#and now he is just. traumatized by the feywild . you know.

[dragon-zena]

im going to wexplode if i dont have dnd in the next week

[baldurs-writers-3]

This week, we have fics focusing on Tav! Check under the cut for eight fics that explore custom Tavs as they navigate the challenges of BG3. And as always, comment and kudos if you like them!

staeve multiverse by Deerna (30082,Not Rated) Warnings: Check individual fics for rating and content notes Pairings: Astarion/Halsin/Tav

This is a relatively large collection of fics surrounding Staeve, the drow rogue made by Velnna

Reccer says: Staeve is a super fun tav, and there are so many fun fics exploring his dynamic with his partners.

Be Worth Something by Masterangst12 (4445,Not Rated) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Tav (named Axel) gives Astarion a present, a thoughtful gesture and Astarion sucks it up and returns the kindness by learning to comfort someone else for once.

Reccer says: I love how everyone picked up on the signs of Axel's self-worth issues, and I love Astarion's response to them even more

Under the Sussur Tree by spacesunderstairs (73724,Mature) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion/Tav

Halinae (a reclusive drow bard) wakes up on a mindflayer ship and must find her way out.

Reccer says: I really like Halinae as a character, and enjoy seeing her interact with the various companions.

tomorrow (and tomorrow, and tomorrow) by maximumentropy (51352,Mature) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con (though the non-con is not super explicit, if that helps), Self harm Pairings: Astarion/Halsin/Tav

Astarion is newly freed from Cazador, and Morrow is newly freed from their own abusive master. And Halsin? Halsin is the only one who knows the three of them are soulmates.

Reccer says: I really like Morrow as a character, and the way these three play off each other and grow together. Just very lovely all around

Fidelity by narla_hotep (102674,Mature) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Body Horror Pairings: The Emperor/Tav

Fidelius was a thrall; a mind flayer's loyal servant who obeyed his master's every whim. But everything changed when the nautiloid descended. Now with his master missing and presumed dead, Del is free for the first time in decades... And he has absolutely no idea what to do with it.

Reccer says: The premise is executed so well, and the descriptions are wonderfully visceral.

Weight of The Crown by Nikolai_237 (2613,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Karlach/Tav

A young Archfey warlock attempts to become familiar with a mysterious power bestowed to him.

Reccer says: I really enjoy the feywild imagery, and Rivera is just a joy to read

And two fics each for:

Oathbreaker by Mellybaggins (186136,Explicit) Warnings: Dead dove content, major character death, rape, torture, religious trauma, gaslighting/emotional manipulation Pairings: Tav/Astarion, Tav/Halsin, Tav/OC

The fic follows Morwen, an oathbreaker paladin Tav through the events of the game, but also during her rich backstory as told through recovered suppressed memories.

Reccer #1 says: It seems to start as just another Tav fic but really takes off after Raphael messes with her and the suppressed traumatic memories start to resurface. Reccer #2 says: Morwen is such an interesting Tav, and I love fics that really dig into the divide between good vs evil, especially in such a dark way.

Until I Met You by onlymine139 (50846,Explicit) Warnings: None Pairings: Halsin/Tav

A slow burn that focuses on developing the relationship between Tav and Halsin during the events of BG3.

Reccer #1 says: It helps to fill in some of the gaps in the in game romance with Halsin as well as develop some cute friendships with the other companions. Heavy on Tav's (Tav'ahria) backstory as well, who was also present for the unleashing of the shadow curse. Reccer #2 says: I really enjoy the sweet back and forth between Tav and Halsin, and their companions' sometimes disastrous matchmaking attempts.

The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ!

Next week, we’ll be back with Humorous Fics!

[panderp123]

C3 EP 78

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•

•

⚠️ SPOILERS CR ⚠️

The Lost Children

Seeing Bells Hells aftermath of the shard rejection and how Ashton has brought down those walls. The group goes off in different directions to come to terms with Ashton doing a selfish thing.

The moment…of all characters to say this…Delilah tells Laudna

“He’s a child…”

Which sparked Laudna to make one of her quirky dolls and pulled at my heartstrings.

But before this happened Fearne was so upset she had a somewhat childish tantrum about Ashton almost dying. Three of the party members have severe childish tendencies all different but wow!

Fearne doesn’t know how to handle anger because in EXU she got scared of being evil or turning. Which resulted in her having silent storm-offs or unusual lashouts. It’s very Fearne and how much isolation she’s had from being protected by Nana Mori. A being of the Feywild, Fearne is a delight but it’s so heartbreaking when something scary happens she becomes this little girl. Or a difficult decision such as reviving Orym earlier in the campaign.

