#this makes no sense because I'm very tired

[songsofadelaide]

refulgence — a companion piece to radiant point.

A montage of your favourite childhood memories plays in your head. Somehow you've forgotten all about how tired you were, and only the sound of your platoon members' laughter could be heard in the background.

Suddenly, you're five, and Soshiro just placed a wooden sword in your hand. You declared yourself his rival, but do rivals really get this excited to see each other again? Aren't they supposed to loathe each other while pushing each other to the very ends of their limits? (Honestly, how could you even loathe that adorable face of his?)

You're eleven this time, beaten to the ground right next to Soshiro while his older brother playfully berated you both for being little weaklings. Soichiro blew a raspberry in your direction, only for his head to hit your shinai with a small thunk.

"One all!" You screamed in complete delight as the younger brother rolled on the ground laughing with tears in his eyes.

Fifteen— you blinked your eyes, light and haze all over— And it's Soshiro handing you a copy of the curriculum for the Neutralization College he planned on attending. You both just started high school and college isn't even until three years.

"D'you want me to talk to your old man?" He asked you with a look of concern, but you shook your head at him. "C'mon, name yer price just for that pretty smile of yours and I'll get it!"

When you were eighteen, you cried your whole flight to France because Soshiro didn't see you off. You scolded yourself for being selfish— Come on, he can't put off everything for you, you thought to yourself. When you messaged him first thing after arriving, you didn't expect him to reply to you immediately. [ 😂😂😂 Glad you made it there in one piece! ] [ Miss you already, princess. ] [ Be good there. ]

You punched a guy in the face when you were twenty. "Ne me touche pas, connard!" And you would have buried your fist in his hollowed cheek again if not for your clubmates pulling you aside. "You don't get to call me your rival when you're hardly at my level! I only have one rival and he's waiting for me back home in Japan!"

Though Soshiro was hardly a rival at that time of your life. On your desk at your lodging was a letter asking him to ask for your hand in marriage but you'll subsequently die of joy afterward if he does. He was everything to you— your very first friend, your rival, your first heartache, your very first love—

"Oh, my gosh. Our Platoon Leader is crying! N-No, wait— I-Is she smiling?"

"Are you blind? She's obviously smiling while crying."

"That's what I just said!"

Somehow the voices in your head were getting realistically louder and your narrowed vision only showed several of your young officers fussing over you now that you're evidently drunk beyond sense.

Man, what a shining example I am to the rookies...

Now, you felt someone pry away your beer glass from your hand. There was a certain tenderness and familiarity to their touch, but all you could respond with was a low grumble of protest. "I'm fine...!"

"Yer obviously not fine. Come on, let's not make your team worry—"

Where were you this time? Was this some kind of memory again? Or perhaps a glimpse of something that had yet to happen? This can't be real, either. Your team members extended an invitation to the Vice Captain, but he said he was going to be busy tonight.

So who was this person who looked exactly like your Vice Captain— your silly little first love— trying to ease the half-empty beer glass from your hold?

"Soshiro? Ah, who am I kidding? You said you were busy, so... I'm probably just dreaming this up," you said with surprising clarity that seemed to shock everyone at your table. "You weren't there to see me off when I went to France! I'm still so sad about it!..."

The hand on your back started rubbing gentle circles that seemed to make you cry even more. "I'm sorry about that. Fer what it's worth, I did try to see ya off back then. I was just a li'l late is all..."

Your team members couldn't believe that their Vice Captain was there in the flesh now, an index finger raised to his lips as he still tried to coax the beer glass out of your hands. "I finished my reports early, so here I am. I forgot ta mention that she gets all weepy when she's had one too many drinks."

Your table fell so silent that you could hear a pin drop to the floor, and all they could hear apart from the izakaya's muted music was your soft sobs of relief and grief— relief that your officers were doing their best to get to your standard, and grief for tragedies that have yet to come. Tragedies you wish would never come. "My adorable little officers are doing so, so well, are they not? They have to keep up their good work b-because I don't want any of them to... to die!..."

"'Course they're doing great. You're an excellent Platoon Leader yourself!"

"Soshirooo..."

With your head lowered to the table, you cried and sobbed and hiccupped until you were eventually out of your wits and fast asleep.

"Out like a light. Now, don't stop on my account! I'll be here 'til you guys wrap up," Soshiro stated with his usual cheer as he raised your empty beer glass for a refill.

