#title from million dollar man and running up that hill

[astarionsilverbough]

dangerous, tainted and flawed (know that it doesn't hurt me)

The first time he wanders into Raphael's realm, it's entirely by accident.

It must have something to do with the tiny, whispering threads that connect their magic - they're thinner than spiderwebs and more delicate than a scorned man's bruised ego, but they are there.

And it's not like Gale was trying to find his way back to the House of Hope - yes, he and the devil might have something of an understanding between them now, hard-won and tumultuous on the best of days - but he isn't entirely sure he wants to make house calls a habit.

(It does occur to him that he could leave at any point. Any time. Whatever force keeping this place so violently oppressed doesn't seem to affect him whatsoever. A favor of Raphael's, perhaps? It seems... unlikely.)

In any case, Gale doesn't leave. No - he couldn't! Not because of any oppressive spell - he's a scholar, for Mystra's sake! Raphael wasn't wrong when he called Gale out for his rampant, often troublesome curiosity. It's a damn good thing he's not a cat. He'd've burnt through his nine lives and then some by the time he was ten.

He isn't sure how long he's wandered the cavernous, seemingly endless corridors of Raphael's labyrinthine manor when he catches the faintest sound of music coming from the east. A piano, to be precise. Someone is playing the piano.

And... singing?

No... It's more of a drone - a monotone drawl that sends gooseflesh down his arms and thighs. Gale chases the sound of the unenthusiastic rendition of an old Cormyr lullaby to a set of open oak doors at the very end of an incredibly impressive vaulted corridor.

It reminds him of the cathedrals back home. The windows lining the hallway are stained glass; dappled light pours a rainbow of color across the marble floor, splashes of reds and yellows and blues and greens, of purples and opals and softest, rosy pink.

The bedchamber he finds himself wandering into is cavernous. Dark. Everything is tones of crimson and gold. There are what look like leather collars hung on the wall beside the bed. Gale's stomach clenches and his ears heat.

But then - something else catches his eye.

There's...

A bloodied riding crop on the floor. His stomach sours in a different way.

The sheets are in disarray. It smells of Sulphur and sex, of booze and blood.

No one sits at the piano. It stands lonely between a pair of massive stained glass balcony doors and plays on its own as Raphael recites the lullaby over and over and over again.

He's nowhere to be seen.

With his stomach in his throat, Gale follows the sound of the Cambion's voice into the bath chamber and finds there a scene that could outdo all the greatest tragedies - and perhaps even turn some fairytales into one.

Because the worst part - the very, very worst part - is that Raphael is almost devastatingly beautiful in his agony.

The Cambion sits slumped against the side of his stone bath, head tipped back to rest on the floor. His wings spill over the stone like pools of velvet, the joints bent in directions Gale knows can't be comfortable. The water is shiny with soap and oil - in excess, Gale would say, as if Raphael had gone through an entire bar or more.

Beside the bath are three bottles of wine. Two are empty. The third is half empty; Raphael’s elegant, clawed fingers tap idly over the green glass and Gale wonders if a bottle is more like a glass for someone like the Devil he knows.

But he doesn’t know him, does he? Not truly. Not the man beneath whatever mask it is Raphael’s forged for himself.

He’s covered in scars, Raphael. Across his upper arms, along the tender undersides of his forearms. The firelight brings it all into sharp relief, gnarled skin gleaming like tines of gold across the landscape of his body. They go all the way up his throat, too - no wonder he wears those high collars.

A broken devil. What kind of beast has the world made him into? Gale has yet to decide.

And then - a tear cuts down Raphael’s temple. The Devil shuts his eyes and his voice fractures in the middle of a verse that Gale’s mind finishes for him.

- comes the claw.

Raphael takes a shuddering breath. Gale’s resolve becomes as unconquerable as the Weave itself. Slowly, as one might approach a wounded animal, Gale sidles to the edge of the bath. He kneels down and reaches out to touch the water.

“It’s cold,” he murmurs.

To his surprise, the Devil doesn’t startle. His chest - too thin and bony, ridged with more scars - rises and falls with slow, shallow breaths. He keeps his eyes shut as he turns his head towards Gale. One of the devil’s hands emerges from the water and when his claws light gently in the middle of Gale’s palm, he stays right where he is.

“You should not be here,” the Devil murmurs.

It’s the softest he’s ever heard Raphael speak.

It’s devastating.

Settling on the floor beside the bath, Gale gently catches Raphael’s thumb between his own and the side of his palm.

“I could hear you,” Gale murmurs. “In my dreams. You sounded…”

Horrible. Terrified.

Pained.

Raphael’s brow creases as his nostrils furl in subtle sneer. When his lips ghost over the back of Gale’s hand, the wizard’s stomach lurches up between his lungs.

He’s drunk, Gale reminds himself, both fascinated and bemused all at once. Remember that he’s drunk, Dekarios.

“My apologies,” the Devil says.

Gale’s eyebrows shoot up. Raphael’s lips twitch.

“I can smell the shock on you, Dekarios. I might be damned, but I pride myself on my decorum.”

“Such as it is,” Gale says. It comes out… fond. Soft.

There’s a beat of silence.

Then;

“Who hurt you tonight, Raphael?”

He can’t not ask it. He can’t leave this alone, can’t just - pretend this creature is deserving of whatever wickedness has been inflicted upon him. Not when Raphael is thumbing idly over his knuckles and gazing at the back of Gale’s hand as if he’s trying to memorize the sinew and bones beneath his golden skin.

“You’ve a good heart, Gale Dekarios,” the Cambion says. “I can feel it - even though your sweet mistress tried so very hard to blanket it in silence. It beats like a silver flute sings.”

“And you’re even more poetic when you’re drunk.”

Raphael hums. “What can I say? Something about you… it inspires me.”

“You’re not escaping the question, Raphael.”

“I think I’m doing a fine job of it.”

“Raphael. Look at me.”

Gale doesn’t know what shocks him more - that Raphael obeys, or that the devil’s gaze is almost… pleading. Leaning closer, Gale catches Raphael’s hand properly in his own.

“Who hurts you and leaves you like this?” he asks quietly.

The Cambion’s lean throat works around a tough swallow. When he speaks, it’s around the gravel he can’t chew through.

“My lord husband, Dekarios,” he says flatly. “And trust me when I tell you there is nothing - nothing - you can do to help me. You should - you need to go. Now. And don’t come back here.”

His hand slips out of Gale’s. Gale feels a bit like he’s been cut loose to float through the astral.

“Raphael,” he starts; “go!” Raphael shouts, body coiling like a serpent’s. “Leave this desolate place, Gale Dekarios - and do not return. If you reduce me to begging -“

“Then what?” Gale challenges. “What then will you do, if I reduce the great demon Raphael to begging? There is nothing you could do to me that has not already been done by another - no exile, no ruin.”

Raphael searches his face. He’s been rendered speechless - Gale cannot claim victory on his own, though. He wagers the wine had something to do with his success.

“You need me,” Gale murmurs. “And I find myself thinking of you more often than I should ever admit to anyone outside this room. Our tale is not yet over, Raphael - and if you insist on saving my life to preserve the sanctity of our story, then you cannot complain when I attempt to do the same.”

A shaky, wet laugh spills from Raphael’s lips. “My,” he manages, “but I wish I hated you more, Gale Dekarios. You would’ve made an incredible thrall.”

Gale smiles. “There’s still time to grow tired of me. Don’t you worry.”

Raphael’s brief smile fades and he reaches up to gently dust his claws over the curve of Gale’s chin.

“Go, Gale Dekarios,” he murmurs, “and know that I will endure as I always have.”

“You needn’t do it alone.”

It’s Raphael’s turn to finally be surprised. The Devil opens his mouth and then shuts it. He drops his gaze to Gale’s hand where it hovers still above the water and after a beat, his clawed one crawls back into it.

Gale doesn’t leave.

Not just yet.

[dcbbw]

Sneak Peek Sunday--The A/N Edition

Happy Sunday, tumblrs and Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate. It’s late evening but didn’t want to let the day end without posting snippets of the two stories that have somehow taken priority in my mind and are bubbling up furiously in the Fuck Wizard’s cauldron.

There are only two tonight, and they are accompanied by the author’s notes. I implore everyone who reads this to take the time to read the A/N for Waiting Room even though it is appropriately tagged with content warnings. Also, please reach out via comments or DM if you want on or off the tag list for Waiting Room (or just in general).

Everything’s below the cut, and in a state of rough draft. Final posted versions may differ. Enjoy and see you soon!

Texting (tentative title)

This story is the result of a wild hair all up IN my buttcrack and a plethora of disjointed ideas. The inspiration for said story is ripped straight from real-world headlines and this movie trailer. I was going to keep this somewhat canon compliant, but Cordonia/transatlantic doesn’t work here, so I present to you the NYC AU.

I am excited about this, and believe it or not … I am super stoked to have Drake Walker living in NJ with his girlfriend/fiancée Anne Marie, a true Jersey girl complete with big hair, 90s era hoop earrings, and that accent.

Thanks to those who read the beginnings of this story and encouraged me to WRITE IT! WRITE IT! WRITE IT!

You guys already know who belongs to PB (but do they really?); everyone else belongs to me.

Song Inspiration: Midwife, Sickworld

Brooklyn

“I’m in love with you, you know,” the man whispered against the woman’s shoulder. His breath was harsh and hot, with the staleness that comes from awakening out of a deep slumber.

A smile curved the woman’s lips; she spoke though her eyes remained closed. “I can’t tell. I’m still a fiancée after seven years,” she teased.

He nipped her shoulder. “In less than a month, we move from promise to commitment. And we needed that time to prepare, you know that!”

She stretched languidly, twisting her body so she faced him. “Indeed, we did.”

In their time together, the couple had bought a three bedroom, two bath house with an attached one-car garage; a rarity in Cobble Hill, a neighborhood within Brooklyn, New York. The fact it cost under a half-million dollars turned the rarity into a unicorn.

They had started a business: a pub in the center of one of Brooklyn’s most bustling communities named The Bar Belle; he often said it was an ode to how they met.

He had purchased the car in their garage for her; she was the official chauffeur as he had never learned to drive. His argument was always, “For what?”

In seven years, they had built a life.

Riley Brooks sat up in the bed, waking before the alarm clock went off. A slightly sour odor wafted past her nostrils when she pulled the sheet closer to her nude body; she couldn’t recall the last time she had washed the linen.

It didn’t matter.

Her eyes traveled around the bedroom, tears pricking the corners of her eyes as she took in the pictures of her and Daniel; of his dark blue eyes, dark brown hair, and lopsided smile. She reached blindly for her phone laying atop her nightstand, and through tears, she texted a message.

New York County District Attorney’s Office, Manhattan

The man was focused on the screen in front of him, blue eyes trained on the string of 1’s and 0’s as he uploaded the latest patch update to the 752 employees of the New York County DA’s office. The buzzing of his phone caught his attention.

It was her; it had been her for the last six months.

His long fingers moved swiftly over the wireless keyboard as he typed, answering and entering prompts by rote; his mind was curiously wondering what she had to say this time. It took all of his self-control to not pick the phone up immediately. Once the update began to run, he picked up his phone, entering the world’s worst numeric passcode: 1234.

Dear God, Daniel. It’s been long enough for me to have accepted that you’re gone. But I haven’t and don’t think I ever will. I still expect to see you when I open my eyes, I still wait to hear your key in the lock, even though I have it now. I keep it in my wallet. In any case, good morning sunshine.

I miss you. So fucking much. I just want you here with me.

Still loving you,

-R

The man felt his throat constrict, but there was nothing he could do.

“Ahem.”

He lifted his eyes from the phone screen and peered over his dual monitors to meet the cool green eyes of the woman seated at the desk across from him. She broke her gaze to stare pointedly at the cellphone.

“It’s nothing,” he muttered as he guiltily placed the phone back on his desk.

“I don’t believe you, and you need to tell her,” Olivia Nevrakis snapped as her fingernails clacked against her keyboard.

The man abruptly pushed his chair back before rising from his seat. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he announced to no one.

“Need someone to hold your hand?” Rashad Domvallier asked snidely before answering a service desk call.

The man flipped Rashad the bird before exiting the office, taking care to leave his phone where it was.

 Waiting Room

Content Warning/Triggers: usage of a racial slur, graphic description

A/N: This story is a fictionalized version of historical events. It is not fanfiction, so there is no Liam here. There is no Drake, no MC, nothing Choices/PB related. I realize this a fandom, and certain content is expected, needed, wanted. Feel free to keep scrolling now.

The basis of this story has been a stain on America for 68 years and counting. No justice was ever served, no questions ever answered. The facts of the case are true, the conversations and inner thoughts are my imagination and thought processes.

On April 27, American icon Jerry Springer died; an hour later it was reported that Carolyn Bryant Donham had passed as well (official date of death for Bryant-Donham is April 25). For those who don’t know, Carolyn Bryant is the Mississippi white woman who accused Emmett Till, a 14-year-old black boy from Chicago of making lewd sexual advances towards her, resulting in the horrific torture, beating, and lynching of the teenager.

What was done to Emmett Till shocked a nation, both blacks and whites, and galvanized the Civil Rights Movement. If you wish to research Emmett Till, please do but be warned: the pictures of his face after he was fished from the Tallahatchie River (with a 75-pound cotton gin fan tied to his neck with barbed wire) are graphic and not for the faint of heart.

This story is a conversation between Carolyn Bryant and Jerry Springer as they await judgement. I think the enigma and mystery Carolyn Bryant shrouded herself in for the remainder of her life following the acquittal (by an all-white, all male jury in Sumner, Mississippi) of Till’s killers would appeal to every aspect of who Jerry Springer had been: reporter, lawyer, talk-show host.

Disclaimers/Warnings/Triggers:

·         There are racial slurs used in this story. They are not used gratuitously nor with impunity. We are hearing from a young, uneducated white woman born, bred, raised in the American south circa 1955. Jim Crow was King, segregation was the way of life, and blacks were not addressed by even their names, let alone with titles such as Mister or Miss.

·         If you don’t know, I AM a 100% black American woman who has lived over a half-century on this earth. I am neither racist nor classist, but apparently, I write one on the internet. None of these excuses the usage of slurs but may make it a little more tolerable.

·         The discussions regarding race relations, Carolyn’s accusation, and Emmett Till’s murder will be frank, raw, and to the extent I can make it, … honest.

I didn’t write this for anyone other than myself. This story will not be for everyone, and I both respect and understand the choice to pass on this.  For the few who expressed interest in reading, I appreciate you, your support, and your encouragement.

Song Inspirations:

Mississippi Goddam, Nina Simone

Daylight, David Kushner

He noticed that the air from the hallway was not fresh; it had a distinct sour stench. His nose wrinkled in response. Carolyn Bryant, who made no acknowledgement of the unwelcome odor, looked over when a voice called for her. There was no one in the doorway.

