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I'm having a great time wdym
#crow caws#digi-destiny#digidestiny#digimon#yall im crying sm rn#these performances are killing me#i am in literal tears my dog is so pissed rn that im crying#being completely vague bc i am throwing this in the main tag so#anyways yall go watch digi destiny its amazing#this was really quickly done through tears on a meme generator lmao
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maybeee V, X, and Z? :]
fandom meme :D
hiiii lex! thank you !!!!
V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
well i answered my dndads one earlier, so thats cheating. lets see, what fandoms am i in LOL (me <- guy who hopped quickly from a years long hyperfix to my current dndads hyperfix so all my other interests are mush in my head).
Dimension 20 - Evan Kelmp/K "Dream" Tanaka <3 I absolutely adooore them and it makes me sad there's not more content for them!!!
All For the Game - Andrew/Neil/Kevin !!! kandreil my guys of all time. literally a life-changing ship for me. i think about them on a weekly basis at minimum
Young Justice - I'll be honest, I did not watch past the second season. BUT for the start of YJ/Batman in general! Nightwing/Kid Flash! I literally have fan art I drew in high school of them on my wall still LOL
X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM
oh my god UHHHH
NICKY HEMMICK (aftg) HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG. EVER.
Carol Wilson (dndads) <3 no elaboration needed.
Ylfa Snorgelsson (dimension 20) is my daughter and is always correct when she chooses to kill someone
Beverly Toegold V (naddpod)! literally the epitome of this question to me. hes my precious baby, my actual son, he has grown and developed from all of his mistakes and hes turning into such a lovely young man and i am just so proud of him-!
Erlin Kindleaf (naddpod) and while we're talking about beverly! obligatory erlin mention because he lives in my head rent free. boy i love you so much.
Blue (this is how you lose the time war) <333 ive only had blue for like, 50 pages so far but if anything happens to her, i am going to tear the universe apart. i know something is definitely going to happen to her but i need to live in obliviousness for now
grandma highforge (drawtectives) is actually perfect. actually just count 7 through 10 as all three of the drawtectives because they can do no wrong in my eyes
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)
i need you to know that youve sent me the most impossible questions for me specifically to answer. my mind goes blank whenever i get asked any questions like these. this isnt a negative, im having fun and this is exactly what i need rn, but i need you to know LMAO
more of a general fandom thing rather than anything specific, but i reeeally wanna get into fan-binding. i talk about this sometimes, but i actually specialized in bookbinding in school, and it makes me sad that i dont, like, have a reason to do it anymore? so i think getting into fan-binding would be so fun! plus i see some of the books people make and i am just BLOWN AWAY. ive always been very, like, utilitarian i suppose, with my books? my professors always say i make them plain, lol, so i love love love seeing the more inventive covers and bindings that people do!!! i really need to push my craft some more, so i need to like, find fanfiction to print out and bind. i have one in mind already, but its for a fandom i left, so it would probably function more as a gift for a friend than for me ^-^
#sorry this took so long. like a quarter of it was spent trying to decide what my rvb otp was#and then i realized thats an impossible question and chose a different fandom#ask#lex the lesbiann
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embarrassed ft. matsukawa issei
wc. 2.7k (???)
warnings. SMUT, not proofread lol, mutual pining (??), friends to lovers (???), cunnilingus lmao, no dom/sub dynamics, well actually dom&sub issei if you squint rlly hard hehe, kinda cute, embarrassed issei <3, also one (1) WAP reference
an. it’s 2:30 am and i have no idea why i wrote this and who for???? i got the idea from a 🦋😳🙈✨ audio and was immediately inspired idk, sorry if it’s bad i lichrally have no idea since i didn’t read it after it was done :p
( ˘ ³˘)♥︎
it wasn’t like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed.
he was handsome, intelligent, and funny, not to mention he never left women wanting after a night with him.
issei was the entire package and he knew it.
beyond superficiality though, he was happy with his life. he had a great group of friends, a nice apartment all to himself and a completely normal job.
yes, being a funeral home employee wasn’t the most glamorous career a person could have but he was happy. besides, it never deterred him from getting a warm body to sleep with which was a win in his book.
all in all? his life was great!
so why did he have to go and screw it all up?
issei blames makki and the dumb flyer for the reason his life went to shit. (maybe he’s being a little dramatic, but let him have his oikawa moment.)
he was minding his own business when his best friend (recently turned enemy) burst through his apartment door with a piece of paper in his hand and a fire in his eyes.
