#those 2 are the goat yeah

[localsya]

Soooo... I saw you like Star Wars too! Can we get Star Wars/Elden Ring hcs maybe?

Ty if you answer!

helooo! sorry it took me so long to answer but HEHEHE OFC OFC, methinks i will be just giving them sabers according to which color/style/form matches their characters uvu

Elden Ring/Star Wars lightsabers for each character 💛

Ryckard- Inquisitor Saber// Form 2 Makashi

NOT GIVING THIS MAN THE INQUISITOR SABER IS A FUCKING CRIME, red kyber too, his slow decent into the dark forces HMMMM also ryckard is def a form 2 user, this man is an absolute beast in getting the upper hand in one to one duels, insanely skilled too

Ranni- Dual Wield// Form 7 Juyo

the ahsoka set but with purple kyber crystals, ranni would probably be way more strong with the force tho, and def a form 7 user, same reason why purple kybers, 10/10 this woman would use without a doubt dark side force to achieve her goals, bUt tHatS mOrALly wRoNG, yeah thats exactly why 💀💀💀💀

Malenia - Single Curve Handle // Form 5 Djem So

AGAIN SAME AS RYCKARD, red kyber cause this poor girl has seen some shit... not giving this woman count's dooku's saber is a crime, this hilt was literally meant and thought for excellency in one on one duels, combined with form 5 agressiveness and blade to blade skill, lethal combo

Melina - Guardian Saber // Form 3 Soresu

OBI WAN KENOBI OF ELDEN RING SMH, yellow kyber too cause this woman would def be a guardian, a protector of the force rather than a fighter and same reason why her fighting style would be the ultra defence of soresu, same reason why soresu users rarely get beaten

Godwyn- Tirall Lightsaber Pike // Form 4 Ataru

probably one of the best forms of combat, very acrobatic and a show off to look at, very balanced since its also really stronk with the force, yellow/orange kyber for godwyn too since this particular pike would come from the old republic (the dragons era)

Rennala- Lithium Saber // Form 3 Soresu

FINALLY A BLUE SABER JESUS, very elegant and sleek, quick and light to handle, same as ranni rennala would be much stronger with the force and its why soresu fits her perfectly, she would def be a very defense wielder and most of the time would rely on the guidance of the force, blue kyber not only because of caria but because... this is the way.

Marika/Radagon- Crossguard Saber // Form 7 Juyo

Its inestable as hell, crystal quite literally broken, red kyber for obvious reasons (that would originally be yellow and maybe white once the age of stars ending is reached) and same as ranni, a very rare fighting form to use that would without a doubt use morally doubtfull ways to win a duel

anyways gonna do only those methinks, kinda missed a bit answering these kind of asks, ty anon uvu 💕

[boy-armageddon]

YES my username on yt is a blood bros reference :33 i need to go to crimes world again i know in my heart and soul that i love her but i seldom show her attention .. i need to care her more ..

HOOFRAY!!!! also pretty please do!!!!!!! for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[isdalinarhot]

when i read elantris i was going to school full time still. but i was commuting so i didnt have a meal plan. but i had an 8:30 am class and a 2:30 pm class (and on mondays a 6:30 pm class that went until 8:30 pm. pro tip to college students that follow me: don't do this) so i was at school through lunch. but at that time i was going to be moving out of my parents' house in like, a month, so i was saving up money to buy, like, ikea furniture and shit, so i couldn't just go out to eat five days a week. all this is to say, i was not eating lunch most days during that period of my life. so when raoden was like oh my god im so hungry it hurts oh my god im suffering oh my god i would do anything for food please please please i was like *ate breakfast 8 hours ago and will not get to eat for another 3 hours voice* ME TOO MAN. immersive experience

[saberwitch]

"Tamsin Phillipa"

Tamsin is in fact her real first name. She uses that and 'Tamsyn' interchangeably. Occasionally she will use 'Tasmin/Tasmyn' (to rhyme with 'jasmine'). Other names she's gone by are Shelley, Shirley, Octavia, Ursula, and Lenore.

For her surname she most often uses some variation on Phillip/Philip, usually with an -a, -e, or -s at the end. There's no particular reason for this, other than it's the least nobility-adjacent name she could think of.

Her real surname, the surname of the noble family she was banished from, is Harrowmoor... and that is a secret she might just kill to protect.

[lewisvinga]

west coast | lewis hamilton x fem! reader

summary; y/n leaves lewis due to the feeling of being held back from consistently traveling to his races, only to realize how much she missed him.

warnings; mentions of drinking

notes; he’s so sexy , i know my goat is gonna look sexy asf in that ferrari red

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs

word count; 1.3k

‘born to die’ series masterlist.

f1 masterlist !

“I’m sorry, Lewis. It’s for the best and you know this.” Y/n wipes away the tears falling down her cheeks as she holds on tightly to her suitcase filled with her closeness.

Lewis lets out a disappointed sigh, nodding his head in agreement. He knew that she had to finish her degree which meant everything to her. But finishing her degree meant she couldn’t follow him around the world anymore. It meant that they needed to have a break.

“I know, it’s just…”

“Hard being away from each other.”

“Yeah.” He responds with a deep chuckle. “Honestly, I got this feeling like it all probably would’ve happened later if we waited more. Probably would’ve been worse.”

Y/n slowly nods her head in agreement, not trusting her voice to respond for her. She leans down to gently pet the top of Roscoe’s head. The dog seemed to know what was going on since he refused to leave her side.

She gives the dog one last pat on the head before standing back up, giving Lewis a sad smile. “I guess, it’s time for me to go. See you around then?”

“Yeah, see you ‘round.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

“This isn’t your usual club.” Y/n mumbles as her best friend drags her into what she thought was a normal club. Y/b/f laughs, hooking her arm with the confused girl.

“It’s an exclusive club! Celebrities and big names only. And it’s L.A., there’s gonna be many people here.” Y/b/f explains with a smile. Due to being a well-known influencer, she was let in along with Y/n who had a known name due to a previous relationship.

“Now, drinks?”

“Y/b/f, I have to study for an exam all day tomorrow. No can do.”

“If you’re not drinkin’, then you’re not playin’!” Y/b/f exclaims over the loud music as they make their way to the bar. “C’mon, I know you’ve got the music in you. Don’t you?” She adds with a smile.

Y/n let out a sigh before a smile crept up on her lips. “Just one drink, Y/n. Just one.” She knew that it wouldn’t be just one. She knew that she’d wake up with a hangover but it was Los Angeles, she couldn’t miss the chance to party in Los Angeles.

“Perfect!”

2 hours later, Y/n was already drunk and returning from the bathroom. She was stumbling out of the bathroom and was suddenly met with a familiar scent. She sobered a bit when she glanced up and saw those big brown eyes that she once and still adored.

She could feel herself heating up from seeing him a couple of months after breaking up with him. Her skin was basically hot to the touch. “Lew-Lewis.” She says with wide eyes, still tipsy.

“Y/n…” Lewis says in a soft tone. He was quickly as shocked, as seen by the way his eyebrows were raised up high. “H-How have you been?”

“Uhm, great!” She quickly says, standing up straight and fixing her short dress. “Was able to take enough classes this semester to graduate. Actually- you didn’t ask that. Ignore that. I- How about you?” The alcohol in her system made her rant a bit but it made him let out his signature laugh.

“I’ve been great too actually.” He replies with a smile, nodding his head. She noticed how his hair was styled differently. He opted for dark brown braids as opposed to the honey brown, a color she suggested a couple weeks before splitting.

“Your hair…” Y/n trails off, “It looks really nice.”

“Thank you. I mean, you suggested it so I decided to try it out.”

She smiles and nods before a silence falls over them. They both wanted to say something else but couldn’t figure out what to say. Although she was just months away from graduating, her heart still longed for him. And even if girls were constantly throwing themselves at him, he only wanted her.

“Y/n, I miss you.”

Panic fills her mind as she hears the words she has been wanting to hear. She wants to say that she missed him so much but something keeps her really quiet. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s still tipsy and wants to get drunk like she’s a lush. But in a panic, she blurts out, “Gotta go! Y/b/f is calling me!”

She turns around and runs back to where her best friend is sitting in a panic and with wide eyes. She sat down next to her and covered her face with her hands. Y/b/f was talking to an athlete when she noticed her friend's panicked look.

“What's wrong?” She immediately asked, focusing more on her best friend than the guy beside her.