“Lyn, come on! We been waiting on you!” The voice was deep and impatient in tone.

Roy Bryant.

Carolyn rolled her eyes while exhaling a frustrated sigh. “Of course Roy would amongst the first people I see here.”

“COME ON!” Roy thundered, his voice closer. “Time to face the music, dear!” The sarcasm placed on the endearment was palatable.

Her brows furrowed in unease, the woman rose from the love seat. “I suppose this is goodbye. For now.” She extended her hand, which Jerry shook.

She turned to make her way to the door, and stumbled backwards as a strangled cry arose from her throat. A 1955-era Roy Bryant stood in the doorway, but he was different. His outfit was the same white shirt and light-colored slacks he wore during his trial, the hairs on his barreled chest and burly arms still dark and curly. But his face … held the disfigured visage of Emmett Louis Till.

Swollen. Grotesquely damaged, resembling a mutilated papier-mâché project more so than a human face.

The Emmett Till that had been pulled from the Tallahatchie River. The face that Mamie Till insisted the world see to show everyone the inhumanity that lived in the Delta of the deep south. The face that Carolyn Bryant had closed her eyes to, and her husband had proudly proclaimed to be his handiwork.

“ROY, WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO YOU?”

Roy raised an arm to run thick fingers through the wiry stubble that haphazardly covered patches of a now pasty gray skull; he shook his head in dejected bemusement as he did so. His “eyes” met her gaze, one socket empty; it was where he and his brother JW had gouged the eye out before putting a bullet in the boy’s head. The hole left behind from the shooting was a gaping crater in what used to be skin.

The other eye was inflated shut. Swollen, discolored lips cracked apart in what passed for a smile. The mouth held no teeth; they had been either knocked out or pulled out with pliers. The gums were swollen to where it resembled caricature and caked with dried blood.

“THIS is what YOU did to me, to ALL OF US!”

“I NEVER TOUCHED THAT NIGGER BOY!” Carolyn protested as she made her way back towards Jerry Springer; the television personality deftly stepped aside. He wanted no parts of that. He had his own husband/wife confrontation to answer for.

“You didn’t have to. You weaponized me and JW to do it for you! You orchestrated this entire fiasco, Carolyn! And the biggest joke out of all of this is that boy NEVER died! WE DID! As soon as he was discovered, WE DIED, and he was catapulted into immortality! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!”

The heated words were accompanied by snarls and growls almost animalistic in nature.

“YOU’RE A LIAR and I’m not going ANYWHERE with YOU!” Carolyn screamed as she wrapped her arms around herself.

Roy snorted derisively. “You have no choice. Now, I can’t enter the room … but others can. Speaking from experience, it’s best you escort yourself out.”

 Tagging:  @jared2612​​ @ao719​​ @marietrinmimi​​ @queenjilian​​ @indiacater​​ @kingliam2019​​ @bebepac​​ @liamxs-world​​ @mom2000aggie​​ @liamrhysstalker2020​​ ​ @twinkleallnight​​ @umccall71​​ @superharriet​​ @busywoman​​ @gabesmommie1130​​ @tessa-liam​​ @beezm​​ @gardeningourmet​​ @lovingchoices14​​ @mainstreetreader​​ @angelasscribbles​​ @lady-calypso​​ @emkay512​​ @princessleac1​​ @charlotteg234​​ @queenrileyrose​​ @alj4890​​ @yourfavaquarius111​​ @motorcitymademadame​​​ @queenmiarys​

[jdgo51]

God No

Today's inspiration comes from:

No Is a Beautiful Word

by Kevin G. Harney

Sometimes God says no. Let’s look at two examples. The first is silly and the other quite serious.

"In the movie Bruce Almighty, Jim Carrey plays the title character, Bruce, who encounters God in the form of actor Morgan Freeman. God has decided to delegate his responsibilities to Bruce for a short period of time. As you can imagine, Bruce experiments with his unbounded power as he deals with an unending stream of prayer requests from billions of people around the globe.

Bruce attempts to manage the tsunami of prayers by setting up a filing system and then linking it to a database on his computer. In utter exasperation at the sheer number of requests, Bruce decides to hit the yes button and affirmatively answer every prayer request flooding his computer and his mind.

This would seem like a good idea, except thousands of people now win the lottery on the same day. They are expecting millions of dollars, but because the payout is split among all the winners, they end up with just enough money for a modest dinner out, leading to disappointment, riots, and mayhem.

Behind this humorous scene is a serious point.

God is not really concerned with whether we win or lose the lottery. He says no on a daily basis to the self-centered barrage of requests we make for easy money without work or responsibility. God is the wisest and most beautiful being in the universe, and He does what is best for us, even when we don’t understand why.

God does not always say yes to our prayers. He is far too loving to give in to self-centered prayers that cause more harm than good.

There is a fascinating account in the Bible of a day in the life of Jesus. It is found in Mark 1:21–39. Here we get a glimpse of how Jesus lived and loved. As the day begins, Jesus goes to a local place of worship and preaches. His power and authority amaze the people. Right in the middle of His message, a man who is spiritually tormented begins shouting out questions and making wild statements. Jesus silences him and speaks to the demon terrorizing the man. The man convulses, screams, and is set free.

If God says no, you can be confident that there are times when you need to say no too After the worship service, Jesus walks with some of His friends to one of their homes, where a woman is sick with fever. Jesus goes back to work again. He shows love, care, and compassion by healing the woman.

That same evening, when the Sabbath time of rest is over and people can move about freely, a massive crowd descends on the home where Jesus is staying. This leads to a spontaneous time of compassionate service, during which Jesus heals the sick and frees those who are locked in the chains of spiritual bondage. Sickness is defeated and demons are sent running for the hills!

Very early the next morning, Jesus wakes up and takes a walk. He finds a quiet place where He can talk with His heavenly Father, but some of His disciples track him down to let Him know that there are people looking for Him. The disciples request that Jesus return to town and do more miracles and heal even more people.

Jesus says no.

He is crystal clear in His response.

Jesus knows there are still needs He could meet. He knows the people want Him to stay and offer what only He can give them. He is profoundly aware that many will be disappointed if He does not come back.

But Jesus is committed to His mission. And His primary focus is not healing. He has come to be a teacher and a preacher. So Jesus says to His disciples,

Let us go somewhere else — to the nearby villages — so I can preach there also. That is why I have come. — Mark 1:38, emphasis added

His response to the request is clear, simple, and mission driven. And it is an emphatic no. In His wisdom, Jesus — who is God in human form — says no to the urgent requests and needs of people so He can say yes to something greater, something better.

When we look back on our lives, I believe, all of us will be thankful that God said no to some of our prayer requests. I dated a couple of nice girls before I met my wife, Sherry, and there were times when I asked God, “Could this be the woman I will spend the rest of my life with?” God said, “No!” When I finally met my wife, I looked back and thanked God for His kind no. His no was preparing me for a better yes!

Jesus was “God with us” (Matthew 1:23). It was in His power to say yes to every request, yet there were times He said no. And if God says no, what does that teach us about the need for us to say no as well?

Take a moment to reflect on your life. Has God ever said no to something you wanted? Are you able to see wisdom in that no today?

If God says no, you can be confident that there are times when you need to say no too."

Excerpted with permission from No Is a Beautiful Word by Kevin Harney, copyright Kevin G. Harney.

[crossoverworldtree]

Just Out of Curiosity, What Have Buffy and Angel Been Linked Too?

Within the show’s run and in other official canon material, Buffy and Angel have had crossover links to:

The Wild Bunch, Dracula, National Lampoon’s Vacation, The Lord of the Rings, Aliens, Buckaroo Banzai, The X-Files, Evil Dead, Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, Doctor Who, and Godzilla. The “Expanded Universe” Material (Dark Horse Comics before Season 8, the IDW comics, Licensed Novels) add:

Frankenstein, James Bond, The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the legendary figure of Springheel Jack, Sherlock Holmes, An American Werewolf in London, The Wolf Man, King Arthur, Zorro, The Cthulhu Mythos, Tarzan, Hellboy, Predator, The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV Series), The Devil’s Footprints, Rosanne, Marvel Comic’s character Cytorrak (the thing that empowers The Juggernaut), Ghostbusters, the Dungeons & Dragons Multiverse, Peter David’s Fallen Angel, and Highlander: The Series. Buffy and Angel have been referenced by other series as well in the crossover sense. Those add:

Eureka, Simon R. Green’s Ghost of a Chance, Andy Barker P.I., Hack/Slash, Supernatural, Gen13, Blood and Bullets, House of the Dead 2 (movie), Marvel’s Legion of Monsters (featuring Elsa Bloodstone, Morbius the Living Vampire, N’kantu the Living Mummy, The Manphibian, Werewolf by Night, Tomb of Dracula, & Daimon Hellstrom), West Coast Avengers (featuring Kate Bishop, Clint Barton, Gwenpool, America Chavez, Quinten Quire, Fuse, Jeff the Land Shark, Madam Masque, Alloy (Ramone Watts), and Noh-Varr), and American Horror Story: Apocalypse. Those nods come in works that also reference: Carnacki: Ghostfinder, Drinking the Midnight Wing, The Monkeys’ Paw, Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter, Halfway to the Grave from the “Night Huntress” novel series, Sonja Blue, Blade (either comics or film series), Solomon Kane, and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD. Buffy and Angel have been featured in what I like to refer to as “Megacrossover” tales as well, adding a plethora of other series to the mix. The additions include: White Zombie, The Black Coats, Arsene Lupin, Marvel’s Brother Voodoo, Child's Play, Tales of the Zombie, Revolt of the Zombies, James Bond, Angel Heart, Duke de Richleau, I Walked With a Zombie, John Thunstone, Kolchak the Night Stalker, Pirates of the Caribbean, Captian Blood, Lorna Doone, Gulliver's Travels, the works of Stephen King ("Jerusalem's Lot"), Leatherstocking Tales, Charmed, Treasure Island, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (the original short story), John Carter of Mars, The X-Files, Moby Dick, The Narrative of Arthur Gordan Pym of Nantucket, Mayfair Witches, Doc Savage, The Phantom, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, The Wild West (TV Series), Gone with the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, The Lone Ranger, Martin Hewitt, The Shadow, The Body Snatchers (the story on which Invasion of the Body Snatchers was based), L'Enigmatique Fen-Chu, Atlantida, The Exorcist, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, The Stepford Wives, Young Frankenstein, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Pretender, Beauty and the Beast (1980s Television Series), Bionic Woman (original series), Modesty Blaze, Knight Rider (original Series), The Equalizer, The Nyctalope, Cyrano de Bergerac, The Three Musketeers, The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Invaders (1950s Television Series), Blake and Mortimer (a Belgian comic), Sâr Dubnotal, Blithe Spirit (1941), Lensman, Simon Ark, Dark Shadows, Semi-Dual (The Occult Detector (1912)), Doctor Strange, John J. Malone, Kenneth J. Malone, Network (1976 film), I Dream of Jeannie, Northern Exposure, Jane Arden, The Continental Op, Nate Heller, Judex, Dr. Spektor, Some Like It Hot, Little Caesar, Scarface, Robin and the 7 Hoods, Dick Tracy, The Big Lebowski, Morris Klaw, Suicide Squad (Novel Series that began with Mr. Zero and the FBI Suicide Squad), Theodosia Throckmorton, John Thunstone, Fergus O'Breen, Rocket to the Morgue, Call Northside 777, "Bell, Book and Candle", Mr. Mulliner, Special Unit 2, The Quincunx of Time, Baal (of Renée Dunan's 1924 novel), Female Vampire (1975 Film), Doctor Omega (a Doctor Who pastiche), The Adventures of a Parisian Aeronaut in the Unknown Worlds, C. Auguste Dupin, Fantômas, The Merkabah Rider, Quantum Leap, Monk (TV Series), The Manitou (film), Simon of Gitta, Meaner than Hell, Kull, Conan the Barbarian, Steve Harrison, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Kung Fu, Indiana Jones, Batman, Something Wicked This Way Comes, House II: The Second Story, Winchester '73, The Quick and the Dead, Hombre, The Lone Ranger, The Pearl of Death, House of Horrors, The Brute Man, John Kirowan, Bran Mak Morn, Carmilla, World of Watches, Nosferatu, Underworld, Black Sunday, The Vampire Chronicles, Vampire City, The Black Coats, The Island of Doctor Moreau, The Most Dangerous Game, The Vampyre (1819), The Count of Monte Cristo, Tombs of the Blind Dead, Lord Peter Wimsey, Waldemar Daninsky, Curse of the Crimson Altar, Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter, P. G. Wodehouse's Works, Viy, The Mummy (1932), Harry Dickenson, The Spider, Varney the Vampire, The Simpsons, Hellraiser/The Hellbound Heart, The Master Mind of Mars (part of Edgar Rice Burrough’s Mars series), The Wandering Jew’s Daughter, and She: A History of Adventure. Buffy and Angel also have two products that show up regularly in fiction.

One is Sugar Bombs or Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, which appear in Calvin and Hobbes, Marvel’s Runaways (featuring Nico Minoru, Karolina Dean, Chase Stein, Gert Yorkes, Molly Hayes, Old Lace, Xavin. Victor Mancha, and The Swarm), and The Incredibles 2. They also show up in the videogame series Fallout, but that is most likely an alternate universe. Morley Cigarettes are the other product that has a good travel life, enough to have its own Wikipedia Page. As such, I’ll only mention a few notable cases: Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead, Murder in the First, Platoon, Psycho (1960), The World’s End (2013), 24, American Horror Story “Birth”, The Americans, Beverly Hills 90210 (1990s series), Burn Notice, Californication, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, CSI: NY, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Dick Van Dyke Show, ER, Everybody Hates Chris, Friends, Heroes, Jake 2.0, Judging Amy, Justified, Lost, Malcolm in the Middle, Medium, Millennium, Mission: Impossible (TV Series), Nash Bridges, NCIS, New Amsterdam, Orange is the New Black, Pushing Daisies, Reaper, Seinfeld, Space: Above and Beyond, The Strain, That 70s Show, The Walking Dead, Twin Peaks, Warehouse 13, Weeds, System Shock 2, and The Twilight Zone “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet”. Obviously, some of these would be alternate universes. Finally, there are two notable parody examples to bring up: Vampirella vs. Fluffy. Vampirella has had a LOT of crossovers, so she’s one step removed from Buffy at best, ergo, they probably met and given the tone of the comic, Vampi did not leave too happy with Buffy’s remarks about her outfit, or Willow. Big Wolf on Campus actually provides a rather respectful crossover, and all things considered, the title character likely met Faith before she came to Sunnydale if taken as a proper crossover. Totaling things up, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel) have had 10 nods to the Cthulhu Mythos, 7 crossovers with Dracula, 5 with Frankenstein and Sherlock Holmes, 4 with Ghostbusters, and 3 with Doc Savage, Solomon Kane, Evil Dead/Army of Darkness, The X-Files, and Hellboy. And all that from just Buffy and Angel. Can you imagine what you find when you got a link further than that? Or two links? Six? 

