#to be honest if you're trying to go into the show blind i would recommend not being on an socials at ALL

[kindahoping4forever]

PSA

If you are interested in remaining free of all tour spoilers, I'll be tagging all my show related posts with the tag: #the 5sos show tour.

If you still want to see content but your main concern is setlist spoilers, any discussion of the confirmed setlist or videos of songs from the show will also be tagged #the 5sos show tour setlist.

To clarify, setlist spoilers will sport both tags so if you decide to block them both, the post will show up like this:

And then if you see a blocked post bearing only the main tag, you'll know it's at least safe from song spoilers!

Happy tour season! 🥰🥰

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp 15/5

@manorinthewoods submitted: I believe I got confused about the omnipotence thing because I'd talked about it in some Discord server or other. My interpretation of the confusing usage of 'omnipotent' is that it specifically refers to any individual with the ability to exert unlimited power upon at least one individual. This allows for a system where one omnipotent can be more powerful than another, such as a Horrorterror being stronger than a First Guardian. [...] That's all I wanted to say.

The problem is that I don't really understand what it means to exert 'unlimited power' over someone.

Does it mean that you have full control over that person's actions? Or perhaps, the ability to change their nature in any way imaginable? Neither of these traits apply to First Guardians - their powers are centered around controlling space, not people.

Doc Scratch exerts power over Vriska, but his influence isn't absolute. If it was, she wouldn't have been able to use the cueball behind his back. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding what you mean by unlimited power.

Probably! There are already a lot of human/troll interactions going on, so their relationships will inevitably evolve.

I recommended a few webcomics last year. They're all decent theory-fodder, particularly Paranatural.

That said, none of them are as good as Homestuck at doing what Homestuck does. This is a very unique story, and I'm also not sure what, if anything, I'll liveblog after this is done. I'm certainly enjoying liveblogging, so there probably will be a next project - and I remain open to suggestions.

Dang it. Well, I'm still showing up in search, so at least I'm not shadowbanned this time. Maybe a glitch on your end?

I don't think you're wrong, exactly - but to be honest, there seems to be a bigger issue here than unreliable narration. I still have trouble understanding how any kismesissitude can be healthy.

The prophecy is true!

It's kind of cool that the kids' entire fortune is likely seeded from John's original stockpile. All that Grist we picked up in Act 2 actually went somewhere!

Oh, nice! I feel like there'd be too many combinations to effectively crowdsource, though, unless the pool of alchemy ingredients was extremely small. If you really wanted to implement alchemy in a game, it'd probably have to be at least partially procedural.

To be fair, I have to give credit to John on this one. Some of his funniest moments are when he's not trying to be a jokester.

I know! I probably wasn't clear enough about my question.

My question is whether the phrase 'the numerals of the blind prophets' is a reference all on its own. The phrase is a little out of left field, and the comic itself hasn't explained it.

Pretty sure John's has already been explained - he needs to wake his Denizen and save his fireflies!

As for Jade's, it's indeed hard to say. I thought they'd all be about terraforming, but Dave's seems to break this pattern. Maybe his Quest isn't what it seems - or maybe I was just wrong, and a Quest can be just about anything.

I don't think I'll be able to guess Jade's, since it'll involve the features of a Land we haven't yet seen. All I can say for sure is that it'll have something to do with Space.

Hell yes! This blog's hidden objective - to plug The Locked Tomb - is finally bearing fruit.

It's easy for Aradia to do what she does, because she ''knows'' that she could never have done anything else. 'Understanding' this lets her be reckless.

Once you can convince someone their choices don't matter, you can convince them to do whatever you want.

I prefer Prospit's aesthetics, but Derse's vibes. The Horrorterrors are a better suspicious patron than Skaia - at least they'll help me break the game.

That said, the official quiz assigned me Prospit. Maybe I misunderstand the moons - but from where I'm currently sitting, Derse is the better choice.

The question isn't whether Sburb would screw them over - it's how it would.

I like the idea that Sburb started with only Sprites, and slowly assimilated its victors into its later iterations.

Each Sburb species represents a video game trope, so I could see an aggressive species like the trolls as a border patrol. They're angry, aggressive NPCs who fly their warships around the Veil, making sure Players don't leave the session's boundaries. You're meant to avoid them, not fight them, and they're the bane of any Player who tries to get creative with the Furthest Ring.

Now, what kind of NPC would the humans be?

I'm not a fan of jumpscare horror, but psychological horror can be very interesting indeed.

I didn't expect the comedy meme man to be that good at instilling a sense of dread - but I shouldn't have been surprised. Horror and comedy tread a very fine line.

Thank you!!

This frame in particular is pretty unsettling. Jack never usually shows this much emotion, and you have to wonder if the Ring has gone to his head a little.

Anyway, if we're talking about aesthetics, my favorite area so far is the Battlefield. It's like a chessboard mixed with a Windows XP background, and it's gorgeous in Rise Up.

Neither have been used in the comic, so I'm just going with lusi for convenience's sake!

[natashasbitxh]

To the anon asking you if they're a racoon for feeling the Shaynse, YES YOU'RE A RACCOON!!!!! (In Chance voice) 'cause that's how I feel about it, you can help it, it's just happens.

Now I have to said it I tried to watch sword af but I got stuck in the first video, so Idk if I would watch it completely, maybe if I get out of videos to see, I would end up watching the sword af videos completely.

Also I watched some of the old ones, the chicken video one, where that actually give a vibe to the characters from love is blind hahahaha. I think I started this journey this week to be honest. I really don't understand how it happened, I think I stopped watching smosh like last month and this Monday y started again and basically all the Smosh games videos that were uploaded, I don't remember how but I have the love is blind really as a huge video for me, it made me laugh like no other in the games videos, so I didn't look for the ship tag 'cause I didn't know how or what name it would have. And the one day before the theater video came I actually ended watching love is blind again, I went really crazy, the first time the plot twist was crazy hahahahaha and how everything is like: “oh we're straight but we figure it out”, it's so funny to me for some strange reason.

And now I'm here on Tumblr waiting for people to talk about it, thanks for recommending the teletubbies, I think I watched all the reunion by now, I watched the pumpkin live too and other's lives where they're in. My love for the lives it's just how soft they're, just that. Softness.

The theater kid video, my love for redacted and Sarah Christ would have been the otp for me, but Shaynse took it all, I read all the comment and it's crazy how some minutes of interactions take to see that it's a powerful dynamic what this two be having (which is not bad) is a good thing, even Shayne said in the Smosh mouth year episode where he keeps interrupting Chance because he keeps relating to him, for me it like they have more in common that they thing, that was my highlight of that video, there's a lot of moments I know, but I know you know, so I just feel like we don't need to process those ('cause I will go crazy for the fact that Shayne is so shy and actually gets nervous some times and stutters when trying to answer to Chance hahahaha this man is a treasure).

Going back to the theater video, I just feel Shayne nervousness in all that part, it's so funny hahahaha, I love how everyone is looking at them, like it's the first time they ever interacted hahahah Idk why but it's so funny. AND THE FACT THAT SOMEONE READ THAT FIC AND FIX IT TO ACTUALLY BE IN THE VIDEO, WHO EVER DID THAT, THANK YOU SO MUCH, that the real one, they really have to read that... I'm going insane.

I confess I been watching some videos twice or three times, (I'm going feral like a raccoon if you ask me hahaha) I really love that ask that anon send you.

I guess that's it, today I'll watch more videos if I see something I'll share them here. I hope we get more fun moments.

And my question is, what is your fav video where they're in? And why? Do you feel like they need a playlist soon? Share your thoughts, I'm always pleasant to read everything about what you see in them. Because the spark is there (as a good thing) they just need to shine a little bit more.

Honestly raccoon is a perfect way to describe it

If u don't like sword af that is totally fine!! Not for everybody and thats okay!

tbh that a little vague😭 but my first thought was the vid where they're on a team flipping the chicken? Cause they're great in that vid!

Oh that's so great that u got back into smosh! The love is blind ep truly is such an important vid for me! Rlly showed me how great the smoshblr community is 🫶 Yh they're hilarious in that vid too!! Shayne came to serve drama and he did JUST THAT!!

Thats great! Did u enjoy the reunions? There truly is gold in those and they deserve more love, I miss them!! (Although they do get a lot of love on certain areas of the internet) I rlly miss the improv style vids they used to do on smosh main, where they kept laughter in! I guess the love is blind vid felt a little bit like that, cause they're playing characters? Idk

Oh I LOVE them in lives, I eat it up everytime they're so sweet in those!

I just gotta say I LOVE redacted and Sarah christ too, and it was so fun to see a mutual's fanfic make it in the vid! Yh, I think the fanfic vid rlly did bring a few more ppl to shaynse nation and I think that's so fun!

