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galacticlamps · 3 years

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Tagged by @the--highlanders ! Thanks!

How many works do you have on AO3?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

76,200

(oh what a nice even number - I should try to mess that up as soon as possible, shouldn’t I?)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Aw man is this intentionally worded to be really hard to answer? I get that it says ‘written’ and not ‘posted’ but then what constitutes a ‘fandom?’ I definitely wrote fics for stuff I was interested in long before I even knew the word ‘fic’ - I did it throughout my childhood, and then in high school, and while I didn’t do it as much in college, it still happened from time to time. So a lot of the books/movies/tv shows/plays/musicals I wrote things for aren’t really fandoms, and frankly, I had to check my old folder just now to even remember some of them existed. I’ll just list the ones that I know for sure had fandoms, since that’s more fun (and embarrassing), right?

Obviously Doctor Who, classic and modern, Torchwood, Sherlock Holmes (ironically more of these seem to be about the books, but yes, I will admit, some for that tv show too), Les Mis, a couple different Marvel comics & movies, Good Omens, hell, I even found a Night Vale fic in there just now.

And I know there are other older things not even in that folder, some of which never made it to a computer at all, so if I had to ballpark a number I’d probably say around 25ish but really, who knows?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Across the Gap

On the Spot

Expectations

Shards of Memories & Fragments of Glass

Itemized

(this was fun, I’d never noticed Ao3 even had a stats page until now lol)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I take a long time to do so but for the most part, I usually get around to it. The rare exception would be if I first saw the comment when I was super busy/distracted and then felt like way too much time passed before I noticed it again, that it might be awkward if I said something at that point.

I do genuinely enjoy hearing what people think, but I’m also weirdly terrified of making anyone feel like they have to reply to my comments. I know that’s probably a little strange, but it’s actually a large part of why I made this Ao3 account in the first place - my original one, from high school, is followed by some long-time friends of mine who aren’t interested in this fandom, some of whom are involved in art & writing professionally. The thought of anyone like that reading something I wrote out of friendliness or even just curiosity and potentially having to pretend they liked it for the same reasons stressed me tf out, so I like having this virtually anonymous one because I can relax knowing that anyone who reads or interacts with something I wrote has probably done so only because they wanted to, rather than feeling obligated, and there’s no pressure on them to be nice to me about it if anything I write or post annoys them - so I really hope nobody who does just know me as an anonymous blog has ever worried about offending me by not replying to something, trust me, I’m perfectly happy with it!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I’ve really written any angsty endings? I guess the answer would have to be Reckless just because it involves the characters arguing about sad/weighty things and there isn’t really any solution to those issues - but even then I think I ended it with a kind of acceptance that stops it from really qualifying as angst? I also set it in the the same universe as other fics, so maybe that doesn’t even count as an ending? Am I that bad at ending things on angst? Lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Obviously none of the fics I’ve posted are crossovers but I’m trying to think now if any of my WIP’s are - I’ve definitely poached setting/premise ideas from other media, but in terms of actual crossovers . . . I’ve got a few cross-era or cross-Doctor, a few involving Torchwood, but that’s already the same universe, so the only thing that’d qualify as a true crossover would be some vague pieces of a fic where Jamie, Zoe, and Two end up on the Enterprise, since I think the 60s series of Star Trek and Dr Who feel kind of compatible, don’t they? In fact, aren’t there like officially licensed crossover comics or something? Or did I make that up? Idk, and the ideas are very loose, so it’s not much of a WIP either

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, never

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’ve never written smut, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that could change soon. There’s a longish multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on for a frankly embarrassing amount of time, and the plot does call for a sex scene at one point towards the end, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on how - uh, I guess the word is explicit? - it should get. I know I could easily do a fade to black/implication thing, but it’s kind of a source of contention and anxiety for the characters, so to skip over writing the actual scene and just revisit them afterwards rings of “and they slept together and now everything’s fine!” which feels kinda cheap to me - in this context, anyway - and not the right payoff for a long fic that’s otherwise more of an interpersonal drama/slightly a period piece, if I had to place it in a genre. I feel like my aversion to actually writing the scene might just be prudishness I should get over, or maybe just self-doubt, because I know I’d rather have a well-written, funny, character-development-supporting sex scene than nothing at all, but since I’ve never had any interest in writing a scene like that before, I don’t know if I can do it well, and I also don’t want to ruin a fic I’m otherwise proud of by doing it badly... ugh I have to figure this out

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I seriously doubt it

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, it’s gotta be Two & Jamie. I’ve shipped things before with varying levels of investment, but I’ve never been able to use the term ‘otp’ in a literal sense until I came across them, and now it’s already basically gone out of fashion, go figure!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m not sure if I have one? My WIP doc is huge, but I don’t actually intend to get around to finishing everything in it, so I’d like to think that anything I’ve currently singled out to complete can actually get done.

That said, I do have a few AU’s that I don’t really plan to finish, but it might be cool if I could. Two of them are for all the main + some supporting characters of the Second Doctor’s era - one’s a modern day school teachers AU, and the other is a typical fantasy/fairy tale AU. Another is just Two/Jamie, based on Doctor Faustus (specifically the Marlowe play version) but right now there are two different versions of the ending coexisting in my head. I’ve written parts of scenes & some gen. backstory for all of those ideas, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try to finish them, or what form a finished product would even take - a series of one-shots set in the same universe? one long multi-chapter fic with some kind of overarching plot? And the amount of context/worldbuilding a big AU like these would require might not make them very appealing fics for people to read, so maybe it is better if I just keep them to myself, since in my head I already know what’s going on in those worlds lol.

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had a creative writing class since middle school, and since then I’ve only ever shown creative writing to others in a fandom context, so it’s been a while since I’ve discussed it or gotten critical feedback. I suppose when I work in other arts or even academic writing contexts, people usually say I’m kind of insightful or at least detail oriented, which might just be another way of saying I overthink things, but I like to imagine I’m decent at finding little points of interest to expand upon.

