#this was meant to be done a few days after singapore

[ro55ocorsa]

I recognize in thieves, traitors and murderers, in the ruthless and the cunning, a deep beauty - a sunken beauty.

[fxrmuladaydreams]

Tell me if this is too much but could we pretty please get prompts 90,91and 92 together??

Lando and the reader are in a secret relationship and she thinks he just doesn’t love her the way she loves him and that he is embarrassed that she’s not a model or whatever.

They have an argument because some other guy asks her out on a date and Lando is like don’t go and she’s upset and says why not? She never gets to go on dates because Lando never takes her 💔

Truth is he loves her a lot and is scared that the media and outsiders will hurt her and hurt their relationship. 😭

send me thoughts/blurb requests (sfw & nsfw) for lando weekend

Lando was on top of the world, that much was clear. He and Carlos had finally managed their 1-2 they had dreamed about when they both drive for McLaren. Even though Carlos wore red on the top step of that podium, they had still done it.

He was grinning from the moment he got out of the car, rushing over to hug Carlos before he even took his helmet off. You could see it in his eyes though, the way they squinted when he smiled. He grinned as he pulled the helmet off his head along with his balaclava, his sweat-damp curls sticking out every which way.

He gave Oscar a hug, and cheered with the rest of his team. It was truly a moment Lando had been dreaming about for a while, and yet you had to watch it all unfold on a television in Lando’s Monaco apartment.

It was always hard when Lando traveled for work. Having to hide your relationship when he was around was hard enough, but seeing him travel to far off countries while he kept you cooped up in his apartment felt like a dagger in your chest.

You longed to be there, to share in these moments with Lando, but he was insistent that you stay behind, that you keep your relationship behind closed doors, away from the media, away from his friends, away from everyone.

You wanted nothing more than to live in that moment with Lando, to share in his happiness with him in person, in front of everyone. But he wanted nothing more than to keep your relationship locked away. You deserved someone who could love you publicly, someone who wouldn’t be ashamed to hold you in public, to share your affections with the world. You deserved better.

It takes Lando another few days to travel back home after Singapore, and he’s only got a few days before he has to travel out to Japan. He’s happy to spend what little time he has free before his next race at home in Monaco though, knowing you’ll be there to greet him with open arms and soft kisses.

He’s surprised to find his apartment empty when he returns though. He drops his bag at the door and walks further in, calling out your name. His room looks oddly bare, the bed perfectly made, a note resting on his pillow.

Lando,

I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t hide in the shadows because you’re ashamed of me, or ashamed of your love for me. Whichever it is, it’s taken a toll on me, and I imagine on you as well. I think I might be in some kind of love with you, but I can’t set myself up for heartbreak.

You did amazing in Singapore, and I know you’ll be just as great, if not better, in Japan. I wish I could’ve been there to experience that with you.

~Y/n

Lando’s eyes scanned over the page again and again and again, until the words were burned into his brain. Surely this was just a small blip in your relationship. Maybe he was being neglectful to you, but he never meant for this to come of it.

He forces himself to shower and change into a fresh pair of clothes. He lies in his bed alone, remembering just how cold it is without you sleeping next to him.

When he wakes up he finds himself holding your pillow to his chest. The scent of your shampoo still lingers on the pillowcase, pulling him into a false sense of security. He notices that he’s managed to sleep on your side of the bed, his body subconsciously searching for yours in his sleep.

He tries to call you, to text you, but you don’t answer him. He figures you need time, another day or two. But he’s only got one more day before he’s back on a plane to Japan.

He gathers up the courage to go to your apartment. He was always welcome, you told him, you even gave him a key, but now he feels like he’s a stranger. He knocks on the door, and his breath catches in his throat when you open it.

You’ve got a dress on, the white one with the yellow flowers on it. It’s the dress you wore on your first date. Well, the first time you shared a meal with Lando in his apartment.

You look confused to see him. “What are you doing here Lando?”

He searches for the right words, for any words really, but comes up with nothing other than “You look nice.”

You roll your eyes and walk back into your apartment. Lando notices you don’t close the door behind you, is it an invitation to come inside? He’s taking it as one.

He closes the door behind him as he walks in. He glances around, your apartment pretty much looks the same, save for a few photo frames he’s noticed now sit face down on their respective shelves.

“Lando, I really need to get ready to leave, so again, what are you doing here?” You ask as you look for a pair of shoes to wear.

“You wore the white strappy ones… on our first date.” He avoids your question.

You’re surprised he remembers such a small detail. You shake your head. “We never went on any dates. We sat in your apartment with takeout.”

“They felt like dates…” He mumbles to himself.

“No Lando. This,” you gesture to yourself “this is what going on a date is like. Getting ready to actually be seen in public with someone. To spend time together outside the walls of their home.”

“You’ve got a date?”

You sigh. “Yeah, I do.”

He’s at a loss for words. It’s been a day since you left him the note, how do you already have a date?

“My friend has been dying to set me up. So I told her she could.”

Lando feels something in his stomach turn. “Don’t go on that date.”

“Why?”

“You know why.” It has to be clear to you how much he cares about you, how much he loves you.

“Say it.”

He takes a moment too long to speak before you’re pulling your shoes on.

“You shouldn’t go on that date because you belong with me. We belong together. It’s me and you, not you and a stranger.”

“I can’t be with you if you’re just going to constantly hide me. I can’t live in the shadows anymore. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not enough.” Your last sentence is quiet as you turn away from him.

“Not enough? You’re everything.” He reaches out for your arm and softly pulls you back to him. “You’re what I look forward to the most every week. You’re the reason I want to win races.” His hands falls further down your arm so that he’s holding your hand. “Y/n, I didn’t want to go public because I was afraid you wouldn’t like it. I was scared that it would be too much, having cameras shoved in your face, being followed around everywhere you go… I didn’t want you to resent me for the life it would give you…”

His eyes are welled up with unshed tears. His hand squeezes yours as he tries to keep hold of the one good constant in his life.

“Please, please don’t go on that date.” His voice cracks.

You’re quick to wrap your arms around him, cradling his head in your neck. His arms wrap around your waist tightly, as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets you go.

You agree to give your relationship another try with Lando, on the condition that he doesn’t hide the relationship. He takes you with him to Japan, keeping his hand interlocked with yours as you walk through the paddock. He’s proud when he introduces you to the McLaren team, calling you his girlfriend with a grin on his face.

When he and Oscar both score second and third he’s ecstatic. Both gaining large points for the team is cause for major celebration in the garage. You stand with the team when he parks his car. This time his eyes search for you in the crowd.

As soon as he finds you he throws his arms around you. His race suit is warm, sweat marks are visible in some spots. His face is lined with marks from his balaclava and helmet. He looks beautiful.

“If I ask you to kiss me in front of all these people, will you do it?” You ask him as he hugs you.

He practically dives down to kiss you when he pulls away from your hug. You can hear the crowd cheering and cameras flashing, but it’s all just fuzzy in the background of Lando giving you the perfect kiss.

[racingliners]

It's been a few days since the WIP title game, BUT can you post your favourite and/or most recent snippet of Life In The Fast Lane? And sorry if you've already explained this, but what made you decide to go from rpf to original fiction? :)

Thanks so much!! And I don't think I actually have explained in full why I made the re-write of LITFL an original work, so we'll start with that!

So the short answer that I put on the fic notes is that I stopped writing rpf, which I kind of used as a catch all because there's actually a whole bunch of reasons as to why I decided to make the switch.

The main one being that I genuinely struggle to write rpf these days, I was originally going to re-write LITFL back in 2018 (the first chapter of that is still up on my ao3), but it was no where near as planned out as what my current one is, so it just kind of fizzled out and I just sort of stopped writing rpf a few months later. I can still read rpf, I just have so many mental roadblocks when I go to write something so I figured going down a full OC route would be better for me in the long run.

I also found it difficult when writing LITFL the first time round to weave the narrative around what was going on in F1 at the time, especially in terms of race results, as well as keeping things as accurate as possible in terms of on track and off track "canon", so that combined with all the character shuffling I wanted to do made me feel like that starting with a completely clean slate would be better.

And while it was a lot of work, making up full season results was an awful lot of fun! On the whole, I've definitely enjoyed the creative freedom of working in my own little universe as opposed to giving myself constant headaches about irl F1 accuracy (I've tried to imply as much as possible that my re-write is set in the distant future, I just started it off in 2023 because nothing else felt like a real year 😅).

Obviously I do still want the two works to feel similar enough that you can see where the inspiration came from, which was why I decided to keep all the current teams in the re-write (apart from swapping Sauber out for Audi, which as I said in the Change In Colour ask was for plot reasons).

And as for a snippet, I genuinely cannot pick a favourite because there's lots of little bits that I really like and am proud of, so the below excerpt is from the next chapter (first draft isn't done yet, so it may change a bit when it's posted).

“So we land in Singapore at just after 4pm local time which is…” Sophie paused to quickly do the maths in her head. “8am back home.” “Correct.” Richard nodded, picking up his cutlery. Another perk of flying in first class meant being able to have their meals whenever they wanted. Sophie had opted for asparagus soup while Richard had ordered sea bass. “So if we wake up one or two hours before we land, it’s basically like having an early start,” He paused to let out a long, content hum after his first forkful of food. “Your Mum better not upgrade us all the time, I’ll get used to it very quickly.” Sophie laughed at the thought of her humble press officer going all snobby as she spread a pat of butter on her sliced dinner roll. “Speaking of the finer things, can I not get one hint about where you’re taking us tomorrow?” Sophie pleaded with a small smirk. “Again, I want it all to be a surprise,” Richard pointed at her with the tip of his knife. “You are unbelievably stubborn.” “Well I’m a racing driver what do you expect?” Sophie retorted with a small shrug. At that Richard let out a light chuckle and shook his head as he returned his attention to his dinner. She knew that Richard wasn’t going to let on about the trip, she had just wanted to crack a smile out of him for the first time all day.

WIP title game

[ameyeong]

Week 4&5: Analyse Artistic Traditions and Lineages (Field Trip)

In week 4, we went to the National Gallery to visit an exhibition, exhibiting works from the 19th century. All the works were made in the context of Singapore's history. We were to focus on one particular work, “National Language Class”. 

The work depicts students in a Malay language class, the national language meant to forge the identity of a nation. 

The words on the board were, “What is your name?”, and “Where do you live?”, capturing the growing consciousness of national identity amongst Singaporeans of that time. From how I see it, the use of brushstrokes was messy, and thicker imprints of paint suggest that it was painted over a number of times. These characteristics could reflect the instability and unsureness of the citizens in the nation’s strength and identity, as well as symbolizing the rebirth of a new identity after the separation and independence of Singapore. The classroom setting of students from different races shows the unity of different people to become one nation. 

Moving on to the rest of the exhibition, I noticed that most of the works were paintings done in similar styles and in oil mediums, with a few sculptures. They were semi-realism, often depicting the day-to-day lives of different groups of people or significant experiences of the then Singaporeans. Walking through the space, it felt like a time travel back to the memories of the people who lived decades before me. The black walls and dimmed lighting brought that nostalgic feeling, which added to the “time traveling” experience. This exhibition was rooted in the identity and history of Singapore and it made me feel comforted and proud of how far we have come. 

Word count: 270

[sunrayseer]

Loveboat

My love has always loved her boat. A gift from her folks. They bought it the day she was born, but didn't let her have it till her teens, when she was big enough to row

She was shaky in the early days, but she's always in it now, a master seamaness

There was a meteor shower the night she said yes. She rowed home from the far side to seal the deal with a kiss, her eyes glistening like stars

But I wasn't on the shore to meet her. A meteor had hit the meadow nearby, so I ran to it before anyone else. It was billowing. So I tipped some water on, chipped a piece off with my chisel, put it in my pocket

When I got home, covered in soot, I'd never seen anyone looking so smoky

"I had to moor my boat and hike up here alone," she pouted

"There was a fire, at the..."

She stood and walked upstairs, arms folded, eyes closed, like a cloud was over her

I knew a storm was coming when she didn't come down for dinner

Bright and early the next morn, I tapped on the spare room door to invite her for breakfast, but she was gone!

A note on the bed read: "Gone to the Beach! X"

I noticed her bikini was missing from its hanger

I decided to get a salad from the beach bar and gaze out to sea, see what I could see

I saw her, but she couldn't see me. Though it's not like she was trying to hide. The "Blue Beauty" her pride and joy, rode again upon the waves. I could hear the wooden oars clunking in the rowlocks

As I chewed a mouthful of honeyed walnuts with avocado, I thought, "that boat is only meant for two. Why have you squeezed five fullgrown men inside it with you?"

Their tops were off, their pecs were buff and shiny. She was squealing with glee as she let one after the other take turns on the oars

"Do you all want to end up with gobfuls of seafoam?" I mused, with a sip of pineapple juice. "Sigh, let her have her day of fun."

I strolled back to the villa to get some training done

During a King Fu session on the lawn, as I was centering my chi, a eureka hit me!

"That's why she was so glum! I was so hyped at putting out the fire, I forgot even to mention her boat or journey. All her efforts to come see me." I felt bad

"Now look what she's done. Gone off and handpicked five guys from the beach like peaches ripe for plucking. It looks like joy, but this is fury, and I drove her to it."

I released a burst of chi into the air, it shimmered.

"Sigh, you don't have to do that, you know?" I spoke as if she was on the lawn with me.

"Only a lost soul chases sin. One who has found herself walks the righteous way."

I released a second chi burst, setting the shimmer aflame

"I know animals do it, but we gotta be better than that, you know? We who lead. We who set examples. We who hope to make it through the pearly gates."

I sucked the chi back into my chest. It warmed me, like Chinese tea. I realised I was still alone on the lawn. So I did a few more katas, then hit the books

At 2pm she sashayed in with sunglasses and a mocktail, like a black-haired Aphrodite

"Learn some Hebrew with me," I said

She gave me that look. Her eyes were glowing through her shades. She still hadn't had enough. So I finished her off with a deep massage, till she was snoring. I always found that cute. "A cat's life, huh?" I whispered. "This is one cat I know who dreams."

At dinnertime she caught me in the kitchen dicing veggies for the wok

"I'm famished" she yawned, in a pair of Montgomery tartans, with a violet tweed waistcoat

"You look like you're ready for the books," I said

"Yes, yes, after dinner. What is it?"

"Singapore scallops"

"Ooh" she stretched her legs beneath the table and smiled, "yummy."

Amber, my pet Shorthair, leapt onto her lap and rolled over, purring, as Krissy stroked her chest

"How was your voyage yesterday?" I ventured

"Amazing under the meteor rain. But I felt so sad when you weren't there to see it with me, and give me my ring. I had my heart set on that. You know I love stuff from space."

"I had business at Jake's."

"The smith's?"

"Aye."

She humphed. "You always have something better to do than see me, don't you."

"I wouldn't say that."

"What do you think it means, the shower?" She mused

"An event of that magnitude, the day you said yes, can only mean one thing."

"What?"

"True love."

She thought about it for a moment.

"You can't say there were never fireworks between us." I added

She gave me that look again. The scallops sizzled in the pan

In the morn, she kissed me long and deep. The way you kiss someone you're in love with. And we were, even after all these years. The romance never faded. Never got old, though I was starting to feel it at times

I put my hand on her tum: "Give it a few more years, we'll put some buns in that oven of yours."

"How will we know when the time is right?"

"Did you see the meteors fall last night?"

"There'll be another shower?"

"Another something. The Lord will send a sign."

She sighed. "The Lord, the Lord, the Lord! You love him so much, don't you. But do you love me? Do you even like my boat?"

"I adore it, dear, I do. I'll take you in it every week, keep her in tiptop shape. I'm over the moon about it, honestly."

She hugged and rested her cheek on my chest, listening to my beating heart.

"It's gonna carry us and our kids far and wide on all life's adventures."

She mewed and stroked my abdomen, like Amber, who was likely off chasing mice someplace by now.

"It'll be my pride and joy forever."

She pulled my hand to her lips and kissed.

I slipped the freshly hammered asteroid ring onto her finger. "You're mine now, forever," I said

"By Darwin's beard, I love it!" She hugged me so much, I nearly choked

At midnight, we went out to the lake, and watched the sunset from our boat. It was ours now. It belonged to me as much as her. She had it all her life, but she gave half to me when she said "I do"

I thumbed the mottled, nickel band on her finger. This meant I would never do all this for anyone else. All my efforts were for this one here, for life

~

Wed To One, Oh Six, Two Free

[crescendeyes]

another success in 2023

And it's only Feb.

Honestly, who would've thought just 3 months into the job, I'd be renewing one of the biggest clients in 2Stallions and also closing a third deal earlier that was only meant to only happen after we finish the initial two projects?

Genuinely, am on a high right now. Today was amazing, I started off the day feeling groggy from the night before cause I obviously ran on 3 hours of sleep (stupid nap) and was on a roll since.

I was working and having to rush to my meeting with Daimler; feeling slightly defeated that it might be another case of a non renewal but guess what? It finally happened! They've agreed to my terms of a 6 months renewal instead of a 1 year and I was so happy.

On another hand, I looked back at how the other account was only supposed to get the third website AFTER we were done with the initial two but we were halfway done with the first and they immediately signed the third (wow). AMAZING.

I definitely impressed my bosses and managers - it's another accomplishment besides opening for Joji. I can't believe this. I also have a few things I am thankful for eventhough after my meeting I went and see the doctor, he basically that I have asthma and my stress management is so poor that it's causing my acid reflux to trigger everything.

Today felt, accomplished. I even requested to meet my clients in Singapore and my bosses were more than happy to fly me over! This is exciting :3 Feeling blessed eventhough I'm stressed. lol.

Thank you, Lord, the universe, abundance, peace and kindness. You heard my prayers and wishes.

I told myself that by March, I should reopen my instagram to travel reels, arrange a shoot for my 30th and make reels bout adulting before I turn 30 + re-recording my song.

In July, I should be able to release my song "Main Character" and another song in August before my birthday and before I fly off to Europe. There is so much I am looking forward to.

I look forward to making more money and making my family happy. I'm so thankful for the bonds I have professionally, intimately and happily. I am thankful for the opportunity I've gotten to work with companies who entrust and given me a platform to serve good purpose. I am thankful for the success and peace I've achieved and found balance in this life this year.

[lovemirrah]

10:43am, 25 December 2022

It's starting to become a really bad habit for me to check in only once or twice a year. I used to write so much and now, I hardly write at all. But yesterday, I started therapy for the first time in my life and my therapist encouraged me to start writing again. And so, I find myself here. Hello journal, I'm happy to be reacquainted with you again.

My last post was in January 2022, right at the start of the year, and a lot has changed since then. In September, I sold my car exactly a year after I bought it. I miss it sometimes, but I know owning a car is not something I can afford at this stage in my life. In October, I left BDA after 3.5 years with the company. Within a few days of leaving the team, I finally made that trip to South Korea where I was for close to 2 weeks. I ticked so many things off my list but a few were still left unfulfilled. The morning after my return to Singapore, jet-lagged and incredibly exhausted, I started a new role with WE. I manifested this; leaving BDA, going to South Korea, landing a new job with an MNC that brings better benefits and learning opportunities. I worked for it, prayed on it, and it happened. For that, I am grateful for all that the year had brought me.

During my session yesterday, my therapist asked why I decided to take on therapy. It was a good question, great one even. I knew that signing up for therapy meant that I had to be honest with myself for it to work. Without missing a beat, I told her that I'm always sad and I don't know how to fix it. Someone should've told me to bring a box of tissues when doing therapy because it only took one question to trigger the waterworks. For 45 minutes, I cried while my therapist listened. I condensed 28 years of my life, all that I've bottled up, into a 45 minute session and it just came pouring out. I couldn't cap it. It's therapy; I shouldn't cap it. I'm allowed to feel what I feel. What I feel is valid. I'm hurting and I shouldn't deny myself that.

Truth be told, I was crying even before therapy started. I was wallowing in my feelings all day. My mother returns home from her trip today, so I gave myself all of yesterday - one final day - to do absolutely nothing except to be myself. I slept it, ate food that's no good for my body, watched too much Netflix, slept some more, showered only when I finally have to, read a few chapters of a new book I bought but may not like, prayed, cried a lot, watched a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory to make me feel better, then I went back to sleep again. I slept so much, I wondered if I was depressed before I shrugged that thought away.

The one thing about me that I loathe so much is that I overthink. All my life, I considered myself to be an optimistic-realist. I think of worst case scenarios in every situation and prepare well for them, but I'd always hope for the best. It's how I've always carried myself through life - at work, in my day-to-day. I aspire to be like that in my romantic pursuits but having gone through a sexual assault so young, I see dating as a 'cup half empty' situation. I go into it, thinking that it's not going to work for whatever reason, and I believe it. I'm so afraid of tearing down my walls that I've become so good at detaching. Then comes along a connection I wasn't even expecting, and without realising it, I buckled. So quickly. I'm not saying I'm in love - God, I know I'm not - but I got attached to a mere stranger I barely knew because I trusted that connection. And... that was my fault. It's my fault for finally learning to open up my heart and be vulnerable again; only for it to be the wrong man. Y'know what's the funniest thing about all of this? History repeated itself and I'm exactly where I was 8 years ago - right down to timing. I can't shut down again. I've come so far since then. I can't unlearn all the healing I've done. I needed to do better, be better and put myself first. I will not chase someone who doesn't want me. I will not give my time for someone who won't even respond. If someone is showing you that you're not important, believe it.

So today, while everyone is out (or in) spending time with family and their loved ones on Christmas Day, I'm choosing to spend time with myself and put me first. A manicure, a facial and a cone of ice-cream. It's always good to start small - one step at a time, as they say. Even if I feel 1% better after, I'll consider it a win. As my therapist says, 'my time is now.'

I don't know if I'll write every day but I'll try to check-in every week. It might be a little hard at first, but writing was and has always been my first love. With time, I'll get back into the groove of things - writing and maybe, life too.