“dude, look at this!” issei rolled his eyes, putting down his casket catalogue and turning to meet takahiro’s gaze.
“why hello to you too. remind me why i gave you a key again?”
“because you love me and because i bring shit like this to you. look!” with another long and suspiciously tooru-like sigh, issei took the crumpled paper from makki and immediately stopped in his tracks.
“makki... what the fuck is this?”
written in large pink letters and a flowery, borderline illegible font was the name, coffee and cunnilingus. upon further inspection and careful reading, it revealed itself to be a little cafe opening up about 10 minutes from issei’s apartment complex who were looking to hire “young, attractive men who are proficient at eating pussy.”
issei could feel his eyes narrow and his mouth drop open in shock as he repeated his question. “the fuck is this?”
makki shook his head excitedly, tapping to another portion of the flyer that matsukawa had not yet read. “no, no dude, just look at how much they’re paying per hour.” issei begrudgingly obliged but the minute his eyes touched the (Massive™) number, he felt a little faint.
it was a lot of money. more than the funeral home was paying, that’s for sure. with that kind of money he could move out of this suddenly dingy seeming apartment and into a nice flat in the city were he’d always wanted to live. maybe he could buy himself a nice watch or even a high-end suit to replace the one from his highschool graduation (aka the only suit he owns). with that kind of money, he could erase his student debt 3 years ahead of schedule and get his mom into a nicer place.
it was these thoughts that clouded issei’s head as he found himself standing in front of a cute looking building, matching the address on the flyer. i’ll only be working part time, he thought as he pushed the door open to reveal an equally impressing interior with curtained booths and a wide variety of coffee on the menu. i’m only doing it for extra money, he thought as he shook the owner’s hand after he finished his successful interview. no one can ever know, he thought as he dressed himself in the uniform on his first day.
thus began issei’s super secret side hustle where he ate women out for cash.
sounds worse when you say it outright but it was just working. he was good at it, the women liked him, and he was making BANK. still, there were challenges. some women refused to bathe before coming and he would have to send them to the restroom to freshen up which absolutely ruined his chances for a good tip. some women would become heavily infatuated with him, believing that they were in some sort of forbidden romance. he learned to turn them down quick and easy to avoid conflict in the workplace which furthered his space as a boss favorite. but his hardest challenge by far was meeting you.
you were one of hanamaki’s friends, having met him at one of his brief stints in retail on his search for a job. he had gotten fired but you both stayed in touch after he left, becoming really close, really fast.
issei had met you first when takahiro had invited you to the biweekly seijoh third-years movie night. at first, he had been pissed as an “outsider” had never been invited before and he was worried you’d ruin the vibe, especially since it was the first time in months that oikawa would be able to join them. makki vouched for you through and through and the other boys were okay with it so you were in. the second he met you, all his fears of awkwardness and discomfort faded away.
you were great.
you were hilarious, pretty, and could keep up with makki’s harsh jokes, tooru’s diva attitude, iwa’s tendency to hit (hard), and issei’s original disdain. by the end of the night, he had completely forgotten why he didn’t want you there in the first place.
from then on, you were a staple in their little friend group. you were added to the groupchat where you balanced memes with spouts of deep wisdom and you were ever so reliable, always there if any of them needed it.
yeah, you were great. that’s where the problems started.
issei’s feelings for you quickly went from platonic to romantic, faster than you can say godzilla. he hadn’t even recognized that he was falling for you until it was way too late. normally, he wouldn’t have a problem confessing to you but because of his newly found ...occupation, he was too nervous. how would you take it that he was basically a glorified prostitute? ok, that wasn’t exactly what he did but still! you’d probably find him disgusting and horrible and leave the friend group forever. then he’d have to deal with oikawa’s senseless whining and makki’s subtle digs, blaming him for your departure. yeah, he wasn’t going to put himself through that so he decided to keep his mouth shut.