“Lewis is here,” Y/n says with a sigh, grabbing Y/b/f’s drink and taking a long sip. “I need a drink, come with me.” She added, standing back up and grabbing her friend's arm, dragging her to the bar.

Another hour had passed and the club was getting hot. A little too hot for Y/n’s liking. She could feel her blown-out hair starting to frizz up, her mascara was slightly smudged in the corner of her eyes, and she felt hotter than fire. She needed to go outside.

Fortunately, she noticed a balcony outside before entering the club. So, she followed a set of stairs by the bathroom which led right to the grand balcony. There were a few people there, some with drinks and some with parliaments on fire in hand.

Before she could open the door, her eyes landed on once again, a familiar set of crinkled brown eyes and a wide smile. Her once sweet boy swayed along to the music. Maybe it was the fact she had more alcohol in her system, but she wanted to go up to him.

Y/n takes a deep breath and opens the door leading to the balcony. She didn’t realize how hard she had opened it until she saw him look right at her. The person he was talking to backed away, immediately recognizing her.

She slowly walks over to him, her heels clicking along. “Lewis.” She quietly says once she stood in front of him. He stood up straighter as his eyes furrowed up in confusion.

“Y/n-“

“I miss you too.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I mean, yeah, but you made me panic when you said that,” Y/n sighs, fiddling with the gold rings on her finger. “And now I’ve had a lot more to drink and it gave me the courage to and I know it’s stupid. Missing you when I was the one to end things for my studies, which have been going well anyway. I’m about to graduate and I still miss you, Lewis. I thought that my desire was to settle down to finish my degree but it wasn’t. It’s you I desire.”

Silence fell over them for a minute. She immediately began to regret everything she said. The regret caused her to sober up again. She opened her mouth to apologize but before she could, Lewis pulled her closer by her waist and kissed her plump lips.

Her arms immediately wrapped around his neck as she pulled him closer, finally getting what she wanted, what they both wanted. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers and keeps his hands on her waist.

“Come back to me, love.”

“Lewis, I’ll go running back to you any day.”

Lewis lets out a breathy chuckle before leaning back a bit. He wore a smile so wide that he couldn’t even bother trying to contain it. “How about we get out of here?”

Y/n’s smile matched his as she nodded in response. “I like that.” She whispers, grasping his hand. Looks like down on the West Coast, things will actually turn out alright.

[surshica]

PRINCESS TREATMENT

: CL16

genre: stupid fluff, social media (smau)

warnings: translated french

A/N: let’s ignore everything that happened in this gp! this is my first EVER f1 fic so ernmmm bare with me! i’ve had this like whole thing in my head for a while but i was just too lazy LMAO ANYWAYS i’m also deprived of some fics..ENJOY ?!!

synopsis: soft launching a relationship with charles — charles leclerc x streamer fem!reader (fc: tina kitten)

yourusername

liked by lilymhe, alex_albon, georgerussell63, charles_leclerc and 793,610 others

yourusername when he gets the princess treatment instead of me..

user1 my streamer is in a relationship..🫠

user2 this means we can’t be parasocial no more…I HOPE THIS “MAN” CAN FIGHT.

alex_albon okay tell him to stop being clingy so you can play goat simulator with us

yourusername he said, “they suck at the game so they can wait, i like the princess treatment” soo…

user4 as much as i want to theorize and say it’s an F1 driver it’s unlikely…she’s just a twitch streamer.

user8 “just a twitch streamer” my ass..as if she isn’t the biggest streamer and influencer

user4 i mean itd be a downgrade for a professional to date a non professional athlete or like model or idol🤷‍♀️

charles_leclerc okay little buddy it’s past your bedtime

charles_leclerc aww so cute (HOP ONTO GOAT SIMULATOR LANDO IS BEING ANNOYINGGG)

landonorris okay buddy..don’t make me use THE blackmail.

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, tomholland and 2,072,473 others

charles_leclerc my jpg era? nahh

user3 okay so are we going to talk about who took these photos cause i know damn well you didn’t take them..

yourusername whoever styled you should get a raise

charles_leclerc i’ll tell her that, it’ll inflate her ego some more

yourusername she doesn’t deserve you 😐

user5 HOLD ON. HER?? IS HE IN A RELATIONSHIP AS WELL.

user6 this is kinda suspicious..what if.

user2 WHAT IF????

user6 what if yn and charles are 🤞

carlossainz55 charlie finally got a sense of style !!

pierregasly groundbreaking ‼️

user9 okay but why does he actually look good in this outfit..

user10 f1 twt going crazy over this fit

liked by yourusername

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, georgerussell63 and 628,927 others

yourusername stream today!! we’ll be playing among us vr with *drumroll* landonorris and georgerussell63, be sure to tune into it today

user1 WITH THOSE TWO??? it sounds chaotic..

user10 HMMM….

charles_leclerc where is my invite ☹️

yourusername you said no because chat would laugh at you..

charles_leclerc this makes it seem like those two are your favorites…

yourusername they are.

charles_leclerc hand back the paddock passes<3

yourusername IM JOKING HAHA YOURE MY FAVORITE!!

liked by charles_leclerc

user5 bye they’re literally flirting.

liked by charles_leclerc and yourusername

user6 THE HEART AFTER PADDOCK..am i seeing this correctly

user2 what if you actually predicted it…

alex_albon i can already hear lando screaming..

landonorris slanderous.

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, landonorris, lewishamiliton, alex_albon and 1,729,168 others

charles_leclerc désolé mon amour le secret est sorti..😅❤️

user6 YEAH I KNEW IT. everyone who made bets pay up! i do apple pay venmo zelle paypal

user1 bye you’re so unserious 😭

user3 aye they tryna make bank i don’t blame them

user2 it’s like they’re a mastermind..IS CHARLES GOING TO WIN THE NEXT GP?!?

user6 yes. he is going to podium and be at least 2 or 3

yourusername you couldn’t wait just a little longer..not till your next gp? ;;

charles_leclerc my fingers slipped!!

yourusername fat fingers!

charles_leclerc that’s not very nice chéri:(

yourusername yeah no more princess treatment for you.

charles_leclerc HEY NOW…THATS NOT FUNNY.

landonorris are mom and dad fighting..☹️

charles_leclerc i hope you never get imposter when you play amongus again

landonorris HEY MAN TOO FAR.

user11 “mon amour” BYE. I DONT EVEN WANNA KNOW HOW LONG THEYVE BEEN TOGETHER.

user10 the pictures..THE PICTURES. sleeping on a highway tonight 🤞

user4 interesting choice in a s/o…

user7 the floating lantern picture…I JUST WANNA KNOW WHO WAS THE ONE THIRD WHEELING THAT THING.

yourbestie that person would be me 😍

yourbestie took y’all forever, im surpised charlie brown over here didn’t spill the beans earlier

charles_leclerc who are you calling charlie brown? 😒

yourbestie you.

@ surshica | rb & follow.

[zzztlk]

rabel’s design meshes classic demon stuff with cool fruit and plant theming really well! How’d you come up with it?

Ty.. he's gone through many phases of overdesign and underdesign and eventually he'll change again I'm sure but I can tell you about how he became the funny animal with a fruit at the end of his tail he is today under the cut

The main basis for his design (and the visuals of ttb in general) is the devil and lovers tarot cards. A major theme in both of these cards is the juxtaposition of opposites (man vs woman, mountain vs river and the burning tree of life vs. the fruitful tree of knowledge). So yeah that's where the fruit + fire thing came from. In a previous iteration his tail flourish was a combination of those seen on the figures in the devil card. I still think it's cute but I made it a fig since that's the fruit I'm using in the story.

Fun fact 1: the forbidden fruit is based off the strangler fig specifically which is what the tendrils in the teaser are. (Also the plants coming from the portal are trees of heaven and monsteras)

Similarly the image of baphomet, which is often associated with the devil, echoes this theme of the unification of binary elements. So his incarnate form is based largely off of that along with the demon pazuzu (bc exorcist reference).