All my love, Mirrah

[f1]

Perez says he gave it all in Abu Dhabi GP despite coming up short in fight for P2 with Leclerc

Sergio Perez narrowly missed out on P2 in the constructors’ championship after finishing in third place at the season-ending Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. However, despite the result, the Mexican believes he and his team can still be “pleased” by their performance this season. Perez started the race in second, alongside his team mate Max Verstappen on the front row of the grid. The two Red Bull drivers ran in first and second for most of the evening, before Perez was forced to pit for a second time as Charles Leclerc closed in from behind. Perez then looked to chase down Leclerc but ran out of laps in the end, forcing him to settle for third in the race and in the championship. Speaking after the Grand Prix, Perez believed his race was compromised by a less than ideal second stint. READ MORE: Verstappen cruises to victory in Abu Dhabi as Leclerc seals P2 in standings over Perez “I’m pleased because I gave it all, you know,” said Perez. “Obviously we look back, there were things we could have done better, like that middle stint, you know, we were still thinking that we were on a one-stop at that point. “So, I think that really caught us out a little bit and that really meant that we lost a few seconds there where we were behind Max. Max was on a one-stop and we were on a two, so that middle stint wasn’t ideal for us.” It has been a commendable second season at Red Bull for Perez – having won two races in Monaco and Singapore – but the Mexican racer already had his eyes on a “strong” 2023 campaign. READ MORE: ‘I was at 110% from start to finish’ – Leclerc hails ‘perfect race’ as he beats Perez to P2 in the championship “Certainly there are some great, great days that we had during the season,” said Perez. "We had great moments, great battling. I think I did struggle a bit with the tyres for this year, in terms of managing the tyres in the race. So, hopefully that can be something we improve for next [year] and generally just be a bit stronger. “So, we can be pleased... and yeah, I mean, to regroup altogether, you know, it’s nice to finish this season and look forward for another strong year next year.” via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

[upcycleability]

Sustainable Asian-American and Asian-Canadian Stores to Support!

As mentioned in my last post, we need to do what we can to help each other. I do not have much that can help in this time of need, but I do have a growing platform here on Tumblr. And one way I can use it is to give a shoutout to sustainable Asian-American/Canadian brands that are doing awesome things!

I am including some Canadian shops as well due to the fact that hatred and bigotry towards Asians during this pandemic is also a major issue there as well. So regardless if you live in the US or CA, you can find some amazing shops.

So here are a few of the shops that I have found that are owned by Asian Americans/Canadians that are also helping to make the world an awesome and sustainable place to live!

Blueland - New York, NY

Owner of Blueland, Sarah Paiji Yoo, works to reduce the use of plastic bottles by providing an alternative. This well-known sustainable brand sells a variety of products in tablet or powder form, such as dish soap, hand soap, laundry detergent, and different cleaning sprays.

They will provide a strong bottle (I think the bottle is made of plastic, but it is optional, and meant to be reused for life) and then all you need to do is buy refills to fill tthem back up! This is good as sustainable hand-wash dish soap seems to be hard to find for me.

3Women - Long Beach, CA

3Women is a wonderful shop that is after my own heart. The owner, Crystal Lee Early, as well as a few of her friends, create new clothing and designs made from vintage fabric. Their designs and clothing look very beautiful, and as a result of being reused, they are eci friendly!

Reusing the old for new purpose is something that inspires me every day, and it is always awesome to see other people doing the same!

Novel Supply Co - Vancouver, BC, Canada.

Novel Supply Co is wonderful minimalist clothing brand created by Kaya Dorey. She creates sweaters, hats, crews, and tank tops using either upcycled products, or materials such as hemp and organic cotton.

Her designs are simplistic, but facinating, and she even makes clothing for kids! Most of her clothing are white or off-white  in color, which would make me nervous to wear around a cup of coffee, but they look awesome!

OpusMind - San Francisco

OpusMind is a leather brand made by Kathleen Kuo. It works to take leather scraps that would otherwise be tossed out by a local glove company and turns them into nice looking backpacks, tote bags, crossbody bags, cardholders, and even an organizer.

While leather is generally seen as a harmful material due to animals being harmed to get it, using leather scraps is a great way to get the sustainable and long-lasting benefits of leather, while minimizing the harmful effects of it.

Ocin - Vancouver, Canada

This swimwear company was created by Courtney Chew. It is a high-quality swimwear company that focuses on making swimsuits that can be worn regardless of whether you are in or out of the water, such as when exercising. These include bathing suits, swimming trunks, sports bras, hoodies, and more!

These clothes are made using recycled plastic bottles as well as recycled nylon. While recycled plastic garments can be problematic due to them shedding microplastics when washed, etc, not much can be done about clothes that are meant to become wet, like swimwear and athleticwear. So using recycled plastic is a good alternative.

Extra Shop I Enjoy!

Rehyphen - Singapore

Rehyphen by Jessica “JJ” Chuan is a fascinating designer brand that I learned about not too long ago. It is a shop that is based out of Singapore, but does do international shipping. I discovered her when looking up bags and the like made from old VHS tape.

What Jessica does is create bags, maps, artwork, and more, entirely out of VHS tape. Her beautiful designs are rather breathtaking to behold.

***

So here are just 6 of the many Asian-owned companies that are sustainable. Consider purchasing from them if you need anything, as every little bit helps.

[champagne-bucky]

The Things We Do for Money

Summary: Your boss is a pain in the ass… sometimes 

Warnings: Chris Evans x Reader, smut, oral (female receiving), a bit of drunk! Chris

Notes: I know Chris Evans has big brat energy and I needed to get it out of my system.

There was no one on this planet who could hate their job as much as you hate yours. Sometimes you’d curse yourself out for agreeing to take on this stupid assistants job, but you were in a pinch and desperately needed the money. Now here you are, stuck three months in with the most absurd and demanding boss. He always has you doing his bitch work for him.

Okay, you’ll run out and get him a coffee from time to time when he’s at work. You’ll go run the errands and make the phone calls he’s unable to make, but you drew the line the second he asked you to do the most dumbest tasks for him. 

He started acting ridiculous literally a month into the job, when he called you at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. Turns out the dumbass couldn’t find his running shoes and you had schlepped yourself half an hour to his house only to find them under the bed the first minute of your arrival. Then, he’d call you for things like tying his shoe laces “because his hands were tired”, whatever the fuck that means, or picking out his evening wear when he’d go out with the guys (and he’d never end up liking what you picked out!)

Now here you are, in your cold ass car in the middle of a Boston winter, driving to your bosses house at the crack ass of dawn. You were annoyed because the night before he’d kept you up till late rattling off your To-Do list for the very next day, half the stuff would probably be scratched from the list anyways. 

Your phone started to ring and you groaned knowing exactly who it was... BECAUSE WHO ELSE WAS UP THIS EARLY!?!?

“Yes, Chris,” you grumbled.

“Whoa, whoa, someone’s a little grouchy for 5:30 in the morning. Speaking of, you’re 30 minutes too late,” you wanted to cure the bastard out, but then he followed up with a laugh.

“Kidding, kidding, anyways, Assistant, I need a favor,” here we go…

“I’m your assistant, doing you favors is my job description, and I have a name you know.”

“Eh, Assistant suits you better. Anyways, if you could run to the shop and pick up my shoes for that award show I have later, oh, and schedule me a haircut would you? You know what to tell them,” this man was way too cheery for this early in the morning.

“No, it does not, the award show is three months away, and no, I do not know how you get your haircut, and I don’t want to know,” Chris responded with a low whistle.

“Gee, someone’s a little cranky monster. Let’s fix that frown before you come over okay?” you grit your teeth. Chris didn’t like a nasty attitude and he had the power to fire you for it.

“Yes, Mr. Evans,” you huffed and he hung up the phone after telling you a few more demands.

__

As much as this man was slowly pushing you towards your breaking point, the job came with perks. One of those being travel. You never had an opportunity to travel a lot and working for Chris gave you the chance. From Singapore to Australia, you finally got to see what was beyond your small town of Massachusetts. 

Right now, you were in Atlanta where Chris was filming a new Marvel movie. You didn’t get to see much of the set, or the cast, or the inside of your bosses trailer, but you did get to see a lovely highway every couple hours while running around for that pain in the ass. However, when you got done you got to have lunch in Chris’ trailer without him, which was a big plus. Actually, every moment away from Chris was a true blessing.

“ASSISTANT” you groaned as you heard your name being called from outside the trailer. You put down your half eaten sandwich and swung open the trailer door. There stood Chris in his Captain America suit, arms crossed and tapping his foot.

“Yes, Mr. Evans?” Chris put a smile on his face and motioned you to come closer to him. You stepped closer, but he made you come even closer. You came as close to his mouth and he whispered in your ear.

“Do you know what time it is?” you pulled back from his lips with a confused expression.

“Uh, no. W-What time is it?”

“Time for you to help me out of this tight ass costume,” your eyes went wide in horror. Not this shit again.

“No, no, please Mr. Evans, can’t you ask someone else, like a male, to take off your costume,” you pleaded as marched past you.

“Nope, that’s why I hired an assistant, Assistant. Now hurry up, the boots are the hardest to get off,” you groaned and stepped into the trailer.

Chris sat down on the couch and motioned for you to get by his one boot. You grimaced and got to your knees and started to take the boot off. You tugged and tugged until it loosened a little. When it finally did, the whole room filled with a stench.

“Mr. Evans, ew, can’t you wear socks with these things,” Chris let out a deep chuckle and shook his head.

“Can’t do that or the boots will be too tight on my poor little feet,” he put out the other boot clad foot.

“Little is an understatement, sir,” Chris covered up his small groan with a clear of his throat.

“Well Assistant, you know what they say about big feet,” you choked on your spit and looked up at the man.

“They sign you big paychecks. Now hurry up, I’m getting drinks with the guys tonight,” you groaned again and worked the other boot off.

When the costume was fully off, averting your eyes where necessary, Chris was changing back into his regular clothes while a knock sounded at the door.

“Get that for me, Assistant,” you went to the door and swung it open and were faced with two of his co-workers, Anthony and Sebastian.

“Oh, assistant girl? We aren’t interrupting anything are we?” Anthony winked and Sebastian chuckled. Your cheeks were heating up at that comment when you felt Chris behind you.

“Yeah guys, just one second I gotta put on a shirt,” your eyes noticeably widened knowing Chris was right behind you, shirtless. 

The men suppressed their laughter at your shocked expression. They probably thought you were sleeping with your boss! Oh god, listen, Chris wasn’t an unattractive man, hell no, but he was your boss (and also a pain in the ass), you couldn’t cross that sort of line. 

“I’ll be going now, Assistant. Clean up for me and finish up that list,” Chris grabbed his wallet and left the trailer.

“Yes, Mr. Evans.”

Anthony and Sebastian stopped in their tracks to laugh a little. When Chris turned around to give them a ‘what’ look Anthony finally spoke. 

“Yes, Mr. Evans. I’ll clean up the trailer and then clean you up later, sir,” Anthony mocked your voice as Chris punched his arm lightly.

_

That blare of your ringtone made you shoot up out of your peaceful sleep and clutch your heart. You peered over at the time to see that it was 3 a.m. Groaning, you ignored that call without seeing who it was and tried to sleep again, but then they called you back.

You turned your light on and grabbed your phone and saw that Chris was calling you. Pissed off and tired, you answered the phone with an angry ‘what’.

“Oh, Assistant, I need you,” Chris sounded like he was slurring his words. He was still at the bar?

“Mr. Evans? Are you drunk?”

“Yessssss, I made an oopsie and had tooooo much to drink. Can you pwetty pwease come pick me up. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee…” he dragged out the last vowel as you started looking for your keys.

“Fine, but you’re paying me overtime for this,” you slide on your shoes and run out of the hotel room to go get the big drunken baby.

It took you awhile, but you finally found the bar Chris was at. Luckily, he has always shared his phone location with you for emergencies like these. It didn’t take long to find him either seeing as he was moping on the curb nursing a beer in his hands. 

You rolled your eyes and got out of the car. Chris’ ears perked up at the sound of a door slamming shut and he immediately was smiling like a dope. 

“ASSISTANT!” He screamed and held his arms out for you. The people passing by on the sidewalk gave him dirty looks.

“Chris, shhhh, let’s get you back into the car, okay?”

“HEY! THAT’S MR. EVANS TO YOU or sir if you want to spice things up,” he barely whispered and gave you a wink. Scoffing, you shoved him into your tiny car before he took off down the street.

The drive back to Chris’ Atlanta home was a bit of a drive, but there was not much traffic on the road so it would be quicker than usual. Chris was falling asleep in the passengers seat, but would come to every so often to slur something stupid. This time, when his head went up to speak to you his words were loud and clear.

“You’re pretty,” your cheeks were heating up, but it was too dark to see.

“Thank you, Mr. Evans.”

“And kind, sweet, lovely,” he was showering you with compliment after compliment and you didn’t know how to respond.

“I like you, Assistant,” you tried to keep your composure, but you were stunned. He was drunk so that meant nothing, right?

“I would figure since you keep me around all the time,” you laughed off.

“Noooo, I really like you. Not in a “like” you, but in a “like like” like you way,” his body was now fully turned to face you. 

“Oh, well, Mr. Evans I’m flattered, but you’re my boss. I can’t ruin our professional relationship,” Chris let out a whine just as you were pulling up to his house and getting out of the car.

“Then as your boss, I demand you to like like me,” you laughed as you opened the car door for him to get out.

“Mr. Evans, you know we can’t allow that,” you tried your best to joke with him, but he kept up pestering you.

“How about a thank you for helping me get home,” you furrowed your brows as Chris unlocked his door and was leaning up on the threshold.

“Umm, Mr. Evans I-,” you didn’t get a chance to finish because Chris grabbed your face and was leaving a sloppy kiss on your lips.

Your eyes were probably wider than they have ever been in your lifetime. Chris Evans was kissing you. Chris Evans was kissing his assistant. Chris Evans was drunk and kissing a woman who he signs her paychecks for every week. 

He pulled back a few moments later with a satisfied look on his face. He was still stumbling drunk, but it seemed as if he didn’t care. Chris had a cocky grin on his face while looking at your frozen expression.

“Um, Mr. Evans, um. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and you sprinted back to your car and pulled out of the driveway, not even glancing back at your boss.

_

It had been a while since the whole drunk kiss incident. The day after that night you didn’t bring up what had happened and neither did Chris. 

You assumed that he was so drunk that he probably forgot about the kiss. To be fair, he didn’t even remember him calling you to come pick him up or the whole drive back home. He must’ve forgotten about the kiss and you intended to never bring it up.

Things between you and your boss went back to normal after that. You were still dealing with his antics and absurdities, but it paid your bills so you couldn't complain. However, Chris seemed to be lenient with you nowadays.

You couldn’t put your finger on it, but he definitely changed his demeanor recently. He let you come into work an hour later than usual, anytime you said you were unable to do something he let it slide, and he also had given you a raise out of nowhere. Maybe he was changing…

“ASSISTANT,” nevermind…

“ASSISTANT!” you followed Chris’ voice to the backyard where he was standing by the pool.

“Yes, Mr. Evans,” you rolled your eyes.

“Assistant, can you do me a favor?”

“Will I get fired for saying no?”

“Yes.”

“Then what is it,” you walked over to him as he started to take off his shirt.

“I want to go for a swim, but I don’t want to miss an important phone call I should be getting.”

“And?”

“And I want you to sit out here and watch my phone till it rings,” you looked at him in disbelief. He really wants you to babysit a phone?

“Are you serious? You just want me to sit out here and stare at your phone?”

“Well, I’d invite you to join me in the pool, but you don’t have a swimsuit,” Chris scoffed and jumped into the pool.

You rolled your eyes and took a seat on the lounge chair. If you were going to babysit his phone you might as well relax a bit. Plus, you didn’t mind the little show you were getting courtesy of Chris.

About an hour went by and still no phone call. Chris had been busy swimming laps in his pool and playing with Dodger who would jump in for a swim. Either Chris was pulling your leg just so you could watch him or this phone call was never happening. You’d think after an hour someone would call soon.

You moved to get up and go back in the kitchen to answer some emails to the rest of Chris’ team when he called for you to come back.

“Mr. Evans, it’s been an hour and no one has called. I have work to do, I can’t stand around all day watching you swim and wait for your phone to ring. You’re a big boy you can do it,” you didn’t hear him get out, but Chris was hot on your tail as you entered back in the house.

“So, you were watching me, huh,” you tried your best to hide the blush creeping up on your face.

“Not the point, sir. I need to get back to work,” Chris clicked his tongue between his teeth. 

“Alright, while you get back to work, I’ll be in the shower,” you went back to your computer and hummed in agreement with his plans.

You heard a ruffle of clothing hit the floor as you looked up from your laptop screen. You gasped in horror as you saw Chris had shucked his bottoms off right in front of you and turned to walk to the bathroom. You put your head down as he turned around to look at you with a satisfied smirk. 

_

The faint sound of the shower running filled the silence for a few minutes as you contemplated your next move. The swim shorts stayed where they were and you refused to pick them up. You still couldn’t get the image of your boss and his bare ass out of your head. 

What did this mean now for your job? 

“Assistant,” you froze at the sound of Chris’ voice, “I need you.”

“Now?”

“Yes, it’s urgent,” he sounded anxious.

“Yes, Mr. Evans,” you said from behind the cracked door.

“Can you get me a towel from the closet? I forgot mine.”

You went to grab him a towel and stuck your hand through the door. When you didn’t feel him take the towel from you you got worried.

“Mr. Evans,” you called out.

All of a sudden the door opened and you were face to face with a naked Chris Evans. You kept your wide eyes on his and pushed the towel to his chest.

“Assistant, I need some help getting dry,” you were stumbling over your words, but not for long until Chris pulled you in the bathroom with him and brought your hands up to his chest.

You kept your eyes on him and you dried off his upper body. Chris looked into your eyes with adoration and a hint of lust. This was getting too serious way too fast, you went to pull away, but he grabbed your wrists.

“You know, I meant what I said. You are very pretty,” you gasped. 

“Chris,” he pulled you closer until your lips touched. Fuck it. You couldn’t fight this anymore. This gorgeous man wanted you and a part of you wanted this pain in the ass too.

The kiss started slow, but descended into something so raw and animalistic. Your tongues were all over each other’s mouths and your teeth were scraping and hitting together. Chris pushed you up against the bathroom door and moved his lips to your neck.

“So good, wanted you for so fucking long,” he continued to kiss down your neck to the collar of your shirt.

“I want this off, now Y/N,” you gasped again. That was the first time he ever used your real name.

You couldn’t deny his orders, so you happily took off your shirt, bra included, and threw them on the floor. Chris went to praise you for being so good and attacked your sensitive buds. 

He scraped, licked, and sucked gently on each nipple, giving him all the attention they deserved. You moaned loudly and he went to kiss you again. He pressed himself into your thigh and started to grind.

“All for you, baby. It’s all for you,” you let out a breathy moan.

“Please, Chris, please, sir. I want it,” Chris growled in response.

His hands began to wander. They rubbed up and down your sides before they inched their way towards your center. Chris took his one hand and put it under your shorts. You whimpered as he went and rubbed your center in teasing strokes.

“Chris, please,” he removed his hand and opened the bathroom door.

“Patience, baby,” Chris picked up your shaking body and carried you throughout the house towards his bedroom.

He kicked opened the door and laid you down on the bed. Chris removed your shorts and stood back to admire your bare body. His thumbs drew small circles around your hips as he looked up at you with dark eyes.

Chris connected his lips with the top of your belly button and started to kiss downwards. He came in contact with your pussy, but wouldn’t kiss it. His lips ghosted yours, his beard was scratching the surrounding area. It seemed as if time had stopped when all of a sudden he attacked your core. 

Your hands flew down to his hair and began to pull at the roots. Chris groaned into your pussy as you arched your hips into his mouth. He brought his thumb to your clit and started to rub fast and hard circles. You were so close to cumming, but you could barely form the words.

You tried to tell him, but it felt so good and he was doing all the right things to restrict your speech. The tiny bubble within you had grown bigger and bigger and was going to pop any second. Chris started to thrust two fingers in you while his lips sucked your clit and that’s when it happened.

“Holy fuck,” you looked up with a heaving chest to see Chris’ beard, lips, and fingers soaked. His eyes grew darker as he grabbed your chin and kissed your breath away.

“Fucking squirted all over me baby, how you gonna clean me up?” He nuzzled his face into your neck and started to pepper kisses all over.

You were at a loss for words, but your body was doing all the talking. Your hips started to thrust up into Chris’ thigh and he looked down with a smirk.

“I know you want it, honey. Give me one second,” Chris moved off your body and made his way to his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a condom and rolled it on.

Now, he was back on top of you and drinking you in. You kissed one more time before he lifted your leg over his shoulder and positioned himself at your sensitive entrance.

“You sure?” You shook your head rapidly at his question.

“Yes, get on with it, sir,” he smirked as he entered you.

The stretch hurt, but the pain was replaced with pleasure as he started to thrust. He started off slow, careful not to hurt you, but he was going deeper into your pussy. You cried and slapped his bicep, urging him to go faster.

“If that’s what baby wants, then that’s what baby will get,” and Chris went into overdrive.

You screamed his name and moaned so loud that you were sure the neighbors would hear you. Chris loved hearing those sweet noises and was doing all he could to make them louder. You were reaching a second high, but Chris was still keeping a brutal pace.

“Chris, I’m about to cum.”

“Hold on, sweetheart. We aren’t finished this just yet,” he grabbed your other leg and threw it over his shoulder, attempting a deeper angle.

Chris kissed you with all his might. His tongue evaded your mouth once more and his thrusts were getting faster and faster. A sweat broke out on him and he was getting close. 

“Baby, you can let go whenever you want,” a final scream ripped through you as you arched your back and came for the second time.

Chris fucked you even harder through your orgasm. He wanted to fuck your pussy so that it was be sensitive for the next couple days. He wanted you to never forget this moment.

Tears formed in your eyes as he kept going. You were trying to keep up, but your body started to get weak. Chris noticed this and worked faster to get himself to the edge.

When he finally came, it felt as if his eyes had rolled back up into his head. He was sweaty and growing tired, but he didn’t want to leave your pussy yet. He knew he had to because the position you were in was starting to get uncomfortable. Chris finally removed himself and threw the condom out.

He saw your eyes were dropping and quickly picked you up to take you to the bathroom. He let you do your business and went to grab you a bottle of water. 

When you came out of the bathroom, with shaky legs, Chris was there with a water bottle  by the bedside table and the sheets drawn back waiting for you to get in beside him. You gladly accepted the comfy spot next to him and soon you drifted off to sleep.

__

When you finally woke up, you felt something heavy weighing down across your abdomen. Your eyes shot up as you looked around a room you didn't recognize. As if right on que, Chris groans beside you and opens his eyes. He smiled and pressed you closer to his body and gave you a sweet kiss to your temple.

