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filmfactors · 10 months

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opinion on hunter from toh

WARNING: I probably won't get all my thoughts across perfectly. Sorry it's honestly taken me awhile to get back to this anon, I did have thought's but couldn't quite catch myself in the mood to write em! Now let's get started:

Hunter is, by all means, a character I personally should've liked. I did at one point! The Golden Guard easily had my attention, he was sassy and I love my masked characters. It's what they started doing with him that made me less of a fan over time, that and I have a personal grievance with the fandom. Being the rare Belos fan I couldn't go into his tag without seeing it mostly about Hunter all the time.

Obviously I'll state I do not dislike Hunter for having a redemption, rather, it's how Owl House redeems characters that make's him as fascinating as plain white bread. What is this method?

Redemption = Lack of bite, a total lack of genuine flaws... and a reason why their actions can be blamed on someone else.

Let's bring in Amity as another example: Upon her introduction we see her bullying Willow, alone. When Understanding Willow comes around, we see that it's claimed it was her parents, and even later, just her moms fault. Inner Willow says 'you let your friends pick on her for years' but we don't acknowledge Amity did the exact same for no good reason.

Once Amity is redeemed, do we see the attitude? Do we see her hesitations with Willow? Do we even see her trying to make it up to Willow? I am not counting Labyrinth Runners for this because sure we got some closure but it doesn't fix the base issue. Any sort of Amity's actually negative flaws are erased once she is Luz's cool girlfriend.

It happens to Lilith, with her complexes, she never again expresses negative feelings that aren't easy and palpable. She's never superior or with attitude, and she only cursed her sister thinking it'd only be a day. That's a whole other can of worms though.

Point being, Hunter is the exact same. We can blame all his negative attributes on Belos, and once he's good he can no longer have any of those. He's not sassy, or fun, and admittedly is just kind of an angst machine.

I often feel the point of redemption is that it is nice to see someone who did bad things, get help or help themselves. The belief even bad people can change, because in the end they are still human. It's not fun when all your redeemed characters are simply 'misunderstood.' When you can push the blame off of them and instead place it on someone else. Owl House's message is that people are complex, but fails to deliver on this.

An easy comparison to make is Hunter is Zuko, but he's absolutely no Zuko. They both follow a similar principle, it was a family member that led them down the path of ruin. Yet Avatar understood that at some point down the line, your actions are your own. Zuko is conflicted, and hurting but he still does actions that hurt others. He has to apologize, make up for it, etc.

Now I'll say Zuko's redemption is not and has never been the end all be all for redemption. I have a whole slew of thoughts on the matter, point being is that Hunter was this type of redemption. It fails to be anything much other than making Hunter the resident sad but bad boy, and the shows punching bag.

At some point all of his angst was just egregious punching down, as in by Thanks to Them. Flapjack, the possession... it didn't need to happen. In fact it hardly effected anything at all! It just gave Hunter more trauma and powers, but what did it do for the story? Hunter is barely in the finale. I guess let's watch some Boscha and Kikimora hijinks instead?

Moving on from the general issue of Owl House's writing, what else can be said about Hunter? Well he is a screen time leech. Consider, an episode like Labyrinth Runners. Technically a Gus episode, but he once again takes a backseat for other characters. Just like his one other episode! Hunter for some reason knows Willow better than him as well, just for some shipping fuel.

All that to say I don't hate the concept of this episode, I really enjoyed the Gus and Hunter interactions! I find their friendship to probably be Hunter's most compelling relationship outside of Luz. It's only a problem for the fact Gus' whole character is tossed aside by the writers.

He sees Belos' memories, his traumas, etc- what does this lead to? Making Hunter feel better. Gus never actually gets to do anything despite all the set up of his illusion powers, his episodes are overtaken by someone else or a ship. I'll admit this is not just a Hunter problem, but it contributes a lot.

All in all once Hunter was introduced, it left Willow and Gus further on the back burner. No matter what you say, there is an obvious lack of use of these two. Speaking of them, or more specifically Willow:

I'm actually okay with the concept of huntlow! I do not think it's nearly as bad as people in the critical tag claim it to be. It was rushed and not well written, but I felt the writers were on the right track for the idea. However, there have been some pretty bad faith readings of the pairing. Mostly for folks claiming that she 'didn't start liking him until he had powers' which is blatantly untrue.

Willow may not blush at Hunter, the tell tale sign someone in Owl House has a crush. Yet I feel you can pick up on the fact she has an interest in him in Thanks to Them, notably a pre-Hunter powers episode. I won't claim it's extremely compelling, but it's simple and it's cute it just results in some messy things for the sake of ship fuel.

My biggest complaint is that yet again, Hunter steals Gus' role of being a good friend to Willow in For the Future.

I feel there is much more I could say on Hunter, and his character, but I'm bad at writing all my thoughts without specific questions to remind me...

Overall just take it as I dislike Hunter, while also thinking he's one of the better characters of the series. He's got all the right ingredients to make a good cake, but the writers kept adding too much vanilla extract.

#owl talk #toh critical #my biggest hot take is that they shouldve just rolled amity and hunters character into one #also if you bring up the cancelation im going to become a feral animal IK ABT IT but it doesnt change the fact they couldve managed #their time soooo much better

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faithlesbian · 1 year

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trans angel thesis post

so me and @titsgirlbuffy on our joint watch noticed this line (in my header image!) from btvs s1e7 and immediately thought hehehe well he said he’s not a man, that means He’s Trans. partly due to the existing bank of star trek characters who clearly meant they werent human but just happened to phrase it a certain way -- its great fun to just take these lines out of context and run with them

[ID: angel in a darkly lit scene saying “I can walk like a man, but I’m not one.”]

the thing is tho the further we got the more trans angel material we kept finding. like we weren’t even looking it was just There. so it went from basically a joke to the actual lens through which we’re now watching ats so. here’s the trans angel thesis post i guess!

so obviously this line was intended to mean hes a demon. its from the episode where we first find out hes a vampire, so the writers are clearly using “not a man” to mean “not a human being” as mentioned before. but then there’s the flashbacks in ats s1e15 to when he was alive and definitely human which...

[ID: three screenshots of angel and his father in 1700s dress. his father says “It’s a son I wished for! A man! Instead, God gave me you.” while Angel looks hurt]

i remember another post (which i will try and find and link to) saying that darla was trapped by societal confines of womanhood and she was drawn to angel bc he was being crushed by societal expectations of masculinity -- “being a man” was something he resoundingly failed at in life. crucially also his birth name, Liam, is left off his headstone and no one ever calls him it again. in contrast to spike for example, who still responds to William, Angel seems to consider Liam to effectively be his deadname (which is funny yk given he only used it when he was alive), and both of his chosen names, Angelus and Angel, are much less masculine.

spike regularly refers to himself as a man, he also sometimes acknowledges that he’s not technically a man meaning not human, but for him this is paired with wishing he could be a man (”i know that i’m a monster, but you treat me like a man” btvs s5e22, “to be a kind of man...” s7e22). in every sense masculinity isn’t something that seems to cause him any kind of distress to be associated with, and while he still has a fascinating relationship to gender i think you’d be hard pushed to say he doesn’t identify as male (tho i’d love to hear any takes on that!!).

on the other hand, here we have one of the few times angel willingly refers to himself as a man in btvs s3e10

[ID: two screenshots of angel, crying and facing buffy, saying “It’s not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It’s the man.”]

if there is a part of himself that he sees as a man, its something he associates with guilt, failure and weakness. obviously there’s other layers to this scene but i do think the word choice is interesting!!

and then theres what i consider one of the seminal trans angel episodes, ats s2e6. first of all he admits that he changes his appearance based on how he wants other people to see him, that he’s worried about what they think. the character he’s talking to in these scenes tells him since he doesn’t have an actual reflection, his outward appearance only matters when considering the people around him, and that there’s two versions of him -- “the image you’ve worked so hard to create, and the real you.”

[ID: Angel, looking concerned and saying “Maybe my persona is a little affected”]

his outward - masculine - presentation is something he maintains for the sake of what others think of him, it’s not an authentic expression of who he is (see this post by @buffyology on how he literally seems to get his whole wardrobe directly from mens fashion magazines). also in this episode, he refers to the aspects of himself that he’s repressing as “it” -- dehumanising but also degendering the things he doesn’t want to come to the surface

[ID: four screenshots of dialogue between angel and another character out of frame. he asks angel “it?” to which angel responds “the demon.” the other character then says “ah. But the demon is you.” angel says “no”, the other character responds “yes. That’s the thing you’ve spent so much energy trying to conceal.”]

he explicitly labels the things about himself he’s afraid of other people seeing with a genderless pronoun, lumping in the demonic aspects of himself alongside the other things being hidden by his artificial masculine outward presentation. he hates himself for being a vampire, and for having done awful things in the past, but also for failing to live up to the expectations of masculinity that he’s still hollowly trying to perform now as he was when he was alive.

masculinity is tied to humanity which is tied to morality -- he ascribes the bad parts of himself to “the demon” which is also genderless, he equates his failure to be a good person with his failure to be a man. in ats s1e15 his father tells him he’s neither a son nor a man, and later on in the same episode darla tells a freshly turned angelus that he’ll never be able to get his father’s approval and that his defeat will last lifetimes -- he’s still trying to prove himself a man and he’s never going to succeed. in ats s2e5 we get this exchange as darla burns angel with a cross

[ID: three screenshots of a standoff between angel and darla, in the first two he holds her by the throat while she burns him with a crucifix. she says “See? No matter how good a boy you are... God doesn’t want you.” In the third screenshot she stands apart and says “But I still do.”]

Darla's word choice in this scene also links masculinity to morality and humanity - essentially saying he will never be a good enough person nor perform masculinity convincingly enough to be accepted by anyone but her, because he's a vampire and he can't change this fact of who his is.

but it’s not a moral failing not to want to be a man, and as much as angel tries to hide and repress it it’s still going to come through because it’s just who he is. while trying his best to Look like a man, he’s still finding ways to assert his identity through his choice of name and aversion to gendered language

[ID: two screenshots cropped to just show subtitles - “More than you might think, Mr. Angel.” “Just Angel”]

[ID: two screenshots cropped to just show subtitles - “Yeah, I’m gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.” “Could you not call me that?”] And then there’s this scene where he’s talking about the differences between him and Cordelia and like, i get the joke but also. come on. he cannot commit to calling himself a man without chickening out

[ID: two screenshots dodgily cropped and stitched together to just show subtitles - “Human. Vampire. Woman. Man... pire.”] admittedly most of these lines have fairly obvious intended meanings and me and @titsgirlbuffy were likely picking up on the subtext mostly because we were watching both shows through this lens. it could be argued as a niche reading - up until ats s3e6 that is, in which there’s a guy called Billy who can curse men to become fucked up and evil, who tries to curse Angel, only for him to be immune. A curse. That only affects men. to which he is, randomly, immune.

[ID: four screenshots cropped to just show subtitles - “[Cordelia] I don’t get it.” Angel replies “I don’t get it, either.” and Cordelia continues “I mean, you’re a man, so, why didn’t Billy’s touch affect you?”] I cannot stress enough that they genuinely didn’t have a good reason -- whoever wrote this episode hadn’t come up with a decent explanation as to why angel was immune to the Curse That Affects Men. This is not a great episode but I do consider it to be basically canon confirmation that Angel at the very least isn’t cis.So to conclude, Angel is nonbinary/transfemme and has been trying and failing to perform masculinity well enough to hide this since he was alive. He objects to being called masculine terms and almost never refers to himself as a man, he changed his name to something more androgynous and refuses to go by his old name, and he admits to dressing and acting a certain way to seem more normal and masculine in other people’s eyes. He associates the parts of himself that he hates, fears, and represses, with genderlessness. And he is immune to a curse that only affects men. thank you for reading this long fucking post!

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lilyhoshikawa · 9 days

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🎶 MUSICAL NOTES, 💤 SLEEPING SIGN, 🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE, 🐷 PIG FACE, 🌴 PALM TREE, ❤️ RED HEART, 🤍 WHITE HEART, 💔 BROKEN HEART, 🍝 SPAGHETTI, 🍰 SHORTCAKE, 🤔 THINKING FACE for ghost maria please

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

I feel like during her life, given how often she found herself without much to do, Maria would definitely find herself experimenting with a lot of styles of music. As a ghost, once she visits Earth with Shadow, she gets obsessed with synth-heavy techno music as soon as she first hears it, stuff that is evocative of feelings and thoughts without directly expressing them. It would broaden her horizons, which she always enjoys. I also think she has a secondhand affinity for Shadow’s edgy rock music. Much like with Shadow, it speaks to her anger and angst in a very direct way.

💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits?

Due to her condition and the frequency of her getting really horribly sick, I think her sleep is tumultuous to say the least. She probably can’t keep a consistent schedule due to a combination of fevers and the whole being in space thing, so her hours are odd. She definitely spends a lot of time either sleeping or in bed due to pain and sickness, and when it gets especially bad she tends to pass out. She can be a pretty heavy sleeper when the weight of it really strikes her, but other times she can be woken up easily by the sickness. As a ghost, I was initially going to have her not need to sleep at all, and maybe she still doesn’t need to, but I for one really like sleep and think it’s important to be able to do it and get cozy comfy. So she definitely can nestle into her own spot in the bed, sort of stabilize her form where the mattress is, and rest. It feels good, because sleep is where you’re the most human and raw, the least conscious (duh) and so it’s harder to care about the obvious differences in nature between being a ghost and a human. It’s one of the easiest ways for her to feel at peace when the weight of everything catches up to her. And I think she definitely takes naps sometimes while Shadow is doing stuff on his own, rather than deal with being a ghost with nobody around to talk to.

🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your oc's favorite holiday?

I imagine most of the minor holidays weren’t celebrated aboard the Ark, stuff like Valentine’s Day are basically largely commercial holidays anyway so it would be hard to make it work. But I don’t think they could get away without giving the girl a proper Christmas at least once a year. I do think a version of celebrating Hanukkah could work here too depending on the version of the characters we go with, but for me it’s easier to write this based on all my known experiences, and I think Gerald would want Maria to have at least one big “getting presents and attention and being celebrated and doted on and having bright lights all around” type of holiday to make her feel special once a year and make the normally mundane lifestyle aboard the Ark bearable, to keep spirits high if nothing else. I think this is one of the few things she comes to enjoy more about being a ghost on Earth, though, since she gets to see so much more of it. The snow, the decorations in the city and in towns, the lights, the storefronts, every little detail as the world shifts into full holiday mode. She loves the buildup to the day itself and she wants to try a hot chocolate so bad but she’s a ghost so she can’t and it’s very tragic.

🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal?

“Hedgehog” feels like the obvious answer but I wanna inject my headcanon that the species decision for both Shadow and his prototype, the Biolizard, were suggested by Maria. She was like “make it a big lizard” and then that experiment failed so Gerald was like “ok can we pick something smaller this time.” I also think Maria would find reptiles fascinating in terms of their biology. She spends a lot of time around blood so hearing abt reptiles and their cold-blood nature would be very cool to her. So I’m gonna say favorite animal is lizards initially, but after Shadow comes around it’s obviously hedgehogs.

🌴 PALM TREE — does your oc have a green thumb? do they enjoy gardening?

I feel like she absolutely loves plants, is curious about them, and sees them as one of the most tangible connections between her and Earth, the home she never got to see. Aboard the Ark there’s almost definitely a garden or farm of some sort or some research on botany going on, and she probably feels very connected to it. The soil comes from Earth, after all. She would want to work with the botanists all the time, and they’d be reluctant to let her, worried it would make her sicker, worried she’d damage the plants, worried about whatever other boring considerations responsible adults have to take. But as I’ll discuss later I think she has a habit of getting her way, and eventually they’d let her, and she’d love it, and she’d work very hard to keep her own personal flowers alive. She’d for sure do that thing of talking to plants bc it helps them grow, and no matter how many times the botanists explain it’s just because of increased exposure to CO2 she believes it’s because the plants like her. She likes them too. Unfortunately, as a ghost, Maria is surrounded by plant life and utterly unable to touch it. She probably bugs Shadow into getting some flowers for wherever he ends up living and tells him how to take care of it. She still talks to the plants, too. Even though it doesn’t help anymore. It can’t hear her.

❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc's positive traits?

One of Maria’s only canon traits is that she is kind and hopeful despite her condition, and that’s 100% true. She’s still young, full of wonder and curiosity about the world, full of hope and eagerness. At her best she’s a fountain of energy, positivity, and fun. She’s funny, she’s uplifting, she’s smart and picks up on things quickly. Full of all this potential that everyone around she knows she may never get to use. Even as a ghost, I think those traits stick out. She’s angrier, dealing with more trauma and righteous fury, but she’s still in love with the world she now gets to see up close. The trees, the flowers, the wind, the sounds. Birds and stray cats and people’s cozy little homes with all their personal touches. She’s observant and curious, and she sees it all, makes note of it. Her observational abilities probably help Shadow out, too, and her ability to learn things quickly helps her bring him up to speed. She’s really a perfect ally for a lot of the deadlier stuff Shadow gets up to that she’d prefer not to do.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

Again, Maria is sharp. Notices things, picks things up quickly. She’s able to put pieces together in ways that make life a bit harder for people around her sometimes. She’s never been surprised by a surprise birthday party, or received a Christmas present she doesn’t already know the identity of. She’s also more than willing to view intelligence as a truly amoral thing, she sees as much value in her cousin Ivo’s intelligence as in Tails’ for example, even when one person is trying to destroy the world and the other to save it. I also think she’s able to be pretty apathetic to her own circumstances, which in her life makes it easy to navigate the emotional baggage of her condition, but also means she doesn’t see her worst days as especially scary, and can tend to overexert herself for the hell of it. She’s pretty emotionally mature and understands that she is probably going to die, and that’s as helpful as it is terrifying. When ghost time comes around, the apathy carries over. Sure, she’s outraged at the situation, but she doesn’t spend too much time getting mad about it, just lets herself stew in the unfairness of it all, knowing that being openly frustrated won’t do her or Shadow any good. It can cause her to be closed off, but also more capable of focusing on an important task if she’s needed.

💔 BROKEN HEART — what are three of your oc's negative traits?

Maria exists in this really unenviable position of being a child who lived onboard a space station surrounded by exclusively adults and your sibling who is also the ultimate life form and also a fluffy little guy. So I imagine during her life she frequently gets frustrated and acts out due to people refusing to listen to her or take her seriously, who don’t bother explaining stuff to her despite her curiosity, even when it’s her own body they’re doing stuff to. Bc of the Robotnik reputation I think Gerald probably didn’t bother checking if his elite team of scientists and doctors was any good with kids, and their behavior annoys her to no end. She’s prone to intentionally making her condition worse to get their attention or being difficult on purpose to annoy them, typically to the detriment of her own health. She would not be above using Gerald’s guilt about taking her from her parents and trapping her aboard a space station and, most of all, the fact that they both know he isn’t going to cure her, against him to get her way. Maria is at her core hopeful and full of curiosity and love but she’s also so angry about how unfair it all is. And when she’s a ghost, it’s even worse. She’s bitter, she’s sad, she’s in constant mourning. She’s jealous of everyone around her getting to live full lives, even Shadow, who means more to her than anything. Watching her killers get off scott-free. It’s easy for that rage and bitterness to overtake her and make her vindictive and petty. And to be honest, can you blame her?

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

So Maria is born on and spends her whole life aboard a space station, and bc of how I envision her ghost form working, she isn’t actually able to eat food in that state. So I imagine her understanding of flavors to be really messed up by that, and she’d have to be limited to stuff they could store in space. I do think due to her pain she’s a fan of stuff that is easy to eat and relatively soft, it’s the most stress-free eating experience and relatively stable. I also think if given the chance she’d be a veggie fantastic. She would get so mad at anybody who doesn’t like any vegetable for any reason.

🍰 SHORTCAKE — what is/are your oc's favorite sweet(s)/dessert(s)?

I think she 100% has a sweet tooth. She is a kid so immune system disorder be damned she was insistent that Gerald keep the Ark kitchen stocked with chocolate and space ice cream or whatever equivalents they could get, and she regularly snuck around swiping some when she wasn’t supposed to, to the exhaustion of her doctors. Shadow was also skeptical about it until she shared some chocolate with him and he immediately understood. Some things are worth the risk.

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

As many other folks have rightly pointed out, it is an often-overlooked fact that Maria is a Robotnik. This family is known for many things, but mostly, being cartoonish evil scientists who try to take over the world. While Maria’s brand of revenge and evil is different than Gerald or Ivo’s, she definitely retains their propensity for stuff like evil laughter, as well as the idle curiosity and intelligence (Maria is raised amongst genius-level researchers and scientists after all). So from that, I think she likes to keep her hands moving, touching things, building things, at least when she has the strength for it. Once she’s a ghost, she no longer has the pain, but she also doesn’t have the corporeality, so she can’t fidget with her hands. It’s basically torture, and she hates it. Sometimes she runs her hands through Shadow’s quills and watches them fade into him and back out. It’s the closest she’s got.

#thank u thank u #meme response #daxieoclock #rambles #maria robotnik #ghost maria au

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wellntruly · 1 year

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M*A*S*H - Season 11, misc. notes

It’s the last notes! Well, let’s be specific: the last notes I took as I was watching the show for the first time, THAT'S ALL.

As such, I’m taking this moment to editorialize on how I’ve editorialized, or perhaps, haven’t, so far. Namely, that I think Frequently about some of the things I wrote in public about BJ frickin Hunnicutt circa S4-5, and am like, honey who are you talking about! But the answer is, I have to keep reminding myself, that was BJ! He really was like that, in the early days! I have to leave them all, as an historical record. I will perhaps add a note on a note. “This was true then; it would not be true always,” that kind of thing.

For a little while I was definitely shying off from recommending some episodes due to strangeness from BJ, and that is where I could have failed as a viewguide-maker. By their nature, episodic shows can being picked & choosed, and through that, you can hide things. Or try to. I actually think that if I'd tried that would only have made it stranger, the way it would have still bubbled through just in these odd, off-handed moments, without the reference points of the wildest flights to allow you to say, ah yes, sometimes he is this way.

And sometimes he isn’t! And yes, in my initial episode list (though babe, are the B-sides ever comin’), I admittedly have gone from a six or seven episode run of probably the most lovable late-seasons BJ, culminating in one that really hammers you with sweetness (& obsession) and tragic mystery, to then plummet directly into his unhinged (& tragic mystery) behavior in ‘Goodbye, Farewell and Amen’, and I do think that will play pretty beautifully, for all that this does mean that I did skip folks past the episode in Season 11 that had me going, oh, so that man is insane-insane, and that angle on Beej has its value too (the darkness!!!)

Anyway more on that below, in the Final Watch Notes. (I keep laughing, this is so not final.)

— — —

Ohhh what the FUCK is this now. Every damn season with re-orchestrating the theme!

The gulf between the S3 episode where the nurses leave and the men are all so dejected because they wanna flirt, and this one where the nurses leave and the men are all losing it because they can’t do their jobs without them: cavernous

I love Nurse Kellye so, SO much, her monologue in this about her qualities and interests is The Greatest, the overall plot line that she has a secret crush on Hawkeye: no good. 😅 Resolution of that though, of her being too busy now hooking up with the young officer from the inspection: I laughed so heartily. Now that was a genius bit of writing.

If the Halloween episode’s turn into ghost and goblins stories gets properly eerie I’m gonna get mad, because that will be good, and then I’ll have to recommend this one even with the tedious beginning. [Ed. note: I didn’t]

Hoooooooohhhhhhh, spear bone is something I was Not ready for…!

Hey, it’s finally 1953

“He’s got a shoulder big enough for the whole world to lean on,” and other Hawkeye-on-Sidney lines that make my heart hurt.

Cannot express how much I want nothing to do with the shortened credits

It is so fascinating how they recycle the supporting actors. Personally to me this adds to the time-loop quality: things come back a little different this time, people are arranged a different way, but the cast of characters is the same. They’re all trapped in the snow globe, none of them get out when it shakes.

I think Charlie is like, fully in love

Wait a second, IS this Jeffrey Tambor???

Charles you gotta be kidding me

Here to report that I had an entire heart attack over the Japanese ‘Happy Days Are Here Again’ cover starting 'The Joker is Wild' like we were back in early days, and then [Mulaney voice] it got worse!

Hawkeye: [mentions that he and Trapper used to pull a lot of jokes together] Promptly, through my hands: “Don’t do this to me.” BJ, smiling too much: “You and Trapper were quite the pair weren’t you?” Hawkeye, relenting: “Yes! Yes, we were!” Hands now just hanging in the air like I’m being held up, rapidly: “Don’t do this to me, don’t do this to me, don’t do this to me!”

Klinger, eyes warm at Pierce: “Seems to me the pranks used to be more original in the old days.” BJ, still smiling big and cold: “Awww the good old days, you mean like when Trapper was here?” We can’t do this!!!! I’m literally shaking!!!

Hawkeye: “Well that would be incredible, because I would love to see you sing ‘You’re the Tops’ without your bottoms.” BJ: “Haha I can understand that, Hawk, because anybody who’d want to get everybody, would want to get you worst of all.” I think this episode is going to kill me?

I’m gonna come out of this one with WHITE HAIR, Jean Valjean style. THEY’VE SAID “TRAPPER” SO MANY TIMES. They SO rarely do and I can never take it even briefly and now to do this, in this context!! It’s maybe the most darkly jealous BJ has ever been and it’s the literal plot???!!

Oh my god wait it really is, it’s ALL against Hawkeye, I AM seeing what’s happening here, aren't I. And the “getting” just psychologically torturing him for 24 hours, oh honey!!! And for WHAT, BJ, just because he admitted a joke he was describing was one of Trapper’s? Oh no!!!!!! It’s the literal plot and it’s WORSE. I’m laughing and weeping, jesus!

I CAN’T SPIRAL ABOUT THIS. I CAN’T. BUT. The whole thing about Hawk & Trapper was that they were a pair. That’s what both BJ and Hawkeye were saying in the first scene, them joking around together. And now, BJ’s retaliation is to make Hawkeye feel entirely isolated. Can’t trust anyone, all on his own and persecuted. Hahahaha I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP THIS IS ACTUALLY. Who wrote this!!! The same person who wrote ‘Period of Adjustment’!?? Wait actually who did write each of these BJ eps…

O M G

I was making a joke, John turn your location on.

“Take it off, Hawkeye! I wanna see some skin!!” Father stop

Anyway this episode destroyed my mind.

Oh okay, so second episode in a row for Most Deranged Thing They’ve Ever Done contender: Hawkeye hooks up with a nurse and then she’s fucking killed by a mine. Nope?!

Are they suggesting Klinger invented the Hula Hoop

Oh, no, don’t read her diary…

My feelings about every part of 'Who Knew?' are just, 🙃 this was a mistake!

Charles and Hawkeye both vaguely gesturing to their shoulder: “You know, the- the wound.” The only reason I would want more seasons would be that we’re finally doing Hawkeye & Charles and it’s so dryly delicious.

Potter to Hawkeye: “You’re witty, swave [suave??], you lean toward handsome—” He leans.

Uh, that’s horrible. If BJ gets this medal all he’ll ever be able to think about is cutting the rope. Wow yikes.

Yes, yes, Charles & Hawkeye making phone calls, my favorite thing they do together. This Roxbury joke……now that goes out to the real ones (people who have lived in Boston).

BJ: “We sit around here in our Hawaiian shirts and red suspenders, thumbing our nose at the Army, drinking home-brewed gin and flouting authority at every turn and feeling ohh soo superior to those military fools who kill each other, and ohh soo…self-righteous, when we clean up after them. Well good luck to you pal, I hope you can...keep it up. The minute I cut that rope, that made me a soldier.” Haha good lord this season is miserable.

Margaret's phone performance is the greatest. This mortgage party plot is…odd. And meanwhile the sweet lieutenant plot is getting incongruously intense and not in the high-contrast way that usually works for them. Folks I am sorry but is this whole season mm, a Mistake?

Alright, time to get hawt

They have such LONG. LEGS. Why is it so much more apparent when they’re bare.

