#though i might have to rewatch some other seasons to hardcore confirm that

[sharkieboi]

hi okay so i’m rewatching Starstruck and

a) being able to binge it as the Complete Experience with the Adventuring Party(s) right after each episode is very great and I like being able to revisit the story this way

b) I actually think this is my favorite season of character art in general, and in particular Sundry Sidney’s portrait is no contest my absolute favorite character art of all of D20

[sometipsygnostalgic]

When'd you get into Adventure Time the first time, and how'd it happen? Been thinking of giving it a watch (especially after all the good stuff that's been said of Obsidian and, admittedly, all the stuff I've seen you post and reblog), and it got me curious

This is like my favourite story, and it is the only good one I remember from being a teenager (life from back then has been super foggy since I moved out of my mum's but it is all good now):

When I was 15 I made a new friend who wanted to write a comic about Teen Titans with me as the artist, TT being my second-favourite childhood show after DBZ.

I started bingewatching Teen Titans because I now had a computer and was able to do so. I learnt about the voice actors.

Starfire was played by Hynden Walch. I learnt that Hynden's latest role was Princess Bubblegum on Adventure Time. I checked it out on wikipedia. It seemed kind of cartoony for me.

One thing that caught my eye is when the wikipedia page said PB "may have had a past relationship" with Marceline, the vampire girl with the really pretty hair. I was confused by this, and rationalised it to myself as they must have had a history as friends or enemies. It didn't say what kind of relationship and I thought there was no chance of it meaning "romantic".

For the time being, I didn't look into AT further.

A couple months pass. After several months of tension, I get a text while in school telling me that my dad was breaking up with his fiance, and I would need to move back into my mother's place immediately. This was smack bang when I was about to start my GCSE exams - the timing couldn't be worse. My mother's house is a shit hive and I went between having a tiny box room to myself or sharing a messy bedroom with my sister and mother. There were no standards for hygeine and there wasn't a stable supply of food.

I decide to finish my binge watch of Teen Titans. I spend all day doing this every day. I rewatched it once I was done. It was what I did to cope.

At the same time, my Teen Titans comic friend confides in me. She tells me she thinks she might be a lesbian, and she is scared her parents will reject her. I sympathise deeply. At the time, I was waist deep in the closet to the point I couldnt accept certain things about myself either, but having a friend come out to me made me reconsider LGBT matters.

I looked on deviantart and saw some art for "RaeStar". I thought it was wrong to ship them (I shipped RobStar hardcore) but, well, the art was so cute. Their interactions were healthy and sweet. It was nice. This became my low key first gay ship.

Then, I start bingeing RebelTaxi's Teen Titans video reviews.

Once I am dry on Teen Titans content, I see RebelTaxi did a review on Fionna and Cake, and on Ryan North's Issue #2 of the Adventure Time comic.

The first video, Fionna and Cake, was appealing to me. The show had an amazing art style, and a decent sense of humor. I loved that they did something for the fans, making a genderbent fanfic episode based on popular fan characters. It was unprecedented and very post modern.

....But it was the SECOND video that made me take a very sudden interest in the show.

RebelTaxi was referring to a scene with PB and Marcy in the bottom of the Lich's bag. There is a joke where Marcy turns into a tentacle monster. RebelTaxi always makes hentai jokes when tentacle monsters are involved, but he interpreted this scene as referencing the characters' "lesbian undertones".

...Wait, WHAT? Hynden Walch's character and the pretty vampire have Lesbian Undertones?!?! Haven't I heard this somewhere before?!?!

A quick google search of "Adventure Time Lesbian Undertones" later, I discover the Mathematical! Controversy - how an episode with some incredible songwriting seemed to imply they had been girlfriends in the past who have residual feelings for each other. A podcast had been made by the producers fangirling about this possibility, but it was taken down, and the director fired. Nobody had outright said the subtext was not there, but they said they didn't want the podcast to sound like word of god. There had been a lot of upset in the gay community over this. Oh, by the way, there's a gay community of cartoon fans who really ship PB/Marcy.

With a combination of everything, from how my friend had just come out to me and was struggling with homophobia, to how I was a Hynden Walch fan, to how the show had already impressed me with what little I'd seen, I became IMMEDIATELY invested in finding out as much as possible about these potential LGBT characters and their relationship.

