#this isnt me trying to defend myself this is just me stating that im definitely trying to use my privileges to others advantages

[vashwoodtears]

anon im actually way too busy for this, i can barely even keep up with things i want to do

[the-owl-tree]

objectively im aware of the issues with a shadow in riverclan but also as a “bad trauma survivor” (read: somebody whos paranoid, lashes out, and self-isolates, currently in recovery) the book speaks to me on a personal level in a vaccuum and i cant really make myself hate it. and honestly some of the criticisms i see get REALLY close to the “if a trauma survivor lashes out at the wrong person then theyre an inherently horrible person” thing thats so common in fandom. if you get what im saying? like i dont think thats what theyre saying (im autistic and have a hard time looking past initial impressions) but also the phrasing is. eh.

its like in the grand scheme of warriors and the writers history of misogyny the issues are there, but the way some people word their takes makes me. Uncomfortable. if that makes sense. (this isnt me defending the writers or looking for a fight just something ive noticed that im having a hard time wording)??

that being said feathertail should have thrown leopardstar into a volcano and i cannot comprehend her decision to forgive her

No no you’re good! I understand what you’re trying to say, I definitely understand where you’re coming from. While I can definitely understand where you’re coming from, I think it’s worth mentioning (and I’m just preaching to the choir here, you seem well aware of these issues so I’m not trying to argue or dismiss your feelings) that Feathertail’s feelings are supported by the narrative. You’re meant to understand why she’s angry and lashing out, her feelings are justified by the story. So when people are discussing this, (and of course, I think being aware of wording and the potential hurt one can cause is important), her lashing out at Sasha in itself isn’t the issue, it’s how the narrative treats it.

Sasha in herself is a “bad victim”, she is someone who loves her abuser and, whether people want to admit it or not, it can lead a lot of people to invalidate the abuse people face because of this. So why is Feathertail able to forgive Leopardstar and not Sasha when the former plays a far larger in what happened to Feathertail? How does that play into Feathertail’s overall larger arc of forgoing outsider attachments and devoting herself to her Clan? And what is the narrative trying to tell us about Sasha, a character who, as I’ve stated, does not play her victim role “”right””?

Not saying you’re arguing that Feathertail’s treatment of Sasha is right, you’ve pointed out you recognized the underlying bias the narrative has. I’m just trying to speak to why this plot line is a bit of a double edged sword in trying to discuss “bad victims”. I definitely understand what you’re saying though, it’s always worth keeping real people’s feelings in mind when discussing these things.

You’re absolutely right on the last point, she should’ve fed Leopard to that fox lol

[misssophiachase]

Set It Up – A kinda but not really Klaroline Fusion (like all my different fusions)

Caroline Forbes and Klaus Mikaeslon are working as assistants to the most demanding, rival NBA bosses in New York. From Macy’s to Madison Square Garden to the MGM Grand in Las Vegas can they stop bickering long enough to come together to make their lives easier?

All I do is Win

151 W 34th Street, New York, NY 

"Before you say anything,” he offered, holding his hand up to silence her. “He actually tried to fire a mailman today.” 

He being Mason Lockwood, the Brooklyn Nets owner. He was also notorious for being an arrogant, demanding bastard and then some. 

“And?”

“Mailmen work for the U.S. government!"

“Oh boo hoo, I don’t care, Mikaelson,” she replied gruffly, equally not caring but also knowing it was true and his boss was an ass. 

“Says the girl whose boss could give Cruella De Ville a run for her money.” He wasn’t wrong. New York Knicks boss Katherine Pierce was fierce, feisty and a real bitch at the best and worst of times.

“Exactly why I’m here to claim my blender that you have your grubby paws all over. I called earlier and put it on hold,” Caroline demanded, exhausted from the trek to Macy’s Department Store noticing he was already clutching it possessively.   

She took a few seconds to admire that his thieving ass was sort of attractive in that fitted, grey suit even if he didn’t know his proper place.

Five days ago she didn’t even know him but Klaus Mikaelson had made both an immediate and lasting impression on her, and it wasn’t a good one. She had always welcomed competition but his good looks were kind of messing with her resolve. 

Bastard.

She had no intention of letting him win.

Ever.

“But your name isn’t on it,” he shot back, refusing to relinquish her property. 

“Now, that’s extremely mature,” she scowled. “If I don’t get this exact gift for the Warner wedding my boss is going to kill me.” 

Yes, to some it was just your run-of-the-mill gadget that mixed ingredients together. But this wasn’t just any blender. This was the newest, state of the art Vitamix Blender that retailed at a jaw dropping $1198.

