#this week I’ve been seeing 8-9 patients per day

[babygirlwolverine]

me agreeing to go into work on my day off to assist with a spay: what a great learning experience and an opportunity to show my boss im willing to put in the extra effort because I love surgery

me right now at midnight knowing I have to get up in 6 hours on my day off: why did I sign myself up for this when I could’ve been sleeping in and enjoying my day off after an intense week so far????

[daytonicuconsulting]

Prehab vs. Rehab: Which Approach Should be Prioritized in the ICU?

For the past five years, I have been engrossed in exploring the history and current culture of the ICU, as they relate to the ABCDEF Bundle.

As a result, I’ve been faced with having to compare my ingrained understanding of early mobility to the cultural “norms” I see at the bedside, as well as in the literature.

One of the key differences between these two perspectives, which I’ve been confronted with, is the timing and focus (or lack thereof) on early mobility in the ICU.

This contrast is captured in the comparison between prehab vs. rehab, and the debate about which approach should be prioritized in the ICU.

Prehab vs. Rehab: What’s the Difference?

If you want to understand the difference between prehab vs. rehab and learn which approach should be prioritized in the ICU, you’ve got to know what each one entails.

That being said, let’s explore the difference between prehabilitation and rehabilitation.

What Is Rehabilitation?

The Oxford Dictionary defines rehabilitation as “the action of restoring someone to health or normal life through training and therapy after illness.”

In the context of the ICU, the literature usually states that “Early rehabilitation is essential to reducing complications associated with PICS. ‘Early’ refers to rehabilitation interventions that commence immediately after stabilization of physiologic derangements, often while patients remain on mechanical ventilation and vasopressor infusions.”

And after years of attending conferences, visiting with dozens of ICU teams across the U.S., and reviewing their data and protocols, it is clear to me that rehabilitation in the ICU is perceived as the inevitable need for intensive physical recovery after mandatory and standard prolonged bed rest in the ICU.

But what we see in studies published within the last 6-8 years is that the “intensive rehabilitation” intervention groups did not even have patients sitting at the side of the bed until 8 or 9 days after intubation.

Even the recent TEAM study did not sit patients up at the side of the bed until 4-6 days after intubation following prolonged sedation at a median RASS of -3.

Yet the TEAM study is being hailed as the model of “ICU rehabilitation” and is considered an earlier and more aggressive level of rehabilitation than what you’ll find in most ICUs in the U.S.

What I’ve witnessed is that although many hospital protocols will allow for mobility to occur during critical illness, and while patients are on vasopressors, etc., it is not actually occurring in practice.

The approach shared by most of the ICU community is that mobility will happen when ventilator settings are minimal, when the patient follows commands, after extubation, after the tracheostomy, after vasopressors are discontinued, etc.

It seems as long as physical or occupational therapy consultation orders are entered before the patient transfers from the ICU, early mobility is checked off of the list as done.

But when you consider that on average, critically ill patients lose nearly 2% of skeletal muscle per day during their first week in the ICU, it’s clear that delaying mobility can lead to devastating consequences.

These consequences, including the loss of physical and cognitive function, result in a desperate need for ICU rehabilitation.

As a result, ICU rehab tends to be implemented as the recovery from delirium and ICU-acquired weakness on the back end of critical illness.

But what if we focused more on preventing delirium and ICU-acquired weakness?

What Is Prehabilitation?

Prehabilitation is defined as a process of improving the functional capability of a patient before a procedure or treatment so they’re able to withstand any inactivity and associated decline.

That being said, most patients do not anticipate sudden critical illness, so how does prehabilitation apply in the ICU?

In 2002, Robert Topp defined prehabilitation in the ICU as “The process of enhancing functional capacity of the individual to enable them to withstand the stressor of inactivity associated with an admission to ICU.”

A prehabilitative approach in the ICU respects the fact that patients arrive at the ICU with risk factors for delirium and ICU-acquired weakness and may have a long and complicated hospital stay ahead of them.

At this point, their physical, cognitive, and psychological function are already in peril and require proactive intervention focused on the preservation of functional capacities.

This leads ICU teams to promptly implement interventions to prevent delirium and ICU-acquired weakness, such as nutrition, early mobility, sleep hygiene, and family engagement.

For most patients, prioritizing prevention rather than recovery can drastically change the outcomes they experience.

For instance, the timing of early mobility impacts short and long-term outcomes for patients in the ICU.

A recent study showed that when early mobility happens within 72 hours of ICU admission there is a positive impact on post-ICU syndrome, but these benefits are limited if early mobility is initiated after 72 hours have passed.

Another study revealed that mobilizing patients within less than 72 hours after intubation led to a 24% improvement in return to functional baseline and a two-day decrease in delirium and time on the ventilator.

We also know that mobilizing patients within 48 hours after intubation improves cognitive function by 20% one year after discharge.

Prehabilitation in Practice

For the first eight years of my career, I was unfamiliar with the term ICU rehabilitation.

All I knew was that physical and occupational therapy are a standard part of care with the same priority as antibiotics, vasopressors, and AM labs. Walking my intubated patients on the night shift was just as optional as their bed bath.

The word rehabilitation usually only came up on the rare occasion when we were disappointed that we were sending a patient to a care facility instead of back home.

Our shared goal was to have patients walk out of the doors and avoid extensive rehab.

But when I started working in an Awake and Walking ICU, our patients were mobilized within 12 hours after intubation unless there was a contraindication to mobilization.

The decisions of whether or not to start sedation, what type of sedation to use, and whether or not to mobilize patients were esteemed as a “clinical priority on a par with early resuscitation, early sepsis management, and a lung-protective strategy.”

When the teams I train adapt this prehabilitative approach, they immediately notice the contrast in patient outcomes and workload.

What’s more, they enjoy being able to protect patients from the occurrence and severity of ICU delirium and ICU-acquired weakness, rather than having to rehabilitate patients after these complications have developed.

I trained Andrea Silva’s team in Denver, Colorado about a year ago, and they have transformed their process of care from a back-end rehabilitation approach to a front-end prehabilitation approach.

Here’s what she had to say about it:

“Prehabilitating patients in the ICU not only decreases length of stay, but it also reduces vent days and prevents delirium. There is a sense of nursing satisfaction and fulfillment when you see your patients thrive and walk out of the ICU.

“The morale around the unit has had a positive shift by seeing our patients succeed. We used to rehabilitate patients in the ICU by doing mobility after extubation, but our delirium rates were high, everyone had tracheostomies and PEG tubes, and they were waiting for placement in care facilities. Now patients are walking home from the ICU.”

So, what if prehabilitation becomes the norm?

What if it took 2-3 clinicians to walk an intubated patient down the hall rather than 3-5 people to sit a patient at the side of the bed?

What if we reduced delirium rates from where they are now, at 60-80%, and turned delirium into something that rarely occurs in the ICU?

What if we were able to enjoy calm, cooperative, and functional patients?

What if we shifted our focus to proactive instead of reactive?

And what if our efforts were dedicated to protection rather than recovery from delirium and ICU-acquired weakness?

If we were to do all of these things, I can only imagine how many lives would be saved and preserved, and the effect this could have on generations of ICU patients and clinicians to come.

If you and your team are ready to master the ABCDEF Bundle and create an Awake and Walking ICU, please don’t hesitate to sign up for a free consultation.

[ledenews]

EORH’s Elerick: ‘Industry’s Opioid Experience Now Protects People’

He was a young man and a brand new pharmacist working at a CVS when his mentor warned him about a trend in prescriptions he noticed. Opioids. People were dying and addiction was skyrocketing. Pill mills were counterfeiting opiates like OxyContin, methadone, and Vicodin at a rapid pace, pain centers serving those suffering chronic pain were ultra-active, and the supply always was meeting the demand. “When I first experienced opioids, I was a staff pharmacist in Pennsylvania, and the man I worked for told me when he started noticing that something was wrong. He told me the amount (of opiates) being prescribed was really bad,” recalled Zack Elerick, pharmacy director at East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry. “Now that the facts from a lot of the court cases are coming out, we know much more about what was taking place. “As I’ve progressed in my career and now in this director’s role, I have more responsibilities to make sure I’m helping to control the amount of opioids I see prescribed, and that’s why I put some rules in place in the hospital to help with that limitation,” he explained. “No one wants to feel pain and we understand that. BUt no one wants to get addicted either." Zack Elerick has been the director of pharmacy at East Ohio Regional Hospital since the Martins Ferry medical center reopened just over three years ago. Elerick, who was a staff pharmacist at the Ohio Valley Medical Center in September 2019 when it closed, also has managed the Hometown Pharmacy at EORH since the medical center’s reopening three years ago. “And there are policies in place at the retail pharmacy, too, that really help with limiting opioid abuse and potential abuse,” he said. “Plus, the rules and laws that have been put into place have really helped pharmacists police it because a doctor is limited on how much they can prescribe when a patient is discharged. “The whole industry has evolved since the issues with opioids were exposed and the industry’s opioid experience now protects people.” The drug epidemic in the United States unfortunately remains active, and last week alone in the Wheeling area, “bad batch” warnings were distributed by public safety agencies three times in one week for heroin, fentanyl, and methamphetamine. “We have seen the opiate problem spread with heroin abuse instead of the prescription pills because heroin is cheaper and easier to get these days. Add the fentanyl, and that’s why we’ve had so many overdoses,” the pharmacist said. “That’s why I believe educating the public about Narcan is so important right now. “Narcan is very available because of the overdoses and the amount of deaths we’ve seen in the valley,” Elerick insisted. “We’re to the point now that if you don’t know someone who has been impacted by all of this, you might be the only one in the room because it’s been so widespread. Narcan has saved so many lives.” The Hometown Pharmacy is located near the main entrance to East Ohio Regional Hospital on South 4th Street in Martins Ferry. Down the Street The Hometown Pharmacy is so local it operates a walk-up window. The drugstore is open from 8 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. Monday through Friday and from 9 a.m. until 1 p.m. on Saturday. Delivery service is available, and most insurances are accepted. “The best part,” said Elerick, “is that you’re going to know the person behind the counter because we have a small crew that works here and we take what we do seriously. “We did start delivering and we have a few customers on that weekly list right now and we’re hoping it will grow. Right now, we’re limiting it to three days per week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays,” he outlined. “And we’ve established a 10-to-15-mile radius for those deliveries.” There are additional items available for sale at the Hometown Pharmacy, including shampoos, aspirin and Ibuprofen, paper towels, and several other household needs. The Hometown Pharmacy does sell many toiletry items inside the retail shop. “By having those other items on our shelves, we’re just trying to make it as convenient as we can for the folks who come in for their prescriptions each month,” the pharmacy director said. “And we have sales on certain items from time to time, and we do advertise those specials on our Facebook page. “It’s just part of that personal touch we offer,” Elerick said. “And that’s why we hope people realize they can transfer their prescriptions to us just by asking their doctors to send them to us instead of to another pharmacy.” Maybe his most important duty while operating the retail shop and the medications for the patients in all departments at EORH is monitoring the ever-changing pharmaceutical industry as it pertains to medication availability, the cost, and which drugs are permissible under individual insurance coverages. “The pharmaceutical industry is constantly changing and so are the reimbursement rates from insurance companies,” he said. “Those rates are shrinking more and more for hospitals and retail pharmacies. So, it really affects everyone. But there are some cases where we actually lose money on prescriptions. That’s the sad reality of the pharmacy industry right now. “I do love the job and everything that goes with it because in this position you’re able to have a positive impact on the patients you’re helping to take care of. There’s a lot that takes place behind the scenes,” Elerick said. “We have a great team here at East Ohio and it’s been great to watch it grow.” Read the full article

[melsie-sims]

just a quick heads up!

Nothing big. Just me losing interest in Sims again.

I haven’t played the game in over a week and haven’t really felt like it tbh?? I still have some screenshots I haven’t edited that are just sitting there, patiently waiting.

I’ve been playing a ton of Crusader Kings III and it’s taken up all of my free time, and I’m not gonna feel guilty about it. 😂 So if you see less posts per day, that’s why. I just want to make sure my queue doesn’t run out any time soon so for now it’ll be down to 5 posts per day instead of my usual 8 or 9. Everything should be back to normal in a few days though - maybe a week. 

In the meantime, happy Thanksgiving to all of my American friends to the south! I hope you guys have a wonderful time if you’re celebrating! 

[hangrypa]

s/p first year as a PA

I was hired as a hospitalist primarily for the transplant service. However, in the setting of the pandemic and staffing shortages, I am all over the place now and work in almost everything non-pediatric and non-surgical. 

In my first few months as a PA, I was incredibly overwhelmed. I went from being a learner who switches specialties every month to a fully-fledged provider making life-or-death decisions on an hourly basis. Oftentimes I’d find myself in the room of a patient actively crumping, surrounded by the patient’s family and multiple nurses awaiting instructions on what to do to save the patient. I thought that I faced a lot of pressure in school, but it was nothing compared to this. 

And just when I started to get a hang of it all, the pandemic hit. What a nightmare. As mentioned above, I was hired to work with with transplant patients. Prior to the pandemic, my transplant colleagues and I were masking and gowning for almost every patient: 1 surgical mask and 1 gown per patient and per patient encounter. But once COVID hit, we were rationing PPE. 1 N95, 1 pair of goggles, and 1 face shield for the pandemic. 1 surgical mask per week, and 1 gown only if a patient had Cdiff or a history of MDRO bacteremia.

What did the pandemic mean for our transplant patients? 

Our patients are on immunosuppressant medications to prevent transplant rejection. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult for them to fight infections. 

