#this isn't a goodbye to all of you

[aussietummytickler]

CW: abandonment, emotional manipulation

How *dare* you.

How *dare* you mislead my emotions.

How *dare* you lie both directly and by omission for so long.

How *dare* you be so callously dishonest.

How *dare* you lead my heart on for over half a year and make me feel like I was actually genuinely about and my feelings reciprocated, only to completely pull the rug from under my feet and essentially admit to all of that being a two-faced lie.

You have stirred self-doubt and unworthiness that I was pushing myself to fight against, only to reopen the wound.

You have played with my feelings, my heart, and stuck with those dishonest lies for so long, only to wait until I drove 3 hours for you to finally be honest.

You have awoken abandonment issues that had lain dormant and undisturbed, only for your atrocious, pathological dishonesty and callous manipulation to surge them back and bash against my mind's doors.

I would have respected you more if you had been honest from the start. I don't care if things had ended sooner, I would rather they would have and that you had been honest with me, rather than hold onto such bold-faced lies and deception for months and lead me to feel that I'd found companionship with you.

I would have rather you never reached out in the first place.

Despite all of this, you still deserve better than what you have had done to you, and what you have done to me.

But you hurt me, very, very deeply, and you don't get to decide that you didn't.

And if I am lucky, I will never speak to or hear from you again.

Let what has been spoken into the aether be so. Let this catharsis into the void allow me the chance to heal that much more fully, like that of transgressions written onto paper, and tossed into the flames to burn to ash.

And may I never know that kind of pain and heartache again.

I am 29 this Friday. And I just want my heart not to be broken again over the course of this next year.

Let me be, forever doing my best to be better, and to heal better from that which has caused me hurt.

Let my heart heal and find worthiness once again.

And let me never find myself within your presence again.

Goodbye.

[lovesickeros]

☆ decadence divine [ act I ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k

ARLECCHINO

Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.

She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.

They weren't making it easy, however.

Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.

Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.

Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.

All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.

"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."

Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.

Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.

NEUVILLETTE

Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.

Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.

He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.

Now a masquerade.

He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.

So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.

Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.

No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.

Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?

He dares not ponder.

Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.

"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.

"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..

He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.

"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.

He had waited too long.

No longer.

FURINA

Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.

But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..

They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.

Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.

They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.

But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.

Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.

She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.

Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.

But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.

"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.

Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.

Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.

She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.

"But if you want to make it up to me.."

[fizzlehead]

if i could see all my friends tonight

(an homage to riverdale's many friendships set to one of my favorite songs)

[xianyoon]

lit my gardenia candle ... had a waffle ... woke up way too early ... good morning friends i am officially back to school !!!

[drawotion]

This is Remu, our sweet pup who was put to sleep today, 8th of April 2024... The procedure went smoothly, he almost got to the age of full 11 years. This summer it would have been his 11th birthday.

In memory of him, let me tell you about how our little rascal was like. This is going to be a long post so buckle up. I'll put more pics in at the end.

He was a rescue dog, he came to me and my mom through my oldest big brother around year 2018. He was around 5 years old back then and he was born during summer, what I heard from my brother is that the pup was super skinny when he first got Remu.

Remu was an absolute lap dog, he loved being on our laps and in our holds. Loved sleeping next to us. ((He was like little heater! Very warm hahahh)) Sometimes when we would do stuff around the house he had to be with us on the thing!

For example if I was sitting on the floor and moving plants to new pots or I was cleaning my pet bugs little habitats, it was guaranteed he would be on my lap. And he would always be listening what we're doing.

Oh he was one stubborn and clever fella, there is a reason why I call him a rascal! Of course in the most loving way possible. He was like a big dog in small dog's body. His barks were LOUD.

He wasn't that trusting at first and god forbid if you touched his paws and tried to bath him, or even reached out to him in certain way! Face was off limits. So it was heartwarming how over time he came to trust me. So much so I could do almost anything with him, it got to the point where he let me even rub my finger between his eyes and wipe his cute little snoot if there was something.

Oh any visitor would still get bunch of barks and growls! Never biting tho, but he would let you know that hey, this is his turf! His home! Would even start barking even if he heard my younger old brother through phone. (He still got onto brother's lap and all, pfft) It was kind of silly to see how little mohawk would rise on his back.

Like a true summer dog, he loved basking under the warm & hot sun. I think his belly even got tanned because of this. (Oh Remu, you silly.)

And goodness did he love to run when able to during our walks.

Gosh, let me tell you, whenever he would greet another dog his ears got so high up it looked like he had bunny ears! Adorable.

And his adorable little hop running when inside... It's a shame I never got it on video, but it was silly fun and cute thing he did.

Oh he would do this thing though where he would whine and paw at bed/floor as if he wouldn't be able to get off our beds! (mattresses on the floor btw.) He was fully capable of getting off and all, he just decided to turn dramatic if we were observing him.

Another dramatic thing he did was flip over a bowl when asking for food. Even start rolling up the blanket on his own bed and oh, so vocal. He was a vocal pup.

