#though in the next session it was like. donovan was doing much better than he had been doing in the previous sessions

[dragon-zena]

im going to wexplode if i dont have dnd in the next week

[targaryenkaz]

unfinished business part 2

part one in case you missed it

I intended this prompt to be a short 2000 word drabble and here I am at around 10,000 words total for the two parts lmao

iii. 

Tyler shuffled around behind her, getting ready, as Caroline sat at her vanity and put in the new pearl earrings he had bought her. They were beautiful, obviously expensive, and not at all the symbol of apology he wanted them to be.

 The fight after he invited Klaus to their engagement party was intense.

 “Why would you do that without asking me?”

 “I don’t see what the big deal is. Why do you care so much?”

 “Oh, I don’t know Tyler, maybe because you don’t invite exes to your engagement party. Are you going to ask him to walk me down the aisle next?” Caroline scoffs.

 “Do you still love him?”

 Well, he went right for the jugular. She takes a deep breath, wanting to be honest but not hurtful.

 “A part of me will always love him,” she says gently.

 “That doesn’t really work for me, Care. Cause a part of me doesn’t still love Vicki Donovan.”

“It’s not like anything’s going to happen. He broke my heart, you know that. He wanted another chance and I didn’t give him one. But nothing will change the fact he was my first love.”

 “I thought Stefan was.”

 “Stefan was…puppy love. In hindsight, it was nothing. Klaus and I went through so much together, he taught me so much about myself and I’ll always be grateful for that but then he walked away and it took a while but I accepted that. I just don’t understand why you’re doing this. Are you trying to punish me for something?”

 “I’m not punishing you, Care.”

 “Then what?”

 He paces back and forth, running his hands through his dark hair. “Do you even want this?”

 “Do you? Or am I just a really nice trophy for you to carry around on your arm? I have ambitions too, but you treat them like they’re nothing.”

 From there came explosion upon explosion of old fights they never sorted out and deeply held resentments, both cried and hugged and promised to do better. The next day Tyler called in to the office and they stayed in bed, the earrings were presented to her that evening.

 When she thinks about it though, they never resolved a thing. They resolved it on the surface, as they always do, but aside from their make up session, things went right back to the way they were – Tyler more in love with his work than her, and her feeling disregarded.

 Perhaps she’s being too harsh. Change can be gradual, and with the engagement party looming, they both have been really busy.

 You’ve thought these things before, and you will again if you keep doing nothing about how unhappy you are.

 Caroline stares out the window of their chauffeured car as they drive through the city. It’s a night for lovers, it seems, as countless couples pass by. Young ones still in the throes of passion stop on street corners to kiss, not caring for the obnoxiousness of it. She can’t be annoyed by it, that’s how it should be when you’re in love. Stopped at a red light, she sees an older couple saunter by, holding hands and by the looks of it are bickering. In between barbs, the older gentlemen brings his wife’s hand up to his lips and kisses it casually. Her heart aches at the utter ease of it.

 If things were as fine as she pretended they were, then this would be the part where she grabbed Tyler’s hand and pointed them out, tease him about how that would be them one day. She doesn’t.

 The longer they drive, the more anxious she gets. This should be an exciting time, but she’s noticing how often recently she’s been comparing how she should feel to how she actually feels.

 Tyler picked the venue, wanting to surprise her. She had picked decorations, which really got her Type-A personality in a twist, not knowing what type of place she was choosing décor for. They’re heading for the waterfront, for a panicked moment she thinks he might have chosen the planetarium.

 She loves it there, but in the trove of her memories that she keeps locked away, that’s always where she thought she and Klaus would get married.

 Really not the time to be thinking of your ex.

 Thankfully, they drive past, and she tucks her old secret wishes away.

 Turns out that Tyler picked out a converted warehouse. Exposed brick with crystal chandeliers hanging from the exposed beams. The venue is nice, lovely even, but not to her taste. The décor she’s chosen looks out of place there, there’s no continuity, no sense of belonging.

 As they go to greet their guests, the tedious tones of a violinist hits her hears. “I got the band from Cotillard’s,” Tyler says excitedly into her ear. “I figure if they go down well tonight then we can book them for the wedding too.”

 It doesn’t escape her notice that he cares more about how their guests like the band than how much she likes the band. If he’d ever enquired, he’d know she doesn’t like them. At all.

 She’s in a daze as she shakes hands and hugs people she barely knows. It hits her then that many of the friends she made in this city have left for other places, - at best she has warm acquaintances – that the life she thought she’d built here has been subsumed by Tyler as she greets countless of his work friends. Her mom hadn’t been able to take the time off work with such short notice, Bonnie’s flight was cancelled, Kat was travelling and Elena is so busy with medical school. The whole thing feels like a Lockwood affair, like she’s the side accessory to his accomplishment, not his partner in life.

 She’s going to find herself a drink when a familiar voice accosts her. “Finally developed a fashion sense, I see?”

 Turning she sees the very welcome face of Rebekah, Klaus’ younger sister, her old friend and the whole reason she and Klaus ended up together.

 She’d been 18 and new to the city, the only one of her friends attending college in Chicago. Rebekah had convinced Klaus to show her around and help her out. They’d just been friends at first, she was still with Stefan at the time, technically. They participated in the same conversation and came out with two different conclusions. Caroline thought they were attempting long distance. Stefan did not. After the whole pseudo-cheating malarkey with his new girlfriend Ivy, her and Klaus grew closer. He was a rock during her time of need and supported her getting out there and moving on.

 She hadn’t just lost Klaus when they’d split up, she lost Rebekah too.

 Caroline throws her arms around the blonde, Rebekah squeezing her back just as tightly. That’s the thing about Rebekah, it’s hard to win her loyalty but once you have it, there’s nobody better to have on your side. “I’m so glad to see you.”

 “Missed you too, Caroline,” she pulls back and fixes Caroline’s hair. “Now enough of all that soft stuff, how’ve you been?”

 As they gossip and catch up, giggling like they used to at sleepovers, she notices Marcel and Klaus standing by the stylish chrome bar – completely contrasting her delicate floral décor but she’s over it, really – Klaus keeps stealing glances at her.

 “You should talk to him,” Rebekah nudges her.

 “I should talk to my ex at my engagement party? That’ll go down a treat.”

 Rebekah gives her a long look, but instead of saying what’s clearly on her mind she only inquires as to how she met Tyler.

 //

 She’s only been with Tyler and his associates – seriously who invites business acquaintances, at best, to an engagement party – for a few minutes before she finds an excuse to escape.

 It doesn’t speak highly of the company that she was already looking around for Rebekah, who only went to mingle five minutes ago, or even Marcel, who she barely knows, for a reason to leave the mundane conversation. Turns out she didn’t need a good reason, she quietly excuses herself to get a drink and the men nod somewhat dismissively, not missing a beat in their conversation about cement suppliers or whatever it is they were talking about.

 Leaning on the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention, she sees Klaus approach from the corner of her, she wonders if he’s just been waiting to speak to her.

 “Caroline,” he murmurs, his voice rolling over like a balm to soothe her anxieties. A natural reaction to him she’s never been able to help.

“Klaus,” she responds shortly.

 “You look beautiful this evening.”

 She stands up straight, flattening any wrinkles in her red velvet dress, looks him in the eye. “Thank you,” she says, genuinely. A lot of people have told her how nice she looks tonight, how lucky she is, what a wonderful couple her and Tyler make, but she didn’t know these people and their compliments came across as awkward niceties as opposed to anything real. She knows Klaus means it.

 “Wouldn’t think you’d choose a place like this?” And just like that her goodwill towards him is gone.

 “Why? Are my tastes so basic to you?”

 “Not at all, love.” He laughs easily. “It just doesn’t seem very…you.”

 “Maybe you just don’t know me anymore.”

 He smirks, ignoring the barb. “I certainly recognise these floral arrangements. They were always a favourite of yours. Seem a little out of place here though.”

 “You’re the one who’s a little out of place here.”

 He’s biting down on his temper at her blatant rudeness now, she can see the spark of anger in her eyes. It used to excite her a little, they always gave as good as they got, never afraid to push each other’s buttons, to make each other better. That’s not even mentioning the make-up sex.

 Focus, Caroline.

 It’s been years since they were together, since they’d done this and she missed it, missed him even as she pushed thoughts of him away and forged a new path. Yet she can’t help but push further.

 “Your social life must be suffering for you to come to my engagement party.” Fuck. Why did she say that? She doesn’t want to know about his social life.

 “You let me worry about that sweetheart,” he says, eyes blazing. “I’m not the one ignoring her fiancée and his…friends,” he says mockingly, as if he knows how shallow all the relationships on display tonight are.

 “I came to get a drink,” she scoffs, overegging it a bit because he’s right to an extent. “I’m not ignoring Tyler.”

 “Perhaps he’s the one ignoring you. I certainly would notice if my fiancée was speaking to her ex. He, however, is otherwise occupied.” His words sting now, the truth hitting home. She and Tyler should be celebrating together, instead she’s been running off whenever the opportunity presents itself.

 “What is your problem?” She demands, ignoring, for the moment, she was the one who wanted him riled up.

 “My problem is, as I recall years ago when I returned to try and fix my mistake, you told me you didn’t want to be an accessory to someone else’s life and look where you are!” Klaus whisper-yells at her.

 “Is that why you came? To throw in my face what a failure I still am?”

 Her words echo between the two of them. His face stricken, stunned, a little horrified by what she’s said. “Is that how you see yourself, sweetheart? A failure?” Klaus asks, his voice so much kinder now, eyes wide with sympathy.

 “I can’t Klaus – I can’t do this.”

 She heads for the fire exit as discreetly as possible. The blast of cold air as she exits brings a halt to the tears about to roll down her cheeks. She takes some deep breaths, calming herself.

 He wasn’t wrong. You’re just mad he said what you’ve been trying to ignore.

 She should be grateful. Klaus never avoided hard truths with her, he never lied – aside from a few promises of forever. She should be even be grateful for the break-up. That heartbreak crushed the last of her hopeful expectations that life could be easy, if only you tried hard enough. But at the end of the day, he was a self-made millionaire’s son and she was the sheriff’s daughter. Might make for a cute country song but it sure as shit isn’t reality.

  She leans against the brick building and looks up to the sky, letting the expanse of the stars, of a galaxy so infinite and bigger than herself, bring her back to a state of calm.

It’s what they would do. Whenever Caroline got panicky about finals or job hunting or the endless future ahead of her, Klaus would either take her to the roof of their building, or out for a walk late at night. Intertwining the fingers loosely, they’d stroll around and he’d make her laugh at silly things until she’d forgot what it was that worried her.

 Just once, she wishes she could do something without being reminded of him. She went years without his presence being so obtrusive in her life. She thought about him, of course, but not like this. Now every book she reads, every restaurant she visits, every song she hears reminds her of him.

 The door creaks open again. There’s no need to look and see who it is.

 “Less than a minute in my presence and you’re already running away. If I took it personally it might hurt my feelings,” Klaus says, strolling towards her casually, holding two glasses of champagne.

 “Maybe you should take it personally.”

 He doesn’t respond, just leans next to her, hands her a glass and looks up at the stars.

 “Beautiful night out.”

 “It is.”

 “Why did you really come, Klaus?” She asks wearily.

 “I came because I wanted to see you. I came because I wanted to tell you not to marry him.”

 “So I can what? Marry you instead?”

 “Maybe one day. If you’ll have me. But that’s not my only reason. You’re not happy, its plain to see.”

 She stands straight and gets in his face, “Don’t presume-”

 He cuts her off. “If this is such a happy union then why aren’t you in there, hmm? If I am so irrelevant to you and your existence, then why do I see more life and passion in you when you’re fighting with me than I have since we reunited two weeks ago?”

 “You are so goddamn arrogant, you know that?”

 Klaus stands straight now too, their faces only inches apart. “I do, love.”

 “You don’t know me or my life, Klaus. You don’t get to waltz back in and pretend that you do.”

 “I know that, love. I’m asking you to let me get to know you again. To forgive me. To let me try.”

 “I’m not falling for this again!”

 “Falling for what?”

 “All your pretty words, your promises of forever. They mean nothing,” her voice cracks and she struggles to swallow back tears. “I believed them, wholeheartedly. And they meant nothing.”

 His mouth gapes for a moment, but he says nothing.