Our department did what it could to prevent COVID. We'd test patients on admission for COVID, regardless of symptoms or exposure history. If they were positive, they went to the COVID team and quarantined on their unit for a period of time and had to test negative before returning to our unit and being transplanted. We took many other measures to reduce COVID risk to the best of our ability. 

People still died. To see someone get transplanted successfully and then die of a virus is horrifying. Unfortunately, despite our admission tests, sometimes patients contracted COVID within the hospital. Patients would be happily FaceTiming their family one moment, telling them all of their plans for once they were discharged- then the next day they'd be intubated. We tried Remdesivir, Dexamethasone, prone positioning, etc. But the virus moved through them quickly, and these efforts often were too late. No amount of hoping and praying brought them back. 

As a first year PA, I learned to go to an empty conference room, close the door, and remove my mask before calling to the family of the deceased. This way, as they gathered around the phone in their homes, the family could hear me unmuffled as I delivered the news. Also, this way my tears didn't ruin my mask for the rest of the week. 

I learned a lot this year. It's been a mixture of crying and laughing. There are times that I question why I ever became a PA, and then there are times when this career feels like home. In addition to transplant, I’ve also been working in the  ED, IMC, ICU, inpatient hospice, clinic, and infusion center these past 6 months. I’ve learned quite a lot along the way.

Lessons learned as a first year PA:

1. Check your pager hourly: This is in addition to checking it whenever you get paged. Sometimes I’ll get paged while I’m rounding, read it, and then forget about it. Now I go through my pager at every hour to ensure that I already responded to all my pages and then answer ones that I missed/forgot.  On a semi-related note, a while back I wrote about good paging etiquette.

2. Let people know when you're out: I work a rotating schedule. As a result, it’s hard to predict when I’m in or out of the hospital. Sometimes I’ll come back on service and find urgent emails or texts that are a few days old. Now I leave an away message with my return date and my supervisor’s contact information on both email and hospital text. If someone really needs to get a hold of me, my supervisor has my personal cell phone number.

3. Be conscientious of what time you consult: I generally try to get all of my nonurgent consults done before 3pm. Many services have only 1 resident covering after 3pm, so I try not to page/call unless I have an emergency. 

4. Call the nurse if something needs to be done urgently: Being a nurse means being the ultimate multitasker. Room 5 is due for his IV Amphotericin, Room 2's Foley is supposed to come out prior to void trial with Urology, Room 1's infusion completed and is beeping, and Room 4 is a bit altered and yanked out her PICC. Now I’m placing an order for Room 3 to get IV Lasix due to concern for pulmonary edema. However, the nurse may be preoccupied with Room 4 and not see the order in the computer for some time. If I really need to the patient to get the Lasix right way, I’ll place the order through EMR and then call the nurse and see what their situation is. If they’re crazy busy with Room 4 and likely to be unable to get to the Lasix within the next 15min, I ask whether they’re okay with me asking another nurse to give the Lasix now. Usually the answer is yes.

5. Value your nurses: Nurses know the patient best. They’re the ones answering call bells, giving meds, doing dressing changes, etc. Unfortunately they oftentimes bear the brunt of everyone’s frustrations, from patients to patients’ families to attendings to managers. Not to mention, they’re the ones doing the dirty work. Bedside nurses are the heartbeat of healthcare, but they also are high risk for burnout. Always support your nurses, whether that’s volunteering to answer a patient’s family member’s 17th phone call of the day or responding to a patient’s call bell yourself. 

6. Know how to get a hold of someone quickly: It’s less than ideal to page someone repeatedly. At my hospital, if I need to talk to an attending urgently, I call the operator and ask them to connect me directly to the attending’s cell phone. If a patient is crashing and we’re not in the ICU, I dial the emergency number and call a rapid response, which sends people running into my patient’s room. 

7. Plan your discharge meds from Day 1: The goal of every admission is to treat the patient and then discharge them safely. Send medications early for prior auth and call the pharmacy to make sure that they have medications in stock. (One time a patient’s insurance didn’t cover Levofloxacin, of all things.) 

8. Keep social work and care coordination aware of all needs from the start: Does your patient looks unsteady? Place a PT/OT consult and let social work and care coordination know that the patient might require home therapy services and/or DME so that they can start looking at services and companies that may be covered by insurance. Does your patient have a central line? They’ll likely need a home health service to teach them how to care for it daily at home. Do they seem to require frequent transfusions? They’ll probably need labs on discharge. Is the patient’s living situation safe (no heat/AC, possible abuse at home, financial difficulties, etc)? They may need alternative housing.

9. The attending is not always right: Generally speaking, the attending has the last say on how the team manages a patient. However, I’ve come across situations in which an attending’s decision put a patient in more danger. Sometimes asking them about their decision can help steer the care plan toward better patient care. Other times you just have to stand your ground and be okay with being on the receiving end of an attending’s misdirected rant. Report these instances to your manager and to other higher-ups.

10. Always have gloves in your pocket: You never know when you’ll find a mess. Or which part of the body someone asks you to examine. Or how hygienic a person is (or is not).

11. Verify weird vitals: I was very new when I walked into work, opened a patient’s chart, and promptly bolted down the hallway when I saw a patient’s O2 sats recorded as 15-20s. I found the patient sitting up in bed, eating breakfast, and bewildered by me bursting into the room. Turns out that overnight someone mistakenly recorded his respirations as the O2 sats.

12. Remove whatever tubes you can: Anything entering the body is an infection risk. Does your patient still need that Foley placed by the surgery team? No? Yank it (don’t actually yank because ouch). Is your patient A&O and able to eat without aspirating? Remove the NG tube. Does your patient have good veins and require infrequent transfusions/labwork? Pull their central line.

13. Take a buddy with you to emergencies: Two heads are better than one. Even if you’re a seasoned provider and well-equipped to manage an emergency, you might need another body to help with performing CPR, making urgent calls, grabbing supplies, etc. 

14. Ask your patients about premeds for procedures: We all have different levels of pain tolerance. A procedure goes far more smoothly if your patient is comfortable. Note: if you’re going to premed with Ativan or an opiate in the outpatient setting, make sure they have a driver.

15. Be good to your charge nurse and unit secretary: I don’t know how they do it. If I had to manage the unit’s signout, patient complaints, calls from other floor, being yelled at by providers, verifying paper orders, and finding beds for incoming patients- all at the same time - I’d lose my mind. 

16. If your patient is mad, just shut up and listen: There are many things that you can’t control: the time it takes for a patient to get a room, the temperature of hospital food, the dismissive attitude of your attending, etc. And oftentimes the patient knows this. My reflex is to want to apologize for things and overexplain why different things are happening. But sometimes the patient just needs to rant. Take a step back and just listen. That can make all the difference.

17. Fact check your notes: The framework for your progress note often is the note from the day prior. It sounds obvious, but make sure that you go through the note and make updates and changes accordingly. If today is 01/15, there’s a good chance that the Fungitell from 12/31 is not still pending. 

18. Try to learn some nursing skills: This is one of the areas in which I most envy my NP colleagues. If a patient’s IV pump is beeping or their central line need to be flushed, I oftentimes awkwardly step out of the room and look vacantly into the distance for a nurse. I’ve finally figured out how to spike a bag (albeit I do so very slowly, and it certainly makes the RNs giggle some). I talked to our unit’s nurse manager, and she’s willing for me to learn some nursing skills from the staff during a slow day- we’ll see when thing slow down!

19. Be kind: Generally speaking, being in a hospital is stressful. Patients are feeling out of sorts, and staff are working with constant dinging in the background. I rant plenty on this website, but I’m kind to everyone at work (with few exceptions) because it makes things more comfortable for everyone. Additionally, if you are always kind to your patients and colleagues, your reputation will speak for itself. One time I was walking down a hall with poor reception while on my ASCOM with a notoriously standoffish nurse from another unit. My phone cut out. She called my unit’s nurse manager to complain, and the nurse manager told her that I would never hang up on purpose. My interactions with the nurse going forward were always more pleasant in nature.

20. Support your team: The best colleagues are not the smartest colleagues; the best coworkers are the ones who have your back. Whether it’s a medical emergency or just a strange situation, it’s important to be supported and to give support.

I know that I’ve learned a lot more than this, so I’ll likely be adding to this throughout the year. Happy Snow Day, all!

[aelaer]

Re: Blood in Your Veins

Hey so uh.

As anyone who’s been following me for a while knows, I started the serial “The Blood In Your Veins” about this time last year (it used to be ‘my veins’ but retitled it on its move to AO3 because execution of prompt had changed a bit over writing). It’s a prompt that I couldn’t stop thinking about and just dabbled in slowly to see where it went. Then 2020 fully hit and my writing came to almost a complete stop until about October, which is when I began again on Illuminating the Shadows, which was finished and posted in December.

Anyway, I’ve been poking and prodding fairly continuously at The Blood in Your Veins. The first four parts that I posted originally here on tumblr are now all on AO3, and once part 5′s up I’ll link it here and link everyone who wanted alerts to the updates then so they can see the new part. Then all future parts will be linked here as well.

(Cut because why the *hell* did I write this much about this?)

I’ve been slow in posting because I, against better judgement but why not, decided to post it as a WIP. But that means I keep on making edits to older parts because I think of something new that should be addressed earlier in the story. Like uh, when I was writing part 9, I realized I needed to go back to part 5 and add an addendum. When I was writing part 12, I realized I totally forgot a part that I ended up adding in part 8, because I needed it for a future connection. This happens all the time in my writing and makes posting WIPs almost dangerous because my thinking is rarely linear if the story takes place over a course of more than a couple days. Thus the very slow posting.

So this silly little prompt thing that I was just prodding and poking at to see where it went? The farking doc passed 50k words tonight. Yup.

Granted, like 10k of that is probably outlining, personal notes, and A/Ns filled to the brim with meta, medical science, fake science, and technical/computer engineering because I love talking about it and giving people info to access easily for their own knowledge. I figure I can’t be the only one who finds this stuff super fascinating and fanfic makes it unique in that it’s not a book where the research is irrelevant, you can show off all the interesting stuff right here and talk about it with people! I love that about fanfic, so much. Sometimes the A/Ns are just as interesting as the story in some stories.

So it’s gonna be a bit slow for however long, but I finished 11 parts (with 10 betaed), have the 12th largely written out (though I’m not 100% sure about it yet so I want to poke at it more), and parts uh, 13 to 17ish outlined. But considering I was like “yeah this is 8 parts at most” like, at the beginning of this, that number is bound to change because characters keep saying things and doing things (including the supporting OCs, who are demanding to be fully fleshed out within the bounds of supporting character roles).

And yeah, this is just a ramble of what I’ve been mostly doing as I haven’t been super active on tumblr this month as this has consumed most of my free time. I haven’t read a lot of works either, and once this is completed I hope to remedy that, before I go into my next two big projects (which were meant to be what I was working on *now*, but then this took over and what will you do. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to complete three novel-length fics in the course of the year, but I’ll see what I can do. I really want to tell these stories).

Uh, this was really long. Sorry, I’m super verbose and don’t know how to be like, succinct. My old boss, two bosses ago now, used to quote Twain about brevity being a sign of wit, but if it is, call me 100% unwitty because I like to ramble. And then I always feel a little bit guilty for writing *so much* about my bullshit, so I feel like if you read this far, you 100% deserve to read a preview of an upcoming section. Especially since you pressed the Read More button! So here you go, thanks for reading my rambles. This is a section from the longest part so far, part 8. It’s a long little bit!

---

"How high's the toxicity now?" Tony asked as he stepped off the scale.

"Yesterday's blood sample came back at 0.45 milligrams per kilogram of your weight," Stephen replied. He snapped on a pair of latex gloves.

Tony offered his arm for the blood draw. "And if 3 milligrams is the magic number for fatality, that'd put my current blood toxicity at 15%."

Stephen inserted the needle at the crook of Tony's elbow and watched the tube fill up. "That's not quite how it works."

"It makes sense to me."

"That's still not how it works." He removed the needle and capped the tube, and as he put everything away, explained, "Saying that your blood toxicity is at 15% implies that you're talking about the whole volume of blood in your body. You're probably at about 5,500 milliliters with your weight, and with the density of blood equaling about 1.06 grams per milliliter, it is like you're saying—"

"That 874.5 grams of my blood is toxic, yeah, yeah, I know," Tony interrupted. By now he was setting up the table for their breakfast.

"I was getting there."

"You were going too slow," he shot back easily. Stephen gave the engineer a look at the comment, but Tony ignored it. "Yeah, I know it's not my whole body's blood volume. Obviously. But putting a percentage on how long until I reach the point that I'm dead makes sense to me. I'm not measuring the whole volume of my blood, I'm measuring how much more can I handle until I'm dead."

Stephen shot him a frown. "It doesn't make sense to call it 'blood toxicity' then."

"Maybe not to you, but it does to me. And I'd design such a measuring tool for me."

The statement caught him off guard. "Design?" He finished packing up the kit and joined Tony at the table.

"Well, if I wasn't stuck in here, I'd design something to automatically read a blood sample, like how glucose meters read blood sugar levels. Wouldn't be hard to engineer something like that. And I'd have it give me the amount of toxicity as a percentage relating to how far along it was until the amount was lethal. Sure, I could memorize the numbers, but the percentage would be more concrete in my head."

Stephen smeared butter over a piece of bread as he listened. He shook his head at the end of Tony's explanation. "Wouldn't work for the consumer market; there's too much room for interpretation as to what the percentage means."

Tony huffed. "Well, like I said, it'd be for me. Not the consumer market."

