#tl;dr: shit is not black and white and never will be there is nuance and context in everything for love of everything please

[c0l0re]

You ever see a take about a piece of media that is just... so Fundamentally Incorrect that you genuinely start wondering if you actually managed to miss something in the source material because you cannot understand how the hell someone even got to that conclusion

[worldformula]

Im so curious about ur wol...do u have a doc for his backstory/willing to talk about him?

i would love nothing more than to talk about my specialest little princess. you can't get mad at me though!!!

tl;dr, here is his chart of characters he is most like. please trust me.

his moral compass is a roulette wheel.

don't want to put too much here so here's a really condensed version of his backstory and personality!

(tbh he was a riff off of a shared set of ocs that my friend jay and i made! because they're basically fire emblem ocs forced in xiv, their backstories are slightly more convoluted than if he had just been made for xiv in the first place)

utushama is the younger twin to his sister inanna and she reminds him every day of his life. they were actually born right before the third umbral calamity and transported into the future by their father, who was tricked by an ascian into causing said calamity. he doesn't actually remember that time and mistake their memory of it as the seventh calamity (though the body keeps the score, as he and inanna have pyrophobia for reasons they can't fully explain). they grew up very isolated in the dravanian woods and were raised by their other parent, who was unfortunately not super present in their lives bc they were basically working around the world as a mercenary to feed them. eventually dragons came to rock their shit and burn their house down because of the dragons' lingering resentment of their father, who hunted them for their eyes. they ran off to the abandoned saint mocianne's arboretum to wait for their parent who never returned. so they finally left dravania, albeit with different intentions -- inanna wanted to find their parent while utushama was convinced that their father was still out there and the cause of their parent's disappearance. so after a huge argument about this, inanna went to gridania to start her search while utushama went to ul'dah to avenge his parent.

compared to inanna, who's much more rough around the edges with a soft heart, utushama seems gentle, guiding, and easy to become friends with, only for prospective friends and partners to find themselves stonewalled by his emotional unavailability. he is very approachable and sweet, but often justifies his (not purposeful) cruelty and callousness by using his grand quests as an excuse, as he really falls into his role as a prince-like hero, often to his detriment. though he's got a pleasant personality, he can also be judgmental, stubborn, petty, and brutally unforgiving. he can't forgive deceit or injustice, though his extremities in black-and-white thinking eventually grey out over time. he wants to be a good person most of all, but unfortunately confuses being great for being good :( his character arc is mostly about him realizing the impossibility of being a perfect hero archetype in a world that is convoluted, nuanced, and contradictory. as a result, his story is pretty gendered despite his preference for androgynous clothing/decor.

he is an all-rounder with a focus on magic over physical strength: paladin (tank), black mage/dragoon (dps fusion), and i still can't decide on a healing class for him. mostly because he hasn't focused on healing since childhood. i main sage and i prefer healing above all else though :}

[olderthannetfic]

You know, I think I've officially pegged (ha) my issue with a lot of the black and white morality discourse that plagues modern day fandom.

It's disgust-based morality. Because taboo topics like incest, inappropriate age gaps, abuse, and other darker topics of that nature are gross, they're bad, and because they're bad, it's gross. It's endlessly circular thinking that constantly hits a brick wall if you try to branch out. To further explain, let's use incest as the subject.

If you tried to ask these people why incest is wrong you'd probably get some answer like "it's gross! It's bad! That's why!" because that's as far as they've thought the topic through. After all, they've been taught this thing is wrong, why should they need to understand what makes it wrong? And for the sake of being transparent for this particular subject, there are answers, such as the high rates of birth defects caused by inbreeding and the unhealthy power dynamics that can be built from incestual relationships, which ended up building the current-day social taboos we have toward the topic, which then fuels the "because it's bad" reasoning. And because it's been boiled down to that, they don't need to think about the deeper reasons these kinds of things are bad in practice, and because they don't do that, it makes it easier to branch out to the vague idea of incest as a whole being bad. Adopted siblings? Incest. Third cousins twice removed that have never met each other? Incest. Childhood friends that grew up with a sibling-like bond? Incest. Fictional characters who are completely removed from any and all real-world consequences of incest, who might even have insane in-world rules that remove these consequences from their own setting? Incest.

And this kind of disgust-based morality is the sort of basis that a lot of vile shit gets built around. Like, for instance, a lot of homophobia is built on that framework. Homophobes find gay people disgusting, so it's bad, and it's bad because it's disgusting. It's the same justifications! And before anyone says this, because I'm sure they will, no I'm not say that gay people and incest are on the exact same level of acceptability and that they should be treated the same. Incest is wrong for the reasons I mentioned above and probably others that aren't coming to mind. Homosexuality, on the other hand, isn't wrong but guess what! Disgust-based morality doesn't differential from "this is bad" and "this is good'! Just "this disgusts me" and "this doesn't disgust me". And that's where the issue lies! This shallow form of morality can be used to justify bad things because it's so vague and all-encompassing while also being easy to morph person to person. This disgusts me = This is bad is the kind of moral trapping that can be used to hurt people who are, ultimately, not doing anything wrong because some rando dislikes it!

TL;DR cause I think I started rambling: disgust-based morality is not good because it ignores all nuance in a situation and can be used to justify hurting people who have done nothing wrong to anyone as well as swallowing up important topics into broader meanings that muddy the waters for what those topics should stand for.

--

[carrotsnake]

Hi! I kinda agree with you that Stella and Odalia's characters were demonized to excuse the behavior of male characters, and I would love to hear you explain in detail why you think so.

Personally, I understand that women can be awful and abusive to but there's something about the way they (Stella in particular) were written that comes across as corny and forced.

i agree they come across as corny & forced and there are 2 reasons why:

[1] they play into outdated gender stereotypes. 

aka the ‘nagging, bossy wife’ taken to extremes, but even in their cruelest moments they aren’t given the same agency as abusive men counterparts. either they don’t have tangible power compared to the male villains in their series, or it depends on them (odalia’s company is funded by belos, stella relies on her family.) you take away their respective support and you’re left with an ineffective, shrieking woman. it’s a power fantasy for sexists, they like putting a bossy woman in her place and making her evil enough to 'deserve it' shields them from criticism.

[2] they’re damage control for morally grey male characters.

i never disliked stolas and alador, i was intrigued by their flaws and capacity for change. early owl house portrayed alador & odalia both as bad parents in different ways and no one knew how far they’d be redeemed if at all, it was a compelling hook. helluva boss s1 said yes, they’re in an unhappy arranged marriage, he’s a serial cheater and she wants him dead. sounds extreme for us but they're mega rich demon royalty, ofc they'd do this shit instead of couples therapy. at the end of the day these fights hurt their daughter. the hook was can stolas’ relationship with octavia be repaired in spite of this?

instead of resolving these hooks the writers took the easy way out and woobified them. the only way to do that was to make each wife the root of all their problems, denying them any character development in favour of the men.

almost overnight fans went from ‘you can’t like alador because he’s abusive’ (..what) to ‘poor baby who did nothing wrong he’s my favourite’.

they made stella threaten octavia for the evulz, making stolas look like dad of the year in comparison and an empowered boyboss for cheating. he no longer has to worry about how to repair his relationship with octavia because the writers fixed everything for him. same with alador. it’s lazy writing that threw away nuance for black and white morality.

i'm inclined to go a little softer on toh because it got cancelled and the og plotline probably had to be rushed. but still think about why they chose odalia, and why her brand of femininity plays into the hate sink.

TL;DR there are many woman antagonists that share the above traits but are given 3-dimensional moments and a strong presence in the narrative. odalia and stella are not characters, they’re scapegoats.

[happysadyoyo]

I don’t have a dog in the weaponized incompetence discussion. I think it’s far more likely for men to simply not know how to do shit properly because they weren’t taught, and there’s a weird crossroads between being unable to do shit because you were never taught (that can lead to them not wanting to learn because toxic bs), being unable to do something because you’re disabled, and being unable to do something because you’re disabled you “can’t” do something because the only way you’re taught over and over is the “traditional” method that doesn’t take your disabilities in account. 

And there is such a thing as a man being able to do something until they have their “““caretaker””” and then acting like they can’t or refusing to do it until their poor SO/partner/spouse does it for them. Or not knowing and refusing to do it. That can definitely be rooted in toxic masculinity. 

But part of my annoyance for calling out someone trying to talk about disabled men getting hurt by the term weaponized incompetence as hating women is... it’s very dismissive. Not only of someone’s actual feelings about women and the discussion being had (because I guess the assumption is that when talking about how men can and are underdiagnosed for mental/physical health issues and how that can play out to hurt people around them means you hate women) but it also ignores the fact that women can do this too. 

Weaponized incompetence is something we see across the bimodal spectrum. It can be anything from not cleaning the dishes right to refusing to learn the basics in car maintenance. But because the conversation around weaponized incompetence usually circles around cishet white men (especially on reddit and r/AmItheAsshole), it’s seen as a symptom of patriarchal values and only that. And it can be! I’m not gonna go into it in depth to talk about how women can/have used a facade of incompetence to shield themselves (I feel like a discussion in how white women lean on this around black men in particular would be interesting to think about). 

