#i got jokes

[penpatronuswhump]

The screenwriter, pitching the alien hand scene:

Writer: Buck and Eddie with another guy

Staff: Ok

Writer: On a stage, while people watch

Staff: Okk

Writer: Buck gets choked, he’s on his knees

Staff: Okkk

Writer: The guy touches Eddie’s dick. Eddie trembles, mouth open

Staff:

Staff: We asked you to write a scene, not a… scene.

Writer: Huh?

Staff: THIS ISN’T A PORNO

[yagiyags]

you guys ever think about how toshinori is way bigger and taller than freddy fazbear?? because i do i think its soooo funny. he is unspringlockable

[dylanisdazed]

Blasphemy?? No, no…bro I said blast IN me.

[ernestsewell]

 My two-tone orange/white quilt is done!!

Simple 9-patches with 2.5″ squares. Then 6.5″ squares with snowballed corners using 2.5″ squares. The back is a wonderful batik. It finished at 66x78″. (That’s an 11x13 grid, FYI.)

And I got my name into the quilt this time.

Orange ya glad I made the quilt?

[stagandsteer]

does he look familiar? can’t quite place the face 🤔

[apnourry]

need a vacation and a coffee

[the-vanir-queen]

I DID IT I COMPLETED THE OREGON TRAIL 😋😆😆

[anteroom-of-death]

POV: 13 on upwards about the Day of the Doctor

[quicksilverlightning]

I think once Kokichi realized the game was being broadcast, he should have started saying things that would piss off the CPC, that would shut it all down real quick.

[lazysharkart]

In one ear, and out the nose-hole.

[madrabbitsociety]

Me: I'm going to write a really cute, funny little thing to show my love for Muriel, it's going to be sweet and awkward and there's going to be roller skates. It's going to be so light hearted and everything-

Me (8 Chapters In): What was that about a lead balloon?

[crewdlydrawn]

if someone had a fear of youtubers, would we call them a jermaphobe?

[dolores18]

Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

[candicoated]

The way I was going to make a joke poll and ask which fictional Ace Attorney country is your favorite.

And the options were going to be:

Germany

France

Great Britain

Japan.

But I decided against it

[abstractcowboy]

seal appreciation post

because i love how stupid looking seals are

this is the northern elephant seal. incredible snout

this is the southern elephant seal. incredible snout, lump edition

this is the ross seal, they only live in antarctica and they look completely fake

this is the bearded seal, who hosts a mustache to rival my father’s

this is the spotted seal, whose roundness is unparalleled

here is our friend the baikal seal, my personal favorite, endemic to the baikal lake in siberia. their eyes are baseballs because the baikal lake is significantly deeper than any other lake on earth and they gotta see in those spooky dark depths

here is the guadalupe fur seal, who always looks shocked beyond comprehension

and last but not least, the northern fur seal, whose buzzcut is military-ready. you might even call him a navy seal.

i just love how much variety there is in the stupidity of a seal’s appearance

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[estel-eruantien]

The difference in fake blood quality between Saw 6 and 3d (7) is so bad I gagged at the transition from *handsomely and gloriously bloody and hot Mark Hoffman with his face torn up* to *toddler with ketchup all over face*

It looks like the paint I’d give a toddler!