#this kinda started with once upon a time and ended with a feminist rant so uh

[whattaloser]

Why I’m a Leftist

I know I’m probably just some dude who reblogs cool stuff to most of my followers but I’ve got a nice long story/rant about my political beliefs here that I’ve been wanting to write for awhile

I am a leftist first and foremost because I value human life. Everyone matters. No person is inherently more important than another person. Everyone has inherent rights that should not be infringed. People who infringe on other’s rights are morally wrong to do so. In essence my leftism is based on doing what is right. Obviously everyone has their own opinion on what is right but what is vitally important is knowing why your moral code is right. This is why so many people become liberals or conservatives or otherwise rather than leftists. They simply do not know enough about how the world works. There are a lot of reasons they don’t know, not the least of which is intentional covering up history and preventing education. I don’t believe people who aren’t leftists are stupid, but I do believe leftists know more. It’s kinda fucked up but it’s the only way you can explain inconsistencies in other’s values.

My path to leftism was full of cringe. When i was 7 years old Al Gore was running against George Bush for president. I did not know enough to have a real opinion on it but I am happy to say that I wanted Al Gore to win. This thought was based on very little if any logical reason. I basically flipped a coin in my head I think. Or maybe there was some outside influence that I wasn’t aware of, like my older sister who I looked up to might have said she liked Al gore. Either way, from then on I was in favor of democrats and did not like George Bush. When 9/11 happened I remembered thinking how dumb it was that people lined up around the block to get gas. Even as a child I knew that some buildings going down wasn’t going to end the great nation of the United States. In general I thought the United States was a great country. I knew from movies and tv as well as elementary school history that the United States was the most powerful country in the world. 

I recall in Sixth grade my teacher mentioned she liked George Bush because he was against gay marriage. Somehow at the time my opinion was the opposite despite being raised Catholic. I believed in god until I graduated high school and suddenly my desire to be religious slipped away and so did my belief. I do not consider this a great loss. 

Sometime in middle school or early high school I had solidified my opinion that the war in Iraq and Afghanistan was pointless and George Bush was a bad president. I was heavily influenced by movies and somewhat by video games that had imparted plenty of anti-war messages. Talks with my dad about nuclear missiles, watching History channel shows about world war 2, and playing Metal Gear Solid which had explicit nuclear disarmament messages, all informed me on the horrors of war. This was not enough to make me totally anti-military. In high school I wanted to join the military because I thought it was an easy way to get life experience and eventually pay for college. I was attracted to the Marines because of how cool movies like The Rock and video games like Call of Duty made it seem to be a Marine. I thought they were the best of the best. I was simultaneously against war, against veteran worship, and very pro-military. I was indoctrinated by years of government propaganda but also disillusioned by all forms of media including the book All Quiet on the Western Front which was about a soldier becoming disillusioned by witnessing horrors of war and the negative impact it had on everyone in his country. I spoke with a recruiter during my senior year and expressed my desire to be a Marine but I told him I wanted to wait a year after high school so I could get physically fit enough. The recruiter did not care that I was underweight and out of shape. He didn’t even care that I was very enthusiastic about joining, he was still putting on his best salesman demeanor which made me incredibly uneasy. The experience is supposed to pressure people into signing up on the spot, I think they even had forms for me to sign (i can’t really remember though) but I was not ready and was aware enough how I was being manipulated although not entirely cognizant. After that I no longer wanted to be in the military.

I also have to point out that I grew up in an unstable household. My parents were both loving but they were flawed and made mistakes and had problems. My dad was a typical Gen x man’s man. A little bit too emotionally repressed, but actually really good with kids when it came to play time and still is. He worked a lot because my mother couldn’t. My mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as long as I can remember. Her medical bills related to her problems combined with other financially bad decisions by my parents caused my home life to be fraught. I lived in varying degrees of poverty until my parents separated and me and my siblings moved with my mother to her parents’ house away from my father. Prior to moving though, we endured great financial difficulty. We were unable to afford school lunches but could not apply for free or reduced lunches because technically my father made a lot of money, however it was all garnished for medical bills. My father always tells about how he bought a car that had hidden frame damage and when he attempted to sue the dealership for selling a bad car he lost and was garnished for that as well. Despite making over 25 dollars an hour in 1999, my father could not afford school lunches for three kids and couldn’t afford to pay the gas bill. Without going into too much more detail, life sucked and continued to suck until I graduated, at least financially. I still found plenty of joy and it wasn’t always that bad. We still found ways to have good things like video games and we could always rewatch old movies but there’s a lot of psychic weight that comes with being that poor as a child and I’m sure it affects me and my ability to empathize with others who in bad conditions. 

So i watched a lot of movies and documentaries, read a lot of books growing up, discovered internet forums at the age of 11, played video games, moved to a town that had a very large Hispanic population, and I even grew up poor. All of this life experience turned me into a very average liberal upon graduating high school. I was a very optimistic 18 year old. I thought science could save the world. If I was 18 today I would be an average redditor stereotype probably. The point here though is I still wasn’t a leftist. Only vaguely progressive and full of optimism. This is when I got sucked into the anti-feminist pipeline.

I can’t remember what exactly what I had going on in my life but I remember it was around the time of Gamergate. Everyone on the internet, celebrities, and pop culture were saying “if you believe in equality between genders you’re a feminist” an did not like that. And there was a ton of people online to tell me I was right in not liking that. They all said feminism was not necessary anymore because legally you couldn’t discriminate against women and I agreed. Gamergate made it worse for reasons too complicated to get into in this already long post but suffice it say I was “pro Gamergate.” This put me at odds with my closes friends who thought feminism was great and had no qualms with it, and were already embracing the idea of being a “social justice warrior.” Despite reading all kinds of anti-feminist think pieces and reveling in the discourse, I was still very progressive and liberal minded person. Still thought the military was bad, that black people were discriminated against etc. But so many aspects of anti-feminism were appealing to me as a white guy who tried their hardest to do what they’re told is right, had low self esteem, undiagnosed adhd and depression, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what feminism was. Two things got me out of anti-feminism though. The first and most important thing was having friends who were patient with me about it. I didn’t reveal how into anti-feminism I was because I was ashamed but they could sense it and pushed back when they could. The second thing that got me out of it was actually finding feminists online and reading what they had to say, staying away from poorly written clickbait articles that fueled misogynist tirades against feminism. After reading and learning from feminists it finally clicked. Our society is patriarchal and that affects how people interact with each other regardless of what is legal. Many of the complaints of anti-feminism talk about how men have it in society, so how can society be patriarchal. It’s because of patriarchy that men are put in bad positions. Some of the more self aware anti-feminists had retorts against these ideas but they were emotionally charged. There’s still some anti-feminists I have respect for because of how well prepared and logical they were when it came to disputing feminism. But when it came down to the fundamental tenants of feminsim all they could respond with was anger or outright denial of reality. (If you’re like I was and don’t understand how anyone can thing modern feminism is good please feel free to ask me more, I just can’t get into specifics in this long ass post) Anyways, once you understand patriarchy and how it affects an individuals actions then you can start seeing how other institutions and cultural norms can affect an individual. This is basically fundamentals of leftism. I’d say about 90% of my path to leftism was just naturally absorbing cultural and historical information through consumption of media. The most conservative people I know are people who haven’t read very many books or seen very many movies. I’m not saying watching Austin Powers at the age of 10 will make everyone a leftist but constantly recontextualizing the world by learning something new, even if you learned it from some dumb comedy movie, can give you better grounding in a shared reality.  Don’t know how to end this but I want to say when I was a teenager I thought “communism is good in theory but it doesn’t work in practice” and I had almost no historical basis for it other than the vague notion that USSR = bad despite having consumed a massive amount of media. None of it taught me what communism actually was, I didn’t know who Karl Marx was, and I had no clue why communism in the USSR failed. You can know a lot without knowing the truth so if you’re struggling with a loved one who is mind poisoned by conservative keep in mind that they know a lot but they’re missing something important to give clarity. 

This has been my Ted Talk

[devourer--of--books]

I’m mad about Hunter being written off and here’s why you should be too

You: wasted potential.

Me, an intellectual: ah, Hunter and Nicola’s friendship

I have strong opinions about Hunter.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Look, I have strong opinions about many, many, things. Today, we are taking a dive on Hunter and Nicola. First I’d like to blame this post on Kate, as I decided to make it after I tried to articulate why Hunter being written off TCY makes me so angry in a huge comment under her latest OTK post but it ended up being too big and messy so I deleted it. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone elaborate on it, so if you were also mad about this, bro, not to be intense, but like, are we soulmates or...??

Before anything else, as I usually do with my text posts (which I haven’t done in a while, opsies), I shall provide you with arguably unnecessary context. Sit down, grab yourself some snacks, make yourself at home, I’m about to rant you into oblivion.

Since I know many accounts weren’t around back then, I’ll also give you the socio-political vibes of the time period, as any self-respecting half-baked essay written last minute should.

POV, you’re 14/15 year-old me. You flat iron your hair, you don’t use sunscreen, you think you’re straight and your school makes you wear those horrid low rise uniform pants, but at least you can somewhat do your make-up decently now that you grew out of your emo phase.

The year was 2016. The Ever Never Handbook has just come out. You re-watch the handbook trailer on youtube for the fifteenth time. Everyone is losing their minds over OcTObeR 14tH and “a student named Agatha ~ now Agatha of Camelot~”, as well as the portraits and the teasing for a new SGE book. Quests For Glory is announced just a few days later. 2016 tagatha ship week happens a few months down the line. 

This is the SGE Tumblr Fandom Peak.

Now, let’s start right there, two-ish weeks after the release of the Handbook, right as the QFG announcement comes out.

We all knew Soman wasn’t done with SGE after TLEA. He definitely had been teasing something in his weekly blogs (lol, remember when I used to check the blog, what a time to be alive) and once we got the ENH, we got quite lot of info to theorize. Here’s some that I can think off the top of my head: 

- The coven was going on a mission to find a new School Master.

- Tedros and Agatha were struggling financially in Camelot but were going to get married soon (even if Sophie doubted Tedros would have asked Agatha yet, as of the time of the Ever Never RoundTable, but we’re taking that with a grain of salt, because she was written to sound jealous here, and I won’t acknowledge that kinda of bs, she is happy for her friends okay, we’ve been though this-)

- Sophie had completely remodeled the School For Evil and was getting on Dovey and the rest of the faculty’s nerves (except for newly hired history teacher, Hort).

- The rest of the supporting cast had just graduated third year and was to be off in quests soon.

- The School was now accepting applications, and two of those applicants are Nicola and Bogden.

Now, I’m not even gonna bring up how it was mentioned in a video in EverNeverTv that Bogden would be an important character in TCY, and yet, I can’t think of anything relevant about him other than the fact that he knew tarot apparently, or how his application had more personality than him in the entire series, or how he was basically there so we could look at him and Willam and be like “oh, representation”, or how he’d be a good insight on how Galvadon perceives Sophie and Agatha post-TLEA, or- I’m just not gonna.

Oh, no. Instead, we are here to discuss Nicola’s application.

If your memory is foggy, let me remind you:

Nicola’s application is submitted, according to the Handbook, by her friend, Hunter. For convenience sake, we’ll assume Hunter is a guy (I’ll tell you why Hunter being a guy works better for me in a bit), but his gender is not mentioned anywhere in the ENH. I don’t think he has been gendered in any version (correct me if I’m wrong) or if there are any pronouns for him during TCY, but I’m fairly confident he isn’t mentioned at all.