Still settling on a version I like but here are some recent explorations (fun fact 2: The specific animals in Rabel's design are a wolf, goat, snake and Asian koel/cuckoo bird. Will elaborate on that last one another day)

Also the sun is a third element I incorporated as a bridge trait to join the fire and plant aspects but it gets too much into abilities and spoilers and stuff but like, you know what the sun does. Anyway that's it for now if you read all this thanks for reading :P

[theminecraftbee]

At this point, is Doc worshiping 2 Gods? The Goat mother, and Big Salman. We should get him to play VH and add 4 more to that

somewhere on tumblr there's this excellent post i don't know how to find anymore from the order of octa days about how one of doc's recurring character traits is really wanting there to be a god he can rail against and that will strike him down. it's not really atheism, because he absolutely believes those gods are there. it isn't even really the hubris to think he won't enrage the gods by trying to be better than them, or to think he'll escape their wrath. it's like he actively invites their wrath. having the gods be angry at him is proof he's doing what he wants, i think. if he isn't making a god angry, then he's not doing it correctly. sure, he can commit crimes against nature, but nature needs to hit back.

anyway what i'm saying is: yeah we absolutely need to get him to play vault hunters and end up with a bizarre relationship with the vault gods, you're so right.

[ultralightpoe]

Tiktok Trouble 3 - Jake Seresin

Authors Note: This had been sitting in my drafts for wayyyyy loo long and now that's it's out I feel terrible.

Word Count: 2742

Warnings: Hints at some steamy stuff but just fun other than that.

My MAIN Masterlist

Part One - - Part Two

(Thank you for the gif @unicornships )

Enjoy!

The first clip posted to his new tiktok account was an accident, one that remained nonetheless. 

It starts with the camera swinging back and forth, picking up a conversation being had behind it as whoever was holding the phone swung their hands out to walk. Jakes voice rings out “I’ll have you know-“ before the clip ends and the next starts. 

This time the camera is facing them and Jake is staring at the screen with narrowed eyes as Bob Floyd tries to explain it all. 

“So I press this button?” 

“Yes but it’s already recording.”

“How do you know it’s already recording?” 

“Because the ring around the button?” 

“What ring?” 

“Oh. My. God.” Natasha laughs off camera. “You are so losing to your wife. Can I get her in the divorce? Honest question.” 

“There will be no divorce!” Jake announces. “This park war ends in bloodshed.” 

“You been watching that Viking show again?” Rooster asks, coming into view with a disappointed look as Jake shrugs. 

“……yeah.” 

-  —-

COMMENTS:

“So pretty and still not a thought between those eyes.” 

“I’m on moms side in the divorce.” 

“You think he’s top or bottom?” 

“bottom fs”

-

You were in your shared bedroom, reading some book you had gotten today as Jake works around the kitchen, not really knowing what to do with himself on his day off. 

Then, like the genius he is, he realizes this would be the perfect time to prank you. So he starts setting up. 

First he hides his phone on the glass cabinet, giving it a wink before connecting his iPad to the speaker and hiding the speaker in a cupboard. 

He keeps the iPad close, beginning to peel potatoes before he yells loudly “Bubs! Can I get a hand?” 

And though you don’t yell back he hears your feet pad along the floors until you hit the stairs and come rushing to him. 

“Yeah?” You ask, moving to hug him from behind and kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“Can you start prepping the steaks? I got the marinade ready, I just need you to prep em.” He hears you hum and give his back one more kiss before moving to the cupboard to grab the larger plates. 

He quickly shoots out and hits play on the video he had pulled up. 

The second you open the cupboard door a horrific scream rings out like a demon and you jump back quickly, screaming yourself as you dash to hide beside him. 

Unable to help it he cackles, doubling over the counter at your scared face as you slowly piece together what just happened. 

“No way.” You gasp. 

“Uh huh. Got ya.” He smiles from ear to ear, winking. 

“You’re dead Seresin.” 

“Right back at ya, Seresin.” 

- 

COMMENTS:

“The way she runs to his side has me WEAK!” 

“the kiss between his shoulder blades??? SHAHNDJTN

“Aw! Look who learned how to use a phone!” 

-

Your retaliation comes 2 days later, at 3 am in the morning of course. 

You had been tossing and turning all night when you got the idea, slipping from the bed to grab your phone and bringing it with you as you shuffle to Jakes side of the bed. 

He was out, sleeping like the dead with his face shoved into the pillow and one arm tucked under it to keep it close while his other arm is spread to your side of the bed as if he was reaching for you even in sleep. The muscled expanse of his back is exposed, and the camera gets it all on flash as you lean forward to tap his skin softly and wake him up. 

“Bubs. Bubs.” You whisper, sounding panicked which makes him blink groggily. “The laundry bird came and took the goat.” 

“What?” He slurs, blinking so slowly you’re sure he’s going back to sleep. 

“Bubs come on. The grim reaper broke the washer.” 

“Fuck. Why?” He sounds so upset by the washer, even half asleep, you do your best to contain your laugh. 

“The ladybugs are meeting and we gotta go greet them.” 

“Okay..,.,” he moans, sitting up slightly, swiping at his face like he was actually getting ready to get up. “Okay.” 

“We gotta hurry before the balloon hits the ocean floor.” 

“Okay.” He sounds more determined now, sitting up. “Let’s go.” 

Then, ever the loving wife you switch up quickly. “Why are you up? Go to sleep.” 

“W-what?” He blinks, eyes half closed. 

“You were sleep talking. Go back to bed.” You mutter, and he blinks before nodding. 

“I’m sorry. Come lay with me.” 

-

COMMENTS:

“He was so confused lmao.” 

“Mans was fighting for his life in those blinks.” 

“The switch up has me dead.” 

“Aw. He said sorry to you like it was his fault.” 

-

It was rare that Jake ate McDonald’s, he was raised southern charm style and his mother hated the company. Homemade meals and southern drawls were the way to go. 

That being said there were days like today, both of you sweaty and irritated, and the only choice was McDonald’s. You both had been helping your parents move, which was stressful enough before you added the drama all your siblings brought to the table. 

And though Jake never wanted to talk crap about your family today he was extremely frustrated with them, mostly how they all seemed to be treating you like dirt and he could see you beginning to crumble which always upset him. 

He decided that you both needed a break as your brother began biting about an antique watch your father was trying to sell, claiming it should be his, and somehow someway it became your fault and a huge fight. 

So Jake took you out of the house, planning on getting you both food before you got too hangry, only to get more frustrated by the fact that the only non expensive restaurant in the area was McDonalds. And neither of you were dressed, nor had time for the other places. 

So you sat in silence while you ate and he could feel the anxiety and anger easing out of both of you, and when you went to the bathroom he figured it was time to lift the mood fully. 

He took the lid off your cup, stabbing the straw into the sauce cups lid and shoving it all in your drink before making sure your lid was back to normal. 

He filmed the process of course, and when you come back he claims to be checking emails from work as he films you hum softly before taking a big swig of your drink only to gag. 

A small laigh breaks out as you laugh yourself, panicking a bit as another gag takes over. 

“Don’t puke.” He laughs, and you cover your face before taking your napkin and sliding it along your tongue. 

“Absolutely not. What was that?” 

“No clue.” He laughs, and you roll your eyes but the smile on your face was ear to ear. 

“That was disgusting.” 

- 

COMMENTS:

“The way he laughs while she gags out a lung has me cackling!” 

“Not the Micky ds drink. Those are god tier.” 

“He’s kind of impressing me with the pranks.” 

-

Monday night is spent waiting for him to come home, still cranky with your weekend with your siblings and parents, sore and just not into life in general. 

You tried reading through some of the comments on your guys’ videos but those didn’t seem to help, you tried reading but the book you were reading was at a standstill and when you tried to clean the bathroom the bleach made you nauseated. 

Truth be told all you wanted was Jake. 

But you were his wife, which meant it was your actual job to torture him. And today you decided you would be torturing him. 

You hear his truck, filming yourself filling a spoon with salt and dipping it into the soup. 

When he comes in you smile. “Come taste this!” 

“How about I taste you….” He growls. 

“No bubs. I’m making dinner.” You huff, and he smiles before slurping the entire spoon into his mouth. 

He tries, he really does, blinking slowly before his face pinches up and he gags. He practically wretches, another gag falling from his lips as he leans over the sink to try and spit it out. Running the faucet and washing his mouth out the best he can. “Oh my god bubs,”

“It was that bad?” You ask, watching him. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to gag. I’m sorry bubs. I’m sorry.” He gags again, gulping down more water. 

You start laughing then, practically keeling over as he keeps washing his mouth out. 

“This…. This was a prank?” He sounds so betrayed that you feel a little bad laughing. “I….”