It also happened to be the last one left in Manhattan, Caroline knew given just how many stores she’d called in vain. She just hoped the Warners were grateful, if she managed to steal it from his greedy clutches of course.

“My boss will too given it’s a gift for his only sister’s birthday,” he shot back. “If you think I’m going to give up this blender without a fight you’re sorely mistaken.” 

Okay, maybe she had forgotten in her haste to put it on hold, oops, but Klaus didn’t have to know that.

“Only because you got caught out breaking the rules because I already put this on hold,” she bluffed, refusing to let him win.

“Okay fine, what do you want?” 

“I thought I made myself pretty clear, Mikaelson,” she growled, gesturing towards the blender.  

“What else do you want besides this blender?” 

They both held each other’s gaze for a full thirty seconds before each finally responded their resolve unflinching. 

“Disney on Ice tickets. I hear that the Under the Sea Christmas Spectacular is a huge hit in your borough.”  Brooklyn was most definitely a bad word she could never utter.  

“Seriously? That’s really what you want?”

“Deathly,” she hit back, rolling her eyes as she did it. “Surely you would have some contacts, you know if you’re actually a good assistant.” 

“Because I’m sure Katherine Pierce would love to watch a singing crab and one memory-less fish,” he scoffed. 

“She may be the Ice Queen but she also has thirteen impossible and incessant nieces and nephews. And last time I checked all fish were memory-less.”

“Well, then you’ve never met my Marvin.” Caroline was trying to ignore just how adorable he looked defending his goldfish one dimple at a time.  “Even so those tickets will cost me more than this blender.”

“Okay, so how about I sweeten the deal with some boxing tickets?”

“Not sure the local boxing round robin is his speed, love, so that’s a definite no.”

“Well, I suppose it’s your loss,” she drawled. “Hand over my blender then, Mikaelson.”

“You’re going to have to make me,” he replied jokingly. 

“Real mature,” Caroline reiterated, surprising him and plucking it from his grasp. She couldn’t miss the way his hand felt brushing against hers as she did. “I hope I never have to see your smug ass again.” She stalked away, hips swaying in her wake.

“Until I have to explain the missing blender,” he called out in frustration by way of response. 

“Because I’m sure a missing blender is going to be your biggest problem given you turned down Pacquiao vs Broner ringside seats in Vegas.”  

She made a mental note in her head. Caroline Forbes 1 - Klaus Mikaelson 0. Suddenly her hellish life as an assistant wasn't so bad if he was suffering too.

4 Pennsylvania Plaza, New York, NY 

Klaus Mikaelson was the type to hold grudges. It started when he was six years-old and his younger brother Kol stole his favourite toy and it had only grown stronger and more spiteful in the years afterward. 

Caroline Forbes was going to pay. Mainly because his boss hadn’t let him forget how pathetic he was to lose the blender he wanted to ‘a girl’ as he emphasised in air quotes. Klaus was far from chauvinistic and his boss was obviously still living in the dark ages. 

Caroline wasn’t just ‘a girl’ she was a pain in his ass and Klaus planned to bring her down and it didn’t hurt that it was her home game either. 

Rivals the Knicks and Nets were squaring off at Madison Square Garden and he’d been plotting his revenge ever since their last meeting. Sure, she was kind of gorgeous with those blonde waves and crystal, blue eyes but she was also his devious competition. And she was unrelenting. He had to beat her at her own game and he’d found the perfect way to do it.

“Glutton for punishment hey?” 

“Excuse me?” He shot back from their neighbouring, courtside seats. The pre-game arrangements were well underway. “Last time I checked the Nets and their staff have every right to be here, even if it is on enemy territory.”

“Unfortunately, yes,” she growled. “But it’s nice to know you are going down tonight.”

“Have you seen the ladder, Forbes?”

“You are one game ahead, after tonight that won’t be the case,” she scoffed. Klaus took a moment to peruse her outfit before arguing back. Even in her hideous blue and orange jersey she couldn’t help but look stunning. He decided to put it down to the fact her floral perfume was infiltrating his nostrils and messing with his composure. 

“Wanna make a bet?”

“I’m pretty good at those but if you’re game.”

“Oh I’m game,” he smirked. “The Nets win you get me those ringside seats in Vegas. And by seats, I’m going to need eight.”

“Wow, someone is wishful thinking, but yeah sure, not that you’re going to win,” she scoffed. “I cannot wait to witness the annihilation, Mikaelson.” 