"W-We're glad to have you here, Vice Captain, sir!"

Even though he said they could carry on with their drinking, the excitement of the evening died out as soon as they heard their Platoon Leader crying over them even though they were still alive and breathing and celebrating.

"We didn't expect our Platoon Leader to be so... sentimental," said one of your newer members as they took a rather small sip from their glass. They all had the same strange and expectant looks on their faces as they eyed the older man and his uncharacteristically gentle nature when it came to you.

"Naw, she's always been like that. Ever since we were kids," the Vice Captain said as he received a full glass of beer from one of the servers. "I suppose you're all wonderin' why we're so close in the first place. Now you know!"

"The Platoon Leader and Vice Captain are childhood friends?!"

A small sigh of relief left your lips as you felt a cool hand gently brush away the hair stuck your forehead. The touch was subtle but tender and left a faint scent that reminded you so much of your first love.

It came to light that one of your platoon members had fencing experience, so what better way to have a test of skill than to duke it out with your sabres? A duel was declared, and when you returned to your quarters to retrieve your carrying case, you found one of the pockets neatly zipped closed.

Hey, wait a sec.

That specific pocket had something in it, but now it was empty. Your old letters to Soshiro were missing.

???

And it puzzled you because no one else has ever been to your room. No one but—

...

A knock on his office door prompted Soshiro to look up from the documents on his desk. "Come in."

His usual cheerful expression turned up even more when you entered the room all flushed and breathless. Regardless of your evident exhaustion, you maintained decorum and gave him a sharp salute.

"Vice Captain, sir!"

"Anything I can help you with, Platoon Leader?"

"Sir, you have something... No, I believe you took something from my... room after the, uh..."

So you already knew. Soshiro wanted to read them a little bit longer because they explained so much to him, especially why you stopped writing to him. The unsent letters were surprisingly honest and voiced the very depths of your feelings for him. Feelings that you promised your Captain would not get in the way of your work.

He chuckled at how flustered you were. "Use your words, Platoon Leader. I can hardly understand a thing yer sayin'."

"Y-You took my letters! The ones I—"

"You mean the letters addressed to me? The ones you weren't able to send because of how candid they were?"

"Y-Yes! Those letters are—!"

Soshiro could only shrug in his seat. "All right, you got me. I couldn't help myself. How was I not supposed to read those when they had my name on them?"

"I... uh..."

"C'mere," he motioned for you to approach him. "It's just the two of us here, so don't worry."

You made your approach, but he gestured for you to come even closer to him. When you were finally standing right before him, he took your hands in his and gently tugged you into his arms. A bold move, too, considering someone can walk right into his office and once again find you both in a compromising position. He hardly paid mind to that possibility, though, by the way he comfortably nuzzled and buried his face into your chest.

"V—"

"It's just us," he murmured against your chest, but you were far too embarrassed and self-conscious at how rapidly your heart must be beating this time.

"Y'know how I'd devour every single thing that had words on it, yeah? But your letters always made me the happiest," he continued. "You can always write to me even though we're just here. Just like this. If there's anythin' ya can't say to my face or whatnot... You can always write to me."

Soshiro looked as pleased as a cat with a treat when you raised your hand to caress the hair just above his nape, a smile pulling at your lips as you saw just how contented he was holding you in his arms. "All right, Soshiro. I think I will."

Your platoon members knew better than to cross your path when you were paged to the Command Centre to receive a call from the Sixth Division Captain. The drills you were holding forcibly ground to a halt as you tempered both your visage and your disposition, because of all the people, he had to be the one to call.

You took a deep breath as you held the receiver in your ear, greeting him with the same kind of snappiness you'd have for any superior. "Hello, Captain, sir!"

[ "You do know that there's no need to be so formal with me. We're friends, aren't we?" ]

"I could hardly call you a friend, Soichiro-san," you scoffed at the phone, closely followed by a soft chuckle. You decided it was safe to drop his honorific for now. "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"

[ "I just wanted to congratulate you on your engagement. I'm only glad to know that you're officially Soshiro's headache now." ]

You rolled your eyes at the older man's remark, feeling extremely lucky that he couldn't see all the faces you were pulling. "Oh, please, you exaggerate! I've always been a good girl to you and your family. Just admit that you couldn't handle my growth and the fact that you would have a wife your equal in strength and skill."

