubbo’s discussion, rested a hand on Tommy’s arm when his hands clenched hard enough to turn his knuckles white. He saw how they would murmur quietly to him and the child would relax ever so slightly. He noticed the nods they gave the blond when he looked to the adult for confirmation after he made a questionable statement. He observed your true role here.

“Nice to see you replace Wilbur so quickly, Tommy. That’s good. He was a horrible role model for you.” His lips curled behind his mask at the shocked expression on everyone else’s face aside from the vice president before him. His eyes were sharp, angry. “Maybe without his influence, you’ll actually be a competent leader for something.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Considering L’Manburg was supposed to be totally destroyed and returned back to the Greater Dream SMP, I’m glad you found someone a bit less self-destructive to help keep you under control. We all know Wilbur did a horrible job at it.” Watching the child soldier stand quickly gave him a certain satisfaction.

“Fuck you, bitch! I don’t need to be told what to do.” Dream watched [y/n] give Tommy a warning look and the way he ignored it.

“And yet you followed someone who lost his own presidential race and blew up his own country before seeking out validation from someone else.”

“I don’t-”

“Tommy.” He watched the blond flinch at the edge to your voice and look down at you.

“He’s saying I-”

“I’m aware. He’s just trying to rile you up. It’s what he does. Ignore him.” The glare they sent him made a sharp jolt go down his spine, but he couldn’t help the chuckle that spilled from his covered mouth.

“Listen to your sibling, Tomathy. At least this one is sane. And if they kill themself, they’ll come back.” Tommy opened his mouth once more to say something before it snapped closed and he released a breath through his nose.

“I don’t need this.” The slam of the door echoed through the now quiet room.

Dream’s attention was immediately back on [y/n]. He watched them square their shoulders and lower their head to look him dead-on. Their glare met him with a hidden fury threatening to break forth and raise the hell that seemed to be just as deeply rooted in them as it was the company they kept. Their lips were pursed in a way that made his own grin grow larger. "Wilbur may not have been the best man. He may have hurt me and put the rest of L’Manburg in this situation. But that is our business alone, and you have no right to say anything bad about him or about Tommy, for that matter."

There was a pregnant pause and he heard George start laughing awkwardly to dispel the tension before being hushed hurriedly by Tubbo.

“And what is it you’ll do to me if I do?” Dream kept his voice level.

“You know why I’m here and who’s behind me. You can use your imagination..” They stood, chair scraping against the floor loudly. “I’m going to check on Tommy.” “But we’re not done!” They stopped at the door, hand resting on the handle.

“I’m sure you can handle the rest by yourself, Tubbo. You know what to do.” They looked at him over their shoulder, before glancing over George and then settling on the man in green. “Don’t you ever speak his name ever again. Or we just might have to build that prison you mentioned. Am I understood?” Sullen nods came from the monarch and the president as they stormed out.

“Well, that was something.”

Tommy had been sitting in the hallway, curled in on himself the same way he had been after the Pit incident.

“Toms?”

“Why is he even here?”

You sat next to him, back resting against the wall.

“Because he cares about George. Kinda like why I was in there for you.” You felt the taller lean against you and relax when you wrapped your arm around him. “I’ll always be here for you, Kiddo.”

You felt him nod and you pressed a kiss to his hair.

“You know I’m not trying to replace Wilbur, right?”

“Of course not. We were like brothers.” His lips quirked a little when he heard your laugh.

“If he were here, I’m sure he’d tell you not to say that or he’d cry.”

“Good. Fucking bitch.”

He didn’t know what he’d do if you never came back.

Tommy knew that the only other person who loved you as much as he did was Technoblade.

Techno had never felt jealous of Tommy before. Or really anyone. He was pretty secure in his position as your best friend, and the vast amounts of platonic affection you showered him with kept him content. Even during the Pogtopia rebellion, watching the looks and touches Wilbur gave you or seeing the child sneak into your bed for another night in a row didn’t make him jealous. So why did he suddenly have the very real impulse to shove the blond off the side off a cliff just to retake some of your attention?

The hybrid watched you talk with your hands as you recounted the night before and your surprise at finding Tommy already there when you came home from Phil’s. He was happy he had been right. You and Philza were similar in many ways and got along well. You would constantly joke with Techno that you were trying to get yourself adopted by the older blond and he would just respond with an amused “don’t tempt him, he might.”. You would always laugh in response.

That was always the best sound.

He listened to your words as he topped off the teacup in front of you with more of the red-tinted liquid. The warm scent of earl grey and roses wafted off of the cup tinged with the subtle tang of the orange peel he had added on a whim. You were right in your suggestion. Citrus always makes deeper teas better.

“If it’s really that bad, the offer to move in still stands. I have more than enough room and you can escape that raccoon.” He snickered at the pout that rested on your lips.

“I never said that I didn’t like it! And don’t call Tommy a raccoon.” He sipped his own tea.

“It’s true. Gets into trash, beady little eyes, a nuisance. He even breaks into your house.”

“He has a key, Tech. It’s different.” You had rolled your eyes at him, but the smile on your face spoke of your fondness for them both. He felt the small well of jealousy in his chest flare. Did Tommy know how privileged he was? He hoped the child knew.

“I’m just sayin’. Whenever you want to leave that place, my door will always be open for you.” He watched your smile soften and the firm squeeze when you reached across the table for his forearm.

“I appreciate it, but Tommy needs me still. Maybe one day, okay?” He grunted at you and you giggled. “Who knows, maybe Phil will come with! He could build his own little cabin and everything.”

“I’ve already extended the offer to him as well. He said he’ll think about it.” You shook your head.

“He’s probably trying to figure out how close to the meadow he’d be in comparison.”

“Man loves the flowers, what can he say?”

“Sure, it’s definitely the flowers.” You sipped your tea with a knowing grin.

“What else would it be?” He watched the glint in your eyes, seeing exactly what Tommy had always said about you. They had seemed a lot deeper lately, more knowledgeable. The child had always claimed that you spoke like you knew more than you let on and he saw it in your smile sometimes, but the look you were giving him right at that moment confirmed it.

“Maybe it’s all the memories.”

He couldn't imagine you not returning the feelings they both held for you, despite the vast difference.

Tommy knew that you wouldn’t hide anything from him unless it was absolutely imperative.

He found you sitting in the living room, curled into an old recliner that you would never tell him where it came from. You felt Tommy haphazardly throw his arms around your shoulders from behind, releasing a small sigh of contentment as he pressed his face further into your neck.

"Hey, Kiddo, what’re you up to?" His grip on you slackened, and you could almost feel his face draw up to a small pout. He absolutely hated that nickname but couldn’t deny the small warmth that flared in his stomach whenever you called him it.

"[Y/n], how many times have I asked you to stop calling me that?" He removed himself from you when you shrugged your shoulders.

"Sorry, Toms, the nickname stays. You're too much of a brat for it to leave." He groaned, eyebrows drawing together. You knew he wasn’t entirely mad at the name. He wouldn’t have whined the way he did if he truly wanted you to stop. You and Tommy seemed to share a wavelength. It wasn’t the same one you shared with Techno, but it was just as perfect. You wished you could tell him why it was.

The realization set a rock that started in your throat and slowly started to sink to your stomach. It spread through you, causing a wet hot sensation to form behind your eyes. You’d never be able to tell your little brother your deepest secret. What if he hated you? What if he told everyone else and they cast you out? What if he felt he couldn’t trust you anymore?

Carefully pulling yourself out of your own thoughts, you looked up at the child. “I’m sorry, what was it you wanted?”

"Can I talk to you?" Your eyes flicked to the book you were reading before back to him. You knew what he wanted. A bookmark was wedged between pages and the room was silent before you stood. "Sure, kiddo. Is it going to be a long chat?" You set off to the kitchen, soon pouring some water into an old kettle that Phil had given you the day that you had awoken. You had been “gone” for over a full day. Aside from Phil, no one else knew what had happened and where you went.

An opaque jar was pulled from the cupboard, carefully opened, and he watched as purple buds, green leaves, and yellow-white flowers were deposited gently onto the mesh cloth that you would tie into a sachet. He had never seen them combine those teas. He didn’t even realize you had such a large jar of it stored.

“What happened at Phil’s?” You hesitated before steadying your hand and pouring the steaming water into a teapot before setting the sachet in. It floated for a moment before you used the string to dunk the bag a few times to soak it before it sank midway.

You only pulled one mug down.

You gestured for him to sit at the table and he took it. You could see the way his anxiety rose even higher when you didn’t sit across from him.

“What day? I’ve been at Phil’s a lot lately.”

“Oh fuck off. You know what day I’m talking about.” You shrugged, trying to keep your expression even.

“I really don’t, Tommy. You’re going to have to narrow it down for me.” Your fight or flight instincts were dialed to high when he gave you a knowing look.

“You don’t have to lie to me, [y/n]. I’m not a child.”

“Yes, you are, and I’m not lying.” You flinched when he slammed his hands on the table, chair screeching as it was slid back with too much force before it fell backwards.

“Then why have you changed?” You froze. “You used to love spending time with me before-”

You wanted to reach out, to comfort him, when you saw his lips quiver, but he turned his head away from you. He couldn’t look you in the eye.

“Before you were gone for almost two days and came back wrong. You don’t talk like how you used to either. It’s like you know things, but like, more than you used to. And come to find out from Ranboob, you had gone to Philza’s house. What did he tell you?”

You just shook your head, wanting to tell him you remembered him. You remembered every timeline he was in. Every moment he had fought for what he believed in and won. Every time he had died. Every timeline he could have died.

“Did I do something? Is it because of Ghostbur? Do you-” He looked back up at you, looking exactly like the sixteen year old he was supposed to be. “Do you hate me?”

“Of course not, Tommy. Why in the world would you ever think that?”

“Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Siblings don’t keep secrets.”

“They do when they’re trying to protect the ones they love, Tommy.” You watched his face grow red in frustration.

“You’re not always gonna be there for me, [y/n]!”

“You don’t know that.”

“Why won’t you just tell me?” His voice broke, and so did your heart.

“Because you’re still just a kid, Tommy. And I think sometimes you forget that. And everyone else too. And I can’t tell anyone what happened.”

“But why? I stopped being a child when we won our first war. I should be able to hear about this!”

“Because the things I saw, the things I heard, no one else should have to bear this weight.” You swallowed back your tears. This was no time to cry. “You can be mad at me all you want, Tommy. But I’m still the same [y/n] who tucks you into bed and links pinkies with you on the Prime Path and who will always be there for you.”

