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[dearfuturehusbandblog]

My Cousin Finny

Dear Future Husband,

Let's talk weddings.

Going to weddings always makes me think about what I'd like if/when that day comes for me, and I do have some untraditional things I would like to implement if/when the day comes, mostly because some of the ways frummies do weddings today confuses me. But I don't know all sects and traditions, so maybe my ideas have some roots in yiddishkeit too and they're just not done anymore in the circles I frequent, so they just seem untraditional in light of modernity. Who knows.

Some of my ideas come from things that just seem to make sense and some come from wanting to avoid uncomfortable family stuff.

The event would kind of run as follows:

Kabbalas Panim would take place under the Chuppah. There's pretty much a consensus that the Chuppah represents the couple's bayis neeman b'Yisrael - essentially the Torah home they're going to create together. And I like the idea of the wife representing the home and kind of welcoming my guests into my home by sitting under the Chuppah for Kabbalas Panim.

I hate the idea of a schmorg, because of the gluttony and pushing and messiness of the food eaten while standing around... just so much ick. So I'd like to keep mine to light refreshments of cut fruit and veggies, with maybe some cake and cookies. And I don't think I'd want it in the same room as the Kabbalas Panim because I hate how loud it gets volume-wise when people are standing around talking and eating while you're trying to get a bracha from the Kallah. That special moment shouldn't have to be screamed. It's also super weird for people to stand there with plates, shoving food in their mouths while staring at the Kallah. No thank you.

For the Badeken, the Chasson would come dancing out from his Tish to the Chuppah where he would do the veil and the traditional brachos would be given.

And then we'd immediately start the Chuppah proceedings. None of this precessional stuff and having to deal with parents I don't want to deal with or walking down an aisle or separating after the badeken. It makes no sense to me that the Chasson does the veil, which is essentially "checking to make sure it's the right girl" and then disappearing. What is the point of that when you then give ample time to switch out the bride for someone else? (Not that that's done, obviously, and it's all kind of symbolic and allegory, but it's just nonsensical to me.)

While the Kabbalas Panim chairs are removed and the Chasson takes his place at the center of the Chuppah, the Kallah would start the seven circles and the guys selected for the Sheva Brachos would be called out and lined up next to the Chuppah so there's no searching the crowd and waiting for people to hobble down for their bracha in the middle of the ceremony.

I would also like the glass to be smashed during the singing of Im Eshkachech Yerushalayim, because it always rubs me the wrong way when the glass is smashed as a reminder of something so awful and the immediate response is a joyous Mazel Tov! I know people have reasons for it, but it bothers me. So the smashing would happen during the singing and then the Mazel Tovs! would follow the conclusion of Im Eshkachech Yerushalayim, which is something I've seen before, albeit rarely.

I haven't asked a shaila about this one yet, but I would really like to go straight from the Chuppah into the first dance and do the yichud room after. It's all symbolic anyway, so I don't see why it would be an issue to switch those two parts of the evening. Once the first dance has ended, anyone who isn't invited to the sit-down can just leave, and they don't have to stand around waiting for the first dance while everyone else eats their first course or have to come back later for a simchas Chasson V'Kallah. They can just go on with their day/night.

Chasson and Kallah pictures would follow the yichud room, which would follow the first dance. I know family would complain because everyone sweats while they're dancing and nobody wants to take pictures like that after, but there'd be some respite while we're in the yichud room and there are plenty of photos taken during dancing and after weddings anyway that I think people can blot some powder, reapply some lipstick and get over it. It would be my simcha anyway and if the pictures come out bad it would be my fault, so who really cares.

Then we would rejoin everyone for the meal, have a second dance, dessert, and then do Sheva Brachos before thanking everyone for coming and wishing them a good night.

I also love the idea of doing all of this on a Thursday night, and having all the out of town family and friends stay for the weekend so we could all do Shabbos Sheva Brachos together at a hotel or something. It would definitely give us time to actually spend together which doesn't often happen with a Chasson and Kallah at a wedding. Although that would require money I just don't have at the moment, so right now it's a dream more than a reality....

But anyways, that's my dream wedding. A bit untraditional, but I think it's still doable and would be a really time-efficient simcha for everyone involved, so people don't have to drive themselves as crazy as most people do for frum weddings. (And I'm not even a yekke!)

So, these are things I think about often when I attend weddings. And these were even things I thought about this past Sunday at my cousin's wedding, despite that being the first non-Orthodox wedding I've attended since I was like 4 years old.

Since I'm not using real names here, let's call my Cousin Finny, just because I like it as a pun to My Cousin Vinny (in case you didn't get it...). And his "wife" is... let's go with WifeLizzy.

My mom's parents aligned Conservative, which, back in the day, was often run according to more Orthodox/traditional values. At least, the congregations my grandparents chose to align with. So they raised all of their children according to those Conservative/traditional values.

And yet... the only one still Conservative is my AuntSD. One of MotherLivelyHeart's brothers is gay and started off Conservative but kind of slipped to Reform and now seems kind of nondenominational. He's legally married to a lapsed Catholic and they don't really do much religious stuff unless it's for the memes.

And then there's UncleJJ. My mom has always described him as having married into the family he wished he'd been born into. UncleJJ's wife's family doesn't really align with anything. They are Jewish by birth (until this new generation of grandkids, at least...) and kind of leave it at that. I mean, they did the big bar/bat mitzvahs for the party, but that's really where it ends for them. None of the kids in my generation of their family have even remotely Jewish names and the odds of any of them marrying Jewish are slim-to-none based on how they live and who they date.

But AuntSD told me recently that UncleJJ and AuntJJ were on the board of their temple until recently. They've been very involved in their Reform world, despite it literally never coming up. I had no idea they did anything other than send their kids to Sunday school and do the big bar mitzvah parties.

So it was kind of a shock when I found out that their son, CousinFinny, met his now-wife on a Jewish dating app. None of us realized that held any iota of import in his life, because despite us being the religious ones, we never talk religion with them.

At the time they met, WifeLizzy was not yet Jewish. (Technically she still isn't because she converted Reform and has not taken on the 613 mitzvos required to be a kosher convert...) So why she was on a Jewish dating app is kind of sketch to me, but she's a total sweetheart, so I would like to believe her intentions were pure. She was on her own path to Judaism at the time and I've heard she was very upfront about not yet being Jewish when they talked, so it wasn't like she was pulling the wool over anyone's eyes, and instead just kind of seeing what her options were.

I haven't gotten the full story on how long they dated, but I believe it was close to if not a full year before he popped the question.

And after like six months of planning a major shindig for this past Sunday.... they went and got legally married and moved in together. So this wedding was more of a community wedding than the thing to solidify their relationship and allow them to move forward, since they were already cohabitating at that point...

