#tho i guess she was a foreigner in the event specifically

[typemoonconfessions]

[cyanoscarlet]

2020 writing review

Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites​! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)

I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.

This is gonna be long.

FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020

8:15 am  - Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020. - First piece ever written for the year. - Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)

irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed - Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020. - First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction). - If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.

versus

first yuletide - Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020. - Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter. - Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.

ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020

Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.

take heart - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU. - Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.

you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons - Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon. - Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.

A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF

oneiric moments (or, five nights with you) - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. - Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020. - Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words. - Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.

A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT

I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.

A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER

all in a day’s work - Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU. - It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted. - I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.

YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS

Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.

A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS

amīcitia - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU. - Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart.  the fun they had - Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble. - ... Guys. Please notice genfics.

A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT

Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)

If you want a single answer anyway:

on the flaming mountains - act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc. - arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?” - I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.

A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART

a cycle of; - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU. - Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.

Also  you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.

A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE

express delivery for love - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU. - It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.

A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE

rather be - Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon. - Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress​ - The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed. - This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.

A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE

... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)

The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress​

silencer and snow white days by EKmisao - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent. - The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong. - They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this. - The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all. Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent. - Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows. Catharsis by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon. - The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.

Culmination by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon. - We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this. 

Here Without You by @muselover1901​ - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU. - One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.

Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon. - Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.

False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill - Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU. - This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.

The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis - Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature. - I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out. - tl;dr: B3 Goddess.

Predestined by Galkimasera - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU. - A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.

For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina - Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon. - Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!

SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR

Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol

(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)

[arsonforcharlie]

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

[shannie-writes]

Shakespeare Route, Part 4 + Normal Avatar Checkpoint!

I’ll be putting all route content under a readmore cut, and will tag with (in detailed order) “chief’s bullshit summaries”, “shakespeare route spoilers”, “william shakespeare route spoilers”, “shakespeare route”, “william shakespeare route”, “ikemen vampire spoilers”, and “ikevamp spoilers”. Please feel free to block any and all of these tags, depending on which specific content tier you’re not wanting to see.

Part 4 - “Eternal Lovebook #1: Drink Poison”

- MC and Vincent arrive at the fancy fancy theatre and Vincent shows MC to their first class seating.

- Vincent: "Ya ever been to a play before?"

MC: "Nah, movie premiere nights are too expensive"

Vincent: "A wha now??"

MC: "Oh shit, forget I said anything. Rewind! I haven't been to a play, nope, no siree."

- MC looks around the packed theatre and starts to get anxious. Vincent is a fuckin' peach and reassures her that once the curtains rise and the play begins, all her worries will go away.

- Vincent: "Like magic"

MC: "Magic?"

Vincent: "Playwright magic"

- The curtains rise and we get a kickin' montage of Romeo and Juliet. MC has only ever seen the movie for it before (I bet it was the 1968 version eyyy) and by the final scene, she gets emotionally overwhelmed and pulls out another handkerchief from somewhere and dries her tears while everyone else gives applause

- Vincent asks if she's okay and she brushes him off and thinks about how fucking sad it is, and it hits her just how fleeting life and love can be

- ???: "I'm happy to see your tears"

MC: “wtf ohai Mr. Shakespeare”

- To nobody’s surprise, it’s Shakespeare! Apparently he’d been sitting behind them the whole damn time!

- He! Puts! His! Finger! On! Her! Lips!!!

- Shakes: “Shhhhh, just call me Will. I’m under a pseudonym, MC pls”

- She gets embarrassed by the mistake and feels the heat from both her blush and his finger on her lips, which he moves away all too soon.

- Vincent: “Yo, good to see you Will. The play was some good ol’ playwright magic again.”

Shakes: “Hehe, thanks Vincent. And what did you think of it, MC?”

MC: “As you can tell by my tears, it was so fuckin’ sad. Such a fleeting romance, only four days long. Wtf is up with that?? It was beautiful tho. But jeez, they had so much life they could have had together.”

Vincent: “Oh, yeah, wtf is up with that, Will?”

Shakes: “Because love burns brighter when it’s young. And with them dying young, it made their love beautiful and eternal”

MC: “Dude, that shit’s deep. But like, it’s impossible to love each other for eternity.”

Shakes: “Well, I think so, so tough shit. You can do whatever the hell you want on stage. Thanks for the feedback anyway tho, I wish the rest of those peons had your kind of response.”

MC: “Let them have their opinions, sheesh.”

Shakes: “lol okay. Well, peace out”

And he disappears into the leaving crowd.

- cut to outside the theatre where it’s crowded af.

MC: “Guess it’s busy after an event in any century lol”

Vincent: “Stay here, Imma go get us a carriage”

MC: “Aight”

- MC people watches and listens to them talk about the play. A set of noblemen walk out and catch her attention.

- Nobledick 1: “Isn’t that Director Will guy supposedly part of the royal family or some shit?”

Nobledick 2: “Well, I heard he’s just some redneck”

Nobledick 1: “A mystery for these young writers. This guy pretends like he’s some kind of reincarnation of William Shakespeare or some shit. *sniff* The play was pure shit.”

- MC decides she doesn’t want to listen anymore and turns away.

- Nobledick 2: “Well, I heard that this playwright is just a puppet, selling himself to Big Theatre for quick cash.”

- MC finds that she can’t stop listening anyway.

- Nobledick 1: “Whaddya mean?”

Nobledick 2: “Well, I heard he sacrificed a friend for his own creations.”

End Scene

Part 4 - Normal Avatar Checkpoint - “Eternal Lovebook #2: Ignore Gossip”

- blah blah, repeat of some of the Nobledick convo

- MC: That don’t make sense, Will makes friends with his creations, not the other way ‘round

- Nobledick 2: “One thing for sure, that guy has more than a few screws loose”

- Then the Nobledicks catch MC watching them and Nobledick 1 asks if she’s alone. Nobledick 2 asks if she’s a foreigner and they approach her.

- MC: Fuck this noise, I ain’t letting this happen to me a second damn time “No, I’m with my boyfriend and I ain’t leaving with you guys.”

- The Nobledicks look around to see that the streets are quite empty now and they grab her, saying they’re going to keep her with them until morning. She calls out for help and--

- Someone twists the man’s arm until he lets go!!

- Shakes: “Yo, wtf is this”

Nobledick 1: “And who tf are you?”

Shakes: “Oh, just some playwright with a few screws loose. Would you like to be my next sacrifices? I need some inspiration and noblemen like you would give me a pretty penny”

MC: Holy shit, he says this shit with a cold smile the whole damn time

Nobledick 1: “Fuuuuuuck this noise, let’s scram!”

Nobledick 2: “Wait for meeeeeee!”

- Will goes all soft again as he looks at MC.

Shakes: “You okay? Why tf are you alone?”

MC: “Vince went to get us a carriage or something”

- MC is wowed by Shakes being her hero again and how she kinda sorta a little bit feels sorry for those Nobledicks.

- MC: “So what if those rumors about you spread?”

