#tomorrow there's gonna be hangover stanley

[sabasightings]

[rozemieke]

A new story I wrote! It does have underage drinking so if you don't want to read that this story is not for you! The characters are 17 years old and I made up Richies birthday.

Enjoy some soft Reddie!

****

It was a nice, hot day, June was comming to an end and the summer vacation was about to start. The Losers were hanging out at the barrens. They were sitting on some rocks near the water and were chatting. Their exams were over, they defeated IT four years ago and Henry Bowers wasn't there anymore to bully the group. They had nothing to worry about, only their parents and home situations. Not that they were thinking about that right now, when Bill was telling a story without stuttering, Bev was listening with eyes filled with love, Richie was leaning against Eddie who for once, didn't minded the contact, Ben who was happy to have such good friends, Stanley who was listening to the story and looking at the birds and Mike, who was humming a song and enjoying the sun on his skin. It was great.

They were all tired from weeks of studying but it all didn't matter anymore.

It was Richies birthday tomorrow and they would all celebrate at his house, probably by eating a shit tone of candy, drinking a little and watching movies. Nothing big.

"Should we bake a birthday cake?" Eddie suddenly asked. They all looked at him. "Not in my kitchen though." He added quickly.

"We can, I don't mind. I know how to bake." Mike said.

"Do we all want to be covered in eggs and flour though?" Stanley asked. Bill and Ben shrugged. "C'mon it will be fun Stan!" Bill said, looking at the boy. Stan sighed. "Okay."

"Guys you don't have to I mean it's just my birthday." Richie complained.

"It's not just your birthday Richie! We gonna make you the most beautiful fucking cake you've ever seen, fuck you!" Eddie yelled, jumped up, just like Bev and Ben did, and grabbed his backpack.

"Cmon losers. Get your lazy asses up!" Mike laughed and stood up. Just like the rest of the group.

"Who's house were going to?" Asked Bev. "Mine's fine, my parents are at work anyway." Said Ben.

"Of we go then!" Bill yelled.

A few hours later Bens kitchen was a mess, just like the Losers. Eddie was yelling at Richie for being a stupid asshole, Mike was trying to calm everyone down, Bev and Bill were eating the chocolate dough, Stan was kind of done with all of his friends because he was covered in eggs and flower, Ben was yelling at Eddie because Eddie pushed a bowl on the ground and his parents kitchen was ruined.

Bev rolled her eyes.

"SHUT IT ASSHOLES!" she yelled as loud as she could, wich was fucking loud. All the boys went to silence and looked at Bev.

She herself was also covered in flour.

"If we want this cake we need to do something. Stop yelling at each other."

When they all calmed down Mike started to give everyone a chore to do and soon they were all laughing and baking and working together.

Still covered in flour Stan laughed at a joke that Bill made, not angry anymore.

When the cake was baking in the oven they took the time to clean everything up and take showers. Ben didn't really like that caus his kitchen was already ruined and now the bathroom was too, but when the cake came out of the oven it was lopsided and a little ugly but they didn't care. It was tasty after all.

"Beautiful present guys, I love it so much!" Richie said sarcasticly, and got a hit on the head from Bev as reply.

"You know, why wait until tomorrow when we can just eat it now already? It's still warm so it's delicious now." Richie suggested.

Eddie sighed. "It is supposed to cool down otherwise it isn't tasty you dumbass."

"I do want to eat something now though, have you smelled that?" Ben said, looking at the cake.

Eddie rolled his eyes. "We are going to eat the cake as a birthday cake! Not a-day-before-birthday cake!"

"Eddie Spaghetti, let us just eat the cake, we can always make a new one." Richie said, looking at Eddie with pleading eyes. Eddie blushed and rolled his eyes.

"Okay then."

Soon they were all eating the still warm cake. It was perfect. Richie was sitting on the kitchen counter with his mouth stuffed, Eddie was laughing at something Ben was saying, Bev tried not to choke becasue she took a way to big bite of the cake, Bill was laughing at the for being so dumb and Mike was cutting the cake in more pieces.

"I said that it would be a god idea to eat it already!" Richie said with a grin. Eddie rolled his eyes.

"What even are we gonna do tomorrow?" Mike asked, not wanting the boys to fall into their usual bickering.