His brow furrowed. "You're telling me that you can make a blood test as simple as the one used for testing blood sugar levels for something as rare as palladium poisoning?"

He narrowed his eyes. "... yes…"

"You can make it portable like the glucose meters?"

"Yeah, of course."

"And affordable to most hospitals?"

Tony looked up in thought. "I don't usually factor in the costs of materials and manufacturing in personal projects, and others do the number crunching to see if my ideas are viable for production in company projects. If they aren't, but I really want them to be, I'll tinker a bit more, sure."

Stephen couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Do you realize the amount of money you could save for both hospitals and patients across the country with such technology? Specialized blood tests—like for many metal poisonings, for instance—aren't offered at every hospital. It may not be available even in every state. Those types of lab results can take weeks to get back to a doctor and the patient. And you're saying that you can not only potentially create this type of technology, but that you may be able to make it affordable if you really want them to be?"

"Well yeah, sure. I've done it a few times with other things. I could probably do that with a blood meter thing. I doubt the tech's that complicated."

His mouth was partially hanging open, Stephen realized this, but he couldn't bother at the moment. He was flabbergasted. The first thought that came to mind went to his mouth, unfiltered. "And you spent the last two decades building weapons."

"Don't." The word was sharp and filled with an overabundance of emotion.

Stephen fell silent. He crossed a boundary he had yet to see before now, and he was not so callous as to push against it. Instead he turned to his meal and focused on eating. He avoided looking at the other man.

A couple minutes later, Tony spoke again. It was low, pensive. Thoughtful. "There was a good reason I shut down weapons manufacturing after I got back from Afghanistan, you know. If the department ever comes back, it will be with major restrictions and modifications. Likely more defensive than offensive. More shields, less missiles. But in the meantime I've been restructuring. Expanded in commercial aerospace and industry. We entered the energy market properly. Consumer products is coming soon—end of the year, probably." A pause. "Don't see why we can't look into medical tech, either. Certainly wouldn't hurt to try."

He could only nod and say, "It certainly wouldn't."

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 5

Or Leah loses her shit at Jar Jar, thirsts for Aayla Secura for an episode and a half, and then swoons for Riyo Chuchi.

Welcome once more to the Reacts series! I’m a busy woman for now but I am setting up a schedule for this series which will be

Today we’re covering episodes 12, 13, 14 and BONUS! 15. This is because I got super bored during episode 14 and basically didnt write anything so, here you go! As per usual, major spoiler alert for season 1 of the clone wars! If you haven’t read the previous parts to this series, I suggest you do so that you can follow along! 

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5 Part 3 - Episodes 6, 7 and 8 Part 4 - Episodes 9, 10 and 11

Tags (if you want to join, my taglist can be found on my page!): @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @girlvader @simping-for-fives @littlevodika @hounding-around @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @onabouteverything @acciokenobi @catsnkooks @captainrexstan @roseofalderaan @fractiouskat

We’re well past the half-way point, so there is 2 parts left of season 1, and then onto season 2! So lets get into it!

Episode 12: The Gungan General

> heheheheheheheh jar jar I am KEEN

> I get hondo and jar jar in one episode

>> this’ll be funny

>>> actually no scratch that, this is gonna be hilarious

> oh and they woke up in a cell this will be fun

> HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA AND THEYRE BOUND TO DOOKU

> DISASTER I TELL YOU

> “if I keep my mouth shut you’ll devise a plan so get off the god forsaken planet?” “YES”

> this dude seems traitorous as fuck (im referring to one of the pirates, not dooku shockingly)

> I wish Ahsoka and Yoda were in this too, I want more disaster lineage

> ah he is indeed a traitor

> “HEIDY HO CHANCELLOR”

> JAR JAR WHOO

> “stop messing around, we’re landing. Secure yourself” “MESA TRYING ITS STUCK”

> promptly followed by jar jar falling everywhere

> oh and now he’s in the cockpit

> oh shit that senator guy is definitely dead right?

> “do control tour protégées insolence” “anakin, control your insolence, the count is concentrating”

> “do we know where we’re going?” “Ssh anakin” “DO we know where we’re going?”

> is it safe? Of course it i- riiiiiight

>> I forgot this was the clone wars for a second, this is gold

> FRIENDS DONT DRUG FRIENDS HONDO

> y’know, dooku’s quite amusing when he’s not trying to kill my favourite characters

> “are you now in command” “uh no, binks is the highest ranking” ooooohhhh boy

> ooooooohhhh and some mind tricks too, nice

> I hate to say this, but jar jar is actually smart

> holy shit

> beasties are nearby too, we’ll be fine. they run, we run

>> Dayum jar jar actually making good decisions?

> I present a real and accurate image of my reaction to this statement

> Mesa be having an idea oooohhh booooyyy

> obi wan that is no way to speak to your grandmaster

> be patient master the count is elderly and doesn’t move like he used to

> I would kill you both now if I didn’t have to drag your bodies

>> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is the only reaction I’ll accept

> then falling all over each other is the only thing I’ve ever needed to see

> “ this is not going well” no shit

> my question is why did obi wan not drop Dooku?? Does he actually still care about this man?

> you’re right, I don’t think youre going to be friends 🤦‍♀️😂

> sneaky lying snake

> bruh they don’t even know you’ve got the Jedi captive??????????

>> so how does that work you dumbass

> no shit, you will look like fools obi wan

> “there be some bombad clankers” 😂😂

>> “huh YOURE right, bombad clankers” I love the shock

> YOURE RIGHT HE IS SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS, GIVE JARJAR SOME CREDIT

> oh boy anakin, just keep your mouth shut genius

> man electrocution doesn’t look like fun

> HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

> The next few lines of confused joy are me reacting to jar jar somehow single handedly taking out 3 tanks

> what the fuck

> JarJar I I’m what-

> JUST DID A GOOD THING, I DONT REGERT THIS THING AT ALLLLLLLL

> fuckin JarJar was great

> “KILL HIM HES NOT A REPRESENTATIVE, HES A PLAGUE” I’m ded 💀😢💀

> serves you right you snake, now dooku gonna choke your ass

> oooohhhhh that’s how these two twits (hondo and obi-wan) became friends

> “and... he knows where you live” Oof the subtle threat is real

> hem I love obi wan very much and his sarcasm

 Episode 13: Jedi crash

> I JUST SAW AAYLA I AM EXCITED I AM ALSO ATTRACTED TO HER VERY MUCH

> SHES HOT

> I LOVE HER

> AND HER VOICE JUST MAKES ME ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

> I wish I was bly, not gonna lie

> I have a quick question - the 501st colour is blue right? Then why do they have a gold squad, doesn’t the extra colours just confuse things?

> I love seeing anakin and Ahsoka in action coolest thing to watch

> And anakin

>> I am also quite attracted to him

>>> imagine dragging your hands through that hair as he- wait no I have minors in my followers not gonna finish that

> Uh oh

>> Oh anakin you twit

>>> HE LOCKED HOMSELF IN WITH AN EXPLOSION JDGKJDJFKFKFKFKFF

> HES INSANE

> Are all Jedi so reckless? Just the good ones - love this by the way

> Oooohh shit for a STAR

> I mean like? I know anakin doesn’t die, but this shit is concerning

> Perfected the art of destroying ships and getting master almost killed? Sounds familiar

> I hate it when they just call them “padawan “ it just feels very impersonal like bleh

> Like I love aayla but god the Jedi preach some bullshit

>> God forbid someone raises a child and gets attached to it

>>> Like for fucks sake

>>>> Can you tell this is something I’m passionate about?

> Anyway, moving on

> Oh hi anakin! You’re alive!

> That bird lookin thing is tryna eat my boy 😤

> Oop - well that dudes dead

> Aawwwwwww aayla looks so sad, this makes me sad too

> Can we just appreciate this?

> Well these little critters are cute

> Ooooohhh I think I agree with this little dude

> You can skip the paragraph if you like, its just me going off about ‘peacekeeping’

> Alright gonna get mildly into it for a second, the clone wars really gets into it with episodes like this, displaying how the entire galaxy was starting to lose faith in the Jedi and their peacekeeping ways, in the movies we just got that people just started hating the Jedi because they became part of the war, but this really fleshes it out and shows just how slowly and gradually the loss of faith is. Because he’s right, the Jedi aren’t peacekeepers anymore, they bring as much destruction with them that the separatists do and have become symbols of war. They’re fighting for a good reason yes, but they can no longer claim that they are peacekeepers or that they played no role in this war.

> ANYWAY BACK TO REACTS

> AH MY TWO FAVOURITE WOMEN AND A PRETTY BACKGROUND AGAIN!! They really do be doing me a great service

Part 14: Defenders of Peace

> I’m really not into this episode, just saying it now

> Anakins just as bad as obi wan, like honestly just chill bro, fucking REST

>> MY BOYS DESERVE SOME GODDAMN REST AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL OK-

> Okay but is it taking a life if it’s a droid?

> Ugh this dudes ugly as fuck

> What did you think was gonna happen?? Of course your village was going to be ransacked

> I could go on forever about the pointlessness of this war like it just makes me mad palpatine you slimy git-

> My reacts this episode are really boring huh, I’m not into it 😭

*fully I didn’t write anything for about 10 minutes here because it’s just a little boring*

> HOLY SHIT NOW THATS A FUCKING WEAPON

> Yep sorry that’s it for this ep, I’m so bored 😂

>> Anyway, bonus episode because that one was short!

Part 15: Trespass

> YES OBIWAN WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

> AND IS THAT RIYO CHUCHI I SPY?????

> Hahahahahahahhahahaha it’s not tatooine, you got that right

> Oh god this dude already sounds like a dick (its the chancellor dude but not palpatine)

> Why’s he so defensive over it?

> Oh yikes, that does not look good

> Seppies don’t do that though - this is... odd

> Ah and the same thing has been done to the droids

> Off topic, but I think I’m going to make a clone wars drinking game that I can do while I do my reacts, so I’m going to make that this week, send me your ideas in the comments or dm me!

> Back to ep - pfffffffttt obi wans little taps and then anakin really goes WHACK

> Anyway I’m going to do this in the next couple days and then every Friday night I’ll watch a few eps and drink away

> Alright back to the episode once more

> Abominable snowman????

>> Definitely

> This is gonna go well isn’t it?

> “Well? Say something”

>> “Just shut up” *visible eye roll*

> What the fuck is their mouth

> Okay really obi wan, I think it’s pretty clear they don’t speak basic

> YEEEEEEAAAHHH THATS MY BOI ANAKIN

> Awwwwwwww that shits cute, fucking bear huugggg I want to be hugged like that

> I’m not fussed if it’s anakin, obi wan or kit fisto but please someone love me

>> Preferably kit fisto

> Anyway this dudes a dick (again, its the chancellor dude)

> They obviously have intelligence, and this dude has issues

>> I’m thinking he’s trying to compensate for something 👀

> Oof you really gonna tell a Jedi what to do?

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA the other people’s were there already

> Ugh he reminds me of my very racist grandparents oh boy

> You’ve been told like 4 times that it is not your jurisdiction anymore and you still can’t take it?

>> BRUH

> She’s so tiny and adorable and her voice is just 🥰🥰🥰🥰

>> Oh no

>>> I’m simping for another character

> Surely this guy dies

> HAHAHAHAHAH HE JUST GOT SPEARED SERVES YOU RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER

> What a dick, he shall not be missed

> She’s just, so pretty??? And smart????

>> FUCK MY BISEXUAL ASS CANT HANDLE THIS

> he’s seriously not dead yet?

> AAAHH RIYO YOU SMART GIRL YEEEEESSSS NEGOTIATE THAT PEEEEAAACCEEEE

> THATS MY GIRL SENATOR CHUCHI YEEEESSS

Welp that’s it for today folks, it was lovely, see y’all at some point this week where I say the drinking game rules and then next drunken Friday (even though these are gonna be released on saturdays but I write them on fridays?)

[imagineredwood]

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5    Part 6    Part 7    Part 8   Part 9       Part 10    Part 11  Part 12   Part 13   Part 14

Pairing: EZ Reyes x Camila (OC)

Warnings: Minimal Implied/alluded sexual content

Word count: 2.2k

***EZ likes being babied, try to convince me otherwise. Also, why is KJ so messy? What will Cam wear to Marcus’s vow renewal? How many cups of coffee do Camila and the Reyes family drink per day? Tune in next week to find out lmao***

“How are you doing, sweetheart?”

Camila smiled as she heard Mr. Salvatore’s voice speaking behind her. She turned away from the shelf she was stocking and took hold of the hand he was holding out to her.

“I’m great, Mr. Salvatore. How’ve you been? How did this last appointment go?”

The old man smiled against softly, leading her to the front desk by the hand. He released it when they got the and pointed to the seat beside the one he took a seat on. Camila sat with furrowed brows as she wondered what he was going to say. 

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, dear. My heart is getting worse the doctor says. He doesn’t think I should be working as much as I do, which I know you and Sandra are telling me all the time.”

He held his hands up as she gave a soft chuckle, Camila nodding so as to tell him I told you so.

“Anyway, I think I ought to listen. I decided that I’ll be cutting back some. Maybe come in a couple days out of the week. Most likely weekends. I don’t do much on the weekends anyhow, but I know you young kids like to go out and have fun on your weekends. I’ve spoken with Sandra and she agrees that you’ve been a tremendous help around here and we both trust you. The customers love you, you always make sure things are running smoothly even when it’s not your job. So, Sandra and I have decided that so long as you are ok with it and would enjoy the promotion, we think it would be a good choice to have you be the manager. We’ve never really had a manager before, me doing the main bulk of the managing and Sandra helping where needed. It’s always been more of a shared thing but now with me stepping back, Sandra and I agree that letting you step in would be in the best interest of all of us.”