Yes, they are actually quite similar!! AND YES THE NERVOUSNESS AND STUTTERING!! SOMEBODY PULL UP THE "DID I LOOK GOOD IN MY WEDDING DRESS" CLIP!!!

Yh, Shayne is like uncharacteristically nervous!! Kinda crazy and rare to see within a smosh vid! Can't stop thinking abt the journey the fanfic would've had to get thru to get there...thank you to the author🫡

oh I rewatch smosh vids all the time, especially ones theyre in! Ur not alone!!

Yes, share anymore thoughts u have! I hope we get more moments too!

ooo my fav vid..I'm gonna have to say two! First off, the love is blind vid because it's such a classic and is iconic! When that came out I literally went crazy, shaynse day lives in my hear forever! And I think they're so fun in that vid, they're both competitive so when they got coupled up they were genuinely trying so hard to match! But I also have to say a low key one I love is the smoshmouth ep where they talk abt past jobs, there's a lot of sweet moments in that! And the intro of "Chanse, thanks for being here" "Thanks for having me", is literally the cutest and most gentle thing ever!! And also since u mentioned them not rlly insulting each other, my mind has been blown because also in that intro Shayne is quick to say something like "There's no rules rlly." In a kinda defense of Chanse, I just think that's sweet!

I'd love to hear ur fav vid and why!

I'm curious abt what u mean by playlist? Like a music or a vid playlist? I actually have both of those! I've just not shared yet cause I created both of them on personal accounts, I may make new accounts so I can share them at some point but idk!

Thank you for sharing ur thoughts anon! Yes, their spark needs to be explored!

[musical-chick-13]

Reading your posts about "toxic" couples and female villains has me thinking I don't watch any TV programs with any such characters and I want to. Do you have recommendations?

Ohhh, you have come to the right place, my friend. (This is very long I'm so sorry.)

I'm going to do the opposite of what I normally do start with my Number One Recommendation (as in, I think this show is most likely to be the kind of thing you're looking for), which is Search Party starring Alia Shawkat. I really would suggest going into this one blind because it is a ride. This is basically "Everyone Gets Worse: The Show," including one of the most complex and effective corruption arcs of a female character I've ever seen! And Dory/Drew, the main couple, is the most batshit deranged romance. I'm a Jaime/Cersei stan and Dory and Drew somehow come across as worse.

SPEAKING OF JAIME/CERSEI. I like GoT more than I like Search Party. And I like Cersei more than...every character ever. She's not the Final Antagonist™, but she's a formidable presence throughout the show, with such a rich interior emotional world that I always learn something new about her every time I think about her!! And Jaime/Cersei is THE unhealthy romance for me; it is the standard by which I measure every unhinged, toxic couple. People are going to tell me not to recommend this because season 8 is bad, but my hot take of the century is that the final season/ending was overall perfectly fine. Also some love to my girl Melisandre, who is also complex in an unpalatable way that's underappreciated by fandom.

Also going to plug Fleming: The Man Who Would Be Bond, which I think is where my love for Toxic Ships™ can be traced back to. Ann and Ian's relationship is fucked up.

Elementary has a female Moriarty, who doesn't actually show up in that many episodes, but her influence and romantic history with Sherlock is felt throughout the show. He even calls her "the great love of [his] life." Miss Sherlock also has a female Moriarty, who is delightfully creepy.

This is ALSO my daily pitch for 2001 anime Noir, which barely feels like an anime if I'm honest. So if you're not an anime person please don't let that put you off. Altena is THE anime villain of all time, and every single other tragic villain wants what she has. She's extremely competent and is probably the only example I've seen of a villain who claims they're doing the right thing and I genuinely believe she thinks that. (Looking at you [character name redacted].) All the women in this are fucked up, actually, and have very fucked-up relationships with each other! This includes the central couple (though they do eventually get on the same page), but ALSO there's a minor, 2-episode dynamic that stays thoroughly fucked-up the whole way through, I'm talking fighting-to-the-death, I Traumatized You As A Child Which Profoundly Affected Me So Much I Became Obsessed With You/I'm Afraid Of You But Will Still Embrace You While Attacking You (someone other than me please ship this please, PLEASE I'M BEGGING).

I also can never recommend Chainsaw Man enough. I won't say I ship the toxic couple (unlike the others I've mentioned), but it's very complex and furthers the themes of the story and reverberates through it in a way where I really appreciate that it's there. It's a big part of the reason why the story is as excellent and hard-hitting as it is. Also one of the most frightening female villains I've ever seen. (And also Aki/Himeno, another codependent ship. Though that one's pretty tame in comparison to the other dynamics I've mentioned.)

There is also Doctor Who, with recurring villain Missy and the former-friends-turned-enemies-with-heavy-subtext The Doctor and The Master. Kissing your opponent to unbalance them! I don't approve of what you're doing, but I'll always forgive you! Everything I am is because of your influence! No one else can kill you except me! I'll try to be good for a while because you're my friend! They have it all!!!

Some other recommendations I won't go super deep into (because this is getting long) are under the cut.

LIVE ACTION TV: Beth/Rio from Good Girls, Luther/Alice (and just Alice in general) from Luther, Klaus/Camille from The Originals (though they do get less overtly-toxic as time goes on, also the last two seasons of this show are terrible), Cal/Zoe from Lie to Me. Rita/Laura from Doom Patrol is more...fraught and angsty than outright toxic (and it's also not canon ☹️) but there's still betrayal and murder attempts. Also love of my life (and half of my otp of all otps) Irene Adler from BBC Sherlock. Rebecca Bunch from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend isn't a villain (but she has Major Problems™) BUT I'M PUTTING HER HERE ANYWAY BECAUSE THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHOW OF ALL TIME PLEASE WATCH IT.

ANIME: Sunako Kirishiki from Shiki (VASTLY underrated show, with Themes™ of the dangers of fully dehumanizing your enemy/war is hell/what does it really mean to be "a monster," ALSO her looking 12 but being 700 years old is actually story-relevant and meant to decontruct the idea of eternal youth, which I think is neat), Shinji/Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion, Id: Invaded which has one of my favorite Murder Ladies Inami Nahoshi (killing related to trauma/being stuck in emotional stasis, her boyfriend/accomplice is completely under her thumb, but she goes ballistic when she gets separated from him), Akuma No Riddle (which I go back and forth on whether I think is actually good or not but there are SO many villainous gals there so I must stan), and Baccano (one character is in love with another because he so badly wants to kill her and she's just...into that).

OTHER MEDIA: Umineko When They Cry (visual novel--PLENTY of lady villains and also extremely deranged lesbians), Do Revenge (movie--convoluted friendship, pRoBLeMaTiC female protagonists), The Perfection (movie--one of my favorites!!! this relationship is fucked-up), Kasane (manga), Sunken Garden (opera--SOPRANO VILLAIN IS MY DREAM ROLE; sadly no recording/album exists, but I will keep everyone updated), my girl Margaret of Anjou (Shakespeare's Henry V (mainly parts 2 and 3) and Richard III--this woman is unhinged), Marisa Coulter (and her relationship with Asriel) from the His Dark Materials book series (there's also a TV show, but I haven't seen it), Black Death (movie--unsettling female villain), Kill Boksoon (this is basically Women's Wrongs: The Movie), Thrill Me (musical), and if you want Songs About Codependent Love then PLEASE check out English goth rock band Creeper's album Sex, Death & the Infinite Void and its follow-up American Noir.

THINGS THAT ARE ON MY TO WATCH/READ LIST BECAUSE THEY CONTAIN FEMALE VILLAINS AND/OR UNHEALTHY COUPLES: Phantom Thread (movie), The Traitor Baru Cormorant (book series), Interview with the Vampire (the TV show), Dracula 2020 (TV miniseries), Mortal Engines (book series), Stalker x Stalker (webcomic), The Monster of Elendhaven (book), The Wicked and the Willing (book), Magic Knight Rayearth (manga and anime--they apparently diverge at some point), Hold the Dark (movie), The Luminous Dead (book), From Dusk till Dawn: The Series, and the 2014 BBC TV series The Musketeers.