Hunter tells us he is applying on Nic’s behalf, as she’d never apply for herself. He mentions that she is more or less the Galvadon equivalent of an activist for women’s rights, founding a rugby unisex team and campaigning for pants instead of skirts for the local school uniform, as well as having a feminist sounding book as her favorite book. It’s heavily implied that she is a jock, as he lists that, if marooned on a desert island, Nicola would want to have a soccer ball, a hockey stick and a set of dumbbells (“and none of this 5-lb nonsense”) with her.

Upon asked why Nicola should go to the school, his answer is: “because there’s a greater place for her in the world, where she can learn a girl’s true worth, and I don’t think it’s here.”

Then you have a note from (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) the very late, long, long gone, absolutely dead, August Sader, telling the Deans to accept her application, despite having no reason to do so, as Nicola was to “play a crucial role in it’s [the school’s] survival.” Dovey and Sophie agree to flip a coin to decide which school will take her, which Sophie must have lost, as Nicola is accepted into the School For Evil.

By now, I think we all agree that Nicola was done dirty. If you check my QFG re-read you’ll notice that I complained about her there. As I had to go though her introduction chapter again to make this post, let me tell you why: Nicola wasn’t written to be likeable.

She simply wasn’t. That’s the one conclusion I can draw. Whether that’s intentional or not, I can’t tell, but the backlash she received was fairly useful, as it meant Soman could write her off the main story without much backlash from his target audience (aka, not us, pesky pretentious older readers).

The Nicola I was introduced to, not only in the Handbook but on her trailer for QFG was not the girl on QFG. 

Nic is there to be the smart  girl™, and while I do appreciate having a character who is a bit cocky about their brains, it just doesn’t work well there. Because her bond to other characters and the way she earns their respect feels so weak, she just comes across as pretentious. Characters like Hester and Agatha, who are supposed to be smart, feel dumbed down to show us how clever Nicola is. Agatha is supposed to be the resourceful thinker and Hester wanted to be class captain, you bet she studied like crazy, she probs knows every fairytale in existence. 

Then you add that to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Nicola and Hort fiasco and Nic feels like a weirdly written OC insert.

Handbook!Nicola sounded like a smart jock kind of character (read, more Gryffindor than Ravenclaw). Handbook!Nic was a Reader who read the tales as a hobby, but her favorite book is not a tale, it’s a non-fiction book (as far as I can tell). She might not be the fairytale expert, but she sounds like a practical thinker, as sport requires strategy, which is not Hester’s strong suit, given she is rather impulsive, or Agatha’s, given she is often unwilling to make hard decisions due to her Good nature and her own insecurities. C’mon, Handbook!Nic would have taken one look at Hort and sent him running to hills, because she would be able to smell his bs three miles away. She’s no one’s replacement, least of all Sophie’s (whom she probably would not have gotten along with (at least they got this part right) given Sophie’s “my prince will sweep me away from an ordinary life” phylosophy). To be honest she doesn’t sound like she’d be interested in dating at all.

But this post is about Hunter right? Let me remind you, Hunter is not mentioned in Nicola’s introduction, when she talks about her life in Galvadon. Canon!Nicola tells us that she has two brothers who want to inherit her father’s pub in order to sell the place, but Nicola is close with her father and likes working there to some extent, even if she has bigger ambitions. She believes her brothers sent her application as a way to get rid of her.

Back when I still had some faith that Soman had an arc for Nicola that included resolution, I had my theories as to why she wouldn’t mention Hunter: maybe he was to appear in later books and they’d have a huge backstory explaining their friendship, as well as a dramatic confession that Hunter sent her application because he felt Nicola deserved to live an adventure, and Nicola would either realize that she was meant for something more or that she wanted to live a quiet life, honestly either would be nice. I would have taken anything. Truly, if Nicola’s k-pop boyfriend in the OTK epilogue had been replaced with Hunter, I might be able to hate it less.

Especially if they came to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) school wedding as friends. Because you know what?

We are starved for male-female friendships in the SGE universe.

Tedros’s only female friends (all his friends in general) are Agatha’s friends (who all tried to get rid of him at some point, save for maybe Dot) and his actual friends are all dead (Bettina/Chaddick). Hort could be counted as Agatha’s friend, if only he didn’t bash her every five seconds like a moron (he literally pitched the idea that Agatha should be executed by Tedros in OTK, just because he was envious or her relationship with Sophie (not jealous, envious, because Sophie wasn’t his to begin with)) over his delusional sense entitlement of Sophie’s affections (which I hate, but as this is not a Hort-bashing post, I won’t get too much into), but the coven, Beatrix, Renna and co. would not touch him with a stick. Merlin’s friendship with Lady Of The Lake is gone, and Dovey is dead. Rhian and Kei both had that frenemies thing with Sophie in ACOT/beggining of OTK, but I think it was supposed to be romantic? It wasn’t ew (I hate Rhian but he’s also wasted potential, and so was Kei, whom I liked, rest in peace). Japeth hates women for??? Whatever. Willam and Bodgen are such background characters I could not care less about them. The new students weren’t memorable enough for me to remember their names. I think this about covers the main male cast.

There’s a lack of male friendships too, but we kinda have (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Tort and whatever was that rushed Tedros/Chaddick friendship.  Rhian and Kei were gay friends (yeah, right, sure, very platonic). Tedros and Rhian could have been friends if Rhian redeemed himself, but otherwise no. Tedros and Filip… gay. Japeth literally killed Rhian, so also not very good friendship between brothers. Hort has no friends, because Ravan would so not be here for his bs. Willam and Bogden are a couple and (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) so were Aric and Japeth, I guess.

Still don’t believe Hunter was wasted potential? Okay, let me tell you what my ideal Nicola arc would be, mixing Handbook!Nicola with some canon!Nicola and including Hunter.

- Nicola is the one inheriting the pub (once she gets married), despite Galvadon’s pre-TLEA sexism and conservative views, because she is her father’s only child and her brothers are actually her older half-siblings from her mother’s previous marriage.

- Her mom died at some point early in her childhood. Not a childbirth tho, because Callis, local witch gynecologist (have you checked my post on this yet? no? you should) was there for her, even if it was a high risk pregnancy because the mom was already older.

- Because of that, Nicola’s father actually sells bread to Callis for cheaper prizes, but don’t tell the elders, shhh

- Anyway, because her mom was gone so early, Nicola was raised by her dad, brothers and by the employees (mostly men, as I don’t think it was all that common for women to work jobs in Galvadon) of her father’s pub. Due to being a girl, most guys weren’t willing to befriend her (sexism, am I right), but because she was a tomboy she had difficulty bonding with the other girls at school, even when they weren’t outright hostile (cof cof Sophie). 

- Example: she and Belle had a tentative bond over their love of cooking, but often ran out of things to talk about and the conversation fell flat.

- Which is how she ends up befriending Hunter. 

- Hunter is the only boy in a family of many girls and his father works all day. He has a good heart and is rather emotional, but he always feels like he has something to prove, which leads him to being rather impulsive. Both Nicola and Hunter love sports and are very competitive people. Once Nicola gains his respect, he feels very protective of her and often feels the need to stand up for her, even if she doesn’t need it.

- Nicola knows Hunter feels overlooked in his family, so she is always inviting him over and taking care of him, keeping him out of trouble. Her father begins to see him as his own son, and soon he spends more time at Nicola’s house than at his own.

- Everyone thinks they’ll get married some day. His sisters tease him mercilessly about it, and so does Nic’s father, but frankly, Nic and Hunter see each other as family.

- You can bet Hunter is the one teaching Nic about periods after asking his sisters, so she wouldn’t have to suffer with Galvadon’s horrid Sex Ed. (go check the Callis headcanon’s okay, give me clout, that it my favorite post I’ve ever made)

- They tried to kiss once. Nicola vomited and Hunter gaged.

- Hunter is Nicola’s number one supporter and fan, 100% had those gender-equality pins she made for her campaigns all over his bags and jackets.

- Since most wedding matches are arranged by the elders before girls even graduate, it was settled that Nic and Hunter would get married to each other and then inherit the pub. It would of course, be a secretly platonic match and they would suspiciously have no children (Nicola even had a plan to visit Callis to get a potion for infertility, just in case the elders wanted to check on her... okay, I��ll stop).

- Hunter doesn’t tell her, but Nicola knows he wants to marry for love and have a family of his own. She tries to talk him out of marrying her, but he insists that he would be doing it out of love for her, even if not romantic, because Nic didn’t deserve to be matched up with some stranger she barely knows who would no doubt be less tolerant of her more radical views.

- She tells him it’d be fine for him to have a affairs then, but he insists he would never do that to her, because people would talk about Nic if that was the case and her reputation would be ruined.

- The night of Sophie and Agatha kidnapping Nicola tells him she would rather be taken to the School than to stay there and make him live an unhappy life.

- Hunter is horrified (remember, everyone thought going to the school was a fate worse than death) and makes her promise to never treat her life so fickly.

- Sophie and Agatha get taken, come back, but during Tedros’ reign of terror in Galvadon, right before they return to the Woods, Nicola’s father grows very very sick.

- Nic thinks he’s going to die, and she frets, not only because they’re close but also because she can’t inherit the place if she doesn’t marry Hunter. But, well, she sort of always knew, but now that feels very real, she thought she had some more time before that.

- They set a date for the wedding, but thankfully, Tedros and Agatha’s escape ends up causing the ceremony to be delayed.

- By the time the new date is set, there’s no more elders and Stefan is now mayor.

- But just because he is the mayor doesn’t mean the law and the sexism is gone overnight.

- Nic’s father is getting somewhat better, but she is still very worried about him, because of his old age.

- Once SGE starts having applications and has been proved to be, well, somewhat safe, Hunter suggests that Nicola applies, but after the scare that she might lose her father sooner rather than later, she tells him she can’t bring herself to leave him.

- Hunter doesn’t want her to throw her life away, specially now knowing that in the Endless Woods there were people like her and that progress would get there before it ever got to Galvadon 

- (He also wants to not marry someone he views as a sister, pls).

- So he files her application in secret.

- Nicola gets accepted, upon Sader’s request and Sophie’s bad luck, into the School For Evil. She and Sophie still don’t get along, the Evil castle rejects her and she gets pushed to Good, becoming an Ever, but she’s only staying until Christmas, because she is worried sick about her father.

- She thinks the application was a plot from her brothers because she doesnt think Hunter would ever betray her trust like that, after she specifically told him she wouldn't go.

- There’s no Hicola, instead, she and Hort become friends and she talks him out of his delusions with Sophie, because as much as Nicola dislikes her, Sophie was a girl too, and deserved to have her feelings respected. 

- She also punches Hort into giving up his envy of Tedros and Agatha while at it, because she is just that efficient.

- Everything else up to OTK can be pretty much the same because I can’t remember what happens, other than everytime Nicola is smart girl™, it’s not “because she reads”, but because she is practical. 

- Example: on the boat scene where she very pretentiously sasses Agatha for not saying hello to her (canon!Nicola, girl, she just suffered six months of loneliness at Camelot because Tedros shut her out and is now on a quest to save her happy ending, probs didn’t get much sleep, maybe cut her some slack) and then tells her how to sail a boat (despite the fact that there are no boats in Galvadon and I’m sure you can’t just read Peter Pan and learn to sail a boat, unless I did it wrong or something, maybe the storian version comes with a crash course). Here, instead, Nicola presses Hort (who is a pirate’s son) to remember literally anything to help them (therefore making him not completely useless on this quest), and he does and they tell Agatha and she’s like sure and does it.