What are your writing weaknesses?

If you’ve read this far I feel like you must know what I’m about to say: I do not know how to be concise.

Usually when I’m writing a fic, I put down the dialogue first on its own, leaving out the action of the scene and whatever plot/context led there, even if I’ve already figured all of that out. But then when I go to add those things in, they’re always longer than I wanted them to be. I don’t mind writing something long, but I don’t want my fics to be a slog to get through either, and there can be a point at which the stuff I’ve added for context overwhelms the stuff that I wanted the fic to be about in the first place, so it becomes a structural/proportion issue too. I haven’t completely given up on any fics because of this yet, but there’s one I’ve been struggling with for a couple months now - probably because I’m even second-guessing myself on which scenes need to be written out and which can just be referenced like a recap. Hopefully I figure that one out soon.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

((this is karma isn’t it? i posted a fic last week with two words of gaelic in it and was worried about that and now this is karma))

In general, I don’t want to do it. I feel like you’ve gotta have a really good grasp of a language to write dialogue & speech patterns for someone who’s a native speaker, and since I’m far from fluent in any language the characters I write for are, I wouldn’t feel confident writing any significant amount of dialogue in, say, Gaelic.

As a sidenote, though, I kinda love it when other people do it, particularly for Jamie. Irish (Gaeilge) and Scottish (Gàidhlig) are both languages I’ve wanted to learn for a long time, because my family’s fresh out of living speakers of either & I think that’s a shame, but I started with Irish and at the moment I’m still very much learning it. As different as they are, it still helps me understand parts of lyrics or texts that I come across in Gàidhlig fairly frequently, so when it comes up in a fic I get to feel like I’m being responsible and practicing, and it’s great when I can actually understand what’s being said.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m gonna go with Harry Potter even though that’s probably not a perfectly accurate answer - it’s almost certainly the first thing that has a fandom that I ever wrote for, but it was in a notebook when I was a kid and never something that I even typed on a computer, much less posted online or shared with other members of a fandom. But even then, I’m sure it wasn’t the first pre-existing fictional universe I ever set an original story in, because I did that a lot when I was a kid, it’s just hard to remember those clearly or on any kind of timeline.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m very partial to Across the Gap, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that ranked first on the kudos thing above - but I’ve also got a soft spot for So Merrily We’ll Sing. It’s so self-indulgent it feels silly saying ‘it was so easy to write!’ but I guess having a fic that’s already just 100% headcaonons and fluff tied together by a song you really love does prevent it from being much of a labor (I also managed to refrain from making that one unnecessarily long, so that’s another win there)

tagging @terryfphanatics and anyone else who wants to do it - sorry I’m bad at remembering whose tumblr goes with whose Ao3 account, but I really would be interested to read this if anyone else feels like answering them!

#oh boy that was long #sorry #also sorry if the 13 is really big for some reason #i dont know how it got that way so i dont know how to change it #it doesnt look like that when i edit the post only when i save it #not fic but fic talk

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fictionalrambles · 4 years

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Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Twelve

Submitted by notquiteascrazy

Five Favourite Stories

The Stars Aligned series by @lecrit

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC: The only thing I knew for certain coming into this “picking faves process” was that there had to be something by Lecrit on this list. The way Lu writes Magnus & Alec enraptures me every single damn time and to narrow it down to just one was so hard. So I cheated & picked a series ;) It was one of the first Malec fics I read and just the whole AU is perfect.

I re-read it when Oscar Nominations are announced and on the day of the ceremony (I don’t even care about the Oscars). And probably 5 or 6 times throughout the year on top of that. The mutual pining is so strong to begin with, there’s some very light angst with some classic “bad guy” action by Camille and when they finally get their shit together, well, it’s just beautiful. Jace being an idiot, Izzy being the most supportive ever, nerd Simon… It’s got the works. If you haven’t already read it, why the hell not? Go. Now.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “I know we usually don’t thank our agents in these things,” he says, still scanning the room, “but my agent is also my PA and one of my best friends, and I just won an Oscar so I think I can do whatever I want tonight and he won’t hold it against me.” The audience laughs, as much in amusement as it is in surprise but Magnus doesn’t really notice, finally giving up. “Okay,” he exclaims in the mic, “I can’t find him. Has anyone seen Alec? Tall, dark, handsome and probably glued to his phone right now?” [Trying to cut this entire speech down into the best bit? Impossible but I decided to go with the start]

2C by Oumy

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC: I love the antagonism between Alec & Magnus to begin with and while the source of this is revealed in an additional fic later on, while reading 2C you can entirely predict what started it all. And within the main work itself, it doesn’t need saying because the way the characters are written subtly folds in all these personality traits that we know & love. Even before they finally get it together, they’re pushing each other & challenging each other to be the best versions of themselves. The way it builds from rivalry to romance is just *chefs kiss*

Plus, the mental image of Alec & Magnus as incredibly skilled musicians is Hot. We’ll ignore the slight “Magnus can’t play the charango and it’s awful every time he tries going near an instrument” thing… In this universe, they’re musical maestros!

FAVORITE QUOTE: Alec moved from the door, his long legs already eating up the distance to the entrance, and the competitive side of Magnus, the one that reluctantly thrived on their rivalry, refused to let him have the last word, so he blurted out at the retreating figure “Bite me, Lightwood” Alec turned around, walking backwards and spread his free hand, that perpetual half smile still etched on his face “Only if you ask nicely”

Between the Lines by @msalexiscriss

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC: The plot is fantastic. The entire concept that Magnus is a criminal didn’t necessarily sit well with me at first but then as the story progresses and you realise why, it all starts to come together. And so much of their characteristics & traits are woven into it in a really fun way, e.g. Magnus’ love of glitter. From the very beginning the chemistry between them is so well written considering they’ve barely interacted in person. The way Magnus taunts Alec, the way they play this cat & mouse game. About halfway through I had this sudden fear that I would not enjoy the ending. I just couldn’t see a satisfying conclusion where no-one’s morals were compromised and they still got their happy ending but it really came together and did all the characters justice!