Shakes: “There’s no ground on those rumors lol they won’t get far. And oh, what great timing, there’s Vincent”

- MC turns to see Vincent waving at her from across the street.

- Shakes: “Get goin’, girl. Stay by Vincent if you know what’s good for you.”

MC: “Thanks again for saving me. G’night.”

Shakes: “Yeh, ttyl”

- MC leaves and Will watches them go until they’re out of sight.

- Shakes: “I thought she was just some weak woman but this is actually pretty exciting.  ...But those rumors have been spreading…”

End Scene

[bentenharuki]

I generally don’t do these but...

I will do this because it’s a badge of honor and a thank you for @todayintokyo who gives me a daily vibe out of my second fav Country in the world (first one is my own, of course. My messy, chaotic, genius Italy).

So for everyone interested (I won’t tag people either... if you are among my 250+ readers, do it as freely as you like to share this unexpected hard time along others. Sharing makes us all feel less stranded I guess :)) 

1. Are you staying home from work/school? Yep. My University (Milano Bicocca) holds in-house lessons and curses and also exams and testing are/will be online. What I miss most are the lab works and the exchanges with foreign schools. I took one a few months ago in London and I was supposed to have another in May but... NOPE, of course.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? I am alone in my apartment. At first it was supposed to be shared rent with somebody else but then my parents just bought this out and lent it to me. I know. I am spoiled. But very grateful for what I have. I always try to give back the best I can because no one has merits in being born in a family instead of another. (pieces of second-rate philosophy in all my LONG answers courtesy of my mum and her influence on me. She’s a University Professor and her field is.. guess what.. ETHICS PHILOSOPHY)

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? Nope. Not allowed. But I like cats. Cats. CATS. They are elegant, refined, very clean, and they give you consideration and affection ONLY if they like you. I prefer to conquer somebody’s love instead than to have it by default. Then I am naturally a cat person instead of a dog’s. But I like all animals (I like snakes as well, so my range is pretty wide ;)), even though I don’t feel missing any in  house. Generally I would be out of home most of the day and no pet would be happy in staying that much alone. I miss my grandparents’ kitty tho :)

4. Who do you miss the most? Family. Friends. Meeting new people when out. And... (is it fine to say it?) Well... in these lockdown times I miss... human touch. (You get what kind). I was seeing a guy when this all started and my old boyf also came back into the picture somehow. All on hold. And I avoid to think how that makes me feel because even in case I’d figure it out, what comes if one can’t act on the awareness? Exactly. So I put it all in a LONG pause. But yeah... I miss contacts. A LOT.

5. When was the last time you left your home? I go out every Thursday to buy all my grocery stuff. I am very methodic. My supermarket is pretty near and it’s BIG and I get there right before it opens (well... one hour almost before it opens, so I can be among the firsts in line). I look like a ninja: very sporty and technically dressed (like for a running competition!) with clothes and shoes which are easy washable, tech mask (it is for cycling competition, with filters specifically medical: the mask is washable as well after you’ve used it, while the filter is obviously not), cotton fit gloves and over them medical gloves (I can’t wear directly medical gloves because my skin is very sensitive and I suffer from nickel allergia, which makes latex gloves a NO NO directly on skin), teck googles which cover also the side of my face (those are from cycling items too) and of course PODS in my ear because I can’t live without music :)

6. What was the last thing you bought? I bought online a few garden tools for my biggest balcony. I have ZERO skill with plants (and I am supposed to become a biologist... the nerve! LOL) but I am keen at making grow at least rosemery for my recipes. I have a little peach tree and it is all fine so far. I have hope I can do better and anyway I have time now ;)

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed? I try to keep my routine as it was before. I wake up and perform all my tasks exactly as I was doing before this all started. I am VERY organized and to lax on that would ruin me, so I carefully focus on what I can control the best I can. It feels strange to say it maybe but... this way my mood isn’t particularly affected by this heavy revolution in my (and everyone elses’s) life.

8. Are you a homebody? NOPE. I love people, I love my Milan and its being always full of people everywhere. I love living in my town a TON, I love meeting friends anywhere, go dancing, I love to live my University life in this beautiful and renewed part of Milan; I like being surrounded by my people and meeting new ones. So being stuck at home would seem insufferable for me. But I learnt from this (there’s always something to learn in any experience) that I can be surprisingly ok with staying home too. I came to know better my neighbors. I feel a sense of community with everyone living nearby and I have come to love my domesticity too. It was a surprise for me first ^.^

9. What movies have you watched recently? In Italy, Italia 1 channel has had the WONDERFUL idea to rebroadcast all Harry Potter saga every Monday and Thursday. Today and tomorrow there are the last two installments, so I can say that is what I looked out the most for as in movie things these past weeks (funny how I never particularly adored the books of HP, I mean, I liked them but... being a Tolkien’s devotee Rowlings’ literary efforts always seemed lackluster to me.. and still I have always liked the movies. It’s incoherent I know ;)). But I have Sky at home so I can watch whatever movie I like to whenever I want to. And that leads to VERY little watch actually. I am reading a ton though. I watch what passes on in the National channels actually, out of digital and cable and decide to watch it or not. For instance last Friday Rai 1 (main Italian Channel) broadcasted one of my fav movies from the past three years, GIFTED (with Chris Evans and Octavia Spencer) and I rewatched it with immense pleasure.

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? OLYMPICS. I was supposed to be back in Japan with a a couple of friends and my bro for experience the Olympics (especially the volleyball tournaments) between July and August and that got (of course) cancelled. We plan to move it all to next year of course. But it hurts SO MUCH because it was easily what I was looking forward to BEST for all 2020. Hands down.

11. What’s the best and worst thing you’ve had to cancel? Look up. For the other question, I never plan things I don’t like (or at least I try my best not to) and I almost never find myself in the position of being happy for something I had going on which I had to pass due to circumstances. I am a very honest (sometimes to the point of bluntness, though with age I got trained in the fine art of diplomacy, which for me is declined especially in the “IGNORE WHAT IS NOT WORTHY degree) person and if there is something I don’t like I tend to not get involved with it in the first place.

12. Do you have any new hobbies? Eh... the longest list... I love so many things. Sport don’t count as hobbies to me because I treat them as part of my daily life constantly. So take them off. I like to write, to draw, to paint... I like reading, I like learning... I am a tech geek; I like gaming (but that I have to cut it or it would absorb me too much)... I like TRAVELING (that is cut off too of course nowadays), and many other things so I guess I don’t literally have SPACE for new hobbies. My many ones makes it impossible to fall for new things though lately I am becoming a better cook out of needs ;)

13. What are you out of? My lists are made as soon my things become “two items in from having 0″. This way I can’t run out of anything. Did I say already I am a HUGE control freak? THAT ;)

14. What music are you listening to? My itunes collections lists so far 12376 ALBUMS. Then I have the random songs. Latest one I bought (because I buy them all) is Achille Lauro’s latest 16 Marzo 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb-9RESbeWA

I am also listening a lot to one of my bro’s fav bands Radiohead and as usual a lot to my beloved Imagine Dragons. My mum and dad are also telling me to listen to Bill Withers (who recently passed away) whole discography because he was amazing. I love many music genres. I love ALL which makes the spirit soar and rage and evolve and love and cry and hope.