 “How am I ever supposed to trust a word you say ever again?”

 “I’ll prove it to you, for as long as you need. But don’t stand there and pretend I’m the only one who wants this. I know you, Caroline. So, I know, no matter how hard we try, that no one else will ever make us feel how we make each other feel. We could both marry wonderful people tomorrow, but they will never make us as happy as we made each other.”

 “If you know all this then why did you leave me?” She practically yells.

 “Because I was an idiot. Because for once I wanted my father’s approval and leaving you was the only way I knew how to get it,” he pleads with her, desperation coating his voice.

 “Because I’m lesser than you, and I don’t deserve you.”

 “No. Never. He just…he’s always had a way of getting inside my head. Mikael he’s,” he cuts off, looking distressed for a moment. “He’s poison and he has a way of infecting other people.”

 She looks deep into his eyes, and sees the pain there, the agony of an unloved son. She doesn’t understand it to the extent that he does clearly, but she knows what it is to be unwanted, recognises it clear as day in Klaus.

 “Oh.”

 “Oh?” Klaus laughs a little.

 “Yeah,” she downs her champagne. “Oh. I didn’t get it before.”

 “I told you years ago,” he says tiredly.

“You told me vaguely that Mikael wanted someone better for you and you foolishly agreed. You didn’t…show me.” She says, inarticulately but he seems to get what she means, as he usually does.

 “I was still dealing with it, coming to terms with cutting him out.”

 “How’s that going?”

 “Pretty well. It’s tough when my siblings still talk to him but none of them force our interactions.”

 “Not even Finn?” She recalls him complaining about the eldest Mikaelson incessantly.

 “No,” he chuckles. “Not even Finn.”

 “Will wonders never cease.” She teases half-heartedly.

 “I have a confession to make.” Klaus exhales the words, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.

 “Okay?”

 “I always thought,” he looks down, swallows hard, looking back at her with raw, pained eyes, “I always thought we’d get married down here, by the water. At the Adler Planetarium. You loved it when we visited for the anniversary event.”

 “Yeah, I thought so too. After the Celestial Ball.”

 “That was a wonderful night.”

 “It was.”

 They stand in silence, not touching, just looking. She lets herself smile at him, a small, kind smile, one she hasn’t gifted him in so long. She hasn’t wanted to until now. Until the reminder of how perfect for one another they were once.

 The music trickles from inside. He takes her glass and his and sets them down, then offers her his hand. “May I have this dance, Miss Forbes?”

 She doesn’t think twice, grasps his hand. “You may.”

 For a few minutes – or maybe ten, she can’t tell when one song ends and another begins, they sway together, Klaus teasing her about her dancing going downhill. When they finally separate, she asks him about his work, not wanting to go inside just yet.

 Caroline’s told herself for a while that ignoring a lot of what your partner says is part of a long-term relationship, something she and Tyler are both guilty of, but she finds herself hanging on Klaus’ every word, genuinely interested to hear about his passions. She and Tyler had been like that once, but they’d lost it.

 If you want to build a life with someone there will be rough patches that you have to fight through…but she and Tyler have only been together for two years. It’s a little soon to have lost interest in each other’s interests. She and Klaus for all their faults had never lost that.

 Mostly she really needs to stop constantly comparing them.

 When she starts shivering its time to return to the party.

 “I know you won’t believe me but I didn’t come here to try and mess things up for you,” Klaus says, standing at the fire exit, propped open by a loose brick.

 “You’re the one who showed up implying my whole life is a disaster,” she mutters immaturely.

 “I’m implying, stating actually, that you deserve a partner who sees you for all that you are. Someone to know you as an equal, how could you be anything else?”

 “I don’t know what to do, Klaus.” She says, trying to be as honest as he’s been tonight. “It seems no matter how hard I try, my life never works out the way I plan.”

 “Life rarely does, in my experience. I never expected to fall for the green friend of my little sister. I never expected I’d act a fool and let her go. When life starts to crumble around you, leaving you lost and confused, you have to think about what you want most, what is the one thing you can’t live without and then there’s only one thing to do.”

 “What?”

 “Take a chance.”

//

The rest of the night is a blur of false smiles and confused thoughts, and she doesn’t see Klaus for the rest of the evening.

 It’s only when her and Tyler get home that she realises he noticed she was missing.

 “I saw you laughing with him,” he says immediately after the door shuts behind him.

 No need to specify who he means. “So?” Honestly, she thought he’d be more annoyed about the dancing.

 “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that. Not once. If I have, I didn’t notice which is a problem all of its own.”

 She doesn’t even remember what Klaus said, some goofy comment about what a wonderful dancer he was in comparison to her, a blatant lie. When she stops fighting him, she can’t help but have fun with him.

 “I guess we have a lot of problems,” is all she says.

 “I get that there’s a lot going on right now,” Tyler starts.

 “It’s not about being busy, Ty. We’re taking all these steps without asking if it’s what we really want, or what we just think we want.” She starts pacing in their living room. “This is marriage. If we do it right, it’s for life. It’s a huge risk.”

 “You know in your heart, Caroline, whether or not something is worth the risk.���

 Tyler was right she did know. She’d been delaying the truth for a while now and it had only hurt them both. And now she knew what she had to do.

iv. 

Klaus had been staring at the plain packaging boxes for five minutes when another customer bumping past him brought him out his fugue state. This kept happening. He’d be going about his day when his brain decided to go on a trip down memory lane of every mistake he’s ever made.

 He’s tried not to be the sort of person who dwells in regrets. Has he always been an upstanding citizen? No but he wasn’t about to let that ruin his life.

 Ever since the night of Caroline’s engagement party though, he’d been contemplating one specific mistake more than he ever has before, which is really saying something.

 He would always remember the look in her eyes. The utter betrayal. He had never been elitist, not with her. She would regularly roll her eyes at him, but he never measured their relationship in that way.

 He could still recall living in the too small flat in London’s East End before his father’s business took off, who was he to judge anyone’s beginning?

 Still, though, after a lifetime of feeling like an imposter within his own family, Mikael’s approval had become his green light. It was a sickness; he could see clearly now. But at the time, though the hardest thing he had to do, the appeal of Mikael’s acceptance was impossible to turn down.

 It took him not a full day to realise the gravity of his mistake, but like the stubborn fool he was, he tried to keep up appearances. Yes, he was sad, but not devastated, was the front he put on for his family. Better to end things now before they get even more complicated. He’s doing her a favour really, by setting her free of all the familial expectations.

 Rebekah and Kol didn’t buy a word of it. When he tried to fix his mistake, he was told he was too late.

 He never believed that fully though, thought she just needed time to grow and learn, and would never begrudge her that. He thought in the end it would be good for them, for her to be as sure as him that being together was what she wanted. He just needed to bide his time.

 He’d went back to Paris, where he had a position at one of the most prestigious art schools in the world but found he couldn’t enjoy it. He’d intended to stay there for at least three years, a position like that didn’t come to people as young as he very often, but instead he finished his year there and went to New Orleans to create something new, to become the kind of man he dreamed of now that he was out from under Mikael’s thumb.

 So many of his siblings deciding to join him in New Orleans was both a blessing and a curse. He loved them deeply, but he didn’t love their interventions in his life. Kol would regularly chide him for his poor decisions, new and old, Rebekah would make passive aggressive and just regularly aggressive comments while defending him against anyone who would dare do the same, but Elijah was the worst of all. Elijah wanted to play matchmaker.  

 Elijah’s idea of a good woman for him were simpering, ingratiating annoyances, not worth his time.

 He loved his brother with all his might, but they simply did not agree on what was good for Klaus, what made him happy. Maybe if he hadn’t kept his relationship with Caroline locked away, confined to their safe space in Chicago, his brother would see that the only person he achieved that happiness with was Caroline.

 There were so many things he should have done differently the first time round, he was realising.

 Marcel told him just a few days after the party that he’d heard from someone who’d heard from someone else that Caroline and Tyler were done, the engagement was off, much to Carol Lockwood’s embarrassment. He’d hoped to have heard from her, but it’s been a month now and there hasn’t been a word.

 It’s not like he expected her to jump from Tyler to him, but he thought they’d made progress that night. A month of overthinking has him believing maybe it wasn’t progress, but closure.

 For years, he had always believed in the back of his mind that he could fix it, if only he tried hard enough. But the look on her face when she thought he was insulting her as some trophy wife has been on replay for at least the last week and now he’s starting to believe that he’s destined to unintentionally hurt her. If that’s the case then it’s better they don’t get back together, he’d rather her happy without him.

 That’s partially why he needs to leave Chicago, at least for the time being. He doesn’t want to give up on her, on them, but this city has become a memory box for him, as dramatic as it sounds. He can’t go anywhere without being reminded of what he had and lost, Hybrid Designs had other branches he could see to, could go to a new city and build up a new one. That would be a good distraction.

 He still doesn’t believe it’s fully over between him and Caroline, can’t believe it. But if he’s in for a long wait as the optimist in him thinks he ought to go be productive. The pessimist in him thinks he’s skipping town to avoid his pain head on, but what does that bastard know anyway?

 Mostly he thinks he should have stayed at home with a bottle of gin for this mental processing, instead of standing in a random Home Depot aisle.

 Grabbing an assortment of boxes, he heads for the checkout but stops in his tracks when he feels eyes on him. Turning around, a few aisles over, is the subject of his thoughts.

 Make-up free and hair tied back in a loose bun, Caroline looks as divine as ever. His feet start making their way towards her before his brain can think it through. She’s smiling at him, at least. That must count for something.

 “Hi,” she says quietly when he reaches her.

 “Hello love,” he replies just as softly, like he’s talking to an easily frightened animal.

 “How’ve you been?”

 “Keeping busy with work. How have you been? I heard, you know, about you and –”

 “I’m fine. Good actually. It was for the best.”

 His eyebrows rise. “You think so?”

 “I do.” A beatific smile spreads across her face and she looks down to the boxes in his arms. “What are those for?”

 “Oh, well I um…I’m moving. Back to New Orleans.”

 “Oh.” It might be his wishful thinking that there’s a flash of disappointment before she holds a neutral expression. “Didn’t you just get here?”

 “Yes, but we have quite a few branches, so I’m needed elsewhere.” He shakes his head, never enjoying lying to Caroline. “Not needed, per se, but it’s always good to check in. Marcel will stay here for a while, hire people he trusts to uphold our standards and then he’ll probably re-join me in New Orleans.”

 “That’s great,” she responds, not at all enthusiastically.

 “What are yours for?” He asks her, noticing the few boxes under her arms.

 “I’m finally moving out of me and Tyler’s place. He let me stay while he lived at Matt’s, gave me some time to sort things out. The apartment was always more him than me, anyway. I’m going to be renting for a few months from a friend of a friend who’s travelling, so I have a little while longer to find a more permanent solution.” She rambles and her eyes dart around as she speaks to him, Caroline always rambles when she’s nervous. What does she have to be nervous about right now though? “In fact, I should probably go and get packing before the day disappears on me. It was nice seeing you again.” She stops long enough to take a breath and finally look at him, eyes wide and forlorn. “Goodbye, Klaus.”

 She gives him a brief kiss on the cheek and rushes past him. He tries to find her at the checkout but can’t catch sight of her.

  A part of him says that she was sad to know he was leaving, but the other part of him knows better, knows he’s tried the positive way of thinking before when it comes to their relationship, when he’d come back years ago with his apology ready and his heart in his hands. It didn’t work out then, why would it work out now? Caroline has always been a go-getter. Surely if she wanted him, she’d come get him.

v.

The humidity is really ruining the chic, carefree look she was going for. Now her hair is frizzing out of its casual bedhead perfectly crafted waves, and her no-make-up make-up look is slowly melting off her face.

 It’s been two months since she’d seen him last, two months spent deciding what she really wants in life. Two months in which she barely mourned the loss of her relationship with Tyler, because as they both discussed the night of the break-up, the good things about their relationship had dissipated long before they realised.

 She’d been working up to phoning Klaus before he left. Didn’t think he’d move across the country in the meantime.

 It made sense though. He had been so sure about them while she waffled and wavered. She didn’t regret it, had needed the time to really think things through but she understands his need to get away. The past few months living alone and away from outside influence really helped her sort things out.

 She wanted more.

 She’d quit her job. As much as she loved it, she wanted to create something for herself, a website where she could explore the interests she had in the modern, political world. A place where she could write what she’s passionate about and hire people who feel the same, a place to boost voices that need to be heard.