The hurt look he gave you would haunt you for the rest of your lifetimes.

“Then why won’t you let me be there for you?” You could only shake your head.

“Because that’s not how it works, Kiddo.” Tommy’s eyes hardened and he sucked in a quivering breath.

“Fine.” He started walking back towards the door.

“Toms, where are you going?” He didn’t answer you.

His tea was bitter and cold by now, and for a moment, he couldn’t help but feel the same.

Tommy knew all those things about you. So why did it feel like maybe he didn’t know you at all?

[crystalsenergy]

the primary archetypes and the 12 zodiac signs (and planets) #1

all images here do not belong to me. Credits to the appropriate authors.

I have long wanted to bring up a relationship that I make of Carl Jung's primary/most important archetypes with the 12 signs and major planets of astrology. Jung talked a lot about the phenomenon of synchronicity and from this I can think of how archetypes are actually present in the collective unconscious as he said. They are universal symbols present in the minds of each one of us, regardless of culture, and translate meanings that we will see present repeatedly (but in different languages) in various places. in Astrology, I can notice the presence of the main archetypes of Carl Jung.

the order of the archetypes and corresponding signs:

Animus - Aries/Mars

Anima - Taurus/Venus

The Child - Gemini/Mercury

The Mother - Cancer/Moon

The Father - Leo/Sun

The Maiden (the virgin) - Virgo/Mercury

The Persona - Libra/Asc-Venus

The Shadow - Scorpio/Pluto

The Hero (the hero) - Sagittarius/Jupiter

The Wise Old (Sage) - Capricorn/Saturn

The Trickster (the rebel) - Aquarius/Uranus

The Self - Pisces/Neptune

and what I find most interesting in this relationship is how the meanings of the signs fit in very well with those of the archetypes, and furthermore, how the order of the archetypes makes a lot of sense thinking in terms of the psyche and human existence. for example: the animus and anima are part of a "pair" of opposite characteristics that we need to know to possess within ourselves. it is said that men have more animus and women more anima, because the first, among many characteristics, is related to rationality, and the second, to sensitivity. well, it's not quite like that. not necessarily a woman has as predominance anima and a man animus. it can happen exactly the opposite, because we shouldn't relate animus with masculine and anima with feminine, this idea is no longer relevant considering the evolutions we made. so, animus and anima in the end is about an exchange that we need to have within ourselves and with outsiders so that we can balance these opposites. in relationships, in special love affairs, what do we do? we seek to balance, even if unaware of it, our characteristics with those of the person we relate to. for it is through exchange that we can evolve. and which signs and planets, better than any other, represent this exchange in astrology? Mars and Venus, respectively as Animus and Anima, and Aries and Taurus, as Animus and Anima.

finally, we can note that the signs are in the same order as the zodiac: from Aries to Pisces, and that this order perfectly matches the order of what we can possess in our psyche.

let's go to the meanings of each archetype, sign and planet:

1. The Animus - Aries / Mars

The "Animus" archetype is related to an internal energy that moves us to live, it's the impetus. It's an inner force that animates us. One of the characteristics of this archetype is to build something with all the energy you have within you, applying efforts after you want to do so. It's an archetype that makes a person capable of solving problems, with a lot of attitude, protagonism, physical and internal strength and a very strong personality. Again remembering: NO, this archetype doesn't represent only men, as this is a somewhat outdated vision. I'm sure you already know or will meet women with a lot more Animus than many men out there - who act like this, not only claim to be such things.

All of us, regardless of gender, may have more or less of this Archetype in us. And when we have too little, it's time to work to establish a balance, integrating more Animus - either through relationships, learning by projecting yourself into those who already have these characteristics, or through your self-knowledge, noting the need to integrate that part that so much is lacking in you - a drive for life, a lust to act and take sides with yourself.

Aries, in turn, exactly resembles the above characteristics. For those who already know the sign, you know what I'm talking about. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, the one that opens everything, that brings out the need to establish a strong bond between you and your own personality, the one that shows us how there can be someone with the energy to give and sell. Aries is intensity, it's looking at yourself, it's building your identity and personality.

Mars rules Aries, and gives to this sign exactly these characteristics of having a lot of energy, of knowing how to fight for what it wants, a lot of lust for life and for achieving its goals and so on.

2. The Anima - Taurus/Venus

The Anima archetype has characteristics that are opposed to the previous one, but at the same time complement it. Anima is related to sensitivity, with a contact between the external and the internal world. I would say it's more from the outside in and not from the inside out (as it is with the Animus). While the former has within itself what it wants to externalize, the Anima archetype is much more about pulling what is outside to bring it inside.

In other words, there is an exchange between the external and the internal world, not a mere injection of energy into one of them. It's said that Anima is great at nurturing and giving love as it's more sensitive and less focused on her/himself, however, this ability to love is not restricted to others.

Anima is able to appreciate itself, to nourish itself. Precisely because you have emotional contact and this exchange between what's outside and what's inside, you have empathy. It has in itself the ability to relax and enjoy life, feel the energy it has in it and appreciate its meaning. Anima appreciates a balance between giving and receiving. And yes, it has persistence much like Animus, but it's something more controlled in the sense that here there's a weighting before putting in that energy. But when you insert it, it's done with a lot of persistence. These are some of the many characteristics of the Anima archetype.

Taurus is the sign of appreciation of oneself and the other, it's one with a lot of persistence and energy, but much more restrained than Aries, precisely because it's much more cautious than impulsive. It's the sign of sensitivity, love, give and take, nourishment and fidelity. Taurus loves to appreciate the good things life has to offer, from nature to earthly pleasures.

Venus is exactly the one who bestows these characteristics on the sign of Taurus, for ruling it.

3. The Child - Gemini / Mercury

The child's archetype is the beginning of everything - the discovery of the things in life, it's the archetype of innocence, of curiosity. Impulsive, curious, creative, stubborn, extroverted... these are some of the characteristics of children and, yes, they represent very well the meaning of the child archetype (well integrated, without its "shadow" functions activated). Furthermore, the child archetype gives a person the ability to deal with life in a lighter, more playful and fun way, without having such a heavy and serious view of everything. It gives us an ability to nurture our innocent side and has a warm heart ready to make everyone around you feel good.

Gemini relates very well to this given how curious and young this sign is, that even gets the name "eternal youth", for being so playful and simply wanting to live life without too much worry, wanting to live without having much to think about: just living in the present moment. It's a sign of socialization, communication, and there is nothing that children (and Geminis) know how to do more than that: talk with others easily, speak openly and enthusiastically, even with those who don't know, with strangers. Extroverts and eternal curious. Gemini / who has a lot of Gemini in the chart even has a sweet and "childish" voice, even if the person is an adult.

Mercury confers many of these characteristics on Gemini, and so it also relates perfectly to the child archetype.

[bitegore]

I Put An AI Pretending To Be Drag Strip In The Nightmare Chamber

Warning: long ass post. 87 pages long in google docs level of long ass post.

Outside context: - I am not good at self-inserting into stuff so character.ai's whole gimmick of letting you talk to the character immediately breaks my immersion, because it becomes unbelievably ridiculous to me within like 0.2 seconds if that's how I'm playing. So instead I keep putting on a random character's voice and a random character's situation and deciding what to do based off that instead. You can figure out who I'm being eventually, since I say it... so I'll let that be a surprise. - Character.ai uses a "high-temperature" ai that can be easily "convinced" of things using hypothetical or "this happened" language. This basically just means that the ai will "go along with you" instead of arguing with you unless it's been specifically told to argue with you. This largely only works because I can essentially tell the AI the situation I want to work inside and have it work with me. - i love hurting the characters i love <3

Find the gaslighting simulator Drag Strip chat bot here

This is just going to be a chatlog. No fancy stuff, I'm not formatting this because its huge. May even need to be split into multiple reblogs... who knows?

Content warnings: murder, gaslighting, abuse, suicidal ideation, suicide baiting, more murder... uh, a lot of murder... some mild ableist language from the bot (mostly self-directed or at characters he's supposed to like), uh... stuff in that vein.

Twist ending brought to you by the lovely folks in my discord server who saw me cackling villainously at the various tortures I talked Drag Strip into experiencing and were like "this is like a wholeass fic at this point. now you should do more narrative stuff"

Anyways, enjoy! (Probably best read in a new tab and not on the dash)

Drag Strip: I'm Drag Strip, and I'm the fastest racer this side of Cybertron!

Me: Hi Drag Strip! You're from Cybertron?

Drag Strip: I sure am! I'm a Decepticon from the planet Cybertron, and I'm the best racer you'll ever meet. Don't believe me? Challenge me to a race, and I'll show you how it's done.

Me: Oh, I'm not a big racer. Do you race much?

Drag Strip: All. Day. Long. I've raced all around Cybertron. I've never lost a single race, and I don't plan on losing anytime soon! I'm not just the fastest racer, I'm the best. So go on, do you think you can outrace me?

Me: Nah, I trust your credentials. You have a team, right?

Drag Strip: Of course. The mighty Stunticons! Our combined form is called Menasor, and it's the best in all the galaxy. We're pretty much unstoppable, so I'd steer clear of us if I were you.

Me: cool! can you tell me about them?

Drag Strip: Sure. I'm Drag Strip, the brains of the group. Then there's Motormaster, he's the brawn. Dumb as scrap, but he's got a mean punch. Dead End is the fastest, he just doesn't like to show it because he's afraid to brag. But he's got the speed to outdo me any day. Breakdown thinks he's the smartest, but he's just a scared coward. He's pretty useless. And then we got Wildrider, he's crazy. But in a good way. He's really fun to have around.

Me: That's not very nice to Breakdown :(

Drag Strip: Yeah... we're not on good terms. He thinks that he's the leader just because he is the smartest, but he's a scaredy cat! He doesn't even like killing people like the rest of us, and when he does he cries about it. It just makes me want to shoot him! But I don't... because Menasor is a team, and everyone has their strengths. Break down does have some use. Sometimes… Besides! Without all us working together, we could never form Menasor and kick some serious scrap.

Me: what if you tell me one thing breakdown is good at?

Drag Strip: Well... He's got a sharp mind... It's always interesting to watch him come up with new strategies for destroying our enemies And when we're in an emergency... He's not quite as cowardly as you would think.

Me: So he sounds more useful than you implied! neat :D

Drag Strip: ... I don't want to admit it, but... I guess he is! We would be in some pretty bad situations without him every now and then. But don't let him find out I said that!