Richie looked up. "We are gonna get fucking waisted Mikey, my parents promised me to go away all night, they'll probably sleep over at my aunts house out of this shitty town so we have the house for us alone. So we are gonna get waisted."

Stan tolled his eyes when Bev whooped.

Eddie was staring at the ground and Ben and Bill were grinning.

"I need to be home early tomorrow otherwise my mom will be mad, I can't get waisted and I don't want to."

"Eds! It's my birthday! Cmon!" Richie whined.

Eddie shoved Richie away.

"No! I can't! And I don't like you when you're drunk!" He yelled, walking out of the kitchen. Richie jumped off the counter and followed him to the living room.

"It's fine Eds, calm down." He said as he tried to place his hands om Eddies shoulders. Eddie shrugged them off.

"No it's not." He said, a little grumpy.

"Yo Eddie I'll stay sober with you while the others wreck themselfs alright?" Mike yelled from the kitchen. Eddie shot him a thankful look.

"Okay, now let's go get you guys stuff and let's go over to my place! Let the party begin!" Richie yelled.

Five hours later they were all starting to drink. It was maybe 10pm, and Richie wanted to make a toast.

"Dear friends!" He started of, standing on the couch, speaking with a terrible British accent. "Shut up already!" Eddie yelled. Ben trew a piece of wrapping paper from a present that previously had been opened to his head. Richie ducked away and laughed.

"No I just want to say that I love you all very much, thank you for being my friends, and thank you putting up with me!"

Bev started to laugh. "Bohoo! Shut up!"

Richie laughed as he jumped from the couch.

"No but I mean it."

The others cheered as they took gulps from their beers.

Eddie and Mike were just drinking apple juice, and Eddie felt a little guilty because he knew that Mike liked getting drunk with Bill.

Eddie sighed. "Fuck it Mike, drink whatever you want, I don't care, my mom isn't here anyway and she's not the boss of me." Eddie suddenly said, getting up to get some beers.

He didn't care. Fuck his mom and her rules and her weird ass behaviour. She made him think he was sick for so many years! So fuck her, he wasn't gonna sit here and be all sober because of her!

"Richie do you have anything else then beer? Because beer's disgusting!" Eddie yelled from the kitchen to the living room.

"I don't know, wait!"

Richie got up and got the kitchen. "What do you want do drink?" He asked, looked at the stuff in the fridge.

Eddie shrugged. "Something that isn't as disgusting as beer."

Richie grinned. "I got some shit in the liquor cabinet but that's, like, you get wasted of that pretty quickly."

Eddie shrugged, a twinkle in his eyes, looking al rebellious and ready to not give a shit.

Richie loved it when Eddie was all against his mothers rules. How his behaviour changed in a way and how he was more himself, not caring and not in control of someone.

"Give me it. I don't care." Richie grinned. "That's the spirit Eds, fuck them all."

Eddie nodded and followed Richie to the living room. "Eddie Spaghetti wants to crack open the good stuff! Who's in?" Richie yelled.

Stan smiled. He loved his dumbass friends, and he didn't like the taste of beer either so he was happy when Richie opened a bottle of cherry flavoured vodka. Eddie grabbed the bottle with a furious look in his eyes.

The others eyes went big, all yelling and whooping when Eddie took a big ass gulp from the bottle.

"Eddie! What the fuck!" Bev yelled trough a giggle, taking over the bottle from him. Eddie grinned, taking over the bottle from Mike who also had taken a gulp.

When Bev decided to play some music and it escaleted quickly to all the losers yelling while acting dramaticly along with the music.

Eddie was having a blast, he knew that he was a lightweight, and he knew that he was already on the verge between drunk and tipsy, but he felt amazing.

Richie was grinning when he saw Eddie all happy, the smaller boy being alive and cute and with a blush on his cheeks. Way to cute Eds, Richie though before taking another gulp of the bottle. Eddie smiled at him and walked over to him.

"I want the last bit." He said as he took the bottle and shugged what was over from it. Richies eyes went big. "Eds, I mean, do whatever you want but you don't want to be all hangover in the morning do ya?"

Eddie wasn't listening, he had closed his eyes and had thrown his hands up and was singing along to a song. His hips swaying and his pink lips moving along with the words.