Klaus didn’t even respond, just sent her a teasing glance and made his way to the changerooms to finalise everything. He had a good feeling that his team were going to take the win and Klaus would be on the way to Vegas for the big fight at the MGM Grand. His boss would forget that bloody blender ever existed. 

“In your face, Forbes,” Klaus celebrated hours later as the Nets crowd at Madison Square Garden continued to chant well after the final buzzer. She was shocked to say the least, still cute in defeat but he’d never admit it aloud.  

“This is all your fault,” she snarled. “You cheated.”

“Last time I checked I wasn’t on the court.”

“Yeah probably a good thing, you’d never actually keep up, lazy bones,” she snorted. “How about that whole surprise pre-game show where number one Nets fans Beyonce and Jay-Z just decided to belt out the Star Spangled Banner from their seats?”

“I had nothing to do with that,” he lied.

“You are the worst liar,” she huffed. “You know just how well it would be received and in turn boost team morale.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he bluffed. “The best team on the day won.”

“You are unbelievable,” she scowled. “Must really be desperate given just how much your job depends on it.”

“Is that what you say to make your situation better?” He shot back. “Didn’t think you’d stoop that low, oh hang on that whole blender situation was exactly that.”

“I guess I’m desperate,” she murmured, Klaus couldn’t miss the way her expression seemed so defeated all of a sudden. “My college loans are looming and I may have been a little dishonest under pressure because my boss wants to fire me all the time.”

“Story of my life too believe it or not,” he offered. “If only they could get on with their lives and not focus on every little thing that we do.”

“Hang on,” she murmured. “That might not be the worst idea you ever had, Mikaelson. How about we set them up together?”

“Mason and Katherine? That’s just a recipe for disaster. That much combined combustible energy cannot be safe.”

“Exactly why we have to do it,” she murmured, raising her eyebrows.

“So, I suppose I’ll see you in Vegas then?”

“If you’re lucky,” she chuckled, but given her tone Klaus knew she’d be there no matter what.  

MGM Grand, 3799 S Las Vegas Blvd Las Vegas, NV

“Okay, I sent the fruit basket to her room.”

“Aren’t you a romantic,” she drawled teasingly, barely looking up from her magazine on the bed as he entered. Klaus Mikaelson was the last person she expected to organise that. As much as she was attracted to him, Caroline was seeing no similar interests besides setting up their bosses. 

“Please don’t ever call me that. But, last time I checked you’d done absolutely nothing,” Klaus shot back. “And I won the last bet and everything. Time to show you care, Forbes.”

“Like sending an identical one hour massage voucher to both his and her rooms for the same time in the hotel spa?”

“I suppose that’s okay,” he mumbled.

“Why do I get the impression that you don’t like ideas coming from anyone but yourself?”

“Well...”

“It must be all that ego,” she groaned. 

“You really do hate me,” he asked incredulously, it was unusual for any female to think badly of him let alone abuse him incessantly. 

“For the most part.”

“Wow, aren’t you sweet,” he drawled. “So what are we supposed to do to pass the time?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Caroline shot back. “How about something more intellectual?”

“Wow. Finally something we have in common,” he smirked triumphantly, as she produced a chess board. 

“I happened to be chess champion five years running in High School.”

“Well, don’t want all those potential but ignorant suitors knowing that fact,” he chuckled, sending a stray dimple her way. Caroline tried to pretend that it didn’t affect her but everything inside was telling her that it did. 

And she was scared of the foreign feelings it had caused.

But in true Caroline fashion she decided to push it aside so she could beat him at chess then deal with the consequences that were threatening to derail her feelings later. She didn’t get that chance though. In fact she was in a more vulnerable position than expected. 

“Check Mate,” he murmured, sweeping his queen across the board to take her king. 

She was stunned at first mainly because she never lost. Ever. But he seemed to know her and rather than unsettling her it was weirdly okay.

Bastard.

“We have a boxing match to get to,” she responded mechanically. His hand grabbed hers immediately, the warmth spreading through her body. “Need to keep an eye on our bosses after all.”

“Or we could do something else?” He offered, squeezing her hand affectionately. “My siblings are in town tonight but I’m going to warn you they are...”

“Nick’s Fans?” She asked. “I’ve certainly experienced them and worse.”

“You have no idea, in fact I think they’d be perfect company for Katherine and Mason.”

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t care if you lose your job right now?”

“Well, if you knew my brother Kol and his big mouth,” he teased. “But if you’d rather...”

“No, I’m starting to really like your brother Kol.”

“Well. then you’re really going to like my sister Rebekah,” he chuckled. “How about we explore Vegas some more? See what fun we can get up to?”