Then his face breaks into one of pure humor as he wheezes, laughing just as hard and moving closer to you until you are both wheezing in each other's faces. Just pure amusement. 

“I can’t br…eathe!” You laugh and he presses his forehead to your shoulder as he holds his ribs. 

- - - - 

COMMENTS:

“Just two people wheezing in eachothers faces lmao.”

“I want what they have.”

“Is no one gonna talk about him eating her comment???? Srsly?!”

- 

“Okay, so there is this couple on here right….” You start, staring at him. He keeps casting nervous looks to where your phone is set up to record you both. Like he was waiting for the prank. 

“Yeah?”

“And they basically dressed up as eachother for this song. Like he wore her clothes and she wore his and-”

“I’m in.” 

“Really? No arguing?” 

“No. You’ve got that excited look in your eye and I cannot refuse.” He laughs and you can’t help but clap your hands and jump up to dash upstairs which makes him laugh and snatch the phone. 

30 minutes later you both are trying to concentrate on making the video, Jake dressed in one of your dresses and barely managing to walk in the heels. 

He is bent over, his hand on his knees as he laughs, the dress groaning at each movement. “I can’t…. Shit-“ 

You are no better, dressed in his military uniform as you try to keep standing, barely breathing as you laugh. “Who….. who said marriage would be boring?” 

“My mother. On our wedding day. When she tried convince us not to get married!” He laughs at the memory, hand shooting out to catch you when you keel over from laughing. 

“Okay. Okay let’s do this.” He clears his throat and stands straight. You both film the video and while you post it you begin compiling the behind the scenes which does indeed have a clip of him bending over and the dress completely ripping down the middle. 

- - - - 

COMMENTS:

“Great googly moogly.” 

“His mom said what?????? Need a story time.” 

“How many times did I watch this? Yes.” 

- - - - - - 

It’s during a shopping day when he gets the idea, after being dragged from store to store over and over again. 

It was in the middle of a target when he decides to give you absolute hell, irritated by the fact that you were paying more attention to their lame bedding collections than him. 

“Hey…. I’m gonna go…. Look at something.” He mutters, kissing your cheek and walking away as you hum out. 

At first he shuffles through the men’s clothing section, getting nervous when a woman in lulu lemons gives him a wink as she shops for what he assumes is her husband. He dashes to the candles after that, sniffing at all of them before texting you “there’s a girl hitting on me in the candle section”. 

He takes a screenshot of it for tiktok before setting up his phone to film, waiting patiently. 

It takes you less than a minute, out of breath as you swing around the corner with a wild look. “Where?” 

“She went that way?” He lies, pointing.

“I'm gonna kill her.” You snap, fixing your hair. “And why are you just standing in the candle section? This is where single men stand to get laid, slut.”

“What, back track-“ 

“It’s like the most basic rule of target.” 

“There are dating rules for TARGET?!” He laughs. 

“You really need to get with the program.” You laugh, smacking his butt before waltzing off. 

He merely blinks at the camera in pure shock. 

- - - 

COMMENTS:

“Bahahahaha. I love her.” 

“She came ready for a fight.” 

“It is the most basic rule.” 

“Girl was so stressed she didn’t even bother to smell a candle.” 

- - - - 

“Hey Jake?” You call, standing in the bathroom as the phone records from the counter a little hidden from sight. You keep your voice on the closer end of panicked. 

You hear his phone shut off as he gets off the bed before he comes into sight with worried eyes. “What’s wrong Darlin?” He asks, reaching to rub your forehead in concern. 

“I can’t get my tampon.” You mumble. 

“Sorry?” 

“I can’t get find my tampon.” 

“What’s that mean?” 

“It’s stuck.” 

“Then pull it out.” 

“I’ve tried.” 

“Darlin’, doesn’t it have that like…. String?” 

“It broke off. I need help.” His eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up quickly and his face going red as he blushes. 

“O….okay.” He nods, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Yeah? You can help?”

“Anythin’ you need darlin’….” He mumbles, slapping his hands together. “Let’s do this.” 

“You sure?” 

“Y-yeah.” He nods. “I….. let’s do this.” 

“Okay…. Good because this was a prank.” You laugh which makes him splutter. 

“Oh thank Jesus, I was gettin’ panicked there. Not because it would be gross- but like- well I don’t know what the problem would be cause it’s not like we haven’ had period sex hundreds of times but- darlin’-“ 

“Jake Seresin is not a feminist everyone.” You laugh to the camera as he groans out. 

- -  - - 

COMMENTS:

“He would do it. He would kill for her.” 

“The way the southern accent comes out when he panics, lmao.” 

- - - - 

“Hey bubs! C’mere!” Jake calls, unscrewing the panel to the light from his spot on the step stool. 

His phone was set up to film him as you come into the room yawning, loudly as you swipe your eyes. “Hey bubs. I just need you to grab-“ 

He shakes his body, making it look like he got electrocuted as you scream out, rushing forward to grab at his thighs and try to help. 

“JAKE!” You scream, trying to pull him down. He starts laughing, hands covering his face as you breathe out. 

“Oh. That was so…. Oh my god.” 

“Oh bubs, you should have seen your face-“ 

“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” You snap, swiping the tears off your cheeks. “Wake me up from a nap just for that you son of a b-“ 

“Oh darlin’ no. I’m sorry.” He sighs. 

“I hate you!” 

- - - - 

COMMENTS:

“Oh that one hurt me-“ 

“Someone is not getting laid tonight…. Or any night.” 

- - - -

COMMENTS:

“Omg. Where did they go?” 

“Did they die? Why haven’t they posted?” 

“I misssss them!” 

“Mom…. Dad…… where are you?” 

“It’s been like 3 months. Come on.” 

“She probably killed him after the electric prank.” 

- - - - 

After 3 months of not posting you both return with a video. 

Life had been busy, with both of you moving because of his deployment and you having to find another job in the new space. 

But things have settled a bit, now back with his “Top Gun” crew and the house almost completely unpacked. 

You had been visiting his parents, and that’s where the video takes place. 

His mom and dad both had headphones over their ears blasting music, and the game is to guess what Jake is saying as you record. 

“You.” Jake says, laughing a bit. 

“TO!” His dad guesses. 

“You.” 

“TOO!” 

“You.” 

“YOU!” He yells and Jake nods. 

“Are going.” 

“Are going!” 

“To be.” 

“TOBY!” 

“To be.” 

“TOGA!” 

“To be.” 

“TO BE!” 

“Grandparents.” 

“Gray PARROTS!” 

“Grandparents.” 

“PIRATES?” 

“Parents” 

“You are going to be grandparents.” 

“You are going to be godparents?” 

“Oh Jesus Paul!” His mom snaps, pulling the headphones off quickly with tears in her eyes as she dashes to hug you. 

“Oh!” His dad smiles. “OH MY GOD! WERE GOING TO BE GRANDPARENTS!” 

When he rushes to hug you both the headphones get caught and he trips up before landing in the group hug. 

- - - - 

COMMENTS:

“No. Freaking. Way!” 

“Ugh.” 

“I’m so happy for you guys!” 

“Mom and dad fr fr.”

- - - - - 

TAGLIST::::::

@the-romanian-is-bae @mshistorylover @boringusername3 @dingochef @quillsandtypos @sunnysidesidra @eddiemunsonreader @sinners-98-world @rhirhikingston @imaginecrushes @80pairsofcrocs @themusingofagothicsoul @mshistorylover @quillsandtypos @mallerz @dtownclown93

@f1oralf1owers @salgachode @fox-bee926 @iamthebeth @anxious-alto @tsnelf7 @dumb-fawkin-bitch @gojos-bizarre-adventure @dreamsofouterspace @xcastawayherosx @chaoticassidy @eugene-emt-roe @iamaslytherin0 @the-romanian-is-bae @lets-turn-and-burn

[leclerc-s]

snow angel - track two

series masterlist // previous // next

2 YEARS AGO

i'll fucking fight him. i swear it.

no honey, you don't have to.

i saw this coming.

how on earth could you see this coming?

he was distant.

i've told him i loved him for days and he always responded me "me too" or worse he said nothing back

oh sweetie

how did you put up with that? you deserve so much better.

it's okay. i'm moving out of our apartment tonight. ryan said i can stay with him for a few weeks.

i love him lily. i don’t know when those feelings will go away. i hope they go away soon. i can’t keep loving someone who hurt me this bad.