But idk. I think it’s just dumb to be so binary. The most obvious, heinous examples are clearly men who refuse to do jack shit, which hurts disabled or genuinely unknowing men who can’t/don’t have the experience/knowledge/tools necessary to do XYZ task. But there’s also this undercurrent that only men are capable of this which, when we discuss weaponized incompetence as a tool of abuse, really parallels to how male domestic abuse victims are so readily disbelieved. 

tl;dr don’t say someone hates women because they’re focusing on how men can be affected and hurt by a polarizing term. The discussion isn’t about women except in that they are hurt and hurting the men in their life if they leap to the most toxic solution first without checking other possible reasons for why the men in their life is doing shit.

not to mention this is entirely a far too heterosexual view on this as well. Like, if you want to talk nuance, talk nuance. Don’t just say someone hates women for focusing on a very small facet of something.

[ikam177]

I could go on for days about the symbolism of Izaya’s change of appearance in his spinoff novels. Ramblings under the cut.

Like, first things first : the fact he changed at all. Durarara!! as a story doesn’t have much change, whether it be in the characters or the city itself. That’s the whole point of the story, in my personal opinion, the fact that no matter what happens, Ikebukuro never truly changes, and neither do its inhabitants (be it psychologically or physically). It’s a cyclical story that never starts nor stops, and I think that’s part of the charm of this series.

So, to have a character change appearances all of a sudden is unusual, especially one so iconic as Izaya. Now, I’m aware the Raira trio also change appearances in SH, and I think it’s a nice way to show that they’re now adults! But in this post I’m focusing on Izaya because of his status as an ex-antagonist (and also because I’m a fucking simp ok I said it).

The fact Izaya changed at all is surprising enough. I mean, we’re talking about the guy who’s been keeping the same routine (do shady shit, provoke Shizuo, get chased by him, do more shady shit, etc) for an entire decade, and who actually gets upset when things change (he gets frustrated by unpredictability, aka change). I gotta admire the level of dedication to not changing things.

It’s visual proof that he’s a changed man after the event in Ketsu. Is it a good change? A bad one? Well that’s where comes in my second point : his new color scheme.

From the start of the main series to its end, Izaya is only ever seen in one color scheme : pure black, with your occasional splashes of red in his teenage years. Yet, in the Izaya novels, his colors change from mostly black, to black and white. His shirt is now white, his pants gray, and his trusty jacket is, of course, still black. Likewise, his wheelchair is equally black and white.

The most obvious thing we could say about that shift is that it represents a shift in morality, from evil to neutral, but that’s not what I interpret it as. I believe Izaya’s sense of morals are unchanged. After all, he was already described as being morally grey in the main series by multiple characters, and I don’t believe that has changed. He’s not evil, but he’s not a good person either.

Rather, what changed about him is his vision of himself, but also of humans in general. He realized things about himself, for example how his love for humans was “impure”(his words), but also about others around him. The most notable example is Shizuo. He went from seeing him as a monster to accepting the fact he is as human as any human can be, despite how his body is. He also admits to having weaknesses (he talks multiple times about his disability, going so far as to mention the pain that comes with it, as well as his PTSD from his last fight with Shizuo), something he would have never allowed himself to in the main series (the Stabbing Incident comes to mind as a strong example of this, but all the times he took the blame for something he didn’t do to worsen his reputation are good proof of that too).

By switching to a more balanced palette of whites, blacks, and greys instead of pure black, Izaya shows us visually that his way of thinking has become much more nuanced than it was before. This shows in his personality, too! He’s still the sharp-witted little shit we all know and love, but he also shows more willingly his human side, something he refused to do before. He is more mellow at times, and is even kind to Haruto and Himari despite the latter hating his guts.

Anyway I don’t know how to end this so here is a TL;DR :

Full black --> Black & white = change of perspective, more nuanced way of seeing the world and himself

[sleepynegress]

i swear nonblack people should just never touch black shows again if they're gonna keep acting this goofy 😑

Listen... Tic has my whole heart (this was a smol nerd who read to escape his father’s abuse and wanted more than anything to be accepted and loved by him, and ended up failing every soft gentle aspect of himself he was, for a lie!). ...ALL of the characters here have my heart, even with their assholishness, terrible choices, meanness, and yep! Murdering and assaulting folks. I frame this strictly within that fact that this is fiction and having also enjoyed watching characters like Lorca on Star Trek: DISCO, and Jaime Lannister in GOT. I mean shit, I still ship him w/ Brienne! And he tried to murder a little boy! PARALYZED HIM! for fucks sake. Like, dude he got what he deserved, but I *enjoyed* watching to see what kind of fucked up shenanigans he got up to. .....And that’s what you’re supposed to do when watching these shows.

I feel like a lot of people (and not just white!) don’t know how to do that here, because we *never see* black folks playing these kinds of characters. And it’s still relatively new for us. We’ve been, as the show puts it, “interrupted” in enjoying full reflections of ourselves in media, flaws and all. It’s in these weird extremes in judgment without the empathetic frame that is clearly well-written and played into the narrative. You can see both that Tic beating his father was awful *and* understand that’s all he grew up with, in place of a kind hand. Bring nuance back to analyasis people.   And hey, this isn’t even the first time I’ve seen this. Folk did the same thing for Scandal.  Folks were genuinely mad at Shonda for not writing Olivia as being perfect and cared for at all times, like you’re not watching the show for drama. Also, and maybe this a generational thing? But writing these triggery, but also accurate bits of character softer, can be erasure.  I get being careful/not being gratiudous, but often, a trigger warning should suffice. Anyway, tl;dr... Black characters can be evil, shitty, assholes, or angels or inbetween and I hope one day we grow to treating them with the same empathetic nuanced eye typically given to comparable and worse(!) white characters. Not all black characters can be or should be Uncle George, people.  But it would be nice to see people see these characters in the same way, he did (don’t forget the pep talk he gave after the mirror magic, people!)

[mattelektras]

how do u feel about falcon and winter soldier so far??

i don’t appreciate them trying to make me lick boots every 5 seconds n sam’s general origin in the mcu being military based as opposed to his actual origin which was either kid led down the mob path because he had a shitty unfortunate upbringing or social worker. both technically because cosmic cube nonsense but that’s been a problem since cap 2 i still love mcu sam very much. i am not immune to the anthony mackie charm

but as for the content of the actual show i’m glad he rejected the shield because the mcu isn’t very nuanced at the best of times and it’s not a ‘pick up this huge dinner plate and throw it around’ thing for sam like it is for anyone else and showing how quickly military poster boy was accepted by the general public highlights that because that’s NOT how it would be for sam. and him rejecting it is like.... super hard for him because it’s what steve wanted and knew he deserved it but he’s also protecting himself and dealing w the whole Being Worthy thing. and as someone who couldn’t give a shit about captain america, they got even me w that one like that’s SAM’S huge dinner plate not yours get off

someone’s already said this but mr mackie sir your ACTING....... when he’s watching tv and sees the new guy w the shield his face does So Much. like he knew it and was expecting it but u can see it still hurt a lot. that shit doesn’t exist in the mcu!!! in the mcu we say things!!! mcu bitches love verbal exposition but not anthony mackie!!!!!! we ACT!!!

again someone’s already said this better than me but the concept for the villains is like??? ok?? a world without borders??? say less do what you gotta

getting more of sam’s background finally!!!!!!!! i love his sister so much and their relationship is so fun whilst also like. adding to sam’s character and why he is who he is

great lying to your therapist rep from bucky. finally a character i can relate to

as much as i’m fine w bucky being miserable and trying to repent or whatever it makes sense but.... get this bitch some knives i wanna see some cool shit. in comics even when he was captain america he still used guns and stabbed people

we got a sharon mention boys she’s coming

on like. a serious note, i didn’t expect marvel to be quite so upfront w the experiences sam still has as a black man (credit less to marvel and more to the show’s writers) even though he’s a superhero even though he’s captain america and to their credit i think they did it well.if people watch it and don’t register what they’re trying to say then they’re choosing that shit. the bank scene with his sister??? UNDENIABLY a commentary on how black people experience things differently even when they’ve checked all the boxes they’re expected to check. and isiah’s scene was heartbreaking, especially w the knowledge of comics isiah and his experiences, how they affected eli etc. i hope that with the knowledge of isiah we can kind of.... move away from the military side of things since sam knows how people like him have been treated in the military and was clearly fucking shaken by it, on top of taking his goodwill gesture of giving up the shield to a museum and giving it to whiteboy #7 so for him to carry on as he was now having that knowledge would be kind of regressive

SPEAKING OF. ELI BRADLEY???? GLOBAL TREASURE???? MR PATRIOT HIMSELF??? his lil freckles he is so handsome i can’t wait to see what happens with him

the sambucky dynamic is chef kiss as always. they never miss. they’d stopped rolling in that field bucky chose to end up on top. homoerotic behaviour quite frankly

that being said i’m glad the story so far is giving sam a lot of focus because a lot of people seem to think of sambucky as sam being bucky’s caretaker when a) black guy running after sad white man all the time isn’t a good look and b) bucky is a grown ass man mcu fans baby him so much it’s annoying

tl;dr i’m really enjoying it!!! the episodes feel so short because i would happily watch 2 hour long instalments. the mouse is pulling my strings and dangling the sambucky carrot right in front of my face but i’m dancing baby

[politicallypretentious]

This sub-chapter within the book titled “How to Successfully Offend Every Person in the World” was contributed by Keyshawn W., a young black man in his mid-twenties.