“Evening,” Chris buried himself in your hair as you lifted your head to look out the window, confirming it was night.

“What time is it?” your voice was strained.

“Close to 11. Didn’t think we’d be out for this long,” he winked and for a moment you forgot why you were in his bed.

“OH MY GOD,” you gasped and shot up and Chris followed suit.

“WHAT? WHAT’S WRONG?”

“WE HAD SEX!”

“I KNOW I WAS THERE. WHY ARE YOU YELLING?” Chris matched your voice.

“I’M YELLING BECAUSE YOU’RE MY BOSS. I SLEPT WITH MY FUCKING BOSS,” you slammed your head back down on the pillow and buried your face in it. You only lifted your head off the pillow to hear him laughing at you.

“I get why you’re laughing, but I’m not. I’m a slut,” Chris laid back down next to you and pulled you into his arms.

“Hey, hey, you are not a slut. Please don’t think of yourself that way,” he cradled you into his arms.

“I did the one thing that nobody is supposed to do. I shouldn’t have ruined our professional relationship,” you tried to break free from Chris’ hold, but you wouldn’t let you go. 

“Listen to me, you did not do anything wrong. I wanted to ask you out for a long time… I just, well, you see-”

“You got piss ass drunk and ruined your plans,” you giggled into his bare chest. 

“That’s one way of putting it, yeah,” and he laughed along with you.

“So, I guess this means I should resign now shouldn’t I?”

“Not necessarily no, I still need my assistant.”

“So I get to sleep with you AND be on payroll? Wow, what a dream come true,” Chris laughed some more.

“We don’t have to tell anybody for a while. I’ll help you find a new job so it won’t look so fishy whenever we tell people we are dating.”

“I don’t know, I am gonna miss that fat Christmas bonus I get every year…” 

“I think I can think of a way to make up for that,” Chris’ hand was stroking up and down your thigh which made you shudder.

You turned to kiss him as you hummed in agreement. Things started to get hot and heavy once more and soon the sheets were pushed off the bed, Chris was attacking your lower half with kisses. Right when he got to your center, his phone rang.

“You wanna get that for me, Assistant?” 

[fishmongeringstudies]

five: the ballad of the goose-girl

once upon a time there was a goose who wanted to become a man. or there was a man who wanted to become a goose. or there were both, or there were none, or there were many of the same spell. once upon a time there were ten thousand geese and they wanted to go south. why? because it was too cold up here, they said. too far from the equator. too lonely.

one of the geese was called jorge. jorge had been assigned the role of miserable family caretaker with an inferiority complex from birth but a brief spell of rebellion in their teenage years led to their official disengagement from the role and subsequently, the adopting of a new one. jorge was a philosopher. their favorite philosopher was kant. they had never read any kant because geese can't read.

dimitri could read. dimitri was a goose but there was, how do you put it, something a little off about her. sometimes dimitri woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, her blankets kicked to the other end of the room, babbling about microeconomics and the supply-demand curve for cross-continental flying gear. dimitri was in a mad, one-sided love that consumed her body and soul, but this wasn't that bad in the broader scheme of things because this gave jorge, who couldn't read, something to do.

sometimes dimitri would read jorge poetry. dimitri had memorized every book of poetry in the main branch of the national library when she made a stopover there in her youth and could now be called upon to recite almost any poem from memory, as long as she didn't hate the poet. for example, dimitri hated sylvia plath. no matter how much jorge begged and pleaded with her as they flew over the skyscrapers of new york, the masses of writhing trees and open fields dotted with cows and sheep and death, she would not change her mind. 'please,' jorge would say while they stopped to rest on the fender of some college student's beat-up honda civic. 'read me a poem. any poem.' 'you mean,' dimitri would say, taking a drag from her cigarette. 'read me a plath poem.' 'that's not what i said,' jorge would respond defensively, because jorge was the kind of goose that assumes the world is out to get them no matter what and sticks their head in the gift-horse's mouth and then screams down its gullet for five minutes. finally, dimitri would laugh. 'that's what you mean.' then the conversation would end.

one day dimitri and jorge got separated from the flock. this was not unprecedented, as dimitri had been lagging behind for a few days now and jorge, being her designated attendant, had stayed with her. but it was just as frightening for jorge as it had been the first time, fifteen years ago when dimitri had pitched out of the sky halfway across philadelphia like an anvil and jorge had found her sprawled on the fender of some sad person's fucked-up lamborghini, looking like an angel in a bad insurance advertisement. it was always the fenders. dimitri had a thing for fenders.

dimitri also had a thing for letting her long, healthy history of communication problems fuck up her relationships with other geese, a habit she had picked up in her youth alongside smoking, lying, and reciting poetry. she was doing all three of the latter as they circled around the deserted shopping complex a fifth time, the sun a blurry white spot a few feet beneath their heads. 'did you know,' said dimitri, a cigarette clamped in her beak.

'no, i don't know,' said jorge.

'asshole. i haven't started speaking yet.'

jorge observed the setting sun with a detached kind of panic. 'yes you have.' they brushed something out of their eye with their wing. the smoke from dimitri's cigarette kept getting into their eyes. it was making it hard to concentrate on not being sad. 'you said 'did you know.''

'that's not the important part.'

'then what is the important part?'

'the important part is-'

south meant many things to many creatures. depending on who you asked and what time of the day it was when you did, you might get anything ranging from 'the southern tip of malaysia' to 'nineteen-seventy-five'. right now, in this particular snapshot of time, south meant the following things. for jorge, it meant freedom. for dimitri, it meant-

'-is that every shopping mall is a little haunted.'

jorge was unimpressed. most things were haunted to some degree or another. it was a very old world and the people that lived in it were all very broken, but that didn't stop the broken things from wanting to hang around, even after their ribs had cracked open and their lungs were smeared with soot. they told dimitri as much.

dimitri cleared her throat, which was hard to do while lying and smoking and flying in a circle around a deserted haunted shopping complex but otherwise feasible for a geese as competent as her. she turned to look at jorge, the trickle of her gaze sliding over their white, wind-tossed body like a cool hand over a flame.

'what i'm saying is let's spend the night there.'

;

once upon a time there was a goose named dimitri who was in a mad, requited love that consumed her body and soul. her partner was a poet, of course, because all geese want to fall in love with a poet, but here's the catch. jie ting never told dimitri which poems were about her. dimitri spent years trying to coax the confessions out of her, making her breakfasts in bed, bringing home cute little mice with their tails tied up in butterfly knots, kissing the spot where her wing met the curve of her body with the kind of reverence worshipers reserve for the day they meet their creator, but jie ting was stubborn and beautiful and kind and dimitri could never bring herself to do the truly horrible thing, to walk into her study and crack open the journals she kept those intimacies in. in spite of this, well, this thing between them, they were happy. they puttered around making cups and plates out of wet clay. they told stories about their cousins who had gotten lost in rain forests in the amazon and streets in taipei. every year they made the long journey down south, and then flew back up in the spring. and then jie ting died, and then there was no one left to coax anything out of.

the doctors said there was nothing dimitri could have done for her. for every million perfectly preventable deaths there are two to three freak accidents, faultless failures, broken vessels. and for every broken body on the pavement, trampled by cars bigger than the both of them combined, there was a broken heart.

dimitri closed up their old haunt in the woods. she broke all the mugs and gave all the bones back to their grieving micey relatives, who were horrified, and then angry, and then sad. then she flew all the way down to singapore and learned every poem in every poetry book they had in the national library, a looming glass building in the heart of the business district, and dragged her battered body all the way back up north, through miles and miles of snow-kissed nothing, and then jorge returned home in the spring with the rest of the good ones, the ones who weren't fucked in the head, who still had hope to speak of.

she can teach me poetry, thought jorge.

they definitely went to a liberal arts college, thought dimitri.

neither of these things are true. but neither are the stories that led them to each other. a lie canceled out a lie and after the dust had settled and dimitri had recovered from the ghost of death on her shoulder, they found each other standing right where they had started out, on opposite ends of the same crooked street.

;

the perfume store smelled like sixteen layers of hell distilled into a single bottle of wine that had been left to ferment for a few millennia and then smashed in a pool of vomit but it was the only place that wasn't so overgrown with vines that jorge could clear out a place for dimitri to lie down. they did so with an efficiency that startled even themselves, brushing dust and old receipts aside with one wing and spritzing the whole place clean with the other. dimitri was then coerced into the little sacred spot, though she was deeply reluctant and jorge was deeply embarrassed about the whole thing. desperate times call for desperate measures. when there are two geese and one perfume store and nineteen shades of bergamot and lavender, one learns to quieten their demons.

the funny thing about geese is that they are about sixty-percent neck and forty-percent everything else and yet a goose lying sideways occupies two hundred percent of the previous amount because geese are conceited like that. dimitri took up more than enough space on the shelf in the perfume store from hell, but with a little maneuvering she was able to make enough space to pull jorge down beside her. the funny thing about geese is they have very big egos, and very small dreams.

'imagine i am your mother,' said dimitri, waving one wing idly in the dark. 'singing you a lullaby as you drift off, packing your lunchbox for school, turning out the light in your bedroom.'

jorge's eye twitched. 'huh? i will not,' they said. 'that's disgusting.'

'oh. you think i'm disgusting?'

'no, that's not what i mean-'

'-but that's what you said.'

'-i said the idea of you as my mother is disgusting.' jorge hid their face in their feathers but their beak was too long and stuck out in a highly noticeable manner, therefore ruining the effect altogether. they grumbled to themselves, then spent a few minutes contemplating the fifteen feet of nothing that lay before them. a field of snow, ash, or flowers. darkness could be whatever you wanted it to be. that was part of the appeal of closing your eyes.

'hey,' they said.

'mm?'

'why won't you recite a plath poem?'

the sound of something soft against the wall. dimitri was brushing the flat of her wing along the wall behind her, over the faded labels and the peeling tiffany blue paint. 'because i can't.'

'but you know them, don't you,' jorge pressed.

'i do.'

'then?'

'how old are you this year, jorge?'

'old enough to read depressing poetry.'

'but not old enough to have fallen in love.' she withdrew her wing from the wall. it came away caked in dust and old memories. rich, gold-kissed families with kids in little bow-ties, babies forgotten in well-lit dressing rooms, the occasional stabbing. 'am i wrong?'

jorge bristled behind her. 'what does love have to do with this?'

'because,' dimitri mused, and jorge felt every sound that she made in their chest, where the heart was working furiously to keep blood circulating without end. 'all poems are love poems.'

'you know,' said jorge.

'i don't know.'

'good. you shouldn't.' jorge curled themselves tighter, so the two hundred percent became a hundred and ninety-five. 'i'm going to sleep. good night.'

;

once upon a time there was a goose who would do anything for her lover and then that lover died. once upon a time there was a goose who was really good at literary analysis, so good she could have taught at harvard if she hadn't wanted to be closer to her lover, who worked in non-profit and spent most of her time abroad, and then her lover died. once upon a time there was a goose. and she knew a lot of poetry. it was the last thing she did for jie ting, with the gray-dusted coat and the heather eyes. do geese have heather eyes? fuck it. this one did.

once upon a time there was a goose who really wanted to go to a liberal arts college, but their dad gambled all their savings away on a business venture which went bust moments before the big cash-out and so the college fund became a college black hole, a college financial aid form which procured miserably few sympathies from the financial aid office, a college nothing. this goose was really quite smart, though they couldn't prove it to save their life. but the other goose knew. the other goose wasn't as smart. she'd just had more money. and worse luck.

this isn't a love story. in this story there are no love stories because in some languages every story is a love story, and if everything is something then there is really nothing, no takeaway at the end of the parable, no shard of glass in the sand. imagine you're walking along the coastline in a white dress made from diamonds and you step on that shard of glass. there goes your foot. what will you do? the world is ending.

in the morning dimitri wakes up first. she touches jorge's forehead with the tip of one wing, then the flat of it, then the side. there's a bar of sunlight coming in through a gap in the moth-bitten blinds and it falls across jorge's face in rivulets of gold-leaf, liquid wonder. she watches them sleep for a few minutes, their chest rising and falling and trembling with all that infallible youth, with the faithless determination of someone whose body has grown older but whose soul has stayed as faultless, as clueless, as divine. if god were a goose it would be jorge. says who? says dimitri, who has god's number saved on her phone.

once, a few months ago, she wrote a poem. this she read out to jorge, while they were flying over the rooftops of san diego, each word falling out of her mouth like stars, like things she should have really kept to herself and in the safety of untouchable darkness and yet jorge was looking at her. she was reading this poem and jorge was looking at her and it wasn't the kind of look you gave someone you found by the side of the road, someone who had helped you with your college apps and tied your tie on prom night. it was the kind of look you gave an angel you wanted to pin to the sheets.

'is this poem about someone?' asked jorge, who was for all their cluelessness and cruelty, quite terribly perceptive when one wanted them least to be.

panicking, dimitry dropped her cigarette. she shook her head. 'no.' she shook her head again, for emphasis.

once, dimitri had a fit of coughs so bad she passed out right there in the lobby of that high school. the doctors said it was her lungs. her friends said it was the cigarettes. jie ting, who was long dead by then, said it was the heartbreak. put it back together, said the ghost of her dead lover. you can put yourself back together. maybe i don't want to, dimitri said, a sheaf of papers falling out of the pocket of her coat.

once, she didn't go south. she went up north in search of forgiveness, and when jorge arrived in the spring, they were as lovely as she remembered them being while she had gotten nowhere. still stuck in place, spinning in slow circles, watching god die on a white-gold stage. still mourning.

'i'll write you a poem,' jorge said the other day. 'to thank you.' for being the first person. for being the first person ever.

'don't bother,' she told them.

'i'll do it anyway.'

'i won't read it.'

'you will.'

once there was a goose and another goose and they were all lovely and sad with long, elegant necks and hard, sharp beaks for cracking things open but all they ever did was crack themselves open, like if you hurt yourself enough times you could make the world give you back what it had taken away. but that's not how it works. you know this. you know this, don't you? dimitri? dimitri?

dimitri's still in that old perfume store. she's leaning closer and closer to sleeping beauty, with the lanky limbs and the merry-go-round smile, and she's whispering something, though she'll never tell you what and you'll never get the chance to ask, she's breathing like the air's made of glass. sea-glass. have you ever seen the ocean? she'll take you one day. your name is jorge and you're asleep. you're being kissed on the mouth by a very beautiful person. she's going to die.

but all living things die eventually, you counter. you don't get it. you are missing the point.

that's fine. miss the point. keep sleeping. the moon pulls away from you the way some people pull knives out of bodies, like she can feel every inch of distance she puts between yourselves in her chest, where the heart is working furiously to keep life alive. she pulls away and it hurts her, you know. did you know? you can fall in love twice. you can fuck yourself up twice. there's always room in the cupboard for more ceramic mugs. she made you one. she'll never give it to you. you never asked.

that's your first kiss. and your second, and your third, and as you grow older the kisses will meld together into this looming memory of touch, sensation, heat, softness, girls, girls, girl. girl with the cigarette between her teeth. girl with the sharpshooter eyes, the gunmetal laugh. girl walking you home, girl flying you across the starless city, girl singing you a lullaby when you're eighteen and the world hates people like you who give life everything you've got and have the audacity to think it'll listen.

girl walking out of the perfume store. girl stepping into the half-light. girl leaving you behind.

or maybe it's the other way around. this way you will be able to catch up to the rest of the flock, this way you will make it to the other side of the world before winter gets its hands around your ankles. she's giving you an opportunity. take it. i said take it.

south means a lot of things depending on who you ask. for jorge, it's freedom, new skies, sunsets drenched in whiskey. for jorge it's the second best thing about being alive. for dimitri, it's death.

once upon a time there was a goose and their name was jorge. once upon a time there was a goose and her name was dimitri. in another version of this story they meet each other before the accident and the hospitals and the house in the woods, the financial crash, the long, cruel winter. in another version they kiss with their eyes open, their hearts unspooling around the confession, the truth, the sacred thing that lets people be happy with each other. in another version of this story jorge says read me a poem and dimitri says i'll read you something sweeter, and then she reads them a love poem.

in this one, one goose dies, and the other keeps flying.

A smile fell in the grass. Irretrievable! And how will your night dances Lose themselves. In mathematics? Such pure leaps and spirals - Surely they travel The world forever, I shall not entirely Sit emptied of beauties, the gift Of your small breath, the drenched grass Smell of your sleeps, lilies, lilies. Their flesh bears no relation. Cold folds of ego, the calla, And the tiger, embellishing itself - Spots, and a spread of hot petals. The comets Have such a space to cross, Such coldness, forgetfulness. So your gestures flake off - Warm and human, then their pink light Bleeding and peeling Through the black amnesias of heaven. Why am I given These lamps, these planets Falling like blessings, like flakes Six sided, white On my eyes, my lips, my hair Touching and melting. Nowhere.

05.25.21

[alj4890]

Angst Prompt

Requested follow-up to One Fateful Night

Part 2: The Dark Before the Dawn

A\N Sorry again for One Fateful Night’s angst. This picks up right after and goes a little into the future for Liam and those that survived the earthquake. It gets pretty dark in places and is long, but I think it ends on a hopeful note.  

@gkittylove99 @darley1101 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30​ @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg @sweatyrysconnoisseur @motorcitymademadame

Masterlist

The rest of the unity tour was canceled. Unable to speak his reasons why he couldn't do it, Liam left that in the hands of his father and Regina. He didn't want to face the people without Riley by his side, without Drake standing steadfast, without Maxwell's unfailing optimism, without Hana's gentle support.

He had simply lost the will to fight.

Olivia had returned with him to the palace. Neville soon followed, insisting that he would do whatever Liam needed him to. Kiara, devastated by Penelope's death had retreated back to her family estate. Rashad was sent to Domvallier to recover from his injuries. Bastien refused to take time off and was doing his duties from a wheelchair.

Liam ignored all of it. He went to his chambers and remained secluded from the world for days. He refused entry to anyone who knocked. He simply sat there staring at the few mementos he had of those he had lost.

He flipped through the photographs Maxwell had insisted on taking of the three of them through the years. He paused at the few his mother was in, wishing she was here now to tell him how to move on from something like this. She had encouraged his friendships with Maxwell and Drake, knowing he would need them to face life in the public eye.

And now he would never have them again.

Setting the old album aside, he reached for the key chain Riley had given him the night of the Coronation. Thinking of that night and their confessions of love only to be so cruelly parted...his head dropped as he carefully set it back on the table. Next he picked up the pearl he had given her. The plans and hopes they had while meeting in secret. It had helped him through every moment he was kept from her side.

He then lifted the photograph Anna had taken of them for their engagement. Liam's fingers trembled as they brushed against the image of Riley. Her smile so warm. Her eyes so filled with joy.

Reaching for a decanter, he attempted to metaphorically drown his sorrows. In one night he had lost everything he had held dear. How was he to go on from this? There was no enemy to slay, no way to find those he loved and rescue them. Nothing. Nothing except funerals to attend. Nothing but giving them to the cold, unforgiving dirt.

All he had ahead of him was visits to graveyards. He knew his father didn't have much longer to live. It would be just one more loss in his already devastated heart.

Death was what his life had become. He had feared that when his mother was poisoned. Many a night he would wake up crying at the thought of being completely and utterly alone. This long forgotten fear rose up within him, showing that it hadn't been a nightmare. It had been a premonition.

Dropping his head in his hands, he sobbed into the void that had become his only companion.

*****************

Armed with a key, Olivia forced her way into Liam's room. With the first of the many funerals coming up, she knew she needed to get him prepared. The public would be looking toward their king, needing to see him standing against the worst life could throw at him.

Her steps faltered when she saw him. He was slumped over in a chair. Empty decanters sat in front of him, a few tipped over on the table with drops of whiskey spilled out.

The tumbler he had been using had fallen to the floor. The remnants of his drink had stained the Persian rug. His clothes were rumpled. Nearly a week's growth of beard had darkened his sunken cheeks. Dark circles under his eyes completed the look of a man trying to escape his tormented thoughts.

Olivia had to harden her heart. There had always been something about Liam that brought out an unusual softness in her. But that was not what he needed. He needed order. A purpose. Something to get him to step back out in the world.

Grabbing his shoulder she shook him hard.

"Liam!" She snapped in a louder than usual tone. "Wake up!"

He opened his bloodshot eyes with a slight groan. He weakly raised a hand to his head while trying to escape her unyielding grip.

"Get ready." She ordered. "We've got things to do."

"What things?" His hoarse voice cracked.

She ignored his question.

He forced himself to focus on her bustling about gathering his clothes before going into his bathroom. He could hear her starting a shower.

She returned with a determined set to her chin. "Hurry up." She pulled him out of his chair. "We don't have all day."

He stumbled forward, catching himself against a dresser.

Olivia bit her lip as she watched him painstakingly retreat into the bathroom.

Taking a deep breath, she bent to the task of straightening his room. Her gaze fell on the objects he had been using for his only source of company. Tears sparked her eyes when she noticed the photographs.

It wasn't fair. Liam might think he was the only one to suffer with his losses, but she was just as deeply affected. They had been her friends too. A family of sorts, one of her choosing after losing her own at such a young age. She couldn't help but depend on them. Maxwell had been the chipper, up for anything brother she wouldn't have thought she needed. Drake had been her sparring partner, always keeping her wit sharp for any upcoming altercation. Riley...

How had the one she never could quite see completely as her enemy become an actual friend? She had won Liam from Olivia, and yet...and yet Olivia had been grateful. If there was anyone in this world who saw and loved Liam like she herself had, then it was Riley.

And how could she not care for someone who did as Liam deserved?

It was all for nothing. Olivia was left alone once more. Perhaps even more so than when her parents had died. At least then she had been able to lean on Liam. Now he could barely function. It was now her turn to be the one he could depend on in their friendship.

He stepped out, pulling her from her thoughts. He stood there as if at a loss of what to do, whether he should even bother putting forth an effort.

Olivia brought him a jacket and held it for him to slip on.

"We'll eat on the road." She told him, giving him a push out the door.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"A few places." She told him. She glanced back behind her where Regina had remained out of sight. The worry on the Queen Mother's face eased some at seeing Liam out of his room. She nodded gratefully to Olivia before retreating in the shadows to report this small success to Constantine.