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

pls do part two of “you're everything you once hated” 🥺

Alright! I originally wasn’t going to do a Part 2 of this but a few people have asked so here you go! 😙

You’re Everything You Once Hated | Suguru Niragi

PART 1 | PART 2

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

{Main Masterlist}

Character(s): Niragi (ft. OC, Ann, Tatta, Hatter, Kuina)

Summary: You attempt to escape Niragi to replenish your visa by yourself, but he catches you and makes sure you won’t do it again

Warnings: (okay here we go) blood, toxic relationship, abusive relationship, obsessive themes, suggestive themes, graphic violence/torture, needles, being held hostage, deranged behaviour, reader is traumatised, implications of a panic attack, dehumanisation (kind of?), mention of amputation, mention of suicide, guns, knives, reader sees a corpse, minor character death

Word Count: 4.6k

*reader is female

Author’s Note: this is quite heavy and messed up, so I recommend people under 15 don’t read this

The young man leant against the large building, holding a small rose in his sweaty palms as he waited for you to arrive from your after school class. He winced as the thorns slightly caught on his olive skin. He sighed and craned his neck back to rest on the wall behind him. No matter how much he attempted to distract himself, the rate his heart was beating kept bringing the nausea to his stomach.

The sky was painted a soft mix of orange and pink as the sun began to fall asleep below the horizon. Valentine’s Day couldn’t have created a more romantic atmosphere for Niragi, he couldn’t mess it up now or he would let cupid down himself.

“What the hell am I even doing?” he questioned himself, wiping his brow with the back of his wrist. “She probably doesn’t even see me this way. We’ve been best friends for years, if she felt something she would’ve told me by now, right?”

He was stressing himself out, continuing the doubt whether his idea was good or not. He was considering dropping the rose and just walking away, being too afraid of the reality that he had been in love with you for years and had never been able to voice it. He felt embarrassed about himself, making his head fill with insecurities and doubts.

His phone vibrating in his pocket pulled him from his thoughts. Niragi reached into his blazer and pulled out his device, noticing a text from you.

‘I’m on my way,’ it read.

He heard your footsteps around the corner and straightened himself up, letting out a sigh to relieve tension. He knew there was no going back now, so he had no choice but to go ahead with his confession.

Just as he was about to turn the corner to meet you, he noticed a male voice that echoed yours, making him freeze in his tracks. He kept himself pushed against the wall, trying to listen to what you were saying.

“I mean, movies are cheap at the moment. Do you want to go see one together?” Niragi heard the boy say. His heart sank at the males words and his hand holding the rose fell from his chest to drooping towards the ground.

Your voice, that was all too familiar to Niragi, answered him. “Sure! I’m busy this afternoon, but I’m free this weekend on Saturday.”

Saturday. Niragi frowned. You and him always went to the park together every Saturday to have a picnic together. You wouldn’t forget about that, would you?

His disappointment turned into anger suddenly. The exhilarating emotions filled his mind and heart so quickly, it took him off guard. As his hand twitched slightly, he shook his head to remove the thoughts from his head.

“Okay, I’ll send you a text later to talk about times and stuff,” the boy said. Niragi’s curiosity got the best of him and he peeked his head around the side of the building to catch a glance of who you were with. He wished he didn’t.

It was one of the young kids that picked on him in Science class, which you weren’t in. Niragi felt betrayed, but tried to reassure himself that you just didn’t know what this guy was really like.

“Bye Y/N,” the boy muttered shyly, making Niragi fume at his fake behaviour. ‘He obviously is just trying to get in her pants,’ Niragi thought to himself, jaw clenching in annoyance at your blindness.

The boy leaned close to you and left a soft kiss on your forehead making you smile and wave happily as he walked away. As soon as he disappeared up the stairs a few metres up, Niragi leant back so you couldn’t see him.

He felt tears building in his eyes, so he quickly wiped them away before you found him. He jumped as he saw you turn the corner, hiding the rose he held behind his back.

“Hey Niragi!” you exclaimed, having the same gorgeous smile that you always conveyed around him. Usually the small action would make him melt into the ground. But at that moment, he didn’t think anything you did could make him feel better.

“You okay?” you asked, leaning close to his face with your eyebrows raised. His heart beat picked up, noticing how your lips were only a few inches away from his. He turned his face to the side, hiding his blush. “Yeah, I’m just tired,” he lied through his teeth.

As he kept up his innocent façade, small droplets of blood slowly drizzled down his wrist from the tight fist enveloping the thorned rose. His confined anger flowed through the blood that spilled from the cuts in his palm, but he didn’t feel a pinch of pain through his tensed muscles.

Perhaps one day, the world would give him another chance to show his love for you.

***************

You woke with a start as someone busted through the door of the room, looking around in a panic at who would enter so suddenly. Your eyes widened as you caught sight of Niragi, stumbling into the room with his usual sniper rifle slung over his shoulder.

“Sorry love, did I wake you?”

You stayed silent, sitting up properly and watching his movements closely. You didn’t trust a single thing he did or said, so you still remained on high alert whenever he was in this room alone with you, despite the fact you had been sharing the room with him for three days.

“You getting hungry? I brought some food up last night for you while you were asleep,” he said, placing his rifle on a small table. You watched as it collided with the wooden surface, flinching at the loud noise.

You hadn’t been able to leave the room since your injury. You had been shot in the foot by an overly sensitive militant woman who you weren’t even sure was still alive after the beating Niragi gave her in front of you. His behaviour during that time alone was enough to you terrified, especially the fact that it is impossible to run from him now.

But the lack of movement on your foot has proven to help and you have noticed the bullet wound healing quite well. The ointment and bandages you apply regularly on it (no help from Niragi) has been working perfectly, and you were praying for the moment you could move your stuff back to your own room and escape Niragi’s unpredictable and psychotic behaviour around you.

As if he read your mind, Niragi spoke up. “How’s your foot? Is it getting better?”

The sweet tone in his voice was so contradictory to his intentions. You hated the fact that he thought you fell for his fake façade. To be honest, he probably knew you didn’t believe him, but continued with it to keep you on your toes.

You glared at him through the top of your eyelids, keeping your head low in suspicion. As Niragi sighed from your unresponsive behaviour, he strutted over towards the bed that you were laying on. You panicked and used your arms to push yourself away from him, being terrified of his presence alone. Spending only a few days with him was enough to make you realise how despicable of a human being he actually was.

“Shh, calm down. It’s just me,” he attempted to calm you.

You froze as he sat on the bed nearby your legs. A pained expression grew on your face as he slowly lifted your injured foot to place it gently on his lap, running his hand carefully over the bandage you had applied before going to sleep.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, glancing up at you. You shook your head no, watching as he smirked slightly and turned back to it.

“I’m going to have a look at it,” he demanded, beginning to unravel the bandage on your foot.

You remained still, watching as he was unusually careful. It made your adrenaline run rapid, not knowing when he was going to suddenly snap.

As he pulled the final layer off your foot, relief filled you when you saw that it was still fine. The injury had turned into a small hole in the top of your foot, no blood or redness in sight. Maybe perhaps you could walk again soon, and be able to replenish your visa that was due to end in a few days.

Unfortunately, Niragi wasn’t as happy about this knowledge, and he intended to do something about it.

“Hmm,” he hummed in thought, leaning over to the night stand and picking up a small unwashed needle that he had kept there. It was left there by Ann a few days ago, as she had to come to the room to stitch up a cut that Niragi had obtained during a game.

Your eyes widened at the sight of him holding the needle close to your bullet wound. “W-Wait, Niragi,” you stuttered, nervous about his intentions. “What are you doing?”

Niragi glanced up at you, a devilish smirk painted across his face. His expression made your stomach churn and you attempted to pull your leg from his grip. Your heart rate picked up and you began to panic when he refused to let go.

“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt much. Just... try not to scream.”

Just as you were about to protest, Niragi pinned your foot onto his lap and pushed the tip of the needle as hard as he could into your bullet wound, making you let out a silent scream and thrash in his hold.

You screamed and screamed and screamed, a horrific pain continuously shot through your foot to your leg. You swore at some point it felt like he was cutting your foot off.

“NIRAGI!” you wailed. “STOP! PLEASE!”

You begged and begged through your cries of pain. After what felt like a century, Niragi pulled the needle out of your foot slowly and placed his hand over the wound to attempt to stop the bleeding. You were now lying on your back, sobbing lightly into the sheets and given up.

You felt Niragi caress your face with the back on his hand lightly. “My little princess needs to stay here, where I can keep her safe. You can’t leave. There’s horrible monsters at The Beach and I would hate for you to fall prey to one of them.”

You felt like screaming at him. How could he be so blind, so ignorant. He was the monster, and he failed to realise it.

He placed your leg off his lap, making you let out a small cry. Niragi crawled further up the bed next to you and sat on the sheets. You were facing away from him, not even daring to turn to look at him. You could hear him unbuttoning his checkered shirt, seeing it fly over your frame and land on the floor. A shiver made its way up your spine as Niragi’s hot breath hit the nape of your neck and his warm limbs snaked around your torso. He placed his hands underneath your shirt and softly caressed the skin of your stomach whilst nipping at the skin on your neck.