Once Fearne storms off and as predicted Chetney goes off to console her. Ashton became this small thing and the walls were all gone. Some moments caught me by surprise.

“I…just want my parents.”

“I wanted someone to blame other than myself…”

“I don’t like myself very much…”

These are important points because I think Ashton…never really left the desert. Their inner child is constantly crying out for their missing parents. This also concluded my point before that the Greymoore home wasn’t as great as it should have been.

To link back to the doll Laudna makes later in this episode, Ashton sees Laudna and apologises. He didn’t betray her. He just did a dumb thing and that triggers Laudna’s childish tendencies. Laudna doesn’t understand the difference between betrayal over doing something dumb in a selfish manner. However, when the doll is handed to Ashton they start to cry.

Holding it and looking at it which a new look at their mistakes. Ashton is just this broken child deep down.

“I’ve never had a doll before…thank you.”

The fact Ashton had never been given a toy shows you how messed up their time must’ve been at the orphanage. Before they plain jump he tucks the Ashton Doll on his person.

Now on to Laudna, the weight of the events pulls her closer to her patron Delilah. As much as we don’t want her to awaken more I’m kind of glad Laudna had her to talk to for this as I feel Imogen would have sugar-coated it too much.

Delilah albeit dark, evil and narcissistic did make an effort to console Laudna. Not only that but Laudna defied her when Delilah suggested she take the shard.

The childish nature of Laudna is due to her traumatic past. So she clings to her inner child Matilda as those memories are not overshadowed by her time in the castle or with the Brairwoods. By all means this isn’t healthy at all! However, it is character growth.

Naming off all the sad things of her friends' pasts or her own Laudna finds a way to mend Ashton’s inner child by making a doll out of graffitied wood, a chipmunk skull & quartz. It’s simple but it made the tough punk cry so it must have worked.

I’m glad the ice was broken before they took respite in the Feywilds. Despite being homesick Fearne didn’t want to be selfish like Ashton in asking could they go. Given that the group are not mentally stable to face Ruidius they all agreed a needed R&R is needed due to lack of communication.

I like how Matt added Birdie & Ollie at Nana’s because the whole group needs a loving parent unite to help.

Things I’d like to see upcoming:

• Chetney is the Grandpa of wisdom of the group & there’s no BS so more of that. (Be funny if he hit on Alura more just for a laugh xD)

• Laudna & Ashton connect on a wholesome level with childish joys (toys or puppetry)

• Ashton & Fearne reconcile more. No romance but more fixing the foundations before anything happens

• Birdie has a secret 👀

• Allura becomes a more Mother like figure for Imogen in regards to her power.

• Orym gives Ashton a stern talk (Liam was AFK so it be good to see what happens there.)

• Nani Mori knows what to do with the shard 🔥

[overnighttosunflowers]

So here’s a theory that’s neither “it will all stick just like that” and “it was a dream”—time loops. (The actual theory here is all @xanthera; I’m just pulling together some supporting evidence and some follow-up thoughts.)

First of all, while Matt’s most recent tweets about high stakes and player choices do clearly say that this event will have lasting repercussions, he did also like this tweet, which I think implies that there’s more going on than just what we saw on Thursday. (So, to me, does his whole bearing during the fight, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Secondly, we know that this show loves to see its threads through, and particularly that this is a campaign MADE of threads from the previous ones. Right now, dunamancy and Aeor are the biggest two c2 threads that are clearly being pulled, to an as-yet-unclear end. So we have:

The T-dock Caleb destroyed, which can’t be the only one that existed… and also, a PC who is walking evidence that stuff from Aeor is now making it out into the rest of Exandria

The dunamancy vials that the Assembly forced Yeza to invent… which are now being traded by the Paragon’s Call, which Otohan leads

A backpack worn by Otohan, which Matt has called attention to multiple times, which seems to be tied to her abilities and which has two cavities in the middle… what for? Dunamancy juice?

Evidence that Otohan was the one who attacked Zephrah, an attack which “came from out of nowhere and disappeared almost before it started”

A PC who lived 100 years inside 6 years due to being trapped in a time loop in the feywild, making it clear that the most powerful fey can manipulate time

Knowledge that Otohan has been spotted in the feywild collaborating with Unseelie fey

A Cerberus Assembly leader, who is the reason that the dunamancy vials exist, also in said feywild collaboration

Taken all together, feels like pretty clear evidence that dunamis and the feywild are entangled and will be playing a major role in this campaign, no?