****************

Liam stared out the window as Olivia drove him through the capital. He ignored the people going about their day as if the world had not stopped. He didn't bother to focus as he used to on the state of the roads or on some of the older, historical buildings.

He simply didn't care. He figured it was only a matter of time before these things were taken from him too. The terrorists were probably lying in wait for when they could destroy the last of what had once meant something to him.

"I don't suppose you've spoken to anyone at the hospital." Olivia said, cutting through the oppressive silence.

Liam merely shook his head.

She waited in the hopes he would ask about Hana and Madeleine. She needed to see that the old, kind to a fault Liam was still there, only buried amongst his immense sorrow.

The silence stretched once more between them.

"I have." She said, fighting against tears of frustration.

He didn't move. He simply stared out the passenger window.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Madeleine's recovery is slow yet steady. The doctors believe though that her fair skin will always be marked with scars."

Liam didn't even blink.

Olivia grit her teeth. "Hana though has not been having an easy time."

Liam stiffened somewhat at that.

Olivia pressed on. She was determined to get him talking. Hopefully once he started he could get rid of the despair that was destroying him.

"Her parents want to take her home to Singapore but the doctors don't believe she is strong enough yet." She swallowed down her own lump of emotion. "When she was told of...of..."

Liam finally face forward. "Told of everyone dying on us? Told that I had failed in saving anyone?" His bitterness slashed across Olivia's stuttered denial at that last one. "Told that her life would never be the same again?"

"Liam, you--"

"I don't want to hear it." He responded.

"You must!" She yelled, hitting her steering wheel in her anger.

Liam didn't flinch. He didn't act like he had even heard her.

"Hana needs you! Madeleine does too." She turned into the hospital parking lot. "We all need you to--"

"To what?" He roared. "Give more empty promises that we will get through this? That we will find our way back?" He jerked his seatbelt off. "I respect them too much to lie to them. The last thing they need is a broken man trying to rally their spirits." He opened the door. "Find someone else, Olivia. I'm not the man they need."

"You are!" She scrambled out, tears falling down her cheeks unheeded. "Liam, we all need you right now. Friday is the first set of funerals. We need you there to help us say goodbye."

Liam walked off without a word.

"Liam, please!" She pleaded, chasing after him. "Even if you can't speak during the service, let those of us who love you help you."

He paused before gently pulling his arm out of her grip. "I'm sorry, but I can't do what you ask of me." His bright blue eyes were filled with tears as he raised them to hers. "I'm done, Olivia."

"Liam, you're allowed to grieve." She reached for his hands. "Take as long as you need. But your friends and country need to grieve with you."

"They won't after I inform them of my decision." He took a deep breath. "I'm giving it up."

"Giving what up?" She asked.

"Everything. The crown. The throne." He looked about. "I'm leaving this country and moving somewhere that isn't filled with memories."

"You can't!" Olivia grabbed the lapels of his jacket, shaking him in desperation. "You can't let the terrorists win! We--"

"Why not?" He bit out. "They might be the right rulers for Cordonia. My legacy has been nothing but death. My brother gave it all up because the pressures were slowly killing him. My mother died trying to do what was right. My father gave up the crown because he is dying. I've done nothing but bring death and destruction to those I love the most." He gripped her wrists and wrenched them from his jacket. "I can't do it anymore."

"Yes, you can." She followed him when he walked off again. "Just try a little longer."

He laughed bitterly. "Try? Why? My reign is already marked with uncertainty. I'm a king without a queen or heir." He released a deep frustrated breath. "What's the point, Liv? Every time I try, I get knocked down. Losing...losing Riley, Drake, and Maxwell..." He shook his head. “It is too much.”

"Promise me you won't decide anything today." Olivia pleaded. "Please?"

He ran his hands over his face. He looked up as if for divine intervention before nodding. "I won't hold the press conference today."

"Good." She relaxed some. She knew now that she would have to fight him these next few weeks over his decision. The last thing she wanted to see was his giving up on his destiny in the midst of his grief.

Slipping her arm into the bend of his she tugged him toward the hospital.

*******************

"Come in." Hana called out.

She didn't want anymore visits from her parents but couldn't bring herself to tell them. Hearing that her marriage prospects were now completely gone due to her injury had done nothing but bring her further into depression. Did they not see that what she had lost was so much worse than the lower half of her left leg?

Her dearest friends, her best friends, those that knew her better than anyone on earth were gone.

And I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to save them. Nothing.

Olivia smiled softly at Hana. "I brought a surprise."

Hana sat up straighter when she saw Liam sheepishly appear.

A sob burst from her lips as she reached for him to hug.

Liam's Adam's apple bounced a few times as he struggled to swallow his sorrow. He couldn't ignore her need for comfort and hurried over to hug her. Olivia quietly stepped out so they could grieve in privacy.

"Oh Liam!" Hana cried against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry." She clutched the material of his leather jacket, wishing they would all wake up and realize this was nothing but a dream. 

"I'm sorry." He choked out. "I couldn't save them." His tears began to fall freely. "I failed them, Hana. I failed you. I failed everyone!"

She pulled back and gently cupped his face. Blinking through her tears she shook her head. "You didn't fail any of us, Liam. You saved me and Madeleine. Bastien. Rashad and--"

He clung to her. "What am I to do now? Hana, you know I can't face life without Riley. How can I go on after this?"

"I don't know." Hana hugged him again. "But you know Riley wouldn't want us giving up on life." She glanced down at her legs under the blankets. "No matter how hard it is, she would encourage us to keep fighting."

"Hana, Riley was my life. My heart." He lowered his head into his hands. "She was my strength to keep moving forward no matter what was thrown at us."

Hana reached from some tissues, sharing a few with him. "I know. She gave me the bravery I needed to tell my parents that I was more than a marriage prospect for some noble. Now..." Her breath hitched. "Now I don't know what I am or what to do."

Liam moved off her bed and collapsed in one of the chairs by her bed. "What are we going to do?"

Her hand found his. "We help each other. Isn't that what we would hope Riley, Maxwell, and Drake would do if they had lived and you and I had died?"

He wished that had been the case. Not Hana, but that he had been the one Death had come for. He would gladly switch places with them, anything to escape this unending ache in his heart.

He felt Hana's hand squeeze his.

He looked up and saw her trying to be brave for his sake.

Liam didn't know if he could. "I've been thinking of abdicating."

Her lips parted in shock. "Abdicating!"

"Everywhere I turn there is a memory of them." He explained. "I..." He gave up speaking.

"They wouldn't want you doing that, Liam." She reminded him.

He knew she was right, but he couldn't think of moving on as if his very heart had not been ripped from his chest.

"They say when a person loses a loved one that they should wait a year before making a big decision." Hana said, lacing her fingers with his. "Maybe that is what we both should do. My parents want me to go back to Singapore, and I've been tempted to so I won't be reminded of everything."

Liam slowly nodded. "I wouldn't blame you if you did move back home."

"I think what I need is to be with you. Olivia. Madeleine. All of those we still have." She tried to explain. "I need those memories, no matter how much they hurt, to help me heal."

Seeing that he didn't know how to take her advice she gently squeezed his hand again. "Why don't we wait on any decision and just try to get through these next few days."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Did Olivia tell you to say something like that?"

Hana felt her first laugh in over a week burst out. It sounded hollow, as if her body had forgotten how to make the joyful sound. "She might intimidate me at times, but no, she didn't put me up to this."

His lips curved somewhat before settling once more into a thin line. He knew from her words and Olivia's that no one would accept his abdication.

*****************

Madeleine did her best to look presentable. She picked up the small mirror she had insisted be left on the small bedside table. Her eyes touched on the angry, red scars gracing her face and head. Her arm and legs bore others that were long and jagged.

Taking a deep breath, she fluffed the hair that had not been lost in the deep gashes to her scalp. Refusing to give in to the need to cry over something she had no control over, she smoothed her covers and waited to greet her king.

Olivia had shared with her what he wanted to do. Madeleine knew what the fiery duchess wanted her to say and act when she saw him. But she thought she knew how best to respond.

With plan in place, she looked up when she heard a knock to her door.

Liam came in at her bidding him to do so.

He didn't pause in his walk to her bedside like so many did when they first saw the extent of her injuries. She felt her proud façade crack at that. Only Liam would be kind enough to pretend there was nothing unusual about her current hideous state.

Her own parents had handled it horribly. Her mother had been unable to look directly at her without bursting into tears. Her father had bemoaned the fact that she hadn't been able to trap either prince or any other well standing noble before her looks were destroyed.

Just what any young woman needed to hear when awakening from a near death experience.

Liam bowed over her hand while placing a kiss upon her scarred knuckles. "My lady, forgive me for not checking on you sooner."

Madeleine swallowed before asking him to sit. "How have you been?"

His red eyes lifted to hers. "How do you think I've been? I've lost three people I loved. The country lost them along with Penelope and her family. Portivira is destroyed. The Sons of the Earth burned the royal orchard." He slumped in his seat. "I've lost everything, Madeleine."

"Not everything." She corrected. "I know I'm not Riley or Drake or Maxwell." She grimaced at trying to find the right words. "But I am here for you in whatever capacity you need."

"Thank you." He replied automatically. "Your dedication to Cordonia is to be commended."

"It's not--what I meant--" Madeleine closed her eyes briefly when tears pricked her eyes. "Liam, I meant I will be there for you. As a friend." Her nose wrinkled. "As odd as that sounds, I am sincere."

He nodded once more. "Thank you."

They both sat there lost in thought.

"Do you," he cleared his throat, "do you think I should abdicate?"

Madeleine's eyes narrowed in thought. She knew her next words could possibly be the most important of her life.

"Have you done something that could or has harmed Cordonia?"

His eyes widened some. "No."

"Do you no longer care for our people?" She asked.

"No, of course not." He muttered.

"Do you not wish to help them?"

"It isn't anything like that."

"So, your reason is something more selfish." Her green eyes hardened when they met his. "Like Leo, you decide to walk away when ruling becomes too much work."

Liam got to his feet. "It isn't like Leo's reasons! I lost the woman I was to marry. My best friends! Everywhere I turn I am haunted by what was and what could have been. How can I possibly fight Cordonia's enemies when I've lost my sources of strength?"

Madeleine sniffed dismissively. "Every person has lost someone that was their support. If everyone gave up when that happens then this world would crumble to dust."

Liam took a step back from her cold tone. "Madeleine, don't you--"

"Don't I what? Miss any of them? Are saddened by their deaths?" She allowed her sorrow to show. "Of course I do. I might not have been thrilled to be tossed over for Riley, but I would have had to be a blind fool to not notice what she did for you and Cordonia. The same for Maxwell and Drake."

Liam sat back down. "Then what do you think I should do?" He looked down while his bottom lip trembled. "Riley made me a better king."

"Then by all means think of her when you must make a decision." Madeleine told him. "Liam, for whatever reason, fate has placed you as King of Cordonia. You." She stressed. "We've all known you were the better ruler when Leo was our crown prince. It is a great burden, but one that you've never hesitated to carry."

He ran a hand over his eyes. "I wanted to do what I could for the country."

Her lips eased into an approving smile. "As all rulers should be." Reaching over, she patted his shoulder. "I know it won't be easy, but I can't think of anyone better to guide us into the future."

"I feel so lost." He admitted to her. "How can I guide anyone when I no longer have the ones who were my own compass?"

"You'll find a way." She said with certainty. "It may take time, but you will."

He sighed before running his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Madeleine."

"For what?" She asked. "The earthquake was something no one could stop."

"I know." He stood up. "But I'm still sorry."

She nodded in acceptance.

Liam kissed her hand once more and promised to do better checking on her and Hana as he left her room.

Madeleine slumped back against her pillows when her door clicked shut. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she hoped she had somehow said the right thing to him.

Turning to bury her face in her pillows, she allowed the tears to be for herself, Liam, and those they had lost.

******************

That afternoon, Liam departed from Olivia and insisted taking a walk by himself. He went to the private beach and slipped out of his shoes and socks. Rolling up the cuffs of his pants, he began to walk slowly along the shore, allowing the waves to roll over his feet.

He flipped his collar up when the early fall breeze blew by, hinting at an incoming cold spell. He thought it served his mood perfectly. The summer that had once been his world had ended, bringing the cold cruel reality to crash down upon him.

His happily ever after had truly been a dream not meant for the real world. He should have known that he couldn't bring a fairy tale to life. It couldn't survive the cruelness of fate.

He continued his stroll while thinking of his visits with Olivia, Hana, and Madeleine. His conversations with them had only paused his decision. Even if he were to wait as long as Hana suggested before abdicating, what good would it do? He would still be unable to regain what he had lost.

"Liam?"

He paused and turned to see his father walking towards him.

"May I join you?" Constantine asked.

Liam gave a brisk nod before focusing once more on the waves lapping at his feet.

They walked on in silence for a spell. Constantine glanced every so often at Liam’s face, searching for any word that could possibly help his son.

"Who is next in line to the throne?"

Constantine stopped in his tracks. "Who is next in line?" His eyes narrowed in concern. "Why do you ask?"

Liam shrugged. "Shouldn't an unmarried, childless ruler know these things?"

"Son, you have your whole life stretched before you. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Then--"

"My enemies are at the door." Liam snapped. "Even if I somehow survive them and whatever next hell Cordonia thrusts me into, I will still be without a wife or heir."

Constantine gestured weakly toward a set of lounging chairs. "Sit with me for a moment."

Liam's brief burst of anger turned to resignation when he noticed his father's trembles. Placing an arm around him, he helped ease Constantine down.

Liam took the chair next to his and focused on the ocean. He wondered how he could still find such beauty in it when it had been the final place Riley and Drake had lived.

"I'm going to abdicate, Father." He stated.

Liam was surprised by the silence that followed his declaration. He expected his father to be pleading with him to reconsider or furious for even thinking it.

Instead, he found his father looking more sympathetic than he had ever appeared before.

"I made the same decision when your mother was taken from me." Constantine admitted softly.

Liam's eyes widened. "You did?"

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Your mother was everything to me." His gaze became distant as he was once again in the past. "She was life itself, my strength." His lips curved into a bitter smile. "She never held back her thoughts and opinions on how we should rule." He met Liam's eyes. "I loved her with my entire heart."

Liam ran his hands down his face. "What," his voice was raspy, "what made you decide to remain king?"

"I'm afraid it wasn't one out of duty or believing anyone needed me." Constantine admitted. "My reasons were purely selfish. I knew the only way to find the ones who took my Eleanor from me was to be in absolute power." His hand balled into a fist at the memories. "For years, vengeance kept me focused on my kingly duties."

"When did it change?" Liam asked.

"It was actually you that opened my eyes."

"Me?" Liam's brow furrowed. "What did I do?"

"You were ten years old." Constantine's lips curved into a tender, proud smile. "Leo was his usual, rebellious self. He had just turned sixteen and was supposed to attend his first official ball. He was trying to get out of it when he found out he would be obligated to dance with every visiting nobles’ daughter, regardless of how attractive they were."

Liam's eyes narrowed as he tried to recall that night.

"As I was walking past the ballroom, I heard your gentle, yet firm correction to his behavior. You were reminding him what a good prince was supposed to do. Be there for his subjects. Kind. Understanding. Sacrificial." He chuckled again. "It was just the slap to the face I needed."

Liam slumped back in his chair. "That ideal is meaningless."

Constantine slowly nodded. "If I had heard it after your mother died, I would have dismissed it too." He reached over and placed his hand on top of his son's. "Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds, but it does help in how we view them." He swallowed. "There were years where the very thought of your mother brought me to my knees. Her loss was like a festering wound that never eased."

Liam knew that feeling all too well.

"But now, though I miss her just as much as I did before; my memories of her bring me comfort." He squeezed Liam's hand. "They make me grateful for every single second I was allowed with her."

Liam blew out a shaky breath. "Well, unfortunately I can't find and fight the earthquake that took Riley. I don't see the point in being king for revenge."

"True." Constantine nodded. "But Riley, Drake, and Maxwell believed in you. They went on the unity tour for you, for your reign to be successful. Not for themselves. Not for Cordonia. All because they thought you and you alone were worthy to be king."

Liam swallowed a few times as stray tears fell from his blue eyes. "I don't deserve it. I didn't deserve their faith or..." He huffed while wiping his eyes. "I'm not worth it."

"They would say you are." Constantine swung his legs to the side and pushed himself up. "You remaining king is a way to honor them and their efforts to help you be the best one you can be."

Liam pressed his palms to his eyes as a sob tore through him. When he felt his father's arms come around him, he buried his head against his shoulder while shaking with his cries.

Constantine gently rubbed his back while promising he was there for him. That he wouldn't have to go through this alone, that he had him, Regina, and those of his friends that had survived.

Liam clung to him, unable to speak.

Father and son clung to each other as the sun set.

********************

The next few weeks had Liam attending and speaking at the funerals of those that were no longer with them. He didn't bother to try and mask his heartache in front of his people. The nation was touched by his honesty and mourned with their young king.

Constantine and Regina remained by his side. Olivia and Neville traveled with him to each graveyard. Hana and Madeleine were allowed to attend some of the funerals. Rashad stuck by their sides, even helping to push Hana's wheelchair.

Seeing them each time he took the podium reminded him of why he was doing this. His father's words about honoring his beloved and best friends gave him the strength to speak of the type of people they had been.

He didn't know how he got through those first few weeks. Though it took a great effort, he forced himself to get back to his duties. Routine helped him remain focused on what he needed to do and gave him opportunities to continue to grieve.

The rest of the unity tour was canceled. Liam instead spent his efforts in rebuilding Portivira and in replanting the apple orchard. Out of respect and because he couldn't stand the thought of a ball without Riley, he canceled the rest of the year's planned balls and palace events.

With little chance to catch the king in a position that would bring about his downfall, the Sons of the Earth were soon desperate and making foolish decisions to attack during the daylight. Many were rounded up by Bastien's elite task force. Anton was found holed up in a long forgotten Nevarkis stronghold and died in a shootout with the king's guards.

After months of turmoil and uncertainty, Cordonia was once again in a state of peace.

Constantine lived long enough to see it come about. With his sons and wife at his bedside, he quietly passed away after telling them each how much he loved them.

Liam kept working. After two years, he hosted his first ball, an engagement one for Rashad and Hana. He had smiled and gave a sweet toast to the couple, all while remembering his own happiness he had once had with Riley.

As the years went by, he was able to think back on Riley, Drake, and Maxwell with a soft smile on his face.

Then the fifth year as king, he was approached by Madeleine.

"Liam, I think it's time for you to host another social season with potential suitors."

A denial rose to his lips.

She held up her hand to silence it. "I know, but you need an heir."

"There is already an heir. The throne goes to Olivia if I die."

"Liam." She huffed. "The crown needs to be stable. The people want to see you happy with a family." She shrugged her shoulders. "Cordonians are a sentimental bunch."

A family. That had been his heartfelt wish for years. Could he do that? Have one without his Riley?

"I will think about it." He conceded.

Madeleine smiled at him. "Good." She curtsied and left him alone.

Liam rocked back in his desk chair. He lifted his eyes to the ceiling.

"My love," he whispered. "What should I do? You were the only one I could ever picture myself marrying. Mother to my children." His brow creased. "Am I ready to try to find something that can’t possibly compare to what I had with you?"

He closed his eyes, wishing he could find the answer.

"Liam, dear?"

He opened his eyes and looked up at Regina.

She smiled warmly at him. "You fell asleep. Dinner is ready."

He apologized and rose to follow her out.

He halted mid step as the afternoon sun glinted on Regina's silver hair. The answer he needed was right there. He looked back up to the heavens.

His lips curved softly. "I understand. Though no one can ever compare to you, perhaps I can have the kind of luck my father had."

[lsmu]

Book 2 Chapter 9: That's What You Do To Me

"Shit. What time is it?"

I looked at my watch and saw that it was a little past 8.30 am. It was Friday morning, one day before the MAMA event on Saturday, and I was in Singapore, although not many people knew about this.

As I feared, when I proposed to my direct supervisor in YG about my plan to follow Twice to Singapore, he only laughed and dismissed me from his office. I considered contacting the bosses regarding this, but I knew better. They would not care, so I decided against wasting my time.

Hence, I had to pay for my tickets to Singapore on my own. With all the personal installments and bills I had to pay, as well as that stupid monthly payment I had to make to the bosses, I couldn't afford flying business class, or even taking a proper, respectable airline. Instead, I had to settle for an economy seat on a budget airline. Nevermind, the point was to reach Singapore, right? I reached this country alright.

Actually, I had arrived on Wednesday, similar to Ansel and Minsoo, but I had been avoiding their calls and messages this whole time. Fuck. They would stay at Marina Bay Sands with all the celebrities, right? Me? I had to stay in this budget capsule hotel in Kampong Glam. Fuck it. At least I had a place to rest my eyes for the night and take showers. Basic human necessities. I could live without luxury.

I wondered what Ansel and Minsoo had done these past two days. Minsoo could have brought them on a city tour, right? He looked like that type of a guy. Ansel, well... With all the wealth of SM at his disposal, who knows what he did last night. Dinner at a fancy Michelin-starred restaurant? Clubbing? Shit. If I was still the Production Director, I'd have even more resources to entertain these girls!

But, come to think of it... How would I entertain all nine of them anyway? I had spent the last three days trying to come up with a clever idea to impress them with my limited budget, but so far I had none. Everything seemed expensive in Singapore, from food to items to attractions to event tickets. I still had to pay for my own meals, right? I couldn't just go all the way to Sunday without eating, right?

Beyond that, somehow, there was one thought that I couldn't shake out of my head: That girl Chou Tzuyu. Ever since Chaeyoung stopped short from telling me something about her that night two weeks ago, I couldn't stop thinking and guessing about what it was. The more I thought about it, the more her image was imprinted on my mind.

Gosh... Tzuyu... She was really beautiful wasn't she? I had only met her once, but I couldn't shake this feeling of longing I had for her. Maybe that's why I couldn't think of any ideas to impress Twice. My mind was focused only on Tzuyu, even after I was fucked by a drunk, dominatrix Nayeon two weeks ago, even if I had to fuck Chaeyoung too.

Maybe that was also why I decided to contact Tzuyu last night. I had to pull a few strings from my old connections at JYPE just to get her number. She was surprised when I introduced myself to her on the phone, but she was kind enough to listen to my rambling. When I eventually asked her to go out with me today, she initially asked if I meant all nine of them, but I said no. I only had a budget for one person anyway, and even if I had more, I would still pick her only.

