mokacheer · 2 years ago
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cheers to the new year also to be prosperous with more mutual interactions, collabs and hopefully more content from me exploring new editing styles >:)
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phan-of-the-pen · 6 years ago
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I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 14
Hey!! I’m back once again with a new chapter!! Sorry this took so long you guys, I’ve been super busy with normal life, trying to write new updates for this fic, and trying to write my three PBB fics! Anyways, I hope you enjoy and thank you for sticking around! @billetdouxblossom
Tags for chapter: fluff, minor angst, major BFF bonding omg
Words for chapter: ~2.7
Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?
(ao3!)
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~~~~~~~~~~ 
Dan curled himself up in a blanket on his couch, phone in hand.
He hadn't heard from Jaime at all today minus her early morning texts, but knowing her, she'd still burst into Dan's flat in a whirlwind after her audition for one of her and Dan's infamous Best Friends Only Nights.
No significant others, no texting other people, no social media, just the two of them, ice cream, pizza, every blanket and pillow they can find, and sad romcoms playing in the background as they talk and cry and laugh.
And as far as preparation, Dan had already ordered the pizza, there was plenty of ice cream in his freezer, and at least half a dozen blankets were swallowing the sofa.
All he was missing was his best friend.
>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
so youre telling me I wont get you at ALL tonight?
>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
yep. a Best Friends Only Night was called and rules state no s.o. just us bffs
>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
>:(
>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
srry mate but youll survive i promise
>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
I might just die you dont know
>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
wow i didnt know i picked up such a needy boyfriend
Dan grinned. He may have sounded exasperated in his text, but really, Phil whining about not having Dan for a single night was making his mood soar.
It felt good to be wanted by someone other than just Jaime.
>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
ddddaaaaaannnnnnn
>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
pppphhhhiiiilllllll
>> From: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
fine but I get you tomorrow so I can catch up on my very important dan time
>> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!)
u can get ur dan time and i can get my phil time it sounds like a plan
Dan clicked off his phone when he heard his door fly open. There's Jaime, late as usual.
"Daniel Howell, where the fuck are you!"
"On the sofa already starting this Best Friends Night without you!" Dan laughed in response. She sounded breathless but happy, which was making Dan's hopes for her soar. She had to have gotten that role.
Jaime was there in a moment, landing on him in a heap and talking a mile a minute, too fast for Dan to catch everything, but managing to grasp a few words here or there. Still not enough to piece together a proper story about her day, though.
"Jaime," Dan said quickly when she stopped to breathe, "I need you to slow down—you're talking way too fast for me to understand you dork. Did you get the part? Or do I need to kick a judge's ass?"
She looked at Dan with wide eyes and smiled, wide enough to cover her whole face.
"I got it. I got the part." She said in a whisper, like she couldn't believe the words.
Dan felt his jaw drop in one moment and the next snap right back up so he could cheer as he tackled her in a hug, his much larger body easily covering hers.
"I knew it! I knew it, Jaime! God! This is the break you were waiting for and you're gonna be a star now and oh my gosh when are the tickets going out I'm going to buy five and-"
"Dan!" She said, laughing. "Now you're the one rambling!"
Dan clamped his jaw shut to stop himself, feeling his eyes crinkle and smile go wide.
"I'm just way too happy for you, Jaime. You've got to tell me everything."
They ended back up on the couch, huddled together under the blanket Dan had previously been under alone. Jaime relayed everything to him, from the sudden call-back to her trip there. She talked about how huge the theatre was and how Dan would absolutely love it. Jaime talked about the director and the cast so far, and how there was this really cute girl that was a part of the stage crew, and Dan just soaked it all up, getting caught in the glamour.
Jaime reached for another slice of the pizza that had arrived half-way through her explaining that the theatre had three gigantic chandeliers.
"All of the main parts have been casted already, but now they're moving on to the 'second wave' so to speak, and auditions are opening back up in a few days so..." Jaime trailed off, looking hopeful.
Dan snorted.
"Jaime, I know you're excited but you can't have two parts."
"Sciocco, I mean for you to try for a part! Not me!"
"Jaime, I haven't acted in anything in over a year-"
"Dan-"
"-and besides I won't get it."
"You don't know that! I thought I wasn't even going to get a call-back and look where we are right now! I'm the face of this musical!"
"Yeah, well I'm sure that all of the people that didn't get a main character like you are going to try out for the smaller ones and there's no doubt that they're better than me."