Camila stared at her boss with wide eyes, both shocked and honored at the proposition. She shook her head, unable to find words and Mr. Salvatore grinned, reaching over to rest a hand on her shoulder.

“Take the next couple of days and think about it. I know you’ve gotten settled here so I think it’s safe to say that you’ll be sticking around. It’ll bring in some more money for you, help you save up for the future. Think about it and then let me know. No worries if you’d rather stay with things as they are.”

Camila took hold of the old man’s hands in hers, looking down at the contrast between the smooth, supple skin of hers and the wrinkled, thin skin of his. He was getting older and it was only fair for him to start taking it easy. She nodded and squeezed his hands gratefully, him returning the squeeze.

“I’ll think it over and get back to you.”

“We’ll be waiting, sweetheart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Angel swallowed his mouthful of coffee, and tilted his head side to side, lips pursed.

“I think you should do it. It sounds like a good thing. Get you some extra cash, you get to move up the ladder. You’re smart, good at making decisions. I say you should do it.”

Camila nodded as she listened to Angel, him suddenly holding his hands up in defense.

“But if it turns out that you fuckin’ hate it, it’s not my fault. I’m just saying.”

Camila laughed and shook her head, Angel smiling himself as he watched some of the tension melt away from her shoulders. He knew she was nervous, apprehensive of what the change would mean, and he just wanted to help. She nodded softly, more to herself than to him and then leaned back in her chair, the air lighter now.

“So, how’ve you been? You cooking more now?”

Angel nodded and leaned forward on the table, arms crossed and elbows resting as he smiled.

“Yeah, I have. I made dinner a couple of times. I use EZ and Coco as the guinea pigs.”

They both laughed together and then a silence fell over them, both lost in their thoughts. The information Kevin had told Camila was weighing on her mind. She had recognized the woman whose name she now knew was Emily. First from the restaurant and then the bookstore. The time at the restaurant she knew that EZ had recognized her, remembered her, knew her. She had been able to see it in his eyes. Now finding out that she was his ex, it made sense why he had lied. Why would you want to bring up your ex on a date with a girl you were trying to get with? She wasn’t upset at EZ, she didn’t feel angry or betrayed. She felt confused. Emily simply being an ex of EZ’s wasn’t important to her, she was aware that there were women before her. Her issue stemmed from the fact that she couldn’t help but feel that Emily was more important than just an ex. Why would Kevin have bothered to give that shred of truth? It did nothing for Camila. He’d simply showed her the picture, told her that she used to be with EZ as high school sweethearts and wanted to know what Camila knew about her. She had ended it quickly, telling him that she knew nothing about the woman and to leave her alone. He had seemed a bit frustrated but left it at that, telling her to have a good day before he stalked off back to his truck and drove off.

Now she was thinking about telling Angel to see if he could shed some light on Kevin and exactly what he was trying to achieve. She could remember EZ telling her to keep it between them though and she stayed quiet, sparking the conversation back up on another topic.

“So EZ said to stop by the clubhouse tonight.”

Angel looked back up at Camila and smiled, nodding.

“Yeah. Nothing crazy, just some music, drinking, talking shit. The usual. You should definitely come.”

Camila agreed and smiled taking a sip of her coffee.

“I’ll be there.”

“Good. Then EZ can stop sulking around like a little puppy because he misses you.”

The two laughed, Camila giving a bashful smile.

“I miss him when he’s not around too.”

Angel made a show of fake gagging making Camila laugh, her landing a swat to his arm.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“It’s true. You two make me sick. I’m still waiting on that nephew though.”

Felipe’s shop was filled with their laughter and he smiled as he sliced some meat, simply listening to their banter. It was nice seeing Angel interact with her, having a friend that was a good influence, getting him to open up. He had retreated within himself some as a teenager, closing up even more after Marisol’s death. Felipe was happy that he had a female figure around now that he felt he could trust, almost like a big sister even though she was a good handful of years younger than him. Felipe was thankful for Camila and the difference she had made in their lives so far. He just hoped that it would last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

 “Kevin stopped me again today.”

EZ’s hand that was resting on her thigh squeezed at her words, his jaw immediately tensing. Camila shook her head and rested her hand atop his.

“It’s ok. I didn’t tell you so you could get mad. I just know you said to always tell you when I see him.”

EZ nodded and tried to relax, his eyes locked on hers.

“What did he say? What did he want?”

She rubbed her hand on the back of his.

“He showed me a picture of Emily Thomas. He wanted to know what I knew about her.”

Whatever tension had left from EZ’s body came back full force and Camila winced.

“He told me that she was your ex. I told him that I didn’t even know that. I didn’t tell him anything, I told him to go away.”

EZ relaxed some and gave a heavy sigh, but she could still feel the anger and apprehension coming off on him and she squeezed his hand, drawing his attention toward her.

“I’m not mad. I just…want to know what’s going on. Why does Kevin care what I know? Why does he want me to know who your ex is?”

EZ could feel the tips of his ears getting red, pissed of beyond belief that KJ was once again, getting involved in his business and bringing Camila into something she shouldn’t be worried about. His father’s words rang in his ears and he while he had wanted to hold off for as long as possible, he was starting to see that, as always, Felipe had been right. If he didn’t start sharing more of the truth with her, it was going to push her away. That was the last thing he wanted.

“I…”

EZ trailed off, not sure how much he should tell her, Camila’s furrowed brows and worried eyes weren’t making him feel any better.

“I have some bad shit that has happened in my past, something that I’ve done…things that I’m not proud of. I didn’t mean to, but KJ is using that against me to make me…”

He huffed out a shaky breath and Camila hushed him, taking his head in her hands and bringing him to rest against her chest, EZ’s eyes clipping closed at the contact. He relaxed into her, arms wrapping around her waist as she held him to her, running her hand along the back of his head.

“It’s ok, baby. I understand. It’s ok.”

Camila could feel the tension slowly releasing from EZ’s body as he relaxed into her, her hands so warm as they held his head. EZ’s face was squished against her breast and he found himself both shocked and confused at how understanding she was being, how patient she was being and how she was trusting him. Sure, he hadn’t given the full details, about accidentally shooting the cop or that he had taken a deal, but Camila understood the basics anyway. That he had made a huge mistake and now that mistake was being used against him to use him for something greater. The new bit in information made Camila angry, knowing that someone as sweet as EZ was being used by a system that was put in place to try and protect people. She understood then why EZ was so secretive, why Kevin was trying in vain to make EZ look bad, in hopes that she would turn. It wasn’t going to work though, Camila’s loyalty to EZ and his family grew day by day.

Camila leaned back on EZ’s couch some, still holding him to her and went with her, his body resting atop hers. She pulled at the leather of his kutte and she arched his arms back, letting her pull it from his frame and toss it onto the tabletop. Her hands made their way back to him, one on the back of his head again, the other on his back, running up and down. He groaned as she scratched every now and then through his white tee, his head comfortable on her breasts as he held her. There was nothing sexual, nothing raunchy running through his head as it had so many times before when he was this close to her. Now all he felt was comfort. He felt safe and relaxed like there was a weight lifted when she was holding him like this. It wasn’t often that he let people look after him, so used to doing it for others. Between the years he was down and then now being a prospect, being dotted on wasn’t something he was used to, and he’d have been lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. He closed his eyes and snuggled into her chest further.

“You have what you’re wearing to El Padrino’s event?”

He felt Camila nod, her nurturing hands still holding him.

“I have three outfits picked out, I figured I’d let you decide for me.”

EZ nodded against her and lifted his head up some, locking eyes with her.

“I’ll pick one of them tomorrow.”

Camila smiled and EZ did too, loving to see how her face lit up whenever she did. He sat up some and pressed his lips to hers, that soft laugh that he had come to love sounding from her. His eyes bore into hers and slowly her smile slipped away as she saw the intensity of his gaze.

“Te amo, Camila.”

Her smile came back almost instantly then, and she leaned forward to rub the tip of her nose against his.

“Te amo, Ezekiel.”

He shuddered softly and gave a breathless laugh.

“It’s embarrassing how it makes me feel when you say my name like that.”

Camila shook her head and tapped his chest with her finger.

“It’s not embarrassing to be loved.”

EZ kept his eyes trained on hers and then sat up, standing from the couch and holding his hand out to her.

“Let’s get you home.” 

Tag list: @caramara3   @lostgirl219​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​  @actuallyazriel​  @vannabanana1995​  @unnecessarypineapplesstuff @thegreat-annamaria​

[thinkyoureholy]

Soul Eater [6]

[A/n: Aahh I'm posting a day early but I didn't want to leave y'all with nothing for 3 weeks. I'll be going on a short break since my finals start in 2ish weeks and I need to really study for these test to not tank the class. Soul Eater will be back December 15th!]

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.

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Pairing : Jung Yunho / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Demon! AU

Words : 2.6k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9.

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

-Yunho’s P.O.V-

I paced in front of her door, my thoughts running at a million miles per second. It had been almost two weeks since the last time I saw her and I was worried sick. I tried to stay away, knowing that she told me not to contact her until she was fully healed but I couldn’t keep my mind off of her. The image of her injured body flashed in my mind every time I closed my eyes but what really had me on edge were the last few words she said to me before leaving to her apartment

“I'd hate to have to see you turn into a demon, you alone are meant for salvation ...not damnation.”

I figured selling my soul to a demon would send me straight to Hell but I didn’t know it would also make me a demon after I died. Truth be told after hearing that I regretted selling my soul in the first place but that regret didn’t last long. It scared me to think about turning into a demon but that fear vanished when I realized...Y/N would be there with me. We’d be able to spend hundreds of years together. But the fact that I'm okay with being a demon if that meant still being able to see her...it was a telltale sign of what I felt towards her.

"Are you going to just pace in front of my door all day or are you going to come in?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts the moment I heard her voice, my mind going blank the moment I saw her face. The claw marks...they were gone...not even so much as a scar was left behind. Without thinking I reached out and cupped her face in my hands, moving her head from side to side as I took a closer look. Again, without much thought I grabbed her arms, pulling up her sleeves to see that the crumbling effect her left arm  had was all but gone, the gash on her right bicep also gone. I looked back up into her eyes, shocked with how quickly she’s healed.

“You know this could also be a form of harassment you know? Touching me without my consent.” She deadpanned, the look in her eyes as guarded as ever.

I quickly took my hands off her, taking a step back, “Sorry...I just...I can’t believe it. I didn’t think you would be able to heal this quickly. I mean in those three days I watched over you...it…” I trailed off, at a loss for words.

She smiled softly, but it wasn’t one that had my heart racing...it was a sad one, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach.

“I’m not human remember? The wounds were just deep so I was having trouble healing on my own but...I had some help from an old friend.”

“You have friends?” I blurted out without thinking.

Shit...I really gotta stop doing that. Before I knew it she had punched me straight in the chest. It wasn’t particularly hard but there was a small throbbing sensation that still spread out over my chest. I winced as I rubbed over the spot her fist made contact with.

“You’re lucky I didn’t punch through your sternum. And I have friends! Or rather...one friend. He’s annoying but he’s the only other demon I can stand and trust.” She snapped, her voice falling in volume to longer she spoke.

Without another word she then turned on her heel and made her way into her apartment. I half expected her to slam the door in my face like she had done so many times before but she left it wide open, her invitation to come in replaying in my mind. I smiled to myself as I stepped inside her apartment, closing the door behind me and following her to the living room. I couldn’t help but look around, seeing that her place didn’t have much but the necessities. She had a couch, a coffee table, a book shelf stocked full with books, and that’s about it. She didn’t have a tv or any other decorations put up.

“You don’t even have a tv? What do you do in your free time then?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

“I don’t really have much free time...well until now actually. It’s been awhile since I’ve been directly involved in a deal like this so I have more time to myself than I did before.” She explained, heading into the kitchen.

“You don’t know how to work a tv do you?”

I don’t know what led me to ask that question but I kind of wanted to keep the conversation going. This is one of the first times I’ve gotten to talk to her for so long without her being hostile with me. She seems more relaxed than usual so I thought this could be my chance to finally get to know her and start breaking down the many walls she had surrounded herself with.

“I know how to work a tv...I’m not an idiot.” She retorted with a scoff, turning on her heel to face me, “I might have been raised in an entirely different century but I’ve had to keep up with technology as its come out. Speaking of which you humans just keep coming out with new things every year, I’m surprised you haven’t figured out how to clone yourselves yet. I guess that’s a good thing since you’ll be playing God at that point.”

I watched her intently as she rambled on. I don’t think she realized that she was just saying whatever came to mind. This is the first time she’s ever done this around me, I couldn’t help but let a smile tug at my lips as I listened to her. I’m guessing she’s just comfortable enough around me to ramble on the way she was, this was a good sign. But the smile I had on my face fell the moment I saw her wince ever so slightly, her hand resting over her side...right where her ribs were. That action reminded me of her injuries and why I had come up here in the first place.

“Y/N?”

She hummed, waiting for me to continue, leaning against the counter as she continued to hold onto her side.

"Are you really alright?" I asked, hoping she'd tell me the truth.

"I told you already. I'm as good as new. I just needed that extra push and a little bit of rest and poof, back to indestructible demon once more." She rambled animatedly.