- Now, in OTK, I literally can’t remember where Nicola was for most of it and I read that book not too long ago, so I’m worried. 

- Okay, so, have the Knights Of Eleven actually serve some purpose, include a scene where Tedros and Nicola stress-play rugby and get her some internal conflict.

- Nic now loves this world. She just spent the last few weeks fighting to protect it. She is now a Knight, and she loves the adventures and the new friends she made. Can she really go back to Gavaldon to take care of a pub? Well, she needs to, doesn’t she? That’s what a good daughter would do.

- After Japeth’s execution, Nic goes straight home.

- Her father’s condition is stable, as he is being treated by Hunter and his new wife.

- Oh boy, Hunter has some explaining to do.

- Nicola is furious that he broke her trust, but at the same time, she’s happy he’s happy and well, Hunter what do you have to say for yourself?

- “Damn, Nic, nice armour- ouch, my arm!”

- Apparently, since Nicola was taken, Stefan approved a law for people to be able to leave their inheritance to whomever they wanted. And since Nic was gonna be at the Woods, her father was more than happy to leave it to Hunter. Of course, unless Nicola wanted to stay at Gavaldon. 

- Does she? She’s not sure.

- Hunter and Nicola attend the tagatha wedding at Camelot (what, like I wasn’t gonna fix this part?), Hunter is Nic’s plus one.

- There, Hester, Anadil and Dot show her Sader’s note, and ask her, not to become School Master, but to become Dean Of Good, because she would be perfect for the new brand of Good to match Sophie’s Evil. You know, since she is all for gender-equality, good manners, practicality and was particularly good at dealing with Sophie’s bs.

- Since Tedros has the Storian Ring, the pen doesn’t need actual protection, well, not more than it can get from Nic and Sophie.

- Sophie herself insists that Nicola accept the position, not because she doesn’t want to be alone at the school now that Hort and Dovey are dead, no, of course not, since when did Sophie ever need anyone, she was just asking cause… cause Nicola looked lonely. The pretty boy who came with her was not her boyfriend, was he? Sophie was prettier than him anyway. Who needs a boy when they can have her?

- Whether they become a couple or not, I’ll let you decide.

- Bonus: years later, Hunter’s eldest daughter is accepted at the School for Good. Nicola is her godmother, and her favoritism shows.

There, if nothing else, the reason you should be mad about Hunter and the Handbook in general is because this didn’t happen.

[zankivich]

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus-Size Reader: Epilogue Part 2: The End

a/n: I can’t believe this story is done. It gave me so much happiness and so much goodness just to get to know these two characters and to get to be a part of how they loved. When I first started this story I really just wanted to see myself. I had just started liking Shawn and I couldn’t envision myself in his world yet, not that I need to be there, but that a part of my young little fangirl heart really needed. It was such an honor to write this story. I hope it meant something to you. It sure as hell meant something to me. K bye. 

*Shawn’s point of view*

When the morning sickness comes, it comes with a fucking vengance. It’s like clock work. Every night by three am she’s up out of bed, with her head in the toilet. So, every night by three am he’s got her legs in his lap while her head is in the toilet. For a while she can’t keep anything down, and it worries him endlessly. She loses some weight, which just seemed like the opposite of what was supposed to happen, so he begs her to go to the doctor, and she obliges him. He switches to flying exclusively on the private jet, just so she can come with him on the off chance he needs to leave home. At that point he would’ve done anything to make her more comfortable.

And that’s the good news. He read horror stories about the strain that pregnancy could put on a marriage or a relationship. Mostly because he was buying any pregnancy book he could get his hands on at that point. His own mother had told both of them a detailed account of the time she threw a sandwich at his father’s head because it didn’t have mayo on it. A sandwich. But y/n seemed to lean on him more than ever. Instead of pushing him away, she felt like she could rely on him, and she wasn’t afraid to ask him for things anymore. He loved it.

He’s in a studio session with Teddy and Scott trying to figure out how to do whatever it is that they do again when she calls him. He’s in the booth, mid vocal and everything, but he leaves his phone on just in case she needs him.

“Baby? What’s wrong, is the baby okay?” he asked slipping his headphones off to hear her better.

Her voice is small like she might get in trouble.

“Yea, the baby is fine. Sorry, I know I keep scaring you every time I call.”

“No. No, I want you to call every time. No matter what. What’s up?”

“Well….it’s just that I was really craving french fries.” She mumbled. “And so I was kinda hoping you might want to meet for lunch today?”

Literally the cutest human on the face of the planet.

He chuckled. “I’d love to. Where you do you wanna go?”

“We can figure that out when you pick me up from work, just bring the fries with you.”

“You want the fries before lunch?”

“Yes. Yes. I do.”

Of course she did.

“I’ll be there in an hour okay?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart. I can’t wait to see you.”

He gets off the phone and finally stares up through the window of the booth where his friends have all heard him completely ditch his recording session to take his person french fries. He smiled and waved, but they were not impressed. And thus were the trials of pregnancy.

***

y/n’s pov

No one prepares you for the sex thing. In all of the stories from Shawn’s parents, from Zubein and his wife, hell even your mom on occasion, no one had ever mentioned that you were going to turn into a boarderline sex addict in your second trimester. And certainly no one told you that your person, your human, your love, was going to not want to touch you. No one ever told you about that shit.

When the morning sickness lets up, and you can finally stomach food again, some cravings naturally start to pop up. Not that nasty pickles and peanut butter shit, but like real food. For instance once at four o’clock in the morning, you needed to have your famous yellow cake with chocolate swiss meringue, which meant Shawn needed to make it for you right there and then. It was terrible. He nearly set the kitchen on fire. But he took you to a 24/7 diner and bought you chocolate chip pancakes and let you snuggle into his sweater, so honestly it was a win win type scenario. After the weird cravings comes an absolute fire in your loins. Your lobido fucking skyrocketed and there wasn’t much you could think of to help besides him.

Morning times meant sharing the shower with each other to spend time together before you both went to work. When you see him standing there beneath the showerhead, his curls soaking wet and the water flowing over his belly and down his thighs your body naturally had questions of the dick variety.

You wrapped your arms around him from behind, lips pressing against his skin into a smile.

“Someone’s happy this morning.” He chuckled.

“You have no idea.” You hummed. “Shawn?”

He turned in your arms, hands immediately going to your belly instead of any other part of your body.

“Yea, sweetheart?”

You frowned slightly and lifted up onto your tiptoes to kiss at his jaw. “Can we have a little fun before work? I don’t have any meetings this morning.”

“O--Oh...But I gotta get to the studio, honey.”

You shook your head tugging him closer. “It can wait. Please? It’s been a while.”

You weren’t used to having to...beg. It felt kind of beneath you. Years of Shawn getting a whiff of your shampoo and knocking you into the headboard had made you grow soft. Shawn had never turned you down before. Not without it eventually leading to sex. This was your new territory. And quite frankly you were not a fan.

“I’m sorry, love. I really do have to go the studio okay? We can talk when you get home from work.”

He kissed your forehead and leaned down to kiss your stomach before he was out of the shower so fast you weren’t so sure he’d been there to begin with. It was….odd.

You had like...girlfriends now. After your reawakening at twenty-six, you had taken it upon yourself to be more intentional about creating relationships with people. It resulted it in some really incredible friendships. The kind of friendships where you didn’t feel bad relying on people, didn’t feel like a burden on them because they never let you. Enter your friends Cynthia and Taylor.

y/n: Can we do a woman’s lunch today tbh? My person is ruining my life.

Cynthia: WHAT HE DO? You want us to cut him?

Taylor: Down kitty. You have to stop threatening to cut people. Let’s do lunch, you can vent to us. We’ll fix it!

y/n: God, I love you both. Yay.

You leave work early and wobble your ass off to lunch with your bitches. Shawn texts to check in twice before noon, but both times are of the baby variety and nothing more. You get a little angrier each time. And then you sit down at lunch and your best friends order cocktails and you get even angrier. Ugh.

“I can’t believe I let a man impregnate me.” You huff stabbing your fork into your salad. “I really let him catch me slipping. The patriarchy. Disgusting.”

Taylor snorted. “I quite love the fact that your second trimester is full of feminist rants by the way. I find it to be very entertaining.”

“Well I’m glad that we’re all revelling in my misery. I’m glad I’m providing quality content for the both of you.” You grumbled. “It’s fucking cold. My tits are numb and I hate everything.”

Cynthia chortled. “Girl you are on one today. Why don’t you just tell us what the hell happened?”

You squirmed slightly in your seat. The frustration was taking its toll on your body and your emotions. You’d had enough and it wasn’t even just Shawn at this point. You were just...angry.

“I have an eight ounce sirloin steak kicking at my uterus. I’ve gained twenty pounds. My mother-in-law sewed spandex into my jeans the other day. I ran into a door and my boobs are so sore I cried for thirty minutes. And I haven’t even been at work for four hours. I’m annoyed okay. And all I wanted ...the only thing I really wanted was an orgasm! Is that too much to ask for?”

Cynthia, and this is why you loved her with everything in you, followed you for every word. As if she just knew what you were saying and agreed with you endlessly. She was a ride or die through and through. A beautiful, ethereal black woman with a brilliant afro and these badass circular rimmed glasses that were gold and complimented her skin perfectly. She was beautiful. And vibrant. And loud. And completely unapologetic.

“Yes. I mean that’s what you deserve. For sure.” She shrugged. “So, he couldn’t make you cum, is that it? Men. The worst.”

“”Couldn’t?!’ He didn’t even try. He won’t touch me unless it’s my stomach, or talking to the baby. I am no longer his life partner, I am no longer his lover, I am just a vessel for a baby. And that’s it.”

Taylor was the thinker of the group. She was damn near a philosopher. When you needed advice, she was the one you went to. Taylor was Canadian born and raised, but her parents were turkish immigrants. She was similarly incredibly gorgeous. She was thick in every sense of the word. Thick in her thighs. Thick in her hair. Thick in her eyebrows. She was a beautiful Brown dream. And you were just quite honestly stunned by their beauty most of the time.

“So… let’s backtrack. You’re frustrated, of course. You’re in the middle of your second trimester. Emotions are rampant. Let’s focus on what’s really irritating you.” She murmured.

“Shawn. Shawn is really irritating me.”

“Okay. And Shawn is really irritating because why?”

“Because...Because I need to cum.” You sputtered. “He’s always made me cum. Why would he choose now of all times to not make me cum.”

“She’s got a point. They have more sex than an episode on Showtime.” Cynthia butt in.

You nodded in agreeance.

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Well yes. I understand. Why do we think that he’s not making you cum? Have you talked to him about it?”

“Maybe it’s because I look like a beach whale?”

“No negative self-talk!”

“I have got to get a friend who is not a therapist.” You whined.

“You need me. You’re lucky I don’t charge your asses. Now think it through. Talk it out. There’s no wrong way right now. Shawn isn’t here. You can be honest with us.”

Taylor was genuine. And most geniuses are often times unappreciated in life.

You reached for your iced tea all frowns and indigestion.

“I think, based off the signals that I have been receiving, that he isn’t attracted to me like this. I think that he sees me as a mom now, and not at a sexual being.” You said honestly. “He’s just always touching my stomach and always talking to my stomach, and always talking about the baby. Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist anymore.”

“Awww babes, that is so sad.” Cynthia murmured reaching for your hand.

Taylor nodded. “That’s fair. So let’s unpack it. How do you view your body right now?”

“Oh, T, can we please not analyze me right now? Please? I just need you be my friend right now okay? I didn’t come here to get my problem solved. I came here to eat lunch with my friends and complain a little bit.”