To give a hint: The Mythos can add over 200 works, Dracula 160+, 79 from Frankenstein, 17 from Ghostbusters, 24 from Hellboy, 29 from Evil Dead, and 51 from The X-Files. There is a lot of overlap, of course, but it still sets a good idea of just how big this world is. Now, all Buffy needs is a crossover with Batman, and she’ll have hit the all the major crossover series. 

[vamonumentlandscape]

Poplar Forest & Bedford

When we first arrived at Poplar Forest that lies on the outskirts of Lynchburg in Bedford County, we were blown away by the beautiful landscape that surrounded Thomas Jefferson’s retreat. Our team had heard such good things about the historic site from those who work there, our professors, and fellow students, we knew it was a must see spot. When we walked into the visitors center, we were greeted by the most kind staff member that we have encountered at any historic site. He was helpful, sweet, and even asked us about our research. We felt very welcome as soon as we walked through the door. To begin the tour, we started with a fifteen minute video introduction to Poplar Forest. Before the tour began, we realized our tour guide seemed to have little enthusiasm when one man asked her if she was our tour guide and she responded with a flat “yes.” After that odd encounter, we watched the wonderfully done film on Jefferson’s retreat home. The short video captured the stories of Jefferson, the enslaved people who worked there, and the importance of the architecture of the site. We were all looking forward to the tour of the historic home and the rest of our day at Poplar Forest after this.

We began the tour outside of the octagonal mansion with our tour guide explaining the symmetric architecture that Jefferson wanted to experiment with. By combining all of the techniques he had seen in Europe, he created this small, yet grand mansion as his getaway. But, he is not the one who put the physical labor into creating this architectural masterpiece. The enslaved people of Poplar Forest are the real champions of constructing the illustrious home. Our tour guide made that clear when she described much of the back-breaking work the enslaved people, like John Hemings, put into the building. She pointed out the only asymmetric detail, the wing of the home, where the enslaved people spent most of their days cooking, cleaning, and keeping the home the way Jefferson wanted. Unlike other Jefferson designs, there was no other wing to complete the symmetry. As Travis McDonald would explain to us later, “the second wing is the million dollar question.” Speculation from staff who have greatly studied the wing says it was just unnecessary to add another space to the home. We walked a little further to see the newly reconstructed carriage turnaround to what it would have looked like in Jefferson’s day. At Poplar Forest, the staff has taken huge steps to ensure the complete correctness of their rebuilding of the home. Our tour guide made sure we knew this once we entered the home. We were all impressed by the moulding, exact replicas, and specificity of the measurements for the rooms. Not only is the representation of the home wonderfully done, but the interpretation was wonderful. Though our tour guide was a bit quiet and unenthused, she did not refrain from allowing Jefferson to be talked about as human and did not glorify him. She was able to express his architectural genius all the while letting us know he did not build one piece of it. He was wholly dependent on enslaved laborers to have his elitist lifestyle. It was encouraging to see a second site where Jefferson was able to be learned about earnestly and not in a God-like manner. Our tour guide also explained to us in the parlor room how he had a more familial side with his granddaughters who frequently accompanied him at Poplar Forest. In the last room, we got to see the room that mirrored Jefferson's bedroom. While his room was fully restored, this room was used as a progress room to show how the staff at Poplar Forest worked to recreate the Jeffersonian home after it had undergone fire and renovations from other residents. Also in this room was an original John Hemings door. This was a site to see as we all know that he was responsible for most of the ornate mouldings and doors in the original home. We all enjoyed the house tour and were incredibly impressed with all the work the staff at Poplar Forest has done in the short 40 years they have been a museum. In the grand scheme of things, 40 years and starting from scratch is not long for the project that they had ahead of them.

In the basement and the wing of the mansion is an exhibit dedicated to the enslaved workers of Poplar Forest. This was not a part of the house tour, but we made sure to see all that was displayed on our own. We saw the familiar name of John Hemings featured throughout. Without his tireless efforts, the home would not have been able to feature such unique architectural details. Though Thomas Jefferson was a master architect, he was never doing the hard work of actually building what he designed throughout his life. It was enlightening to see what archaeological finds have been discovered at the site. There was one display case that featured a series of items collected by rats in the attic of the home between 1846 and the 1960s, which was far beyond Thomas Jefferson’s ownership of the property. There were fragments of book pages, newspapers, clothes, and more. We walked over to see what was displayed in the wing between the east side of the home and the east mound, and we were amazed to find the kitchen with fireplaces, hearths, and a cook’s quarters. On display in one of the rooms was a letter from Hannah, an enslaved woman, written to Thomas Jefferson. In the letter, she expresses sadness about his inability to visit Poplar Forest that Fall and she also paraphrased the Bible - “we ought to serve and obey his commandments that you may set to win the prize and after glory run.” We believe this letter clearly shows a level of hopelessness and despair within Hannah, but it also depicts a unique dynamic of an enslaved person being allowed the ability to write. This must have been a unique circumstance. We are extremely pleased with the archaeological excavations done to bring the Wing of Offices back to their original form. Past the East mound are structures of the era beyond Thomas Jefferson’s ownership of the property and contained the living quarters of enslaved people during the antebellum era up through emancipation. There was a small exhibit in one of the spaces that allowed further learning about the enslaved. Down the hill and near a modern residential community is a reconstructed enslaved person quarters known as the North Hill site. It was built with logs and had a chimney lined with clay to avoid the spread of fires. A small garden likely existed since food rations were so limited. It was amazing to see the basic shape and size of what the enslaved lived within and is a stark contrast to the extravagance of the mansion. Reconstructing such structures allow sites like Poplar Forest to share the hard, yet necessary, truths of what enslavement looked like.

Our last stop after the gift shop at Poplar Forest was to Travis McDonald’s office. McDonald is the Director of Architectural Restoration at Poplar Forest. He has been with the foundation from the very beginning. His skills of being an architect, a restorationist, and a historian in his own right made him the perfect candidate for the position he has held for over 30 years. We were all so thankful that we got the opportunity to speak with him about Jefferson’s historic retreat. As we sat down in his office, the walls were lined with shelves encasing what seemed to be hundreds of books. On his desk and floor there were even more. The books that caught our attention were the Annette Gordon-Reed books, The Hemings of Monticello and Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings. His devotion to the ever evolving story of Jefferson was told to us before he even began talking. He told us right off the bat that Poplar forest “strives for historical accuracy over idealistic perceptions.” Since we have been to many historic sites across the state this summer, we have seen a few places that do the opposite. It is so impressive that the foundation has wanted to do this from the very beginning. They have cut no corners in perfection - literally. He explained to us that Jefferson was not the originator of his own ideas, but a master of self-education. He was able to learn and combine many pre-existing cutting edge architectural techniques. From masters of the art like Andrea Palladio, Jefferson was able to utilize his knowledge and European ideas to create his own style. McDonald continued to give us wisdom when he connected his specialty of architecture to history. “Architecture is a lot like history. It gets reinterpreted as new evidence is found and progress can be made.” Our last question for McDonald was about his feelings towards the current issues of Confederate monuments. His answer blew all of us away as it contained sincere emotion and toiled thought. “I had to separate myself from seeing them as art and architecture. As a professional architect and restorationist, that is how I saw and appreciated them for a long time. But now, I have been able to separate myself from that and see what they truly mean.” It was enlightening to hear a professional who has been in his field for decades to share his feelings with us. Travis McDonald was so welcoming and we are so thankful to have had the opportunity to gain insight from him.

We ventured into the small town of Bedford after visiting Poplar Forest. In our earliest research, we found an article on “The War Between the States Museum'' at the Bedford Museum and Genealogical Library. Just from the title, we knew we needed to go see whatever it was. Of course, “the war between the states” is a lost cause term to amplify that states rights was the reason for the Civil War instead of the obvious cause: slavery. We went in and it was a dark, dimly lit place. There were a few staff members and they were kind to us when we asked for admission in the museum. The gift shop was filled with outdated books, old postcards, and Confederate memorabilia, so we gained more insight onto what was ahead in the exhibit spaces. We took what the museum employee called the “slowest elevator in the county” up to the top floor where the exhibit on the “war between the states'' was displayed. We walk in and it is a large room with many glass cases. Again, very dim and not well lit, we strained our eyes to read the exhibits. The first exhibit you see in the space is on “Blacks Service.” All of our mouths dropped. It was an exhibit amplifying the myth of Black Confederates. Yes, Africa Americans served in the Confederacy, but not by their own will. They served as enslaved persons to those in the war. None of us could barely stand to be in the museum any longer after this, but we pushed through. Confederate flags were everywhere, the use of the word “Yankee”, and an exhibit on how Jefferson Davis’ release from prison was “a way to heal the deep divide between the U.S.” was on display. It was mind blowing to see this shrine to the Lost Cause only thirty minutes away from Randolph. At the end of the exhibit, we noticed a little sign on the wall that said the Sons of the Confederate Veterans still meet at least once a month in the room. We were all in disbelief from the complete bias and shrine-like nature of the museum. We traveled downstairs to see the other exhibits on local Native Americans, local African Americans, WWI, and WWII. The Native American exhibit looked like it was a project that the local middle school students put together. The information was not terrible, but the display was embarrassing. The information was presented at an education level for 5th graders, yet there was no signage dictating that it was a children’s exhibit. In the local African American exhibit, there were artifacts from the former all-Black high school, the African American sheriff who just retired, and Carol M. Swain, the African American conservative political science professor and Republican advocate. It was nice to see the information displayed about successful locals, but the message was clear. Overall, the museum experience was subpar. We all knew what we were walking into, but somehow it was worse than we could have imagined. We hope one day that the staff at the Bedford Museum and Genealogical Library will improve their interpretation.

Before we left the town of Bedford, we took a close look at the Confederate monument that stands in front of the Bedford County Courthouse. The text at the base of the high obelisk below a carved battle flag says “Bedford honors her heroes; proudly rejoicing with the living; sincerely mourning the dead. Their history is its brightest pace...This stone is erected to keep fresh in memory the noble deeds of these devoted sons.” Obviously, this monument reeks of the lost cause and does not honor a piece of history that all can be proud of. Taking down such a problematic statue would not be “erasing history,” as Bedford supervisor candidates stated in 2017. The public should play a role in discussions of what to do with the obelisk, but it certainly does not belong in front of such an important government building. Once again, the United Daughters of the Confederacy supported the construction of a heinous monument at a time (1909) when African-Americans faced acts of discrimination and bigotry. If people were able to put themselves in the shoes of those most affected by the presence of such an awful monument, then we would finally be able to make lasting changes for the betterment of us all.

[papermoonloveslucy]

THE GOLDEN TOUCH

January 17, 1951

“The Golden Touch" is a modern re-telling of the King Midas story with Jack Benny and his friends as King Midas and his court. It was directed by Robert F. Mansfield, written by Robert Hugh O’Sullivan and with Harry Zimmerman as the composer / conductor. 

“Family Theater” was a weekly half-hour dramatic anthology radio program which aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System (MBS) from February 13, 1947, to September 11, 1957. The show was produced by Family Theater Productions, a film and radio studio extension of the Family Rosary Crusade founded by Father Patrick Peyton as a way to promote family prayer. The motto of the the Holy Cross Family Ministries is, "The family that prays together, stays together." 

Although the program had no commercial sponsor, Father Peyton arranged for many of Hollywood's biggest stars to appear including James Stewart, Bob Hope, Lucille Ball, Raymond Burr, Jane Wyatt, Charlton Heston, Bing Crosby, Jack Benny, Gene Kelly, William Shatner, and Chuck Connors. 

A total of 540 episodes were produced. The program featured not only religious stories but half-hour adaptations of literary works such as A Tale of Two Cities, Moby-Dick and Don Quixote.

Synopsis ~ Lucille Ball is the hostess and Jack Benny stars as the King obsessed with his gold and counting it. The Queen and her daughter get a Genie to sort the King out. The Genie grants the King one wish and the King tells the Genie that he can always use more gold and asks that everything he touches will turn to gold. Of course this seems exciting at first until he turns the Queen and his daughter in to solid gold.

The program was repeated on May 23, 1951.  

King Midas is popularly remembered in Greek mythology for his ability to turn everything he touched into gold. This came to be called the golden touch, or the Midas touch. 

CAST

Jack Benny (King Midas) was born on Valentine’s Day 1894. He had a successful vaudeville career, and an even greater career on radio with “The Jack Benny Program” which also became a successful television show. His screen persona was known for being a penny-pincher and playing the violin. Benny was a Beverly Hills neighbor of Lucille Ball’s and the two were off-screen friends. Benny appeared on “The Lucy Show” as Harry Tuttle (a Jack Benny doppelganger) in “Lucy and the Plumber” (TLS S3;E2), later did a voice over cameo as himself in “Lucy With George Burns” (TLS S5;E1), and played himself in “Lucy Gets Jack Benny’s Account” (TLS S6;E6). He was seen in four episodes of “Here’s Lucy.” Benny and Ball appeared on many TV variety and award shows together. He died in 1974, a few weeks after taping “An All-Star Party for Lucille Ball.”

Lucille Ball (Hostess) was concurrently starring in her own radio comedy “My Favorite Husband” having starred in films from 1933.  In the fall of 1951, Ball and her husband Desi Arnaz launched their iconic television series, “I Love Lucy.”  After her divorce from Arnaz in 1960, Ball starred in two subsequent television series’ - “The Lucy Show” and “Here’s Lucy.” After a series of TV specials, she did one more series in 1986, which was not successful. She died in 1989. 

Ted de Corsia (Harvey Benson, Reporter from The Daily Telegram) was an actor in touring companies and on radio before making a memorable film debut as the killer in The Lady from Shanghai (1947). De Corsia's New York street demeanor and gravelly voice assured him steady work playing street thugs, gang leaders or organized-crime bosses. On radio he starred in the CBS series "Pursuit" (1949-50). Two years before he was heard on an episode of “My Favorite Husband” with Lucille Ball.

Barbara Eiler (Princess Imogene) started acting as a teenager and appeared regularly on the radio programs “The Life of Riley,” “A Day in the Life of Dennis Day,” “The Fabulous Dr. Tweedy” and “Glamor Manor." She did a 1948 episode of “My Favorite Husband” with Lucille Ball. 

Eleanor Audley (Queen Midas) played Lucille Ball’s mother-in-law on “My Favorite Husband.” She would later play Eleanor Spalding, owner of the Westport home the Ricardos buy in “Lucy Wants To Move to the Country” (ILL S6;E15) in 1957, as well as one of the Garden Club judges in “Lucy Raises Tulips” (ILL S6;E26).