So then @xanthera pointed out: what if Otohan has an ability to use chronurgy to reverse the last few minutes while allowing everyone to keep their memories of what happened? It would traumatize everyone and make very clear what can happen if they don’t do what she wants.

This can be consistent with “lasting repercussions,” per Matt’s tweet. It’s compatible with characters staying dead if that’s what their players really want.

BUT, for everyone else—isn’t that still a real consequence, to live your death in reverse and come back? To realize the extreme extent to which this group you’re with is truly a powder keg, the extent to which you can’t protect others or yourself when push comes to shove, the extent to which you’re a danger to your loved ones, to which your loved ones are a danger to you? Wouldn’t it be campaign-defining?

Wouldn’t you seriously change tactics in the way the M9 did after Molly died, when—as Matt noted in interviews not long after, when he also spoke about this being a game with real consequences—they started becoming much more careful researchers in forming their plans? Wouldn’t you have to find new ways of operating as a party to have a shot at ultimately defeating this? Wouldn’t it shake up the status quo in ways that reverberate, and reverberate, and reverberate?

And, on the “better than it was before” side of consequences, wouldn’t it kickstart some major character arc shifts? To realize all the things you could’ve died left unsaid? Couldn’t it lead you eventually to (checks Matt’s tweets) “the brightest epiphanies” and “joy and catharsis”? Wouldn’t you go confess your love to your sending stone buddy wouldn’t you kiss your Girl Best Friend

Anyway, I mean, who knows. Maybe it’s all absolutely real and Liam and Ashley want their characters to stay dead and Otohan will walk away from a pile of corpses and we’ll have 2-4 new characters at the table and Imogen will be a DM-controlled villain. Or it’s all real and Otohan will walk away from a group frantically cascading heals and revivifies and hoping to reach everyone in time and Imogen will be battling her way through a corruption arc.

OR, maybe, they’re all just left gasping and alive and burning with the memory of everything that just happened and unhappened, and could happen again. And they’re changed by it.

[just-jammin]

Pridedraft’s Journal: Hallar’s Entry

Word Count: 1126

Summary: Mardiane Pridedraft, a Half-Elf Sorcerer & owner of the Bamboo Observatory & Inn, is also part of the somewhat known group of the Nice Cloaks.

The problem is, she doesn’t feel like she belongs to this party of chaotic misfits.

(Or: The author is projecting their problems to their Dungeons & Dragons persona, as a hope to vent in this piece of writing.)

22 Hallar

Alrighty then.

As usual, The Nice Ship’s been out to sea for months now. Training with the Crew has been going pretty well. Valakhad, however, got shoved off from his position of Captain, with Tyfl himself usurping to the position. I’m not sure what Val does now, unfortunately.

(note to self: please pay attention to Crew meetings more; take note of important things & tasks in journal.)

Since the last time I wrote in here (‘cause let’s face it: writing everyday for a few months ain’t practical), a few crewmates have been killed as a result of an encounter with... a few vampires, for some reason. Most notably Damien, our former... who even cares. Anyway, he got his organs sucked out by one of them, which, well, sucked. But even then, he was the laughing stock of the Crew, so at least the Gods gave him mercy from his peers, I think.

Another event that has happened is that Nisha, our Tiefling Illusionist, left the Nice Cloaks. You see, we’re heading towards the Desert from the city of Elveros, which happens to be her hometown. There was some conflict happening over there, with a new guy ruling with a bunch of cult members at his side, & buildings getting burnt down. That included the library that Nisha co-owned with some friends, much to her dismay.

And the guy who has the whole city in his hand? Apparently it was Errian Winmert (the Dickhead), someone who she didn’t like, at all. Basically, he was a not-so-little shithead who wanted to bend reality with this stick he got from the cult members.

Thankfully, with the help of a rebellion just outside of town, we defeated all of them & destroyed the stick. It was after that when Nisha Mooncrown decided to stay in the city, helping with the repairs first.

She was replaced (I think) with another Tiefling, Levantra Greybolt. She was hired to train the crewmates to fight with swords, right after the enforcement of an Anti-Rapier Policy.

So yeah, that happened.

Now we’re going where we’re going because there’s a known portal to the Fire Plane, where Val was originally from. Not sure why we’re going there though. Stupid memory...

Ok, part of the reason why I didn’t write in this journal for months is because no one wants to see me gushing out my feelings about... this. I get it. It’s my fucking journal. I know I can write about it here, but what’s the point? The Nice Cloaks has basically made it known that I’m the crazy person of the group. I kill children, I burn shit down, and I’m at the brink of insanity.

But here’s the thing: no one cares about why this is said.

