#hatecrimes Md

[deanbane]

this basically Hilson but with 20 dollars on the line

[fxirycxr3]

they can never just be normal and say you’re a top/bottom always some weird shit like this

[hilsonisthecure]

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[pinguplanet]

Hug your homies am I right?

[alexpdcl]

weh

[greghatecrimes]

House MD characters as this random compilation of bowling fails I found on tiktok (based on vibes alone)

[spoonstrek]

RIP House would have loved the phrase "did you just assume my gender?!" and variations thereon to dodge actually responding to someone trying to get his attention

[weird-an]

Fem! Hilson headcanons in no particular order:

House accuses Cuddy of sexism whenever she doesn't get approval for whatever risky surgery she wants for her patient

House wears band shirts and her hair short, but she's "borrows" Wilson's panties whenever she can

Wilson knows House steals her panties but she actually loves the idea

They still call each other "House" and "Wilson"

Whenever they go for dinner House cracks some joke about eating out

House says "I'm just a girl" after committing another crime

The team tracks House's cycle because they need to hide when she's on her period and House tracks Wilson's

Wilson swears off men after each marriage and House offers herself and shows Wilson how much she has been missing out

Some of these are @lazybakerart's brainworms too

[clockwards]

Foreman: we all know that thirteen is bisexual and that chase has something wrong with him, but i wonder if anyone else is gay

House: i am

Foreman: no you're not. if you were gay you would have slept with wilson years ago

House: i did

Foreman:

Foreman: you did not sleep with wilson

Foreman (vexed): you did NOT sleep with wilson

House:

Foreman: if you'd slept together, everything about your relationship would be insane-

House:

Foreman:

Foreman: oh my god you've slept with wilson

House:

Foreman:

House:

House: well not yet but your reaction is really making me think i should try

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Desperately in need of this house md poster on amazon to hang on my ceiling above my bed so they can watch me while I sleep

[dragonagitator]

...what the fuck (found via Reddit)

[deanbane]

RIP James Wilson. You would totally be horrified by what we wrote about you and House on the internet.

[ididnotknow]

sweaty.psd

[appendixsaucy]

Cuddy reading gentle parenting books for Rachel and using the tactics on house

[bronzeagepizzeria]

HOUSE MD | S05E23

[privatehousesanatomy]

HOUSE MD 2024 ONE SHOT BASED ON THIS SCREENSHOT - in collaboration with @zethd

"hey wilson, i need to borrow some money," house announced as he swung the door open to his best friend's office. the brunette oncologist rolled his eyes and let out a groan, though he was more than used to the request of money.

"what do you need it for?"

"does it matter?"

"yes," wilson huffed. "i'm not funding any of your stupid schemes anymore."

"i'm getting a service animal. i figure it's about time i finally accept that in my old age, my leg can't keep up with me anymore," house replied, the sarcasm dripping in his tone. wilson was slightly surprised, and he took a minute to consider.

"how much money do you need?"

"about $10k," house answered. wilson blinked, almost as if he couldn't believe he'd heard that correctly.

"why so much?"

"i'm high maintenence," house shrugged. "the dog needs to be able to keep up. dogs aren't cheap and the training isn't cheap either."

"don't those dogs come trained?"

"well, yeah, but i still have to compensate the trainers for working with the dog," house scoffed, as if it was obvious. wilson sighed, pulling out his cheque-book and opening it, but he paused for a moment.

"you swear this is going towards a service animal?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. house rolled his eyes, nodding his head.

"when have i ever lied to you?"

ONE WEEK LATER

"house, what the hell is that?" wilson groaned, watching as house limped into his office with a robotic dog trailing behind him.

"this is rover," house replied, pointing at the dog.

"rover? and where exactly did rover come from?"

"he's my new service animal," house scoffed. "god wilson, keep up."

"you got a robotic dog as a service animal? that's why you needed $10k?" wilson groaned, leaning his head in his hands and shaking it. he should have known better than to trust house.

"what else would i have gotten?"

"a real dog."

"yeah, like i want something that sheds all over the place. the hookers leave enough of their hair behind for me to find later," house said.

"house, this isn't funny. how is a robotic dog supposed to help you?"

"he's a robot, moron. he's programmed to be smarter than humans. besides, he knows some cool tricks."

"tricks? like what?" wilson raised an eyebrow. what the hell kind of tricks could a robotic dog do?

"we have to go outside. i don't think cuddy will be too happy if rover did his tricks inside. she's such a buzzkill," house rolled his eyes. wilson sighed, knowing he shouldn't be putting this much trust into house, but he followed him outside regardless. they made it outside to the parking lot, coincidentally right near cuddy's car. well, wilson thought it was coincidentally, anyway.

"i have a bad feeling about this," wilson admitted, seeing the look on house's face.

"oh shut up and watch. it'll be cool. come on rover, do your thing," house instructed, pushing a little button on a remote control he'd pulled from his jacket pocket, and within seconds, rover was shooting a flame out of a piece of metal attached to his back. wilson stepped back immediately, though cuddy's poor car took the brunt of it.

"house!" wilson gasped, and house simply made a face.

"whoops. he wasn't supposed to do that...i think i pushed the wrong button."

"what the hell was he supposed to do then?"

"oh, he was supposed to shoot flames but not like that. i didn't even know he could do that. cool."

"no, not cool! you just torched cuddy's car!"

"honestly, i was doing her a favour," house shrugged. but speak of the devil, because out came cuddy when she realized that it had been her car that had been torched.

"what the hell did you do to my car?!" she exclaimed as she stormed over.

"rover had an accident," house replied, pointing at the robotic dog at his feet.

"rover? this is what you meant by a service animal?" she huffed, realizing that she too had been fooled into thinking that he had pure intentions when he came to her to put in the paperwork for a service animal.

"isn't he cute?" house asked, obviously trying to distract from the car that was currently in flames in front of them.

"you're really going to play dumb right now?"

"like i told wilson, i was doing you a favour. no wonder you can't get laid, driving that thing around," house scoffed.

"that's it. rover is gone," cuddy said.

"you're really going to separate a boy and his dog?" house pretended to pout, looking down at his "pet".

"oh, i'm going to do more than separate a boy and his dog. i'm going to kill the boy and his dog," she said, and even house took a step back.

"uh oh. i think she's mad."

"you think?" wilson scoffed. it was obvious he was mad too, and house could tell.

"oh come, not you too," he groaned.

"i funded this! you told me you were getting a dog, not a flame-throwing robot!"

"this was cooler, and a lot less maintenance than an actual dog."

"he destroyed my car!" cuddy argued.

"look on the brightside - now you can upgrade."

"and you can pay for it."

"what? how? i had to borrow the money for rover from wilson. you think i can afford to get you a new car?" house scoffed.

"you're going return rover and get a refund, and you're going to give me that money so i can get a new car."

"you can't make me give up rover," house protested.

"i have a baseball bat in my office. you can watch me smash rover to bits if you'd prefer," cuddy shrugged, and house cringed.

"fine. i'll return rover. just know how heartbroken he is though."

"i'm sure he'll be just fine."