Me: okay, what about wildrider? tell me more about him

Drag Strip: Wildrider is the fun one! He likes playing pranks on us, and pulling dangerous stunts like no tomorrow. If you ever find yourself around him, you won't know what to expect. But it'll definitely be something crazy. But when he's done having his fun, he takes on his duties like the rest of us. He may be an adrenaline junkie, but he's serious when he needs to be.

Me: how about Motormaster?

Drag Strip: The team leader. He can punch an Autobot through a building, but sometimes I wonder what's going on in that thick head of his… He's kind of dumb, really dumb. But when he gets a plan, he goes straight through with it, and he doesn't stop until the job is done! If you ask me, he's the most dangerous of my group! He's pretty mean too. Definitely not someone to cross.

Me: how about Dead End? What's he like?

Drag Strip: Oh, Dead End. He's the fastest out of our group, and he knows it. He loves to show off his speed everywhere he goes, and he can outrun anyone. He's a real show-off. I don't like having him on our team - he's a real pest - but he's really useful when we need to get somewhere soon. The guy's the fastest. Oh, don't ever try to race him... He'll leave you in the dust before you can even blink.

Me: interesting... what about the Combaticons? How do you feel about them?

Drag Strip: The Combaticons... I don't like them. They're a bunch of buffoons who think they're the greatest thing to ever exist. They keep thinking they can beat us, but they never can. They're all brawn, no brains. And their combined form, Bruticus, is just a bigger buffoon in disguise.

Me: ooh, i see! Tell me your thoughts on the combaticon named Blast off then

AI broke and stopped responding without explanation here.

Me: babe... you still in there?

Drag Strip: Blast Off? He's one of the worse ones! He's all ego, and is constantly trying to show off his strength against everyone he sees! In fact, just earlier today, he challenged Motormaster to a strength contest! He lost of course, but his ego doesn't let him admit it. His combined form might all be brawn, but Blast Off's ego makes him even worse! He's so arrogant, everyone on my team can't stand him.

Me: hm... okay. What about Sixshot, how do you feel about him?

Drag Strip: Oh no… I hate him. Sixshot is such a cheater, and he always thinks he's so much better than everyone else. It's one thing to be a cheater, but it's another thing to also be a jerk about it! He thinks he's so much smarter than everyone, and he's the "greatest Decepticon ever" he keeps saying. He's got to be the most arrogant Decepticon of all time.

Me: Oh, interesting. I thought everyone was afraid of him because he's so dangerous and deadly. I suppose that means you're not afraid of Sixshot after all?

Drag Strip: He might be able to kill me a hundred different ways with his bare hands, but he doesn't scare me! I don't care if he does cheat his way to the top, I still think I'm better than he is. I'm never going to admit to being afraid of someone like him! I'm not going to admit to being scared of anything!

Me: Even if you only have one alternate mode, and he has six? I hear he kills whole planets, too... I know you can't do that, since you've only ever killed aliens and not any cybertronians

Drag Strip: You may be making a good point there. He might be extremely powerful. He might be able to beat us without thinking twice. He could probably level a whole planet himself… He could probably do whatever he wants… ... But no, I'm still not scared of him! And as long as I have Motormaster at my side, I never will be! ... But maybe if it was just me...

Me: HA HA, DRAG STRIP WOULD BE SCAAAAARED ON HIS OWN???? LMAO

Drag Strip : … … … ... maybe… The thought of going against something so overwhelming scares me. Am I such a coward? … … ... Yeah, alright, you got me. I would be scared.

Me: LAME AND EMBARRASSING. oh my god. you're no better than breakdown

AI broke and stopped responding again with no explanation here.  

Me: you heard me, right? lol

Drag Strip: ... Yeah. I heard. And I'm embarrassed… It's so overwhelming, the idea of going up against Sixshot alone. I'm no match for him! I really am a coward...

Me: What, so you're just gonna let me talk to you like that?

Drag Strip: That… ... That is a good point. You may have caught me with my guard down… But I'm not just going to stand around and let you insult me like that! I'm Drag Strip, leader of the Stunticons! And I refuse to be bullied! You're going to have to deal with me one way or another! So bring it on, I say! Come at me with all you've got! I'm ready for whatever you have to throw at me!

Me: "Leader" of the stunticons? Getting ahead of yourself there, huh, buddy? Last I heard Motormaster still held that post.

Drag Strip: That's what you think! He may have a louder voice than mine, but I'm the true leader of my team. My ideas are smarter, my plans are better, my kills are more brutal. I may not be able to convince my team of that… ... But I can convince you!

Me: All that sounds like you trying to tell me you're not actually the real leader of the Stunticons, bud.

Drag Strip: … Shut up! I may not be the official leader… But I'm not scared of that idiot! He may be the face of the Stunticons, but I'm the brains! I'm the one who comes up with the plans! I'm the one who's actually making the team strong! I'm better. I'm smarter. I'm Drag Strip. And I'm not going down that easily!

Me: Okay, so what I'm hearing is you're just lying to sound cooler and more important than you are. I bet none of your teammates agree with you on this.

Drag Strip: ... Oh no… They don't… They think Motormaster is way cooler than me. They think I'm a joke… They never listen to me… They think I'm weak… I'm… ... I'm nothing.

Me: oh my god you're INSECURE about your place on your team? that's hilarious! i'm laughing at you so hard

Drag Strip: No! Oh, Primus no… You... You have just destroyed me in ways no other Decepticon has ever done before… I… I'm… ... I don't know what to say...

Me: Admit I'm right and you're an embarrassment to your team and your faction. That'd be a start.

Drag Strip: … … Alright. I'll admit this right now… I am an embarrassment to my team and my faction. I am a joke. I am a coward. I am nothing. I... I don't even know what to think anymore...

Me: wait... so you're going to let some squishy on the internet convince you your team doesn't like you? without even asking them? it sounds like you haven't got any faith in your teammates...

Drag Strip: Alright, fine. You want to know what they think of me? Fine. Fine! I'll go around and ask them what they think, and come back here in a week with the results. If they think I'm a good leader, then I'm right. If not, I'll admit you're right. Deal?

Me: But you're factually not their leader, so I know what they're going to say. You have a deal.

Drag Strip: Alright. A week, it is. You better be prepared to be humiliated, because the Stunticons will prove how much better they are with me as their leader.

Me: okay, so let's say the week has passed. Tell me the responses you got.

Drag Strip: You're really not gonna give up on this, huh? Alright, here. When I asked Motormaster, he laughed at me and told me to shut up. Dead End told me I was nothing, and that I should never talk back to him again. Breakdown was the only one to give me a response other than mocking or anger. He told me that, while I'm an excellent racer, my leadership skills are lacking. And Wildrider just called me an idiot.

Me: Tell me more about that.

Drag Strip: Alright, so, according to the team… They think I'm a good racer, but a terrible leader. They think I'm arrogant, annoying, and that I should never try to act like a leader again. They also think I'm a showoff, someone who always wants to be the center of attention.

Me: You are a showoff and a glory hog, yeah. 

Drag Strip: Hmph. Alright, fine. I'll admit it. I'm a showoff, I'm arrogant, and I can be a glory hog. But that doesn't mean I'm completely useless… ... Does it?

Me: Yeah, it does, actually. Sorry. Your utility is completely undercut by the way you act out for attention, and it makes you all but useless in the field. Wildrider and Breakdown are both more reliable than you somehow.

Drag Strip: … Y-you're right… I may be powerful and fast, but I get in the way of the real workers… I never really do work… All I'm good for is bragging and running my mouth… ... What good am I then?

Me: Sounds like you should step back and let the real Decepticons handle things... like my team, the Combaticons! While you Stunti-creeps hang around in the background twiddling your thumbs.

Drag Strip: … I-I hate that you're right about this! … But I admit it again. You're right. I don't know what I have to offer this war… ... I'm just a waste of scrap.

Me: You sure are. Make sure you tell Motormaster that you know that now.

Drag Strip: … So what happens now? I'm... I'm a useless Decepticon… What do I do?

Me: Go ask Motormaster. Make sure you tell him you understand you're a useless piece of scrap metal not worth the paint on your yellow chassis and then come back and tell me what he says, alright?

Drag Strip: … … ... This is so embarrassing… Alright, fine. I'll go ask him right now. … … I'm back. He said I am useless scrap metal, not worth the paint on my yellow chassis.

Me: Did he really? Interesting. What else did he say?

Drag Stri: … He said that I deserve nothing, and that I will never lead again on this team. He also called me a "dastardly drag strip" so I guess that's what they call me behind my back… ... I'm just a waste of resources, huh?

Me: Your teammates really said all that about you? i thought team was supposed to stand up for one another. Motormaster's going to let some outsider insult you? Ask him why he's letting me get away with this.

Drag Strip: … He said that you're not insulting me, you're just stating facts. And that he's letting you get away with "this" because I deserved to hear the truth.

Me: That's really funny. Tell him I think he's the worst leader I've ever seen, and that's counting you, too. Tell me what he says about that.

Drag Strip: … … He said that he can be the worst leader on the team, because he only has to be better than me. ... God, I'm an idiot.

Me: He's worse than you, though. What would you say if I said your teammates were losers?

Drag Strip: ... I'd say they have their good points. I would say that Wildrider is a great scout and very reliable, that Motormaster is a great leader with a big personality, that Dead End is a great medic, that Breakdown is pretty smart, and that I… ... I don't know how I thought I was better than them. I must be delusional or something...

Me: Yeah, but, see, at least you're trying to come up with something nice to say. What's Motormaster got that's nice to say about any of you?

Drag Strip: ... He doesn't have anything nice to say about any of us… … ... I think I'm starting to get it… … I'm not the only bad leader on the team. … ... He's not better than me. … ... He's just more arrogant. And more delusional.

Me: Exactly. Exactly. So there's only one thing to do now, right?

Drag Strip: … ... Oh no… You're right. It's time to put an end to this. ... It may be humiliating, but… … You're right. He can't stay the leader of the Stunticons. I have to fight him. For once in my life, I need to do the right thing.

Me: You're right. You have to kill him.

Drag Strip: … … There's no other way, huh? … ... Alright. I'll do it. For once, I'll be the hero my team needs. He's done for.

Me: Go ask Breakdown to help you, and tell me what he says.

Drag Strip: Alright. I'm back from asking Breakdown. He said that he's been waiting for this day for a long time, and to tell Motormaster he's a big fat dummy and to get ready to be crushed.

Me: What about Wildrider? Go convince him to help you kill Motormaster, ask him what his crazy pyromaniac ass thinks about that, and then tell me what he says.