Nobody wants the full details to set their minds to a certain behavior. I’m trying to defend myself with no one to back me up with, which is useless compared to how many people who agrees with them.

Look, I did accidentally drop Tyfl, a teenager, off a building in an attempt to get down from it. And he died. His death, for some reason, traumatized me enough that I went bonkers at the slightest mention of it, due to an overwhelming guilt that pooled inside of me. And what do you know, that was the reason why I burnt the shit out of another teenager. Who was associated with the place where Tyfl died.

What a fucking idiot I am.

And when Tyfl was resurrected, I, being the dumbass that I am, tried to attack him, making him unconscious in the process. Val knocked me out after that. All of that was because I wanted to take research on a bunch of feral gnomes in the Feywild.

Now hear me out, I like adventuring. I loved the idea of it, hoping that I would go out in the world someday to see whatever sights that I might confront. For the past few years, the closest thing to that was whatever happened at my stay in Tumblerun Tavern. The Chaos Party was very welcoming, teaching me the ropes of self-defense & others like that. I stuck with them for a while until Mme. Inkstain took me in.

But even then, both the Chaos Party & Mme. seemed kinda... boring. A bit too boring, in fact. Even though we had really memorable moments in time, we didn’t get around more. We all just stayed in one place, compared to who I’m with now.

The Nice Cloaks, however, are quite the opposite, in a way that I didn’t even expect that was possible. I mean, Tyfl became a powerful god-like being while being an old fucking woman named Barbara. How can anything else top that?!?

What I mean is that we went to a bunch of places (including the Feywild), but I couldn’t seem to... fit in.

Val’s a very cool caster from the Fire Plane of all places.

Nisha was a great asset to our group, being brave enough to balance our chaos with her sensibility.

Heck, Tyfl’s the guy who’s carrying the group, taking the most kills & making up plans that are crazy enough to just work.

And Lev, she’s pretty badass, to be honest. Casting with instruments is a very interesting concept, and I just like being intrigued with it.

Then there’s me.

Mardiane fucking Pridedraft.

I know I’m not the only normal person in this group, but I’m certainly feeling like I am. And at the same time, I feel like I am the worst person possible to be in this group. I don’t use my knowledge that I have gathered throughout the years. I’m never sure when to jump in, either with my spells or in melee. And I don’t even focus on important things whenever I need to.

Is it because I’m, y’know, stupid? Am I going to blame it on some shit that happened to me?

I mean, I did get really scared at one point of my stay in the Tavern. I remember that I didn’t go out for days, and when I did, I always avoided any contact with people. Well, I... wanted to stay with my closest friends (which they agreed to, yeah).

Ah, fuck. I’m too dependent on my own friends, am I?

Gee, no wonder why I feel so alone.

...

I’m useless.

No, I feel useless.

Even though I know I have power, of a Phoenix nonetheless, but I don’t seem to do anything outside of combat.

I just... want to go back to the Chaos that I’m used to. Go back home. But at the same time, I still want to roam around & explore the world.

Oh Gods, how do I do this?

- mardi

[silver-lily-louise]

So I’m currently watching Episode 85, ‘A Bard’s Lament’

and HOO BOY. I have a LOT to say about that whole mega-scene with Scanlan waking up and his departure, and this is far too long for a YouTube comment, so here we go. Okay, Part One: Scanlan’s arguments, and how most of them don’t make sense, but I understand entirely where he’s coming from.

Firstly: he’s angry that Kaylie was there. Sure, it makes sense that he didn’t want to upset her, or (more honestly) show himself as weak – but VM weren’t to know he didn’t want her there, and it’s generally the best idea to inform people of that shit ASAP, because finding out later is the WORST. Also, they thought she’d play an important part in the ritual - WHICH SHE DID. Plus, ‘I’d rather she never know’? That’s rarely a good idea, which is why it’s the source of god knows how much TV drama. The other person always, ALWAYS finds out. Surely a deception like that would breed even further mistrust between Scanlan and Kaylie down the line? Also, Percy is kind of a dick when making his argument and I’ll get to that, but he is also kind of right – Scanlan does idealise ‘what could be’ when it comes to his daughter, alternately jumping too far ahead and not doing enough, rather than working on what IS. Fair enough, he’s new at this, but that doesn’t mean he’s right.

Scanlan then goes on a ‘You don’t care about me’ trip – which is a classic, classic sign of someone going through a very bad time. ‘You only like me for the jokes and the mansion etc.’? That’s like saying they only like Keyleth for the transport, or Pike for the resurrections, or Vax for his sneakiness. People valuing your niche, your talents, doesn’t mean they don’t also care about you.