“You’re so pretty. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you over these years.”

His words sounded so loving, so sweet. But your reaction was the opposite of what he wanted. A slow, sorrowful tear traveled down your face and you began shaking in his embrace in fear of having him so close. You wanted to close your eyes and wake up back home, back in your own bed with your family’s hushed conversations spread throughout the house. This wasn’t home, this was absolute hell.

“Why are you shaking? Are you cold?” your tormentor asked. He removed his hands from underneath your shirt and pulled on your shoulders to make you turn over to face him. You kept your eyes shut tight, refusing to submit to his demands.

He pulled you close once again and placed his hand on the back of your head to push your face into his bare chest. Niragi’s usual smell of blood and metal filled your nostrils, making you grimace against him.

You continued to shake, not being able to control your movements. Niragi sighed, tucking his chin on the top of your head and nuzzling into your hair, taking a breath of the all too familiar scent of the shampoo you’ve always used for your hair. How you managed to find the exact one in the Borderland was beyond his understanding.

The smell made him feel at home. The comfort he found in you was too strong for him to handle, making him become deranged at the thought of you being back in his arms. It scared him, how much he actually depended on you to keep him happy.

And while he continued to hold you close and smile happily at the feeling of your soft breath against his chest, he failed to notice the continuous flow of tears that cascaded down your face and the shaking of your hands that gripped the top of your own thighs violently, trying to realise the tension of the adrenaline in your veins.

************

You had had enough.

Niragi did nothing but put you through absolute torture and trauma no matter how much you attempted to reason with his psychotic self. Bruises littered your body from his usual violence, committing to the awful promise that he was going to make sure you couldn’t leave the room.

You were imprisoned. It felt as if you were trapped in a cage that had the easiest lock in the world to pick, only you didn’t have hands to unlock it.

So two days after the needle incident, you decided you were going to escape, even if it killed you.

You had to replenish your visa, considering it ended the next night. You feared that Niragi would just leave you to die, not caring about your visa, so you had to take it upon yourself.

You may have had an infected bullet wound and a nearly crushed spirit, but you weren’t going to let this be your end. You had to at least try.

*************

“Oi, I’m leaving now,”

You shifted your eyes from your hands resting in your lap to the tall, deranged man who stood at the door of your room. He had his usual black and white buttoned shirt on, charcoal hair tied up at the top to keep it out of his face and his relaxed hand tucked into the pockets of his dark jeans. You almost felt disappointed. How could such a handsome man be wasted by such a horrific mentality.

He carried his loaded sniper rifle in his arm, fiddling with the trigger as he awaited an answer from you.

You nodded your head and turned back to your hands, twiddling your thumbs nervously. You stayed frozen as you heard his footsteps make their way over to you.

Niragi lifted your chin with a harsh grip to your jaw and smashed his lips onto yours. You closed your eyes tightly in discomfort, feeling his desperate lips bite over yours hungrily. It made you feel sick to your stomach.

He pulled away, your lips connected by a string of saliva, making him chuckle. “I’ll be back kitten. Maybe I’ll bring you back a present,” he suggested, raising his eyebrows.

You nodded once again. You knew what he meant. Perhaps an amputated hand of one of your friends? Or the eye of a seeker/hunter to remind you of the “monsters” he’s hiding you from? At this point, you were desensitised to it.

The feeling on his lips on your head brought you from your thoughts. He softly stroked his hand through your hair, tucking slightly on the ends, making you wince.

“Stay here, and don’t answer the door if someone knocks.”

And with that, he left. You stayed completely still for a few minutes, waiting in case he decided to come back just to torment you further.

After you were sure he was completely gone, you shifted to the edge of the bed and swung your legs over the edge to stand up. You had practised walking around the room on your injured foot for the past few days when Niragi wasn’t there, so you had grown used to the random aches that shot up your leg from your bullet wound while walking.

You waddled to the door, slowly swinging it open and grabbing the small knife that sat on the table nearby. You had to have some kind of weapon in case something was to happen.

As you stepped outside, a few people were still making their way down the halls towards the lobby. You noticed a young man that you had somewhat befriended when you first arrived at The Beach named Tatta. He stopped in his tracks when he saw you, a smile growing on his face.

“Y/N! Where have you been?!” he exclaimed excitedly, running to you and throwing his arms around you in a playful embrace. You grimaced at his loud voice, being afraid of a certain someone potentially hearing him say your name.

“Hey Tatta,” you said back, giving him a right hug. You swore you felt like you could’ve cried in his arms from how deprived you were from normal human interaction without the fear of being assaulted.

“Are you coming to the games tonight?” he asked, pulling back from the hug and keeping a hand on your shoulder. You nodded. “Can I stick with you?” you asked with hope in your eyes. Tatta smiled and hit your arm lightly. “Of course! I’d feel better going with someone I knew.”

You agreed and began walking down the hall towards the lobby together in a comfortable. Tatta failed to notice you being more cautious, checking around corners before you turned and whipping your head around to glance behind you every now and then.

************

Just your luck, a ten of spades. You swore the world just wanted you dead. At that point, you had become used to the never-ending bullshit that was thrown your way.

You clawed your way to the table that held the card. Holding the single piece of cardboard between your fingers had never felt more satisfying. You slid down against the wall near the registration area, limbs shaking from the muscle strain you faced during the game. Tatta knelt in front of you, rubbing your knee in an attempt to comfort you, but nothing he could do would make you feel better.

Back at The Beach, you sat in the lobby on one of the leather couches, rubbing your foot to try and ease the aching pain coming from your wound. You had heard when you arrived back that the executives had called a meeting, so you weren’t too worried about running into Niragi.

You closed your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest, rolling your head back to rest against the couch. Moments like that were complete bliss. For a moment, you were able to forget your current situation.

A sudden hand on your shoulder ripped you from your meditation, and you turned your head to see none other than Kuina with a red face and heavily breathing from running. “Hey Y/N,” she started. You sat up and turned around fully to face you.

“The executives want you in the meeting. They heard you collected a high number card and they need you to deliver it.”

Your heart dropped at her words, realising what was coming for you. You had to walk into that meeting room, where Niragi stood. He was going to find out about your little adventure you had without him knowing. Adrenaline filled your senses from the thought of what he was going to do to you.

You slowly stood up, wiping your sweaty hands on your shorts and checking your card was still in the front pocket. You gulped heavily and nodded to Kuina. “Okay, I’ll head there now.”

Every step towards the meeting room was another towards hell. The more stairs you climbed, the more nausea filled your stomach, the more thoughts filled your head. You were seriously just considering throwing yourself off the roof of the hotel, as that seemed like a better option than facing Niragi.

You arrived in front of the double doors, freezing in your path. You don’t know how long you stood there, sighing shakily and attempting to crack your knuckles to relieve tension. But still, as you lifted your hand to push on the large wooden door, your arm shook like a leaf.

You trudged in, hearing the room fall silent at your entry. You refused to look up from the ground, keeping your widened eyes locked to the carpeted ground until you reached the end of the table.

“Ah, Y/N. Finally! Care to show your card?” you heard Hatter ask. You glanced up and caught sight of all the executives gathered around the table on chairs. One of which was of course Niragi.

You locked eyes with the psychotic man, and your stomach dropped when you saw the scowl on his face. He was staring directly into your soul, eyes hardened with anger and unforgiveness. If looks could kill, you would’ve been on the floor dead before you even made it to the table.

You focused on the task at hand and pulled the card from your pocket, placing the somewhat damaged ten of spades on the table. Hatter reached over and held it close to his face to examine it as everyone watched. Well, everyone except Niragi, who held his piercing gaze on you. You swore you could feel him burning holes through your skin.

“Hmm,” Hatter hummed in approval. “Thank you very much Y/N, that will be all,” he said, making a shooing movement towards you.

You nodded and thanked him before quickly walking out of the room. As soon as you stepped out, you broke into a sprint towards you and Niragi’s shared room.

You had to leave the room before the meeting finished. You feared the absolute worse.

When you arrived at the room, you ripped open the door and scrambled inside, groaning at the pain your foot was in. You didn’t have a choice, you had to hurry.

You made your way to the large closet, immediately reaching for the top shelf to pull down the miniature machine gun that Niragi stored up there as a spare. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to know about it, but you managed to spot him tucking it underneath the clothes at some point.

As you were shuffling around the cupboard trying to find some bullets desperately, annoyed and stressed sighs and gasps leaving your mouth, you froze when the sound of the door opening hit your ears. Immediately assuming the worst, you grabbed the door of the cupboard and closed yourself inside, attempting to enveloped yourself in the piles of clothes and resources.