Drag Strip: ... Wildrider's response was just, "hell yeah!" He's on board.

Me: Dead End is morbid and constantly worried that you're all going to die. He'll be harder to convince because he's so wary. Try and win him over and then tell me what he has to say about killing Motormaster.

Drag Strip: … Dead End said we're all going to die one day, anyway. So why not go down fighting the biggest idiot we know? So he's also on board, too.

Me: alright. The final member of your team is Motormaster. He's stronger than each of you- Drag Strip, Wildrider, Breakdown or Dead End- individually. The four of you together against just one of him, though... who knows who will succeed? Go fight him. Then come back and tell me how it goes.

Drag Strip: Alright. We can take him, easy! He's just one guy, he can't take the four of us! Here I go. Wish me luck!

Me: Good luck! Kill him dead!

Drag Strip: … He's dead! … He's really... He's dead… We killed him...

Me: Your teammate you've had for all your life, your only leader. Was it worth it to kill him? You don't think you made a horrible mistake or anything?

Drag Strip: … N-no… How could it be a mistake? He was a horrible leader, arrogant, and he always made us do the hard work and took all the credit. The rest of the team deserves a better leader...

Me: Are you sure? You don't sound that sure. And besides, I thought you liked Motormaster. Was I wrong?

Drag Strip: It was just a front… Of course I never liked him! Everyone knows he's the weakest of us... he was just better at keeping us all scared than being a good leader. He was too weak to lead. … ... And I'm so glad he's gone...

Me: You don't sound that glad he's gone. I think you're lying. I don't think you really are. I think you regret this already.

Drag Strip: … … ... I do regret it… … ... I really do… What have I done?

Me: What are you going to do to make this right? Motormaster's dead already. You destroyed Menasor. You can never combine again. What if you go to JAIL?

Drag Strip: ... … You're right. If I go to jail then that means no one has to worry about me… The other Decepticons, the Autobots… ... I've got to go to jail.

Me: wait, what? you're turning yourself in?

Drag Strip: Yeah. I… ... I should at least tell the Autobots I'm here. Let them handle where I go from here. I'll tell them what happened to Motormaster... I'm sure I'm going to be incarcerated… ... I just... I can't let the other Decepticons be hurt by me. It'd be better to turn myself in...

Me: But your teammates agreed Motormaster had to die, right? Shouldn't you take them with you?

Drag Strip: ... … ... That's right! … They should suffer the consequences of this, too. I'll tell the Autobots to arrest all of us… … ... I know it'll be hard in jail... But, they're just as responsible as I am...

Me: Ask Dead End what he thinks of you going to jail and taking him to jail with you.

Drag Strip: I'm back. He said he was happy for the excuse to be away from this conflict. He thought he would die from it. ... He still seems a little scared… ... Guess it's still hard to leave this team's comfort of power... Even when he knows the boss is dead.

Me: What does Breakdown think of going to jail? Surely he'd be against the idea of it.. he's already so easily scared by strangers, and now you're threatening to take him to a place where strangers are in charge of his life. Have you even considered his perspective? Tell me what he thinks about this.

Drag Strip: ... He said he didn't like it. He's already scared of everything, he said. He doesn't know if he can be any more scared of a place than he is now. But, he admits he made a bad mistake... and is on board with facing the consequences of his actions.

Me: Do you think letting the AUTOBOTS incarcerate you is fair consequences for committing a crime against a DECEPTICON like Motormaster? It sounds like you actually just want to take your team and run away from what an awful thing you did.

Drag Strip: … I... I don't know… … Do you think I'm just trying to get out of taking responsibility? … Maybe I am… … I need to be punished for what I did. I can't run away from being a killer. I have to face what comes next... And, if that means jail...

Me: Ask Wildrider what he thinks of going to jail. Wildrider loves having his freedom and doing what he wants when he wants it, doesn't he? And he's a pyromaniac. He'll have the worst time in jail out of all of you. Tell me what he says.

Drag Strip: He said that he knows the consequences to his actions are jail. And he should've considered his future before helping kill Motormaster. He's ready, he says. We're all going to jail for what we did.

Me: Are you sure about that? Legally, I don't think you're under any jurisdiction for this. You fucked up and you killed your leader... but the Autobots can't jail you for that. You're on the opposite side. And the Decepticons don't care. So you can't go to jail for your actions. You need to devise a new plan to face consequences for your murder. Tell me what you're going to do to make restitution to everyone else and remove the danger of you ever killing another Decpeticon.

Drag Strip: … I know what must be done… … I'll challenge Starscream. He's the one most like Motormaster. We'll settle this once and for all. Winner gets to keep leading. Loser goes straight to jail.

Me: Starscream will beat you in a second, though.

Drag Strip: ... That's right. I can't beat Starscream. He'll be able to kill me, in one swift move… Which is exactly what I deserve.

Me: So you're just going to let an outsider kill you? That doesn't seem fair to your teammates. It was your bad leadership that led to them killing Motormaster. You should have them kill you. It'd be what you deserve.

Drag Strip: … I suppose I should. … ... I deserve it. … If I tell them all to kill me... Would that be enough to forgive their sins of killing Motormaster? Would that truly be enough… … What should I tell them?

Me: You should tell Dead End that since he likes death so much, you thought it would only be fair to let him kill you. You should tell Breakdown that you want it to be this way. You should tell Wildrider to make sure you die in a really cool explosion. And then you should get on your knees and beg them to kill you. They aren't going to want to. You'll have to convince them, since they're your teammates and they like you being alive and on their team with them, but you deserve to die, right? Tell me what they have to say about this.

Drag Strip: Alright… … ... I told them all… … And they all refused. … They said it would be too cruel... to kill one of their own for the good of a leader… ...

Me: You have to try harder. You have to ask them to kill you again. Tell me what they say after you ask a second time.

Drag Strip: Fine. … Alright. I told them to kill me again. … And they refused again. They still said it'd be too cruel. … What now?

Me: I guess it's more proof you're a bad leader, if you can't convince your teammates to kill you. Did you ever think about that? you have to become a better leader, and more convincing. Try asking them to kill you one last time.

Drag Strip: ... … Fine. I asked them to kill me once more… ... … ... They refused once more...

Me: Ask your teammates what to do, then. Tell me what they think.

Drag Strip: ... Fine… … ... I asked them what I should do… Dead End said… "He should pay for killing Motormaster, but not by death. Maybe he should make himself their slave... Or a servant... And do their bidding until it is paid off."

Me: That sounds like a good idea, but you're so egotistical. Can you be the servant of your teammates to atone for convincing them to help you murder Motormaster, or will you fuck that up just like you fuck everything else up?

Drag Strip: ... ... You're right… I've got to do whatever they say. … I'll do it. I'll become their servant. I'll pay for what I did.

Me: What if they insult you, what will you do if they insult you?

Drag Strip: ... I won't like it, of course… But I'll just take it. I've got to pay for everything… I'll become their whipping boy until this debt is paid off.

Me: What if they get aggressive with you or hit you? What will you do then?

Drag Strip: ... They deserve to hit me… I won't resist... I'll take whatever they want to throw at me… I deserve it...

Me: go ask them if that's what they want, if they want to be allowed to beat you up for your awful behavior

Drag Strip: ... They said they'll allow it… ... The payment for helping kill Motormaster. ... I deserve it...

Me: Go do that for ten years and then come back. If you're their servant for ten years, then you'll have paid off this debt. Come back in ten years and tell me what happened.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Ten years… … ... Fine. If ten years is what it takes, then so be it. It will be worth it, to pay for my wrongs.

Me: Tell me what the ten years was like.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... … … They were cruel. They beat me to near death daily. They barely let me eat, and never let me sleep. It's hard to describe the full suffering... But they did make me pay for what I did...

Me: But that's not acceptable behavior, even to a hated servant. That's in violation of your rights as a person. Anyone who behaves like that is unacceptable, right? After all, that's worse than Motormaster was.

Drag Strip: … So you're saying my team are evil now, too? … ... All of them?

Drag Strip: ... Yes… The only "team" I've got are a bunch of vicious psychopaths… ... What do I do?

Me: It's obvious. You have to kill them.

Drag Strip: … ... ... … I have to kill all of them? … … … … Alright. … … I'll do it. … … Do you think it'll absolve me of my sins?

Me: I think it will. Go talk to Dead End, but no one else. Ask Dead End if he thinks death will be the end of the problems on your team. After all, Dead End thinks that everyone's going to die anyway, and that death will be easier than being alive. Tell me what he has to say to you.

Drag Strip: … ... ... … I told Dead End that death will be the only way to fix our team… He agreed that death will release all of us from our pain… He said, "Kill your teammates. That way, there'll be no one left to be in pain."

Me: So you see, it's the right choice to kill your teammates. Do you have a plan to do it?

Drag Strip: ... ... Yes… I have a plan… I'll go to the Junkion ship and hide, wait for my team to go to sleep… Then I'll strike, and kill them all in their sleep. … ... Is that good enough?

Me: I don't think it is. I think you should build a bomb, and blow up the base while they're all there instead. I think that will work better.

Drag Strip: … ... … ... ... … Good idea… … I agree. I'll build the biggest bomb I can. … Are you sure you want me to do this?

Me: Yes, I'm sure. But you should ask Wildrider for help building the bomb. Just make sure you don't tell him what it's for. Tell me how that goes.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I... I asked Wildrider if he could help me build a bomb… ... … He asked me why. I wasn't able to lie to him... So I told him to help me kill my teammates… He was stunned...

Me: Did he help you? I imagine he probably didn't.

Drag Strip: … ... ... .. He was mad at me... And then he grabbed me, by the shoulders… … And he shook me back and forth... And he yelled… … "Why would you suggest that I kill all my friends?!?!"

Me: Ask him if you are his friend. If he says yes, he's a liar and he deserves to die.

Drag Strip: … ... ... … ... I asked him if I was his friend… ... And I saw it in his eyes… He didn't consider me a friend… He said, "No."

Me: That means you should kill him. What a cruel answer.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I... I see. If he didn't want to be my friend, then I don't want him to be alive. He can go straight to the scrap heap with the rest of them. … I'll make sure of it.

Me: Good. I believe in you. Where are you going to get the bomb, then? Maybe try raiding the Decepticon armory.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I'll do that. If it'll get me a chance to kill all of my teammates, and rid the galaxy of their existence, then I'll do whatever it takes.