Richie rolled his eyes and danced along. Eddie opened his eyes, looking up at Richies face. Eddie giggled. He fucking giggled, grabbed Richies hands and they danced togheter.

When the song ended Eddie was laughing so hard he needed to sit down. "Richie, you dance like shit!" He wheezed. "What?! Shut up dickhead!" Richie complained.

"You're like, an awkward moving stick Richie! You do need to loosen up when you dance, don't be so stiff!" Eddie yelled, still laughing.

Richie plopped down on the couch. "Mean, fuck you Eds."

Eddie grinned. "You can come and call me that after you learn how to dance!" Eddie yelled, making the others laugh. Ben raised his hand for a high five.

"I'm gonna go outside for a smoke, since I'm being bullied in here anyway, you comming Bev?" Richie asked, walking outside.

As soon as they were both gone Eddie let out a groan.

Mike looked up. "What's wrong?"

"He just doesn't fucking get it doesn't he? He's so dumb!"

Stan and Mike shared some confused glances.

"Wait w-what?" Bill asked, as confused as the others.

Eddie sighed, sliding of the couch so he was now sitting on the ground. He pouted.

"Richie! He's a dumbass."

Ben sat down next to Eddie on the floor. "What isn't he getting exactly?"

"That I want to kiss him on his stupid mouth! How doesn't he realise that I like him!? It's not like it isn't fucking obvious anyway!"

Stans eyes widened, the others looked at each others with confusing looks and big grins.

"Well maybe you should tell him Eddie. Richie's not good at taking hints." Stan said, sitting down on the couch.

"But then why does he calls me nicknames and calls me cute!?" Eddie yelled.

Ben laughed. "Well that's just Richie." Mike said.

"That tall ass is going to fucking kill me with his stupidness." Eddie whined.

Bill tried to hide his laughter.

"Well Eddie, I'm not saying you should totally kiss him tonight but maybe I am." Mike said. Eddie rolled his eyes. "I don't want this to be another dumb as drunk kiss he doesn't remember Mike."

"ANOTHER??!!" Ben yelled. Eddie hid his face in his hands, trying not to blush.

"Yea shut up alright? Richie doesn't remember anyway."

"What didn't I remember shortcakes?" Richie said as he entered the room. All the boys looked up. Eddie blushed, looking at his socks.

"Tell me Eds!" Richie said, scooting next to Stanley on the couch.

Eddie shook his head. "Fuck you Trashmouth." He whispered. Richie looked at Stan with a questionable look on his face. Stan shrugged, acting like he didn't know.

"Come with me Eds." Richie suddenly said, getting of the couch. Eddie looked up, frowning, but letting Richie pull him up from the ground.

"What do you want Richie?" Eddie asked, as soon as they entered Richies bedroom.

Richie sighed. "I do remember."

Eddies eyes widened. "Fuck of." He said as he sat down on the bed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"No. I do! I remember us, sitting on the roof, right there," Richie pointed outside to the roof of the garage right out his bedroom window.

"I remember us talking about this boring town, and you suddenly saying that you never kissed anyone."

Eddie blushed, but it was true, everything Richie was saying was true.

"I remember me, taking another gulp from something we were drinking and not going in on the subject. I remember you, cheeks pink, hair ruffled from the wind, all cute and chivering, telling me you wanted to go inside because you were cold. I remember us climbing trough the window and sitting on my bed."

Eddie sighed.

"Okay, I get it! You remember, so what! It happened, we can't turn back the time, and I'm sorry if you regret it."

Richie looked at Eddie and sat down next to him, a little closer than needed.

"I don't regret a single second from it Eds."

Eddie didn't answer, so they sat in an awkward silence for a lot more minutes then Eddie wanted.

Suddenly Richie turned around to face him, placed a hand on Eddies hip to pull him even closer and looked at Eddie with his big brown eyes.

Eddie gulped." Is this okay?" Richie asked, his voice soft. Eddie could smell his breath. Beer and cigarettes, normally he found that disgusting, but not now, now he liked it.

Eddie nodded, knowing what was about to come next. Knowing that one of them only had to lean in to let their lips touch.

"Is it okay if I kiss you again Eddie?" Richie asked.

Eddie didn't know what to answer. He just leaned in, placing his hands on the sides of Richies face before deepening the kiss.

