#tho it's still interesting to me that chase only really got into journalism in the first place because jenna mentioned it on a whim

[nitw]

just watched the finale of keith ballard's echo playthrough (;_;) and when i saw this quote again from the epilogue something hit me:

yeah uh i'm really starting to accept the "sam was the one who made the decision/fueled chase's drive to make the echo documentary" theory as canon at this point because this is Just Chase

[marthammasters]

@revenge-of-the-assbutt @firstaidspray @sachermorte thank u for enabling me NEWAY since I’ve been too dead to do any of my own hobbies here’s some thoughts on House & Co’s physical hobbies/lil crafts & such they do in the comfort of their home<3:

House: canonically does a ton of shit like piano/guitar/cooking/so on but In the spirit of him resisting change (At Times!) I think he’s gotten very good if not makes a fun time out of mending clothes🥺…. Didn’t wanna throw away his favorite shirts so it started w small hems+resizings until he looked up more tips online and get decorative w it. Pretty contrasting colors/patterns now randomly laid on his shirts and pants w only the careful eye(Cuddy+Wilson) to notice. If anyone cares

Wilson: gardening. Well as much one can do within his apartments/pretty nonplant friendly homes. He’s not a super greenthumb expert but it always gives him a lil confidence boost when he’s able to grow out spices and herbs & such to use in his cooking ♥️

Cuddy: she seems like a collage-making kind of girlie💗💗 no specific theme in em or anything but she still holds onto the potential self-aid of making vision boards and it’s relaxing for her to go thru magazines/etc + cut out whatever interests her enough to use. Rachel tries and cutely fails to help 💓💓💓

Chase: ironically enough for the prodigal son lol but . He genuinely seems like someone who enjoys spending time in silence/music doing puzzles w 1000+ pieces & such #DWEEB❤️. House once got him a 5000 piece puzzle of a kangaroo or w/e as a joke and he is Determined to complete it. In due time chase…

Foreman: the thought of Foreman crocheting is so dear to me….. he doesn’t rly tell anyone ab it but there’s a lot of half-finished + worn projects as proof around his home. #angsting it sorry but I think he took it up after his mom started deteriorating bc she crocheted too and it was a fonder reminder + sumn they could do together. One yr he gave the fellow ducklings scarves he made as Xmas gift. Not that he told him he made it tho😅#repressed

Cameron: I think she has a moderately sized zen garden on a table somewhere in her home she takes SERIOUS. Changes the lines/circles in the sand periodically, sees what new arrangement of rocks she can do etc etc. Girl that thing is meant to be relaxing!! also colorcodes/sticker-covers/etc her planner like a CHAMP.

Amber: she has the most well-detailed prettiest most concerning-when-read journal/diary everrrr. Dedicates a specific time in every day to it w specific pens of various colors. Some of the recounting even have lil doodles or if she takes the journal out w her she draws her view wherever she is<3 they’re literal chickenscratch but its still fun and fulfilling. It’s a bibleesque piece to Wilson’s Amber shrine btw

Thirteen: she’s hard to analyze for me soz 13heads I do love her #trust… nonetheless I bet she goes to hella dance classes. Partially for the exercise partially for the fun partially for the need to experience Life partially for the women. Heh. She’s rly into zumba, jazz, contemporary classes to be specific.

Taub: ok ok so remember when he did/bought pottery or w/e to convince his wife he was being faithful. I think he’d do it for real as a joke/alibi then be like wait…. This is kinda fun…? There’s no constraints to what he can make + the sculpting reminds him vaguely of plastic surgery work so he keeps it up.

Kutner: I think he draws + writes his own lil comics/zines 🫶 they’re mostly scifi or superhero and more than a lil inspired by his fave preexisting medias . He likes using the crazy cases he’s experienced w House as story inspo. Also he 4 sure runs dnd campaigns so well and fun. Btw

Masters: she’s a suckerrrr for trivia nights my lil nerd wife<3 but um anyway when she wants to relax she Really doesn’t want sumn that can become info overload so in free time she’ll make friendship bracelets, lil shapes/figures out of string, etc. Will someone please give this woman a full on loom to go cray with!!!!

Park: I can see it so clearly . I can see her lil handpainted warhammer and other tabletop game figures so perfectly in my head. She paints more than she actually plays(but she does !). God save you if you touch or tumble them.