I couldn't help but smile at seeing this, even though I knew she was lying through her teeth. It warmed and broke my heart at the same time to know she was lying for my sake...but she didn't really have to. She then went on to talk about something completely different, rambling once more. As I listened to her talk I was reminded by her words the other day...once again they rang loud in my mind.

"Y'know...to me at least...being a demon doesn't sound like such a bad idea…" I mumbled to myself, or at least I thought I did.

Y/N heard every word, the hint of a smile that had been on her face all but vanished the moment she heard me. A look I had never seen before fell over her eyes. Truth be told I was starting to feel a little bit scared the longer she looked at me like that. Just when I thought she'd just continue to stare at me with that deadly look in her eyes she spoke.

"You--you have no idea what it's like so don't go saying that ever again, am I clear?" She said through her teeth, the look in her eyes intensifying.

"But...it--it doesn't seem all that bad. I mean you get to live for hundreds and hundreds of years, you're basically immortal and-"

She cut me off by slamming her fist on the countertop, the tile covering it shattered into pieces. Her eyes had shifted entirely, her demonic eyes staring straight into my soul.

"It doesn't seem all that bad? Really?" She questioned rhetorically, the look on her face making my whole body tremble in fear, "You have absolutely no idea what they do to you down there the first twenty years. They break you in every which way; emotionally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, any way they can find to break you they'll do it and do it ten times over. By the end of it you'll be begging for them to just kill you, anything to get the pain to stop. And once your twenty years are up your transformation finally begins. The pain of your body changing is of course nothing compared to the pain you endured for twenty years."

She took calm collective steps towards me, towering over me as I stayed glued to the couch, too frightened to move, "And when they send you up to Earth?" She paused to chuckle dryly, staring down at her clawed hand, "You go on a murder spree. Seeing humans so carefree makes something in you snap. You think to yourself, 'Why do they get to smile? Why do they get to laugh like that? How come they get to be oblivious to the pains of the world? Why? Why me? Why did I have to endure so much, in both my human and demon life, why?' And that's when you kill your first human. And no, oh no it doesn't just end with one. By the time you come to your senses you've killed hundreds, their blood running down your fingers and staining your skin for all of eternity."

She leaned down, resting a hand on the back of the couch behind me, our faces mere inches apart. She stared at me silently for a moment before she sprouted her wings, the appendages hanging over me menacingly. I cowered back into the couch, trying to create some space between the two of us but she wasn't having it. She reached out and grabbed my collar, keeping me in place as she leaned in closer.

"You have no idea what it's like so don't go casually saying shit like that. The way we're made is not something to be taken lightly, especially not by a worthless human who has had everything handed to him his entire life." She spat out, reaching up to forcefully grab my chin with her fingers, "I've been patient with you, I was even willing to risk everything to cancel our deal but now? Now you can forget about it. I'm not about to save a human who takes demons so lightly, I don't care how clean and pure your soul is. If you don't see anything wrong with being a demon then you deserve to burn."

With that she shoved my face away from her, straightening back out. She turned on her heel and gave me her back to me.

"Get out before I hurt you."

I stared at the back of her head, stunned at her words but then I swallowed down the fear that had been bubbling up inside me since the moment this whole conversation started. I stood up from the couch, refusing to collapse even though my legs felt like they would give out any second. I reached out tentatively, placing my hand on her shoulder as gently as I could.

"You're not gonna hurt me. If--if you really wanted to you would have already. Look, I'm sorry about what I said. I know I was wrong now. I...I should have never said anything because you're right, I have no idea what it's like and--and I'm sorry." I paused, feeling a lump in my throat the moment I felt her shoulders start to shake, "But please, don't--don't shut me out. I won't bring it up ever again please just...just let me stay by your side."

She jumped at those words, returning back to normal, her demonic side hiding under the surface once more, "You don't know what you're asking, Yunho. I'm not someone that can-"

"I don't care about any of that! I don't care! I…I can't stand to be pushed away...not anymore...not by you."

-? P.O.V-

"She's really gone soft hasn't she?" I asked, disgusted with what I was watching.

I scoffed as I watched her stare at the ground, almost gagging at the look she had in her eyes. He and I shared a look, a smirk making its way onto his face.

"We should toughen her back up don't you think?" 

The smirk he wore grew into a grin, mischief shining in his eyes. I simply smiled back, a devilish look creeping into my eyes.

"That's the best I idea you've ever had. I think it's time we pay Y/N and her pet a little visit in the human realm."

…...

-Y/N's P.O.V-

I closed the door, leaning my back against it. It took awhile to get Yunho to leave. He kept insisting that he wouldn't move a muscle until he was convinced I was no longer angry with him. After ten minutes of tell him that I wasn't mad he finally left, saying he'd be back tomorrow. I let my eyes close for a moment, sighing heavily as I replayed all the events from the night, a particular sentence I uttered rang louder than the others.

"If you don't see anything wrong with being a demon then you deserve to burn."

Ah...now I've done it. Now how am I supposed to bring up the cancellation of the deal? I basically told him he's on his own and-- I groaned, cutting my thoughts off, rubbing my hands over my face.

"I can't believe just how far you've actually fallen."

That voice! I shifted immediately, getting into a fighting stance but I wasn't quick enough. I struggled against his grip, my internal wound still not completely healed, my movements slowed by them. I clawed at the hand he had around my throat, glaring down at him as he lifted me up high into the air, my feet dangling.

"Ceri," I spat out, the anger in my eyes intensifying the moment I saw him smirk, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

His smirk turned into a grin, our surroundings changing in the blink of an eye, "I'm just following orders, I'm sure you don't mind...right? This very important person wanted to see you and I just couldn't find it in me to refuse her."

My ears perked up as he spoke, hearing the sound of footsteps approaching us. It didn't take me very long to figure out who this "her" was. There's only one bitch in hell that has Ceri at her beck and call and has the gall to do something like this. She stepped out of the shadows, her violet colored eyes glowing as the moonlight reflected off of them. I dug my claws into Ceri's wrists the moment my eyes met hers, twisting the bones in his arm seconds later. He let out a cry of pain, letting me go to cradle his arm close to his chest. I landed on my feet, shaking Ceri's blood off my fingers. Rolling my shoulders I felt my wings extend, my rage unmatched about being summoned to a place like this by a cunt like her.

"Pride...you have a lot of fucking guts doing this. I take it you finally want to die today, huh?" I asked with a growl, seeing her eyes waver at the sight of me but she stood her ground.

Fine. If it's a fight she wants it's a fight she's gonna get.

.

.

.

Tags : @chanyeolol​

[viovivii]

Why having a strong dad is IMPORTANT. Every girl needs a strong daddy in their life ❤️ good book. p.s DONT FUCKING BE A DEAD BEAT

this was a good read:

Chapter 1 – You Are the Most Important Man in Her Life

I’ve said this before, but scary. I am also the most important man in my wife’s life, but she was able to make a conscious decision to choose me. Not my girls, they are simply stuck with me!

Meg states that in her practice she has seen many young girls doing terribly unhealthy things to see if their fathers will notice. Young girls crave a father’s attention and love.

Dad’s don’t need to change who they are to be great dads. They need to invest in the relationship and understand what the world is telling your daughters through TV, the internet and their friends. Your job is to protect them from the ugliness that is out there and they naturally look to you to do that.

Next, Meg shares some scary statistics. Here are a few:

What is taught in sex ed. It is ridiculous. Make sure you understand what your school teaches.

One in five Americans over age twelve tests positive for genital herpes.

9% of girls fourteen to seventeen years old experience unwanted sex, primarily because they fear their boyfriends will get angry.

5% of high school girls have had sad, hopeless feelings for longer than 2 weeks. Many physicians call this clinical depression.

6% of Caucasian, 20.7% of Hispanic and 12.4% of African American females have made suicide plans in the last year.

8% of high school students drank alcohol before the age of thirteen.

7% of high school students have used some form of cocaine.

Kids spend 6.5 hours per day watching media of some form.

Kids with TVs in their bedrooms watch 1.5 hours more TV than kids who do not have TVs in their bedrooms. I’m sure this stat would hold true for smartphones.

Meg goes on to cite numerous statistics about how families can win the war against media through strong relationships with their kids. We can win this fight!

Chapter 2 – She Needs a Hero

Despite whatever outward impression she gives, your daughter’ life is centered on discovering what you like about her and what you want from her. She cannot feel good about herself until she knows you feel good about her. She does not want to see you as her equal. She wants you to be her hero. Someone stronger, steadier and smarter than she is.

The only way you will alienate your daughter is by losing her respect by failing to lead or failing to protect her. If you fail to meet her needs, she will find someone who will. That is where all the trouble can begin.

One of the best things you can do as a father is to raise your daughters’ expectations about life. Let her know that she is God’s masterpiece and that she will do great things in this life.

Deep down, we all want authority and rules in our life. We may instinctively want to buck authority, but when our world starts to fall apart, we run to the person who is that authority in our life.

Meg also suggests putting your expectations for your children in writing, now – while they are young. Teenagers are excellent at tangling your thinking. Write down your rules now. Laminate them, carve then into stone

Chapter 3 – You are Her First Love

You are her first love. You have other loves in your life, but she does not. Every man who enters into her life will be compared to you. If you have a good relationship with her and her mom, she will choose boyfriends who will treat her well.

Always be positive. Admire her deep, intrinsic qualities. Always keep the bar high. She will live up to the standards you set.

As she grows older, don’t assume she is capable of making good decisions. Protect her so she is in a safe place to make poor decisions – kids always will make bad decisions. It is how they learn. Enforce curfew. Girls with a curfew know that someone cares and is waiting up for them at home.

Pay attention. Listen closely. It takes time and patience, but it will build bonds that will last a lifetime. Start daddy-daughter times when they are young and stick with it. Teenagers need you more than at any other time in their life.

If you stay with her, look at her and keep listening to her she will always come back for more. She will feel more attractive and rightfully assume that boys that don’t want to be with her have a problem (because you are smarter and wiser than they are). This is a very good thing.

Chapter 4 – Teach Her Humility

“Humility is not thinking less of ourselves, it is thinking of ourselves less.” – C.S. Lewis

“It is not about you.” – the first sentence of The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

Humility is hard and it must be modeled. It is the starting point for every other virtue. Humility means having a proper perspective on ourselves, of seeing ourselves as we really are. It also means knowing that every person has equal worth.

Take pride in her accomplishments, but don’t go overboard. Always recognize the accomplishments of her peers as well.

Make sure that she knows that her accomplishments do not define her. Her maker already did that. Trying to define ourselves with accomplishments and stuff is a never ending trap. Give her a firm foundation of who she is in God and it will serve her well forever.

Don’t let the world revolve around her.

Chapter 5 – Protect Her, Defend Her (and use a shotgun if necessary)

Let her know that she is beautiful.

Hug her. It is that important to her. Tell her you love her and how precious she is.

Every boy that dates your daughter needs to know he is responsible to you.

Be aware of the mixed messages she will receive about sex from school. Make sure that your message is the final word on the subject.

She might hate you for this in the short term, but she will thank you for protecting her and she will tell you that sooner than you might expect.

Chapter 6 – Pragmatism and Grit: Two of Your Greatest Assets

It’s OK.

Men are pragmatists. They look for solutions – often when our wives and daughters only want to be heard. Don’t negate listening, but your family needs your pragmatism, your realism, your solutions.

Daughters can become only one of two types of women; princesses or pioneer women. Praise the Lord he brought me a pioneer woman to marry. That gives our girls a much greater chance at becoming pioneers themselves.

Princesses believe they deserve a better life and expect others to serve them. Pioneers know that their hard work is how they achieve improvement in their lives. They are in charge of their own happiness.

You must teach your daughter to be a pioneer. The other option is not good and can lead to a host of bad decisions later – like marrying for money and stability.

Grit – Your family needs and deserves your best. As men, we often use up the best of us at work and have little left for home. That is not acceptable. We must get our heads right and game faces on for the job (the most important job) that waits for us when we walk in the door to our homes.

Divorce – It is the central problem that has created a generation of young adults who are at higher risk for chaotic relationships, sexually transmitted diseases and confusion about life’s purpose.

Don’t get confused and believe that going to church will keep your family together. Turns out the divorce rate in the church is about equal to that of the non-church going world. You must live out your faith at home and fight to keep your family together.

When your life nears its end your family will be your greatest accomplishment, not any businesses or buildings you may have built.

Chapter 7 – Be the Man You Want Her to Marry

Think about the standards you’d like your daughter’s future husband to meet. Pretty high, right? Do you live up to those same high standards?

It’s tough medicine to swallow, but we likely have higher standards for our daughter’s future husbands than we maintain for ourselves as husbands to their mothers. We’ve got a ton of great excuses. Work is so hard, I have so little time for me, blah, blah…

Are you always patient and kind? Are you an encourager? One day you will be walking her down the aisle to marry a man that will be very much like you. It is the way women are made. They are drawn to what they know.

Show your daughter that your relationship with your family is more important than possessions and expensive vacations. Make the family your priority.

It is a great strength to live knowing that if you lost every material possession, you would still have a life worth living!

Let her know that you will disappoint her. You’ll try very hard not to, but you will. You are human.

Chapter 9 – Teach Her to Fight

Women are emotional. This is truer for teenagers. They have emotions and impulses that must be kept in check or bad decisions will be made. As the Dad, you can help her make good decisions and make bad decisions safely through your direction and authority.

You understand how to battle impulses. You’ve won some battles and probably lost plenty. Your daughter does not know how to battle her impulses yet. That is why she needs you to make her life a safe place to learn these hard lessons.

Choose your battles carefully. Never budge on honesty, integrity, courage and humility. You can let a lot of the other stuff go.