Alan Reed (Matthew the Butler / Tony the Cook) is probably best remembered as the voice of Fred Flintstone. He started his acting career in 1937. He acted opposite Lucille Ball in a 1963 episode of “The Lucy Show” (ILL S1;E25). In 1967, he made an appearance on the Desi Arnaz series “The Mothers-in-Law”. He died in 1977 at the age of 69.

Reed uses an English accent as Matthew and an Italian accent as Tony.

Verna Felton (Molly, Kitchen Help) received two Emmy nominations for her role in the Desilu series “December Bride,” playing Hilda Crocker from 1955 to 1959. She did two episodes of “I Love Lucy,” including playing Lucy’s stern maid, Mrs. Porter. Felton voiced many characters for Disney.

Felton uses an Irish accent as Molly.

Howard McNear (Ipsuda, Magician) played Mr. Crawford, Little Ricky’s music teacher on “I Love Lucy.” McNear went on to play Floyd the Barber on “The Andy Griffith Show” from 1961 to 1967, filmed on the Desilu backlot. He was also seen in Lucy and Desi’s 1953 film The Long, Long Trailer.

Frank Nelson (Genie / Mr. Gene Blue) was born on May 6, 1911 (three months before Lucille Ball) in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He started working as a radio announcer at the age of 15. He later appeared on such popular radio shows as “The Great Gildersleeve,” “Burns and Allen,” and “Fibber McGee & Molly”. This is one of his 11 performances on “My Favorite Husband.”  On “I Love Lucy” he holds the distinction of being the only actor to play two recurring roles: Freddie Fillmore and Ralph Ramsey, as well as six one-off characters, including the frazzled train conductor in “The Great Train Robbery” (ILL S5;E5), a character he repeated on “The Lucy Show.”  Aside from Lucille Ball, Nelson is perhaps most associated with Jack Benny and was a fifteen-year regular on his radio and television programs.

Howard Culver (Jake Workman, Ice Man) was best known as hotel clerk Howie Uzzell during the entire run of TV's “Gunsmoke.” On radio he starred in the title role of the Western adventure series “Straight Arrow” which aired on Mutual from 1948 to 1951.   

Tony La Frano (Announcer) was the regular announcer for “Music Depreciation” (1945) and every episode of “Family Theatre” (1947-1957). 

EPISODE

Hostess Lucille Ball introduces the show, which was broadcast in front of a live audience. Lucille urges listeners to pray together as a family. She then introduces Jack Benny as the King, to great fanfare. 

Instead of Benny, the show opens with Imogene on the telephone of a busy office in the Kingdom of Midas. Harvey Benson, an American reporter, arrives to see the Queen, who thinks he is there for money, but he wants the story of something that happened there recently. She tells the story in flashback...

A month ago, King Midas is at breakfast with his family. Imogene complains about having cornmeal mush for breakfast again, but Midas reasons that they have a 752 pounds of corn (thanks to the foresight of his father), so they must eat it!  

Matthew, King Midas’ butler, suddenly quits after 32 years! He is tired of carrying the King’s gold. He is also tired of the mush. Because of an ancient decree, the help must eat whatever the King eats. 

Imogene and the Queen insist King Midas counts his money too much - 80 million dollars a day!  Once the King is gone, the Queen sends Imogene on a mission to see a magician named Ipusda to buy a genie. 

At Ipsuda’s shop, Imogene has her pick of genies - even ones vacuum packed in cans (only for tourists)!  She buys the blue bottle special for 5 gold pieces - plus a small deposit on the bottle!   Imogene brings the magic blue bottle back to the Queen, who says the magic words: “Genie out and at attention!  Do the chores which I will mention!”  The giggling Genie immediately appears, talking in rhyme, very amused at his own cleverness.  They promise the Genie his freedom if he does as bid.  The Queen whispers the orders to the Genie, without letting Imogene know.

Next morning, Imogene and the Queen introduce Midas to his new servant - the Genie!  At their bidding, he conjures up bacon and eggs. Midas hates the Genie’s rhyming. He asks Midas what one wish he wants more than anything else in the world.  Naturally, he wants more gold. 

The Genie grants him with the skill to turn everything he touches to gold!  The Genie pops back into the bottle. Imogene notices his utensils have turned to gold - then his eggs - then his coffee.  

Before he can stop himself, he turns his own daughter to gold! Midas demands the Queen bring the Genie back, but she refuses and storms off. 

Midas hears the kitchen servants Tony and Molly arguing in the next room. Tony goes to shake his hand, but he turns to gold! He touches Molly and she, too, turns to gold. 

The ice man arrives and sees the two golden servants. Signing for the ice, the King tries to give him the golden pencil as a tip! Midas explains his problem - everything he touches turns to gold. Jake is about to phone his brother-in-law, Ipsuda, but when he learns that it was the work of a genie, he hangs up. All they can do is wait for the Queen to return to get the Genie out of the bottle! 

Time passes and Jake reveals that the King is not as highly regarded in the Kingdom as he thinks.  The King admits to being money mad. Midas decides to start giving his money away - starting now!

The Queen arrives and she Midas admits that he never wants to see gold again as long as he lives. After accidentally turning Jake to gold during a hug, the Queen summons the Genie to change the King back - in return for his freedom and a good job. The Genie removes the curse. 

Flash forward to the Queen’s interview with newspaper reporter Harvey Benson. Mr. Gene Blue, the president of the relief organization, enters. He makes a joke about his name sounding like “Benson Burners.” He laughs hysterically as the music swells. 

Lucille Ball closes the show by asking if the audience knows how Hedda Hopper makes a hat, comparing it to how scientists make a concoction out of ordinary things to create something incredible: jewels out of sawdust, perfume out of coal tar, medicine out of weeds or mold. She says the power of prayer, just like the ordinary things that create something magical, are there all the time, but must be used to get benefits: the jewel of a happy home life, the perfume of uplifted hearts, medicine for a sick world.

LUCILLE BALL: “The family that prays together, stays together.” 

Announcer Tony Lo Frano reads the credits and says that next week’s program Walter Brennan and Bette Lynn in “A Star for Helen” with the honorable Frank Walker as host.  

[raven-wraith]

StarVIEW Valley (get it?)

I am a gamer of many passions. Most of these passions extend mostly into games that offer numerous ways to brutalize and maim your adversaries (such as Mortal Kombat or The Witcher) or games that have adversaries that brutalize and maim me (such as Bloodborne or Outlast). So when I was finally finished with acquiring every achievement in Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice(1), I needed a break from it all. The killing. The being killed. So in an effort to flip the script, I went to the otherside of the spectrum of gaming. That’s where I found one of my new biggest passions to date. That passion is called Stardew Valley.

The game begins with a simple soundtrack and a main menu. A background of green hills, flying birds, and blue skies as the title comes from the top of the screen. There are four buttons. New, Load, Co-op, and Exit. While it’s a small pick of things to do, most main menus are on the first boot. But, immediately, the care to detail is noticed. 

Not on my first pickup or even my fifth did I notice that there is a counter at the bottom of the screen that notifies you on how many times you have logged in. Clicking on things in this screen reveals secret easter eggs, all of which are adorable to look at. I knew I would enjoy this game even since then.

Stardew Valley has surpassed the perception of wholesomeness and has ascended, wait, transcended to a volume equivalent to a playable Bob Ross painting where everyone you meet is a form of Fred Rogers’ mind. I think the most important pieces that make up and come from Stardew Valley is it’s development and the message it sends while you play it. The game handles lots of things impressively well, but the three mentioned topics are the driving factors of gameplay for me.

“The title is made by a multimillion dollar corporation with over four hundred people working on this sole project, all of which was shown at E3 only to have a massive graphics downgrade on release.” That sentence is what I would write if it was true. Stardew was created by one computer science major(2) who decided he didn’t like how Harvest Moon(3) games were going/were being made. So he dedicated his time to making this game, delving into his artistic views to make the game come to life even more.

After some time, he reached out to Reddit and Twitter for his progress updates, to which he was returned with waves and waves of support from the online community. What went from a small project soon turned into his full time investment. Once Chucklefish came on board to help carry the load of publishing the game, Ape went and set his days on polishing the game the best he could before initial release.

And thank goodness he did.

The game was a success. Is a success. With over ten million copies sold by January 2020, ConcernedApe still to this day works on patching bugs, adding content, and discussing the future of the game in online forums. This direction of development was not only eye-opening to me, but it’s admirable in its own right.

The charm from that is enough to be portrayed into the game. Every detail, every spoken word from the NPCs and every pixel on the monsters in the mine was drawn and rendered from one mind. That level of dedication to this craft is so impressive that the weight of that notion carries throughout the gameplay. To know that so many mechanics were programmed in C# by one person astonishes me, and the returns tell us that many others feel the same way.

Next, the message of the game. It’s introspective, it’s mature, it’s prominent but not obvious. Basically:

Fuck Capitalism.

I mean, fuck wasting your life away behind a desk without connecting to those around you in a world where human interaction should not be as forced as it should be welcomed.

From the prologue, prior to your adventure to Stardew Valley, your call to action comes in the form of a letter from your grandfather. Trapped in your cubicle in the fictional company Joja’s office, you have finally grown tired of the stale lifestyle you’ve been leading. Opening the letter, you read about the property your grandfather left you. You head to his home. Once you arrive, your game starts.

This entire exchange of scenery, world building, and story takes place in under ten minutes. However, it is executed perfectly. The theme carries over in town once you realize there are two places to get your groceries, a Joja Market and Pierre’s General Store. The game makes a point of competition between these two establishments and it’s direction is influenced from the player’s involvement to love nature.

I believe that this was excellently done. It all revolves around a place where little fairies live, all of which need your help rebuilding their broken home. Now you can help them find their precious food and crafts or you can buy a membership at Joja like some kind of toxic, stupid, disrespectful, horrible, waste of space human filth that smells bad. I took to helping them with my good nature. I’ve run around, collecting only the most beautiful flowers and harvesting the dankest crops to give to those little bitch fairies to see that center bloom to life.

And I loved it. I loved it so much that when the Joja manager showed up to make a statement after I had repaired the entire establishment, I was gratified to see Pierre duke it out with this man. ConcernedApe took an approach to seeing past business in such an appealing way that I never once thought of it as a chore, let alone as a rebellion against societal standards.

Stardew Valley is a special experience. You can’t just continue to play games without giving this one a fair chance. It’s cute, it’s handcrafted, and I think most importantly, it’s completely unique in its delivery. While influences from other games and works of art are present, it’s safe to say that Stardew Valley goes above and beyond the usual farming simulator or dating RPG. Good job ConcernedApe, I will be returning to that farm almost constantly.

My statement still stands.

Fuck Capitalism.

(1)  From Software’s newest title, a new IP from their universally acknowledged Dark Souls series.

(2)  Nerd.

(3)  A farming simulator released in 1996, which is still continued to be made.

[njnewsreporter]

| 17 Celebrities from New Milford, Bergen County, NJ |

 | By Sean Michael |

New Milford, New Jersey just seems like another regular American town that most people in the USA have never heard of, with a small population of 16,000 people. But there seems to be some magic in the air.

After consistently hearing about success stories of people coming out of New Milford, New Jersey, I did some research and was surprised to learn that there actually is a vast amount of talent who have gone on to do major things in the world coming out of this one small town. From Emmys to Oscars and Grammys. And from Broadway to the NFL to reality shows. I’m not sure what it is, but New Milford keeps churning out superstars that are changing the world. And it's time we recognize them. The following individuals are official inductees into the New Milford Hall of Fame. Thank you for your gifts and contributions to the world. You’re making us North Jerseyans proud!

Jack Antonoff  - guitarist for the band FUN. He even wrote a song with Taylor Swift and Lorde. Antonoff has been nominated for a Golden Globe Award and won four Grammy Awards. He also started his own music festival, Shadow of The City, which takes place annually in New Jersey.

Redman: Grammy-nominated hiphop artist Redman owned a home in New Milford, NJ. Redman has released an album with Method Man and acted in the movie "How High". He had his best-known international hit with Christina Aguilera, when he was featured on her 2002 single "Dirrty". Around this time he was also featured on a popular remix of Pink's track “Get This Party Started”. He is cited in the song 'Till I Collapse as rapper Eminem's favorite rapper.        

Sevan Apollo Poetry: Two-time reality show star featured on MTV’s True Life & ABC’s Glass House. Apollo has given 3 TEDx talks, broke a Guinness World Record, wrote a #1 Amazon Best-Selling book, organized the March for our Lives event in Oakland, and has interviewed dozens of celebrities like Jaden Smith, Willow Smith, Russell Simmons, Lady Gaga, Charles Manson, and more. Apollo has facilitated empathy trainings for the U.S. Department of State, with a workshop that was featured on the Oprah Winfrey show. He is also the recipient of the United States Presidential “Point of LIght” Award.

Rob McClure: McClure played the title role in the musical Chaplin. After the show made it to Broadway, he was nominated for the 2013 Tony Award for Best Actor in a Musical. Rob also appeared in Shrek the Musical, Grease, Mary Poppins, The Addams Family, Beetlejuice the Musical, and Mrs. Doubtfire. Rob is one of New Milford’s big breakthrough stars.

Ed Marinaro: Famous for his role on Hill Street Blues as well as turns on Laverne & Shirley and Sisters. Prior to his acting career, Marinaro was a standout football star for the Knights, playing for New Milford High School before going off to play for Cornell where he was runner up for the Heismann Trophy and was the first running back in the NCAA to rush for more than 4,000 yards. Marinaro played six seasons in the NFL, going to the Super Bowl twice.

Simon J.J. Racaza: Recent star of the reality series Top Shot on the History Channel, he finished just out of the top spot in the first season. This world class shooter is leading the U.S. team to the World Shooting Championships this year as the number one qualifier. When not competing, Racaza runs the firearms program for the Department of Homeland Security.

Jim Dray:  An NFL tight end who played for the Arizona Cardinals and Cleveland Browns

Beth Fowler: She's been nominated for two Tony Awards and a Drama Desk Award. In addition to the stage, Fowler also has screen credits appearing in both film and television. Past credits include Sister Act and Law & Order.

Tori “Stori” Diaz: A model, rapper, and singer who signed to Universal Motown and was featured on the Tyra Banks show.

Bobby Steele: This punk guitarist is a borough native and was a member of the legendary band The Misfits. He is currently with The Undead, the band he has lead for more than three decades.

J. Walter Christie: You may not know his name, but you certainly know his invention--the modern tank.

The Fontane Sisters: Are 3 sisters that had 18 songs reaching the Billboard pop charts, including ten in the Top 40. Their late 1954 recording, "Hearts of Stone", sold over one million copies, and was awarded a gold disc. The sisters worked with NBC and Perry Como.