Adams: I kinda DGAF about her sorry women… hmm there’s sumn compelling ab her doing blackout poetry plus occasionally full-on written when the inspo hits! started as a boredom thing in her job in the prison w whatever book she brought in then she kept on doing it w more and more written pieces she comes across.

I put so much time into this. Perhaps too much.😭feel free to gimme y’all’s thoughts on this/ur own ideas :3

[alissabila]

[1] 4 sept - self journal

The day started just about as normal as usual, woke up late, had a shower race, came up to class late without forgetting to show exhaustion while the day just even started. And yes that's my kind of normal. I don't know how to describe my day again but everything went very similar like any other day. Maybe the interesting part was the cultural landscape preservation subject, we discussed about the legal aspects of cultural heritage, the unesco and regulations stuffs, it was always interesting when it comes to united nations but legal aspect was never been in my concern.

Talking about my mood today, lately i've been feeling very empty and lost. I'm not trying to be hyperbolic but lately it feels like im drowning in the thick black sea where the oil has leaked, and the water is slimy and oily (maybe?) and you can't breathe as the black oil got into your mouth and started filling your throat then probably your lung and all happend while you drowning. You can't do nothing and you're being eaten up. It's not a new feeling. I've been here. So many times. Yet i still don't know how do i deal with it. I was just "and yep here we go again, this phase again". In the current moment, i have a lot to do, like real lots. Let's do a recall to every places I put myself into: AIESEC, TEDXIPB, Faculty competition, Himpro, uncountable amount of landscape tasks, and many other things that should be done but I didn't keep it in mind. This phase had taken me to the highest level of not being productive. I completely conscious about my responsibility, that i already in the best platform i could have, but IT'S JUST STOPPED ME LIKE THAT. I JUST COULDN'T DO IT AND IT DIDN'T NEED ANY PRECISE REASON. I hate that i had to say that i don't feel alive.

Long classes and time passed, i skipped short film competition session, like i said before, i just couldnt do it. And i really mean it. Out of nowhere, i didnt remember how it happened, but i ended sitting with Abi and started to talk about everything, in literal meaning. Everything. Then he just randomly shouted "NGOPI YUUK" without even really proposing. But i was like, yes lets go now please its been a long time since my last caffeine. And we agreed to try the new coffeeshop behind the campus, it seems interesting because the landform is hilly and the coffeeshop is in the down so you could only see the parking lot from the road. Who knew they had marijuana plantation down there? Lol ok kidding its haram.

We took our laptops, in case we had the drive to finish our site plan task and just go without hesitation. I always been wondering how the coffeeshop looks like because it's pretty much in remote area i might say? Well i didn't expect much actually, then again it's only Dramaga how good can it be? (I am truly sorry for the deprecation i swear the next paragraph would be filled with praise)

As I said before, it had this 'not very normal land contour', we needed to go down a very steep road to reach the parking lot. Next, there was a small wooden gate, very traditional and there our feet started to walk down the ramp, it was pretty steep for a ramp but they had this natural stones with much textures so it didnt feel slippery. Down and down and down, we walked to a small path with very natural and organic shaped stone, they didnt really make it as a strict lined path that has all the stones to step along the path, and they didnt really cut the vegetations around no matter how wild and messy it is. And i found this really good. Along the stone path, i could see the view of a green space with some industrial table and chair. On the right side, there set a small traditional wooden terrace, with it's coffee roasting machine, industrial chairs again (you know that type of metal chair), some really retro chair as well really retro colors, some coffee tables were a recycled sewing machine wow so you got to play with the pedal HAHA. fun fun thing. Before reaching the coffeshop area, you would find this mini pedestrian bridge crossing a small water stream. All i could say all of these are beyond expectation, i really love what i'm seeing. Other thing that amused me was, the river was just next to all of it and i really loved the sound of water it always gave me calm I couldn't have from anything. They had this backyard of traditional house feelings and yet they served natural landscape scene. I could smell the wet grass, I could smell the wooden house construction, I could smell the coffee being roasted, I could see how they managed to not destroy the existing landscape as much as they can, I could hear the water having it's rhythm, and I could hear all these people having an intimate discussion, and all i could think is all my senses had been blessed. They also had this vintage shelf with vintage things, that vintage metal coffee cups, bamboo walled toilets, aaaa im in love with everything here it's like the owner really put his soul into this. At some point i felt grateful for this place, and by that i felt alive again at least for this moment. This could be my very short escape from all the dullness in life (I'm really trying not to be hyperbolic but I am who I am). One thing i also realized was; to be grateful, it doesn't have to be ourself as the main character in it, it doesn't have to be our destiny, and it doesn't have to be our story. One serene coffeeshop could make it work,and other peculiar thing also could work, maybe we just need to be more detail to what's around us. This place reminded me a lot of Bandung. Which I also very grateful, now i can get Bandung vibes in hand. As the night came, the place got more quiet that it enhanced the sound of the river, added by the frog sounds and the buzz of night insects. This night was cold but somehow what surrounds me, the yellowish lighting, all the chit chat with Abi, gave me warmth. Cold night with a warm heart.