Your daughter’s brain and her capacity for rational thought will not be fully developed until her late teens or early twenties. This is when she needs you most. Don’t get her to 16 years old and assume she is fully qualified to make great decisions.

Chapter 10 – Keep Her Connected

You, Dad, are the most important person in your daughter’s life. Keeping your family together and spending time together as a family is what will help your children avoid the traps in life (sex, drugs, alcohol, gangs). It has been proven time after time. Families that stay together have more successful kids.

Give your kids experiences. Hang out with them, have fun and be a great example. Get away from all the screens, get outdoors, have adventures, have conversations.

Hopefully, this book will help. Maybe this quick summary will encourage more dads to read the actual book (you really must – it is that good).

To all you Dads, fight the good fight.

[izzy-b-hands]

Quarantine Tag Game

Tagged by @dabitchisback thank you!! I needed something to get me through this very slow morning of work!

Under a cut because y’all know I’m a wordy motherfucker lol.

Are you staying at home from school/work? 

Yes I am! I actually requested to be moved to work from home in part due to the COVID-19 stuff and due to some coworkers behaving like high schoolers and flat out bullying me (and I had had enough of that shit once it started making it hard to do my job lmao.) 

So just as they were setting it up for me, the clinic suddenly started realizing how serious this was and all of a sudden, they could find all the money for all the work from home equipment for a bunch of us in the non-direct patient contact side of things (funny, considering I’d begged to work from home over a year ago due to how bad my anxiety was getting with coworkers and patients when I was still in the direct patient contact part of it all, even offered to pay for the equipment, and was told it would always be too expensive and never be in the cards, even after my therapist recommended it for the sake of my mental health and blood pressure. Funny. that. Real funny.) 

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

Mostly my cat, Nisha. My mum works at the same clinic, but is front desk, so they’re rotating who goes in to the clinic and then who gets days off “to keep the financial health of the clinic” aka begging anyone who stays home for a day off (or in my sector who takes a day off due to reduced call volume) to take that time unpaid and not use PTO or EST...but we both have that time to use, so it is Being Used or we won’t be able to keep the lights on or the condo lmao. However, she does have assigned days off coming up, so on the weekend and those days off, my mum is here too. 

Are you a homebody?

Ohmygod yeah. The older I get, the more I dislike going out in general like. I work a full time job, I barely have time for chores or relaxation after, even now being work from home because scared patients asking you questions you can’t answer or don’t have an answer to (because no one has answers right now) just...idk how to explain it. But it gets weirdly exhausting, even though it sounds like it shouldn’t, and by the end of my 8 hours I just wanna lie on the floor and nap usually. So going out has never been my thing too much, because then my writing/chores/nap time gets neglected lol. I don’t mind the occasional appetizers and drinks night with mum and her friend, back when we could go out, but tbh it’s just nicer still to drink at home. Even on vacation, I go out more than usual, but also if there’s a night we can drink in the hotel with the mini bar, and just enjoy being somewhere other than home...I will take that night in a heartbeat. 

My anxiety also doesn’t love going out, but I’ve been working and getting better at dealing with that. Of course, current times might mean a bit of a setback, but I’m going to work really hard for it not to be too bad. I haven’t been in six years of therapy for nothing lol.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Um...does my root canal count? And I wasn’t really looking forward to it per se, I just am afraid of the tooth getting worse and starting to have worse pain. 

Other than that, it hasn’t been cancelled yet because we’re playing it all by ear (but I admit I’m afraid it probably won’t happen due to the virus stuff, even if it’s over by the time this thing was supposed to happen), but I have a trip to New York City planned with a good friend in August. Even if things have calmed down, I know New York has gotten hit extremely hard, and if they’re still fighting with the aftereffects of it all...might not be fully open for business by August so to speak. And besides, with everything as it is right now, and the talk of a vaccine being at minimum over a year away, with periods of possible social distancing needed even if this calms down but possibly goes through flare ups until a vaccine is ready...travel might not be back to normal for awhile, I can’t say more than anyone else on that I suppose. I’d really like it to be, by August, I admit that as selfish as it is. I was just really looking forward to it, kind of living for it even, and now...yeah. 

But, better to be at home and healthy in the end, travel insurance exists for a reason, and trips can always be rescheduled. 

What movies have you watched recently?

Haunt (Mum and I never got to see it when it was in theaters), Queen Rock Montreal (my go to oh no I’m sad movie), Tammy (a fave of mum’s, and we both just like Melissa McCarthy in general), and Jojo Rabbit. I’ve got a bunch I bought and rented just last night too (maybe not a smart financial decision, but I’ll deal with that when I have to lmao), since it feels smart of have a backlog of stuff to watch right now.

What shows are you watching?

Mostly rewatching the IT Crowd, the Office, Travel Man, and other tried and true faves. It helps mum to relax since she loves all those too (including any episodes of 8 out of 9 Cats Does Countdown I can find, I finally got her hooked on that!) Basically if it has a chance of Richard Ayoade or enough episodes to keep us going for a bit, then it’s on the list to watch.

What music are you listening to?

So many. No, but legit, I’ve been all over on Spotify as of late, especially searching for music to help the fic writing. A lot of Queen, Elton, Clams Casino, The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar, David Byrne, Childish Gambino, St. Vincent, and Moses Sumney especially.

What are you reading?

Fanfic, trusted news sources like AP, Reuters, updates from WHO, wanting to reread Mercury and Me and Elton John’s Me, and really need to get back into reading And The Band Played on by Randy Shilts (started it right as shit started to get wild, so it got put to the side, but I want to finish it asap.) 

What are you doing for self-care?

Trying to enjoy that this is also the trial time to see if I want to make work from permanent (work is making me make it a trial, I’ve wanted to work from home for years so...yes is the answer to that lol) and what I can do now that I’m home, like work more on my writing and music. Not to mention, eating foods that normally upset my stomach/I have sensitivities to like meat and dairy (I might be developing straight up allergies to them, but we all know I can’t afford to see an allergist lmao) but that since I’m safe at home where I be sick and still work...I can indulge. I can also play music more and movies so long as I pause them if I get a phone call during work hours, so overall I’ve been a lot more relaxed and my BP is down during work as a result, which is something I’ve never really felt before in my life, and I’m rather enjoying. 

Aside from that, video games have also made a resurgence in my life, especially Saints Row, and that’s been fun as well. 

All of this in between taking care of Mum of course, who worries and panics, and tends to believe everything she hears and reads and watches without thinking critically or carefully, so...that’s been a thing. 

Actual therapy appointments would be my best self care of course, but the last few have been cancelled due to everything going on. This week, however, my appointment is supposed to be done via telecommute and I should finally get to catch up with my doctor, which I admit I need pretty desperately right now. It’s getting hard feeling like I’m on my own, helping soothe others but struggling to soothe myself most of the time. But, c’est la vie, right?

Tagging (if y’all feel up to it and wanna!): @skylinepigeon, @freebooter4ever, @bearkare, @rathernotmyname, @galaxy-starheart, and @youdontrememberthesomme

[binkysteebnpewter]

Grace’s 200 Celebration

I didn’t expect to get this far when I started but I love every single one of you lovelies 🥺💗 thank you so much

To celebrate getting to 200, I’ve collected 200 questions for you guys to send in to me: with a limit of 15 questions per ask (I’m looking at you @nightunite )

200 Celebration Questions

1. What is your middle name?

2. Do you have any nicknames that aren’t derived from your actual name?

2. Do you have any allergies?

4. What is the longest your hair has ever been?

5. How well can you write in cursive?

6. Name one item on your bucket list.

7. Have you ever been on a blind date?

8. do you have a porch?

9. How often do you eat out at a fancy restaurant?

10. How grammatically correct are you when you text?

11. Can you drive stick?

12. What foreign country would you most like to visit and why?

13. Nutella or peanut butter?

14. what do you order at mcdonalds?

15. tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher

16. Have you ever hosted a wild party?

17. what is your aesthetic?

18. have you ever been on a road trip?

19. Have you ever donated blood?

20. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?

21. Coffee or tea?

22. What is your go-to Starbucks drink?

23. Last show you binge watched?

24. Dogs or cats?

25. Favorite animated Disney character?

26. Have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself?

27. Favorite winter activity?

28. are you violent when you’re angry?

29. Can you blow a bubble gum bubble?

30. How early in the year do you start celebrating Christmas?

31. What emoji best describes your life right now?

32. Are you fluent in more than one language?

33. What is the longest you’ve ever kept a New Year’s resolution?

34. can you remember your last dream?

35. Are any of your grandparents still alive?

36. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions?

37. Have you ever gotten a commercial jingle stuck in your head?

38. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was over?

39. who was your first ever best friend?

40. Does your home have a fireplace?

41. Favorite non-chocolate candy?

42. do you get on with old people?

43. Have you ever locked your keys in your car?

44. Do you listen to any religious music?

45. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite?

46. do you cry when you’re angry?

47. Rice or quinoa?

48. From 1-10, how good of a driver do you consider yourself?

49. Do you like horror movies?

50. How easily do you cry?

51. how many months until your birthday?

52. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

53. does it ever snow where you live?

54. Can you play any musical instruments? If so, which ones?

55. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

56. what is your least favourite colour?

57. Do you like roller coasters?

58. What day of the week is laundry day for you?

59. Have you ever played spin the bottle?

60. How long have you known your best friend?

61. Can you eat using chopsticks?

62. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer? If so, what are they of?

63. How often do you say y'all?

64. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

65. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person?

66. Star Trek or Star Wars?

67. are you still friends with your first best friend?

68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical?

69. How often do you read/pay attention to your horoscope?

70. What is the shortest your hair has ever been?

71. Have you ever broken any bones?

72. Do you like to go fishing?

73. do you have/are you the gay cousin?

74. Favorite costume you wore for Hallowen? How old were you?

75. Real or fake Christmas trees?

76. How many pillows do you sleep with?

77. Do you live in an apartment or a house?

78. How many of your friends are of the opposite gender?

79. Have you ever had a near-death experience?

80. what is your mum’s name?

81. who did you last talk to on the phone?

82. How flexible are you?

83. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship?

84. Phrase you say the most?

85. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it?

86. Do you own any homemade clothing?

87. Do you like fast food?

88. Have you ever given anyone CPR?

89. Have you ever learned to do anything from a how-to video on YouTube?

90. have you ever had a hickey?

92. Favorite cereal?

93. Have you ever auditioned for a reality competition show?

94. Have you ever gotten a TV theme song stuck in your head?

95. Do you believe in ghosts?

96. what does the last text you sent say?

97. Have you ever given money to a street performer?

98. Your deepest fear?

99. Pancakes or waffles?

100. Are you still friends with anyone from high school?

101. From 1-10, how good of a dancer do you consider yourself?

102. How much of a patient person are you?

103. Do you know your IQ?

104. Do you eat meat at all?

105. Do you own any clothes from a garage sale or a thrift store?

106. Have you ever bought anything from a flea market?

107. What do you think about the most?

108. Have you ever gotten a song you dislike stuck in your head?

109. Any movie(s) you can watch over and over and over again and enjoy just as much each time?

110. Do you or have you ever worn glasses?

111. Have you ever skinny dipped?

112. Are your birth parents still together?

113. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show?

114. Favorite type of cookie?

115. Have you ever been broken up with?

116. How often do you smile when getting your picture taken?

117. Have you ever accidentally dialed 911?

118. Oldest memory?

119. Have you ever been the victim of a nasty prank?

120. How often do you snort when you laugh?

121. From 1-10, how good of a singer do you consider yourself?

122. Favorite Disney song?

123. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

124. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?

125. Have you ever had a fortune cookie fortune come true?

126. Do you like to show affection?

127. Last musical artist you saw live?

128. Credit cards or cash?

129. Favorite fandom?

130. What is your astrological sign?

131. Complete the phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

132. Any hidden talents?

133. Can you surf?

134. What motivates you to do well in life?

135. Your worst physical feature?

136. From 1-10, how much are you like your father?

137. How lucky do you consider yourself?

138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasently surprised.

139. do you love yourself?

140. What type of shoes do you wear the most?

141. Favorite summer activity?

142. Favorite song to sing in the shower?

143. Have you ever lived with a roommate you did not get along with?

144. Have you ever lived on a farm?

145. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal?

146. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most?

147. How often do you get mad at yourself?

148. Have you ever gotten any stitches?

149. Have you ever been hunting?

150. Favorite YouTube channel?

151. Have you ever had a pet besides a dog or a cat?

152. From 1-10, how well do you work with others?

153. Are you friends with any of your exes?

154. Apple or PC?

155. Do you collect anything?

156. Have you ever seen any Broadway plays or musicals?

157. Any missed opporunites you wish you had taken?

158. what was the last reason you really cried?

159. Do you have a pool at your house?

160. What is the longest you’ve gone without sleep?

161. Last thing that made you laugh?

162. Disney or Nickelodeon?

163. Name one celebrity you wish was still alive.

164. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother?

165. Your best physical feature?

166. Earbud or earmuff headphones?

167. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender?

168. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ear lobes?

169. How often do you wash your hair?

170. Showers or baths?

171. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman?

172. Bottled or tap water?

173. What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?

174. Any guilty pleasures you’re willing to discuss?

175. Favorite video game?

176. Have you ever gotten a New Year’s kiss exactly at midnight?

177. How many of the United States have you visited?

178. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?

179. Have you ever gotten a surgery?

180. Your least favorite food?

181. From 1-10, how competitive are you?

182. Do you like wearing hats?

183. How much of a jealous peron are you?

184. are you an optimist? why or why not?