So I checked out a ton of Adventure Time videos on youtube. I checked the vids that had Marceline's backstory in, vids with funny moments from PB and all the other characters, I checked Deviantart for fanart where I made my first engagements with the fandom's gay community, I checked the Wiki talk pages to get ALL of the discourse. It changed who I was basically overnight.

I decided Adventure Time was a fun show with clever writing, and absolutely worth my attention. During the break for exams, I binge watched it all day, and then I would cram for my GCSEs between midnight and 3am on the day of the exam. I was addicted!

When I caught up, Goliad aired. This was the first ep to come out with me being in the fandom.

At the time, even though Hynden had drawn me to the show, Marceline was the character I was most invested in. She had the amazing backstory and music and character design. PB was fun, but there was relatively nothing to her character.

Oh boy, that ALL CHANGED with Goliad! People were intensely debating what the episode was saying about her. Is she a good person, a bad person? Why was she so troubled in the episode's opening, and why was Goliad corrupted?

Discourse only escalated with Princess Cookie. The top post on the wikia was "Is Princess Bubblegum evil?"

Thinking about her character was so interesting for me. These two episodes made me realise PB was a character with her own internal battles, who was struggling with the responsibility to do what was right for her people vs what is the Right Thing, with her own psychological wellbeing caught in the middle. My interpretation of Goliad was that PB was a naturally neutral person who had decided to be good, whereas Goliad had been corrupted by Jake's anger, and this contrasted with Finn who was a pure good person. The Princess Cookie episode reinforced my ideas, because she was doing something that was neither objectively good or bad but was a result of her own morality, and it went against Jake's morality. The idea of the "good guys" having such different values was so engaging, and they managed to come around at the end, with baby-snaps being submitted to rehabilitation.

Princess Cookie was also the first episode where PB was shown to be an adult while a currently adult character was a child. Either candy people age quickly, or - more likely - Pb is keeping her age a mystery. After thinking about this, I opened up a page on the wiki forums saying "Is Princess Bubblegum Old?"

This is what sealed my position in the fandom. I became a well known regular of the community after that, on Wikia and then Tumblr. It was my first fandom. So many good memories of theories, debates, analysis and fanart, the satisfaction of my theories being confirmed in season 5 onwards.

The most important thing to me, about engaging with the AT community, was how those initial interactions around the LGBT content were the groundwork for me being comfortable coming out of the closet. If it wasn’t for that, if it wasn’t for speaking specifically to Thisfreemind and Illeity about how gay relationships are perfectly fine and healthy for kids to see, and no less clean than straight relationships, I might be a person with far more conservative views today, and I might have fallen out with several of my closeted friends over internalized homophobia.  

I would have also probably failed high school. My grades improved drastically over the next year, because my online community life had made me happier.  It was comfort and stability during a difficult couple of years. 

[timenottwasted]

This is going to be tough, but here we go.

The reason I got a tumblr in the first place, was, simply put, because of Naya Rivera. I had just recently started Glee with a friend and I was immediately enamored by her. I was in high school, had a lot of free time, and spent the next few weeks catching up on all that I had missed so I could watch on TV with everyone else. But, I found myself constantly rewinding Naya’s clips; laughing at her lines and memorizing her performances. I related to her. At the time, I don’t think I truly knew the full-scope of why, but I knew that I did. I would come on tumblr and scroll through “#nayarivera” or “#santanalopez” for hours.

Her character made me feel something that I had never felt before, ever. She made me feel visible. Like someone finally saw me, for me. I related to her quick-wit, her constantly resorting to comedy— be it because she didn’t want to feel or she was feeling to much, and pretty much everything she did in between. Naya made her character everything I felt like I was. She was hard on the outside, but soft on the inside, and she felt everything deeply and passionately.

When her story line morphed into one about discovering her sexuality, I had a brief moment of panic. Soon, it absolved into something I could only describe as englightnement. She helped me understand parts of myself that, up until that point, I was petrified to admit.