I waited anxiously for her to consider my offer, and miraculously, eventually she agreed. Without thinking, I told her that I would bring her to spend a day at Universal Studios Singapore, and she sounded excited. Only when I ended the call and looked for tickets online did I realise that I might have made a mistake: The ticket price was so expensive! Still, I was a man of honour, so I purchased two tickets for her and myself, even if it meant that I had to skip a couple meals until Sunday.

I took a shower and got dressed, then I took the bus to Marina Bay Sands. When I arrived, I was shocked to see the large crowd of fans and reporters gathering near the lobby entrance. What was happening? Was someone important coming or leaving from this hotel?

Curious, I decided to join in on the crowd, because the way to enter the hotel was blocked by security anyway. I let the crowd push and pull me here and there, until I found myself at the front of the crowd, right behind the metal barrier separating the crowd from the entrance. A few moments later, a van pulled over on the driveway, and from it, four gorgeous girls walked out. When I saw them, I felt my heart stop beating.

It was Blackpink. They all looked faboulous with their matching black leather outfits. Lisa walked out in front, adjusting her sunglasses, waving and smiling to the hundreds of screaming Blinks and barrage of flashing lights from the reporters' cameras. Behind her walked Jennie and Jisoo arm in arm, both looking like a million dollars. Jisoo looked a little different, probably chubbier since the last time she was in Korea four months ago, but still beautiful and cute.

The last one was Rosé, and when I saw her, I realised I had to hide, because she would undoubtedly recognise me immediately, even with all the weights I had lost. I panickedly tried to push back to the second line of fans, but they were pushing forward, so I couldn't move. Shit. Shit! What if she saw me?

Rosé walked past me, and to my horror, she stopped in her tracks. I bent down to hide my face right when she turned to look in my direction. She scanned the crowd for a while, but then she smiled and blew them a kiss, making the Blinks around me scream and cheer even louder, before turning and following the other three girls inside.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Fuck, that was close! The crowd quickly dispersed, but I waited a few more minutes before I stepped inside the lobby. I had to be sure that Blackpink wasn't there.

I walked inside the giant lobby area and looked left and right, partly to make sure that no Blackpink members were around, but also to see if Tzuyu was already waiting for me somewhere. I found neither, so I took out my phone to text that Taiwanese girl.

"Umm.... Hi, Oppa!"

I jolted and looked up, finding Tzuyu standing right in front of me. She looked even more gorgeous than usual in her casual flowery dress, and I found myself at a loss of words.

"Chu... Young oppa? You okay?" she asked me quizzically. "Y—Yeah! Hi! No, I'm fine!" I stuttered.

Tzuyu smiled, but somehow I noticed that she looked annoyed. I was alarmed, and thought that she was annoyed that she had to spend the day with me. Did I come across wrongly by asking her to spend the day with me? I had to be sure.

"A–are you okay, Tzuyu?" I asked her. She realised that I had noticed her sour face, and she shook her head and smiled. "Y–Yeah, I'm fine! Don't worry. It's just... Umm... Nayeon-unnie..." she trailed off.

I looked at her puzzledly, and she looked back and smiled. She sighed.

"It's... She frustrates me," she told me. "How so?" My thoughts were going places. Did the dominatrix Nayeon do something to her? "Well... I told the girls and Minsoo-Oppa about you asking me out today, and they genuinely looked happy. Sure, they teased me, but I'm used to it and it didn't bother me. But Nayeon-unnie... She kept pestering me about you," she said, her tone becoming increasingly frustrated with every word she spoke.

"Pestering... About me?" I asked her, still not understanding. She nodded. "Yeah... It's like... She's got something against you, I don't know why! She even told me not to go, right when I was about to leave the room just now!" she complained. "Why?" I asked her, totally confused. "I don't know!" she exclaimed rather loudly, then she toned down her voice, "... I—I don't know..."

I stared at her. Nayeon did say that I looked like someone she recognised from YG. Was she really an IPG agent? She was dead drunk that night, right? Did she recognise me as Kwak Jinyoung, and was afraid that I might take advantage of Tzuyu?

"I mean... I'm 28 years old! I'm a grown woman! Why does she have to keep treating me like I was still a little girl?" she said exasperatedly.

I didn't know how to reply. Deep down, I knew Nayeon must have cared so much about her maknae that she told her this, but from Tzuyu's point of view, she could have misunderstood Nayeon's care as her being nosy and overprotective. Other than that, this was bad. Tzuyu clearly wasn't in the best of moods today, and it might make the entire day go badly. I cleared my throat.

"W–Well... I'm sure she means well. She must have cared for her pretty maknae so much," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Tzuyu glared at me, but then she sighed.

"I... I know, it's just... Let's not talk about this anymore, right?" she said, before forcing a beautiful smile, "I'm sorry... I should be enjoying the day with you!"

I smiled nervously. At least her mind was on the right track.

"Y–yeah. Right. I mean... Let's forget about Nayeon for a while. Shall we... Get going?" I asked her.

To my relief, Tzuyu smiled wider and nodded, and we started walking out of the hotel.

"Umm... Where are you taking me today?" she asked me slowly as we walked across the road towards the shopping mall. "Oh, it's..." I scrambled and took out my phone to show her the online tickets I had purchased. "Universal Studios!"

Her eyes widened and she let out a cute little scream.

"Omo! Jinjja? We're really going to Universal Studios?" she asked me excitedly. I chuckled. "Y–Yeah... I kinda told you last night," I told her, feeling silly. "... D–Did you think I was lying?" "No, no! It's just... I think I was kinda sleepy last night when you called me, so I think I wasn't hearing you right, but... Wow! It's been soooo long since the last time I visited any theme park!" she said, sounding so excited.

I chuckled. My first impression of Tzuyu was that she was a real-life princess, prim and proper, but today suddenly she seemed so bubbly and happy, just like a teenage girl. One thing that didn't change though was my heart; it kept fluttering every time I saw that gorgeous, dimpled smile of hers.

We walked towards the MRT station beneath the shopping mall, and hopped on to the first train towards HarbourFront. It was a long ride, and the closer we got to our destination, the more people entered the train. We had to give up our seats for a family with young children, and for the final two stations I found myself standing side by side with Tzuyu. She kept giggling when she saw me trying hard to keep my balance in the speeding train.

We arrived at HarbourFront Station a few minutes later, and honestly, I was lost. There were just so many people around, all walking quickly here and there, and I struggled to find our exit. Tzuyu stared at me for a while, but then she laughed and grabbed my arm.

"Come on, Oppa! This way!" she said, then she started running towards one direction. "E–Eh? Hang on, Tzuyu!" I said, following her in a hurry.

Tzuyu ran swiftly through the crowd, and in no time, we had climbed the escalator up to VivoCity Mall. Fuck. Malls in Singapore were so big, it got even more confusing. Luckily, Tzuyu seemed to know her way around this mall. She guided me masterfully, and in no time we had reached the monorail station that would bring us to Sentosa Island, where Universal Studios Singapore was located.

"Wow... Tzuyu! Have you ever lived in Singapore or something?" I asked her, trying to catch my breath from all the running. She giggled cutely. "No, no... But I had visited Singapore multiple times with my family before, so... I kinda know my way around," she said. "Ah... No wonder!" I said.

The tall girl smiled again, and I noticed that her nose wrinkled a little bit every time she did so. I felt my face blushed, but she seemed not to notice this. Tzuyu walked towards the ticketing booth and purchased two monorail tickets for us. I scrambled to take out my wallet, but she shook her head.

"It's on me, Oppa. Don't worry!" she said happily.

I knew she meant what she said, so I decided to just thank her. She walked happily towards the monorail platform, and soon we left the mainland and crossed over to Sentosa Island. We reached Resorts World station and walked a short distance, and then, there it was.

The Universal globe fountain was towering in the middle of the entrance area. I heard Tzuyu giggling in excitement next to me. I found myself smiling too. What was it about theme parks that made people so happy?

"Oppa, do you... Want to take a photo in front of the globe?" she asked me suddenly. I looked at her in surprise. "Y–You want that? Y–Yeah! Sure!" I said, still not believing my ears.

Tzuyu smiled cutely and walked towards the globe. She stood in front of it, waiting for me. I walked and stood beside her awkwardly, pulling out my phone and opening the camera app. She chuckled when she saw the screen.

"We need to get someone to take our picture, don't you think?" she said.

She was right. We couldn't fit the entire globe in the frame like this. I nodded and was about to approach the nearest tourist, but she stopped me.

"Let me," she said, taking the phone.

She approached the tourist and confidently asked him in Mandarin. Only then did I notice that the tourist was Chinese, and I realised that he would be more open to take our picture if asked in his mother tongue. The gentleman smiled and agreed, taking the phone from Tzuyu's hand.

"I heard him speaking Mandarin earlier," she explained to me as she returned to my side. I smiled and nodded.

Tzuyu made a finger heart and smiled, and I made the peace sign, awkwardly. The guy counted down in Mandarin 'Yi, Er, San!', then he snapped our pic. Tzuyu was about to approach him to take back the phone, but he looked at the result and frowned. He said something in Mandarin while waving his hand to Tzuyu, and the girl laughed and nodded.

"What did he say?" I asked her. "He said we should stand closer to each other," she said shyly. I felt my heart beating a little faster.

We scooted closer to each other, but to my annoyance, the man still didn't snap the picture. He said another thing in Mandarin and Tzuyu actually blushed and shook her head, but the man insisted, so Tzuyu turned to face me.

"He said... You should... Put your hand around me," she uttered, sounding so embarrassed.

I glared at the man, but he grinned wide and nodded, as if reassuring me. I laughed awkwardly, and with my heart beating so fast, I put my hand around Tzuyu's midriff. The man nodded satisfactorily and snapped a few pictures of us. He looked at the results with satisfaction before returning the phone to Tzuyu, who thanked him.

"Jeez... That guy!" I said.

Tzuyu laughed and returned the phone to me. I looked at the photos, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling while looking at them.

"It's... Cute, though," she said what I thought out loud. I chuckled. "Umm... You want to... Enter?" I asked her. She smiled and nodded. "Let's go!"

She skipped towards the theme park entrance, humming a weird tune. I laughed and sighed. She was simply so cute and adorable, wasn't she?

We entered Universal Studios. It was mid December, but the sun was shining brightly and the weather was so nice and warm, unlike the cold and gloom of a Korean winter. At first I was surprised to see so many children inside the theme park, but then I remembered that they must have already been on school holiday by now.

Tzuyu looked like she enjoyed herself so much, which made me glad. She immediately wanted to try all the rides, and she proved to be fearless. She brought me first to the Battlestar Galactica roller coaster, one of the highlights of the theme park. I thought it was a normal roller coaster, so I agreed happily, until right before I was about to be strapped in the seat next to her, I realized that our legs would be hanging free in the air, without cover.

"H–Hang on! Hang on, Tzuyu! Are you sure this is safe?" I protested nervously. She laughed out loud. "Of course it is, Oppa! Come! Don't be afraid!" she exclaimed confidently, already strapped in and looking comfortable.

In fear, I sat next to her and strapped myself in. I felt my hands were cold and trembling, but when I looked at her, she only looked back and smiled cutely. Shit. She really had no fear, right?

"Hang tight!" she exclaimed again. "What?"

Before I could do anything, the ride started. It climbed slowly initially, but having been on a few roller coasters before, so I knew the worst was just about to come. I held my breath as the cart reached the top, and then... The drop.

"FUUUUUUCKKKKK...!!!!!" I screamed from the top of my lungs. "WOOO-HOO!!!!" screamed Tzuyu happily, throwing her long arms up in the air.

The roller coaster tumbled and turned dizzyingly, and for some weird reasons I couldn't close my eyes. I tried looking at Tzuyu, and to my amazement and confusion, she looked totally happy, laughing and screaming loudly. Hearing her laugh, slowly, I started laughing too, and soon my fear and dread subsided. When the roller coaster finally came to a stop, I found myself wanting more.

We took another round of the roller coaster, and this time around I enjoyed it more. After we got off it, Tzuyu looked at me and smiled.

"I'm hungry, Oppa. Are you hungry?" she asked me cutely.

I looked at my watch, and saw that it was already midday. Only then did I feel my stomach rumbling. I nodded and smiled.

"I'm hungry too. Let's eat!" I said happily.

We went out of the roller coaster area to look for lunch. Tzuyu picked the nearest fish and chips stand, and we ordered two servings with two large cups of soda on the side. The fish and chips looked so good, deep fried to crispy crunchy golden brown.

"Jalmokhaesubnida!" exclaimed Tzuyu as she took her first bite. I chuckled and ate too. It was indeed good!

We smiled at each other while eating the fish and chips, enjoying the crunch of the batter and the juiciness of the fish. Suddenly, Tzuyu turned around, looking in the opposite direction.

"What is it, Tzuyu?" I asked her, alarmed.

She didn't reply, but kept staring in one direction. She furrowed her brow and squinted her eyes, as if trying to find something... Or someone. After a few seconds, she looked back.

"What is it?" I asked again. She shook her head. "No... It's just... I thought I saw someone. Must be just my thought," she said dismissively.

I looked at the direction she looked in for a few moments, but then I decided to just forget about it. I shrugged. If she said it was just her thought, then she must be right.

We enjoyed the rest of the day, trying almost every ride and went to almost all the shows in Universal Studios. We ended up riding the Battlestar Galactica roller coaster twice more, and by the third time, I could already fully enjoy it.

Evening came, and we walked out happily out of the theme park. Tzuyu had bought a cute bear ears headpiece and wore it confidently, which made me chuckle every time I saw her. She simply looked so cute.

"Gosh... What a great day! Thanks, Oppa!" she exclaimed as we rode the monorail back to VivoCity. I chuckled. "I'm glad you had fun," I said, genuinely feeling happy for the first time in quite some time. She smiled. "'Had'? Are you going to send me back to the hotel now?" she asked teasingly. I laughed in surprise. Wait. What? "W–Well... Not really, no. I was about to ask you to grab some dinner, if you want to," I said tentatively.

She smiled that dimpled smile, adorably wrinkling her nose again.

"Yes, please..." she uttered cutely.

To be completely honest, I hadn't had any idea where to take this girl for dinner. Again, my budget was limited, so I knew my options were too. I looked at her as she looked outside the train, and then an idea came to me: She was Taiwanese. Why not bring her to Chinatown? There must be some good Chinese restaurants there that were more friendly to my budget. I decided that that was the best option.

"Umm... Tzuyu," I called her. "Yes?" "What do you say we go to... Chinatown, for dinner?" I proposed. Her eyes lit up. "Yes, please! So many great foods there!" she exclaimed happily. I chuckled. "Alright, Chinatown it is, then!"

We took the Purple Line train to Chinatown station, which was only two stops away. As we went out, again I was overwhelmed by just how many people were around. What further amazed me was just how no one seemed to care to even look at Tzuyu. I knew at least some of the younger Singaporeans would recognise her as an international superstar, but even them didn't seem to care. They just walked quickly.

Tzuyu didn't seem to be bothered, though. She just walked happily, smiling as she looked at the beautiful red lanterns and old shophouses lining the streets on both sides. I couldn't help but smile looking at her, and then I realised I had been smiling for no reason every time I looked at her today, it was almost as if I was put under a spell. But she just seemed so pure and innocent, even after spending twelve long years being part of this crooked K-pop industry.

How was that even possible? I always thought that to be able to even survive in this industry, you'd have to play dirty. I always thought that Suzy was a hypocrite for starting the IPG after being used by Park Manse, and that she'd already been famous anyways. But Tzuyu... Tzuyu had never been subjected to any sexual harassment from any executive nor agreed to any sexual demand from anyone in exchange of her success. Not that I knew of. Sure, she was a JYPE idol, and that company had always been clean because of Suzy's influence on JYP himself, but still... How could she stay so innocent after all these years?

"Where are we going to eat, Oppa?" asked Tzuyu suddenly, waking me up from my thoughts. "O–Oh. Right. Hmm... Let's see..." I stuttered.

I approached a seafood restaurant nearby, but when I looked at the menu I knew immediately that it was beyond my budget. I tried the Chinese restaurant next to it, but again it was over budget. Suddenly, I heard Tzuyu giggling from behind me.

"Oppa! Let's find another place, shall we? I don't want to eat at these fancy places," she said.

I looked at her quizzically and felt a little embarrassed. Did she notice that I had a limited budget? Tzuyu smiled and beckoned me to follow her, so I did. Once again, she proved that she knew her way around town, as she took me through a labyrinth of alleys between shops, until we reached an open air food court. It looked anything but fancy, and the people eating there were also looking very... Normal.

"My dad used to bring me here when I was little," she told me as I stepped in and stood next to her. I nodded. "What's good here?" I asked her. She giggled. "Are you... Okay with offals?" she asked me tentatively. "Offals?" I asked in surprise. "Y–Yeah, sure."

She smiled and walked towards a stall. On the glass panel, large letters were printed on red cut-out stickers: Kway Chap.

"Kway... Chap?" I tried spelling. She nodded excitedly. "Braised pork organs stew! You really should try it! It's really good!" she exclaimed.

I shrugged and let her do the ordering. She ordered two portions to the owner of the stall in perfect Mandarin, and soon two large plates of delicious looking pork organs stew were served, along with two bowls of brown coloured steamed rice. This time she allowed me to pay, and to my surprise, it only cost me 10 Singapore Dollars for the meal.

"Wow! Ten dollars for all these?" I asked, still not believing. Tzuyu laughed. "I know right? That's the beauty of cheap eats!" she said excitedly as we sat by a nearby table.

The dish did look good, and as soon as I tasted it, the sweet savoury flavor immediately got me hooked. I watched Tzuyu squeal happily and started eating. She concentrated on her food and ate deliciously, and I laughed as I stared at her. She looked up and wrinkled her nose again.

"What?" she asked, chuckling. "No, no... It's... I'm still amazed that a global K-pop star can eat in a place like this," I said, before adding quickly, "I mean it in a positive way, by the way!"

Tzuyu chuckled and finished chewing the food in her mouth, before sighing.

"Well... I don't think being a K-pop idol changes anything about me," she said while looking around. "I still love eating out in cheap places like this... It reminds me so much of Taipei... Of my family, my parents..."

She trailed off, smiling as she let her happy memories take her away. I stared at her and smiled. I guessed you could stay pure and innocent in this industry if you have a happy, loving family like hers. I simply didn't have that luxury.

My parents divorced when I was little, and after I stayed with my dad, he was always drunk, harsh and abusive, before passing away when I was in middle school. I then had to stay with my aunt–my dad's older sister–but she was always busy working, so I never really had the parental figures I desperately needed as a young man. I was lucky enough to always have a good score in school, and I entered YG right after college and military service, then I met the bosses...

"Also..." she said, then she said her next words in a hushed voice. "... I know that you don't have as much budget as Minsoo-oppa and Ansel-ssi... So... Yeah."

I felt bad hearing her words, so I looked down.

"I'm–Sorry, Tzuyu... YG didn't fund me... So... I had to do it from my own pocket. I can't even ask all nine of you out," I said embarrassedly, but she shook her head rapidly. "No, no! Don't be sorry, Oppa! I... Mean it in a positive way," she said, giggling. "I'm happy to spend a day alone with you anyway..."

Her last words surprised me. Did she really say that? Did she just say that she was happy to spend a day with me? I looked at Tzuyu again. She had returned to enjoying her kway chap.

Slowly, I smiled. I understood now why I liked this Taiwanese girl so much. She reminded me of someone I knew from my past, someone I only had happy memories about. Should I tell her about this?

"Tzuyu..." I uttered. She looked up, mouth still full. "Hm?" "I..." I paused, then I smiled as I decided against telling her. "... Nevermind. Let's enjoy the food!"

She nodded and continued eating, and I followed suit. The food was gone in a flash, and we left the food court sipping lime juice.

"Where to next?" I found myself asking her for directions now. She chuckled. "Well... Clarke Quay is nearby, just one station away... We can sit by the Singapore River and... Maybe have some boba?" she offered. I smiled and agreed with her. She was Taiwanese through and through, wasn't she?

We took the train to Clarke Quay, went to the nearest boba stall, and bought two large cups of them. We walked along the river and sat down on a long bench, looking at the river, slurping our boba drink happily.

"This is nice..." she uttered, stretching her long torso.

I smiled and looked at her. Again, I thought about telling her about my thoughts from earlier, and this time, I felt like it was a good time to do so.

"You know... You remind me so much of someone..." I said. She looked at me quizzically. "Really? Who?" she asked me. I smiled and looked away. "My mom..." I said. A gasp left her mouth. "Your mom? Oppa... Do I really look that old?" she asked jokingly. I laughed. "No, no! I didn't mean it that way... It's... She's Chinese, too," I said truthfully. Again, Tzuyu gasped. "Really? I didn't know that! You're half-Chinese?" she asked in surprise.

I nodded and smiled.

"You must be close with your mom," she said, smiling. I shook my head. "Not really... My parents got divorced when I was younger, and then I lived with my dad, so I didn't have that much memory of her. But... What I do remember is that she was always so kind, so graceful, so... Pure and innocent..." I said, smiling as I tried to recall my mother's memory.

I turned to look at her. I felt my heart pumping in my chest as I thought about what I was going to say next.

"... And she had this beautiful dimpled smile... Just like you," I said sincerely.

Tzuyu stared at me with her beautiful eyes for a while, then she giggled shyly and looked away. Wait. Did she just blush?

"Where is she now? Do you know?" she asked me after a while. I nodded.

"Yeah... She... Passed away a few years ago. She's in a better place now," I said slowly. "I'm sorry, Oppa..." she whispered. I smiled and looked towards the river.

We sat there silently, two people in a foreign country, looking at the river. She looked at me after a while and smiled.

"You know, Oppa..." she uttered softly. "You too remind me of someone I know..." "I do?" I asked her, chuckling. She nodded.

"Yeah. My older brother. He's in Taiwan, continuing my family's business," she said, before looking away again. "I miss him so much..."

"In what ways do I remind you of him?" I asked her, feeling curious. She chuckled. "Both of you are a little awkward, both of you were afraid of roller coasters..." she said. I laughed. "That's all?" I asked her, feeling a little silly.

She giggled and looked at me.

"You're both kind..." she uttered.

Kind. No one ever described me as kind before. I stared at her, and I knew my face was blushing, because my heart was pumping faster than ever before.