185. what’s a random history fact you know?

186. Does anyone in your family currently serve in your country’s military?

187. Snowboarding or skiing?

188. are you good at lying? what’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

189. Have you ever been a Boy or Girl Scout?

190. Have you ever dyed your hair?

191. From 1-10, how good of a cook do you consider yourself?

192. Do you have a significant other?

193. How many things can you do with your weaker hand?

194. Were you involved in any academic clubs in high school?

195. Have you ever played hooky from school?

196. Are you comfortable with watching rated R movies?

197. Do you root for any sports teams?

198. First thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

199. Tell something about yourself most people don’t know.

200. Your own question that you want me to answer

[moccahobi]

Starting 2020 off with a Bang!

Hello! Wow! It is going to be so soon! To celebrate the start of 2020 with so many of you, I want to give back. With a week before 2020, send in your asks and I will be hoping to post one every day of January! 

Here are some requirements that I would greatly appreciate you following when you send your requests;

- send in a dialogue or two along with an au

- include what pairing you want (if a pairing is not included, I will choose one myself) 

- one request per person please

- If you have to send an ask through annon (I would greatly appreciate if you didn’t), please include a nickname

- please be patient

I am planning on making most of these at least 750 words but depending on how many words I feel like the request needs for me to do it well, they can very easily range. I am not putting a word limit. The shorter fics will most likely come out later in January though simply because they will require more time to write. 

Although I highly doubt that I will be getting many requests, in the unlikely scenario that I do and I have to close my ask box before you get to send in an ask, just know that I am always happy for asks later!

Thank you all for following me and reading what I write. It means so much to me that I get to share my passion with a group of people who also love it. 

Dialogues:

1. “You look cute in my shirt.”

2. “You can hold my hand if you want.”

3. “I thought I almost lost you.”

4. “You’re beautiful.”

5. “Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”

6. “You have to promise me that you won’t fall in love with me.”

7. “You ever notice that you shake your foot when anxious?”

8. “I’m right here. I’ve been here all along, but you still can’t see me.”

9. “What if I told you that I am not who you think I am?”

10. “It won’t be easy, you know…trying to love me.”

11. “Stop staring at me like that.”

12. “You sure you want this?”

13. “Can I kiss you?”

14. “New year, new me.”

15. "Wow. That was so dumb. I loved it.” 

16. “Good night, sleep tight.”

17. “Can we talk in private?”

18. “Stop following me!”

19. “I see a future with you.”

20. a dialogue of your own

Aus:

- idol

- coffee shop

- college 

- hybrid

- god/goddess

- angel

- fairy

- vampire

- pirate

- mermaid

- soulmate

- werewolf

- another au not on this list

[astoryofej]

Quarantine Tag

Thanks for the tag @cancerbiophd! It’s fun seeing what everyone else has been up to.

1. Are you staying home from work/school? I’m home from school and lab, but I’m still going into clinic a couple days a week. Patient intake is almost down to zero at clinic, and there’s only a couple people in clinic working at a time, so I feel pretty okay about it.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? My roommate is here. We’re both in grad school, so we’ve both been home.

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? Noooo :’(

4. Who do you miss the most? My family and my boyfriend. I have seen my boyfriend, both after we were isolated for a month, so we felt it was okay to see each other. But I haven’t seen any of my family.

5. When was the last time you left home? This morning to grab breakfast.

6. What was the last thing you bought? Breakfast this morning, and then groceries on Thursday. I’m buying new running shoes soon tho.

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you relaxed? Um, I’m not really going insane yet, I’m very introverted and a natural homebody, so being home isn’t bothering me. But I do feel hella guilty when I’m not doing anything productive because I have all this time to do things.

8. Are you a homebody? Yes. Like, massive homebody.

9. What movies have you watched recently? I’ve done like three different Harry Potter marathons, I’ve done an avengers marathon, random parts of Star Wars, I’ve watched Upward, Secret life of pets 2, Far From Home, MIB (2019), and random other ones I can’t remember

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? Basketball. All basketball. All baseball. The Olympics. Wimbledon. I miss sports so much 😭Also I had tickets to see Les Mis with my mom, that got cancelled at the beginning of quarantine.

11. What’s the worse thing you’ve had to cancel? I personally haven’t had to cancel anything. But I have things coming up in the summer that will likely be cancelled.

12. What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel? I haven’t had anything that I wanted to cancel. However, my professors have been very accommodating and they’ve been giving extensions on assignments so that’s good.

13. Do you have any new hobbies? That’s cute

14. What are you out of? Ice cream. And Clorox wipes

15. What music are you listening to? I’m...not actually. I seem to only listen to podcasts these days it seems.

16. What shows are you watching? A LOT. So, I binged all of Kims Convenience, designated survivor, little fires everywhere, started Defending Jacob yesterday, and I’m now watching with Brooklyn 99. I need to catch up with Outlander. Oh, and I guess my normal weekly shows—911, Greys, Station 19, HTGAWM, Blue Bloods.

17. What are you reading? My mcat books lol. And my biochem book. And fanfiction, a lot of fanfiction.

18. What are you doing for self care? Keeping a structure and a schedule. Getting outside as much as I can. Seeking validation in the form of good grades and positive approval from professors lol

19. Are you exercising? I’m trying to run or walk everyday. And I’m getting back into yoga.

20. How’s your toilet paper supply? Lol, it’s good! I had actually done a grocery run before quarantine started, just my normal grocery run, and picked up TP as per usual, and then somehow snagged a last pack at target when I got back from spring break, so we’re good.

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? I actually got a haircut in late February, right before spring break and quarantine started here, so I don’t need a cut. The dystopian novels were right about the hairstyles tho, my hair has been in a braid for almost the entire time lol. I haven’t touched a straightener or hairdryer in what feels like months.

I’m a couple days behind, so I’m not sure who has or hasn’t done something like this, so please feel free to take this as your tag to do this!

[saymypiece]

This nobody’s journal of hot, boring afternoons…

Day 21 (7.4.2020 - Tuesday)

I did not sleep through the night, again! What on Earth! On the other hand, I worked out, a little, but still a workout. As in I played with my dog. She got a hold my bro/sis old silambam belt and goes around playing with it. So grabbed on to the other end and had a tug of war with her, which was fun, until she realised I wasn’t much of a competition and got bored. :S It’s alright, I will prove to her that I am worthy of her time. I shall try again. Practice makes perfect Koko, you adorable snob! 

Day 20 (6.4.2020 - Monday)

Omgoodness its day 20! I cannot believe we have been stuck at home without a choice for so long. I keep hearing of doctors and nurses falling ill, scientists working so hard to create a vaccine. I can’t help but wonder what this virus is all about. This thing we can’t see is causing so much chaos, panic and fear in everyone. And the way I see it, it’s not going away anytime soon. But our God is God over the impossible! He is the only way this virus will be washed out. This time at home, especially during this time leading up to Easter, has allowed me to spend some time in devotion and the Bible. And what I have learnt is we are not alone. Our time on Earth, though temporary, is designed to be fulfilling and beautiful. So I’m embracing that. No matter what comes against me, it shall not prosper. For my God is for me. On the other hand, I have not been able to sleep. It’s been challenging to 

Day 19 (5.4.2020 - Sunday)

As usual, Sunday was enriching and chill. Not that every other day is not chill, but Sundays, they are quite a little more chill than other days. At 3pm, I joined a group chat with some friends from church. Fun.

Day 18 (4.4.2020 - Saturday)

After last week’s shopping debacle, I was terrified about going out there with mum again. Nevertheless, we had needs and they needed to be bought, so I got ready with my gear, the usual suspects of masks, gloves and a hand sanitiser. This time, the mall staff were even more strict. They checked body temperatures before anyone could even enter the building. And only one person per family was allowed in. So, yes, we kinda put on our inner Meryl Streeps and acted the strangers we never knew we could play so well. They believed it. Heck, at one point, even I believed it. My mom, I think, may BE, Meryl Streep, I don’t know. Anyway, no drama during shopping, everything was perfect. I even got to keep my shorts intact the whole time. No, it was a different shorts, I wash them everyday. Yes, I’ve got a whole lot of loose shorts okay? They’re comfy! What some more you want?

Day 17 (3.4.2020 - Friday)

Another Friday has come and gone. There is really nothing new happening, but today, I got to catch up with the darling! You don’t feel time passing you by until you actually do something you used to do very, very often, years ago. We used to Skype and video call all the time until work and life happened. Then suddenly, it had all come to an abrupt end. This conversation felt like such a treat. I felt like I was catching up with her entire lifetime. Well, a lot can happen in over six years. Feeling so blessed for technology and this time we get to reconnect and spend quality time with each other. 

Day 16 (2.4.2020)

Ok so, sleep lost it’s way and didn’t really get back to me, blardee heartbreaker! Didn’t do much other than write and hang around all day. So I decided, to pick up my guitar and do somethin with it. :) You Say by Lauren Daigle

Day 15 (1.4.2020 - Wednesday)

I know it’s meant to be April’s Fool today, but like the rest of the world, it didn’t mean a thing. I mean, our situation right now seems like a giant prank anyway. There is no need to scare anyone else about, anything else. The greatest prank in the world right now would be to just go up to someone who’s NOT your family, and sneeze or cough right at their faces. Once they know you’re pranking em, they’d either laugh or slap you so hard, you begin to foretell your f-f-future. Even watching old YouTube videos of interviews or clips from shows where there is some amount of coughing or sneezing involved makes me cringe so hard! And I’m not the only one. Read the comments. Once thing I am certain of, whether a vaccine is found or not, is that once this MCO is over, everybody is gonna be a germaphobe/hygiene-junkies - always washing hands and sneezing into handkerchiefs and such. Anyway, goodnight, hope sleep finds me tonight.

Day 14 (31.3.2020 - Tuesday)

Oh praise the Lord I’m alright. At least, I think I’m alright. I don’t feel fuzzy, I have no fever, no headache. I was awake super early and I decided to feed my three dogs, for the first time! Let my bro and sis sleep in a little this morning. I had no idea how to do it. I just winged it based on what I thought is normally done, and it worked. The three ding dongs listened, sat patiently, ate sweetly and gave me some kisses. And then, I put on a fan for them, coz there was no air movement out. It was so weird, it was early morning and it was so hot with zero movement in the air. Man, we really need the rain!

Day 13 (30.3.2020 - Monday)

I am so not feeling good today! My mind is racing. Was it the shopping at Tesco on Saturday? Was it the Lontong flavoured Chef noodles I had for dinner last night? What is it? I have a bad headache, body ache and my brain is a little fuzzy, like when I have a fever. When I asked my sister to check my temperature, she confirmed there is a slight fever. Paracetamol. I need it. And a good shower. Had both. Going to sleep again. Maybe I’m tired, exhausted. I’ve told everyone in the house to stay away. Lord, protect papa. And heal me. Let this not be…it.

Day 12 (29.3.2020 - Sunday)

Time for church online. Mummy made friend mee hoon and some Portuguese tarts. It was one of those quiet days. Didn’t do much today.

Day 11 (28.3.2020 - Saturday)

Nope. Zoom didn’t let me down. I let Zoom down! My frickin alarm didn’t go off, or maybe it did and I didn’t hear it, I don’t know. All I know is I wasn’t up until 11.20am! The meeting was supposed to start at 11am! #muchembarassed Thankfully they were all in conversation while waiting for me. I didn’t even have time to brush my teeth. Just washed my face, tamed my hair and appeared online. Connect was awesome though. The two newcomers were great. Kinda weird we didn’t shake hands or hug, kinda weird we literally met face-to-face, online, but it was great! Cheers to new experiences, I say. Speaking of new experiences, I have never liked shopping. Like, ever. I don’t enjoy walking around, I don’t enjoy going to shops after shops after shops. Basically, I’m most men when it comes to shopping. Today, my mom and I had to run to Tesco to stock up on some of our essentials that are running low. I wore a shorts and t-shirt but with two masks, gloves, and in my pockets, Clorox anti-bacterial wipes and hand-sanitiser. We strategised how and what to touch before entering the store. I was going to be the one doing the touching, cos I wore the gloves, and my mom, wearing one glove, was to be the one pointing out what I was supposed to pick out from the shelves. Carefully, but swiftly, we began picking out everything on our list. My heart, for some reason, was drumming like a Taiko drum in my chest. And to make matters worse, sometime during our walking through the aisles, my mom completely ditched our strategy and started touching the things on the shelves! Like, ALL things! Okay, granted, I wasn’t fast enough for her but PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE, okay? Just… keep your hands to yourself and straighten ONLY the index finger. How difficult is that strategy? Now, she’d gone and made my mind spin round and round tryna think of how the virus would travel, or get stuck on her phone (which I sanitised the moment we got out), or what her gloved hand touched and what she could and could not touch anymore not that is has been exposed. Arghh! Finally at the cashier, we more or less got in sync. Everything went according to plan, like which hand she would get her debit card out of my shorts pocket with and which hand she received it from the cashier with after the payment was made. It went pretty perfectly, with the slight risk of me losing my shorts because mummy decided to shove her hands so far down my pockets. The shorts was loose to begin with. Thankfully, with my firm grip, nothing untoward happened. We got out, got home, showered and washed all the clothes we were in. All good. Phew…

Day 10 (27.3.2020 - Friday)

Thankful for technology. It’s made life very easy. Even my mom, who is completely resistant of anything “technology” (because she thinks she would destroy the internet or something) has had to organise Zoom meets, coordinate her kindergarten teachers’ online lessons and activities - it’s been quite a trip seeing my mom grow into this technological wiz, so to speak. I joined her connect group today, had a good discussion. A little nervous about mine tomorrow morning. We will have two newcomers on board. Hopefully Zoom doesn’t let me down.