i promise you i’ll fight him when i see him in bahrain next season.

i hope he dnfs

i hope you write a fucking day destroying album because of this. he will never know peace

oh lily, i'm going to ruin his fucking life with whatever i come with.

lily muni he removed lando norris

lily muni he fuck that guy

charles leclerc i do not understand what happened? george russell you're telling me the chronically online guy doesn't know what just happened? alex albon the grid's #1 gossip girl doesn't know what happened? charles leclerc NO I DON'T KNOW THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING CONNARDS!

pierre gasly lando cheated on rhea

max verstappen i can crash into him in bahrain next season?

yuki tsunoda i will bite his ankles. lily muni he i'll poison his food yuki tsunoda we will not go that far. food is sacred.

esteban ocon does this mean that **** can finally **** ***?

lance stroll how about you shut the fuck up esteban? max verstappen what the fuck are you two going on about now? lance stroll ignore esteban. he's a bit delirious.

daniel ricciardo i promise to make his life miserable next year.

rhea reynolds i'm just pissed that he was too much of a coward to end our relationship before he went on to publicly cheat on me.

rhea reynolds at least try to not get caught.

charles leclerc what is it the kids say? he fumbled?

lance stroll please never use that phrase again

pierre gasly she's probably crying to taylor swift now

rhea reynolds LET ME BE PEAR GASLY! daniel ricciardo yeah, pierre let the girl be emotional! rhea reynolds if i'm crying to all too well that's nobody's business but mine

charles leclerc you can come to bahrain with me!

max verstappen or me! daniel ricciardo you're both thinking too small. show up with me. can't promise i'll have a good race or win but it'll show him!

rhea reynolds thanks guys but i'm not really up to going to races anytime soon.

lily muni he never let a man take anything from you. GO TO THE RACE!

rhea reynolds nah, not really up for it right now but i could change my mind in a few months. it's literally december!

charles leclerc i will save a spot for you regardless.

yukitsunoda it's okay, i can bite his ankles if he comes near you.

rhea reynolds i appreciate the sentiment yuki

rhea reynolds besides, i'll never date another fucking driver again.

rheareynolds posted new stories

nothing better than taylor swift to help with heartbreak who needs men when cats are much better company?

liked by lilymhe, charles_leclerc, mickschumacher and others

rheareynolds home for the holidays update: i adopted a cat, i got cheated on (i should stick to dating women), and goats hate ryan. p.s. the first picture is what i sent to max when he made fun of me for getting cheated on.

tagged: vancityreynolds

view all comments

maxverstappen33 THAT’S NOT TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT!

↳ rheareynolds you told me and i quote, “that’s what you get for dating a guy who looks like a walking orange.”

↳ maxverstappen33 i called him ernie and then a walking orange. get it right.

lilymhe my offer still stands

↳ yukitsunoda0511 mine too! i can bite ankles!

↳ rheareynolds thanks guys but i'd rather not have to bail you out of jail for assault.

user01 so did they break up? or what? the chismosa in me needs to know

user02 it's okay rhea, he didn't deserve you

user03 fuck men, am i right?

comment liked by rheareynolds

vancityreynolds you're lying to everyone blake made those cinnamon rolls, not you.

↳ rheareynolds must you ruin everything?

↳ vancityreynolds it's my job as your older brother.

georgerussell63 why get an orange cat when he's a walking orange?

↳ alex_albon because rhea is the embodiment of an orange cat

↳ rheareynolds it's true. i've been told many times

user04 love to see that loser's friends are on her side. how are you going to publicly cheat on your girlfriend?

↳ user05 but did he cheat? what if they were broken up?

↳ user06 either you can't read (no offense) or you didn't read the caption, she literally says, "i got cheated on" they were very much together. stop trying to invalidate her pain because you love l*ndo

user07 it's okay baby, you can date me instead

↳ rheareynolds thanks for the offer babes but i should stick to being single for a while ❤️

↳ user07 i'm screaming!

user08 rhea's better than me fr. i would've destroyed his car carrie underwood style.

maxfretwell going to miss your cookies. that's the worst part about all of this

↳ rheareynolds yeah cause fuck my heartbreak right?

↳ maxfretwell that's not what i meant and you know it!

↳ rheareynolds can't wait to see the gossip pages say max fretwell says rhea reynolds' heartbreak is not validated

↳ maxfretwell i take it all back this is why he cheated on you

↳ rheareynolds TOO SOON FRETWELL!

↳ user09 curse n*rris for taking this duo away from us!

taglist: @emilyval @ihateyougunthersteiner @lesliiieeeee @firetruckstuckley @cashtons-wife @landonorizzz @yoremins

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

CLICK HERE TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST

¡leclerc-s speaks! i was listening to say don't go while write the first half of this. hence, the reference to the song.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[mia-ugly]

In honour of Good Omens Season 2

HAVE A SLOW SHOW FICLET with thanks to @weatheredlaw for the amazing graphic ❤️❤️❤️ how we doing fam

It’s a kid on set that first tells him. 

Not really a kid, but anyone less than thirty seems a kid to him these days (ugh, that’s a loathsome thought.) Jiyana’s a queer and pink-haired punk type, rainbow pin on their jacket, trans-pride flag tattooed on their inner wrist. The first time he met them, the whole wirey confident glittery thing made his gut clench with - what was it - joy and gratitude but also envy? Maybe? (because what must it be like to be that young and that certain of yourself? What must it be like to have the whole world open in front of you? Not that there still isn’t a lot of shit to deal with, and in Merry Old fucking England there is More Shit than Otherwise, but. Still. It’s something Crowley thinks about. Sometimes. When he hasn’t had enough sleep or when he’s had too much of it.)

The kid came up to him Day One to mumble about “being a big fan” and once they wore a Warlock t-shirt to an afterparty (“Vintage!” they said cheerily, and Crowley wanted to swallow his own face at the thought of something from the 2010s being considered vintage, good Christ.)

Anyway, Jiyana tells him first.

“Congrats on the new season!” They’re beside him in the makeup trailer. Crowley doesn’t realise they’re talking to him, assumes they’re wearing AirPods or something, until George gives him a nudge with the powder puff.

“Er, yeah, cheers.” It’s too early to talk to anyone this perky. Then his exhausted, coffee-less brain takes a moment to catch up with his exhausted, coffee-less mouth. “Er, wait, what?”

“Warlock. Heard it’s coming back. Did I tell you I wrote a paper on it in, like, Grade 10? So cool, the GSA at my highschool used to have watch parties, I can’t wait to see what they do with your -“

“Wait -“ Warlock? It’s been bloody years. “Where’d you hear this?”

The kid starts to list off some sites or social media whatsits that Crowley has never heard of, so he just nods and pretends to understand, the same way he does when Az’s niece tries to explain some show called “Jojo’s Big Adventure” or something. Validate, validate, empathise. Just like Pepper taught him.

It’s probably nothing right? A rumour.

But it’s a rumour Az has heard too.

When Crowley gets home that night (they’ve rented a house in Buckinghamshire, even though the studio’s not two hours from their cottage) Az is on him immediately. Heard about it from his sister apparently, who got the news from one of the kids.

“Isn’t that exciting?” His face is all lit up and his hair is wet, bathrobe snugly belted around his waist. The house has an indoor pool, and there are little indents on Avery’s nose where his extremely attractive and sexy swimming-goggles must have been resting.

Crowley presses his lips to each mark.

“Not that we’ve been going hungry or wanting for work –” Az continues.

“You work too bloody much,” Crowley murmurs into his cheekbone.

“But I do love those characters. The whole thing wrapped up so nicely though – what more is there to tell?  I wonder what the arc could possibly be.”

“I wonder what you’ve got on under this robe –”

“Anthony!” Az laughs in fake protest, tilting his head back so that Crowley can get his mouth on his throat. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Az tastes like chlorine, and maybe Crowley should join him in the shower after this. After a day in the studio, he could probably use it.

“Would you really want to do a series again?” Crowley asks after he’s finally let his husband go, turned to hang up his coat and thrown his bag on the nearest chair. “Awful lot of commitment. And you’ve that whole run at the Globe coming up, don’t rehearsals start in the spring?”

“We’ll have to see if Helen can mind the goats again while we’re in London.” Az has wandered into the kitchen, turned on the kettle. Crowley looks at the back of his neck (Crowley always looks at the back of his neck. Sometimes he dreams about it.) “If she’s free. I called her this morning to check in, Elmyra’s eating, so her anxiety must be getting better.”