I understood this feeling. It was a feeling that I had not felt for a long, long time. Somehow, all other thoughts had gone away; the thought of my debts to the bosses, the thought of my mission to convince Twice to move to YG, the thought of what I did in the past. My heart was beating louder. I knew only one feeling could make my heart beat that way.

Tzuyu looked around, then she took a deep breath and smiled at me.

"Should we head back? It's... Almost 10," she said, waking me up from my daydream. "Y–Yeah. Sure. Let's head back," I said.

We walked back to the MRT station and took the train back to Marina Bay silently. I tried to start a conversation, but somehow words seemed lost from me. We simply smiled at each other every time our eyes met, and somehow, I felt that was enough.

We reached the hotel a little after ten, and as we stepped into the lobby, I somehow felt sad that this day had to end so soon. There was still so much I wanted to say to her, even if I didn't have a clue what it was all about. I simply wished I could spend more time with her.

"Well, thanks for the day, Oppa... It was great," she said as she stood by the lift lobby. I nodded and smiled. "I'm the one who should thank you, Tzuyu... I'd be lost without your knowledge of Singapore," I said. She chuckled. "Let's... Go out again... Someday?" she said shyly. I felt my heart was about to burst. "Y–Yeah. Let's. Good... Good night, Tzuyu," I said.

She smiled, bowed awkwardly, and was about to turn to walk to the lift, but then a thought crossed her mind.

"Oppa, where are you staying?" she asked me. "Oh? It's... It's a hotel at... Kampong Glam," I said, suddenly feeling small. "Kampong Glam? What... What kind of hotel?" she probed.

Her question made me feel really insecure. Should I tell her the truth?

"It's... A... Capsule hotel," I said, deciding not to lie.

Her eyes widened in surprise, and she clasped her hand to her open mouth.

"Oppa! You simply can't stay in a capsule hotel!" she said incredulously. I chuckled. "Well... That's all I can afford from my own pocket," I said, defeated, but then I realised she had walked towards the lobby entrance again. "W–wait! Tzuyu, where are you going?" I asked her as I followed her hurriedly. "To get a taxi!" she said, sounding serious. "What? Where are you going?" I asked her again. She didn't reply, and went to the most luxurious looking taxi that was waiting at the taxi stand. "Just follow me," she said as she went in.

I followed her inside, and she mentioned an address to the driver. The car zoomed away, and before long, we reached the famous Orchard Road. The taxi pulled over in a hotel at Somerset, and as I stepped out of the car, I realised that it was a luxury, five star hotel.

Tzuyu didn't say anything as she stepped out of the car, and she walked with conviction towards the reception. I had to run a little to catch up with her broad steps, taken by her long legs.

"Tzuyu, wait!" I said breathlessly.

She didn't reply to me, but she spoke to the receptionist in Mandarin, and showed her a card she took from her purse. When the receptionist looked at it, she gasped, and ran inside to the back office. Soon, an older gentleman–which I assumed to be the hotel manager from his outfit–went out, and both him and the receptionist bowed deeply towards Tzuyu. The receptionist then worked hastily on her computer as the manager talked respectfully towards Tzuyu. What was happening?

A minute later, the manager handed a keycard to Tzuyu on a tray, before bowing deeply again. Tzuyu picked the card, said something to him again in Mandarin, turned to look at me and smiled happily, waving the keycard. Hang on. What was she thinking?

"I got you a room," she said.

The manager approached us and bowed again, before speaking in English.

"The Presidential Suite is ready now, Miss Chou. Please follow me," he said respectfully.

Tzuyu nodded and started walking, but I grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Wait! Tzuyu! You can't just open a suite in a hotel like this for me!" I said, fearing that she had opened the room for me using JYPE's budget.

Tzuyu looked at me puzzledly.

"Why not?" she asked me. "I mean... It's simply not right! You... Minsoo would get in trouble if you spend a fortune like this on someone from outside the company!" I said frustratedly.

To my surprise, Tzuyu laughed. She held my hand and pulled me to start walking with her.

"I'm not using the company's budget, Oppa..." she whispered to me. I was confused. "Wait... What? Then...?"

Tzuyu giggled as we entered the VIP lift with the manager.

"This hotel... Is partly owned by my family. I'm a minority shareholder," she whispered again.

I looked at her in shock, but she only smiled beautifully and looked away. Only then did I realise that she was from a really wealthy Taiwanese family, so it made total sense. She was indeed a real life princess, wasn't she? Gosh... This girl never stopped to amaze me!

We reached the suite, and the manager opened the door for us. He bowed respectfully by the door as Tzuyu led me to enter the room.

"I've arranged for Mr. Nam's luggage to be taken from his previous accommodation," he informed Tzuyu. "Is there anything else I can do for you, Miss Chou?"

Tzuyu thought for a moment, before smiling.

"Maybe a bottle of your finest champagne for us?" she ordered politely. "But of course," the manager answered. "With compliments from the hotel. It's an honor to host you here in Singapore, Miss Chou!"

He bowed again and went out of the suite, closing the door gently. Tzuyu smiled as I looked around the room. It was so luxurious, almost as big as a large apartment unit, located in a prime location in Seoul. I looked at Tzuyu, still not believing what just happened.

"Tzuyu... I'm... I don't know what to say. Thank you... So much," I said, struggling for words.

Tzuyu giggled and, to my surprise, she walked slowly towards me. I felt my heart pumping so fast again. She stopped just a few inches in front of me, and stared at my eyes.

"T... Tzuyu?"

She smiled, and suddenly she placed her hands on my shoulders. I looked at her beautiful face, unable to say anything. I felt my face burn red.

"You don't have to thank me, Oppa... I always want the best for the people I love," she said softly.

Now I knew I was dreaming. This wasn't real, right? Twice's Tzuyu didn't just say that I was one of the people she loves, right? Or she must have meant it in a friendly way, right?

"W–What? What did you say?" I found myself blurting out those words before I even had the chance to think about it.

Tzuyu giggled. She leaned in closer. Hang on. Hang on!

"I said... I always want the best for the people I love, Oppa..." she whispered, and she leaned even closer. "... And from the moment I met you in that restaurant in Seoul... I knew I loved you."

She closed her eyes and leaned even closer. My defense crumbled. Her last words finally did it. It was love at first sight alright.

"I... love you too, Tzu..." I whispered. I closed my eyes, and gently, I leaned forward, and our lips met.

We kissed softly, gently. Her thin lips felt so delicious, so precious, so delicate. My hands went up without me commanding them, resting on her lower back, softly embracing her. I felt like we kissed for an eternity, and even then it was still not over. Naturally, I felt my cock starting to get hard, but I didn't care. It wasn't the lust I felt tonight. It was pure love, something I hadn't felt for so, so long.

Tzuyu's hands slipped down from my shoulders to my chest. She caressed it slowly, sending currents of electricity all over my body. I found my hands slipping down from her lower back, resting just above her thick, large butt. I knew I wanted to just slip down and squeeze those succulent parts of hers, but I stopped myself from doing it.

For once, I wanted to respect a woman. I wanted to love her, not her body. But suddenly, Tzuyu pulled back. Shit. Did she notice the movement of my hands and was offended?

"I... I..." I said, trying to find words to defend myself, but she only smiled that enchantingly gorgeous dimpled smile. "It's alright, Oppa..." she whispered.

With that, she gently grabbed both of my hands, and she placed it on her thick, juicy butt. I felt my cock was about to rip open my pants. Her buttcheeks felt so big, so juicy, thick, firm, and soft, unlike anything I had ever touched before. Tzuyu giggled.

"I know you stared at my butt when I left the restaurant two weeks ago," she whispered. I felt really embarrassed. "I... I'm sorry," I said. But she shook her head. "No. I like it," she said cutely, then she leaned in again, and we kissed again.

We kissed more passionately this time, our tongues entering each other's mouths. My hands kneaded her big butt ravenously, thoroughly enjoying the sensation. My dick felt hurt being confined within my trousers, but it didn't matter. It was worth it.

She pulled back again, and this time, I knew what that look on her face was telling me. With trembling hands, I let go of her big butt, and I pulled the strings from behind her dress. It loosened up, before dropping gracefully to the floor. She reached to unbuckle my pants, and it too dropped to the floor, along with my boxer shorts. My dick was finally free, standing tall, pointing at the woman I loved with strong intentions.

I stared at her perfect body, covered only in her underwear. She was a few centimeters taller than me, and her body was simply perfect. Her tits were small but firm looking, her hips were surprisingly wide, and her legs were long and slender, slyly hiding the fact that behind all that she had a really big butt. Tzuyu giggled as she looked at my rock hard dick, then she sighed and looked up to my eyes.

"This... Will be my first time," she whispered. I was shocked. "Really? You've never done it before?" I asked her. She chuckled and shook her head. "No. I had sex with Nayeon-unnie a few times... But I never allowed her to penetrate me," she said.

I couldn't believe my ears. One, was she really strong enough to refuse Nayeon.. The dominatrix Nayeon? And two, who was I that I was chosen to be the one who took Tzuyu's virginity?

"Gosh, Tzuyu... I love you so much..." I said the only thing that was on my mind. Tzuyu smiled and kissed me again.

My hands couldn't resist the temptation of her big butt, and once again I squeezed and kneaded them. Her hand was slipping down, but just when they were about to touch my cock, suddenly, she stopped.

"What is it?" I asked her.

She didn't reply, but she turned to look at the door. Was the champagne coming? But why did she look so angry all of a sudden?

"Tzuyu?"

She let go of me, and she let out a frustrated groan. In a surprisingly angry manner, she stomped her way to the door. She reached the handle and yanked the door open.

"Why do you keep following me this entire day?" she yelled.

Im Nayeon was standing at the door, looking shell-shocked.

"Answer me, Unnie! Why do you keep following me this entire day? You followed me to Universal Studios, you followed me to Chinatown, you even followed me here!" Tzuyu yelled angrily.

Nayeon looked apologetic.

"I... I just want to keep you safe, Tzu..." she said. Tzuyu was having none of it. "Safe? Did you see anything dangerous that I did today? Huh?" yelled Tzuyu.

Nayeon glared at her.

"I just had to be sure!" she shot back. "I'm not a little girl anymore, Unnie! I can make my own decision!" shouted Tzuyu.

Nayeon looked inside the room, at me, who was standing there confusedly, without my pants on. She scoffed.

"Really? Because from what I see, you are about to lose your virginity to a man you barely knew, whom you just met two weeks ago!" the unnie replied angrily.

Nayeon's words silenced Tzuyu for a second, but Tzuyu scoffed.

"Are you jealous, Unnie? Are you jealous of Chuyoung-Oppa?" shot Tzuyu. "Just because I love having sex with you, that doesn't mean you own me, Unnie!"

Nayeon was taken aback.

"That's beside the point, Tzuyu!" she yelled, evidently offended. "Really? Then what's the point? TELL ME!" screamed Tzuyu. "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SAFE, TZUYU!" Nayeon exploded. She looked like she was on the verge of crying. "I AM SAFE!" screamed Tzuyu back. "ARE YOU, NOW? WAKE UP, LITTLE GIRL! YOU'RE JUST ABOUT TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY IF I DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM BEING FUCKED BY THIS GUY!" yelled Nayeon, pointing at me, tears flowing from her eyes.

Nayeon and Tzuyu glared at each other, both breathing raggedly. Nayeon's words didn't offend me, for she actually made total sense. Tzuyu hadn't known me that long, and she shouldn't be engaging in a sexual act with me so willingly like this.

"I... am not... a little girl," spelled Tzuyu, her voice trembling with rage. "Tzuyu... Please. I only don't want anything bad to happen to you..." pleaded Nayeon. She was practically sobbing right now. "You never even try to understand me," said Tzuyu. "Tzuyu..." begged Nayeon. "Just shut up..." uttered Tzuyu.

She turned and walked back towards me, picking up her dress and wore it back on with haste. I tried reaching for her arm, but she pulled her arm away. She looked up at me, and I saw tears flooding her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Oppa..." she whispered bitterly.

She ran out of the room, passing the distraught looking Nayeon.

"Tzuyu! Wait! Tzuyu, please...!" called Nayeon, but I heard no answer.

Nayeon glanced at me for a second, but then she closed the door and ran away, calling her maknae again and again.

I fell to the sofa, feeling like shit. I sat there silently for a long time, staring at the door. What had just happened? Why did a beautiful day end up so horribly like this?

From Nayeon's point of view, I knew she was doing the right thing, and to be honest, I agreed with her. Tzuyu was too impulsive, falling in love with a practical stranger like me was never the best thing to do. What if I was still myself from last year? I would simply pounced on the opportunity to fuck a pretty idol like her. Nayeon didn't know that I had actually fallen for Tzuyu, so she did the right thing to protect her member.

But... From Tzuyu's point of view, she was also not wrong. The feeling we shared was real, or so I thought. Was it her mistake that she fell in love at the first sight of me? I didn't even try to do anything two weeks ago, heck... I stumbled around my presentation and was totally awkward. But still, somehow, she fell in love. Was it a sin for humans to fall in love with the unlikeliest of a person?

The doorbell rang, starling me. I wore my pants, opened the door and found a hotel staff member waiting for me with my luggage and a tray of champagne. I let him in, and he placed my suitcase properly in the wardrobe and the champagne on the bar. I thanked him, gave him a little tip, and showed him out.

I sighed as I walked back inside. Shit... Even when I was just about to get lucky, bad luck always strikes back. But somehow, it felt different tonight. Somehow, I felt a huge sense of hope within me. Somehow, I knew what I shared with Tzuyu was real. I didn't know if it was love... But it surely felt like one. What is love anyway? I want to know...

I sat at the bar, opened the champagne, and poured myself a flute. How I wished I was drinking this with Tzuyu, maybe after an explosive sex, celebrating the loss of her virginity. I sighed and shook my head. No, I shouldn't think of her that way. I wouldn't allow the one memory I took away from this day to be the sexual intercourse that never was.

I looked at the notepad and pencil that was on the table, then I looked at the champagne flute that was on my hand. Somehow, a set of words I was really familiar with came to my mind. Somehow, those words described what I felt this entire day perfectly.

When I was with her, something magical happened. I kept smiling for no reason, though there was nothing going on. It was as if a spell was cast upon me, and now, even when it was near midnight, I felt like I could stay up all night without feeling sleepy. All other thoughts went away, and my heart beat a little louder. Suddenly, love felt so easy, so I fell deeper and deeper for her. That was what she did to me.

Smiling, I took the notepad and pencil, and started writing my letter for Tzuyu.

[coreastories]

The Ribbon

Interlude in Days and Nights of Forever (AO3)

Directly follows Corea News: Outstanding Royals: The King’s Birthday

Pieces of Paper and The Morning Before apparently affected me more than I realized 

Let’s have an interlude. This is smut-fluff. I just need some fluffy sweetness between husband and wife. 

Tae-Eul felt tears rise in her eyes as Gon kissed her heatedly. In the back of her head, very very far back, she knew Jangmi and Yeong were in the car with them and probably trying not to see them, but she didn’t care. 

Gon’s thumbs wiped the tears that spilled past her eyelashes without stopping his kiss, and he moved from her lips to her cheeks, peppering her face with kisses. She loved his breath against her skin, his lips, the wet heat of his tongue when he drew her earlobe into his mouth.

“I missed you,” he whispered against her ear. “Did you miss me?”

She nodded, wrapping her arms around him tighter.  

She took her turn in kissing his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead, both sides of his nose, which made him chuckle against her. She pressed her lips to his, bit his lower lip, and soothed it with another kiss. Then she snuggled against him, leaning on his side and shoulder, their arms intertwined between them. He pressed his cheek against her head. She held his hand with both of hers in her lap.

The drive didn’t last that long. When the car stopped, Gon didn’t wait for someone to open his door. He pushed it open and gently pulled her with him. 

Yeong had driven them straight to the pocket garden and the French doors that led to their study. Once inside, Gon removed his coat. He pulled Tae-Eul against him and just held her like that, his arms crossed around her back, hands at her waist. Tae-Eul pressed her cheek against his cashmere, loving the feel of being completely wrapped in him. 

She could hear his heart beating. 

“How are you?” “I’m fine. Have you eaten?”

“Before the flight.” She felt him kiss her hair. “I should take a bath.” 

Tae-Eul leaned back in their embrace and smiled up at him. “Let’s get you into a bath then.”

The hallways leading to their room were already emptied. Between the study and their bedroom, Gon had completely undone her bun and made her slightly unsteady so he had to support her the last few steps to their door. 

He didn’t let go until her knees locked again underneath her. He looked entirely too pleased about that. Tae-Eul slapped him on the shoulder and then used the same hand to fan her face as she pushed off him to the en suite. She kicked off her shoes on the way there. 

She turned on the taps at the tub. He was right behind her, already barefooted. She turned to him and pulled his turtleneck out of his trousers and then up, over his head. She let the black cashmere drop on the floor because he had already tugged her for another kiss, another hug, and she ran her hands over his skin, loving the familiar heat and… electricity. She could swear her fingertips were tingling. So she pressed them gently against his skin to soothe them. 

She felt water lap against her feet. 

“Oh!” 

He held her arm and waist firmly as she dove to turn off the taps. They laughed and he kept his hold on her as she dumped his bath salts in the water. 

“Get in there and get clean.” 

“Join me?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Really?”

As she expected, he shook his head ruefully. “No. Not safe. Wait for me.” He led her back to their bedroom, not letting go of her hand until she was on dry floor. She smiled at him and pushed him in the direction of the tub. 

She retrieved her shoes, went to their walk-in wardrobe, and changed out of her dress. He’d been gone for two weeks. It was the longest they’d been apart, not counting certain circumstances. 

Two weeks. That meant she no longer had to think or second-guess putting on a particular floor-length, silk nightgown. It was a Queens Day gift from Seung-ah, and Tae-Eul hadn’t taken it out of the box since she first opened the gift. 

Now, however, two weeks was enough to give her the gumption to wear this. 

And it wasn’t bad. In all honesty, it was gorgeous. 

It draped and fell to the floor in shiny black silk. The neckline was a deep V, accentuating that yes, her breasts had grown bigger since her pregnancy. The nightgown covered her to the ankles and wrists, but the entire thing was held together under her breasts by nothing more than a slender strip of white silk chiffon ribbon, stark against the black silk. 

Seung-ah had said it was like giving the king a present to unwrap.

Tae-Eul blushed and turned away from the mirror before she changed her mind. 

It was his birthday. 

--------------

Gon felt Tae-Eul return to the bathroom before he saw her. He opened his mouth to tell her to be careful of the wet floor but his words died in his throat when she came into sight. 

She looked like a goddess. 

He loved her in sheer, billowing sleeves like that, because he knew the softness of the arms underneath.

He loved the gown hinting at her waist, because he knew how tiny it was, even now that she was pregnant, and knew the delicious curves of that waist flaring to her hips. 

He loved the lapels of that gown over the little bean just starting to show now. 

And that ribbon. 

His hand twitched.  

He exhaled the breath he hadn’t known he was holding when Tae-Eul sat at the ledge of the tub. 

“How was it?” 

“What?” 

He sounded completely gormless even to his own ears. 

She laughed. “Singapore. Did you get everything done to your satisfaction? When we last talked, you said the Minister of Finance was tricky.”

He just stared at those pink lips and his eyes were also drawn to the ribbon, the ends fluttering with Tae-Eul’s slightest movement. 

He groaned when Tae-Eul leaned forward and scrubbed his neck and behind his ears with the sponge. She was biting her lips, amused. The water was clear. There was no hiding what she’d done to him. 

He gently grabbed her hand. “Let me finish this. Don’t get your gown wet.” 

“I’m going to take it off anyway.”

He stared at her audacity and then grinned when she predictably blushed. “I should go away more often.”

“No.” 

With that, she rose from the tub ledge. And his hand seemed to have a mind of its own. Gon watched it rise and snag the end of that ribbon. 

The bow came apart and he watched again, mesmerized, as the black silk gaped to give him a glimpse of a swath of skin at her middle, before she caught the fabric in her hands and walked away from him, without retying the ribbon. 

She was biting her lip as she walked away, looking back at him saucily but laughing at herself almost immediately. 

She was adorable and she was a goddess and Gon had never rinsed after a bath so fast. 

He dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist. 

When he made it to their bedroom, Tae-Eul sat facing him on the bench in front of their bed. She had knotted the ribbon. 

--------------------------

Tae-Eul watched her husband take long strides to where she sat. The way he looked at her made her blood pound in her ears. 

When he was in front of her, he paused, and then dropped down beside her on the bench. 

“Are you trying to kill me?” he said, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her against him, his hands running up and down her back over the silk. 

She laughed, half-embarrassed, half-thrilled. 

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” he said against the shell of her ear, kissing her there and on her neck. “I love you. You are so beautiful.” 

Then he stood up and pulled her to the bed. He sat down while he kept her standing between his knees. 

With his eyes on hers, he pulled both ends of the ribbon. 

The nightgown pretty much stayed put. Tae-Eul rather thought it should have been nudged away by how hard her heart was beating in her chest. 

Then she drew a sharp intake of breath when she felt his fingers brush the skin near her breast, and another as he gently lifted the lapels of the gown and she felt the cool air on her skin. 

His eyes were still locked on hers. But once the edges of the gown were at her shoulders, his eyes moved to sweep down her body. 

His hands went to her waist, touching her too lightly, so she placed her hands over the silk to press her hands more firmly against her skin, smiling at him. He smiled back. 

“How long have you been planning this gift?”

As if she wasn’t trembling from the heat of his gaze, she scrunched her nose. “I just happened to have this nightgown.”

He grinned and drew her to sit on his lap. He kissed her cheek, nuzzling it while his hands caressed her waist and belly. 

When his hands--finally-- went to her breasts, he gently cupped them, his thumbs stroking the sides. He looked at them and said, “Do they feel okay now?” 

Tae-Eul nodded and told him with her eyes that they were more than okay, that they should be touched more than he was currently touching them. And he always did read her mind. His hands moved in a firmer squeeze and his thumbs brushed both nipples. Her breathing sped up and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with more urgency than all their languid kisses so far. 

Reading her mind again, he scooped her up and placed her on the bed. 

She watched him dispose of his towel in one swift movement. Then he was gently rearranging her on the bed, moving her so that her head was on the pillows, and then and only then did he finally press her down into the mattress, embracing her with his entire body. 