Eventually, despite the hardcore fan that I was, I stopped watching. Never finished past the fourth season. I was growing up and moving on, and just wasn’t into it anymore. But I couldn’t let go of Naya for some reason. She felt like a part of me, if that makes sense. Even though I didn’t know her, it felt like she played such an integral part of my formative years. So, even though I was letting go of Glee, I couldn’t let go of her. I continued following her on social media, keeping up with her career, and rewatching some of my favorite moments of hers. I felt so much joy watching her transition into a new part of her life post-Glee. She seemed happy, and that made me happy. When she had her son, you could see the joy radiating off of her. Without ever being around her, you could just tell she was meant to be a mom. Her recent posts were full of so much happiness and love, it made me miss seeing her on TV, watching her sing and laugh. So, two weeks ago, I decided to start Glee all over. Figured it would give me a little seratonin boost with everything going on in the world.

When the news broke last week, the first thing I felt was numb. No tears, no panic... it was just complete and utter shock. I didn’t want to believe that there was even the slightest possibility that she was gone. I read the words “missing” and “presumed” and.... I held on to them. As horrible as they were, it was better than the alternative, harsh, and definitive reality that Naya Rivera could be dead. So, all week, I prayed. I combed through Twitter and news outlets obsessively to give me some slivers of hope. But every passing day it got worse. I was fighting back and forth with myself—— no updates means she still has a chance, but no updates also means her chances are getting more bleak. In the end, I decided on holding out hope until the very last second. Even after the news broke that they found a body this morning. I tried to tell myself that there was still a chance.

But if I’m being honest with myself, I knew. And I couldn’t come to terms with it. Quite honestly, I’m writing this post because I’m still struggling to. I got the confirmation that Naya was gone while I was at work today. Everything started moving in slow motion, and that’s when I really started to panic. I made an excuse that I had to run to the bathroom, and I ran. Right out of the room. I was alone, and it had never felt more painfully obvious than that before. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. A million thoughts were running through my mind and it felt as though I was trying to navigate a minefield. I thought of her beautiful son, her family and friends, her millions of fans, all of the memories that she left behind and those she would miss out on making....... and selfishly, I thought of myself. I thought of how I got there and why I was feeling the way that I was.

It felt like a small piece of who I am, died today. And I know, it sounds dramatic. Painfully so. I’m not an over-the-top person. I wasn’t running fan accounts or messaging her everyday. I wasn’t doing anything, which is kind of my point. I was just simply enjoying being in a world where Naya was existing at the same time I was. It brought me comfort having her as a constant. I would see posts on Instagram of her smiling and loving life and I was reminded of why I loved her so much in the first place, and what little impacts she had on me along the way. I never thought there would be a time where we didn’t exist together, apart.

And now we’re here. She’s gone, forever, and I’m trying to understand. Naya presumably has no clue the profound affect she had on me, as I’m sure is the case with millions of others. And that makes me more sad than I could possibly articulate. I feel, for lack of a better word, gutted. There’s this constant heaviness in my chest and it’s crushing and all-consuming. I don’t feel like myself, and I can’t possibly imagine what it feels like for those who were close to her.

I wish I could have thanked her for everything she has given me. But if I think about it, there are no words that I could possibly come up with that could accurately convey it all. Naya was so many things. She was breathtaking, talented beyond comprehension, kind, and an outstanding mother.

I’m writing this post, mostly for myself. Hoping to get some sort of closure and to remind myself, and anyone who might come across this, that it’s okay to grieve. I strugggled with whether or not what I’ve been feeling today made sense, because I’m feeling everything SO intenstly. But the fact is, I’m feeling it no matter what. No one can tell you how to process or how to navigate this incredibly tragic loss.

I truly don’t think I’ll ever get over Naya’s death completely. As time goes on, I know it will hurt less and less, but it’s going to be there regardless.

Naya Rivera changed my life. She helped shape me into the person I am today, and brought me closer to being able to love myself as I am. That being said, I’m heartbroken. I feel like the world was robbed of an exceptional person..... talent, charisma, laughs, and love. It brings me comfort knowing that Naya lives on through her son. The ultimate sacrifice she made for his safety is gut-wrenching, but speaks volumes about her as a person and mother.

Naya, all I can say is, thank you. You are so loved, and your legacy will live on far beyond today. Rest peacefully.