“Fine, fine! My bad.” She raised her hands in defense. “Why don’t we just talk about what it is you want instead? No filter. Just go.”

“Thank you.” You smiled softly at her. “I really...just want him to rail me like a car hitting a light pole at maximum velocity.”

At that very moment, your waiter arrived with the check, and seemed to blush head to toe. Whoops.

“She’s pregnant.” Cynthia explained. “It’s the hormones.”

Friendship.

***

Shawn’s point of view*

“I don’t care about what they want, Andrew. I’m thirty years old for Christ’s sake, I’m not a teeny bopper anymore.” He grunted trying to balance the groceries and still unlock the front door.

“Yes, no I understand. They just want to manage the sex appeal a little bit. Timberlake, Bieber, Mayer, doesn’t matter who you are. It’s important to remind the female dominated fanbase that you’re...you know? A sexual being.”

Listening to andrew try and explain concepts that he himself wasn’t even interested in was always a hoot.

“A sexual being? I’m having a goddamn baby, Andrew.”

“Yes well, the public doesn’t know that yet. Maybe just a photoshoot? A magazine cover? You wouldn’t even have to leave Toronto. It’ll get them off our backs and you can just finish up the album you wanna make, yea?”

He headed straight for the kitchen where the tea kettle was going, but his person was mysteriously missing from her cup.

“Babe! I’m home!” He called, setting the groceries down, finally. “Whatever. Send me a proposal, I guess, and I’ll look over it. I’m not guaranteeing anything. My fans have seen my abs before, I don’t think it’s gonna sell more records than we’re already selling. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?”

“Sounds good. Love you man.”

“Yea, love you too.” He sighed ending the call. “Babe?! Where are you?”

He hears the door to the downstairs bathroom open, and she walks out in this adorable dress with her fleece lined leggings. She looks soft and cuddly and he’s already hopeful that she’ll let him snuggle her into the couch and watch a movie after dinner. He’s kind of obsessed with her. Like always.

“This child is literally sitting on my bladder at this point.” She groaned rubbing at her stomach.

He reached for her immediately, his hands cupping at her now unhidable baby bump that drove him crazy on a daily basis.

“You gotta let mommy have a break, little one.” He hummed peering down at her bump. “We don’t wanna tire her out too much before you arrive.”

She lets out a little breath and pulls away from him to go back to her tea. He went for the groceries to begin putting them away, and set aside what she’d asked him to grab for dinner.

“Hey I thought we could do a movie night on the couch after dinner? Cuddle a little bit?”

“I don’t know. I’m kind of tired.”

“Oh. Okay. Well we can watch them in bed too. I don’t mind where, just wanna be with you.”

“Yea, maybe.”

He paused by the cabinet with a box of pasta in one hand and flour in the other. She was on the other side of the kitchen pouring water into her cup. She set the tea kettle back and immediately left the room. He could practically feel the emotion coming off of her. The silent treatment certainly wasn’t subtle either.

“Hey,” He asked softly plopping down on the couch. “Are you feeling okay? Everything alright with the baby?”

She rolled her eyes and let out a sarcastic snort. “The baby. Is. Fine. Shawn. They’re fine.”

“Okay, well is something else bothering you that you’d like to let me in on?”

“I don’t know, is there something you want to tell me?”

He raised an eyebrow. “No? Is there something you would like me to tell you?”

“No. I guess not. “

His person, and she was his person for sure, was a little hard to read sometimes. And by hard to read, he definitely meant incredibly easy to read, and so deeply difficult to get through to. Perhaps pregnancy simply amplified emotions, because she might as well as had a neon sign that said, “I AM PISSED AT YOU” on her forehead.

“Look in the interest of time, and both of our headaches, why don’t you just tell me what I did wrong so I can get to apologizing already.”

Mistake. Total mistake. You can love someone for years and you can learn and grow together and allow yourself to be vulnerable with them in every way. It doesn’t mean you’re always gonna get it right. That’s never guaranteed. Clearly.

“No! No you don’t get to just make me share my emotions before I’m ready! I’m a goddamn human being, alright I’m not just a reciprocal. I’m not just a place for you put it! God, Shawn. You are such an ass.”

And then she’s off the couch and stomping up the stairs in anger. She definitely also quoted Lady Gaga’s documentary. He made a mental note to stop watching documentaries before bed. It never went well. Last month she woke up in the middle of the night, thought he was a prison guard from a documentary on the prison industrial complex in the states, and definitely jabbed him in the throat. Documentaries. Big no no.

He figures that’s his cue to make dinner. She almost never let him cook, but he knew she’d be even angrier if there was nothing to eat when this was over. He spends a little time trying to figure out what he could have done. But things had been going so well, that he’s truly at a loss. They both went to work every day. They spent their evenings together. He rubbed cocoa butter on her stomach every night for Christ’s sake. He spent hours whispering to her belly and playing guitar so that their baby would know the scales straight from the womb. What could possibly be wrong?

He makes her famous spaghetti bolognese and only burns the garlic once, so that’s a first. He leaves the food on the stove and heads for the stairs in the hopes that she’ll be ready to talk to him. Outside of their bedroom door though, there’s the sound of crying and his heart just instantly breaks. He doesn’t do well with a sad y/n. Ever. It killed him. This was a well known fact.

So maybe he burst into the room and collapsed a little bit at her feet. Who was keeping track? Not him. That was for damn sure.

“Hey, please don’t cry. Please, I can’t watch you cry. Whatever I did just--just tell me and I’ll make it right. I never wanna hurt you, you gotta know that.” He begged.

“It’s stupid. This is stupid!” She sobbed.

“Okay. Okay, this is new for us. I am just slightly freaking out that I may have broken you! Please talk to me!”

“You’re not attracted to me anymore!”

That certainly gave him pause.

“That’s crazy, sweetheart. What are you even talking about?!”

She keeps sobbing. Her face is red. Cheeks wet. And his heart is exploding in his chest. He’s got no fucking clue what he’s supposed to do. He broke his person!

“I looked like a whale ate Kim Kardashian when she was pregnant with North West! My shoes don’t fit anymore, and my goddamn feet hurt. I feel like Mike Tyson has been punching my fucking tits. And you don’t wanna have sex with me anymore, now?! Out of all the times in the world? Now I’m so fucking repulsive that the love of my life won’t even touch me?! I JUST NEEDED DICK OKAY?”

She keeps crying , and his heart keeps hammering, and he knows that he has to figure something out, or this isn’t going to get any better. She’s in absolute hysterics and it is somehow, even though he was still struggling to figure that part out, completely his fault.

He reached for the box of tissues and patted gently at her eyes to get rid of some of the wetness. He held another tissue to her nose and ordered her to blow, which somehow only made her cry more. It is the most heightened expression of emotions he had ever seen from her. And it’s awful, and he hates it, and he just needs to make her smile. So, he wraps her up in his arms and he shhh’s her as he rocks her gently back and forth waiting for the sobs to subside before speaking.

“Honey, I don’t know what I did to make you think I’m not attracted to you.” He murmured playing with her hair soothingly. “But I’ve never not been attracted to you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I love you so much.”

She pulled just slightly away enough to look him in the eyes, her own red and swollen with a sadness in them that cut him deep.

“Then why haven’t we had sex in over a month, Shawn?” She sniffled. “You’re repulsed by me. Just admit it.”

He sighed peering down at his person who he’s somehow managed to deeply hurt without even being aware of it. He felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

“How could you say to me?” He asked. “I’m not repulsed by you, y/n. I just...I just I don’t wanna hurt the baby.”

She bit her lip, her sadness turning to anger like the flip of the switch. She yanked herself from his arms and moved to the opposite side of the bed.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You don’t even view me as a human being anymore. I’m just a casing, I’m the thing that holds the thing you really care about.”

“What the hell, y/n; where is this coming from?”

“It’s coming from the fact that you don’t treat me like anything other than the thing that’s holding your baby anymore. You don’t talk to me, you talk to my stomach. You don’t look at me unless you’re mentioning the baby. What’s the fucking point anymore. Why don’t I just lay down in bed for five more months and maybe the baby will roll out and you can go live happily ever after.”

He’s admittedly angry at first. Angry because his person is telling him something he doesn’t want to hear. That he’d failed somehow at loving her, had let her down and made her believe that he didn’t want her the way that he used to. He’s angry because she’d reverted back to a place they hadn’t been in years, a place of being unable to be honest and upfront with each other. She hid it away until it boiled, until it was undisguisable, until she literally exploded, and he hated when she did that.

But he’s older now. He’s a little wiser. Maybe. He at least knows her better. Understands her better. It’s when he takes a deep breath and just allows himself to actually absorb what she’s told him that he understands. This is about insecurities. It’s about fears that had been eating her up inside for who knows how long, and her not wanting to admit that to herself, let alone him. He’s in the wrong for not explaining himself, and he can see how he fed into her insecurities. It’s both of their faults, as it so often the case in these scenarios. But, he’ll do just about anything to make it better. Always.

“Okay. I--I understand. I see that I’ve hurt you, that I haven’t been treating you the way that you want and deserve. I’m sorry.”

Her arms are crossed and she tilts her head in his direction, but still barely looks at him. He takes a chance and scoots a little closer.

“Y/n...At the risk of sharing too much information in the wrong moment. . . I haven’t been able to masturbate to something that isn’t you since our four month anniversary.”

Her eyes widen and her anger falters.

“W--What?”

“Trust me, I’ve tried. My dick is kind of emotionally invested in you, and it hasn’t been the same since.” He shrugged. “I am...so incredibly in love with you. I’m never going to want anything else. Even when you’re screaming at me until you’re red in the face, I’m still gonna want you. The only reason why I haven’t wanted to have sex is because I don’t want to hurt you, or the baby. I know it’s silly. I’ve read the books. But you are the most important thing in my life okay? You and this baby are all that I have; you’re all that matters. I need you to believe that. Tell me you believe that.”

She bit her lip, fingers picking anxiously at the skin of her nails that sat in her lap. He moved even closer and wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re gonna be the mother of my child, y/n. That is literally the sexiest thing I could think of. I don’t hate your body. I love your body! And I’m so sorry I haven’t been showing you that. I thought that by showing you how much the baby meant to me that I was showing you how much you mean to me. I understand now that it needs to be seperate a little bit, that you’re still a person too. These are the last months we’re ever gonna have to ourselves, and I should be cherishing the hell out of you. I’m just--shit I’m sorry, okay?”

He tugs at a strand of her hair, and she peers up at them with those big ass eyes and he just falls all over again. He means every word, and he means it more when she looks at him like that. When he pokes at the dimples in her cheeks and she finally smiles, he feels accomplished in life.

“Why didn’t you just say that a fuckin month ago.” She whined.

He snorted softly. “Why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t keeping you satisfied a month ago?”

“Excuse me?! I tried! I practically begged your ass. What did you want me to do, get on my knees?”

“Well it wouldn’t have hurt.” He joked.

Something in her broke. Maybe not in that moment. Maybe it was the time her blatter turned to the size of a pea, or when her breasts turned into over abused punching bags from hell. Regardless in that moment she seemed to think of nothing more reasonable in the world than twisting his nipples. And thus she did. And thus he was in pain.

“Y/n what the fuck!” He cried covering his chest. “That hurt!”

“Haha motherfucker!”

Wow.

“I’m pregnant, dammit; I cannot be held accountable for my actions.” She shrugged.

“Jesus Christ.” He huffed. “How much longer are you going to be pregnant?”

“You did this to me! You and your fucking ‘holier than thou dick’ that just had to bring another child into this fucked up world. Deal with it, alright?”