Richie smiled against Eddies lips.

"Your glasses are in the way." Eddie said before taking them of of Richies face.

"Now I can't see how beautiful you are Eds!" Richie whined. Eddie giggled and leaned in for another kiss, pressing him down on the mattress so they were now laying face to face, still making out.

"I like kissing you Eds. You're quite good at it, you know." Richie said when they broke the kiss to breath.

Eddie grinned.

"I learned that from your mom."

Richie laughed, pulling Eddie closer, hugging him.

"Touché Eddie Spaghetti, touché."

"Hey Fuckos! Stop being horny and get your asses down! We want to watch a movie and we need to decide which one!" Beverly yelled trough Richies bedroom door.

Eddie jumped up, blushing, and Richie just grinned.

"We're comming Bev!" He yelled as he got up too.

"Do I have sex hair?" Richie asked. Eddie turned even redder. "What the fuck is sex hair Richie."

"Ya know, a fresh fucked look, all ruffled and pulled on, standing in different directions, fresh from the sex."

"Ew. Disgusting. And no."

"Great, wouldn't want to spread any rumours about what we did in here."

Eddie shoved him to the side. "Shut up! We didn't even have sex!" Eddie yelled.

Richie leaned in closer. "I would want to." He whispered in Eddies ear. Eddie shivered and pushed him off.

"Yeah no not here and not now. I don't even know what we are Richie. What is this? Us? Friends? Friends with benefits? Boyfriends?"

"Do you want us to be?" Richie asked, grabbing Eddies hands and looking in his eyes.

Eddie was looking everywhere except at Richie.

"Eddie? Do you want us to be?" Richie asked again.

"Yes." He whispered, blushing.

Richie smiled. "Okay, Eddie spaghetti, my beautiful boyfriend, let's go downstairs and blow the others socks of with this news."

Edie laughed, pressed a little kiss to Richies cheek and followed him downstairs.

"Hey fuckers! Meet my boyfriend!" Richie yelled as he entered the living. Eddie rolled his eyes but couldn't hide a small smile on his face.

"Yeah well no shit that took you guys long enough." Stanley said, grinning.

The others just laughed and asked stupid questions, but Eddie didn't mind.

When they picked a movie and Eddie was sitting on Richies lap, his back leaning against Richies chest and Richies hands tabled with his, he couldn't hide the big smile.

And for Richie? For Richie it was the best birthday present he could ever wish for.

****

That's it! Enjoy!

[thelastspeecher]

Human Again

I’ve got some other things I’m planning on posting the next couple weeks, after I’m done with finals (got one left; tomorrow morning).  But here’s a couple scenes from the Phoenix Enchantment AU that I’ve written in between things recently.  It’s...pretty long.  Normally I post things more quickly, so they don’t build up like this did.  Fiddleford and Ford figure out who Prometheus and Pele are, and after some good news, the birds get some pretty upsetting news.  It starts immediately after Fiddleford and Ford get back from Pinatubo’s vet appointment.  Enjoy.

               Ford opened the front door.

               “That went much better than I expected,” he said cheerfully to Fiddleford. Fiddleford nodded.

               “Yessir.  Pele was on her best behavior, and was keepin’ Pinatubo calm just like we hoped she would.  We should give ‘em a big ole treat later.”

               “Agreed.  I- holy shit.”  Ford cut off his sentence upon seeing the destruction in the living room.  “What the hell happened?”  The hardwood floor was full of long scratches, cushions had been torn, and pieces of ripped paper were scattered everywhere.

               “Darn it, I should’ve known better ‘n to leave Prometheus loose,” Fiddleford muttered.  There was a small chirp from the carrier he was holding.  “Pele, yer mate messed up the house big time.”  Ford frowned at the scratches in the floor.

               “Those almost look like letters,” Ford said slowly.  He crossed over to the other side and gazed down. His eyes widened.  “They are letters.”

               “Prometheus can write?” Fiddleford asked, aghast.  He set down the carrier and joined Ford.  “Oh, my.  It looks like a message.”