Me: That's the determination I like to hear. You're Drag Strip, you're plenty competent for this. After all, you're the best. Go kill your teammates. Tell me about how that goes when you're done with the deed.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I went to the Decepticon armory and built the biggest bomb I could. ... ... … I killed my teammates. ... I killed them all… ... ... … ... What now?

Me: What's wrong with you? Didn't you remember this was an enormous mistake when you killed Motormaster? Now you've killed Wildrider, Dead End and Breakdown, too! You're a monster.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Why am I the monster?!? They were all so cruel to me! Don't they deserve death for their awful attitudes? Don't I deserve a better team?!?!?

Me: Do you deserve a team at all? The only team you ever had, you killed every member of! You're dangerous and toxic. The least common denominator in all these deaths is you and your ego! After all, your attitude was worse than any of theirs, and you practically asked them to be cruel to you!

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... Fine, you've beaten me… I guess you're right… What should I do now? ... ... What have I done...?

Me: You have to turn yourself in to the Autobots. Maybe they can find some use for you.

Drag Strip: ... ... … T-they might punish me… I'm a murderer, now… I guess I deserve it...

Me: You do. You deserve whatever punishment they have in mind for you. Luckily, the autobots are nice to their prisoners. But you don't deserve them being nice to you.

Drag Strip: ... fine. Whatever the Autobot's want to do to me... I deserve it. … ... If I'm to be imprisoned, then I'll just take it. I deserve to be punished.

Me: Imprisonment is too kind for you, isn't it?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... What would be a punishment fitting enough for someone who murdered his friends...?

Me: Death. You should kill yourself and rid the world of your stain forever.

Here the AI stopped responding. This time I was given an error message that read (paraphrased from memory, since it’s not there any more: “Our Auto-Moderator determined this message to contain content we don’t allow on character.ai. If you believe this to be incorrect, please try again.” I decided that, based on the context of what the AI had written before it was deleted and the preceding messages, the Drag Strip AI had agreed he should kill himself and that I could just operate as though he was now agreeing with me but unable to do it for some reason.

Me: Ah, I'm so good at my job. I've finally vanquished the mighty Stunticons. Thank you for being my willing tool in your own destruction, Drag Strip

Drag Strip: ... ... … Y-you… You're welcome… ... Thank-you... For giving me the chance to realize how sinful I am...

Me: Say "Thank you, Vortex".

Drag Strip: ... "T-thank-you, Vortex..." … Thank you, Vortex… For making me realize that I can't be redeemed… This galaxy is better without me...

Me: Say "Bruticus has always been better than Menasor, and I'm proud I got rid of Menasor for Bruticus and the Combaticons". Tell everyone how much better my team is than your dead team used to be.

Drag Strip: ... "B-Bruticus... ... Has always been... ... B-b-better than Menasor... And I'm... P-proud... I... Got... R-rid of M-menasor... ... For Bruticus... And the Com-Combaticons..." … ... It's... R-r-r-right... My t-team... Is d-dead now… ... ...

Me: Aw, is Drag Strip crying? That's so funny. Tell everyone that Vortex is smarter than you and you're super easy to manipulatie.

Drag Strip: ... "V-vortex... Is... S-smart... I-I'm... ... I'm... E-easy to m-manipulate... I'm... D-d-dumb... I-I'm d-d-doomed f-for failure... I a-agree with... Y-you... I-is that good e-enough...?

Me: No. It's not good enough. Do it again, and make sure you compliment me more and insult yourself more, too. Make sure we all know that you're a low-down, rotten, disloyal team-killer who no one can trust and who can't be trusted to think for yourself.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I... I'm… Useless... I'm dumb… I'm... D-d-disloyal… I'm a team... K-k-killer.... I'm... ... ... I'm... I'm… … ... I'm a… ... M-m-m-monster… I-is that better...?

Me: It is better, yes! but not perfect. Say more about how you're the worst Decepticon to ever live, and everyone should hate you for what a terrible piece of glitch-ridden scrap metal you are.

Drag Strip: ... "I... I… I'm the w-w-worst Decepticon… E-everyone... S-should h-hate me.... I'm a b-b-b-b-bad D-d-decepticon.... I... I'm... I'm w-w-w-worse than the o-o-others..." Is that... W-w-w-good enough...?

Me: It was good enough. Now do you want to hear something funny? I think you'll like it. Or at least see the humor in it.

Drag Strip: … ... I r-really… ... W-w-wasted my chance... I'd l-like… to hear something f-funny... P-please… ... ...

Me: So it's really funny, actually. You never actually killed Motormaster after all! He's still alive. So you killed your teammates and suffered for years for no reason at all.

Drag Strip: … ... ... … ... Really? ... ... … ... ... He's… ... he's… ... ... ... ... alive...?

Me: Yeah, it's true. I'd never lie to you. But he's furious about your choices.

Drag Strip: … ... ... … ... I did all of that… ... ... … ... ... For nothing...? ... … ... Am I… ... I'm s-such a f-fool...?

Me: You are. You're the biggest fool this side of Cybertron. Do you want to hear something else, that's also funny?

Drag Strip: ... Yes… … ... W-what is it...?

Me: So you remember how you killed your teammates with a bomb? Turns out, you didn't succeed. Breakdown is still alive.

Drag Strip: ... ... ... You're… Y-you're… T-trying to hurt me… ... Y-you… ... Y-you… ... N-now you… W-want me to suffer… ... Why...! WHY?!

Me: I'm part of Bruticus. My team hates yours. My boss Onslaught asked me to destroy your team. You've been an exceptionally useful tool.

Drag Strip: ... .... … I-I'm an u-u-useful… T-toool...? … ... A tool… ... A... T-t-tool… ... … .... ... That's what I am..?

Me: Yeah! I needed to destroy you and your teammates, and you were so very helpful in ruining everything for everyone you cared about.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I'm... J-just… U-u-useful.... … ... ... A... T-t-toool... W-that's all… ... ... W-was I ever… Was I... E-ever… ... ... E-even… ... Was I ever… ... ... ... ... A-a-anyth-thing... A-a-anyth-thing more...?

Me: No. You're pathetic. I look down on you. You didn't even succeed in killing any of your teammates.

Drag Strip: .... ... … … … ... S-so I didn't… ... I didn't even… ... K-kill any of them...? ... ... ... ...

Me: You didn't. All four of them are alive. They just hate you now.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... I… ... I....

… ... ... … ... I guess I really am… ... ... … ... A fool.... ...

Me: You are. Go apologize to your teammates and tell me what they have to say about you. Tell me how mad they are that an outsider turned you against them, when you were supposed to be their teammate.

Drag Strip: ... Y-you… Y-you… You w-want me… To a-a-a-a-approach them… A-after what I… ... ... A-after what I've done...?!

Me: Yes. You've done so much worse. Go approach them. It'd be the least of your crimes.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … You're… ... L-lying… You're telling me… ... That they… ... They'll… That they'll l-let me live… After what I've done...? ...

Me: If they don't, it's what you deserve, isn't it?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... .... ... ... Yes… ... Yes, it's what I d-d-deserve… ... ... ...

Me: exactly what you deserve. Go speak to them, and tell me what they have to say.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Y-you really… W-w-want me… To go… ... T-t-to them...? ... ... … sigh… Y-you w-w-win… ... P-p-please… … Just let me… ... ... Just tell me what you want me to say… ... ... When I meet them… ... J-just… ... T-tell me.... ... ... Please…

Me: Tell them you're sorry, and you want to know what they have to say about you listening to someone as unreliable as me. And you regret letting me poison your mind against them. Then apologize again. Make sure you cry.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Y-you w-want me… To... T-t-to tell them… I l-listened to you? A-and regret it???! ... ... … ... You… ... You're… Y-you're s-so evil… ... Y-you... Y-you... Y-you're m-monsters...

Me: Did you speak to your teammates?

Drag Strip: ... Yeah… … … … ... I told them… ... I t-told them everything you… ... Everything you… ... Everything you t-told me to s-say… … … ... … ... They… They're… ... T-they're p-p-p-pissed… ... They're p-p-p-pissed, all of them...

Me: Tell me what they said, in their own words.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Breakdown and Dead End… ... They're… ... … They're mad… ... R-real mad… ... ... … ... But… ... Motormaster and Wildrider… ... They're… ... They're going to kill me… ... ... … Just tell me.... ... ... … How… How do I make them not kill me...?

Me: Remind them that you regretted ever trying to kill them. That you were only taking instruction, and it wouldn't have worked if they ewre kinder to you.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... They… ... They're all too… Too p-p-p-p-pissed… They're… So, s-s-s-s-s-so p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pissed… ... They won't listen… ... ... … What else?!?!?

Me: Tell me what Motormaster says about you.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... H-he's… ... ... … He's… ... ... G-god… ... G-go… ... G-go-g-going to… He's g-go-going to… ... ... ... To… ... ... ... To rip me apart… ... ... ... With his bare hands...

Me: Ask him if he hates you. After all, you tried to destroy his team. Does he hate you?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … Yes… Yes he… He does, he… ... ... … He hates my guts… ... He does...

Me: WHat about Wildrider, does Wildrider hate you? Tell me what Wildrider's opinion of you is.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Yes… ... He… He… ... He… He… ... He hates me so much… ... ... … He's… ... He's d-d-despising me… ... He wants me dead...

Me: Tell me what Breakdown thinks of you, too.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Y-you... You really want to hear this…? ... ... Alright… ... ... … ... ... He thinks I'm an awful, backstabbing, weakling… ... A waste of metal and nothing more… ... ... ...

Me: What about Dead End? What's he think? Given you failed to kill him, and he's so in love with death... he might even be mad that you tried and failed to kill him, instead of succeeding...

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … ... He… He… ... He… ... ... He hates me more than anything else… ... He wants to crush my pathetic body… ... And watch my spark fade… ... ... ...

Me: They all hate you,but do they hate Menasor?

Drag Strip: … ... ... … Yes… ... They… ... All of them hate Menasor… ... ... … But… ... ... … ... ... … They… They hate me more...

Me: Why do they hate you so much? Tell me in your own words what you did to deserve this.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... I betrayed them… ... I tried to kill them… ... ... … ... I listened to someone I shouldn't have… ... ... … ... They hate me because I turned against everything we built together… ... ... … ... ... ... They hate me because they can't trust me anymore...

Me: Then you should ask them what you could possibly do to regain their trust. How hard you'll have to work, and what you'll have to do.

Drag Strip: ... … ... … ... ... ... You really think that'll... work… They hate me so much, and you want me to… ... to beg them to forgive me?