“You’re...so scary. Can we please stop fighting now? I don’t like it.”

He tucked her into his side hugging her tightly against his body. She hid her face in his neck and he could smell the scent of lavender and cocoa butter. And his heart felt like it expanded against his ribcage. How dare she ever think he couldn’t be attracted to her. He was obsessed with her. Had been since he laid eyes on her.

“Can you just kiss me for once? And not my stomach. Me.” She whispered.

He reached for her face, fingers tracing at the shape of her jaw as he pulled her close. He poured himself into the kiss as much as he could. She’d always been an incredible kisser, always gave just as much as she received. He knows that he’s got her, when she does this little whimper and her shoulders relax. He kisses her with tongue and with his teeth and with his hands on the back of her neck. Granted it’s a kiss they haven’t shared for some time now, but it’s still one he’s always willing to give her.

She’s the first one to pull away and it’s only because she’s out of breath. He presses his forehead against hers and smiles a little dopely.

“I love you.” He mumbled. “Always. Please believe me?”

“I believe you. I do.”

***

*y/n’s point of view*

“What are we gonna name ‘em?” Shawn asked.

It was on a random Tuesday dinner date. You tried to go out and spend time together outside of the house whether it was bowling or food or random art fairs. You prefered the food ones obviously.

“Huh?” You asked over your pasta.

“The baby? We never really discussed it.”

Shawn reached for his pellegrino, because if you weren’t drinking he sure as hell wasn’t, as you took a second of pause. You’d unanimously decided not to know the sex assigned at birth until...well the sex was assigned at birth. It meant a lot to you, to try not to enforce gender norms as much as you could, and Shawn was just as supportive if not more after growing up being called a girl for five years when he decided he wanted to sing.

“Hmmm I guess you’re right. Anything in mind?”

“Shawn Jr sounds good to me.” He grinned.

You rolled your eyes. “Anything else in mind?”

“...I really like the name Penelope. I think it’s cute. Or, Isabella maybe? We could call her Izzy.”

“You think we’re having a girl, aye?”

His cheeks turned red and you remembered that you loved him more than anyone could ever love.

“N--No. I just...you know I’d love any baby in the world that we made.I just certainly would not be mad if that baby happened to be a little girl.” He shrugged.

“And you don’t think that it will be too much estrogen? Too much femininity around you for the rest of time? Periods and uncontrollable emotions and what not?”

He rolled his eyes. “What is it the seventies? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. The strongest people I’ve ever met are always women. I’d be lucky to live in a house where we get to raise another one.”

You couldn’t help the smile that grew wide and full on your face. He was cute. And mature. And smart. You were kind of obsessed with him. And still...where did he come from?

“Penelope, aye?” You hummed.

His eyes widened and he smiled nodding in that very goofy way of his that had his curls flopping this way and that.

You loved him far too much for your own good.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

8 months. 8 months of buying a new bed because the old one made her back hurt. 8 months of baby proofing a house that was suddenly way too big. 8 months of pancake runs at two in the morning. 8 months of massaging her feet for forty minutes because every time he touched them she grew physically repulsed by the thought of someone touching her feet. 8 months of some of the most trying arguments they’d ever had. Yes, choosing between lavender and grey or yellow and grey as a color scheme can wind you up sleeping in the guest bedroom. Who would’ve thought that the greatest argument they would ever have would be over her working? Oh wait, literally anyone but his moronic ass. Of course.

“Babe, the tension in your shoulders is insane.” He grumbled digging into her back. “I really think it might be time to start slowing down.”

She rolled her eyes. “Slowing down, eh? And just where do you want me to slow down Shawn? You already do everything. I haven’t been allowed to do laundry since I could no longer see my toes because of my belly and not my boobs for once.”

“I think...I think maybe we should broach the topic of you taking some time off work again.”

“Nope. Absolutely not. I’m not taking time off.”

He sighed. “Honey, your job offers 15 weeks of paid leave. We don’t even have that much time left at this point. And even if it wasn’t paid leave, I am an actual millionaire. The baby is going to be here soon. Maybe you should rest yourself while you can.”

She tugged her way out of his arms, flustered and frustrated immediately. He could feel even more tension coming off of her. It was the absolute opposite of what he wanted, but with y/n it was also sort of inevitable.

“I don’t need rest, Shawn! It’s not about the money; it’s the principle. You think my mother took maternity leave when she was raising four kids with a husband who was a filthy drunk?”

He scooted a little closer and reached for her hands, fingers intertwining stubbornly. But she’s got that furrow in her brow, and that firm set of her lip that she always gets when they fight. And he hates it because she still wants to kiss her and it always makes his brain very confused in these moments.

“Your mother was in a completely different situation! We are extremely privileged and extremely lucky to bring a kid into this world in the healthiest way that we can. I want you to be the healthiest that you can. Now you have fought me every step of the way, but please just--can we please just look at how many hours your putting into this place?” He huffed. “Because whether you want to believe or not, when we’re parents you’re going to have to cut back regardless.”

“Cut back?” She asked softly.

His person had the ability to be more terrifying than a hitman sometimes. This was most definitely one of those moments.

“I have to cut back? What the fuck are you going to be doing, aye? Are you cutting back, Shawn? Are you gonna stop touring? Stop doing promo tours for weeks at a time? Why does the woman always have to cut back?! How fucking dare you.”

“This is not that! Don’t make it out to be some attack against your womanhood. You’re pushing a human being out of your hips, y/n! I get a cold and I’m down for a week, one might think that BIRTHING A HUMAN deserves some recovery time!”

“It’s my fucking body! Why don’t you let me decide me what the hell I do with it, aye?!”

“Because if I left it up to you, you’d be working more than an eight year old in a sweatshop in Taiwan! It’s not just your body anymore. We’re about to be parents, y/n. Every decision we make has to have another human at the core of it. We don’t get to come first anymore. Not our careers, not our wants, none of it. You working your body into the ground isn’t an option!”

When her eyes well up it’s the worst thing ever. The amount of time he spent trying to balance her emotions was enough for him to recognize when he was doing a really shitty job at it. Not that it changed how he felt. Y/n was the hardest working person he’d ever met. She worked harder than he did, and that was saying something. She was so important to him though. He didn’t quite know how to explain that as much as the baby mattered, as much as the baby was already infinitely important, the baby wasn’t there yet. All he had was his person, his love, his light. And he’d do anything in the world to protect her. Anything.

“Great so… I am a shitty mother already and apparently a shitty person.” She mumbled tears dripping over her cheeks. “I’m really glad we had this talk. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Y/n. Y/n, baby please. Please just let me talk to you.” He begged. “That is not what I’m saying and you know it.”

Even with her adorable pregnant waddle and her hands up on her lower back to support herself, she gets to the bathroom and locks it before he can get to her. Which just leaves him on the other side of the door calling out for her.

“Sweetheart, please open the door! I--I didn’t want to hurt you. I just want to talk like adults, okay? I just, I’m worried about you and I want you to be safe.”

The water turns on to the bathtub instead of the shower and he knows he’s in for the long haul tonight. He’d be lucky if she came out of there by the weekend.

*Four hours later*

He’s woken up by the door opening. He must have fallen asleep against it because he nearly falls when she opens the door. Not that that mattered in the slightest to y/n who simply stepped over his body and kept it pushing. She gets dressed in their closet in silence. Doesn’t acknowledge him in the slightest. It’s like walking on eggshells. And he honestly doesn’t mind. Her emotions had been out of whack for the duration of her pregnancy. If she needed to be mad at him, that was okay. He just couldn’t go to sleep without letting her know that he loved her. It was their thing. No matter how angry, how annoyed, how tired. They had to tell each other they loved each other every night.

He finds her in their closet, big t-shirt stretched over her stomach with her belly button sticking clear out. When he makes eye contact with her, she immediately looks away.

“Move, Shawn.”

He moved his arms to either side of the doorway, only blocking her further.

“No. Not until you tell me you love me.”

Her eyes turned to slits. “Excuse me? That’s not fair and you know it.”

“What’s not fair y/n? Asking you tell me you love me? Are you really so angry with me you can’t say it, cause if so I think that’s something I deserve to know.”

She tugged at her hair, fingers knotting in the strands anxiously.

“I just don’t want to be pressured into saying it. Is that too much to ask?”

He bit his lip stepping closer so that her stomach was pressed to his.

“But...we never go to bed without it. I’m not saying we need to fix it all tonight. I’m saying, I just want the love of my life to assure me a little that we’re still in this together. Is that too much to ask?”

She rolled her eyes so hard he worried they might pop out of her head. And then she pushed forward, knocking him out of the way so that she could get out of the closet.

“I love you. And I am pissed at you. And I don’t want to speak to you for the rest of the night.”

He knew he was in deep shit when her body pillows had been stacked into a literal barrier between his side of the bed and her’s. She always let him hold her at night. She said the baby tended to sleep closer to him, as if they knew their daddy was close by. It was the sweetest thing in the world anyone had ever said to him. He cried for like an hour over it. Now he was left staring at a pillow that entirely covers his person. Wonderful.

***

*three days later*

He’s at the gym with his trainer trying to push out his fifth mile when his phone rings. It’s summer in Toronto and his view of the sun from the gym is just enough to keep him motivated to keep running. His air pods are already in so he takes the call trying to push through the wall that says, “ five miles is dumb, please stop”. His phone is still in his pocket, so he doesn’t get to see who the number is before he answers.

“Hello, is this a Mr. Shawn Peter Raul Mendes?”

“This is he.” He huffed, stilling running.

“Sir, I have you listed as the emergency contact for a Ms. y/f/n y/l/n. Your wife was admitted to St. Joseph’s Health Centre this afternoon. She--”

“Y/n?! W--What happened?! Is she okay?”

He went to jump get off the treadmill, tripping just enough on the mat to send him scraping against the machine with his shin. It doesn’t matter though, he’s up immediately. Nothing else matters in that moment. He doesn’t even tell his trainer goodbye, is already running to find his keys before the voice on the phone can even get a word in.

“Sir, she experienced a fall at work it seems. The doctors are running tests to check on your wife’s pregnancy as we speak.”

“I--I’m on my way! I’m coming right now!”

It’s a thirty-six minute drive to the hospital from his gym and his heart is racing the entire time. He stupidly tries to call her phone only for it to go to voicemail five times over. His hands tremble against the steering wheel so bad he’s afraid he might crash. It doesn’t occur to him to call his parents, call her mom, call anyone. He just has to get to her. He really needs to get to her.

He almost left the keys in the ignition, car still running, and had to run back to get to them. It only eats up more time. He still has zero idea how serious things are and there are a million and one thoughts of how bad it could be running through every nerve ending in his body. He needs her. He needs to see her. Now.

“I--I’m here to see y/f/n y/l/n?!” He gushed at the desk, his heart rampant in his sturnemum. “Please. Please it’s my person. She’s my person I--I have to see her.”

“Sir. Calm down. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” The nurse shushed.

He shook his head voice on the cusp of begging. “Ma’am, please. Please just take me to see her. You--You called and said that she was in pain, that she fell. She’s pregnant. Please, ma’am just tell me where she is?”

“Okay now just take a deep breath. What’s the last name again?”

“y/l/n!” He replied impatiently, no breaths to be taken.

Her fingers begin working on the keyboard, and he nestles his fingers along the swallow necklace he still wore to try and calm himself down. It didn’t work.

“And sir what is your relationship to the patient? Are you her husband?”

“I--I...she’s my person. We’re not married, but we’ve been together for over six years.”