 Caroline was ambitious, that was never going to change. But the realisation she didn’t have to be in Chicago to achieve her dreams changed everything. Chicago was the place she became the woman she is, her experiences there, with and without Klaus, had made her. She never realised the attachment she held to the city, and letting it go, at least for the time being was more difficult than she thought. In her carefully laid plans, she’d always stayed there, and she’d always had such fear or life not turning out according to those plans.

 But being scared had only stifled her, and though it’s one of the most difficult things she’s ever done, it was time to take a leap.

 First things first, she spoke to Rebekah, trying to subtly see if any of her doubts – would Klaus actually want her if she turned up, had he moved on – had any truth to them.

 “Don’t be a bloody idiot, Caroline. You know if you show up at his door, he’ll be yours,” Rebekah had said, rolling her eyes.

 It was in this transitory time, moving things into storage, packing up what she could carry, that she thought how hard it must have been for Klaus coming back to Chicago.

 How would she have felt to run into him and find him engaged to another, planning a whole life without her? No wonder he had doubts and had to leave town. It would have crushed her.

 Last time, Klaus had come to her. Now it was her turn to chase him down.

 So, here she was, in Nola, address in hand.

 She had the taxi from the airport drop her off at a bar first, thinking a drink would calm her nerves a little.

 The bartender, Josh, had been friendly and funny, helped get her out of her own head. “You came all this way to woo a man? That is so romantic.” He said dryly as she was leaving the bar.

 “Yeah, I guess it is.”

 “I’m a local, maybe I know him?”

 “Klaus Mikaelson.” The way Josh’s jaw dropped still had her giggling as she walked the streets to Klaus’ house. Maybe she’d go back for a drink sometime.

 The ostentatious M knocker on the front door had her rolling her eyes. “Seriously, what a drama queen,” she muttered to herself.

 There was no answer after a minute, so she kept picking up and dropping the heavy M with little grace, sure to annoy Klaus.

 “Coming, coming! You can stop with the bloody knocker. Can’t a man take a daytime kip without being harassed in his own home?” She heard him from behind the door, getting clearer as he approached.

 The door swung open with ease, and the rage fell of Klaus’ face immediately, replaced by utter shock. He looked paler than usual, wan, and overworked.

 “Hello, love.” Caroline said, in a bad British accent, immediately regretting it and wincing. “Ignore that, that was dumb. Hi,” she attempted again.

 “Hi…” Klaus said warily. “What are you doing here?”

 “I have some things to say and I need you to listen.” He opened his mouth to acquiesce or decline? She doesn’t know because she starts speaking again before he can. “First of all, I don’t want to live in New Orleans.”

 “Then you might have made a wrong turn somewhere,” he interrupts, drolly.

 She points a warning finger at him. “Or maybe I do want to live here, or in Paris, or London, or maybe I want to go back to Chicago or Mystic Falls one day. I don’t know the exact future but I know the world is so huge and I want to actually live in it. I want to experience it and write about it.”

 “That sounds like a wonderful idea,” he says, shoulders straightening, a slight gleam coming into his eyes, as if he’s finally clocking on to why she’s here.

 “I’ve spent so long overthinking every decision in my life, but you were so right that night. I just needed to think of what I wanted most and take a chance.”

 He takes a step out the door. His eyes are wide, open, honest, and hopeful, but his jaw is set with an edge of caution. “And is this it? You…taking a chance?”

 “Yes, because this,” she gestures between them, “terrifies me. The idea of having and losing you again, of you deciding you want something better, I don’t think I’d go through it a second time.” She wipes away a stray tear.

 “It won’t happen again, I prom–”

 “I trust you. I have my own weird issues, I’m sure you do too. But there’s no one else I want to work through them with. There’s no one I would rather drive crazy with my neuroticism more,” he chuckles, and she grabs his hands.

 “I love you, Klaus. Take a chance on me.”

 “Always.” He pulls her to him and they’re kissing like isn’t years between them, like they haven’t put each other through pain and heartbreak. There has, of course, and that’s something they’ll need to reckon with, but in this moment, tears streaming down both her faces, the problems don’t seem so scary.

 Delving her hand into his, it feels like yesterday they kissed like this on their old couch. No matter how hard she tried to kill it, the kind of love they have never dies.

 He breaks away, gives her a few short but drugging kisses. “I love you, Caroline,” he says, lips on hers.

 “Just to be clear,” she says in between kisses, reluctantly dragging herself from him, “I was serious about wanting to see the world. I know you love Nola, and I’d love for you to come with me but if you can’t because of work I understand

 He gives her a cocky grin. “Sweetheart, Hybrid Designs is a wondrous success, and I built the place singlehandedly.”

 “Singlehandedly with the help of Marcel,” she adds on, scoffing at him and interrupting his self-satisfied flow.

 “We have three branches, I’m sure I could start another one if we set up base elsewhere. Or maybe not, I think I’ve more than earned some holiday time.” He takes her face between his hands, a teasing grin on his face. “We’ll decide together love, take each day and life changing anxiety inducing decision as it comes.”

 “Ok.” She grins back.

 “Ok?”

 “Yes!” she laughs, dragging his mouth back to hers. “Ok, ok, ok,” she giggles, punctuating each with a kiss.

 When he swings her up into his arms and crosses the threshold, she steps into her future, and for the first time, she goes without fear.

[charlie-freakin-essex]

the going of winter | alex, charlie, & ricky

D. D’MORNAY:

[[ Ricky was doing fine with the workout, thank you very much. In comparison to others he was flying through it. The only problem is that he’s next to Charlie. Everyone looks fucking useless next to Charlie.

Discovering Charlie was ticklish was, honestly, a goddamn highlight of Ricky’s day. No, his week. Considering all the shit going on lately, it’s a welcome break from what they’ve been having to deal with. An absolute tank like Charlie being ticklish is, frankly, delightful.

Was it dumb? Yes. Was Ricky going to stop? No.

He jabbed out, poking a sensitive soft spot in his side that has Charlie hissing out mid-laugh and Ricky beaming. He should be trying harder, should be paying attention and not dicking about but he’s got to loosen up sometimes.

Charlie, the spoilsport, moves away. Ricky chuckles under his breath, he actually does keep going with the up and down planks. Charlie gets a split second of relief until Ricky decides to throw in a little kick on each down of the up-downs to knock Charlie’s ankle out.

Unfortunately — Charlie’s had enough. He full-on shoves Ricky to the side. The man’s ridiculously strong and in his annoyance topples Ricky right the fuck over. He lands with a loud ‘oof’ and a laugh he doesn’t catch fast enough.

Ricky’s favourite AP Trainer is leading the session and walking over, all high and mighty. Charlie is endearingly polite and maddeningly quick to resume the exercise. With a shit-eating grin, Ricky looks up at Alex, chin tucked down in a weak attempt at hiding said grin.

He doesn’t say anything because he will start to laugh. With that smile still in place he pulls himself back up into position. ]]

@alexander-donovan​

[They’re smiling, so on the plus side, that means that it’s not some childish fight he’ll have to break up. He really doesn’t have the patience for some of the interpersonal drama that makes its way onto the training field from time to time. He’s not a fucking high school teacher and he did not sign up for the angst-interference.

Nonetheless, it’s an odd sight, to see two Elites—Reformists ones, no less—goofing off during training. Alex doesn’t necessarily have anything against having a bit of fun, but he’s opposed to it if it’s at the expense of disrupting his class. Especially by people who are supposed to be making good examples. Ironic how the NWRF are so fucking high and mighty, but from the looks of it, they’re no better than anyone else. Not that that’s new information.

Overall, Alex has had a good impression of Charlie. His interactions with the man have so far been limited to in and around training sessions, but he’s been respectful, friendly and hard working, which is good enough for Alex, at this point. God knows he’s had to deal with worse from the ranks of NWRF. As for D’Mornay... well, he’s a bit of a handful. Arrogant and immature, but Alex has never been quick to condemn. Ricky is a handful, but he’s not totally hopeless. Though he does seem to have a problem with authority.

As the two of them get back to their planks, Alex eyes them but says nothing, turning to the group again, and glancing at his PDD.] Alright, very quick breather. Then get ready for Mountain Climbers. Ten seconds. [With one more glance at Essex and D’Mornay, he turns his back for a moment.]

[[ Charlie casts Alex one more apologetic look as he pushes up from his planks, settling back on his heels with a single, heavy exhale, stretching his shoulders. As soon as the trainer’s back is turned, however, his eyes slide back to Ricky with a slow, unavoidably mischievous smile.

Charlie never had siblings, but he finds it easy to imagine that this is exactly the kind of energy it would’ve been if he had. As Ricky likewise moves to kneel when they’re given a brief respite, Charlie doesn’t let him. He reaches out to give Ricky’s shoulder another nudge, more playful this time, but still with more than enough force to push him back over.

Ricky shoots him a look; Charlie shrugs innocently. Ricky starts to sit up a second time, and again, Charlie reaches over to give him another light push to the grass, a low chuckle bubbling up from his throat. ]]

@diederick-dmornay​

[aworldfullofmusesmoving]

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name -  Arin Donovan Morrison Eye colour -  Dark brown Hair style / colour - Dirty blond, kept short and a bit untidy/spikey? this image is a good reference Height -  6′3′’ Clothing style -  His professional attire is navy blue scrubs and usually a white doctor’s/lab coat with his name tagged pinned to the pocket. Outside of work, he’s rather casual - wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Button up shirts aren’t just for formal events, he likes to wear them even if he’s just going out for a drink. He wears sneakers at all times when he isn’t required to wear formal attire. Best physical feature:  His smile ^^

LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE

Fears -  Always lives with the fear of failing his patients and families. It’s sad to say that it has happened more times than he would like and acts as though he has grown used to it because death is a part of the job - he can’t save everyone - but those that know him well know that it is just an act, and every patient he loses devastates him.  Guilty pleasure -  Re-enacting Tom Cruise’s Risky Business dance scene (underwear and socks and all) while he’s cleaning up in his apartment (not so much in his parents’ mansion because a) his parents do have a maid, and b) potential witnesses are all too common in that house) Biggest pet peeve -  His mother (and people in general) sticking their nose in businesses that aren’t theirs just for the sake of being nosy. Ambitions for the future -  He’s already living his dream of being a surgeon so he’d say settling down and having a family (with a man or woman, it doesn’t matter), working hard right up until his retirement and living out the rest of his life hopefully with his significant other.

LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS

First thoughts upon waking up: “I wonder how my patients are doing?” What you think about most: See above tbh What you think about before bed: Once again, his patients, especially if he performed surgeries that day. What your best quality is - He would probably say that he’s good at talking to people, especially families and loved ones of patients; he knows how to comfort them when he doesn’t have good news, and absolutely loves seeing their reaction when he brings them good news.

LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER ?

Single or group dates -  He prefers single dates but if he’s with a group of good friends he’s up for the latter. To be loved or respected -  Both are important Beauty or brains -  Brains Dogs or cats -  Dogs because he’s had more of those than cats throughout his life.

LAYER FIVE : DO YOU …

Lie -  If necessary. Believe in yourself -  He has to most of the time. Believe in love -  Sure does Want someone -  Definitely

LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN …

Been on stage: When giving a speech at his parents’ anniversary party Done drugs:  No Changed who you were to fit in:  In college, he hid the fact that he was bisexual because his mother made him believe that his sexuality would impact his education and career in a negative way.

LAYER SEVEN : FAVORITES

Favourite color -  Navy blue Favourite animal -  He loves dogs but his favorite animal of all time is an otter. When he was a kid, his dad took him to the zoo and was fascinated watching them swim in their tanks and play with their handlers. His dad bought him an otter plushie from the gift shop afterwards, he still has it to this day. He also really loves dinosaurs though. Favourite movie -  Jurassic Park Favourite game -  Operation x3

LAYER EIGHT : AGE

Day your next birthday will be - February 21 How old will you be -  verse dependant (main canon 35) Age you lost your virginity -  Fifteen Does age matter - Not really?

LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON

Best personality - Patience and understanding: Arin works quite a lot and sometimes is forced to cancel on prior arrangements if its an emergency. Kindness: in general, just not be a jerk? Best eye colour -  He has no preference Best hair colour -  He has no preference Best thing to do with a partner - Kiss. He loves kisses and make out sessions.