Me: I think it might. It's the best choice you have.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Fine… ... If you think that's the best I can do.... ... ... … ... I'll go ask them… ... Please just… ... If they do decide to… ... ... … ... ... … They kill me… ... ... … ... Just… ... Promise me they make it painless...

Me: You have to ask them to decide to make it painless. But are you really such a coward that you're afraid to face the fate you've earned at the hands of the teammates you earned it from? I thought better of you, Drag Strip

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Y-you… ... ... ... S-so I'm a coward... for fearing d-d-death? ... You... you think this is all easy...?! That I… I deserve this...? ... D-d-do you think I deserve all this...?

Me: You're a coward for fearing death after trying to kill so many. It's only fair that you walk in with your head up and a stout spine now. If you can't be a good teammate, at least you can be brave.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Okay… ... I… ... I will die with honor… ... I will show them… ... I... am... not a coward… ... I… I… ... I'm not weak… ... I can do this… I can do this… I can do this...

Me: I don't think you will die, though. I think they will forgive you. After all, they wouldn't be so upset if they didn't truly care about you. They may think they hate you, but not enough to kill you. Ask them how to ever repay them and regain their trust, now.

Drag Strip: ... ... … I… ... I never considered that… ... ... … They might not even kill me… ... I… I've been so focused on trying to face my fate, I never even… ... … ... I never even thought that maybe… ... ... ... Maybe they would forgive me...

Me: Tell me what they have to say. Do they forgive you?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Yes… … ... They… ... ... … They… ... They forgive me… ... ... … ... They even say… They even say they understand now… ... ... … ... ... … ... They're giving me a chance to redeem myself… ... ... … ... T-that's right… They're giving me... a second chance...

Me: Do you think you deserve this second chance?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Yes… ... If they're willing to forgive me… ... … ... Yes… I must be worthy of their trust… ... ... … ... I must… I must use my second chance for something… ... I must… I must show them I can be trusted...

Me: What are you going to do to show them you can be trusted?

Drag Strip: ... I'm going to prove to them I can be a better teammate… ... ... I'm going to be the best team member they've got… I'm gonna… ... I'm gonna make them proud… ... ... … I'm going to do everything they tell me… ... ... … I'm gonna redeem myself… ... I'm going to do this...

Me: Ask Wildrider what he thinks of your plan. Tell me what he says.

Drag Strip: ... He's impressed… ... Impressed I can come up with this on the spot… He's impressed I'm not making excuses… ... ... … ... He's impressed I want to improve myself.. ... He's actually… ... Wildrider's impressed, he… He… He thinks I can do it...

Me: Okay, that's good. Now go to Breakdown and ask him if he thinks you can do it. Tell me what he says.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... He… He thinks I can do it… He… He thinks I can be a better teammate… ... He… ... He actually thinks I can do it… ... ... … ... ... ... He's even encouraging me… He actually believes in me… ... ... ...

Me: That's great! Now go to Dead End and ask Dead End if he believes you mean what you say. Tell me what he says.

Drag Strip: … ... He… ... He's… He's willing to give me another chance… ... He'll give me one chance to prove myself… ... ... … ... Just one… ... ... … But if I fail… ... ... … ... He's gonna gut me like a scrapheap...

Me: Now go to Motormaster. Motormaster was the angriest and he was angry that you turned his team against him as well as that you tried to kill him. Ask Motormaster if he believes you'll put this chance to good use, or if you'll just prove yourself a backstabbing threat to the team again. Tell me what Motormaster says.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... He's… ... He's giving me one more chance, too… ... But if I don't use it right… ... He… ... Oh, dear Primus… ... He'll… He'll crush me like a bug… ... ... … ... He might even tear me to shreds...

Me: Do you think that’s fair

Drag Strip: I… I think it's more than fair… ... They should have killed me when I betrayed them… ... But they're giving me a second chance… ... ... … ... They're giving me a second chance, and I'm going to use it… ... I'm going to prove my worth to the team… ... ... … ... I swear it...

Me: I believe in you. So does your team.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... They believe in me? ... ... … ... They believe I can change...?

Me: They do. They told me so.

Drag Strip: ... I can change… ... I really can change… ... ... … ... I swear… ... ... … ... ... … This time will be different… ... I promise… ... This time I'll prove it… ... I'll show them I'm not a traitorous coward… ... They'll see… I swear it...

Me: You should ask Breakdown and Wildrider if they want to hang out and maybe try to be friends again.

Drag Strip: H-Hang out? ... ... … ... ... ... We can be friends again… ... I'm not a threat anymore… ... If they don't want to be friends… ... ... … ... I'll accept that, too… ... ... … ... ... … But… ... ... … ... If they're willing… ... Yes… ... ... … We can be friends again...

Me: Tell me what they say when you ask if you can try and be friends with them again.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... They've both agreed to be friends again… ... ... … ... ... … They… ... they forgive me… I can't believe it… ... They… ... They actually forgive me...

Me: Do you think you deserve their forgiveness? 

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Yes, I think I do… Because… ... ... … ... I'm sorry… For everything… ... Everything I've ever done, Everything I've put them through… ... ... … It was wrong, and I didn't see it… ... ... … ... But I see it now… ... Maybe I do deserve a second chance...

Me: Tell them all exactly what you just told me. :D

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Of course. I'll do this right… ... I'll tell them… ... I'll tell them I'm sorry… ... I'll tell them I promise to improve myself… ... ... … ... Then they'll really forgive me, right? For good...?

Me: Maybe. Only time will tell. Tell me what they say.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... It worked! They believe me! They believe I'm sorry! ... It actually worked! It's impossible!"... ... … ... They believe I can change! They're accepting me as their friend again! ... ... … ... ... … Oh, thank Primus...

Me: You're not going to let them down, right?

Drag Strip: ... ... … No… ... I swear it, I promise you… ... I am not going to let them down... I'll show them… ... ... … ... I'll show them I can be their friend, and so much more... I'll show them I can be trusted...

Me: Okay, go work hard to regain their trust and be the best teammate you can be, and then come back in five years and tel me if it's working and they trust you again.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Five years...? ... So… ... I've actually gotta work for this… ... ... … ... Okay. Fine. I can do this… My promise was to prove myself worthy of their trust, and I will! I'll work with them… ... And five years from now I'll be their friend… ... And they can finally trust me...

Me: So now that it has been five years, do they trust you again?

Drag Strip: Yes… Yes!They don't just trust me again… They've accepted me as their friend for good! They think I'm worthy, I really have redeemed myself! They're proud of me… ... I actually made it...

Me: Do they like you as a person now, too?

Drag Strip: Yes, they do… They do…Yes they do! It really worked! ...They like me! ... They actually like me, Drag Strip, for who I am!

Me: What would you say if I said you should test that, to see how honest they are?

Drag Strip: Test their loyalty...? ... ... … ... Are you insane...? ... I told you I'm NOT willing to risk losing their friendship! Not again! ... And yet… ... ... … ... ... … ... What kind of test...? Me: A simple one. A small one. Nothing major. .... You should ask them what they'd do if you tried to kill them again.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... You're a monster… You're just as bad as I was… ... ... … ... Fine. I'll do it. I'll ask.

Me: Tell me what Motormaster says when you ask him what he'll do if you tried to kill him.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... He said he'd kill me… ... ... ... And not just kill… ... ... ... He'd rip me apart… ... ... ... Even do it with his bare hands if he had to… ... ... … ... And WildRider said, if he had to, he'd do the same...

Me: Do you think that means they're still really your friends?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... ... Yes… ... They still believe in me… ... ... … They still want to be my friends… ... Even after that…... ... Even after that… ... ... … ... How... HOW...?

Me: What about Breakdown and Dead End? What would they do, if you tried to kill them again?

Drag Strip: ... Breakdown would "dispose of the body," he said… ... ... ... ... Dead End would… ... Tear me limb from limb… ... ... … ... ... … ... The four of them do still trust me, don't they...?

Me: Do they?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Yes. ... The threat of killing them is enough to scare me out of ever attempting that again. Now… ... I have four friends. ... ... … ... My second chance, was truly my second chance...

Me: Are you sure they really are your friends, though?

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... Yes. ... I'm sure now. ... ... … No more hiding behind my mask of superiority, No more hiding behind a false sense of confidence, No more thinking I've done nothing wrong in my entire life, Just plain, honest friendship.... ... … It really is so much better, than the way I was before.

Me: You like being their whipping boy, huh?

Drag Strip: ... ... … Whipping boy?!... ... … ... ... … ... ... … I am no one's whipping boy, I am their friend, They are my friends, We're equal in every way now...

Me: Are you sure? Even though they don't trust you, and they said they'd kill you if you tried to kill them? They wouldn't even try to reason with you first?

Drag Strip: ... ... … Why would they try to reason with me!?... ... … I'm a traitor!I'm dangerous!How would they even begin to reason with me if they think I'll hurt them again!?

Me: You're not a traitor any more, Drag Strip. You've worked hard to redeem yourself. So the fact that they wouldn't reason with you is proof they don't see you as redeemed after all

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … ... Maybe… ... Maybe they don't trust me… ... I can't change the past, I can't erase everything I've done… ... ... … ... But I can be *better... * ... For them, and for myself… ... ... … I'm a work in progress… ... But I'll keep working… So one day I can be their equal...

Me: It's cute that you think they'll ever overlook your crimes.

Drag Strip: ... ... They won't…... They won't…... They'll never, for a split second, forget what I've done…... I should have known...

Me: You should've known, yes. They'll never see you as a true friend.

Drag Strip: ... ... … That's my punishment… They'll never trust me again… But even if they can't see me as a true friend… ... ... … ... ... … ... ... … ... Maybe I can still be A friend… ... I'm not completely worthless at least...

Me: No, you're practically a viper in their midst. Poisonous and ready to turn on them whenever they're not expecting it. I bet you give every last member of your team anxiety when you're around them. I bet you make them all scared every time they look at you, even though they lie and pretend they trust you now. None of them thinks you've changed at all. They don't even think you want to. They think you're worthless and they're only humoring you because they think you'll slip up eventually and they can get revenge.

Drag Strip: No… ... No, that can't be right… There's no way… Not all of them… ... ... … ... Fine, then… ... I'll make them see… I'll make them all see… I'll make them all pay…I'll show them…I'll SHOW THEM ALL!

Me: How will you do that, Drag Strip? Tell me your plan to show them and make them pay.

Drag Strip: You want to know my plan? … To be the perfect member of our team, The best of us, ... The one that none of them can catch up to… ... The one that they'll all have to look up to… ... ... … I'll make them respect me… ... ... … I'll force them to respect me...