TL;DR Irrelevant of skin color, cops killing blacks is the same as brothers killing brothers.

The Sentry Guards By: Keyshaun W.

Classes aren’t as distinguishable as one might think; we don’t wear red uniforms instead of gold ones. We have jobs, zip codes, and skin color to stratify ourselves, but even these lines have gotten blurred over centuries.

Transcribed from the great words of Malcolm X,

“The house negro always looked out for his master. When the field Negro got too much out of line, he held em back in check… The house Negro could afford to do that because he lived better than the field Negro. He ate better, dressed better, and lived in a better house – he lived right up next to his master in the attic or the basement. He ate the same food as master ate, and wore his same clothes. And he could talk just like his master; good diction. And he loved his master more than the master loved himself. That’s why he didn’t want his master hurt. If the master got sick, he’d say, ‘what’s the matter boss, we sick?’ And if the masters’ house caught on fire, he’d try and put the fire out… He never wanted his masters’ property threatened. And he was more defensive of it than the master was. That was the house Negro.

But then you had the field Negros who lived in huts. Had nothing to lose. They wore the worst kind of clothes, ate the worst food, and caught hell; they felt the sting of the lash. They hated their master; oh yes they did! If the master got sick, they prayed that the master died. If the master’s house caught on fire, they’d pray for a strong wind to come along. That’s the difference between the two. And today you still have house Negros and field Negros.”

I may have a different interpretation of this than the next person. I believe that white skin does not automatically mean that you are the apex class in America. Black skin does not automatically mean that you are of the slave class. America is weird, because everyone believes that they are of the middle class, which linguistically and statistically does not make any sense.

We are not the elite; we are not the ruling class. We are the production class, the service class, segregated out into different levels/factions within our servant roles. As we’ve seen throughout the Covid shutdown, even business owners are temporary placeholders for the bulldozing juggernaut corporations. Yet we do not define ourselves as a united servant class of people.

We buy into a false sense of pride above others with a lower status. We see injustice, and although we desire positive adjustment for the underserved and over-discriminated, we put forth all of our energy into semantics. We may demonstrate a desire to fight for change, but are unwilling to give up our higher paying jobs and slightly higher ranks and somewhat lavish lifestyles. Some of us may be more than slightly scraping by, but are unwilling to rebel and potentially die for a cause. We all have the same master.

The oppressed classes could rebel, but a system of control has been put in place. There are laws to keep our nation at status quo. These laws let the controlling elites get away with grand scale robbery and destruction, while the lower classes remain relatively oblivious and busy, suing each other over stupid shit.

And who enforces these laws? Why the ‘house Negro’ does. Yes, the house Negros are still around. They’ve changed uniforms and added other ethnicities for purposes of mystification, but the ‘house Negros’ remain in action - rebranded as modern day police officers.

Just as the ‘House Negros’ came from the same slave boat as the rest, policemen are of the same cut of people as us – politically designed, knighted commoners coming from the same neighborhoods, high schools, and colleges as us. Whether we call them ‘house Negros’ or the police officers, both wear nice clothes and benefit from the rank that the master gives them.

These modern day Sentry Guards do see the world in prejudice. Undeniable for many, the feeling of danger is attributed to dark skin tone. A typical reaction by cops may consist of both fear and hatred, as many have experienced loss of a comrade who had approached a black person labeled as ‘armed and dangerous.’ So, with a cop lens on the world, a fearful/hateful reaction is somewhat understandable.

For a fuller picture, we should learn to understand both the cop and the criminal. We can begin the second round of understanding with the underlying idea that that poverty creates criminals. What kind of person becomes a cop, and what kind of person becomes a criminal? If a kid was brilliant, and given the opportunities to cultivate his brilliance through good schooling, he’d potentially become a scientist. If that same kid was not given the opportunities of a good school district or even simply a desk of his own, his future options would be severely limited. So lets imagine a boy (of any racial background) that came from a limiting delinquent/impoverished background, to later gravitate towards the examination process to become a police officer. A would-be gangbanger or low-level hustler turns cop – a best-case scenario. Of course not all cops come from impoverished backgrounds, but a mix of lower and middle class backgrounds as well as a mix of lower and middle level academic achievement. (I assume a higher level of wealth or achievement would give more rewarding opportunities such as business enterprises or higher-level agencies).

One likely unifying characteristic trait would be a desire for ‘an otherwise non-accessible’ power. Power is alluring, and nearly overnight, these boys are given power and status beyond their class restriction. They are able to denounce their own working-class crest, and take on an entirely new Sentry crest plated gold above their heart. These officers (often trained for just a few months before wielding immense power) do not spent ample time with emotional, psychological, and moral thought processes. The nuanced complexities remain unlearned, thus the factory bulk setting allows deadly mishaps to occur too frequently.

Poverty might have crept up onto some of the officers had they not been given their status,  yet these same officers ‘uphold’ the same set of laws that perpetuate poverty. Some of the worst eggs within the force even crack skulls or choke to death their (would have been) neighbors. They engage separation of humanness with a ‘them or us’ mentality.  

Elevated and elated, the Sentry Guard upholds the (sometimes slanted) fraternity values in order to maintain the separation between him and the commoners; the separation between the high-powered elites that purchase the law and the rest of us scum. Officers take pride in their badge and their ‘heroic’ duties - maintaining oppression against their true brethren. These men forget about where they came from, and wage war against the delinquents and the destitute instead of waging war against the system that created the unfair inequality.

To equate the two groups to each other will be seen as maddening, but this is what it is. It’s not cop on black violence; it’s commoner v commoner, service class v service class. Too often, we shoot our family members in the face. Lets not forget who wields the ultimate decisions within our lives. Cop or not, wealthy or not, irrelevant of skin color, you and I are within the spectrum of ‘field Negro’ and ‘house Negro.’  

“Tell me why are we… so blind to see…

That the ones we hurt are you and me?” – Coolio, Gansta’s Paradise.

[linkedsoul]

My point is, while its important not to steamroll people, and let them LEARN and change...I'd rather not campaign to stop "bullying" bc it'll quickly turn into "hey if you're not being nice 100% then you're not worthy" or some shit. Which I have seen happen in the college setting.

Okay, I kinda didn’t want to answer because I don’t like discourse, but I found I had things to say about that in general.

(Edit: there was a cut here, but tumblr refuses the cut so... sorry for the long paragraph)

(TL;DR: anything can become extreme, even such a simple statement as “please stop bullying others”, and of course, holding people accountable for their mistakes is not a bad thing. However, the bullying mentioned in this post truly is bullying: it’s about the extreme and toxic purity and cancel culture that only harms people and needs to stop. For example, it scares many marginalized creators away from putting themselves out there because they’re afraid of being shut down for not being “good enough” or doing a single misstep.)

Let’s be honest here: everything and anything can become extreme and twisted. A simple notion such as “bullying isn’t good” can become indeed “you have to be always nice” (it isn’t to say you have to be mean: but some people just don’t give you the right to be angry, and I’ve seen it happen that people think you need to be cordial all the time, even on issues where you have a right to be angry, or when someone has been extremely rude to you, etc.). 

I mean, a nice statement like “please be respectful to others and try to educate yourself on others’ issues” has turned into a goddamn purity culture on tumblr, where you’re supposed to know everything that’s happening in the world, every struggle of everyone in the most detailed way, and you must always fit in the “purity standards” that are humanely not attainable and very, very detached from real life. Else, you’re the worst, that will never change, and you deserve to be treated like trash. Or just: “Please be critical of what you consume” has become “everything you consume must be PURE else YOU (as a person) are evil”. 

I’m not campaigning to say everyone must always be nice, or that you don’t have the right to say anything to anyone - we, as humans, have emotions and we can’t always be perfectly nice and cordial, and people need to realize their mistakes in order to grow so calling them on it is good.

But the “bullying” here isn’t “holding other people accountable for what they’ve done wrong” or “trying to engage a discussion on a controversial topic”: it truly is bullying.

It’s death threats, anon hate, callout posts with misinformation or an entirely biased point of view, it’s witch hunts and a “black and white” mentality without any nuance, it’s cancelling at every turn and making people terribly afraid to say or do anything, even the less harmful thing, by fear of it being misinterpreted and turned against them. 

So yeah, I’d love for the bullying to stop. 

Just an example: marginalized content creators, are scared of creating things because of that. I know I am. And I know I’m not the only one. We’re held at high standards. One strike, we’re out. If we say one wrong thing, do one mistake, are ignorant about one topic, we get shunned out. We’re cancelled. We become terrible people. I honestly can’t stress out enough how utterly TERRIFIED I am of people trying to read into my words or my actions and deducing, out of nowhere, that I am a bad person. I am so damn afraid of someone saying I didn’t represent a certain group because I hate them, or that I chose to have a character being that way because I’m discriminatory and bigoted for not making another choice. 

Marginalized creators get thrown under the bus for “not being good enough”. And, in the meanwhile, big medias and Hollywood are praised to the stars if they throw crumbs of inclusivity, diversity and good representation at their audience. Weirdly enough, when watching a blockbuster, people are able to say it was good despite its flaws, but when it comes to medias by marginalized creators from minorities, if it’s not completely perfect or perfect in the way each individual wants, it’s bad. 