FAVORITE SCENE: The entire “first date” on the rooftop. The way Alec ends up there, the way Magnus has it all planned out. The conversation & the teasing from Magnus. The prying for information from Alec. The way they both dance around each other while enjoying the company & getting to know one another.

Deeper Than the Truth by insieme

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC: Can you really compile a list of favourite fics without including at least one coffee shop AU?! And this one is so much more than just a coffee shop AU. I love how Magnus’ unbridled passion & enthusiasm jumpstarts Alec. I love the slow burn that builds up between them & how their relationship develops. I love the quiet moments of their relationship that are interwoven with the bigger moments. I love the balance between Alec hating the lies he’s telling and knowing that he could hurt Magnus and the inner turmoil he goes through. I love that the reveal is realistically handled and not just swept under a rug but they actually talk about the communication issues. I just love it all.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “Well Alexander, I would love to continue this conversation at the present except I have a whole room of ladies with sharp sewing needles who are not going to be too pleased with me if I keep them waiting any longer. Perhaps if you’re here tomorrow, around the same time, we could bump into each other again, and you could tell me your ridiculous dislike for Mr. Archer over a cup of coffee?” Magnus looked at Alec confidently, like he had no reservations whatsoever that Alec wouldn’t accept his offer. He was right. “Tomorrow. Yeah, okay. I’ll be here.” Alec said, unable to stop the smile that crept onto his face. Magnus was already on his way out the store when Alec realized what Magnus had said. He called out after him, “My name is Alec!” Magnus just waved over his shoulder, calling out “See you tomorrow, Alexander!” He was so screwed. [What I have learnt about myself going through this exercise is the early moment of relationships in fics are my favourites. They set the tone of what’s to come & build the chemistry from there!]

Choose your weapon by @steakandvodka

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC: Clalec BROTP ftw. Honestly, this is just cute and shows such lovely character growth & their relationship develops so beautifully. Alec is shown as supportive & a good leader and very typically Alec in response to Clary. But it also shows a softer side & how him & Fray become friends.

Meanwhile, we see a struggle from Clary that isn’t shown in the show about how not being brought up in the shadow world means working harder to get up to scratch & her insecurities around it.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “Look, I know better than anyone how much pressure it can be to be perfect all the time. Especially when you have people doubting you — the drive to prove them wrong can overshadow every other responsibility in your life. But hard work isn’t always a good thing, not if you don’t go about it in a healthy way. It can set you back, and more importantly, you can get hurt” [Alec Lightwood finally embracing healthy work-life balance <3]

Author Story

At first I felt a little bit like a fraud trying to write this. I’d hardly consider myself an author - I’ve barely really written anything (politely ignoring my terrible contributions to the HP fandom well over a decade ago)

I’d never really considered myself particularly creative, much happier to just absorb the fruits of other people’s creativity and be glad that there are so many talented people in the world writing stories and making art. Shadowhunters changed that for me. The characters have resonated with me and I found myself inspired on a couple of occasions to actually put pen to paper (Well, fingers to keyboard)

I still consider myself very creatively challenged but I’m enjoying exploring the little bursts of inspiration, even if I find myself wishing I’d paid more attention in English class! Reading has always been my escape from reality, writing is now giving me that opportunity to create my own escapes. So if there’s anyone else who’s new to this and nervous about trying to write/sharing their writing, I feel you! But if you have a story you want to tell - go for it! You might surprise yourself :)

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfiction blog

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3staroracle-gemmanelson-blog · 5 years

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A Picture Of Me

(this is a repeat posting, however our guides encouraged me to re share this in the now, because someone that needs to see it shall and I pray with a deep love in my heart that my share helps you)

Yeshua has asked me to share some of my story in short with you, so that you may see who I am in the now and where I have come from, how human I am and that as much as I have done much work and self healing there is more to be done, which is our journey isn’t it.

Yet if one person is helped by this share, it is worth it! Healing is the intention!

I was born to a woman wanting to keep her husband, at six months old it was over, so the father figure was separated right there and then, years passed and I started school and recall the day I had the download of how to read occur, I was reading the three pigs with a teacher called Mrs Marsh, I was just over five years old and the page went from blurred to clear and then I could read…

I also recall the day they took our fingerprints and were very careful about that… I’ll let you have your own thoughts on that.

So at this point I had 2 older sisters and a depressed mother, who then found herself another man and bought him into our lives, in an instance our lives changed, we were now under a dictatorship unable to freely roam our village, in fear of violence, sexual subjection, intimidation, mental abuse, this in short was to be our childhood from age 7-21…

At school I would converse with my ‘imaginary friend Violet’ and would also find I was able to track and help injured people by following the sound of their heartbeats…

Until the school said how odd I was to them of course.

We were involved within a religion that was a strict Christian religion and our step father hid behind this, my grandmother my mothers mother advised me age 15 what he had done to my older sister, she wished to protect me… I therefore spent years thereafter keeping myself awake at night, reading by moonlight, sometime there after my sister was beaten up and sent to our natural fathers because she was apparently uncontrollable after she had told the religious leaders what he had done to her…

I recall the time our step parent got chucked out of the religion for smoking rather than for all the years he was unkind to us, I had learnt about Satan within the religion, so called out abuse and hate to this being, I experienced a reptilian face that screamed without noise in my face as a warning to respect that the god/creator allowed them to exist here for good reason the scream I know was silent to take into account I was a child. (Yet lesson learnt I was to always respect any energy) what I am thankful for as regards this religion was how it taught me to speak directly with god/creator/source from my heart and how they taught me to see truth and untruths within their Bible book…

In short we held our breath at night as our step father walked about the house, we could not speak for fear of saying the wrong thing, which seemed rather frequent, this is shared to give a picture of my childhood, as this now I accept as part of my chosen life experience and the carving tool that made me who I am today, I chose to forgive yet move on not being connected to my natural mother or father and my step father spent a little while behind bars…

Our mother a lost soul, who sold her soul and ours for money really…she became a victim to his behaviour and although had many opportunities to separate or save herself and us always went trudging back.