LAYER TEN : FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love - “saving lives.” I feel -  "content.” I hide -  ”my relationships from my mother for reasons I don’t think anyone can blame me for.” I miss -  ”my dog when I’m at work.” I wish -  “I could save everyone. And that my mother wouldn’t butt in to my relationships.”

Tagged by: stole back from @hunterofpixiedust (because i thought you tagged me to do it but i realized just as I finished it that you tagged me to say that I tagged you)  Tagging: @contrarymuses @theimpalpable @scarstaught @semperardens @thc-wrong-side-of-heaven @elysiahellfire @vireous

[lostinthemazecalledmyhead]

Part six Talk about you

Part one (beginning of a long long journey); Part two (Good guys); Part three (No place in heaven); Part four (Oh, girl you’re the devil); Part five (Last party); Part six (Talk about you); Coming soon: Part seven (Hurts); Part eight (All she wants); Part nine (Staring at the sun);

Part nine will be the last part of these series!

Word count: 2002

Previously: Damon brought reader to a party to learn how to feed. They made out and waking up the next morning reader doesn’t remember a thing. Klaus and Kai find them in the bathroom. Klaus, of course, is furious and compelled reader into telling what happened at the party. Angry reader ripped out the heart of Klaus and watched him drop dead on the floor.

Summary: Continuing their road trip, a lot of minds have to be made at ease. And who is better at doing that than reader?

“Y/N!” A hand waves in front of your face and you look up from your hand into Klaus’s face. Confused you look down at your empty hand, realizing that it wasn’t real. “You compelled me.” You growl angrily. “You are the worst of them all!” Furious you storm out of the bathroom, leaving the three guys motionless. “Let’s see how you make that up.” Kai says laughing, breaking the silence. “I swear to you Parker.” Klaus breathes. “If you open up that mouth of yours again..” “Then what?” Kai asks provoking Klaus. “Do you really think that beating up Kai will get you into Y/N’s good favour?” Damon asks Klaus. “I wasn’t planning on beating him up.” Klaus tells Damon. “I was planning to rip his heart out and squeeze it until he drops dead.” “No wonder she is angry at you.” Damon says before walking out the bathroom.

Later you find Damon sitting on the couch. “You!” You yell at Damon. “What is wrong with you!?” Damon has sunken back on the couch and sipping from a cup. “Why you mad at me?” He asks baffled at your sudden anger towards him. You push his feet off the coffee table. “Because I know you’re not telling me something.” “I told you, we drank, we passed out.” Damon replies a bit annoyed. “We have to go.” Klaus speaks from behind you. Not wanting to see his face you don’t turn around. “They will be looking for us. Soon.” You give Damon an angry glare and rush past Klaus out of the house. Kai is already in the backseat of the car and you join him. “This road trip is so much fun!” Kai exclaims frightfully happy. “Oh, shut it, Kai!” You snap irritated. It isn’t Kai who you are mad at, but you just can’t deal with his… being himself. It’s a few hours later and this time Damon has been driving. Klaus was in the passenger seat, checking you out every few minutes via the car mirror. The car ride was rather unpleasant. Filled with uncomfortable silence. Even Kai kept quiet most of the time. Now you have arrived at a motel. This is where you’ll be staying and figuring out a new plan. While the guys get checked in you decide you need some time alone. Effortlessly you climb up into a tree and make yourself comfortable. From up here you can keep an eye out over the place and are not easily seen. Finally you have found yourself some time to think. There is only one question floating through your brain: what happened last night? You remember the loud music. The smell of liquor. Drinking blood. Suddenly it all comes rushing back. You made out with Damon! You didn’t just kiss him, you were all over him. Knowing what happened raises another question: Why didn’t Damon want you to know this? You have a perfect view over the parking lot where Damon and Kai are standing. They are talking to each other, making you wonder what the hell they could be talking about. Then you remember you have vampire hearing and tune in. “Are you serious?” Damon asks Kai, you can hear how sceptical Damon sounds. “Is it so hard to believe that I am not being selfish?” Kai asks defensive. “You are never selfless.” Damon reminds Kai. “I am if it comes to her.” Kai says. “When it comes to her, I couldn’t be more selfless.” Damon is silent. “So, you are saying that I am being selfish?” He asks finally. “I chose not to put her through what you and Klaus are putting her through.” Kai explains to Damon. “I want her to be mine. I want her so bad. But what I want more than anything is for her to be happy and safe. Being with me? She would never be completely happy and safe. Look what she became because of us, Damon! She is a vampire! And it’s all our fault.” Kai’s words touch you, but they also hurt. You didn’t know how much he felt for you and you wish you could say you feel the same way for him, but you don’t. Your heart belongs to someone else. Though, you care for Kai like he is your family. He’s the one who is always able to make you laugh. Even with the jokes that are kind of inappropriate. “You think that not being in a relationship with her is actually going to save her?” Damon asks sceptical. “If she even loves one of us, she’s going to do that no matter what. That’s just how she is. She is not going to let anyone or anything stop her from what she wants. What she deserves.” “She loves deeply regardless of the love she gets back in return, and it is both her biggest strength, and her biggest weakness. I’ve made up my mind. I know I’m no good for her. Neither are you, nor Klaus. We are bad people and you know it.” Kai says. “She deserves someone normal like ..Matt.” “Donovan?” Damon asks cynical. “You really have lost it, Parker.” Damon says before walking away from the conversation. From his feelings. Whatever they may be.

“Kai.” You walk into his room. You’ve been thinking and the conversation between Kai and Damon just doesn’t sit right with you. “I remember.” Raising his eyebrow he looks at you. “You remember what?” He asks, honestly not knowing what you’re talking about at the moment. “Last night I fed. I got high off their blood and…” You say. The words are stuck in your throat. “Then I kissed Damon.” Kai is silent for a few seconds. “No, worries, I kissed my mother too.” Kai is acting they way he usually acts, like a sociopath. “Though, I did kill her.” He adds thoughtfully. “Kai, we didn’t just kiss. We made out. Like almost having sex making out.” You explain in detail hoping that he will understand the gravity of the situation. If he does, he isn’t showing it. Smiling slightly he shakes his head. “Naughty girl.” “That’s it!” You exclaim. “Why do you always pretend like you don’t care! I care and I know you do too!” This seems to have taken Kai off guard. “What are you talking about? Why are you even telling me this?” “Because I wanted to see if you for once would show how you really feel towards me.” You say turning around to walk out the door. In a flash Kai stands in front of you. “It isn’t your call on what feelings I do or do not show, Y/N.” “Remember that night that you drove me home after I had a fight with Damon and you told me you would never lie to me.” You remind him. “I didn’t lie to you.” “You deceived me and somehow that is worse.” You say, tears welling up in your eyes. “I love you, Kai. You know that, right? I don’t want you to feel bad or feel like you can’t talk to me about something. Your my family. And yeah, families fight, but in the end it doesn’t change how much we love each other. And don’t think I’d ever give up on you or Damon or even Klaus, though I’m still beyond furious with him. That’s something you don’t get to decide for me.” You wrap your arms around him and hug him tight. Tears roll down your face and you can feel his tears land in your neck. “I love you too, Y/N.” He whispers. “I heard your conversation with Damon.” You tell Kai, letting go of him. “Just know that I never want to lose you, okay?” He nods. Now there is someone else you need to go talk to. This road trip seems more like a huge therapy session. Expect this therapy session is a real drag. You walk into Damon’s room and see him pulling of his shirt. Nonetheless you walk in. “Damon we need to talk.” Throwing the shirt on the bed he turns around. “You’re still mad at me?” He asks with a faked smile. “Always.” You reply, closing the door behind you. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” Damon asks flirtatious. “I was just about to take a shower. You’re welcome to join.” While touching your sharp tooth with your tongue you change your mind and quickly think of something to say. “I just didn’t want to go to sleep tonight knowing we were mad at each other.” You say. “I’m not mad at anybody.” Damon denies. You scoff. “You’re mad at everyone.” You exclaim. “Well, at this moment I couldn’t be any more peaceful.” Again the faked smile. “Was that all?” “Yes.” You say, but not moving. Damon looks at you with his piercing blue eyes. “You staying for the show, or..” He says while unzipping his pants with a jerk. Not saying anything else you leave. Outside you lean against his door. Stupid. You kissed Damon before. You liked it. Why was it so hard to admit it? Maybe you’re just not ready. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t feel right.

The next morning you are woken by the sound of people arguing. “We’re bad. We’re evil. We’re unlovable.” You recognize Klaus’ tortured voice. That man sure got some demons of his own. “In the end.. we’re all left infinitely and utterly alone.” Feeling your presence Klaus turns around. You can see the tears welled up in his eyes. Damon who is standing behind Klaus knows it’s his que to leaven and deserts to the car on the other side of the parking lot. Having seen his face you wonder what has been said before you woke up. Damon seems hurt, being in an inner conflict. “You really believe that?” You ask him, shocked by the amount of pain he is feeling. It appears that ‘bad’ guys feel the most amount of pain. That doesn’t make their actions okay, but it sure makes them seem les bad. “Look at the things I’ve done! I’ve killed families, drained villages and I even killed some of your friends!” Klaus exclaims. “The bad guy never wins! You’ve said it yourself!” “What I said was about the villain. You are not a villain anymore, Klaus!” You cry back at him. “Then what am I?” His question left you unarmed. What is he? “You’re trouble.” You say. “Life is hard and you’ve made mistakes. Sometimes you still do, but you are trying to be a better person. Trying to do what is best for the people you love, you can still cause trouble, but that is okay.” “Even if what you say is true; I’m still unlovable.” This actually angers you. “Niklaus Mikaelson.” You breathe. “If you say that one more time I’m gonna kill you. How can you say that you are unlovable when I’m standing here sharing your hurt?” “You don’t get it!” He yells. “Everyone is being loved. Even Rebecca got herself a boyfriend!” Finally you get what this is about. “Don’t compare your life to others. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon, they shine when it’s their time.” You surprise yourself with your wisdom. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still furious at you for compelling me, but I love you Klaus. Maybe not in the way you would want me to, but I just don’t want to see you hurting like this.” Klaus swallows in an attempt to keep back his tears. “I was angry, Y/N. Jealous even. And I’m so sorry. I did it before I could even realize what I had done.” Seeing him so lost, hearing him apologize, which is a rare phenomenon, it breaks your heart. “If you want to make it up to me you wipe the self-pity from your face and help me make up a plan to get rid of those hunters.” Klaus nods. “You’re right.” He admits. “Let’s kill those bastards.”

Question: Will the hunters be taken by surprise or will they know that they are coming? If they know that they are coming what are they going to do about it (a trap, hide, move etc.)

[jutebugle4-blog]

LaVine's All-Star stats in a disappointing season

Zach LaVine is a star.

The numbers say so. The Bulls shooting guard will finish the season in the top 20 in the NBA in scoring, currently averaging 23.7 points per game. The 24-year-old established career highs in rebounds and assists and was one of 10 guards in the NBA to average at least 23 points, four assists and four rebounds. The others are James Harden, Stephen Curry, Devin Booker, Bradley Beal, Damian Lillard, Kemba Walker, Kyrie Irving, Donovan Mitchell and Russell Westbrook. LaVine scored at least 40 points three times, all in wins, accounting for 14 percent of the team's victories in just those games.

But it is difficult, at times, to see LaVine's brilliance.

Because it is obscured by the clouds of defeat hovering over this Bulls season that concludes this week Tuesday in the United Center against the Knicks and Wednesday in Philadelphia.

LaVine understands, which is also why next season is so crucial for the team and its young players who are hoping to shine for everyone.

"The main thing I learned (this season) is you'll have individual accolades. But a lot of everything comes from winning," LaVine said in a free wheeling session with reporters before Saturday's game with the 76ers. "I think I put together a really, really good year, especially for my position as a guard. But I didn't get the accolades I want as an All-Star or all-NBA. You're not on a winning basketball team. Those things come from that. You have to put winning first.

"We want to be in the position moving forward to where we want to be one of those competing teams," said LaVine. "Come this time next year to be in position to where we are not playing meaningless games. I think I haven't played in a meaningful game in five years of my career. So I think it's getting to the point where you really want to start looking past self things and moving toward (winning) basketball games. It's not fun to go home in April. I (do) think we're in the right direction moving forward, but we have to make some changes individually and as a team to get to that point."