How come the lighting and color quality in the film distributor’s office is making me nostalgic for something

Potter is wearing Klinger’s Toledo Mudhens cap and has his bird pinned to the center, right over the T

Hawkeye: “Klinger it’s all in your head, just don’t be hot!” Klinger: “Don’t be hot??” He can’t ❤️

It’s great when Charles uses his power (intimidating baritone blue blood) for good

Margaret just doubling down on their betting scheme like well in for a penny, go big or go home, is sending me

Frankly all three of these visiting docs are babes

“Our summer home is in the Berkshires, just a baton’s throw away from Tanglewood.” Second Home Lane [REAL STREET], Lenox, MA, CONFIRMED Winchester residence

I like that Margaret and Charles both have crushes

[haltingly] It would, thrill me, beyond measure, if the kind silver fox Swedish doctor has a crush too, but it’s on Captain Pierce. Um, he needs that? I mean he’s sure not getting…. Don’t make me think about this…

[breathily] “So, you’re from Sweden. I’ve always loved Hans Christian Anderson.” Loretta help

Just gonna say: my idea of what the crushable Swedish officer plot could be, is honestly still plausible at this juncture! He’s laughing cutely at Hawkeye’s dumb jokes in the O Club! This injury-induced impotency story could be a careful lie, or rather, frankly, even a ruse, the carefullest of lies. If he asks for any sort of help with like, a pause, Hawk get your head on a swivel (and get on that, honey) (I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THIS!)

Ohhh now the glasses…mega babe!

Mr. Dish and Margaret you guys are maybe being a little bit stupid though right, I mean you could still do a LOT

Thaaank you :)

Oh very fun, this actor’s last name was Holahan!

Hawkeye: “Charles, for the sake of our sanity, which is iffy at best—” Iffy.

First three minutes of this episode cumulatively more fond of everyone than the first 10 whole episodes of this season---hello Karen my girl

Wish the A and B plots were switched honestly

WOW perm! ’83 is here, baby

Loretta Swit invented Michelle Williams as Gwen Verdon after her vocal cord surgery

What are the void shoulder patches on some of these guys, kinda eerie and I've wondered

I really like Hawkeye’s vibes this episode. Not paying the expected deference to the general in such a classic Hawkeye way, meanwhile quietly very watchful of him and his injured son, and whatever is going on there.

This is definitely the most sophisticated thing they’ve ever done with a general. He’s humanized but also still a profoundly bleak representation of those who make war.

Charles is this really time for Mahler

Ohhh is the void just the I Corps patch?? Sick. The Voids are here.

Okay 11 seasons in it was time for me to finally find out what I Corps is anyway, and TURNS OUT they were already in my own fucking life, causing problems. They’re just an administrative corps, US headquarters at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, which straddles the major interstate that runs up Washington State, meaning I’ve gotten stuck in JBLM traffic For. Years.

Being Mad at I Corps

The 4077 🤝 Me just trying to get to my parents’ house

Karen’s flavor of scheming BJ continues to be the best of its type. Lets him maintain his early days detail of being good at people management, it’s just for crimes.

Margaret: “Perfume! Charles! Oh it’s just so…scented!” Oh em gee

This is very good. The two of them moving in on him, smiiiiling. The composition, Xtra Long BJ all folded up in this chair…

I spy: the cold weather coats

Margaret wants Charles’s book of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poetry, Sonnets From the Portuguese. Holy MO-ly!

Yeah :) it’s cold :)

“In the Bayou, legend has it that a selfish man will be possessed by demon bats, and never get no sleep ’til he does some good deed and mends his ways.” Rizzo…God bless u.

Beasts! Don’t throw beer on Klinger’s fur coat!

The B plot of the American soldier in the bed next to the North Korean he shot is very well done actually

Oh, full cassock, Father?

“Right on time. [points swiftly] I like that.” Harry Morgan :)

Wow that chopper pilot rules ass

I do quite like the Margaret v. Hawkeye time capsules thing, it feels very vintage them

OKAY! The fact of the M*A*S*H sleepover with Jody means I don’t actually have like, notes from the finale, I had a coupe glass holding a distressingly dry martini. But we’re cobbling, we’re cobbling! And that’s just a little cocktail shaker humor for you. (I actually have a Boston shaker.) (Charles looks up.)

I think the first thing I want to mention is that partway through Jody looked something up on her phone and was like hey, do you want to know who Soon-Lee is? And that’s how we learned that Klinger marries Keiko O’Brien. Yell!! Babe I hadn't recognized you!!! Anyway that whole plot, while sudden, nonetheless did have me going

And also unfortunately revealing to Jody that I do, in fact, do exactly this while watching this show. Always have! Never been more seen.

I also want to say just, thank god for Sidney Freedman. In every way. Imagine if we hadn’t had Sidney this whole time, if it was just some psychiatrist we’d never seen before treating Hawkeye? Weirdly, would immediately just feel, less real?? A fraction of the impact of how it actually plays out, where because it's Sidney, we know it's serious, but also because it's Sidney, we have something to hang on to.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye getting left by his best friend, again, no note, again, was like, this is nearly too much but also I’m falling fucking apart. Narrative cruelty in the way I 👍🏻 support. Top moments that have happened to Hawkeye Pierce that broke me in exciting new ways include: sopping wet in his clothes and Radar gives him Trapper’s goodbye kiss, and at separate tables in the mess tent, Hawkeye just trying to get BJ to say goodbye to him, and saying “What would you do if I was dying? Would you hold me and let me die in your arms, or would you just let me lay there and bleed?” and BJ just going “You’re not dying, you don’t even have a cold,” and walking away. And the way he goes “Goodbyyyye,” hey, I'm dying on the ground!!!!

Margaret is there for him at least. Yes, someone touch him, I thought, maybe said (Jody?), when she grabs his wrist in the scrub room and pulls him away with her. Y’know, I can tell you what I certainly said, and it was when they were standing there looking at each other and it’s time to say goodbye, and I sotto voce called out, because of the tightness in my throat, hand to the side of my mouth, “Make oout,” And They Do. And exactly in how I meant it: hold me bleeding in your arms, and I'll hold you bleeding in mine, here are my wounds pressed to yours, hearts, mouths, close as you can just for one last minute, it's the only way we know how to express it.

God, we won with that. Those two…my fucking heart !! I love them. They kinda secretly became everything to me? Oh god!

When I was rewatching the very end just now, BJ’s “I can’t imagine what this place would have been like if I hadn’t found you here” (found him there, he was just already there…), and then the ‘GOODBYE’ and the slow, minor key variation on ‘Suicide Is Painless’ started, just the simple horns like it was in the beginning, and rising up over the same view of the mountains as the ‘KOREA, 1950 - a hundred years ago’ opening golfing shot, and I sobbed. I know we say that a lot. I truly broke down crying, just set my hand to my face and cried so much. This show has been really, with me, you know? I started it so open, and it just, it got to me. I’ll never be able to shake you, either.

— — —

Season Viewguides

These

#M*A*S*H hours #Misc. MASH #Tarra takes notes

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menaceanon · 10 months

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Ask meme! 4, 18, and 20?

Oooooh okay!

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

This is always such a tough question to answer because the sources are functionally infinite, right? There are all the usual places, like books and music, but sometimes it’s as weird as the tone of someone’s voice being out of sync with their words, or a kooky dream with a kernel of something interesting buried in it.

The one consistent thing is that a given piece of inspiration is always going to ping off of the topics I’m already fascinated by, even if only in a very roundabout way.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

Uhhh generally during, at least for the longer ones. I was already a few chapters into Chiaroscuro when I decided to post on AO3 and realized I needed something. It was also very much a case of knowing immediately that that was the right title, and then the choice wound up affecting the prose itself as the story went on.

For Chromatophore, since I was working on a timeline, I plotted out the whole fic ahead of time and picked the title when I was almost done writing it because it fit the themes (and, I gotta be honest, because it felt like it was in conversation with the title of Chiaroscuro).

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Anyone who says they haven’t is lying lol.

I’ve known for a long time that I like to give mothers stories. Mothers are one of the most sidelined characters in fiction—dead before the story begins for the sake of her husband and/or children’s plot line, dead after the story begins for the sake of her husband and/or children’s plot line, a nagging harridan for the sake of her husband and/or children’s plot line, completely forgotten by the narrative in favor of her husband and/or children’s plot line, fundamentally character-less except for whatever is needed to further her husband and/or children’s plot line… you get my drift.

The infuriating devaluation and disinterest in the “domestic” really gets my goat, and so I enjoy teasing out these characters and giving them life. Fic, by its transformative nature, gives me a really intriguing way of doing so.

The other major recurring theme in my stories is… I dunno, I guess I’d call it, “know thyself” but even more than that, “make fucking peace with thyself.” My stories tend to reflect my own experiences of trying and failing for decades to be something I’m not (neurotypical) only to find happiness and success by steering into the skid. There’s a lot to say about the tension between the expectations and demands of the world around us and the need to be authentic.

#real talk with menace

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khalidplsstfu · 10 months

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The succession finale ruined my life

The title of this essay is not an overstatement. Somehow, against all odds, three fictional nepotism babies have taken things from me over the course of one episode that have yet to return. In this essay, I will focus on that finale episode of the series.

The episode begins with audio from a news report detailing the current situation. Waystar Royco, a legacy company owned and built up by now deceased Logan Roy, is set to be purchased by GoJo, a company owned by eccentric billionaire Lukas Matsson. With this audio playing, we join Logan’s son Kendall as he heads to the office. Once there, he asks about an upcoming board meeting, which I always found fascinating on Succession. The crew’s work brings such gravitas and drama to something as mundane as a board meeting. It sometimes feels like whole seasons lead up to these characters just sitting together in a room. And the actors’ performances in these scenes are phenomenal. The way Kieran Culkin looks physically ill with fear as Logan berates him in S1 E6 feels like a mob movie, not a show about the wealthy elite.

But back to the episode at hand...

Kendall enters the office where his team waits with more bad news (Kendall getting his bubble popped is almost a cliche in this show). Kendall has lost the votes of two key parties needed to stop the acquisition of his father’s company.Starting the episode this way give the writers a chance to slyly tell us directly: “He doesn’t have it. We know you love this rich loser and want to see him succeed, but we promise, he doesn’t have it.” The audience ignores these warnings, just as Kendall ignores the staffer trying to give him a fair warning of impending doom. "I got this," he falsely assures the man who will likely be fired when, not if Kendall fails.

Then the entrance theme starts.

and then we join Lucas Matsson and Shiv Roy, Logan's daughter and Kendall’s sister has conspired with Matsson to assist in purchasing Waystar Royco so she can become CEO. Her desire for Matsson's approval likely connects to her need for validation from her now-deceased withholding father. As they scheme, the conversation turns to Shiv's husband Tom Wambsgans, who runs Waystar’s news organization, and his future role. Shiv advocates firing Tom, calling him a corporate bootlicker metaphorically and a “highly interchangeable modular part” literally. Moments later, Shiv gets a call and we have the first plot twist: the third Roy sibling has been found.

En route to convince her brother to take her side, Shiv calls Tom and shares updates, including on their crumbling marriage. Shiv seems open to rekindling things but doesn’t know how. Even expressing vulnerability, she speaks in the Roys’ calculated way. When she finally cracks and asks if Tom will have a real relationship with her, his ambivalent "I don't know" breaks her heart and mine.

When we rejoin Kendall, he is leaving cringey messages for his friend, unaware Roman has been found. Learning Roman’s location, both siblings head his way.

Roman Roy, the youngest sibling, is at their mother's house. Shiv arrives, then Kendall, and they are ready to rumble. After getting beaten up at a protest, Roman seems to have had an awakening. In his own weird way, he tells Kendall he wants out. He sees their corporate world as bullshit, Kendall as desperately trying to fill undeserved shoes, and doesn’t want to participate anymore. With messy hair and a t-shirt instead of a suit, chilling at mom’s house, his contrast to his polished siblings is subtle but loud. Kudos to him for being over it all.

I won’t delve too deeply into the great Tom and Greg relationship here, so back to the siblings sitting together. This time it’s closer to sibling chatter than rumbling. Roman expresses wishing he could help both, while Shiv is confident she’s on the winning team. She tells them not to make this a reason for her future kids to lose their uncles. “Take it like men,” she arrogantly says, “because I won.”

In the very next scene, we learn Shiv is “pulling a Kendall.” Tom attends a tense dinner with Matsson, feeling his head is on the chopping block. This was a masterclass in Tom Wambsgans. He kowtows completely to be the ultimate corporate tool, and what does it get him?

The fucking CEO job offer, right under Shiv’s nose.

This was the first moment I ever considered someone besides a Roy becoming CEO. Here, a small-town buffoon proves hungrier and more capable than those born for it, which absolutely gutted me. Some things should be sacred, like a man’s birthright. If Kendall or Roman can’t have it, at least Shiv would through cunning. That would be appalling yet understandable given the stakes. But imagining Kendall futilely resenting his father until death without achieving his life’s mission? We must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Remember that Tom-Greg dynamic? Tom brought Greg, who sneakily got intel on Matsson snubbing Shiv using a translation app, then reported it to Kendall at the family dinner table. Before the bombshell, Greg nervously asks Kendall from the bathroom:

“Can you guys win?”

Kendall swiftly springs into action upon learning Matsson is trying to screw over Shiv, who doubts it initially then realizes it's true. Suddenly, the Roys unite like Voltron, full of fire and brimstone to stop the company sale through calls and plots. Cue “The Boys Are Back in Town”

In the next scenes, we get some of the finest family relationship development i've ever seen in media, as the Roys actually bond and enjoy each other’s company for once, like a real family. From preparing a “Meal Fit for a King” to conversing with their mother, this new dynamic humanized them. They depart as a cohesive Roy Voltron.

First stop is getting cherished items from Logan’s possessions, where we see the conclusion of Connor’s storyline. His prostitute wife very likely used him for money, and they’re splitting after a two-week marriage. RIP Connor. As they sort through Logan’s things, they share a somber moment watching home videos and silently grieving together, a surprisingly human moment. Afterward, Tom drops the bomb on Shiv about being offered CEO. Shiv reacts typically, calling Tom an “empty suit” with the man himself mere feet away. The hurt on both their faces is palpable.

The battle lines are drawn with 20 minutes left in the finale.

For context, when I started Succession, I assumed I knew how it would go. Kendall Roy would rightfully become CEO after learning tough lessons. I related to him, so when he humbly asked his siblings’ blessing before taking his father’s seat, it felt real.