“I suppose it can’t hurt, right?” Caroline replied.

Famous last words.

[delistylehardcore]

i dont think johnny is as angry of a person as i am but he definitely shares my very conflicted feelings on wanting people to feel afraid of our anger but also realizing something about it just isnt right and knowing that in reality trying to get people to be afraid of us isnt the answer and would do more harm than good

although... the way that i want my anger to be able to be something that can scare people and that i can defend myself with after i’ve spent my life being afraid of everyone else’s anger but also knowing that’s not the right thing in realiy and being terrified of the way in which that would just be me mirroring the people who have made me afraid with their anger... that’s very much an abuse victim thing lmfao and like, i’ve thought about johnny maybe having had a strained relationship with his dad but i havent given much thought to it. the nature of his feelings abt his own anger and its ability to frighten others needs to come from a nuanced place and if its not a similar one to my own then idk what else it could be

god a LOT of my characters have parts of their character/psyche/habits that’s like “oh that’s 100% an abuse victim thing lol” because im just writing what i know but i havent thought about whether theyve gone through similar abuse or not and almost... dont want to. maybe their behavior and what’s evident of their psyche through their behavior should just speak for itself and savvy viewers could just kind of get the idea of “oh i think i know what happened there even if it’s not being stated outright”

[bloojayoolie]