He never seemed that interested in toys, only playing with them when we prompted him and played with him with them. Eventually his favorite type of play would turn out to be chasing hand under the blanket and and also digging at our blankets while I scratch his head.

Hahh, he sometimes would playfully try to get at our feet, mostly during feeding time. Such a silly pupper.

All in all, he was a lovable silly rascal and one heck of a cuddly dog.

I'll forever miss him, and I am happy he was in our lives, even if I was hesitant to take him in at first. I am so thankful I was able to be there with him and for him on his last moments, when I wasn't able to for our previous pet so many years ago.

Now... May you run a lot, buddy. Run lots and lots… To your heart's content. Get all the treats you so love, till your belly is full.

I love you, Remu.

[ccarrot]

i think chuuya 'killing' dazai in 109 has been a long time coming. whats the point of making him say "IM REALLY GONNA KILL YOU DAZAI" during every one on his appearances if not to build up to this dramatic ass chapter. But also, the first time he's not in control of himself is the first time that promise held any weight

[accursedthing]

Tbh I kind of hate those "NOT the same person. ARE the same person" Kingdom Hearts memes, not cause there's no humor to them but because most of the explanations for these things aren't actually that difficult, it's just possession or clones or spiritual connections most of the time, which are pretty common in fantasy stories (some of them like the Nobodies are kind of a can of worms but also not hard to understand in context and ANY fantasy story with multiple installments is going to have stuff like that), and yet people who aren't familiar with the series use these images all the time to support the running idea that Kingdom Hearts is like. Impossible to follow and makes no sense. Which I, of course, don't like because at its core it's just people calling a thing I like stupid. And I WILL take it too seriously because I have the kind of autism that makes you deranged about Kingdom Hearts

[monards]

i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit

[favoritejohn]

🖤🏁♣️

[thieves-never-say-die]

Finished White Collar season one

And that's one hell of a cliffhanger

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

Me: -excited to join the mentorship discord-

Me: -everyone in the YA tag IMMEDIATELY devolves into YA shouldn't be having so much sex in it-

Them: The last book I read had an 18YR OLD protag and their hobby was READING smutty books (I want to emphasize that the issue wasn't that they were watching porn, or even having sex, it was them READING porn. at 18) NOBODY does that at that age! I mean I read fanfiction but not amazon kindle stuff that doesn't count

Me: ....-closes discord-

[dawnthefluffyduck]

day 29 - empty

[georgieromeroisdonefor]

Thank you for going on this wild ride with us! We will be forever grateful to everyone who helped make this show a reality.

Someday, we will return to these crazy kids. We don't know when or how, but this is farewell and not goodbye!

Art by Jaxon Sorby and Meg Tuten (@kingmakerpod )

[nataliekabra]

I shouldn't be this shaken by my grandfather dying right?? I knew it was going to happen since I was little. I'd cry myself to sleep every night for years thinking about it since I was six years old. it's a goddamn miracle he's made it this far. he's not young. him dying isn't a tragedy. there's so much worse that could happen. then why does it feel like my life's over, like this is the worst thing that's ever going to happen to me? I've had grandparents die before. each time I got the call I was scared it was him and felt like shit that they didn't cross my mind until I knew. we've had so many false starts over the years, but he kept cheating death decades after it was his time. he shouldn't have even been alive to see me born, and here I am, in a college I only used to come home to see my family from for him now, crying over losing him for probably the thousandth time. except this time I almost want it to be real. I've slowly watched my favourite person die over the past year, losing his heart, his lungs, his voice, his body, his memory to the point he's a living corpse and can't recognize any of us anymore. I don't care about anyone's opinion more. I don't care about anyone else's opinion at all, and that's what scares me. he's the reason I'm alive today. I wouldn't have listened to anyone else. he's the reason I'm in college. he's the reason I still have a relationship with my parents. he's the reason I didn't run away from home with no protection at 1 in the morning as a teenager in gurgaon. he's the reason I got diagnosed and thereby, again, am alive. and I think I'm old enough to keep living for myself now. I dont need him or anyone else to live for, but I feel like the roots are being pulled out from under me. he's the only family I feel like I've always had. unconditionally. having to finally say goodbye to him feels like the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

[bruhstation]

gordon: we are gathered here today in remembrance of thomas. he died doing what he loved: making a mess.

thomas, being dragged back into the woods by the Locos: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD

gordon: sometimes… i can still hear his voice.

gordon, still continuing his funeral speech from the pulpit: "if only thomas was alive..."

thomas, looking disheveled, soot covering his cheeks and leaves sticking out of his hair: "GORDON I TOLD YOU I'M RIGHT HERE"

[unloneliest]

jam i have a question. who is eliot spencer... where is he from. what makes him ur number one blorbo and what do u understand abt him that no one else does <3

partridge thank you so much for this ask i need you to know you made my entire morning. eliot spencer is. my specialest guy my blorbo of all time i love him so so so so much. he's from the tv show leverage, which aired from 2008-2012* and isn't immune to the downfalls of that era of tv in general but that. honestly does a comparatively outstanding job to ME. it holds up and also the premise is "what if these extremely competent hot thieves ruined shitty rich people's lives and helped the people who'd been victimized by the rich people and created a found family together after all having various levels of sad backstory? and there was an ot3 made as canon as the showrunners could possibly make it in 2012?" i'm getting ahead of myself though.