Much happens in these gripping final minutes that I won’t delve into here. Please watch the brilliant finale and podcast for the full emotional weight. We fast forward to the pivotal board meeting and shareholder vote.

Kendall confidently walks in ready to claim his birthright, all charm and politics. After pleasantries, he demands that approving the deal requires firing him first. He pushes for an immediate vote, and quick no’s sound off until Shiv’s turn, when she walks out. When questioned by her bewildered brothers, she utters Kendall’s worst fear:

“Uh, I might’ve changed my mind.”

“What the fuck?” Kendall replies.

In the last 15 minutes, I watched my favorite fictional family implode. From rehashing past wounds to Kendall lying about a big secret to the childish fighting, this was clearly the point of no return that severs the family indefinitely.

In the end, they sell the company. Tom assumes the CEO role. Kendall grapples with suicide by a river. Roman grabs a drink at a bar. Shiv becomes a CEO’s wife. Nobody got what they wanted except the corporate yes-man. And yet...

Seven stars on the high-speed scale for this devastating finale.

#succession #kendall roy #shiv roy #stewy #tom wambsgans

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 3 years

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i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.).

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.)

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy.

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

#cockles #cockles ask #liz answers #i really just. spend hours. writing about misha and his boyfriend.#why. why do i. do that #long post for ts

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husbandohunter · 3 years

Text

Moments of Despair #2 [Genshin Impact/Albedo x Reader]

Synopsis: "The alchemist who relished in his gifts only to fall from grace."

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Diluc’s despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death and psychological horror (correct me if otherwise)

(A/n): I decided to take a slightly different approach this time. Regardless, it’s still killing my heart TwT.

---------------------------------------------------

Out of the many wonders of Teyvat, one thing Albedo loved most was how you were so different from him.

Difference ties to the unknown, one that must be discovered. He was drawn to you the first time he had laid his eyes upon your form standing at the heights of Mondstadt's cathedral. The Sisters scolded you from below, but all you did was reply with a wink amidst their chaos before soaring into the skies and letting the wind carry your glider. Reckless they said. For him, your recklessness was intriguing.

As the sun's light blinded his vision, everything he saw seemed like a glass barrier. For the ground was where he thrived and chalk was his core, it became the basis of Albedo's very existence. Even the geo Archon granted him a Vision of the same element to affirm his identity. The earth will forever be attached to his feet as he will keep on his stride until every last truth of Teyvat have all been realized. You, on the other hand, hailed from a place where he couldn't quite reach. What lies beyond this glass ceiling? Albedo found himself gradually holding onto a string of curiosities, a string he could touch but was not able to feel.

'Interesting,' he thought quietly, while the breeze slip between the fingers of his outstretched hand.

He was a character of logic, possessing sharp eyes that could pierce through the depths of the most complex formulas and a mind to predict their outcomes- as long as alchemy was still related. All impossibilities thrown in his way only paved a path for him to become the well known genius he was now. Whether it was alchemy or investigations with the Knights of Favonius, Albedo never failed to deliver the answers. But despite it all, he always found himself endlessly contemplating over things that were considered intangible. He wonders why you smile when there was nothing to laugh about. How could you tell between the complexities of the human heart? Albedo can't seem to put a finger on it.

'Why? What drives you? What are you thinking?'

The Chief Alchemist couldn't resist being fascinated by your unpredictability. It reels him in similar to a fish being baited out of the waters. However, unlike those creatures, Albedo only tightened his grip on the strings as if they were a lifeline, determined to find out what they truly felt like to the touch.

"I can't really say it's much of an answer," you hummed, clasping both hands behind your back before declaring with a grin, "To put it simply, you just gotta follow your heart."

'Follow your heart...' What does it mean to follow your heart?

"I'm afraid I still don't understand," he replied in a thoughtful manner. The statement never really resonated with him and it certainly weren't the words his Master taught when he was in the early stages of being created, "But it does suit you very much."

"Really? But still bring your head with you," a playful laugh escapes and you add while pointing a finger, "At least, it's what everyone tells me these days."

"Hm," Albedo then affirms with a nod, "I can definitely see why they would tell you that."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

The days go by and his repetitious march towards the truth remains the same. However, there was never a dull moment when you were at his side. Perhaps that was the reason why Albedo became so attracted to your aura. The way you'd follow around his experiments, eyes so full of enthusiasm at every step of the activity. Sometimes the events can get a little too out of hand in which he needs to step in and save you from getting stuck in slime condensates...constantly. Albedo grew fond of your childlike excitement even when you weren't entirely sure what was going on. He normally distanced himself from socializing as it never sparked his interest. Frankly, he was too much of a genius for mundane conversations. Your presence was rather refreshing in this case. You were an oddball, just like him, and for once the alchemist felt like he didn't need to place that glass barrier between the two worlds.

"You seem to be in a very good mood today Mister Albedo."

He was a man of subtle expressions yet anyone could notice the small gleam in his eyes whenever he saw you walking in the hallway. Sucrose often remarked with a giggle after she noticed her teacher holding his documents upside down. But who could blame him? Joy, fun, laughter. He was able to experience those emotions all because of you; his beloved. You were the colour to his canvas and the meaning to his flower. You were a force of nature. Like a warm breeze gracing upon the terrestrial lands, you move him.

Thump- thump- thump-

Strings around his world began to weave one whole picture while they also tugged inside his chest. God had finally blown the breath of life into mankind's body, it was only a matter of time before Albedo came to follow his heart too.

--------

"Alright, just one more detail aaaaand done!"

You gave a small tap using the tip of your pencil and leaned back to examine your artwork.

Masterpiece!

On days when Katheryne had no commissions assigned to the guild, Albedo would accompany you to the Whispering Woods and conduct his sketches there instead. He was aware of the discomfort Dragonspine brought as the temperature wasn't ideal for anyone except for him. You eventually learned that your lover was not only intelligently different from the rest but physically too. Albedo, aside from the Cavalry Captain, was mysterious in his own way. He was hard to read yet never came off as intimidating, no one knew of his origins nor they knew how he came to Mondstadt. You wondered why someone like him would have wanted to get involved with your shenanigans. Rosaria often gave warnings regarding the alchemist's 'hidden intentions' in which you'd roll your eyes in response. The Albedo you knew was far from that. He was a big brother to Klee, a man passionate about his work, he was the one golden star among the many silvers in your sky. He was your lover.

My Albedo.

Brushing a hand upon the drawing you made of him, you glided down the lines of his cheek before resting your finger on the mark by his neck. You gazed at it with fondness. Truly a masterpiece indeed.

"You do realize I'm still here?"

The paper nearly flies out of your grasp and you snatched it back to your chest, "HUH A-ALBEDO, WHEN DID YOU APPEAR???"

"I was with you the whole time," he states. The corner of his lip tug upward ever so slightly, "You said you wanted to sketch me."

"A-Ahahaha, so I did," you reply while scratching your head bashfully. 'I thought I was looking at a sculpture!!' You rushed to cover your face with the sheet. It wasn't that you forgot he was there, rather, you forgot he was still a living and breathing specimen who just witnessed your little serenade. As Lisa had once said, Albedo was easy on the eyes. His graceful features made him seem almost like an oil painting that could only be found in halls of the most prestigious households. You made sure to capture everything, every detail, every curve just like he had done with your portraits. Only now you noticed the sun already began its descent below the lakeside, dusting the landscape with hints of bright orange as it marked the day's end. If only time could slow down. But duty calls upon your next journey and there was no telling when you'd return. At the very least, a simple portrait would suffice to fill in the temporary gap of his absence.

"Can I see it?"

You glanced his direction while keeping the drawing close to your nose, "Are you sure about that? It might not be up to your expectations."

"I'm sure," Albedo affirms with a straight countenance, "I can already tell you've put a great amount of effort, otherwise you wouldn't have taken this long."

"Yeeaahh I kinda lost track of time. I guess it's only fair that you get to see the finished product," you say and shoved the drawing in front of him, "Tada! I present to you, my masterpiece!"

Albedo takes it out of your grasp and you watched the way his eyes expanded upon sight.

"Well? Whaddya think?"

Words could not describe the mixture of emotions that erupted within him. Was it distinguishable or abstract? Albedo spent his time pondering between the two answers as he examined the drawing closely. Despite the lines being slightly jagged and the unevenness in the placement of his eyes, he managed to make the shape of the entire image you were trying to convey. Perhaps it was all thanks to his well trained artistic vision which gave him the ability to do so. Or maybe he was simply biased. But there wasn't a shred of doubt that this was indeed your craftsmanship.

"You even added flowers in the background," he pointed out with amusement.

"It's the thing you make when using your elemental burst, I couldn't fit your hand in the picture so I decided to put it somewhere empty," you informed, "Out of everything, that one took me the longest."

"And the rabbits?"

"They resemble Klee's bombs!"

He lets out a chuckle, "I see."

Albedo kept his attention downward until he was mindlessly staring at the paper in hand. This was a memory made to be carried as you moved on to your next journey and it saddens him that he could not accompany you. If only time slowed down. Albedo wanted to hold onto the memory forever, because he knew once he gave it back, he wouldn't be able to see you for an uncertain amount of time.

"Do you really have to go?"

His voice was barely above a whisper. Guilt crept into your heart and you gingerly layed your fingers on his gloved ones, bringing down the paper that blocked his face. A pair of teal orbs held a reflection of your image as the sun's rays casted from the side. You returned it with a reassuring grin, hoping to soothe his worries somehow, "I just need to pay a visit to my father since he's been very sick lately. I'll be fine, so don't worry too much okay?"

Albedo turns over his palm and gave your hand a squeeze, "How long will it take?"

"I'm not sure but it will be a while. Snezhnaya is pretty far so..." you trailed off, "But my time in Mondstadt, with Klee and with you, I will never forget! I won't even if I tried."

When you were met with no answer, a breeze came in to fill the melancholic silence. He too will not forget and he would ensure that it was the same for you. Slowly, Albedo brought your hand up, past the center of his heart all the way to cupping his cheek. He allowed himself to indulge in your warmth, tangling the strands of his hair with your fingers while closing his eyes. Sweet flowers. You always carried the smell of sweet flowers.

"Albedo?" You gawked, "What's the matter?"

"...There are certain aspects where drawings can't imitate," he says, grip tightening ever so slightly, "How I feel against your skin, the shape of my jaw, your warmth radiating with my own. These are the things I want you to remember."

Breath leaves your slightly parted mouth. It was unfair how straightforward Albedo could be when showing his affection. Doing as he pleases without anyone's approval to the point it would even catch you off guard since he often absorbed himself in the arts of alchemy. But during times when Albedo did choose to express his feelings, you knew they came from a place of pure genuinity. The thought made it hard for you to tear away from him, "Did you ever find out what the strings felt like then?"

Albedo returns his gaze, long golden lashes hovering them as he smiles softly, "...I have."

As he began to reveal his stories, the dusk sky continued to flare across the landscape with colours of passion. Red, it was the thread that had led him to you, the same string that weaved him together as a whole. Albedo lays a kiss atop of your pinky, there was a reason why Mondstadtians called him the Chalk Prince. You didn't know the intention behind his sudden affection but he knew. It was a promise, one to ensure that the thread would also have you return safely back into his arms.

Oh how he hated the colour red.

"Al...bedo..."

With speed he never knew he had, Albedo scoops you into his embrace and held you close. How did everything happen so fast? He curses his mind as it proceeds to scan your injuries, drawing a conclusion where he wished to be wrong for once:

You were beyond help.

"Ah..haha..." you managed to laugh through bitter tears, "You don't have to say it. I know."

His breath hitches, trying to make sense of the feeling that was slowly tearing him apart from the inside. It's not real. Of course it wasn't, it couldn't be. What other possible answer was there to explain the numbness stinging his fingers? The reason for his shaking? Everything felt so cold. Your body hardly registered to his to touch, you were losing so much blood. You were losing. He was going to lose you.

"No," Albedo shakes his head, "We still have time. I'll go find help."

Please, hold on.

He forced himself to think. The ruin hunter ran off shortly after it had ambushed you, by now the Knights would eventually noticed and apprehended it on sight. They couldn't be too far. All he needed was to carry you back to safety and everyone can go home. Albedo darted his eyes all over the place, breaths becoming shallower with each passing second. Where? Where to go? Which route was best to not overexert your wounds? Think. Think. Think. Why couldn't he think?

"A..." You watched him in your helpless state. Every part of you throbbed with pain but it pains you even more to see the renowned genius who stood atop the pedestal of elegance and grace so utterly, undoubtedly lost. This was not the goodbye you wanted, though death already had you tight in their grasps. Not yet. Using the last particle of your strength, you tried to stay alive as long as possible. Just a little bit more time.

Albedo freezes when a trembling hand extends itself to cup around his cheek. Every single thought he had in mind vanished and was replaced by a loud ring resonating in his ears. Dreadfully, mechanically, he turns his attention to where you lay.

"Don't cry," you whisper, "I love you, don't cry- okay?"

Albedo grimaces, shutting his eyes closed as he allows the pent up sadness to flow out of him completely, "I can't," he said in a shaky voice, "Please. Stay."

"I'm sorry," Your vision blurs and he hugs you even more. Drawing your final breath, you relay your most cherished words through a broken smile, "But no matter w-where I go...I won't for..ge.."

The moment your hand fell, Albedo finally understood the difference between death and loss.

It was...suffocating. Having the air trapped in his throat, begging to release yet it hurts to speak. The never ending stabs that pulsed within his veins rushed forth like the scraping blizzard of Dragonspine until his whole body lost all its senses. The world was shattering. He could no longer feel your weight. He could no longer feel.

(Y/n).

Albedo glances at his blood stained fingers where the thread had been severed, wide eyes drowning in sorrow. What a horrible feeling. Was this a warning sent by the gods? For stepping into the boundaries of knowing too much? Ah the curse of knowledge man must bear when eating the temptatious fruit. It was the result of choosing to love you. With life, death is inevitable and with love, it will eventually bring pain. Everything had a price to pay and as an alchemist, Albedo knew that better than anyone.

"...Meaningless..."

But he refused to accept it.

Cradling your corpse, he leans in and places a kiss on your forehead, lips quivering as they lingered for a second too long before gathering the strength to stand back on his feet. Nothing will stop the alchemist from reuniting with you. If the laws wished to take you away from him then he will use everything in his power to fight against those laws.