Anywho... Let's talk about this wedding.

First of all, she looked gorgeous. Duh. lol

Second...

The Ceremony.

I wish wish wish wish wish I had recorded the whole thing, but I thought that would be rude, so I only started recording when things got strange. Which was pretty quick. lol

The ceremony was set up on a balcony with a few small trees and potted plants. The chuppah was made of lace and was pretty small, like could fit maybe 4 people total, but I figured it didn't really matter since it would just be the officiant, bride and groom under there. Off to the side and not under the chuppah was a table with a goblet of wine. All by its lonesome.

The balcony overlooked an expansive lawn. This meant that aside from the few seats that were in the shade of the small potted trees, everyone was in direct sunlight. And it was 99° F. And MotherLivelyHeart's family are all a bunch of sweaters, especially the guys. This includes the groom. Yikes.

So anyways, they had a small processional with the bride and groom, their parents and siblings, and a couple of flower girls. All in all it was really short.

When CousinFinny and WifeLizzy were dating, they apparently attended services together at some temple in the city where they were living at the time (neither are originally from there). So the wedding officiant was someone they both knew from that temple, but he's not a rabbi. He was the leader of something musical or the youth groups or something. I wasn't really clear on the description he gave of himself. Suffice to say, this was his first wedding and he was honored to officiate.

He played guitar and sang one song as everyone walked down the aisle and I have absolutely no clue what song it was, but it didn't seem right for a wedding, so I have no idea who chose it. Something about mountains and birds or something. *shrugs*

The procession ended with the bride and at the end of the very short aisle she stopped, handed her flowers to her matron of honor and faced the groom, where they stood and held hands... in front of the chuppah. I was like "ok, that's a choice."

The officiant gave a whole introduction about how this was going to be a unique interpretation of a Jewish wedding because CousinFinny and WifeLizzy had a unique relationship and they would be creating a unique life for themselves in Judaism and community. And how fitting it was that although they were already legally married, they had this community wedding because we are their community and community is important to them. Yadda yadda yadda, family is important, we are all family, they are deeply rooted in their families, la-di-da, lovey stuff about how we're all amazing and so on and so forth....

He then went on to explain that he would go through each of the parts of the wedding to come, for those who were unfamiliar, and he started with a description of the chuppah and how this one, made of lace, represents not only the home they will build together, but that the holes also represent the pitfalls and uncertainties that will come up in their lives aaaaand.... yeah, I don't recall at all how he spun that one into a positive. But he also took that moment to point out that "oh, hey, the bride and groom should actually be under here." And so they laughingly took a few steps over and stood under the chuppah.

But... uhm... even non-Jews often have canopies or arches at weddings and the bride and groom know to stand under them, so it was super weird to me that they didn't go right there and that nobody pointed it out to them until we were almost 5 minutes into the ceremony. Although, that was the same point at which I realized, if they can't even get that part right, what hope do we have for the rest of the event?

I have to take a quick aside and just let you know that I was sitting next to GayUncle for the ceremony. GayUncle who, I should remind you, doesn't do much Jewish stuff unless it's for the lulz but who was raised Conservative and understands traditional Judaism and where I hold as an Orthodox Jew. GayUncle, who has gotten way more flamboyant and become super catty as he's gotten older. GayUncle, who turned to me several times during the ceremony to scoff at what was happening. This was one of those moments. As an aside to the aside, GayUncle's CatholicHusband was nowhere to be found because 'they're already married' so he kind of believed the whole thing was a sham. Yikes. And now we return to our regularly scheduled program.

Next up, the officiant mentioned 7 circles under the chuppah. I was like, 'wow! I didn't realize that was something they were even aware of as significant!' And then he went on to butcher an explanation of what it means and stated that the bride and groom would be circling each other. (The program actually states that "It is customary, before entering the chuppah, for one partner to circle the other seven times." So, before? And not under? Mkay.) I was like 'huh? how is that even physically possible?' He instructed the bride to circle around the groom three times and then the groom to circle around the bride four times. And I was like 'ohhhhh, so not a square dance, then....'

This was the point at which I turned on my audio recorder because I needed to remember this for posterity. And I quote, "...seven circles represents creation, but also the fact that they're going around each other is symbolic because they are putting each other at the center of their lives. And from here on out, they are joined, they are a unit, and each one is the center for the other. And I think it's a symbol of the egalitarian sharing relationship that they want to have, that they each did a circle."

But he didn't just stop there. Oh, no. He then added out loud, "In traditional Judaism, I think it's just the man who goes around the woman." Ummmm.... no? And GayUncle turned and raised his eyebrows at me.

Then, under his breath while still on mic, the officiant added, "Or maybe it's the woman who goes around the man..." Yeah. 50/50 there, my guy. Nailed it.

"But here... gender is not... uh, a barrier like that."

GayUncle: rolled his eyes at me and said "Jewish-lite"

(This was also a point where my brain went "shouldn't you know what you're reforming from if you're going to consider yourself reform?")

Then the officiant called up all the parents to open a talis and hold it over the bride and groom for the "Priestly Benediction." Not as a chuppah, not around their shoulders, just kind of holding it up like a screen and blocking the audience's view of the bride and groom's faces. lol

"And the symbolism here is that there's always a passing from one generation to the next. And so CousinFinny and WifeLizzy's parents are wrapping them in a prayer shawl that a traditional Jew would wear in synagogue while in prayer. In some ways the talit.... the talit has knots in it that represent the commandments in the bible. In some ways it also represents the shelter that their marriage is going to create."

Can someone make that make sense? It's just so disjointed. Like word salad of Jewish stuff and calling it symbolism. It was confusing to me as a Jew who knows stuff. I can't even imagine how bizarre this whole thing was to non-Jews who know nothing.

And then he chanted "Yivarechecha H' viyishmerecha - may you be blessed and kept safe - Yaer H' panav elecha v'kuneka - may the light of creation shine upon you and be gracious to you - Yisa H' penav elecha veyasem lecha shalom - may you always feel the presence of whatever it is that is sacred to you and may you find peace." To which he had everyone respond Amen and then they put the talis away.

So.... in the English there's no mention of God, despite him saying Ado-nai out loud in Hebrew. Mkay.

Then he mentioned how hot it was outside and said, "we're going to try to sing a quick song to make everyone feel part of this action." And he slung his guitar back around and started strumming.

GayUncle: "Kumbaya?"

Me: "lol No, This Little Light Of Mine...."

And it was This Little Light Of Mine.

Yes.

A song not specifically written for church but which has become pretty intertwined with Christian gospel and reference to Jesus.

Was sung at a Jewish wedding.

To make the audience feel involved.

Mkay.