These lessons taught me how never to be and help me lay some good boundaries that have lived with me in adulthood.

As a child, within a religious organisation that chose to protect this offender… I lost all respect for that said organisation and left when I left the family home, when a further education college counsellor and I devised a plan to get me out after a further beating for a made up reason.

So at less than 18yrs of age, never having been on a train, or to the cinema, I was told I would have to do all alone to leave for a new life in Surrey from Leicestershire England, kindly a religious member decided to take me and connect me with people who could look out for me.

The few times I did go and report the beatings to doctors they suggested that if I went to them again they would have to report it… Interesting that it came across as a threat to me, rather than them wanting to suggest they could help or protect me.

Moving forwards whilst I did the voluntary work in surrey it was protected freedom living in a nurses hostel with the grounds I worked and having contact with other religious people in that area.

As time moved on I then found other paid work caring and housekeeping for a lady in her own home and then lived as a lodger in a woman’s home whilst working in a departmental store and as I started to begin the healing process and the realisation of all that I lived through I had a break down and it all led to me returning back to that home, I recall when I called my mother and said that I didn’t want life to be how it was before, she suggested I should behave myself, which was interesting as we didn’t dare say boo to anyone.

Regardless he came and collected me and that drive back was uncomfortable, yet I will say that I had grown wiser and living back there was never as bad as it was before, so I had learnt to set boundaries, the worst he did was throw a cat that he had been beating up at me as I had asked him to please stop. I had learnt to ask if anyone needed the toilet before I showered etc…

So at around 21 & 1/2 I was now able to drive, had my own flat, had met a man that didn’t speak hardly a word of English and I was in love with the idea of being in love, so in between work I would drive endless hours back to Surrey to be with this man, this man also helped me sever the ties with the religion and yet again helped me heal whilst being protected, as time went on after being married to him, accepting his children seeing and realising we were on totally different planets and it couldn’t continue we divorced, within this marriage I had taken on four of his children proved it was possible to be a good and caring step parent, learnt another language, had early gestation and late gestation pregnancies, he had many a time attempted to be violent towards me yet the strength I took from my childhood would always reinforce that boundary, even to the extent that I could sense in another room when he was about to hit his child. Many a time throughout my life and the loss of my babies I would then find my belief system evolving always returning back to really what quantified as a spiritual belief, tarot readings, reiki level 1, reading spiritual books like the Celestine prophecies all impacted, yet as each dark corner was approached I would not know what to believe anymore and would just be, until the next awakening came.

Before I decided to leave this husband we went to court to say what had occurred to us as children and we learnt that our step father had a whole history and pattern that weaved a nasty path, so even with all of that he was given four years, yet again I was shown how organisations really protect the ‘wrong doer’…

At this time I worked with in a bank and the support through the years they gave me was awesome, showing that even when the going gets tough that support comes from the most unlikely of places.

So when I left my husband I had a good job and ended up in a woman’s only hostel, hoping that society would finally realise all I had been through and assist me, yet I was the only person in there working and paying my way, funny as the time passed the social workers saw that I had a way with ‘bullies’ and they put all the vulnerables in the wing with me.

I suppose you could say at this point I had my time of self discovery and my wicked way with the world, free and single, met a man who tried to imprison me as I had allowed him to take me to a city I didn’t know, he also aimed a gun at me and I told him he looked pathetic and if he was going to shoot me then he could do it in the back of my head… Amazingly I survived and returned, connected with a man of an old family friend and together we found a landlord who would accept me because I had a job, no deposit and a pet cat. So here was my new beginning, I had felt so happy to have this place that not having a bed etc didn’t matter, I slept on just the duvet for weeks and was so happy, I found time to write what I wished for to the universe, this included what I wished for in a partner… An old family friend of my natural mother moved in with me and she became the mother mine could never be, we had such fun there and a colleague lived at the back of me and I’d often go there for chats, all was going well. I then met through a chat site at my friends house my now husband who is all I asked for and more, bless when he first met me, I believed in nothing religious or spiritual and wanted to ensure he wanted children because time was getting on. Lol

Well within 6months we lived together, 2 months after that he asked me on one knee to be his wife, 1 & 1/2 yrs later we were booking our wedding after my delayed divorce came through, 3yrs after we met we got married.

2 years after that my 8th baby loss, led me down a dark hole of totally disrespecting myself, mind, body and soul… For I would get to 24 weeks pregnant and my body would just eject and the perfect child too small to continue would pass.

I had met a consultant who transfered us to a miscarriage clinic for further investigation, right from meeting him I knew he was an earth angel. He did tests etc and we left it at that, let’s see what happened and go from there. It was leading up to my birthday and months had passed and it wasn’t happening so I decided that I would love a dog, so family clubbed together to get me Betty, imagine this… earlier that spring all the plants were telling me how excited they were and wouldn’t let on why (literally they were so excited it was bursting from them), so I banked it after acknowledging it and I would look out for something, at this time I believed in mother earth and nothing else, because of events…. I was cuddling my puppy in my arms and was reminded of my first daughter that I had given birth to within my first marriage in the year 2000, they felt so similar, I stood in my garden and sobbed, then I became angry and told mother earth that I deserved to be a mother and to prove I could be a good mother, I affirmed that I am a good person… The joy in the heavens its what they had been waiting for, funny thing is I must have already been pregnant because two weeks later we had a positive test, that surgeon moved heaven and earth to give me the very best treatment that I deserved and now my boy is five years old.