15. What are you reading? So far in quarantine I read 5 books. I have now to start ORIGINS by Dan Brown. I pick the books I have left unread randomly and that was the pick this time (people gift me with books constantly because they know I am a bookworm when I have spare time).

16. What are you doing for self-care? Keep loving myself and life and the world exactly the way I used to before this all started.

17. Are you exercising? Yup. Tapis roulant, golf training, stepper (all in my house lucky me) and mat and weight training. I have a routine for which I have to train at least one hour a day. NO EXCEPTION. I miss swimming but I will do. I am also in recovery after January’s knee meniscus intervention so my schedules are also taking that into consideration.

18. How’s your toilet paper supply? I'm OK. :)

19. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? Nope. I love to stylize my hair but I don’t have specific cuts. It grows long and then I play with them hairstyles: braids, buns, ponytails, partitions and the likes.. But I have bleached hair and I had to follow my hairdresser advice because I can’t allow ugly roots to take dominance of me ^.^ So I bought the necessary to self bleach them. No need to say as soon as I will be able to, Hairdressers and Massages and SPA will be my first destination ^.^ (beside visiting family and friends of course).

I am fairly sure I put lots of typos and mistakes in this but I have my online lesson just starting in 8 minutes and I can’t review this (I generally never do it anyway). So forgive me and have a beautiful day ;)

STAY SAFE OUT THERE!!! Hugs K.

[lizzybeth1986]

Really, Really Slow Thoughts on TRR Book 3, Chapter 3

• This QT took two days. Because my pace has been sluggish. Because my thoughts on this chapter have been sluggish.

• This chapter is the only time in the entire series that I was barely invested. That’s only ever happened to be at the beginning of Book 1, and only because I didn’t think it would amount to anything beyond a Cinderella story. I haven’t been in that space with a single chapter in this book since Book 1,Chapter 8. I’m just…bored.

• Title: Allies among Enemies. Sounds very Kenna and Luther, no? But I doubt Kenna ever had to sit and play marriage counselor to a squabbling couple.

•

Esther asking all the relevant questions.

I mean, sure, Bertrand, I get it: I need to make a tour and that involves visiting other duchies, Justin thinks Madeleine would make a bomb press secretary, and I have to play matchmaker for her parents –

Wait what. Why do I need to resolve a personal fight because Madeleine’s parents? I know it’s all about reaching out and getting allies and making connections but playing armchair therapist just sounds extremely silly.

• I like that they’re carrying over the “house colours” strategy from TCaTF. Kenna occasionally did this during alliances, especially when meeting with the Nevrakis family.

•

So I have a dress “as green as Madeleine’s envy towards me and black as her shrivelled heart” (bomb analogy, Maxwell!). Buuuut I’m taking part in a court event. A formal ball. Why is the dress style more like what I wore in the club for Madeleine’s bachelorette and Liam’s bachelor party???

• Also can you imagine how awkward waltzing would look in this dress? Ballroom dresses are long and flowy for a reason. Part of the beauty of your twirl comes from how your skirt flows when you’re turning, esp in a dance like the Cordonian Waltz where the twirl is the highlight.

• So I’m supposed to ensure Adeleide comes for the wedding. Loooogically the story should make this easier on me because I already did the hard work of winning her over the last book right? Wrong. Because the story doesn’t care. It doesn’t care which Liam I chose, whether I’ve ever worn pepto bismol in my life or not, whether I charmed the pants off Adeleide (not literally). Nope. I still have to start from scratch (wouldn’t be the first time tho. I won over Kiara and Penelope in Book 1 only for them to ditch me next book [even though Penelope knew it wasn’t my fault. You owe me big, sister]).

• Soooo Godfrey, Madeleine’s dad, is an English nobleman. His marriage to Adeleide was a political alliance and he doesn’t actually give a shit about Cordonia unless his daughter is the goddamn country’s queen.

• Hmm. So Madeleine is half Cordonian too. Jesus Christ for a country that doesn’t like foreigners very much, a lot of its major players seem to have at least one non-Cordonian parent: Liam (possibly), Madeleine, Drake, Hana…

• I was a little confused because Book 1 mentioned that Madeleine is “practically royalty” from her father’s side - but it’s possible that’s more a hint towards his English roots. I guess we can rule him out for who the enemy is rn because this dude genuinely doesn’t give a shit.

• So Liam, whose interactions with Godfrey have been few and far between and who admits he has never really met him in a social setting, is the one who provides us inputs on how to deal with the Duke. Turns out this advice is pretty helpful, coming from someone who barely knows the man.

•

Savour this moment, Liam stans. This - and the “we need to avoid this lack of crowd at our wedding” exchange, are the only times we will get to properly interact with him today.

• I know this decor looks like a piñata threw up over the ballroom but I love the purple and the soft lighting xD

• So the first event post Homecoming is super empty, which is quite dishearting. It’s enough to make even our resident bar-hopper Adeleide upset.

•

Is it just me or does “STOICISM RULEZ!!!” Regina sound like she gives zero fucks today? I mean sure it could just be her usual irritation around Adelaide but here even Constantine seems a little taken aback. And besides, it’s not the Krona duchy that needs anything from the Crown, it’s the Crown that needs something from them. Your arrogance doesn’t have any legs to stand on, Regina.

• Also idk but am I the only one getting a different vibe from Regina this book? In the debriefing meeting she wasn’t there at all, and this is someone who has been a part of every meeting we’ve seen in the books. Then she comes here, to an event where if anything SHE needs to be begging her cousin to come for her stepson’s/some random noblewoman’s wedding, and she’s busy making snappy comments about the appetizers (and let’s be honest, everyone else found their spread incredibly good. Even Drake. DRAKE)

• Madeleine’s dad is essentially Madeleine Sr.

• “Magic Friendship Dust” my ass.

• Madeleine’s reaction to this “be my press secretary” thing is “I told you so” followed by a resounding (implied) “fuck you”. What else were you expecting, Esther?

•

It’s great that they say this, but I would have preferred if they showed it. It really isn’t that hard. Show him talking independently to a noble or two (you don’t even have to show their faces) - winning some over and not managing to sway some others. The reason a lot of Liam fans are upset is that not only does the writing make weak excuses to keep him from working WITH the MC, we aren’t even given a proper glimpse of what he IS doing!

I’ll return to this point later, because I have a LOT to say 😠

• …cheeseburgers aren’t appetizers, Drake.

• I’d agree with you about the buffalo wings tho.

• Nomnom that pasta looks good.

• I’d betray me for a plate of truffled penne too, Esther.