And the officiant "led" this song by calling out the refrains that everyone should sing next which included "All the way to our homes" (which I thought he said 'Har Homs' and I was like 'where is that?' before realizing what he actually said. facepalm moment) and "We are one big family." So... that was a thing.

And then he started the sheva brachos. Yeah.

"The next part of the servi- ceremony is called the seven blessings. And these are traditional blessings that are going to be rendered in both Hebrew - by me - and English - by y'all."

GayUncle: turned and raised his eyebrow at me, "y'all?"

The officiant directed everyone to a page in the program which had the sheva brachos in English.

"So I'm going to read one in Hebrew and you're going to respond in English. Because we're all blessing them all together." I mean, no, but mkay.

He sang the first bracha (hagafen) right, although the glass of wine was still sitting on that table off to the side, untouched....

So, one bracha levatalah down.

And everyone chanted back "Blessed are You, Ado-nai, our God, Ruler of the universe, Who created the fruit of the vine."

Because, yes, the English translation in the program that the entire audience (which was like 40-50% non-Jews) had included the name Ado-nai (no dash) out for all to read and recite, despite none of us having a glass of wine. And why was it important to name God here and not with the "Priestly Benediction" he recited earlier? Absolutely no clue. #inconsistency

And then he sang the second bracha (shekol bara lichvodo) right too.

So that's two brachos levatalah down.

And everyone chanted back, "Blessed are You, Ado-nai, our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has created everything for your glory."

Your glory? I thought it was His glory. But mkay.

And he sang the third bracha (yotzer ha'adam) right too.

So that's three brachos levatalah down.

And everyone chanted back, "Blessed are You, Ado-nai, our God, Ruler of the universe, Shaper of humanity."

Shaper of humanity. I though that was an interesting translation. Not wrong per se, just... interesting.

And he sang the fourth bracha (yotzer ha'adam 2) with a smidge of struggle, but otherwise correctly.

So that's four brachos levatalah down.

And everyone mumbled back, "Blessed are You, Ado-nai, our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has fashioned human beings in Your image, patterning them in Your likeness, preparing them to share in the chain of life. Blessed are You, Ado-nai, Shaper of humanity."

I have found no translation that says anything similar to "preparing them to share in the chain of life," so.... yeah, that was interesting too.

And the fifth bracha (sos tasis) he started off ok and then ended it like he was second guessing himself, "Be-va-neh-... Be-venha."

So that's five brachos levatalah down.

But then everyone chanted back, "May Zion, the heart of our people, rejoice in the in-gather of all its children, and all who join together in loving relationships. Blessed are you, welcoming one, who makes Zion rejoice with her children."

UHHHHMMMMMMM.... NO?

This one sounds like it was written specifically for gay couples. Or maybe for non-Jews who want a Jewish wedding? Instead of H's name in the English part, it's "welcoming one" after adding in "all who join together in loving relationships" both of which are in no way part of the Hebrew that was just recited. Talk about gaslighting anyone who can't read Hebrew. Also just plain BIG YIKES.

And so we approach the sixth bracha (sameach tisamach). The pronunciation was a bit off, but he got through it.

So that's six brachos levatalah down.

And everyone mumbled back, "Grant great joy to these loving companions as You once gladdened Your creations in the Garden of Eden. Blessed are You, Ado-nai, Who gladden the bride and groom."

So, back on track with tradition, I guess. No way to modernize that one, eh?

And the final bracha. The longest bracha. And the bracha he had THE MOST trouble with in terms of pronunciation. I don't know if it was nerves, lack of practice, dyslexia, or all of the above, but he BOTCHED this one. And pre-empted it with, "Whoo, this is a hard one...."

So, that's seven brachos levatalah down. In more ways than one.

And everyone responded, "Blessed are you, Ado-nai, our God, Ruler of the universe, Who created joy and gladness, bride and groom, merriment, song, dance, and delight, love and harmony, peace and companionship. Ado-nai, our God, let there soon be heard in the cities of Judah and Jerusalem the sound of joy and the sound of gladness, the voice of loving partners from the chuppah and from the festive songs of young friends. Blessed are You, joyful One, Who brings loving companions together to rejoice in each other."

I guess they used that ending instead of "the groom rejoicing in his bride" because as we heard previously "here... gender is not... uh, a barrier like that."

So... not an exact translation. But mkay.

It was at this point that the officiant remembered the glass of wine.

Side note: I don't even know if the wine was kosher. If it was and also non-mevushal, huge issues with CousinFinny drinking after WifeLizzy. Not that they'd know or care. It probably wasn't kosher. I mean, the reception wasn't kosher and neither was the wedding breakfast we heard all about, which included crab cakes with real crab and prepared by the bride's non-Jewish family. I know this because they were joking that when they make a bris they could serve the cakes but they'd have to keep out the crab haha. And then the bride's family asked 'what's a bris?' and everyone got real quiet. So... yeah. That's a thing.

So the officiant tells them to please each take a sip, WifeLizzy going first, and while they're drinking he tells the audience that the wine represents the sweetness of life and we always drink wine at a festive event. And after they've each taken a sip, he says "some for me!" and takes a sip himself. He then recites the blessing over it - another hagafen. After which nobody drinks and they put the glass to the side. Mkay.

So we're at eight brachos levatalah now? Or nine, technically if you include the "Priestly Benediction" from earlier... Fun.

"And NOW" he asked the bride and groom to make 'personal statements' to each other. Not vows, just personal statements. Which were also basically vows...

I should point out that throughout this whole thing, WifeLizzy kept wiping sweat from CousinFinny's face because he was drenched as were all the other men in his family, because as I said - they're sweaters. She also spent some time swatting gnats and removing the ones that stuck to his sweaty face. lol

The vows were cute and sweet. The sweat and gnats, not so much. I hope their pictures look ok.

They then did an exchange of rings. (Although the program does state "In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride and this is traditionally done with a ring." and states nothing about an exchange or the bride giving anything to the groom...)

CousinFinny repeated after the officiant and said, "Harei at mikudeshet le ey betaba'at zu kedat Moshe v'Yisrael - behold you are consecrated unto me on this day according to the laws of Moses and Israel."

So, kind of botched the "li" part there, but ok.

And then WifeLizzy repeated after the officiant and said, "Harei atah mekudash li betaba'at zu kedat Moshe b'Yisrael - behold you are consecrated unto me on this day according to the laws of Moses and Israel."

I'm not sure why it was "v'Yisrael" for him and "b'Yisrael" for her, but ok.

Also, the whole idea of exchanging rings cancels out the kesuba. Although, I didn't get a photo of the kesuba (which was on display next to the guest book), so I have no idea what it says and whether or not that is kosher either. Assuming of course that a kesuba can be kosher if the bride isn't Jewish....

They then did the breaking of the glass.