We found out that the lady that became like a mother to me had terminal cancer and I had severe fibromyalgia, which had meant I couldn’t work and lost my job due to it almost two years after my son was born, this was to be my final no going back awakening in 2015, I assisted my dear heart adopted mother with a smoother passing using all shamanic healing within me, I had started angel card readings and developed that within a spiritual group this served to distract me from the physical manifestations of pain that was present, plants and trees were talking to me again, as were my guides and I was developing at a fast rate, our guides even fast tracked/jumped my timelines with an unforgettable experience within a meditation, (this was recognition for my efforts within life) where I met my native guide, a star being guide, a shrimplike guide that told me he was an intrinsic part of earth, I also had pleasure of meeting a counsel of many wise beings, such an honour, they even connected me to oneness and allowed me to affect all the energies, weather and more.

Leading up to my dear hearted adoptive mothers passing I knew when she was laying in her bed looking like she was asleep she was also communicating with me just like spirit would and there is no room for doubt within my mind that it was anyone else but she, the experiences I and others had leading up to her passing left no uncertainties this was to be my life, a life in service, being in the right place at the right time, taking items I knew were needed, giving messages of love, nurture, healing, activations, clearings and more.

Many people have gone and come into my life, either to teach or be taught and I’ve had many lessons for which I am truly thankful for.

Delores Cannon, Adama, Nana, Mary, Commander Ashtar, Dragons, Fae, Druids, Griffins, Hatuey(salamander)Yeshua, Hathor, Thor/Thoth, Goddess Isis, Archangel Metatron, Haylel, Haniel, Azrael, Ariel, Sophia, the seraphim collective and more continue to teach me with the connecting of consciousness, channelling, telepathy, animal communication, supporting clearing and smooth transitions at end of life, most of all I’m taught to be limitless, this is who we are, all that I do and am learning to do is possible for you if you wish.

With the help of the physical illness and Archangel Chamuel and Raphael I’m so much better at listening to myself honouring my truth and loving myself.

I am now off all western medicines, have a continuing plan to keep ensuring I improve my diet and have made good advancement on that, stopped smoking and more, always there is a journey on working upon self, we wouldn’t remain humble else, all of us are students and teachers.

Many people ask how has your belief system helped you and I answer this.

It has healed me from depression, insomnia (except upon full moons and energy downloads. Lol), fibromyalgia, diabetes, broken hearts, despair, phobias and or paranoia, self loathing, I could go on…

I am thankful for both difficult and easy experiences and have made my peace with it all and can truly give thanks and draw strength from them.

Because through it all I have love, hope, the desire to help us have a better future, to help others find their truths, to have vision and self love, with empowerment of self and to gift this to others.

I have the inner peace I always wished for and know that together we can all find this.

This is not a boasting, or a competition, or a look at me, its to share that no matter what you can overcome so much and be who you wish to be in the now, with a pure and humble heart and a readiness to be in service. Knowing you can ask for help from the ‘unseen supporters’ and receive it.

Blind faith, trust and belief has taught me much, even that without an income or access to benefits/state payouts, the universe has our back, be open to receiving in whichever way the universe wishes to provide for you.

We are in the age of mastering our life and actualising mastering the embodiment of ourselves in the flesh, hereby bringing heaven upon earth. Look within and you shall find and look beyond and you shall see, all you are meant to be xXx ❤ xXx

If you wish to contact me for any of the above services, our guides have confirmed that my journey is to be in full time service and I too desire to honour this.

I am happy to receive clothes/shoe vouchers, food vouchers or deliveries, monetary exchanges to assist with paying Bill, spiritual healing items such as quartz crystal bowls or a handpan, set at divine 432MHz to aid healing sessions… there are also some decks on my wishlist also

If you have any other ideas I am open to them.

Just message me.

Payments for services or donations are to be sent here:

paypal.me/gemcraft153

Thank you for being a part of me and thank you for allowing me to be a part of you.

xXx xXx

XxX

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giakarla-blog · 6 years

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Reflection about Selfiesteem: Breaking Society’s Standard, Separating Myth from Reality