Shitty stuff still happened tho, it took forever for my laptop to install the autocad and i couldn't find the keygen for cracking the app because my brokeass couldn't afford the legal one. I decided to continue my read on Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. It's my second book of Murakami. It's only been chapter two but i already highlighted a lot haha. To end this very first self journal, I would present my today's favorite quote from Kafka on the Shore. Ciao.

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine."

[tenaciousarcadeexpert]

Criminal Minds-The Good Ol’ Days

@marvelfanlife, @itsmeedee, @stunudo, @veroinnumera​, @derekmorgansoffice, @dontshootmespence, @cynbx, @jaqren, @literallyprentissstwin, @gabriellewritermua, @blitzz11, @beenthroughalot, @princesswagger14​

Special Thanks for @princesswagger14 for helping me

Chapter 5-Just A Simple Crush

It has been days since the teens returned from their trip and things were back to normal as usual. Since these past few days, Hotch and Matt seemed to get pretty close to one another. The more they hung out together, the more Matt saw Hotch smile and they had all kinds of inside jokes. Hotch started to get a better knowing of Matt, seeing that he was a pretty decent guy as opposed to the typical obnoxious jock. The same goes for Matt, who was able to get Hotch to open up as he was more that the “stoic” and serious one. As time went on though, Matt kept talking about a girl around campus he likes, much to Hotch’s interest, given that so many girls fancied him and other guys like him, though he never thought that there would be someone he truly likes.

“Wow, she sounds nice.” “Yeah, you have no idea. Too bad I rarely see her nowadays.” Matt groaned while he stirs his coffee.

“Hey, who knows, you might see her again.” “You really think so?” “I know so.” “Yeah. Well, I gotta get going.” Matt said as he got up and grabbed his backpack. “See ya.” As Hotch was heading to his class, he was looking down at his to do list for the day when he suddenly collided with girl with auburn-ish hair.

“Oh my goodness I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you.” “It’s fine.” The girl gently pushed a streak of hair to the back of her ear. “I wasn’t paying attention. I’m so sorry again.” She says as she walks off.

Hotch quickly walks to his class without anymore incidents. When he finally gets to his class, he was surprised to see the same girl he saw earlier, which was odd given that a few days have passed and he somehow did not recognize some of his classmates. As everyone got seated, he sits next to her and she looks up and smiles at him.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know we share the same class.”

“Yeah, what are the chances huh?” He then extends his hand out. “I’m Aaron, by the way.”

“Kristy. It’s nice to know you, Aaron.” The two shake hands while getting out their books for class. Just as Kristy puts her notebook down, Hotch’s eyes drift down as he sees the notebook cover with markings of M+K and Mrs. Simmons. Hotch couldn’t help but squint his eyes as he took a better look at the markings on her notebook. Before he could do anything, Kristy put her notebook to the side, taking out her textbook just as their professor arrived. While writing, he couldn’t help but think about the marking on her notebook. He would ask about them but, he would do it at the end of class.

Soon, class was almost over and Hotch was about to leave when Kristy drops her notebook. When Hotch picks it up, he uses it as an excuse to ask about the markings. He then makes his way up the stairs just to catch up to her.

“Kristy, Kristy!” He shouts. She stopped just to see Hotch run up to her.

“I uh, think this belongs to you. You dropped it just as you were heading out.” “Oh my god.” Kristy gasped in relief as she clutched the journal. “Thank you so much.” She was about to walk away when she she asked him. “You didn’t…….” “Oh uhm...no.” He scratched his head.

“Oh okay.” “But I do have one question.” “Yes?”

“Did you at some point, just maybe….. Talk to a guy named Matt Simmons?”