(Here is a pretty good video about the topic!)

I don’t want people to look up my username everywhere in hope of finding some account I might have where I said “problematic” things. I don’t want people to fish out stupid things I said or wrote when I was 13 to wave them under my nose. I don’t want people to dig through my blog and come out with some mistake I made years ago and flag me as a horrible person because of that, regardless of how I am now. I don’t want to have to disclose everything about me, my background, my origins, my neurodivergence, my sexuality, my gender, in order to be considered valid. I don’t want to be judged about what I like in fiction, and get “cancelled” because some of the content I enjoy isn’t “pure” or “pure enough”, and my entire personality to be summed up to that, once more regardless of how I actually am. I don’t want my choices and words to be interpreted in some way and this interpretation to be held for the truth, while never, ever asking for my explanation on it.  

I’m already afraid answering to you about that, because who knows, some people might not like it, and might decide I deserve a call out or a row of anon hate for not agreeing with their bullying. 

In the end, if “please don’t bully others” turn into “you must be perfectly nice all the time to everyone” (especially “if you’re not nice, we’ll just send you anon hate and death threats and make callout posts and throw at you every problematic things you said when you were 14 and didn’t know better and flag you as The Worst”, because why do I feel like it could easily go there?), it’ll just be another example of toxic purity and cancel culture twisting things to the extreme. And that’s what I really wish would disappear. 

[malodorousmalcontent]

Solstice Scents Review

Man, finally getting around to writing my thoughts on my First Ever Solstice Scents Order (or two, actually.) I've had all of these for around a month now, and just because of all the other smells i've had going on, haven't really gotten around to them. But i'm taking the time now. Checkin' 'em off my LIST.

I'll be going over my experience ordering from Solstice Scents, as well as the scents Foxcroft, Snowshoe Pass, Violet Mallow, Lace Draped Spectre, Riverside Hayride, Nightgown, White Fox, and Winter Dove. Let's do it to it.

ORDERING FROM SOLSTICE SCENTS

So, not gonna lie, I put off ordering from this house mostly because of their website. I'm a graphic designer, and a bit of a branding snob, and the look of the website, not even considering the purposefully rustic theme, just the way it's built, is a little bit... Dated. Not the worst crime imaginable, but actually navigating the site made it worse: having multiple pages for the different sizes of one scent would clutter pages, not having an easily findeable scent list for their seasonal collections (if it exists, I STILL haven't found it), not knowing what was Just Seasonal and what was GC because of how they'll do limited seasonal releases of GC scents in normally unavailable sizes or formats... It was all very confusing. Their photography is nice, though, I'll give them that. Goes with the general look of the brand well. (And that's not like, subtle shade - I know the difference between a purposefully down-to-earth design, and something lookin' dated. Their purposeful branding, in a general sense, is not dated.)

Placed my order. The drop-down list for available free samples was handy. I wish they mentioned that, if it's your first order, you can ask for an additional free sample - I only knew about that practice from a different review.

TAT was pretty dang fast - a couple days and it was coming my way. The greatest delight, aside from the scents themselves, was their packaging: It's fantastic. A far cry from my complaints about their website. Their designs look good, the cards that came with the order were lovely, I love the little CD-case-type thing that the samples come in, and when I later placed a second order for a 5ml of Winter Dove, I loved the box it came in, too. Love the scent names in that snappy handwriting... It was just, good. Was nice getting actual designed packaging, rather than just bottles wrapped in bubble wrap or in a plain box. Very professional. No leaks. No issues. A good, clean-cut order.

(Additionally, when I did my second order and Lace Draped Spectre was still available on their free sample dropdown, even though it was sold out and wasn't going to be restocked anymore for the season, they still honored it. Which. Hell yeah.)

Overall, very positive experiences! Onto the scents.

--

FOXCROFT (PERFUME OIL) || Decaying Leaves, Rich Black Soil, Dry Leaves, Fall Air, Woods, Chimney Smoke.

I put this on, and the very first note I get hit with, without even looking at the notes, is sweet smoke. The first time I ever tried this, that smoke straight-up went BBQ-y for the first five minutes of wear, but it doesn't do that anymore - it's just... Very strong woodsmoke with a hint of sweetness. The smoke fades after just a few minutes, and I start getting the other atmospheric notes: A woody note that smells fresh and sap-sticky, like a newly splintered evergreen branch; dry fall leaves that smell so realistic that I can picture picking them up and crunching them in my hand; the emptiness of cool fall air; and damp earth from a rainstorm that happened the other day. The smoke's still there, kind of encompassing everything, but it's much lighter now.

And... Looking at the notes, I guess that's literally everything that's in it! Dang. Talk about a scent being dead-on. On the dry-down, this takes on a warm, almost... Maple-y quality? Like slightly burnt maple leaves. I like it. It's really cozy.

This wears a bit close to the skin on me without actually being light, but lasts for a pretty long time - a few hours in and even after scrubbing it from my wrist with dish soap, i'm still smelling earth and decaying leaves.

tl;dr: a very realistic fall atmospheric with woody, dry leaf, and damp earth nuances and a nice swirl of smoke. Dries down to a maple-like sweetness.

RATING: 5/5. A really beautiful atmospheric. I'm not really interested in smelling like it, but it's objectively very well made.

--

SNOWSHOE PASS (PERFUME OIL) || White Amber, White Musk, Vanilla Accord, Peppermint Cream, Cold Winds.

Mmmm. Mmmm. This smells absolutely tasty. The vanilla accord is rich and exceptionally creamy, with a super true-to-life vanilla extract smell. The peppermint cream blends well with it - it's hard to detect, but gives a slight minty edge to the vanilla. My roommate, from a distance, says it smells like cooked brownies. I don't necessarily agree--it doesn't strike me as chocolatey in the least--but I could see how someone might think that. It might be thanks to the amber - i've noticed some ambers can read a bit chocolate-like.

Admittedly, the cold winds note is kinda gone at this point - it was very present when I first got the sample, but now, I don't really get anything that hits my nose as particularly chilly.

This wears pretty strongly on my wrist, doesn't fade quickly, and obviously has some good sillage if my roommate is smelling it from like, 3-4 feet away.

tl;dr: True to life foody, creamy, rich vanilla with a hint of mintiness.

RATING: 4/5. I wish the white amber and white musk were a bit more detectable to me, and that the cold wind note hadn't vanished. Even so, this is a really delicious, rich vanilla scent.

--

VIOLET MALLOW (PERFUME OIL) || Marshmallow Cream, Violet Flowers, Vanilla Bean, White Musk.

This one's easy. It smells ex act ly like a cabbage patch doll's face - that floral-vanilla slightly rubbery scent. Sometimes Solstice Scents' vanilla note will have a bit of that rubbery quality for me, and the violets in this, rather than just living on their own in their signature Purple Burp smell, blends well and amps up the cabbage patch kids smell. Which is great for me, because i've been dying for a perfume that smells like it - I actually asked for this one as my free sample because people had been saying it smells like that. And it does. Spot on.

Wears strong on my wrist, with sillage of like a foot or two when wet, then maybe 6 inches or so when dry.

tl;dr: Cabbage Patch doll!

RATING: 4/5. Kinda simple, but fills a very specific desire in me. I don't even know if i'll wear it that much, but I loooove just having this smell on hand whenever I wanna whiff it. Plus, even if the vanilla/marshmallow is a bit rubbery, I love a violet scent where the violets don't smell bad.

--

LACE DRAPED SPECTRE - REFORMULATED (PERFUME OIL) || Vanilla Musk, Spicy Pink Carnation, Pink Pepper, Rose, White Musk.

This... This grew on me so fast, and is now one of my favorite perfumes. Holy shit. This is just so, so good.

When I first tried it out, I took one whiff and went, 'oh! So THAT'S what a carnation smells like!' I was familiar with the smell of carnations, but had never really matched the smell to the flower, but this was so dead-on that there's really just no mistaking it. The connection was made instantly. It's a green, dewy, velvety, heady, smooth, non-powdery, lush-smelling flower, with just a hint of a spicy kick to it - which i'm sure is amped up by the pink pepper. The vanilla musk amps up that delicious carnation and makes the scent a bit humid and sweet. That's about all I can really, for-sure detect in this... But, god, I don't think it NEEDS anything else. It's SO GOOD.

Got HELLA sillage and HELLA longevity - I put this on and can smell it all day. God. I have two 1mls of it and I hope they last me 'til fall. Seriously, it's so good.

tl;dr: A fantastic, realistic carnation note, amped by vanilla musk and with a kick of pink pepper.

RATING: 6/5. This is a holy grail scent, bay-bee. I've had some good florals since, but this was the first good floral. This is the one that changed my mind about florals.

--

RIVERSIDE HAYRIDE (PERFUME OIL) || Moist Dirt, White Carnations, Fallen Leaves, Bare Branches, Hay & a Hint of Pressed Apples Carried on the Breeze from Corvin's Apple Orchard.

I put this on, and before I can even close the sample vial, I get hit with this wave of spiced, dried, tart apples - but that gets subtler after only 10, 15 minutes of wear. What I smell at the top at that point is a very subtle, velvety carnation - not nearly as lush as the carnation note in lace-draped, it's more like... If a bed of carnations was a few feet away. It also smells pretty wet, with a notable cool air note, and some damp green-ness. At this point, the apples are so subtle that they're at the bottom of the scent, just a soft sweetness with an edge of tart, very realistic for a dried apple scent, and I can't smell the spices anymore.