The concept of beauty that majority seemed to be approving have been a very influential factor of defining what is considered “attractive” nowadays. For these reason, it became quite challenging to fit in a society where building confidence is a necessary tool for survival. Thus, these have been one of the factors in considering the topic, it opens an avenue of talking about these beauty standards nonchalantly and offers in helping to debunk these destructive lenses of beauty then aims to manage us in building up confidence. After the seminar, I couldn’t help to reflect on how things happened so smoothly. It brings joy to me knowing that the seminar’s goal was aimed through the message that was successfully imparted to the audience. With the help of the two astute speakers; Mr. Romeo Latoza and Miss Giannica Monteguado, self-esteem was clearly defined and students were enlightened of the tips that were given when it comes to building up their levels of confidence. According to Mr. Latoza, “self esteem is knowing your value, and that is the main driving force in how you can be confident about yourself.” I learned that being an introvert doesn’t mean your not confident, and being loud doesn’t either. What makes you confident is how you view yourself. That awareness of your own capacity can lead you to utilizing it furthermore and being able to be flexible in any circumstance given to you and show it. That is confidence. On the other hand, my most favorite thing about Ms. Giannica’s talk was her tip on learning how to accept compliments. Sometimes, we don’t want to take other people’s appreciation mainly for the reason that we don’t want to acknowledge it. We tend to think that we don’t deserve any bit of it, and that sucks. That time, I have openly taught to myself to give compliments and accept at the same time, in that way I have learned how big compliments can do and how life-changing it is to simply say “thank you!” Today’s society which was influenced by media and consumerism have seemed to impose concepts in majority of people already. Which makes it extremely unacceptable once a trait is shown different of those qualities. I think one beauty standard we have today is the typical white-flawless skin we ought to be appreciative of. Filipino’s color is naturally brown hence it makes one think that if you are brown you should whiten your skin to beautify yourself since a lot of personalities are characterized of it and being idolized/loved by many. Admit it or not, I have been one of those who have also tried to whiten my skin just to be included in that lense. And sadly, today many people are also doing it. For now, I have been learning to embrace my morena skin, regardless of what other people would say. In addition, I myself have experienced bullying because of my size & weight however today confidently I can say that I have learned to take good care of my body and stem on me that as long as I am healthy and active in life, body-shaming would not break me. If there’s something I have very much learned, it is in knowing that beauty is not limited to a perfect body-figure, gender, money, skin-color , number of likes in instagram or any social media or number of followers and all sorts. Beauty comes in different kinds and form and it should not be isolated into one category only. I know for a fact that I am only of of those many who have managed to create confidence on their own. That is why I know to myself that this seminar is very important and should be exclusive to every person. It has become a very helpful avenue in helping anyone fight their battles inside them. Body-shaming, skin shaming and all sorts of discrimination against men and women are something we should ought to break. Thanks to the two speakers, they generously gave tips. One tip that Ms. Giannica shared to us on breaking these beauty standards in the entertainment industry is to support those actors and actresses who don’t follow the conventional beauty standards. Give them roles, accept them rather than to discriminate. Good thing today, campaigns have already been laid out slowly. I could see that there are pluz-size models who are campaigning clothes already. I could also see that the number of morenas, and pure Filipina faces are increasing and that is something we should be supportive of and work upon today. The beauty of the seminar is that it was not one-sided at all, in fact everyone was cooperative since the talks were very interactive. Audiences were asked of their own sets of opinions about something and fortunately they were not hesitant of expressing it. As for my role during the seminar, I was tasked to be in charge of the Doxology. Doxology is in a short hymn of praises to God in various forms. I then obliged myself to look for suitable doxology song that would best express God’s praise. During the seminar, fear and doubt enveloped me as I was having a cold-feet while looking to the increasing number of audience inside the venue. However I talked to myself and fought the negativities inside my head and kept on reminding myself that this was the whole point of the seminar; to break the negativities inside of us and build up self-esteem. Knowing that, I went out of my comfort zone and successfully managed fear. Meanwhile, all throughout the duration of the seminar, everything was light and positivity eloped in the air. What made me more happy about it was that it created a very positive outlook among audience and even to us ourselves. After a hectic schedule with the fact that the seminar was followed by our BEAA exam, our class have still managed to do it with the best of our abilities. In the end, every person in the room was very satisfied of how things turned out. Regardless of the difficulties and challenges along the way it was safe to say that it was successful since everyone seemed to learn. Finally, I have learned firmly that beauty standards are only standards that no one of us needs to follow if not comfortable of it. It is into our hands on how we can overcome those standards and focus on the aspects of ourselves we are confident of. Today the “millennials” or “zenials” which I belong of are very much opinionated. We have the power to call-out these beauty ideals imposed and change them. In that way, companies and media can bow down to this pressure once all of us would be eager to break it since we have the purchasing power to do it. These type of small actions can make a big change in the future. How pleasant it is to create a generation of persons who are not judged and who are not struggling of building up their own self-value. I bowed to myself that cooperating in these types of campaign is one thing I would do, and further be doing in the future.

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starnova-between-two-worlds · 6 years

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Dangerous admissions

My dad’s wife is only ever real and honest when she’s on the phone with her sister, usually after drinking a whole lot of wine. This is when she lets her true colors show without sugar-coating or putting up a mask. Then she lets loose with all of the things she’s been hiding because she doesn’t know anybody hears her. The other day, though, she admitted a whole bunch of things that she had been hiding that show that she’s no longer safe for me to be around in any capacity. My guardians and I are currently trying to make arrangements for when I am on break from school (my school lets out for a month-long break from the week of December 10th till the week of January 18th).

Here are the things she admitted, and later verified to my dad when he confronted her (for the FIRST TIME) about it:

-She does not believe anybody is able to care about me but her. Furthermore, she thinks loving someone is hurting them, isolating them, and damaging them, because “if you love your child then you have to show them that there are other people out there in the world who will hurt them.” So that’s why she hurt me. That’s why she continues to try to hurt me. That’s why she once told me she is PROUD of having hurt me. Because she “did it out of love” and she did it “to show me that people will hurt me.” She is convinced that without her abuse, somebody is going to kill me someday.

-She has become delusional. I have a phone recording of her having a full-on psychotic episode (these recordings will be taken to the social workers, NOT posted online). I showed one of these recordings to my psych and he says that she is clearly delusional. For one thing, she told her sister (who was trying to reason with her) that God will punish her if she does not do the things she is planning to do to me. For another, all of this started because she watched a documentary about a schizophrenic woman, and she became CONVINCED, WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that the woman in that movie WAS me. When my dad confronted her, telling her, “...so you want to ruin our daughter’s life because you saw a TV SHOW?!” she told him that the woman in the TV show was me, and that the same things that were happening to the woman in the documentary were happening to me right now, and that that woman’s fate undoubtedly awaited me. When my dad was trying to tell her why that was bullshit (e.g. the woman in the documentary didn’t go to school, she wasn’t involved in special needs programs, she had no ability to form coherent thought, etc) his wife simply yelled “YOU DIDN’T EVEN WATCH IT, SO YOU CAN’T TELL ME ANYTHING!” and then refuted all of his attempts to reason with, “WATCH IT. NO. WATCH IT. WATCH IT.” Again, this is on recording and will be shown to my social workers.

-She admitted to keeping me isolated throughout most of my life, again, out of “love.” She told my dad that, “Because she is not on medication, she should not go out into the world. She will get hurt. She will get taken advantage of. Someone is going to kill her someday.” This was her justification for keeping me isolated throughout my entire childhood and adolescence (for perspective, I wasn’t even able to LEAVE MY STREET TO CROSS TO THE NEXT ONE until I was FIFTEEN, and this is because my guardians said it is fucked up that a 15-year-old girl cannot cross the street without having a panic attack). She had to keep me at home, close to her, and make sure she was doing everything she could to hurt me herself in order for me to “understand” that people in the world were going to hurt me. Again, she believes that if she didn’t do this someone would have killed me before I even turned 18. She very often told me things like “If you walk away from where I can see you, somebody is going to kill you/snatch you/rape you.” Now, knowing I have schizophrenia, she believes that I should be kept isolated unless I go on medication. Thankfully, she can’t keep me isolated now. I’ve got my soulbonds and a human support network, and dad would raise all the hell in the world if she attempted to force me to leave school.