Soichiro laughed from the other end of the phone. [ "No one wants a brat for a wife. That's why you and Soshiro make a good match. You're both equally incredibly bratty and stubborn. I still remember that time he challenged me for you. He put up a fight, that one. I knew he'd bother me to no end unless he won with his own strength." ]

Huh. You didn't know that.

[ "Soshiro said that if I didn't want ya, he'd gladly take you off my hands. Too bad you pulled that stunt with our old man, though! Tellin' him and everyone else that you didn't want to marry me." ]

"That's still true, you know. I could afford to be a fool for lesser things back then. Now is different."

There was a pause from the other end of the phone, followed by another chuckle from Soichiro. [ "You like him that much, huh?" ]

"I like Soshiro more than you can ever imagine. My family knew I didn't like you, Soichiro-san. But considering everything, I was smart not to ask for your brother back then," you replied with a smile. "I was a beggar princess, after all. My family owed yours, so who was I to make any demands?"

[ "Ya didn't know any better back then, so cut yourself some slack. Though if you did ask... I'm sure you'd both be beggin'. He likes ya that much, too." ]

You knew that. You knew that Soshiro loved you to the point of humbling himself to your family, the very people who owed something to his own.

[ "Well, that's all I have to say to ya. I'm hangin' up. Knowin' Soshiro, he'd get all green with envy when he finds out I called you," ] He said. [ "Tell me if you want anythin' from Kobe and I'll send it to ya pronto. Consider it a gift from me." ]

"Thanks, Soichiro-san. For the record, you're an awful brother. But you're a pretty great brother-in-law," you replied to him. "I'll let you know if I ever do want something."

But you knew better than to take up his offer. Soshiro would sooner head to Kobe himself to get you something you want rather than have you receive something from his older brother.

"To Hoshina Soshiro-副隊長,

Please be more mindful when you refer to me as 'wifey' while we're here at base. You nearly gave my team members a heart attack when you let it slip while they were training! While it's true that I don't mind a simple ceremony, please don't give my members any crazy ideas because they will plan something, and they're already a handful as they are now."

For the record, I like how it sounds. It just gets everyone worked up, though! They're all so happy for me we can hardly train properly!

I'll see you at dinner, but please refer to me by my rank and name! You're incredibly lucky Captain Ashiro gives you a free pass! But remember that we're at work. You'll have all the time in the world to call me 'wifey' in the future, for as long as we're fighting for it.

I love you always, my hard worker. ♡ Let's continue our good work! Not that you even need me to tell you that lol."

✧ x

[calfreakriel]

I don't like adam lanza. But GOD.

I always ALWAYS see people asking why he did it, which is the most unbearable question ever by the way . You cant just be like "ugh...why did [insert killer] do it...." because honestly you're never gonna get an actual answer.

Sometimes shooters think they're saving the people they kill, sometimes they want their revenge, sometimes they've been pushed to the point of no return—and it's the only way they can think of ending their own life, getting a rush and something that they've wanted for likely a very long time before ending it. And clearly there's a LOT more to it, and it depends on the person.

Lanza had strange takes on children, but with the way he viewed it, he wanted to 'save' those kids. OBVIOUSLY he wasn't actually saving them, but he wanted to take their lives before it could get any worse for them, because that's how it was for him. That's all he knew.

His entire life was literal torture. He struggled learning how to talk, to learn, to socialise. Even if he hadn't done what he did, he would've been miserable until the day he died.

So stop asking why he did it, stop being such a lazy retard, and go do your research. Or just think for a few minutes. It's a dumb question and I'm sick of seeing it. With every killer, as well. Not just Lanza. But I see it ALOOTTTT with his case.

What he did was gross. Never, and I mean NEVER, is there a reason to go for kids or animals. It's fucking disgusting and I really hate it. There is never an excuse to purposefully go after kids, and people who do it are useless tards who were too scared to go after people who had the ability to fight back. Fuck that. If you're gonna do such a horrible thing, don't be a pussy about it. Don't go for KIDS.

But my point is that in his (small) brain, he genuinely believed that he was helping them. That he was preventing another situation like his.

...