"This is not goodbye..." Albedo said to the sleeping girl, "And it will never be."

When the sun sinks below the plains and the stars lose their light, the sky had been replaced with a palette of darkness. It was time to go home.

------

"Have you all heard about the rumours?"

A group of knights gather in the corner as they whisper about. Sucrose stops on her tracks and hides behind a wall, clutching the book close to her chest in an attempt to stay hidden.

"Another criminal disappeared from the dungeons? Crazy..."

"More like creepy. I was told that place might be haunted by some dead prisoner's ghost. Even the Church is hopping onto this case."

"Well I hope it doesn't get any worse. So many of us started going on night patrols..."

Their voices faded out of range as the anemo user backtracks her steps carefully. Several months passed since the news of mysterious kidnappings have been announced to the public. Rumours of their whereabouts swirled around the city and much to her discomfort, Sucrose happened to catch every single one of them. There couldn't possibly be evil spirits lurking in the Favonious Headquarters right? She silently shrieks at the thought, shaking her head furiously to stop her mind from going too deep. No, I have to find him. Without wasting another minute, the anemo user sprinted towards the stairs all the way up to the second floor before stopping directly in front of her teacher's office. Despite the adrenaline that occured at the same time, she made sure to knock.

No answer.

"Strange, he told me he would be here today..." Sucrose muttered to herself. But suddenly she heard the sound of objects shifting from the otherside, signaling that there was indeed someone occupying the room. Without realizing, she held her breath out of anticipation.

"Come in."

The door creaks as she opens them, giving her enough space to slip between the gap, "Mister Albedo?"

"You're early today," The Chief Alchemist noted from his desk, "Is there something the matter?"

"Y-You mean you don't know? There was just another case about a person disappearing from the dungeons," Her tone became more frantic as she rambled to herself, "The kidnapper never leaves a trace and no one knows how they were able to get out. Even when we ask the guards what happened, they can't seem to remember as if...as if someone casted a spell on them!"

"A spell?" He inquires, "I suppose that could be a possibility."

"I think so too. I-It's the only explanation that makes sense! I mean...ghosts don't exist after all," Sucrose nervously looks down at her shoes while giving her book a squeeze, "But why? Who could be capable of such advanced techniques? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to understand their intentions."

"...Yes. It is a very strange occurrence indeed."

Noticing her teacher's withdrawn attitude, Sucrose couldn't help but feel flustered at her own behaviour, "Ah my apologies Mister Albedo, I didn't mean to go off track. Have there been any progress on the investigations so far?"

Albedo briefly glanced at the various documents splayed across his table. His reputation as an incredibly intelligent individual had reached far and wide through Mondstadt. This led to the authorities requesting his assistance regarding the recent matters, despite him specializing in the alchemical field, he was also the Captain of their Investigation Team. Although, Albedo detested partaking in things he deemed irrelevant to his research;

"I'm afraid I would need more evidence to draw a conclusion."

"Eh? You still need more?"

He could not deny that the given authoritative position had provided much benefits to his own accord.

"My expertise lies in the subject of alchemy," Albedo reasoned and proceeds to intertwine his fingers in front of his mouth, "Humans on the other hand, are very unpredictable in nature. Even the essence of their existence is hard to obtain."

"Essence of their existence?" Sucrose repeated softly. She wanted to ask what he meant but the blank expression was evident enough to signal his impatience. At least, that was what she thought, "Nevermind! I have something that might help," taking out a slip from her textbook, she handed it to him, "It's the report Captain Kaeya gave me. He said that the culprit might be a traitor coming from the Knights of Favonius."

He narrows his eyes.

"I-I think he might be right! Just think about it, we haven't found anything at all for the past few months but when we do, I sometimes feel like we're just running in circles...oh what if it's becau-"

"Sucrose."

"Y-Yes?!"

Albedo calmly looks at the flustered girl, not realizing how sharp his tone was, "You're overthinking again. Perhaps it's best that you take this day off."

"But I came here to help," she insisted, "I know it hurts to lose someone you love! Don't you understand that we're all worried about you? And Klee, she..."

"..."

"Please Mister Albedo, if there's anything I could do-"

"No need," he cuts her off once again, "Your stress levels are too high. We can't go any further if you continue to act like this."

"Oh," her ruby eyes casted to the side, "I understand..."

"Good. Now, if you would excuse me," Albedo bid her farewell and watched as the door clicked behind her, observing every detail until he was sure that the absolute silence had returned. He picks up Kaeya's document. Such remarkable handwriting. But of course, appearances are only meant to be displayed on the surface for the Captain was a sly man, wearing a mask to shield what lies underneath. Just like his letter, they were full of innuendos and condensed meanings, orchestrated together until the truth spoke loudly to Albedo himself.

"So, that's what he thinks."

Perhaps the alchemist should have been a little more discreet.

--------

There was a certain place in Dragonspine that no one dared to enter. But those who have, they never return.

"Hm, no response. Now as for the next step..."

And he was the reason why.

Taking the sword out of the transmutation circle, Albedo turned to the snowy hill nearby and activated his alchemy. A small portion of it dissipates, revealing a trench that went so deep underground that even warmth couldn't outplay the sheer cold. It was the perfect hiding place for the evidence to lay out of sight and an environment where only he could handle. The alchemist tossed the leftover along with the others before exiting quietly, summoning back the ice to bury his victims once again. Another day, another experiment, another stain goes to his title. The path he walked upon was one littered with corpses and the sins he committed. But despite the bones crunching beneath his feet and the weight of the dead hanging on his shoulders, the alchemist was numb to it all. Like an entity floating in space with nothing to hold, he became unable to feel.

"I'm back," When reaching the center of Starglow Cavern, Albedo puts his hand on the icicle and caressed it's hard cold surface, "Did you sleep well?"

The girl did not respond. Her eyes were closed and her skin was as young as ever. She was frozen in time.

"You must have."

Albedo felt the sword beginning to shake in his grasp as it resonated with his energy. Dust particles emitted from the hilt and slowly made their climb to the side of his arm. Still, Albedo's attention did not waver, "To this day, I've been thinking about what you told me the first time we met."

"..."

"Follow your heart. I couldn't understand it at first but after being around your presence, I believe I can finally recognize what that term means."

He closes his eyes as he envisioned your lively form running across the landscape. Albedo, Albedo! The sound of his name was mixed with your laughter while Klee came into the scene and caught the dandelions with you. A content smile formed on his countenance as he watched from afar, even if it was just a memory, "It's everything. The breakfast we ate together, to the nights spent camping outside, and the silly moments we shared, they bring all these colours that I never knew existed."

"..."

Albedo curls his fingers against the ice as he continues to lament, "Perhaps that's why I began noticing the strings around me. The closer I was to answer, the more I felt it was necessary to discover what they are. All this time, you were the answer I was searching for," Moist begins to build up in his eyes but they freeze up once reaching the corners. How cruel. Despite what he went through, he wasn't even granted the liberty to cry, "Because with you, I'm able to feel them."

He wonders what you would think if you saw him right now. Albedo peers at his reflection casted on the crystalline surface, the frame of his face had been decorated with streaks of purple and red, spreading out like tree branches as they both fought for dominance. The teal coloured orbs you once adored were beginning to transform to a colour that reminded him of his darkest days. This was Albedo's true nature- a monster, a being that wasn't human, the essence in which you never had the chance to see.

"I know I may not be the same as I was before," he added, "But if that is what it takes to follow your heart, will you let me feel the strings again?"

Would you still love me the same?

"..."

"If so, then please understand my actions," Albedo takes a step back as he held out the sword in front of him. At last, the preparations have finally been completed. He plunges the blade to the ground with full force and the surrounding area begins to shake under the power accumulated through many, intentional sacrifices. To revive the dead was a forbidden art as it came with heavy consequences. If it weren't for Albedo's talent and quick wit, the process would have consumed him long before executing the last stage. He winces, the pain was excruciating. It was hard for him to ignore the sound of his skin cracking below his ears and all the way to his nose as they fall off in the shape of small rock-like chunks. Everything hurt so much that even death sounded like a sweet dream but Albedo couldn't afford to give up. He had already come this far, his hands completely washed with sin and his reputation already broken beyond repair, Albedo had nowhere else to go. This was his last destination.

"Soon-" he pants between choked breaths. Soon your eyes will open. He could drown in your embrace, one that was warm and not cold. Soon he will be able revive those cherished memories from a frozen past. It was all he could think of right now. Your existence was the reason why a part of him felt whole and your death made him realize how painful it was to tear away those pieces. Albedo refused to let go of those pieces, they had already become a part of him. And if this path ended up tearing him even more, then so be it.

"I should have stopped you the moment you were born."

The intruder snapped him awake and he swung around to where they stood. But before Albedo could make out who it was, they lunged past him with incredible speed, kicking the sword off the ground while severing his two arms once and for all. They flew to the side, blood dyed purple trickling from the edges of his joint as he struggled to stay upright.

"Dains...leif..."

Dainsleif watched the alchemist fall onto his back as the light around him slowly faded away. He turned his gaze to where the objective was and noticed a girl encased within the ice. The man sighs out of relief when she shows no signs of life, he came just in time, "So this is how it ends."

Albedo weakly stared at the blonde man. He attempted to say something but the blood caught in his mouth prevented him from that.

"Save your breath, you won't be having any," Dainsleif remarks in a cold manner and glared at his bloodied form, "The renowned Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt and an important member of Ordo Favonious. Hmph, what an interesting turn of events. Out of everyone, I never thought you were the type to act so foolish."

Foolish...what a foreign name to be called as. He never heard anyone tell him he was foolish.

"Truly a pity," With a flick of a wrist, Dainsleif brought his sword to Albedo's neck. It was unbelievable how he had the endurance to go through all that pain while still breathing at this point but what is there to be expected from a monster? "Remember that all actions have consequences."

The alchemist watched as his life flashed before him, the weight of his sins had finally caught up. He had always seen the world as a platform for his objectives and results were merely a natural cause after attempting many experiments. But death as a consequences was an unbearble realization upon his final moments. He abandoned his title, his pupil and his dearest sister. In the end, he was still unable to fulfill his duty.

"I just..." Albedo mumbled, his words slurring together, "wanted..."

As the ashes turn to ashes and dust becomes dust, chalk returns to the earth, forever yearning a place that can never be reached.

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caelestis-composition · 3 years

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killshot anon! YEAH i totally agree w/ your view on kaeya. it's so weird to me that people will blame him for his role in a situation he was forced into as a child through no choice of his own. that itself had to be traumatic, not to mention everything that happened later. i hate when people say he's untrustworthy - like yeah, he's lied, so has everyone? it's clear he does it mostly to protect himself. not to mention that (& sadism) can be symptoms of trauma. kaeya deserves nothing but happiness

take a seat folks it’s time for a “brynn should’ve been an english major” lesson! today we’re gonna learn some literary theory; specifically, we’re gonna apply psychoanalytical trauma theory to kaeya’s backstory and current character. killshot anon i bet you never thought this would result in a whole ass essay.

disclaimer one! you are allowed to dislike kaeya! i am not saying you need to like him or his character, you’re entitled to your opinion and i’m not here to change your mind.

disclaimer two! i am in no way an expert and this is all for fun! this is just my silly little analysis of one of my favorite characters as someone who’s studied literary theory and rhetoric and can also apply personal experience. seriously analysis is like a hobby to me and this is just an excuse for me to ramble about kaeya.

disclaimer three! this contains lots of spoilers! basically for everything we know in-game, general knowledge as well as stuff from his voicelines and character story. don’t read this if you don’t want spoilers.

since this is going to be filled with spoilers and is about to get really long, everything will be under a cut. for those who wanna read my dumb super informal essay: enjoy!

final note: yeah this is over 2000 words long can you tell i like analysis

⭒

let’s start by getting a quick rundown of trauma theory out of the way. to begin, what is “trauma?” in this case, trauma is going to refer to an experience that greatly affects and changes one’s life; attitudes, memories, behaviors, mental state, etc. while not all changes may be bad, per se, the overall effect of trauma is generally a negative one, which is why it’s so significant. literary trauma theory, then, explores these changes and the impact of trauma in literature. it analyzes the psychological and social effects of trauma, explaining what those effects are and why they happen. in the context of a specific character, trauma theory breaks down said character’s behaviors, feelings, and general mentality in relation to their past experiences; trauma theory hopes to explain to others the reasons for why a character may act or feel the way they do, all based upon the character’s experiences, particularly traumatic ones. our character today is the lovely kaeya alberich, with the “literature” being genshin impact. i’ll be referencing kaeya’s wiki page to ensure i get all details correct for his character story and voicelines.

it would be good to review kaeya’s backstory before delving into the actual analysis. though we don’t know much about his life before living in mondstadt, we’re told he was sent as an agent of khaenri’ah. and by “sent,” i mean his biological father abandoned him in a completely unfamiliar land to serve khaenri’ah’s interests and fullfil his mission—what this entirely entails hasn’t been revealed. mondstadt, however, welcomed kaeya “with open arms when they found him.” crepus ragnvindr took him in as his adopted son, with diluc as his adopted brother. kaeya and diluc were “almost like twins,” so close they “[knew] each other’s thoughts and intentions without a word.” he’d began a new life in mondstadt, one surrounded by friends and family that loved him; one that was completely shattered by crepus’s death. kaeya arrived at the scene of the disaster, and was led to believe diluc was the one who killed their father to “set his father free” from the effects of his delusion. there’d always been one big question in kaeya’s life: if it came down to it, who would he support? the nation that abandoned him, but he still felt loyal to, or the nation and family that took him in and really loved him? overrun with guilt, kaeya confessed his purpose to diluc, sparking a fight between the two brothers. in this fight, kaeya receives his cryo vision. though both brothers stepped away alive, they’ve never been able to make peace with one another. now, kaeya is the eccentric and charming cavalry captain of the knights of favonius; a man who gets his way by using any means necessary, regardless of whether or not it seems right.