The keyhole in the door of the cupboard allowed you to have a small space to look through. You closed one eye and glanced through the hole, spotting Niragi placing his sniper rifle on the bed and untying his hair, running his hands through it in stress.

You didn’t dare even breath, keeping all your limbs tucked close so you didn’t knock over anything. You were so afraid that Niragi would even hear the sound of your heart beating, as it was as loud as a drum in your own ears.

You grimaced as a sudden putrid smell filled your nose. The smell of fresh flesh that you were all too familiar with from living in the Borderland. You turned around in the cupboard and moved to the side so the light of the keyhole would at least somewhat illuminate the small space. The sight in front of you was enough to make you throw up.

There sat Tatta (or at least, Tatta’s remains), empty eyed and leaning against the back of the cupboard. Bullet holes littered his once kind face, probably counting eight at least. You covered your mouth in horror, letting out a loud cry at the sight, pushing your legs against the ground to scramble away from your dead friend.

Once again, just like the other day during the needle incident, you screamed and screamed and screamed. You fell backwards out of the closet, curling into a small ball and screeching into your palm in horror at the now clearer sight of your friend’s corpse. 

Everything was crumbling around you. Your voice was being ripped to shreds at the back of your throat. Your mind was falling apart, not being able to handle the traumatising events that you’ve faced, breaking and tearing itself apart. Your body was broken. Bruises and scars scattered your frame like an artwork, each one holding a connected traumatic event.

Niragi sat on the bed, watching as you screamed on the ground over by the corner of the room, tears sliding down his tanned cheeks.

What had happened to you? Why did you change so much in these few years?

Niragi slowly stood and made his way over to your shaking frame, hooking his arms underneath your shoulders and knees to lift you bridle style. He smiled sadly down at your shivering frame, not being able to control your rapid movements.

“Aw baby, you’re a mess,” he cried, a sob escaping his mouth halfway through his sentence.

He brought you back over to the bed, crawling on his knees to the centre of the mattress and crossing his legs to lay you in his lap with your head tucked into the crook of his elbow.

He brushed your hair with his fingers, trying to ease your breathing as you kept your eyes tightly shut in fear. “I tried to warn you. Look what happened,” he chuckled through his tears, motioning his head over towards the cupboard. “Do you like your present? I saw you walking with him on your way back to the hotel and thought it would be perfect. Why don’t you like it?”

You opened your eyes and looked up at him with fear all written all over your face. You didn’t dare move from his embrace, being too afraid.

Niragi smiled as he caught sight of your glistening eyes, reaching a hand up and stroking his thumb along your cheek. “You’re so pretty,” he breathed out, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

You brought your shaking hands up and rubbed your face before finally speaking up. “I want to go home,” you desperately whispered, turning your head and pressing your face against Niragi’s clothed chest. He watched as you brought your hand up and gripped the material of his shirt in your fist tightly, conveying anger and stress through your grip.

“You are home kitten,” he states, rubbing his cheek against your head. “I’m your home. I always have been.”

He wasn’t lying to you, and that was the pill that was hard to swallow. Niragi had been your source of comfort for so long, and for once in your life, it felt foreign to lay in his arms and to look into his night eyes.

Oh how weird it felt to look at something that conveyed such sweetness, such delicacy and such empathy, only for it to be utterly ruined by its environment.

You’d like to think that it wasn’t either of your faults. But in the end, it doesn’t depend on the environment, it depends on how you react to it.

Neither of you were perfect, but you were both incredibly different. It never would’ve worked between the two of you, and being in the Borderland did nothing but strengthen that fact. In the end, your differences would either tear you apart from each other emotionally, or you would tear each other apart limb from limb.

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! I’m back to finishing off the fanfic requests that have been sent to me because I finished all the prompt scenarios. I won’t be doing another part to this because I honestly struggled for so long trying to figure out a plot for this one 😭 But anyway thanks so much for your patience. I’ll be uploading these fanfics as quick as I can! ❤❤

Small addition to this fanfic talking about Niragi’s motives and intentions

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[youarejesting]

Herb Jimin x reader

Pairing: Dealer!Jimin x Reader Beta: @bubblebunnylia​ Genre: Romance, Smut, Fluff, NSFW Rating: recommended 18+ (or whatever the legal age is in your country) Words: 3.3k Warnings: Blow job, oral female receiving, voyeurism, sex, cum mentioned, slightly rough but not extremely, unprotected sex. Summary: Jimin was the mary poppins of drug dealing. What ever you wanted he had and he NEVER disappoints his customer. That is until he met you. He finally decides to take matters into his own hands to fulfil your order.

[Masterlist] [Herb.2]

Not much was known about the young Korean man who showed up to all the parties. No one knew how he got there. All anyone knew was that he was the biggest flirt and had the herbs everyone wanted. Honestly, it didn’t matter what you wanted, he had it somehow. 

Everyone has their story with him. ‘I said I needed a bandage and he had it’, ‘I asked if anyone had any cat food cause we found a stray cat and he wipes out a bag, it was weird’, ‘He is like a sexy Mary Poppins, he gives you the dank weed but he also has pool floaties in his bag’ and you’re personal favourite  ‘I was so hungry and he pulls out a whole casserole and apologized because he ran out of vegetable bake’.  You had heard it all, it seemed like drunk fairy tales but no good party was without him. 

You remember when you first met he asked you if you needed anything, and when you asked him for love he froze up and apologized, sheepishly  claiming he didn’t have it. You knew he had his limits and that’s what kept you skeptical of his abilities. But something about his charming nature keeps you searching to meet him again. 

And it wasn’t hard. You met him, again and again. Each time he approached you and asked if you needed anything,  you always replied the same. “Love” and he would always grow quiet. You thought one day he might actually come up with a solution but you were yet to find out.

You were at one of ‘these’ parties, it wasn’t really your scene. Usually, you had no problem but tonight you really just couldn’t deal with it. It had been a long day and you had a headache. So you were trying to find a place to take  a quick nap,  using the stairs to stray further from the heavy base, which had started to cause some anxiety within your body. The sound upstairs was muffled and yet still so loud. Hoping to find an empty room and an equally empty bed so you could rest. 

You opened the first door to see if you were correct. This was Namjoon’s bedroom and there was an unspoken rule of no sexual activities in the host’s bed. Opening the door to see a modern style bedroom with white and black furniture and a few figurines. On the bed was the Host Namjoon with his boyfriend Seokjin kneeling on his knees in front of him. 

“Can I help you, Y/n?” You weren’t surprised that he knew your name, Namjoon knew everybody. But you were surprised by their blatant disregard of modesty. You had to  seal your expression from the two and the sexual act being performed was making your ears grow warm in embarrassment. 

“Ah, I was looking for somewhere to take a nap.” You admitted while looking away.  You didn’t want to overreact, only the coolest of kids got invited to Namjoon’s parties and you thought after high school popularity wouldn’t matter, but it still  does. 

Everyone at these parties had high libido’s. I mean, they are friends with Namjoon himself. If you were invited, you have either previously had relations with the host or you were a planned notch on the insatiable young man's belt. 

You were invited after a heated make-out session in the university’s auditorium with Namjoon and his loquacious boyfriend Seokjin.

Though your head was in fact turned you were still able to hear every obscene noise. The wet suction and smacking of lips, the throaty moans of Namjoon and the muffled encouraging moans and other elicit sounds from Seokjin. You could hear Seokjin's throat squelch around the large cock and you fought the urge not to blush any further.

“We will be finished in a— ahhh!” He hunched forwards, fingers clutching firmly to Seokjin’s blonde locks as his forearms tensed, the veins popping out. You saw every thrust of his hips. Seokjin waited patiently, you heard and saw how thick he swallowed and felt your pulse beating rapidly in your tight jeans. 

With every thrust he would swallow again. You could clearly see in detail the pronounced girth of the shaft sliding in his throat with fervor. Until the broad-shouldered gentleman pulled back in order to breathe, the action sending another twitch to Namjoons hips, and a final shot of cum just made it to the edge of Seokjin’s mouth and lips.

“We are done!” Seokjin said, standing as Namjoon readjusted his large and yet softening member back into his pants. “You can have the room or perhaps if you want we can entertain you?” 

The two smirked and you again, trying to play it cool, gave them a flippant reply. “No I really am tired and want to sleep, I was working on a thesis all night last night and–”

“Say no more sweetheart, rest.”  You avoided the place at the end of the bed where the two lovers had been. Snuggled in the blankets while falling asleep slightly as your head touched the pillow. Seokjin switched the light off and shut the door, allowing you to drift off peacefully.

The light switch flicked on and even with your eyes closed you felt blinded. You couldn’t stop the harsh shriek that pierced the air. “What? What is it now!?” 

“I am sorry,” the voice was soft and familiar as its owner switched the lights back off, “Can I sit for a moment?”