I don't really know if this makes sense and if I sound dumb call me out on it because I'm super tired right now but I felt the need to rant

[reyreadersblog]

hihihi!!!! Can I please req some Grayson and Lyra hcs? Like cute or angsty ones idm 💕

Hii pookie, of course i can💟♥️

Hope you like itt

Pairings: Lyra Kane x Grayson Davenport Hawthorne

A/n: all of these are MY hcs, so if you don't like it, please be respectful🙏🏻

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

LYRA X GRAYSON HCSS

• Idk if this makes sense but if Lana del Rey was a couple they would be the one, because they are so Lana coded♡

• when Lyra gets tired wearing high heels, she takes them off and gives them to Grayson to carry it.

• my guy would do ANYTHING for her.

• Grayson is very sensitive when it comes to his hair, but Lyra is the only one who can touch it.

• she's a WILD animal, i'm telling you, when she wants to do something, she will do it no matter what or how risky it is, And Gray is always dying when she sees her doing something dangerous.

• they had litearl investogation on each other, i'm not even kidding, not even a fully solved case would have as much documents as they did.

• she calls him by his middle name, Devenport🤭 thanks to @lyrakanefanatic for this idea.

• Lyra's laugh makes Grayson WEAK.

• they're a switch...i'm just gonna..leave it here.

• they'd have a heartbreaking, soul shattering love confession outside in the rain.

• sometimes Gray calls her love as a joke.

• it would take them a WHILE to become a couple.

• they both have daddy issues, yayy.

• they can easly tell when one's mood changed.

• periods are very hard for Lyra, so Grayson tries everything he can and is really careful during that tine if month.

• when they fight, it's actually something REALLY serious.

• Lyra is kind of a sunshine too in their relationship (compared to Gray), but with more of a sarcastic persinality.

• she can make him do anything with her eyes and smile.

• Grayson unbraids her hair.

• they are the IT couple, fans are crazy over them.

• Lyra gets super jealous when fangirls talk and swoon over Grayson.

• HAND. ON. THE. WAIST. y'all. That's his way of claiming her.

• both are pretty dominant in their relationship.

• they have a code word too, like how Averyjameson has tahiti (probably lilies)

• one time Grayson wore all black and my girl diedd.

• they would have so much banter.

• Grayson would fs propose to her with the black opal ring.

[chaostroberry1]

Hi! Can I Request a dom! Poseidon and or Hades x female sub!wife reader who is sweet/shy, and kinda oblivious, and they just got married and are trying to navigate their life together as newlyweds. I think logically they would have na age gap as well because I believe (could be mistaken in Poseidon’s case) that their wives were younger than them in the myths. If you could make them dotting towards reader too (bit colder than the depths of the sea/Underworld to everyone else), I just really want a sweet obsessive take on their relationship without them being too ooc if this makes sense. Kinda like they fell for reader and they fell harder almost Yandere level obsessed with her. I really loved your Hades x male reader but really want to see you take on this if it’s not too much to ask. I hope my word vomit makes sense.

This is such a cute idea 😆 thank you!

Note : hades and Poseidon are not romantic/ or shipped to each other! ⚠️ I do not support incest. They are only romantic towards reader, but not each other. Cus they are brothers. They only have love towards their darling.

Hades + Poseidon × reader headcanons.

- tbh, how on earth did you bag not one, but TWO of the strongest gods there is? That's crazy...😭

- not only did you get hades, but Poseidon??? Now you must have accomplished some sort of feat to earn him. Or you were just very loved by the gods. Let's all nod our heads in agreement.

- Considering that there are two of them, gotta say that you take turns being with each of the two.

- it's not very tiring, at least you get a free ride to the underworld and the sea each time you are transported. For example, one day you go to hades, the next day you go with Poseidon. Easy.

- but, it's not always like that. They've insisted on taking you into their own place. but to make things fair, you'd be staying in a completely different home.

- actually, you know what? To make things funnier, what if you were Odin's daughter/daughter figure? You'd be staying with him instead. You have your own room in his place, away from those...bastards..or that's what he liked to call it.

- Like imagine the faces of your beloved darling's when they find you missing. Now that? That really sent them berserk. Harsher and colder than usual, and absolutely will not stop until they found you. Until they did. In Odin's place.

- Bro they all had a staring challenge I swear on my left toe. Like imagine Odin's face when he opens the door to find two gentlemen standing there pissed. And he just responds with "what can I do for you?" With a bitch face.