kaeya’s not evil; he’s morally ambiguous, and that stems from what appears to be a general distrust of others. his life is one shrouded in secrecy. from the moment he stepped foot into mondstadt, he was surrounded by secrets. even now, he doesn’t talk about a lot of things, namely his past, vision, and feelings. though he’s always willing to get information out of others, kaeya never reveals anything about himself. he repeatedly tells the player they can confide in him, but whenever you try and pry into his life, he deflects your questions with some sort of witty comment or flirty remark. anything he does reveal is vague, or spoken in some sort of “code.” for example, his “interesting things” voiceline. he tells us about the owl of dragonspine, how it “seems to look right through you, while letting go of none of its own secrets,” and then tacks on a “quite fascinating, don’t you think?” it seems like an awfully accurate parallel to himself; kaeya does all he can to get information from others, but never gives anything about himself. now, this whole thing—his relationship with diluc falling apart and his need for secrecy—could have probably been avoided if he had just come clean about his mission years ago. so why didn’t he? to start, kaeya was a literal child. not only are children unable to properly tell the difference between right and wrong, but they’ll also typically follow their parents’ orders blindly. kaeya had just been abandoned, and he wouldn’t want to risk being cast out by mondstadt as well if he came clean right away. you see, there’s this thing about trauma, something that trauma theory states. traumatized people feel a sort of shame or guilt regarding their traumatic experience; they’ll keep quiet because they don’t want to cause problems or bother others with their issues. of course kaeya wouldn’t tell the truth about his past, he doesn’t want to destroy the genuinely loving relationships he’d built in mondstadt. his fight with diluc only proves what he was afraid of: if he’s honest, he’ll be abandoned again. and if kaeya’s used to all the lies, why should he bother changing?

another thing, if he’s not going to tell the truth, then why would he have initially gone along with his father’s plans? again, he was a child. he really had no choice, and was forced into a very wrong and cruel situation. there’s a good explanation for this, too, which is also stated in trauma theory; traumatized people will still do their best to please their abusers. especially if said abuser is a parent, that will drive traumatized people to work even harder to please them. although his father hurt him by ruthlessly abandoning him, kaeya still sought to make him and his homeland proud. he was willing to be used as a tool for their gain; that is, until he found people who actually cared about him. he was an impressionable child, of course he’s going to obey orders. but as he gets older, he feels torn. does he serve those who abandoned him, or those that took him in? his father—and arguably, khaenri’ah as a whole—hurt him, sure, but he still feels some loyalty and connection to his former home. instead of revealing anything, he lets the situation play out. that way, he can’t be blamed when things fall apart.

the thing about claiming he’s untrustworthy is that hardly anyone in-game believes that. he’s adored by the older folks in mondstadt, and foes and allies alike find him easy to talk to. despite seeming lazy and uninterested in work, kaeya takes his job very seriously. in fact, his story states that crepus’s death was the “first and only time kaeya failed in his duty.” the “only time” is especially important, because it signifies kaeya still fulfills his duties successfully. he’s had a total of one slip-up, and hasn’t failed since. no, kaeya is not untrustworthy. rather, kaeya finds everyone else untrustworthy. it’s not unlikely that this is a direct consequence of being abandoned as a child. although it’s been established that kaeya and diluc were very close as children, when crepus dies, kaeya assumes diluc is the one that killed him. in order to jump to such an extreme conclusion against someone he was so close to, there had to be some underlying sense of distrust. furthermore, kaeya expresses feeling as though he doesn’t belong anywhere. he was abandoned by khaenri’ah, and then worried he wouldn’t be accepted by mondstadt. he is, but there’s still that worry. if you place him in your teapot as a companion, he tells you that your home feels like someplace he belongs, following it up with a “heh, who’d have thought…” kaeya still feels as though he doesn’t belong in mondstadt; despite the fact that he’s a high-ranking knight of favonius and rather popular, he still feels like an outsider. he doesn’t trust that anyone actually wants him around, and he finds joy in testing peoples’ trustworthiness. it’s noted in his story and through his voicelines that the beloved cavalry captain has a rather sadistic nature. he likes putting people into difficult situations, to see what decisions they will make. he does this to both opponents and allies, testing to see who’s going to back out and who’ll keep fighting; in the sake of allies, who can he trust? or who will turn tail and abandon their teammates at the slightest hint of danger? i mentioned it previously, but kaeya doesn’t care what measures he has to take so long as his job gets done and he gets the answers he wants. it’s a sort of self-preserving mindset, putting himself above the safety of others. kaeya’s trying to protect himself, which makes sense with all he’s been through. he doesn’t want to be hurt, and instead finds pleasure in threatening harm upon others. it’s twisted, sure, but it’s because he can only trust himself in a world that he believes is out to get him. he’s got as many enemies—if not more—as he does allies; of course kaeya focuses on protecting himself first, whether physically or through keeping his secrets, well, secret.

his most obvious traumatic effect is definitely his alcoholism. but he uses it as a distraction, not just to wallow in self-pity. this is seen again in his story, particularly in story 3. it’s found that when his favorite drink, death after noon, is out of season, mondstadt’s crime rate is decreased drastically. at face value, this just means kaeya spends more time working when death after noon is low in supply. but kaeya doesn’t skip work to go to taverns; it’s already been established he takes his job very seriously, so this means he actually patrols and tracks down threats while off work when he can’t indulge in his favorite alcoholic drink. he doesn’t get drunk simply because he’s depressed. if he did, there wouldn’t be a drop in incidents when death after noon is out of season. no, kaeya uses both the alcohol and fighting to distract himself. after all, it’s a little hard to think about feeling sad when you’re either drunk out of your mind or fighting for your life.

despite being so secretive, kaeya gives us glimpses of his true emotions from time to time. as previously mentioned, his flirty attitude is nothing more than a mask to hide how he really feels; and kaeya is terribly, terribly lonely. that may be why he seems so extroverted. constantly being around people should, logically, drive away that feeling, but it doesn’t work like that. when he talks with the player, he frequently expresses disappointment when you have to leave. each time, though, he dampens the weight of his words with playful or flirty language. he’s lonely, but doesn’t want you to know that, like he’s afraid of asking you to stay. he takes the seriousness of his feelings, and basically bends it into some sort of lighthearted joke. kaeya hides his true feelings—negative feelings, to be exact—so that he doesn’t bother anyone. which is, again, something that happens with traumatized people. he displays that hesitance to reveal his true feelings, because there’s a shame or guilt that comes with his past. he doesn’t want to bother others or hold them back, so he puts on a smile and amps up the charisma. one other very important thing—but very small detail—i would like to note is his feelings toward family. his fell apart not even once, but twice, and kaeya still holds familial relationships in high regard. we know he doesn’t exactly care how he goes about getting his work done. he doesn’t pay attention to what’s “right” or “wrong,” so long as he gets what he needs. but one of his informants, vile, notes that the cavalry captain has one exception: he won’t work with those who threaten others’ families. in fact, kaeya claims those who do should be hunted down and destroyed. even though his own families have caused him so much pain—and he ended up estranged from both—he still understands the importance of having people who love you in your life. because he didn’t get that.

kaeya’s not evil. ultimately, as a knight of favonius, his goal is to protect others, because no one was there to protect him. and because no one was there to protect him, because he’s been hurt time and time again by people who were supposed to love him, kaeya has taken to protecting himself. he hides any and all negative feelings with a charismatic, friendly façade, because he thinks it’ll drive away his persistent loneliness. any “bad” actions of his were hardly his fault; he was forced into a life of secrecy and lies, and then abandoned by the first people who truly loved him. kaeya’s a multi-faceted, tragic character, one that toes the line between good and evil, and that’s what makes him so interesting.

#brynn yells #brynn answers #killshot anon #brynn's writing #genshin #genshin impact #kaeya #kaeya alberich #genshin kaeya

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petruchio · 3 years

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Gale loving anon here: Okay so here’s my thing about him. And this is purely my assessment of him as a character putting the whole love triangle situation aside. It’s been discussed before that people from the Seam are understood to be POC. Gale grew up as a hugely unprivileged boy who was thrust into the role of a provider for a family at a young age on top of all of the oppression he and everyone he knew faced. He was never shown kindness or mercy by the powers at hand and instead they exploited, manipulated, and failed him at every turn. Thinking about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s pretty difficult to grow much mentally or spiritually when you’re lacking the necessary material conditions to allow you to attain self actualization and all of that. Gale wasn’t a blindly enraged, cruel person comparable the true villains of the series. He was freshly an adult and forced into the mines that killed his father and then given way too much responsibility and blame regarding military strategy and action. Why are fully grown military leaders and strategists with years of experience giving so much power to him anyway? Is it so they can use him as a scapegoat when they inevitably cross ethical and moral lines? To me it that sounds like he was used and though I don’t agree with some of the ideas he was behind, I blame the people who put him in that position more than I blame him as a character. At the end of the day he was barely beyond a kid that lost and suffered so much, from losing his father to barely having a single human right to being the one to save and take care of the survivors of the district 12 bombing. The people and environment he was surrounded by constantly changed and all he had to hold onto were is principles and idealism, which he held onto so unwaveringly because it became all that he had left because of how those around him continuously let him down (Not really referring to anyone specific and especially not Katniss, just speaking to systemic failures). People say he represents a metaphorical fire, one that blazed and took out everything in its path without bothering to decipher the good from the bad. I think that’s an incredibly unfair assessment. I understand how people see how he talked about Madge and his view of the merchant class of district 12 and eventually other richer districts and so on, but all he really did was point out the privileges they had that he and his peers didn’t and I honestly don’t think he’s wrong for pointing out inequality and being mad about it. In the real world, when oppressed people speak about the privileges others have that they don’t, we listen and try to understand, not condemn them for speaking the truth. I won’t defend his choices with the more brutal military tactics he was part of but I will say like I did before, he never should’ve been allowed in that position anyway. I know this is getting really long and I’m so sorry but I’ll try to wrap this up now. To me, Gale represents a stubbornly idealistic part of human nature that’s desperately clinging onto the hope for a better world and is rightfully angry at the status quo. He’s doing everything he can to bring that view into reality despite how the powers in control manipulate and mistreat him and even go as far as to make him look like he’s the problem in his own struggle for justice. He’s real and he’s complex and full of understandable emotions and he’s doing the best he possibly can with the horrible hand he’s been dealt. In a better timeline he could’ve been filled with love, kindness, and warmth. But the world never gave him the chance. Anyway I’ll stop here lol and thank you so much if you read all of this, I really appreciate it.

i've been trying to work out how to respond to this coherently because often whenever i talk about gale i feel like i never express myself the way i want to, but i do think he's a fascinating character and i actually really DO like talking about him because i think these kinds of discussions can really help clarify not only the themes of the book but also our own political and social ideals.

so, in an effort to be (at least kind of?) complete in this answer i wanted to kind of respond to your points in order!!

first, you talk about gale not having access to a lot of resources and the conditions he was raised under as being a huge source of why he is the way he is.

yes.

like yeah that's exactly right, and i think that is something that often gets lost in our discussions of gale and peeta: how their worldviews are shaped by their backgrounds. i'm guilty of it myself, because it's one of those nuances that's easy to brush aside when you want to compare their two worldviews as they are presented in the trilogy as a whole. it's common to say that peeta is defined by his kindness and idealism, but it's less common to see that trait placed in CONTEXT of his background. yes, peeta's home life is by no means perfect, but realistically peeta, given his social class, has much more time to dream and to be able to consider moral questions than gale does. katniss points out very early (in what we know to be one of my all-time favorite scenes when she considers if he's crying as a strategy):

"All those years of having enough to eat and hauling bread trays around have made him broad-shouldered and strong."

that's like, one of the first observations we get about him--that he's well-fed. and it's an extremely significant one! it forms a through line to what we see in the whole "piece in their games" discussion in the first book:

"I bite my lip feeling inferior. While I’ve been ruminating on the availability of trees, Peeta has been struggling with how to maintain his identity. His purity of self."

yes, this is katniss, but it's kind of a similar divide you would likely see between gale and peeta had they both been still in district twelve. katniss, like gale, is concerned with basic survival (like you point out about the hierarchy of needs). because peeta has enough (not necessarily nice things, which i've talked about before, but he does have more than katniss and gale. yes his bread is stale but he has a consistent source of food.) so peeta has the luxury to consider these kinds of moral questions, because he doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. for katniss, she's considering basic survival: climbing a tree, finding a water source. is that what helps her win the games? of course. but it's also what makes peeta such a surprise to her--because she's never really had someone challenge her in that way before, since her and gale are so much alike in their first instinct being those basic survival needs. i would imagine that gale's response to being put in the games would be quite similar to katniss's: where are the trees, how to make fire, how to get food, etc., whereas peeta considers the morality of it all. that's a key difference between them, and it IS thematically important to katniss's eventual choice between them, but it's also informed largely by their class backgrounds. and i think you're completely right to remind us not to forget that in our discussions of the characters.

the next thing you are talking about is gale essentially being used by the rebels in district 13 and having far too much responsibility placed on him as an 18 year old, extremely traumatized young person.

again, yes.

you're spot on, and it's another way the hunger games asks us to look at youth and children and what we expect of teenagers in media. WHY does gale have all this responsibility? it doesn't seem right, like you've pointed out, because it ISN'T. but like they have done to katniss, they've found a way to manipulate him and use his mind for their personal military gain. so, then, are the deaths caused by the bombs on gale's hands, or are they on the hands of the people who asked him to design them? that's an interesting moral consideration that i think gets kind of lost when you reduce it to "gale kills prim." he DOESN'T, not really. it's coin that DOES it, and its coin that even gave him the level of influence to be able to design that kind of a weapon. i'm not sure i'm ready to make a claim on either side of that, but that's the kind of moral gray area where i think the hunger games presents us with something to really challenge our thinking. it's not as if gale walks into the square and shoots prim point blank. it's more complex than that, and that's what makes it so difficult to reconcile.

and these are the kinds of thoughts that i think the hunger games WANTS us to have, to ask ourselves questions like this about the value of human life, the meaning of weapons that have the potential to kill, and what responsibility really entails. is coin responsible for ordering the craft? are the people pressed the button to drop the bombs responsible? is gale responsible for designing the bombs? is plutarch responsible for enabling gale to even design them? how far up does the chain of accountability go? when can we excuse ourselves from the horrors and realities of war and death? if a rich american businessman is invested in a weapons company, is he as responsible for the deaths caused by the weapons as those who actually pull the trigger?