Joe Regalbuto: is known for his role as Frank Fontana on the CBS television sitcom Murphy Brown, which earned him a Primetime Emmy Award nomination in 1989. He also acted in Mork & Mindy, Magnum PI, The Golden Girls, Alley McBeal, and Criminal Minds.

Jim McQueeny: Founder of Winning Strategies and an award-winning journalist who shared the Pulitzer Prize for his work with the Star Ledger.

Steve Stephen Savino: Featured on Travel Channel’s Toy Hunter.

Gennady Borukhovich: Gennady is the Co-Founder and CTO of FarFaria. He has built the company to a multi-million dollar organization with over a 100 employees. He also went viral when his Vogue Kanyne/Kim parody photo announcing their child went viral.

Stephen Lin:  Starting off as an intern for SNL, Stephen went on to build a buzz as a comedian and actor by being featured in The Cobbler and Mr. Robot. He acted alongside Rami Malek, who played Freddie Mercury in the movie Queen.

[introvertguide]

Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ (1959); AFI #100

The next film on the AFI list is the one on the very bottom, Ben-Hur (1959). This film is tied for the most Academy Award wins with 11 (Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Director, Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, Best Set Design, Best Costumes, Best Music, Best Music, and Best Editing). The film is also rated by the AFI as the #2 epic, #49 thrills, #21 film score, and #56 cheers. It is one of the most awarded and celebrated films of all time. So why is it all the way down at the last spot on the AFI list? I want to go over the plot and then discuss some things about the movie that might explain the inconsistent rating:

The movie starts off with an overture which is just a title card and music for the first 6:30 of the film. The story of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth is shown with the 3 wise men and the birth in the barn. Then the credits role. Then the movie finally starts at 14:00.

Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) is a part of a high ranking Jewish family living in Jerusalem with his mother and sister. He also has a loyal servant named Simonides who has a daughter named Esther (Haya Harareet). Judah falls in love with Esther at first sight but she is engaged to another man. Judah also had a friend growing up named Messala  (Stephen Boyd), who is a Roman citizen and became a commander in the imperial army. Messala comes to Jerusalem asking Judah to stop resisting Roman rule. A Roman governor travels to Jerusalem and during his parade some tiles fall off of Judah’s roof almost killing the governor. Judah is taken into custody for trying to kill the governor and Messala condemns Judah and sends him to the galleys and imprisons his family.

Judah is dragged away in chains and the group stops in Nazareth and encounter a carpenter that seems to have a glow of life about him. The face of this carpenter is never shown, but it is supposed to be Jesus. This water scene might be the best case of overacting on the part of Charlton Heston. The choir of angels music is ridiculous. I laugh every time. Here is the scene if you want to check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVlf7OiiTJE

Jump ahead 3 years to Judah in the galleys of a Roman war ship. Nothing is shown, but Heston has aggressive beard stubble to show that time has passed. His teeth are still gleaming white. We also know this because Roman consul Quintus Arrius (Jack Hawkins) decides to ask Judah about his life for some reason. Never mind that, Arrias takes on the Macedonian fleet and needs strong men like Judah to power the Roman ship. The rowing slaves in the galleys are chained in or locked below so they are all killed if the boat sinks. For some reason, Arrius does not have Judah shackled when they all go into battle. 

There is a massive boat battle with a pretty good mix of miniatures and real sets in which the boat with Arrius and Judah is rammed and begins to sink. Judah frees the other slaves as the ship sinks, but everyone is basically killed except Arrius who is saved by Judah. For saving him, Arrius frees Judah and over a year (not shown) Ben-Hur becomes a champion charioteer. Arrius becomes so attached the he adopts Judah as his son. 

Judah wants to find out what happened to his mother and sister so he goes on a walkabout in the general region of Judea (I guess?) and ends up running into a sheik that has the finest chariot horses. This sheik is played by a Welsh character actor in brown face named Hugh Griffith. This man won best supporting actor for his portrayal. Yeah. This sheik asks Ben-Hur to race his horses but Judah is focused on finding his family. He finds his old servant and the lovely Esther still occupying his old house. She did not marry and is still in love with Judah. He also finds out where Messala is and visits him, demanding to see his mother and sister. 

His mother and sister have somehow contracted fast acting leprosy while isolated in prison. How they got it and how they had full blown skin lesion leprosy after only 4 years is beyond me, but that happens. The women are freed and they go to Esther to let her know they are moving to the appropriately named Valley of the Lepers and to tell Judah they are dead. Esther does this and Judah demands vengeance by excepting the sheik’s offer to race because he can take on Messala in the arena. Intermission. Another title card and 5 minutes of music. Thank you, I hate it.

This is where the good part happens. There is a 20 minute chariot race that pits Judah against Messala and it is amazing. It is actually shot in the Circus Maximus arena in Rome with a cast of thousands. It has amazing stunts and is the highlight of the movie by far. I believe most casual movie goers think of this scene when considering this movie and that is probably why they often think it is really good. I cannot deny that this part of the movie is great. Ben Hur does win and Messala is fatally trampled during the race. Before Messala dies, however, he confesses to Judah that his family is alive and to seek them in the Valley of Lepers. 

He decides that he is going to go off and find his family and just misses the famous Sermon on the Hill by the new Jewish leader from Nazareth. He goes off and finds his family by following Esther (who gives them food). Judah takes them to see this holy man who gave him water because maybe he can cure them. He brings them back right as Jesus has been sentenced to death by Pontius Pilot and we go through the whole crucifixion scene. 

That night, Jesus dies on the cross and the mother and sister are suddenly healed from their leprosy. There is a lot of symbolism of the blood of Jesus flowing downstream with the crosses in the distances. And then the movie stops. I don’t want to say end (there was dramatic music over symbolic scenery) because it fades to black. What happened to Ben Hur and the family? Don’t know. But Jesus died and cured leprosy so that wraps it up. 

You might gather from the synopsis that I don’t like this movie and you would be very correct. I think it is a beautiful movie. I think it is cinematic with great costumes and over the top scenes worth mentioning. The music is pretty good. The chariot race is amazing. But I think there is some kind of group amnesia that everyone forgets that the movie is 212 minutes long and only about 20 of those minutes have anything to do with chariots. 

This movie is much more of a funny bad movie in my eyes than it has ever been some kind of masterpiece. Watching Charlton Heston trying to act sad or angry or like he is dying of thirst is laughable. His fainting from dehydration should be heart wrenching and it looks like acting out of a grade school play. The sheik is an interesting character, but he is just that, a character. It is about as racist and inaccurate as when Jon Wayne played Ghengis Khan. Except both Heston and Hugh Griffith won Academy Awards for their awful performances. So what is with all of the awards? Hype.

This movie had a 16 millions dollar budget (huge in the 50s) and it was a last ditch effort to save a film studio. So the advertising and promotion had an estimated 3 million dollars. The studio made a deal with schools to introduce the story as mandatory reading since it was “A Tale of the Christ” without being a bible story. They then made sure to tell the whole story of Jesus through the eyes of somebody else. They got whatever actors they could and had a bunch of writers (including Gore Vidal) massage it to be perfect for audiences. This movie was Oscar bait and it absolutely worked. They made a huge spectacle of a movie and everybody translated that to it being good. 

I would like to point out that I am very much in the minority on this. This movie is highly acclaimed by critics and audiences to this day. I have received notes saying that every one of the minutes of this film is perfect and that I have bad taste. That may be true. But I can’t watch the Heston faint without bursting into laughter because it seems so bad to me that it is hilarious. Also, the 20 minute chariot scene that everyone loves is only 8 minutes of race and 8 and 4 minutes of padding on the front and end respectively. Do you know how long it takes for a team of horses to circle that track? I do because the movie shows an entire parade lap at normal speed (every. single. second.) and then speeds up the film during the actual race laps. I think that is awful but, like I said, most disagree. 

So would I recommend this movie? Absolutely not. It is long and boring with some unintentionally funny scenes and a pretty cool boat battle and amazing chariot race. But that is maybe 30 minutes out of 212. For the most part, this is a padded and pretentious movie that did not deserve to be even nominated for half of the awards that it received. Does it deserve to be on the AFI list? No. I recognize that the 11 Academy Awards and the very memorable chariot scene are a big part of American Film, but there are so many better, more memorable, shorter films that are not on the list (see Rebel Without A Cause or Dances With Wolves) I can’t say I think that Ben-Hur even deserves to be #100 on the list. I could be wrong about the film, but I am definitely done with it and ready to move on to something else.

[mvssmallow]

Cloudy With A Chance

Chapter 30 Part I: …of commotio cordis

Masterlist

December 25th. Christmas

It wasn’t the worst Christmas he’s ever had. His parents still throw their annual dinner and even though Jiwon wasn’t there (a mutual decision), it was good to see the rest of his extended family again. His sister loved the spikey backpack that Jiwon brought back from Japan. They give his parents a huge new potted magnolia tree to replace the small one that fell over and Jiwon brought back a Sumi-E painting for their wall. He gets an expensive leather work bag and as much as he wants to reject expensive material things, he does kinda like it.

He fields questions about his apparent single life but aside from a few warning looks from his parents that still pissed him off and made him want to start an argument, he doesn’t say anything controversial. There’s a time and place for everything and it’d be selfish to ruin Christmas for everyone else.

They find him later, just before he’s about to go home, and press something in his hand. It’s a voucher for one of those astronomy trips where you hike up the hills to the planetarium and get to look at space through the gigantic telescopes. He finds another voucher in the envelope. Two vouchers. He doesn’t really know what to say and neither do they. But it’s something. It’s definitely something.

They drive by June and Yun’s apartment in between all their family engagements for a few drinks and to exchange presents. They get June a new series of Rorschach ink blot paintings for his shop and one of the new Hermés perfumes for Yun. Jiwon gets another new shirt (black this time) and another lecture from Yun about looking more presentable, although there was so much fondness in his voice that it shouldn’t even qualify as a lecture. He blushes red when he opens his box to reveal new bedsheets. Actually, they are just newer versions of the same sheets he and Jiwon have now, he just loves them so much he was planning to use them until they disintegrated. They wash and use the new sheets that night, snuggled in bed, watching Love, Actually for the 20th time. He falls asleep to ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’.

He discovers very quickly that there’s no rest for the wicked when you have two sets of families (three, if he counts June and Yun). They go to church with Jiwon’s family the next day and he meets the rest of the relatives over lunch. They don’t introduce him with any kind of title but he thinks everyone knows anyway. If there was a problem, nobody says anything and soon enough it’s all forgotten anyway when Juin and Jinah announce that they’re pregnant. It’s met with cheers so loud that he’s actually taken aback for a second. But Jiwon’s hand is there to catch him, as always, fingers pressing firmly and reassuringly against his hip when no-one is looking. They give Jiwon’s mom the new mixer she wanted and when Jiwon’s dad sees the purple orchids (from Jiyoon’s shop), he gets a hug that half chokes him. Jiwon get new Nikes and a blue coat from one of those trendy street-brands that he’s barely heard of. They give him a perfectly manicured potted bonsai for his desk at work. He loves it.

Then they eat. They eat for what seems like hours and at 6pm, when the extended family have all gone home, Jiwon’s mom announces it’s time for the traditional “Kim Family Supper.”

“But we literally just ate.” He asks Jiwon, confused as ever. “We’ve been eating all day. With like, all the Kims in your family.”

“Just go with it.” Jiwon whispers back. “It’s family tradition and you’re pretty much family now so suck it up and eat when she tells you to.”

He does. Or tries to.

It’s 11pm by the time they get home- drunk, tired, a little in love with everything because it’s Christmas. He just wants to sleep but even though his body is tired, his mind is still awake.

“Hey, babe?” Jiwon asks.

“Yeah?”

“You know how you said we were only allowed to spend 20 bucks on each other’s presents?”

“Yeah.”

“Well.....um, I didn’t do that.” Jiwon says with an entirely unapologetic shrug.

“Knew it.”

“Well, 20 bucks is like...a small amount of money for a present okay!?” Jiwon exclaims indignantly. “Anyway, can I give it to you now?”

“Yeah okay.” He says with a smile. “Let’s see this million dollar present.”

They sit up in bed and Jiwon hands him a red box with something wrapped in several layers of tissue paper. It’s a heavy leather bound notebook with thick parchment paper, each page slightly different to the one before it. It looks like it was made with a lot of care. No way in hell this was 20 bucks. 

“It’s....so beautiful. Where did you even get this?” He asks, fingers running over the smooth black leather cover.

“Osaka.” Jiwon replies. “I found this old man who hand makes them by recycling old novels from the state library that are too worn out to be read. You never know, maybe some of those pages are made from your Pi book or that Mickey Mouse guy.”

“Murakami?”

“Yeah, that guy. Murakami Mouse.”

Inside the front cover there’s a hand-written Japanese message: 岸を見失う勇気がなければ、決して海を渡る事はできない.

Underneath it, there’s Jiwon’s familiar scrawl: i don’t know what that means but i love you. merry christmas baby xoJ

He feels like bursting out laughing because well, Jiwon is, and has always been, nothing short of ridiculous. Simple, to-the-point, but ridiculous.

“What’s the Japanese message?”

“Oh, the old man wrote that. He wouldn’t tell me what it is so I had to ask the guy at the hotel. It means: You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

“Deep.” He murmurs.

“Yeah, I know. I was kinda hoping he wrote something more Christmas-y and less....depressing.” Jiwon says next to him.

“It’s not depressing. He’s not wrong.” He laughs, pushing the box aside so he has room to lean forward and give Jiwon a hug and thank you kiss. “You always get me the best stuff, it’s so annoying.”

“I wanted to get you more but you threatened to break up with me if I blew our budget. Your present to me better be under 20 bucks pal. Or I’m telling our bank.”

He leans over the side to pull a box out from under the bed. “Here. Happy Christmas.”

It’s a copy of Life of Pi.

Jiwon looks over with a serious expression, running his fingers over the cover of the book, but it doesn’t last for long because there’s a Winnie The Pooh watch underneath it that makes him start snorting laughter. It’s so undignified and ugly but he still falls in love anyway, for the 80th time today. Personal record.

“Hanbin. Baby.” Jiwon says in his Responsible-Adult tone, holding up the kid’s watch. “This fancy timepiece totally costs more than 20 bucks.”

He smiles and helps Jiwon open the plastic box. “My sister helped me pick this one out for you. She thinks you’re a bit weird but she’s 9 so who cares.”

Jiwon raises an eyebrow. “You told her about me?”

His fingers pause in the packaging. “Well, yeah? Did you not want me to?”

“No, I just thought....you weren’t ready to do that or something.”

He rubs the back of his neck and feels hot all over. “I didn’t say much. Just that you’re my friend and you went to Japan recently so that’s why she got the backpack for Christmas. She really loved it by the way. I still can’t believe you got her something. You didn’t need to. And you didn’t need to get my parents anything either.”

“Yeah I did. You know I did. I can’t believe they got me something. That’s weird. Thought they still hated me.”