[canaryatlaw]

So today started out kind of nuts but ended up being pretty good overall. The craziness is my fault of course, mine and my lazy ass. I did convince myself to get up, but said I'd uber in so I could sleep till 7:40. Then I apparently overslept that alarm and woke up at 8:40. FUCK. Like more than normal fuck because I'm supposed to do two hearings this morning. Dammit. So I scramble to get ready and am out the door in 20 minutes, grab an uber and get there by 9:40. I run upstairs, literally because the elevators were inconveniently being ridiculously slow, like even worse than normal, and I just couldn't deal so I walked up 3 flights of stairs (which is like, nuts for me because walking up stairs still gives me ridiculous shin splints despite the fact that I do it on a daily basis), ran to my office and printed off my questions, then ran back down the stairs and into the courtroom. The worker on the first hearing was running late (a very typical occurrence) so I got some time to go over my questions with my boss which was helpful. So we hung out and they did a couple other cases, then the worker for the second one showed up so I talked to her and filled in some blanks, then not too long after that case got called. The ASA let me take the lead because they're cool about that, and they still get to ask questions anyway so it's not a big deal, especially on cases that aren't contested. It went pretty well, I thought that I was very thorough (I had a lot of notes) and afterwards the state didn't have any follow up questions which meant I covered everything they wanted to know too, and that was the entire hearing! So that was cool. That girl is apparently getting her life together after being on run and prostituting herself for a good while, she's set to move into a TLP apartment Monday and is looking to get her GED, so props to her. We ended up doing the next case right after, which was less complicated with details. He is also doing well, majorly because he just graduated from high school last week which might not seem like much, but trust me it is a MAJOR accomplishment for a kid in the foster care system (which is very sad, but that's another conversation), especially one that has a learning disability. So yeah, it was a morning of good hearings and I went back upstairs feeling good about it. I wrote up my notes from the hearings before turning to the other assignments I had (which I may recount slightly out of order). I knew I had to call "juvie" for the never ending interview saga, which I wasn't sure how to handle because I faxed them the request on Tuesday for today and asked them to call me to schedule a time, but of course I wasn't there yesterday, so my not hearing from them could've been partially my fault. So I call and just say I hadn't heard from them (true) and got sent through a few people, and I recounted the actions I took Tuesday, and they were just like "yeah we never got your fax" despite the fact that I confirmed with them I faxed it to the right number addressed to the right person, and had confirmation it went through. To their credit they did let me set up an interview for tomorrow morning anyway, they were like "we're going outside protocol here" and I felt like saying yeah well it's not my fault YOU KEEP LOSING EVERYTHING I FAX YOU. So I was somewhat frustrated with all of it, but ultimately just happy I got the interview for sure scheduled with a confirmation and everything, and I got it done before I left being that tomorrow is my last day before I go on vacation, and she needed it done before the time I come back and I really didn't want to have to return it to her being like "sorry I tried but failed." So I'm glad I don't have to do that. Most of the rest of my day consisted of prison phone calls, I got through about 33 of them I believe (there's 101). It was mostly more of the same, their plot to get her bailed out fell apart, then she went to court the next day and asked for house arrest so she could "be with her kids" despite the fact that she's not supposed to have custody of any of her kids!!! But the judge was like "you've been in jail all these years already, your kids don't need you" and proceeded to raise her bond from $1500 to $7500, which of course is gonna making bailing her out a LOT harder. Then the boyfriend tells her "her lawyer" called and was asking about the kids and everything and she flips out and was like "don't tell that bitch anything, she's working with the judge to send DCFS after me." Like lady, are you serious? This is your fucking lawyer. And she's like hardcore cursing her out and saying all these terrible things about her and I'm just like Jesus Christ and you really think she's working with the judge??? You're actually insane. And she just continues to say more stupidly incriminating things like "take my daughter with you when you come to visit me so if DCFS asks you can use that as an excuse." Like, lol, you're really stupid aren't you? The ultimate irritation came when I was talking to the lawyer on the case and I found out that despite the judge saying it was gonna be a class 2 felony and she was facing 4-15 years in prison (because that's what happens when you have EIGHT serious shoplifting offenses) she somehow got to plead