               “It says…‘We’re really Stan and Angie, you assholes’,” Ford read aloud. He froze.  “But that’s-”  Pele began to screech from inside the carrier.  Fiddleford rushed back to the carrier to open it.  Pele stormed out and continued to squawk passionately, pacing back and forth, flapping her wings and bobbing her head in an approximation of gesticulating.  Ford and Fiddleford watched her tirade silently.  After a few minutes, she stopped, breathing heavily.  Fiddleford got down on his knees and stared at the phoenix.

               “Angie?” Fiddleford asked weakly.  Pele let out a small croak.  “Yer- yer a bird?”  She nodded.

               “That’s impossible,” Ford said.

               “This is Gravity Falls,” Fiddleford snapped.  “I doubt anything’s impossible here.”  His eyes widened.  “If- if Prometheus and Pele are Stan and Angie, then- then lil Pinatubo’s our niece! Stanford, we took our niece to the vet!”

               “Fiddleford, it’s quite possible Pele and Prometheus are just lashing out at us for taking their chick from them,” Ford said.  “They’re quite intelligent, after all, and have heard us talk about our missing siblings before.”  Pele squawked indignantly.

               “No, this is Angie,” Fiddleford said softly, looking at Pele again.  “I can see it in her eyes.”  Pele trilled at him.  “I’m so sorry, lil sis.  Let’s take ya back upstairs and get yer baby settled in.  Then we can discuss what to do.”  Pele nodded and walked back into the carrier.  Fiddleford closed the door.

               “Fiddleford, I still don’t completely believe-” Ford started.

               “Oh, hush,” Fiddleford said snippily.  He walked away.

----- 

               After reaching the attic landing, Fiddleford set the carrier on the floor and opened it.  Pele burst out, flying to Prometheus at the food stand and chirping at him busily. Fiddleford carefully placed Pinatubo in the nest.  He sighed.

               “I’m so sorry, Stan ‘n Angie,” he said in a low voice.  The phoenixes looked at him.  He turned away.  There was a flash of light and two loud thuds. Fiddleford spun around.  On the floor, dazed and fully nude, were Stan and Angie.  “What?!” Fiddleford yelped.  Stan stood up woozily.  He grabbed the nearby food stand for support.

               “Fuck, I feel weird,” Stan groaned in a voice that creaked from lack of use.  He looked at the food stand and gaped.  “Holy shit. Holy shit, I have fingers again!” Stan stretched out his hands, flexing his fingers.  “I won’t take ‘em for granted anymore.”  He looked down at Angie, who seemed more disoriented than him.  “Babe?”  Stan took Angie by the hand and pulled her up.  She abruptly slumped against him.  “You all right?”

               “Ugh, I feel like- like I have the world’s worst hangover,” Angie croaked.  Her eyes suddenly widened.  “Molly! We have to-”  She looked over at the nest, skipping over Fiddleford initially, but then looking back at him.  “Fidds!”

               “A- Angie?  Stan? Yer- yer-” Fiddleford stammered. He ran a hand through his hair. “I- oh, Lord, I’m so sorry, I-” He paused.  “Who’s Molly?”

               “Our daughter,” Stan said.  Fiddleford looked over at the nest.

               “That’s her name?”

               “Yeah.  Like we’d actually use the weird one Ford came up with,” Stan scoffed.  He looked at Angie.  “Think you can stand on your own?  I’ll grab Molly.”

               “I’ll be fine,” Angie mumbled.  She stood straighter, still wobbling slightly.  “Fidds, you have no clue how nice it is fer someone to understand us when we talk again.”

               “Oh, my poor baby sister, it must’ve been awful, so long bein’ birds,” Fiddleford whispered.

               “Pretty much,” Angie said with a weak grin.  Stan yelped.  Angie looked over at the nest.  “What’s wrong?”                “Molly, she-”  Stan turned around.  Instead of a small phoenix chick, he was holding a human infant.  Angie gaped.  “She turned human.”

               “Whatever made us turn back, it must’ve worked on her, too,” Angie whispered. Stan walked over to her. “Oh!  Look at her lil toes, and her lil fingers and- she has twelve fingers!”

               “That explains the extra talons,” Stan said.  He tickled Molly’s stomach.  She giggled, then began to fuss loudly.  “Dammit.  She never stops makin’ noise.”

               “Babies usually don’t,” Fiddleford said.  “No matter the species.”  Angie and Stan nodded silently.  “What happened?”