Day 9 (26.3.2020 - Thursday)

It’s the end of the day, and lo and behold, I have completed the pages I was meant to complete. Turns out, I didn’t have to do some of the last pages, so that saved me some work. I was right. I DO feel blind and like a bat after completing the job, but the satisfaction of a job completed is unmatched. The number of cases keep increasing by around 130 every day! It’s not even funny how people are still choosing to ignore this situation. We are already in day nine of the MCO and they still feel it’s alright to meet their friends and family in such a time as this. If only we all, collaboratively, stayed home for two weeks, we could actually curb this virus from spreading out. STOP GIVING IT TRANSPORT! Ugh! On the bright side, I am organising our Connect meet online.

Day 8 (25.3.2020 - Wednesday)

Quick update: Still on the project. I have managed to complete around 10 pages, mostly profiles. I am so surprised at how weirdly written everything is. On COVID-19, we are 300 cases short of 2000. It’s not looking good at all. And what’s worse, the government has extended the MCO to April 14. So instead of going back to work on 1 April, I would be jobless until 15 April. Lord, I surrender this to you. Let all that happens, happen according to your plan. I place my trust and hope in You, Lord. Amen.

Day 7 (24.3.2020 - Tuesday)

…aaaaaaadddd!!!! There are sooo many words in this, it doesn’t seem to have an end! 105 pages of THIS is more than I can bear!!! I’m gonna go nuts by the end of it, or blind! Anyway, I started on this the day before yesterday, but it has been a lot of, what my dad would call, broken focus. I just can’t seem to stay on the editing bit. I keep getting beckoned by either YouTube or Facebook or Instagram, and end the day without completing even one full page… so here we are. I have exactly two days to complete editing 103 pages of words. *takes a deep breath* RM530 is riding on this, man! Get it together and do it! I know RM530 seems little, but to me, after 5 months of RM0, it’s an upgrade I never thought I’d get. #suckitup

Day 6 (23.3.2020 - Monday)

Monday has arrived. I am refreshed, I have my mind set on the epilepsy article I am gonna write and the copy-editing project from the marketing department. I’m all set. I sent my interview questions to both the people I am meant to talk to. Under the current situation, I am not able to talk to them so email is the next best thing. Except an interview over Zoom would have been better, but they can’t seem to make it. Being researchers and lecturers and all, they don’t have much time on their hands…. unlike me. Anyway, that’s done. Now, continuing the project. Ohhhhmaaaiiiigaaa…

Day 5 (22.3.2020 - Sunday)

Oh Sunday. It was a really awesome Sunday service. It was truly something I think we all needed. The praise and worship was amazing, and allowed me to just soak in worship. Despite all the chaos and fear that I have in my heart and mind, I felt a peace wash over me. Suddenly I realised that the only reason for the fear in my heart is the unknown. But every “next step” we take is an unknown anyway, so why fear this one? I will keep praying, staying home, except during essential buys, washing my hands, working and doing pretty much everything I always do WITHOUT having fear in my heart.

Day 4 (21.3.2020 - Saturday)

What a total frickin crap-show! The numbers are increasing and I’ll tell you the truth, I’m afraid. Every time I wash my hands, I can’t stop wondering if I’ve washed them enough. There is just too much stake. My dad, his lungs are really not good and I am worried about what would happen should one of us get careless and carry this virus home from some essential grocery shopping. The only comfort I have right now is that my God is bigger. I know my God is bigger than all of this. I know my God is bigger than all of this!

Day 3 (20.3.2020 - Friday)

I know I wished for an eventful 2020, but my goodness, enough already! 

OMGIF already?? So, suddenly, the number of the infected in Malaysia hit 1000+. That is really too much! Who’s to blame? Why are there still cow dungs out and about on the roads, meeting friends and speaking their essentials words and letting their spits flow freely in the world and into each others’ ears? Don’t they know of a phone? There’s WhatsApp, Zoom, Hangout, Telegram, frickin Signal, Line, FB Messenger…heck, everything has a caller these days! *checks if Tinder has a caller* Not Tinder, thank goodness. Just…ugh…stop going out. *breathes* Meanwhile, my lovely brother gave us all his homemade Ais Malaysia and it was lovely! Like, it hasn’t properly rained in quite a few weeks now, and it is sooo hot. That Ais Malaysia was truly somewhat of a saving grace. And to top it off, my darling little sister made o-maki sushi, with the tuna and everything. Superb! Anyways, all things considered, the numbers locally are not too bad, is it? Is it? I’ll just have to keep washing my hands… “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti…”

Day 2 (19.3.2020 - Thursday)

#tbt like #tbeverydayforthelast5months ! 

This MCO doesn’t really make much of a difference for me since I was not working the last five months. This time around though, I wash my hands more, go out lesser, and can’t go out even if I wanted to. You know what? The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Home Edition is super awesome! I love it. It’s a breath of fresh air so I’ll have that to enjoy over this period. When we get out of this, I don’t think my hands will make it out “alive”. The number of times I wash my hands to the first verse of “Lose Yourself” is nuts!

Day 1 (18.3.2020 - Wednesday)

So, I started this to keep track of what is happening in this lovely, wonderful, fantastic nation during the Movement Control Order and also to me, as a… non-essential employee. Coz as long as I’m not working, I am not paid. Ok, let me rephrase that. As long as I am not present AT the office, then I’m not paid. Never been in this position, kinda worrying, but thankfully, I do have projects to complete to get me some kinda cash. Don’t know how its all gonna pan out. I am leaving all these worries to the Lord Almighty coz I know there is nothing I can do to change anything happening around me other than pray and stay home. These daily entries will be filled with dramatics and descriptive nothings, coz seriously, I can’t imagine another two weeks at home. So I AM gonna add some spice to this. Alright, so, first day was…err…normal. How’s that for spice? Whaaaat? I don’t know what to say in this okay? I am just…I just wanna remember what I went thru so…

[nikatyler]

Hi :) Do you have any tips for telling a story through your gameplays? Or even starting a legacy challenge?

When I was in the middle of writing this, I realized it’s all over the place and not everything probably answers your question, but they’re all things I’ve learned in my three years of being a simblr and trying to tell stories through this game. I hope at least some of it will be useful 😊 There are currently 2 different ways I approach storytelling. My Rose Legacy is mainly planned in advance with breaks for regular gameplay (but I focus on the story, therefore less completely random stuff happens). Golden Days, aka the gen 4 story I keep talking about but haven’t shown much of, is planned in advance completely (I write it first, then I go in the game to take pictures) and has no true gameplay parts. And then there are NSB and BPR, which are mainly about me having fun with the game. A lot of random stuff may and will occur. I do some planning too, but nothing too heavy usually.

But onto those legacy tips now. Some apply more to Roses, some to my other two legacies. Just get inspired by what you think could work for you!

It’s under the cut!

1. Come in with no big expectations

This might be just a coincidence, but it’s something I’ve noticed happened with all my big legacies. The only intention I had when I started them was to have a good time playing the game that I love. Don’t immediately think “I’m going to make the best founder ever” or “this is it, I’ll never create a better legacy”. Don’t stress yourself too much about it, just have fun. Don’t force yourself to be head over heels about your founder from the beginning, you will form a natural “bond” with them and their family as you play and get to know them better. They don’t have to be the best sim in the legacy, you might like their children more. It happened in all my legacies: I like Ezra more than Amelia, Isaac more than Elizabeth, Roxanne more than Gwyneth and (even though it wasn’t like that from the beginning) Ross more than December.

2. Have a basic idea of what you want to do

I found that I like setting requirements for myself because if I don’t do that, I’ll do what I’m always doing in the game, and well, then it all gets boring so quickly. When you’re playing a challenge-based legacy, you already have these requirements you have to complete somehow. If it seems too easy, just add your own! I’ll be doing that in my grey generation because I’ve already finished a lot of the requirements during the yellow generation, and this one would be too short and easy.

3. Try things you’ve never done before

Step out of your comfort zone! Think about what you’ve never done or explored in the game before: complete some aspirations, master some skills, have a certain number of relationships your heir will have to have in their life, make a rule about how many children your sim will have…have these basic guidelines, but don’t forget to give yourself some freedom too. Which brings me to the next point.

4. Whatever comes your way, roll with it

This is something I’ve been doing a lot in my NSB and it’s so much fun. Your house is on fire? It sucks, but don’t quit. This sim keeps showing up and wants to talk to your sim? Maybe they could be friends…or maybe enemies. Or maybe enemies to lovers! Was your spellcaster cursed? Nice, don’t you dare to exit without saving, challenge yourself and break the curse. Do you get an impulsive need to abduct your sim? Turn them into a vampire? GO FOR IT! Go crazy. Do bizarre things. Act on a whim. Let your sims suffer from time to time. Get inspired by the awful things the game throws at you. You could also make a list of things to do in the game, assign them numbers and then use google to roll the dice. Actually, I think I’ve seen someone make something like this already, but I might be making that up right now.

Basically: have goals, but leave some free space for unexpected twists. It’s like life, isn’t it? You focus on something, but sometimes, you can’t get straight to it. Obstacles happen.

5. And what about story-heavy parts?

If you want to add a part of a story that is less about gameplay, go for it! It can be refreshing. I always plan these parts in advance. Also, if I’m in the middle of a storyline, I usually break the previous rule, meaning that yes, I pretend some things didn’t happen, and yes, I quit without saving when something doesn’t go right. 

A perfect example is when Miracle burned to death while I was setting up another scene. If it happened in a gameplay, I’d be heartbroken, but I’d keep it (and maybe I would get a new, different storyline out of it). But in this case, I was in the middle of the story and I couldn’t just let her die, it would affect everything and I wasn’t in the mood for that monstrous rewriting. (it was in the middle of quads’ storylines and really, I don’t think they’d be in the mood for going on dates right after their mother died, but that’s off topic)

6. If you need to, take a break

This sounds simple, but I’m always surprised how often people force themselves to open their saves just to crank out content for their simblr. Why? You’ll just end up being bored and bitter and very often, you can tell when someone isn’t having fun with their game (or simblr in general). It took me four months to feel like opening the Rose save again. It would be pointless to make myself load it up when I actually don’t want to play it. Remember what I said in that first point: you want to have a good time. If you’re not having it, just leave. Take that break. You don’t owe anything to anyone, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, well…they’re the asshole here, not you. You can get burned out or uninspired from time to time, it happens, it’s natural, don’t feel bad about it. Get some rest and then come back - next week or next month, doesn’t matter.

7. Small generations are the best

I learned this the hard way and yet I still find myself breaking this rule so often. Gen 5/6 of Rose Legacy were exhausting because there were just so many sims and so many stories I wanted to tell. I still ended up scrapping a lot of them and I’m not satisfied with it. My tip would be have less children per generation, but write down your story ideas and just use them in later generations. Be patient. In fact, as the time goes, you can develop these stories and get rid of the flaws, so in the end they’ll be better than if you have used them all in one generation!

8. Writing prompts, tags and ask games are amazing

If I develop a character more, I find it easier to get attached to them - and then I’m less likely to quit the save too. I’ve had many pretty sims, but I let them go in the end because they had no depth. You can always develop your sims on your own. No one is stopping you from sitting down and writing all the headcanons you have for them. 

However, what I find more fun are ask games with questions about your OC. Not only you’re challenged to think about something new (these questions can be about awfully specific things, I love when that happens), but you also learn which characters people are interested in or what they want to know about them, and then you can work with that too. However, don’t get discouraged if no one asks anything. It happens a lot and it’s hard to then not feel down, but you’re not the only one. It’s not even that big of a deal when you think about it! (I’m still learning this, by the way, I’m always discouraged when no one asks haha.) I’d suggest that you interact with others. One thing I always try to do is leaving an ask for the person I’m reblogging from - of course, sometimes I just can’t think of anything, but if it’s something as simple as dropping some question numbers, then why wouldn’t I leave them there and just pick a character I like?

9. Get inspired, but don’t become a copycat

This one…inspiration is great, but make sure you’re not taking it too far. I don’t want to draw a line where inspiration ends and imitation/copying begins, as I know that everyone sees it differently and what I’d consider copying someone else would still call inspiration, so basically, I’d just say follow your heart and be nice. Taking someone else’s storyline and just playing it step by step with your own characters is not okay. Also speaking of imitation - imitating a person’s writing style or sense of humor can sometimes be tricky. It comes natural to them, but you’re just trying to be like them and it might show and it won’t feel right. Allow outer sources to inspire you and shape you into a better writer, but stay yourself at all times and you’ll be just fine. 💕 

10. Play for yourself, not for other people

This probably should’ve been the first tip. Do the things you want to do, not the things that are currently trendy in the community. I mean, if you want to do the trendy thing, that’s fine! But if you’re only doing it because everyone else is doing it, well, you’re not going to enjoy it. Same with…let’s say you have a sim and she has to pick between two guys. A typical love triangle. You want her to end up with guy A, you have good reasons why you want her to end up with him, but your followers want her to end up with guy B. Maybe listen to their reasons and consider them, but in the end, you’re the one who’s making the decision. And if you still feel like she should end up with guy A, then just let her. Don’t completely give up everything to please your readers.

I can’t really think of anything anymore, but I think I’ve said enough. I hope it made sense. I wrote most of this on the train so yeah 😅 Also, sorry it took me so long.