Alive, America, and Another One: 51% 1:01 PM Replies Try watching her live and not propaganda u can't be serious Like Reply 2h I've seen her live, what's the problem? Give me specifics to what makes her bad. 2h Like Reply she nodded her head to eating babies Haha Reply 2h I'm not going to entertain this argument ur clearly insane bro Like Reply 2h I'm insane for asking for source backed facts? Like Reply 2h I'm not going to waste my time on this. She insane and will lose her next election because people aren't stupid Like Reply 2h solid arguement, I now see the error of my ways and will change my stance and views. 2h Like Reply u agree with a baby killer 3rd trimester abortions? 2h Like Reply Congratulations bro I'm happy for u Like Reply 2h One day I hope u look back at ur idiotic views when u have children and be as disgusted as we are with u. When u see that growing human inside ur wife just think of ur views then give me a call. When u feel that baby moving inside her, u come talk to me and tell me u stand for this 3rd fucking trimester abortions. That's disgusting. 2h Like Reply I'm pro choice and you clearly didnt read her stance or understand others'. 3rd trimester abortions are some times required because the health of the baby and mother is at risk. I hope no one ever has to go through such a horrible situation but if they do I hope they have the choice to decide instead of people like you shunning them for personal beliefs and restricting them through the... See More Like Reply 2h u know who the founder of ur pro choice views is? The same woman who wants to eliminate you. She invented planned parenthood to kill Hispanics blacks all minorities yet all u do is promote it, and u will "never" make me feel bad for supporting a baby's life. I don't care what u say woman's rights blah blah blah in my eyes ur all disgusting killers. A woman deciding she has the right t... See More Like Reply 1h Don't worry I got propaganda too 1h Like Reply so you're not pro choice? Or you're against 3rd trimester abortions? Like Reply 1h I'm against a program that was designed to kill minorities. I believe life starts at the heart beat of 6 weeks if it takes a woman longer then that to change her mind it's too late. I believe in the day after pill and I'm not a complete nut job people make mistakes but u don't get to decide after the baby is living Like Reply 1h Go watch a video of abortion survivors and listen to there stories Like Reply 1h I've listened to abortion survivors talk about how they had to get illegal abortions because their state outlawed them. I've also listened to abortion survivors talk about the extremely difficult choice they had to make when they had to choose between their own health or the CHANCE of their baby being born. Like Reply 1h no I'm talking about survivors the fucking baby Like Reply 53m Not the mothers Like Reply 53m U use these word to justify murder it's okay whatever makes u feel above everyone elseI don't care it should be illegal and the mother should rot in prison Like Reply 50m dude if I had been aborted you wanna know how many fucks I'd give? None. I would have zero recollection of ever being born or anything ever happening. I also dont feel above anyone for any of my beliefs but sure go on with your empty accusations. Like Reply 45m That does not justify abortion 44m Like Reply Im defending a defenseless baby ur defending what? Like Reply 44m Because u don't remember it it's okay? Like Reply 43m So mean I don't remember being 2 yrs old? So who cares if my parents killed me then? Like Reply 42m This ideology is murder. There's no argument u can ever make Like Reply 41m there is actually a large arguement I can make. You act as if I'm the only one that is pro-CHOICE Like Reply 40m No one is pro choice Like Reply 40m Ur pro-MURDER Like Reply 40m say it and be proud Like Reply 39m I've already said it... I'M PRO-CHOICE 38m Like Reply One day u will see, more and more people are changing away from ur ideology it's okay only time will tell Like Reply 36m I hope u never get robbed of ur child 36m Like Reply is there actual evidence to prove that people are changing their ideology on abortion or is this another one of your "facts. Like Reply 35m the polls Like Reply 34m California and New York don't run America pal Like Reply 34m http://www.pewresearch org/topics/abortion/ PEWRESEARCH.ORG Research Center Abortion Like Reply 32m what polls are you talking about? Like Reply 32m U believe every on the internet? Like Reply 31m A Democrat will not be president in 2020 because ur all insane 31m Like Reply If u truly believe life doesn't start after a heart beat idk why I'm talking to u 30m Like Reply that's funny because I think trump has a huge chance to win because you're all inside. This picking and choosing of what is and isnt a fact is hard to follow. Who amI supposed to believe according to you? How is it that everyone has the wrong information but you somehow found all the right one? 28m Like Reply You enjoy ur pro-murder life style and one day it will effect you and destroy you But no it's not effecting u now so ur pro choice it's okay Like Reply 28m I think for myself not the bias internet 28m Like Reply I get my facts from .gov not paid off websites 28m Like Reply ok so you do have sources? Why dont you ever share them when I ask? Like Reply 27m I can clearly see from personal experiences that the baby is alive Like Reply 27m I don't need the internet to reassure me that my son is alive Like Reply 27m I'm happy that you had a healthy baby and pregnancy but not everyone does. Also, I was talking about your .Gov sources. Why don't you ever share those? Like Reply 25m Ur not going to turn this around on me over a website source l just stated I don't need the internet to reassure me. My sources use is bls.gov and Congress.gov but that's not for abortion I don't need a website to tell me it's wrong I have common sense. BLS.GOV U.S. Bureau of Labor EN Statistics 23m Like Reply Margaret Sanger is who ur backing, I'm not the one defending a woman who made a program to kill my own people Like Reply 21m It's okay to get an abortion but no it's not okay to drink liquor or do drugs? But pro choice it's her body who cares let her shoot heroin while carrying a baby. Who cares if the kids mentally disabled now it's not me. It's not my child. It's her body Like Reply 19m That's fucking insane. And u keep repeating that the woman could die from the birth. Special situations don't justify every situation Like Reply 17m you see how you're not listening but instead creating your own argument? I never said any of those things. I'm pro-choice because understand that there are situations in which women have to make unthinkable choices. Some of those are medical some are personal. We definitely believe life begins at different times so we'll just have to disagree there. But if someone decides to have an... See More Like Reply 13m when does life begin? Have u seen pictures of abortion? Do u know how it's done? Like Reply 8m This is okay? Like Reply бт бm Like Reply U stand witha congresswoman who supports that Like Reply 5m if there was something medically wrong then yes I'm perfectly fine with that. Did you miss my comment about abortion time frame? Refer to that. Like Reply 1m Someone is writing a comment... Write a reply.. GIF He deleted everything after I asked if I could could post it for internet points.

[theclampdown]

fma makes me go bonkers long rambly essay under the cut. emily this has spoilers for the finale but its based off ur theory about who pride was so if u wanna read it go ahead ig

I stole this theory from my sister sorry but i went nuts. i also havent watched the promised day episodes in a while so im going completely from two year old memories here what if hughes was pride, not selim. he was obviously insanely proud of his wife and daughter and while he didnt show it the same way he was proud of roy and riza I think and maybe the country at large despite its flaws but i think he definitely saw the flaws....

it would go one of two ways. one way it would be a la Bradley where he was a homunculus and evil all along and he faked his death to discourage the gang from seeking after the philosophers stone (which obviously wouldnt have stopped them) and he gets merked at the end like all the other homunculi. I think in this tl riza and ed teaming up would have killed him, riza’s the only one ruthless enough to do it to her ex best friend I think and ed’s the only one strong enough alchemy wise. i think roy would have a breakdown if he had to fight pride in this state and get injured so riza would have to defend him. he gets it together in the end though, and roy having that break down isnt necessarily in the promised day arc but its probably the only time it would fit in the tl -in canon kimblee is making fun of pride for taking the form of a human which gives ed the opportunity to kill him so i imagine in this kimblee would be calling him out for feeling proud over ‘lowly humans’ aka his wife kid friends etc. but pride Is still proud of his family/friends which i would imagine is a homunculus’s way of loving. sort of like how greed simply wanted friends i think that pride would just want something to be proud of. -maybe in the end he would end up teaming up with the gang against the army bc his family and roy and riza and he wants something good to be Proud of. i think in this case bradley would kill him bc wrath did have his own wife and son (selim would be a normal kid in this au) but wrath didnt ‘love’ them i think like pride would love his family and friends. so parallels. and he would be able to say that he did truly care about his family and roy and riza because i really think he would. something to be proud of...