•

Back in the essay I wrote on the Balcony Scene, I spoke of how Liam’s mother’s story seemed like a mirror to the MC’s (I mentioned that she might be a foreigner, though, and given that Neville and Drake make the comparison between the MC and her, and that her son is customizable by ethnicity, I still think there are chances that is true). Called it! xD

• Neville is still as big a creep as he ever was and this scene was extremely ugly, especially with regards to Drake. But it was also extremely powerful because the group gets to rally around and protect him, and show Neville that Drake has people who will support him no matter what. It was a scene I felt was needed because it gives you a much better idea of what Drake has had to deal with in court. (also I know he’s taking the tour coz he wants a wife [good luck getting one with THAT level of creepy, asshole!] but I’m suspicious about him following ppl he doesn’t even like around).

• This is also amazing buildup to the dancing scene. The version of the scene I got was automatically platonic, which I loved, and I got more comfortable with this scene than I have ever felt with any non-Liam-LI scene so far (you know how you keep stressing about accidental romance points? That).

• In my playthrough, Esther keeps it professional, gives him encouragement, teaches him how to glide using a mental image. Drake points out he needs to give Liam adequate support and he will need to actually prove himself to other nobles for that. As a romantic scene, it really shines (and indeed it should, given that the Cordonian waltz is primarily romantic) but it works very well on a platonic level too.

• I also really, really loved the comparison Drake made between his situation and hers: that the MC is proof that he can hold on to who he is even if he becomes a part of the nobility/has endured this much from them. Drake’s character arc is built heavily on his fear that being part of the nobility can change people, based on very valid experiences. We’ve seen in this chapter how desperately some nobles cling to their titles, almost using it to make up for their lack of personality (I’m looking at you, Neville and Godfrey). But he has proof all around him too, that you don’t need to lose who you are through a title. In a lot of ways this plays really well into his “letting go” arc as well.

• Okay so I went with Godfrey first. He’s talking to Liam, who again makes a disappearing act (I don’t mind, because the MC specifically stated she wanted to speak to the Duke alone). I’m not surprised Liam wasn’t making much headway. This is the second dude to dump Madeleine after all, and worse still he’s brother to the first dude to dump her. No wonder Liam’s sticking to safe subjects like choice of scotch!

• YIKES @ Godfrey’s constant harping of successes and defeats. Why don’t we talk about what a failure YOU are as a dad, Duke Karlington, since you’re only ever there for Madeleine to tell her what a failure she is!

• I like the exchange they show us between Adeleide and Regina before the MC steps in. Regina’s care and concern for Madeleine has pretty much been there from the beginning and for what it’s worth, it has been genuine.

• Oh man. I want to give Adeleide a hug and some champagne. I mean I don’t exactly envision her winning the “best mother” award anytime soon, but she’s trying. Perhaps a little too pushy and a little too focused on her own coping mechanisms, but still, she cares enough about Madeleine to want to be there for her no matter what. Which is more than I can say for Godfrey, who thinks being a father means paying an annual visit to his goddamn FAMILY and judges people for failing when he’s perhaps the biggest failure in the room.

• Waltz time!

• Though between Esther not having a twirly skirt and Drake having an injured shoulder I’m not sure they even looked that good.

• WTF ESTHER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A MAN WHO IS IN ANY CONDITION TO MANAGE A LIFT

•

HE’S NOT JOHNY CASTLE AND THIS ISN’T DIRTY DANCING. STOP PUTTING DRAKE IN A CORNER.

• AT LEAST BABY DIDN’T MAKE JOHNY LIFT HER ON AN INJURED ARM. AND AT LEAST THEY AGREED TO DO IT TOGETHER NOT SPRUNG IT ON HIM LIKE A FUCKING JACK-IN-THE-BOX.

• “He winces at the pressure on his arm, but smiles through it”. …damn I’m angry at my own MC now.

• Drinking game time!!

• I’m not going to comment much on the scene because it’s going to be part of my group scenes essay, but I *will* say I’m so happy Hana gets her due in this one. She really shines in terms of character development in this scene and she gets the best line this whole chapter xD xD xD

•

• I think Hana has had this burn simmering in her pressure cooker ever since the bell-pepper episode in Shanghai 😂😂

• “You all know there’s more to me than liking whiskey, right?”

This is unfair and inaccurate, people. Of course there’s more. He likes cheeseburgers and pasta and greasy junk food too, cmon.

• I recall speaking not too long ago about how Madeleine and Hana had very different approaches to similar issues (family pressure, feeling like they are failures, broken engagements with men they didn’t love), and that Madeleine very possibly faced a lot of family pressure (I was wrong about the source being Adeleide, though). To me this forms part of why Hana can see Madeleine the way no one else can, and why it’s essential to have her around when Madeleine opens up.

• This doesn’t really change my opinion of Madeleine, though. It makes sense of some things, but in my mind nothing can really justify the sick pleasure Madeleine gets out of breaking people. She makes excuses for herself by calling it “not tiptoeing on other people’s fragile feelings”, but that would imply she was just being honest and not actively working towards making people feel like shit. In both Hana and Penelope’s cases she was actively working on making them feel like they were beneath her, and enjoying doing that. To me what she did, especially to Hana, was emotional abuse. Speaking ecstatically about “breaking” a human being who has harmed you in no way, is abusive. No more, no less.

• Please don’t tell me a Madeleine and Hana ship will be a thing now. No. Eww. I’d rather not pair Hana with someone who was actively trying to break her. I don’t care how much of a “crush” Madeleine seems to have.

• No matter how misguided Adeleide’s attempts to parent Madeleine are, to me she clearly wins the parenting stakes hands down. She may have made Madeleine feel like she couldn’t mourn what happened to her, but at least she views her daughter as more of a human being than a prize horse.

•

Didn’t lie to get her way? Was saying “I’m allergic to chocolate and you could have killed me” just a figment of my imagination then???

•

• You have to be fucking kidding me. The MC is a duchess now. The Beaumonts are supposed to be helping her. These three should be at the top of their itinerary right now, not throwing things together at the last minute every chapter. Isn’t this Unity Tour supposed to be about knowing your allies and enemies, and preparing accordingly? Being unprepared (somehow, barely) made sense to some extent in the first two books, but things are different now.

• Penelope next week! That woman owes us big time.

General Thoughts on this Chapter:

• Things I feel might come up in Penelope’s estate:

1. Penelope’s anxiety and her parents’ fears about sending her back to court

2. Personal issues within the family maybe? Perhaps Penelope’s desire to take up pet couture designing and her mother’s disapproval of the same might feature.

3. At some point there may be some sort of redemption arc for her where she gets reminded of her involvement in what happened to the MC earlier. Penelope clearly owes the MC a great debt for letting her off the hook so easily.

4. I’ll be damned if I have to play therapist for these people too 😠

• This whole idea of “meddling” is stupid. These people are adults. Grown people, who should be expected to know how to handle their own lives and talk to each other. The royalty/the MC shouldn’t be expected to babysit them. That’s not what we came here for.

• It stings even more when you take into account that the common public is feeling pretty terrified at the moment, and having their own, and here we are busy resolving the family squabbles of rich people.