He shakes his head but it warms his heart, that all the important people in life where thinking of each other at all. “Well, anyway. Now Hanbyul thinks she’ll get two sets of presents from us every time there’s some kind of event. It’s a dangerous tradition to start.”

“Eh, she deserves it for all the shit she’s gone through this year.”

He frowns then. The guilt bleeding into consciousness. He stays quiet and focuses on picking at the sticky tape on the Winnie box.

Jiwon’s fingers reach over to stop him. “Hey, shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean that it was your fault. Just that, I don’t know, shit. Sorry. I kinda ruined this didn’t I?”

He shakes his head again and tries not to cry. “You didn’t ruin it. You’re....you’re right. It was my fault though. I should’ve visited her more and I should’ve-”

Jiwon takes the box out of his hands and tidies the presents off their bed. “Come here.”

He stays where he is. Guilty people don’t deserve sympathy.

“Hanbin.”

He goes to get up. “Just give me a second.”

And that’s how he ends up, half-alone, sitting on his couch in a darkened living room, feeling like shit. He expected Jiwon to come rushing in with apologies and hugs and whispers of nice things in his ear that were only partly true.

But he doesn’t. Jiwon leaves him to sit there for something close to an hour. He must’ve been staring at the clock because as soon as it ticked over to 12:01 am, he can hear and feel the presence of someone else in the room.

“Can I come in?”

He snorts. “You live here too. You can do what you want.”

“But do you want me here?”

He shrugs. Yes I do.

Jiwon sits down heavily but doesn’t touch him. Half of him is grateful for the space. Half of him is yearning for warm hands.

“I know you love this blame game thing but if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

He looks over; it’s still dark and they can hardly see each other’s faces at all. 

“It’s not-”

“Yeah it is. I found you didn’t I? That day in the rain, then I found you at the club, then I asked you to come to June’s shop. I kinda dragged you into this.”

Maybe he melts a little bit. Maybe.

“You didn’t drag me into this.” He says. “I was already walking there.”

“So it’s both our faults? Your sister had a shitty year because we were both shitty brothers with no self control and I really wanted to kiss you.”

He smiles to himself and shakes his head. 

“And you said she’s okay now right? Your parents are letting you take her out and stuff. She’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay too.”

He nods. 

This guy. His guy. His best guy. How the hell does he always know what to say? And why does it always work?

“Good. Great. Because I’m fucking tired as fuck.” Jiwon says eloquently as he yawns. “Are you done blaming yourself tonight? Because I kinda want to get back into bed.”

He rolls his eyes. God forbid he gets between Jiwon and his Sleep.

But he goes willingly. Let’s himself be led back to their bed, with the new sheets that he loves, and presents all over the floor and most importantly, this ridiculous guy who says all the wrongs things at the wrong times but somehow fixes it all by saying all of the right things and the right times too.

“Thanks for the cheap presents, babe.”

“Hey!”

Jiwon giggles and pulls him back against his body. “I love them though. I’m gonna read the book. And I’m never gonna be late again.”

He turns around and kisses Jiwon’s jaw. “Those are both lies but thank you for lying to me.”

Jiwon kisses his nose. “You’re welcome, baby.”

****

December 31st. New Years Eve. 7pm.

They’re getting ready to head over to June and Yun’s for the NYE party when his phone rings.

“Oh hi mom.”

There’s too much silence on the other end and the pause is so long that it makes his stomach drop and his heart fill with the dread of “something bad is happening.”

“Mom?”

“It’s....it’s your father.....he’s in the hospital.”

“What?! When?! Why? Is he okay?” He has to sit down on the edge of the bed then, legs trembling and hands shaky. At the sound of his distress, Jiwon rushes into the room but freezes in the doorway when they lock eyes.

“He’s....it was a heart attack. His blood pressure. I told him and told him but he wouldn’t listen. And...he’s in the ICU now. He’s in a...in a coma.”

He feels sick and cold all over.

“Where...where....are you? I’m coming.”

But by the time he hangs up he feels so weak and he just sits there for a few seconds, staring into space.

Jiwon’s fingers touch his cheek lightly and he looks up.

“Hey? What’s going on?”

His vision is blurry now and it takes him a moment before he realises that he’s crying. “It’s dad...he’s in Asan. Heart attack. ICU.”

“Oh, baby.”Jiwon pulls him forward into an embrace and strokes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Can you drive me there?”

“Yeah of course.”

Jiwon helps him into his jacket and leads him down to the car. He barely registers being strapped in and he’s got so much going on inside his head that he doesn’t even realise the car has stopped until they’re parked in front of the hospital. Jiwon’s already gotten out of the car and is crouching down next to the passenger’s seat, touching his shoulder so softly, as if anything else will hurt him. It doesn’t matter. He feels numb anyway.

“What if-”

“Your mom would’ve told you.” Jiwon says gently, unbuckling his seatbelt and standing up again. “Ready to go in?”

“No.”

Jiwon chews his lip. He’s seen it plenty of times before but those were in different situations. He gets the feeling that this is new for both of them. This total fucking disaster that neither of them can control.

“What if....do you want to just walk around a bit before we go in?” Jiwon suggests.

And again, he lets himself be led around the front garden of the hospital. There aren’t any flowers, just neat box hedges and a few trees dotted around the peripheries. He leans into Jiwon’s side and he doesn’t even care who sees it. He doesn’t care. His dad had a fucking heart attack. Why should he care what people even think of him anymore?

It makes him angry. Furious that he’s wasted all this time caring about things that don’t even matter.

“Babe...babe...” Jiwon’s voice calls him back to reality.

He can feel his jaw ache from the way he’s grinding his teeth. His hand is gripping Jiwon’s so tightly that it must hurt.

“Sorry.” He says, loosening his grip and trying to just concentrate on breathing.

“What do you want to do? Walk a bit more or do you want to go in now?”

He shrugs. He doesn’t know. He just wants someone to tell him what to do. He wants Jiwon to tell him what to do. Tell him that everything will be fine. Even though everything is not fine at all.

“Okay...okay.....we can just walk inside a bit. Just to the floor he’s on. That’s all. We can do that right?”

He shrugs again but Jiwon pulls him forward and some part of him thinks it’s funny really, that when shit hits the fan, Jiwon really is the one dragging him through it. How the hell would he have done this on his own?

He smell and heat and lights and noises of the hospital makes him want to throw up. It’s clean and pristine and their footsteps echo in the foyer but he can feel the layers of grime and death and suffering.

He doesn’t remember much. Just that Jiwon hugs him in the elevator and kisses his cheek. There’s something whispered against his ear but he can’t remember what it was.

He wishes he could because as soon as the door opens and he can see the long corridor leading to a sign that says ‘Intensive Care Unit’, he starts to panic. Not his usual everyday panic. This was some other kind of panic.

He stumbles backwards, as if to get back into the elevator, but Jiwon’s body is there and moving him forward.

“No....not yet, not yet...” He says, voice strained and foreign to his ears.

There’s an overhead announcement about something and in the distance he can hear a beeper going off. Doctors in white coats walk past, talking a mile a minute about things he doesn’t understand. The dinner ladies all file past with their empty trays and blue aprons. But the smell is still there. That unclean-clean disinfectant. It smells like sick people. Thick and claustrophobic, like all the walls were about to close in and he can’t breath anymore.

“Hey, hey....you’re okay.” Jiwon leads him down an empty corridor and pulls him tightly into his chest. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He doesn’t know how long Jiwon repeats it or how long they stand there. He knows enough time has past when his heart stops racing and he’s not breathing like he’s drowning.

But he’s not drowning. Or maybe he is. Was. Who cares? He holds on tight because Jiwon is still here and always was here. Maybe always will be here. He hopes so. If he’s going to stick around, he doesn’t want to be a basket case forever. Jiwon deserves more than that. He doesn’t want to be Jiwon’s basket case.

“We can go in now.” He says quietly, it’s half muffled by Jiwon’s hoodie but it’s heard all the same.

“Okay.”

He manages. One foot in front of the other. Jiwon’s hand on his back. It’s okay. It’s okay. He can do this. He can do this for Jiwon and his mother and his sister.

When they get to the front desk, it all goes to shit again.

They won’t let Jiwon in because he’s not family.

His parents raised him to be polite. Civil. Polite. Respectful.

But his nerves are so frayed and exposed that he’s really none of those things.

“What?! My father is dying in there and you’re not gonna let my boyfriend in!? Are you actually fucking kidding me right now?”

“Sir, if you could lower your voice-”

He does. Not that it makes him any more polite. “So let me get this straight. My father is in there. I’m out here. And you got some fucking archaic rules about letting non-blood relations in there? I don’t care about your fucking rules. What the fuck? What the actual fuck?!”

“Hanbin, it’s okay. I’ll wait out here.”

He didn’t mean to snap but he does. “That’s not the point Jiwon! The point is that this is fucked up. Do you people just wait for families to come in all stressed out of their minds and then fuck with them? Is that it? Way to make my day even worse! You f-”

Jiwon pulls him away so suddenly that he doesn’t even finish his sentence.

He stands in the corridor, seething and breathing so heavily he will probably pass out at some point. “Can you believe this shit? Who the fuck do they think they are?!”

“You can’t go in there like this. Your mom and sister are there. You need to-”

“What the fuck do you know? Don’t tell me what I need!” He yells back, regretting it the instant it leaves his mouth.

Jiwon is taken aback. There’s something like hurt and confusion across his face, as though he never thought all the anger would be directed at him.

“Don’t yell at me.”

It’s too much. This is too much. He just wants to go home. He collapses against the wall, rubbing whatever tears are left in his eyes. Why won’t Jiwon just leave him? So he doesn’t have to yell at him and disappoint him like this? He wants to be good for him but he’s not, all he does is fuck everything up.

“I’m gonna say some stuff now. You’re gonna listen, okay?” Jiwon says in a tone so serious that he doesn’t even remember the last time he heard it like that.

He nods.

“It’s not worth arguing with that lady. She doesn’t make the rules. It’s their hospital policy. Your dad and mom and sister are in there waiting for you. Just go be with your family, okay? I’ll wait out here if you need anything.”

He cries. Long silent tears into Jiwon’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m a fucking mess.”

“And I told you it’s okay.”

“Why are you....”

“Why am I what?”

Shaking his head, he dries his eyes on his sleeve, sniffing a few times to clear his nose. “You’ll wait here? It might be awhile.”

“Yeah, I’ll wait. It’s okay.”

He apologises to the lady at the front desk. She takes it better than he expected but he supposes she’s seen all types of outbursts. She buzzes him in and just before he walks through the ICU doors, he looks over his shoulder to see Jiwon giving him a small smile.

If he had any tears left, he’d cry all over again.

****

Soundtrack for this chapter: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Michael Bublé | Love Scenario (piano cover) 

[iromyy]

Boxing: Knocking Out Racism and Inequality in America

Current boxing is as old as America. They grew up together, and like America herself, boxing is as grand as it is severe. It's as wonderful as it is basic. From the grisly and prohibited "shows" in New Orleans to the "uncovered knuckle" fights in the shantytowns out West, boxing grew up with America. It has been known as the "Sweet Science" and "the Manly Art of Self Defense," in any case "boxing is a game of encounter and battle, a weaponless war," setting two warriors in opposition to one another to do fight in the squared circle.

We can follow the historical backdrop of America's poor and disappointed through the bend of boxing's past. Prizefighting is a crystal through which we can see the history and battles of America's generally disappointed. Its saints of legend regularly epitomize the social issues of the day. From numerous points of view, the battle game fills in as a methods for "financial" progression. Creator and boxing student of history Jeffrey T. Sammons states in Beyond the Ring: The Role of Boxing in American Society: "The progression [of extraordinary fighters] had gone from Irish to Jewish... to Italians, to [B]lacks, and to Latin[o]s, an example that mirrored the financial stepping stool. As each gathering climbed, it hauled its childhood out of prizefighting and drove them into all the more encouraging... interests."

Two contenders specifically typify the battle of their kin: the reckless Irishman John L. Sullivan, and "The Black Menace" Jack Johnson.

Boxing's Origins

Enclosing has its birthplaces Ancient Greece, and was a piece of the Olympic Games in around 688 BC. Homer makes reference to enclosing the "Iliad." Boxing history specialist Michael Katz reviews the games crude starting points:

Much like the primary American pilgrims, prizefighting advanced toward the New World from England. What's more, similar to the explorers, boxing's initial days were regularly brutish and savage. Sammons states: "Like such a significant number of American social, social, political, and scholarly establishments, confining began England. In the late 1700s, when the game existed distinctly in its crudest structure, prizefighting in Britain expected a demeanor of modernity and worthiness Engagement Rings Perth.

The early Puritans and Republicans frequently connected game playing with the abusive governments of Europe, however as American rivals of relaxation lost ground, the game immediately started to develop. In the 1820's and 1830's boxing, regularly called pugilism, turned into a well known game among the American "settlers who were not used to limitations upon entertainments and games."

As the game developed in notoriety among the migrants, so too did the legend of the person. For better or for more awful, the United States is a country weaned on the legend of the person. This is the American Dream, that principal belief that we can all "pull our selves up by the bootstraps" and become uncontrollably rich, incredibly fruitful, and frantically satisfied. For almost 200 years the "Heavyweight Champion" was the crown gem of the brandishing scene, and the physical epitome of the American Dream. He was the hardest, "baddest man" on earth, and deserved the world's admiration.

Sammons states: "[T]he physical man despite everything represents the capability of the individual and natural selection. He is the encapsulation of the American Dream, where the lowliest of people ascend to the top by their own drive and determination. The subtlety of that fantasy is unimportant; the importance of the fantasy is in its acknowledgment, not its satisfaction." During the 1880's, nobody encapsulated the physical man, or the American Dream, more than boxing's first incredible heavyweight champion, John L. Sullivan.

John L. Sullivan and the Plight of the Irish

Sullivan, otherwise called "The Boston Strongboy," was the remainder of the "uncovered knuckle" champions. The child of helpless Irish settlers, he was a reckless and tough man who visited the "vaudeville circuit offering fifty dollars to any individual who could last four rounds with him in the ring." Sullivan broadly tested his crowds by asserting, "I can lick any sonofabitch in the house."

"The Boston Strongboy" got one of America's first games legends when he reprimanded tycoon Richard Kyle Fox, proprietor and owner of the National Police Gazette and the National Enquierer. Legend has it that one portentous night in the spring of 1881 while at Harry Hill's Dace Hall and Boxing Emporium on New York's East Side, Fox was so intrigued by one of Sullivan's bouts, that the paper head honcho "welcomed him to his table for a business talk, which Sullivan inconsiderately declined, picking up Fox's disdain."