               “I don’t know,” Stan said.  He looked at Angie.  “Ang?”

               “Yer guess is as good as mine.”  She froze.  “Stanley.”

               “Yeah?”

               “We’re naked.”

               “So?”

               “Let me modify that.  We’re naked, and human,” Angie said.  Stan stared at her.  

               “Shit,” Stan said.  He looked at Fiddleford.  “Mind getting us some clothes?”  Fiddleford turned red; it hadn’t hit him until then that he’d been conversing with two completely naked adults.

               “Sure, sure, I’ll grab the two- three of ya somethin’.”

----- 

               Ford hurried into the kitchen.  Fiddleford was sitting at the table, playing with Molly’s hands.  Stan and Angie were nowhere to be found.

               “You didn’t call anyone yet, did you?” Ford asked Fiddleford.  Fiddleford shook his head.

               “No, sir.  We were ‘bout to, but Angie had to rush off to the bathroom.  She must’ve eaten somethin’ her stomach disagreed with.  Stan went to check on her.”  Fiddleford frowned.  “I guess after so long without eatin’ certain types of food, her body forgot how to digest it.”

               “That’s…not why,” Ford said in a low voice.  “I figured out what triggered their initial transformation.” Fiddleford’s face went pale.

               “Yer not usin’ a very upbeat tone.”

               “No.  I’m not.” Ford sat next to Fiddleford and set the bestiary he had brought in on the table.  He smiled weakly at Molly.  “Hello, Molly.”  Molly giggled.  “She seems to be in a better mood than she was before.”

               “The turnin’ human prob’ly discombobulated her,” Fiddleford said. “But she’s settled in a bit.  Got used to havin’ fingers ‘n toes.”

               “Just watch, in five minutes, she’s gonna start screamin’,” Stan said, walking into the kitchen, Angie close behind him.  He sat at the table and took Molly from Fiddleford.  “That’s how it works with ya, isn’t it, Rooster?”  Molly giggled again.  

               “Feelin’ better?” Fiddleford asked Angie.  She nodded and sat next to Stan.  “I wonder what ya ate.”

               “Did you have any dairy products?” Ford asked.  

               “I had some ice cream,” Angie said.  

               “That would be the cause of it,” Ford said.  Now bouncing Molly on one knee, Stan frowned at Ford.

               “What makes you so sure, Sixer?”

               “Because…”  Ford leaned forward and clasped his hands together.  He took a steadying breath.  “Your situation isn’t temporary.”

               “What do you mean?” Angie asked.

               “You’ll revert to your avian forms within 48 hours,” Ford mumbled reluctantly.  Stan stared silently at him.  Angie froze. “It- I found out what caused your initial transformation.  Apparently, in Gravity Falls, there’s an enchantment in place that selects humans to serve as the area’s breeding phoenix pair, should the current one leave.”

               “That’s fucked up,” Stan said after a moment.  

               “Yes.  It is. The enchantment allows for the breeding pair to adopt a human form every month during a full moon outside of mating season.”

               “It’s been a lot of full moons since we got enchanted,” Angie pointed out.

               “It was only after Fiddleford recognized you, that you could transform. That’s a component of the spell, but I’m not sure why.”  Ford ran a hand through his hair.  “Judging by the lunar calendar this month, you’ll only be in a human form until the sunrise after tomorrow’s.”

               “And then we’re birds again?” Angie whispered.

               “No.  The both of you are still birds, even now,” Ford said.  “You’re just in a human form.  Due to the enchantment, you’re no longer humans.  You’re phoenixes, no matter which form you take.”  Angie covered her mouth in horror, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

               “How do we fix it?” Fiddleford interjected.  Ford closed his eyes.

               “We can’t.  The enchantment was set in place by a higher planar being with magical abilities we can’t begin to comprehend.  Stan, Angie, I’m sorry.”

               “No,” Angie sobbed.  Stan put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed tightly.

               “Fiddleford and myself, we can arrange for whatever you want, regarding your human identities,” Ford said.  “And until you leave, we’ll do our best to make you comfortable in the attic.”

               “Unless we decide to live in the woods, we don’t have anywhere to go,” Stan whispered.  He swallowed. “We don’t have our place in San Diego anymore.  And even if we did, how- how would we pay the bills?  We can’t have jobs.”