-She does not believe I have the capacity to learn, or even think. When her sister told her she needs to back off and let me learn about the world for myself by going out into it, she said, “She’s schizophrenic. She can’t learn. Schizophrenics who do not take medication cannot learn anything.” She told my dad that I am unable to think rationally, and that, “She may SOUND rational, but she’s not rational. She can’t be rational. She isn’t thinking right. She CAN’T think right.”

-The most dangerous admission she made, and the reason why we’re getting people involved and the reason why I can’t be at home with her anymore at all, is that she came right out and said that she will stop at nothing to make sure I am put back in the hospital and forced on medication. By stop at nothing, I mean that she knows everything that triggers a meltdown or an outburst, all of the stimuli that provoke me into violence, and she knows that the reason I ended up in the hospital in the first place is because she backed me into a corner to the point where I felt like the only option was something drastic. And for YEARS, I have always wondered why, if she KNOWS what provokes this shit, she doesn’t just not DO those things, rather than do them anyway knowing they’re going to cause me to flip and then start crying that I flipped. Now I know why. She’s doing it on purpose and she’s doing it because, as she said herself, she “refuses to give up” on her ultimate goal of having me committed and medicated. (Bear in mind, even if I do end up in the hospital again, I will NOT be going back on any sort of medication, no matter WHAT anybody tells me. But also bear in mind that my dad’s wife might be able to pull the right strings that would get them to forcibly inject medication...) She will do anything to make sure I am as unstable as possible, so she can call the authorities, tell them I’m unstable and violent and screaming (if I am in the midst of a Plinian eruption, they’d find me at the right level of instability to justify being carted off to a hospital), and achieve her fucked-up “goal.” And again, she believes she is doing this out of love and because she does not believe I am capable of any sort of life without being placed on medication, despite all of the progress I’ve been making in the past year (that she has actively tried to impede, and now I know why...).

She has become dangerous. It is no longer safe for me to be in the house with her, as all it would take would be for her to trigger one bad meltdown and that would be it. (And she’s my primary trigger...we all noticed that my meltdowns have simply ceased to exist ever since I increased my class load to spend more time at school.) The semester is about to end and I will no longer have school to keep me away from the house. Program only runs at night, from 6 to 7:30, and so it’s not going to be enough. The day programs can’t take me because I do not have Medicaid. I’ve already beaten enough dead horses with social services and called every disability services resource in the COUNTY (and even some in adjacent counties, and even some at the fucking state capital). They all said the same thing: “Do you have Medicaid? No? Well, I’m sorry, but we can’t accept anyone who is not eligible for Medicaid.” (I applied for Medicaid twice. Got two nice big denial letters, and then my caseworker fucked off somewhere never to return because “If you can’t get Medicaid then I really don’t know what to do for you.”) The one program that did not require Medicaid told me and my dad they cannot take me because they were only meant for the severely disabled. Another one that I offered to SELF-PAY for never called me back (it’s been a year). I’m not going to be trying again with social services.

But there’s gotta be something. All we know is that it has gone too far and it is no longer safe for me to be at home with her during the day. I’ll talk to my staff on Monday during our annual Thanksgiving party at program (as sucky as it is to have to bring this up during a Thanksgiving party). I already told one of my staff about what happened and showed her one of the recordings, and she said she’d talk to the other one (who is the head of the program and has connections with disability resources in the area, and also offered to advocate for me once I am living on my own). My psych told us to reach out to the school--he says that the school is my only refuge right now and they’re the only ones who are going to be of any sort of help (he knows about my year-long failed tango with social services). The head of my program once offered to allow me to help her with her work down at the rec center, and I’m going to see on Monday if I can still take her up on that offer. If I can go down to the rec center to work with her during my time off school then I’ll be out of the house and away from my dad’s wife, and that’s what’s important right now--to be out of the house in a non-toxic, supportive environment and away from my dad’s wife as much as possible, with my soulbonds of course with me.

We have until the end of this semester to figure something out, and thankfully we have a lot of help--including my dad, who now supports my getting away from his wife and who has shed a lot of his denial after his confrontation with her the other day. But for now, this is a holiday, and we’re going to be using the holiday to just forget about everything, boost our morale, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving be thankful for the family we’ve created for eachother and the people who have been supporting us. We’ll think of something. We always do. And when that fails we think of something else, and something else, and something else..

#abuse #shit happens #posts that turned out way longer than they had any right to be #shit that shouldn't have happened but did anyway

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tarasmediaportfolio-blog · 6 years

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Interview Questions analysis

WI’m really happy with the answers I got and I feel like I got a range of different perspectives. It was interesting to see how in all of my interviews, everyone answered that they think society’s definition of masculinity is based on this idea of having mental or emotional ‘strength’. Personal definitions were also very similar, with the exception of Zach. They answered that they think true masculinity is having confidence in who they are. Knowing that they think this will be really useful for my article because it is something that will hopefully relate to a lot of guys. Confidence in yourself is also really important in my opinion. Using this to start my conversation of masculinity can maybe change how the boys reading this magazine will think of themselves and how they choose to grow.