in the other tl when he "dies" he gets turned into a homunculus like lin. hughes i think would be strong enough to keep part of his ideals but they would end up mixing into more-or-less one mentality like wrath and bradely did, simply because i dont think hughes has enough determination and will to keep his own self, like since lin could stay seperate because he was trying to get immortality so his clan survives and Made the choice to be a homunculus, while hughes didnt ask for any of this. in the end as its leading up to the finale it would be a mix of the two. its mostly pride with his ruthlessness and his loyalty to Father, but he would still have hughes’ care for the people in his old life. for the most part he follows the same actions as pride did in canon like he possesses al like that (sidenote that would be the funniest fucking thing when al and pride are trapped together in the dome) and he would still eat kimblee and gluttony etc, but theres also occasionally conflict between hughes and pride. we would get to see how the two slowly morph together which would be sad to see hughes warp into pride like that :( -i dont even remember when pride was revealed to the gang in canon but riza and roy would know before the promised day. they go tell hughes wife together because riza would convince him that she needs to know. she is right but roy has trouble with that sort of thing as we saw when hughes died in canon. he has a mental breakdown because hes roy fucking mustang, riza handles it a little better. also winry freaks the fuck out :( -also at some point grin and pride meet, since hughes was turned into pride long before grin came along. i think grin (lin, specifically) would make some sort of jab at pride for hughes losing himself also to establish that Parallel baby. were all about parallels in this fma rant essay -i think in this tl though ed wouldnt kill him it would be riza and roy. not sure how they would get to that point because of how the canon promised day goes but im not too worried about that. i think that when they see each other none of them would want to strike (by now they know that hughes was turned into pride) bc riza and roy still want to believe its their best friend and pride still has a bit of hughes in him. but eventually pride strikes first because kimblee is goading him along, and roy fucks pride up like in the lust fight. riza takes the ‘final’ shot but roy’s alchemy is what makes the stone start falling apart. when pride is dying he asks them to tell his wife and daughter that he loved them and he also says that riza and roy were his best friends YES i know its cliche  i dont care. hughes loved his family. -hughes does not come back. he and pride were too fused together for hughes to have survived. they hold his funeral again.

i made myself tear up typing this out actually anyways i love hughes and this is such a cool au. idea credits goes to my sister for trying to figure out who pride was before the reveal when she was watching it through

apologies for grammar spelling etc etc. this is fueled by my love of fma and also hughes

[musherum]

what is the purpose of this? what goal am i pursuing through transition? through seeking relationships with other women?

if my goal was simply to be comfortable by embracing femininity, its certainly not working out for me. performing femininity is one of the most exhausting and often unrewarding things ive ever subjected myself to. happiness?? i wasnt happy before, and im not now; no change. embodying my “true self?” i dont know her, i never have. its true that i enjoy feeling feminine, and that dressing in ways that are pretty and “womanly” makes me feel happy. but to what extent is this true?

im not so dense as to pretend that femininity isnt primarily based on subjugation and degradation. and i loathe to be degraded, and to see other people being degraded. i loathe objectification, i loathe the idea of being a collection of assets to be displayed like goods in a store. and yet so much of feminine fashion is based around it. and its not like the feminine presence i aspire to cultivate - something like a strange and delicate flower, something alien-seeming but with a graceful and precious beauty to it, a luna moth landing softly on a daisy to rest - cannot also be said to be based on the oppression of women: the notion that we must be attractive as objects, first and foremost. so why do i seek out femininity?

a part of me in my heart tells me that its the notion of being cherished, appreciated, adored maybe. the idea of being thought of as, not dimunuitive, but nevertheless in some way small or worth protecting. is this not also something that is based on degradation? the degradation of being seen as incapable of protecting oneself, of being an object to be coveted? does that not make me the same as someone who just fetishizes the systemic violence waged against women?? and besides, do i not also want to make myself imposing and unapproachable to men? do i not also want to make it very clear to men that i am capable and willing to defend myself? so what is femininity to me than? what am i trying to stake out here, exactly? a state of being where i invite women, and scare men? invite women in what way exactly? my heart tells me its more than just “inviting women to care for me.” maybe a better definition would be inviting women to care with me. when i think of the relationships i seek to cultivate with other women, i feel like id want them to be a labour in healing and comfort for the both of us. an invitation to mutual understanding? an invitation to emotional honesty? an invitation to understand the hurt we’ve been burdened with by a cruel and unjust world, and a hope that we can help each other become more than just broken girls and discarded playthings.