too bad he didn’t have any control over makki’s.
you and takahiro had been on a little friend-date at mcdonald’s after you’d had a long and frustrating shift. you just wanted to vent, expressing your general hate for your job and desperate need for stress relief.
that’s when makki opened his (big, stupid) mouth and suggested that you visit a little place called coffee and cunnilingus. you nearly choked on your fries at the title before quickly pressing him for details. thankfully, he had the decency not to expose that issei worked there but he had not done a good enough job convincing you not to go there. not that it would’ve mattered. your curiosity was peaked and your libido was high so why not try out the weird cafe where you let a complete stranger stick his tongue inside you?
it was settled. you were going to go and you were going to get eaten out and you were going to like it!
or at least that is what you repeated in your head as you walked to the address on your phone before taking a deep breath and walking inside.
“hello, welcome to coffee and cunnilingus, how might i pleasure you this afterno— yn?” issei’s eyes widened as they met your equally bewildered ones, the both of you staring at each other in shock.
“matsukawa-san, is everything alright?” a large hand rested on issei’s shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts and forcing him to break (horrified) eye contact with you and move it onto his boss who was now looking down on him menacingly.
“y-yes sir, everything is fine!” he squeaked out, hating the way his voice cracked on his first syllable. his boss looked at him suspiciously but thankfully didn’t press.
“well, since nothing is wrong, take this beautiful young woman to a booth where you will assist her!” the hand resting on issei’s shoulder slowly squeezed, making him wince in pain. the pain was only an afterthought though to the larger implication of his boss’ words. he’s going to assist you. assist as in pleasure. pleasure as in eat you out.
holy shit, you were going to pass out.
apparently, issei had the same thought process as you, his face whitening like a sheet. “m-me? but sir i-“
“do your job matsukawa-san!” his boss cut him off with a forced smile. all issei could do was nod and silently lead you off to a closed booth near the back or lose his job. you stayed close behind him but remained quiet, absolutely terrified of breaking the silence and ruining the bubble you had created.
you finally reached the booth in question. issei gently opened the curtain and motioned for you to get it, to which you obliged and he followed just behind.
the moment the curtain closed, you were enveloped in an awkward silence and tense atmosphere, neither of you speaking or looking at one another for fear of one of you running out. after what felt like hours, you opened your mouth to speak, not realizing issei had thought the same thing.
“so-“
“i-“
you finally made eye contact with him and burst into the laughter, the tension quickly broken. it took a full minute or two for the both of you to calm down, the absurdity of the entire situation finally catching up with you.
“you first,” issei said, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes while fixing you with an intense gaze swirled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place but it made butterflies bubble up in your stomach. you quickly turned your gaze to the comfortable seat beneath you, your fingers playing with the red stitching while you thought of what you had wanted to say.
“are you any good?” your hand flew up to cover your mouth as your cheeks filled with heat, the embarrassment of your words catching up to you. you hadn’t meant to say that but when you opened your mouth to apologize, you were stopped in your tracks by the lovely sound of issei’s full-bodied laughter filling the tiny booth.
you had heard it just moments earlier but without the sound of your own giggles drowning it out, you couldn’t help but think that he sounded beautiful. you basked in the sound as it slowly trailed off back into silence. now it was you doing the staring making issei look off with a red face and a heart threatening to pound out of his chest.
“y-yeah i’m pretty good. you want to try? me, i mean?” his words nearly leave you gasping, your brain working overtime to try and comprehend what he was saying to you.
“only if y-you want to? what do you want issei?” you whispered, suddenly unable to find your voice. you wanted this to be okay for him too; you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable even though you wanted him more than you could verbally express. despite the embarrassment and fear of rejection lingering under your skin, you stared at him, awaiting his answer. a tiny minuscule nod came from him and you internally shook your head. you needed to hear him.