I think I put together a really, really good year, especially for my position as a guard. But I didn't get the accolades I want as an All-Star or all-NBA. You're not on a winning basketball team. Those things come from that. You have to put winning first.

Zach LaVine

This has been a disappointing season for everyone associated with the franchise. The early season injuries to Lauri Markkanen, Kris Dunn, Bobby Portis and Denzel Valentine effectively crushed a season that was supposed to be competitive, if not ultimately fulfilling.

It appeared the Bulls had made an unusually fast turnaround for a rebuilding with the Jimmy Butler trade and then drafting Wendell Carter Jr., the latter who was hurt in January as most of the others returned. It seemed before that the Bulls could be in theoretical playoff contention perhaps into April, like Charlotte, Miami, Detroit and Orlando. Not all will make the playoffs, but they have been in playoff-like settings the last few weeks scrambling for that goal.

LaVine, Dunn and Markkanen would not commit to whether they would be playing if the Bulls were in such a position now. Though draft lottery positioning and player analysis seemed to become a factor once Otto Porter Jr. suffered some physical issues after the trade of Portis and Jabari Parker. Though LaVine's point is significant. Habits are developed. Losing can become one, also, if success is withheld too long.

That it's a concern of LaVine's as much as the organization is a positive.

It's what everyone will do about it.

LaVine dunks

Not much can be foreseen yet with the draft lottery May 14 with several exceptional talents in the draft, and free agency possibilities. The Bulls are expected to be a player for other than the few elite free agents. So the roster could undergo yet another makeover with coach Jim Boylen going into his first full season after replacing Fred Hoiberg.

But much of that success will be focused around the 6-5 LaVine, who has been the team's best player this season.

Though he only played 63 games in his first full season after ACL surgery in February 2017, LaVine was the team's most reliable scorer and a regular playmaking facilitator, second on the team in assists. It's an impressive redemption from a free agency when many local critics argued the Bulls should not match his $78 million/four-year offer from Sacramento.

"Now it's looking like I'm a pretty good deal, right," LaVine said with a laugh.

The Bulls have hoped Markkanen would break through, and he showed signs after missing the first two months with an elbow injury. But he faded in March and then experienced a potential heart issue, which seems under control. Porter added a nice bounce to the team after the trade, but he's had a series of minor injuries. Carter showed promise, but was hurt, and Dunn has been inconsistent. There are potential luminaries in the draft, but they are teenagers without pro experience.

Come this time next year to be in position to where we are not playing meaningless games.

Zach LaVine

The Bulls are fortunate to have a talent as outstanding as LaVine. But he also understands there is another level of excellence he has to reach before the Bulls can begin again to achieve those post season goals.

LaVine said in his interview session he believes the Bulls will be a playoff team next season. But what else would he say? Put it this way: If he said anything else, who would even want him on the team.

But because of his immense talent—and it is unique with his extraordinary athletic ability and incredible recovery from serious injury—LaVine is most likely in line to be the team's leader. Markkanen and Porter tend to be quiet and Carter is young. Plus, no one else makes (and takes) as many big shots at the end of games. That's mostly what NBA leadership is about.

Leadership is not about saying it; it's about doing it.

LaVine to his credit understands he's not quite there yet even though his statistics project excellence.

Greatness in sports is consistency, being able to produce exceptional numbers regularly and thus take the pressure off your teammates so they can perform. LaVine showed he could do that this season, averaging more than 20 points for the first time in his career. That's the first step on the superstar ladder. But if LaVine is to climb higher and take the Bulls with him, he understands 63 games is not nearly enough, and the 23.7 points per game probably is not quite enough. The 3.4 turnovers per game certainly is too much, though Michael Jordan averaged more than three turnovers per game his first six years in the NBA. If you have the ball, you are going to make mistakes. But having that ball also requires you to make the deciding and determining plays that separate winning and losing. That's now on LaVine.

"I just have to keep trying to improve my game," LaVine agreed. "You have to look at yourself in the mirror and try to improve the faults you had. I think I had a really good year this year, but there are a lot of things I think I could have done much better across the board, get to the line more, slow down the turnovers. I'm going to take this just as serious if not more serious than last year. I think if you can improve yourself first that will help the team.

"I want to continue to be consistent, somebody who (you) can pretty much stamp in and know what you're going to get from them on a daily basis," LaVine explained. "Obviously, I have to (also) look at my defense on both ends. I've always felt like I've been a really good individual defender, but off the ball I think I have to put a lot more effort. I expect to improve each coming year. I think that's what you have to do to take your game to the next level. I help the team offensively in a big way, so if I can do it on both ends of the floor that elevates my game and the team's chance to win."

LaVine drives

The individual progression LaVine made from a third option averaging 18.9 points per game in Minnesota before his injury to a first option averaging almost 27 per game after the All-Star break is exceptional in the NBA. Sure, the Bulls had injuries, forcing LaVine to average a career high 18 field goal attempts and 34.5 minutes per game. It's a breakthrough only the potential All-Stars can make.

But they don't get into the conversation without team success, which players understand better after being relieved of the pressure of their first major contract.

That's where LaVine has come, and he'll be under the microscope as much as the team next season. Their fates are intertwined.

"I think we're on the right path (toward the playoffs)," LaVine insisted. "I think we'll be there. Because stuff has to eventually turn. You can't as a player continue to be on the lower end of the totem poll. I think it has to switch the mindset for you personally and for the team. I think next year we have to start off really early and have that be our main goal. It doesn't matter about individual things. You have to put that first. I think we have enough talent. There's things we have to do better. But talent wise on paper, I don't see a lot of teams better than us in the East.

"I like how we always fought," LaVine said. "I think our record didn't show actually how good we were. We were in pretty much every game that we played. There were some games where the score was out of reach and we didn't play, but I feel like that's (common) for everyone. You're going to have games like that. But we were better than what our record proved. We just have to learn how to win. It's a tough thing. I don't think it just happens at this level. Sometimes you get lucky and you're blessed to go to a team that's championship level or a contender. But I think going through these tough times you're going to look back on them and be more humble and happy that you went through them.'

LaVine was in the top five in scoring the first month of the season with most of the regulars out. It was a test, an opportunity and a burden. LaVine passed and was also among the league leaders in free throw attempts early. But with the mounting losses, the coaching change, an ankle sprain he fought through missing only five games when it was feared he could miss a month—did anyone mention all the losses—the usually upbeat LaVine began to retreat. He was the most accessible team spokesman all season with his garrulous personality and leading attendance. He never evaded the media and proved a thoughtful subject. But he clearly began to wear out over the defeats until a reprieve for a month following the Porter trade. He says it further proved to him his hopes for the team are accurate and reasonable.

LaVine and Otto Porter Jr. high five

"We just couldn't find a way to win," LaVine said about those dark days in December and January. "It's tough when you get to those stretches because it just feels like the world is against you. But we're going to come out better on the other end of those. We'll remember those days and how it felt. You've got to go through those bumps and bruises. Sometimes you've got to get beat up by a bully before you beat him up.'

Zach and the Bulls say they're going to come out fighting next time with perhaps a little twinkle in their eyes and their souls. Wish he does, wish he might, have next season go right.

Source: https://www.nba.com/bulls/news/lavines-all-star-stats-disappointing-season

[mastcomm]

A Ballerina’s Nightmare: ‘Am I More Than Just a Dancer?’

One morning last spring Tiler Peck woke up, but she wasn’t the same Tiler Peck. She didn’t recognize herself. She couldn’t.

“I was afraid to use my eyeballs to look because I was in so much pain,” she said.

On April 23 — she has been keeping a journal — she was diagnosed with a severe herniated disc in her neck. Doctors couldn’t pinpoint exactly how it happened. During the past five or six years, Ms. Peck, a New York City Ballet principal, had experienced a stiff neck from time to time, but this was different.

“It wasn’t like I danced and felt something,” she said. “I just woke up and I had so much pain down my right arm I couldn’t do anything. I’d never been in that much pain in my life.”

Just before City Ballet’s spring season, she had an M.R.I. scan. She was packing her bag to go to the theater when her doctor called and asked her if she was sitting down.

“He said, ‘You have to promise me you won’t go into work today,’” Ms. Peck said. “I just could tell by the tone. I said, ‘I’m going to be able to dance again, right?’ And he said to me, ‘Well, we’re just going to take it one day at a time.’ It was one of the worst days of my life.”

Though she’s performed in two dances at City Ballet since November, her return to the stage is still a cautious one. It has involved six doctors, five of whom advised surgery.

“They were all telling me different things,” she said, “but basically the scary thing was that they made me feel like if I was walking down the street and somebody were to nudge me, I could never walk again.”

Her injury, which prohibited her not just from dancing but from much ordinary movement, has made her reprioritize her life. “When you’re told that you might not dance or even walk, you start to think, Oh my God, what is there?” she said. “What am I? Who am I? Am I more than just a dancer?”

From April to August, the most exercise Ms. Peck had was riding on a stationary bike for 10 minutes without resistance. “For someone who’s so used to being physical?” she said. “I couldn’t even do life things.”

When she was first told that she needed to stop dancing, she called Marika Molnar, the physical therapist and director of Health and Wellness at City Ballet, whom she has worked with since she was 15.

“She went with me to every single doctor,” Ms. Peck said. “I needed someone to be on my side. She kept saying: ‘I know your body better than anyone. They don’t know. Your body just knows how to fix itself. They can’t feel that.’”

Ms. Peck said her gut kept telling her not to have surgery — one doctor, pushing for it, asked if Ms. Molnar would be responsible for Ms. Peck if she were to become paralyzed afterward.

Ms. Peck also worried that the surgeons she spoke to, who were opting for disc replacement or fusion, didn’t fully understand her profession; the use of épaulement, or the position of the shoulders, head and neck, is imperative to a ballet dancer. “They’d say, ‘Oh, it’s just one segment, so if you get a fusion, you won’t even notice that you don’t need that,’” she said. “But I’m not a football player. I need to be able to use my upper body.”

Finally, she met with Dr. Frank P. Cammisa Jr., who specializes in the surgical treatment of spinal disorders. He told her that there was a good chance of her spine healing on its own. He advised taking off the summer — beyond not being able to dance, she didn’t really move her head for six months — before getting another M.R.I., which she did, in August. (She will have another in March.) It showed improvement. Ms. Peck could start moving again. She wasn’t taking pain medication so she could report all of her symptoms — the tingling and pain — to her physical therapists.

She and Ms. Molnar worked carefully but consistently, every day if not twice a day, focusing on movements that don’t put excess stress on the neck. “I like to take care of the environment of the body so that no matter where your injury is at least the rest of you is taken care of and it’s not just pinpointed to one specific area,” Ms. Molnar said. “So we slowly moved in until we were able to do some head and neck movements. She just started jumping.”

In November, Ms. Peck performed the Sugarplum Fairy in “George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker”; in January, she was the female lead in “Allegro Brillante,” a fleet, virtuosic gem of a Balanchine ballet. It was a challenge, but it paid off. As she put it, “I was like, I’m really dancing.”

Ms. Molnar doesn’t want Ms. Peck near new choreography that could put her at risk; she is also enforcing two days of rest between performances. Ms. Peck may be dancing again, but these are still early days.

At the start of this month, Ms. Peck was preparing for her next challenge: “Swan Lake” and the dual part of the swan queen, Odette, and her evil doppelgänger, Odile. (She is scheduled to dance on Feb. 19 and Feb. 22.) “I’m going to try 10 fouettés today,” she said at a recent rehearsal, referring to the whipping turns — traditionally, the ballerina performs 32 — that Odile performs in the ballroom scene.

Fouettés can be traumatizing for dancers, but until now they haven’t posed much of a challenge for Ms. Peck, always the most polished and vibrant of dancers. (She once told me that she considered the fouetté a rest step.)

Jonathan Stafford, City Ballet’s artistic director, was watching the rehearsal. Obviously, he knows her. “Let’s just keep it at 10 though,” he said. “Don’t get in there and be like, Oh I feel good.”

Ms. Peck performed a single fouetté followed by six doubles, in which she rotated twice around. With a shake of the head, she forced herself to stop, adding with a giggle, “I think it’s fine.”