you could argue that plutarch is responsible for the bomb by being the one putting gale in that position, a position he likely shouldn't even have been in in the first place like you point out. that doesn't absolve gale of all responsibility, but it's an important piece of context for his actions that often gets erased in discussions of his character. like his class background providing context for his survival instincts, the adults around him allowing him the level of influence he has provides context for his actions during the war. the frustrating and fascinating thing is, it's not black and white. gale still did what he did, but like you say, it's not as if he was some crazed monster. there's quite a bit of background that's worth acknowledging if we're going to discuss him in any kind of depth.

the third thing you bring up is the scene with madge, and gale's ideals, and this is actually something i kind of want to press back on.

i want to be clear: i think gale is completely justified in his response to the social divides in district twelve, and his frustration with them. i think he's right to be frustrated that, by no fault of his own, simply by nature of being born, he's had to enter his name in 42 times and madge's is in only 7. i've argued before that the issue with gale's response is that he directs his anger at madge, which is what katniss doesn't like in that scene, not the fact that he's angry about the tesserae. she agrees with him about the unfairness of it all, what she doesn't like is that he "took a dig at Madge."

but the thing is! the text tells us directly after that passage that gale actually feels the same way. he knows that it's wrong to hate the individuals that have more than him just because they have more, and he knows that it's all a tool for further oppression:

"Gale knows his anger at Madge is misdirected. I’ve listened to him rant about how the tesserae are just another tool to cause misery in our district. A way to plant hatred between the starving workers of the Seam and those who can generally count on supper and thereby ensure we will never trust one another. “It’s to the Capitol’s advantage to have us divided among ourselves,” he might say if there were no ears to hear but mine. If it wasn’t reaping day. If a girl with a gold pin and no tesserae had not made what I’m sure she thought was a harmless comment. As we walk, I glance over at Gale’s face, still smoldering underneath his stony expression. His rages seem pointless to me, although I never say so. It’s not that I don’t agree with him. I do. But what good is yelling about the Capitol in the middle of the woods? It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t make things fair."

he's right! he's super right! he sees exactly what the captiol is doing to them, he calls it out, he understands that division is a tool for oppression!! but i think it's telling that katniss sees all this as "pointless" because he doesn't really offer what he thinks they should do instead. you could argue that it's implied that he's advocating for more solidarity between the classes, but the fact of the matter is, since katniss brings this up directly after that scene with madge, it's hard to look at these two moments in direct conversation and not see it as hypocrisy. yes, he responded in the heat of the moment and he knows intellectually that directing his anger at the system at madge herself is ultimately fruitless. but the problem is, he isn't putting his intellectual ideals into practice in his daily life--at least not in this instance. (and yeah, i know, it's reaping day, and yeah, he's probably stressed out about how many times his name is in there. but we're still in a book, and things in books don't just happen for no reason, his actions are part of a larger theme that collins is trying to portray. we can excuse him on a personal level, but i still think this is a significant moment in the books thematically, especially given that it happens right at the start.)

but that's basically what i kind of want to push you on: you say that gale has "hope for a better world" and it's clear that he does. but what isn't clear is what exactly gale sees that better world to be. and i think that's what gets lost for him in mockingjay: he becomes so focused on the destruction of the current world, the world that he hates (justifiably so!!) that he loses sight of what the world is that he's actually fighting for.

and, if i can just make this insanely long answer even longer, i think that's a big part of the reason why gale is so susceptible to coin's manipulation! because without a really, really clear conviction about what he wants to see from the new world, coin's world appeals to him. it promotes equality. social class is erased. the capitol would no longer exploit him. those are the things he wants! so it's easy to see why coin's system would be attractive to him. but at the end of the day, coin's system is just snow's system with new branding: a new captiol hunger games, more authoritarian unelected leaders, more propaganda that exploits the traumatized victors in the name of celebrity and influence.

so yes, gale has hope for a better world. but i would argue that he struggles to define what exactly he wants that better world to be.

i completely agree with your conclusion: in a better timeline he could’ve been filled with love, kindness, and warmth. but the world never gave him the chance. i think that's a beautiful way of framing gale, and a beautiful way of seeing humanity. that we are all, in our own ways, victims of circumstance, and that were those circumstances removed, we would all be filled with love and kindness. i agree with you completely.

it's worth a passing nod to tbosas (which i finally read so i can include it in my analyses!) and snow's alignment with the hobbesian view of humanity, as a brute animal which tends towards violence and war. and snow is proved wrong: he and his world view are literally killed at the end of the trilogy. so that analysis of gale is spot on, again, and it slots perfectly into the broader themes of the hunger games and its view of humanity. humanity will tend towards love: and our ultimate goal should be removing all the circumstances which push it away from that ideal.

#answered #anonymous #i actually apologize because this is like. SO LONG #but i hope this kind of. clarifies some of my feelings on gale #thg #long thoughts #no one is going to read this lmfao #thg thoughts

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donnerpartyofone · 2 years

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I've been trying to expand my horizons lately with some *activities* (shudder), and it's providing me with some pretty serious exercise, if not of the intellectual ilk, then just in terms of, like, managing my own pettiness. I am SO easily distracted by people's awful personalities that I almost lose sight of what I'm trying to do in the first place, and then before I know it I'm spending all my energy hating strangers instead of finding the benefits of a situation. Like I'm reading this fascinating, speculative anthropology text that traces the origins of modern show business to ancient shamanic traditions, and in the study group--largely composed of white Americans, many of whom are stage magicians or something--an alarming number of people seemed eager to proclaim that they "didn't get" a chapter involving the spectacle of Hell in modern entertainment, specifically because they're not Christian. Which is absolutely maddening, since no one complained about "not getting" the first 100 pages detailing the spiritual practices of long-extinct nomadic tribesmen in places like Siberia. These douchebags are just way to anxious to make sure everybody knows they don't read the Bible, just in case Penn Jillette might appear in a puff of smoke to shame them for not being atheistic enough.

Then on another night of the week, I'm in this Frankenstein discussion group--I've never read it before and I'm astonished by how drenched in shame and grief it is! Film adaptations usually describe Victor Frankenstein as a two-dimensional egomaniac who won't acknowledge his own hubris until his just desserts arrive, but the book (at least the first half or so) is hugely about feelings of guilt and disgrace and self-loathing. Then of course the group I'm in dogpiles on diagnosing Victor as a "white patriarchal sociopath", which like...I don't know if that really makes a point, as much as it expresses the joy people get out of saying hashtags out loud and misappropriating psychiatry terms. Like I'm not saying none of those things are construably true about Victor, but I don't think it's accurate to call someone a "sociopath" because:

A) they're shocked out of their minds by the gruesome reality, versus the idealized fantasy, of creating a zombie;

B) their actions have wildly unforeseeable consequences; or,

C) when wildly unforeseeable consequences arrive, they suffer a nervous collapse, and fail to do "the right thing", whatever that is in the outrageous world of one of the world's main horror novels.

Somebody dialed it back from "sociopath" to "narcissist", which was definitely more useful, even though it still smacked of the habit of pillaging the DSM just to be insulting, or to cover up your own inability to accurately observe and describe things organically. But uh anyway, once the words "white" and "patriarchal" slipped out, it seemed like everybody went insane with this urge to project all kinds of very modern intentions onto Mary Shelley and elevate her to the level of a Betty Friedan waging war against the folly of a male-dominated society.

And again it's like, while there are definitely socially critical strains in Shelley's writing (which was significantly a collaboration with her husband btw), I don't think the pat answer to "Why aren't there any substantial female characters in Frankenstein" has to be "because Shelley is smashing the patriarchy." Given the time frame, if she wanted Victor or Robert Walton or whoever to be female, she'd have to set up this whole thing about how each character was a genius and an iconoclast who defied contemporary sexist sanctions by launching herself, against all odds, as a globe-trotting explorer leading a crew of macho sailors to the edges of the world, or a career academic blasting through the limits of human knowledge despite the prejudices of her peers, professors, and public. The unfortunate reality is that sometimes when you want to make a strong point, you can't bring on all of your favorite thoughts and feelings at the same time, or else you wind up having to make all these justifications and explanations and contextualizations, and then before you know it, you're saying something else entirely. (People seemed sort of pissed off when I suggested this, but whatever, GOOD.)

Frankenstein was written in an era where science itself was a source of both wonder and terror, and it was ALSO importantly an era in which parenthood was fraught with potential horrors; Shelley wrote the novel in between the premature deaths of her first two children, and the notion of parenthood bringing tragic and perpetually haunting consequences is pretty much slathered all over the entire book, even in the lives of side characters. And the vanity of technology, and parenthood, are only two of the readily available lenses on the story; the book group itself was advertised as being angled toward Frankenstein's commentary on the prejudicial way in which human rights are assigned or withheld vis a vis race specifically. So like it's not really necessary to put your favorite words in Mary Shelley's mouth, so staunchly and exclusively, just because they're the words that get you the most likes on Twitter or whatever.

What I'm trying to say is not that people shouldn't do these kinds of thought experiments; I just mean like, I can TELL when someone is opportunistically using something as neutral as a classroom setting to try to get their personality validated the same way they do on social media, by being needlessly emotional or proscriptive or through basic sloganeering, and it's REALLY tiresome.

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oswald-privileges · 3 years

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ALL RIGHT BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT

Power of Three as a series is just. full of weaknesses, most of which come down to poor continuity and structure. I'm not gonna try and fix ALL of those, bc that'd be laborious as hell, but I will pick out things that I feel are the most egregious as case studies.

What Po3 does have, tho, is an absolutely shining strength in the concept of its three main characters. After twelve books of Blandly Heroic Protagonist Syndrome, Jayfeather is an absolute godsend. He's angry! He's rude! He's unhappy! He's not nice. I Love Him And He's My Son. Lionblaze has his invincible pride (hah) and emergent bloodlust, and Hollyleaf has her moral absolutism and certainty. These are good starting points for characters. Sadly, the lack of continuity undermines what could have been three really good character arcs.

So! I present to you:

HOW TO MAKE "WARRIORS: THE POWER OF THREE" NOT COMPLETELY SUCK ACCORDING TO MY PERSONAL TASTE; A NON-EXHAUSTIVE, NON-CONSECUTIVE LIST BY ME

ONE

- Have there be a persistant, overarching series threat. Sol is a character with amazing villain potential who does literally nothing except hang around, and do exactly 2 Bad Things completely off-screen. This Is Not Good.

- Instead, have him be present from the second book onwards- initially introduced as a friendly but enigmatic outsider who is slowly revealed across the series to be a complete black hole of a personality, a social parasite quietly rearranging whatever community he's a part of to just-so-happen to benefit him as much as humanly possible. His "preach individualism not starclan" methods are not so much values as one strategy out of many. (to those who know me- yes i have a type. no i will not apologise.)

- Maybe his ultimate goal is to dissolve and centralise the clans or something so that he can live out his life as a political puppetmaster in all the cat-luxury he likes. idk it's hard to imagine overall stakes for this rewrite BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL DOESN'T HAVE ANY

TWO

- For gods sake you don't have a series based on the premise of "the main characters develop super powers" and then only have the second power confirmed by the end of the fourth book. I understand the first book mostly focusing on Jayfeather- his powers are obvious from the start, he's got the strongest personality of the three, he gets access to most of the prophecy plot stuff because of them. But you NEED to have the other two show an interest in something concrete happening to them beyond that, and you need to at least hint towards the other two having something unique to them even if nobody clocks it yet.

- Have Jayfeather tell his siblings about the prophecy by the end of book two at the latest. The amount of time he spends noodling around not sharing it with them is inexcusable. It's not that it's out of character for him to hang onto a secret for a bit, it's just that there's no point and it slows everything down. It would be equally in character for him to go to his siblings and be like "look, i'm SPECIAL. well you as well but ALSO ME". Boy starts off as desperate for recognition, what can I say

THREE

- Have Jayfeather discover that StarClan don't withhold signs or information on purpose for the sake of "building courage and faith" or whatever nonsense. Seeing and communicating the future is metaphysically very difficult, so interpreting signs and messages is a genuine skill, or even an art. The cats of StarClan, however, really are just ghosts, much more similar to living cats than the currently living believe. This is the impotus for Jayfeather's discarding of his reverence for StarClan, which remains consistent throughout the series.

- Have Hollyleaf and Jayfeather both still change their cat careers in the first book, but put place more attention on the fact that they basically switched jobs. Have a scene where they end up yelling at each other, because can't the other see how lucky they have it? The tension breaks when they realise they've both lost something important to them- Jayfeather his chance to prove he's as capable as a sighted cat, and Hollyleaf her path to helping her clan in the way she thinks is best. They commiserate together, and reluctantly promise to do the best they can with their lots, so they don't waste the path the other wishes they'd taken. This closeness is eroded over the series as they disagree more and more on the subject of StarClan and its role in their moral choices and obligations.

FOUR

- Speaking of Hollyleaf! I nearly threw my phone across the room when the first Omen of the Stars book claimed that Hollyleaf "worked so hard to discover her power to help her clan". Where, Ms Erins??? I would have LOVED to have seen that!! Hollyleaf expresses absolutely no concern over the details of what power she has/will develop, and only has a couple of scenes even touching on her ambitions to help her clan. She has some vague ideas about becoming leader and like one scene where she gets to do some leadery things, but that never gets followed up on. What does happen is that the whole "warrior code" thing becomes more and more a part of her personality (for no clear reason) until she snaps.

- Hollyleaf going off the deep end is something I wanted so badly to get into and be moved by, because I could see where it comes from! Her moral certainty is fascinating, especially since it's based in something as abstract as the warrior code- which, when you think about it, isn't really... anything. There's no concrete set of rules that make it up, no traditional wording or cat philosophers, not even any fables. It's a handful of agreed-upon, common sense rules- don't cross boundaries, don't take prey that isn't yours, respect your ancestors, and don't murder. That's it!

- So, combining the above points, I think Hollyleaf not being one of the Three should stay, but both the audience and the characters are given good reason to believe she is. By around the third volume, make it so that Hollyleaf has found that her power is to get cats to "Do The Right Thing"- i.e. what she wants them to do. She sneaks off often to see Sol, who teachs her how to use this power. Her siblings are concerned about this new power, having already gotten a glimpse at what Sol can do, but she's confident that she can only use this power for good. Volume-specific plot happens, Sol manipulates her into causing him to win, she is shocked and horrified, and vows to stick ridgedly to what she knows is right i.e. The Warrior Code

- However, the more fervently she tries to stick to this abstract idea, the less it gives her results, the more her power seems to be failing. Believing that StarClan is taking her power away from her, she becomes caught up in a faith-guilt spiral that puts her in the position to snap at the end of the series. By that point it's clear to her siblings that Hollyleaf has no power- she was just very, very good at persuading people to do what she wanted.