“i need you to say it, issei.” your words, while quiet, were firm and issei felt himself hardening in his uniform slacks. he swallowed in his increasingly drying mouth before opening his mouth to respond.
“i want to eat your pussy. can i?”
shit.
your own voice was stolen by his words and all you could give him was a nod before he was on you.
issei didn’t waste any time falling to his knees, pulling your panties down, and hiking your skirt up to your stomach, revealing your glistening folds to his hungering eyes.
“fuck, you’re so wet,” is all the warning you get before he’s licking a long stripe up you from entrance to clit before he’s sucking the hard, sensitive nub into his mouth. your eyes immediately rolled back into your head, your hips instinctively bucking up into his mouth while a gasped moan of issei left your lips.
if he could bottle your moans and use them whenever he pleased, he would, the sound sending another pulse of arousal to his already hard cock. he was tempted to reach down and pull himself out of his trousers but he denied himself. this was about you; you and your wet ass pussy.
issei continued his ministrations on your clit, circling it with his tongue before pulling it into his mouth while his hand was ready to get busy. it crept up your thigh, sending shivers down your spine until it reached your sopping entrance, two of his fingers teasing the slit before delving in to the third knuckle.
the moan you let out is borderline animalistic as your body sends another wave of slick pulsing out over his hand. he groaned into your cunt at your tightness, his mind only imagining him deep within you while you squeeze him for all he’s got.
the amount of slick you produced made it easy for him to add a third finger, thrusting them in and out while also crooking them upwards in search for your special spot that would have you seeing stars. it took him a little prodding but he knew he found it when your back arched, your hand came down into his hair, and you whimpered out a string of curses.
“that’s it baby, cmon, you’re doing so well, wanna see you come apart for me,” he all but growled against your clit before delving back in with a higher intensity, his desperation for you to come winning out his desire to tease you and drag this out as long as possible.
with his incessant pressure on your g-spot and his lips suctioned around your clit, it wasn’t long before he got what he wanted.
“isseiisseiisseiissei, i’m coming, i’m coming-oh fuck!” you screamed as you clenched and gushed all over his fingers, your entire body caving in with the intensity of your orgasm. his fingers were practically forced from your spasming cunt but they quickly found a place rubbing your nub side to side as fast as possible. the overwhelming urge to pee came over you and you shook your head, trying to push his hand away.
“no, no, give it to me, i know you can,” issei groaned, his eyes locked on your dripping pussy. the pleasure he was giving came to a head at his words and you felt a clear liquid escape from your tired, overstimulated cunt, your mouth opening in a silent moan before collapsing back on the seat.
the sight proved to be too much for issei as he felt his body tense, his own orgasm washing over him as he emptied himself into his boxers. he fell back onto the ground, in shock of himself coming entirely untouched. he’d never done it before but of course it was you that would bring it out of him. a smile spread across his face at the thought, his head tilting back as he laughed, catching the attention of your worn body.
“what’re y’laughing at?” you slurred, cringing a little at how fucked out you sounded but issei didn’t seem to mind, his face glowing while covered in your slick and cum.
“nothing, nothing, but uh, i have a question.” you felt your heart leap to your chest, your mind already racing with the possibilities. he’s going to say this was a mistake, that we’re just better off as friends. oh god, what if he says i stunk? or the worst pussy he’s ever had? or what if—
“want to go and get a coffee?” he asked, the smile still plastered on his face but with an uncharacteristic hint of shyness. the butterflies were back in your stomach as you shyly nodded before allowing him to help clean you up and standing, not missing how he slipped your lacy underwear deep into one of his pockets.
issei’s hand found its way into yours as he said goodbye to his coworkers and boss before leading you out of the cafe, watching you tell an animated retelling of the bullshit that occurred at your job with a warm grin on his face and pink cheeks.
it might not be like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed but if it resulted in getting you by his side? he would do it again and again.