“Uhhh what makes you say I do?”

“Idk, your cover is filled with markings of ‘M+K’. Plus I’ve seen you write ‘Mrs. Kristy Simmons’ a couple of times during class. And I’m pretty sure I know a guy who’s name starts with an M and whose last name is ‘Simmons.’”

“Oh uh….wow, what a coincidence.” She awkwardly chuckled. “Yeah. Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do sense there’s something going on between you and Matt. Are you sure you don’t…….”

She groans and sighs. “Okay, maybe I like him a little bit. But I don’t see him much anymore.” She looked around and walked a little close to Hotch. “You don’t happen to know him, do you?”

He nods. “Yeah, he’s my…...roommate.”

Her eyes widen. “What?! Really?! You dorm with him?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god, oh my god! Can you please, please, please put in a good word for me? Please?!”

“Okay, okay! Just calm down. I’ll uh, say that you were looking for him and you want to talk to him. Okay?” “Oh, that would be sooooo nice.” She pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.” She gushed as she squeezed him tightly and skipped away to her next class.

“Ahh.” Hotch groaned as he walks away. “Damn that girl is strong.”

                   -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Meanwhile, Haley Brooks was outside sitting near the fountain where she was reciting lines from William Shakespeare’s Othello

“My dear Othello! Okay...that wasn’t so bad. Let’s see…..” She murmured as she skims through the book. “The heavens forbid…….That our love and comforts should increase,….Even as our days do grow….Okay, I think I got it. She licked her thumb and skimmed through pages. Although the play was only four weeks away, she couldn’t help but worry about possibly forgetting her lines as Desdemona.

“Amen to that, sweet powers!”

Haley looked up to see Stephen Walker standing in front of her just as she goes over her lines.  “Stephen?”

“I cannot speak enough of this content; ……...It stops me here; it is too much of joy:.......” She smiled as he continued to recite lines from Othello while approaching her.

“And this, and this, the greatest discords be…….That e'er our hearts shall make!”

“Ohhhhhh.” She clapped. “That was so good.”

“I know. You weren’t so bad either.”

She waved her arm. “Oh please, I can barely memorize them without going back to the book.” “Oh, if you want, I can help you.” “You could?” “Yeah, just tell me which scene you’re on.” “Oh, well I-”

“Haley! Haley!” Both Haley and Stephen suddenly turned around to see Kristy eagerly running towards them.

“What sweetie? What is it?!” She asked as Kristy constantly shakes her. When she stopped, she noticed how big her smile was and her eyes all filled up with glee.

“Oh god, let me guess…… Matthew?”

“YES!!! Well no not Matt but Matt’s roommate!! He said he’d talk to Matt and that I wanted to meet with him. AHHH I’M SO HAPPY!!”

“Uh, what’s going on here?” Stephen asked as Kristy jump around like a five year old.

“Well my poor poor, boy crazy friend has talked about this guy named Matthew who helped her when Kyle tried to get with Kristy in the library when school first started.”

“Ahhhh, boy crazy huh?”

“Yep, poor Kristy.”

“I see.” Stephen took sight of Haley’s friend as he waved to her. “Uh Haley, who’s your friend.” “Ah Kristy, this is Stephen. He and I are taking theater together. We’re performing in Othello.” “Wow.” “I know, you better be there when it starts.” “I will.” “And who knows, you might bring Matt with you.” She chuckled. “Yeah, will do.” Kristy then wiggles her shoulders. “I hope he really does get the message.” “I hope so too.” She sassed. Haley and Stephen watched as Kristy leave. “Man, Kristy’s so lucky. I wish I was able to find a guy like she did.”

“Who knows, you’ll find someone.” She scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure Matt has a roommate that’s just as equally attractive and gentleman-like.” Stephen chuckled in amusement. “Who knows, he probably does.”

“Yeah and I’ll just hold my breath.” Haley laughs.

               ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

      At the dining hall, Reid looked around as he tries to locate Marissa just so that Derek and Luke know what she looks like.

”Okay pretty boy, so what does Marissa look like?” Derek says as he looks around.

“Well she's black, with long brunette hair, dark brown eyes, tall.”

“I see........” Derek says, again looking around. “ Is it that one over there? In the purple tank top?” Luke asks.

Spencer squints his eyes, only to widen them just as he took took sight of her. “Oh goodness, yep that's her.”

“Woah easy pretty boy, you got this.” Derek then rubs Reid's shoulders.