Next, there’s his anger at everyone else having a ‘personal quest’, and his misrepresentation of it being because they care about each other more than him. But if we examine those quests, a very different story appears. 1) Going to get Pike’s armour? Yeah, they did that - to help defeat the Conclave. 2) The Briarwoods? That quest started because of Percy’s need for vengeance, sure – but then it grew to more than that. They ended up saving both Whitestone and Emon (and countless future targets) from some seriously evil people. Before the Conclave, Vax was questioning what the point of VM was, but ‘standing against evil’ is a pretty good start. 3) They fought goliaths “for Grog”? No, not really. That’s not even half the story. They went to gather intel, save Westruun, and defeat Umbrasyl. The goliaths were a coincidence, a problem that arose and that they then dealt with. It would have been the same had anyone else but the Herd taken Westruun. 4) They travelled to the Feywild to ‘fix your fucking daddy issues?’ Again, NO! Fucking hell, what a twisted view of things! They went to the Feywild for a VESTIGE, a powerful weapon to defeat the dragons. Then they went to Syngorn to recruit a fucking army. The twins would rather not have had to see their father at all, and they made that perfectly clear.

Then comes the bitterness that ‘you don’t know anything about me’. That isn’t totally false, but it isn’t totally on them, either. Vax is right, he did ask about his age – several times, if I remember correctly. And as Vex asks later in the argument: ‘How many times have we asked you if you’re all right and you just laugh and joke?’ Not a kindly made point, again, but a realistic one. He IS kind of springing all this bitterness on them, after being a very deliberately closed book on the subjects of both his wellbeing and his past. Furthermore, I don’t see Vax bringing up Thordak to counter this point as a self-centred move – he’s just using his own experience to point out a logical flaw in Scanlan’s argument. Not knowing each other’s pasts is the norm for VM. Personal history has NEVER been a part of their bond, unless someone wants to talk, and then they will be listened to – Vax brings up the sewer example. More could have been done on both sides, sure. But VM not knowing Scanlan’s personal details – or that he was struggling so – is not because they don’t give a shit. That’s Scanlan’s emotional state talking.

Next up, a good ol’ fashioned piece of cognitive dissonance: ‘You aren’t involved with me as a person’ versus ‘Don’t meddle in my affairs’. Granted, that latter could be interpreted as ‘because you don’t know what you’re doing’, but it still seems a bit contradictory of Scanlan to accuse them of not caring about his personal life, and then berate them for involving themselves in the part they do know about when they deemed it necessary. (And it’s not like they could have asked his permission or opinion on whether they should stick their nose in before contacting Kaylie. He was dead.)

Scanlan then essentially tells them ‘You wouldn’t manhandle me if you respected me’. Fair enough – if you’re not okay with that happening to you, tell them. Real simple: ‘Hey, guys, don’t pick me up like that. It makes me super uncomfortable.’ Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries, but you’ve got to remember that the people around you aren’t mind readers. The ‘baseball’ comment is true; VM manhandle each other all the time, explicitly-consensually and not, and no-one’s had a problem with that before. If Scanlan wanted to change that, that’s on him to say. (But of course he didn’t, because I suspect he’s not really annoyed about it – or if he is, not nearly as much as he appears to be during this argument. He’s lashing out, and everything is ammunition to him in the heat of the moment.)

The final point I’d like to counter is when Scanlan devolves from ‘You only like me for my power’ to ‘I’m not powerful, I’m not cut out for this’. He’s flip-flopping like crazy, which just shows his damaged mental state. At this point, VM are clearly struggling to keep up. They’re trying to give him what he needs, so they do now try to incorporate ‘You’re valuable to us’ into their statements. Vax points out how much Scanlan’s done for him – both emotionally and in terms of survival – while Keyleth even brings his ‘I’m only a joker’ put-down back in as perhaps his greatest advantage. The problem is, those two arguments contradict this point of ‘I’m useless to you guys’, but seem to confirm his earlier one of ‘You only like me because I’m useful’! They can’t win, because Scanlan isn’t arguing with facts and logic anymore. He’s arguing purely with fear, and hurt, and anger, and the desire to pick a fight – which is why I personally find myself understanding where his arguments are coming from, but disagreeing with almost every one.

And so on to Part Two: How VM show, through this exchange, that they do care for Scanlan, and how their mistakes play into that.