#and i did this for what????#watch me complain about being nauseous tomorrow from staying up too late 😤🙈#writing this: 😀😗✨#reading it back: 😩💦🥴🙈#ok lemme shut up#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#haikyuu smut#hq smut#haikyuu x reader smut#hq x reader smut#matsukawa x y/n#matsukawa issei#hq matsukawa#haikyuu matsukawa#matsukawa smut#mattsun issei#issei smut#matsukawa x reader#matsukawa x you#matsukawa angst#matsukawa scenarios#matsukawa issei x you#hanamaki takahiro#hanamaki x reader#hanamaki smut#hanamaki fluff#SEIJOH SUPREMACY <3<3
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Do you have any general rivnubis headcanons please 😊
Also as its gbbo night who in uk3 loves gbbo and is baking along apart from Victoria Scone lol
juno i have spent the past...week? developing rivnubis headcannons of COURSE I HAVE SOME...i have too many lmao but yeah i'll give ya some soft ones bc i'm feeling soft tonight - you know those posts/memes about someone being the heater in the relationship and one being the cold one, river is the cold one, she almost constantly has cold hands and will put one on someone's neck if they're annoying her, anubis is pretty much always warm so they have a good balance, anubis can go to river if they're too hot and river can come to them if she's cold
- speaking of that, river is not an affectionate person, she doesn't mind it but she's not instinctively touchy and tends to move away from anyone who is super physically affectionate. there's two people she makes an exception for, one is victoria bc frankly who wouldn't and the other is anubis because she looks so genuinely happen when river comes to cuddle she can't stop doing it
- they have very different ways of communicating their love, anubis is very verbal and affectionate and river is the complete opposite, she rarely says things and tends to show her feelings through actions or just spending time. she really likes her time alone so anubis is shocked the first few times she comes out actively seeking affection but they soon learn that's just her showing love, eventually they develop some actions to communicate it, like squeezing hands
- river doesn't realise anubis is 19 half the time and thinks they're at least in their early 20s, being reminded of that is shocking despite how many times it happens
- this goes for uk3 in general, but when they go out anubis never gets id'd but river (and elektra) always do and it's a running joke in their friend group
- river is the one to make the first move, she was wanting to see if anubis would but they're a bit awkward and it got painful watching them fail to ask her out so many damn times
- anubis comes out as non binary at some point while they're dating, river spends a whole night discussing every little detail of this with them and how she can be supportive, there is probably tears
- speaking of tears, river very much wears her heart on her sleeve, she's very easy to read because she shows all her feelings, anubis is the opposite, they hide their emotions with humour a lot, not wanting to be super vunerable until river shows them it's okay to be
ALSO as we all know miss scone is the baker of the group she in fact gives them all cookies or cake whenever they hang out as a group and is always in charge of snacks for anything, but i feel like veronica would also bake, though exactly how she is in bake off au, everything done exactly how it's supposed to be, anxiety in the kitchen but she makes the best stuff after it's all over i'm going in a slightly different direction but i'm now gonna rank if they can/can't cook and what they can bc that's related right - choriza can cook/bake and makes the group try spanish food quite often to good results - ella can also cook quite well, she just leaves it to the others most of the time because she can't be fucked to cook for 10 bloody people - elektra is not allowed in a kitchen bc she will burn herself, also she can't reach anything - vanity is possibly the best chef out of all of them, she just has that energy - kitty 110% can't bake or cook but she LOVES making cake from boxed cake mix bc its impossible to fuck up and tastes good, she is also banned from the kitchen unless supervised - river can cook she just doesn't because trying to do anything with her friends is too bloody stressful and watching veronica run around panicking is funny - anubis is 19 that bitch can't do shit (unless joe taught her, i reckon she can make a few things well but struggles with doing it quickly/leaves things in for too long bc she forgets) - scarlett is too chaotic to cook or bake and honestly she's in the corner with elektra and kitty just not being allowed to touch anything, could prob whack out one thing incredibly and nothing else i hope that answers your questions, kitty is not allowed to do most things unsupervised tbh
#asks#juno#i really went off on that one lmao#anxiety cook veronica is canon it's fucking grat#great#also tia is there she just is
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(i’m sorry i didn’t want to put this in the ask bc it got really long but i needed to talk about this to someone i’m sorry) (please copy/paste and make it anonymous?)