"Now we're gonna' break... a glass... which is traditional, symbolizing the fragility of life." Mkay, no.

"And the fall of the temple in Jerusalem." There you go, buddy.

"And as soon as that glass is crunched, they are husband and wife." Well, technically they would have been already, had she actually been Jewish and all the brachos been correct...

And then the officiant led everyone in an acapella 'Siman Tov U'Mazel Tov', completely forgetting (I'm assuming) that he was literally wearing a guitar.

I turned to GayUncle and said, "So, I'd say this wedding was a bit unorthodox, but..." and he cracked up, "Sure! You would, wouldn't you!" (For the record, I tried to tell that same joke to AuntSD like 10 minutes later and she cracked up and was like "Oh! GayUncle told me you said that!" No secrets in this family. lol)

Then everyone filed back inside and lined up at the bar for margaritas while we said hello and goodbye to the bride and groom and misc other family before ducking out as everyone sat down to eat. No clue what it was, but it smelled good.

And that was that!

A three hour drive for.... that.

Suuuuuuper fun experience. I can only hope that we frummies made a kiddush Hashem by being friendly and respectful and keeping shalom in the family by being a part of their "unique" event (despite the event technically being a chillul Hashem... My mom told me that during the ceremony she basically said tehillem and vidui. She joked that she was in a state of "forgive them, Father, they know not what they do." ). Because who knows where their path will lead them in the future. She seems to want to be connected to Judaism and maybe their path will lead them to growth at some point where she realizes that she needs a proper conversion and they learn enough to know to ask sheilos to figure out whether or not they can actually be married in a proper kosher ceremony (him technically being a kohen and her being a convert and all).

I'm always on the lookout at weddings for things I'd like to incorporate into my own. Suffice to say... I don't think I'll be taking anything from this one... Except maybe don't do a ceremony in direct sunlight in the middle of 99° F summer weather. 😅

-LivelyHeart

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Ps. I completely forgot to mention the outfits!!! Omigosh. Do people even know what "wedding attire" means!? My family and I were the only women with sleeves, but the bridal party guys were all in formal tuxedos and all the wedding guest guys were in like casual suits or just button downs with semi-casual pants. But the women!? My god. Someone needs to teach these women how to dress. Some negligees cover more.... It seems like the bride's closest friends got the memo, but all the other guests were so much cringe. And the outfits weren't even like hot or cute, they were just... sad. Frumpy jumpsuits and casual sun dresses that look like they're sized for toddlers. So much yikes in "fashion" these days.

[neverendingfaye]

[gigginox]

google how to ask a coworker to impregnate you

[myreputatioooon]

Maybe Undertale, OneShot, Minecraft headcanons and whatnot have just ruined #Suspension of Disbelief for me but the fact that the Change God's own statues are used to save the game?

Save a moment in time, lock it up, seal it in a permanent moment forever? That Change God who uses their OWN chosen proxies against The King whose time magic also stops time but its taking longer to set in and it doesn't also for effectively in but also out of universe time-travel from a chosen checkpoint? I am SCRUTINIZING that

[dw-flagler]

[lewdlucidity]

I need you to know that I'm one of those people who does commentary in tags okay so you're really only getting 40% if you're just looking at my posts.

[rabbivole]

it's normal to need 2 hours and a bunch of rewriting/drawing to understand the very first proof they showed us in the algorithms class + spend 2 more hours trying to do the first homework problem and anxiety puke, right

[ameliathornromance]

It was strange for your Orc Boyfriend not to pick up his phone.

He was normally available at all hours of the day. Usually, you’d never call him unless absolutely necessary - the last thing you wanted was to be one of those overbearing girlfriends.

At the start of your relationship, everything was amazing. 

Every time you met up at the end of the week for a date, he always brought a freshly cut bouquet of flowers paired with a broad smile across his usually intimidating face.

After the six month mark of being together, he suggested that you move in with him and you gladly accepted the invitation.

It was nice to come home to a partner, who greeted you with open arms, a kiss on the cheek and an, “hi honey, how was your day?”

But the past few weeks had become… strange.

It was the change in the air when you woke up, the way that whenever you tried to display any kind of physical affection, your Orc would shrug you off, grunt in annoyance.

It was fine the first few times - sometimes people just aren’t in the mood for that kind of thing. But the tense air never left your flat, and your boyfriend’s company became less and less frequent in the evenings.

Maybe he just needed some time alone, you’d reasoned. Even you needed alone time, and since you both now shared a living space, that became more important than ever. 

You knew you shouldn’t place a timer on these things, however the need for his ‘time alone’ became longer and longer. So, you asked him when he got back from work if you’d done something wrong.

You had already searched your mind for things that you might have done to annoy him, but nothing came to mind.

He just gave the same, nonchalant grunt, “no. Why would you think you’d done something wrong?”

Well, if it wasn’t you, then maybe it was work? He had been staying out in the evenings more often. 

That was your follow up question, to which he also replied, “no. What makes you think that?” After which, he gave you a glower and stalked to your shared room.

Not wanting to start anything, you’d just left it at that. 

As Boys Night went on, you began to bite at your fingernails, staring at your phone on your coffee table.

The screen was black, blank. What were you watching it for? A call? A message? A DM from him?

Usually, your Orc would text you when he was on his way back home or would let you know that he and his friends were going to be staying out later than initially planned.

As the evening got later and later, you knew something was wrong. Picking up your phone, you dialled your boyfriend’s number.

Nails still in your mouth as the dial tone went on, once, twice, three, four- 

“I’m sorry,” the robotic voice said from the other end of the line, “but the person you’re trying to reach-“ you hung up the phone and tried again.

This time it went straight to voicemail.

You flinched, frowning at your phone. Did he intentionally hang up on you?

Not being able to stand the lack of communication any longer, you tracked his phone to a club called ‘Eden’, picked up your coat and keys, and left your flat.

There had to be an explanation for this, there had to be. You’d get to the club, and find your Orc absolutely hammered. 

Your heart ached at the image of his face lighting up at seeing you… the way it used to when you were first seeing each other. 

You wished he’d look at you like that again.

Sucking in deep breaths, you drove to the club and found the line outside it to be relatively small.

After waiting in line for what seemed like an eternity, you were let in and greeted by the thudding music, sweaty clubbers dancing and swaying to the beat.

Navigating through them, you looked down at your phone, which guided you to the bar, where you stopped dead in your tracks.

A smile you hadn’t seen for weeks, was plastered on your Orc Boyfriends face as his arm was slung around a human woman, glitter decorating her cheeks, dark hair and revealing outfit on, hand on your boyfriends chest, her eyes half-lidded and looking at him as if he was the most attractive Orc in the room.

They chatted animatedly, your Orc getting closer, and closer to her face, as if he was going to kiss her.