Though she was cutting her fouettés short and skipping her jumps, there was something transformative about her dancing. Her neck looked longer. Her back had both a newfound delicacy and expansiveness that made her arms appear more willowy. And she even looked taller. “I have to have better posture all the time,” she said with delight.

Ms. Molnar has noticed the changes, too: “She’s a beautiful mover,” she said. “It was always kind of free flow and now I would say she looks so much more sophisticated. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just so elegant.”

She may be the unofficial president of Ms. Peck’s recovery team, but Ms. Molnar is not its only member. When she first received her diagnosis, Ms. Peck was treated by a chiropractor who put her in touch with a sports psychologist. A condition like Ms. Peck’s affects more than the body; when a visit to a doctor was upsetting, her symptoms — including tingling in the face — would flare up.

Now, she sees an energy healer, Rob Jokel, once a week. Before, she said, that would have been unthinkable: “If someone told me they went to an energy healer I’d probably be like: ‘What is that? That probably doesn’t work.’ But I was like, I’ll try anything, the weirder the better.”

She said that an important part of their sessions is just talking, which made her uncomfortable early on; he would become silent. “But it was his way to see what my energy did when I talked about things,” Ms. Peck said. “It could be a person I brought up. We didn’t just talk about the injury.”

For Ms. Peck, it meant dealing with life issues, including the 2017 breakup of her marriage with Robert Fairchild, a former City Ballet principal. “A lot of what he said to me was that I had to connect more with my heart than with my head,” she said of her sessions with Mr. Jokel. “I think, too, maybe with what happened with Robbie was that I had just kind of shut off and this was a way that I had to reawaken that part of me. It became this whole-person experience.”

During her time off, Ms. Peck focused on offstage projects like acting (she appeared in episodes of “Ray Donovan” as well as in “Tiny Pretty Things,” a forthcoming Netflix show). She worked on her dance wear collection for Body Wrappers and choreographed a refined, sculptural ballet for six at the Vail Dance Festival. She said the choreographer William Forsythe told her: “This is the time when you really know if you can choreograph or not — it’s when you can’t dance. Just use it.”

She also wrote a children’s book, “Katarina Ballerina,” with her friend Kyle Harris that will come out in May. And she wants to write another book about the experiences surrounding her injury. “It can be such a lonely road,” she said. “It’s so hard to describe a weird tingling feeling in your finger without somebody being like, ‘Oh that’s just your imagination.’”

Above all, she was left with an important question: When dance is taken away, what’s left? Her injury has taught her that she needs to be more open — less calculated and more spontaneous in both her dancing and her life. In rehearsals, those qualities were apparent as she worked on “Swan Lake.” This will be her second time performing the ballet with the company, but just as important as the first. That time, she learned she had the part a week after she and Mr. Fairchild had separated.

Then, as is now, it was fitting: “Swan Lake” requires a ballerina to be vulnerable. “I felt like I was able to bring so much of that to my white swan and now to be able to bring this to my white swan?” she said. “It keeps coming up at the most perfect times. It’s just kind of weird.”

But right about now everything is a little weird to Ms. Peck, who has worked hard to heal, she said, “her mind, her body and her heart.”

For much of her recovery, she kept quiet about her injury and distanced herself from City Ballet and the dance world. “What I came to realize is dance is just one part of who I am,” she said. “I just needed the time to focus on me. I really think that’s what’s healed me in the end.”

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/entertainment/a-ballerinas-nightmare-am-i-more-than-just-a-dancer-2/

[jesusvasser]

TEST DRIVE: 2017 BMW 230i xDrive

The ’13 135i was recently dropped off at BMW of Kansas City South for scheduled maintenance. My Service Advisor, Clint Wong, knew I’d need a loaner and he arranged to have a surprise waiting for me.

We got my car checked in and Clint lead me out to the lot and handed me the keys to a 230i xDrive. Not bad, and a model that I had wanted to sample. I hadn’t been thrilled with the N20’s, BMW’s previous 2.0 liter four, less than sonorous engine note but was impressed with its performance. Hopefully the new B48 would prove to be better.

And there it was, a brand new 230i xDrive in Moonlight Silver. I don’t care what you call this paint, ‘Heather Mist’, ‘Sparkling Champagne’, ‘Creme Brulee Mica’, or ‘Moonlight Silver’; in my house it’s known as paint code ‘OWL’, ‘old white lady’. Many moons ago I saw a new Mazda 626 in gold sitting on a dealer’s lot, with a heavy markdown splashed across the windshield. It was not an automatic and hence old folks weren’t willing to buy it and no youngster was either thanks to the color. Next to ‘hang around brown’, gold, and it’s many derivatives, should be banned for use on automobiles; if I were running the show anyway.

Once you get past the exterior color, the interior is inviting. There’s more jewellery in the interior of the 2 series than the previous 1 series. Metal colored accents on the switchgear plates and an attention to small details that seemed more mundane in the 1er. There are a number of little design details in the interior that you may not see immediately, check out how the piece that contains the mode selector, park distance control, and ESC off switch is sculpted for example.

The front seats are as good as ever, with superb adjustability on the power sport seats. The rear seats are pretty much an afterthought, though the center console now contains air conditioning ducts for the back seat passengers (who should be small if they wish to be comfortable also). The 2er, like the 1er before it are best thought of as 2+2 cars, with the +2 being ‘little people’.

But that lack of rear seat space hints at a short wheelbase, a mountain switchback carving tool. And the 230i xDrive doesn’t disappoint. The 230i delivered a composed and comfortable ride – while still being a decent handling machine. I like the way BMW does all wheel drive, with a bias towards the rear. So many front wheel drive derived platforms don’t deliver the bulk of the torque to the rear axle, and their handling suffers as a result. If I had to choose I’d take the sDrive model, but if I had to choose from all wheel drive flavors, xDrive on a rear wheel drive chassis would be the only choice.

The car was equipped with Pirelli Cinturato P7 All Season run-flat tires which are very comfortable – much better than previous generation run-flats which were exceptionally harsh over impacts. These are, however, grand touring tires and their capabilities are somewhat constrained. If you do intend to push the car, opt for the 18″ mixed summer tires (it will require adding the M-sport package, but you’ll want that regardless).

The ability to select various drive modes, EcoPro, Comfort, Sport, and Sport+, is welcome in the bag of tricks the 2 series can perform. EcoPro, Sport, and Sport+ can be optimized using the iDrive interface. It was fun allowing the car to coast in EcoPro mode and watching the tach drop to idle.

You can attempt to hyper-mile the car in EcoPro and the dash and iDrive displays provide the tools to do that. In Sport mode you can view a horsepower and torque gauge in the display. Entertaining but irrelevant. In EcoPro mode the transmission shifted up early and dawdled during downshifts. It works but, and there’s always a but, in either EcoPro or comfort mode the B48 sounds pretty agricultural.

Things are better in Sport mode however. Select chassis and drivetrain when configuring Sport mode and then kick the shifter to the left, you’ll enjoy it. And you’ll probably leave it there. And that leads me to the following, this ZF 8 speed automatic is tempting. I’ve never owned an automatic, all my daily drivers being sticks. But this transmission is a real delight to use, Selecting sport/manual mode it really works well. Shifts are quick, downshifts are accompanied by a little rev-matching throttle. This transmission is a real treat.

The car does sound better in Sport mode, but, and there’s always a but, it’s because of the spirit of Jack Donovan Foley, who gave Holly wood the Foley sound stage. BMW adds sound effects to artificially enhance the driving experience. Cheating? Well, stretching the truth a bit maybe.

But, regardless of the artificial sound, this thing accelerates with alacrity. It is surprising that the 0-60 time of this four cylinder rivals that of super-cars 20 years ago. (Would you believe a 1999 Ferrari 456 GT has something close to a 5.3 second 0 – 60 time, which is what BMW shows for the 230i xDrive with ZF 8 speed auto? Incredible.) The fly in the ointment with the 230i xDrive is the standard brakes, they’re adequate, but just. Opt for the Track Handling package and you’ll get the M Sport brakes. If you intend to autocross or participate in HPDE sessions the Track Handling Package is a must.

This 230i xDrive was heavily optioned including the navigation system. With the nav system the technology included in the car was pretty comprehensive. The iDrive has evolved nicely, it’s actually quite useful – fulfilling its original promise.

And now we get to the rub, as optioned, the loaner BMW 230i xDrive was sticker priced at over $48,000. Yikes! There are ways to skinny that price down by judiciously selecting options. But, for a few grand more, you could opt for an M2 or a very nicely equipped BMW M240i sDrive. As always, your mileage may vary.

The article TEST DRIVE: 2017 BMW 230i xDrive appeared first on BMW BLOG

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[eddiejpoplar]

TEST DRIVE: 2017 BMW 230i xDrive

The ’13 135i was recently dropped off at BMW of Kansas City South for scheduled maintenance. My Service Advisor, Clint Wong, knew I’d need a loaner and he arranged to have a surprise waiting for me.

We got my car checked in and Clint lead me out to the lot and handed me the keys to a 230i xDrive. Not bad, and a model that I had wanted to sample. I hadn’t been thrilled with the N20’s, BMW’s previous 2.0 liter four, less than sonorous engine note but was impressed with its performance. Hopefully the new B48 would prove to be better.

And there it was, a brand new 230i xDrive in Moonlight Silver. I don’t care what you call this paint, ‘Heather Mist’, ‘Sparkling Champagne’, ‘Creme Brulee Mica’, or ‘Moonlight Silver’; in my house it’s known as paint code ‘OWL’, ‘old white lady’. Many moons ago I saw a new Mazda 626 in gold sitting on a dealer’s lot, with a heavy markdown splashed across the windshield. It was not an automatic and hence old folks weren’t willing to buy it and no youngster was either thanks to the color. Next to ‘hang around brown’, gold, and it’s many derivatives, should be banned for use on automobiles; if I were running the show anyway.

Once you get past the exterior color, the interior is inviting. There’s more jewellery in the interior of the 2 series than the previous 1 series. Metal colored accents on the switchgear plates and an attention to small details that seemed more mundane in the 1er. There are a number of little design details in the interior that you may not see immediately, check out how the piece that contains the mode selector, park distance control, and ESC off switch is sculpted for example.

The front seats are as good as ever, with superb adjustability on the power sport seats. The rear seats are pretty much an afterthought, though the center console now contains air conditioning ducts for the back seat passengers (who should be small if they wish to be comfortable also). The 2er, like the 1er before it are best thought of as 2+2 cars, with the +2 being ‘little people’.

But that lack of rear seat space hints at a short wheelbase, a mountain switchback carving tool. And the 230i xDrive doesn’t disappoint. The 230i delivered a composed and comfortable ride – while still being a decent handling machine. I like the way BMW does all wheel drive, with a bias towards the rear. So many front wheel drive derived platforms don’t deliver the bulk of the torque to the rear axle, and their handling suffers as a result. If I had to choose I’d take the sDrive model, but if I had to choose from all wheel drive flavors, xDrive on a rear wheel drive chassis would be the only choice.

The car was equipped with Pirelli Cinturato P7 All Season run-flat tires which are very comfortable – much better than previous generation run-flats which were exceptionally harsh over impacts. These are, however, grand touring tires and their capabilities are somewhat constrained. If you do intend to push the car, opt for the 18″ mixed summer tires (it will require adding the M-sport package, but you’ll want that regardless).

The ability to select various drive modes, EcoPro, Comfort, Sport, and Sport+, is welcome in the bag of tricks the 2 series can perform. EcoPro, Sport, and Sport+ can be optimized using the iDrive interface. It was fun allowing the car to coast in EcoPro mode and watching the tach drop to idle.

You can attempt to hyper-mile the car in EcoPro and the dash and iDrive displays provide the tools to do that. In Sport mode you can view a horsepower and torque gauge in the display. Entertaining but irrelevant. In EcoPro mode the transmission shifted up early and dawdled during downshifts. It works but, and there’s always a but, in either EcoPro or comfort mode the B48 sounds pretty agricultural.

Things are better in Sport mode however. Select chassis and drivetrain when configuring Sport mode and then kick the shifter to the left, you’ll enjoy it. And you’ll probably leave it there. And that leads me to the following, this ZF 8 speed automatic is tempting. I’ve never owned an automatic, all my daily drivers being sticks. But this transmission is a real delight to use, Selecting sport/manual mode it really works well. Shifts are quick, downshifts are accompanied by a little rev-matching throttle. This transmission is a real treat.