"I'm here to look for my wife"

"OUR wife, Brother."

"same thing."

- Odin took that personally.

- he was about to say that you weren't there, until you immediately showed up. Your presence filling the room to be more breathable and fresh. You ran over to them happily, embracing them with open arms.

- but let's just say you were pretty oblivious to the death glares they all pointed at each other, a silent warning not to touch you.

- but now let's move on to random ass headcanons I thought about.

- one time a guy called you cute and you never heard from him again. I wonder what happened..

- naughty time with these two is literal heaven. You'd be full in all holes bruv. Do not lie to me, I know what y'all are 🙄

- there would be times where they both have to combine their interests to pick out a dress for you. Believe me, your room is full of so many gifts from both the gods. Trinkets, dresses, jewelry, fancy useless stuff that you find pretty. ANYTHING.

- I can just imagine how sweet and nice they are towards you. someone else tries to talk to to them, they are as cold as the deepest depths of their realms. The moment you enter, they turn their whole personality 360 degrees from what they just displayed earlier.

- and no they will not take flirting from others lightly. A nymph approaches Poseidon? He'd be like, "I'm not interested." Hades?"I'm busy, kindly do not disturb me."

- they aren't really fond of wearing rings, but they do anyway. It's proof of their hold over you, and how they love you lots. You cook for them (or at least you try) and clean around the place.

- you were literally housewife material, maybe a mother one day. At least they hope.

- and as long as you stay, they won't inflict too much harm on anything or anyone. Unless it did smth to you. Let's not talk about it though.

- and yeah.

[cowlos-reyes]

Before i go to bed, i just wanna say something:

If you are ever in a situation where you feel the need to use bigotry to prove your correctness, or in retaliation for some slight, you were never right to begin with. You have no moral highground if you are ever willing to resort to spewing absolutely vile slurs.

Which is why, every time someone resorts to transphobia in situations like this, it reassures me that I'm in the right. Because they have no arguments other than hateful vitriol.

Displays of bigotry automatically prove people wrong because, more than simply being shitty, it shows a fundamentally flawed worldview.

[frogayyyy]

to love, is to turn back and look

star trek: the motion picture novelisation - gene roddenberry // orpheus and eurydice - frederic leighton (1864) // first love / late spring - mitski // star trek: the motion picture // talk - hozier // orpheus mourning the death of eurydice - ary scheffer (1814) // metamorphoses - ovid (translated by sir samuel garth)

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[deoidesign]

.

[hecatesbroom]

did I finally manage to write a brand new fic? I sure did!! with many, many thanks to the lovely @eeblouissant for inspiring me with these beautiful drawings of Blanche dipping Dorothy (and the incredibly sweet follow-up with Rose playing the piano, after our chat about this scene!!) I hope I managed to do it justice ;)

Summary

When Dorothy mentions she’s never been dipped before, Blanche and Rose decide to take matters in their own hands.

[averlym]

ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)

[accidentallyatekneecaps]

Tbh the way that kubosai is literally just 2 traumatized silly billys finding comfort and healing in each other is something I love so very very much

Like both of them may not realize it at first that they need the comfort or the lack of control but as time goes by they get more comfortable around each other and trust each other to be there for them so they can let themselves fall, let themselves give up on control and have emotions

Whether it's sadness, anger or just the genuine want of human touch and comfort

They both are so similar in a sense that they're relationship could blow up so quick if they don't learn to trust but they can do it since they both are stubborn and care way way to much about the people around them

[nu-carniviva]

Hi there - re: your stance on proshipping, doesn't Nu Carnival have elements in it that could be considered problematic? Aster fits pretty neatly into the 1000-year-old loli/shota trope, and consent in intimacy/H-scenes is sometimes rather dubious. Are these somehow not problematic things? And if they are problematic, doesn't continuing to play the game while acknowledging that basically constitute taking a proship stance toward it?