It took a moment for the both of them to notice you, but when your Orc did, his face fell.

You were too stunned to say anything, and so you turned and walked straight back to the exit.

The night's cold air stung your cheeks as you freed yourself from the humidity of the club atmosphere, eyes stinging with hot tears.

You bit your lip, trying to fight them back as you heard your boyfriend's voice behind you. “Love, what are you-”

“Don’t you ‘love’ me!” You spat at him. Wheeling around on your heel, you glowered at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I was worried sick about you, and here you are, chatting up some woman at a club!”

Your Orc flinched at your harsh words, as if the accusation was completely and utterly false. 

He recovered quickly however, his usual glower returning. “You aren’t even supposed to be here,” he growled, jabbing a finger at you. “It’s Boys night, the one night of the week I get to have time to myself!” 

“Really?!” You shrieked. “Because it seems as though every night of the week you ‘have to yourself’!” 

“Yeah and maybe I need that time to myself, because I have such a clingy girlfriend at my side all the fucking time!” He snapped back at you. 

You recoiled at the harsh words. Staring at him, you searched his face for any kind of regret for what he just said. 

But his tirade continued, “‘have I done anything wrong?’” He imitated you, “‘you’re not mad at me are you?’ ‘If there’s something wrong you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?’ I’m fucking sick of it!” 

The tears rolled down your cheeks as the Orc opposite you rubbed his face with his palms, frustratedly, letting out an irritated sigh.

“I’m sorry,” your voice cracked, “that I wanted to make sure my boyfriend was okay. I was only asking, because you’d been pulling away from me,” wiping the tears from your face, you raised your own voice, “I’m still trying to make this work, because I love you!” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t?” The Orc snapped back.

“Then why did you ask me to move in with you?!” 

“Because I didn’t think you were going to be this annoying!”

It was like your already fragile, glass heart had been shattered.

What happened to that friendly, loving Orc you’d first met? The one who played with your hair when you first woke up in the morning? The one who would bring home gifts and say, “I saw this and thought of you.”

A wave of clarity hit you, like calm waters after a chaotic storm at sea: this Orc never loved you - at least, not in the way you did.

It surprised you how steady your voice was when you spoke, “fine.” You shrugged. “I’ll go and get my stuff.” Turning on your heel, you walked back to your car, parked just across the street from the club.

For a moment, the Orc didn’t say anything, but still followed after you. “(Y/N), come on I didn’t-” His voice came out soft, weak.

“No,” you opened the car door, looking back at your now ex-boyfriend, “no, it’s fine, I’ll gather my stuff up and I’ll never annoy you again.” 

And with that, you got into the car and drove off, away from Eden.

Away from your Orc.

Patreon - I now have a 7 Day Free Trial enabled! Come have a look at what I've been writing recently!

[mesetacadre]

their barbaric death squads versus our noble military

their totalitarian prison camps versus our necessary prison complexes

their despotic regime versus our strong government

their controlled opposition versus our agreeable opposition

their sham democracy versus our imperfect but valuable democracy

their impenetrable customs versus our unique culture

their harsh language versus our [space intentionally left blank] language

their petty oligarchs versus our patriotic investors

their treacherous foreign policy versus our pragmatic realpolitik

their reclusive autarky versus our reasonable protectionism

their ignorant vassals versus our educated people

their free-thinking dissenters versus our foreign agitators

their warmongering actions versus our rational preparation

their indoctrinating education versus our facts-based education

their enforced uniformity versus our fashion trends

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Triggers and Transparency

Or the Fall Out Boy title: I Have A Hater, So I Must Be Doing Something Right...

Dear Future Husband,

I reuploaded my last post because someone decided to comment publicly calling me out for "making a chillul Hashem" by posting it publicly, instead of messaging me privately and having a conversation about her feelings on the matter. And then she blocked me so her comments on that post are now hidden to me, but not to others who come across it and can see and respond to them. Fun.

And that is just super petty and manipulative, so I decided to hide those comments from the world too by hiding the post and just reuploading the whole thing.

But I also want to discuss this situation, because I think it's important to respond to what she had to say.

Let me start with this: Nobody has to like me or agree with me. I don't demand or expect that from my readers.

In fact, I don't demand or expect readers in general.

This is my tiny pixel of the internet where I can say what I want/need to say. For the most part I’m venting and yelling into a void anyway.

I've had this account for years. My first post was in 2016 and for the first few years, I didn't even have any followers, not that I really care whether or not I have followers, because that's not why I created this space for myself anyway.

If people choose to interact with what I have to say, that's awesome.

If they get something out of it, that's awesome.

If I get something out of it, that's awesome.

But I write lengthy things.

Sagas. Epics. Novels.

I write dark things.

I write a lot, but I don't share everything.

And what I share is my thoughts and experiences based on my experiences and thoughts.

That's not for everyone. And it isn't meant to be for everyone.

I'd assume most people click the "expand" button, see how long my posts are and nope right outta' there anyway. It's shocking to me if anyone actually cares enough to read what I have to say. Even more so if they choose to respond.

Do I love it when they do? Sure.

We all have that ego, and I'm sure we all post publicly in hopes people interact, as much as we do it for ourselves. If I truly wanted to keep these things private, I'd write in a journal (which I also do on occasion and a lot of that does not get shared), but most of my posts are somewhat of a cry for help (some more obvious than others) and if anyone sees my beacon and responds, it makes me feel less alone. And considering I've been super lonely most of my life, it's nice to share something I experienced and have someone out there say "hey, I get it, and you're not alone."

Now, I’ve been on tumblr in general for like 15 years and I have multiple accounts that I use for different purposes - different fandoms, different thoughts I want to share with different audiences, etc, and I created multiple accounts because when you comment on stuff it’s always associated with your main blog and that’s just wrong for the different ways I interact with different people about different things. Like, I don't want fandom stuff coming back to my religious blog or my food blog coming back to my music blog, etc. But I don’t come on tumblr as often as I used to back in the day, so while these accounts are still active, I don’t use them all that much.

So when I saw that after a small back and forth with this other person on my last post that their comments were suddenly “hidden, blocked, or removed,” I figured that meant for everyone and that she’d deleted them, so I in turn deleted my responses to her, feeling they wouldn’t make sense for someone to come across and just see mine.

But then I tried to send her a private message to discuss the matter and her blog somehow just magically “disappeared”… oooooh, so mysterious. Which made me realize, “oh, you dumbbell, she blocked you, which is why you can’t view the comments anymore.” And then I wondered if it was for sure just me who couldn’t see them or if it was everyone, so I logged into another account and lo and behold! The comments were visible! To everyone! So my deleting my own comments solved nothing and just made it look like I deleted my responses because she called me out, which was not the case. (I’m a fan of context and wouldn’t be that petty.)