• It highlights even more strongly what’s wrong with the whole idea of a Unity Tour. I’m hoping this “resolving-aristocrat-issues” thing won’t become a pattern because it’s beginning to look ridiculous.

• @ladynevrakis mentions in her excellent write-up on this week’s chapter that this chapter is a lot better if you’re a non-Liam shipper, and extremely frustrating if you are.

Correct on both counts. As the MC you’re just starting out as a noblewoman, and you will need all the support you can get. If you’re with Drake (especially Drake), Hana or Maxwell, you get plenty opportunities for support from all of them. With Liam, you barely get a few lines here and there before he’s completely MIA. There is no opportunity for Liam or his fiancee to talk properly, or work together as a team. And this house is unquestionably the toughest one, so why does the writing not give Liam any chance to truly be there for her when she needs it???

• I can understand why he wasn’t there for the most part. In the Neville sequence he isn’t there precisely because the writers need to highlight how people treat Drake when Liam isn’t around (and to show what people say about Liam behind his back), and there is no way you could have Liam around in either the group scene or the final scene with the family without making things worse (daughter’s former fiancè, hello?). Plus if the MC is not engaged to him, it would look weird for him to be present at some of these conversations.

STILL, there were a whole range of ways you could write him without him actually being involved in the patch-up, and still do justice to his character:

1. Eat with the group: The group eating scene could have been a perfect time to have Liam come, speak about his progress with convincing ppl, bond with the group over the delicious spread, and leave before Neville enters.

2. Check in periodically: Liam is my MC’s fiancè. They are here together on their first tour as a couple. They’re doing this tour for his people and his country. She is a newcomer and it is essential he has her back. It wouldn’t have hurt to have him come in on occasion and ask her how she is holding up. It wouldn’t have taken more than a scene or two, really, and it could have worked perfectly both on a neutral and romantic level. If you’re going to make Drake such a huge presence in this chapter that you’d go the extra mile and write him two ways, you can very well do the same for Liam. It’s even more essential in his case because he is the King of Cordonia and pretty damn invested in making this tour work.

3. Have the MC notice what Liam was doing independent of her: The writing team is no stranger to writing conversations that don’t involve the MC’s presence at all. We know Liam was spending time speaking to the few nobles in attendance, but we’re never shown how he does this or whether he succeeds. I know he’s as hard at work as the MC is, but I don’t see what he’s doing. Could you really blame readers for thinking he is less involved, then?

4. The Little Things: A gentle touch here, a smile there if he’s your fiancè. Things you would do with your partner when you don’t have much time together but still want to show them they care.

It’s not like the writers don’t know how to involve Liam. They’ve done a really good job of this in the past. The entire social season saw Liam working behind the scenes to ensure the MC was protected and cared for, even when he couldn’t be involved. The engagement tour had him pitching in to help whenever it didn’t seem too suspicious to. In all these instances they kept in mind Liam’s role and limitations, and STILL managed to make him proactive.

The writers had plenty opportunity this chapter to have Liam be there for her in small ways, but hardly bothered to involve him. I appreciate wanting to make his interactions as neutral as possible but that doesn’t mean you don’t put any effort into writing him at all.

To add insult to serious injury, this chapter follows another one where the MC practically takes over Liam’s speech (post the video), leaving Liam with little space to do anything besides agreeing with her. It’s essential - now more than ever - to portray Liam as decisive and proactive, yet the writing has him take 10 steps backwards in terms of character development. The MC is his fiancèe/close friend now. She should be able to see him properly as a politician and a leader at this point. If that doesn’t get resolved soon, we’re in danger of screwing up an interesting character who has a lot of potential.

• I’m still holding out on this book, because it’s still early and I believe they can turn things around and ensure there is a fair balance between the LIs. They are taking what we say into consideration and they have worked hard to make our other LIs’ interactions with us as safe and platonic as possible. I think this is a matter of balance, and I still think they can manage to do a good job of it once they ensure there is a balance.

• But this chapter? I’m not going pretend I’m happy.

[eatingfireflies]

this post made me think about junpei and akane’s past and i’m writing fic that deals with that (specifically akane’s death) so i guess i’m going to try organise my thoughts about this.

in the post i linked, OP asked how junpei failed to know about/remember akane’s death when he said the kidnappings were all over the news when he was young and he certainly remembered those.

things that might have happened, based on what we were told in canon:

the kidnapping happened shortly after junpei and akane finished grade school. since junpei and akane are going to different middle schools, it would take a while for him to realise she’s gone. and even then, he could chalk up the lack of communication to her forgetting about him/not wanting to contact him.

the kids were kidnapped in japan but the fng happened in the US, and it might be that junpei’s info came from local tv news. you can check news sources from other countries online, but local newspapers are hard enough to read if you’re 12, let alone a foreign-language one. there might already be gaps in the news (that was available to junpei as a kid), even discounting the fact that no one has reported the kurashikis missing and that authorities covered up the incident up for cradle (or fts). 

not to mention the only person of authority to make it to the gigantic is seven. if his superiors decided to not release the info re: the death of one kid (who wasn’t on the records anyway) to the public there’s little he could do about it.   

so that’s junpei covered. but what about the kurashikis? what happened to them and how did this affect them?

a lot of it depends on how you interpret akane’s death, i suppose. most people believe that akane didn’t really die, which meant seven and snake lied. uchikoshi said this is likely what happened in the 999 Q&A (#24), but he also said he leaves it up to the player’s interpretation. i’ve always wondered about this, since the series has already talked about the schrodinger’s cat thought experiment and i thought the same could be applied to akane in 999.

the schrodinger’s cat thought experiment, essentially, is mr schrodinger looking at the copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics and going ‘this is ridic. if you believe that, a cat in a box is both alive and dead until we check on it!’ (incidentally, niels bohr is associated with the copenhagen interpretation. and we know niels is snake’s codename in the japanese version because he’s a fan.)

let’s apply this on 999. (there are other interpretations, but we’ll stick to two*)

the copenhagen interpretation states that until we open the box to see if the cat is alive or dead, both are true. but after the box is opened and we observe the cat as x, the possibility of it being y collapses.

if you follow this, until we reach an ending, akane is still alive and dead. i.e. in the safe ending, junpei fails to save past!akane. therefore, the state of present!akane being alive collapses. june vanishes because her existence as both alive/dead only lasts until the box is opened/we reach an ending. on the other hand, junpei does manage to save her in the true ending. therefore the state of past!akane being dead collapses–in that timeline.

to be sure, the sequels continue from 999′s true ending so we can say that reaching the true ending collapses the rest of the endings where akane is dead.

but they’re still there aren’t they? akane certainly remembers other timelines.

the many-worlds interpretation states that the cat continues to be alive and dead even after observation but in different ‘realities’. this is pretty much what happens to us in the flowcharts of the games. we make a decision and our path branches. both of which realities are true. uchikoshi seems to be pushing for this, as he says (to paraphrase) ‘the story is like a desert and he only presented the player with a few grains of sand’.