The car does sound better in Sport mode, but, and there’s always a but, it’s because of the spirit of Jack Donovan Foley, who gave Holly wood the Foley sound stage. BMW adds sound effects to artificially enhance the driving experience. Cheating? Well, stretching the truth a bit maybe.

But, regardless of the artificial sound, this thing accelerates with alacrity. It is surprising that the 0-60 time of this four cylinder rivals that of super-cars 20 years ago. (Would you believe a 1999 Ferrari 456 GT has something close to a 5.3 second 0 – 60 time, which is what BMW shows for the 230i xDrive with ZF 8 speed auto? Incredible.) The fly in the ointment with the 230i xDrive is the standard brakes, they’re adequate, but just. Opt for the Track Handling package and you’ll get the M Sport brakes. If you intend to autocross or participate in HPDE sessions the Track Handling Package is a must.

This 230i xDrive was heavily optioned including the navigation system. With the nav system the technology included in the car was pretty comprehensive. The iDrive has evolved nicely, it’s actually quite useful – fulfilling its original promise.

And now we get to the rub, as optioned, the loaner BMW 230i xDrive was sticker priced at over $48,000. Yikes! There are ways to skinny that price down by judiciously selecting options. But, for a few grand more, you could opt for an M2 or a very nicely equipped BMW M240i sDrive. As always, your mileage may vary.

The article TEST DRIVE: 2017 BMW 230i xDrive appeared first on BMW BLOG

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[robertkstone]

TEST DRIVE: 2017 BMW 230i xDrive

The ’13 135i was recently dropped off at BMW of Kansas City South for scheduled maintenance. My Service Advisor, Clint Wong, knew I’d need a loaner and he arranged to have a surprise waiting for me.

We got my car checked in and Clint lead me out to the lot and handed me the keys to a 230i xDrive. Not bad, and a model that I had wanted to sample. I hadn’t been thrilled with the N20’s, BMW’s previous 2.0 liter four, less than sonorous engine note but was impressed with its performance. Hopefully the new B48 would prove to be better.

And there it was, a brand new 230i xDrive in Moonlight Silver. I don’t care what you call this paint, ‘Heather Mist’, ‘Sparkling Champagne’, ‘Creme Brulee Mica’, or ‘Moonlight Silver’; in my house it’s known as paint code ‘OWL’, ‘old white lady’. Many moons ago I saw a new Mazda 626 in gold sitting on a dealer’s lot, with a heavy markdown splashed across the windshield. It was not an automatic and hence old folks weren’t willing to buy it and no youngster was either thanks to the color. Next to ‘hang around brown’, gold, and it’s many derivatives, should be banned for use on automobiles; if I were running the show anyway.

Once you get past the exterior color, the interior is inviting. There’s more jewellery in the interior of the 2 series than the previous 1 series. Metal colored accents on the switchgear plates and an attention to small details that seemed more mundane in the 1er. There are a number of little design details in the interior that you may not see immediately, check out how the piece that contains the mode selector, park distance control, and ESC off switch is sculpted for example.

The front seats are as good as ever, with superb adjustability on the power sport seats. The rear seats are pretty much an afterthought, though the center console now contains air conditioning ducts for the back seat passengers (who should be small if they wish to be comfortable also). The 2er, like the 1er before it are best thought of as 2+2 cars, with the +2 being ‘little people’.

But that lack of rear seat space hints at a short wheelbase, a mountain switchback carving tool. And the 230i xDrive doesn’t disappoint. The 230i delivered a composed and comfortable ride – while still being a decent handling machine. I like the way BMW does all wheel drive, with a bias towards the rear. So many front wheel drive derived platforms don’t deliver the bulk of the torque to the rear axle, and their handling suffers as a result. If I had to choose I’d take the sDrive model, but if I had to choose from all wheel drive flavors, xDrive on a rear wheel drive chassis would be the only choice.

The car was equipped with Pirelli Cinturato P7 All Season run-flat tires which are very comfortable – much better than previous generation run-flats which were exceptionally harsh over impacts. These are, however, grand touring tires and their capabilities are somewhat constrained. If you do intend to push the car, opt for the 18″ mixed summer tires (it will require adding the M-sport package, but you’ll want that regardless).

The ability to select various drive modes, EcoPro, Comfort, Sport, and Sport+, is welcome in the bag of tricks the 2 series can perform. EcoPro, Sport, and Sport+ can be optimized using the iDrive interface. It was fun allowing the car to coast in EcoPro mode and watching the tach drop to idle.

You can attempt to hyper-mile the car in EcoPro and the dash and iDrive displays provide the tools to do that. In Sport mode you can view a horsepower and torque gauge in the display. Entertaining but irrelevant. In EcoPro mode the transmission shifted up early and dawdled during downshifts. It works but, and there’s always a but, in either EcoPro or comfort mode the B48 sounds pretty agricultural.

Things are better in Sport mode however. Select chassis and drivetrain when configuring Sport mode and then kick the shifter to the left, you’ll enjoy it. And you’ll probably leave it there. And that leads me to the following, this ZF 8 speed automatic is tempting. I’ve never owned an automatic, all my daily drivers being sticks. But this transmission is a real delight to use, Selecting sport/manual mode it really works well. Shifts are quick, downshifts are accompanied by a little rev-matching throttle. This transmission is a real treat.

The car does sound better in Sport mode, but, and there’s always a but, it’s because of the spirit of Jack Donovan Foley, who gave Holly wood the Foley sound stage. BMW adds sound effects to artificially enhance the driving experience. Cheating? Well, stretching the truth a bit maybe.

But, regardless of the artificial sound, this thing accelerates with alacrity. It is surprising that the 0-60 time of this four cylinder rivals that of super-cars 20 years ago. (Would you believe a 1999 Ferrari 456 GT has something close to a 5.3 second 0 – 60 time, which is what BMW shows for the 230i xDrive with ZF 8 speed auto? Incredible.) The fly in the ointment with the 230i xDrive is the standard brakes, they’re adequate, but just. Opt for the Track Handling package and you’ll get the M Sport brakes. If you intend to autocross or participate in HPDE sessions the Track Handling Package is a must.

This 230i xDrive was heavily optioned including the navigation system. With the nav system the technology included in the car was pretty comprehensive. The iDrive has evolved nicely, it’s actually quite useful – fulfilling its original promise.

And now we get to the rub, as optioned, the loaner BMW 230i xDrive was sticker priced at over $48,000. Yikes! There are ways to skinny that price down by judiciously selecting options. But, for a few grand more, you could opt for an M2 or a very nicely equipped BMW M240i sDrive. As always, your mileage may vary.

The article TEST DRIVE: 2017 BMW 230i xDrive appeared first on BMW BLOG

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[virtuosinovel]

Ch 46 - Revelations

At Victor’s request, the meeting was held in his hidden library office. This time Dudley was patted down before entering, which seemed superfluous since he had been escorted all the way from his cell to the Hive by armed guards watching his every move. As he entered the room, Victor waved from his desk chair; the same one he was sitting in last week when Dudley pointed a gun at him. Before taking his own seat, Dudley scanned the room for killer teenage ninja nieces. This time he and Victor were alone.

“Thanks for meeting with me Benjamin. It seems for the first time ever, we are utterly alone. No recorders on you. No control panel wristband on me. The cameras and audio have been disabled,” said Victor. For the first time since the tuxedo for opening ceremonies, Victor was dressed in typical business attire: a navy suit, a red power tie, and a serious demeanor.

“I guess I should thank you for meeting me considering your laws and the circumstances. I understand it can only get better for me as a result of this,” Dudley replied. He wasn’t so sure about the last statement, especially if the cameras weren’t rolling. Who would care if Victor just pulled a gun out of his desk and ended him right here? Maybe Victor would show some restraint since Dudley hadn’t fired any shots.

“Correct,” confirmed Victor. “Depending on how happy you are with your organization now and your moral compass, you stand to do quite a bit better than you are currently.”

“What do you propose?” Dudley asked. He wanted to get down to business. Why was he here?

“A lot has happened in the past week, much of it while you’ve been detained. Just so we start on a level playing field, why don’t I put a few of my cards on the table by catching you up. I wouldn’t want you to consider my proposal without proper context,” said Victor.

“Fair enough. I’d appreciate that,” answered Dudley.

“You know about the helicopter crash of course, but what you might not know is it was no accident. They ran into a force field which protects this island from exactly that type of belligerent act of aggression. Depending on your personal philosophy, you’ll find this either brilliant or abhorrent. Personally, I love it.

“In the United  States, if a burglar gets hurt on your property while trying to rob you, you could actually be held liable. Here, we don’t give a rat’s ass if you booby trap your whole fucking property. Anyone brazen enough to be trespassing without your permission deserves what they get,” exclaimed Victor. His calm demeanor had given away to righteous indignation.

Dudley thought back to the emergency drill on the airplane. That’s why Meena was on the phone immediately. They knew an attack was coming even before Dudley knew.

“After word of the crash leaked to the world press, there was a backlash on multiple fronts. The U.N. called an emergency session to discuss sanctions against the United  States. World stock markets had their biggest one day drop since Black Monday in 1987 and are still unstable. The underground movement in the U.S., which was a slight groundswell, has turned several of your major cities into free-for-all riot zones. The attack was the tipping point on a house of cards crashing down as we sit here,” Victor summarized.

Now everyone else’s role during the plane’s emergency drill became clear. Brandon was moving assets around to prepare for the crash, perhaps helping to partially cause it in the first place. Greta probably made diplomatic pre-warning calls. Donovan and Victor no doubt orchestrated it all. Victor continued.

“After you decided not to shoot, which I do appreciate regardless of the bulletproof force field, you were subdued by what is known as Angel’s Trumpet, or Columbian Devil’s Breath. It’s a fascinating plant and if properly manipulated, has some practical uses other than simply killing one’s enemies. One is you can exercise a certain type of mind control over the target. After you were hit with the dart, we could have sent you swimming to Australia and you would have gladly hopped in the ocean and started on your merry way, never questioning the sanity of the act. Instead, we told you where your cell was and you started walking.

“Along the way, you spilled all of your secrets at our request. We pretty much had the crux of the matter figured out, but we didn’t know exactly what agency you worked for, where your bugs were dropped, etcetera. You’re now an open book to us. Everything you thought, did, or were ordered to do, we know about and you’re on tape saying it all. I can’t say any of it was earth-shattering, but at any rate you should know you have no more secrets from us,” explained Victor.

Dudley sat quietly. There wasn’t much to say. Victor picked up a remote control and turned on a TV on one of the side walls. Dudley saw himself in the video, talking freely. He didn’t remember any of it, but everything he said in the video was true.

“I’ll fast forward through this if you don’t mind. I just figured you might want proof,” said Victor.

“Please do,” said Dudley, his cheeks flushed.

The next video started. Dudley recognized the person in the video. It was Lieutenant John “Jack” Randall of Freedom Keeper Special Forces; the sole survivor of the helicopter crash. A medic assisted Randall as he walked between two shoulder-height bars.

“I though the only survivor was paralyzed,” interjected Dudley.

“He is. He’s wearing an exoskeleton which helps people walk with paralysis,” said Victor quickly, making it clear that wasn’t the point of starting the video. Dudley was relieved that although 21 of his coworkers died in the crash, the doctors seemed to be treating the one survivor very well.

“Like I said Benjamin, there were no big surprises in your revelations. Now let’s contrast that with what Lt. Randall had to say,” Victor said as the video continued rolling.

The video cut away from Randall’s rehab efforts to him sitting up in bed. Someone off camera interviewed him. It sounded like Eve Carson.

“Please state your name and rank,” said the woman.

 “Lt. Jack Randall, Freedom Keeper Special Forces.”

 “Tell me about your unit Lieutenant.”

 “We are a covert special ops unit reporting straight to the President of the United States of America.”

 “Is the American public aware of this unit?”

 “No ma’am.”

  “What was your mission here on this island?”

Randall explained all of the specs of the mission in detail. All eight potential targets: four places and four people. He didn’t stutter or hesitate once.

“Why were you sent to attack those targets?”

“This island is capable of doing harm to the United  States with its technological and financial capabilities.”

“Who was your Alpha target?”

“Victor Freeman.”

“Does this have anything to do with Victor Freeman being a person-of-interest in an ongoing FBI case?”