               “Stay,” Fiddleford said suddenly.  Stan and Angie looked at him.  Fiddleford reached out and took a hold of one of Angie’s hands.  “You’ve already got a comfortable setup in the attic. We’ll take care of ya.”

               “Fidds, that’s- that’s mighty nice,” Angie said weakly.  “But I don’t think I can handle bein’ yer pet again.” She looked over at Molly, still being held by Stan, and choked back a sob.  “This mornin’, bein’ separated from Stan like that, by force and trickery, it’s- I can’t take it no more.”

               “Yeah, this morning sucked,” Stan said.  He stroked Molly’s head.  “You guys took Molly and Angie from me.  I knew you were comin’ back, but-”

               “If you stay with us, we won’t do that no more,” Fiddleford said.  “You wouldn’t be our pets.  Now we know who ya are, we’ll treat ya the right way.” Angie and Stan were silent. “We’ll give ya some time to think about it.”  Fiddleford stood up.  “Stanford, let’s go discuss how we’ll deal with Tate ‘n this mess.”

----- 

               Fiddleford walked into the bedroom he shared with Ford and closed the door.

               “I don’t think we should tell Tate,” Fiddleford said shortly.  Ford frowned at him.  “Look, he’s just a lil kid.  He could let it slip to someone, or he’d just get more confused.”

               “He deserves to know that the phoenixes are his relatives,” Ford insisted. “What’s going to happen when he gets older?  He’s going to treat his aunt, uncle, and cousins like pets.”

               “We’ll tell him not to do that.”

               “Fiddleford-”

               “Stanford, please.  The less of the Gravity Falls weirdness Tate’s exposed to, the better,” Fiddleford begged.  Ford sighed.

               “Fine.  But we’ll revisit this in a few years or so.  I don’t like keeping him in the dark, particularly given that the rest of your family will be told.”

               “Fair enough.  When he’s older, we’ll talk again.”  Fiddleford slumped against the door, his face pale.  “Stanford, I just- I can’t handle what we did to Stan ‘n Angie.  Examinin’ ‘em, takin’- takin’ ‘em to the vet, and the stunt we pulled this mornin’.  We- we effectively stole Stan’s wife and child from him.”

               “They aren’t married.”

               “Stanford.”

               “But I understand,” Ford said softly.  “I- I examined my twin and Angie, took notes on their…bedroom behavior.” His stomach abruptly plummeted. “Sweet Moses.  Fiddleford, I recorded my twin and your younger sister having sex.”  He dragged his hands down his face.  “I showed pictures of my niece being conceived to an auditorium full of students. A paper is going to published that has pornography of Stan and Angie.”

               “Oh, Lord.”  Fiddleford’s pale face turned green.  “We watched our siblings’ sex tape.”  There was a knock on the door.  Fiddleford took a step back.  Stan opened the door and poked his head in.

               “Hey, uh, if you’re done talkin’, we decided what to do.”

-----

               Ford and Fiddleford followed Stan into the living room.  Angie was sitting in the armchair, holding Molly closely. Stan walked to her and whispered something.  She smiled weakly, but her tight posture didn’t relax.

               “You decided on something?” Ford asked.  Angie nodded woodenly.

               “We’ll- we’ll take you up on that offer,” Stan said quietly.  He put a comforting arm around Angie’s shoulders. “We don’t- there’s not much else we can do.”

               “Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of ya,” Fiddleford said immediately. “You’ll get everything ya need.” Angie looked down at Molly in her arms, clearly fighting back tears.  Fiddleford took a step towards her.  “Banjey…”

               “Back off,” Stan snarled.  Fiddleford blanched.  Stan shook his head.  “Sorry, Fidds.  Our, uh, our instincts are runnin’ pretty high right now.  If either of ya get close to Angie or Molly, it’s- it’s not gonna end well.  Just so ya know.”

               “Instincts?” Fiddleford asked.  Stan nodded.

               “Turns out birds have strong ones.  Can’t fight ‘em off very well.”  Stan looked at Molly.  “We wouldn’t be parents if we could.”

               “Actually, I was curious about that,” Ford said.  

               “Figured,” Stan muttered.