“Cool, yeah,” Crowley says, casual and nonchalant and no big deal. As if Elmyra isn’t his favourite of the bunch and he doesn’t have a song that he made up and no one knows that he sings just to her. As if he didn’t hand feed her all night once because she wasn’t sleeping or eating and neither was he because he was so afraid this tiny rescue goat was going to starve to death, anyway whatever, super cool, who cares. “Is it weird that no one’s reached out to us, though? Do you think?”

“About the goats? Helen has my number –”

“No love, the Warlock thing.”

Az blinks at him, flutters his pretty blond lashes in an attractive, aggrieved sort of way. “You mean you haven’t heard from Beez?”

“I haven’t heard from anyone.”

“Oh.” Az thinks it over. “Well. Neither have I, actually. Do you – is that odd?”

“Maybe they’ve recast us with younger models.”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

“Gotta up the sex appeal of the whole thing. Jawlines. Cheekbones. Sexy results.”

“I –” Az goes a bit pink. Glances at Crowley and then away. “Fail to see how they could improve upon perfection.”

Crowley looks at his husband’s bathrobe and the slight scattering of silver chest hair and his hand on his tea cup and fuck off, his neck. His neck, his neck, who gives a shit about Warlock actually?

 “Come over here and say that to my mouth.”

Avery smiles, and sighs, and he does.

ONE YEAR LATER:

Crowley opens the email from Beez.

He fuckin' closes it.

[transmutationisms]

I read your review of Poor Things and I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the section in Alexandria? It was horrifically executed on many levels but narratively, that part of the film is about Bella learning about class structure. She rebels against the cruelty of society through charity then by working as a prostitute, during which time she has cruelty inflicted upon her instead. Finally, she realizes that God’s creation of her was ultimately cruel, and then she runs away with her ex-husband-father only to realize that her prior self-mother was fundamentally characterized by cruelty, especially to her “lessers.” She then decides once again that she does not want to be cruel, but then she achieves this by taking God’s place as the doctor-patriarch and ruling his household with a new pet goat. The entire film is also about Bella learning about feminism: the arbitrary oppression of women is not only nonsensical, it’s bad! But then the ending has her reproduce almost all those power structures and cruelty she claims to reject, and has the unfortunate consequence of positioning her as ultimately equally cruel/callous as God, the guy she meets on the boat who shows her all the starving people, and her former self-mother, etc. I was wondering if you had any thoughts on why this is or like, what the director’s message was beyond self-contradiction and taking cheap shots at starving people?

so i would quibble a bit with the idea that bella's experience in the maison-close is exclusively or even primarily portraying sex-for-pay as a site of cruelty. i think it's more depicting paid sex as work, and work as unpleasant and repressive, and that's why the maison is the site where bella gets involved in socialist politics—if moral philosophy is the arena by which she responds to the injustice of the poverty in alexandria, then labour politics plays the analogous role where the maison is concerned. her problems there aren't inherently with the idea of being paid for sex, but with specific elements of the work arrangement (eg, she suggests that the women should choose their clients, rather than vice versa). ofc she has some customers who are cruel or thoughtless or rude, but i didn't read the film as suggesting that was universal to sex work, and the effect of the position is more to demystify sex, for bella, than to convert it into being purely a site of trauma or misery. now i don't think this film offers a particularly blistering or deep analysis of sex work or socialism or wage labour, dgmw, but i do think the function of the maison is different narratively to that of the alexandria section.

anyway to answer your actual question: yeah so this is really my central gripe with the film. lanthimos (slash his screenwriter tony mcnamara) spends much of the film gesturing toward bella's growing awareness of several hierarchical structures that other characters take for granted: the uneven nature of the parent/child relationship (god took her body and created her without asking); class stratification (alexandria); the 'civilisation' of individuals and societies via education and bio-alteration (bella's talk about 'improving' herself; her 'progression' from essentially a pleasure-seeking child to an educated and 'articulate' adult). these three dimensions often overlap (eg, the conflation of 'childishness' with lack of education with inability to behave in 'high society'), though, most overtly, it's in that third one that we can see how these notions of improvement and biological melioration speak to discourses about the 'progress' and 'regress' of whole societies and peoples, and voluntarist ideas about how human alteration of biology (namely, our own) might produce people, and therefore societies, that are better or worse on some metric: beauty, fitness, intelligence, morality, longevity, &c. this is why i keep saying that like.... this film is about eugenics djkdjsk.

the issue with the alexandria section to me is, first, it's like 2 minutes (processed in the hollywood yellow filter) where the abject poverty of other people is a life lesson for bella. we're not asking any questions like, how is that poverty produced, and might it have anything to do with the ship bella is on or the fantastical lisbon she left or the comparative wealth of paris and london...? secondly, everything that the film thinks it's doing for the entire runtime by having bella grapple with learning about cruelty, and misery, and the kinds of received social truths that lanthimos is able to problematise through her eyes because she's literally tabula rasa—all of that is just so negated by having an ending in which she bio-engineers her shitty ex-husband, played as a triumphant moment. i don't even inherently have an issue with the actual plot point; certainly she has motive, and narratively it could have worked if it were framed as what it is: bella ascending to the powerful position in the oppressive system that created her, and using her status to enact cruelty against someone who 'deserves' it—ie, leveraging her class and race within the existing social forms rather than continuing to question or challenge them. if that ending were played as a tragedy, or a bleak satire, it would at least be making A Point. but it's not even, because it's just framed as deserved comeuppance for this guy we were introduced to in the 11th hour as a scumbag, so it's psychologically beneficial for bella actually to do the sci-fi surgery to him that literally reduces him to what's framed as a lower life form. unserious

[crazylittlejester]

Mom wars anon again. 😊 Just so you know, Warriors has absolutely thrown Twilight over his shoulder and carried him to bed.

In Ordon.

With a full audience.

With Uli's full approval and a nice night with drinks with her after, complaining about stubborn boys.

Twilight couldn't look Ilia in the face for a while BUT it has been a bad fever and he couldn't walk straight and he STILL insisted he could help with the goats.

Warriors rarely bluffs. Twilight was the one carried but everyone got the message.

IM CRYING THINKIN ABOUT THIS

I can just imagine Wars being like “I will pick your ass up” and Twilight just lookin at Wars who is easily 2/3 of Twilight’s body weight like “yeah sure you can-” and then he just DOES

I also imagine the look on his face would be quite similar to those of big dogs who have been picked up but didn’t know That Was A Thing That Could Happen so they just kinda look scared and a bit ‘What The Fuck??’

[sp00kymulderr]

part 2 of gift wrapped

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x afab!reader

Warnings: 18+. unprotected p in v, sex toys, cursing, drug mention, dieter continuing to be ridiculous but he just loves you so much. Unedited drivel.

Word Count: 1k

Summary: Dieter has another gift for you

A/N: This one goes out to my darling @chronically-ghosted who is forever encouraging of the bravo brainrot, and in fact often makes it much worse. Love ya, Taylor! Merry Christmas! Comments and reblogs forever appreciated. To follow for fic updates only go to @sp00kyupdates​ or see taglist details on my masterlist. Header by me. Credit to banner maker.

It wasn’t exactly the Christmas Eve you’d planned.

It was significantly better.

Getting railed by your boyfriend under the sparkling lights of the Christmas tree; room full of the sounds of moans, the slap of skin on skin, the jingling antlers that were now atop his head as he fucked you from behind to the rhythm of Jingle Bell Rock playing in the background.

“Dee...fucking...don’t...stop…” You were crying out, face practically buried against the carpet, his hand softly pressing between your shoulder blades before smoothing down to join his other in gripping your hips tight. All the while, jingle jingle jingle with every shake and shiver and somehow the ridiculous noise is only getting you wetter and closer.

“C-cookie you’re so...ah fuck” Dieter groans behind you, slowing down his movements to press deep and hard into you as he nears his peak, making you reach back and claw his flesh desperately. Your body feels like the Christmas trifle, all jelly and cream, as he pulls you apart in ways only Dieter knows how.

The track changes to something slower and more mellow just as his fingers slide soft from your hip and down over your stomach, before finding their place at your clit. Your whole body shudders in ecstasy and you push back hard on him as you come once more.