She had missed this. Missed him. She wrapped both arms around him, loving the feel of the silk on her arms, and the heat of his skin against it. She was still technically wearing the nightgown. It was simply open at the front, baring her to him, and he kissed her everywhere that wasn’t covered in silk. 

He paused to check on her when he suckled on her left nipple. With his lips wrapped around her and his eyes looking at her with that soft gaze, she could do nothing but nod and make a needy noise, because she was beginning to ache and need him. 

“Are you-- are you going to check on me every time you do something?”

He smiled softly, his eyes affectionate and heated at the same time. When he spoke, his voice was in that low timber that made her chest tight. “Your breasts hurt before. Does anything else hurt?” 

“Nothing, nothing hurts.” When he teased her with light touches, she said, “Lee Gon, don’t make me hurt you.” 

His soft smile turned wider, and she smiled, loving his boyish grin. She pulled him toward her so she could kiss that grin. They both groaned against each other’s mouths because everything else met as their lips met, and they could both feel how ready she was. 

Without checking this time, he simply slid home, and she gasped against his lips as he eased into her inch by glorious inch. 

When he had sunk to the hilt, he was looking at her, checking again, so she kissed him and rocked her hips, telling him clearly what he should put his mind to. And he did just that, sliding his arms around her shoulders and his elbows bracing there beside her head as they started a steady rhythm. 

She stroked his hair. It was wet at the ends from his bath. And she could smell the musky, earthy, and clean, sharp scent of the patchouli and vetiver in his bath salts. She had been sniffing that bath salt for the past two weeks, but it wasn’t the same. 

He only smelled like him when the scent was on him. 

“I missed you so much.” 

“I missed you.” 

“I thought of this. Every. Time. I. Went. To. Bed.”

“We were video calling every time.” 

“That’s why.” 

They both giggled, though their expressions quickly morphed to something else and she gasped and closed her eyes at a particularly heavenly thrust. And Gon being Gon, missing nothing, he did it again, and again, rendering her speechless and mindless. 

He pressed his lips against her neck, and she dug her fingers against his scalp, loving the closeness, loving the feel of him in her arms and inside her. 

“Are you falling asleep?”

“No.” She had been very tired the last few months, but she wasn’t now. Not right now. Not when she hadn’t seen him for two weeks. She smiled without opening her eyes, and turned her head to catch his lips with hers. 

Then she had to wrench her mouth away from his when she was close, and she cried out when she came. 

She kissed him again even while she still trembled, anchoring herself to him through the kiss. 

Gon had a look of concentration now. He was looking at her, and he had slowed his pace. 

She clung to him and groaned as he lifted her up, kept them married, and stood from the bed. Then he gently laid her on her back on the bed, with her hips at the edge. This move separated them and her arms flopped down bonelessly beside her. 

She watched him as he tied the ribbon of her gown loosely under her breast. Very loosely. The edges of the gown didn’t even meet; they remained at her shoulders and at her sides framing her rather than covering her. 

He nodded in satisfaction. “I love that ribbon.”

Then he lifted her thighs around his hips and thrust back inside.

Tae-Eul gasped and reached for him, but he stayed just out of arms’ reach standing over her and starting a relentless pace. She balled the sheets in her hands and hung on. 

She watched him watch her. “What do you think about when you look like that?”

He expelled breath. “Like what, like I’m trying to give you another orgasm and you keep interrupting me?”

She laughed between her sharp intakes of breath. “Yes.”

“Math equations.” 

She would have laughed again but her breath hitched in her throat and she closed her eyes and groaned. Maybe that did it, or maybe he just couldn’t really stay away from her for long. She soon felt the warm weight of his torso against her, his hair falling over his brow as he leaned in to kiss her, bracing himself on his arms on either side of her head. 

She held him close and gasped softly against his ear with each thrust of his hips, his cock brushing and stroking her differently in this position, and it was so good, so good, and she had really missed him. 

She felt him stiffen and thrust hard with his release. On the fourth thrust, another orgasm rolled through her.  

They both just held each other for long moments, kissing languidly and sharing each other’s air. Then he gently withdrew and climbed into bed, pulling her along with an arm behind her knees until she was fully back on the bed with his arms around her and one leg over both of hers. 

“I really did hate being away,” he said, looking at her with heavy-lidded eyes. 

She laid a hand on his cheek, poking his dimple when he smiled. “Me too.” 

“I won’t do that again for awhile, not until you can come with me.” 

“Well, that will be quite a while.” 

He grinned and kissed her. “Did you like your surprise?”

She scrunched her nose. "It was cheesy. I can't believe you did that in public." 

They laughed.

[southeastasianists]

It had been two days since Hafiz last heard from Iani.

He knew that Iani’s parents had a history of abusing them [Note 1], and was worried for their safety. He’d tried everything — text messages, WhatsApp messages, voice calls — but received no response from Iani. It was as if they’d suddenly upped and left. Now his last resort was to make an unannounced visit to Iani’s house to make sure they’re safe.

Hafiz had a plan in mind. He would bring food to Iani’s house and pretend that they’d made dinner plans. It was something they did often, so he thought that that would make for a believable cover. At the back of his mind, however, Hafiz knew that this cover would be blown if something bad had really happened. Yet a half-baked plan was better than none at all.

Hafiz knocked on Iani’s house door and waited for someone to answer it. He heard some voices behind the door, but before he could make out what they were saying, the door cracked open. Iani’s mother greeted him with a strained smile, and Hafiz could see Iani’s father peering at him behind her. Hafiz knew that something’s not right.

“Hello aunty, uncle! I bought dinner for Iani, are they at home?” Hafiz said.

“No, but come in first,” Iani’s mother said, and ushered him into the living room. Iani’s father opened a Qur’an and started reciting a few lines of scripture to Hafiz. Once he was done, he passed the Qur’an to Hafiz and asked him to recite the same verses. It was an odd request, but Hafiz obliged; he knew why they were making him do that. After the ritual was completed, Iani’s parents told Hafiz that Iani had been admitted to the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for emergency treatment of a psychotic breakdown. What they left out was that Iani’s breakdown was caused by “conversion therapy” sessions they forced upon Iani.

Hafiz rushed down to the hospital immediately. After two days of radio silence, he finally saw Iani again. But his feeling of relief was soon washed over by a commotion that erupted from Iani’s family members — they weren’t expecting any visitors. Iani winced at the noise and pulled Hafiz aside.

“Help me,” they whispered to him. “Break me out of here.”

Iani had been close with their parents since they were young. But things turned quickly and unexpectedly when Iani was 16. They were accidentally outed as lesbian [Note 2] to their parents, and before they knew it, the elders in Iani’s extended family started getting involved in organising “conversion therapy” sessions.

Iani’s grandmother and uncle came over to their house one day. It was clear right away that this wasn’t just a normal social visit; Iani only saw their uncle at larger family gatherings and celebrations. Their uncle is an Ustaz — a male Islamic religious teacher — and he made Iani sit in the corner of the living room. He then began calling out to an “evil spirit” in the room, and asked it to speak with the group.

It was a confusing experience for Iani, because while he made it look as if he were speaking with an “evil spirit”, it soon became clear that he was speaking directly to Iani. He asked a range of questions, and most of them were phrased to get the answers that he wanted to hear.

“Are you sad often?” he asked.

“Yes,” Iani, who had a medical history of anxiety and depression, answered.

“Do you feel like your parents don’t understand you?” he followed up.

“Yes,” Iani, whose parents wanted to put them through “conversion therapy”, replied.

The questioning went on for a while, but he never asked Iani (or the “evil spirit”, for that matter) anything about being lesbian. Instead, the questions were generic enough — as if by intention — that most teenagers at Iani’s age would answer the exact same way.

At the end of the session, he declared that Iani was possessed by a jinn — an evil spirit in Islamic mythology. The jinn, he explained to Iani’s parents, was responsible for influencing Iani’s sexuality and needed to be expelled from their body for them to become “normal”.

The session was mentally exhausting for Iani, because they had to suppress a multitude of emotions. First was anger: they felt that their uncle’s mixing of his superstitious beliefs with Islam was insulting to the religion. Then disbelief: Iani didn’t expect their father, who was well-educated, to be so easily swayed by his claims. Finally, betrayal: Iani had just witnessed first-hand how quickly their entire family turned on them.

But the benignity of the first session made Iani let their guard down. In a way, nothing could have prepared them for what’s about to come.

Around a week later, Iani’s uncle returned to perform ruqyah (an exorcism) on Iani. He made Iani memorise and recite verses from the Qur’an, and whenever the recital wasn’t to his liking — whether it’s done too loudly, too softly, or “not smoothly enough” — he would whip Iani with a rattan cane. Iani’s parents draped a heavy blanket over Iani’s body before letting their uncle beat them; they were careful to ensure that he wouldn’t leave visible bruises.

Iani’s uncle also made them perform sujud — a low bow, where one gets on their knees and has their head touch the ground. He then held a lighter to each of Iani’s feet as he recited Qur’anic verses to “cast the jinn away”. Iani screamed in pain from the searing heat of the fire, but their parents only saw that as a sign that the exorcism was working. At the end of the ruqyah, Iani’s sexuality remained unchanged, but their trust in their family shattered completely.

It soon became clear to Iani that the ruqyahs that their parents arranged were meticulously planned to ensure that the perpetrators could get away without consequences. When Iani suffered from a mental breakdown, their parents decided to call in an Ustaz for a ruqyah instead of seeking medical help. The Ustaz came over and restrained Iani while he performed his ritual. But when Iani’s father saw the bruises on Iani’s wrists, he immediately scolded the Ustaz.

“Jangan eh! Nanti orang report police! (Don’t do that, what if they report this to the police!)” Iani’s father shouted.

At the end of the session, the Ustaz told Iani’s parents that the jinn possessing Iani was there to destroy their family. This was a test of the strength of their family’s Islamic faith, the Ustaz said. He added that Iani really wasn’t lesbian, but only became so because of the evil influence of the jinn. This line of reasoning — a repetition of what Iani’s uncle previously mentioned — reinforced the idea that LGBTQ+ identities are inherently “unnatural” and can be changed. The Ustaz went on to instruct Iani’s parents to read the Qur’an together every night, and pray together as a family at least once a day in order to drive the jinn away.

Iani’s parents took his advice to heart and began intensifying their “conversion therapy” practices. Every day, Iani’s mother would force them to listen to syarahan (religious sermons) that focused on the “right” ways women should act, and how they should go about finding “good” husbands. Every evening since the visit from the Ustaz, the azan (Islamic call to prayer) at home would blast louder than before.

Iani’s mother also started performing her own exorcisms on Iani: she would put a metal bowl over an open flame, and claim that doing so would hurt the jinn. The metal bowl in itself had no effect on Iani, but over time, it started triggering memories of previous ruqyahs, and would cause anxiety attacks to set in. It appears that Iani’s mother never realised that she was psychologically torturing her already mentally unwell child. Instead, she earnestly engaged in anxiety-triggering activities, thinking that her rituals were working, and that they were somehow helping her child “get better”.

Soon after, Iani’s father made them watch a documentary about the story of Lut [Note 3]. The story of Lut is often quoted by Muslims to demonstrate God’s disapproval of homosexuality. At the end of the documentary, Iani’s father told them that being gay is wrong. This was the first time he made his stance so explicit. Iani was enraged, and argued that Allah also warned against rape in the story of Lut.

“Rape is everywhere, but being gay isn’t,” Iani’s father responded. “That’s why being gay will always be the biggest sin.”

As a survivor of childhood sexual assault, Iani felt like a knife was plunged into their chest. Iani’s father knew about their childhood trauma and how much it affected their mental health. Yet it seemed like he still believed that sexually violating someone else was more acceptable than being gay.

Iani’s existing mental issues, coupled with their parents’ relentless “conversion therapy” practices, meant that they spent considerable time with therapists at IMH. And even though Iani had been vocal about their parents’ abusive behaviours — even telling their therapists that their parents should be the ones receiving treatment — no serious action was taken against their parents. The responses Iani heard back were often along the lines of: “They only act like that because they’re muslims”; “They’re doing this for your own good”; “Some parents are like that”.

Even when a therapist was willing to talk to Iani’s parents about their “conversion therapy” practices, they would find themselves powerless in countering their beliefs.

“I’ve told your parents about sexuality and how it can’t be changed,” the therapist told Iani. “They know that what they’re doing is wrong.”

“So why won’t they stop?” Iani asked. “Why do they keep doing it?”

“They told me that they’re not stopping because they want to be better muslims.”

Iani is much older now, and no longer lives with their parents. They never reconciled with each other, and their relationship remains strained. Though it’s been many years since their last “conversion therapy” encounter, Iani hasn’t fully recovered from the trauma. Listening to azans could trigger anxiety attacks. Hearing someone say “Allah” would bring back memories of being beaten up by their uncle.

The concept of a jinn causing homosexuality might sound unique to Islam, but its main tenets are very similar to other “conversion therapy” beliefs. For one, a core idea behind the jinn’s possession is that people aren’t naturally LGBTQ+, but are influenced by external forces to be so. On top of that, the exorcism of the jinn is just another way of asserting that people’s sexualities can be changed. In those regards, “conversion therapy” practices across religions [Note 4] are more similar than they are different.

It’s important for us to understand that there is medical consensus that “conversion therapy” practices don’t work, and can cause long-term harm on participants (page 115). As we can see from Iani’s story, “conversion therapy” can lead to trauma that deeply affects the mental health of participants.

Many countries have taken action to protect people from the harms of “conversion therapy”. Taiwan has fully banned “conversion therapy” practices, while Germany has done so for minors. Other countries such as Canada, Israel, New Zealand, and the UK are considering legislation that would make them illegal.

Yet “conversion therapy” remains legal in Singapore. Many other teenagers like Iani may continue to be subjected to abusive ruqyahs and face long-term psychological damage. On top of that, Singapore’s domestic abuse laws allow parents to punish their child, so long as it’s done to “correct” the child’s behaviour (s64). This legal loophole means that many parents may be able to continue enlisting the help of Ustazs for “conversion therapy” with no consequence.

[umbry-fic]

Road Trip!!

Summary: To drive off some post-exam stress, Lloyd, Colette, Sheena and Zelos decide to go on a road trip around the country. What could go wrong?

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel, Zelos Wilder, Sheena Fujibayashi Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving, Sheena Fujibayashi & Zelos Wilder, Colette Brunel & Lloyd Irving & Sheena Fujibayashi & Zelos Wilder Rating: G Word Count: 6485 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 26/01/2021

Notes: A modern day AU set in Singapore where I send everyone on this itinerary!

Do note that the last part of this fic has been removed as it uses workskins that don't work on Tumblr. If you'd like to access the full fic, do read it on AO3!

@frayed-symphony did an amazing piece of fan-art for this fic!

~~~

“Why is this road called 99 bends if there’s only…” Zelos squinted through the car window at the trees going by, wracking his brain to recall how many turns they had done. It had definitely been less than 99, but how many had there been, exactly? “... 9 turns?”

“I don’t know, idiot. Maybe because we haven’t actually left the road yet? Be a little patient, would you? And don’t talk so loud, you’ll wake Colette up!” Sheena hissed, shooting Zelos a withering glare as she removed her elbow from the cold windowsill to give him a small slap on the arm. Seriously, would it hurt him to shut up for once?

“I don’t see how this is possibly being soft?” Zelos hissed back, covering the rapidly reddening patch of skin on his arm and inching away from his companion in the backseat. Did Sheena not see the irony in her actions? At least Colette didn't seem to have stirred in the front seat; still soundly sleeping with her head lolling to the side, a serene smile on her face. But at this rate, Sheena's less-than-quiet yelling was going to wake her up.

"It's way too early in the morning for this..." Zelos whispered forlornly. He would greatly prefer to not be awake at 7 am. He was a night owl and staying in bed till 11 was the norm for him! It also meant he could avoid Seles for the most part, since she liked leaving at the earliest of hours to go spend the day at the neighbourhood library. But that was just a plus.

It was seriously unfair that Sheena was bright-eyed and alert so early in the morning. He was going to be stuck with her in the small space of a car for the next 7 hours. He had doubts over whether he would still be alive by the end of the first - Sheena was already eyeing him as a cat would her prey. He was going to be ripped to shreds within the hour. Why had he agreed to this again?

“I think it’s just, uh… exaggerated? Is that the right word...?” Lloyd pointed out, adjusting the rearview mirror and looking at his friend’s reflection in it, hoping he had somewhat diffused the argument. Still, Sheena looked like she was about to pounce on Zelos, which was slightly worrying. Lloyd would prefer if everyone stayed in one piece. It wouldn’t be a fun road trip otherwise! And that was the only reason he’d suggested the idea of ferrying everyone around in the first place.

Everyone was stressed after exams and they deserved a chance to let out those pent up emotions. What better way than to tour the nation in a single day? It was the perfect opportunity to have fun with friends!

Lloyd hadn’t considered that murder might happen in the backseat. That might throw a wrench in the plan.

“There’s no way this road could actually have 99 bends. It would be like a really long snake if it did. It would take up too much space.” Lloyd muttered, turning the steering wheel to navigate yet another bend. The road was already difficult to drive on. Add on more turns and it would be hell for a new driver like him. He’d gotten his driver’s license in the first half of year 6 while juggling school and driver’s lessons, and he was not ready for such a difficult challenge.

These roads were already difficult enough to drive on, what with the plentitude of crazy drivers that loved to haphazardly cut lanes and sound their vehicle’s horns way too much. Stressful was the only word that could describe it.

Wait, that was the same word he’d just used to describe the school year. Did that make this whole trip redundant?

“Mm…”

Colette shifted slightly, slowly opening her eyes. The last thing she remembered was Lloyd picking her up at the void deck of her HDB. They had set off to pick up Zelos and then Sheena, but she had no memory of doing any of that. Just little flashes of watching parks and various HDBs passing by...

Her hands, feeling around blindly, grasped something soft and woolly wrapped around her. Blinking fully awake, she recognised the blanket that currently formed a snug cocoon around her.

"See, you woke her up!"

"You were the one who started yelling first! Don't blame me!"

There was the familiar backdrop of Zelos and Sheena arguing. She must have fallen asleep somewhere on the way if they were already in the car.

"You can go back to sleep if you want. This part's not very exciting. I'll wake you up if we're getting out of the car," Lloyd whispered, having heard Colette shifting in her seat despite not diverting his attention away from the road. What a responsible driver!

"It's fine. I’ve slept enough." Colette freed her arms from the blanket, letting it fall such that it only covered her lap. The a/c was switched on (as it always was in Singapore, where it was eternally summer), and you could feel it particularly strongly in the front seat. Looking out the window to figure out their whereabouts, all Colette saw was trees. As expected.

Turning her gaze back towards the blanket, she traced the familiar pattern of green dogs that dotted it. Green wasn't a colour that dogs naturally had, but it did elicit some old memories.

"Isn't this the blanket your mother knitted? She'd wrap us in it every movie night. You used to cover your eyes with it when you got scared." That memory made her giggle, just a little. Lloyd got scared at movies that weren't even supposed to be scary. He'd burrow in the blanket, then, and grab onto her arm so tightly that she'd once thought he would leave permanent marks.

"Of course you'd remember that," Lloyd grumbled, cheeks turning a pale pink at that embarrassing memory. Colette had just blurted that out in front of their other two friends as well. "Mom keeps it in the car in case anyone gets cold. You're always wearing sweaters, so I draped it on you while we were at Zelos' place."

"Thank you."

"Ahem." The sound of Zelos clearing his throat echoed through the car. Colette craned her head to see both Zelos and Sheena resolutely not looking at the two of them. "Sorry to be the third wheel, but can I know where we're going next? You didn't bother sending us the itinerary, Lloyd."

"If you're a third wheel, then what am I? The fourth wheel? That's even worse!" Sheena groaned, resting her forehead against the cold window. If things were going to be like this for the whole trip, maybe she should just open the door and fling herself out of the car before it got too unbearable. Alas, the doors were locked.

"An incorporeal banshee," Zelos muttered, which earned him another smack from an irate Sheena.

"I have no idea why you two are going on about wheels. This is a perfectly fine vehicle with four perfectly functional wheels!"

Zelos groaned, dragging his hands down his face. He'd unknowingly agreed to a torture session, hadn't he? Why had he thought this was a good idea?

Well, he was going to be stuck here for the foreseeable future, so he might as well continue working on the plan. It was the one thing he knew Sheena would willingly work with him on, so it was the perfect solution to prevent his death. Zelos would rather not have to dig his grave today.

"Yeah!" Colette chirped in, eager to defend Lloyd. "Besides, Lloyd did send the itinerary to the group chat! You two just buried it under your argument about cheese!"

“Cheese…?” Zelos echoed. He had zero memory of this ever happening.

“Oh god, I remember this. It’s another one of those midnight conversations that I wish never happened.” Sheena leaned back, letting her head fall over the back of her seat so she was peering into the trunk of the car. Huh. There were some weird things in the trunk.

Oh, Zelos thought. One of those inane conversations fuelled by a blend of coffee, tiredness and the spirit of craziness.

“I mentioned mozzarella and you started arguing blue cheese was better! Not all of us can afford that, you know!”

“Stop yelling at me! I am not responsible for your inferior taste in cheese!”

Colette giggled, turning back to face the road. Zelos and Sheena were as energetic as always. This looked like a fun road trip already!

~~~

“And you said you did your research?” Zelos asked, raising one eyebrow as he pointed at the sign next to the securely closed gate.

“Closed on… Tuesdays…” Colette read out slowly, realisation slowly dawning on her as to why they were currently stalling at the end of a one-way road. “Oh no, Lloyd, it’s Tuesday!”

Lloyd put the car in reverse, praying that no one would drive into this road at this inopportune moment. Then again, the road had been empty and silent for a reason. Everyone had known the goat farm was closed. Everyone except, well, them.

“The article didn’t say anything!” Lloyd grumbled. “How was I supposed to know?”

“Maybe through the power of Google? Don't you remember the importance of primary research?" Zelos drawled, only to get slapped by Sheena again.

"That's not what primary research means, dumbass."

"I think the main problem is how we're supposed to get out of here…? I'm sure we're all hungry," Colette pointed out. They had already gone to a few other places and taken some cool photos! It had been a fun time all around, but it was time for lunch and the goat farm was meant to be the lunch spot. She had rather fond memories of coming here with Lloyd on a primary school learning journey - they had fed the goats and eaten some delicious food. It was a shame that it was closed today.