IT’S REALLY LONG!!!!!!!
not sure if this plays a role but i’m vietnamese-american (both parents are viet, but i was born and raised in the US)
the physical part
when i was a kid (like before 11 or 12-ish) my older sister (4-year age difference) would sometimes get punished for making trouble or doing something wrong idk like it was usually somehting about disrespect?? like maybe one of us interrupted a parent who was talking or didn’t do a chore/hw and then lied about it to avoid getting in trouble or did badly on something in school
the punishment generally had two versions: the first was to kneel on the kitchen floor without talking to anyone for an extended period of time (i’m guessing to reflect on what we did) which could range from ten minutes to over an hour and afterwards our knees would be cold and red and they would hurt from being pressed into tile for so long but we couldn’t say anything we could only cry
the second was getting hit. there was this long skinny stick, like a huge chopstick (usually wood, although once that one fucked off into oblivion we switched to a white one made of plastic that was hollow on the inside. we stopped once it broke and was too short) called “cay roi” that our parents would use to hit us. me or my sister, we would stand facing away from the parent in question and then get hit on the ass with that fucking stick. when we were in trouble with our mom it was fine bc she tended to get annoyed more often but she’s pretty gentle so it was more of a light sting when she would hit us and it faded fairly quickly. my dad, though, he took longer to piss off but holy shit when he got mad, he was fucking mad that was literally my worst fear as a kid (pissing him off) (i’m 16 now and i’m still scared shitless of that)
the rare occasions when my dad hit us, he would only hit us once bc it was enough to teach us a lesson. when he would swing it down you could fucking hear it going through the air and you wouldn’t feel it until a second later, and it hurt like hell. the wooden stick hurt because it was solid, but the plastic one hurt even more because it was a little more flexible and hit harder. i can still remember what that mcfuckening stick sounds like lmao
and afterwards, we would have to kinda cross our arms (but if you did it wrong it was disrespectful and you’d get in even more trouble) and bow to the parent and apologize specifically for what you did wrong, and then thank the parent for hitting you.
growing up it all seemed pretty normal bc yknow that’s just discipline right??? i mean in all honesty i wasn’t a perfect kid and i could be kind of an asshole about running my mouth. but now i’m just???? what the fuck?????? but also i’m not sure if i’m right to talk shit about it bc it’s pretty widely accepted in my entire extended family??? maybe that’s just how things are idk i mean my sister and cousins went through worse shit than i did and they still kinda agree so i don’t even fuckin know yall
the verbal/emotional part whoopee
our parents stopped seriously hitting us in like 2012 or something but they don’t really need to anymore lmao. they like to pretend it never happened!! probably because of the one time a teacher threatened to call CPS (it never happened)
when my mom gets upset, she’s passive-aggressive and likes to guilt-trip, which, though annoying, is somewhat tolerable.
when my dad gets upset/vaguely irritated (which has been happening more often recently and haha i’m actually kind of fucking terrified) he like,, has this tone of voice and look on his face that???? is objectively The Most Terrifying thing. i’m not ashamed to admit that i cry every time he gets near that stage. and it doesn’t even have to be directed at me specifically??? it’s just objectively scary as all hell
his voice gets really deep and loud and he talks to you like you’re literal shit. it’s bad enough in english, but sometimes he switches to vietnamese and it’s even worse because he gets even more pissed off if you don’t understand what he’s saying but he’s talking so fast and wow!!! i’m too busy crying and being scared shitless that i can barely keep up with my shitty language skills!! it’s a tone of voice that seems to be genetically inherited from the paternal side lmao. he rarely swears, but when he gets mad even just minor swearwords sound intimidating. and he looks at you like you’re worthless and everything about it kinda makes you shrink back.
he gets even more pissed off if you start crying. he’ll say, “i’m not even yelling at you, i’m just trying to make you understand” and like!!!! binch!!!!! you sure don’t sound like you;re not yelling!!!!