He sighs. “Okay okay, what do I say?”

“Don't overthink. Just go and say hi and try to get the conversation going.”

Spencer: ok, i can do this.” He then gets up and walks to her table, giving both Derek and Luke a thumbs up.

“Good luck out there.” Derek clapped.

“Yeah, you can do this.” Luke cheered.

“H-h-hi Marissa.” Spencer stutters.

Marissa: Oh hey Spencer! What’s up?”

He rubbed his head. “I uh.....oh dear......”

Marissa: do you wanna hang with us?

“Oh uh, yea sure. I'd love to.”

“Cool! So we gonna play scary games, wanna join?

“ Ooo scary games. I'm in.”

“OH GOD THE DOOR IS OPENING!” Marissa’s friends, Tez and Jezzy shout.

“Wait, what?!” Reid asked, confused. All he could hear was Marissa’s friends randomly freaking out.

“I'M SCARED MAN!!!” Jezzy screams.

“WE AIN'T NO BITCHES THO!” Tez tries to convince himself and Jezzy that they were okay.

“Wha-what?!” Reid croaked, still confused by the madness that goes on with Marissa’s friends. He then tapped her shoulder. “Marissa, what is going on?”

“Jezzy and Tez are both afraid of clowns so we're having them play a game with clowns.” Marissa explains while Tez and Jezzy are still screaming in the background.

“Oh uh clowns?” He asked, curious.

“Yea, you’re not afraid, are you? should i get you to play with them?” Marissa teases.

“WHat me?! Afraid of clowns? No way, I'm not scared of any clowns.” Reid tries to act tough.

Marissa smirked. “Ooohhh i think you are! Tez, Jezzy I think Spencer wants to play!”

“Wait wait wait wait! No I don't, I don't want t-”

“Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!” The three chant.

“Uh wait, I change my mind, I don't want to play anymore!”

“Come on man you can do it! Do it!” Reid hears from everyone at the table.

Reid looked away and crossed his arms. “No, I wo-”

“Please Spencer?” She begged. “For me?” *=She then starts to give him the puppy dog eyes, much to his dismay.

He then whimpers and sigh. “Uh..............okay.”

“Yay, so what you need to do is collect 10 owls in 5 minutes. But for every owl you get, The 3 clowns chases you even faster. Got it?”

“I uh got it.” Reid says as he sits down.

"Okay, the headphones are on full volume. So get into it.”

“Okay.”

As Reid starts playing, it is very apparent that he might’ve regret his decision at that point. As he walks around in the dark he sees an owl and picks it up. He sees the clowns a few times and avoided it successfully. But when he picked up the 5th owl, the clowns all jumpscare Marissa and Spencer and a few of Marissa's friend, prompting the two of them to both run and jumped out of their seats. “Fuck, shit, fuck fuck fuck shit.” Marissa blurts out. “I told you guys that you fucked up!” Tez and Jezzy screamed at Marissa and Spencer. “WHY DID YOU BUY THE GAME!?” “IT WAS FREE!” “YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BUY IT!” “IT WAS STILL FREE DAMMIT!” “Ughhhhhh. Free my ass, now I won't be able to sleep tonight.” Tom says, sinking back into his seat. “What the hell was tHAt?!” Reid yelled bent over his chair, catching his breath. “The bitch is trippin!” Spencer and Marissa both laugh. “My god.” Reid says sitting down. “That was freaking awesome!” Marissa yelled. “Agreed.” Tom said high fiving Marissa. “Awesome? I had no idea what was going on in that game, no offense.” Spencer said, confused. “That's how scary games are supposed to be!” Tom explained. “Ohhh ohhhhhhhhh!” Reid says in understanding. “Tom wanna play another game?” Marissa asked. “Oh Really? And have more nightmares tonight?........ Of course!” He says rushing to what had been Reid’s chair. “Hell yea!” Tez and Jezzy yell.

As Marissa puts on Outlast, Spencer takes a seat behind Marissa and Tom. As Marissa puts on the headphones her face says she's scared fuckless but she keeps ‘screaming she ain't no bitch’. When she gets fairly far in the game, she and everyone else gets jumpscared.

“RAAAAPPPPEEEE.................oh god........... WHY!!!??” Tom screams as he runs out of his chair. “Man, I'm done!” Tez says. “MAN I told you to go right miss ‘ITS NOT THE WRONG WAY IN MY EYES’!" Tom screamed.