               “So, during mating season, was the urge to copulate-”

               “Not now,” Angie snapped.  “We’re not goin’ to talk ‘bout that right now.  Maybe never.”  She took a breath.  “We- we have some guidelines we’d like ya to follow, when we’re stuck as- stuck as-” Angie cut herself off, her eyes filling with tears.  

               “We know we’re basically gonna be your roommates that don’t pay rent,” Stan said, “but no matter how cushy the setup you have for us is, we aren’t gonna stay if things keep happenin’ like they have been.”

               “Now that we know the truth, we wouldn’t dream of that,” Ford said. “What are your demands?”

               “Demands is a strong word,” Angie mumbled.  She shook her head.  “Don’t matter.  First off, get- get rid of all yer pictures of us…makin’ Molly.”

               “Of course,” Ford said.

               “Video too.”

               “Yes.”

               “Take down the camera you have upstairs,” Stan said.  Ford nodded.

               “No more vet visits,” Angie said quietly.  She held Molly a bit tighter.  A tear fell down her cheek.  “No more.”

               “Of cou-” Fiddleford started.

               “Wait,” Ford interrupted.  Stan and Angie stared at Ford.  “We can’t just have a blanket ban on the veterinarian.”  

               “Stanford!” Fiddleford hissed.  A low growl began to emanate from the back of Stan’s throat.

               “Stanley, please,” Ford said, holding his hands up placatingly.  “I understand you were upset by what happened this morning, but-”

               “Poindexter, you and Fidds trapped my girlfriend, stole my kid from her bed, and literally held me back from them,” Stan ground out.  “‘Upset’ isn’t even close.”

               “Clearly, the surprise vet visits will stop,” Ford said.  “But you’re in bird form for most of the time now. A human doctor won’t be able to make sure you’re healthy.  A human pediatrician won’t be able to tell you your children are developing properly. What if there’s an emergency when you and Angie are in bird form?  The ER can’t do anything for you.”

               “What’s yer suggestion?” Angie asked.

               “We find someone else.  Someone experienced with the magical creatures of Gravity Falls.  And we tell them right off the bat that you aren’t normal birds.  You’re sentient.”  Angie and Stan shared a look.  After a moment, Stan nodded.

               “Okay.”

               “We’ll concede to bein’ data fer yer research,” Angie said.  “But whenever ya want to examine Molly, one of us has to be there.  And the nonsense with invadin’ our privacy?  That’s done.” Angie glared at Ford. “Examinations can’t take our dignity no more.”

               “Fair enough,” Fiddleford said.

               “And we need to find a way fer us to communicate,” Angie said.  Fiddleford and Ford nodded.

               “Anything else?” Fiddleford asked.  Angie shook her head.

               “No.”

               “Not right now, at least,” Stan said.  

               “Glad we got some things settled,” Fiddleford said.  He smiled weakly at Angie.  She smiled hesitantly back.  Emboldened, Fiddleford took another step towards Angie.  Stan let out an audible hiss and grabbed Fiddleford’s wrist.

               “Fidds,” Stan growled.  “Just ‘cause we look calmed down doesn’t mean we are.  Do you remember what happened when you guys got close to the nest right after Molly was laid?”  Fiddleford nodded.  Stan’s eyes narrowed.  “Well, now I’m bigger than you.  Wanna roll those dice?”  Fiddleford paled.

               “Fidds, please,” Angie whispered.  “I know ya just want to comfort us.  But we can’t handle that right now.”

               “Okay, okay,” Fiddleford said, stepping back.  Stan and Angie visibly relaxed.  “Are ya up fer callin’ Ma ‘n Pa?”

               “No,” Angie said softly.  “But I don’t think I’ll ever be.”  She stood up. “At least they’ll be excited they’ve got such a cute lil granddaughter.”

               “The cutest granddaughter they’re ever gonna have,” Stan said proudly.

               “Cuter than any future daughters of yours?” Ford asked.  He shrugged.  “Well, we can always find out after next mating season.”

               “Don’t remind me,” Stan muttered.  “You’d think I’d like knockin’ boots 24/7.  But it’s not as fun as a bird.”

               “Why?” Ford asked, curious despite himself.

               “First off, it’s-” Stan started.  Fiddleford cleared his throat.  Stan and Ford looked at the McGuckets, who were wearing identical discomforted expressions.  “…I’ll tell you some other time.”