lately i’ve been calling him out more when he does this, but then he says that it’s just something that happens when he starts getting worked up, that it’s just that his voice rises and tends to get louder and that his whole side of the family is like that. and yeah i can see it in them but like. can you. not?? and he turns it around and calls you sensitive
and as all this shit is going on it just tears down your sense of self-worth and i can’t find it in myself to even try talking. like it feels as if someone shoved their hand into my chest and started playing operation except they just fucking tore out all the organs and there’s nothing left in there?? you can’t speak up and explain yourself, and if you try standing up for yourself you’re either shouted down or you’re punished for being disrespectful
a fuckin example that i’m really pissed off about
a few months ago back in the fall, my sister was still home from college during labor day weekend. we were in the kitchen helping out my mom with preparing for lunch while my dad was on his laptop at the kitchen table. i was washing some herbs for bun rieu and my sister was sorting out the good leaves from the wilted ones. my dad started reading, in an obnoxious and condescending voice, some kind of headline from an article about ~millennials~ or something, idk. he then summarized the article, and my sister started getting a little annoyed. she said something vaguely defensive but respectful, if rather passionate, about how ~millennials~ were getting screwed over by a previous generation i don’t even remember if that was it idk it had something to do with millennials and baby boomers. anyways, my dad took offense and it devolved into him saying something about how millennials are entitled and selfish and she ended up going upstairs to cry in her room. i went upstairs to go check on her after i finished washing the herbs while my mom kept cooking. my sister was sitting on her bedroom floor with a box of tissues and crying, and her phone was there so i assume she was venting to her friends. we don’t really talk about this shit to each other just bc. yknow. handling it on your own is hard enough to process, and it’s a really heavy subject to talk about considering our sisterly bond is based on memes. anyways i sat with her and kinda awkwardly hugged her from behind and didn’t say anything bc like what the fuck do you even say in a situation like that
after a few minutes i went downstairs bc the food was done and i didn’t want to start more shit with my parents right after that mess. my mom asked if my sister was coming down to eat (she already knew the answer but it’s just routine) and i said no. i started setting the table and as i was doing that my dad came back into the kitchen from bumfuck nowhere (i seriously have no idea where he was at that point) and seemed calmer. he also asked if my sister was coming down to eat and made a disgusted little snort when i said “no, she’s crying.” at that point i started crying and choking too because holy FUCK this was one hell of a stressful period. i’ll spare you the details but i ended up calling him out on being an ass. he reluctantly apologized to ME for how he was acting towards HER, as if he could automatically redeem himself with a half-assed apology and immediate 180˚ attitude change, and i said “i’m not the one you should be talking to.” over lunch, he tried to spin the story as if my sister had been ~disrespecting him~ and he was ~standing up for himself~ but my mom joined on on my behalf. she also called him out on shouting people down for disagreeing with him, but he also tried to deny that. in the end he said he would apologize to my sister. idk if that ever actually happened.
there was another incident where my dad barged into my sister’s (a few months before the previous one) and started screaming at her for having a messy room.
i got real fuckin pissed at him for that and wrote him an email bc i didn’t trust myself to confront him directly.
Dear Dad,
I would like to address the disagreement we had over the state of both mine and [sister’s] rooms.
I will preface this by saying that I mean absolutely no disrespect in anything that I say here, even it may seem so because this is written rather than spoken. I apologize if you take any offense at what I say. I sincerely do not mean any disrespect.
I do not deny that our rooms are messy. I realize this, and will clean mine when I get home after school. I can guarantee that. It is true that both mine and [sister’s] rooms should be kept clean, and should currently be in a far cleaner state than they currently are. I completely agree with you on that front. I also agree that your and Mom’s room is always neat and tidy. I will not dispute these points, because they are true.
However, I do not agree that women should be held to a higher standard of hygiene than men. As one who believes in equal rights, I believe that women and men should be held to the same standards of cleanliness– that is to say, all people, regardless of gender, should absolutely be clean. There is no need for women to be especially clean, because everybody should be clean. I recognize that I contradict myself, given the state of my room. I do not believe myself to be an exception to the rule; I recognize that I should strive to stay organized.