Sometimes I also pick up a weird sourness that isn't the apples, and almost smells... Milky? Like milk that's kinda nearing its expiry date and you're not really sure if it's bad or not. I don't get it all the time, and it's not bad enough to ruin the scent, but it's there. Looking at the notes, I think that sour smell is actually the hay.

On the dry-down, that hay gets stronger, and basically all i'm getting is the hay and maybe a hint of the apple. If you like hay, this would be good for you. The last note I can detect before it disappears is tart green apple. Despite not having a lot of sillage, apart from that first wave of apple, this wears VERY strongly on my wrist.

tl;dr: A velvety floral atmospheric with touches of cool air, green-ness, and an ample helping of dried apples, that dries down to strong hay and faint apple.

RATING: 3.5/5. Well made, but I could do without that strong hay note. I say. About a scent with 'hayride' in the name. Guess that's what I get.

--

NIGHTGOWN (PERFUME OIL) || Vanilla, White Chocolate, Tuberose & Tiare Flowers.

This is lovely - I actually like it more than I thought I would, since i'm really not into chocolate notes, even white chocolate, and white florals generally aren't my thing. But this blends beautifully: the tuberose and tiare are soft and delicate without smelling soapy or indolic like so many white florals can, and the white chocolate and vanilla round it out, balance the floral qualities, and give the scent some depth. It's really lovely - i've worn it to bed a couple times, so I guess the name 'nightgown' fits.

Dries down to stronger vanilla and realistic white chocolate with a light floral edge. Very elegant and creamy. Wears close to the skin for a few hours before it begins to fade.

tl;dr: Soft, delicate white flowers balanced by gentle, creamy sweet notes of white chocolate and vanilla, the latter taking over on the dry-down.

RATING: 5/5. Another one I probably won't wear a lot, but it's objectively beautiful. Solstice Scents REALLY can do no wrong with florals, i'm beginning to feel like.

--

WHITE FOX (PERFUME OIL) || Vanilla Musk, White Fur, Woods, Snow Laced With a Vein of Dirt.

So, reading reviews of White Fox, it seemed to be pretty hit or miss. Half the time, it was a beautiful vanilla scent with atmospheric notes; the other half, burning plastic. I wasn't sure what I would get, but I was willing to take the risk.

What I ultimately get is plasticky vanilla. Not the worst, but, uh, not the best, either. I get something very minty, too, even though peppermint isn't a note in this (maybe it's the woods note, some evergreens), and it makes that plasticky vanilla almost... Burning. Chemical-y. It mellows out some with wear, though: the burniness goes away, and the vanilla becomes less plastic (but not totally un-plastic) and more soft and fuzzy, so, decently wearable. The fur and dirt are distinguishable in this, too, and round out the sweet notes well.

Dries down to a subtle vanilla musk sitting underneath some really notable dirt, and finally, before it fades, become simply dirt and fur. Lasts for a good handful of hours, and has some good sillage while wet.

tl;dr: Burning plastic kinda medicinal smelling vanilla that mellows out to a softer, fuzzier vanilla, rounded out by dirt and fur.

RATING: 3/5. I'm honestly debating rating this a bit lower, because it starts out so bleh, but with wear it's okay. ...But just okay.

--

WINTER DOVE (PERFUME OIL) || Vanilla Crystals, Spicy Carnation, Nutmeg, Cream.

Man, this is such good shit. It's not LDS, but by god, it'll do.

For the first, like, 5 minutes, I get straight eggnog from the nutmeg and cream, and then it just becomes this beautiful, rich, creamy carnation note. The carnation's pretty spicy, but more than that, it's velvety, softly floral and green and fresh as hell. Smells real, as SS' carnation note tends to. The sugar crystals give this just a touch of sweetness, and honestly, I don't get the nutmeg as much after those first 5 minutes. It's a soft, rich, delicate scent - definitely would call this LDS' more feminine cousin. On the dry-down, the carnation fades, and the scent becomes much more creamy and foody-sweet without necessarily going back to eggnog.

Has a lot of sillage - i've gotten reports of other people smelling it real well when I walk past. (Notably, my sister said it smelled like a headshop, which kinda surprised me. I think it must'a been the spice in the carnation.) Lasts for a good handful of hours, too.

tl;dr: Eggnog, briefly, and then a sweet and creamy lush carnation scent, and then, on the drydown, creamy sweetness.

RATING: 5/5. Blind bought a 5ml for this because I didn't think I could live without Solstice Scents' carnation note, and I have no regrets.

--

So, final thoughts: I really, really love this house. Their florals are killer, their scents are rich and long-lasting, and at the very worst, they might go a little rubbery or maybe a little potpourri-ish, but there's nothing in this that was out-and-out awful or came across poorly made. Gonna be buying from them again, most definitely.

[moiraineswife]

What is black sails?

OH FRIEND :D I AM SO PLEASED YOU ASKED. 

The Serious Answer to this question is: Black Sails is a Starz show which ended earlier this year. There are four seasons out, all of which are available on Amazon Prime I believe. 

The premise outlined Black Sails as a prequel to Treasure Island, with a blend of historical pirates thrown in for good measure (eg Anne Bonny, Charles Vane, Jack Rackham etc, etc, etc) it’s about pirates, okay, you can’t go wrong with pirates. 

But it’s a more serious/historically accurate take on the golden age of piracy than the various other things that have been released over the years. And it is CRIMINALLY underrated (genuinely). 

The acting is SUPERB (why doesn’t Toby Stephens have 19 awards rn!? Why don’t they all).

 The writing and storytelling are nuanced, intelligent, exciting, and compelling. All of the characters have incredible arcs over the four seasons. From the pilot to the finale, they’re all pretty unrecognisable, but you can track their growth throughout the seasons so easily. It feels natural, and it’s incredibly well-done as a result of the writing/actor involvement in their characters. 

The cinematography/scenery is utterly GORGEOUS (and this is coming from someone who knows....absolutely NOTHING about this world, but knows enough to appreciate a masterpiece when they see one). 

You’re literally tripping over representation in every episode. There are ladies in positions of power. Queer ladies in positions of power. WOC in positions of power. Queer WOC in positions of power. Gay characters, bi characters, whose relationships are, legitimately, the focus and driving force of the entire narrative. Healthy, nuanced, complex and canon poly relationships. A complex, empathetic story that deals with homophobia in the period in a poignant, respectful, meaningful way. A plotline that deals with slavery in the period with, again, empathy and respect (I’m white, so someone please correct me if I’m wrong here, but I haven’t seen any criticism of the representation of poc characters in the show to my knowledge). Representation for disabled characters, including physical disabilities, as well as exploring depression, anxiety, ptsd, and grief in a raw, realistic way, that doesn’t gloss over the difficult aspects of each of these things. 

THE MUSIC. Must give mention to the music, must mention Bear McCreary, and his goddamn fucking beautiful score that tips already emotionally charged, compellingly written, wonderfully acted scenes over the edge of reason and leaves all viewers sobbing heaps on the ground (in a good way, promise, totally good way) 

This show genuinely gets better and better and better and better with every single episode. The first season is NOT the best piece of television in history, but it does kind of what it needs to establish itself. It’s got some sticky moments that I wish weren’t there, though it just about gets away with most of them, and it’s BEYOND worth it for the following three seasons, because I think it’s possible to see the potential in that scene.  

And it doesn’t escalate the same way Game of Thrones does (the fact that this show isn’t as popular/more so than the travesty that GoT has become is honestly....There is no justice in this world. None.) It doesn’t just, welp, let’s throw in some more explosions and cheap shock value shots! It gets deeper. It gets richer. The world is expanded, the characters are fleshed out. It actually relies LESS on the showy violence and digs more deeply into the characters, their relationships, the politics and morality and of this world and these situations. 

Speaking of morality, all of the characters are deeply complex, and genuinely grey characters. (I feel like this is something that gets thrown around a lot, but often doesn’t have the proper substance or emotional weight required to make it work. It works on this show. It works incredibly well.) Because grey characters means that they’ve all done bad shit, they’ve all done good shit, they’ve all pushed themselves to the limits, and beyond, of what they’re capable of for the things that they believe are right. It’s possible for all of the characters to see themselves as heroes, while being seen by others as villains. But the truly remarkable thing, I think, is that it’s possible for an AUDIENCE to see this too. Both sides of each of these characters is explored, and the nuance, and the complexity, and the balance that’s struck between that thin line of hero and villain, and good and evil, and how it has you walk along it the entire season, condemning a characters’ actions, but empathising far too strongly with their ideals, and with them for you to ever hate them or simply paint them as a monster (the nuanced discussion of this in-world is fascinating, and could legitimately be the subject for dissertations tbh) 

The cast are all....Genuinely wonderful human beings tbh. And however much u love this show...u will never love it as much as they do. Never. It’s beautiful.  

Thomas Hamilton requires a bullet point all of his own as a Reason To Watch This Show. 

So does Max. 

So does Anne. 

So does Eleanor. 

So does Miranda. 

So does Madi. 

:) PLS WATCH THIS SHOW THE LADIES. P L E A S E.  