Dieter follows moments after, a guttural moan stuttering out of him accented by the bells and more beautiful than any christmas carol. He mutters something breathless about ‘dipping his cookie in his milk’ that you choose to ignore as he leans all the way down and presses a kiss to your back.

Yeah, much better than the evening of family phone calls and Christmas day prep you’d had planned.

You’re both silent for a few moments, catching your breath as the dulcet tones of East 17 play on in the background and the antlers fall off somewhere behind him. Dieter eventually slipping out of you and finding his place next to you on the carpet to bask in the afterglow, and in the illumination of the tree lights.

“Best present ever?” He asks with that confident smile even as you scoff at him.

“Wasn’t on my list. But…best present ever” You grin back, turning on your side to face him and letting your eyes once again wander the glory of your boyfriend laid bare before you. He really is gorgeous, every inch of him.

Dieter props up on his elbow and rests his head on his large palm as he watches you back. Love abounds beneath those deep brown eyes. He chews on his bottom lip for a moment before responding.

“Got you something else. Well, a few things but one you should definitely open tonight” He’s already sitting and reaching over you to the gifts beneath the tree to find the one he meant. Your brow furrows.

“Baby, we’re opening presents tomorrow. You know, when my family gets here” You remind him as you sit yourself up too.

He huffs out a little bit of a laugh that has you suspicious. There’s that mischievous look on his face again, the one he often has when he’s high and has a ‘great idea’ (much as you suspect was how his gift wrapped dick had come about).

“I don’t think you want to open this one in front of your family, cookie” Dieter mutters lowly.

“Oh god” is about all you can return, but you’re not exactly not intrigued. Dieter had always had a unique idea of gift giving. Like that birthday when you’d just started dating and he’d signed you both up for goat yoga at a retreat in Switzerland.

“Come on cookie. Let me spoil you” 

He hands you the present. It’s pretty heavy, in a rectangular box and wrapped about as well as he’d wrapped his cock before. You give him one more look of uncertainty, which he returns with a sly wink, before giving in and ripping open the present.

The box is unassuming, sleek matte black with no notable information on it. When you open the box though, it’s not what you expect. Maybe you should have known.

“So…are all my presents gonna be dick themed?” You laugh, as you pull a silicone dildo from the box.

“Just the really good ones” Dieter smirks back, still watching you like a hawk as if waiting for you to realise something.

You examine the thing for a moment, taking in the features of the realistic looking thing before the other shoe drops.

“Oh. Oh my god. This is…”

It’s a near perfect silicone copy of his cock. Shape and ridges and that slight curve, girth and length. It’s practically exact.

“Mine” Dieter nods with a proud look as you hold the thing in your palms and look between it and the real one.

“Not one of those cheap kits either. Got a buddy who runs this sex toy business, real high end quality shit” He continues enthusiastically as you continue to stare at the toy. It feels good in your hands. It’d definitely feel good inside you and he knows you know it with the way he’s watching you.

Fuck, he’s got you horny again.

“So you got your friend to make a dildo of your own dick, just for me?” You ask softly. 

“Yeah” He answers, rubbing his neck in sudden uncertainty as if he’s just realised you might not like it. “You know…since I’m away a lot with the filming schedule so tight. It’s-”

It’s really kind of oddly sweet. His way of taking care of your needs in those times he can’t be there. You do like his cock a lot, after all.

“I love it” You smile, practically jumping in to his lap to kiss him.

Dieter’s joy returns tenfold as he kisses you back passionately and excitedly. It’s a gesture of love, in his own way, and that you see it that way too just cements how meant for each other you are.

“Merry Christmas, cookie” He mumbles against your lips, pulling back to continue “You wanna try it out?” with a wiggle of his brows.

“Fuck yes I do” You respond immediately and with enthusiasm.

“Good” He reaches into a bag to grab something. 

Ah, a bottle of lube. Christmas cookie flavour, of course.

“Because I’ve got an idea or two”

[jadeddangel]

(SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING)

BUT YEAH like the comment said the first part on the fluttershy one

IVE ALREADY STARTED WORKING ON IT SO YAYYYY LMAO

You and Adam went way back, ever since eve ate the apple and Lilith left him for lucifer. You had taken over caring for the garden and with you and Adam being the only ones allowed back in the garden. You were quiet and didn't talk much to other angels just the animals and plants.

You were sitting in the garden surrounded by animals and plants. You had grown attached to the animals in the same way they had grown attached to you. Your dress was covered in soil stains and small bites taken out of the bottom from goats and sheep. You were humming and spinning happily in the ankle tall grass as you plucked ripe fruit from trees and bushes and even the apple tree, though the apples were made into fertilizer instead of eaten. It was calm and therapeutic almost. This was your heaven.. not those busy streets, just you here alone with nature. That was until you heard a Crack of twigs, and normally you would brush it off but it seemed like the weight was too heavy, you turned around sharply to be met with Adam just a few feet behind you. You immediately stopped dancing your face bright red in embarrassment, " A-Adam!! What are you doing here?" You raised your voice a bit at him. Adam smirked. "awwe don't be shy, girly, keep dancing." I liked the show~" Adam teased, and you felt like you were gonna collapse in on yourself. You shook your head no repeatedly, causing Adam to laugh loudly. "Be careful. You'll snap your neck doing that." You stopped immediately embarrassed from him, calling you out like that. "What did you need, Adam?" You asked softly. Adam shook his head "always thinking that you know me, yknow women aren't supposed to think " Adam said walking closer and poking your forehead roughly causing your head to jerk back from the pressure "Adam please.. I have stuff to do.." you muttered, holding Adam's hand and pulling it away from you. Adam shook his head "Alright alright but don't say nothing when they threatened to burn the witch, I wanted to talk to you about feelings," Adam said begrudgingly "feelings? I uhm.. I don't know much about them but I can listen?" You said softly before sitting down and patting the ground in front of you. Adam sighed. "There's this chick, I've known her for centuries, and to be honest, I really like her its.. hard to be mean to her? It's hard to say mean things and to push her away." Adam ranted, taking deep breaths every now and then. You then put the pieces together " I know how you feel I like this guy he's uhm really mean sometimes and doesn't always treat me the best but he's there" you said meekly before bringing your knees to your chest as you got a bit embarrassed.

Now Adam may be dumb at times but this time he clicked on quickly and smirked scooching a bit closer to her "and if this handsome and oh so amazing man asked you out " Adam nudged you a bit teasing you. With a small nod you hinted that you would say yes. "I'll pick you up tonight we can have dinner at my place alright?" Adam smirked a bit and got up holding his hand out for you to help you up, you took his hand as he tugged her up off the garden floor.

It was a few hours later when Adam went by your door to pick you up (yk that dress fluttershy wears when she turns human? Yea that one) you were wearing a dress waiting just outside your door for him to come get you. Adam turned the corner right before your door and he froze seeing you "woah.. damn butterfly didn't know you dressed up that nice " Adam smiled at you.. a genuine smile.. no mask between the 2 of you

"You look amazing too adam.."

[factual-fantasy]

YOOO 26 ASKS?? :000

I'd like to think the fight still happens but its different. Maybe Seam tried to intervene but quickly collapsed of exhaustion? Or maybe he was conked out from the start and never saw it happen? Its all possible..