“Shut up Tez! I Told you I had something in my eye!” Marissa said. Tez rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” “WHY WAS THERE A PIG?!” Reid asked, baffled by the pig’s presence. “There was a pig?” Tom asked. “There was ha!” Tez said.

Just then, Marissa and rest of the group wanted to hang at her dorm for the rest of the game night they were having. Just as they were about to leave, they turn to Reid.

“Hey Spencer are you coming with us?” Marissa asked. “Uh sure, would love to!” He said, excited. “I mean, yeah, I am.” “Nice! Wanna bring the friends you were sitting with? The more, the merrier!” “Oh uhm, let me go ask them.” Spencer said as he starts walking over to his table. “Hey pretty boy how did it go?” Derek asks. “Pretty well, and she's asking me to come over to her dorm, along with some friends. You guys wanna join?” “Are you ok with that?” Luke asked, wondering if Reid was okay with him and Derek joining him along with Marissa and her friends. “Yeah, I'm okay with that!” Reid says “Ok, im game! What about you Derek?” Luke said looking at Derek. “Let's see.......Sure, anything for my special boy!” Derek laughs. “Uh, ok lets go!” Derek and Luke get up from the table as Marissa runs up to them. “Hey yall coming? We are going to go crazy tonight! Woooohooo!” She screams as she grabs Reid’s hand and runs.

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Later that evening, Garcia was waiting for Courtney to get back from the showers. While she was waiting, she got more and more anxious for Courtney to come back. Finally, She walks into the room Garcia waved at her.

“Hey Courtney!” Garcia said cheerfully.

“Hey Garcia.” Courtney walked inside as she grabs a comb and starts combing her hair. “You seemed pretty worried, you okay?”

“Yes, well, kinda. Um, can we talk for a second?”

“Uhhhh okay.” She then sat down on her bed. “Let’s make it quick, cause I have a still life painting I need to work on tomorrow.”

“Sure thing. Um, do you remember that letter couple days ago i had you read with me?”

“Yes, I remember. Oh I almost forgot, how was the trip?”

“Um, it was… interesting. But thing is, it turns out, we were never supposed to tell anyone about it and i told you. I’m just wondering, could you just keep that between you and me?”

Garcia watched as she scrunched her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to tell me about the trip?”

“No. Please don’t tell anyone! My Professor told us that if we told anyone, and it gets around, we could all get in trouble!”

“Woah, did you say ‘in trouble’?!” Courtney blurts out as she leaped up from her bed.

“Yes! Please don’t tell me you told anyone!”

“N-no, I didn’t.” Garcia then glares at her. “I’m serious, I didn’t tell anyone. Besides, secret or not, I don’t gossip about my roommate’s life with any of my friends.” “Okay, okay, this is good. So this stays between us, right?”

Courtney sighs and crossed her arms. “Yes, just between us.” She then pats Garcia on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”

“Okay, good. Thanks. I owe you, big time.”

“Yeah you do.” She joked as she walked up to her bed.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No, I’m not. But maybe next time, give me a warning or something.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you. Tomorrow, I buy you anything you want.”

She raised an eyebrow at her. “Anything?”

“Anything, just say the thing. You like cupcakes or donuts? Cinnamon rolls? Frozen yogurt? Beignets?” She chuckled. “Garcia, you do-”

“Shut it. What do you want? I want to make it up to you!”

She sighs. “Hmmmm. Well, I always wanted to go eat at that Pancake house just near the mall. I heard they made really good chocolate chip pancakes and red velvet waffles, but I don’t know. It’s seems expensive and most of my money are for my art supplies.”

“Nonsense! We will go to that place Saturday morning for breakfast, my treat. What do you say?”

Courtney scratched her head. “I’d love too, but I can’t let you do this. I don’t want you to spend too much money because of me.”

“What did I say? Come on! Really Courtney, it’s free food that I’m offering you!”

“Okay, but that’s it! Nothing too big, just us eating tasty pancakes and waffles.”

“Okay! It’s a date!”

“Uhhh date?!” She asked confused.

“No no no! Not like that! Unless you want want it to be a date.” Garcia says as she winks at Courtney.

“Ehhh…” She blushed. “It’s just brunch and thank you. I’ll try to make it up to you.”

“No hun, this is my treat.”