FIVE

- Lionblaze is a girl now because I Said So. This Cat Is Trans And There's Nothing You Can Do About It.

- Her relationship with Heathertail stays the same- childhood sweethearts who are torn apart as they begin to understand the nature of the societal divides that exist between them.

- This can be used to contextualise the whole "half clan/outsider blood" thing as a cultural contradiction. In reality, inter- and outer- clan relationships aren't at all rare. They can't be, otherwise the whole society would be inbred out of existence in like five generations. But if at least one society of humans can spend a good 200 years pretending Sex Is Bad And Sinful Actually then cats can have persistant cat-racism in the face of all logic. Heathertail clocks this contradiction, Lionblaze doesn't.

- Her relationship-to-power arc doesn't need changing all that much either, other than starting much sooner and being more consistent. At first, she's completely overjoyed by her power, since unlike her siblings, it lines up so well with her ambition- become the finest warrior any of the clans have to offer. As the berserker rage aspect becomes more prevelent, she becomes more and more disturbed by the fact that she isn't disturbed by what she can do, and that she doesn't want the escalation of her power to stop.

- Tigerstar still does his thing, but Brambleclaw knows about it. He recognises the signs from when his father used to visit him, and tries to train Lionblaze in his own way. She ends up caught between wanting to be a good warrior, and testing the limits of her power.

SIX

- Jayfeather can stay basically the same because he's my perfect little angy boy and nothing needs to change. His arcs can be strengthened by having a more robust relationship with Yellowfang where they try to out-bitch each other, and coming to terms with his internalised ablism. Maybe he has a chat with Mothwing about faith a couple of times. Him furiously lashing out at being offered help transitions into an acceptence and understanding of his abilities more naturally. He never stops being A Grumpy Old Man.

- All fucking past-lives unexplained time travel goes in the BIN. Doesn't fucking happen. You can have that lore dump sprinkled across the books, or come from going deep into the tunnels and having a surreal meeting. Make it properly eldritch-level scary, shake Jayfeather's confidence in the idea of them being just a bunch of ghosts.

SEVEN

- Have the way Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight present very clearly as parents to the Three be explicitly, textually unusual. One of the things I liked so much about the first series was an almost total lack of emphasis on who was mated with who, and who was related or not. It felt very real to how feral cat colonies form, where raising kittens is a communal job. This gets completely dropped the moment series 2 starts and now the cats have monogamy.

- This emphasis on the family unit and fostering close relationships between parents and kittens is deliberate on the part of both Leafpool and Squirrelflight. Their aim is to cover for Leafpool so she doesn't lose her role as medicine cat- something she already gave up Crowfeather for before she was pregnant.

- In that little bit of backstory, have a robust reason for both Leafpool and Squirrelflight to leave the camp while Leafpool is pregnant and giving birth, possibly one that ties into the present day story in some minor way. I don't know how, it would just make that element of the story a lot more ground than "we left, the kits were born, then we came back and everyone was cool with it"

- When it comes to the "I am Not your mother" reveal, Jayfeather and Lionblaze are confused and hurt that they were lied to, but come to the reasonable conclusion that well, since they were raised mostly by Squirrelflight, saw Leafpool often, and are loved by both, they don't hate her. Lionblaze has something of a crisis over being half-clan, possibly initiating an attempted reunion with Heathertail. Jayfeather is more concerned with how other cats will think it makes him lesser, something he's still sensitive too.

- Hollyleaf, meanwhile, completely fucking snaps at the way her mother Violated Part Of The Code. It's a completely irrational reaction, but expected because she's been growing more and more reliant on The Code for the whole series, and less and less stable in her attempts to aid her clan and train to be its new leader.

- Squirrelflight is the one to murder Ashfur. This is easy to work out while reading- she's literally the only one of the four with a motive who isn't a perspective character. The mystery is less around finding out who did it, and more about why she did it (it's very ambiguous as to whether it was an accident or not). The main tension comes from who finds out when.

- Lionblaze is shocked, awed by how far she'd go to protect the three of them, and reassures her she did the right thing (as a way to salve her own uncertainty over her own longing for violence). Jayfeather makes it all about himself because he's Jayfeather- upset that he didn't know immediately, instead of, you know, figuring it out in a few hours because he can basically read minds. They try their best to hide it from Hollyleaf, who is already rattling around the final volume as a full-on antagonist, but are unsuccessful. This almost costs them something incredibly important- possibly Squirrelflight's life.

EIGHT

- the whole plot with the Tribe Of Rushing Water is a MASSIVE can of worms that could be removed from the series without issue. As it is:

- Characterize the Tribe as uncertain of how to fight other cats, because yes, they haven't had to do this before. DON'T characterise them as pathetic, doing whatever their leader says without thinking, and with ancestors who have Given Up

- Have some of the Tribe be really good at the violence. Worryingly good. Have others be sickened by what they're being asked to do.

- Have some of the clan cats reflect on what they've done. Hollyleaf would be all for introducing this society to jesus The Code, but even she might be horrified at being thanked by a tribe cat who can't wait to get out there and win themselves glory, only to be killed a few hours later

- The Tribe begin a new tradition of marking the walls in the mud they use as camoflage in order to commemorate their battles, and memorialise the fallen. One of the characters reflects on the fact that in a generation or two, the Tribe will feel like it's always been this way. How many of their own traditions- those that feel almost like natural law- started out the same way?

- Have Sol as the leader of the invaders, or maybe having insinuated himself into the tribe as a "mediator" and doing his charismatic cult leader thing.

NINE

- Cinderheart isn't a reincarnation of Cinderpelt. She's just named after her bc Cinderpelt saved her mother from a badger. this is because I think the reincanation thing is stupid and I can't think of a way to make it good.

TEN

- No more using tails as hand gestures like covering people's mouths. Never. None of it. It's expunged from existence.

Disclaimer: I haven't read Omen of the Stars yet, so I can't account for anything that might happen in that series that's grounded in Po3. I'm like... two thirds of the way through the first volume. I'm Not Impressed.

#Warrior Cats #warriors #The Power of Three #Jayfeather #Hollyleaf #Lionblaze #long post

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k-s-morgan · 3 years

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Hi! This isn’t an ask, but more of a rambling that I deemed too long for the comments, that stems from your post claiming Book of Circus as your favourite Black Butler episodes. and to that I say - YES. Book of Murder is a masterpiece. It houses one of my favourite scenes - the one where Sebastian says: "This wasn't a scenario decided by God or fate, but one decided on by my master, with timing decided by my master. I was killed by the criminal expected by my master, by the Hione who came to torment my master", which really captures the essence of whole 'Ciel vs God' dynamic that's woven into the duration of the show.

Throughout the plot, there are three major instances in which an offering is made to Ciel - offerings of redemption. The first is from Angela - a chance to purify himself and have an afterlife - which he so vehemently rejects in the knowledge that he quite literally *is* his darkness, and therefore refuses to rid himself of it.

The second is comes from Abberline in his death, where in his final words he tells Ciel he has a chance to take back his future. And Ciel has to watch him die with the knowledge that he has already made up his mind about his fate. I don't think he's so affected because he regrets selling his soul. I don't think he suddenly wants to live, or no longer wishes for revenge. But I believe the reason he is so affected by Abberline's death is because he holds a sentimentality for him that is not dissimilar to the one he feels for Elizabeth. Ciel is cruel, I don't think he regrets the steps he has taken to get to this point, nor the ones he knows he must take in the future. But though he is cruel, I believe he has a sort of fond curiosity for the untainted goodness that characterises those like Abberline and Elizabeth. Like you said before, he feels condescension towards the man perhaps due to the naivety his blind heroism implies, but I think his attachments to him come from an underlying curiosity to see if such goodness can exist in such a corrupted world - a silent hope to be proven wrong in his cynicism. When Abberline dies, that very hope he didn't even know he had gets shattered. It brings about a sort of forced perspective that makes Ciel question himself in ways we haven't seen before.

Abberline's death had been avoidable and it was certainly in vain. Abberline had died for someone who had already made up his mind - someone who had rejected God once before and would do it time and time again as proven in the anime. Ciel is such an interesting character because, although he is dark, he still values the light and makes some sort of effort to preserve it in spite of the contempt he feels for them. It is the thought of dying in vain that seems to bother him so greatly, not death itself. No, Abberline dying isn't enough for him to want to live again, or to even think about throwing away his revenge - that was never in question. But it is enough to extinguish the lingering flicker of hope he had for humanity (despite being so distanced from term himself).

This, combined with the disappointment he feels at Sebastian's actions, causes the existential haze of uncertainty that leads to the third and final offering. And the most surprising thing is that this offering comes from Sebastian himself. He senses the doubt in Ciel and, like every thought the boy experiences, fails to understand it. He mistakes it for him second-guessing his revenge and decides to discontinue their contract. But he isn't angry - that much is clear. Instead, he wishes him to "forget everything and have pleasant dreams", with a rather wistful expression on his face. What this line ends up reading as is a bittersweet goodbye from the demon - an offering for Ciel to let go of his revenge and find happiness in the afterlife with his now soon approaching death. There is almost a strong disappointment in him, but is not resentful of it - Ciel is human and he can't keep expecting him not to be. His offering almost acts as a thank you for the moments of excitement their contract had given his monotone life and I believe that is why he makes it.

He sticks around to see if Ciel accepts his offer, though already expecting him to, and is there to witness the very moment the boy rejects it. Gone is the uncertainty of Abberline's death and the Paris crisis, and Ciel, the Earl of Phantomhive, returns to him - sharper, colder, more ruthless than ever. Sebastian realises his misjudgement and returns to his side, ready for the final battle. Killing an angel. It's laughably symbolic.

The rejections of God, the evasion of the Hope Diamond's curse (where he even wore two rings as if to taunt the fates), the references in Book of Murder - they all depict this metaphorical sort of battle between Ciel and God. And the ending of Kuroshitsuji II is the depicts how he triumphs over fate, claiming his rightful place as an immortalised creature of Hell.

I know I've gone on a bit of a tangent here in your inbox, but that one quote from Book of Murder is so symbolic to me in the way it sets up the comparison between Ciel and God (in which 'God' represents power over fate).

Before I sign off, though, I just want to make light of the existence of the show's final offering, occurring in the last few minutes of the series. This last offering has nothing too do with God, nothing to do with any complex battle between the Phantomhive and fate, but is much simpler than that. In fact, the final offering of the show comes from Ciel, and he gives it to Sebastian - it's almost poetic, is it not?

"Are you sure you don't want to pull it any tighter?"

In this single, unassuming line, Ciel is asking Sebastian if he wants to kill him, and release himself from the eternal contract they've found themselves in. Such a noble and dignified soul as Ciel would always be sure to make through on his word and, despite the loophole that now extends their contract, he would still be willing to let Sebastian kill him should he wish to do so. The man may no longer be able to take his soul, but the boy can still give the order to kill him and free himself. Ciel's respect for Sebastian is complex and contradictory at times, but what never changes is his willingness to die by his hands and see through to his side of the contract.

“Is it over? The one who plunged me into bottomless darkness… I don’t even know why she did it.”

In the episode where Angela is crushed by the Church, Ciel offers his soul to Sebastian. Even when unsatisfied with the result, his unwavering nobility led him to make good on their deal and fulfil his end of the contract. The earl faced the demon, his expression calm, and with a steady voice said “A promise is a promise. Take it.”

This unwavering dignity and nobility he holds in himself I believe is the reason for this offering and Sebastian's turn to reject it is almost a 'love confession' (as you have brought me to see it) in itself.

As a final sort of note - I just wanted to let you know that, since reading your reply to my comment on TGSTLTH (from a while ago), I brought myself to rewatch Kuroshitsuji II with your interpretation in mind and ended up really enjoying it. You've singlehandedly made me do a complete 180 on a season I previously hated - looks like I had just watched it from the wrong perspective. So, for that, I thank you

Hey! Sorry for getting to your ask just now. I absolutely loved it :D And yes, Book of Murder is a masterpiece - I still remember watching it for the first time. It was late at night, I had to go to bed, everyone was sleeping, but I kept watching because stopping just wasn't an option, I had to know what happened next.

Ciel vs God is such an interesting topic. In some ways, Ciel and Sebastian exist in their own universe where there is no place for anyone else. There is a God aka Ciel and a demon aka Sebastian. And they are both allies and adversaries at the same time - they are tormenting each other and uniting to torment others.

I agree absolutely that Ciel holds a fondness for certain people, with Lizzy and Abberline being a good example. He has a degree of contempt and irritation for them, but they do mean something to him. Ciel's curiosity is a big and detached thing, and this places him on Sebastian's level in such an interesting way because sometimes it's almost like Ciel isn't human himself - humanity intrigues him as if he doesn't belong to it. His fascination with the light just underlines his affinity with the darkness.

I have many thoughts about Ciel's behavior during the days following Abberline's death, and you certainly introduced many excellent points! My general opinion on Ciel's motives is... complicated. I agree that he never felt like really giving up his revenge and trying to live a 'happy' life - he knew it's not for him at that stage already. However, I feel like Abberline's parting words affected him a lot, even if briefly. When Abberline tells him that he can start everything from the beginning, Ciel sounds absolutely heartbroken when he confesses, "I don't have a future." The way he acts later, telling Sebastian to stop and not kill the angel, hesitating, reinforces this idea to me. I think you described it best - Ciel is having an existential crisis. It's not like he suddenly regrets his decisions, but he's temporary unanchored and unsure what he wants and what he should do. Having a dream where Abberline urges him to give up his hatred also seems to affect Ciel, but it's so telling that he wakes up and immediately says, "Sebastian." It's a fascinating arc and I can't wait to explore it.

I love your words about three offerings - so true. And I'm so happy you liked S2 when watching it from a new perspective! I used to be so confused as to why people hated it: it's not perfect, but I thought it was amazing in many ways, especially its bittersweet ending.

#black butler #sebaciel #ciel phantomhive #sebastian michaelis #my fics

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