Its very possible to find other lost Grillby's and Goner Kids,, etc.. but for simplicity's sake I'll say that they haven't found them <XD

As for how they see each other, Jevil cares a lot about the others. Goner kid is kind'a low-key like his adopted daughter?? A little?? <XD Seam is his best friend of course- His relationship with Grillby is rough.. but he feels very sympathetic towards Grillby and doesn't think poorly of him. Spamton is also meant to be his good friend, second to Seam. His view of Asgore is laced with a liiiiitle bit of unease becuase of his whole royalty vibe. But Asgore has proven that he is 100% trustworthy so they pals :}} I haven't thought much about his relationship with River person.. I kind'a keep forgetting that she exists <XDD --

Seam is on good terms with basically everyone. Jevil is his best friend. Him and Grillby are a little rocky.. but just like Jevil, Seam is very sympathetic towards Grillby and has no hard feelings. Spamton is a good friend of Seams and so is River person I think. Asgore's royal vibe is off putting but overall he's a great guy and they have a good friendship. Goner kid is basically Seams niece XD

Grillby kind'a feels off about everyone- his feelings towards Jevil are pretty messed up at the moment.. and by extension he doesn't get along great with Seam.. Spamton is nice, but is endlessly supportive and grateful towards Jevil so any potential friendship between them is already strained.. Goner kid reminds him too much of his late daughter so he tends to avoid her.. Now River Person and Asgore? They're wonderful. He's very close with both of them and they are the only things keeping him sane right now- River Person is incredibly gentle and soft spoken. She's really sweet and relates to Grillby's pain. They usually have quiet chats away from the group and it really helps Grillby feel better. Same for Asgore. It started with that 1 hug. Having Asgore's support has really changed the game for Grillby. River Person and Asgore are true friends of his and he doesn't know where he'd be without them <:}}

Spamton is mostly chill with everyone. His close friends would be Jevil and Seam. And Goner kid would be fun to play/mess around with. She's a good little kid. He would also consider Asgore and River Person to be his friends, although he isn't as close with them as he is with Jevil. Grillby is a tough person to approach <XD --

Goner Kid is most connected to Jevil and Seam, with Asgore being a close 3rd. Jevil is kind'a taking the role of dad in a way. Having been the one that saved her and gave her a new name. Seam is the soft uncle and Asgore is dad #2 XDD Spamton is like a fun big brother and River Person kiiind'a has mom vibes?? She's really nice. She's not really sure about Grillby..

Asgore is like the groups body guard/emotional support goat. His personality is so soft and caring that everyone gravitated to him in some way. He built genuine relationships with everyone in the group and is a good friend. He's just the best I guess XDD

I haven't planned out that much for River person.. other than her being close with Grillby and Asgore I haven't planned too much. Maybe she gets along well with Seam? Someone with a gentle sing songy voice must be relaxing for Seam to listen to.

As for the empty AU's due to bad sans'? Personally? I really don't like all those crazy sans AU's. So they don't exist in mine. If there's an empty AU its not because of a sans-

@elegysonnet

<XD Poor Seam-

And yeah no- no romantic implications- I still see what you mean. Jevil caring for Seam so much and doing everything in his power to protect and provide for him. It very well could remind Grillby of his wife. When he had a rough day at the bar he would come home to a meal on the table and a caring wife to listen to him groan about his day.

And say Seam did collapse and Jevil was worried sick. Showing how much he cares about Seam. It might just make Grillby mad. He lost everyone that ever cared about him. And its all Jevil's "fault".. That thought would be enough to set anyone off-

Also thank you so much!! :DDD

I haven't thought much about exactly how King removed Seams eye. But he very well could have restrained him with the chains. Maybe then he gouged out his eye with the weird spade tongue stomach- thing?? That he has??

Awww can you imagine? The trauma that is associated with those chains. Seeing them and being reminded of that experience every single day.. and he cant get away from those memories, because no one can remove them.. 🥺🥺

Poor guy cant even scream without causing immense pain..

He has tried to help Seam. He's tried to break the chains, but for some reason he cant even scratch them. He's tried to heal Seam to bring his strength back.. But he cant. Seam's soul just straight up rejects/cant absorb his healing magic.

The best he can really do for Seam is protect him. Seam is basically defenseless because he cant use his magic without wiping out his energy..

And he feels horrible for Seam. And Jevil.. Hearing about how they were abused by a wicked King. It makes him sick. A king is meant to protect his people, not hurt them. He vows to protect and care for his new friends, and to hopefully find someone who can break these chains..

@minophilia

Ah Transformers: Prime. The show that I stopped watching when I was less than 10 episodes away from the finale <XD

@funkymonkeyzz

I hate to break it to ya, but I kiiind'a low-key despise Paani. :x I don't think I'll be drawing him anytime soon-

As for Tracker, He'd probably look just like Barnacles but less muscle, more fluff <XD

@boxofcreampuffs

My Spamton looked just like any other addison. But with glasses, and his hair could have been black by default perhaps.? I might have to draw him sometime :0

As for main character interactions. I've thought about the group witnessing Kris and the gang in a battle. In which they see Ralsei heal the others.. They promptly ambush the group and beg Ralsei to heal Seam and Spamton. Ralsei, being the absolute sweet heart that he is, agrees to help. But it doesn't really work out the way they'd hoped..

I also thought about Seam being collapsed in the snow somewhere while Jevil goes to search for food. While he's gone. Either a Frisk or the soul of kindness finds him.. 👀👀

In the Partial swap, I'm thinking that the only characters that switched places was Freddy with Bonnie, and Chica with Foxy. I'm going back on my idea to have Roxy switch places with Monty..

In the TRUE swap. Its Freddy - Bonnie, Chica - Foxy, Monty - Roxy, DJMM - DA, and Gregory - Vanessa.

Also thank you! :}}

Yes! :0

@wolfie-777

Absolute. utter. chaos. XDD No one would be sane-

In the Partial swap, with Gregory as the kid.. its Foxy. Although much like the classic AU, the band is kind'a split..

Bonnie is a grumpy recluse and so is Roxy. Monty and Foxy are pals though. They're also friends with DA and DJMM and keep regular contact. Foxy is the main one that always tries to keep the spirits up and keep the group together. But there's not much he can really do..

In the true swap, with Vanessa as the kid.. It would probably still be Foxy <XD

Its possible..? But I never really planned for him to meet anyone like that-

@tiredlilmiracle

I've never heard of it actually, Google says its a game? :0

I'm not sure what you mean.. You mean like, what do all their attacks look like?

If so, most of Jevils attacks are like the ones he has in the base game. Although my Jevil might prefer to use his scythe most of the time.

As for Seam I imagined a lot of sewing related attacks. Sewing needles with thread attached that connects to his soul being 1.

There's actually a comic here on Tumblr called "Paper Trail" that shows a Seam battle sequence! It was made by lynxgriffin and that battle scene might give you a good idea of what my Seams attacks could look like! I highly recommend the comic :00

If you mean how powerful? I don't really have a good measurement or character to compare them to.. But I do know that Jevil and Seam are equally matched. If they both fought each other at their strongest, neither would win. They would just exhaust themselves and collapse <XD

@mashmellowy

Nopenopenopenope sorry nuh uh nope nopenope-

@ocinstituterep

I think they share a pod because they're the highest authority on the ship. Captain and Lieutenant. Makes sense why'd they bunk in the same pod.

I can also see that. :0 Maybe after a rough mission or just a long day.. I can see Kwazii popping in to check and make sure the Captains alright 🥺

@djadecutie

I don't think the skelebros have any special immunity because Grillby is made of magical/monster fire. Maybe regular fire the bros bodies react differently to.? But If they were in Jevil's place, Grillbys hand would've chopped away at their health just as badly and as fast as it did Jevil's..

For different monsters having different depletion speeds? Its possible. It could be that most monsters are all effected the same except for a select few cases. I think it also depends on the monsters strength. Like-

If Grillby tried to burn an Asgore. It might not effect him as badly due to him having his own kind of fire magic. Plus he's really strong. Or if Grillby tried to burn another fire person, I imagine he can still hurt them.. but not as badly as he could if they were a different species. It's not just Grillby burning you with fire- it's Grillby using his soul/magic to try and hurt you on purpose.

If Grillby tried to burn Undyne or Papyrus? Well that would just be a slam dunk. They don't have any fire related powers or any physical attributes that could help them. So they just get burned. I hope this made sense-

Also thank you!! :DDD

He does, but its not much bigger than Freddy or Monty's.

I imagined that although Bonnie is bigger than the others, his torso is full of a lot more electronic components and parts. Which would make his actual stomach hatch space kind'a cramped.. If not smaller than Freddy's and Monty's.

@beryl-shade

He cant fly no. Nor was his speed really increased much I imagine. But he very well could be more flexible and move more freely than before :0

@milk-powrit (Post in question)

They're pretty stinkin tough. But Waluigi standing with an arrow through his ankle doesn't mean he's superman. Just means that he's probably high on adrenaline and more focused on helping the weird tiny green man then on the pain in his leg.

WAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!😭😭💗🍤💗

And honestly thats exactly how I feel. I'm so tired of the constant shipping everywhere that I just banned it from all my AUs and fanart <XD

And wow, I'm surprised by the number of people that have told me that XDD You guys just happen to be into all the stuff I'M into I'd say XD

@citrusfruitman

Personally I remember not liking it.. but watching Markiplier play it was fun :}

I've actually played a bit of hat in time! I even have three posts about it that I can recall! :00

Post one, two and three! :}