there isn’t a lot that changes with 999 as seen through the many-worlds interpretation except that instead of the other endings becoming void once we reach the true ending we consider them all as valid. (great for ficcing yay :p)

so what does this mean about the observers? well, not a lot tbh. because akane is the only esper in the ze universe who can see and remember all the different branches in all different timelines. (and because he was connected to her in 999, junpei in 999 i guess.) sigma has to jump from one existence to the next in order to gather information. to quote tsubasa hanekawa, he only knows what he knows. and he has to make the effort to go to different timelines in order to get the info he needs. to akane who can see everything without shifting, all this information is up for grabs all at once**.

everyone else… well maybe we can look at it this way: alpha seven is the one from the timeline where akane is dead and beta seven is from the timeline where she’s alive. once we are on the branch where akane is alive, we’re already dealing with beta seven. and he has no access to alpha seven’s memories re: akane’s death because those two realities are now separate from each other.

what’s interesting here tho is, based on what i’ve written so far, aoi would have to live with akane for years while she’s both alive and dead (see uchi’s answer #13). i’m not sure how this works, tbh. alpha aoi would remember akane dying, but he’s also interacting with an akane who’s very much alive? (#LifeInTheBox)

i like that interpretation tho, i like exploring the idea of aoi living with the memories of his sister getting killed*** but also interacting with her in real time. it might be hard to look at her sometimes because his mind tells him this is impossible, and yet there she is.

so we now have aoi and a physically observable alive akane (whose existence is a paradox until the true end) escaping from the gigantic and what happens to them in the time period between the first and second nonary games are pretty much a mystery. we know akane told aoi to invest in cradle stocks and that’s how they got the money to make the sng possible. i believe the preparations for the sng would be easier if they choose to stay in the US (altho there’s nothing to suggest they didn’t go back to japan. but what for? nothing’s waiting for them there). it’s also easier to avoid detection if you’re considered legally dead, so the police not covering up the circumstances of akane’s murder might actually be to her advantage (except they did cover it up so). as it were, the police stopping investigations on cradle was probably a good thing since it gave the kurashikis more freedom to do what they needed to do without stepping on policemen toes.

aaaand this became a super long post oops. thanks for reading all of this if you did! (also i have to add that i have a degree in humanities, not science. which means: i’m probably all wrong about quantum mechanics but also i don’t think one interpretation of a text is more valid than the other so theorise on!)

*i lied there are actually three lmao.

**yeah i know, akane in ztd doesn’t know. let’s consider this a ‘relational interpretation’ moment. namely, different observers can give different accounts of the same event simply from having different sets of info and perspective. vlr!akane comes from the timeline where the AB project failed while ztd!akane comes from the timeline where the AB project is still happening, so we can say that vlr!akane is an outside observer, while ztd!akane is (once again) inside the box. only when we reach the vlr ending in ztd and the true ztd ending does akane get both information from her vlr and ztd selves and we determine what actually happened.

**his emotions while telling us about his sister seemed too real to me. i find it hard to believe he was lying/acting back then.

[themegalosaurus]

Ok so here's a random question for you - I'm rewatching season 9, and I get to the end of "The Purge". Now I'm a Dean!girl and I love him, but I'm still so mad at him about the whole fallout from Gadreel. I don't feel like he ever really understood where Sam was coming from. Why do you think he just never got it? I know you're a Sam!girl and I love your meta/analysis so I was just wondering if you had any thoughts :-)

Oh gosh, this issue has in the past proven to be a bit of a minefield so let me try and pick my way across it with some caution. I’ll put it under a cut so those members of fandom who get war flashbacks at the very mention of S9 can scroll on by, haha. 

I definitely agree with you that during the fallout from Gadreel, Dean doesn’t ever really admit the grounds for Sam’s anger and unhappiness. He (sort of) addresses the fact that Kevin dies, and that Sam feels responsible - at least, he addresses it insofar as he tells Sam that Sam wasn’t responsible and shouldn’t feel guilty and ‘that’s on me’, although of course to stop feeling guilty about something is much easier said than done (and as Sam reveals at the end of the season, Dean labelling himself as the guilty party for Kevin’s death doesn’t help Sam with his intrusive dreams about murdering his friend). But apart from that he more-or-less frames the issue as Sam being angry with Dean BECAUSE DEAN SAVED HIS LIFE and beyond that perhaps that Dean lied to Sam IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS LIFE. In fact, of course, the reason that Sam is deeply upset by the Gadreel scenario is quite other than that. Sam has a history of having his reality manipulated by external forces which take hostile control of his body: the demon blood Azazel put in his mouth and the psychic powers it facilitated; his position as Lucifer’s vessel and the related knowledge that demons were possessing key figures in his life, throughout his life, as per 5x22; sort-of the soullessness of S6 and the fact that Sam’s body was making decisions and taking actions that Sam would not have carried out himself; certainly the hallucinatory mess of S7. As such it is not surprising that he should be extremely hurt by what happened in S9, where Dean (‘stone number one’, supposedly) not only allowed a foreign being INTO SAM’S BODY but also colluded with that being in deceiving Sam over several months, such that Sam was driven to question his own physical and mental health (he’s losing time, he feels exhausted and sort of emotionally thin, he despairs that he’ll be this way for ever, ‘maybe this is just me’ [9x08]). That he should find out the truth of this is bad enough but that he should do so through an extraordinarily traumatic series of events that includes his body being used for repeated acts of bloody murder, his skull being penetrated with huge great needles so that Crowley can access the angel inside him, and a double possession in which Crowley enters his body to help him expel Gadreel, is just… it’s so horrible. It’s horrific. 

So the fact that Dean can look at all of that and come out the other end with ‘Sam is unreasonably angry that I didn’t let him die, which was actually the Right Thing To Do because Sam is important to me and I wouldn’t be without him’ is… interesting and I think you’re right to question it. That’s particularly the case given that on one level Dean clearly DOES know what it is that has upset Sam, because it’s the reason he was reluctant to agree to Gadreel’s plan in the first place. In the hospital room he says quite clearly that Sam would never consent to being possessed and that he’d ‘rather die’. And then during the period where Gadreel is possessing Sam and Sam doesn’t know about it, again, Dean’s shown as being conscious on several occasions that there’s something very sinister in having an occupying power inside your own body. But at the same time, at that point he’s already committed himself to Gadreel’s plan, and I suppose to have let the angel into Sam’s body and then for it not to have been worthwhile anyway might feel a little like the worst of both worlds. Either way, it’s definitely clear that Dean does understand the issue with the idea of possession (leaving aside of course all the context from earlier in the show, all the stuff in S5 about not wanting to be Michael’s vessel, just look at his face in 9x02 when Abaddon is threatening to possess him). 