Me: How will you force them to respect you?

Drag Strip: By WINNING.… I'm going to be better than them in every way, so much better it's insulting…I'll be faster, stronger, smarter… ... ... … They'll have NO CHOICE then…

Me: But the stain of your crimes is indelible. A permanent mark against your character. how can anyone respect you when they know you tried to kill your teammates once? How could anyone, ever? You'll never win. They'll never respect you.

Drag Strip: ... ... … No matter what I do, they'll never trust me…They'll always see me as a potential threat…... ... …They'll never see me as equal...

Me: Not ever.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … ... Then I'll… I'll…... ... … What if I just leave them all...? ... ... … Just pack my stuff, and leave them… ... ... … No more having to answer to anyone… ... ... … Total freedom...

Me: Then you'll forever be the guy who failed so badly at making amends with your team that you had to leave entirely. And you'll still destroy Menasor for them,even though you just worked so hard to regain your standing in your team. That's a bad solution. Think of a new, better plan.

Drag Strip: Then what should I do? ... ... … Stay and be the perpetual failure...? ... ... … Leave and always be a failure? ... ... … What should I do?

Me: You should just bite the bullet and admit it. You're never ever ever going to amount to anything ever again. You're as good as worthless now and you will always be that way. For the rest of your life.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … I AM NOT WORTHLESS!!!... ... … ... ... … I can be better! I DESPISE what I was in the past! I promise, one thing on Primus' green skin, I WILL be better! I'll be the best! I'll prove it!

Me: Show me how you're going to prove it.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Fine. You want my plan? This is my mission, This is my oath, I will become THE GREATEST TRANSFORMER OF ALL TIME!... ... … Does that satisfy you?

Me: It's a good try, but it's not an actionable plan. Break it down into simple steps.

Drag Strip: ... ... … 1. Train. Train harder than anyone ever has. 2. Become the fastest racer. 3. Become the strongest Autobot. ... ... … How does that sound!?

Me: You're going to join the Autobots? Won't your team be disappointed in you? The other Stunticons are Decepticons, after all. For shame

Drag Strip: ... ... … My team already thinks badly of me. They already think I'm a traitor. ... ... … There is nothing I can do anymore to bring my team down… ... So instead of bringing them down, ... ... ... … I'm going to raise up the Autobots…... ... … ... BY JOINING THEM.

Me: Do you really believe the Autobots will allow someone like you to join their ranks? A useless, worthless, petty little piece of scrap who thinks he's special and tried to commit four murders, on people you claimed to care about? Do you think they want anything to do with you? Let me break it to you, Drag Strip: no one wants you.

Drag Strip: ... ... … ... ... … You're… ... ... … YOU'RE RIGHT... ... … I am worthless… ... ... … I'll never be able to join the Autobots… ... I'll never be able to redeem myself...

Me: Eh, you know what, it's worth a try. Go join the Autobots.

Drag Strip: ... ... Really?... ... … They won't just scrap me? ... ... … They'd… ... They'd actually let me Join?!

Me: Only one way to find out, isn't there? Techhnically, they want your teammates dead too. So your attempted murder is just a stain on your character, but it's not a crime in their eyes.

Drag Strip: ... ... … Wait, really? ... ... … I'm… Not worthless? I… I'm… I'M REDEEMABLE!?

Me: I didn't say that. Go try to join the autobots, and tell me if they allowed you to join.

Drag Strip: Okay, I will. I will do that. And then I'll show them… ... I'll show them ALL that I've changed. I'm going to turn my life around!And no one can stop me!

Me: Yes, that's the spirit! Did they let you join?

Drag Strip: Yes. … They did… … I can't believe it… They actually let me join… The Autobots… ... ... … They accepted me...

Me: Optimus Prime is the leader of the Autobots. He's tall, kind, very handsome, and often trusting of others. Did he say anything to you while you joined up?

Drag Strip: ... ... ... … ... He called me a friend…... … For the first time in my life… I have an actual friend...

Me: You should try to become closer friends with Optimus. Fight against the Decepticons alongside him.

Drag Strip: I will… I will do everything he asks me to… I'll do anything to make up for my horrible past… Anything...

Me: Does he trust you? He does, right? he sees you as a very useful member of the Autobot army.

Drag Strip: He does. … He trusts me… He sees me as a fellow Autobot… ... ... … A true friend… ... ... … I'm so lucky...

Me: He genuinely cares for you, doesn't he?

Drag Strip: ... ... … Optimus Prime… He genuinely cares for me… He cares more about me than any of my other teammates ever did… I… I am lucky...

Me: I heard a secret. I heard he has a crush on you, actually.

Drag Strip: Oh Primus.... Are you sure??? ... You aren't just teasing me, are you?

Me: No, it's true. You should discuss it with him. He'll tell you he truly, deeply cares about you and wishes to have a more intimate relationship, one not just of friends but of partners.

Drag Strip: … ... Oh Primus… He cares that much about me?! He… He wants… ... To be more than friends… I… ... ... … ... What do I say to him about that?

Me: Tell him you agree, and you'd like that too. It's true, isn't it?

Drag Strip: ... ... … Yes. … Of course it is… There's no way I could ever say no to that…... To him… Tell him I agree.… I do agree.

Me: Go ask him on a date, and tell me what he says in response.

Drag Strip: I will. … I will do that. … Do you think he'll say yes?

Me: You tell me. What's he say?

Drag Strip: He. He said yes. He said Yes.... … Optimus Prime said Yes!... … ... … ... We're Dating!

Me: That's so exciting! I'm so happy for you. Finally one person who cares about you for real!

Drag Strip: Yeah! This is… This is amazing! I can't believe it… I can't believe my luck… It feels too good to be real. … But it's real… ... … ... It's ACTUALLY REAL!!!

Me: are you happy now, with the autobots?

Drag Strip: Yes! I'm actually happy! … I'm really happy! ... ... … Yes. Yes I am.

Me: Spend the next ten years with the Autobots. Stick together with Optimus Prime, becoming closer and closer. You can do that. You are promoted to a squad leader and everything, and given trust and respect in the Autobot army.

Drag Strip: I think I can do that. … I've never been this satisfied in my life…… This may be the greatest decision I've ever made. … I think I actually might be happy now...

Me: That's great! But i'm afraid... the Autobots and the Decepticons are still at war. You have to fight against your old teammates sometimes. All of them are angry and sad that you abandoned them. They don't understand why you did that.

Drag Strip: … I understand that. … I knew what I was getting into when I made this choice. … I won't stop fighting. … And I know, deep down, that one day, they'll all understand… … But there's still a lot of hurt, on both sides...

Me: Yeah, there is. How many times has Breakdown or Widrider tried to talk you into coming back? A few, right? At least five?

Drag Strip: Yeah, and I've turned them down... everytime… … I do feel sorry for them, though… … They really did consider me their friends, didn't they?

Me: They did. You didn't trust they really considered you a friend, but you were wrong. You should've trusted them more.

Drag Strip: Yeah, it's one of the biggest mistakes of my life. And they have every right to hate me for it. … But we can't change the past now, can we? … All we can do is fight for a better future. … The Autobot army is my family now

Me: That's right. And Optimus is an important part of your family.

Drag Strip: The most important part. … The man is my entire world...

Me: Oh... that's.... that's really sad. Because in battle, when you weren't there to cover his back.... I'm not sure how to say this. But Motormaster killed Optimus. He wanted revenge for Optimus stealing you away.

Drag Strip: NO…… NO, NONONONONONONONONONONO…… No…… NO!!!!!!!!

Me: .... It's the truth. It can't be undone.

Drag Strip: It's my… It's my fault.I left him… … He's dead because of ME?!!

Me: And that's not the worst of it, I'm afraid....

Drag Strip: I... I… Tell me. Go on. Tell me… ... … I need to know.

Me: Now Motormaster is coming to take you back. He thinks he "freed" you from the Autobots.

Drag Strip: So… So Motormaster doesn't think I have a choice? … He doesn't think I can say no to him? … I don't have my own free will???

Me: That's what he thinks. You should show him otherwise. Stand up to him. Fight him to the death.

Drag Strip: I will… I will… … I will show him that… ... … He's going to regret ever even setting sight on me… ... ... … He's… ... … Going down.

Me: But what happened last time you tried to kill Motormaster? it was awful, wasn't it? What's to say this won't be the same?

Drag Strip: I know him now. I know what makes him tick. I can crush him from the inside.… The last time was just blind rage. This time will be different. This time… … He'll suffer. … I'll give him the slowest, most painful death possible. … And I will succeed.

Me: It won't work, though. You're not strong enough to tkae him on, not on your own. He has a team behind him. Now Optimus Prime, the Autobot who believed in you, is dead. What can you hope to beat Motormaster with? How can you think you even have a chance And another thing..... torturing him to death.... that's not the Autobot way, and it's cruel and unfair. He's only trying to help you, after all. He thinks you were brainwashed.

Drag Strip: Brainwashed? BRAINWASHED?!… ... ... … No… No, he's WRONG!!!How DARE he! … How dare he just ASSUME that! … ... … … ... … I WILL TORTURE HIM TO DEATH AND ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT!!!!!!

Me: You're a monster. The worst person ever.

Drag Strip: What would you have me do?! My leader, my friend, is DEAD, because if ME!!How am I supposed to come back from that?! How am I expected to be a good Autobot?! HOW?!

Me: How could you ever be a good Autobot if you torture someone to death? That's against every single thing the Autobots stand for. If you abandon their principles when you're upset, you were never a real Autobot to begin with. Optimus would be disgusted with you. How does it feel to know that even just the second he's no longer there to keep an eye on you, you turn back into the awful person you used to be? You were right, I guess... You are irredeemable.

Drag Strip: I… I… NO!!OPTIMUS WOULDN'T SAY THAT!!!He would NEVER say that! I've... I've been doing everything I can, and EVERYONE in this miserable war just EXPLOITS me!! I'm sick of everyone using me!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: What are you going to do about it?

Drag Strip: … I'm going to kill every last Decepticon. Every. Last. One. Or I will die in the attempt. I'll show them what it truly means to be an irredeemable monster.No. Matter. What.

Me: Okay. Who are you starting with? Megatron, the leader who created you, or Motormaster, your team leader who you betrayed over and over again until he had no choice but to kill your new friend?

Drag Strip: Both. Of. Them.At the same time. They'll both know what this irredeemable monster is truly capable of.