“Are you her emergency contact? You’re not technically immediate family, sir.”

It’s definitely not a great moment for him. Y/n is hurt and no one can seem to tell him anything that isn’t prolonging his eyes being on her. He’s frustrated and his blood is rushing through his ears. He’s terrified. Actually terrified. And this just happens to be the straw to break the Canadian kindness’ back.

“I am the only goddamn family that matters! Now you called me. She’s in pain. She’s hurt. You called me, and I need to see her. She’s holding our baby and I want to see my person! Now dammit!”

*y/n’s point of view*

There is something truly remarkable about the way he runs into the room. Maroon nike running shorts. Tube socks. Head band firmly in place. There is blood running down his leg and he looks as scared as you felt that morning. Something about seeing him run into your hospital room with some tiny woman chasing him with a clipboard of paperwork is actually the funniest thing you may have ever seen in your life. So, excuse you if after a somewhat tragic day you can’t help but giggle in the face of his fear.

“Are you okay?! Are you okay? Oh my god, let me hold you.” He sighed taking you into his arms immediately.

Your giggles died down as he quickly began to inspect you with cautious, tear glazed eyes. His palms cupped your cheeks, his lips frantic against yours, and still not stopping there. He touched you everywhere. His fingers dipped hesitantly over your shoulders and down to your stomach cupping it softly. You pressed your forehead against his and breathed deeply as each of you let a few tears escape. It had been an event free pregnancy all things considered, and a scare now was perhaps the worst thing imaginable for the two of you.

“Are you okay?” He whispered. “I--Is the baby okay? Please talk to me.”

“We’re okay.” You assured him. “Everything’s okay.”

When his lips find yours a second time, it’s a lot less frantic and a lot more loving. You tuck yourself into his hold, fully content with the way he’s breathing life back into your being. His tongue teases your bottom lip and it all feels better instantly. He does a familiar dance of rubbing your thighs in his too large hands, and you practically purr. And then the doctor clears her throat.

“So sorry to interrupt!” She smiled. “I’m Dr. Cohen.”

Shawn pulls away with a bit of a huff, his entire body still blocking you from view from anyone else. It’s possessive and needy and everything you could ever ask for.

“I think we have to get a marriage lisence, or I might actually have to commit murder.” He grunted.

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you just propose to me? Also why are you bleeding?”

“Maybe. Probably.” He shrugged. “I fell on the treadmill when I got the call. Needed to get to you. The nurse assumed I was your husband because I’m your emergency contact, but when I got here and she realized the last names were different, she didn’t want to let me get to you.”

Another giggle passes through your lip. Of course this was the love of your life. An actual, genuine fucking dork. Thank god.

“Let’s unpack that later.”

“Okay.”

Shawn refused to take the seat that Dr. Cohen offered him, choosing instead to squish beside you on the examination table, hands touching or rubbing some part of you at all times. You don’t mind. After the morning you had, you thought maybe being in his arms forever was all you needed.

“Alright, Mr. Mendes. Your wife wanted to wait for your arrival to discuss what happened.” She explained. “She fainted in the middle of a meeting at work. Luckily a coworker was able to catch her and help her in time, so that no damage was done to the baby.”

He immediately looked worriedly over at you, his eyebrows and forehead wrinkled as he squeezed tenderly at your fingers.

“W--Why though? She’s never fainted before. Not once. Is it the baby?”

Dr. Cohen smiled reassuringly. “So, technically, yes it is the baby. But neither the baby or y/n are in any danger. What happened to you is actually fairly common. Basically what’s happening is that your blood vessels are widening and relaxing so that enough blood can get to your baby to keep them healthy. Really helpful for the baby, but it takes a longer trip now to get back to mommy. Usually this just means a little dizziness, but y/n in your intake paperwork it says you had been leading a workshop at the time you fainted is that correct?”

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Yes. I’m always in charge of training our new higher level managers who come in.”

“Mhm. And how long were you on your feet in the midst of this training?” She asked.

“I--I don’t know. Maybe one and a half, two hours? Why?”

“Because the longer you’re on your feet? Especially without movement, the worst the circulation of blood becomes. What probably happened is that you first started to experience some dizziness, but maybe you fought through that. These aren’t really the type of symptoms to fight through though. You needed to rest.”

There’s an image somewhere in the film of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It’s the moment where the grinch comes up with his evil plan to steal happiness and joy from all those around him. He smiled a smile that pulls at all of his features squishing his face into this truly horrid little grin. This. This is the smile that Shawn gave you in this moment. The smile of a man who was finally right about something for once. The bastard.

“Wait, I am so very sorry,” Shawn interrupted. “Are you saying that all she needs to do is rest?”

You turned to him with a look so hot you could feel it sizzle in your eyeballs. You had still not exactly forgiven him for the last time you had this conversation. He was walking on thin ice.

Dr. Cohen nodded. “Yes, I am. Typically at this point in the third trimester, especially depending on the patient? I don’t even recommend for my patients to take the stairs, let alone work ten hour days. Y/n I’m afraid if I have any recommendation for you it’s going to be bed rest. I can write a letter for your work if need be, but with your high position in the company I doubt that would be necessary..”

It’s like your stomach just drops. With one month left in your pregnancy you didn’t even know how to go about not working. Working gave you purpose outside of being pregnant. It was what got you through the long days. You didn’t know how to take a break anymore than you knew how to stop loving Shawn and we all know how well that went the one time you gave it a shot.

“B--Bed rest? Like I can’t leave my own fucking bed? I--I’m not broken here!”

“Honey,” Shawn sighed taking your hand in his. “It’s alright, okay? Just let the doctor explain.”

Dr. Cohen smiled softly. “I understand. I know the prospect of taking time for yourself is hard. They had to pull me out of the hospital when my first was born, literally. But in these final weeks I want you to think about yourself for just a moment. There’s no harm in taking a rest, y/n. You’re about to be a mother for the rest of your life, believe me when I say these days to yourself will be magical, okay? I know it’s hard, but I need you to do it. For yourself and for the baby.”

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you ended up in your house on a Thursday afternoon lying in bed like you were on the verge of death, while your dumbass smirked at you like you didn’t know how to kill a man with a remote. It was actually your definition of hell. Sitting there wondering what the idiots at work were doing, who was fucking up what, and who was going to add more work to your plate for when you got back. You hated it. But what you hated even more was the image of Shawn walking slowly into your bedroom with a cup of chamomile tea to make sure it didn’t get spilled. You hated the way he slid into bed and wrapped his arms around you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever laid eyes on. And you hated the way that your body just completely gave into him because how could you ever want or need anything else with him beside you?

“I’m sorry you can’t work until the baby’s born, sweetheart. I know how important it is to you.” He hummed tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You snorted. “What happened to all the excitement you had at the doctor’s office?”

“I’m excited you’re safe, and that I get to spend time with you relaxing until the baby comes. I’m not excited that you’re upset, honey. I could never feel that way.”

You bit your lip softly and nuzzled a little closer to your person.

“Relaxing?”

He nodded with a smile. “I’m not going anywhere. I thought we could...visit my parents? Maybe ride up to Vancouver for a weekend? There’s this cabin Brian and I went to once in Whistler when I was young and stupid with my money, but it’s just as beautiful in the summer as it is in the winter. I’ve got plans. I don’t expect you to stay bedridden until you give birth, my love.”

“That actually sounds really nice.” You giggled.

“Yea? Can we give it a shot?”

“Yea, Why not?”

“Good. Come kiss me already.”

Finally.

***

Leave it to your kid to come out in Pickering, Ontario of all places. Shawn had kept true to his word. No label meetings, no photoshoots, do endorsement deals until after the baby was born. And it was perfect. You cooked together and watched movies together and went on walks and to the beach. He took pictures of you for no other reason than to remember your time together. It was a moment of serenity, of reflection, and of love.

That night, he sat beside you in bed and rubbed cocoa butter over your belly just like always, kissed your stomach and sang the baby to sleep just like always.When it was time for the two of you to go to bed, he ran his thumb along your cheek and kissed you goodnight.

“I love you so much.” He whispered. “I can’t wait to spend forever together.”

You smiled and kissed at his thumb upon your cheek.

“Me neither. Kinda weird. I can’t believe we made it all this way.”

“But we did. It was meant to be. And we worked damn hard for it.”

You fall asleep, like you did most nights now, with Shawn’s wrapped around you and your handy dandy pillow below your lower back. It’s just like every other night. Until it isn’t…

*four hours later*

“Baby….Sweetheart ...Y/N!!”

“What. What is it?” You muttered still very much asleep.

“I think you peed the bed, honey.” Shawn whispered.

Your eyes fluttered open in the dark and there was the love of your life, People’s sexist Man Alive three years ago, saying that you had essentially pissed yourself. And they say romance isn’t dead?

“Are you fucking kididng me?” You huffed. “Oh my god that’s so fucking embarassing.”

He went to reach for you only for you to pull away. The last thing you needed was for him to help you out of a puddle of your own urine. Jesus Christ.

“Sweetheart, It’s okay. I--I don’t care. You know I don’t care.”

You leaned up out of bed and all of sudden there was a pretty bad pain in your stomach that left you a bit winded and unable to get up.

“Well shit, that fucking hurts.” You whined.

Shawn flicked on the light on the bedside table.

“What hurts?”

You took a deep breath like your doctor instructured.

“Fucking contractions are starting up again.”

The room goes silent as you breathe through the pain. It lasts far longer than you’re used to and hurts like a bitch, but with the breathing technique it isn’t unbearable. And then...he loses his fucking mind.

“OH MY GOD!”

“What?! Why are you yelling?!” You gasped.

“WE’RE HAVING A BABY. OH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT!”

He went to stumble his way out of bed, only to fall flat on the floor. That didn’t stop him from jumping right up and running around in circles. You know? Like a lunatic? So much for the lamaze classes.

“Shawn. Shawn! SHAWN! Calm the hell down.” You yelled rubbing at your belly.

“Sweetheart it’s your water. It’s your water, not piss. We’re having a fucking baby!”

“Excuse me, I’m aware! It’s inside of me. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Go wake your parents, I’m gonna call the hospital.”

Shawn nodded taking some deep breaths of his own before turning to wake his parents. You barely rolled over like a bowling ball on the bed before he was back, this time a lot calmer thankfully. He reached straight for your face, warm hands stilling you instantly as he kissed you like you were all that mattered.

“I love you. We’re gonna have a baby.” He whispered, a smile so big on his face that it felt like it radiated within you.

“We are.” You chuckled. “I love you too.”

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

Something shifts drastically in the car. In the house, he could barely tell she was in labor except for every few minutes when she would have contractions. By the time the doctor told them to head to the hospital it was three in the morning. His dad drove, mum in the passenger seat. It meant he got to sit in the back with her and hold her hand, rub at her back, whisper how much he loved her even. And for a while it was fine. But then all of a sudden hell descended on earth and it was fully and deeply embedded in the love his life.

She let out a sound that was maybe the most painful sound he’d ever heard in his life. It was high pitched and bone deep and it rang out so loud his ears hurt. But that was nothing in comparison to the feeling of the bones in his hand crushing beneath her grasp.

“Ow! Oh my--Fuck!  Sweetheart my hand!”

“I’M DYING! FUCK YOUR HAND!” She cried. “AHHHHHHHHHH!!

A vein appeared deep in the middle of her forehead as she sobbed and panted against the back seat. It was as hard to watch as it was to let her break every single bone in his goddamn hand.

The last thing he remembered before they got to the hospital was her turning to him, cheeks tear stained, and lips panting as she told him:

“Shawn?”