So when, in the Purge, Sam tells Dean that he wouldn’t 'save’ Dean under the circumstances of 9x01 (and god, there’s a whole other meta to be written on ‘saved’, especially (tho not exclusively) in relation to Sam’n’Dean, and all the messy uncomfortable meanings that the word takes on), anyway when Sam says ‘same circumstances, I wouldn’t’ and Dean takes that as meaning that Sam wouldn’t save Dean’s life at all under any conditions, I think it’s difficult to argue that that’s a genuine mistake on Dean’s part. At least part of Dean’s brain knows what that means. But I think the reason he responds the way he does is a lot to do with Dean’s fears and insecurities and about the unhealthy patterns that have developed in their relationship as a result of the fundamental tension between what Dean wants – Sam, beside him, enjoying the hunting lifestyle – and what Sam wants, which does often seem to be something else (and crucially, I think, DEAN thinks deep in his heart of hearts that Sam wants something else). Specifically, it’s clear that Dean is afraid a lot of the time that Sam will leave him. Like, that’s quite evident from S1 onwards (‘There’s got to be something you would want for yourself –‘ ‘Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam’ [1x16]) and it carries on being true throughout the show. He says so, even, right then in 9x13 when Sam asks what the point is, 'what’s the upside of me being alive?’ (!!!! ugh my heart breaks): 'You and me, fighting the good fight, together.’ He says the same thing in 11x11, when Sam is apologising for the umpteen billionth time over the fact that he briefly settled down with Amelia: 'All that matters now, all that’s ever mattered, is that we’re together.’ So I think if we see that as a primary motivating factor then it helps to make a lot of sense about why Dean sort of wilfully fails to recognise Sam’s feelings about the Gadreel incident in season 9 and thereafter. 

Basically as I see it, Dean feels (at whatever level of consciousness) like if he admits that he really, seriously fucked up in inviting Gadreel into Sam’s body on Sam’s behalf - if he even partly concedes what an awful, fundamental violation it was - then surely Sam will go ahead and leave him. Right? He deserves to be left for it (which… we could discuss, I guess, but I think it’s not unreasonable for Dean to think that). If Sam feels righteously angry at Dean, if he sees Dean for the piece of crap that Dean so often declares himself to be, then what’s keeping him with Dean? Nothing. 

On the other hand - as Dean has just had opportunity to observe in S8 - something that is very GOOD at keeping Sam attached to Dean is guilt. If Sam feels guilty then he can be easily persuaded into changing his behaviour in ways that pay off well for Dean’s vision of Sam-n-Dean on the road together. He gets Sam back into hunting at the start of the season by guilting him about abandoning Kevin (‘He was our responsibility. And you couldn’t answer the damn phone.’), and when Sam makes the decision to choose Dean over Amelia in 8x10 it’s couched in terms of obligation: ‘She does make me happy, and she could be waiting for me if I went back… But… with everything staring down at us, with all that’s left to be done… I don’t know.’ It’s not hard to see therefore why Dean should think that the main way to keep Sam engaged in hunting is by creating something about or for which he can feel responsible. Obviously the crisis in ‘Sacrifice’ – which ironically is what precipitated the whole Gadreel mess in the first place - shows the dangers of pushing this strategy too far (Sam feels so guilty that he’s actually willing to die) but I can see why Dean would fall back onto it as a tried-and-tested method of keeping Sam at his side. That is not to say that I think this is a totally cold, conscious decision, but I think part of Dean’s mind understands this and that you can see this madeevident in the way that he reacts to Sam’s anger about Gadreel. As per 8x23 , Sam is enormously worried by the suggestion that he is not a good enough brother to Dean – that he doesn’t love Dean enough. It’s not true, of course. If he didn’t love Dean as much as he did then the suggestion wouldn’t really hurt; if he didn’t love Dean then we wouldn’t get that moment in 5x16 where Dean drops the amulet in the trash and Sam’s heart sort of gently chunks in two before our very eyes. But (I guess since Stanford?? at least since Stanford) it’s easy for Dean to point at something and go ‘you don’t love me as much as I love you, BECAUSE,’ and to have Sam drop whatever argument they might be having and bend over backwards to make up for it (for Stanford, for Ruby, for leaving Dean with Lisa while he was “running around with no soul”). And that guilt’s a good way to keep Sam in the kind of apologetic, frantic frame of mind that (Dean thinks, for his own messed up reasons but perhaps not without some element of truth) is his best bet for keeping Sam at his side. 

So what is Dean’s reaction to the events of 9x10? A) He tells Sam not to feel guilty about Kevin because that’s Dean’s fault, Dean is ‘poison’; b) he leaves Sam to deal with the trauma alone (or, with Castiel’s support, but then alone after that when Cas leaves to re-engage in his heavenly business); and c) he goes off with Crowley on a job which culminates in him taking on the Mark of Cain whilst deliberately turning down Cain’s offer to explain what precisely he’s getting himself into. The effect of which is a) to evade responsibility for what happened (this goes alongside the ‘it’s not something you’re doing, it’s what you are’ of 4x21 I think – if Dean ‘is poison’ then the bad things he does are somehow outside his agency, he can’t help them because that is just How He Is); b) to avoid having to confront the reality of how Sam is now feeling (this is about self-preservation mostly I think, and about Dean’s sort of inner need to feel like he’s more or less a righteous person – it’s a lot easier to feel like what he did was justified if he’s not been confronted, as Cas was, with the unpleasant hard reality of a newly suicidal Sam); and c) – this is a biggie – to push the onus of responsibility back onto Sam by making himself (Dean) a problem to be dealt with again. That is, by taking on the Mark of Cain (something that Dean repeatedly throughout S10 in particular will frame as a burden that he is nobly struggling to bear), Dean puts himself in a position where HE NEEDS SAM’S SUPPORT and Sam has shown again and again that he’s unable to resist that demand. 

Again, I am not saying that Dean like sat down fully calm and plotted this all out as the best strategy to ‘get away’ with what he did to Sam with Gadreel. I don’t think it’s as conscious or deliberate as that. But equally I don’t think that the fact he has (HEEEEUUUUGE) abandonment issues and that it panics him to think of Sam leaving him is sufficient excuse for him to behave in a way that leaves Sam feeling guilty for being as upset as he is about what happens in S9. He was fully justified to be very very angry. Dean might have massive issues but Sam is a separate person and he doesn’t owe Dean support to the extent of sacrificing his own autonomy to keep Dean happy. That’s particularly the case given that Dean had so recently been directly confronted with the result of the assault that his behaviour had enacted on Sam’s self-esteem (yes, I’m talking about 8x23 again). So. Yeah. I certainly don’t agree with (for example) the meta that crossed my dash a few days ago that described Sam’s behaviour to Dean in S9, post-Gadreel, as ‘downright abusive’. Absolutely not. 

Anyway. I think you can see a lot of the dynamic that I’m talking about in operation in episode 10x18, ‘Book of the Damned’. Here for example is the moment where Dean’s telling Sam and Charlie that they need to burn the book: 

SAM: Look, just let us translate the book, okay? If there’s a cure, we’ll do it and deal with the consequences later. I can’t lose you.

DEAN: Really?

SAM: Yeah, really.

DEAN: You change your mind on that, cause that’s not what you said last time.

SAM: Oh, come on, man. You know I didn’t mean that.