Funnily enough, the Lauren Answer to this question is exactly the same as the TL;DR: 

PLEASE FUCKING WATCH THIS SHOW. 

THERE ARE ONLY FOUR SEASONS. EACH SEASON HAS, AT MOST, 10 EPISODES IN IT. IT IS COMPLETE. IT HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ENDING IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE THAT MADE ME CRY LEGITIMATE, FULL-FLOWING HAPPY TEARS BECAUSE OF ITS PERFECTION. THE ENDING WILL NOT DISAPPOINT YOU, OKAY. NONE OF IT WILL DISAPPOINT YOU. THERE IS REP. THERE IS ALL THE REP, OKAY. THERE IS GOOD WRITING. THERE IS GOOD STORYTELLING. THERE IS GOOD CINEMATOGRAPHY. THERE IS GOOD MUSIC. THERE IS GOOD CHARACTERS. THERE IS GOOD CHARACTER ARCS. THERE IS ALL THE COMPLEX, NUANCED EXPLORATION OF MORALITY THIS SITE IS ALWAYS BEGGING FOR. THERE IS GOOD EVERYTHING OKAY JUST FUCKING WATCH IT. I AM A STEP AWAY FROM CRAWLING TO YOUR HOUSES ON MY KNEES AND BANGING ON THE DOOR AND BEGGING YOU. WATCH. THE. THING. and then come thank me for introducing it to you :) 

Content/Trigger warnings: This show IS good, but I’m also aware it’s pretty visceral in some places, so know your triggers: heavy/graphic rape trigger warning for several episodes of the first season. There’s graphic violence/blood/gore trigger warnings for every season. Sex and nudity is fairly prevalent in all four seasons, too, most heavily in the first, but it gets less and less as the seasons go on, though it never fully disappears. So please be aware of those things before you give it a try. And do try and persevere if you get a little stuck with the first season/if you’re on the fence at all KEEP GOING. I PROMISE IT’S WORTH IT. 

Also if other folk have reasons for watching this show/can explain more eloquently than my incoherent yelling: pls feel free to add on to this. 

[toongrrl-blog]

The Mommy Myth: Threats from Within (Part One)

Okay time to see the Moms “gone bad” and other Moms who required a lot of empathy but only got vilified on the media or were given anxiety inducing media. 

This was the era of the tabloid show like A Current Affair and America’s Most Wanted, “the crack baby epidemic”, depraved maternal figures, teen moms, smothering mothers, Lifetime movies where shit goes wrong, surrogacy, and the news that no you cannot let your kids go walking to the park by themselves. The era of sensationalism made no care for maternal ambivalence nor for the nuances of individual mother’s lives, only for black and white. Heroes or villains. No grey area. 

The “deviant mothers” featured were vilified for being supposedly narcissist and self-indulgent, odd given that I previously covered celebrity moms. But the celeb mom is portrayed as self-indulgent and narcissist on behalf of her kids and everyone who looks at her. Throwing money on diets, spa treatments, workouts, beauty treatments, and clothes were “necessary” as it was so someone had something pretty to look at. But have needs or desires that had nothing to do with your family, you were so bad! 

Scene: Suburban New Jersey, 1985. Dr. Elizabeth and Mr. William Stern wanted a baby but Dr. Elizabeth Stern was in her late thirties and had multiple sclerosis and they went to the New York Infertility Institute and were approved for surrogacy and hooked up with Mary Beth Whitehead, a homemaker and high school dropout with two children and a husband who was a sanitation worker. As she said:

I don’t have an education. I don’t have a skill. The only skill I know I do well is being a mother.

A contract was signed where Mary Beth would be paid $10,000 upon the Sterns receiving the baby, where she’d be impregnated with William Stern’s sperm and the Sterns would pay her medical expenses and a $7,500 finders fee to the Institute. On March 27, 1986 Mary Beth gave birth to a baby she named Sara and she had a change of heart and decided to keep the baby. The Sterns wanted the baby and the judge awarded temporary custody to the Sterns, who named the baby Melissa. When William came to pick up Baby M, the Whiteheads bailed for Florida with the baby, leaving their two older kids with the grandparents there and lived on the run (BTW this is a perfect scenario for a movie, I think Raising Arizona was loosely inspired by this).

Mary Beth’s actions flew in the face of what “surrogate moms were supposed to do”, they were supposed to be like Elizabeth Kane in 1980 and kiss the baby goodbye to a more affluent life (Kane eventually testified on behalf of Mary Beth). Or get pregnant and give the baby away to your infertile sister or be like Glenn Close in The Big Chill where she let her single friend sleep with her husband so she can have a baby of her own. Like Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels, I subscribe to Mo’Nique’s school of thought regarding your friends and your man (maybe the Smug Marrieds should watch this and think twice about flaunting their rings to Bridget Jones):

People had a lot of shit to say about the Baby M situation, it involved issues like classism and sexism, who deserved the baby? The woman who carried her for nine months but was lower middle class and married to the garbageman or the biochemist who donated the sperm and paid the money? The trial started in the New Jersey Superior Court on January 5, 1987 where Whitehead was hit with several old-fashioned stereotypes about women: they can’t make up their minds and they are hysterical. Gary N. Skoloff, attorney to the Sterns, went Maddy Perez like the Whiteheads were a pot of chili. Skoloff listed 35 reasons why Mary Beth shouldn’t get the kid, amongst them was her mental health and her marriage to the garbageman with a alky problem. Also Mr. Stern recorded a phone conversation with Mary Beth unbeknownst to her. She was frantic: the Sterns had a judge freeze her family’s assets (which included the home, furnishings inside, car, and bank accounts). The media didn’t hear that or report it but they did on the desperate Mary Beth saying “I’m going to do it Bill....I’m going to do it; you’ve pushed me to it...I gave her life. I can take her life away”. The subtext also that being under educated and working class were not factors in making a good parent.

Honestly if your assets were frozen by someone who had the means and connections, wouldn’t you be unhinged? I think that Mary Beth needed to be treated for postpartum psychological issues rather than reviled as “The Crazy Woman” and don’t we make the worst arguments, imagine if you appeared saying and doing dumb shit like Bridget Jones and it was played on TV? Also on the tapes she was recorded as saying “I’ve been breastfeeding her for four months. Don’t you think she’s bonded to me? Bill, I sleep in the same bed with her. She won’t even sleep by herself...she knows my smell, she knows who I am--don’t I count for anything?” The media didn’t show that. More judgments came as her background opened up: her husband is an alcoholic, she and her husband separated for a while and she was on welfare in the past, her son had school issues (imagine how many affluent parents have kids with that problem), daughter Tuesday had frostbite when the furnace broke down (I’m not hating, winter in the East Coast sounds rough), and they went to the slut-shaming route when they got Mary Beth to admit she worked as a “barroom dancer”. 

And now it got really nasty: she didn’t play patty cake right (!), took pots and pans away from the baby and gave her a stuffed panda (uh I don’t know what kind of pots and pans they were around but I’m Latina), she dyed her prematurely gray hair brown (oh the horrors!)...a word from Karen Wheeler for now:

All these made her not an ideal mother. Okay am I getting some pissed off women in this post? Unicorn colored haired girls? Bottle blondes? Fake redheads? Anyone covering the grey? Henna heads? Well soon feminists and celebs like Our Queen Meryl Streep, Gloria Steinem, Carly Simon (one of our reigning Ladies of shady breakup songs), Lois Gould, and Betty Friedan all issued a statement of solidarity with Mary Beth Whitehead reading “By these standards, we are all unfit mothers”.  Thank Jesus for this action of solidarity because the media was playing one of it’s favorite games: pit women against each other. Dr. Elizabeth and Mary Beth were represented as doctor vs. housewife, barren vs. fertile, educated vs. under educated; so far the media was on Dr. Elizabeth’s and her husband’s side, which was okay for her but while the media cut her slack for being a quiet ride-along who was professional and educated and “of the right class” she got away with things that the media wouldn’t be kind with. While the media covered Mary Beth’s deteriorating mental health, they didn’t cover her testimony which read like a list of things that would normally get moms judged:

She wasn’t going to cut back on her work because “I didn’t realize how much time is required to raise a child.”

She claimed she was the “psychological mother” and therefore the true mom.

Her husband’s testimony said they’d have the kid in full-time day care (probably a nice day care like the academy in Daddy Day Care).

Activities with Baby M were trips to Bloomingdales.

During a cross-examination, Dr. Stern said she wouldn’t want to see the baby if Mary Beth was awarded custody

So what of Mr. Stern? He was basically cosplaying Ted Wheeler.