Alright. I'm not targeting this specifically at anon, but I am really sick and tired of Aster being called shota bait so I thought I'd put that to rest with a little anatomy lesson. Bit of a lengthy post ahead

I'm going to be using this image as a reference, since it lists all the measurements needed in making an anatomically accurate adult male. While the origin of the image is a little old, the measurements are still used today so I believe it can still be applied:

These are all those measurements applied to Aster. Specifically, his default sprite:

Woah. Seems like a lot, right? Let's go step by step, then. Or rather, list item by list item. Click on each image to see them in full. It's also important to note right off the bat that each line is EXACTLY THE SAME LENGTH, and each line is THE SIZE OF ASTER'S HEAD

"An adult stands 7 to 8 heads tall" - Color coding each line to make things easier to see, if we count all those lines up from the top of his head (hat not included) to the bottom of his feet, we have 7 lines. 7 heads. Anatomically correct for an adult male

"The width of a man's chest (under the arms) is equal to the width of his hips" - Aster is standing at an angle so I can't give 100% exact measurements in this particular part, but he's close enough to be forward-facing that it's safe to assume his measurements line up. Even if they're not exactly the same, the difference in length between his chest and his hips are not apparent enough to say that his proportions are childlike rather than adultlike

"The crease at the inside of the elbow will be near the waistline" - Seems to check out here too!

"The distance from the elbow to the finger tips is 2 heads" - Since Aster's hand is at an angle, I added a third little line to connect his finger tips to the tip of the other white line (which, bringing this up again, is the same length as his head.) Using a ruler to keep the lines perfectly straight, I was able to successfully connect the lines together, checking off this box as well

"The length of the head, the length of the inner forearm, and the length of the foot are equal" - These seem to match up as well, though his foot might be a liiiiiittle bit smaller

"The distance from the heel to the knee is 2 times the length of the foot (2 heads)" - If you look back at the reference image I'm using, "heel to knee" refers to the heel of the foot to the very beginning of the knee — meaning at the very very bottom. My measurements seem to match up to that as well... And that checks off all the boxes on the list

Conclusion:

Aster is proportionally correct for an adult male. He is just short. Short men exist.

On top of that, children are typically drawn with chubby, rounded features. Aside from his thighs and hips, Aster's design uses a lot of sharp lines to accentuate his features — such as a sharp jawline and sharp, slender fingers

One might argue that his voice is high pitched, so he must still be shota bait... But men can have high pitched voices too. Anyone can. Men are more likely to have deep voices, yes, but it's not a guarantee that all men will have deep voices

One also might argue that Aster is childish but... Is he really? Sure, he acts cutesy, but that's to get attention from people (especially Eiden.) That's really the only childish personality trait about him. Other than that, Aster is a natural leader. He's demanding, he's business-minded, and he's sly. Aster has no issue taking charge and giving instructions. After all, he's been the owner of the mansion ever since Huey left AND he's the owner of several businesses all throughout Klein. He spends most of his time working and doing business-related tasks. Hell, one of the things he complains about is how much work he has each day, but he knows it has to get done

"But he likes cute things!!!" You can be an adult and like cute things

Honestly, I see no reason why anyone would genuinely believe he's shota bait other than he's short, likes pink, and likes cute things. Those are all traits that can be seen in an adult. Traits that don't take away the fact that someone looks and acts like an adult

This isn't targeted at anon but tbh... People who insist Aster is shota bait are weird bro. Why are you so determined to say this is a sexualized child?

Side Note:

You mentioned that there are moments of dubious consent in some h scenes, and I agree. Especially with Edmond and Karu who are typical tsunderes, sometimes their scenes start off a little iffy. I am in no way saying that those moments are totally fine, but it is important to note that every single one of those scenes quickly escalates to them expressing their pleasure both physically AND verbally. They start the scenes aroused and okay with the idea of sex, but their tsundere nature can makes the consent come off as dubious — I get that. Though I don't recall ever seeing a scene were consent is explicitly ignored or consent is forced. Eiden is a very patient and understanding man, and he's shown that he will stop if his partner truly doesn't like what he's doing. So while the consent can be dubious at times, I wouldn't say it's entirely problematic

[warmmilk-n-honey]

Miss Clavel = Coattails Sebastian

Sebastian does this👆

[the-n3w3st-g1rl-g1rl]

I'm realizing that the fact that Rudy and Noelle call Kris "Krismas" implies that Christmas is still a thing in Deltarune's universe. Like, it's not called something else or anything. So even though their religion centres on an Angel, I guess Jesus is still part of at least a religion in their world idk I'm tired

[doubleedgemode]

I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.

First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)

Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)

I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)

[vivid-vices]

i think you should be allowed to write fic involving things that are absolutely not canon without people assuming that you think those things are canon just because you wrote it