“Sure.” you mumbled, laying back down.  You could smell the stranger’s beautiful cologne and you got curious as to who it might be. 

“I just need to hide out for a while, someone not so nice is looking for me.” Their voice was hard to describe but sounded like a melodic ache.

“Who are you?” You asked, suspicious of the stranger climbing into the bed with you. 

“Who is asking?” The tiny trill showed he was amused by his dismissive answer, he was trying to act cute.  You turned on your phone  and used the light of your lock screen to examine the stranger’s face. Ash-blonde hair parted on the side, he smiled, wetting his thick lips with his tongue. 

“Ah, it’s you.” dropping your arm back to the bed, no longer feeling uncomfortable. All  the encounters you had with him were pleasant, he always used endearments because he never remembered names. 

“You know me, baby?” He took his phone and repeated your process to stream a soft light over your face. “Oh my, baby it is you! What are you doing in here sleeping? You're  usually the brightest in the room.”

“Huge Thesis.” you mumbled and he hummed, taking your hand. 

“Hey listen, how about I make you an offer tonight? You  can ask for anything you want and I will give it to you for half the price.  If I don’t have it I will give you the next best thing for free.” the lamp beside the bed was clicked on, giving a soft orange glow throughout the room. 

“Something warm?” You hummed while looking over at him curiously. You were craving a body. To be exact, human contact and love. He opened his jacket. 

“I got a warm meatball sub, a packet of lollipops, and a container of home cooked spaghetti. I got spare underwear in all different sizes, this is a set of slippers when your feet get sore in heels, juice mixers, spirits. I got herbs for days, this one will make you happy, this one calms you down, this one here has you seeing pretty colours, this one has you sleep until morning, this is my house special, it  tastes like a cinnamon donut.” he looked over. “Anything yet?”

You shook your head and he sighed, lifting a gym bag onto the bed, “alright brace yourself, I got spare clothes, ramen packets, a scented candle, batteries, pet food. I got condoms, a razor, a vibrator, lube. I have painkillers, cold medicine, I have this thing which I think was an Easter egg. I got a 3DS, a switch and a variety of games. I got a can of tomato soup, yet no can opener, weird. I got a heat pack, I got this adult diaper and I don’t know why, and a spiderman comic?”

“No,” you sighed.

“Tell me what you want and if I know I don’t have it it’s free.” he hummed, running his hand through his hair and looking so amazing while his plush lips were always so glossy and soft looking. 

“I want a fuck,” you breathed, “a good stress relieving fuck.”

“Aha, I do have what you want!” He held up  the vibrator and you shook your head. 

“No, I want heat and hands and so much more. I need to be loved right now, I need to just fuck until I forget everything. Last I checked I can’t get plowed into the mattress by a vibrator. So, unless you have a willing male hidden in that bag I don’t think you have what I want.” 

“Not in my bag, no, but I have one under my jacket,” he pulled his jacket off and held his arms out, “and I am free.” he grinned kneeling beside you.

“I have never done a deal like this, I am going to be honest. No one has ever asked for this. Would you like to make the purchase?”

“You sure you have what I want?” You bit your lip after you said it because look at him, he was sexy as hell and he knew it.

“I can fuck you until you forget everything, you won’t know anything but my name.”

“But I don’t know your name?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“Really? Pretty baby  doesn’t know my name?” He pouted “What do you call me in that pretty little head of yours?”

“I call you the herb man.” he laughed heartily, looking too cute for this proposition, almost falling over from his cute giggles causing you to sigh. “look, maybe I’ll just go home?”

“I have a reputation, I have what everyone wants. If word gets out that I, Park Jimin, let someone down not once but multiple times? I- we just can’t have that.  Now tell me how you want it.” he smiled, pulling his hair back with his fingers and revealing his forehead whilst licking his lips. You felt like you just got slapped with how quick he went from a soft boy to this deep gazed daddy.

“I don’t know..” you whispered, lying. He cupped your cheek looking you in the eyes and trying to search them for what you needed. Maybe he was just a people pleaser, he couldn’t let anyone down. You didn’t know why he was always so eager to make others happy.

“Kissing, touching, fingering, oral sex, what positions? What’s your kinks? I can provide it all.” 

“I want it all,” you whispered. He rolled on top of you, straddling your hips and caging you in with his body as he took your chin, tilting it upward and pecking you gently. Gauging your reaction, he looked down at you, you were looking up at him pleading for him to use you. But this wasn’t about him. He wanted to give you what you wanted.

He kissed you slowly, deeply, you felt loved, the tension in your shoulders easing slightly. He grinned, pulling off his shirt before continuing to kiss you. His hands starting to wander along your body as he massaged your breasts, squeezing them, making you whimper and moan into his mouth. 

His plush lips moved to your neck and he smiled when he found out how sensitive you were there. “You bought me, pretty baby. Use me however you wish.”

Without hesitation you grabbed his face kissing him again and running your fingers through his hair. The music downstairs was loud but you still refused to make too much noise. His hands slid down your side and thighs before sliding back up and lifting your dress,  revealing your underwear which he quickly slipped down your legs. He didn’t waste any time. 

Spreading your legs and smiling up at you. “Please,” You breathed and he smirked, biting your thigh. You yelped feeling yourself grow wetter.

“My name is Jimin, use it?”

“Please Jimin.” You said and he smiled thankfully, obliging to your whines. 

“With pleasure my pretty baby.” He gripped your thighs and took your clit in his mouth, it was so sudden. You were so surprised that a loud moan pulled from your chest. You tried to stifle your moans and he mumbled, “Make noise baby, no one can here you and no one cares.” 

He began making enthusiastic noises while he caressed you with his tongue. He alternated between sucking and flicking your clit, his fingers curling up inside you pressing against all the sweetest spots. Your thighs trembled in his hands and he giggled against you, pulling back with his chin glistening. “You’re shaking.” 

“Please jimin I need you!”

“Ooh, you sound pretty when you say my name.” He smiled, removing your dress entirely and your bra before he took his belt, unbuckling it. You noticed the bulge in his pants as he slid his tight ripped jeans and briefs off. He took himself in his hand pumping lazily, he was  more than ready. 

“Is this really what you want?” He asked softly, calling your eyes back to his, he looked shy once more. As he grabbed a condom, you took it from him, and threw it onto the bed hands pulling him down over you.  

“I am on the pill,” your words made him smile, nudging your legs wider apart with his thighs and lined himself at your entrance. He took his time entering you, rolling his hips forward, sliding effortlessly inside you. Each thrust fills you up completely. 

“I apologize if I finish too quickly,” His eyebrows knitted together in concentration, his mouth forming an o-shape, his breathing becoming forced pants. “Oh god, you feel so good, I’m sorry!”

He came. The sounds he made were beautiful and you felt disappointed as he pulled out.  He smiled, “I always last longer the second time, if you are still willing? I haven’t satisfied you yet and that is what’s important. It is what you asked for.”

At your enthusiastic nod he flipped you over, pressing his hand to the small of your back and guiding you into position, your hips rolling forward so you were at the perfect angle to receive him. 

“Oh fuck!” You gasped, this made him feel deeper inside of you and the angle has  him pressing heavily against your G-spot. Making you cry out every time. “Don’t stop, please!”

“Don’t worry pretty baby, I would never until you tell me you are satisfied.” He grunted, reaching around your waist to press two fingers against you, stimulating you further in time with his thrusts. 

“Jimin, please!” The urgency in your tone was registered by him; he pressed your chest into the mattress and pistoned his hips trying to help you finish. Your eyes flashed white as an immense pleasure filled your body. You couldn’t hear anything or see anything, lost in a void of white for eternity, while the pleasure screamed through your body. It was maddening with  how nice it felt, but it faded back to reality and your eternity of bliss was, in fact, mere seconds.

Jimin didn’t stop, flipping you back over. He was inside you again. You came again in a short time and he looked down amazed. “Seems you come quicker the second time,”

“More!” You pleaded as you were chasing your high, that moment in the white void of pleasure when there was nothing else and you had no other worries.

He kept going. Each orgasm becoming less intense, and harder to reach. Until finally, instead of a white void you saw black and it was peaceful. But you weren’t alone. Jimin was there, just with you and you felt safe. 

You woke up a while later to people talking. Realising the dark void was actually a dream, involving you and Jimin. Opening your eyes you saw Namjoon and Jin standing at the end of the bed while Jimin spoke to them quietly. “She passed out after seven rounds.”

“Next time invite us to join. It is my room,” Namjoon laughed and you turned to see Jimin beside you, sitting up, dressed in everything but his shirt.

“You are awake.” He had a placed a damp cloth on your head, “I am sorry if it was too much, I didn’t mean to make you pass out.”