"Dan, you're an insane actor—there's no way that you couldn't get even the smallest part! And besides, do you really want to be a barista for the rest of your life? Acting is your dream, Dan. These directors are picking new talent that hasn't been seen on a big stage before left and right. There's more of a chance that you could get this than you think."
"Jaime," Dan sighed, "we both know that I can't afford to miss work as much as I'm going to need to for practice. And on top of that, I won't be able to pay for the tickets I'm going to need to get to London and back so many times. If it was here in Manchester, maybe I'd entertain the  idea, but I just can't. I'd be out of my flat in a month from not being able to afford rent once practice rolls around."
Jaime groaned.
"Dan-"
"No, Jaime, I'll sit this one out."
She muttered something under her breath that Dan just didn't quite get before nodding a disgruntled 'fine' and pouting. After another piece and a half of pizza, Jaime knocked her shoulder into Dan's.
"So, what's going on with you? Was today really bad?"
"Steve was a royal dick."
"Expected."
"Mary almost had a go at him."
"Mary? Little old lady Mary? Mi Dio, what did he do?"
Dan brought his bandaged hand out from under the blankets, where it had been curled up over his stomach. Jaime nearly choked on the bite of pizza in her mouth when she saw it, and her eyes immediately darkened with anger.  
"He kind of hip-checked me while I was making her coffee, and I ended up burning myself." Dan said, definitely playing the situation down to avoid Jaime descending upon Steve like a grim reaper. As much as Dan might have loved to see that, it wouldn't have been worth it.
"But don't worry it's fine! Phil wrapped up and everything."
"Phil was there too now? And what the hell did he do, go out and buy bandages? We don't have these kind in the first-aid kit." She said, bringing Dan's hand over by his wrist to inspect the bandage. Her eyes roved over the rest of Dan's frame as well, looking for any other sign of injury, frowning.
Dan blushed.
"Ah, no, he had these at his flat."
Jaime raised a brow.
"You're telling me that he went all the way to his flat, grabbed some bandages, and came all the way back to the coffee shop just because you got a burn even though we had ones in the back?"
"No," he said, squirming, "we went to his flat for lunch. After he nearly threatened to dump a coffee on Steve's head."
"Why the fuck-"
"We're dating." Dan blurted, eyes going wide as soon as the words left his mouth. He had meant to be more tactile with telling her, damnit. Jaime blinked at him in disbelief. "Surprise?" He added, unsure.
"Tell me everything right now it's about time you two got together, jesus christ."
So Dan ended up telling Jaime all about how Phil showed up at his flat, the texts, today, their talk about Dan's past, and how Phil had swooped in like a saint to take him away from Steve, breaking for Jaime to disappear for a moment, only to come pack with a gallon on ice cream and two spoons.
"Oh my god you two were snogging on this couch."
"Shut up!"
"You can't deny it, Howell, you literally just told me!"
"That doesn't mean we have to talk about it!"
Jaime snickered and spooned another mountain of ice cream into her mouth.
"He's going to be in our coffee shop at every hour of the day now that you finally said yes, isn't he? God, don't even answer that he's like a puppy, he is."
Dan's face was beet-red, and he suspected that the blush wouldn't go down for a while, or at least until Jaime let up on the teasing.
"My boyfriend isn't a puppy. But yeah, he probably is going to be there a lot." Dan muttered through a mouth-full of ice cream.
"A lot my ass he won't leave unless you do."
"Jaime, shut up."
"Oi, this is the first relationship you've been in in years, it's my right to tease you to death."
Dan stuck out his tongue at her.
"Love you too, Danny."
Jaime shifted on the couch, and continued to reach for the ice cream, but thankfully stopped her suggestive smiles and teasing in lieu of smugly eating dessert.
They polished off an impressive amount of ice cream before Jaime pushed the container away, onto the table.
"We've had way too much. I'm throwing in the towel for the both of us."
"Speak for yourself, loser." Dan said, but admittedly throwing his spoon into the container of ice cream and flopping back into the couch. "What's next on the agenda, then? Are we going to cut into sleeping already? It's only about ten."
"No, you're not going to pass out on me, Danny, I'm not done with you yet."
Dan whined, but obediently sat up when Jaime swatted at his arm.
Unlike the rest of the night prior, this time Jaime looked stern. She wasn't bubbling over with excitement and joy like she had been when she had arrived, and she wasn't oozing disbelief and I-told-you-he-liked-you-but-you-didn't-believe-me-dumbass like when Dan was busy talking about Phil. She was determined and slightly reserved, but also showing hints of worry.