Sammons states:

Fox was enraged and promised to break Sullivan just as control the crown. He did neither one of the sullivans; beat any and all individuals, including a couple of Fox hopefuls." Sullivan turned into a worldwide big name and American symbol "who had ascended through the positions without looking down on others. Sullivan accomplished more than manufacture an individual after, nonetheless; he raised the game of boxing. The prize ring presently crossed the bay among lower and high societies."

Sullivan turned into an image of expectation and pride for ongoing Irish workers living in another, threatening area. About 2,000,000 Irish foreigners showed up in America somewhere in the range of 1820 and 1860. Most showed up as contracted hirelings and were viewed as minimal more than slaves in the new nation. Of those 2,000,000 settlers, about 75 percent showed up during "The Potato Famine" of 1845-1852. The Irish fled from neediness, malady, and English mistreatment. "The Potato Famine" had killed very nearly a million Irishmen.

Creator Jim Kinsella states:

America turned into their fantasy. Early worker letters depicted it as a place that is known for wealth and asked others to finish them the 'Brilliant Door.' These letters were perused at get-togethers urging the youthful to go along with them in this awesome new nation. They left by the thousand on ships that were so packed, with conditions so awful, that they were alluded to as 'Final resting place Ships.' (standard. 1)

The Irish showed up in America desperate and frequently undesirable. A familiar axiom summarized the dissatisfaction felt by American settlers in the Nineteenth Century: "I came to America since I heard the avenues were cleared with gold. At the point when I arrived, I discovered three things: First, the avenues weren't cleared with gold; second, they weren't cleared in any way: and third, I was relied upon to clear them."

Kinsella says:

Our foreigner precursors were not needed in America. Advertisements for work were frequently trailed by "no Irish need apply." They had to live in basements and shanties... with [no] plumbing and [no] running water. These day to day environments reared affliction and early passing. It was assessed that 80 percent of all newborn children destined to Irish outsiders in New York City kicked the bucket... The Chicago Post stated, "The Irish fill our jails, our helpless houses... scratch a convict or a beggar and the odds are that [we] stimulate the skin of an Irish Catholic. Putting them on a vessel and sending them home would end wrongdoing in this nation.

In any case, the Irish showed up in America during a period of scarcity. Kinsella proceeds:

The nation was developing and it required men to accomplish the overwhelming work of building scaffolds, waterways, and railways. It was hard, hazardous work. A typical statement heard among the railroad laborers guaranteed "an Irishman was covered under each tie.

John L. Sullivan was the pride of the Irish during his incredible title rule between 1882-1892).

Antiquarian Benjamin Rader composed:

The competitors as open legends filled in as a compensatory social capacity. They helped people in general in making up for the enthusiasm of the customary dream of accomplishment... what's more, sentiments of individual frailty. As the general public turned out to be progressively confounded and organized and as progress must be won progressively in administrations, the requirement for legends who jumped to notoriety and fortune outside the principles of the framework appeared to develop.

[localocksmithnearme]

Kia Fob Keys And Remote Program Irvington NJ

Irvington Key Replacement is a fundamental specialist for reliable, skillful and immediate emergency Kia lock smith service in Irvington NJ. Our locksmiths are operative twenty four hour to arrive to your places of choice with recent Kia lock-picking, ignition repair, laser key cutters and key programmers equipment and moreover background in the business to be able to help you out of any sort of Kia lock, key and ignition related troubles eliminating the tow-truck to the local Irvington NJ dealer, so you don't jeopardize your safety. Our attendants can install, replace and rekey old ignition, door lock cylinder and electrical push-to-start ignitions as well as form sidewinder, fobik key and flipkey and many more on site.

Models: Amanti, Spectra, SUV, Convertible, Sedona, Soul, Sephia, K900, Mohave, Optima, Sorento, Sportage, Opirus, Rio and Picanto

Kia replacement keys in Irvington NJ

Our Kia lock-man is a present-day authorship for a favorable and reasonable Kia key replacement, avoiding the ferrying to the dealerships and wait irrelevant time for your turn. Irvington Key Replacement serves migratory keyless entry, ignition key made, ignition switch alteration, remote fobik keys or OEM transponder at your side, including a twenty four hour emergency lockout service for affairs like trapped keys in vehicle or trunk, misplaced keys formation or demolished ignition key clipping and more. Irvington Key Replacement accommodate elite Kia transponder keys services in Irvington NJ on the spot.

About Kia key and lock technology

Kia is a Korean auto manufacturer constructing collection of mainstream vehicles. From 2004  Kia keys and locks system runs on a  transponder chip infrastructure and in 2007 adopt the Smart Entry System as the push button start ignition and keyless entry device concept for nearly all of its vehicles.

The discrete chips  transponder key emits a dedicated low-level radio frequency signal to the vehicle which will only be detected when the right encoded key is being used, contrarily the fuel injection and the motor vehicle will not turn on and may be blocked for 5 mins.

This anti-theft technologies is helping the car owners, insurance companies and car-makers in eliminating crime and save millions all over the world, withal outplacing stolen, lost and broken keys or even duplicating an extraneous key is way more expensive.

Ignition cylinder repair

If your vehicle does not fire up, there are oodles of troubles which could be the root  cause. Since the fuel supply infrastructure and vehicle battery are affiliated with the ignition cylinder, the malfunction can be wearisome to troubleshoot by a non experience personal, yet below are a few frequent troubles, which Kia owner might have to confront with.

ignition key is hard to turn in the ignition

When the ignition key wont turn in the ignition cylinder, it could be due to a couple of reasons: Frequently this happens when the steering  is locked by the ignition lock with the motor vehicle front wheels turned aside (usually when parking on a hill) or when one of the front wheels is pushed against something (like sidewalk edge). In this condition, try switching the sized steering wheel to the sides right and left during mildly shake right and left the ignition  key - this may help to release the steering wheel.

Empty battery

One more frequent reason why your ignition cylinder may go bad is a failure of the vehicle battery. An empty battery might be because of alternator failure or electronic wiring. When the lights on the dash-board turned off turning the key in the ignition, probably you should call a car electrician.

The ignition is one of the most significant part of any motor vehicle and containing so many small components that can be wearisome to troubleshoot by a non experience personal, so the most a person can do confronting ignition lock  problems is to make sure you are really attempting to start up your very own vehicle and ask a vehicle lock-man to arrive to your juncture to rekey, repair  reprogram the key or ignition which will priced as about $150–$375.

Transponder key cut and program

2 decades ago vehicle producers didn't utilize electronic in their key-lock structure. Car lock pick and thievery was frequent and present a spacious concern to drivers and insurance companies world-wide.

The key incorporate a chip, initialized with a unique inscribed identification number and the ECU registered with coordinating identification number. Once the key is placed in the ignition keyhole, the transponder deliver a radio-frequency encrypted signal to the immobiliser. If the encoded signal does not verified, the immobilizer demobilize the fuel supply and the vehicle will not light up.

The drawback of employing  electric chipped keys and immobilised vehicle ECM locks and key is that in nearly all circumstances to recover a stolen or lost key, the immobilizer ought to be re-coded by suitable key programming machine which implies that you’ll have hire a vehicle lock smith or tow your vehicle to the dealership.

Kia keyless entry device

Pushtostart ignition structure come with a fob that a user can keep tucked away in the briefcase, pocket or purse, or anywhere within 5 ft to the immobilizer in the car.

The chip in the smart-key deliver a compatible low level audio and infrared frequency signal to the ECM, which in turn makes sure that the match signal has been transmitted and allows the driver to remotely close and open the car doors and trunk locks likewise press a push-buttons on the dash-board to shut down or start the engine without inserting a key or pushing a toggles on the fob.

Much as smart keys and push to start ignition has become substantially available, even on mid-level cars, these mechanisms are not yet automotive essential requirement as power windows and door locks, still, the comfort factor is a a deal breaker for numerous smart keys shoppers.

Copy vs lost car keys

The platform of duplicating a car key differ amid different year and models of the car. On few types of vehicles, dashboard programming could be employed to program a duplicate key. This interface eliminates the obligatory lavish key programmer and key codes when syncing a new transponder key to the motor vehicle. Vehicles with no Dash-board key duplication  arrangement should have an extra key coded employing an appropriate key programmer that is accessible only to Kia dealer or a recognized locksmith.

This programmer priced as about a few thousands of dollars to own which is the reason duplicating an electronic car key costs incomparably more than it does to only cut an old-style metal blade key.

If you lost your last key you’ll most likely need to tow your car to the dealer or schedule with a car locksmith to arrive to your juncture to decode the engine control module to adopt the new key and renounce the old one. The above process require the driver to proove ownership like title, registration or insurance and will priced as about $180–$270.

24 hour car lock-out

Did you left your keys inside the car? Are you in a search for a professional and credible motor vehicle popalock service? Irvington Key Replacement prepare immediate car lockout service on a prompt call year round. Calling our number (973)200-4870 will associate you with one of our attendants, he will inquire about your model, make and year as well as your condition and location and send a key maker or a car lockout technician headed your way furnished with suitable lockpicking equipment ready to help you back inside your vehicle right away

Vehicle locks rekeying

Did you got one of your Kia keys snatched?, lost all your vehicle keys? or acquired a brand new Kia ignition and recommend to reinstate an outmoded one?, want to assure that no one else gain the facility to light up your car? Good News! You have come to the right place, by cause of adapting of car locks is one of Irvington Key Replacement capital idiosyncrasy. Our specialists can change the internal pins inside your ignition or door lock, so it would utilize the brand new key and eliminate the archaic one. Uprear the tele-phone and call our call center to get your car lock qualified by a experienced lockman rapidly

Last word

Did you broke your keys in the ignition, locked your keys inside your car or trunk or purchase a duplicate key-less entry and need it programmed? Excellent news! Our employees serviceable 24hrs and will drive to you in no time at all to comfortably serve drivers with replacement keys, ignition repair and car lock-out) on premises. If you lost your car key or are unable to turn the key in your ignition call us (973)200-4870. Our masters pack key programmer and lock-picking equipage and will drive to you quickly to repair your ignition cylinder, program a brand new flip key or unlock your car door at your location and put you back in your car or home as fast as possible. . If you’re looking for Kia key replacement service 24HR in Irvington New Jersey, call (973)200-4870 for the most trusted keysmiths, keyless entry, remote fob and car trunk, locks and ignition switch repair by a local mobile locksmith.

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, June 8

Cover: Chinese COVID-19 Cover-up -- defecting diplomat murdered in Israel 

Page 2: Former Jenny Craig weight-loss spokesperson Valerie Bertinelli is packing on the pounds again and said she doesn’t care anymore 

Page 3: Disgraced former Today host Matt Lauer has come out guns blazing in his own defense claiming the rape charges against him were not only false but widely embraced by the #MeToo movement without proper verification 

Page 4: Ryan Seacrest shocked audiences with his slurred speech and shriveled eye on the finale of American Idol prompting fears he could go blind, busybody Jennifer Aniston and cagey ex-husband Justin Theroux are playing cat-and-mouse with each other about their love lives -- while Justin’s been living the single life since their 2017 split Jen is doing everything she can to get the details about his dates 

Page 5: Celebrity Cov-Idiot of the Week -- Maurice Fayne has been arrested for taking millions in emergency money from the government and spending it on over-the-top blind like a Rolex watch, a diamond bracelet and a 5.73 carat diamond ring plus leasing a Rolls-Royce Wraith and paying $40,000 in back child support from money loaned his company under the Paycheck Protection Program which is supposed to be used to prop up small companies during the COVID-19 crisis 

Page 6: The tragic overdose death of Melissa Etheridge’s son Beckett Cypher has insiders fearing for the well-being of his sperm-donating dad rock legend David Crosby -- David had an active role in the boy’s life and with his long list of health woes his friends are afraid he won’t be able to stand the strain of a loss like this 

Page 7: Wannabe actor Prince Harry is so desperate to make it big in Tinseltown that he’s subjecting himself to a grueling Hollywood boot camp and has signed up for a string of special classes and training sessions to follow in the footsteps of his actress wife Meghan Markle, Chip Gaines is going to trial in a million-dollar lawsuit against former partners who accused him of swindling them out of a fortune 

Page 8: Last year doctors concluded that Dolly Parton’s face had been partially paralyzed by Bell’s palsy and she may never sing again -- two videos last month showed her barely able to move her lips and struggling to get her words out and medical experts have warned she also may have suffered a ministroke, Brian Austin Green finally admitted his marriage to Megan Fox is finished

Page 9: Phyllis George was hailed as a TV pioneer when she broke up the boys’ club as the first female anchor of The NFL Today but faced humiliation after being shredded by horrific reviews as an anchor on CBS Morning News -- Phyllis died brokenhearted at 70 following a long illness 30 years after being run out of network television 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Kristin Chenoweth and her dog Thunder, Chris Sullivan on a bike ride in Brentwood, Pierce Brosnan goes snorkeling in Hawaii, Dean McDermott and son Beau 

Page 11: Tom Cruise is keeping his romance with Sofia Boutella secret and is even donning disguises to avoid detection when he sneaks out to see his co-star from The Mummy, Zooey Deschanel’s pals think her hot romance with Property Brothers star Jonathan Scott will be a flash in the pan because she’s only interested in him for booty calls and raising her profile 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- comedian Michael Showalter with shopping bags and coffee (picture), in a 2008 interview with Beyonce on the Tyra Banks Show all the questions were cleared in advance with Beyonce, friends and fans are worried about Adele’s recently unveiled massive weight loss because this is a cry for help from someone who’s always claimed she was very comfortable being her size and would never go all Hollywood skinny, now that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore have spent time together in lockdown the former couple are looking to make it permanent with Demi moving in with Bruce and his wife Emma and Emma is the driving force behind the idea -- she loves Demi and wants to get a place where they can all live together, super-healthy Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t always live on a strict diet but as a struggling actress she seemed to survive on cigarettes alone

Page 13: Kristin Cavallari’s diva behavior was behind the demise of her reality show as ratings for E!’s Very Cavallari plummeted in the third season and many of the crew say it was because she’s a royal pain, blowhard Alec Baldwin has been browbeating his pregnant wife in lockdown after Hilaria offered to cut his hair and he replied I don’t think she knows what she’s doing -- Hilaria and Alec hoped her latest pregnancy would boost their sagging union but his behavior may be a sign that the glow of the pregnancy has worn off, Jonah Hill doesn’t go anywhere without his dog Carmela but his pals said the dog stinks

Page 14: True Crime 

Page 15: Internet hackers who stole a trove of celebrities’ information from law firm Grubman Shire Meiselas & Sacks are getting desperate as the FBI closes in on their $42 million extortion scheme, devastated Mary-Kate Olsen is begging sister Ashley Olsen for help navigating her ugly divorce from Olivier Sarkozy and the twins are working up a game plan to protect the $500 million fortune they built together from the French banker 