...and to scare men, i guess. i think that jives with my understanding of my own trauma, so far. and so much of how we understand our genders, i think, is based on trauma. but it still feels like an incomplete analysis.

i feel like to understand more of what i want out of life and transition i need to dissect my feelings about men, about why im afraid of them, why i dont like them, why i have difficulty relating to them, and why i dont think i could be one of them. hopefully, i can give some time to considering that, soon.

i dunno. i guess this post is over.

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So Bad For Them But I’m Doing Fine

Well, its Wednesday night and Im a bottle of wine in. Its time to love myself like that Hailee girl told me to and turn on some . Because nothing is better for your self-confidence then to watch other people fail. Miserably.

Last year Sams mom got in touch with me and this year its Giannas brother. Who will be next to defend their loved ones on the recaps? Carolinas great aunt? Stay tuned!

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Shocker, they all start binge drinking. Cant wait to see how much weight they all gain by the end of the season.

Little Mike is talking to Casandra about all the things he likes to do. These hobbies include taking long walks on the beach, gelling his hair and taking a daily measurement of his penis. His growth spurt is coming, okay?!

Casandra literally looks like a bobblehead and is like OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

Little Mike: I LOVE LAMP

Mike wants to get to know Cas but also low-key hates her for having a family and being #blessed. He legit calls her a daddys girl to her face and shes not even phased. He starts talking about how his mom is broke and his dad is crazy and Im like, woah, did I change the channel accidentally to ? This shit is way too heavy for me rn.

If I could describe the house in three words that they all could understand it would be: Drunk. Horny. Stupid. In that order. Because they arent planning on getting a real job any time after this, they decide to throw an underwear party.

Ozzy is like Kathryn is very sexy, idk what it is about her that I like. He says as she grinds on him in her underwear. Hmmm, I wonder what it could be that makes you like her?

They start making out and he tells her that tomorrow is his birthday. So obviously she has to have sex with him because of THE IMPLICATION. (Name that reference and I will marry you.)

Tyler and Taylor are both like hey this underwear party is fucking gross and Im like FUCK YA TEAM NORMAL PEOPLE.

Tyler is like everyone is acting trashy and Im trying to better myself. Woah, ok. Profound. Tyler def got lost on the way to auditions and ended up on . Either that or hes a fucking narc.

Apparently nothing makes Tylers dick harder than belittling the people you live with and he starts making out with Taylor. Overall, v hot couple.

Then the camera pans out to literally everyone just hooking up. , brought to you by Trojan Condoms.

THE GAME

The game starts with everyone being blindfolded and the boys tied up, which is coincidentally also the first scene of .

The girls have to smell the guys and untie the one they want to take on a date. Because thats normal. The first three couples to finish go on a date.

The girls start sniffing and falling more than cokeheads at an EDM concert.

Kari has some big-ass eyes so every time she talks she looks fucking crazy. Actually, she kind of looks like me when Im high but Im pretending that Im not high so Im overly opening my eyes. Idk, just trying to create a visual.

Karis like “I STUDIED NEUROSCIENCE ONCE IN COLLEGE, PHEROMONES ARE REAL Yeah, no one said they werent#Science.

KARI: This one time, in my neuroscience class

Kari picks Joey the trashman, who I thought smells like shit but I guess not.

Hannah picks Tyler and is like wow, this blindfold makes it so hard to see. I totally respect blind people. Wow, Im sure blind people everywhere feel so fucking complimented. Like look mom, that girl on TV understands my daily struggle for 3 minutes!

They can still hear you being a dumbass, you know.

Alicia smells Andre because he, and I quote, smells like Fritios. This is like the cheapest advertisement Fritos has ever had. Also, Andre its time to get some new cologne.

Andre/Alicia, Joey/Kari and Hannah/Tyler all win and they are going to go windsurfing. Thrilling.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Gianna apologizes to Hayden for being a low-key bitch last week and hes already well settled into his home on friendzone island.

Michael walks by and Gianna is like hanging on Hayden. Michael is very over it and Gianna is like . Fuck, okay.