*there's a sequel currently airing but i have yet to watch it & there's certain aspects about it that i refuse to accept as canon (this is a part of me being the most right about eliot)

i am putting this under the cut because. well. this got long

to start with context. having my brain rewired by supernatural and captain america: the winter soldier when i was a teenager is a huge factor in like. *waves hands vaguely* everything. when it comes to how i came to love leverage and eliot specifically. i got driven away from spn because (to simplify things) the showrunners hated the fans so bad and the characters were fighting the narrative but unable to escape it, and i loved the version of the characters that was actively being opposed by the show. and that was just plain not enjoyable for me. and marvel is marvel and continuity of emotional and interpersonal arcs doesn't matter at all to them.

and the thing is i took a sociology class in 2017 and it was making me so upset learning about white collar crime. and @canis-la-trans was like. we are watching leverage now. to remedy this. and i'd tried watching it with him before but this time around it just clicked. and the biggest part of what clicked is eliot. because listen. eliot is in somewhat of the same category as my earlier favorite characters but the thing about eliot spencer is that all of his best qualities are canon, not fanon. he redefines the category. he's incomprable. to me.

the thing about eliot spencer is he's the punchboy. he's the hitter. it's his job to get in the fights and protect the team. and he does his best to come across as grumpy, as not caring about people, does his best to fly under the radar as just another unintelligent lackey with a short temper who's particularly talented at violence.

but that's a performance. canonically that's a performance. and he has the best work/life separation of the whole team. he's not his job - he's very good at his job, and it's what he does and that is a part of him, but where some of the other characters view their job as an extension of their selfhood, eliot doesn't.

he cooks. he cooks so well that he could do that professionally. he grows all his own produce (allegedly). he's one of if not the best person on the team with kids. he loves so wholly so fast. he's the first person to call the team a we. within team dynamics he & sophie, the grifter, protect the other 2 from the worst of the team leader's dysfunction.

eliot's done bad things in the past. and he views himself completely past saving. like. from commentary on the show: he knows he's going to hell. like. his self worth is completely abysmal. i know he would die for the team. in s2e2 there's an episode where the team isn't succeeding at the con, and he takes the fall on purpose. and in a conversation about that he says "i'm not diving on a grenade. i'll be all right" but he says that so readily that i Know he's thought about it. and he would. for the team he would. for parker and hardison he would. he's in love with them. and they're in love with him too and i have to cut myself off or i'll go an entire separate rant about them!!!!

he has long hair. which he straightens. and he looks great with blood on his face. he doesn't use guns. he never throws the con for personal reasons - only ever does to protect kids. he grew up in rural oklahoma and he enlisted to get the hell out of dodge and he got in such a bad argument with his dad the night before he shipped out that he got disowned. and he can't even talk about it until nearly the end of the final season of the show. he never once mentions his mom. and i just know he got disowned for coming out, intentionally or not. he's never had an environment he could be his full self in without fear until the team.

parker, the thief of the team, is intentionally written as autistic; the hacker, hardison, is so likely written to have adhd. and eliot is autistic too, to me. it makes the level of performing masculinity to closet himself so much more insane to me. bc it's also masking. and adding that context to eliot and parker's relationship makes me unWELL.

the thing is is that eliot is a character who's hiding, who's actively doing his best to be unnoticed. and so many people who watch the show fall for the act, even if they don't fall for the whole act they fall for parts of it, and like. They Are Wrong About Him. i have an entire complex backstory thought up for eliot, because i think the only thing sadder than him missing out on the kind of connection he finds with the team is him knowing what he's missing because he had a queer best friend as a kid, & the two of them were closeted together, but he lost contact with her over the years.

the thing is that eliot spencer has SO MUCH GENDER and i know if he and parker and hardison adopted a kid eliot would be ma. never dad. and i don't think he'd even be able to start exploring that for himself until the end of the series.

the thing is eliot spencer would listen to the mountain goats. and there's a couple other people out there who are right about that and it makes me so insane 100% of the time.

and i love him and this is just a list of facts about him and the most important thing about eliot spencer to me is that. he exists in motion. trying to capture a still image or static description in words never works. but he's my wife and i love him so much. and i always will. and i'm writing a fic where i'm going to blow him up. just a little bit. for his own good. this is my "eliot made himself a mountain goats mix tape about knowing he's willing to jump on a bomb for parker and hardison & never telling them that in advance" playlist from that universe.

all of leverage is availible for free streaming on imdb tv & here are thee best leverage fanvids of all time:

& this last vid is abt the show in general, not just the ot3:

i would add all my fave eliot pics i have screenshotted but this is already so long . i still might rb and do that anyways he is Everything to me