"I've been honestly meaning to talk to you about this for awhile, I just didn't really know how to bring it up, I guess? But I finally got my head out of my ass and realized that it doesn't matter if I'm vaguely unsure because this is about you."
Dan swallowed, suddenly nervous. His head immediately went to the worst-case he could think of. Was Jaime unhappy with their friendship? Changed her mind about her acceptance of Dan's sexuality?
Something else?
Her eyes seemed to be piercing his, keeping them from darting away. Dan wasn't sure if her gaze reassured him or heightened his anxiety.
"I want you to see a therapist, Dan. No, don't say anything yet, this is non-negotiable. You've been depressed since I've known you, and while I'm sure that some of that had to do with repressing your ace-ness, nowhere near all of it is, and it's gotten worse since you were just that too-tall kid to stumble through my store doors looking for a job. Dan, there are times when you can't get out of bed. And don't think I haven't noticed your increasing anxiety. Dan," Jaime said, grabbing Dan's hand, "I want you to be happy because you deserve to be. You don't deserve to suffer through that, and I don't want you to alone. I'll help you as much as you want me too, but I'm no professional, Dan. I can't help you how you need."
Dan felt tears prick at his eyes.
He'd been depressed for years now, ever since he was fourteen, really. It only got worse with his sexuality and his girlfriend, but things really went down-hill when he had gotten kicked out. It had taken him awhile to pick himself up from that after he finally found a stable place to stay, but he had thought he'd been managing it. Sure, he had more depressive episodes, but he knew how to handle those, what more did Jaime want?
"How do you know that? How do you know that you can't help?" Dan said, quietly. "Maybe it just takes time."
"Because I don't know how to help you other than support you through it. I can look through all of the forums on the internet—and believe me I have—and still not be able to help you like you need. All I can do is keep you going, I can't give you the tools you need to climb out of this hole you've ended up in."
There were tears dripping down Dan's cheeks. Was he really that sick? That his own best friend didn't even know how to help?
"One appointment, that's all that I'm asking for, Dan, please, I'll help you research the therapist and take you there and everything, I just need you to try. If not for you then for me." Jaime pleaded, wiping away Dan's tears with the sleeve of her jumper.
Dan looked back up at Jaime from where his eyes had slid down. She looked like she was about to cry herself, her expression looking so pained.
It's not that he liked feeling so numb.
It's not that he liked having a hard time to get out of bed.
It's not that he liked not having the energy to do the most basic things sometimes.
It's not that he liked being depressed.
It was just...all he knew.
He just wasn't sure what there was besides it. A normal life? That wasn't for him. It had been too long since he had had one.
"What if I can't get better? What if I'm just stuck like this?"
"If you're stuck like this, I'm going to find whatever punk-ass god or goddess who claims ownership of this shit universe and make them regret it, damnit."
A laugh bubbled out of Dan's chest before he could stop it, and Jaime smiled at him.
"Don't laugh, I mean it."
That only made Dan laugh harder, wiping away his own tears now. There was still something hard in his chest, but he felt lighter. Softer.
"Okay, I'll try, but only to save that 'punk-ass god' from you, you maniac."
Jaime snorted, but she pulled Dan back in for another hug, her smaller arms wrapping around Dan completely and making him feel warm inside. He hugged her back and whispered a small "thank you", not entirely sure that she heard it, but okay with it if she didn't. They didn't always need words to convey things between them, and Dan was sure that Jaime knew how much her care for him meant to him. Even after all of the tears and the drama.
They pulled themselves together after that and dug back into the ice cream, forgetting their prior self-restraint completely. Dan beat Jaime several times over in Mario Kart after they had finally paid the remainder of the movie that had been on in the background some attention, and after his seventh win, Jaime declared that they'd better sleep before she strangled a giddy-at-winning Dan. He teased her about it all through the clean-up, and didn't let up until she threatened to make him sleep outside.
"It's my flat! You can't kick me out!"
"Watch me, Howell. Now get your ass in bed."
Dan stuck his tongue out at her in his usual fashion, but did as she asked, pulling back the duvet on his bed���which she was already in—and flopping down next to her.
"Night, dork."
"Night, nerd."
Dan fell asleep easier than he had in awhile, warm and curled up with his best friend, the normal background noise of his thoughts settled for once.
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