Kam and Eddie are flirting and being cute and idk I like them so they better not fuck this up for me.

MY MOM: I like the girl with the grey-ish, purple-ish hair ME: Literally their names are at the bottom of the screen.

Carolina is very upset that Joey the trashman is going on a date with KARI (her name will be in all caps now because her eyes just make me feel some type of way). Carolina starts crying and shes like if youre not my match what is my purpose?! In the distance you can hear me screaming ITS WEEK TWO YOU DUMB BITCH.

THE DATE

Andre is the only one who can windsurf and Hannahs like”oh Daddy.” In the words of our President-Elect, everyone else is a bunch of losers. Huge losers! Failing at wind surfing! All talk, no action!

KARI is being really nice to Joey and saying hes fun and shes excited to be there and hes like ACTUALLY Im into Carolina. Woah. Okay, I know KARI may kind of look like Crazy Eyes but she seems nice and shes actually being genuine. So in my drunken state rn I am very mad for her.

Joey has officially moved to my shit list. And I dont even mean that because hes a trashman. Where he quite literally has to pick up shit. Get it? Ill see myself out.

Andre and Alisha seem to be getting along but IDK, they kinda act like little children. They talk a big game about how they are really into each other but I just cant see it. And Im pretty much a fucking expert at this show.

And none for Tyler and Hannah, bye!

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Andre and Alicia to the booth because the house isnt fully brain-dead. Everyone Is like “THEY ARE SO STRONG! THEYRE IN LOVE AFTER A WEEK.”

See, you say strong, I say fucking crazy.

And guess what, Im right motherfuckersNO MATCH.

Alicia starts crying and saying she doesnt want to be here. Damn, okay then fly tf outta here, what?

Hannah is like “HEY I KNOW YOUR HEART JUST BROKE, BUT IM GONNA GO AFTER ANDRE.” Its all about the subtle game. Hannah, could you like, chill your hoe ass down for a sec?

Hannah and Andre are talking and hes like I knew we werent a match and Im everyone at home is like wait you just told Alicia man, thats fucked up.

Andre and Hannah start making out because #drama.

Alicia starts flipping the fuck out and is like YOURE A LIAR AND A FLIRTER AND A MINGLER!!!

Whats a mingler? Just someone who mingles? I feel like thats real nondescript. Im going to need a full definition plz. DM me.

Andres like “THESE GIRLS ARE CATCHING FEELINGS!” Uh, its not just girls. Joeys over here acting like a baby back bitch.

Hoes, am I right?

THE MATCHUP

The boys get to pick tonight and this ought to be a shit show because none of them strike me as scholars.

Oswaldo picks KARI. Random, dont care.

Ozzy picks Kathryn because he wants that birthday sex. Ozzys like she makes me feel like home. Uh, Ozzy thats because you are home. Youre a local, your house is like, down the street.

Jaylen picks Kam, fucking up the thing she had with Eddie.

Eddie picks Shannon, womp womp.

Derrick pity picks Alicia.

Hayden, who is sporting a pair of capris, picks Taylor. Obviously Taylor wants to be with Tyler so this is def a surprise. She actually says those exact words and Hayden has now purchased a summer home on friendzone island.

Tyler says something fucking stupid about how Hayden is doing him a favor? Idk his foot is so far up his mouth and Taylors like 3 seconds away from putting her foot in his ass. So much for team normal.

Andre picks Hannah. Alicia is like “IT IS WHAT IT IS” but also wants to murder Hannah.

Michael caves and picks Gianna. WTF.

Joey picks Carolina and they kiss because THEY ARE DUMB THATS WHY.

Mike picks Casandra because shes his uptown girl.

Tyler picks Tee and they both are like, “Welp. Fuck me right?”

Okay, so this is sketch. Not looking so hot for them rn.

Were waiting for beams and Im drinking, thinking no fucking way are they going to blackout. Its only week 2. But in the words of President-Elect: The polls were wrong! The experts were wrong! Sad!

And yes, THEY BLACKOUT.

They all lost half a million dollars. Im laughing but its a nervous laugh because now they all are going to be on suicide watch or something.

Everyone has to deal with the fact that the person they are with is not their match. No Mike/Cas, Ozzy/Kathryn, Gianna/Michael, Joey/Carolina or Hannah/Andre. WOW. Major blow. Im loving this.

A sad song starts playing and people start crying. Damn, this just got as depressing as Mikes family life.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

Read more: http://ift.tt/2j2Vyy9

from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So Bad For Them But I’m Doing Fine