Last night, when you and Mom came into [sister’s] room, you both pointed out how messy it was. All four of us agree that it is messy. You then proceeded to say that she should be neater, especially because “you’re a girl.” I do agree that both [sister] and myself should be cleaner. However, when we tried to defend ourselves, you did not listen to everything we had to say.
I realize that myself and [sister] may have been rude in our response. I apologize for my rudeness; I intended only to express my own thoughts on gender equality. I was not trying to dispute the fact that the parents’ room is clean, and the the children’s rooms are not.
You have always raised us to defend our own beliefs, and to stand up for each other. At dinner, two hours previously, you told us that we should always remain true to ourselves and what we believe in. When we tried to do just that, you became angry with us for reasons that we could not understand at that moment in time. You refused to listen to our opinions, and that made us feel dismissed and upset. It made us feel as though you did not consider our opinions valid. I know that you did not intend to affect us in this way, but the fact still stands that we both feel hurt over this ordeal. I am not upset that you raised your voice; I am upset that you went against the very ideals that you have raised us with.
I write this email on behalf of both [sister] and myself, and everything we believe in. I am truly sorry if this message has in any way conveyed disrespect. That is the exact opposite of my intention. I write this email to you because I respect you and the lessons you have taught us both. Thank you very much for having read this to the end.
Sincerely, [my name]
about 90% of that was bullshit and sarcasm, but i had to pretend to respect him otherwise i would get my ass kicked.
his reply?
Hi [my name],
I’ve always taught you to stand up for your beliefs and am very happy that you feel enough conviction to send me this email. I noticed that you apologize quite a bit throughout. Just remember, only apologize when you feel that you did something wrong. Be polite and respectful, but be firm about it, and don’t apologize for everything.
About last night, I’ll admit that I was wrong, and for that, I apologize. I should not say or imply that *only* girls should be clean, or girls should be cleaner than boys. We all should be clean and strong – physically, mentally, emotionally – regardless of gender.
Having said that, I was upset with your sister (and to a lesser extent, you) last night. Not so much about what was said, but more about what I perceived as an attitude that “since you are biased with girls vs. boys, I just won’t clean my room”. This was unacceptable, and I was tired, so I wanted to end all debates before I say something that would make you girls more upset, or something that I may later regret. There is a time for debate, and a time to “just do what your parents tell you to do”.
The message was clear – the rooms were messy, permeated a foul odor, and needed to be cleaned!
You and your sister are both old enough and intelligent enough to realize that our appearance and cleanliness are reflections of our character and how we are as people. Poor personal hygienes and messy/smelly rooms are obvious signs of someone who is lazy and has little self-respect. I don’t want my girls to be or be seen as those type of people.
We can talk more about gender inequality at dinner tonight. Just remember the reality that we do not live in a fair world. The only way you can rise above the race and gender bias, and someday effect change, is to be smarter, tougher, and more educated than those that are biased against you.
what a fucking condescending asshole lmao
there were a shit ton of other incidents that were more extreme than these that also ended up making hate car rides but anyways!!!!
anyways i’m bitter, traumatized, and very fucking terrified of being like him
/////
oh my god, the part where you had to cross your arms and bow to parent and apologize for what you did wrong and thank them for hitting you is infuriating!!! it's so fucking sadistic and sick!!! they were having a slave fantasy with their children, and it's such huge psychological damage to the child, to be humiliated and forced to bow to the person who abuses and beats them, i'm disgusted! and re-defining their own actions when you call them out is so pathetic and shitty, like insisting they're not yelling when they are, fucking liars. also messy rooms are normal and should be a fucking right, and what the fuck is with holding women to higher standard of hygiene, that's sick and sexist!
and by his reply it's completely clear that he's a sociopath. this way of manipulative writing, where he acts like he can do whatever he wants bc he can sweet-talk his way out of taking responsibility and pretend that he's perfectly reasonable and in the right, this is fucking dangerous. i hate people like this more than anything, manipulative, sociopathic, eloquent talkers, who are impossible to depict to others as abusive no matter how sick and sadistic they get.
#trigger warning#emotional abuse#beatings#victim blaming#abusive parents#gaslighting#graphic#sexism#submission
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