So I used one of my other accounts to send her a message and told her I was open to an actual conversation about why that post of everything I’ve ever posted triggered her and she responded and then blocked me again so I couldn’t reply.

I anticipated that.

But in her response she made more accusations and basically called me an idiot (so nice, I know). So I used another account to send a follow up message to respond to one of her accusations and to basically say 'this has been fun, have a nice life.' To which she responded “I’m not even reading this.” And then blocked me again.

Also as anticipated, though I didn't follow up again after that.

But here’s the thing: she was accusing me of being condescending.

(I never claimed I wasn't... lol)

But her biggest issue seemed to be more that I was condescending while “targeting” irreligious Jews with my #tags, essentially inciting their responses and mocking them to their webfaces.

Except, no.

I also asked her why she felt the need to respond solely to this post out of all my other posts and she replied that she had responded to my posts before, and that I only couldn’t see them because she’d blocked me.

Except, no.

Using another account that she did not block I was able to check all the comments on all my posts (after having checked my notes before she blocked me on this account) and she has responded to exactly ZERO of my other posts. So, now we’re in gaslighting territory. Fun.

But I'd like to break down what she had to say and respond for my own edification and also for anyone who happened across those comments while they were live and should have context. Also in several years the whole "argument" will be confusing and I use posts like this for my own context.

So let's start at the beginning:

XXXXXXXX said: I’m frum and the amount of condescension dripping from every word of this post made even me deeply uncomfortable. I’m really not sure how you can claim you were respectful when you literally recorded the ceremony just so you could more accurately make fun of it later. Yikes yikes yikes.

Condescension dripping from every word. Mkay.

I believe she's referring there to the part about my cousin's irreligious wedding, despite me starting that post with how odd or confusing a lot of modern wedding tradition is to me in the religious Jewish sphere and how I'd like to do things when it's my turn.

I also didn't record it so I could mock it later, I recorded it because it was baffling to me while I was experiencing it, and I process things differently from most people, especially when I'm in a moment of heightened stress (which, being around family is for me) and wanted to remember things later and figure out what exactly went on. I do this all the time with other events and conversations too.

The fact that the recording came in handy when I was writing things out for my own processing was a bonus, honestly. I wish wish wish wish wish I'd recorded a lot of things in my life that I didn't. This was just one I wish I'd started earlier in the preceedings. The officiant said some really lovely things about my grandparents and I would have loved to have the recording for that too. I'm not super duper close with my cousins and don't know if I'll ever see the wedding video or if all of that will even be included in the video (since most people go cinematic these days and cut a lot of stuff or overlay music) and it would be nice to have that for posterity.

Just because I didn't outline it in my post doesn't mean there weren't other reasons for recording the event. Also, it's not like they said no recordings or anything before the ceremony. If they had, I would have respected that.

And being respectful to their faces and making "nice" in person is the Kiddush Hashem I was referring to in the original post. Being the religious relatives has always been exceptionally weird for us in so many ways.

Hell, a relative who exclusively reads the NYT believed that we were anti-vaxxers spreading covid to everyone and refused to show up at an event we were invited to, despite never having a conversation with us about it or even asking.

There are always assumptions made about us and how we live our lives and how we won't be part of things and aren't accepting of anyone and aren't courteous or respectful of things that aren't religious. And yes, in my anonymous post on a website none of my relatives frequent, I did express views that could be considered not respectful. But you know what I did in person? I smiled, I said hello, I gave hugs and handshakes, I made it clear that we're open and friendly and kind people, and that family is important to us.

Some say that's hypocritical, but when it comes to Shalom, you do whatever you can to ease interpersonal relationships, regardless of how you actually feel on the matter. If they aren't in a place to hear your opinions, you don't shove them in their faces.

And why would I close the door to the possibility of them doing kiruv in the future? If all they see is that their religious relatives are awful, they'd never want to do teshuva. By not expressing everything I'm feeling in person, it leaves them with positive feelings towards us "weirdos" and that leaves the door open to potential spiritual growth on their parts in the future. The positive feelings they continue to have towards people who believe in the Torah IS the Kiddush Hashem.

XXXXXXXX said: And then recording it all in writing and davka putting it in a tag on a website where the vast majority of people who will see it are not frum and likely don’t even personally know a frum person in many cases? There’s a chillul Hashem here, but it wasn’t the wedding.

Take a look at every post in my blog, babe. They're all tagged the same. They've always been tagged the same, going back to my very first post in 2016.

I started it that way because if I ever decided to deviate in a post, I wanted to be able to reference my own posts with relevant hashtags. At the time, I didn't know where things would go (if anywhere) with this blog and wanted that option. And again, in the beginning it was intended to reach an audience of possibly likeminded people who could commiserate with me. At this point, I hardly even think about the hashtags. Hell, one of them is #i am the shidduch crisis. I'm fairly certain I'm the only one who uses that one...

Saying that I davka went out of my way to post something offensive in a place where it would incite anger is just absurd. And if that post is offensive simply by existing in the Jewish zeitgeist, then so is every other thing I've posted and tagged the same way, considering the majority of my life experiences and writings are heavily negative, yet this was the ONLY post of mine she's ever responded to. And most of my posts have maybe two likes and zero comments, so most of the jumblr world couldn't care less either, apparently.

I unfortunately did not take screenshots of my responses to her in the comments, so I don't recall exactly what I said... but it was something along those same lines.

I think we also need to have a conversation about what a chillul Hashem actually is.

Desecration of God's name.

Or using God's name in vain.

You know... kiiiiind of like an incongruous priestly benediction or a bracha levatalah. Or nine of them. (Or 100 of them if you consider that most of the attendants also said the blessings using Hashem's name inappropriately...)

XXXXXXXX said: Wow. You have a very, very close-minded view of the world. Also, not sure if you understand how this website works. When you tag something jumblr, you aren’t just sharing it with 2 followers, you’re sharing it with everyone who follows that tag. By tagging it that way, you are ACTIVELY spreading it to a wider audience. Yeah, it’s your life and you can record it however you want, but you don’t get to pretend that putting something into the public sphere as an Orthodox Jew doesn’t impact how people view Orthodox Jews.

So now my tiny pixel of the internet is responsible for how the whole world views Orthodox Jews. Mkay.

Yes, words have power.

Yes, what I say and put out into the world matters.

Yes, I look to commiserate with people who get it.

But no, I'm not responsible for what people choose to read or ignore.

And again, I hardly even think about the hashtags when I apply them. It's just kind of rote at this point and, again, despite me using the exact same hashtags since 2016, my audience is still basically two people.

The hashtag jumblr has hundreds, if not thousands of posts on it. And people post things there that are offensive to me, but that doesn't mean they're offensive to everyone. If they can post their thoughts, I can post mine too. You can't please everyone.