“No, it was amazing.” You laughed.

“Was everything okay, pretty baby?” He raised an eyebrow and tucked your hair behind your ear. Your cheeks flushed, “Anything you like or dislike so I know for next time?”

“Next time?” You asked.

“Of course, if you need me again,” he smiled.

“Um, well, you are really good at oral, I am sure other girls will enjoy that a lot, so keep doing that, but some girls might not like a fast pace so keep that in mind.”

“Hey, listen I am not planning on doing this with anyone else this is an exclusive offer for you.” He smiled rubbing the back of his neck, “I don’t really like sharing and it would feel too much like cheating if I did this with every girl that asked. I am a one at a time guy, if you ever need me, I am here.”

“Oh thank you, I will call if I ever need anything.” You nodded, taking your phone from him and turning to the other two grinning in the room. 

“You are both so cute,” Seokjin pointed at you both. You stepped out of the bed wearing Jimin’s shirt. It was quite large on you since he wore baggy clothes often. You felt a warm trickle and looked down to see the small trail of liquid both Jimin and yourself had created. It continued to run down your thigh, a hot white liquid that made each male in the room moan at the sight. Namjoon licking his lips, as if imagining the taste.

“Next time you use my room we all have to share.” Namjoon wiggled his eyebrows, earning a slap to the back of his head by Seokjin. 

“Didn’t you just hear him say he doesn’t share?”

“Look at the mess you made on my bed, that is amazing!” Your eyes widened as you turned to see the sheets darkened with mixed arousal, jimin was as flushed as you, his phone buzzing. 

“Someone downstairs needs something to eat,” You saw him adorn his hoodie and duffle bag, reaching into his Mary Poppins Esque bag and grasping the container of spaghetti he had mentioned earlier. “If you need anything let me know.”

You went to the ensuite and got dressed, looking in the mirror. You looked happy, even you could admit that. “How is she so blind, he looks for her at every party, always asks her if she needs anything because he hopes he can talk to her,” Seokjin said “Jimin and y/n I ship them so hard!”

“I will ship you so hard, come here.” You heard them start kissing and ducked out. “Thank you for letting me rest and use your bathroom!” You smiled, waving as you left the room before they could start anything.

Calling it a night you wanted to return the shirt Jimin let you borrow, he was over by the pool handing out a few things and he waved with a smile. “Jimin,” you said as you got closer, “Your shirt!”

“Ah thanks,” He placed it into his duffle bag and you nodded, feeling awkward. “I am going to go.”

Halfway to your car you heard, “Wait, Y/n!” you turned on instinct, genuinely surprised he knew your name. He stopped in front of you. “I um, I wanted to you know-”

He rambled for a while and you thought perhaps you or he was having a stroke. None of it made sense and you blinked. “Jimin slow down, I am listening!”

“I asked you every party for almost a year what was the one thing you wanted and you answered love every time and I was thinking...” He took a deep breath looking at you nervously playing with the hem of your dress. “Do you maybe want to go out?” 

If you like this please hit the heart or the button that looks like you are trying to throw it in reverse in UNO to share this with others. If you enjoyed the story please feel free to check out some of my other stories on my [Masterlist]

Click here for [Herb.2]

[qforqazaq]

Ninety One – Men Emes

Okaaaay, people, here comes a long-awaited comeback from Ninety One that screamed, no, shouted so much culturally significant meta at me I could barely handle it. Ironically, when I was watching reactions to this MV, most people were so bloody oblivious to anything that was happening on the screen that I was painfully restraining myself not to slam my head on the table, but then remembered "oh, right, that's why I'm running this blog in the first place."

Okay, let's start with the video, shall we?

The opening scene is obviously with Alem because if 91's song doesn't start with Alem there's something definitely wrong with it.

Anyway, we have Alem looking like a mo-fo mafia boss, a Kazakh Don, if you like, in an office that's practically littered with KZ references. First, your eyes might catch those weird looking symbols on the desk, which are actually Orkhon-Yenisei runes - a script of Old Turkic tribes aka one of the direct ancestors of Kazakhs - that I was going to talk about for ages, but didn't have a good excuse to. So thank you Ninety One for bringing that up, I can unleash my inner linguistics nerd upon people regarding the subject in a separate post. The runes are actually read from right-to-left (because that's how it works) as "l" and "r", although I'm not sure of their implied meaning here. My theory that means just that: "left" and "right", for whatever deep reason.

So, while you're admiring Alem's outfit and hairstyle as he's showing off his results of perfecting The Stare™ (I had a theory his stares are so intent because his contact lenses keep drying up and it's his attempts not to blink much when cameras are on), you notice not only that Samsung is the main sponsor of this production (is it surprising?), but also that there's a picture of random people on the background, and a funny-looking statue next to the window. Except for that is not a picture of random people, that is actually a photo of the leaders of the Kazakh national movement/autonomy against Communists in the 1910s - Alash Orda, which I'm probably going to elaborate on in another post. For now, I'll just say that these were the writers, poets, social and political activists, the Kazakh Intelligentsia™, who were later prosecuted and repressed by the Soviet regime. Very important addition to the set if you ask me, and very deliberately chosen.

As for the funny-looking statue, that is a miniature "Balbal" of Kültegin or Kül Tigin, who was the General of the Second Turkic Khanate of the same Old Turkic people who used to write in the aforementioned Orkhon-Yenisei runic script. We can talk about it later on, for now, I can only say that 10 seconds into the video and my inner history nerd was screaming very much delightedly at these references. Didn't expect that much meta in such a short amount of time, eh? And we didn't even mention how cigars are allowed now, along with the whiskey-looking tea in a tumbler.

Anyway, then we are abruptly cut to AZ and, shortly after, ZAQ with an eagle. And no, it's not just a "lol, look, a bird", that's the Golden Eagle, a species that was trained and used for eagle hunting by the Kazakh nomads for centuries. Which is why we have it on our flag too. Btw, extra kudos to ZAQ for delivering his lines while having an eagle on his arm without its hood. I would have been more than slightly concerned if I were him.

If you don't know much about that aspect of nomadic life in Central Asia, I recommend watching the critically acclaimed documentary film The Eagle Huntress about Aisholpan - a 13 y.o. Kazakh girl from Mongolia being the first female mastering the art. FYI, it is narrated by Daisey Ridley aka Rey from Star Wars. Watch it.

The scene is black and white, and AZ and ZAQ are wearing suits which look very agreeable.

Then, we have the bridge that is delivered by very blond Bala, which isn't the best look on him in my opinion, but he's wearing a suit too, which is always a good idea. Bala, you must know, has perfected his camera acting and now successfully flirting with it without so much as breaking a sweat. Good job Juz, you know what you're doing.

Now, when we're done sharing niceties, can we, please, focus on the background - which is, of course, all lofty and fiery - specifically, on those symbols carved on the wall? And what are they? Yes, you guessed right: the Orkhon-Yenisei runes, yay. FYI, it says "QAZAQ", in its very palindromic fashion - the meaning here, I assume, is quite self-explanatory.

In one of the cuts we see that Bala is actually there with a dog. And, guess what, it's not just a dog, it's actually a Tazy - the Kazakh national hunting breed, of which, quite frankly, I did not know anything before researching for this MV. See, even I'm being educated here, I feel so enlightened.

After that, we have the chorus, and all five of them are first standing and then walking like a bloody band of gangsters, all suited and effortlessly cool, as if towards an important tét-a-tét with a competing band. My immediate association was Crows: Zero (I'm sure, my fellow Japanese weeboos get what I mean) - lots of shonen swag and badassery. I approve.

In the meanwhile, Bala is showing off his moves, again, very at ease, chill and relaxed.

Chorus moves to the second part of the song with another rap verse from ZAQ. Do you remember that set in the previous black-and-white scene with the rappers? This one is that same set i.e. a carcass and insides of a Yurt - a traditional nomadic portable house used by Kazakhs for centuries. We see ZAQ sitting in what looks like a Khan's throne with battle spears and fur skins of wild animals. And no, nobody is trying to offend animal rights activists and humanists, just trying to showcase the culture here, alright? As you've noticed hunting has always had cultural significance for Kazakhs, and, well, it's survival in the bloody Eurasian steppes we're talking about here, with windy -50°C in the winters you've got to wear something to protect from freezing over, you know.

ZAQ delivers his lines in his usual very efficient fashion, and we cut to Ace walking over to the race track, very stylishly so that it might as well be a car commercial, to a parked Ford Mustang (and, yay, we've got a budget for a nice car now!) that's drifting its tires out in the shots in-between. Did I mention Ace's wearing a suit? I'm telling you, a car commercial.