“No ma’am. There is no ongoing FBI investigation. It was a mission to neutralize the island’s capabilities.”

Eve seemed to hesitate on the tape. Victor leaned forward like this was an Oscar-winning suspense movie he’d seen before and couldn’t wait to relive the ending. Eve continued the interview, obviously ad-libbing now that Randall had revealed an unexpected secret.

“There is no ongoing FBI investigation into the Sons of Liberty 2.0 naming Victor Freeman as a person of interest?”

“Only to the public. Privately the case is closed.”

“Why is it closed?”

“There is no such group as Sons of Liberty 2.0. The Freedom Keepers invented them.”

Eve was obviously as shocked as Dudley, but she knew this was an opening she had to jump through.

“Who conducted the Tea Party Anniversary Attacks if Sons of Liberty 2.0 doesn’t exist? Who bombed the CIA and the NSA buildings?”

“The Freedom Keepers conducted the attacks, ma’am, at the direction of the Director of National Intelligence and the President of the United States of America.”

Eve and a couple of other onlookers behind the cameras gasped. Dudley grabbed his seat handles like he was on a roller coaster. All the knowledge he thought he had was draining out of him and resetting him back to infancy, like an intellectual version of Benjamin Button.

“What?” Eve asked. It was an exclamation, not a question, but the Angel’s Trumpet worked on Randall just the same. He repeated what he said before.

“Why?”

“It was done to regain the balance of power. The public started valuing freedom over security. The attack was engineered to instill fear in the public again so they would stop pushing back against the government. It was also meant to discredit Victor Freeman and Next World because they were aiding and abetting the freedom movement.”

Victor stopped the tape, dropped the remote, and looked over to Dudley. Dudley was immediately traumatized, mouth agape, head and body shaking, staring distantly at the carpet trying to re-calibrate the last 20 years of his life. It had all been one big fucking lie. His career was a charade.

“I’m sorry you had to see that Benjamin,” said Victor, returning to his normal calm demeanor. Most people would have jumped on Dudley with an I-told-you-so barrage, but Victor knew he had already won. Like a parent who just told his child the truth about Santa Claus, Victor sat there for a moment.

After several minutes of silence, Dudley still didn’t speak. He sat there staring into space like an invalid. Victor must have figured the obligatory grace period of silence was over and started speaking.

“I must say, even I was stunned by that one. I’ve heard every conspiracy theory ever invented. It was my business. I believed some of them and disregarded others. Some were eventually proved and some eventually discredited, but this one lined up perfectly.

“A nobody entrepreneur forms a start-up company at just the right time in history, with just the right product mix. He’s not smarter than anyone else nor any richer; just incredibly lucky, incredibly intuitive or both. A passive disdain for the lack of privacy in America turns into action now as people see there is something they can do about it. The combination of privacy becoming accessible and constant bad behavior from people in power turns the tides on the watchers. The people don’t want to be watched anymore and they’re taking action. What’s worse? It’s not violent action, but passive resistance, so it can’t be met with violent counter measures. You can arrest and beat protestors in the street, but what can you do when they’re protesting from behind their computer screens; when you don’t know who they are?

“So instead of fighting the people, you fight the idea. You discredit the Founder of Next World by sending in a puppet CEO, getting the board to vote for an exclusive contract by waiving a pile of cash in their face, and forcing this young upstart out.

“Then, to put the icing on the cake, you stage an attack so people are scared shitless again, like they were in the good ole days after 9/11. And lo-and-behold, the anonymous ringleader of the attack just happened to be aided and abetted by guess who; the young upstart. You leak some information to his old mentor, which gets back to him, convincing even the young entrepreneur he is responsible. He buys an island and is out of your hair forever, afraid to return to his home country. Even that’s not good enough so you attack his new country. Am I missing anything?”

Dudley was silent during Victor’s recap. Maybe Randall was lying in the video. Maybe hallucinating from the drugs. But everything Dudley had said was true and everything else Randall said was true: the unit, the bugs, the mission specs, everything. It was futile to think this was all a lie.

“No, that about covers it,” said Dudley in a low voice.

“The first casualty of war is the truth,” said Victor.

“So, what now?” Dudley asked.

[mastcomm]

A Ballerina’s Nightmare: ‘Am I More Than Just a Dancer?’

One morning last spring Tiler Peck woke up, but she wasn’t the same Tiler Peck. She didn’t recognize herself. She couldn’t.

“I was afraid to use my eyeballs to look because I was in so much pain,” she said.

On April 23 — she has been keeping a journal — she was diagnosed with a severe herniated disc in her neck. Doctors couldn’t pinpoint exactly how it happened. During the past five or six years, Ms. Peck, a New York City Ballet principal, had experienced a stiff neck from time to time, but this was different.

“It wasn’t like I danced and felt something,” she said. “I just woke up and I had so much pain down my right arm I couldn’t do anything. I’d never been in that much pain in my life.”

Just before City Ballet’s spring season, she had an M.R.I. scan. She was packing her bag to go to the theater when her doctor called and asked her if she was sitting down.

“He said, ‘You have to promise me you won’t go into work today,’” Ms. Peck said. “I just could tell by the tone. I said, ‘I’m going to be able to dance again, right?’ And he said to me, ‘Well, we’re just going to take it one day at a time.’ It was one of the worst days of my life.”

Though she’s performed in two dances at City Ballet since November, her return to the stage is still a cautious one. It has involved six doctors, five of whom advised surgery.

“They were all telling me different things,” she said, “but basically the scary thing was that they made me feel like if I was walking down the street and somebody were to nudge me, I could never walk again.”

Her injury, which prohibited her not just from dancing but from much ordinary movement, has made her reprioritize her life. “When you’re told that you might not dance or even walk, you start to think, Oh my God, what is there?” she said. “What am I? Who am I? Am I more than just a dancer?”

From April to August, the most exercise Ms. Peck had was riding on a stationary bike for 10 minutes without resistance. “For someone who’s so used to being physical?” she said. “I couldn’t even do life things.”

When she was first told that she needed to stop dancing, she called Marika Molnar, the physical therapist and director of Health and Wellness at City Ballet, whom she has worked with since she was 15.

“She went with me to every single doctor,” Ms. Peck said. “I needed someone to be on my side. She kept saying: ‘I know your body better than anyone. They don’t know. Your body just knows how to fix itself. They can’t feel that.’”

Ms. Peck said her gut kept telling her not to have surgery — one doctor, pushing for it, asked if Ms. Molnar would be responsible for Ms. Peck if she were to become paralyzed afterward.

Ms. Peck also worried that the surgeons she spoke to, who were opting for disc replacement or fusion, didn’t fully understood her profession; the use of épaulement, or the position of the shoulders, head and neck, is imperative to a ballet dancer. “They’d say, ‘Oh, it’s just one segment, so if you get a fusion, you won’t even notice that you don’t need that,’” she said. “But I’m not a football player. I need to be able to use my upper body.”

Finally, she met with Dr. Frank P. Cammisa Jr., who specializes in the surgical treatment of spinal disorders. He told her that there was a good chance of her spine healing on its own. He advised taking off the summer — beyond not being able to dance, she didn’t really move her head for six months — before getting another M.R.I., which she did, in August. (She will have another in March.) It showed improvement. Ms. Peck could start moving again. She wasn’t taking pain medication so she could report all of her symptoms — the tingling and pain — to her physical therapists.

She and Ms. Molnar worked carefully but consistently, every day if not twice a day, focusing on movements that don’t put excess stress on the neck. “I like to take care of the environment of the body so that no matter where your injury is at least the rest of you is taken care of and it’s not just pinpointed to one specific area,” Ms. Molnar said. “So we slowly moved in until we were able to do some head and neck movements. She just started jumping.”

In November, Ms. Peck performed the Sugarplum Fairy in “George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker”; in January, she was the female lead in “Allegro Brillante,” a fleet, virtuosic gem of a Balanchine ballet. It was a challenge, but it paid off. As she put it, “I was like, I’m really dancing.”

Ms. Molnar doesn’t want Ms. Peck near new choreography that could put her at risk; she is also enforcing two days of rest between performances. Ms. Peck may be dancing again, but these are still early days.

At the start of this month, Ms. Peck was preparing for her next challenge: “Swan Lake” and the dual part of the swan queen, Odette, and her evil doppelgänger, Odile. (She is scheduled to dance on Feb. 19 and Feb. 22.) “I’m going to try 10 fouettés today,” she said at a recent rehearsal, referring to the whipping turns — traditionally, the ballerina performs 32 — that Odile performs in the ballroom scene.

Fouettés can be traumatizing for dancers, but until now they haven’t posed much of a challenge for Ms. Peck, always the most polished and vibrant of dancers. (She once told me that she considered the fouetté a rest step.)

Jonathan Stafford, City Ballet’s artistic director, was watching the rehearsal. Obviously, he knows her. “Let’s just keep it at 10 though,” he said. “Don’t get in there and be like, Oh I feel good.”

Ms. Peck performed a single fouetté followed by six doubles, in which she rotated twice around. With a shake of the head, she forced herself to stop, adding with a giggle, “I think it’s fine.”

Though she was cutting her fouettés short and skipping her jumps, there was something transformative about her dancing. Her neck looked longer. Her back had both a newfound delicacy and expansiveness that made her arms appear more willowy. And she even looked taller. “I have to have better posture all the time,” she said with delight.

Ms. Molnar has noticed the changes, too: “She’s a beautiful mover,” she said. “It was always kind of free flow and now I would say she looks so much more sophisticated. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just so elegant.”

She may be the unofficial president of Ms. Peck’s recovery team, but Ms. Molnar is not its only member. When she first received her diagnosis, Ms. Peck was treated by a chiropractor who put her in touch with a sports psychologist. A condition like Ms. Peck’s affects more than the body; when a visit to a doctor was upsetting, her symptoms — including tingling in the face — would flare up.

Now, she sees an energy healer, Rob Jokel, once a week. Before, she said, that would have been unthinkable: “If someone told me they went to an energy healer I’d probably be like: ‘What is that? That probably doesn’t work.’ But I was like, I’ll try anything, the weirder the better.”

She said that an important part of their sessions is just talking, which made her uncomfortable early on; he would become silent. “But it was his way to see what my energy did when I talked about things,” Ms. Peck said. “It could be a person I brought up. We didn’t just talk about the injury.”

For Ms. Peck, it meant dealing with life issues, including the 2017 breakup of her marriage with Robert Fairchild, a former City Ballet principal. “A lot of what he said to me was that I had to connect more with my heart than with my head,” she said of her sessions with Mr. Jokel. “I think, too, maybe with what happened with Robbie was that I had just kind of shut off and this was a way that I had to reawaken that part of me. It became this whole-person experience.”

During her time off, Ms. Peck focused on offstage projects like acting (she appeared in episodes of “Ray Donovan” as well as in “Tiny Pretty Things,” a forthcoming Netflix show). She worked on her dance wear collection for Body Wrappers and choreographed a refined, sculptural ballet for six at the Vail Dance Festival. She said the choreographer William Forsythe told her: “This is the time when you really know if you can choreograph or not — it’s when you can’t dance. Just use it.”

She also wrote a children’s book, “Katarina Ballerina,” with her friend Kyle Harris that will come out in May. And she wants to write another book about the experiences surrounding her injury. “It can be such a lonely road,” she said. “It’s so hard to describe a weird tingling feeling in your finger without somebody being like, ‘Oh that’s just your imagination.’”

Above all, she was left with an important question: When dance is taken away, what’s left? Her injury has taught her that she needs to be more open — less calculated and more spontaneous in both her dancing and her life. In rehearsals, those qualities were apparent as she worked on “Swan Lake.” This will be her second time performing the ballet with the company, but just as important as the first. That time, she learned she had the part a week after she and Mr. Fairchild had separated.

Then, as is now, it was fitting: “Swan Lake” requires a ballerina to be vulnerable. “I felt like I was able to bring so much of that to my white swan and now to be able to bring this to my white swan?” she said. “It keeps coming up at the most perfect times. It’s just kind of weird.”

But right about now everything is a little weird to Ms. Peck, who has worked hard to heal, she said, “her mind, her body and her heart.”

For much of her recovery, she kept quiet about her injury and distanced herself from City Ballet and the dance world. “What I came to realize is dance is just one part of who I am,” she said. “I just needed the time to focus on me. I really think that’s what’s healed me in the end.”

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