All of these posts are like greeting cards on a rack at the grocery store. Using a hashtag is like giving it a category like "Birthday" or "Uncle's Retirement." You don't have to read all of them. Literally nobody is forcing you to. If you see one you don't like, put it back and move on with your life.

And again, my posts are usually so insanely long that most people don't have the time or attention span to read them. (Hell, I rarely do when I'm looking back over my own writings for things.) And so, these posts are not for them. They're essentially a diary of my experiences, and everyone experiences things differently. That's totally fine. I don't know why you have to get all up in arms about that just because I see the world differently than you.

It's also kiiiiind of hypocritical to tell me that I have to see the world the same way as you and in the same breath tell me that my relatives don't have to see the world the same way I do.

I did mention in one of my responses how interesting it was that she chose THIS out of aaaaaaaalllllll my 40 posts here on tumblr as the only one to respond to, despite my using the same hashtags since post #1. And that's when this one came:

XXXXXXXX said: And ftr I have replied to other posts of yours before…I’m sorry you don’t recall, but I don’t have to reply to every post you ever write to earn the ability to protest when you put something reprehensible out into, again, the public sphere consisting mostly of Jews who do not have much direct experience with Orthodoxy and whose negative views of that brand of Judaism you are actively reinforcing.

But no, honey, no you haven't. You know how I know? Cuz I checked. You've literally never commented on a single post of mine ever before.

You know what you HAVE responded to?

ONE comment that I made on one of YOUR posts.

That's it.

Ze hu.

Also, you don't have to reply to every post I ever write to "earn" the ability to protest when I write something you disagree with, but some kind of prior relationship would be helpful instead of literally coming out of left field with hostility.

I mean, I followed her, but she never followed me. I didn't even know I was anywhere on her radar.

It's also interesting to me that I'm actively reinforcing negative views of Orthodoxy by being confused by the inconsistencies of people who claim Judaism matters to them, yet have such a lack of respect for what Torah and being Jewish actually means.

Why does being Jewish even matter if you're not going to do anything that shows even one ounce of respect for anything of the tradition of Judaism? We're more than bagels and smear, my dear.

If they wanted to have a secular service, I wouldn't have cared!

If they just wanted a party for family and friends and to exchange vows despite being legally married already, I wouldn't have cared!

Ok, I would have cared a little. It would have been sad, but I wouldn't have written a whole post about it.

And it's baffling to me that someone of Torah values wants me to just ignore the fact that my irreligious family is basically laughing off the whole religious thing as a meme and not something of deep significance for our people.

Intermarriage, especially when it comes to the offspring who THINK they are Jewish but ARE NOT has ramifications***. It literally would have been better if she'd never attempted a conversion at all. Because at least then there'd be honesty, and their kids would know they're not Jewish. This entire thing is built on sheker.

My aunt was literally laughing at the fact that they'd have to remind the non-Jewish relatives to not add crab to a crab cake for a bris. Like, whatttt!?

Just as an aside, these are the same relatives who, when LittleBean was barely a year old and LilSis took her out of her onesie and put her in a bib so she could eat without making a mess at a family event, started making strip club sounds, whooping, and pretending to fling dollar bills. AT AN 11 MONTH OLD.

So, I'm sorry you're offended by my take on the situation. As I said, my content is not for everyone. It's not meant to be and most people won't even read it, so I couldn't really care less.

But all of this was also coming from someone who posts condescending, negative stuff ALL. THE. TIME.

I guess the only difference is that she... doesn't use the hashtag jumblr? Cuz it's not like any of her content isn't public and can't be found by irreligious Jews on tumblr and associated with Orthodoxy or anything... *insert confused shrug gif here*

I could post examples, but I'm trying to be respectful of her block and not cause further machlokes. (Lawd, give me strength...)

Regardless, my message to her from my second account was basically combatting the claim that she had responded to posts of mine in the past ("the lie detector determined THAT was a lie").

I mentioned that it seemed like due to that fact alone that something I wrote was a trigger for her and I was willing to have an actual conversation about why she was triggered. (Mostly for my own edification. My intention with my posts isn't to trigger people and although I'm not responsible for their mental health, if there's something I can do to improve the way I express things I'm open to hearing about it, whether or not I choose to implement it later.)

And I said that if she wasn't interested we could chock it all up to a difference of view and opinion and move on with our lives.

I also mentioned that I bear no ill will towards my relatives who mock the Torah, nor do I bear ill will towards her for her responses towards me and my post.

I started with "Hiya" and ended with "K'siva v'chasima tova." I all-capsed some words to emphasise my points, but think it was otherwise a respectful message.

But she instead hit back with: You can't see my previous comments on your posts *because I've blocked you.* Bizarre that you recognized that was the reason for replies to one post disappearing but didn't make the connection to the rest. Regardless, I don't think you're actually open to having an actual conversation about this topic if your only interpretation of a non-Orthodox rendition of a Jewish wedding is one of "mocking."

No "hi," no "clearly we're both defensive of our positions" or anything, just straight in with a thinly veiled "you're an idiot."

Because it's not like I'm smart enough to use a second account where her comments ARE visible to check and see if she's commented on any of my other posts or anything... Nope, I'm just a moron. Mkay.

Also, I have more than one interpretation of non-Orthodox renditions of Jewish weddings. It literally depends on the context. If they'd been respectful, I would have too. But hon, you weren't there. Soooo.... yeah, my interpretation was the same as my non-denomination GayUncle and his lapsed CatholicHusband's interpretation - it was a sham. Seems there was a consensus among at least a few of us about that, and we don't have remotely the same values or world views at all.

Hell, I once went to a Bucharian wedding for two baalei teshuva who don't have frum families that was vastly different from anything I'd ever experienced before and even THAT made more sense to me that the disjointed mess I experienced this past Sunday.

She then said: These people were not raised with your knowledge base or experiences. They are just getting through life the best they can, and the fact that they ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO HAVE A JEWISH WEDDING instead of doing something completely disconnected from Judaism or letting the legal wedding be the beginning and end of it should show you that they...actually do care. The jump from "these people aren't doing things how I would do them" to "these people hate and mock Judaism" is an absurdly and depressingly cynical one and I just don't think there's a productive conversation to be had if that's how you think about these things.

They "actually do care" about... what?

If they "actually do care" they'd do things properly. And by properly I mean traditionally. And by traditionally I mean the way that even my non-denominational GayUncle and his lapsed CatholicHusband recognize as correct.

They are not "just getting through life the best they can." They're doing things "uniquely."

I mean, you wanna talk privilege... that's it right there, babe.