And he said “Fathers have feeling, too” which made him appear like the victim to the public when he had the means and access to a lawyer who went savage on Mary Beth. On April 1st (haven’t you heard, irony is dead), Judge Harvey Sorkow awarded custody to the Stern family on grounds that they provide better care than Mary Beth could (or afford). Mary Beth Whitehead was denied visitation rights by the judge, enabled the Sterns to adopt Baby M who was officially named Melissa Stern. Later that month it got bittersweet for Mary Beth: she regained brief visitation rights but got divorced and she remarried and had two more children, which the Sterns’ lawyer said was proof of “her personality problems” (wow imagine if the Duggars were tarred with that brush) while she tried to fight for longer visits. The next year saw Sorkow’s ruling thrown out by the appeals court on grounds of condoning baby selling, the adoption invalidated, and Mary Beth’s standing as mother restored. She got visitation rights, years later Mary Beth and older daughter Tuesday went on Dr. Phil where they talked about the case. Tuesday said the case contributed to the divorce and the strain was too much for the late Mr. Whitehead, who died from cancer years before their appearance. Mary Beth said she wouldn’t recommend this and if she had the chance, she’d never do it again, being a surrogate mother. At that time, Melissa was 16 and according to Mary Beth their relationship wasn’t good and she did attend Tuesday’s wedding though but claimed the Sterns made it difficult for the two half-sisters to have a relationship. Then five years later, Melissa was a junior at George Washington University as a sorority member and religion major and found it strange when the case was brought up in her Bioethics class, she hoped to become a minister and a mother and at 18 she allowed the Sterns to fully adopt her, terminating Mary Beth’s rights. 

And those fixing their lips to say that the Sterns had more rights because they could afford a “good life” for her? I leave this for you to watch.

So the media savaged Mary Beth Whitehead, a working-class white mother who gave birth to a healthy and chubby baby, how did the media treat poor, drug-addicted black mothers and their “crack babies”? (TL;DR, it was bad, very bad, you know it’s bad bad really really bad!). 

Up next...and for all you moms dealing with the judgements from an unhelpful world, here are words from Lois Foutley

[whifferdills]

Sorry, I'm not trying to win, you don't need to post this if you don't want. I was just frustrated that all we got was scraps & that if you bring up the feeling like Bill was treated poorly & Danny was too, that it's racist to bring up that they're both black? & that they didn't have any black writers, but they managed to get an Australian writer & American director so it's not like they couldn't look outside UK. I guess I just feel like bringing this kind of stuff up focuses on the wrong things

& how do you know if you have the right to bring up your thoughts? if you step back & look at what other people say & they’re all saying that you’re looking at things wrong, doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t say anything? like being afraid that the show wouldn’t treat Bill right bc of how it’s treated other black characters, if you brought that up there were people saying you were just being dumb & reducing her to her race, I’m not white I just felt like there was a pattern but maybe not            

Sorry, you can ignore the other comments (sorry for being anon I don’t have a tumblr). I wasn’t trying to win something, I just didn’t know what to do after you step back & understand other opinions, & know you shouldn’t bring things up or think certain ways, how to change so you stop bothering people. sorry again           

i mean part of it is just the nature of the website. it’s not a great place to have a nuanced conversation, and it’s easy to get your wires crossed. especially in this fandom, where the discussion of misogyny is overwhelmingly dedicated to patiently re-explaining Amy’s character development to people determined to hate the show, and It’s Fine That Bill Is A Lesbian But Why Does It Have To Be Shoved Down Our Throats, or whatever. it can be easy to have a knee-jerk reaction to any free-floating critique, and fuck off back into your bunker of ‘i just want to enjoy my new toy because i have so few’.

or maybe that’s just me. and it’s dumb as hell, because we should be critical of the media we consume, and we need to talk about representation & lack thereof both in front of and behind the camera. even if the culture here isn’t really set up for it, and especially because the endless Fuck Moffat chant created a general atmosphere of ‘LA LA LA MOFFAT’S GREAT AT EVERYTHING LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU’, we need to talk about it. and you’re right, we don’t, and when someone does say something they tend to get talked over by one side and co-opted by the ‘so anyway this is why literally everything Moffat does is complete garbage’ squad on the other, and…i dunno, b. it’s sure some shit

and in re: how do you not bother people: ya don’t. not be a bother, i mean. you’re generally not going to be a bother - like the only thing that ever fucks me is stuff that’s totally dismissive of my experiences and opinions, and most people don’t pull that shit (i’ve unfollowed like grand total 4 people and even that isn’t a serious situation just a ‘boy howdy do i not ever need to listen to you talk again’). and if you do Bother someone, either they’re about to expand their perspective or they’re not worth worrying about. if someone’s annoyed by being asked to examine their own prejudices or the ingrained fuckyness of their favorite tv show, screw em

more specific advice, and this is dumb, but it’s the best i’ve got: personally, i’m much more willing to talk about this stuff with someone inside the house than i am with someone who hasn’t been a fan in years. and while i’d say ‘fuck it don’t worry about it’, if you are concerned about this, just be clear that you’re coming with a genuine complaint about something you love. Bill was a fantastic, compelling, complicated and relatable character, but she deserved better. i like this show and it’s come a long way since “Talons of Weng Chian” but it’s still imperfect, let’s talk. the story was good but in context it’s part of a problematic trend. or the story was bad but it’s in the context of a season with some good stories that are also in a context that sometimes makes them difficult to enjoy. i mean, like, smarter than that, i’m dumb w/ this ish, but ya feel?

like tl;dr i would very much be down to discuss why “The Lie of the Land” is one of the bigger, more offensive turds this show has extruded with someone who likes “Thin Ice”, but not so much with someone who thinks all Moff-era companions are just quirks in skirts. i don’t want to do the kindergarten, put-the-square-shape-into-the-square-hole shit anymore. but if we’re on the same page generally speaking, let’s go, let’s do this

& like. dunno dude, i can’t teach you self-confidence. it’s just how to be your own person, knowing when to sit back and learn, and when to stick to your guns. it’s a process and it’s never gonna go perfectly and i sincerely doubt anyone in the world has mastered it. best bet is to stay kind but go with what feels right. you have the right to your voice in the conversation, and what happens next is up to you. i can’t tell you what that is.

sorry this is probs super incoherent - i’m not the best person for this shit on the best of days and i feel like, extra words-r-difficult rn, but maybe that answered like half of one of your questions?

[dinfluenza]

Good lord lmao @ paodelicia u blocked me and I didn’t even do anything but I’m writing this anyways because you damn well need to see it some day

Okay first, I wasn’t trying to dance around the words gay or bisexual, I said queer because “gay or bi” aren’t the only things that make a person not straight. Second, sure! It is up to you whether you want to interpret this video as representation or just a “sexy mv with girls touching a little” meant for the male gaze or whatnot, but it is fair to mention that Anda undeniably got her inspiration from Fiona Apple’s ‘Criminal’ mv, from the dark outer frame to the bathtub scene. In Fiona’s video, however, the lyrics are gender specific, there are men walking around, shown interacting with her as she’s draped across their lap, etc. In Touch, there are no men seen at all-- given that Anda dead near replicated the video, why’d she go out of her way to be sure to have all women in the background (who are very comfortably doing much more explicit things lmao), and have a scene with a girl going in to kiss her? And make a point of having the lily flower shown multiple times, especially while she’s between some girl’s legs? It seems like the only way this video could be more qualified to be labeled gay is if Anda herself (and I say herself because there are already girls making out in the background and cuddling) passionately made out with a girl on camera. 🤷🏿 Now, nobody ever said this was LGBQT activism and it doesn’t have to be. I don’t think Anda was necessarily trying to make some huge statement and become the face of the LGBQT movement or something with this mv,  but the normalization of girls MAYBE being queer and/or exploring sexuality is important too, and some girls damn well might find representation in this and enjoy it! So it’s unfair for you to cast aside this.....gleaming amount of evidence of it being queer and dumb it down to “just gal pals” or something of the like.

Finally, it’s pretty ironic that someone who is also not Korean appears to be reaching out and scolding others as though they are the savior of queer Korean people, but then go on to make a jab at the Korean language for a completely normal expression? Also, how is it “from your personal experience” if you’re not Korean? I noticed someone made the comment that queer is a reclaimed slur you made the remark “ do you realize you’re a racist and absolutely disrespects other lgbt people’s agency lmao” and “ “i like this so i’ll force you to like it to” will always, no matter what be a demonstration of western, white, and or imperialist (american, european) entitlement on these things “. It appears as though you are implying rather than using queer as an umbrella term, people should go out of their way to call a respective ethinic group whatever phrase or word that they have reclaimed? Hmmmm, it sounds like a reach, doc. Why would I use some other culture’s word that has no cultural significance to me, and whose meaning or history I couldn’t hope to understand, never having lived or experienced it? For example, I am Igbo, and while there a few pidgin slang words used in Nigeria to describe queer people, I would still call them queer, and I’d much rather someone say queer than use some pidgin Igbo/Yoruba slang word that they don’t understand or has no cultural value to them. 

In the case of, queer as a slur versus umbrella term, this post is a good read if you’re willing. The word gay was just as taboo as queer at some point in history, but then it was reclaimed. Many things queer people call themselves were at some point taboo and intended to be harmful until reclaimed, so you telling me or other people to say “gay or bi”/etc. instead of queer is....redundant, and sounds more like “use THIS reclaimed slur instead of THIS reclaimed slur, silly!” THAT being said, nobody is forcing you to like it or use it! It is all up to you. The choice of LGBQT+ people to use it is to be just as respected as though who choose not to. But what you NOT gon do, is police my queer black ass or other queer people on what, when, or how they can or can’t use it! Please stop that shit lol ! It has nothing to do with white imperialistic entitlement, and has everything to do with needing an umbrella term for “not straight” because that makes heterosexuality seem like the default, and not everything can be labeled as one clear cut sexuality because sexuality can be so ambiguous and fluid! You citing the dictionary (made by cishet white people, I guarantee) is not going to change how people feel about the word queer, or the fact that dictionary definitions are never going to be able to completely capture the nuances of a slang word!