I have a feeling that a Mustang was chosen deliberately, a subtle shoutout to horses as another culturally significant symbol and animal for Kazakhs. They could've gone for a Ferrari for the sheer visual effect of it, but I suppose Samsung is generous, but not that much.

And then, we have a chorus with a dance break. Interestingly, despite the numerous cuts and camera angles, and even blinding background lights that obscure the view, I did not mind how the dance was shot. The choreography itself is nothing short of cool: very laid-back, effortless, with easy open moves and a masterfully feigned nonchalance. I know I'm using cool and effortless a lot, but what can I do, they are the keywords for this MV. I like those claps btw, remind me of hilarious dances in Kazakh weddings lol. Very ironic. In either case, my compliments to Asiya for her work, bravo.

While you're still getting over the choreography, you're introduced to AZ casually lying among many ladies in night gowns, and yes, we now are allowing this too along with cigars and whiskey-looking teas in tumblers. Don't get me wrong, AZ is wearing a modest pair of black silk shirt with black trousers (can't say the same about his wild tricoloured mess of hair), and evidently still can't take his hands off his nose (he does keep rubbing it), but the whole scene, the wide shot of it, looks so unapologetically hedonistic that it might as well be a Gucci Guilty commercial. Well, Ninety One definitely went all Gucci in this MV, so associations are unsurprising. Scrumptious.

The only cultural reference we've got here is the neon rune "r" on the background when AZ is sitting up.

Then, it goes back to the chorus with the guys standing with more fire in the background. There are other cuts from previous scene including the one with Alem throwing off 10000 Tenge bills with that photo on the back while staring into the camera.

Conclusion? A+ to the production team, especially set designers, Bibotta for the styling, and Yerbolat for knowing what looks good and what doesn't.

All and all, it was a good MV, a good break from artificially colourful secluded studio sets.

Now let's move to the music.

The song starts with, what I thought, those weird sounds from some Japanese instruments, but upon hearing the chorus my immediate reaction was "wait, is it a hip-hop beat from the early 2000s?"

Honestly, it isn't a very pop song. It screams hip-hop, and I dare say, this song was meant to be performed by the rappers only, which was somewhat proven true given that AZ and ZAQ were both writers and composers of Men Emes. Its hip-hop nature shows even in the structure: there are no vocal verses, only a bridge and a chorus performed by the vocalists, and everything else is just rap. And oh my, that's some rap, indeed.

First, can we just address, that once again the rappers of 91 managed to sneak up another controversial line bordering with vulgarity? I am talking about the first two lines of AZ's rap here, those who don't know what I am talking about, ask me about it later. The audacity though, huh. In either case, that got an incredulous chuckle out of me upon realisation. Congratulations, boys, mischief's managed.

AZ was his extravagant self in general, wouldn't say he brought a lot of literary value in this track, to be honest. Well, especially compared to ZAQ (and it is always difficult to compete with ZAQ's lyrics), who's just unleashed the study of "how many words and rhymes with "u" and "ü" sounds I can shove into one rap verse while making it sound intelligible and meaningful." And did so successfully, I must say. Personally was always astonished how masterfully he manages to use the vowel harmony - one of the linguistic traits of the Kazakh language - weaving syllables to the whole other level of wordplay. Lyrically, all cultural references in the MV seem justified, given how ZAQ is lamenting over how "his nation is moving with a snail speed" and such. With this, he is brushing the socio-political problems in the country, it seems. And it is very promising, as in this country high profile artists don't risk doing that.

(Btw, a mention of Surtur was another delightful nod to my inner nerd who loves Norse Mythology, and a reference to Cthulhu was rather amusing. Lovecraft wouldn't've minded.)

I had many problems with voices in this track. For some reason, I couldn't recognise half of them. I only clearly heard Bala, Ace's voice became obvious only when he moved to an octave higher, and I didn't even realise it was Alem singing in the beginning. Was very shocked to know that it was ZAQ, not AZ, rapping with that higher voice in the second part before switching to his usual old school style. We're trying different things, I see, though I wouldn't mind them toning down their tuner game a bit. I know who's singing what now only thanks to the MV.

To sum up, it's a very different 91 song. Not that it's very astounding in its originality with blending different genres in one as you'd expect, but it's probably refreshing to hear something bold, audacious, yet simple, very hip-hopesque circa 2001 from them. It seems they're deliberately trying to diversify their audience throwing a track like that. Which isn't bad at all, I rather enjoyed it. (By the way, those drums in the bridge section sounded almost tribal. Just saying.)

Despite the MV and song screaming "WEALTH", "SWAG", "COOL" and "SUAVE", I do not actually think it was only about showing off. Well, of course, a part of the message was a la "look what I've got in the end, despite all your judgement" with "you're not me" and all that. However, I think it was also targeting and mocking the spoiled kids of corrupt government officials or just corrupt rich "bosses" in general who always act as if rules and law are not made for them. "Yeah, you're cool, but not the coolest, might be rich, but not the richest, and even good-looking but not really. Don't be so full of yourself, you're not the centre of the universe" kind of message. And that imagery of Alem as a mafia boss in his office is juxtaposed with all those cultural artifacts hinting on what is actually more important and valuable, especially with the Kazakh cultural leaders of the 20th century watching from the picture on the wall. And Alem throws those bills as if saying "yes, I'm doing that, but it's just money, so what." Even AZ looks somewhat lost and empty-eyed lying there among girls when he's not trying to convince you how envious you should be right now.

Probably it's me reading too much into this, I don't know, but the MV only amplified the feeling that you've got to read between the lines, it isn't all about bragging.

For now I'll give the MV 9 out of 10, and the song is a solid 7.

Peace out ✌️

[uncheckedtomfoolery]

I was willing to think your cultural exploitation might be an honest mistake, but now I see you're just a toxic writer. Fuck you for promoting self-harm, I wish you'd slit your throat and get your manipulative bullshit with you.

Please don’t praise me too much at once, it may go to my head. I’d also recommend being less cryptic in future. It took me a little while to figure out what you might be referring to. I’m assuming this is about Green Eyes and a Monster and The City respectively.

I apologise (and I mean that, I sincerely do) for upsetting you, because whether something is actually wrong or not, I don’t get to decide whether it’s offensive to someone or not. That’s subjective. I do not, however, apologise for writing it. I’ll try to explain below, mostly to put it to rest. I’m putting it past a cutoff line for a couple reasons, not least of which is that this is a touch spoilery for The City.

I’ll tackle these in order. For Green Eyes, I managed to guess what you were driving at because you are not the first to suggest that the inclusion of other cultures is exploitative. Leaving aside my personal thoughts that denying something any exposure because you weren’t born with the right to portray it is probably worse, I am, in fact, approximately qualified. I am part-Israeli if you go by where my mother was born, or part-Iraqi if you go by grandparents (granted, they had to leave in a hurry). I won’t pretend this is the same as being Iranian, and I am fairly certain no one on this site is from 17th century Persia in any case, but there’s overlap. I am, if you want to be extra blunt about it, Middle Eastern enough to have trouble at airports if I’ve been out in the sun a lot lately.

I don’t believe in listing such credentials, but here they are anyway for those who care. I’ve also been told I have no right to depict women in fiction as a man, which- goodness, I would not know where to begin even if I were one.

I have further backed this with a great deal of research to keep the details accurate to the best of my ability. If anyone from that part of the world or even a historian wants to point to something I got wrong, I welcome their corrections and will make the necessary edits. If on the other hand this is about being born without certain rights or qualifications because I’m the wrong ethnicity- oh dear, that sounds a little less good now.

As for The City, yes, it’s true, at one point the player character removes one of their own eyes (told you there’d be spoilers). Probably. Like I said in a previous post, the whole thing can be read as metaphorically or literally as you like. In this case, it might be an allegory for blinding yourself with nostalgia if you want it to be. Who knows?

Regardless, the protagonist, who I would venture is not entirely of sound mind, does a lot of things they probably shouldn’t. Depiction is not advocacy. Showing something or making the main character of a work do it does not mean this is a good idea. In much the same way, I do not suggest painstakingly carving up trains, and - reaching back to Green Eyes here - I do not, for instance, condone ambushing and eating traveling traders.

Why is it there? Ignoring any metaphorical impact or anything like that, I am writing horror. As such I try to include things most people would find horrific. It’s very pedestrian of me, I’ll grant you that. Could I have included something else? Oh yes, but this was the best idea I had.

Sometimes the best idea I have isn’t a very good one, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to hurt anyone. Please understand this. Once again, I’m sorry it upset you, but I’m not going to stop writing because of this. I welcome feedback and even (sometimes especially) criticism, but I don’t believe that this is it, and I really hope that this can put the matter to rest.