DEAN: This is my cross to bear, Sam! Mine! And that book is not the answer! Now we got to destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands, and that includes me! I’m gonna go for a drive.

Here we get ‘Dean with the Mark-as-a-burden’ (‘This is my cross to bear, Sam!’) (conveniently ignoring the fact that four episodes earlier Cain’s suggested that it may also be Sam’s cross to bear, when Dean eventually MURDERS him, haha) and also ‘Dean guilting Sam about being a bad brother in order to win an argument’ (‘Really?’). Sam switches straight into defensiveness and Dean’s able to move the conversation the way that he wants it (and like… come on. By this point Dean should be pretty clear on the fact that Sam wouldn’t just let him die. Sam’s saved his life more than a handful of times between 9x13 and 10x18). 

And then later that same episode, we also get to see the effect that this has had on Sam’s perception of the Gadreel incident. He’s talking to Charlie about that line of Dean’s, ‘that’s not what you said last time’, and they get onto Gadreel – but couched in terms that made me like… choke on my own tongue with outrage, aahahahaha 

SAM: So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh…

CHARLIE: He saved you.

SAM: Yeah, he saved me.

CHARLIE: And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him?

SAM: Yeah, that sounds about right.

CHARLIE: Brothers.

Like… hooooooooboy. There’s that ambiguous ‘saved’ again but what I’m really interested in is the way that Sam ‘saying something that hurt Dean’ – which in this context specifically is, ‘Same circumstances, I wouldn’t’ has somehow become equivalent to ‘he did something you didn’t want’ -  that is, let another being possess your body, wipe your memories, commit murder with your very hands and then lie to you about it for several months. What do we learn from this? I guess, that Dean’s strategy of downplaying his own bad behaviour by making it an issue of LOVE, and who loves each other more (’brothers!’), has been pretty fricking successful. So I suppose I think that’s why he never ‘got it’ about Gadreel: he chose not to, and Sam (who does love his brother, and whose brief moment of assertiveness was built on a foundation of seriously shaky self-esteem) fell back into the pattern that they typically operate in, and here they are. 

One last time. I am not saying that Dean rationalised this all out in his head and behaved on that basis. It’s more like… he’s learned through doing that this is an effective strategy to deal with Sam, or to keep things ticking over more or less the way he wants, and he’s scared enough about what his life would be like if Sam did leave him to resort to this tried-and-tested behaviour even though he’s smart enough and EMOTIONALLY smart enough that if he actually acknowledged what’s going on here then I think he would be able to realise how very fucked up it is.

So. Apologies for the enormous length of this answer, and for its slowness in arriving, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and I wanted to have it written out in full.

[isaacathom]

so does saval know rien is a scavenger? rien doesnt know that saval is one, because she was under a different like ‘branch manager’ dealio and saval was arrested so shortly after rien arrived in sinofis. but does saval know rien is a scavenger?

she probably guesses. theres a criminal here who clearly knows their way around weaponry, is really good with horses, and has a thick skarhan drawl. if thats not a skarhan scavenger with a speciality in highway banditry and horse stealing, she doesnt know what is.

on the other hand, saval knows personally a number of people with skarhan accents in gangs which are not the scavengers, and she isn’t familiar with any specific skarhan highway bandit in the scavengers. provided rien doesn’t mention that the timeframe of them being in sinofis, saval may assume they were in different gangs.

another important detail is the Hit. saval is aware that it took place, but not the outcome or who was involved. all she was told is that ‘two people are dead, or out of the picture’. Yengchu knows that this information pertains to Rien, or that Rien is otherwise aware of that specific event through another channel. saval has no idea its about rien. if saval asks, rien says they turned themself in out of a ‘change of heart’, because thats true and all they need to say. they changed their mind. it took someone dying but its cool.

savals info is also incorrect. while two people did die, its not the same 2 that she thinks. she assumes that two members of the scavengers are dead, likely that the one being hit managed to bring one down with them. not that one of the deceased was an unrelated civilian. that, or her info actually says ‘three people died’, because Teyavion would claim to have killed Rien. after all, rien functionally disappeared, and since saval doesn’t know which prisoners have entered the /mens/ prison, saval doesnt know that teyavion lied. plus, rien being alive wouldnt NECESSARILY dispute the ‘three people died’ claim. it would just mean rien was not one of the three. they are, but noone knows that (not here, anyway)

so saval knows, or assumes, that rien is likely a scavenger. she doesnt know that they was under suspicion of being a rat, or that they took the fall for her actions, or that they were one of the three.

saval is, however, aware of rien as a ‘pre-arrival’ individual. not in any detail, like noone asked her if she’d seen a person yae tall, purple hair, responds to rien, that sort of thing. but mentions of a ‘pretty good bandit’ and ‘someone who hadnt arrived yet’ were heard. whether she connected any of these details? eh. wouldnt matter much. itd take rien telling a very specific anecdote from Plumtris for saval to go ‘wait ive heard that story before’. but that would require rien to be vocal about their past in a ‘im gonna tell yall about crimes ive done in a foreign country’ way. which is. probably more likely than going on about ‘crimes ive done in this country and to which i can be held accountable’ but yknow, extradition. gotta keep it vague. if its vague enough youre not gonna learn shit, tho.

plus the plan was for the ‘oH SHIT WE’RE IN THE SAME GANG’ moment to be related to either teyavion (unlikely, too late in the game) or with like, guy 2 of 3 (teyavion is 3, atm). cause its like, saval’s been leaking all this info to the cops, and when they arrive to fuck up the guy, he goes ‘WAIT. I KNOW YOU. WHAT THE FUCK’ and WHOOPS its one of the guys who was tasked with cornering Rien on the highway as part of the hit. he doesn’t have a vendetta in the same way that Teyavion does (which is like a three part vendetta of nightmares) but he’s probably a Little miffed. like, what the fuck. teyavion said you were dead. well, guess again, bitch? its me. im here.

but when he says that, and it becomes obvious that rien and the target are in the same gang, saval is jsut ‘OH. OH’ because its confirmation. that she should know of rien, at the very least. but she doesnt! she has no fucking idea who rien is. and while saval is generally a good liar, its very obvious that she’s a Little bit confused. plus if the guy also recognizes saval (same ‘branch’, maybe?) then koshi and tamjol can be confused as well like ‘wait yall are in the same gang?’ ‘i... guess?’

part of me wants to hold the group wide reveal for later tho, like as part of the teyavion showdown, because its the moment that it becomes apparent that rien took the fall for saval’s actions. though, maybe establishing that the two were in the same gang (albeit having not met, which is a contrivance but fair) earlier would make sense? esp since the reader wouldnt be aware that saval is the one setting up these missions, not rien. because rien has been providing info, as much as they know, and youd assume that the guard is able to act off that info by investigating it themselves. right? it follows

that makes sense to me, i think. rien has no reason to believe saval is a leaker or a traitor or anything, and theyd be calling the kettle black if they took umbrage. its only the fact that saval’s leaking specifically ended up implicating rien which is the issue, aside from the fact that. yknow. a lot of shit happens. its great!