“Yes, honey? What can I do? Is there anything I can do?”

She nodded her head softly and swallowed.

“Yes. You can absolutely never fucking touch me again!”

His mum thought it was particularly funny if her snorts from the front seat were anything to go off. His fragile, overworked heart did not think it was so funny.

“Yes. Okay. Never touching you again. Got it.” He mumbled continuing to rub at her back.

He was certainly in for a night.  

It takes twelve hours to bring their baby into the world. And they’re the longest hours of his life. He had to watch her be in pain, watch her struggle and flail and cry, all while knowing there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He hated every second of it. It was the most helpless he’d ever felt. His parents were amazing running off to make calls to the rest of their family, which left him directly by her side. He would’ve stayed another twelves hours too if that’s what it took. Anything for her. Anything.

Another one of those moments that he’d be able to recall on the last of his life is the moment he heard his child cry for the first time. It was as if his center of gravity shifted. He was completely and utterly transfixed. He changed instantaneously in that moment, never to be the same again. It was one of the most magical moments of his life.

They go to lay the baby on her chest, y/n exhausted and red faced and so utterly happy, and his heart sores.

“This is your little baby girl.” The doctor told them.

“Shawn. Look what we did.” y/n whispered. “Look.”

His hand covers her entire back. She’s tiny and crying and wiggly and slimy. She’s beautiful.

“That’s our baby.” He sniffled just in case it might not be true. Just in case someone might have to correct him.

It’s easily the greatest day of his life.

***

He doesn’t sleep. And how could he? There’s a human in his hands. A tiny human. One that squeals and yawns and flails. She’s already immediately like her mother. Can’t sit still even in sleep, though y/n was so exhausted that she hadn’t moved in hours. But that’s okay. Everyone’s okay.

At one point, she wakes up and he freezes. In every movie he’d ever seen this was the moment that surely his daughter would begin to scream her head off like a lunatic until she turned twelve. Not quite. Instead she peered up at him inquisitively with this sort of searching look, a knowing look. This too reminded him of his love, of his person. And so he loved her infinitely already.

“You’re so fucking small.” He whispered to himself. “Shit, I said fucking. Who are we kidding your mother is gonna make sure your first word is dumbass before I ever have anything to do with it.”

Her thumb was in her mouth and she flailed sporadically in his arms as if she wanted to explore the world already, as if his arms were too much containment already. He wondered if maybe she got that from him.

“Penelope Ivy Mendes. You’re gonna have the best life a baby could ever ask for.” He assured her. “Your mom is so smart. Like one of the smartest people ever. And she’s funny. And she’s pretty, you’re really pretty too by the way. She’s gonna teach you all sort of stuff. And I’m gonna teach you too. Wait till I play you your first John Mayor record. You’ll love it so much honey. I played Continuum for your mommy when I first met her when she definitely broke into my apartment. And I played it for you when you were in her belly. It’s the greatest album maybe ever. We’ve got so much to talk about.”

She listens to him speak with wide, gentle eyes. Her skin is warm and soft, and rubs gently at her cheek with his palm. He thought he’d be overwhelmed. Thought that he’d mess something up, or that his daughter wouldn’t like him straight from the womb. But, it’s not that way at all. He could talk to her for days, he thinks. Just him and his daughter and his person. His family.

Eventually she starts to cry because she’s only been alive like eight hours and that’s a lot to put on a kid.

“You tired of hearing me talk huh?” He cooed rocking her gently in his arms.

“Did it happen...Did you break her?” Y/n mumbled from her hospital bed.

He chuckled softly slowly slipping out of the chair to move closer to her.

“Look who’s awake. I don’t think so. The nurse said she’s gonna wanna eat like every one and a half hours. She’s like her papa already.”

“Oh wonderful. Give her to me?”

They pass her easily, Y/n lifting her hospital gown to let her little mouth go searching for her meal. With the baby preoccupied, he’s allowed to check up on his other human. She’s really beautiful to him, hair bed crazed, eyes still sleepy, cheeks a little rosy. Something about their daughter on her chest makes him overwhelmed with love though. It’s different. She’s different. Perhaps they both are.

“Are you okay?” He whispered cupping her cheek gently in his palm.

She leaned into his palm.

“‘M okay. Lots of pain though. Lots of soreness.”

“I’m sorry. I really hated watching you in pain. The whole baby part is really beautiful. But the labor part? Not so much. Want me to take the next one for us?” He joked.

Her eyes widened. “The first one isn’t a day old Shawn. My vagina is still bleeding, maybe we wait a few weeks.”

“Kidding, y/n. Totally kidding. I just want you to be healthy and safe and I want to hold you. Both of you.”

She smiled dopely up at him with eyes that he loved and lips that he loved and a heart that he loved with everything in him.

“Yea?”

“Yea. I love you more than anything.” He assured her, his eyes watering quickly. “So, so much.”

“I love you too. More than anything. Both of you.”

“And forever.”

“Forever.” She agreed.

That sounded plenty fine to him.

The End.

Permanent taglist 

@simpledomain @liliane106 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi  @september-lace @valedictorian65  @dimestorebieber22 @sinplisticshawn @kamahriii @lifeoftheparty74 @thecurlsofgod @disaster-rose @justbeingoceana 

[thoughts-of-loyalty]

Captain Marvel (2019) Review

So, I saw the Captain Marvel movie recently (on 3/9, as this’ll likely end up posted a bit late) and as the big movie that’s set to bridge the gap between Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame, as well as the big-screen debut of Captain Marvel (not to mention the first Marvel female hero to get the limelight), there was a lot of excitement and hype built around this film.  Starring the titular Captain Marvel, real name Carol Danvers, and set in the 90s - before any film sans Captain America 1 - we’re given a look into the origins of the “Strongest Avenger,” the one Nick Fury sought to call upon at the end of Infinity War to fight against Thanos.

Full movie spoilers and my opinions below.

Synopsis: This film focuses on the origin story, so to say, of the future Carol Danvers/”Vers” (as she’s known among the Kree), in the adventure that sets her on the path to become the superheroine known as Captain Marvel.  Believing herself to be a part of the Kree due to memory loss, she is part of a group tasked with investigating the reported abduction of a Kree agent who was captured by the Skrulls (an alien species capable of mimicking the appearance of any human they view, one which is supplemented by their poorly-elaborated-upon talents at learning a lot about their targets).  Due to events beyond her control, she is separated from her Kree allies and ends up stranded on Earth.  Discovering details about her past life while there, she teams up with a young Nick Fury to discover the truth about her past and how intimately tied she is to the current Skrull-Kree conflict...

The Good:

The Visuals: To be sure, Captain Marvel - like all other big budget Marvel films - is a visual spectacle.  The CGI is very on-point for this film, the fight scenes are generally well handled, and it generally managed to capture the 90s look and vibes that the film is set in fairly well.  The Skrull are also made to look great for their big screen debut, with amazing work put into the transformation scenes, and Captain Marvel’s abilities are a visual delight.

Not Bogged Down by Continuity: One good thing about Captain Marvel in the relative sense is that it doesn’t bog itself down much with a desire to connect itself to the other films.  While some things will certainly make more sense in context of other movies (such as the importance of the power source everyone is fighting over and who exactly Phil Coulson is in relation to Nick Fury), the movie is self-contained enough that one can enjoy it without feeling they need to see everything Marvel-related prior to keep themselves informed.  This is in contrast to, say, Ant-Man 2 or Spider-Man, which require one to have seen Captain America: Civil War to understand all the ongoing character dynamics.

A Straightforward Story: Tying in to the above, but Captain Marvel never loses itself in trying to tell an overly-complex narrative with a million different plot-lines at once.  While there is certainly a twist or two to be had, the movie kept itself focused on the important characters and most of it’s attention was on Captain Marvel and her personal journey.  It told the story it wanted to tell and never did it veer into pointless sub-plots or give focus to truly meaningless characters.

A Lack of a Love Story: In what is something of personal gripe, I appreciate the complete lack of a romance story in this film.  A common criticism that has been directed at many other Marvel films was the inclusion of romance between the male lead and a major female character (usually inspired by one of the comic romances), usually to the detriment of the film as the romances were rather out of nowhere and had little purpose beyond just having one.  This film didn’t have any of that, and while one could make arguments or ship as shippers are wont to do, there was never a “These two are suddenly in love and kissing because there needs to be a romance” moment and I am glad.

The Cast is Well-Acted: A bit of a weird one, I suppose, but most of Captain Marvel’s cast is just as enjoyable to watch as any other Marvel movie’s cast.  I never felt a single cast member wasn’t giving the role their best, and while the dialogue could be cringe-worthy at times, it was only ever due to the script, not the actor/tress in the role.

A Good Message: It was made no secret that Captain Marvel would be a primarily feminist film and have messages about gender equality and women not needing the approval of men to be who they are.  And the film delivered it with only a minor heavy-handed approach.  The female characters were all competent and never eye-candy, but at the same time the movie never used the “machismo men who talk big but are actually pretty lame” trope other less-subtle movies used, all the characters were as competent as they were implied to be.  It was occasionally blunt during some portions of dialogue, but it never felt forced and it carried its message well.

The Bad

A Tonal Disaster: The movie was unfortunately bogged down by an overindulgence, so to say, on comedy.  Now, this in and of itself is not an issue, as Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor: Ragnarok can prove - a movie can be primarily comedic in nature but still have great stories and be serious when they need to (though one could argue both had tonal issues, I wouldn’t deny that).  That said, where this movie most falters is in how it tries to be primarily comedic at times where characters necessarily shouldn’t - for example, there’s a earlier on moment where Carol blasts open a door some time after Nick Fury had done secret spy stuff to open a prior one, making him incredulously ask why she hadn’t done so before and her responding she didn’t want to steal his thunder.  This is at a time when Carol knows there’s a time limit of sorts (the Kree are due to arrive in less than 20 hours to rescue her) and Carol is learning about events that may intimately involve her and her lost memory, but they let the cast wait around so they can have this joke.  This is around the point I started to worry for the movie, as well, because I could tell the movie would be willing to let it’s mood go to waste for a quick joke.

A return to basic villains: One common issue held with many of the earlier Marvel films was the very weak villains in their movies.  They could look cool or be menacing, but Loki was pretty was really the only one who was complex for the longest time.  It took until arguably either The Winter Soldier or Age of Ultron to buck this trend and give us memorable or complex villains.  This continued for most of Phase 3, with their villains being complex, sympathetic at times, or otherwise memorable presences.  Spoilers: the Skrulls were build up as that, but plot twist, the Skrulls aren’t the villains, the Kree are.  And the Kree do nothing to establish themselves as memorable villains - you could arguably have even forgotten two of them were main antagonists in the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  The only relatively memorable one is Yon-Rogg, Carol’s mentor, and the two spend so little time properly interacting after he’s revealed as a villain that any complexity he could have is never properly utilized.  For that matter...

The Supreme Intelligence is kinda pointless: Tying into how the Kree are an unfortunate return to basic villains, the Supreme Intelligence - the Artificial Intelligence ruler of the Kree - is an exemplar of this aspect of the Kree in this movie.  The Supreme Intelligence is something of a recurring presence in this movie (though I use that term lightly, given that it only appears before Carol for a grand total of five minutes if I’m being generous), and as the guiding force behind the Kree, it is technically the main antagonist of the film (Yon-Rogg is the most present of the Kree antagonists, but his actions are ultimately guided by the Supreme Intelligence).  As noted above, though, Carol and the Supreme Intelligence only spend about five minutes together, and only half of THAT time is spent as them on opposing sides, where it is little more than a generic overlord-emperor type, giving us a nothing driving force for the antagonists as a whole. Which is unfortunate, because...