TL,DR: I’m queer. dis mv queer. queer people can use queer if they want. happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

[m0th-punk]

This is something that's been on my mind for a long time. Long ramble under the cut

TL;DR: Grazer-razor has some of the worst black and white mentality I've ever seen and I can tell he has never critically examined his biases a day in his life.

Because I'm a terrible little gremlin who can't leave well enough alone, I've been reading these posts

Ignoring the absolute stupidity of these statements (I'm pretty sure the lack of rainbow logos is because in many middle eastern countries, homosexuality is a crime and these companies just want to make money. But I'mnot going into the nuances and implications of rainbow capitalism today.), something stood out to me.

Does Grazer... genuinely think nobody has ever criticized the Muslim faith? That we all ignore the homophobia present within the religion just because they're a minority? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've seen even some of the most staunch leftists criticize things like their horrible treatment of homosexuality or the rampant sexism often sanctioned by radicals. Even other Muslims, especially women and lgbt+ Muslims, have been critical of these things.

It wouldn't shock me if Grazer believedthat anyone who supports Muslims believes they can do no wrong. After all, he thinks any criticism of Christianity is hatred, and dismisses any harmful things Christians do as not being "real" Christianity in a classic case of the "No True Scotsman" fallacy.

Note how he didn't even respond to the first asks comments, just accused them of being me (because obviously any time someone sees his blog it's all my fault /s)

So it seems like in Grazer's mind, there are only two options when it comes to religion: Uncritically praise and defend everything a religion does no matter how heinous it is and justify it because it's done in a God's name, or condemn anyone who practices it as hateful terrorists. Because he doesn't see people doing the former for Christians, he automatically assumes that they're doing the latter, and vice versa for Muslims.

Also note how he gets mad when muslim faith is "respected" (again, homosexuality is criminalized in many of these areas) but then demands a secular children's show cater to his religion for the sake of his precious childhood.

(Also, can we just talk about the absolute fucking cruelty in this answer? There are people out there that had their childhoods ruined by abuse, illness, losing loved ones, homelessness, poverty, bullying, near-death experiences, having their countries torn apart by war, a shitty foster care system, teen pregnancies, and so many other things that can absolutely destroy a life.  Grazer's was ruined by…  *checks notes* a cartoon character supporting gay rights and a drag queen singing a cutesy children's song.  So yeah, if that's the worst part of his childhood he's pretty damn lucky, and the fact that he has the gall to still complain absolutely makes him selfish and ignorant. It's disrespectful, plain and simple, and if he were truly a good Christian he'd have some compassion.)

Okay, so Grazer has some weird "rules for me but not for thee" shit when it comes to religion. This isn't news. Where am I going with this?

Well, turns out he has this opinion about more than just religion. Know how I know this? His response to ESRB ratings and trigger warnings.

So it seems like Grazer sees the ESRB as some sort of moral compass, in a way. Something being rated E or E10 means it's pure and good and wholly unproblematic, while anything higher means it's evil and disgusting and he can't even look at it.

This is further confirmed by this post, where he flat-out states he sees the ESRB as deeming what things are and are not morally acceptable.

Now Grazer, I'm gonna explain this as best as I can, because it seems like you don't quite understand this. Read very carefully.

This is not the purpose of the ESRB rating system.

I repeat, this is NOT the purpose of the ESRB rating system.

The ESRB does not decide on what is and is not morally correct. It simply says "This game contains these topics, and as such is most suitable for people in this age group.". That's it. It's a guideline, not a rule.

Let's take cartoon violence, for instance. It's a very common warning the ESRB puts on games. Almost every game from Mario to Sonic to Crash Bandicoot and even Monster Tale has this warning. These games are all rated E for everyone. Does this mean those games are promoting violence to children, or claiming things like Bowser kidnapping Peach or Pinstripe trying to gun down Crash are perfectly okay and morally correct? Of course not. It's simply saying that these games contain mild, non-graphic violence, but most children should be able to handle seeing it.

On the other side of the coin, let's take a look at the warnings for nudity and sexual themes. Most games that contain these topics are rated T at the lowest and AO at the highest. This obviously isn't saying that nudity and sex are inherently bad or evil. All it's saying is that these topics are best handled by adults (And, regardless of morality, it is illegal to distribute sexual content to minors unless it's meant to be educational, like a health class textbook).

A few extra points:

. Games can be rated different things in different countries. Different countries have different regulations. Do you know why the blood in Danganronpa is pink? It's because in Japan, games with excessive amounts of blood and gore are given a Z rating (Japan's equivalent to an AO rating). They got around this by making the blood pink, securing the game its desired M rating. Meanwhile here in America, Mortal Kombat is allowed to show as many graphic, brutal deaths as it wants and still receive an M rating.

. ESRB ratings are not legally enforceable. I was so convinced as a 16 year old that the employees at gamestop would try to card me or something when I was picking up a copy of Bayonetta, and I was surprised when they simply rang me up in two seconds, no questions asked. It doesn't happen. For fuck's sake, one of the first games I ever played, at the tender age of four, was Soul Edge. A T rated game. The only instance ESRB ratings are legally enforced is in the case of AO ratings, as these games often contain incredibly graphic violenceor sexual content. If this outrage is coming from the idea that certain ratings will keep younger people from playing these games from a legal standpoint, don't worry. A nine year old is not gonna get arrested for playing Among Us. Just don't buy them GTA San Andreas or Leisure Suit Larry and everything will be fine.

. No two consumers are exactly alike. While one 13 year old may be perfectly fine with the jumpscares in Amnesia, another may be too scared to even go near the piano in Super Mario 64. That doesn't mean either of these games is rated incorrectly. The ESRB is there, once again, as a recommendation for the average consumer, and doesn't take individual experience into account. An individual experience is not their responsibility. It's also on parents (or you yourself!) To decide what the consumer can or can't handle.

"But Haley," I hear you say, "What if this piece of media DOES contain something morally bad?"

Well it's simple. You are allowed to like things AND still criticize the bad parts of it.

Hold on now, I'm not telling you that it's perfectly alright to enjoy things like Birth of a Nation or anything like that! Contrary to popular belief, there are some pieces of media that are truly too steeped in hatred and morally reprehensible things to be supported, even through a critical lense. The only merit things like that have is to serve as a warning: This is a terrible thing made for terrible reasons, and we should not allow it to happen again.

But outside of those rare circumstances, it's not so cut and dry.

Let's take a piece of media i actually enjoy, for instance, so you know I'm not a hypocrite: Persona 5.

Persona 5 is easily one of my favorite games in the Persona series. It does a lot of interesting stuff, the artstyle and soundtrack are (in my opinion) the best in the series, and overall it's very enjoyable for me.

But, like anything, it's not perfect. I'm incredibly uncomfortable with the hypocrisy the game has in regards to the sexualization of teenagers. While Kamoshida is rightfully condemned for his sexualization of teenage girls and Ann's persona awakening comes from rejecting this objectification, the game and story undermine it by not only putting Ann in a sexually revealing outfit, but also making light of Ryuji's sexual harassment by adult men (Allegedly Persona 5 Royal tries to fix this by making the men drag enthusiasts who think Ryuji would look good in drag and giving them more sympathetic personalities, but it's still really weird and hypocritical of the game to do this.). The teenage protagonist is also allowed the option to date adult women, including his teacher, and the game rarely if ever touches on the problems with this.

The game's homophobia also left a bad taste in my mouth. Aside from the aforementioned men who sexually harass Ryuji, the only other canon LGBT+ character is a bar owner who is either a drag queen or a trans woman (or both?). Sure, she's portrayed as being kind and protective of the protagonist, but there isn't much room to interact with her or learn more about her. On top of that, not only can the protagonist not romantically pursue his male friends (A feature that even the SECOND persona game had), he's not even allowed to give them gifts or platonically show affection towards them without the dialogue mocking him. The game that allows a teenage boy to date his teacher won't allow him to simply give his male friends a present.

And yet, despite those criticisms, I do still enjoy the game. I don't consider the game irredeemable garbage based on those poorly handled topics alone. And I also understand that for some people, those topics make them so uncomfortable that they don't want to play the game at all, and I completely respect that.

Criticizing the things you enjoy is not only normal, it's oftentimes healthy. Being able to step back and say "I like this thing, but I don't like the bad things it's done. This thing would be better if these issues were fixed." Sure, sometimes some people tend to complain a bit too much about the media they supposedly enjoy, but for the most part being able to acknowledge the bad with the good is a good skill to have.

Oh, wait, all of this means nothing because Grazer thinks that critically enjoying things is nothing more than an excuse to consume media he doesn't personally agree with. Okay then.

So if he can't even realize something as simple as "it's okay to criticize some parts of media that you otherwise enjoy", how can he be expected to look critically at a religion that he's been raised in and around all his life?

Soooo yeah, Grazer has some serious problems with black and white thinking that he refuses to acknowledge, further worsened by the fact that he's practically been brainwashed into believing that Christianity is the ultimate moral compass that everyone should follow. I understand that this tends to be an issue for neurodivergent people, but it's not an excuse for the actions he does that are related to these things (sending death threats to the ESRB, antagonizing others, etc.