But I'm open to a "change my mind" segment. Just because I view things in an "absurdly and depressingly cynical" way doesn't mean that with a conversation I couldn't be swayed to see things her way.

Unfortunately, she chose anger and hostility and to block me instead.

Like, babe, you don't know my life.

You've clearly never cared enough to chime in before, so I guess what I've written previously wasn't so offensive as to incite a response from you in the past. But ok.

There was no "hey, this sounds incredibly negative, are you sure this is content you want to put out into the world?"

Or "I don't know if you're aware, but this is directed at a large audience who probably don't see things the same way and you may want to change how you phrase things."

Or "just so you know, these kinds of views may not be well received by the people who use these hashtags, so you may want to change or remove them."

It was just "you're an awful person for the way you see things."

Which means you don't know my lived experiences or what has caused me to have this outlook on life.

You know what's a great way to learn those things? By having an actual conversation. *shocked pikachu face*

But no, she's way happier dismissing me entirely.

And you know what, that's fine. Because again, this content is not for everyone and it's clearly not for her. For everything else, there's Mastercard.

So, if you read this far, then maybe this is the content for you. If so, welcome! I'd love to have you here. Just be warned, a lot of it is dark and often cynical.

Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on what I have to say. Or don't. Ghosts are also welcome!

And if you've read this far and decided this greeting card isn't for you, just stick it back on the rack and move along. That's really ok too.

-LivelyHeart

--------

***I wanted to add this into the post, but it didn't really match with the flow. There was a story that came out of Israel like a year or so ago about a family of missionaries posing as Jews. And based on what I read and heard, it seems that the way they were able to infiltrate the frum community was by receiving a gett.

I don't recall all the details exactly, but I think the husband had been married previously or something and he was able to acquire a gett for a marriage that didn't have a kesuba, but he was then able to use that gett as proof of being a religious Jew that then allowed him to not only make aliyah, but also end up in a position as a community rav and mohel. So, this non-Jewish, Christian missionary with a frum-looking wife and children with peyos was giving brissim to frum boys.

So when I say these kinds of things have ramifications, I'm being 10000% serious.

WifeLizzy IS NOT JEWISH. But she thinks she is. Which means their children will believe they're Jewish too. This is no joke. Who even knows what kind of ripples that will have on future generations?

Literally, Moshiach now.

[lexsnotdead]

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[anarchistmemecollective]

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[tellars]

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[dw-flagler]

[five-one-two-station]

Everybody should have their own fun, and this isn't trying to harsh anybody's buzz, but I find the impulse to make your own cutesy/badass Replika oc doing funny or heroic or badass things a little odd. Like, that character you designed as a super badass soldier, or well-armed and armored steely eyed cop type... who would they have been built to fight or police exactly? Remember who all those guns and weapons were intended for use on?

I know we're all sick of discourse over who "gets" the game, and I'm by no means scolding anybody for something that harmless, but what's interesting to me is the sense that designing overtly "cool" Replika personas and OCs, complete with the propaganda poster style imagery, feels a little...

I mean, bluntly, it's like the in-world propaganda worked, unironically, on some level, for many people. Kolibris aren't scary, they're whimsical and fun! Storches aren't notably cruel enforcers and chain gang drivers, they're Protektors! Falke isn't a camp commandant, she's a beautiful angel!

The Replikas aren't cool and heroic figures in the reality of the game. They're the carefully crafted organs of a system of control so dreadful it could do what it did to Elster and Ariane. They're victims to that system themselves too, sure - and humanising them is a nuanced and valuable observation of how totalitarian regimes maintain themselves - but that doesn't negate the fact they're also the ones who operate, enforce and perpetuate it, a big part of what the game knows and communicates about such societies. It's notable that the game makes it clear few, if any, of the Replikas actually buy into the Nation as an ideal at all - they enforce it no less pitilessly anyway, incapable or unsafe to imagine anything else.

Their affectations, pasttimes, trinkets, and even affections for each other, all serve to draw a stark contrast to how callously they regard the gestalts they keep suppressed. Their disposability is something they're conscious and fearful of themselves, but fail to recognise as a commonality with the people they brutalise every day, their business as usual. The only grief, tragedy or suffering they acknowledge is their own - they have no regard for any such things in the humans they have... well, dehumanised.

But S-23 Sierpinski was such a hellhole for most of its denizens under "normal" conditions that the nightmare it becomes is arguably an improvement; if only because there are fewer people left now to suffer it. There's a dark poetry here - because the place's banal cruelty is "off camera" to us, it's very naturally less real to us than the grief of the crying Eule. It's only natural, too, to forget how grim the Replikas' purposes are when you don't have to see anyone endure the brunt of it.

And isn't that the very same effect a state like the Nation is seeking in the first place, by disappearing people away to such dark little corners to have it done? In our world, no less than that one.

That works like a kind of propaganda too, not being able to see it - a propaganda of hidden things, as powerful as any poster. A space that's been intentionally left blank.

Kolibris are literal thought police; they intrude on people's very minds, interrogating them to death as a matter of course, with hardly a care either way. The various Protektor classes are functionally concentration camp guards and slave drivers. Falke and Adler are overseeing what amounts to a gulag, one so unimaginably awful Ariane preferred to spend years of her life alone in space to the prospect of being sent there, and inevitably worked to death, far underground.

I think there's a reason we never see one of those posters for LSTRs in game. How could we be asked to forgive our own if we ever did?

[annabelle--cane]

I'm kinda obsessed with the period between the Unknowing and Jon's return and the Martin-Basira-Melanie relationship during it because in my view the sequence of decisions that Martin makes during that space of time are in fact the cruelest things he's ever done in the the podcast. He left them alone not too much long after Jared's attack on the institute to cooperate with someone who as far as they knew was there to intentionally harm them. And it's clear how much this undermined the trust they placed in him, especially because Melanie doesn't even mention him until season 5. And I think this is his character's mortal flaw, not the manipulation as a defense mechanism, he has such a low sense of value and is so incapable of thinking beyond the figure of the plus one that he has internalized for himself that he simply doesn't care about explaining his actions or acknowledging his responsibility for people's pain. He can't see himself as part of the system and someone who actively hurts people because he doesn't believe he has enough power to do it.

pointing emphatically and jumping up and down YEAH. that's exactly it! and like most good fatal flaws, it's double edged and can sometimes work as a positive, ex. he stopped believing peter because he didn't buy that he was uniquely important enough to be the only one who could save the world from the extinction. he doesn't feel like he's capable of, well, being capable, to the point where there are few times jon looks to him and says "you can make this decision and I'll act on it" and martin point blank refuses because he just can't. his complete lack of ego at times can almost twist back around into selfishness, because he can't conceive of anyone being really affected by his actions so he proceeds with the underlying idea that being absent from or cold with them won't mean anything.