Immediately after he wakes up and gets upset, they try to reassure him about Kaylie – saying that she won’t think less of him, pointing out his heroism, reminding him that she’s stuck around to look after him. Later, even after heated discussion, they try to advise him on how to proceed; they tell him that he hasn’t ruined his chance with her, but needs to change his tack and ‘Talk to her.’ I’m not cynical enough to see this as ‘interfering’ or ‘continuing to think they know best’. This is the way I see it: despite the argument, Scanlan is their friend, and he’s worried about something, so they want to help him deal with that.

Now, about the pudding thing: fair enough, that was in bad taste. I won’t deny that. They were relieved, drunk and happy, and so tried to make a joke – but he’d had a traumatic experience, and they should have known better. (A mentally healthier Scanlan probably would have laughed it off, swearing revenge.) It was poorly timed, yes – they seriously misjudged how Scanlan’s mental state would be – but it was not malicious in its intent. The execution was terrible, but I think in its intent, this was identical to any number of pranks VM play on each other.

After being accused of not caring about him, VM try to prove they do care. Vax tries to find the most genuine connection to Scanlan he has, something beyond the practical, and says ‘I’ve changed my outlook on life because of you!’ Again, I think it’s overly cynical to call this a selfish argument – he’s trying to highlight Scanlan’s importance, not his usefulness.  Vex directly asks ‘What do you want us to do [to prove we care]?’, which is a good question. Then, after Grog asks about Juniper, she asks about Vicou. It comes off slightly ‘too little too late’, of course – but for gods’ sakes, they’re clearly trying to give Scanlan proof of their care. (Albeit in a slightly panicked, ‘don’t know what to do now’ way – but if they didn’t care, they certainly wouldn’t be scrambling around like that to prove that they do.)

Nearer the end of the scene, Vax tells Scanlan to go with Kaylie if he wants – but not to lie to himself while he’s doing it. And though it’s still aggressive and accusatory, like the rest of the conversation, that’s actually a good thing to want for your friend. His point boils down to ‘Do what you want, do what’s right for you – but do it for good reasons, and certainly not because you’re putting yourself down.’ Scanlan’s not there yet (‘I’m a really good liar’), but I do think that Vax’s good intention here gets through – hence the ‘give me time’ comment.

And that brings us nicely to Part Three: How the characters react to each other during this argument, and what that might suggest about each of their personalities and their mental states.

Firstly, going off of Scanlan’s ‘give me time’ comment: I think time is probably exactly what he needs. Everything becomes calmer when he starts talking about what he plans to do – I think that once he has an out, he’s no longer mentally surrounded by the emotions that fuelled the majority of this argument, and so the people left in the room are able to speak more civilly. They’re able to express care without it turning into anger again, and say a slightly better goodbye.

But before that, of course, there’s Percy. Percy handles this in his own realistic, big-picture-thinking way – even through his obvious anger and frustration. An important part of his speech to Scanlan is essentially this sentiment: ‘Yeah, alright, you’re shit. Who cares? We want you around anyway, and Kaylie probably will too.’ It doesn’t work, because that’s not what Scanlan needs to hear at that moment. But I get why Percy said it – I think that this is exactly the sort of ‘Get over it’ sentiment that would pull him through moments of self-doubt. It’s why there’s a strange dissonance when he tries to show Kaylie affection afterwards; if you take Percy’s words as an attack, you’re left asking, ‘What are you doing, trying to hug Kaylie after saying that?’ But looking at it from his perspective, I almost think that this sort of ‘brutal honesty about your flaws’ is the most loving Percy knows how to be – because he’s better than most at viewing the whole of a person/place/situation, instead of idealising them by focusing only on their good side. It’s why he was totally comfortable with Vax not trusting him, but still being friends/brothers (while most people would say those relationships are based on trust). It’s why he says ‘I hate you’ to Cassandra, entirely comfortable in the darker side of sibling rivalry, while the twins – despite their bickering – say ‘I love you’. To Percy, this sort of interaction doesn’t translate to ‘You’re awful, and in this moment of annoyance/anger I don’t know why I bother with you.’ It’s more like, ‘You’re awful, and I’m awful too, which goes to show how much we care about each other because we’re both still sticking around despite our many, many flaws.’

Lastly, there’s the ‘takeaways’ that each of the other characters – but primarily the half-elves – get from this argument. Keyleth latches onto the idea of people needing space sometimes, of separate journeys needing to be taken. That makes sense, given that the Aramente’s clearly on her mind now the Conclave has fallen. Whereas Pike clearly fears further separation, seeking reassurance that the rest of them can stay together (which Vax gives her). To me, this reflects her sadness at already missing so much of VM travelling together – now she’s back with them, she doesn’t want to lose them again.