guilty and got off with a 90 day sentence, which was effectively time served and she got out in January. Like, seriously? That's so fucked up, and now she's out running around on drugs and fucking up her kids. Lovely. The other assignment I did during the day was just some motions for one of the other attorneys, they were to advance and reset some cases for two dates she's not gonna be here, so it was just a matter of changing the info on each of them to fit the specific case. I hadn't done that kind of thing since my DCFS legal days last summer (since it's generally more what paralegals do) but I got them because I potentially could've presented them, but I'm gonna be out next week so I couldn't (they would've been super boring to do anyway so I don't really care). So those were pretty basic. I didn't run out early to catch the 5:03 bus because I didn't need to, but then of course instead of the regular 5:13 bus the next bus wasn't until 5:24, and it doesn't tell me this until it's too late to run for the 5:03. Dammit. Those are critical minutes, traffic wise. So I head out at 5 and go to the bus stop, the homeless man who hangs out on the median (I need to ask his name) was out so I waved him over and gave him a protein bar and talked to him for a few minutes. He's a nice guy. The bus did finally come around its predicted time, and it was already more crowded than the earlier ones, and just because it was that much late it took soooo much longer to get through traffic, like it was ridiculous. If I take the 5:03 I'm home in a little over an hour, giving me ample time to get ready for my 7 pm PT appointment. With this bus, I didn't get home until 6:45, which meant I had to run into my apartment and change in approximately 3 minutes before heading right back out to make it to the PT place by 7. So that was frustrating, but oh well. PT was good, did more of the dry needling so hopefully that will help. It's weird, they're super thin so they don't really feel like getting stuck with a traditional needle at first, but then when it hits the muscle it's like this dull achy cramp feeling that is just very strange to experience. But hey, if it helps I'm all for it, I'm a tough kid anyway (my PT guy even commented I was handling it way better than most people and I was just thinking yeah because I've had to deal with much worse 😯). He was saying we should've been making more progress with pain at this point so they're gonna try some new things because he can tell I've been doing the exercises and it shouldn't still be bugging me like this, so hopefully that works. But that was good and I got appointments scheduled for the two weeks when I get back, all for 7 which means no rushed uber rides back, so I was pleased with that. Walked home, got dinner and decided to watch the latest episode of the Handmaid's tale before I lose my roommate's Hulu access for two weeks. Not that any of the episodes are particularly pleasant, but I found this one particularly uncomfortable to watch. I don't like watching the commander interact with Offred at all, especially not the way he was tonight, like she was his plaything and you could tell she was SO uncomfortable with it the entire time it just had me cringing, especially pretending to be his wife while she was gone, like I know obviously the standards are different in this crazy society but like, that's gotta be considered straight up cheating when you're taking your handmaid out for a night at a nightclub and hotel. It was just...ick. At least she got to see her friend though, and I thought the symbolism at the end with the music box was particularly well done. It's struck me before how much the wife treats Offred as if she is a child, offering her a music box that was in her room when she was a child and just generally being patronizing in the way you would with a child. It continues to be a good show though of course. After that I decided to start my rewatch of legends season 1 with a few of you, which I already recounted my thoughts of on here earlier, so I don't need to recap them here. I'm definitely going to enjoy rewatching the episodes though. I thought about rewatching season 1 last summer several times but never actually got around to it, so I'm definitely going to like seeing the episodes again. And yeah, after that I got ready for bed and ran around a bit packing things up for tomorrow. The plan is to go to work, leave there at 2:30 and uber home, pack my last minute things, uber to the airport, and get there by 4:30 for my 5:30 flight. There should be ample time to do all of this given that it won't be rush hour and neither the distance from my job to my apartment or the distance from my apartment to the airport takes a full hour. And yeah, then by 8:45 NY time (probably sooner, they always overestimate landing time on this flight I've found) I'll have touched down and will soon be on my way home! I'm so excited. My cousin's baby shower is Saturday morning, so we're definitely jumping right into exciting stuff. I'll probably spend Saturday afternoon with my sister (<3) and hopefully see Wonder Woman, then Sunday we're going into the city to see Anastasia and I'm super excited for all of it! Okay it's late so I'll end it there. Goodnight my loves. Happy Friday.