Family was a major influence on how all 4 of these boys grew up. Zach talked about how all his life he had been shown support from his family and how his family had been open about their views for pro-gay marriage and pro race equality, which made him feel comfortable about coming out as gay when he was 13. Zach also talked about how he never really cared about what anyone thought about him because he was confident in himself, which may also be thanked to his parents showing that support and acceptance. Sammy talked about how his family and friends told him to “get a grip” and “suck it up” whilst growing up. He talked about how he found it hard to show his true self because he defines himself as an emotional guy but has been shunned for showing that emotion. He also thinks that to solve this problem of toxic masculinity, it has to start with the parents. Brandon said he thinks his dad has had a major influence on how he thinks about crying, he thinks that crying would make him seem weak and makes others seem weak. And lastly, although not in the interview but a conversation afterward, that Waleed agreed to let me talk about, he talked about how his family punished him for crying and being upset. Family is obviously a very big part of growing up but I don’t know if I should mention this in my article. Family is a really tricky subject because not all families are safe, supportive, and caring. I think if I do choose to talk about family in my article I should talk about the influence that family does have on kids, this way I can keep it relatable to the young readers, but if anyone older does choose to read it may open their eyes on how they should treat their future or current children. It was interesting that Zach and Sammy were the only people who said there were lots of resources at his school to help him out with mental health, stresses, and etc including guidance counselors and inspirational posters, although Zach never used the resources he felt like there were lots of places he could go for support. Sammy said that the resources didn’t help him at all and made him feel worse. I feel like this is something interesting and can be used elsewhere in my magazine, to talk about how guidance counsellors need to be better trained because in my own experience I’ve had pretty lousy guidance counsellors even though there was a large range of them. Brandon and Waleed said they didn’t have these resources, Brandon mentioned that if he needed help he would see the principal or his teacher. This makes me feel that it is important that schools have resources like Zachs. Taking from my own experience at my old school, having posters did actually really brighten my day and were really cool to see. We had whole hallways dedicated to posters with strong female women saying iconic quotes, including drag queens and transgendered people. I think this created a really positive environment and made people more open-minded. It’s cool how that even across genders, posters seem to have a good positive influence. I might use this as an opportunity to make a rip out poster in my magazine. I think there’s some interesting quotes that I can use out of the interviews that can actually be used across my magazine, especially Zachs answers.

Some good quotes from Zach could be around his concept of the nuclear family

“For me, society’s definition of masculinity goes back to the concept of a nuclear family.“ “ where the man is the working figure, and the mom tends to stay at home and nurses the children, as well as makes food. Though this idea can very much be true for some households, I feel like it’s been set as the “norm”, which it shouldn’t be.“

“Definitely my family and how supportive they’ve been throughout my entire life. Ever since I was young my parents have always been liberal and open-minded about “controversial topics”, such as gay marriage, racial inequality, and so on.”

“ I think that because I have always felt so secure and supported by my family since such a young age, I grew up to be careless about others’ judgement.“ “it’s my responsibility to make sure my perception isn’t blurred or misconstrued because of what other people say.“

“But if the idea that men don’t have to be masculine (and vice versa with women) and that showing emotion is rather brave and respectable, then I think that could start paving the path with future generations. “

I like Zachs answers because they are really uplifting and teach you that it’s kind of your responsibility to take care of your wellbeing. Like obviously you can lean on others for support, but if you truly want to be happy and free then you need to stop comparing yourselves to others and your responsibility to be confident in yourself without the need to rely on others for constant support. I think his perspective is truly unique from a lot of others so people could learn a lot from his quotes

Waleed’s quotes:

“I think in societies eye, to be a man, you have to be strong, courageous, dominant and assertive“

“if a guy tries to share his emotions or how they feel they are labelled as gay or a sissy.“

“To me true masculinity is a guy that is confident enough in themselves that they really don’t give a fuck about what others think in regards to their emotions“

“I think masculinity should have the characteristics I listed before in regards to being strong and courageous etc. but its more so in the way they act/or use those characteristics - its not being dominant as in who is the more ‘alpha guy’ or whatever, its fighting for what’s right and protecting those they love/care about.“

Although there isn’t a lot of quotes, there are some really good ones that align well with Zachs message of just being confident in yourself no matter what anyone else says. I also think it could potentially back up some other points in my magazine that toxic maculinity is real.

Brandon quotes: “I think crying would make me seem less powerful. Crying would kind of get misinterpreted by seeming not necessarily feminine but kind of weak“

“majority of people do not appreciate crying as something that’s very masculine.“

[talking about his dad] “I can’t really say I’m feeling sad or I’m feeling sad because he’ll tell me to get over it,”

“I think it’s acceptance, we as a society need to start to stop shaming people for who they are, we have movements like black lives matter, lgbtq movement, so I feel like if people kind of united behind a common cause and this cause being accepting the differences between what’s right to, the right to the right thing to do being masculine or feminine“

Although I may not use Brandons quotes in my article I think some of what he said is really interesting and it’s something that I should research more into, like looking into movements and seeing the potential impact it could have on mens wellbeing, however that could be kind of controversial since in todays society there are a lot of movements AGAINST (white) men because of how they damage womens wellbeing. Something to look into nonetheless! Sammy Quotes:

“As a male you’re told to 'suck it up’ or 'get a grip’”

“It’s internalised into men that you have to be tough, which men will associate with not being able to show their true feelings.“

“I’m sure many men have it ingrained into their heads that showing emotion is a sign of weakness and it must be punished, but a lot of men know that deep down, showing emotions is perfectly normal and even healthy, but due to the way people are raised, there will always be some sort of barrier or emotional blockage that prevents people from showing their true colours even when it is the best option for them.“ “ I rushed to my aunts home (where my grandma had passed), and sat around with my family as they all bawled their eyes out, leaning over her body and just in absolute disarray as they learned she was gone. I was there, with everyone, and while I was very upset myself, I did not cry or say anything. I made a tiny speech to my grandma as the family sat around and it triggered more bad crying, but again, I did not join in on that action. “

Sammys interview was very good and would be great to use his stories as anecdotes because I’m sure a lot of boys can relate to Sammy feeling as if he has to repress his emotions all the time, which he then turns into anger. I feel like I could literally base my article all off of Zachs interview but I think it’s important that I include a range of views in my article to remain unbias and to fully prove the point that this is an issue that needs to be addresssed

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giakarla-blog · 6 years

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Reflection about Selfiesteem: Breaking Society’s Beauty Standard, Separating Myth from Reality Seminar

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