The Kree are very underdeveloped in general: This is an issue because for a chunk of her life, after receiving amnesia, Carol considers the Kree her people and becomes part of a Kree task force.  While somewhat understandable that she’d be willing to stand against them as they’re responsible for her predicament in various capacities, the movie spends so little time developing the relationship between them and the other Kree.  Neither she nor the named Kree she battles seem to hold any strong emotion about coming to blows, to the point that they could have been replaced with a random Kree task force she never knew and nothing would have changed.  This goes double for both Korath and Ronan, who were incredibly flat villains in Guardians of the Galaxy - any hopes one might have had that they’d receive stronger characterization was misplaced, as they’re just as one-dimensional as before.

“Subverting Audience Expectations” ruins the Skrull: Many have (supposedly?) praised the Skrull for their role in the movie as a red herring antagonist who are actually sympathetic, with many bringing back the old praise of “This movie is great because it subverts audience expectations” that popped up during Star Wars: The Last Jedi.  I have a much longer rant about that, but that isn’t the issue I mean to address here.  And before anyone gets on my case, I have no desire to argue “the Skrull are ruined because they don’t follow their comic book selves;” the MCU is perfectly allowed to reimagine the Skrull as they desire, and if they wish to make the Skrull sympathetic, then that is their prerogative. In this case, the issue is that they’re so intent on making the Skrull red herrings that the Skrulls pre-reveal and post-reveal are essentially entirely different beings.  Before the reveal, Skrulls are making an proactive effort to discover what they need, capturing a Kree agent and luring Carol in with deception to read her mind and learn where to go, and when they get to Earth, they immediately install themselves so that they can best discover what they need to know - which isn’t necessarily bad, because that can still be played as sympathetic but willing to do whatever is necessary to get what they need to survive.  But post-reveal, the Skrull we knew as antagonists are almost entirely different beings - Talos and his “Science Guy” are almost comic relief after the truth is revealed, albeit with a few moments of competence (for a prime example of their newfound incompetence, it’s revealed the Skrull couldn’t find Wendy Lawson’s lab because their “science guy” didn’t realize the coordinates they were trying to figure out were directing them to space).  Talos in particular goes from “Leader of the Skrull remnant doing whatever is necessary to save his species and his family” to “Leader of the Skrulls who wants to save his people but never wanted to hurt anyone while doing it.”  Sure, Marvel subverted our expectations, but when your red herring is essentially two different characters before and after the reveal, it’s no wonder audiences ended up surprised.

Nick Fury backstory is now a joke: Now, this in and of itself isn’t an issue - there’s no rule stating Samuel L. Jackson NEEDS to be badass in every movie, or we can’t have a “Younger Nick Fury who is comedic due to being new to it all.”  Like I noted above, Nick Fury is generally competent - as are most characters in this film, even the Skrull post-reveal - and does well enough in his role in the film.  But there’s an elephant in the room: how Nick Fury lost his eye.  Namely, he lost his eye to Goose the Cat/Flerken after the cat decided is was being messed with and scratched his eye.  Yes, you read that right.  Nick Fury’s lost eye was due to him essentially getting scratched by an alien in cat form he pissed off.  And no, it wasn’t “rampaging alien form that hit him with a massive claw,” no, it’s “small house cat claw to the eye.” Now, if it isn’t clear why exactly it’s bad, let me explain it in a bit better detail.  This isn’t just an issue of “We wanted to subvert audience expectations, so Nick Fury lost his eye in a funny way because no one saw it coming” - though it still is that, too.  Rather, the issue here is that what happened here is now canon, and is retroactively canon for the whole of the MCU up to that point.  Nick Fury justifying why he hid secrets to Captain Freakin’ America as because “Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” - that’s the story he tells everyone because he’s too embarrassed to admit the truth.  That big reveal at the end of the Winter Soldier, where he reveals he had a backup retinal scan of his scarred eye because he was just that prepared in case someone tried to lock him out of the S.H.I.E.L.D. systems by removing the retinal scan of his good eye?  Thank goodness he had that eye scarred by a cat, otherwise, there’s no way that plan would’ve had a chance of working later on.  Him calling Coulson, his most loyal supporter, “His good eye?”  Thank goodness a cat clawed out his eye so he could make it clear how much Coulson meant to him with that distinction. That’s the big gamble you take when you retroactively introduce a character’s backstory in a prequel - everything that happened there is now canon to everything since.  And now Nick Fury’s backstory in the MCU will forever be “He lost it to an annoyed cat,” because Captain Marvel decided that it was better to make a joke of it.

And now, for a minor gripe: This is a bit of a lesser example, but y’all recall what S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for?  Don’t recall off the top of your head?  You could rewatch Iron Man, because it tells you in recurring joke form - Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division.  Someone really should shorten that, right?  Something the characters note anytime the full name is brought up.  And at the end of the movie, Coulson tells Pepper - who is going to recite it by name - that it’s S.H.I.E.L.D. for short now. If only Coulson was around back in the 1990s, where Nick Fury makes reference to how he’s “Nick Fury, S.H.I.E.L.D.” and namedrops S.H.I.E.L.D. a few times. *ahem* Yeah, it’s a minor continuity error in the grand scheme of things, but it was something I figured should be mentioned because that was something that I noticed and wanted to bring up.

Final Verdict

Captain Marvel is a... competently-made movie.  And I’m really sorry to say it, but that’s the most I can say about it.  It’s well-made, well-acted, tells a simple enough story to understand that isn’t bogged down by continuity, and it has good messages in it’s narrative.  But it loses so much of itself due to having an inconsistent tone throughout, and it’s plot goes from decent to bog-standard around the time it decides to “Subvert audience expectations” and give us some of the most boring villains this side of the Phase 3 MCU films.

Would I recommend others to watch it?  Somewhat.  It’s not exactly incredibly essential viewing for the MCU and I don’t think it’s really all that good, but it’s not a terrible movie, I can understand why one would like it despite all it’s flaws (people can learn to overlook nearly everything), and it does add to the MCU enough that it is worth seeing if you want to see all the Marvel films.  But if you want a good female superhero film with a feminist message, you’re better off watching Wonder Woman.

And now, to address the elephant in the room pretty much every male who didn’t enjoy the film needs to deal with:”You didn’t like Captain Marvel because the main character was a woman and it had a pro-women message and you must hate feminism.”  It’s a comment that tends to get directed at males who don’t enjoy films with female protagonists, regardless of quality of the film (see: Ghostbusters) or reasons for disliking the film (albeit not without reason, to some degree - after all, those biased against something would be much harder on it than something they aren’t even if their flaws are much the same).  Not helping matters were that trolls DID review-bomb its Rotten Tomatoes score before it even had a full day under it’s belt - which the movie didn’t deserve, it should be judged on it’s own merits, not targeted by insecure men angry about there being a Marvel movie starring a female hero.

And I don’t expect to convince anyone who isn’t willing to believe me otherwise.  I can point to all the video games (Metroid, Portal, Resident Evil, etc) I love that star female protagonists, or that I considered the Wonder Woman film to be excellent, and it won’t convince anyone.  If you think I’m sexist garbage because I’m a male who didn’t like the film, my reasonings above or thoughts below won’t probably won’t convince you.

Here’s my views on this, however: Marvel had taken much too long to give us a movie primarily starring a female hero.  Marvel has many great female heroes, Captain Marvel included, and any one of them would have been as worthy of a film as a male counterpart.  The MCU dropped the ball repeatedly when it came to giving their female heroes films - Black Widow would’ve been great for a film but never got made and the omnipresence of Scarlet Johansson has made many people not care; Scarlet Witch got primarily confined to Avengers-focused films; The Wasp is very enjoyable but still has to share screentime and billing with Ant-Man; Gamora was probably the best and still those films still spent more time with Star-Lord, not to mention she was killed of in Infinity War without certainty of her return, leaving that “Third Guardians movie focused on her” up in the air.

We finally have a Marvel film that’s starring a female, and it’s primary message is about how feminism is important - and it’s good we’ve finally got one, but it took us until Phase 3 to finally get it and the film was marred by so many other issues I would struggle to call it good even with its positive qualities.  And that���s not the quality it deserved - not as a Marvel film, as a Captain Marvel film, or as a feminist film.  And anyone who would say “Who cares if it was not all that good, we’ve finally gotten a feminist superhero film from Marvel”?  You’re settling, and you shouldn’t.  What we deserved isn’t what we got, and by defending it, you’re essentially saying that Marvel can get away with low-quality movies so long as they can say “Sure, but fans were asking for this and we gave them what they wanted.”

You want a film with a female superhero protagonist that has a feminist message that is, above all else, good?  You should watch Wonder Woman.  And I know how there’s all the issues with the DCEU as a whole, or the rivalry between Marvel and DC fans and the former who wanted this movie to be good so they could be proud Marvel made a feminist hero film that was better than DC’s.  And kudos to you who support brand loyalty.  But DC did what Marvel didn’t for the longest time, and for all of the DCEU’s issues, Wonder Woman had very few issues on its own, and the issues that were present were very minor compared to everything it had going for it.  Wonder Woman was what Captain Marvel wanted to be, and what it ultimately failed to be.

[alpineaquilegia]

Tell me about a science.

Once upon a time (i.e. in the late 1930s), there was a baby science, namely, nuclear science. It has figured out that this thing called the “atom” is made up of a positively charged nucleus surrounded by negatively charged electrons in discrete energy levels. Only a few years before, in 1932, it’d figured out that yo! There’s a big-ass neutral particle in the nucleus??? Called a neutron??? For a while the science thought that the “neutron” was just a proton and electron together (spoiler: not the case, for reasons).

Anyway, since people like Enrico Fermi and scientists of the time are cave men at heart just like the rest of us, they decided to bang things together and see what happened. Great technique, 10/10, it’s still the way we do particle physics. So Enrico Fermi chucked a bunch of neutrons at some uranium, and thought it just created a bigger element – nope, it split that dangded uranium into pieces, but Fermi didn’t figure that out. Instead, some German scientists started doing the same thing. There were two men and a woman named Lise Meitner – but you see, she was a woman with Jewish ancestry in fucking 1938, so she, like the smart woman she was, fled to Sweden. The two guys continued smashing uranium with neutrons, but couldn’t figure it out – the production of smaller elements didn’t make sense according to their understanding of the atom. “Bruh, you can’t break an atom like that, it doesn’t work with the whole quantum tunnelling theory that explains alpha particles and whatever.”

So around Christmas, they sent a letter to Lise Meitner. “Yo Lise, we can’t figure this out, help us pleaassee???” She went on a nice walk in the snow with her nephew, and proposed the mechanism of how the atom might break apart. Her nephew did pretty drawings of the liquid drop model. The plugged the numbers, and the amount of mass lost in the fission was about what was necessary to make the fission happen – the math checked out. So they published it in Nature, and made physics history. The dudes back in Germany published separately their weird findings, but the groundbreaking realization was made by Meitner.

So the dudes back in Germany got the fucking Nobel Prize, and didn’t give Meitner the credit she FUCKING DESERVED. So yeah, a WOMAN did the groundbreaking work that made the basis of the nuclear bomb seven years later (which Meitner was fucking pissed about, might I add).

So basically, Nazi Germany was fucking stupid for driving out such brilliant scientists go, and the rest of the world (i.e. the fucking Nobel Prize Committee) was fucking stupid for being so sexist as to not recognize Meitner for her contributions.