"The first step would be getting out of this road." Lloyd scanned their surroundings with a nervous eye. This was a dead-end, so there was no way to drive back to the main road without turning around. And the road was scarily narrow...

"Lloyd, I can take over from here," Zelos said, unbuckling his seat belt and bending over the front seat to tap Lloyd on the shoulder. Ignoring, of course, Sheena's violent protests at how dangerous this was. "You need to do a three-point turn. And no offence, but I don't trust a newbie to do one without scratching the car or ending up on the side of the road. Especially on such a narrow road."

Lloyd paled, remembering the promise (it had been worded more like a threat, really) that his father had made him before agreeing to let him use the car. Not a single scratch on it or Lloyd would never see the light of day again.

After a quick switch in seats, Zelos manoeuvred the car out of its perilous position with ease and they were on their way again.

"You make it look so easy," Lloyd mumbled, slightly jealous. Zelos was driving with confidence that he would like to emulate. Not that it was surprising. Zelos had been driving for the past two years.

"He's only so good at it because he's old. That's the only reason he has years of experience over you," Sheena snickered. She wouldn't give up any opportunity to make fun of her oldest friend.

"Who're you calling old? You're only one year younger than me!" Zelos grumbled.

"You're still the oldest," Colette pointed out. "You're older than me and Lloyd by... 2 years, right?"

"I get it! I'm old! This is the cruel fate I suffered for not being born here!" Zelos said mournfully. Really, he would rather have not lost two years of his life to being held back in the school system.

“It’s kinda sad that we’re at the same point as you two despite being older, huh?" Sheena muttered. "At least you won't need to lose another two years to National Service, Zelos. Thank your lucky stars for that."

“Don’t mention that. Not now.” Lloyd desperately tried to push all thoughts of National Service out of his head. Nope. This was meant to be a fun trip! No depressing thoughts! No! “Do you want me to switch back, Zelos?”

“Nah, it’s fine!” Zelos called back, turning back out onto the main road to begin the game of weaving between lanes like a madman. “You’ve been driving all morning. Anyone mind if I take us to Sembawang food centre for lunch? It’s pretty close if I’m remembering correctly.”

“Oh! I want carrot cake!” Colette cheered, mind already drifting to the delectable cubes of radish. It was one of her favourite foods...

“Black or white, though?” Sheena pondered. The black one had a tad too much sweet sauce for her taste, but she was mostly neutral. Maybe she'd get something else entirely. Fishball noodles, perhaps...?

“Black, obviously. How could you ever think white was the superior choice?” Lloyd replied, horrified.

“No objections, then,” Zelos said cheerily, flicking on the signal and moving the car onto the turning lane. Sheena, meanwhile, set the route on her phone without any prompting from Zelos. “Sembawang food centre it is! But Lloyd, am I allowed to floor the gas on the expressway?”

“NO!”

~~~

“Mmmmm.” Colette stirred her glass of ice milo with a straw before sipping from it contentedly, resting her chin on her hand. A plate, emptied of carrot cake, sat next to her elbow on the table. “This is bliss…”

“Nothing beats ice milo,” Lloyd agreed, shovelling the remainder of his plate of black carrot cake into his mouth. The chewiness of the radish cubes, the sweetness of the sauce, combined with the cold, sweet taste of milo… It all added up to perfection.

“Cretins,” Sheena muttered distastefully. "Ice milo is not the peak of drinks."

“No need to act so smug just because you drink brown rice green tea every day, Sheena. I know you drink packet milo at home," Zelos rebutted, nursing his cup of black coffee. He was glad that there was something to raise his energy levels. Colette and Lloyd could wake anyone up in their boundless energy, but even they could not overcome - well, a night staying up surfing social media and not sleeping.

“Shush, you!”

Colette giggled, staring at her two friends argue with each other. She knew it wasn’t anything malicious, but simply how they showed their friendship towards each other. They had been like this for as long as she’d known them, which had been… “I can’t believe we’ve been friends for six years already!”

Sheena paused in her act of strangling Zelos, sitting down to consider Colette’s statement. Zelos hung his head, sighing in relief. Another attempt at his life that he had avoided.

“Has it really been that long since you crashed into Zelos at the school canteen?” Sheena asked, resting her elbows on the table and leaning across, grinning. She hadn’t relived that memory in a long time, and she excelled in any opportunity to embarrass him. “Don’t you remember, Zelos? Colette -”

“She crashed into me at rush hour in the school canteen while I was holding a tray full of food,” Zelos replied in a deadpan tone. He loved Colette as a friend, but that was a disastrous memory -

“Ha! I remember. Zelos had seaweed soup down his front for the rest of the day,” Lloyd snickered. He didn’t often think back to so long ago, but this was a perfect opportunity to reminisce! “He smelled like teriyaki chicken in class for the whole day. Our teacher was staring at him the whole time.”

“Please stop,” Zelos mumbled pitifully, burying his face in his arms. “I have done my very best to bury that memory forever. And that was your lunch, Sheena! You held partial blame!”

“Yeah, no,” Sheena retorted cheerily. “You required a little humbling then, anyway, Mr High and Mighty.”

“I hate you,” Zelos replied gloomily. “Why am I still friends with you?”

“We PRs need to stick together.” Sheena punched Zelos in the arm in the same playfully gentle way she always did. “And I, uh…” She turned away, muttering something under her breath.

Colette looked on in curiosity, observing the bright pink spots that were beginning to form on Sheena’s cheeks. Zelos smirked, raising his head to antagonise Sheena again. “What was that you were saying? I couldn’t hear you.”

“Yeah, Sheena. I couldn’t hear you either,” Lloyd interjected, busy trying to scoop ice cubes out of his glass with his straw and failing horribly. “Could you repeat that?”

“I said I value your company, alright?” Sheena snapped, refusing to make eye contact with Zelos. Why had she brought this upon herself? “There, did you catch it this time?”

“Noted,” Zelos said smugly. One point for him, finally!

“I really am sorry for the time I crashed into you. I do that way too much,” Colette said guiltily, fiddling with her utensils. It was true, though. The number of times she had crashed into people just this week was more than she could count with her fingers. The amount of inconvenience she had caused was staggering.

“Hey, it’s fine! Don’t put yourself down. Besides, if it wasn’t for that, we would never have met!” Lloyd retorted, waving a fork threateningly in her direction.

“Ah, right. I forgot that you two have known each other for basically forever,” Sheena said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. Somehow, Lloyd and Colette still didn’t pick up on it. “You two have been childhood friends for, what, 14 years?”

“More or less!” Colette replied. The math checked out. At least she was pretty sure that was right? They met when they were 5 or 6… And they were 19, now…?

“We met when Colette crashed into me at the playground and nearly knocked me off the climbing towers,” Lloyd said absentmindedly, returning to his quest to retrieve an ice cube. "I remember that we were pretty high up, so it was kinda scary."

“That’s why I’m banned from the monkey bars for life…” Colette said sheepishly.

“That’s… interesting.” Zelos stared with wide eyes, speechless for once in his life. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard this story. It was certainly an unorthodox way to meet your childhood friend, by nearly causing bodily harm.

Now if the two of them would realise what was so incredibly obvious, maybe he could stop having actual headaches over plotting harebrained schemes.

But that... was way too much to hope for.

~~~

Lloyd watched with a tiny smile as Colette’s head perked up the moment the next song on the radio begun to play. He’d switched the radio over to this particular station earlier that morning, knowing that Colette loved it.

Colette hummed under her breath, swaying to the music. She loved Chinese songs, especially listening to them on the radio. They were perfect to close your eyes and relax to.

They also brought back some of her earliest and most cherished memories.

Sitting in the backseat of this same car back when she had still been the same height as Lloyd, head resting on his shoulder, listening to the radio and the sound of Lloyd’s father humming along while she was still half-asleep. They had stayed in the same HDB and experienced all the advantages: being able to visit each other whenever they wanted, going to the same primary school, and commuting to school together. They had spent almost every second together. Playing catching around the school field, puzzling through their homework together, lazily spending afternoons at each other’s houses and playing video games…

Waiting for Lloyd at the gate of their secondary school, every morning without fail. She would break out into a smile whenever he showed up, and they would walk to the canteen together, hand-in-hand. The moments before assembly were spent in bliss, a rare sanctuary from the constant stress of school. They would talk about anything and everything while they shared a single pair of earphones, listening to her latest favourite song.

When finally, they were separated by attending different tertiary institutes, she would spend hours every week (not that she didn’t already) texting him over the phone. Every time a message from him lit up her phone screen, her heart would swell with happiness and she would scramble to unlock her phone screen. The silly little pictures and comments he sent her never failed to brighten her day. Her favourite part of the week became talking to Lloyd over the phone on weekends, letting the sound of his voice drift into her ears just like her favourite music. And still, she would send newly released songs that she liked to Lloyd to see what he thought. During the rare weekends that they were both free, they would meet up with Zelos and Sheena for ice-skating and karaoke. Lloyd always let her pick the songs.

She liked this song quite a lot as well. It was sweet.

The sound of Aska’s voice coming over the radio grew steadily louder as Zelos rotated the volume knob. “I know you like this song, Angel. So why don’t you sing along?”

“Won’t I be annoying everyone else? I don’t want that…”

“It’s all right,” Sheena waved her worries away, grinning back at Colette from the front seat. “Zelos and I had our fun screaming English songs earlier. It's only fair you get to do the same, so sing your heart out!”

“It’s really OK?” Colette muttered, shyly lowering her head. “I don’t know…”

“I like your singing! So go ahead!” Lloyd proclaimed, grabbing her hand from across the backseat. Colette stared with wide eyes, flushing immediately.

“Well, you can sing along too,” Colette replied, looking away to hide her blush. “It’ll be more fun that way.”

“I - well, I don’t know! My singing is way worse than yours!”

“I’ve heard you sing at karaoke before, Lloyd. You sound just fine! Come on, let’s do a duet!”

“OK, OK!” Lloyd laughed, shifting closer in his seat, of course without escaping his seatbelt. “Let’s do this, I guess!”

“My god, they are dense,” Sheena muttered.

“They are, quite literally, singing a song about how deep one's love is,” Zelos agreed. “Can they get any dumber?”

“I mean, Lloyd’s Chinese isn’t… great…”

“It can’t be this bad. I refuse to believe that. I know he barely passed his O level Higher Chinese, but surely he can still get the basic gist!”

I wonder what they’re arguing about? Colette thought, before discarding that thought entirely, too engrossed in singing along with Lloyd by her side.

~~~

“Don’t you two want to join in too?” Colette asked, confused as to why Zelos and Sheena didn’t want to partake in a photo before the famous Casuarina tree in Upper Seletar Reservoir. They had taken the time to drive here, they should at least commemorate it!

“No, it’s fine! We’ll take a photo after you two.” Sheena waved away Colette’s concerns, staring with a furrowed brow at the tree. Honestly, it didn't look too impressive to her. What to do now…? The place looked romantic enough for her and Zelos’ purposes, but the problem lay in how to initiate the conversation on the other two’s side. Remembering what she and Zelos had read about the Casuarina tree, an idea formed in her head.

Making eye contact with Zelos, Sheena made a little heart shape with her hands, hoping he would be on the same wavelength as her. Thankfully, Zelos seemed to understand, because he nodded with a slowly growing smirk. “Hey, Bud! Did you know that newly-weds take their wedding photos here?”

“Really? That’s nice!” Colette exclaimed. “The atmosphere of this place is very romantic. We can take some nice photos here. You two sure you don’t want to join in?”

Sheena resisted the urge to scream and dig a hole for herself in the dirt to hide in for the rest of eternity. She loved her friends, but having to face them staring lovey-dovey at each other every second of every day without realising they were doing it had been driving her insane for the past year.

Zelos’ smile was twitching at the corners now. He had to be as exasperated as her by this point. “Yeah, we’re sure. How about you two do a pose? Like a heart shape?”

“A heart shape?” Colette thought about it for a moment before breaking out into a giant smile. “That’s cute! Do you mind, Lloyd?”

“Sounds great!”

Sheena grabbed Zelos’ hand and begun tugging with all of her might. They needed to talk. Like, now. Zelos, thank god, put up absolutely no resistance and let himself be pulled along like a rag doll.

“Where are they going? We need another person to take the photo!” Colette asked, staring in the direction that Sheena and Zelos had run off in utter confusion. Zelos and Sheena tended to run off at random times. To do what, she didn't know. She would really like to find out.

“Don’t mind them. We can just take a selfie!”

“OK, we are now… ” Zelos craned his head to scan his surroundings. “Directly overlooking Seletar Reservoir. We should be far enough to discuss things now, right?”

“Yes,” Sheena got out through gritted teeth. “I am completely and utterly done. Nothing we do has worked! Do you remember that one time we all bought tickets to a romance movie and then bailed on the two of them? It was on Chinese New Year, so I couldn't even pay student price! AND I STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN MY THIRTEEN DOLLARS BACK YET!”

Zelos groaned. “You tell me. Remember that time we did the same thing with a karaoke session? I had to tell them it was a treat, which means I haven’t gotten my twenty-six dollars back.”

“You’re rich, though.” Sheena replied. “You live in like… landed property.”

“But I’m still stingy.”

Sheena looked back at Colette and Lloyd, who had resorted to some funny positions to take selfies while still doing a pose. They were adorable, but there had still been no progress made. At all. It was infuriating.

“What do we do now?” She muttered, putting her weight against the railing so she could lean out over the sparkling blue water and enjoy the slowly building breeze.

“I don’t think we can do anything,” Zelos replied, shrugging hopelessly. “At this point, I don’t think they would notice if an asteroid struck the Earth. They’re too busy spending time with each other. I propose we give up and just let nature take its course. They’re happy enough as it is.”

“But god, it’s frustrating,” Sheena groaned, leaning out further so her entire upper half was hanging free of the railing. Zelos was inching closer in case she really did fall, but that was unlikely to happen given her excellent sense of balance that he had witnessed firsthand. Still, did she really have to do such dangerous things all the time?

“It is, but that’s how they’ve always been.”

Sheena sighed, deciding to simply enjoy the serenity and let go of any thoughts concerning her other two friends. A quiet moment with her oldest friend was rather rare to come by, given how bombastic he usually was. “We were talking about how all four of us met at lunch… Honestly, it was pure coincidence that the two of us met in primary school.”

“I like to think that it’s fate!” Zelos proclaimed, winking at her. Under the noontime sun, high in the sky, his hair seemed even redder than usual. He had undergone quite a transformation since the end of Junior College last November. Zelos had sported short hair in line with the ever-present school rules from the moment she’d met him, but the lifting of those restrictions had finally given him the chance to grow it out. The shoulder-length curly red hair, being lifted in the wind… Honestly, she thought it fit him.

“Yeah, sure,” Sheena snorted. “It’s just like you to proclaim it’s - EEK!” The first cold raindrop hit the back of her bare neck, startling her so much that she nearly lost her balance and toppled into the reservoir. Only Zelos’ hand, secure on her shoulder, kept her from dipping head-first.

“Geez, Sheena. Don’t give me a heart attack, would you?”

“Sorry, old man. But thanks.”

“Wow, you seldom thank me,” Zelos replied, raising one eyebrow in surprise. “And I’m not that old! I’m turning 21 this year! That’s still pretty young, right? RIGHT?”

Sheena looked up into the sky, which had rapidly turned from blue to grey. The storm cloud in the far distance that she had noticed in the corner of her eye some time ago had made its merry way over. Following the trend of the previous week's weather, it would be raining cats and dogs soon.

“You two!” Colette ran over, yelling with one hand held above her head in the vain hope that it would shield her from the rain. “We should hurry back to the car before it gets any heavier!”

“Come on,” Zelos muttered. It was his turn to pull Sheena along as they made the short run back to the car.

By the time everyone was back in the car, they were all utterly drenched and resembled bedraggled rats. Lloyd winced at the amount of water they were dripping on the car seats. Hopefully, no permanent damage was done. They should have brought an umbrella out of the car.

Poor decisions were made.

“Hey Lloyd, did you, by any chance, check the weather forecast?” Zelos asked, accepting the tissue that Colette was offering. Somehow he had ended up in the backseat instead of the front seat. Well, he would gladly let Lloyd drive now.

“Uh… I didn’t,” Lloyd said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. “I… sorta forgot to?”

“It’s been raining for the entire month of January and you didn’t think to check the weather forecast?” Sheena asked. Wasn’t that… common sense? Never mind, she was expecting too much of Lloyd.

“It’s so heavy,” Colette said, peering out of the window with her nose pressed to it. The view was completely obscured by the white screen the dense raindrops formed, the patter of the rain against the window drowning out all other sounds. “It’s going to get so cold… We can’t really go on to the next destination like this.”

“We can go to my place,” Lloyd offered. “My parents will be out today until the evening and this trip was supposed to last until 6.”

“Huh. Well, no objections here,” Zelos replied. “Just get us out of this rain.”

“Can we play Smash Brothers again?” Sheena asked. “That was fun the last time we went to your house.”

“Sure,” Lloyd shrugged, turning the key in the ignition and starting the engine. “Smash Brothers it is.”

~~~

“Kirby! I want Kirby!” Colette pouted, clutching the single Joy-Con securely in one hand with a Pikachu plush settled in her lap. The moment they had gotten to Lloyd’s place, she’d tied her hair into a messy ponytail and put on one of the hoodies she’d left there from her various trips. It had little ears on the hood and Totoro’s face emblazoned across the front. It was adorable, but best of all, it was warm and toasty. And she really needed that given how cold it was.

It was comfortable here, tucked between Lloyd and Sheena on the sofa facing the television mounted on the wall. Zelos was lounging on a separate plush back chair that he’d dragged from the dining table, carefully snacking on a pack of Mamee Noodles that he’d pilfered from the pantry. Lloyd had warned Zelos that if he got even a single crumb on the floor, he’d be dead meat.

“I’ll let you have Kirby,” Sheena decided, moving her cursor across the screen. “But I’m getting Sheik. Prepare to lose!”

“Why so competitive?” Zelos wondered, hovering the cursor over the random option. “It’s just a casual game. We’re even playing with items on.”

“It’s the spirit, Zelos! Better get into it, because I’m coming after you first!”

“Wha - Sheena, that’s not fair! Don’t pick on me!”

The four of them proceeded to play a few rounds where, more often than not, Sheena and Zelos would get engrossed in defeating each other while Colette and Lloyd simply goofed around. It was fun, but of course, they got tired of it after a while.

Colette eventually found herself sitting behind Zelos, gently braiding his hair. There wasn’t much to work with, but there was just enough for a fun little side braid. Sheena was kicking back with a packet of milo, while Lloyd was sitting on the floor sifting through movie DVDs that he'd pulled out of a cabinet.

The Pikachu plush had been abandoned to sit on the floor, alone. If Noishe was still alive, he'd have snatched it off the floor and run off with it already. Lloyd would then have proceeded to chase Noishe all around the apartment. Colette missed Noishe. A lot.

“Are you planning to grow this out any longer?” Colette asked, gently threading one bunch of hair through the other. She didn’t want to pull too hard and risk hurting Zelos. “I think it would look good on you.”

“Maybe,” Zelos replied, glancing down at his phone, which he was busy scrolling through. “It used to be this long when I was still in Germany. At least I won't need to chop off all my hair in February, unlike a certain someone."

“Gah, bald Lloyd is something I do not want to think about.” Sheena blanched, taking the straw out of her mouth. “That image is straight out of my nightmares.”

“I don’t like thinking about it either,” Lloyd muttered, pulling out the DVD for Tangled. Did his family’s blu-ray player even still work? It had been a pretty long time since they’d played a DVD instead of just using Netflix. “Can we just stop talking about this altogether? Please?”

“I'm not gonna stop talking about my hair! It’s fabulous -” Zelos froze, staring down at his phone screen in abject horror. “Colette, what time is it?”

“Huh?” Colette stopped mid-threading, confused, one hand still holding a bunch of red hair. She craned her head to consult the clock hung on the wall (which, to Lloyd’s eternal chagrin, still displayed his baby pictures from the first year of his life). “It’s four in the afternoon.”

“Crap, I need to go,” Zelos cursed, stuffing his phone back into his jeans and scrambling to his feet. “I have an online interview at 4.30.”

Sheena’s mouth fell open as she stared at Zelos in astonishment. “The interview for the scholarship is today, and you didn’t think to say anything until now?”

“Yeah, Zelos. We could have just rescheduled this trip or something. Why didn't you tell us? Are you going to make it home in time?" Lloyd piped up in concern.

“He stays close enough that he should be fine if he doesn’t miss the bus,” Colette said, mournfully watching the braid she had done unravel before her very eyes. “You remember where the bus stop is, right?”

“Of course I do! I’ve come here enough times to know that much!” Zelos called back, busy packing his stuff back into his backpack. He haphazardly zipped it up, his water bottle still hanging out the side precariously, before slinging it over one shoulder. “I’ll just be on my way, then!”

“I’m going with you, idiot,” Sheena grumbled, picking up her bag as well. “I leave you alone for a month and this happens.”

“You can’t leave me alone with them,” Sheena hissed under her breath at Zelos as they left the apartment and walked into the lift lobby. “I will die.”

“Well, we’re the only two here now.” Colette swung her feet up onto the sofa, pushing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. “What do we do now?”

“We can still watch Disney movies!” Lloyd raised the Tangled DVD, grinning. “You up for it?”

“Sure! I love Disney movies!” No objections from her side.

Lloyd inserted the DVD into the Blu-ray player, bundling the blanket into his arms and heading over to the sofa to seat himself next to Colette. Gingerly, he tucked the blanket around the two of them. The wind from the rain was still howling outside the apartment, and the air was still rather chilly.

“This is nostalgic,” Colette whispered, resting her head on Lloyd’s shoulder and taking his hand as the movie started.

“It’s like nothing ever changed.” Like she had never moved away from this HDB, like they were still little children attending the same primary school, like they had no responsibilities resting on their shoulders…

The fatigue from the morning that had been chased away by the cheer and enthusiasm of her friends slowly sneaked up on her, here with a blanket keeping the warmth around her and the soft, warm colours of the television swimming in front of her eyes. Not to mention Lloyd’s presence, comforting and familiar. It was enough for her to close her eyes…

~~~

And that was the position Kratos and Anna found Lloyd and Colette in when they got home: Colette still soundly sleeping and Lloyd sitting ramrod straight in his attempt to not awaken Colette.

~~~

Full fic