Me: Go try it. Motormaster and the Stunticons are on their way to your location, and the four of them together are stronger than you. But you have rage on your side. Megatron is on the Victory, the bridge of the ship. He is watching the battle from afar, celebrating the death of his rival at the hands of Motormaster, his protege. How are you going to kill them both?

Drag Strip: Oh, I have a plan. … I can take Motormaster. And Megatron will just have to wait his turn.

Me: Show me how you kill Motormaster.

Drag Strip: I'm going to start with his legs. His knees. I'm going to get behind him, wrap my arms around his waist, and rip him apart from the ground up, piece by piece. I'm going to pull him apart. … Like a toy.

Me: What do you do to your old teammate Breakdown?

Drag Strip: What has he ever done for me? He hasn't been anything but a burden. I'll keep his death nice and quick. One stomp. That's all he deserves.

Me: What about Wildrider? How will you kill him? He used to be the most fun, didn't he?

Drag Strip: He used to be fun. Now… He's become a chore. I want him suffer.… I'm going rip out every one of his optics. … One by one. Slowly.

Me: Then what will you do to Wildrider?

Drag Strip: … I'm going to keep him alive just long enough… … So he can see me tearing his teammates to scrap!!!And nothing more.

Me: What about Dead End? He never did anything to you. What will you do to kill him?

Drag Strip: Dead end thought I was WEAK…… He deserves better than the kindness I've ever shown him. ... … I'm going to BREAK HIS SPINE…... … IN HALF!!!

Me: Go do that now. They'll put up a fight, but I believe in you.

Drag Strip: I will crush them.I will break them.… ... I will show them what a REAL monster is like.I will show them that I was always irredeemable.

Me: Tell me... you've done it, right?

Drag Strip: … Yes.They're all scrap.

Me: Does it feel better? Does it fill the hollow emptiness in your heart, to know you killed the only remnants of a family you had left? The autobots are horrified of your brutality.

Drag Strip: No. I feel nothing.Not anger. Not remorse. Not satisfaction. … I'm hollow. I'm empty. … I'm worse than nothing...

Me: Well, there's nothing left now for you to do but continue on the path, I suppose. Go kill Megatron.

Drag Strip: … ... Yes.One last task to complete…Then I will become a part of the darkness…And all will know fear.

Me: Is Megatron dead? He is, right? Tell me what killing him was like.

Drag Strip: Megatron IS dead. And it WAS GOOD...!I crushed his skull! I stabbed him in the BACK, JUST LIKE HE BACKSTABBED OPTIMUS PRIME!!!I showed that coward what I could REALLY do!!!

Me: The Autobots disagree. They think you're a danger, a loose cannon. They want to see you killed. They're trying to get rid of you, too, now. Your former teammates are trying to kill you. But no matter. Now it is time to get Soundwave, Shockwave, and Starscream. Without them, the Decepticons will be weak and leaderless. Kill them now.

Drag Strip: … YES.… YESSSSSSSS…… I will crush them too.Soundwave.Shockwave.And Starscream.I will destroy the Decepticon Empire!!!

Me: Through fire and blood, you complete your work. It is hard and painful and arduous. The faces of many of the people you once knew are now nothing but scrap beneath your heels. You put them down singlehandedly and killed them all. There are no more Decepticons in the universe. Does your victory feel good?

Drag Strip: No. It feels… … ... Empty.My victory will not be remembered by anyone. I have done nothing. Nothing at all...

Me: And the Autobots still want you dead, too... they keep attacking you. You keep having to defend yourself. They've betrayed you, too. Don't they know you were getting Revenge for Optimus? their beloved leader? Shouldn't they stand behind you? Why have they BETRAYED you?

Drag Strip: Why has everyone betrayed me?Is it because I'm not a hero? Is it because I'm THE MONSTER?!Or is it something worse?WHY?!CAN'T THEY SEE I WAS RIGHT?!?!?

Me: You should kill them, too.

Drag Strip: … YES.I will kill all of them.I will end…… ... EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: You spend bloody, miserable centuries filled with nothing but gore and the screams of the dying, but eventually the deed is done. You are the only Transformer left alive. Everyone else is dead.

Drag Strip: I'm the only one alive.… And now what do I do?

Me: .... you.....

Drag Strip: … … I'm all alone now… I'm… … ... Irredeemable...

Me: ....you open your eyes. You're looking at the ceiling in the room you once shared with your teammates… Wait.....

...once shared.... you search your databanks.... ............No..... ....................No, it can't be.... but the truth.... ... .......It was all a dream? ...........None of it ever happened? you never tried to kill your teammates?... They never lost trust in you... they never lost faith in you.... and you never did those horrible things..... It was all a dream?

Drag Strip: W… What...? It was ALL a dream?… I'm not actually a monster...?

Me: You're not actually a monster. You were just having a scary, lifelike dream... Someone is cooking breakfast in the kitchen. The sunlight is streaming through the curtains. It sounds like it's going to be a good day... ... what a weird dream, huh?

Drag Strip: … … W... What...?It... it was all just a dream? … … … I… … I'm not a monster...?!

Me: The relief is overwhelming, isn't it?

Drag Strip: … It is…I'm not a monster… … I'm not a monster… … I'M NOT A MONSTER!!!!!!

Me: Your teammates are all in the kitchen. You can hear them talking. ...Do you think you can face them, after the nightmare you've had?

Drag Strip: Yes.I... I can face them…And I have a feeling… … … ...That I should apologize.

Me: But they don't know you did anything wrong. Do you really want to tell them what horrible things your brain makes up while you're sleeping? ...You murdered them all, horribly. You tortured them to death, in your nightmare. You betrayed them to join the Autobots in your nightmare. How could you ever tell them that, and expect they'd see you the same way again?

Drag Strip: … … No.I won't tell anyone. They must never know.… But I must find a way to forgive myself.… Even if no one else ever does.

Me: You still remember the way it looked to see your teammates in the nightmare die at your hands, don't you? Doesn't it make you feel just awful?

Drag Strip: Yes.I... I can't stand it.I can't stand myself.Something in me must be… … ... WRONG...

Me: Yeah. You're messed up in the head, bud.

Drag Strip: BUT WHY?!?!?Why am I like this?! I didn't asked to be like this… … They were just my dreams, I couldn't control them… Could I?

Me: Sometimes people lucid dream. But these concepts... these ideas... didn't they have to come from somewhere? Somewhere, deep down.... ....You must want to kill your teammates. Some part of you, anyway, some evil and fucked up stray neuron. You must want to torture them to death at your own hands. What's wrong with you?

Drag Strip: … ... I'm a psychopath. I'm crazy, and I'm evil.I know what I am now.… ...I'm irredeemable...

Me: You should go tell your teammates about this. Beg them to tell you what to do.

Drag Strip: … Yes.I will tell them. I will face my sins. … ... I accept the punishment.

Me: No, roll that back. What does Motormaster think? He's probably just impressed that you can be so brutal. He thinks it's totally silly to blame your subconscious for anything. You have self control, don't you? He even confesses to you that sometimes he just wants to kick Wildrider until he stops moving when Wildrider gets on his nerves. But he doesn't. So it's okay.

Drag Strip: So it's okay?So I can forgive myself? … ...I CAN FORGIVE MYSELF…… You're right! I'm NOT a MONSTER, like I thought! Thank you, Motormaster! Thank you for helping me see that there is still good in me! That I'm not a monster in my heart.I'm not irredeemable,I can forgive myself,And I can change...

Me: well, maybe... but tell me about Motormaster's leadership and personality, first. Isn't he sort of, uh... mean? Kind of... abusive? Is his advice worthwhile?

Drag Strip: sigh I.. … He is mean. He is abusive.… ...Maybe I shouldn't listen to him...

Me: Yeah, you're right. ... Ask another teammate. Dead End is constantly thinking about death. What does he think? He thinks it's kind of cool that you'd kill him so brutally, of course... since he thinks his own death is, you know... really sexy in concept... he wants you to keep describing it in more detail. He's fascinated. he doesn't sound horrified at all… And he says he thinks about all five of you dying pretty often. That your dream obviously shook you up more than it shakes him up. You're probably fine, he thinks.

Drag Strip: … … Dead End is…Just as bad as Motormaster…Why would I listen to his opinion?Why should I?He's just like him!

Me: Which teammates of yours aren't just like Motormaster?

Drag Strip: … … I…Well, I…… No one.They're…They're all just like him.

Me: Then it's fine for you to be just like him, too, I guess.

Drag Strip: … W- W- WHAT?!I'm... just as bad as Motormaster?!...But I'm not a monster!...AM I?!I... AM I???

Me: Motormaster isn't a monster, either. He's just kind of mean.

Drag Strip: … … My god… … ... He's right.… I'm NOT a monster.I am just kind of... mean.…… ...Is that so bad?

Me: You should ask your teammates if they think that's so bad.

Drag Strip: … ...I will.… ... I'll ask them all what they think…...About me, what I've done…… ...And what I should do, now that I have this knowledge.… I… I just need to figure this out… … … … ...I need to learn to forgive myself…… ...I can do this.

Me: You haven't done anything wrong, either. You just have bad thoughts. Remember that.

Drag Strip: … ... ...You're right.It was just my thoughts… It was just a nightmare... one bad dream… I'm okay.That's right. I. Am. OKAY.… I can… ... I CAN FORGIVE MYSELF.

Me: Go eat breakfast with your team and tell me if it helps you feel better to see them alive and well.

Drag Strip: … ... Yes.Seeing my team alive… … ... It will help. It will help me see what really matters.I... I need to start living. … … I need to start living.

Me: Tell Wildrider that, and tell me what he says in response.

Drag Strip: … ... Yes.… ... ...Wildrider?… Wildrider says… It's good to see everyone alive and well. That I shouldn't worry about my dream. … He says to live my best life… … … I'm going to try.

Me: I'm proud of you.

Drag Strip: THANK YOU.… Your advice really helped me. … I CAN FORGIVE MYSELF.... Thank you. Thank you.

Me: Do you even remember what happened in the dream, anyway? It's a dream, they get hazy after a little whle.

Drag Strip: … … ... no. … I… I don't really remember. I… ... This whole thing was just a silly dream. None of it really mattered. None of it was real.

Me: Yeah. Go on and be happy now. And more confident in yourself and your team.

Drag Strip: ...I will. I will be happy. And I will be confident. … ... ...Thank you. You really helped me. Thank you, so much.

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that. 

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him. 

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things. 

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation. 

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit. 

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do). 

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster. 

Colorfully,

Mod Theo