Page 18: Real Life 

Page 19: George Clooney has resurrected his decades-long feud with romance-novel cover icon Fabio Lanzoni which was so bad the two had to be separated during a vicious confrontation in a Beverly Hill restaurant -- now that George moved back to L.A. after spending years at his homes in England and Italy their rivalry has reared its ugly head again because they run in a few of the same circles and word has gotten back to Fabio that George thinks he’s some type of big shot who deserves special treatment, Ruby Rose landed the role of a lifetime as the title superheroine in Batwoman but after the dark drama turned into a disaster she flew the coop -- Ruby was the face of the show and she got the blame when the writers didn’t do as good as job as they could have plus there was also a lot of fighting behind the scenes among writers and producers

Page 21: How to teach your kids 

Page 22: Health Watch, Ask the Vet 

Page 24: Sarah Palin and her husband Todd are no officially divorced 

Page 26: Cover Story -- Doomed Du Wei was China’s ambassador to Israel and he knew too much about his country’s involvement in the COVID-19 pandemic and its evil expansion plans and he paid with his life 

Page 30: Scott Disick has been hit with a second wave of heartbreak after girlfriend Sofia Richie ditched him after he checked into rehab to treat past traumas caused by the death of his parents and Sofia has already been hanging out with a new mystery man, Hollywood Hookups -- Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix are expecting, Dan Soder and Katie Nolan dating, Katie Maloney-Schwartz and Tom Schwartz are ready to start a family 

Page 32: Kanye West’s ridiculous rules and drastic demands have earned him the title of the worst boss in Hollywood and the bad rap has wife Kim Kardashian at her wit’s end, they’re liberal laugh legends but Bill Maher and Stephen Colbert can’t stand each other and they don’t need a camera running to batter each other with punch lines -- Stephen thinks Bill is pompous and Bill thinks Stephen is a smart-ass 

Page 34: Jennifer Lawrence admitted on Amy Schumer’s new cooking show that she can’t even wait for darkness to fall before drinking alcohol and getting her private house party going -- she said she tries to wait until 6 so she has a preemptive beer at 5, Charlize Theron hates ex Sean Penn so much she pretends he doesn’t even exist -- she dated Sean for a year and a half before calling it quits in 2015 but in 2019 she insisted she’d been single for a decade 

Page 36: Nicole Kidman shattered her ankle in a freak accident while running through their Nashville neighborhood and now her husband Keith Urban and concerned pals fear the effects may cripple her career 

Page 42: Red Carpet Stars & Stumbles -- designer Atelier Versace -- Lupita Nyong’o, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Nancy Lenehan and Liza Snyder in Man with a Plan 

Page 47: Odd List 

[just-layzing-around]

Musings from a muddled mind

I’ve been thinking about writing this blog for quite a long time, and avoiding it for just as long. There are three reasons with which I come up to explain my reticence.  

First is the concussion from which I’ve been recovering for over four months. I’m still not myself. Words escape me on occasion. I cannot read or write for long without experiencing a sensation of tightness behind my eyes, and, pushed too long, a heavy, uncomfortable sensation in my brain. Dizziness the next morning. I’m so much better and most of the time, I recognize and celebrate that fact. But I also fight lingering frustration and disbelief - that it could last this long, that it happened at all, that it will ever get better. So, that’s reason number one. 

Number two hearkens back to my days at TWM, and more specifically, my weekly column. On rare occasion, the article wrote itself. Most weeks, it was a painful exercise in coming up with a topic and a position to take. This time, I know exactly what I plan to write but the actual act of sitting down to the task makes it feel like responsibility instead of pleasure, and I have been avoiding much of the former and reveling in the latter. ‘Write’ or wrong, that’s reason number two. 

Third, this blog is going to be a list of my thoughts, recollections and reflections on a motley assortment of topics I’m afraid is going to come out as a judgmental diatribe. Maybe it will. Maybe it is. I hope not, but I also recognize my tendency to be a critical individual. It’s not my favourite personality trait but it’s definitely a dominant one. But not writing doesn’t change what I think, it just hides it from the light others may shine on it by reading and commenting on my words.  

So, despite all the aforementioned, it seems this blog has begun.

Roads. It almost seemed I could tell the difference from the moment we crossed the border, although I’m sure that’s not truly the case. But the roads felt and looked different. They were often narrower and the speed limits were higher. I commented many times, especially once we were into Nebraska and south, that the States must not believe in wasting space on shoulders. And unlike what I am used to in Saskatchewan, where highways pass through towns on the outskirts, and generally only businesses line the roadway, we often cruised right through residential areas going 55 mph, just steps from people’s front doors. 

Land - as in terrain. What a surprise when we drove hours and hours through hills and valleys, on twisting roads (with no shoulders, remember!) with no view of the horizon. Where were the central plains we thought we were going to see? The children’s song, The Bear Went Over the Mountain, often entered my mind. When I could take my mind off the idea of crashing, it was truly beautiful.

Stranger in a strange land. In the first number of days after crossing the border and travelling south, I could not shake an overwhelming sense of surrealism. Everything felt like it was happening in a dream; it could not be real that we were alone, together, in a country of complete strangers, away from everyone and everything that we know. I didn’t cry saying goodbye to my family or friends; it took hearing Alabama’s song Roll On 18-Wheeler on a lonely and desolate stretch of Oklahoma to do that.

Land - as in ownership. Also titled, Fences. This paragraph is more about Texas than elsewhere, perhaps only because this is the place we have seen and explored the most. Everyone’s land is fenced. We drove hours and hours from north Texas to our mid-Texas location, and I’m not sure we saw a piece of rural land not fenced. Snowmobilers would not last a mile down here! 

Hospitable - or not? Never, ever, anywhere, have I seen so many ‘Private Property - Keep Off’ signs. My favourite? A big “WELCOME!” sign, hanging directly above one that read, “Trespassers Will Be Shot”. I’d take a picture if I wasn’t more afraid of the latter than sure of the former! 

But friendly. From store clerks to strangers, we have been treated very kindly. Employees in particular are friendly and talkative - even the teenagers greet us with a smile and a short conversation. I have not been called ‘ma’am’ so many times in my entire life as I have in one month in the States.

Hard habit to break. There is next to no recycling in Texas. We have seen a few containers for aluminum cans, mainly in the state parks. Everything goes in the garbage: glass, cardboard, plastic, booze containers - everything. For weeks, out of habit, we rinsed our bottles and cans before we put them in the trash. Now, we just shake our heads and stuff them in the bag. It feels so wrong.

Man’s best friend. Dogs rule Texas. They are everywhere: in every home, yard and vehicle. Those are the good ones, because they are contained. Then there are the ones who either broke loose or roam free with their owner’s permission, or lack of concern. They bark incessantly. They run at us when we’re out for a walk, and they chase us if we (as in Robin) happen to be on a bike, of which they are little acquainted, because no one seems to ride one around here. It is sad to say, but dogs have ruined our enjoyment of the area around our park. At first, we felt safe confined to a few streets close to our park. Then I was chased by a dog when out alone one day; now, I won’t walk without Robin. And the dog spray I bought him for his birthday. And the extra ‘protection’ he carries in his pocket. How ironic: as I typed this, a woman walked by with two small dogs on leashes, and a very large dog, unleashed. As Robin said it so eloquently, “What’s with the fucking loose dogs around this place?”

Disparity. The great divide in wealth has struck me twice on this trip: first, going through Oklahoma, and next, right here by our park. In Oklahoma, it was the nearly-deserted towns with abandoned homes and businesses that caught my attention. Yet, a mile or two outside town would be a very attractive, well-maintained home and yard. It seemed a strange contrast. Stranger by far, though, is the area around our park. Imagine the homes right along the river, very much like what you’d see on Spadina in Saskatoon, for instance. Million dollar properties and up, they are large, nicely landscaped, sometimes fenced (and usually posted ‘Private Property’!) and strangely deserted. But only about a block off the water, the climate changes dramatically. Words can hardly describe the neglected, trashed homes and yards heaped with garbage, broken-down vehicles and abandoned debris of indeterminate origin. This state of affairs goes on for multiple streets, both long and wide. This would also be the area Robin has been chased by a number of dogs; we have since and long passed determined it to be out of bounds for both of us. After being here a month, I still have not decided whether it is extreme poverty or extreme belief in personal freedom that leads people to live like that. My deepest prayer is that I will never have to find out.

Hill Country. Or, Terrain, part two. I am in love. I could live in this part of Texas forever. Something about it reaches a part of my soul that just sings when I look at and walk through the trees and rocks. I want to go back to the trails we’ve hiked, and climb them again and again. I want to take a picnic and spend the day sitting on jagged outcroppings, overlooking the beauty of the valley below. I want to sit by the river and watch the fish jump, and giggle my ass off. I found out yesterday that this area is called the Llano Uprising, and it was formed by volcanic action millions of years ago. Some of the rock I touched came from deep beneath the surface of the earth. I’m amazed and in love with that reality. Hill Country, I will return; I promise both you and me.

[ninnetta153gaming]

What are good internet providers for gaming

Gaming Blogs UK Major 10

On the net Gambling Web-sites covers the entire market of gaming more than the Net. Our initial enterprise plan was to commence in the UK market place and then move on to Europe in 18 months and to the rest of the globe in 36 months. Nonetheless issues did not go fairly to program due to the fact within the initially six hours of going live we sold 400 games in Japan. This meant that from the start out we were generally going to be a global enterprise. Green Man Gaming has been listed as the 53rd largest exporter in the UK out of 354,000 SMEs in the Sunday Times SME Export Track 100 list.

Evan: Green Man Gaming isn't alone in that. The rise of account takeover hasn't spared the gaming business. Back in 2015, a hacking group posted about 1800 Minecraft user names and passwords on line, allowing anyone to use these credentials to commit account takeover. All they had to do was log in as the original user and download the game. An additional hacking group commits about 77,000 account takeovers on the Steam digital distribution platform every single month.

This steady growth is partially stimulated by the influence of the Asian countries, China, South Korea, and Japan. They generate the largest revenues from mobile games and location initial on the list of the worldwide gaming industry leaders. In contrast to Europe, Asian gamers are much more most likely to adopt smartphone games, not PCs or consoles.

If you never have a big gaming group, you have in all probability noticed that two-player games are tough to locate, and really good ones that are just as good for two players are even much more uncommon. I've wracked my memory (and pestered my close friends) to come up with a bunch of tabletop games that are a blast for two— not just technically playable without the need of extra.

Sexy Individuals Do GAMING :)

In the ‘90s, televisions got bigger, and gaming consoles got far more powerful. Nintendo and Sega fought for the major spot with the Super Nintendo Entertainment Method, and the Sega Genesis, respectively. You'll come across all the retro games for SNES and Genesis you loved back in the day in one hassle-free spot. From Golden Axe to Mega Man X, all your favored 16-bit titles are obtainable at the Retro games retailer.

Your blog should be a exciting and exciting interest, no matter what you want to get out of it. Program and write content material that is interesting to you, not since you really feel that you have to create it. Get inspiration from other gaming bloggers for some wonderful subjects and develop into a portion of the community by engaging with others' content material.

The Tegra four SoC is a massive improvement over other solutions in terms of performance and gaming technologies capabilities. With Tegra 4 on NVIDIA SHIELD transportable, you can now knowledge higher end graphical functions native in Android games Discover more here like advanced real time lighting effects, depth of field, soft shadows, higher res textures, real time smoke and particle simulation, higher polygon counts and a great deal more. This makes it possible for developers to really produce freely for Android gamers.

EDIT:I applied to watch the Feedback video over at G4 every week, but it's gone down hill the final couple of times I watched it and now that Adam Sessler is not on it and they have that girl from IGN that everyone hates in every episode I just can't be bothered to watch it any a lot more. Nevertheless worth going back and watching some of the older ones although. Klepic applied to be on that show and back then in the early days was when it was the finest. Back when they essentially talked about gaming news with some semblance of intellect rather of just gushing about what ever game they are told is cool this week.

Green Man Gaming is one of the world's biggest digital download video game retailers and the first option for millions of passionate gamers about the globe. They present a wide variety of digital download games from AAA releases to tiny independent games across Computer. Mac, Nintendo and Sony PlayStation. They perform with over 500 video game publishers, developers and distributors to present clients over 5,000 games at competitive rates.

Every single month extra than 700 million people play games, watch gaming videos, or engage in gaming groups on Facebook. You could possibly scroll via News Feed and find out a new Immediate Game to play with your mates, you may stick to a streamer's Page and get started watching their content, or you might get a notification alerting members in your Pokémon Go group about a uncommon Lickitung spotted in a nearby park.

The ASTRO Gaming Headset is not your standard headset that comes with a selection of characteristics particularly designed for enhancing your music listening practical experience. Instead, the ASTRO A50 is in particular created and built for the significant gamer particularly those who play on the Individual Computer system or even the PlayStation four game console. The ASTRO A50 comes with 7.1 Dolby surround sound technologies, providing you exceptionally loud bass and chest-thumping trebles, elegantly amplified to bring you to an out-of-this-globe adventure. The ASTRO A50 is embedded with skilled good quality audio drivers in an sophisticated and fashionable finish. It comes with its own docking station, also.

This (Blog) is exactly where you can study almost everything I know. Learn about the greatest board games for game nights in original reviews, get tips on almost everything from organizing to snack and drinks, and study up on inclusivity and diversity in gaming communities. There's stuff here for person players trying to chip in on game night, to hosts who want to (ahem) up their game, to organizations interested in hosting regular board game nights.

Some like it wireless. Some favor to go old-college with wires. If you take place to belong to the latter group, you may well want to give the Havit HV -MS672 Wired Mouse It may well not have a really exceptional optical sensor that can run in the 16,000s, but its maximum of three,200 DPI should be sufficient to deliver you with an exceptional gaming encounter. Its DPI settings can also be adjusted to 3 other levels with the lowest at 800 DPI. The Havit Mouse also comes with breathing LED light effects which includes 7 circular LED light effects to set the mood in your game.

You initially convinced yourself that you would attempt a single or two board games, but somehow you have ended up spending a lot of dollars on new board games and come to accept that board gaming is your new hobby. You commit your paychecks on typical impulse board gaming buys and kick starters. You religiously watch your favourite youtube channel and you have decided to try and find matching game players who have equivalent tastes for you to play games. You start hunting for the most effective deals on Amazon and you're kick-beginning every modern day new board games coming out. Although the big signal that you're at this stage is that your secret birthday wishlist's for your mates now has board games on it.

In reality, in the realm of mobile gaming, females are far more likely to be avid participants than guys! According to a 2017 Google Play and NewZoo survey , 65% of U.S. girls ages ten-65 play mobile games - and that is a large audience. What's more, according to the exact same survey, females make up almost half - 49% - of all mobile gamers, and they tend to play a lot more frequently than their male gamer counterparts, generating them more likely to turn out to be habitual (and as a result lucrative) players.

[bobbystompy]

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen” 

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample: 

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite” 

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault. 

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song.  At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you 

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.