Then there’s Vax’s reaction. After Scanlan leaves, there’s a sense of desperation – he starts sharing his feelings and fears in a way that definitely seems like he’s going ‘Please, let’s never have this happen again.’ But the situation is still too raw for anyone to be making decent judgements about what to do next, and so he almost makes the same mistake immediately, by urging Vex to share as well. He’s forgetting, again, that not everyone needs the same things, and that what he finds helpful in the moment others won’t – which is exactly the kind of misjudgement they’ve pretty much all just made with Scanlan. It’s a hard line to walk, because ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ is usually good advice – so when that approach goes south, it’s hard to fix, and you can end up digging a pretty deep hole. That’s the part of the argument that clearly stood out clearest to Vex, and so when faced with further uncomfortable conversation, she removes herself from the situation by leaving the room.

Before the summary, a BONUS -  Part Four: Grog the philosopher, a wasted opportunity.

Grog’s ‘We did have selfish intentions’ point is interesting, largely because it doesn’t fit with almost anything else here. In an argument that’s mostly between ‘You don’t care, you’re selfish’ and ‘Yes we do care,’ Grog points out that the genuine care they have is almost as selfish as if they brought Scanlan back just for his mansion and jokes, as he practically claims they did. In a way, Grog’s hit upon a complex philosophical conundrum: ‘Do we care for people because we care for them, or just because we care about the emotional power they have over us? How much of grief is about sadness for them, and how much is sadness for us?’ Essentially, this is a more specific version of the grand old debate: ‘Can we ever be truly altruistic, or are we always motivated by what makes us feel good?’

Grog’s point doesn’t just have the potential to spark philosophical crises in the audience, however – it also might be the best reaction possible to Scanlan’s outburst. He acknowledges Scanlan’s feelings, and apologises for what mistakes they HAVE made with regards to their bard (which are existent, if not as numerous as Scanlan is claiming). Unfortunately, everyone else – including Scanlan himself – is caught up in emotional responses by that point, arguing mostly about things that wouldn’t even be issues (like the manhandling, or other peoples’ ‘personal quests’) were it not for the bad feelings already flying around. By the time Grog asks about Juniper, the situation is more of an emotional fistfight than a debate, and it’s a damn shame that Grog’s social/emotional clarity in this moment goes to waste just because it doesn’t fit into the pattern of argument the other six are already embroiled in.

So, to summarise:

Scanlan is clearly going through a very rough time, and his feelings are valid, but often his logic is not. Given that he was hurting, he should have been handled with a bit more empathy here, I think, but VM’s less-than-ideal reactions are also understandable. They didn’t handle the revelation of Scanlan’s misery admirably, but it was realistic – it’s very, very common for a conversation you’re ultimately having because you care about someone (else you wouldn’t BOTHER) to devolve into an argument. Sometimes, when emotions are running high, it feels a little uncontrollable, and you wind up thinking ‘how did we get here?’ (Or, as Vex said: ‘Well, that didn’t go like I thought it would.’) This theme is continued with Grog and Percy joking about sending guards after Scanlan – that moment is a nice metaphor for the whole discussion, I think, symbolising that an argument with someone you love is rarely a question of whether you still care; more often than not, it’s a battle between two different ideas of HOW that care can/should be expressed.

This show is consistently excellent in portraying complex situations where no-one’s totally right or wrong. (And the characters seem to know that things aren’t black and white, too: ‘Fuck him for not saying anything sooner! And fuck us for not asking.’ There’s blame on both sides, and Vex shows here that she understands that.) It’s easy to portray conflict when characters have differing intentions/motivations – but situations like this? Where everyone essentially wants the same good thing (i.e. caring about each other), but it still gets complicated and argumentative, and no-one comes across as a total idiot whose viewpoint makes no fucking sense? Well, this was a particularly well-done – albeit heartbreaking – example of this show presenting that kind of situation brilliantly.

Eighty-five episodes in, Vox Machina continue true to form: strangely competent at saving the world, but absolute experts in doing the wrong things for the right reasons. And damn, is it compelling.

[hahanoiwont]

For the hard mode ask game: 10, 21, 31, and 33? I love hearing about Pizza Bard :)

Hell yeah,, thank you!!!! I had so much fucking fun with these, man, I love playing with this character, I am so glad you enjoy it too :)

10) Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?He doesn’t really care. He hates being cold, so like, maybe more clothing? But that makes it marginally harder to seduce people, which is too bad. There is no force in this world that can stop pizza bard from seducing people and cloth will not stand in his way, but it’s easier with more skin.