“Okay. Well, be better get some rest. Don’t wanna wake up miserable tomorrow. Night.”

“Night!”

[entriesfromangels]

Journal entry (#27) ~

Well things have definitely changed since i last wrote an entry.

Remember J? Well.... things didn’t work out and still to this day, even though its only been a few days, i don’t know what happened.

So we were intimate twice and after the first time, his texts were kinda non existent. I mean he would text me but only after i made the initial text. Like if i didn’t text him, he probably wouldn’t text me. He used to send good morning messages and after we had sex, they kinda stopped. I told him this and was honest about how i was feeling. Keep in mind, i told him about my mental health and opened up about my disorder. At the time, he was super understanding and told me he was there for me.

I believed him.

After i told him how i was feeling, he said he would call me shortly. So all day, i awaited his call. He never called. I just assumed he was working so i didn’t bug him the rest of the day (even tho he read my “okay” message after him telling me he would call). I went and did errands and by the time the end of the day was near, i decided to call him. He answered and he said he was busy shaving and would call me when he was finished. I said okay and went about the rest of my evening. I then messaged and was like, “maybe we can talk about this in person?” Ofc, he read the message and didn’t respond. So 10PM rolls around and i decide to call him again, this time my call rang once and went straight to... “the number you are trying to reach is not available.”

So, i’m not stupid. I figured it out quickly. He blocked my number.

Was i in the wrong? Should i have not opened up about how i was feeling? I was all around super confused. I then went to snapchat and i saw he removed me as a friend. I then went to Facebook, where we were friends, and he removed me from there too. I was starting to get confused and a little annoyed. If you didn’t want to talk to me... then tell me? I mean i was vulnerable with him, n***d with him and was starting to open up. I wanted a potential something from this budding relationship but from what i was seeing, his words weren’t matching with his actions and i’m super big on that.

Maybe he got mad that i called him out or got annoyed with me calling and messaging. But lemme be clear, i wasn’t spamming his phone or anything like that. I paced myself and tried to not invade his space. But i think i did somehow. Is that really my fault though? Should i feel bad and sorry that it ended up this way? Things do happen for a reason and maybe me and J were just not meant to be.

So, after noticing he removed me, i just decided to block him on the sites he removed me from, his # and on instagram. I didn’t like that i had to do that because i did have the thought that he might reach out or want to talk to me but then again, if he really did, he wouldn’t have removed me from social media or blocked my #. I even thought he might stop by my house since he is only like 6 minutes away from me. The communication was non existent towards the end. I did notice i was starting to get EXTREMELY clingy and wanted to be around him all the time. I guess that was cause he lives in my town? I don’t know. I did notice this and i was doing my best to tone it down and ask to hang out on the weekends instead. I felt like i was doing the chasing instead of him doing it. I figured he already got what he wanted from me... which was s*x and he didn’t have a reason anymore to keep pursuing and that really hurts... 😕

I had a dream last night where for some reason he left his motorcycle at my house and came with his baby mama (yes he has a kid) to pick it up. He then left a letter for me that he gave my mom and i read it and the letter was basically like, “I am so sorry for how things went down. I was truly starting to fall for you and you are such an amazing girl...” etc etc. At the end of the letter he wanted me to unblock him so we could finally talk. I think i even walked to his house to wait for him but he never showed and i walked back and it started raining... so i walked home in the rain. That was pretty much the gist of the dream 🤷🏽‍♀️

I woke up feeling indifferent because i really do think, if we had communicated better, i think the outcome would’ve been a lot different. He told me so many sweet and kind things that i was actually starting to believe that hey, maybe this can be something. It just ended up turning out like every other guy that i have dated or was interested in. They all want that ONE specific thing and i give in by hearing kind words and sweet gestures. I know s*x can be just that and sometimes people get deprived or need that stress relief. I guess my true prince charming will be patient and wait for that special time to occur because i don’t want to give it away so freely like i have been doing in my previous relationships. S*x is sacred in a way because you are at your most vulnerable with another person and you are seeing each other in a different light than just movie nights and dinner dates.

If the future dates i go on start to go into that direction, i am going to do my best to evaluate where i am at with the other person and go from there. If we are ready to be that vulnerable with each other, then sure. But i gotta know if that person is in it for just the physical aspect or something more serious. It all just depends and maybe i gotta get off Tinder for that lol i dunno!

I do apologize for this long blog post but... just needed to rant lol