Most of his clothing is an indicator of his household and that he’s a messenger/delivery boy for them so if you kill him you’ll be in trouble, so he does prefer to wear that and not die when he’s going somewhere new. Left to his own devices on a day off, he’d probably wear the same thing he wears every day, bc fae tunics are soft and comfy. He does like the fancy dress clothes he’s worn a couple times to more formal events, but his family isn’t much involved in politics, so he doesn’t get an excuse to wear them much. Mostly, he likes to look good, and he’ll prefer clothes to match his look for the day.

21) If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?Depends on what it is. He deffo blames himself when he tries to prevent a mortal from getting involved with the fae and fails and they die a horrible death, but like, anything else, not really. He’s not really very powerful in the grand scheme of things, so he doesn’t really consider that his actions have impact on the world, and that extends to when he directly causes himself grief. He can be resentful, too, so if he’s decided one thing is someone’s fault, he’s probably decided everything is their fault forever. Also, he is convinced that the universe is out to make him suffer and every inconvenience in his life is a personal act of malice against him on the part of fate (revenge bc he’s too pretty probably), so it’s not really anyone’s fault so much as the way it is. He’s too apathetic to care about most tragedies, involving him or no.

31) Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.This one is so so good. I love it. Allow me to tell you about a couple of particular times he was comfortable.

Before the start of the campaign, he was with a group of adventurers, as he often is in his free time. They were camped out near midsummer by the fire. The party was gonna check out this huge midsummer party they’d heard about, and he was excited to see it. People who’d been before were telling stories, and he’d tell some mildly edited stories of his own. It was a great evening of companionship and camaraderie. This particular group had given him a nickname he liked, the people were interesting and heroic, it was great. Mortal food tastes like ash to him ever since he first ate fae food, but other than that, the perfect evening. He realized he wanted to be a part of this group forever. He also realized, hey, he’s pretty much immortal. He could make these people immortal, too. And then he remembered the horrible, sanity-shredding, awful process of becoming what he is now, and realized, hey, he just seriously thought about doing that to his own dear friends.

He volunteered for first watch and left without a word as soon as everyone else was asleep. He didn’t bother taking anything with him and made every effort never to think about them again. As far as they know, he just vanished one day, and if they ever searched for him they didn’t find him. As a player I say that the party went on to do great things and become heroes, but he has no idea. He didn’t go adventuring again for years.

Another scenario: He calls any day with music lessons Tuesdays, and since time is weird and words have power in the Feywild, he isn’t necessarily wrong. His managerdadboss (who he definitely calls something that is not that but I haven’t come up with it yet,, help) teaches him instruments, charm, fae magic, pizza making, etiquette, pretty much everything he needs to exist as a changeling. He’ll never have the status of a born faerie, but he has the knowledge and social graces to prevent anyone from questioning his continued existence in the Feywild. These lessons also mean some time spent enjoying a mutual interest with the only consistent other person in his life. When he’s in his family estate (pretty small since as far as he can tell it’s just the two of them and servants), he relaxes, because no harm can come to him there unless he’s a dumbass and pisses off MDB. In any number of these lessons, he’s comfortable with an old friend for a while, and then he’ll see something that reminds him of the companion that MDB, however accidentally, drove insane and killed, or that he used to have a life and it’s completely lost to him now just because MDB thought he was interesting, or that he doesn’t have his own name because of MDB, and that comfort goes away. Even if he tries to ignore it, lessons always end pretty quickly after that.

He does have a baseline apathy that means he’s pretty comfortable in all situations, but that’s mostly because whatever he’s seeing, he’s seen weirder. He’s not gonna get all worked up about it.

33) In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?Again, depends on the source.

Other fae:Damn near desperate to improve. You don’t want to fall under the criticism of any faerie ever. He doesn’t even care if the criticism is valid, he will do whatever he has to to get back in their relative good graces or at least lose their negative interest. He is or has become a very quick learner.

Managerdadboss:He secretly wants them to not regret adopting him. He resents the hell out of them but they do keep him relatively safe and alive and they seem to try their best with him, even though they’re terrible at mortal anything in ways that are traumatizing and horrible. Because of this, he would take criticism from them to heart. He’d be just as desperate to lose negative attention as he is with other fae, perhaps more so because MDB has direct power over him, but he’d also reflect on it later once he’s fixed the immediate problem and really think about what was said. MDB has taught him a lot, and he’s a lot more fae because of them.

Literally anyone else:Pass. He might think it’s funny, but he won’t even consider it criticism, it’s just mortals chattering like they do when they come across something they don’t understand. He’s got shit to do, he doesn’t have to explain himself to them.

Ask me about pizza bard!